Podcasts about inner sources

Do you see your partner as a good co-parent, a long time friend, a roommate, or anything but an attractive, sexual being? This week, I talk about what happens when the spark starts fading within a relationship. I invite you to rethink how attraction is built, to avoid falling into that kind of rut that says attraction is only physical, and explore new ways of feeling attracted and connected with your significant other. In This Episode, You'll Learn:Why it's easy to lose attraction in a long-term relationshipA three-step plan to reignite or create the sexy spark in any relationshipHow to avoid looking at attraction not only as a physical thingThe importance of feeling sexy for yourselfHow being intentional and communicating what turns you on can improve your sex lifeWhy sharing your sexual energy is crucial to create a sexual sparkThe cornerstones of eroticism and how can they change your relationshipLosing interest in your partner sexually or feeling disconnected from them is expected in long-term relationships. But that doesn't mean it can't be prevented before it happens or reversed when it does. Resources:Book: Jack Morin - The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin https://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Mind-Unlocking-Sources-Fulfillment/dp/0060984287 FREE DIRTY TALK GUIDECURIOUS ABOUT WORKING WITH ME?Book a discovery call ⤵️https://HeatherShannon.co/video-pageLET'S CONNECT! FIND ME HERE ⤵️:WebsiteInstagramJoin the free “Ask A Sex Therapist” Facebook GroupTwitterYouTube(Check out the video version of this podcast!)LinkedInThis podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis: Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacyPodtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Today on Life is a Festival in a talk recorded live at Burning Man, I share my personal kink journey and how I learned to alchemize adolescent sexual shame through the archetype of “Daddy.” I was interviewed by the brilliant Chloe Macintosh, founder of the sexual wellness app, Kama, who will be a guest on a forthcoming episode. On the show we discuss where kinks come from and how accepting, embracing, and embodying them can be healing for you and your lovers. We discuss creating safe containers in specific experiences and overall relationship dynamics. Finally we end with questions and a playful Daddy embodiment practice. Kink, like psychedelics and Burning Man itself, can be a powerful transformational technology, if used wisely. Links Life is a Festival #112 “Sex and Shamanic Shadow Hunting” https://www.eamonarmstrong.com/lifeisafestival/ista Life is a Festival #119 “I Kink, Therefore I Am: The Art of Liberating Desire”: https://www.eamonarmstrong.com/lifeisafestival/cat-meyer The Erotic Blueprint: https://missjaiya.com/ BDSMtest.org “The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment” by Jack Morin: https://www.amazon.com/Erotic-Mind-Unlocking-Sources-Fulfillment/dp/0060984287 Ask a Sub: https://www.askasub.com/ Timestamps :10 - Where do kinks come from :21 - How expressing and integrating kinks leads to healing :27 - How your kinks can be healing for your lover :35 - How embodying my kinks has influenced my life beyond my sexuality :42 - Safe words and the stoplight system :46 - Audience questions about solving for unconscious material, shame, and creating a safe container 1:00 - Daddy Embodiment practice

On today's episode we have somatic sex educator and sexological body worker, Cassie Porter (SheHer), join us for a conversation about moving towards pleasure through sex work. Together we talk about destigmatizing sex work, exploring our kinks, and my fears of a monogamous sex life. If you enjoyed today's podcast, then please subscribe, leave a review, or share this podcast with a friend! And if you want to connect deeper with the Modern Anarchy Family, then join the movement by becoming a part of the conscious objectors patreon. Your support is what powers this work and the larger societal change we are creating! Let's continue to challenge our assumptions and grow together. Join the community here: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=54121384 50% of all patreon pledges will be used to support the National Network of Abortion Funds: https://abortionfunds.org/ Modern Anarchy Community: Instagram Facebook Patreon Cassie's Community: Website Resources to Learn More: What Is Somatic Sex Education? THE WHEEL OF CONSENT The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity

Kink & BDSM stigma is alive and well in the mainstream, in our own communities, and even in professional/academic spheres. In episode 191 of American Sex Podcast, Sunny Megatron busts some of the most common kink myths + provides clinical & academic resources for therapists, academics, and skeptical naysayers. She deconstructs the following kink & BDSM myths:    Kink is always sexual and platonic kink does not exist Kink is considered abnormal by psychologists & the scientific community There's a dramatic difference between academic/clinical understanding of kink (that's always more accurate) and BDSM community education  Dark age play aka sexual littles' play is abusive and reenacting pedophilia Kink practitioners engage in unhealthy self-harm by proxy and/or glorify abuse Kinks are caused by unresolved trauma … and more! Sunny Megatron Bio Sunny Megatron is an award-winning BDSM & Certified Sexuality Educator, Certified Relationship Coach, and media personality. She's the host and executive producer of the Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron, plus co-hosts AASECT Award-winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast. Sunny was also named XBIZ Sexpert of the Year 2021 and is Editor-in-Chief of Zipper Magazine.    Known for her one-of-a-kind build-your-own-adventure approach to sex, kink & relationships, Sunny coined the BDSM community catch-phrase, Kink is Customizable™. In her sell-out workshops, her unique brand of “edutainment” seamlessly combines her humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Sunny's passion is helping others overcome shame and find power through play and pleasure. Currently, she's working on her first book, “Customizable Kink: A Strategic Guide to Adult Play.” Episode 191 Links Sunny Megatron website https://sunnymegatron.com/ Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron? Sunny Megatron Twitter https://twitter.com/sunnymegatron Sunny Megatron Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sunnymegatron/ ZipperMagazine.com https://zippermagazine.com/ Science of BDSM Research Team https://www.scienceofbdsm.com/ Tell Me What You Want Dr. Justin Lehmiller https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B0776PYDNM&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_WFW3MV22QFGNPEMR6T4F Sex and Psychology Podcast https://www.sexandpsychology.com/podcasts/ Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS) https://www.sexscience.org/ TASHRA -THE ALTERNATIVE SEXUALITIES HEALTH RESEARCH ALLIANCE https://www.tashra.org/ CARAS - The Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities https://www.carasresearch.org/ AASECT - The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists https://www.aasect.org/ Sexual Health Alliance Kink Informed Certification Program for Therapists & Care Professionals https://sexualhealthalliance.com/kink-informed-certification-program Why Good Sex Matters Book by Nan Wise, PhD https://www.amazon.com/dp/1328451305/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_dp_x_tPnCFb0FAF4R5 Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose, Leigh Cowart https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B08RYPSNVB&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_CG15B6Z43TYVFCDDPA3V Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, by Stewart Brown, M.D. & Christopher Vaughan https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B001SCK720&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_VCMYS78KPC9ENVJTX9K7 The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment, Jack Morin Ph.D. https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B009YJYEKK&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_FMT1SPK6QAABA7EYYKGX Woodhull Sexual Freedom Foundation 2018 Research, Littles: Affects and Aesthetics in Sexual Age-Play (“Download” unlocks the free PDF) https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12119-018-09580-5 Why You Need BDSM's "Prime Directive" By Mollena Williams-Haas https://zippermagazine.com/why-you-need-bdsms-prime-directive/ Romancing the Shadow: Challenging Limiting Beliefs Through Kink- Midori https://zippermagazine.com/challenginglimiting-beliefs-through-kink/   Prior Related Episodes Therapeutic Kink With Andrea Glik – Ep 189 https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Therapeutic-Kink Attachment Styles With Aida Manduley – Ep 130 https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Attachement-Styles-Aida-Manduley/ The Science Of Sexual Fantasy With Dr. Justin Lehmiller – Ep 74 https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Justin-Lehmiller-Sexual-Fantasy-Podcast/ Kink Informed Therapists & Care Professionals W/ Midori – Ep 165 https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Kink-Certification-Midori/ Geek Therapy With Nicki Line – Ep 155 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Geek-Therapy/ Sex, Kink & Trauma W/ Jamila M. Dawson August Mclaughlin - Ep 173 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Sex-Bdsm-Trauma/ Decriminalizing BDSM W/NCSF, National Coalition For Sexual Freedom – Ep 185 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Explicit-Prior-Permission-Ncsf-Podcast/ Rethinking Kink With Kate Loree & Sunny Megatron – Ep 184 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Rethink-Kink-Podcast/ BDSM Community Real Talk w/ Sunny Megatron & Kate Loree – Ep 188 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Bdsm-Community-Influence/ Kink Education Freestyle w/ Sunny Megatron – Ep 172 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Bdsm-Education-Sunny-Megatron-Podcast/ Kink Education Freestyle Part 2 w/Sunny Megatron – Ep 180 Https://Sunnymegatron.Com/Kink-Education-Sunny-Megatron-Podcast/   Additional Links Zipper Magazine Instagram https://www.instagram.com/zippermagdotcom/ Zipper Magazine Twitter https://twitter.com/ZipperMagDotcom Zipper Magazine Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Zipper-Magazine-113123824749292 Zipper Magazine Youtube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxFDRtDhukxyQ_9t-Xfo2-w Open Deeply Podcast http://opendeeplypodcast.com Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron Ken's charity DnD game Mondays 4pm-7pm PT https://www.twitch.tv/thunderpantsacademy American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex Kink Academy Online BDSM Learning Library http://bit.ly/kinkacademy Sunny's Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb   Episode 191 Sponsor & Affiliate Discount Codes/Links *by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win! 30-day free trial of Dipsea Stories when you use code SUNNY http://dipseastories.com/sunny 15% off AND free shipping when you go to http://LikeAKitten.com/sunnyOR enter code SUNNY at checkout Get up to 2 free months of podcasting service with Libsyn using this link https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=SUNNY or use code SUNNY Hot & Healthy Erotic Humiliation recorded class https://gum.co/humiliationclass Prostate Play for Beginners (recorded class) from Sugar Baltimore https://www.sugartheshop.com/prostate-milking-for-beginners.html Sunny & Ken's classes on Kink Academy http://bit.ly/kinkacademyelectric & http://bit.ly/kinkacademyhumiliation 10% off American Sex Podcast & Sunny Megatron merch with code SUNNY (t-shirts, mugs, phone cases & more) http://bit.ly/sunnyshirts 15% off your order at Lovehoney when you use this link http://bit.ly/lovehoney15 This link can be a little wonky and does not keep tracking cookies. If the discount does not show up in your cart (or disappears after you shop around on the site), access the site with that link again. Your items will still be in your cart & the discount will appear) 15% off everything at Lelo.com with code SUNNY 10% off everything (with minor restrictions) online from woman-owned, feminist, trans & queer-friendly Early To Bed http://bit.ly/sunnyetb with code SUNNY 10% off everything from Fun Factory using this link http://bit.ly/sunnyfunfactory and the code SUNNY at checkout 15% off most items from Stockroom https://bit.ly/sunnystockroom15 with code SUNNY _______________________________________________________________ –Submit your BDSM & sex advice questions by email to americansexpodcast@gmail.com –To support American Sex podcast, please visit http://patreon.com/americansex (plus you'll get all episodes early, secret episodes, bonus stories from guests, on-air shout-outs, stuff in the mail & more!) –Get friendly with us on Twitter at @AmericanSexPod or visit sunnymegatron.com or americansexpodcast.com –Join our mailing list by visiting http://sunnymegatron.com/newsletter Sunny & Ken, xo!

