Therapist Uncensored Podcast

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For any life-long learners, curious skeptics, and therapy-junkies who want a little science with their fluff. Psychotherapists from Austin Texas speaking freely on life, love, sex, and the things that matter. Candid unscripted conversations rooted in attachment and relational science will unpack how…

Therapist Uncensored | Psychotherapy | Attachment | Relationships | Mindfulness

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    • Nov 24, 2021 LATEST EPISODE
    • every other week NEW EPISODES
    • 43m AVG DURATION
    • 308 EPISODES

    Listeners of Therapist Uncensored Podcast that love the show mention: attachment theory, therapy podcast, thank you ann, attachment styles, polyvagal theory, graduate student, dismissive, social worker, sue, please keep it coming, therapists, invaluable resource, much great information, listened to the episode, counselor, happy to have found, counseling, clinical, uncensored, credible.



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    Latest episodes from Therapist Uncensored Podcast

    Attachment Assessment Unpacked, Ann & Sue Geek Out and Debrief Previous Episode with Carol George (163)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 24, 2021 37:57

    We are still excited by the exceptional opportunity to learn directly from Dr. George and for the privilege we have in getting to sit down with so many incredible experts in the field of attachment and the relational sciences. We thought there was no better way to follow up than to bring you an in-depth session with Ann and Sue to really get into the heart of attachment assessment. Follow along as they explore what attachment really means, how research has evolved, and how it is relevant on a clinical level. Guided by excerpts from the conversation with Dr. George, they share personal stories, and their own knowledge of the topic to give you 40 minutes of insightful, candid conversation to expand your knowledge even greater. You won't want to miss it!

    Adult Attachment Projective (AAP) Assessment & Clinical Use, with Dr. Carol George (162)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 9, 2021 93:00

    This is an incredible opportunity to sit with a legend in the field of attachment research! Dr. Carol George worked directly with Mary Main, and her dissertation lead to the Adult Attachment Inventory (AAI). She and Sue Marriott discuss wide-ranging topics all with the eye on using the whole of this research in real life and in the clinical setting. Learn about the Adult Attachment Projective, the history of the research and more about this incredible woman who is a living legend.

    Managing Unconscious Defense & Fear, with Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2021 43:39

    Catch up with hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott while they discuss the difference between cognitive understanding of modern attachment and regulation and the bottom-up experience of it. We distort information coming in - either by not registering interpersonal information or by over-interpreting the importance of an exchange (up-regulating with fear). This is an unconscious process that to undo we have to have the courage and the resources to feel the feelings that cause us to defend. They walk through it with you they don't just tell you what to do, so join us in understanding our own defensive process. Find episode notes at therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

    TU 161: Disorganized Attachment, It's Not Crazy; It's a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem –- REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2021 37:59

    The is the third and final episode of our three-part series on attachment where Ann and Sue take a deep dive into the fourth category on what we call the basic attachment spectrum: disorganized attachment. No matter your trauma history, this category relates to everyone and can be applicable in many areas of life. Follow along to see how disorganized attachment appears and affects adolescent and adult life, and ways to help conquer this disconnection and form healthier, more secure relationships.

    TU 160: Preoccupation in Relationships – Signs and Solutions to Anxious Attachment – REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 15, 2021 36:09

    This is the second of three episodes on the basics of modern attachment and the attachment-regulation spectrum. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott break down the red side of the attachment spectrum, anxious attachment. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU159: Are You Cool, or Just Cut Off? Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood – REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 12, 2021 36:12

    New season starts Nov 1. You may think you are calm cool and collected, but ask around. :) This episode pairs with the next 2 in discussing attachment patterns in adulthood and are the core content from which we will pick up again Season 6. We keep learning a lot and updating our model so tune in and see where we go with it over time, okay?

    TU157: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 24, 2021 50:08

    This episode replay is packed with cool content which is why we wanted to share it again! Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness for the prosecutors of child sexual abuse, and revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances, Dr. Daniel Brown!

    TU156: What Actually Heals in Therapy with Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams – Replay

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 15, 2021 44:44

    It's hard to verbalize the problem with “evidence-based” models of care, but renowned psychoanalyst and psychologist Nancy McWilliams does just that. In today's replay, she further describes what happens in quality depth-oriented therapies such as psychoanalytically-informed, attachment-oriented therapy, and integrates the neurobiological aspect that Freud started that has now been confirmed. Enjoy this episode replay, because it still has so much wisdom to share.

    TU155: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive with Dr. Susan Ansorge REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 31, 2021

    In this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about was to communicate about sex.

