Podcasts about Dumbass

The Time Riders: Part 14 Visiting old friends, and Nanu discovers hot sauce. Based on a post by BiscuitHammer, in 16 parts. Listen to the Podcast at Explicit Novels. A certain bedroom. If she'd been worried about feeling alone, she wasn't noticing at the moment. There were so many fascinating things around here, all requiring her examination. There was an entire world to explore, after all, and it was apparently much bigger than the one she'd left behind. It was hard to conceive of, really; a world larger than Rome, than the empire, but according to her Mistress, Re-be-kah, she was not going to run out of things to be stunned by. So far, Mistress had been right. Nanu was kneeling on the bed, minutely examining the fabric that made up the soft sheets they'd been sleeping on. She tugged at the material, noticing how it was so tough that she needn't worry about tearing it. She tugged and tugged, giggling with delight when she couldn't wreck it. How clever the people of tomorrow were! She clambered off the bed and walked over to the window. She had only briefly put on any clothes, and that was to see her Mistress to the door as she left for work. Becky had made sure Nanu understood how the front door lock worked before she left. Nanu was only wearing the burning cock-sack garment, the one with the symbol of the musical group Let Zeppli on it, but the second Mistress was gone, she'd shucked it off and scampered around naked, laughing in delight. She'd been so tempted to stand in the window wearing no clothes and shake her nude body at the world, because she promised Mistress she would stay out of trouble, because she didn't want the vigiles coming for her since she'd only just gotten here. Mistress' 'free country' wasn't as free as it sounded, at least in her opinion. The tiny Egyptian girl walked up to the window of the bedroom and leaned on the frame, sighing dreamily as she rested her chin on her arms and gazed out at the world beyond the glass. Trees were starting to be green, and the grass of Mistress' lawn was visible, along with plants that would apparently become lovely flowers. High up in the blue sky, a strange bird flew. It barely moved, just gliding along, and seemed to have an almost cruciform shape. It left a weird trail of white cloud behind. What strange animals there were in the world of tomorrow. She left the window and went into the bathroom, plunking herself down on the commode and peeing, giggling at the sound produced by the material the bowl was made from. Once she was done, she headed downstairs, feeling a mite peckish. She went up to the fridge and opened the door, fascinated by the chill she felt as she leaned in to see what was available. Re-be-kah had left food for her to eat, all prepared and with her name on it, so that she knew what was safe. Seeing as how the ba-lo had made her almost shit herself to death the day before. The parfait was sitting in a bowl, with yummy-looking red and black berries swirled into it, along with a cereal that Mistress had called 'granola'. She took that and then retrieved a few slices of homemade bread from a little wooden container on the counter. Mistress had left some utensils and butter on the table, and even the peanut butter! Nanu loved the peanut butter; she couldn't wait to have it licked off her cunt! Sated some minutes later, Nanu wandered around, examining little things about the house that she hadn't noticed yet. She was careful to not mess with any switches, because she didn't know what all of them did. Apparently they weren't all just for the lights. She jumped up and down on the sturdy long chair, which was apparently called a 'chesterfield', rolled around on the comfy rug, and diddled herself in front of a mirror, cumming loudly and shamelessly. She loved looking at herself while she masturbated, she was so beautiful! Nanu flopped back on the rug, breathing heavily after a lovely climax. Her whole body tingled, and wonderful images of herself and her Mistress fucking floated through her mind. The house was warm, in a way she'd never felt before. Living in the slave quarters, and wearing what amounted to little more than a poorly made sack for clothing, she had often been cold, and rarely warm enough to suit her. This was; wonderful. This new world confused and frightened her, but she also knew she would acclimate, and then she would be warm, well-fed, and she could fuck to her heart's content. She was going to love her new life, she was sure. She hoped Re-be-kah was having as wonderful a day as she was. The Education of Nanu, as 'The Gods Will It'. Mooredale Secondary. Becky sat behind her desk, trying to conceal the way her eyes were spiraling with exasperation and boredom. While not every student in her Physics class was a dunce, only a few of them truly cared and paid attention. Most were just doing what was required to pass. Even if they got great grades, they weren't interested in retaining the material. And then there was one young dunce in particular. She tried not to scowl at Mark, who was zoning out at his desk, looking out the window. She could see even from here that his notes were inadequate. He couldn't claim to be memorizing the material; he had the memory of a goldfish crossed with a sieve. How had he made it into this prestigious high school to begin with? She was ultimately happy he had, of course, since that meant three months from now (from his point of view), he would be taking her on adventures with the Holmes Field Device. But this twerp sitting in front of her wasn't that time traveler yet, was he? He was just some lazy kid who was going to fail her course. Then he'd come back in time to fuck her, and convince her to not fail him. She'd agree, as long as he showed her the time machine and took her on adventures. Looking at him now, she couldn't believe she'd made the agreement. But she had, and now she was stuck passing him. She couldn't get out of it if she tried. She'd solidified her personal future. Fating, as people in the time travel community called it. Once you knew for certain that something factually was going to happen to you down the road, there was nothing you could do to change it, no matter how hard you tried. You might even hurt yourself doing it. Time lock. It was a thing. So if you enjoyed feeling like you were in control of your destiny, then you did your best not to find out what was to happen to you in the future. Loose talk stops clocks, and all that. She looked at Mark again, still trying not to frown. It was so strange to think that this boy, who was weeks away from being eighteen, was the same knucklehead who would be her time-travelling companion. She'd be having sex with him, and they'd be sharing girls in the time stream, including Nanu, who was waiting for her back at home. The Mark in front of her was seventeen, almost eighteen. Time travel made the rules seem so arbitrary, and even dumb sometimes. She couldn't have sex with him right now. She couldn't sext him under her desk right now. It was illegal. Yet somehow, magically, in a few weeks, on a particular day, Mark's upcoming birthday would make him an adult, even though functionally nothing was different about his biology. This Mark didn't know that they were lovers. That they would be lovers, in any event. Like all the other dumb boys in the school, he talked about her being hot, and what he'd do to her, childish boasting and hormonal nonsense. They talked about how she tended to dress rather conservatively, but clearly she had a rocking' bod underneath her clothes. They'd seen her in the school gym a few times. Becky didn't know why she dressed so conservatively, now that she thought of it. There were certainly less attractive teachers on staff who dressed more sexily than she did. Connie Marangos, the English Lit teacher, was shaped like a pear and had a face like a foot, but she somehow managed to dress sexy. What was Becky's excuse? She didn't want to give the horny students any more masturbation material than they already got. Horny teenage boys were annoying. Even Mark was annoying. Would he get better by the time she caught up with him in the future, three months from now? She could hope, but she doubted it. He hadn't exactly proven so thus far on their adventures. Another quiet sigh escaped her as she glanced for a moment in his general direction. She wanted to pin that boy down right now and fuck him, hard. She couldn't, but she wanted to. It bothered her that she was starting to feel a tingle in her needy cunt, and there was nothing she could do about it. She'd have to wait to get home and take out her horny frustrations on Nanu. Not that the Egyptian girl would mind, of course. She thought back about what she and Mark had experienced so far in the time stream. They'd gone to seventeenth century France, gotten in several brawls, and Mark had been fatally shot, only surviving because he wasn't meant to die yet. She'd been kidnapped by Cardinal Richelieu and made a lady-in-waiting to Anne of Austria, and she'd met her own ancestor, the gorgeous, brilliant, and deadly noblewoman Alexandra D'Assaut, who had helped Mark rescue her from the Louvre, and out from right under the nose of the Sun King. Becky might have shot Porthos And might also have kicked Richelieu in the nuts. That sounded so weird, but it had happened. She was there. That, or she was on the world's longest and most intense acid trip. They went to Rome, to participate in a genuine orgy, and they'd met and bought the beautiful slave girl Nanu. The intent had been to set her free, and Becky had even paid gold for her; but Mark screwed everything up by getting arrested for fucking a Vestal Virgin, one of Rome's most sacred priestesses. One thing led to another, and they'd had to rescue him from being skewered by gladiators in the Colosseum, mostly by dropping the roof on the emperor. Mark, or 'Bonosus' as he was known in ancient Rome now, was probably the most notorious criminal in the empire not named Spartacus. It didn't surprise Becky that even in the time stream, everyone wanted to kill Mark. He had that effect on people. They'd finally brought Nanu forward in time with them, since she was hopelessly devoted to them, and leaving her on her own in Rome was dangerous for her, even if she had proof of her manumission. It had been an eventful few days since their arrival back home, with Nanu getting a crash course in the fact that everything wanted to kill her. At least to hear Nanu talk about it. Even common household items were absurdly dangerous for her, and noises that modern people just took for granted drove the younger girl nuts. Food was a big gamble with Nanu. Modern preservatives and nitrates wreaked havoc on her digestive tract, something she couldn't possibly have built any immunity to. To Becky's surprise, Nanu wasn't lactose-intolerant, because as a slave, she'd been given cow's milk, something peasants and slaves subsisted on and normal people were too good for. It was strange to Becky that bovine milk and beef had been considered low-class food back then. They'd probably change their minds if they'd ever had a filet mignon or a good porterhouse. Dumb ancient people. At least Nanu ate everything she possibly could. A yawn from Mark's direction brought her out of her reverie, and she restrained another scowl in his direction. It was nowhere near the first time he'd annoyed her with his lack of interest, but she was getting more irritated with it of late, because she knew what was coming. She had to put up with this. She had to fail him. Because his future self would come back in time and convince her to change his grade. She couldn't just give him a passing grade now to speed things up if she tried. Something would make her fail him. Which he so richly deserved. Why the universe gave this kid a time machine was beyond her. A retarded chimp would have deserved it more, and probably been less of a menace. She couldn't fuck him, not yet. But that didn't mean she couldn't fuck with him, right? "Mr. Simmons," she called in his direction, raising her eyebrow and getting everyone's attention, including his. She called him 'Mark' so regularly now that saying 'Mr. Simmons' seemed strange. "Since you are clearly well ahead of the curriculum, what with having time to yawn and stare out the window, I thought maybe you could explain the differences in the scalar and vector measurements to the class?" "I, uh;” he fumbled, looking worried now. "I;” "Well, go on," she said, gesturing with her hand. "We spent the entire second half of last week on the model, after all. The copious notes you took are still fresh, yes?" "I; that is; uh;” he said, going pale. "Dumbass," laughed one of the other boys from nearby. Several other students laughed, and Mark got pelted with crumpled-up balls of paper for looking like a dolt. Becky didn't bother feeling bad for him, since this had to happen in order for things to work out in the future. That, and the brat deserved it. A girl near the front, one Gina Felton, put her hand up, looking smug. She seemed to have the answers, generally. Becky restrained a sigh as she allowed the brown-haired girl to answer. Gina dutifully recited off the material they'd been given, even offering some explanation along the way to demonstrate that she understood what she'd been taught, not just parroting the lesson. She wasn't as smart as she thought she was, and she'd never be a physicist, but she came from a wealthy WASP family type that was so common in this neighborhood, and she was a kiss-ass to the faculty. Becky would give Gina her passing grade and get rid of her. If only were so easy with Mark. "That's, uh; that was I was gonna say," Mark added once Gina had finished her singsong response. More laughter and mockery was hurled his way. "Okay, enough, people," Becky announced, standing up to get their attention and put an end to the paper projectiles. "Miss Felton, well done. Mr. Simmons, you can stay after class and clean up the room, along with my chalkboards." Becky liked using chalk boards, because one of her two favorite professors in her university years had insisted on using them. It had seemed like magic to her when he'd used them, all these wondrous equations laid out for her, explained thoroughly, and then they were gone, replaced by more fascinating numbers, a guided tour into how the universe worked. Only he could- "Ma'am?" a voice called. "Miss Fischer?" Becky blinked, coming out of yet another reverie. She was beginning to think that maybe she shouldn't be giving Mark shit for doing it, since she kept zoning out during class, thinking about the profs. She and Nanu had a playdate with them later this week at Blackwell Manor, so she'd just have to keep it in her pants until then. "Sorry, I was remembering a lesson," she said, recovering and sitting down again, just in case she leaked through her slacks. Thankfully, they were moments away from the period ending, and she'd be free of these yahoos for another day. "Tomorrow, we'll stick our toes into the concept of Fleming's Left-Hand Rule and its application in electromagnetism. Whether you're working on the Large Hadron Collider, or your grandfather's ancient lawnmower in the future, this is a good thing to understand. Go ahead and get ready, just wait for the bell. Mr. Simmons, the chalkboard awaits your attentions." Yet more razzing at Mark's expense, while Gina just sat at her desk looking smug. As annoying as Mark was, Becky simply did not like Gina Felton. She was eighteen now, and Becky had good reason to suspect that the skinny little broad was carrying on with the History professor, Mr. Browning. The less she knew, the better. Kind of like about her own future. Ah well, she thought as she watched Mark dully begin wiping off the chalkboards and then pounding out the erasers. Not much longer to put up with this, and then the real fun begins. Just show some patience, girl. She somehow refrained from subtly taking a picture of Mark's ass with her phone. "Mistress, you're back!" Nanu chirped as she skipped up to the door, quite naked. "I didn't break anything!" "The fact that you led with that statement makes me suspicious," Becky sighed as she closed the door behind her. She then hung up her blazer on a peg and allowed the Egyptian girl to take her hand and pull her into the house. "Did you eat?" "Yes, Mistress, everything you left for me," Nanu announced proudly. "Nothing left. Did I do well?" "You ate everything I left you for you?" Becky asked, raising an eyebrow. Nanu dragged her into the dining room and gestured grandly at the table. The top was covered in plates, bowls, and containers, along with utensils. Even the peanut butter jar, which had been mostly full this morning, was seemingly licked clean. "Holy shit," Becky mumbled in English, gazing at the table. "You ate absolutely everything." "Did I do right, Mistress?" Nanu asked. What did Becky tell her? That Nanu had eaten the food she'd prepped and was meant to last for a few days? She hadn't exactly been that explicit, because she hadn't thought to tell Nanu that. She'd overlooked how voracious Nanu could be. A lifetime of slavery saw to it that Nanu ate every meal as if it might be her last. Well, that was on Becky. She'd just start again and be more concise next time about her expectations. "I'm proud of you for looking after yourself," she