Starting 5

It's officially over, and the boys (Me, Peanut, and Cody) can't believe it so we're breaking out the 'member berries (ya'll remember that South Park plot?) and reminiscing on the season. We give out the big awards like MVP, All-Starting-5 Defense First Team, and Assists Leader, and we also dedicate just a little bit of time for the categories you really care about like Best Rapper, Most Followers on Insta, and the Tony Snell Award. Brace yourselves for an hour and forty minutes of saying out loud, "Damn, this is a good show. I'm gonna re-listen to it all the way through."

It's here, as promised: The Final. A year of episodes leads us to the epic conclusion of Season 2. Haters will say it was premeditated, but we've got Cohost Cody facing off against Peanut, the Creator. Steven drops in to keep us focused on the important things, like Stan Van Gundy quotes. This ep has it all, boy does it deliver. We're talking babies, Spike Lee, blood oaths, Lucky Strikes ads, someone fights a bear, Cody wins a bat, Peanut goes full Bobby Knight, and at the end of it all we crown a champion. Thanks for listening, ya'll.

You've waited and waded through nearly a full year of flap-jawing and general bungus from us for this moment. It's finally here. Join us next week for the Big Toon Tourney Final. But for now, just listen in to three cool cats discuss the Starting 5 All Star Game. I draft against Peanut as Cody keeps us on topic. Topics such as: our new cold open, Piccolo having won the dunk contest, my awful Charles Barkley impression, the Rudy Gobert pick, which players have dated Taylor Swift, and oh yeah, who wins the game. Special guest appearances made by Pedro Pascal, Taylor Swift, and Kanye West.

It's the Final Four (brr brr dee brrr!) and we've got Peanut's 2 Seed Moon Goddess Incubation Chamber taking on Isaac's 3 Seed Po Boys in an epic clash. Steven drops by as a first-time moderator and makes sure we all get along. In this ep: Piccolo discovers something about himself, Isaac's team rallies around the plight of the panda, Slade sets the tone, we wonder if Fire Lord Ozai's shoulder can reach 3,500 degrees Fahrenheit, Peanut's chemistry is questioned, and Danny Phantom thinks up a terrifying new way to draw fouls. Special appearances by Vegeta, TB12, and Christmases Bryant.

In today's episode we dive deeper than ever before into two teams who understand the stakes. Teabo's 1 Seed Five's Five return like Groundhog Day to do battle against Cody's 5 Seed Seattle Divinity in a rematch of the Cartoon Network Final. Dillon is joined by Chase (Chestuh McBadBad) to decide who moves on to the final. In today's ep: I pull lots of quotes out of context, there's some Talkin' Sauce slander and also support, #FreeBlossom gets trending, we make a lot of visual jokes, the God of Basketball changes position, Numbah 5 becomes the empathetic villain, Kevin Levin makes a bid for defensive player of the year, and a good time is had by all. Guest Starring Rocky Balboa and Rod Brind'amour.

Alright ya'll it's All Star Weekend in the Starting 5-verse. Me, Cohost Cody, and Darius (Peanut (The Creator)) have a pleasant, uneventful, cordial series of conversations about which players deserve to make the team. We start off hot with a major communication issue and it's all downhill from there. In addition to selecting the 20 players for the All Star Team, we give you a truly magnificent Skills Challenge featuring nothing but surprises, a 3-Pt Competition with more jokes per minute than 30 Rock, and a Dunk Contest that will forever live in infamy. Sit back, relax, and listen to the debates.

In the last matchup of the Elite 8 we pit Teabo's 1 seed Five's 5 against Steven's 8 seed Steven's Seltzer 6 in what was just a flat out good time. In this ep: we slander the marching band; we reveal (or remember) Jenny the Teenage Robot's height; Blossom gets her flowers; King Boomie babbles some more; Aku = spinach; Amon makes a gutsy call; and we discuss if the beard is mightier than the chin. Special halftime guests Phil Jackson and Coach Herman Boone also drop by.