    TU154: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert Dr. Steve Finn – REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2021 59:18

    Unpack the neuroscience of shame with Dr. Stephen Finn and co-hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP. It is probably one of your least favorite feelings, but it contains important interpersonal information for us and is a good one to deep-dive around. This is a replay from the archives, but is highly relevant today as nobody is feeling very good about themselves right now.

    TU153: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer – REPLAY – with Juliane Taylor Shore

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 18, 2021 51:13

    Boundaries are important. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. We'll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries, and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. After this podcast, you may very well be on your way towards building your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulating yourself when you're overwhelmed!

    TU152 – Helping the Intense Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 8, 2021 55:41

    In this episode replay, we'll go over where many parents go wrong, what we can do instead, and how shifts in our strategies can revolutionize our households.  Learn the strategies of the Nurtured Heart Approach with expert guest, Elizabeth Sylvester.

    TU151: Secure Parenting While Under Stress with Dan Siegel & Tina Payne-Bryson REPLAY

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 4, 2021 77:34

    Learn the cheat code to parenting in a pandemic with Dr. Dan Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson as they break down the science behind attachment and showing up. This is literally from the father of interpersonal neurobiology and his colleague as they apply the actual science to managing massive uncertainty and unprecedented stress.

    TU 150: Ann & Sue’s 150th Episode – Recaps & Recommendations for Growing Security

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 22, 2021 43:13

    Sue Marriott LCSW CGP and Ann Kelley PhD conclude their fifth season of this podcast. Therapist Uncensored is packed with incredible content and has an archive of episodes developed over the past 5 years with the theme growing security. The expert guest list is an embarrassment of riches. This episode reviews some of the highlights and points you in the right direction based on your interest. Shownotes at therapistuncensored.com/tu150.

    TU 149: Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum – An Integrated Model of Change

    Play Episode Listen Later Jul 8, 2021 44:48

    The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum - a model developed to describe attachment and neuroscience discussed by Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley. They summarize the 5 seasons so far and give a review of what they've learned. If you have ever wanted to understand attachment or keep up to date with the science, this podcast is packed with resources for you to learn and grown. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU 148: Emotionally Focused Therapy & Attachment with Camille Scent

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 25, 2021 57:31


    Today's episode dives into a specific form of healing relationships, Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). Co-host Sue Marriott talks with therapist Camille Scent about Sue Johnson's widely-respected treatment model. EFT is based in attachment science is a powerful tool in transforming even very difficult relationships.


    TU 147: Body-Focused Therapy with Dr. Robert Coffman

    Play Episode Listen Later Jun 1, 2021 73:01

    Bioenergetic therapist Dr. Robert Coffman joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley for a conversation on body-focused therapy. Learn the about the interplay of your nervous system and how that relates to attachment and trauma.

    TU 146: Behind the Scenes in Therapy with Lori Gottlieb

    Play Episode Listen Later May 17, 2021 26:12


    Lori Gottlieb & Sue Marriott share surprising insights about what therapy delivers and her NYT best-seller "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone." Surprisingly, people go to therapy to unlearn themselves.


    TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 27, 2021 43:34

    Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50's not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment "insecurity." It's an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today.

    TU145: Class, Race, Culture and Attachment, Re-examined

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 27, 2021 43:34

    Attachment science is one of the most empirically validated theories of human development and is considered by many to be biologically driven and universal. But how can psychological science developed by educated European scholars in the 50's not unintentionally have some implicit bias? Join us in re-examining our assumptions about healthy child development, maternal sensitivity and attachment "insecurity." It's an overdue awkward and highly imperfect conversation but exactly what we should be talking about today.

    TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2021 14:26

    A poignant short story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all - no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Dan Stern's paper linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

    TU144: The Case of Feli, an Awkward Goose

    Play Episode Listen Later Apr 12, 2021 14:26

    A poignant short story about isolation to connection. There is hope for us all - no matter your attachment history, there is hope for change with relationships. In this episode, Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP shares a specific case about an awkward goose named Felicity as another way of looking at change in attachment. Dan Stern's paper linked and recommended. Find more at www.therapistuncensored.com

    TU143: Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 30, 2021 48:30

    Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins us to deepen our series on challenging personalities and to discuss the underpinnings of narcissism as it relates to attachment. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Dr. Durvasula discuss how to identify and navigate these tough relationships. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU143: Fear of Abandonment and Narcissism, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 15, 2021 48:30

    Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins us to deepen our series on challenging personalities and to discuss the underpinnings of narcissism as it relates to attachment. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Dr. Durvasula discuss how to identify and navigate these tough relationships. See more at www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU142: Trauma-Informed Therapy with Children, with Robyn Gobbel, MSW, RPT-S

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2021 53:15

    Learn more about the science of trauma and what heals. For parents and for therapists treating children and adults - Robyn Gobbel has resources to support you in addressing dysregulation and in applying the neuroscience of attachment.

    TU142: Trauma-Informed Therapy with Children, with Robyn Gobbel, MSW, RPT-S

    Play Episode Listen Later Mar 10, 2021 53:15

    Learn more about the science of trauma and what heals. For parents and for therapists treating children and adults - Robyn Gobbel has resources to support you in addressing dysregulation and in applying the neuroscience of attachment.

    TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2021 61:14

    Leading attachment researcher Dr. Alan Sroufe shares personal reflections of his lifetime of studying attachment from infancy to adulthood. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses his new book, A Compelling Idea, How We Become the Person's We Are (2020) and the take away's from the 40-year and ongoing Minnesota study.

    TU141: How We Become the Person’s We Are with Dr. Alan Sroufe, Attachment Through the Lifespan

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 15, 2021 61:14

    Leading attachment researcher Dr. Alan Sroufe shares personal reflections of his lifetime of studying attachment from infancy to adulthood. Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses his new book, A Compelling Idea, How We Become the Person's We Are (2020) and the take away's from the 40-year and ongoing Minnesota study.

    TU140 – Couples Therapy Through the Eyes of Experts: Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2021 53:40

    Every couple has its ups and downs, but it's easy to think that our relationship is uniquely challenging. Experts in couples therapy and a couple themselves, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson join co-host Sue Marriott to discuss what most people get wrong about working with couples, and how to help get it right. Together, they'll dive into the dos and don'ts of couples therapy, from the perspective of the therapist and the patient. 

    TU 140 – Couples Therapy Through the Eyes of Experts: Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson

    Play Episode Listen Later Feb 1, 2021 53:40

    Every couple has its ups and downs, but it's easy to think that our relationship is uniquely challenging. Experts in couples therapy and a couple themselves, Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson join co-host Sue Marriott to discuss what most people get wrong about working with couples, and how to help get it right. Together, they'll dive into the dos and don'ts of couples therapy, from the perspective of the therapist and the patient. 

    TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2020 58:29


    Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health. Peggy Orenstein unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences.


    TU139: Boys and Sex, Modern Young Men and Sexuality with Peggy Orenstein

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 13, 2020


    Dive into hook up culture, locker room talk, and the modern shifts in youth sexual behavior and health. Peggy Orenstein unpacks her new book “Boys and Sex” with co-host Ann Kelley. In this peak behind the curtain of the experience of young male sexuality, we’ll see how boys struggle with the conflicting needs of the conquest narrative of sex and their own internal understanding of pleasure. Her book was written about both cis and trans men, and covers the whole spectrum of sexual orientations, backgrounds, and experiences.


    TU138: What if it’s You that’s the Difficult One? Holding Your Own Challenging Personality Traits (6 of 6)

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2020 64:08

    So we've been studying how to hold our own with challenging people, but what if you become aware that that difficult person is you? Cringe. Yea, us too, we get it. We summarize and review the series and focus on how to change your life for the better. Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley take you along on some personal examples of being difficult themselves.

    TU138: What if it’s You that’s the Difficult One? Holding Your Own Challenging Personality Traits (6 of 6)

    Play Episode Listen Later Dec 10, 2020 64:08

    So we've been studying how to hold our own with challenging people, but what if you become aware that that difficult person is you? Cringe. Yea, us too, we get it. We summarize and review the series and focus on how to change your life for the better. Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley take you along on some personal examples of being difficult themselves.

    TU137: Holding Your Own S5, Malignant Narcissism (5th in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 30, 2020 38:42

    Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissist tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits - this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com

    TU137: Holding Your Own S5, Malignant Narcissism (5th in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 30, 2020 38:42

    Accusations are their confessions. In this episode learn why we elect, promote, excuse and love those with malignant narcissist tendencies. Sort out the other forms of self-involvement, psychopathology and anti-social traits from this dangerous personality structure. Sue & Ann finish out their series on Holding Your Own with Challenging Personality Traits - this is session 5 of 6. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com

    TU136: Holding Your Own S4 -“Borderline” Traits (4th in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2020 43:28

    When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today's episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU135: Holding Your Own S4 -“Borderline” Traits (4th in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 18, 2020 43:28

    When does sensitivity cross the line into clinical reactivity? Borderline traits, or those with highly reactive personalities, are another common challenge in relationship that we might need support to navigate well. Today's episode sees co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott unpack high reactivity through a caring and developmental approach. Together, they discuss how these dynamics and traits arise, what they look like, and what we can do when we find ourselves in relationships with them. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU135: Holding Your Own Session 3 – Covert Narcissism (3rd in a Series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 10, 2020 34:56

    When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU134: Holding Your Own Session 3 – Covert Narcissism (3rd in a Series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 10, 2020 34:56

    When does self-consciousness and self-reflection cross the line into self-preoccupation? Covert narcissism is also called thin-skinned, vulnerale, depressed or closet narcissism. It's a real thing but unlike grandiosity, it's quite hard to spot!  Think about it - if you feel when you walk in a room everyone is looking at you - admiringly or judgmentally, either way - that is a narcissistic fantasy. Today's episode follows the other side of grandiosity. Find more here www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes

    TU134: Holding Your Own Session 2, Grandiose Narcissism has Met it’s Match (2nd in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2020 50:16

    Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 2 - Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  grandiose narcissism Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to get to secure relating and if not that, helping you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. If you want to start at the beginning, listen to the first in the series:  TU132 HYO Session 1:  Messy But Secure Relating Grandiose Narcissism Today's episode breaks down one of 3 types of narcissism, and later in the series they will address the other kinds. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, there is an evaluation happening.  Difference between self-aggrandizing moment and more problematic self-oriented relating - one is environmentally influenced, the other is just the way it is, always. You value people for what they can do for you, it's a transaction noi a real relationship. Trouble with: Apologies Gratitude Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Defenses in Grandiose Narcissism Idealization and devaluation - to be close you tend to be in one of these spots, and they can flip really fast.  It's an outward expression of assumptions they may be making about themselves and their own value. Shame core but not conscious. Narcissistic supply - people are used to fill you up but then are expendable. They may report high self-esteem and low neuroticism because they don't carry a lot of conscious internal conflict. The conflict - if any - is interpersonal which is WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR SECURE SELF. Holding on to Secure Self Take a deep breath, and whatever you do... Don't project relationality into someone non-relational, it's bad for both. See them as they actually are, and that can be painful.  It's courageous though, and the beginning of taking your evaluation of what you are getting from this person and what you need. Don't put up with demeaning, devaluing or abusing you. Standing up to them can be dangerous in various ways, but for now we will focus on relational / emotional danger.  There is a feeling of threat to differentiate, and you might get cut off, but having a Self is the only way to move it into a more secure relational dynamic.  Otherwise they have no incentive to change because internally they see themselves doing pretty dang good.  Disabuse them of this delusion. Hold you, also hold them, and stay strong.

    TU133: Holding Your Own Session 2, Grandiose Narcissism has Met it’s Match (2nd in a series)

    Play Episode Listen Later Nov 2, 2020 50:16

    Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - staying secure in relationship with those high in narcissistic, borderline or anti-social traits. Session 2 - Staying secure in connection with one kind of narcissism:  grandiose narcissism Co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott have launched a new series titled “Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities.” Together, they’ll unpack how to navigate strained relationships during and after this pandemic. The goal of this series is to bring you the skills and practices that you can use right now to get to secure relating and if not that, helping you ground and stay in your secure self no matter what is swirling around you. If you want to start at the beginning, listen to the first in the series:  TU132 HYO Session 1:  Messy But Secure Relating Grandiose Narcissism Today's episode breaks down one of 3 types of narcissism, and later in the series they will address the other kinds. There’s always a judgement, even if the verdict is positive, there is an evaluation happening.  Difference between self-aggrandizing moment and more problematic self-oriented relating - one is environmentally influenced, the other is just the way it is, always. You value people for what they can do for you, it's a transaction noi a real relationship. Trouble with: Apologies Gratitude Greek version of the myth: Narcissus, was the son of River God Cephisus and nymph Lyriope. He was known for his beauty and he was loved by God Apollo due to his extraordinary physique. Narcissus was once walking by a lake or river and decided to drink some water; he saw his reflection in the water and was surprised by the beauty he saw; he became entranced by the reflection of himself. He could not obtain the object of his desire though, and he died at the banks of the river or lake from his sorrow. According to the myth Narcissus is still admiring himself in the Underworld, looking at the waters of the Styx. Narcissistic Extension This is when we have learned to support the other person’s ego by giving them what we know that they want. As kids we get highly skilled at reading a scene, knowing the unspoken and responding as wished. This is part of what causes the injury to the self, because in the midst of all that, where the heck are You? If a child turns to their own needs and that parent feels that as a Break and is activated by it, it’s suddenly unsafe to tune in to their disapproval or distance. So we’d rather give ourselves up than lose our connection. Defenses in Grandiose Narcissism Idealization and devaluation - to be close you tend to be in one of these spots, and they can flip really fast.  It's an outward expression of assumptions they may be making about themselves and their own value. Shame core but not conscious. Narcissistic supply - people are used to fill you up but then are expendable. They may report high self-esteem and low neuroticism because they don't carry a lot of conscious internal conflict. The conflict - if any - is interpersonal which is WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO HOLD ON TO YOUR SECURE SELF. Holding on to Secure Self Take a deep breath, and whatever you do... Don't project relationality into someone non-relational, it's bad for both. See them as they actually are, and that can be painful.  It's courageous though, and the beginning of taking your evaluation of what you are getting from this person and what you need. Don't put up with demeaning, devaluing or abusing you. Standing up to them can be dangerous in various ways, but for now we will focus on relational / emotional danger.  There is a feeling of threat to differentiate, and you might get cut off, but having a Self is the only way to move it into a more secure relational dynamic.  Otherwise they have no incentive to change because internally they see themselves doing pretty dang good.  Disabuse them of this delusion. Hold you, also hold them, and stay strong.

    TU133: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2020 33:10

    First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you.

    TU132: Holding Your Own 1: Messy but Secure Relating

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 26, 2020 33:10

    First in a series Holding Your Own with Challenging Personalities - this episode unpacks the 5 types of conflict in couples, conditions to develop security and cornerstones of what makes secure functioning couples secure. This sets up our later episodes on the various types of narcissism, misunderstood borderline relating, antisocial and malignant narcissism, unconscious defenses for everyone involved, suspected causes of high reactivity or impaired empathy, and a focus all along on what you can do to improve your circumstances - whatever that means for you.

    TU132: Crisis Exhaustion – Hang in There, it’s Going to Be OK (Eventually) If We Stick Together

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2020 30:05

    Together we can protect our hearts from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse, disconnecting.  Fight the exhaustion that comes with the relentless crises surrounding us now. 

    TU132: Crisis Exhaustion – Hang in There, it’s Going to Be OK (eventually) If We Stick Together

    Play Episode Listen Later Oct 8, 2020 30:05

    Ann & Sue reach out to you directly during this time of crisis exhaustion and physical burnout.  They offer a huge virtual hug no matter who you are or where you are tuning in from. Today's episode is a small attempt at protecting your tender human heart from freezing in bitterness, drowning in sorrow, lashing out in justified rage or worse of all... just disconnecting.  

    TU131 – Strange Situation: Surprising Attachment Science Uncovered, with Bethany Saltman

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2020 60:28

    People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life.

    TU131 – Strange Situation: Surprising Attachment Science Uncovered, with Bethany Saltman

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 22, 2020 60:28

    People are profoundly bad at predicting their own attachment status, and if you are trying to do that you are headed in the right direction.  :)  That sort of mindful inquiry is part of attachment security - learn more in today's episode. Bethany Saltman and Sue Marriott discuss the Strange Situation, the original attachment research by Mary Ainsworth. They bring to life what it means and how to see it in everyday life.

    TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2020 71:41

    Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

    TU130 – The Deep Biology of Love – Oxytocin Unpacked, with Research Pioneer Dr. Sue Carter

    Play Episode Listen Later Sep 8, 2020 71:41

    Love is not a soft feeling, it is "deep biology."  Oxytocin research pioneer Dr. Sue Carter joins co-host Sue Marriott to unravel the mystery of Sue's favorite neuropeptide.  You may have heard of oxytocin in the popular press, it's often called that "love drug." You'll hear that t's story is a bit more complicated than just that, as it also helps us protect and defend from intruders, and heals our body physically. www.therapistuncensored.com/episodes.

    TU129 – Transformative Psychedelic Experiences With and Without Drugs, with Special Guest, Trey Ratcliff

    Play Episode Listen Later Aug 25, 2020 50:01

    What if you could get the benefits of therapeutic psychedelics without ingesting any drugs?!  Trey Ratcliff's new art creations, Machine Elves, may just have such an answer with non-drug, mind-expanding experiences that can help us heal. In this concluding episode of Season 4, co-host Sue Marriott is joined by photographer, artist and consciousnesses-raiser Trey Ratcliff.  They dive right into the exotic world of mind-enhancing experiences.  This includes both psychedelics but also non-drug experiences that can bring the promising results that are emerging from carefully studied psychedelic research.

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