said finally, making the tiny girl beam with delight. "Did you have problems with anything I showed you?" "I played with the water makers a little bit, and practiced washing my hands," Nanu said, waiting impatiently while Becky started removing her work clothes. "Your soap is very different from what my masters used. It smells nice, not like piss." "Maybe because we don't use urine in our soap these days," the blonde observed as she tossed aside her skirt and then began undoing her bra. Nanu, predictably, just watched intently, almost salivating at the thought of her Mistress' tits. "So now you know how to keep yourself clean. Tonight, I'll let you try to work the shower, that way you can use it if I'm not home and you need to wash up." Nanu nodded. "It was awkward trying to get the peanut butter off my cunt. I am very flexible, but even I couldn't reach it all with my tongue. I used a cloth finally. But I tried, Mistress, I really did." "Nobody made you smear the peanut butter on yourself, silly," Becky laughed as she shucked her bra, revealing her lovely tits to Nanu. Then she bent over and peeled off her underwear. "But I'm glad you fed yourself and know how to get clean, my love. It sounds like you had a good day." "There were so many things to do, Mistress," Nanu breathed, enjoying the sight of Becky's hairless cunt. She'd never seen a more perfect cunt. "I was amazed by how strong your sheets are. And I glided up and down the hallway in my socks, and I listened to music and danced;” "I'm so pleased that you worked out the controller for the stereo," Becky cooed, caressing Nanu's cheek. The smaller girl closed her eyes, enjoying the touch before turning her head a little to kiss her Mistress' palm. "What music did you listen to?" "But I am proud to be your lover, and that you're my Mistress," Nanu protested. "And I am proud of you, Nanu," Becky assured her, giving her hands a gentle squeeze. "But just trust me on this, okay? Hearing people called 'Mistress' will be very weird to some of them. I want tonight to be fun, not awkward." Nanu sighed somewhat despondently and nodded. "So I must call you Re-be-kah tonight?" The blonde pondered the matter. "Can you say 'Becky'?" Nanu pursed her lips. "Beh-kee." "That's what all my friends call me," Becky said, pulling Nanu into a hug. It was weird to have their jackets in the way and not be able to feel their tits squashing together. "Except for M-ark," Nanu pointed out, enjoying the hug, even if she couldn't feel her mistress' tits. "He called you 'Beks'." "Well, Mark's an idiot, and he's lucky he's the one with the time machine, or I would flunk him into eternity," Becky muttered, preferring to not think about the bane of her academic existence. "Asshat." "Ass-hat;” Nanu repeated. "Mark is an ass-hat?" She's like a toddler, Becky thought, making a note to watch her language. She retains all the naughty words she shouldn't know. "Let's go, Noah Webster," Becky sighed, standing up again. "Your chariot awaits;” The Gardiner Expressway, heading south. Nanu was indeed turned sideways in her seat, despite the seatbelt, her face plastered to the window as she gaped in awe at the scenery that sped by. Aside from the endless metal monsters that were running with them or in the opposite direction, there were also tall buildings and houses, bright lights on tall posts, and even giant bridges that they went under and didn't fall on their heads! Nanu was too astonished to remember to be frightened of everything. Becky smiled as she drove, pleased that Nanu was distracted and not cowering in fear. Not that she would blame her. It had taken some convincing to get her into the car at all, but once she discovered how comfy the seats were, she warmed up to the idea quickly enough. Becky buckled her into her seat and even let Nanu honk the horn once before they pulled out. Nanu yelped in shock at the loud sound, but then clapped in delight, realizing that she could (if allowed) control the beast's roar. She took it slow at first, driving at a virtual crawl through her neighborhood, letting Nanu get a feel for the movement of the car. She was going places, but her legs weren't doing any of the work. It was like being in a palanquin or a chariot, only completely enclosed. The roar of something called an 'engine' surrounded her, replacing the clatter of iron-bound wooden wheels and horse hooves. It was almost twilight, and the lights on the tall posts glared brightly, making Nanu shield her eyes occasionally. She could see people in their own metal beasts, men and women, often with children riding along in the seats behind. She smiled brightly and waved back at one little girl who had seen her and waved to her. "We are going so fast," she breathed, almost wrenching her neck as she tried to watch cars whip by in the opposite direction. "Nobody in the world has ever gone as fast as this, I'll bet." Becky thought about that, realizing Nanu was probably right. She was going just over seventy kilometers per hour at the moment, but that was faster than anything had ever gone until locomotive engines came on the scene, once again in the mid-nineteenth century. It may have seemed slow to her, but it was light speed to Nanu. "Oh, we can go a lot faster than this, Nanu," she said casually, enjoying her lover's innocent wonder at everything. "Go faster!" Nanu urged in excitement. "Go faster than all the other metal beasts! Shame them!" "; except for maybe that one;” she added in a faltering tone as a red Ferrari whipped by, the roaring noise of its engine filling the interior of Becky's car. "How do you make the beast go faster, Mistress? I do not see reins or a whip." "It's not alive, remember? It's just a machine, a bunch of parts put together to make a mechanism," Becky answered, knowing most of this would go over Nanu's head. "I control its speed with the pedals at my feet, and which way it goes with this wheel in my hand." "Can we go faster and leave all these other beasts behind?" Becky smiled. "Not right now, my love. There are laws about how fast you're allowed to go when there are lots of other cars around. It prevents accidents." "But what could hurt us?" Nanu asked. "The beast is metal, we are surrounded by all this metal. We are invincible." "If we hit or got hit by another car, the metal won't protect us entirely," Becky pointed out, thinking that maybe she'd show Nanu some car crash safety videos, put the fear of the car gods into her. And if we hit a person, we'd pretty much kill them at this speed." Nanu thought about that. "But we'd be okay, right?" Becky sighed and resisted the urge to turn the car around. The Malted Cat, thirty minutes later. "Hi, everyone, sorry we're late," Becky called out, waving as she headed to the table where everyone was already gathered. "You know this time of night on the Gardiner, traffic was a bitch." "Bitch;” Nanu parroted, but was too far away still for anyone to hear her aside from Becky. Nanu was looking around at the establishment, which didn't remind her of any tabernus she'd ever seen before. This was loud and chaotic, with people everywhere and what might have been music blaring. People were wearing so many different outfits, some of which were almost nonexistent to Nanu. They walked up to the table, where five other people, three women, and two men, were already sitting. A few of them had the same straw-colored hair as her mistress. Two of the women were skinny, one was rather fat. One of the men was skinny and balding. She doubted he got fucked very often. Becky stopped at the table, with Nanu beside her. "Everyone, this is Nanu, she's staying with me." "Hi," Nanu said, holding up a hand and remembering the greeting word that people used in En-gush. "Hi." "Hello," they all said back pleasantly, smiling at her. She liked the fact that they greeted her and hadn't noticed she was a slave. Or at least, had been. Sometimes she worried it clung to her like a stench she would never be rid of. At least they'd brought her manumission documents with them from Rome to this world of tomorrow, just in case she had to prove it. "Nanu, let me introduce my friends and co-workers," Becky said in Latin, before pointing to people. "This is Kay, that's Shirley, this is Annie, that's Steve, and this is Ed." "What were you speaking to her just now?" Ed asked, seeming curious. He was the balding one. "Latin," Becky replied as room was made for them at the table, with Steve pulling up two more chairs. "She doesn't speak English, and I don't speak her native language, so we communicate in Latin." Becky's friends all looked at one another quizzically, but then realized that none of them spoke Latin. Becky would be interpreting all night. Frankly, that was just fine with Becky, since it allowed her to control things where Nanu was concerned. "Nanu-nanu!" Steve said to the new guest, holding his hand out sideways, fingers splayed apart in twos. Nanu seemed confused before she spread her own fingers tentatively and then slid them into Steve's, who grinned and began shaking up and down gently. "Good to meet you!" "Steve, I'm not drunk enough for Mork and Mindy jokes yet," Becky sighed, settling Nanu in a chair while the smaller girl looked at her hand curiously, still held open the way he'd shown her. What was that supposed to mean? Was it one of the standard greetings of this age? Then she started noticing small details, both of her new associates, and around the place. Her eyes widened when she saw a tattoo on the arm of the fat woman, Shir-lee. Then she noticed one on Steve. She looked around and saw that many people around this club had tattoos. She looked at Becky with concern. "So many people," she said quietly, hoping only Becky heard her. "They have stigma (tattoos). Some of your friends have them! Are we surrounded by criminals?" Becky thought about that for a moment and then shook her head. "No, Nanu. In my world, tattoos are just art. There have been times in the past where criminals or people considered undesirable have been branded, but this isn't a thing anymore. People wear tattoos because they mean something to them, or they're just art." Nanu sighed in relief. "I somehow avoided getting a tattoo or branded as a Flavian slave, I was lucky. Most of the other slaves had them, I found it humiliating." "Is she okay, Becks?" Annie asked curiously. "She looks a little spooked." Becky smiled and nodded. "The tattoos all around her freaked her out. Where she comes from, tattoos are brands on slaves or criminals and law-abiding citizens don't get them." "Well, I like to think I'm a bad girl," Shirley said in a sassy tone and wearing a wicked smile. "And I've got another tattoo in another place that'd prove it, for sure." This drew laughter from her friends, and she rolled onto one cheek subtly and patted the other one. Annie popped Shirley on the ass, making her squeak and more there was laughter around the table. "So, Nanu," Kay began, smiling across the table at her. Becky was on one side of Nanu, and Ed was on the other. Nanu almost needed a booster chair to sit at the table. Thankfully, the bouncer at the door had accepted her identification, even if he seemed skeptical at first. No doubt having Becky there helped. "Do you want a beer, honey?" Nanu knew she was being asked a question and looked at Becky, who translated. "Cervisia. Do you want one?" Nanu wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That is a barbarian's drink! I am civilized." "You thought cow's meat was barbaric until the other day too," Becky pointed out. "Now I can't keep you out of it. Your ancestors made beer before they discovered wine, you know. At least try it, it's polite. Do you remember what I told you about how to respond if someone offers you something?" Nanu looked at Kay and spoke slowly. "Please an-du fank you." Kay looked delighted and ordered beers for Nanu and Becky. The Egyptian girl settled in and just listened quietly while the conversation picked up around her. Becky had told her that she was free to simply listen, or look around the bar. If someone addressed Nanu, Becky would tell her. Nanu was more than happy to just sit quietly and observe. Beer arrived, with a tall pint glass for Becky, and a half-pint for Nanu. She frowned at her smaller glass. "Why did I get the child drink?" Becky almost laughed while Nanu seemed to glare at the golden liquid and the tiny bubbles. "First of all, children aren't allowed to drink beer because of the alcohol. Second, I got you a smaller glass in case you don't like it. Less goes to waste." Nanu glanced at Becky now. "So if I don't like it, I don't just smash the glass on the floor and demand a different drink I like?" Becky blinked. "No, darling. We are very respectful to our servers at all times." "But they are nobody." "Nanu, just; trust me on this, okay?" Becky almost pleaded. "Always be polite, always. When it time to not be polite, I'll let you know, I promise." "Fine," Nanu sighed, picking up the glass with both hands and tilting it so that she could take a sip while everyone watched. Her eyes widened and she put the glass back down on the table, her cheeks bulging as she looked at Becky in panic. "Swallow," Becky instructed. "It's fine." Hesitantly, the tiny girl swallowed and then gasped rather loudly and dramatically. "It is so cold, but it burns!" "You didn't mind when the pop was fizzing in your mouth," Becky said. "The pop was sweet. This is; why is this beer? It doesn't taste like beer at all!" "It's beer, I promise you, just that we make it differently than they did in your time." "Is she okay?" Steve asked, watching Nanu curiously. They all were, in fact. "She's never had beer like that before," Becky explained. "She only just tried pop for the first time the other day." "You said she's from Egypt?" Shirley queried. "Is she Muslim and she's not allowed to have alcohol?" "Trust me, she's not Muslim," Becky assured her co-worker while Nanu eyed her beer suspiciously. "She was a slave most of her life, and she has very limited experience with, well, just about anything. We're taking it slow, but I want her to see what her new life is all about and has to offer." "Would she like wine instead?" Kay asked. "No, let her figure this out," Becky replied, going back to her own beer. "I have yet to find anything she won't eat or drink, so give her a bit." Becky knew she'd have to get some food in Nanu before long, because Nanu's alcohol tolerance might be perilously low, especially on what was essentially an empty stomach. She'd let Nanu pick whatever sounded good, and just deal with the consequences later. There was only so easy she could make this for her. Her body needed to adapt to modern cuisine sooner or later, right? The conversation began again, mostly everyone venting about their stupid students and the idiotic things they said, did, or turned in. Every once in a while, someone asked Nanu something, and Becky translated, letting Nanu respond as best she could. But mostly, they simply adhered to Becky's rule of letting the new girl observe and listen. "I swear, this one girl is a complete moron," Annie groused. "Any of you have Angie Staples in any of your classes?" Nanu heard several of them moan and roll their eyes, almost slumping back in their chairs. They began griping about something or someone, repeating a word that sounded like a name. It reminded her of how her mistress complained about M-ark. "Hey, she's not a bigger dolt than Simmons," Becky pointed out. "That boy is hopeless in my class. If he made any less effort, he'd forget to breathe." "At least he's cute," Kay said, making Annie and Shirley laugh. "I'd totally fuck Mark if he was legal." At the mention of the name 'Mark' and the word 'fuck', Nanu perked up just slightly and then looked at Becky. And this was not lost on the other women. "Why did she just look at you when I mentioned fucking Simmons?" Kay asked, looked at Becky now. "I; no; Fischer, no;” "What?" Becky said rather defensively. "Rebecca Fischer, are you doing things with that boy?" Kay pressed, smiling slyly. Annie and Shirley's eyes lit up excitedly, whereas Ed and Steve remained silent, trying to not look put out. "Are you nuts?" Becky said rather more loudly than she should have. "He's my student!" "He's all of our students, and the only thing he's good at is Phys Ed," Annie laughed. "He's turning out to be a hunk, I saw him running track in the gymnasium with no shirt the other day. Kay's right, none of us would blame you if you were getting it in from him." "I assure you, I am not getting it in from that dough-head sitting in my classroom," Becky said firmly. It was technically true, if only because the Mark sitting in her classroom hadn't fucked her yet. "So why did Nanu look at you so suddenly?" Kay pressed, not willing to concede the point just yet. "She's heard me complaining about how abso-fucking-lutely useless he is in my class," Becky explained, which was also technically true. "He's failing harder than a SCUD missile. Makes me crazy." "I'd go crazy on him," Shirley quipped, smiling slyly behind her beer glass while Kay and Annie burst out laughing again. Becky sighed and shook her head, but at least she seemed to have deflected that particular line of inquiry. Despite Kay's contentions in private about her proclivities, most people believed Rebecca Fischer to be a prudish nun stuck in a porn star's