Buckle up buttercup, cause this one's long. Coming at you live from Indianapolis mere moments after the College Football Playoff, we pit Isaac's 3 seed Po Boys against Kenny's 6 seed Gold City Mayors. We ramble, we jest, we talk some serious hoops, and we find flaws in our format. In this ep: Kenny goes to Wendy's, Coach K drops by, we get a Ray Drew namedrop, Po sets the NBA record for screen assists, Wilt gets a cool one-handed 30, we make some great jokes that translate well for the audio media, we get the best player comps (I say it every time but every time it's true), and the ghost of Betty White inspires one team.

In today's second round matchup we pit Darius (Peanut(ctrl alt p))'s 2 seed MGIC against Sammy Six Names' 10 seed Self Destruct in a game wherein we remember that Buzz Lightyear can fly. This ep has: a lovely new comps system, foosball, the possibility of a Green Lantern special beam cannon arrow, drinking on the sidelines, some character questions for pretty much everyone on Peanut's team, the evolution of Tigger's three point shot, and fundamentals vs. anarchy. With guest appearances by Kevin Garnett and Jim Belushi.

In today's episode we break into the second round of the Big Toon Tournament. Justin's number 4 seed Bad Boyz host Cody's number 5 seed Seattle Divinity in a game that canonically takes place at the Palace at Auburn Hills directly after the Malice. Justin has packed the crowd and co-moderator Darius (Peanut (ctrl alt p))) makes sure security is at an all-time low. In this ep: Peanut takes over, the boys discuss Perry the Platypus' alleged death, Panthro manages to stay on the court, Zeus is distracted by Justin's special halftime speech guest, Kevin Levin becomes a talking sword, Genie is mic'ed up and talking spicy, we get some truly golden NBA comps, and finally, the toughest decision yet comes down to double overtime.

In this quick little ep, Dillon talks about the First Round of the Big Toon Tournament. He salutes our fallen heroes and praises those who advanced before looking ahead to the marquee matchups of the Second Round. A must-listen for all those slackers who haven't paid attention to the games so far but need to know what's going on next.

Hey kids! It's the holiday season, which means only one thing: no one is available to pod. So this week, the OG3 (myself, Peanut, and Cody) present to you the PBS Kids Charity Filler Episode. It's a draft laden with team-driven, pleasant, extremely coachable players, and we warp that immediately. This episode features: an experimental 6th man draft pick, lots of dubious math on player heights, a spelling break, evil Domantas Sabonis, more shows no one's ever heard of, tall ball, more extraneous items allowed on the court than ever before, a happy snapper, and a Dirk Nowitzki fallaway jumper in a wheelchair.

In this, the final episode of the first round of the Big Toon Tournament, we see childhood friends become the bitterest of rivals, while Cohost Cody and I attempt to calm the storm. While they both hang out in my living room, Roommate Andrew pits his 7 Seed The Mutant Metaphor vs Sammy Six Names' 10 Seed Self Destruct. We start innocuously enough with the easiest game of fuck, marry, kill you'll ever hear, but from that point on we start to take Sam's team name seriously. This episode features immaculate vibes, pictures of Buzz Lightyear's dome, a break to discuss each player's religious affiliation, a fifth of gin provided by Wolverine, all of our best Droopy Dog impersonations, and, true to form, an insane game of HORSE to decide who moves on. Hold on to your hats, kids.

In this installment of the Big Tournament, White Kenny seeks redemption with his 6 Seed Gold City Mayors while Dillon tries to teach his 12 Seed Kid's WB Shaft Drafters (The Michigan Meta) to play basketball. Swinging by to keep us in check are Cohost Cody and Roommate Andrew. We get pretty damn chippy in a loving way and make the best NBA comps so far. This episode has everything: a lasso, a chainsaw arm, a short metal man, championship mentality, Kenny's famous sideline gun, rampant ablism, a good deal of anger, wildly different coaching ideals, and a flawless 2009 Washington Wizards reference.