În acest episod o avem invitată pe Amalia Ghiban și vorbim despre sexualitatea sacră. Amalia Ghiban este pasionată de dezvoltare Umană și conexiunea cu Divinul.Si-a dedicat ultimii 10 ani din viața în serviciul creșterii personale și spirituale al oamenilor din diferite părți ale lumii, utilizând unelte ca și life coaching, arta găzduirii, meditație ghidată, lucrul cu respirația, dansul liber și sexualitate sacră. De un an, a schimbat perspectiva și învăța să se serveasca întâi pe ea, având încredere că asta va servi și pe cei din jurul ei. Este interesată și practica constant, printre altele, șamanism, conectarea la înțelepciunea plantelor, stări de conștiință expandate, astrologie, yoga și relații conștiente. Recent întoarsă în țară, după 13 ani de trăit în Portugalia, aduce pe meleagurile natale o invitație care vine cu claritate, simplitate, frumusețe și cu multă iubire: trăirea unei sexualități conștiente, libere și divine. Subiecte explorate: ✨Ce este sexualitatea sacră? ✨De unde vine, care îi este contextul cultural? ✨Cum are loc în viața noastră modernă? ✨Cum aduce Amalia asta în viața ei și a femeilor și bărbaților cu care lucrează. ✨Diferența dintre energia erotică și energia sexuală Cărți recomandate: The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin Reclaiming Eros: A Heroine's Journey Candice Dawn Pe Amalia Ghiban o găsiți aici: https://www.instagram.com/amaliaghiban/ https://www.facebook.com/Dimitrula https://www.facebook.com/HumanlyDivine Vă invităm să continuăm conversația în social media pe: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pe.deplin/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pedeplin