body. Only this small crew ever saw her let her hair down, like tonight. Garlic bread, mozzarella sticks, and wings arrived at the table as an appetizer, and Becky encouraged Nanu to try everything. The teachers all watched in astonishment as she tried each of the items and then began devouring them in rapid succession. "Guess I'm buyin' this round of appetizers," Becky said, shaking her head as she watched her charge annihilate the food. "I'll buy the next round too, just to make sure everyone gets something." "Oh, I'm buyin' her a round as well, just to keep watching," Annie said in fascination while Nanu mowed through the appetizers like the Tasmanian Devil. "Do you ever feed her, Becks?" "I told you, she was literally a slave in her old life, and she eats everything in sight as a defensive measure," Becky sighed. "She's not being rude, I promise. I've literally watched her eat a pound of bologna and empty a full jar of peanut butter." "Ba-lo;” Nanu managed to mumble through a mouth full of biomass as she kept storming the appetizers. Everyone was enjoying watching, even if they had to wait for their own shares to arrive again. She also kept sipping at her beer, seeming to have dropped her objections to it. Becky realized she might actually need help from the time stream to keep this girl fed. Nanu had pretty much polished off all her food when the second round of appetizers arrived. She eyed Steve's basket of wings hungrily. He saw her staring and gestured to the steaming heap of saucy poultry. "Want to try one?" "Nanu, darling," Becky said, holding up a hand to interrupt. "You might find that' But Nanu had already stripped most of the meat off the tiny bones of one wing by the time Becky had begun to object. She was chewing away when she paused on her eyes went wide. "Steve, you jerk," Becky said, scowling at her co-worker while Nanu started trembling while still chewing, her face turning red and her eyes starting to water. "She doesn't know what suicide sauce is." Nanu had her forehead pressed against the table and was thumping her little fist against the surface, still resolutely chewing, even as she whimpered and moaned in pain. "Gotta admire her pluck, though," Kay mused, watching the tiny girl try not to writhe. "I didn't know she couldn't handle it," Steve protested. "Don't they have hot food where she comes from?" "See if I ever sub for you the next time you need a day off," grumbled the blonde, patting Nanu on the back gently while calling over a server. Fifteen minutes and a gallon of milk later. "I can't believe she ate all my wings," Steve murmured, watching Nanu polish off the last wing while staring directly at him defiantly. "A whole pound, I got like, one." "Serves you right," Becky grunted, making sure Nanu had lots of wet wipes and used them regularly in case she tried to rub her eyes. Milk wouldn't help then. "I can't believe she's still eating them," Annie said, watching with morbid fascination. "I mean, you can see they still hurt her, but she won't quit." "Now that she knows milk dulls the fire, she doesn't have to," Becky sighed, also watching while eating her own honey-garlic wings. Nanu had stolen half of those, too. The only reason Shirley and Kay's food was (mostly) safe was because Nanu was too short to reach across the table. "And she's mad at Steve, so she's making a point." She knew that she and Nanu could both regret this in a few hours, that Nanu might be up all night again in the bathroom, but apparently she was willing to risk that to get the message across; don't fuck with Nanu Tehemet. Nanu polished off the wings and then knocked back several glasses of milk Becky had lined up for her, followed by her beer. She put the last down and let out a thunderous belch that echoed around the area. Everyone's eyes widened at the noise, except for Becky, who just shook her head. People at other tables looked over, perplexed that someone so small could release such a giant noise. Annie cleared her throat. "Well, I; I hear that in some Middle Eastern cultures, burping is a sign that a person appreciates the food they were served." Nanu patted her chest with her little fist and sighed happily. "Nanu," Shirley said, getting her attention directly. She gestured to her shirt and then at Nanu's. "I like your shirt." Nanu realized what the fat woman was talking about and then beamed happily, thrusting her chest forward and thumbing at the logo. "Let Zeppli!" "Do you like them, honey?" Shirley asked. Becky translated and Nanu nodded eagerly. "Let Zeppli!" "I like them too," Shirley said, pleased to be connecting with the exotic foreign girl. "Shirley says she likes Led Zeppelin too," Becky explained, leaning in to be heard over all the noise. The karaoke had begun, and they were near the stage. "The fat one likes Zeppli?" Nanu asked, shocked. "Is she allowed?" "Nanu!" Becky gasped, bursting into snickers. "You can't just comment about people's weight like that!" "What's funny, Becks?" Annie asked, curious. Becky was still snickering as she tried to wave it off. "Pretty sure Nanu thinks only she's allowed to like Zeppelin. And maybe I'm allowed. Pop culture still eludes her." "Well, she's got the hot wings and big tits part down already, I'd say she's halfway there," Kay quipped, making everyone laugh. Shirley had excused herself from the table for a moment. More food was ordered, along with beer or cocktails, and the gripe session continued about what complete morons the kids of this day and age were becoming. And the ones that weren't morons were completely unlikable. "So how long is she stayin' with you?" Kay asked as she watched Nanu attack the jalapeno poppers. "For the foreseeable future, really," Becky answered. "Like I said, she was a slave back home, she has no life to return to, and it was borderline Stone Age subsistence. I can't just let her go, or turn her over to the system, she'll die. She knows nothing. I'm doing what I can to help her adapt and learn about her new world. One day, she'll be fine." "That's really noble of you, Rebecca," Ed stated, getting his share of an onion blossom before Nanu saw it and murdered it. "But it could be years. I'm not trying to make her sound like a pet dog, but this could be a long commitment on your part. How did you even meet her?" "Honestly?" Becky said, having a rehearsed answer already. She'd tried to anticipate as many questions as possible for tonight. "I met her in Rome. That's where I managed to get her out of her slavery life." "Wow, Becks, you have like a whole secret agent life goin' on," Annie said, sounding impressed. "When the heck did you even go to Rome?" "It seems like ages ago," Becky said rather evasively. "Frankly, things have been crazy of late and I almost can't keep track without a time machine." A round of laughter from her friends, and Becky heaved a sigh of relief. She didn't expect anyone to be making inquiries, but the fewer questions, the better. Nanu seemed oblivious, noshing away happily on more pub grub and seeming determined to try everything. She'd just plowed through the calamari Annie had bought for her. "Hey, everyone!" called a voice from the stage, sounding tinny over a microphone. Becky looked up and saw Shirley standing on stage, smiling at them all. "I'm dedicating this number to a new friend I met tonight, I hope she likes it! Nanu, this one's for you!" Nanu looked up at the mention of her name, right before the music began, blaring through the bar's speakers all around them. Her eyes flashed in excitement as she looked at Becky, grabbing her hands. "Zeppli! Zeppli!!!" she squeaked, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Yes, my love," Becky laughed. "Shirley is about to sing a Zeppelin song for you, and it's the one you know already." Nanu clapped and squealed some more, bouncing up and down in her seat as she watched the fat woman begin to sing. "Let me take you to the movie, Can I take you to the show, Let me be yours ever truly, Can I make your garden grow?" "Nanu, you should go up and dance," Becky suggested, bumping and gyrating in her seat. "I'm sure Shirley would love it." "Really, Mistress?" Nanu gasped, his features alight with eagerness. She'd forgotten to call her Mistress by her name, but nobody seemed to notice. "Just make sure you keep your clothes on, okay?" Becky warned, trying to sound serious, but winking at her lover. "Go have fun." Nanu was out of her seat like a shot and scrambling up onstage before she began to dance around, just like Becky had shown her. Everyone at the table hooted and cheered while Shirley laughed, still between stanzas. While Nanu bounced and wiggled around the stage, the teacher started singing again. The pneumatic effect Nanu's movement had on her body held everyone spellbound. Her jeans were snug enough to show off her amazing ass, and her Zeppelin shirt was stretched tight across her ample tits, which jiggled continuously. "From the Houses of the Holy, We can watch the white doves go, From the door comes Satan's daughter, And it only goes to show, that you know!" Becky laughed gaily as she watched, clapping along. She couldn't believe how well this was going! Nanu was having a blast, and even if she was going to be shitting herself all night because of the hot wings Steve had let her eat, it was a small price to pay to see the Egyptian girl absolutely radiant and doing what she did best, dancing. They'd have to do this more often, as long as she kept Nanu safe. Not that this bar was dangerous, of course. "There's an angel on my shoulder, In my hand a sword of gold, Let me wander in your garden, And the seeds of love I'll sow, you know!" Nanu spun and pranced around the stage, lost in the joy of her dancing. She never felt more alive than when she was dancing, even when she was fucking. Or at least very rarely, and pretty much never when she'd been a slave. This new world and new life were going to teach her so many wonderful new things! She stopped dancing for a moment, breathing heavily in excitement as she just watched Shirley sing, standing close enough to understand that she was singing into some little thing that looked like a black cock and made her voice echo all around the room. "So the world is spinning faster, Are you dizzy when you stall? Let the music be your master, Will you heed the master's ca" In her mounting excitement, Nanu had grabbed the microphone out of Shirley's hands and was now closing her eyes and singing into it with all her heart. "Ah; Wa-Oh-Gur-Oah! Or-Nyu-Wo-Ah!" The entire audience was just watching in confused and then stunned silence as Nanu wailed discordantly into the microphone, assaulting everyone's ears with the blistering noise she was making. Eventually, even the recording of the Zeppelin song was halted, and Nanu was screeching to a silent space. Realizing the music had ended, she opened her eyes and then paused, seeing everyone gaping at her. But then a group at one large table right next to the one she'd been sitting at burst into derisive laughter, jeering and mocking her, apparently imitating the sounds she'd been making, and also flailing their limbs about like they were having seizures. Their faces were screwed up, made to look like the cursed child jesters that the Roman elite kept at their courts and made fun of. They were making fun of her! "Hey, someone get the retard off the stage!" guffawed one man, still mocking her by slapping a limp hand and forearm against his chest and making the stupid face. His buddies howled with laughter as he imitated her sound again. Until he was spun in his chair and Becky's fist slammed across his jaw, snapping his head to the right and knocking him out cold. Everyone at the table went very still, not daring to move as Becky glared at them all, her blue eyes flashing menacingly. "Anyone else?" she challenged. The men all stayed silent, not daring to say a word of move a muscle. "That's what I thought," she growled, standing up now and looking down at them in contempt. "Fucking cowards." She looked over at the door and caught the attention of the bouncer on shift, an imposing guy named Jake. She tilted her head at the idiot she'd just coldcocked, and he nodded, knowing he was about to clear out that table and make them take their unconscious friend home. He'd seen Becky drop guys before, and it was always justified. If she hadn't dealt with them for mocking the screaming girl, he might have. Thankfully, it was seen to. "C'mon, honey," Becky said, walking up to the stage and removing the mic from Nanu's hands, while she just stared at her Mistress, seemingly frozen. "Shirley, take over, will you?" Shirley nodded and got another song going, beginning to sing again while Becky led Nanu back to her seat. Around the bar, things had returned to normal. Nanu still seemed silent and very out of sorts. Becky sat her down and took her hands, smiling at her. "I'm sorry, honey," she said softly, caressing the crestfallen girl's cheek. "What they did was wrong. He deserved to get punched, I promise you." Nanu looked up at her now, perplexed. "Am I; am I that awful to listen to, Mistress?" Becky apparently hesitated a split second too long, because Nanu seemed aghast at the lack of response. "I am terrible! Please, Mistress, tell me! How bad am I? Be honest." A deep breath as Becky composed her thoughts. "Truth, Nanu?" The Egyptian girl nodded nervously. "You; well, it; it sounded like a cat getting run over by a chariot with knives for wheels," Becky confessed, blushing while the other teachers looked on, having a fairly good idea what was happening, even if none of them spoke Latin. She smiled somewhat wanly. "Maybe; just stick to dancing, okay? You're so very good at that, after all;” Nanu slumped back in her chair, seemingly in disbelief, even failing to notice the table right next to them getting cleared out by the bouncer. She stared off into space for some seconds, not even noticing the other Zeppelin song that Shirley was now singing. "I'm terrible," she murmured to herself. "Cats getting murdered sounds better than me singing;” She then blinked and looked at Becky, seemingly her normal self. "Oh well. May I have more food and another beer now?" Becky laughed in relief and nodded. No trauma seemed to affect Nanu for too long. She always had food and fucking to retreat to. She ordered more hot wings, knowing Nanu felt she had even more to prove now. An hour later. "So you seemed like you had a good time, hmm?" Becky mentioned as she drove north on the Gardiner, taking them home. It was quite dark out, and she hoped against hope that Nanu wouldn't be up all night in the bathroom, or that she wanted to stay awake and fuck, because Becky had to work in the morning. "I did, Mistress," Nanu replied, nodding as she sat in her seat. She wasn't turned sideways with her face plastered to the window, watching the world race by. In fact, she was sitting rather placidly, her eyes somewhat unfocused. "And the food was all so good. And I think I'm drunk." Becky smiled. "We'll deal with that when we get home. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Should we do it again?" "Can we?" Nanu gasped in delight, seemingly excited. "Let's do it every night!" "Not every night," laughed the blonde. "I can't afford to go out to eat and drink every night. But if you're good, maybe we'll make a treat of it once a week. There are lots of other places to try as well." "As long as assholes don't make fun of me for singing," Nanu sniffed, determined to not get over being impugned. "I hope they dumped him behind the building and people walking by just put their dicks in his mouth while he was sleeping." Becky smirked. Nanu clearly had a vengeful streak in her. Not that she blamed her, mind. Nanu had to simply watch while Becky meted out the punishment. She doubted Nanu was capable of inflicting any real damage on people who slighted her. "Do you think you can teach me to drive this beast, Mistress?" the tiny woman asked. "That's a long way off, honey," Becky replied. Hell, she doubted Nanu could see over the dashboard and reach the pedals at the same time. "Let's conquer walking properly in running shoes before moving on to wheeled death machines, shall we?" Nanu huffed and crossed her arms, looking put out. "I wouldn't run down THAT many people;” she muttered. Becky's home, half an hour later. They managed to close the front door behind them before they fell to their knees, arms wrapped around one another and kissing hungrily. They moaned as they began removing their clothes, swallowing each other's tongues. Earlier, Becky had hoped to make it through the night without any romantic interludes because she had to work tomorrow, but in the car, Nanu had started being naughty, reaching over and rubbing Becky's crotch or fondling her tits. It also didn't help when she shimmied down her jeans and began fingering her cunt, teasing Becky and nearly causing her to drift off the road more than once. A trucker had cruised by them, looking down at them from his cab. Nanu had lifted her shirt to show off her tits, as well as stroking her nether lips plainly for him to see. He'd honked his horn loudly in approval, despite the late hour. And Becky was obviously hornier than she'd been willing to admit, and she couldn't even blame it on alcohol, since she'd only had two beers and one cosmopolitan. No, she just wanted to fuck, and Nanu