In today's Big Tournament matchup, Cody's 5 Seed Seattle Divinity take on Dillon's 12 Seed Cleveland Cowabunga. The God of Basketball starts his redemption tour against Gerald Johanssen. Dillon's ragtag team of Nickelodeon castouts puts up a stiff fight against Cody's well-drilled unit. Joining us for this occasion are Darius (Peanut, the Creator) and Chase (Chestuh McBadBad). Hop on for a wild ride that includes: more disrespect for Jake the Dog, God-o Rocket, the dismantling of SuperBike, an awful catchphrase that leads to the relocation of a team, a decent chunk of just laughter, and a dramatic 1 v 1 overtime ending that is not to be missed.

In today's first round Big Tournament game we've got the 8 Seed (Steven's Seltzer 6) vs the 9 Seed ((Jacob's) Daddy Issues) in a matchup that is knock-down drag-out hilarious. Starting with a locker room environment that is genuinely dangerous and ending with two villains abandoning the sport to mess up America's favorite chin, this ep's got it all. Cohost Cody swings by to co-moderate, and somehow we agree on every point. Pearl Krabs goes 5/7 from downtown when Azula's not dropping 40, Tigress puts Master Splinter on ice even though she feels bad about it, we learn about fox years and it is bad news for Swiper, Boomie babbles his way into a fourth quarter triple double, Jacob holds his phone for the entire episode, and at the end of it all one team brings new meaning to "Survive and Advance."

You've asked for a behind the scenes, unfiltered, legitimately unplanned look into the War Room of Starting 5, and we're delivering. Take a peek behind the curtain as Peanut, Cody, and I rank the 12 teams that qualified for the Big Tournament. It's messy, it's frantic, it's pretty damn funny. Here's an hour and a half of background noise. Get hype.

It's finally here: the showdown to end all showdowns, the epic conclusion to the tournament. Two more influential members of this podcast you could not find (and I include myself in that list). Cohost Cody faces off against Peanut, the Creator. Will Cody's heel-turn to villainy work in his favor? Will Peanut's shooters stay hot? Will all these bad guys stay on the court for the full game? Will the loser ever talk to me again? All of these questions and more are answered in this ep, which features: a mud Pokémon, the answer to Green Arrow, a lotta ice out there, the best halftime speech since Dylan Teabo's, personal attacks, questions of character, a 27-minute intermission involving IG Live and some unreported violence, and, most importantly of all, a champion.

The bronze medal match sees Roommate Andrew face off against White Steven in a battle that dares to ask how bad of a foul it is to dribble your opponent. This episode features: highly different basketball philosophies, friendly X-men, our first commercial, a loon, and the greatest what if of all time: what would happen if Venom and Batman combined?

In the second semifinal in the Kid's WB bracket, Cohost Cody takes on Roommate Andrew in a lovely battle of wits, references, and psychological barbs. Can Cody's greatest team ever assembled hold a candle to Andrew's croquet offense? Featured in this ep: Cody's dramatic heel turn, a Hebrew Card, Manute Bol, some masturbatory praise of the podcast, an attempt at fighting bad luck with violence, intangibility, and one of my finer dramatic reveals of an ending.

The first match of the second round of the Kid's WB bracket sees Peanut the Creator face off against Steven (Big Bud Light Seltzer Fan) Jernigan. From the grip to the rip this episode is part intricate interplay of tactics and part plea for sponsorship. In this matchup it's established that pretty much everyone on the court is a shooter, Rev Runner gets dissed and supported and then dissed again, Green Arrow = Legolas, it's revealed that Dillon and Steven have never seen Dragonball Z, Slade is Deathstroke not Deadshot or something like that, and Steven drinks a Bud Light Seltzer.