This week, the girlies consult Jack Morin's iconic book The Erotic Mind in order to Unlock our Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment (easy!) We discuss fantasies, peak experiences, and the necessity of obstacles and distance in a truly erotic life. Plus, we went to Olive Garden last night so you know we're feeling all hot n bothered (digestively)! Buy tickets to our live show 7/30! https://www.eventbrite.com/e/waxed-and-vaxxed-a-receipts-x-ok-stupid-live-podcast-recording-tickets-156092778703?aff=odwdwdspacecraft

Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout? It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well. But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex. Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease. They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service. Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with TheraNest.com/Therapistuncensored. Please click above and check it out. Want to support this work and stay in touch? The best way to stay in touch right now is to join our Facebook page (click here) where we post more frequently – also find our private FB page by joining the public one!

What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?  It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency. However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.   But don’t sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.   Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner   10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence (https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641) by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment  (https://www.harpercollins.com/9780060984281/the-erotic-mind/) by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (https://www.amazon.com/Tired-Womans-Guide-Passionate-Sex/dp/1605501077)  by Laurie B. Mintz   Come as You Are (https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1476762090)  by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well! Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. (https://www.theranest.com/TherapistUncensored?utm_source=tu&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=july-2018) . Please click above and check it out. Want to support this work and stay in touch?The best way to stay in touch right now is to  join our Facebook page (click here) (https://www.facebook.com/austinshrinks/)... Support this podcast

Can objectifying others or even yourself ever be a good thing? Why psychologists believe a good dose of objectification is vital to happy sex life. In this podversation: What is objectification and how does someone objectify themselves? Common examples of self-objectification Ways it has shown up in our (Tamara & Alex's) lives personally Without self-objectification we miss out on the fullness of life How to tell whether your objectification is healthy The power of psychological assessments like the Enneagram as a measurement of self-objectification and more How objectification and self-objectification plays a role in great sex Why partners should try to say YES to their lovers as often as possible Self-objectification in oral sex Lust as an integral part of the total Self Confidence is a decision How any behavior can be an act of affirmation or aggression (a.k.a healthy or unhealthy) Additional Resources: The Enneagram ($12): https://tests.enneagraminstitute.com/orders/create My favorite Enneagram book that explains each type in depth along with issues in childhood, core fears & desires etc. “The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment” by Jack Morin “Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About it & How to Do It Safely” by Dr. William Henkin and Sybil Holiday    

Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, as well as a relationship and intimacy counselor. She has been featured in countless media appearances, documentaries and has also written in dozens of publications. In this podcast we dive deep into the stigmas of sex, why it is so hard for us to discuss it, the value of open communication and our sexual function and dysfunction individually and as a society. Guest: Connect with Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus by visiting her website, drjennsden.com, Facebook, and the Twitters @DrJennsDen. Show Notes: • Dr. Jenns Den • Duck Rape • Pros and Cons of Prostitution • When Rhode Island accidentally legalized prostitution, rape decreased sharply • Mindfulness Triangle • What is Pegging? • 5 Love Languages Test • The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment  • Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind  