Dairyland Dumbass Update (11/21/25) by 96.5 WKLH

Welcome back to Truth, Lies & Work, the award-winning podcast where behavioural science meets workplace culture. Today, we're joined by a leader who has shaped the modern understanding of culture, belonging and performance more than almost anyone else working today: Garry Ridge, former CEO and Chairman of WD-40 Company, now the founder of The Learning Moment. Garry led WD-40 for more than two decades, taking it from a small American brand to a global organisation, all while maintaining engagement scores that most companies can only dream of. His belief is simple: “Leaders don't manage people — they help them get to where they need to be.” And the results speak for themselves. In this conversation, we go deep into what makes a great leader, why psychological safety drives performance, how to build a culture people genuinely want to belong to, and why treating mistakes as learning moments creates organisations that last. Key Takeaways 1. Belonging isn't soft — it's strategicGarry explains why the foundation of performance is a culture where people feel seen, valued and safe to contribute. When people feel they belong, they take risks, share ideas and collaborate without fear. 2. Leaders create the weatherTeams respond to the emotional climate set by their leaders. Garry breaks down how tone, behaviour and consistency shape trust more than any policy or engagement initiative. 3. Mistakes are learning momentsInstead of blame, Garry uses learning moments to build capability. This is how you grow confident, autonomous teams who solve problems instead of hiding them. 4. Clarity beats controlGarry's leadership model centres on aligned expectations, adult-to-adult relationships and reducing friction. When people know what's expected — and feel supported — performance takes care of itself. 5. The real job of a leaderGarry believes leaders are responsible for creating an environment where people can be brilliant. That means curiosity, empathy, consistency and genuine accountability (the kind that lifts people, not limits them). Resources & Links Connect with Garry RidgeLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/garryridge/The Learning Moment: https://thelearningmoment.net/Book: Any Dumb Ass Can Do a Multi-Billion Dollar Brandhttps://www.amazon.com/Any-Dumb-Ass-Can-Do-Multi-Billion-Dollar/dp/1637746296

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Dairyland Dumbass Update (11/12/25) by 96.5 WKLH

We are back and talking RASSLIN. Logan/Punk and why HHH is sucking it up as a booker. John Cena's last match coming closer to the end. WWE Ticket prices and not selling as much. AEW National Title annoument. Blood and GutsStreet Clothes Wrestler of the Week and NFL Picks. And what ther hell is a Sexturday? linktr.ee/boot2theface 

Dairyland Dumbass Update (11/10/25) by 96.5 WKLH

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Dairyland Dumbass Update (11/5/25) by 96.5 WKLH

America has a dumba** dictator taking dementia tests. Mehdi Hasan joins us to shred the current administration (and of course, the democratic establishment.)Order our new book, join our Substack, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:This episode is brought to you by Booking.com: Head over tohttps://booking.com and start your listing today. Get Seen. Get Booked on Booking.com.Apretude by Viiv Healthcare: Learn more at https://APRETUDE.com or call 1-888-240-0340.Bombas: Head over to https://Bombas.com and use code HADIT for 20% off your first purchase. Addyi, The Little Pink Pill: See full prescribing information and medication guide, including boxed warning for severe low blood pressure and fainting, at http://addyi.com/piUncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/hadit.Quince: Find your fall staples at Quince. Go to https://Quince.com/hadit for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSpecial guest: Mehdi Hasan @mehdirhasanSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dairyland Dumbass Update (11/3/25) by 96.5 WKLH

Dairyland Dumbass Update (10/31/25) by 96.5 WKLH

Christian College Sex Comedy: Part 21 Beyond Bed  Breakfast In 30 parts, By FinalStand. Listen to the podcast at Explicit Novels.   Defiance is not common because to rebel is to become friendless            "What is it with you and butt-sex? Not that I mind, but you seem obsessed with it," Tawny asked. "I don't care one way or another, actually. I'm in a Christian school so vaginal virginity is a normal expectation, so it is oral and anal sex for me," I explained. "With Paige, my desire is based on her blanket rejection of the idea before we'd had sex at all. If I let her hold herself back because of an irrational fear, I would be doing her a disservice. I owe it to every lover to give it my all." "I hate Christina," Tawny muttered. "Why?" I inquired as we walked down the street. "We agreed that if either one of us were to sleep with you, we would warn the other one first," she regaled me with this bit of unexpected news. "I suppose that I could complain about you ladies making deals concerning my time and body without consulting me, or maybe how, having told me this, I won't sleep with either one of you, or perhaps I'll simply announce how I'm going to another school in another state next semester but I'm done with the bluster and pissy-ness for a while," I sighed. "Instead, I'm going to exact a promise from you two," I stated. Tawny and I stopped walking and stared into each other's eyes. "The loser has to get the winner's name tattooed on their ass. That's my condition." "That's nuts," Tawny chuckled. "I'm not going to have another girl's name tattooed on my ass." "Then drop out of your little agreement if you think I'm not worth it or that you will lose," I suggested. Tawny didn't reply, instead walking down the street once more. "We could have sex right now if you want," I said once we were side-by-side again. "You would break your pledge for me?" Tawny asked. "If you want to see Christina's ass with your name tattooed on it," I answered. "She'd never forgive either of us," Tawny noted. "Absolutely. She'd get the tat but she'd be very disappointed in us both," I agreed. "Is this how you repay me for saving you inside the warehouse?" Tawny questioned. "I'm not treating you like a sorority president or a graduating senior; I'm treating you like a desirable woman, a potential lover, and someone forced to think on an entirely personal, selfish level for once," I said. "I respect you enough to give you a moral challenge." Tawny stopped and pulled out her phone and dialed up a number but hesitated before sending it. "Hello, Christina; Tawny here," she started. "I have Zane with me outside the party and am seriously thinking about requesting him to have sex with me." I missed what Christina said. "Yes, I made him aware of the bet and he agreed anyway, but added that you would tattoo my name on your ass if we did it tonight. Is that acceptable?" Again, I missed Christina's comment. "Oh, he is very aware that you would be disappointed in him, and he did a good job of leading me on but he has no intention of following through on his little dare; he loves you too much. I almost fell for his ruse but then he revealed how much he cared about me and I figured it out," Tawny grinned at me, leaving me embarrassed. Christina spoke again. "Yes, I guess that means I might get 'Christina' tattooed to my ass. It is worth it," Tawny related to Christina. "I knew you would want to hear about this, he's still pining away for you." Christina got off a statement and Tawny laughed. "We should get together for dinner sometime, Christina, just the two of us. Take care now." "She wants you to know they won the game 3-1," Tawny told me as she put away her phone. "I'm not sure I want to marry you," Tawny mused. "You are very complicated and you could be a bit more truthful in your dealings." "My Uncle Tim sort of beat that honesty out of me but I'll make an effort on your behalf," I allowed. "Zane, that woman on the motorcycle is looking at us intently. Do you know her?" Tawny cautioned me. It was Willa and I didn't expect to see her tonight. "Willa?" I called out to the biker chick. She responded by waving a thin plastic card in my direction. It looked a lot like my fake ID I'd requested as a joke. "Tawny, hang back," I said in a serious tone. "Hey, Zane, I was curious to see your car parked down the street," Willa said as she dismounted her ride. "I thought you might be going to the Fallout Shelter and I wanted to talk with you first." "I wasn't planning on it," I replied. "Willa, this is Tawny. She's a senior at UV. Tawny, this is Willa; she's a Warlord motorcycle club member and she helped save Rio Thursday night." "Have you come to regret that decision yet?" Tawny asked Willa. Willa was uncertain for a second, then she smiled. "Not yet, but I haven't see her again either," Willa answered. "Please remember that Zane loves her dearly," Tawny said. "He'd become really upset if she ended up hospitalized or worse." "I figured that out when he took on thirty Warlords in order to rescue her after she made a colossal screw up," Willa informed Tawny. She handed me the fake ID, which I examined. "Hey," I complained, "this says I'm Ruckus Tanner, a sixty-eight-year-old black man." "No, it does not," she squawked as she ripped the card back and examined it. Since the ID said I was G. Zane Braxton, had my picture, and told the world I was 21, Willa looked up and glared at me. "Not funny," she snapped. I imagine she'd leapt through a few hoops with the Feds to get me this thing this quickly. "That's Zane being an ass once more," Tawny mocked me. "He does that to diffuse uncomfortable situations he finds himself in. The thing is, what is he uncomfortable about? Hi, we haven't been formally introduced. I'm Tawny Flores, President of the UV Kappa Sigma sorority." "Hmm, what was sex with him like?" Willa asked. "We've never had sex, she's just a friend, nothing to discuss," I interrupted. "No, I have not had sex with Zane, but I have been in bed with him totally naked. It is kind of a delicious memory I use from time to time," Tawny moaned sensually. "The thing is, what is your favorite Zane memory, and why didn't he tell you who I was?" "Zane, do you have a favorite memory of me?" Willa questioned me. "Your heels digging into my ass as you wrapped your legs around me and the tips of our tongues touched," I declared instantly. Willa blinked, somewhat startled at my accurate recall. "Do you have one of me?" Tawny inquired as she came up and put a hand on my shoulder as she positioned herself to my right side and slightly back. "Yes. It involves something about getting over 'that heartache'," I responded. Tawny squeezed my shoulder with some empathy for the memory. Willa looked to us for the context. "Him, me and his girlfriend, his real girlfriend, on another sister's bed; we were clothed and he was completely naked and totally aroused," Tawny smiled happily with the memory. "Zane, why didn't you jump her bones?" Willa looked me over. "I knew I was outmatched after that first kiss," I embellished the truth. "To be fair to Zane, he didn't have any clothes to put on and we weren't the two girls he'd been having sex with," Tawny snickered. "His confidence may have been shaken." "I find that hard to believe," Willa joked. I huffed and started down the street once more. Willa and Tawny fell in behind me in hushed conversation that I did my best to ignore. I walked down one more block, then turned to the left and entered a more occupied area. I also noted the sign for the Fallout Shelter. The Fallout Shelter I looked over my shoulder and caught Willa studying me. "Willa, do you know this place?" I asked. I figured she was actually hanging around to see if I was going to meet with Belle tonight and I was giving her some choices to make. "It's a nice place," Willa shrugged. "More of a college crowd hangout, though." "Tawny?" I inquired. "I've been inside a few times but they are more of an alternative rock crowd. But since we are here, we might as well take a look," Tawny reasoned. I was sure Willa wasn't happy with that answer but she followed us in anyway. As per custom, I was carded at the door by this solid-looking blonde guy named Bill running off toward premature baldness who could have used a few less beers and a few more days at the gym. By the look of his knuckles and face, he was familiar with fighting if not avoiding blows. He gave my new ID a cursory glance, almost handed it back, then froze. His eyes went from bored to furious in a second. Willa pushed me forward into the club before Bill could react We had to immediately race down a set of stairs because the Fallout Shelter had cut out the first floor so that the main floor was the old basement. Around the place was a series of catwalks that let you traverse the place above the chaos. Once on the main floor we migrated toward the bar. A band with a lot of volume and some sort of political message rendered largely unintelligible by the lead singer/bassist slurring or screaming his words was in the midst of their set so we got there quickly. Belle finished serving up beers to two girls who had this wiccan/goth thing going on, including dreadlocks. Belle's eyes took in the three of us, then settled back on me with a wicked gleam. "So, how did you get past Bill, who's the serious bitch, and I'm afraid I have to card you," Belle grinned. I handed her my new card. She looked it over, her grin becoming a smile. "This is a good one," she nodded, and handed it back. "Bill recognized me but Willa shoved us past him before he could punch me," I informed Belle. "He'll be down here soon enough. Lee, the head bouncer, knows about his temper and won't let him come down for a few minutes. Let me get you some drinks. Grab a table and I'll be right over," Belle told us. A small group of UV kids broke away from a table. One guy got sick, his buddy took him toward the bathrooms, and the boy/girl couple took their absence as an excuse to slip off. We grabbed their seats and took in an awkward moment. It was broken by the arrival of Belle and some beers. She put one down in front of Tawny and then Belle, then put two down in front of me. As I was figuring that out, Belle straddled me and sat so we faced one another. She had a seductive twist to her lips, part impish, part desire. She leaned in and started kissing me deeply without preamble and pushing her hips into mine. I had dire duo distraction of Belle having shed her bra behind the bar and her being in a crop-top red Harley-Davidson t-shirt. Belle kept pushing into me so I rested my hands on her hips and tried to push her back gently. Belle was having none of that. My seat began tilting back and I opted for a more aggressive strategy. I let my hands migrate up her waist and around to her back until I hooked both her shoulders. This had the added benefit of pulling the front of the shirt tight against her breasts. "Does this happen to him much?" Willa asked Tawny. "You've obviously never seen the footage of my sorority tying him to a cross out in the woods," Tawny responded. "So, yes, this happens to him more than any person I've ever known." "Does it bother you that we are both here on a Saturday night watching him make out with somebody else?" Belle inquired next. "I don't know about you but Zane needs me," Tawny mused. "He has a severe lack of guy friends so some of us ladies have to step up and be his wingman, woman." "Do you think he has a problem with male-bonding?" Willa questioned. Had I not had a mouthful of Belle's tongue pinning my own tongue down, I would have told them I had plenty of guy friends in Thailand and in my old private school. As this was going on my chair kept edging farther and farther over until it started to topple. Belle lashed out with her feet, catching the bottom of the table with her heels while her body pressed down on me. I slid my hand down her back to her jeans. I tried to wiggle a hand inside but her jeans were far too tight, a fact she gloated over. "Sorry," Belle teased me, "but you're not getting in." Me, I've always loved a challenge. I moved my hands around, popped her top button, and unzipped her pants slowly. I imagine three of us were waiting for Belle to drop the hammer on me but she didn't. When she didn't I slipped my left hand inside the front of her panties and snaked my right around to her ass-cheek. Belle was still doing her level best to overwhelm my breath control and take away my last breath. She might have forced me to break contact first if she had been able to stifle her own moan as my hands stroked her pubic hair and cupped her ass. Even as we went back to the face-dancing, I noticed more than a few covetous gazes being shot our way. Belle really was some kind of college-boy tease. I could now push my hands closer together by reaching underneath her. I rubbed against her clit with my middle and ring fingers, doubling back for the sensation before dipping into her thick, creamy, and steaming-hot cunt. My right trekked down and stretched the sanctity of her anus. Belle bucked up against me several times in rapid succession. "Should we get some ice to throw on them?" Tawny muttered. "Maybe we should get them a private room." Willa countered. For a counterpoint to the shit my other two women were giving me, I wedged a third finger into her cunt and began stroking her sweet spot. "Oh, hell no," Belle gasped. She stopped kissing me and dove into my ear which she worried with savagely applied teeth. I growled through the pain and increased my rhythm and depth of my attentions. Her anus gave way and I was fucking her from both sides simultaneously, causing her gyrations to become much more intense and erratic. Belle let go of my ear and rested her chin on my shoulder in one last ditch effort to stave off her climax. I turned on the pressure and the dam broke. I lashed up with my feet to connect with the table to stop us from falling over as Belle's body thrashed against mine and she screamed into my shoulder, the biting down with the teeth I could have done without. I was relentless and merciless to Belle now. I pinched and twisted her clit hard between my thumb and forefinger; at the same time I slipped the first digit of a second finger into her rectum. Belle hiccupped, gave a jolt, and began screaming and thrashing again. At the same time she started sobbing between screams, muffled somewhat by her fist, which she was chewing on. With the second orgasm over, I relented and let her nestle against my chest, breathing heavily. "I so need to get laid," Willa muttered. "Amen to that. And to think he's next door to me every weekend with easy access to his second story window," Tawny agreed. I began righting Belle when she pressed her hands against me and sat up. "Keep your hands were they are," she murmured playfully. "Best damn orgasm I've had in years," she directed to our table companions, "and then he stacked another righteous one on top of that. I hate to say it but Tara (her twin sister, the Sheriff's Deputy) was right about this guy; I want one of my own." "Don't you already have a boyfriend?" I mentioned. "Bill. Eh, he's got the equipment but he's a quick shooter. If I'm lucky, I get thirty seconds (ouch!) and then its 'get me another beer' or he rolls over and goes to sleep," Belle enlightened us. "How is his foreplay?" Tawny inquired. "He laps like a dog," Belle shrugged, "and his fingers are strictly in and out like a piston. Who are you again?" She addressed Tawny. Tawny finished her little spiel right when a shadow fell upon my life. Bill had arrived. "What the fuck?" Bill growled as he took in me, Belle, and what I was doing to her, mainly pumping her fore and aft at a slow, gentle pace. "I'm going to pound you," he directed at me. "Oh, shut up, Bill," Belle sneered. "If I'm going to steal one of Tara's men, I'm going to make it the new one. Besides, he's done more for me in ten minutes than you've done for me all year, and since he's not trying to bore me to death with all that sports talk, I guess this is time to say we are done. Bye-bye." "You sow," Bill redirected his anger and balled up his fists. Of course, insulting a woman makes me do stupid things. I started to withdraw my hands and stand when Belle put a finger to my lips. "Hush now, Zane," she smiled. "I got this." She looked over her shoulder at Willa. "Is that fucking chivalry or what?" she laughed at my attempted action. Turning back to Bill, "If I have to dismount this man, I'm going to stomp your ass, and you know I can. You hit me once and I put you in the hospital, or do I need to remind you?" she said evenly. "I got you this fucking job. I got you the fucking place you live in, Bitch," Bill snarled. "You can keep the god-damn job and I'll be out by the end of the month," Belle shot back. Bill clenched and unclenched his fists tightly before turning and storming off. "Okay, what was that all about?" I wondered. "Meh, this shit was getting old," Belle told me. "I'll crash with Willa until I figure out what I want to do next." Willa's look was not one of ecstatic expectation, I was positive that none of this had been planned out before we walked through the door. "Belle, I hope I haven't sent you the wrong message," I started. "I am in school and it is a girl's school at that. I only stopped in to say hi." Belle returned to her rocking motion on my lap. "Don't sweat it, college-boy," Belle grinned, "Scratch that, girl's college-boy; I do what I want, go where I want, and take what I want. So, now that you've got me off, what can I do for you?" "You, me, and Tara in a three-way," was my gut response. Belle stopped moving and Willa looked grim. Tawny, like me, was ignorant of what I'd done wrong. "Why?" Belle asked, with an undercurrent of menace that I didn't miss. "You two are like a volcano and the sea, opposites that I bet are explosive and sizzling when you meet," I related. "We are twins, Zane," Belle informed me. "On the outside, maybe, but inside, sexually, you two are very different. You are not polar opposites but more like two separate paintings that use the same canvas and set of paints but go in totally different directions expressively," I explained. "So who's better, Tara or me?" was her next question. Tawny snorted. "Two totally different women. I mean, with you, I'd like to fuck you in the coat room of a black tie affair with High Society one thin wall away," I said. I could see from Belle's expression she wasn't getting what I was saying, implying that I'd hide her away, be my dirty little secret. "You in sheer black stockings and matching garter belt and half-bra, yummy." "Whoa, I have to admit that sounds lick-able," Willa noted. Belle was also reassessing my intentions and smiled. "With Tara, I'd like to break into a bed warehouse and test out a few of the mattresses about the place, illegal and exposed to the public view," I grinned. "I'd pay to see that," Belle chuckled. "You are a keeper, Zane." "You only say that because you want to stick it to your sister," I countered. "Yeah, when I came over here, that was the main reason, but now I'm angry that she found you first," Belle bitched. "She always had better luck with the boys than I did." "Bill was 'better'?" I wondered. "He was a big football jock in high school and he didn't cheat on her too much. You can guess that I dated some real losers, mostly college guys like you," Belle smirked. If you know of another college guy like Zane, spill," Tawny teased. "I want to get me one to call my very own." "Funny, funny, funny, ladies," I coughed. "Now if I don't get Belle off my lap I'm going to hammer her here in front of the general public. Since my goal this weekend is to avoid fighting, public displays of amusement, and intercourse in general, I'm taking a walk." "Hey," Belle wiggled in on my crotch, "I'm all partial to being fucked on the table and show all these cocksuckers what they've been missing. We might even get busted by my sister and spend the night in a cell together." "With Deacon all busted up let's not do the jail thing," Willa chimed in. "Let's not make it three run-ins with the law for his first 30 days at school," Tawny added. "Three, Zane, who else has corralled your ass since you've been with us?" Belle asked. "Officer Campbell got me when I was driving back to campus," I confessed, since I was suspicious that Christina had given Tawny some of the details of that night. "Yeah, we know her too," Willa said. "Rumor has it she can get a bit frisky." "Oh, come on, I was on a date," I evaded. "She had mercy on me and I left with a warning." "You fucked her," Belle leered after studying me for several seconds. "So, did she use cuffs?" "Front, back, top, and bottom, I left her a wreck on the back seat and she was finger-lickin' good," I unloaded. "She was fantastic. She gave my date and I all we could handle." "You got Heaven involved?" Tawny gasped. "Man, my life would be so much easier," I groaned, "if the people talking behind my back kept me in the loop. Yes, I got Heaven involved. It was a hell of a way to wrap up her first date night. By the way, this doesn't go beyond us; okay?" Belle looked at me intensely once more. "Are you going to lie to me?" she whispered as she placed her forehead against mine. "Yes, to protect you if I must," I replied beneath the thumping of the bass. "That's my choice to make, not yours, Zane," Belle breathed a sugary-sweet beer aroma. "Friends sacrifice a part of themselves for the ones they care about," I told her. "Why do you care?" she asked with more than the usual curiosity. "You are worth it," I answered. Again, there was another intense stare. "Are you doing this for my sister?" she continued her interrogation of me. "Nope," I kept it simple. Yet another attempt by Belle to read my soul followed. "Let's get you cleaned up," she grinned. I pulled my right hand out slow and wiped it on my jeans. I was bringing my left set of fingers to my mouth when she intercepted me by the wrist and led me up to her lips. She sucked the juices off two fingers and then fed me the other two to take care of. I zipped her up and fixed her button before she dismounted and took me by the hand to the men's room. Being occupied by men didn't dissuade Belle one bit. She leaned against the sink while I washed up without speaking. In fact, she remained silent until we stepped back into the narrow hallway that led back to the club floor or out back by a locked stairwell. Belle led me to the door and appeared to be thinking something over. "I heard a sick rumor that your lawyers caught my sister and her buddy when they ganged up on you. The rumor is, you covered for them," Belle glared. "Why would you do something so stupid for someone you didn't know?" "Do you know that I'm jealous of you?" I responded. "Happens all the time; I'm a free-spirit that makes my own way in the world," she smiled, but it was overshadowed by her bitterness. "No. You have a sister, you have family, someone you grew up with. I have my aunt who is from another world, essentially, and that's it," I related. "That may be why I never commit to any one person," I added. "Something in Rio reminds me of my Mom and Iona reminds me of someone I wish was family but isn't. I guess I keep looking until I find what I lost." "Gone is gone, Zane; there is no getting it back," Belle told me, but this time she was showing some real empathy. "Yeah," I joked, "and that is why you always drive the speed limit and park within the lines, because that is what everyone tells you to do." "Has anyone ever told you that you're insane?" Belle's teeth shone through with her smile. "Never, you would be the first," I lied, and by the gleam in my eyes she knew it. It was well past one when I finally had the gang rounded up and headed back out to our rides. It took all of twenty seconds for a buzz-happy Rio to realize that Willa and a now unemployed Belle tagged along. When she did, her look was one of ferocity. "Oh, hell no!" she snapped, and turned toward the two Warlord ladies. "I'm going to kick your ass." "Last time I saw you, Bitch, you were half way to the city's sewage system," Belle laughed back. "Want to go the rest of the way?" Rio surged against Mercy and Barbie Lynn's restraining hands while Willa pulled Belle back, and I ended up in the middle holding them both at bay. "Calm down Rio, it is cool now," I told my buddy. "Belle, this isn't what you think." Speaking of thinking; I had to think fast to figure a way to turn this situation around. I'd hoped that Rio would be so happy, she'd have let it lie for the night, silly me. "Rio, I'd like Belle to give us motorcycle lessons for the trip this summer, and to personally give you self-defense training," I spewed forth my hare-brained idea. "What the fuck?" questioned Belle. "Fuck that noise," Rio spat. "I don't need this dink to teach me how to fight." I wasn't sure what a 'dink' was but I doubt it had positive connotations. "Rio, you haven't picked a martial arts instructor yet and I think Belle's self-taught style would be somewhat attractive to you," I guessed. I had no clue as to Belle's fighting background. "I'd rather teach a goat how to use a unicycle than teach this moron how to ride a bike," Belle growled. "I'll pay you fifty dollars an hour per four students," I offered Belle. "She's a skank," Rio seethed. Belle, on the other hand, seemed to be coming around. "Fifty bucks-, per four people? What would I have to do?" Belle inquired. She was job hunting after all. "Teach them how to ride, for starters," Valarie came to my rescue, "plus basic maintenance, road lore, and stuff like that. You'd also have to teach Rio how to not get her ass kicked." "I keep telling you people, I don't need this bitch," Rio repeated. "Fine, Rio, but tell me, who is going to be your instructor?" I countered. "It can't be Mercy." "Want your knife back?" Belle grinned as she reached into her boot and pulled out the butterfly knife Val had given Rio on Thursday. "I don't know," Rio grumbled, "have you been using it as a sexual aid?" Belle snorted. "Fuck, with Zane around, who needs one?" Belle smiled wickedly. "Two orgasms in ten minutes at a table on the club floor and that was only with his tongue and fingers." "He'd have nailed her in the bathroom if it hadn't been for that whole 'no sex' thing," Tawny added. "I should have stuck with you, Zane," Paige tugged on my arm. "See where you ended up?" "Who is the ghost?" Belle asked snidely. "I'm Paige and Zane is with me this weekend," Paige challenged Belle, bad move. Sometimes reactions pull you one way and instincts send you in another. I went with instincts and let events play out. Belle scooped Paige up under each arm and hoisted her up. "You are what, 100 pounds? A whole weekend with him and he'd break you in two," Belle observed. "He needs a real woman, not a bit of fluff." It was time for me to become involved. I reached an arm around Paige's waist and took her weight onto me. Belle was kind enough to let go so I swung Paige up until I was carrying her in my arms. Paige switched her gaze between me and Belle twice, then latched onto me. "Okay, I win," Paige announced. "I'm the bit of fluff he comes to again and again, after all." "You are the freakiest group of people I've ever seen," Hank spoke up. "A sorority president and sisters" (Leigh and Jersey had joined us), "two Warlord bikers, Christian school girls, and a porn star, no offense, Zane." "Just another day ending in 'y'," Iona whispered. I caught that zing and snickered. "No offense taken, Hank," I joked back. "I'd rather have the memories and suffer through the condemnations of those who don't know me than miss out." "Dude, if you ever need a stand in," Finn added to the joy. He and Ginger had indeed hooked up again, so we were good on that front. Ginger did playfully thump him in the chest though. "Finn, you are already sleeping on the sofa tonight," Ginger teased. "Would you rather be out on the welcome mat?" "Thanks for letting us spend the night at your place," Barbie Lynn added to the play. "What?" Finn squawked. "Oh, come on, Babe." Ginger detached from Finn and wrapped an arm around Barbie Lynn's waist, who reciprocated the gesture. "Oh, come on, Babe," Ginger mimicked, "We want a little girl time, ya know, one on one." Barbie Lynn turned her head and exchanged a heated kiss with Ginger that decidedly aroused me. I hated to think what Finn was going through. "Dudes, I'm going down to the river," Finn groaned. "Wouldn't a cold shower be better and safer?" Leigh asked. "I'm not going to cool down; I'm going to drown my stupid ass for stepping out on Ginger at the start of the night," Finn sighed. "I deserve this." "That's what I wanted to hear," Ginger gloated. She gave another quick kiss to Barbie then glided back to Finn. "It's okay, Honey, I forgive you." "Thanks Babe," Finn kissed her once more. "You are still sleeping on the sofa when we get home," she announced triumphantly. The lesson here is, if you are ever given a choice between fighting a man or a woman; fight a man. Men beat you up, gloat, then walk away. Women hold grudges, forever. "Any advice for our lovelorn?" Willa asked. "Everything fades, be it fame, passion or possessions, it all goes to dust and is lost," I said. "That's rather depressing," Willa noted. "The exact opposite," I countered. "All you are and will ever be is defined by what you do in the next few seconds of life. That is when you can mark yourself as a hero or a villain." "I can buy that," Belle mused. "Live for the moment." I could tell Iona was more uncertain about my words so I expanded. "I am not saying don't plan for the future, but don't live so much for what might be that you ignore what is going on around you right now, because no moment matters less than any other," I added. "That's my boy: Renaissance warrior-poet with the libido of Ron Jeremy," Rio jibed. "I like it," Tawny spoke up. "What would it be like to spend the whole weekend, or a whole week, alone with Zane? I wouldn't be bored." "I wouldn't be able to walk," Barbie Lynn giggled. "I'd enjoy the education," Paige noted. "I'd enjoy the peace and quiet," Vivian joked. "Zane, you have a little bit of a fan club here," Belle smiled. "Totally unwarranted and undeserved," I sighed. We arrived at the water tower and we went our separate ways. I'm sure Paige and Iona wanted to talk to me but they both fell asleep within three minutes of getting in the car. I took them up individually to my room and tucked them in before letting a sleeping Jill know we'd made it back and assuring her that we'd make it to church in the morning. Service and Supper We weren't feeling terribly chipper when Iona, Paige and I crawled out of bed, but we were conscious, ambulatory, and capable of speech so we passed Aunt Jill's inspection before heading out to church. For Paige, it would be a new experience as she normally spent Sunday morning at FFU's Assembly hall. Fortunately, she would be exploring the experience with Iona. My class was amusing as always. Somehow, no one had missed the little revolution we'd staged at university and there was varying levels of confusion, disgust, and anger with what 'I'd' done. Yeah, it was my entire fault because I was in the middle of 'God Made Man First' country. Oddly enough, Chris Gilbert stuck it out with me, jumping in on my side when more than two guys ganged up on me verbally. The second time Chris parried Mr. Coleman's insinuations of my corruption away, the gang gave up and actually got down to the lesson for the week, the Book of Samuel; namely, King Saul versus the Philistines. The lesson was that God abandons sinners. I hung on to the point that even when he knew he was going to die, Saul led his army out to fight the invaders of his homeland. I doubted any of those guys would know what kind of courage it took to fight a lost cause if the time came. "Do you make a habit of running off cliffs and into walls," Chris joked with me, then "Whoops, sorry about that, your parents and all." "It was mountain climbing," I shrugged, "so don't worry about it. Have a good week?" "Oh, peachy; I burned down a state park and robbed the Louvre," Chris stated, deadpan. "Dude," I laughed, "if you are trying to compete with me let me just say 'you win' and end the contest right now. You can have it and the grief that goes with it." "Does that include the girls?" Chris chuckled. It was odd having a real conversation with a guy nearly my age who had a clue where I was coming from. My response was overwhelmed by the crush of young ladies around us. What followed was a chorus of 'hey, Zane', 'hey, guy', and Iona and Barbie Lynn adding a 'hi, Chris'. "Hi there, ladies," and "Hello Barbie Lynn and Iona," followed up Chris. By the way he was looking at Barbie Lynn, I could tell that his perception of her had changed. He wasn't leering but there was a certain sexual curiosity that was new to his gaze. Barbie Lynn caught Chris' look, smiled, but then cuddled up to me to make the situation clear enough. Chris chuckled and shook his head mirthfully. "So is McHunky (Chris) part of the group now?" Rio broke through the politeness. "Chris is not treating me like I'm Caine so I'd hope he'd say yes if you ask him nicely," I answered. "I would say 'yes,' with the understanding that I'm older than all of you and like to live a slightly more private, video-free, lifestyle," Chris informed us. "Chris," Rio inquired, "what is the maximum number of girls you would take to bed at one time, and how many would you feel comfortable dating?" I wanted to kill Rio once more, considering we were clearly being overheard as we moved down the hallway leading to the Tabernacle. "Hmm," Chris thought it over. "Four in one bed, but I'd only feel