It's time for the toughest Shaft Draft yet - Kid's WB. To help us handle the stress, the boys welcome Cohost Cody into the mix. We gas up Teen Titans, get too deep into Dragon Ball Z, reminisce way more about Yu-Gi-Oh memories than currently shafted players, disregard Pokemon (see season 1), finally put some respect on Wonder Woman's name, and dig up the deepest of memories that spiral us completely out of control. Shouts out Earthworm Jim.

In the final matchup of the first round of Kid's WB, Peanut the Creator gets his revenge match against Justin Kidd. Confidence is high, and so is the skill level as neither team came to mess around. This ep includes: yet another shoutout to Kelly Oubre, the dubious return of Krypto, a spineless moderator, some adult shooters, another great backdrop, Will Smith, and Kelsey Grammar's character in X3.

In this episode battle lines are drawn between dear friends as Steven Jernigan faces off against Kenny Stempien. In a matchup that sports an impressive 4:1 ratio of jokes to actual basketball talk, the crew gets into some real shenanigans. Included in this ep: Kenny turns Saul-to-Paul style into White Kenny and makes a questionable pick that sets a dangerous precedent, while Steven picks another supercomputer and dodges mental and moral barbs. As is becoming the theme, this one gets out of hand.

In the second ep of the Kid's WB bracket, we get a matchup as old as time. Maybe older. Your gracious host vs Cohost Cody, moderated by future HoFer Chase. We hardly even touch on basketball as we spend much of our time trying to convince listeners to watch Batman Beyond. This ep features: the greatest team ever assembled by Cohost Cody, the Dynamic Duo, a fancy spelling of 'ink', a dispute about whether a touch from Rogue is a foul, the shortest Storytime to date, flagrant disregard for the best hooper in the draft, and defensive rookie of the year Chase Young.

The first issue of the Kid's WB bracket features a dazzling (and much longer than I thought) matchup between Roommate Andrew and newcomer Tyler Jones. After a stolen first pick, this ep devolves into spite picks, fighting words, and some fun nerdy nonsense. This ep features: One of Steven Spielberg's zaniest creations, a pirate who can walk through walls, a couple of very deep cuts, an older and wiser man of steel, a Mucha Lucha shoutout, a bunny from the future, and an entire roster crafted around the destruction of the first pick.

For the gold medal game of the Disney Bracket, we've got Justin's Bad Boys vs Sam's Self Destruction. With dominant interior defense, raw athleticism, and a high reliance on the wiles of Agent P, Justin comes up against the wildcard, play the hot hand, survivalist offense of Sam's surprising MVP: Tigger. In this epic finale: Kronk finally learns the fundamentals of the sport, Perry the Platypus talks about his early days in the streets, Sam doesn't play smart basketball, Tarzan lives up to the legend, Buzz gets on Zeus' nerves, and the boys put on a little Malice at the Palace of their own.

We've got a battle of childhood friends for Bronze in the Disney bracket between Peanut (the Creator) and Kenny (Dr.) Jay. After about 15 minutes of chat, we go further than any episode yet. We're talking Celina Powell, the block assist, Nick Fury's blindside, a 1-1-2-1 zone, wet jumpers and wetter drawers, a strike, Darth Vader's flu game, Ferb v Ferb, and Thanos' achilles tendon (not in a metaphorical way).

This second round Disney matchup between Sam and Kenny lives up to the hype. Pretty damn violent, no reason to mince words. If you have any young children, especially one's who prefer Spider-Man's wrists intact, tell them to grow up and listen to this ep. In this game we discover: Tigger is canonically unkillable, it's really hard to call a foul on Darth Vader, having Kronk on your team isn't necessarily a good thing, Hulk gets that Avenger star treatment with the refs, and Shego can give one helluva halftime speech.

We crash into the second round of the Disney bracket with a veritable clash of eras: Justin's beat-em-up, low post dominators vs. Peanut's pace and space, guard-heavy shooters. This matchup features the question of intangibility, an unmissable age gap, Steph Curry levels of off-ball screening, a cool 20 piece from Jackie Chan, and an Anthony Mason "Win the game or win the fight" mentality.

Peanut, the Creator drops by for another edition of the Shaft Draft. We talk nostalgia and spend almost no time on the goldmine of Star Wars and Marvel. We talk about all of Stitch's brethren, the unpicked members of the Recess Gang, the true star of Phineas and Ferb, an awful lot of ducks, and so much more. When the dust settles, we form a Shaft Draft starting five that would do pretty well for itself.

Kenny Jay steps into the octagon to square off against Dillon in the final matchup of the first round of Disney. With Chase as the much-needed voice of reason, the boyz wade through the dangerous waters of DIsney XD's Marvel properties. Featured in this ep: size, a triangle, a couple of intergalactic dictators, a playground vigilante, a Chris Paul comp, transition scoring, a size 18 and a half shoe, and the glorious and excessive return of the force choke.

In the third matchup of the Disney round, Steven returns to defend his deep Disney run against newcomer Sam, who's broadcasting live from the BnE in my own living room. This episode features a couple of powerful deep cuts, pure chaos, a grumpy uncle, enunciation, and a direct hero/villain face-off. Easily the wildest episode on record.

In the second matchup of the Disney Bracket, newcomer Justin squares off against Commander Cody in yet another all-WCU Alum game. This episode features raw strength, Story Time with Cody, America's favorite secret agent, the power of a thousands winds, the 03-04 Pistons, and a couple of real basketball players.

We kick off the Disney bracket with Peanut, the creator, looking for his first win and the return of a Talkin' Sauce ambassador whose last name is Teabo. Josh takes home the gutsiest pick award, and then manages to top that pick later in the draft. Covered in this episode we've got a couple of characters too small to dribble, more than a few picks that test the rules, a couple of ducks, an actual basketball player, and a debate about childish energy vs adult strength. A flawless start.

The Nickelodeon Final is upon us. Steven and Isaac climb into the octagon in an episode packed with equal parts legitimate basketball tactics and wild hearsay. Covered in this lovely finale: King Boomie is caught smoking in the locker room for not the first time, Po eats some noodles, Jenny the Jet is born, Isaac disses Dame Lillard, Steven gets upset when I compare Tigress to Russell Westbrook, and so, so, so much more.

It's Third Place time again, kids. The Nickelodeon Bracket is coming to a close, and the two teams who didn't make the final (Jacob and Cody) are slugging it out in a game that features not one, but two players who actively do not participate. This bronze medal match also features a conversation about refereeing, the unrelenting will of a scorned princess, the return of Jacob's video capabilities, and a battle of morals.

Canonically, In the second game of the Nickelodeon bracket second round, Steven faces off against Cohost Cody. We discover, canonically, that there is a word we are no longer allowed to say, and it shockingly has nothing to do with the canonically gray area of Nega Chin's name. Please, canonically, forgive us. Aside from a deep dive into the canon, this ep also features semantics, dribbling with a head, some debate over the death of a player, and a lot of faith in the clutch.

In the first game of Nickelodeon's second round, Isaac faces off against Jacob in a fight of primo matchups such as Master Splinter vs Donatello, Princess Azula vs Fire Lord Ozai, and the Body of Evil vs Jorgen Von Strangle. This ep features: inventive defensive tactics involving a whale, a lot of presumed behind-the-scenes training montages, mental warfare, more animals than most episodes, and nowhere near enough of the people who run out and squeegee the floor.

Peanut "the creator" drops by to chat about all the characters who got left out, and the boys form an official Nickelodeon Shaft Draft Starting 5. This episode features: finally some recognition for Gerald, a deep dive into the Fairly Odd Parents, some Rocket Power love, redemption for the last remaining turtle, and a difficult decision to shaft a couple more people.

Cohost Cody picks against a robot and that's really all there is to say. Featured in this episode: a shocking number of badass housewives, an accurate NBA comp for once, so many catchphrases, and an unnamed character.

In the third matchup in the Nickelodeon bracket, Dillon squares off against first-timer Steven. The old English classroom piggybacking chemistry is rekindled and the power of subverting Zoom's 40-minute limit goes to Dillon's head a little. By his own admission, this is the hardest decision Chase has had to moderate so far. This ep features the king of the long game, an anti-team, the fiercest member of the Furious Five, a long stretch of 4 on 4, more comps to real-life basketball than ever before, and the horror of all horrors: Felinius and Caninius.

Sitting just a few feet apart on separate Zoom calls, Jacob and James duke it out in the second Nickelodeon showdown. In the midst of troubling technological difficulties and some PTSD flashbacks of their smoldering last apartment, Jacob still manages to SHOUT OUT TALKIN' SAUCE. This episode features everyone's favorite penguin not voiced by Elijah Wood, more deep cuts from Fairly Odd Parents, the turtle most likely to throw one down over Master Splinter, and a vintage water v fire matchup.

The Nickelodeon bracket kicks off with the man himself (CTRL ALT P) vs ill-prepared Isaac, who goes a long way towards changing his moniker. This episode brings out the premiere heavy hitters of the Nick universe and ends with a rant of epic proportions by the loser. Featuring the meanest step-back in the league, some truth-telling boots, a turtle battle, some surf and turf, and a defense of genocidal dictators.

We've come a long way, and the day is finally here: Teabo's "Five's Five" vs Cody's "Seattle Divinity" in the Cartoon Network finale. Cue the fanfare, cause this episode holds up. There's a behind-the-scenes look into the shockingly dark locker room antics of Teabo's team, a magnificent call to holiness from a legitimate deity, dogs, fun facts, questions of sustainability, and of course: stretchy dunks.

Championship dreams have ended, only the diehards remain in the stands, players are scuffing their heels. That's right, it's the third place game. With a faux-bronze medal on the line, Dillon and Kenny slug it out in a war of attrition while Chase swings by to keep the energy levels reasonable. This ep features a conversation about whether it's a kicked ball violation if a dog uses its front paws, some more Clover disrespect, a level-headed assessment of DeeDee, a sob-story plot line, and some brilliant impressions.

In the second game of the second round of the Cartoon Network bracket, we pit Kenny against Teabo in a mouth-watering matchup. Featuring positionless basketball, a dictionary definition of the word "dribble," a gun with no serial number, some high speculation on Numbah 5's vert, and the mental fortitude of a 10-year-old.

In the first matchup of the second round, it's a war between Commander Cody and Dilly on the Street. With a birth in the Cartoon Network Final on the line, we bring in Jalen for some moderation. Get ready for extendo-dunks, Brandon Ingram comps, a costly mental breakdown, the 2011 Cartoon Network Alien of the Month, and Carl Weathers' golden silky tones.

In today's very special episode, Dillon brings in the creative driving force of this season (Darius, Peanut, CTRL-ALT-P, Big Daddy Roast) to review the picks that have been made in the first round and highlight the characters that got shafted. So if you've been listening along and screaming at your phone for certain picks to be made, prepare to be disappointed as we fail to bring them up in this one as well. But get after us on our twitter page (@starting57) with anybody that we missed.

In the final episode of First Round of the Cartoon Network Bracket, we get another blockbuster matchup. Creator of not only the musical accompaniment of this podcast, but also the idea for the entire second season, we have Darius (Peanut (ctrl alt p (Big Daddy Roast))). Standing opposite we have the man whose voice has become as soothing and necessary to ya'll's ears as my very own: Cohost Cody. This episode features a glaring lack of small ball, some cuts so deep they'll bring you to tears, yet another dog, and some characters who are actually shown playing basketball.

In episode three of the Cartoon Network Bracket, Dillon goes head to head with his oldest rival: childhood friend and lifelong bastard-man, Daniel. We've got the first member of the Justice League picked, a dubious driver's license height, cats and dogs sharing the ball, and a shapeshifting owl who sees the future. Since we couldn't get a moderator, we decided to make it obvious from the title if Dillon or Daniel won.