These days, I don’t think that you can have a conversation about conscious relationship without talking about polyamory. For me, it usually comes up in a couple different contexts - first, it can simply be when I’m talking with someone who is already actively exploring polyamory and wondering how to do it better, or is single and pondering whether polyamory might be right for them. And then there are couples who are currently monogamous who are thinking about the possibility of opening up their relationship to other partners - for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes that can work, and other times...not so much. There’s also the experience of jealousy - that almost always comes up in conversations about polyamory - although it’s relevant for everyone no matter what your relationship status. How do you know if polyamory is right for you? How do you know if your currently monogamous relationship could benefit from opening things up, or if it’s a bad idea? And how do you handle jealousy in your life - no matter what your circumstances? On today’s episode, we’re talking with Janet W. Hardy, co-author with Dossie Easton of the Book “The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Adventures”. Janet is one of the world’s leading experts on the topic of how to have a healthy experience with polyamory, and she’s on the show to tackle the questions we just raised - and more. It’s going to be quite a wide-ranging conversation that, I hope, will offer something useful for you no matter how you’re thinking about polyamory, or the effects of jealousy, in your own life. Polyamory is self-defined. Polyamory is everything and anything from a long-term multi-year relationship with more than one person to a circle of sexual friends, to a committed couple who brings another into their bedroom from time to time. The terminology is not nearly as important as if it is working or not. What makes for a successful poly relationship? What makes poly work, is really similar to what makes any relationship work. This includes being respectful of each other’s boundaries but willing to try things that are a little challenging, sharing responsibility and taking care of life’s commitments, and making sure that that everyone’s needs are being met. Polyamory does however, often require more time and the ability to manage complex schedules! Not to mention, incredibly honed self-awareness and communication skills. Many people go in and out of monogamy as life circumstances change. Getting your PhD and raising 2 children? Might not be the time to start exploring multiple partners! Worthwhile discussions: Whether or not you consider yourself monogamous or poly, there are some very important conversations that help set expectations and create mutual understanding. Get curious and vulnerable in your questions- what is within the agreement and what is not? Porn. Masturbation. Flirting. Sexting. All of these things must be discussed together with your partner(s) and clear agreements must be made.   Remember that knowing your boundaries is YOUR responsibility- not anyone else’s. This is where self-awareness is critical! We cannot negotiate for agreements if we do not know what our needs are! Is becoming poly ever the answer to relationship problems? Rarely. Becoming poly is a choice, not a prescription or a solution. Only in the case that there is a healthy, happy and sustained couple in which one person wants a different kind of sex (more kink, rougher, gender switch, etc)- then maybe. Unless a couple has very developed communication skills and a willingness to try things that may feel challenging, than this is not the time. Jealousy has nothing to do with the other- it has to do with ME. People in poly situations have learned this over and over. They have chosen to make a commitment (and to recommit) to learning how to survive jealousy. There are skills and perspectives that help deal with the hurt without it growing out of proportion or becoming a limiting factor in connection. We have a cultural tendency and belief that jealousy is the most terrible of emotions- and further, that it entitles us to act out in horrible ways. But what if we can learn to see jealousy as a gift? It is like a neon blinking arrow that brightly highlights the things that we do not like about ourselves. And when we can see this we can take care of it! Because, in essence, jealousy is simply a sense of feeling bad that is projected onto another. When you have survived a jealousy storm - you learn that it gets easier! When we have surges of intense emotion we have the tendency to create stories. Challenge yourself to get curious. What if this is just energy that I am experiencing? What if this isn’t what I think it is? Over time you will develop a set of skills and muscles that will help you take care of yourself as you navigate through jealousy. When we let go of the idea that it is anybody’s job but our own to get through jealousy then we gain a clearer idea of what we can do to soothe ourselves. Requests to restore safety and connection: Self-care during jealousy storms do not necessarily have to be a solo experience. Advocate for your needs by asking your partner to show care and safety through actions- calling, cuddling, special dates, gifts, etc. These requests, when they come from a self-aware partner and not too overly dependent place, are critical in restoring safety for the person who is feeling angry/sad/scared. Furthermore, take a close look at the jealousy. Often times there is underlying grief for the loss of imagined partnership and future. Me, and the things I don’t like about myself. Sometimes jealousy manifests in racing looping thoughts. At this point, get out a sketchpad or a journal and write or express all of your thoughts on the issue. When we bring underlying fears, worries, and concerns to consciousness we are more able to see them for what they are- we see that most of our pain is not what others are doing to us, but rather our insecurities manifesting. Remember humor, and remember self-compassion. We all make compromises to be in relationship. The surest way you can tell that you don’t have an agreement is when one partner does not agree to it anymore! If one partner is consistently violating an agreement, then it needs to be reevaluated. If an agreement cannot be reached than the partner who feels that their