comfortable dating one woman at a time. I'm old-fashioned that way." "That's not a problem," Rio grinned, "old-fashioned we can cure." "How about we respect different people for their differences, ya nut-job," I cautioned Rio. Rio's retort was cut off by our entry into the main area of worship. Chris waved good-bye and angled toward the front and his family. With Barbie Lynn in the lead, the rest of us moved to the far side where the FFU crowd sat together. I couldn't find Jill in her regular spot but Iona pointed out she'd joined Mrs. Wellington, the Mayor, Lance, and Felicity on the second pew, a few steps up in the world. We'd settled in after the first hymn and Pastor Bill had started the morning greeting when the two main doors to the church slammed open and a black clad woman strode in, it was Belle. It was also clear that Belle had never been in here before, had no idea where I would be seated, and was overwhelmed by the sheer number of parishioners. I don't think she cared that most of them were staring at her. She had dressed up, right? She had on a black jacket, black t-shirt, black jeans and black boots. She'd taken off her black sunglasses. I stood up, put two fingers in my mouth the way Heaven had taught me (Orienteering class, honest) and whistled loudly as I waved her over. Belle's head snapped my way and over she came. By long-standing tradition, Iona sat on one side of me and Rio took the other. This time, Paige had supplanted Iona. Belle decided that insinuating herself between Paige and I would require a crowbar and some leverage so she sat down on Rio instead. Rio grumbled, squeezed out from under Belle, and sat in Mercy's lap. Bill, with a final glare my way, picked up the service as best he could and droned on. Rio leaned into Belle and licked her cheek as a means of retaliation. Belle didn't punch Rio, for which I was grateful. I made sure to put a little extra on the collection plate, for God's sake, not the church's, when the time came around. The sermon was on the Israelites and their forty years of wandering before coming to the Promised Land. I think there was some confusion between myself and most of the flock here on who was the one farthest from the expected destination. At the end of the service my plan went into motion, with multiple women having a role to play. Oddly, despite this being a criminal endeavor, Belle was the only one close to me not involved. It was good fortune that put her at my side because with so many of the church elders gawking/fearing/lusting after her, they completely missed the real mischief makers. "Good morning, Rochelle," I greeted the mayor's wife. She turned, smiled at me, then looked over at Belle. "This is Belle, " "Belle Kennan," Belle finished up for me. I hadn't known her last name. "I know you," Rochelle was clearly thinking hard. "Did you used to collect golf balls off the greens at the country club years ago? You had a sister. Your father was a groundskeeper." "That was a while ago," Belle allowed. "Dad fucked it up with his drinking, like he did everything else. My sister, Tara, is now a Sheriff's Deputy around here." "What do you do?" Rochelle made conversation. "I'm Zane's, chauffer," Belle answered with a twisted grin. "Actually, I'm giving him and some of his friends motorcycle lessons." "That sounds promising," Rochelle continued. "Belle, can I have a few moments of Zane's time?" Belle gave me a suspiciously sexy raised eyebrow then went looking for another one of my female set. "Zane, you were right about that matter we discussed. I still don't know what I want to do with the news. Maybe we can discuss it Wednesday night?" "Absolutely," I nodded. "By the way, there seems to be a growing suspicion that you are not a very moral person," Rochelle leaned in and whispered to me. "Apparently there is some evidence of you and some other girls, " "I've never denied it," I told her. "I also believe that no one seems to care that I've foresworn sex for the weekend. I know it is not much by most people's standards but at least I'm trying to see how the other half lives." "How is that working for you?" Rochelle grinned. "Abysmally; I've been tackled, jumped on, stacked up in a shower, grappled at a party, and got a lap dance in a club," I groaned. "You should stay home more often," Rochelle advised. "I received the tackle, jumping, and the stacking at home, Rochelle," I related. "Maybe I should hide out at your house." Rochelle stared at me and I wasn't sure what to make of that. "I will see you on Wednesday; take care now," I broke the silence between us. I turned and went over to the gulf of isolation that was Sahara Penny. "Hello, Mrs. Penny. You look incredibly inspirational this morning." "Hello, Zane," she smiled, her white teeth brightening up her Lebanese features. "I was thinking that I could do the whole dinner thing with you and William tomorrow night, if that is okay with you," I looked her over. "Well, you could hardly become more of a pariah," she mused. "I would be glad to cook you a meal." "Wolves may get hunted but sheep always get eaten," I replied. "Are you a wolf, Mr. Braxton?" she teased. "I have to be worthy of your company," I retorted, which she found amusing. "I'll see you," I tacked on before heading toward the main gathering. I patiently waited for the main group of men to recognize my presence but today they seemed less than willing to. I must have really been a bad boy. I did catch Rio handing off a phone to Iona who was quietly but quickly working away on it. I had to wonder how long it would take for Lance to realize Rio had swiped it from him. Hell, I promised Raven I'd get her those books from George Mason's library and I was going to return his phone to him soon enough. "Hey, my little Butt-Monkey," Belle taunted me loudly, "are you waiting on this bunch of old fuckers for something?" The conversation stopped and heads turned our way: yay me. "Mr. Braxton," Pastor Bill snapped in a clipped manner, "when you invite some, person to our church you should consult with me or one of the deacons to see if they are appropriate." He was pointedly ignoring Belle, which I found to be both rude and unwise as Belle was the most likely person he'd ever meet who would gladly take his underwear waistband and pull it over his head and laugh while she did it. "I wasn't actually wise enough to invite Ms. Kennan but I should have because I was under the impression this was a House of God. I'll make her tithe if that's what you are worried about," I informed them. "The appropriateness of you being in this church is also in question," Mayor Wellington brought up. "How's Phillip?" Belle spoke up with a wicked sneer toward the Mayor; Phillip was one of his sons. "We had a lot of fun in high school. He was good enough to bring me by your house but he never brought me to your church." "He would have never dated someone like you," the mayor glared at Belle. "Technically we weren't looking for a relationship," Belle grinned, "but does that big four-poster bed of yours still have that dainty white dust curtain with the roses on it?" "You are nothing more than a low-down dirty whore like your mother," Mr. Gibson, the county's largest furniture seller, snarled at Belle. I wasn't sure what her response was because Gibson staggered into Mr. Lieber when I drew my hand back for a slap; everyone got quiet. Yes, I had almost committed assault in front of thirty or so witnesses who hated my guts. Oh, and one of them was a judge. "Braxton!" Pastor William thundered. "Hold that thought, Bill," I pointed to the reverend before turning back to Gibson, "Sir, you insulted a lady in my presence, so you can apologize to her or step out with me to the parking lot where we can settle this like men, because I'm morally opposed to causing needless bloodshed in a house of worship." "That's it, Braxton, you, Pastor Bill growled. "Zane!" a different, feminine voice interrupted. "Apologize to Mr. Gibson at once." "I apologize, Mr. Gibson," I grudgingly stated. "I should have you arrested," Gibson grumbled. "And I'll make sure that your little outburst with, the woman threatened. "Belle Kennan," Belle studied the newcomer and the girls around her. "Ms. Kennan goes all over the internet and is flagged with every search engine with your name and the name of your store," Christina finished. "I'll sue," Gibson fought back. "And I'll win," Christina kept coming. "This is clearly a First Amendment issue, both speech and religion. Now are we going to play nice and respect our fellow Christians or are we going to collectively forget we are all adults?" "He is not going to get away with this threat of force," Pastor Bill persisted. "Pastor Penny, are we truly basing our actions and reaction on what an eighteen-year-old playboy does?" Christina pointed out. "Clearly, leadership is called for, and since you men are the patriarchs of the church, you should be leading Zane in the proper course of action." "Mr. Gibson," Chris joined in, "maybe Zane could clean up your parking lot one afternoon as penance." I had to be sure he was helping me out here. "Gurr, alright," Mr. Gibson admitted. "That would satisfy me." I caught sight of Aunt Jill looking my way. I half expected her to volunteer my acceptance but she waited patiently on me instead, not a good sign concerning her dependence on me. "If it is okay with Mr. Gibson, I'll come over when he gives me a call and my school schedule allows," I said. "I hope that settles that," Mr. Gilbert, Christopher's father, announced. "Was there a reason for Mr. Braxton waiting around us?" He was covering for his son, not me. "I was agreeing to Pastor William's invitation to eat dinner with him tomorrow," I said. "I will have to look at my schedule and get back to you," Pastor Bill replied in a snide tone. "No problem, Mrs. Penny and I'll hit Zeta's tomorrow and we can work out something for later," I smiled. I turned and left before he could finish sputtering because not only was Zeta's one of the finest eating establishments in town, I heard rumors it was also highly romantic. I took eight steps before I nearly doubled over in pain. Christina had kidney-punched me, and hard. I turned fast enough to see Belle and Christina facing off. "Do you want to explain that to me, Princess?" Belle inquired with a false grin. "I'm Christina Buchannan and I'm wondering what you are doing here burning through what little good will Zane has with this congregation," the woman I love sizzled. "Zane, should I give a crap?" Belle joked. She didn't need me to tell her what to think. "She's the woman I love more than life itself," I explained to Belle, who regarded me curiously. "I occasionally like him," Christina remarked, "when he's not making an ass of himself." "I couldn't let them insult Belle," I countered. "If she slapped the guy, you know they would have screwed her over." "I don't need you to pick my fights, Dumbass," Belle mocked me. "These people and their opinions don't bother me. Hell, Mom whored around a lot and for all I know, Old Man Gibson might even be my Daddy. Now," she looked at Heaven, "why are you eyeballing me?" "I'm Heaven and Zane's my boyfriend," Heaven declared. "Oh, God," chuckled Belle, "when Tawny said your life was beyond description, she wasn't kidding." "If we can all agree to get along I have one last thing I need to get done and then anyone who wants can make for Jill's," I stated. I leaned in and kissed Heaven on the ear. She finally broke her glare directed at Belle to look up at me so I kissed her on the lips. "Are we okay, Babe?" I asked Heaven. She looked at me but seemed terribly upset by something that I was unclear about. She nodded and I broke away. Iona slipped me the phone as I approached Felicity. I now got to see if what I'd done had screwed up my relationship with her. "Hey, Felicity, do you know whose phone this is?" I asked Lance Wellington's fianc . "That looks like Lance's," Felicity took the device and examined it. "It is," she confirmed. "Are you going to George Mason anytime this week?" I inquired. "I was going up Tuesday to visit Lance for some kind of fraternity affair," Felicity said. "When you are there could you pick up some books for me? I checked them out but I'd have to find a way to make the trip myself and with my school schedule, that would be tough," I explained. "Zane, how does someone from FFU get books from George Mason?" Felicity leaned in and whispered. "I'm not breaking the law but I am doing it in an underhanded manner," I whispered back. "Okay," she smiled warmly, if in a rather complacent manner. "Thanks," I told her, before parting ways and making for the door. A tide of women migrated with me outside. As we split up, I caught sight of Belle putting on her helmet and sitting on her hog. "Are you coming over for supper (the midday meal in the Southeastern US)?" "Does inviting the poor outcast chick to the house make you feel better about yourself?" Belle teased me. "Does everything have to be about you and your vendetta against the Established Order?" I shot back. "I bet the girls have a blast tying you down because you can be downright irritating," Belle rolled her eyes. "We've already gone down that road with me, the cross and the sorority in the woods, so stop gloating. Now, are you coming to supper willingly or are you going to have to beat me up when I try and make you?" "Fine," Belle raised up her hands, "when I looked up 'dumbass' and 'stupid' online, they both had your portrait under the 'images of' section. If I walk in the door, you will know I've accepted your offer. Now step back before I decide you are more annoying than cute." I stepped back, joined Paige and Iona at the car, and travelled my dumb ass back home. Barbie Lynn, Valarie, Rio, and Mercy had already joined Aunt Jill in her heroic culinary efforts based on the talents of the microwave and a warm skillet. The parade of food was setting around the table when I noticed Paige had gone missing. As I scanned about, I saw Belle walk into the dining room, I hadn't heard the doorbell ring or a knock at the door. "Have we locked away the good silver," Valarie joked when she realized Belle was here. Belle didn't look amused by Val's ribbing. "It's for Rio," Valarie snickered. "Hey," snorted Rio, "Belle, you are stepping on my Bad Girl image. I'll take Grand Theft Auto and vandalism and you get burglary and guns; deal?" "Zane, Jill was looking for some explanation from me so I decided to see how far her new tolerance could be stretched. "I wanted to show Belle one of the guest rooms," I stated carefully, but with authority. "She doesn't have a place to live and since we have the space, I figure she could hang out until she puts some money away for a new place. Plus you would have someone home when you got off of work and the house would be safer. Belle can take care of herself and you, if something goes wrong," I finished. "Zane, you make my life easier one more time, I swear that I'm going to use you to redefine road rash," Belle promised. This declaration didn't stop Belle from stepping up and taking a seat. "Jill, is that okay with you? " I addressed the female lead of the Braxton household. "If you think it will be good for the house and make things safer, I wholeheartedly support your decision," Jill agreed. That done, I called out for the invisible Paige. "Paige, I don't advise you to sneak up behind Belle," I warned her. "She might not be in an understanding mood." Paige did heed my advice and appeared by me instead of behind Belle. "Your intellect may be downgraded to 'sub-par' if you keep this course of action up," she cautioned me. "Do what you will," I quoted, "for I do what I must." "The blade itself incites to deeds of violence," Belle countered to Paige. "Are you really such a fucking putz that you think you can separate Zane's passions into the parts that you like from the parts that you don't? To me it seems you are wasting your parents' money by going to college yet staying dumb as dirt." "Belle, language at the dinner table," Aunt Jill scolded Belle. I wasn't sure how Belle would take that but something else was going on at the same time. Everyone was looking at Belle too, but for a reason that had nothing to do with calling Paige names. "What? I can't quote Homer?" Belle shrugged. "I've read Sun Tzu too. Oh, and sorry about slapping the little bitch, Aunt Jill. I hang out with men of questionable parentage." "I apologize, Belle," Iona spoke up. "I thought less of you because of the way you talk and dress. That was unfair to you and a disservice to myself and the way my parents raised me." The apologies echoed around the table; Paige's silence being noted. I gave her one quick look, then joined the rest of the gang doling out the food and settling in to the routine of eating and dinner conversation. Heart Song After we ate and cleaned up the table and the kitchen, Jill to

Stupid News Extra 10-30-2025 …Dumbass in Florida Smashed Hundreds of Dollars in Pumpkins

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Hour 1 of A&G October 2, 2025See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Episode 276 of The Business Development Podcast welcomes Garry Ridge, the legendary former CEO of WD-40 and author of Any Dumbass Can Do It. Garry takes us inside the culture transformation that turned WD-40 into a global icon, showing how “learning moments” and servant leadership created an environment where people belonged, felt valued, and performed at their best. His story proves that lasting success doesn't come from fear or control but from building workplaces where people love to show up and contribute.In this conversation, Garry shares the lessons he now brings to his coaching and speaking, from removing fear in organizations to leading with empathy and courage. He reminds us that leadership doesn't have to be complicated — it has to be consistent, human, and purposeful. And with his trademark humility, he leaves us with a powerful reminder to live and lead fully: Life's a gift. Don't send it back.Key Takeaways:1. The best cultures are built on belonging, safety, and purpose, not fear or control.2. A leader's job is not to manage people but to coach them into the best version of themselves.3. Consistency beats reinvention when it comes to building brand trust and recognition.4. Learning moments replace mistakes — they're opportunities to grow, not reasons to punish.5. Focus wins markets; WD-40's success came from doing one thing honestly and doing it well.6. Strategic plans mean little unless people are passionate about executing them daily.7. Empathy must outweigh ego for leaders to earn trust and unlock performance.8. Culture cannot be microwaved; it takes time, commitment, and daily reinforcement.9. Fear is paralyzing — removing it from organizations unleashes innovation and courage.10. Life is a gift; leadership is about making sure people don't send it back.Links for Garry RidgeBook: Any Dumbass Can Do ItWebsite: thelearningmoment.netAnd Rockstars — we need your help in the Signal Awards! Every vote counts and your support means the world.

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YOU THOUGHT IT WAS DEAD, BUT PLAYOFF EXPANSION TALK IS BACK ON THE MENU!

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"Can you ask tough questions without being disrespectful?"That's the fiery question at the heart of this episode of The Ben and Skin Show, where Ben Rogers, Jeff “Skin” Wade, Kevin “KT” Turner, and Krystina Ray dive headfirst into the wild world of sports media, fan expectations, and the delicate dance of interviewing Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.From Ben's hilarious online feud with a Twitter troll to Skin's reflections on the evolution of sports radio since the Live 105.3 days, this episode is packed with sharp insights, biting humor, and a few unforgettable one-liners.

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In Dumb Ass News, Chaz and AJ played the raw footage of a woman holding up a drive thru line for a baconator, but she was at the wrong restaurant. (0:00)  Another episode of "What's your freak?" with Halestorm fans. Chaz and AJ got to more audio from Ruth's trip to the Halestorm show this weekend, with Luciana who enjoys being watched. (5:40)  Sports guy Dan Booth was in studio from Channel 3, and Chaz and AJ tried to convince him that celebrities should not be singing during the 7th inning stretch. (11:49)  Author Daniel Bukzspan was on the phone with Chaz and AJ to talk about 50 years of Iron Maiden, and Bruce Dickinson's recent rendition of the National Anthem at an NFL game. Plus, a little tribute to some of the best movie moments of Robert Redford's career. (22:23) In Dumb Ass News, Chaz and AJ are recognizing the "kings of viral city," the most recognizable quotes from viral clips in the earlier days of the internet. (36:52) 

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On today's show we celebrated the return of the Chili Cheese Burrito after a decade in exile. We also discussed superstitions in sports and a brand new Dumbass of the Day!

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Chad breaks down Jalen Carter reminding the nation who he was last night and why there should be a multi year suspension. Plus, Chad's back with his Top 10 college football games you can't miss (unless you really like weddings during football season). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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NFL season predictions coming in!

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Blasphemy is our love language.Order our new book, join our cult, and more by clicking here: https://linktr.ee/ivehaditpodcast.Thank you to our sponsors:Earth Breeze: Right now, you can get 40% off with your subscription at https://earthbreeze.com/hadit. Bombas: Head over to https://Bombas.com and use code HADIT for 20% off your first purchase. Progressive: Try Progressive today at https://Progressive.com. *Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.NPR Politics: Listen now to the NPR Politics Podcast, only from NPR – wherever you get podcasts. Homes.com: When it comes to finding a home - not just a house - we have everything you need to know, all in one place. https://homes.com. We've done your home work.Follow Us:I've Had It Podcast: @IvehaditpodcastJennifer Welch: @mizzwelchAngie "Pumps" Sullivan: @pumpspumpspumpsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.