agreement was violated has to learn to either 1) live with the reality that the agreement is going to get breached, or 2) decide that they cannot live with it and move towards a respectful end to the relationship. Embracing conflict: Arguments do not necessarily have to be places of disconnection. And they do not have to be inflamed. In fact, arguments are incredibly powerful conversations that help clarify various perspectives. Learning to argue without inflammation is a skill and an art worth practicing with your partner(s). Get creative! Schedule your ‘fights’. Set aside 20 minutes that are dedicated to a specific conflict. Doing so can allow for the reactive emotions to settle before diving in, and allows for safer and more patient fighting that increases the spaciousness necessary to evolve how you think as a couple. Do not, however, forget to use a timer! Give person A 3 minutes to make their point, then give 1 minute for silent reflection, and then 3 minutes for person B. Have an agreed upon ending- we all know that the desire to have the last word in arguments makes them more raw, dangerous, and divisive. TIP: Together create a place in the house for open dialogue! Or a specific piece of clothing that you don for times you want to communicate to your partner “Hey babe! I’d love to talk now- can you join me for this conversation?” A specific couch, a a candle you light, or an old t-shirt. SAFE word: As is common in the BDSM community- it is incredibly helpful to have a shared key word that either partner can use when they sense there needs to be a time out, or a redirection. Together you need to have a way to communicate that you are too triggered, upset, or reactive, and that you want to come back together when you are both feeling a little safer and saner.  Make it fun- find something that has shared humor! Monogamy does not mean that you do not get horny for other people! Monogamous or not, we all will be attracted to other people and have desires throughout our lives. That said, it can be challenging at times to know when to accept desires as passing inevitabilities, and when to try opening your relationship. It is key that the interest in opening a relationship comes only from a solid and stable place- the relationship should be working on almost all levels. Tolerable discomfort: One way you can tell if a poly relationship is working is that the one partner who is wanting poly a little less feels slightly out of their comfort zone and the other one who is more interested in poly is feeling a little bit confined. If everyone is just a little tolerably uncomfortable then it is working! Remember, this all requires incredible levels of curiosity and compassion, and communication! Fierce intimacy is possible when everyone is communicating well! Bring your questions into conversation with your partner in a way that is thoughtful. It is critical to always have a lot of love and care for your partner when discussing sexual and romantic needs, but never as critical as it is the first few times you bring it up. Do not surprise your partner, or come heavy handed. Be gentle, yet clear, and start by simply saying “Hey babe, I want to share that I am thinking about this…” . Perhaps you can start by sharing erotica, looking at personal ads, or spinning fantasies together. You might try free associating some thoughts about what your life would or could look like with new agreements. Some couples then try sharing their bed with a third- this might be all you end up doing, or just a stepping stone to further explorations. Easy things to get you to hard places: This is a great exercise to do together to help explore your edges: Get a pack of index cards and have both of you separately write down everything you could imagine your partner doing with another person. Be very specific. Order these cards into a hierarchy of things that seem tolerable to things that seem impossibly difficult. You will learn a lot about your partner- but also about yourself! The things that you thought were going to be very difficult may very well become possible, and vice-versa! Most people surprise themselves. If poly is new to you and you are having a difficult time warming into the concept- think about what is in it for you. This might be anything from having a happier partner, to more time for yourself, or more time to explore stuff that YOU are excited about. Remember poly is a spectrum that can be defined in many ways- there are a lot of possibilities. That said, if you are a definite NO, clearly articulate this to your partner is a non-shaming way. Do versus Don’t Agreements:  For those of you just beginning to explore polyamory, you will be highly focused on your agreements about what is and is not allowed.  These often come in the form of ‘Don’ts’, but over time invite in a shift towards what you do do. For example, “I don’t want you to have intercourse with her” might become “after you have intercourse with her, I really need you back in bed for some reassurance and a sense of your physical presence”. Things you agree to DO are much easier to administer and bring in a sense of motivation, energy and vibrancy to the relationship. Learn ways you can reconnect- baths, massages, dinners, gifts, hot springs, etc. and incorporate these into your agreements! Lastly: Find a poly community!!! The lack of role models can be really difficult. Plus, once immersed in a poly community you will learn from others how to navigate boundaries, jealousy, negotiations, compromises, and even gain valuable insight into what is possible in the bedroom and out! Resources Read Janet’s book The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures Learn more about Janet’s work and read her recent writing on her website For more on this topic check out Erotic Mind- Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfilment Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two essentials guide is a workbook for couples in open relationships dealing with jealousy and can be found on the More Than Two website www.neilsattin.com/poly Visit to download the show guide, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the show guide to this episode and qualify to win a signed copy of Janet Hardy’s book. Our Relationship Alive Community on Facebook Amazing intro/outro music graciously provided courtesy of: The Railsplitters - Check them Out!

They're fun, they're hot, they're... dangerous? Fantasies are a healthy way to explore our erotic imaginations but can fantasies go too far? On this episode Coochie, Gay Rick, and Laura Rad explore when fantasies are positive, when they might be concerning and what kind of control we have over the topics of our fantasies.Check out the book The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin.Take the Sex is Fun! Sexual Interest Inventory survey from Sex is Fun! the book.Listen to the show now! Visit our sponsors!GreatSexGames.comThe Smitten Kitten: http://smittenkittenonline.com/Call us: 651-560-6969Email us: laura [at] sexisfun [dot] net | rick [at] sexisfun [dot] net | coochie [at] sexisfun [dot] netVisit our blog: http://sif.sexisfun.netCheck out our forum: http://greatsexgames.com/forums/Join us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/76698125624/ https://www.facebook.com/gayrick | https://www.facebook.com/LauraRadSiF | https://www.facebook.com/sexisfuncoochieFollow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/sexisfunpodcast | http://twitter.com/sexisfuncoochie | http://twitter.com/gayricksexisfunJoin us on FetLife: https://fetlife.com/groups/5932https://fetlife.com/coochie | https://fetlife.com/laurarad | https://fetlife.com/gayrickImage from freedigitalphotos.net/

Jack Morin, Ph.D., has been studying the mysteries of Eros for three decades as a psychotherapist and sex researcher in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the author of "The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment," which offers a bold new psychology of desire and arousal based on his clinical experience as well as an in-depth analysis of over 7,000 anonymous descriptions of peak real-life encounters and fantasies. He is also the author of the international classic "Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women." He writes and lectures for lay and professional audiences about the paradoxes, challenges, and potentials of sexuality and intimate relationships. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter

Jack Morin, Ph.D., has been studying the mysteries of Eros for three decades as a psychotherapist and sex researcher in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the author of "The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment," which offers a bold new psychology of desire and arousal based on his clinical experience as well as an in-depth analysis of over 7,000 anonymous descriptions of peak real-life encounters and fantasies. He is also the author of the international classic "Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men and Women." He writes and lectures for lay and professional audiences about the paradoxes, challenges, and potentials of sexuality and intimate relationships. Support the show______________ To participate live and be notified of upcoming speakers in advance, please Like us on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/gaybuddhistfellowship) or visit https://gaybuddhist.org/calendar/ To support our efforts to share these talks with LGBTQIA audiences worldwide, please visit www.GayBuddhist.org.There you can: Donate Learn how to participate live Find our schedule of upcoming speakers Join our mailing list or discussion forum Enjoy many hundreds of these recorded talks dating back to 1996 CREDITSAudio Engineer: George HubbardProducer: Tom BrueinMusic/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter