The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThis week's episode feels like opening a sealed box from a past lifetime and discovering not only who I was, but the quiet, determined woman I was becoming long before I could see her clearly. These final journal entries are some of the rawest I have ever shared. They move through the full terrain of my inner world during the months surrounding my separation and divorce, including the parts I still feel in my body when I read them.Before we dive into those pages, I share a personal update that has been nothing short of life altering. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, and recognizing its generational threads, has reorganized so much of my story. It has rewritten the way I see my mother, my own emotional landscape, and the compassion I now hold for the woman I was for so many years without a framework to understand herself. I speak about the transformative impact of discovering medication that finally supports my brain and the grief that comes with wondering what might have been possible for the women who came before me if they had been given the same tools.From there, we return to the journals. These entries illuminate the beautiful, brutal truth that becoming the woman capable of changing her life is not a single choice but a thousand small ones. In one moment, I am standing in my closet realizing there is no one coming to save me and feeling the terror and power of that truth. In the next moment, I am coaching myself toward a different reality with nothing more than self compassion, deliberate awareness, and the willingness to choose again.You will hear me navigate the shock of betrayal during my separation, the frightening escalation that often accompanies disentangling from a narcissistic dynamic, and the experience of sitting at a kitchen table telling my children our family was changing. These pages were written by a woman who was terrified, grieving, hopeful, and determined all at once. A woman who had no evidence that her future would turn out the way she dreamed, yet continued to write her way forward anyway.And then, in the final entry, you will hear a voice that stunned even me when I found it again. A voice that knew without hesitation the life she was creating. A voice that listed out the future I am now living, long before I had the courage, stability, or clarity to imagine any of it realistically. Reading that list feels like witnessing my past self bless my present self, reminding me that soul calls never arrive empty. They carry the architecture of what is possible.This episode is an invitation to honor your own unfolding in the same way. To see the patterns you are outgrowing, the chapters you are grieving, and the expansions you are already stepping into. To remember that every becoming is patterned with both collapse and creation. And that the you who is writing today's entry may be the woman your future self thanks for changing everything.If you are in the thick of it, please know you are not behind and you are not failing. You are mid‑chapter. You are in the woods. You are becoming.And you are not alone.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThis week's episode feels like opening a sealed box from a past lifetime and discovering not only who I was, but the quiet, determined woman I was becoming long before I could see her clearly. These final journal entries are some of the rawest I have ever shared. They move through the full terrain of my inner world during the months surrounding my separation and divorce, including the parts I still feel in my body when I read them.Before we dive into those pages, I share a personal update that has been nothing short of life altering. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, and recognizing its generational threads, has reorganized so much of my story. It has rewritten the way I see my mother, my own emotional landscape, and the compassion I now hold for the woman I was for so many years without a framework to understand herself. I speak about the transformative impact of discovering medication that finally supports my brain and the grief that comes with wondering what might have been possible for the women who came before me if they had been given the same tools.From there, we return to the journals. These entries illuminate the beautiful, brutal truth that becoming the woman capable of changing her life is not a single choice but a thousand small ones. In one moment, I am standing in my closet realizing there is no one coming to save me and feeling the terror and power of that truth. In the next moment, I am coaching myself toward a different reality with nothing more than self compassion, deliberate awareness, and the willingness to choose again.You will hear me navigate the shock of betrayal during my separation, the frightening escalation that often accompanies disentangling from a narcissistic dynamic, and the experience of sitting at a kitchen table telling my children our family was changing. These pages were written by a woman who was terrified, grieving, hopeful, and determined all at once. A woman who had no evidence that her future would turn out the way she dreamed, yet continued to write her way forward anyway.And then, in the final entry, you will hear a voice that stunned even me when I found it again. A voice that knew without hesitation the life she was creating. A voice that listed out the future I am now living, long before I had the courage, stability, or clarity to imagine any of it realistically. Reading that list feels like witnessing my past self bless my present self, reminding me that soul calls never arrive empty. They carry the architecture of what is possible.This episode is an invitation to honor your own unfolding in the same way. To see the patterns you are outgrowing, the chapters you are grieving, and the expansions you are already stepping into. To remember that every becoming is patterned with both collapse and creation. And that the you who is writing today's entry may be the woman your future self thanks for changing everything.If you are in the thick of it, please know you are not behind and you are not failing. You are mid‑chapter. You are in the woods. You are becoming.And you are not alone.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comIn this deeply personal episode, I take you back to the earliest days of my own journey—before I made the decision to divorce. Through sharing two intimate journal entries from 2017, you'll step inside my inner world at a time when my future felt uncertain, and yet a quiet, insistent voice inside me whispered, “You can change your stars.”These entries are raw and unfiltered. One captures the first flickers of awakening, a moment when I glimpsed what real love, real home, and real alignment could feel like. The other reflects the doubt, confusion, and self-questioning that followed soon after. Together, they reveal how nonlinear, layered, and sacred this process of transformation truly is.This episode is for any woman who finds herself in the “before”—the place where hope feels distant and clarity feels just out of reach. It's a reminder that you're not alone, that your feelings are valid, and that even in the darkness, there is power in trusting your own soul's knowing.My hope is that these reflections illuminate your path as you navigate your own questions and challenges. I want you to see what's possible when you follow those soul calls—when you allow yourself to believe, even if only faintly at first, that a different life might be available to you.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackA Knight's TaleText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

If you're anything like I was, you're holding it together on the outside, while silently unraveling on the inside. You've tried therapy. You've tried harder. You've read the books and done the journaling. But something still feels off in your marriage—and you can't quite name what it is.In this episode, I sit down with the woman who first helped me name it. My former counselor, Paré Underwood, was the person who gently—without ever pushing—began to walk me back to myself. At the time, I didn't realize I was in a narcissistically abusive relationship. I just thought I was failing. As a wife. As a mother. As a human being.We talk about what narcissistic abuse actually looks and feels like from the inside, and why it so often goes unrecognized—especially by professionals. If you've been in therapy for years and no one has helped you put the pieces together, this conversation will hit home. We explore the small, subtle signs: the self-doubt, the second-guessing, the way you slowly lose access to your own inner voice.We also dive into what makes women more vulnerable to repeating these dynamics in future relationships, and how to protect yourself without having to shut down your softness or your empathy. Paré shares how she gently helps clients begin to reclaim their thoughts, their preferences, and their reality—even in marriages where there's no visible “incident” to point to.This one is deeply personal. It's for those of you who feel exhausted and confused but still unsure. For those who are wondering, “Is it me?” and quietly suspecting the answer might be no. If you're starting to consider divorce but feel like your own instincts have been turned against you, this conversation will bring clarity—and hopefully, some relief.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackThe Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family - Eleanor PaysonParé's Information:WebsiteParé's Resource for Examples of Verbal, Emotional, and Physical AbuseText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThis week, I'm bringing you into something that's been sitting heavy on my heart. It's a conversation I've touched on before, but never like this. I want to talk about what it really costs to follow your soul calls. Not the pretty version, but the actual lived experience. The kind that feels like your life is unraveling and you're not sure who you'll be…

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThere are moments in life when the future feels like a wide-open wilderness—unmapped, uncertain, and at times, terrifying. In this episode, I speak from that raw, unfiltered place. This is a deeply personal and present-time transmission, recorded just after attending a No Kings protest that left me both cracked open and powerfully emboldened.What poured through was more than just reflection on current events. It became a call to reimagine the stories we're telling ourselves about our lives, our choices, and the future of our world. I share why I believe, now more than ever, that our futures, both individually and collectively, are unwritten. That no matter how much fear or resignation may surround us, we still hold the pen.Whether you're watching global systems shake or standing at the edge of your own unknown in a marriage that no longer feels like home, this episode is an invitation to stop outsourcing your certainty to history, to others, or to fear. Instead, I offer a path toward presence, toward living the questions, and toward trusting in the slow, often sacred, unfolding of your own becoming.This is for you if you've been feeling overwhelmed by the weight of everything, or if you've been waiting for a sign that it's okay not to have all the answers. It's okay to not know. It's okay to trust the mystery.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackZachary Helton ReelNo Kings Rally ReelJen Hatmaker ReelNo Kings Rally ReelDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comAfter hosting our first Stay or Go retreat, I sat down with my best friend and behind-the-scenes soul-sister, Quinn, to unpack what we experienced and what it revealed about the kind of connection women are craving, now more than ever.This episode is not just a reflection on one powerful weekend. It's an invitation to consider what becomes possible when we stop trying to do life alone. We talk about the difference between performative connection and the kind that regulates your nervous system, that lets you exhale, that reminds you you're not too much and never have been. It's the kind of connection that arises when women come together in spaces where there's no power-over, no fixing, and no pressure to perform.We explore the grief that often comes with disconnection—even the disconnections we choose, like divorce or estrangement and how the pain isn't always about getting it wrong, but about being wired for attachment in a world that has taught us to suppress it. We speak to the cultural systems—patriarchy, capitalism, hyper-individualism—that have stripped women of the community they're built for, and what it means to reclaim that.Whether you're still in your marriage, already out, or just beginning to whisper the question—this conversation is for the woman who's tired of white-knuckling her way through life. It's for the woman who's ready to be witnessed, to be held, to be reminded that connection isn't a bonus. It's essential. And it's waiting for you.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackStrong Ground - Brene BrownThe Rise & Fall of Capitalism - Diabolical LiesInstagram ReelOur Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. - Surgeon General's AdvisoryDoing Almost Anything is Better With Friends, Research Finds - Washington PostDavis AJ, Crittenden B, Cohen E. Effects of social support on performance outputs and perceived difficulty during physical exercise. Physiol Behav. 2021 Oct 1;239:113490. doi: 10.1016/j.physbeh.2021.113490. Epub 2021 Jun 15. PMID: 34139269.The role of social support and social identification in challenge and threat, perceived stress, and life satisfaction. Jamie C. Gillman, Martin J. Turner, Matthew J. SlaterFirst published: 11 July 2024 https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12982Download the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

This episode is the culmination of a three-part exploration into one of the most emotionally tangled questions I see women face: Should I stay, or is it okay to leave... even if he's a good man?If you haven't read the two preceding articles on Substack, I urge you to begin there. Those pieces lay the emotional and historical groundwork for what we're unraveling here.In today's conversation, I shift into a different energy—one of empathy, nuance, and quiet truth-telling. This is the softer side of the good guy dilemma. Less fire, more warmth. Because I know what it's like to be caught in that mental and emotional spin. I lived it. And I know how isolating and confusing it can be when the relationship looks enviable from the outside, but on the inside, something in you feels like it's slowly dying.Together, we dive into the subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways that codependency, patriarchal programming, and inherited narratives shape how we think about partnership, sacrifice, and what we're allowed to want. I walk you through four major thought patterns that keep women stuck in indecision, and I gently challenge the beliefs that whisper, “You're selfish,” or “You're asking for too much.”But most of all, this episode is an offering of grounding. Of helping you see your thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—and giving you tools to start rewriting your story from a place of self-love and personal truth.We talk about grief. We talk about discomfort. We talk about how to hold the reality that he might be a “good guy” and not the right fit for the life you feel called toward. And I share what ultimately helped me untangle my own knot of guilt, fear, and hope years ago.This is not about telling you what to do. It's about helping you get clear enough to choose—truly choose—for yourself.So if you're in the middle of this dilemma, come sit with me. Let's sift through the noise together.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackWhy I Wish Every Woman Getting a Divorce was Divorcing “The Good Guy”The Paradox (and Privilege) of Divorcing “The Good Guy”Untamed - Glennon Doyle“Descansos” Chapter 12 - Marking Territory: The Boundaries of Rage & Forgiveness - Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype - Clarissa Pinkola Estés Inside OutDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comIt's been six years since I made one of the hardest decision of my life and walked away from my marriage. I didn't have a roadmap. I didn't know what the future would hold. I only knew that the life I was living no longer reflected who I truly was.This week, I'm honoring what I now call my Divorceversary by sharing the seven most unexpected truths that have unfolded since that day. Some of them are painful. Some are quietly miraculous. All of them have shaped me in ways I couldn't have imagined.I open up about the raw financial realities of rebuilding after divorce and the crazy turn of events that led to me keeping my home when I was sure I wouldn't. I speak honestly about the moment I lost myself in an abusive relationship again—even after leaving. And I celebrate the parts of my life that have bloomed in ways I didn't know were possible, including the healing of my relationship with my body, my sexuality, and the kind of love I never thought I'd get to live with each and every day now.This episode is for every woman who is wondering what might happen if she chooses herself. It is a reflection on what it means to lose the life you thought you were supposed to have and discover the life that was waiting for you all along.It's not a perfect journey. But it's real. And more than anything, it's yours to write.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comIn this unedited bonus episode, I share the dissonance of being dropped into an old mental and emotional room I once lived in every day, and the profound relief of realizing: I don't live there anymore.I'll talk about what real love looks like when it's rooted in autonomy, not control. I share the journal entry that grounded me back in the life I've built—one full of peace, connection, and agency. And I offer this episode as a mirror for those of you who still find yourselves living in rooms that don't feel safe, hoping it helps you catch the vision of what's possible.This is a clarion call from the other side: your reality can change.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThis might be the most personal, profound episode I've recorded yet. If you've ever found yourself swinging between moments of calm clarity and then suddenly feeling overwhelmed by hopelessness, confusion or dread, you are not alone. You may be experiencing complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), and understanding that can change everything. In this episode, I expand on a concept I first introduced in Episode 60 — the "rooms" in our internal psychological mansion — and finally answer the two big questions I left hanging. How do we end up in these rooms? And how do we actually work with those parts of ourselves and begin to heal?You'll hear three very real flashback experiences from my own life. I walk you through how I knew I was in a flashback, what it looked like, and the exact tools I used to come back to myself. From breathwork and somatic grounding to a powerful EFT tapping practice (yes, with help from ChatGPT — and yes, I'm sharing the full protocol with my paid Substack subscribers), this episode is packed with what actually works.

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comThis is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit https://stayorgo.substack.com/subscribeThis week, Quinn and I return for one of our most raw, personal conversations yet. If last week was about divorcing a “good guy,” this episode is about the harder truth: what happens when the man you married becomes an unpredictable, even unsafe, co-parent?Quinn opens up about her post-divorce reality—one that began with hopes of peaceful co-parenting and shared holidays, and ended in CPS reports, protective orders, and having to reckon with a parenting plan that only worked on paper. We talk through what it really looks like when you can't control your ex… and what to do when your worst fears start playing out in real time.This one is for every woman who has lived as the buffer—protecting her children from the volatility of their father—and is now wondering how to keep them safe when she's no longer in the house.We explore:✨ How to separate real risk from trauma-fueled fear

I sat down with my bestie Quinn to unpack one of the biggest emotional hurdles so many of us face but rarely speak out loud: What do I do with the heartbreak of not having my kids with me all the time? This two-part episode was sparked by a powerful listener email that stopped me in my tracks. She put into words the raw grief and fear that can hit you hard when you imagine your children living part of their lives without you… especially when you don't fully trust the other parent.Quinn and I come at this from very different mothering frameworks — and y'all, the magic is in that contrast. Together, we dig into:*

Episode 72: Y'all… this episode is a BIG one!

Episode 71: Hey babes

Episode 70: Hey babe

Episode 69: Hey, my loves!

Episode 68: Hello, my loves!

Episode 67: Hey loves

Episode 66: This episode is raw, real, and liberating. Quinn and I dive deep into the second part of Jane Ward's The Tragedy of Heterosexuality, unpacking what it means to live inside a system that was never built for our wholeness.We explore the emotional and erotic numbness so many women feel in straight relationships—and how it's not your fault. We talk about internalized misogyny, performative sex, the quiet tragedy of disconnection, and the deep grief (and power) in waking up

Episode 65: This week's episode is a massive eye-opener, y'all.

Episode 64: Okay y'all, this one's for the women leaning toward staying—but not the old way. In this episode, I share the rest of the 7 powerful shifts that can transform your marriage into one built on truth, safety, and mutual thriving

Ohhh my GODDESS, y'all!

In this second deep-dive into covert narcissism, I unpack the remaining techniques and traits that make this kind of abuse so uniquely painful… and so hard to name. From gaslighting and emotional blackmail to the crazy room and love bombing, I break it all down—raw, unfiltered, and straight from lived experience

Episode 61: This one's been a long time coming, y'all. I can feel it in my bones—this is the work I'm most proud to bring into the world. In this two-part series (yep, there's more coming next week!), I'm diving deep into covert narcissism—what it is, how it operates, and how it might be silently shaping your relationship.This week, we're laying down the foundation: I'm sharing the two core identifiers I use to spot covert narcissistic abuse and walking you through the first 7 of 14 psychological techniques covert narcissists use to maintain control. These aren't just concepts—I'm pulling from personal experiences, years of coaching, and gut-wrenching stories from brave women navigating this exact terrain.We're going to explore what makes covert narcissism so sneaky and so damaging, why it's so often misunderstood, and most importantly, how you can begin to make sense of what's been happening to you

Episode 60: Hey sis!

Episode 59: Wow y'all… this one is a wild ride. After the energy of being on Mayim Bialik's Breakdown, Quinn and I just had to circle back. You know those moments when you're like, “Wait! I wasn't done!”—yeah, this episode is all that and more.

Episode 58: Oh y'all… this episode is straight from my still buzzing heart

Episode 57: Hey loves

Episode 56: Hey my beautiful loves!

Episode 55: Hey my loves

Whoa

Hey y'all

Episode 52:

#51: Buckle up, babe—this episode is a straight-up download from the universe ✨ and I am OBSESSED with what came through. Today, we're diving deep into something so many of us as women struggle with: putting everyone else first…and losing ourselves in the process

#50: Hey loves!

#49: Ladies, get ready for a deep, juicy, and transformational conversation! This week, I'm bringing on my gorgeous and radiant friend, Ranelle Chapman, a transformational coach and founder of Tantra Maha.

Hey my lovelies!

#47: I've been getting messages asking me to “just talk about divorce” and leave politics out of it. But here's the truth: personal power is political.

#46: Ever feel like you're living a life that doesn't actually feel like yours? Like maybe the decisions you've made—your marriage, your career, your whole damn life—were handed to you rather than chosen by you? If so, you're not alone, and this episode is exactly for you.

#45: Y'all, this episode is something truly special. I've been hinting at it for a while, and the moment is finally here—I'm joined by the incredible Allison Alexander!

#44: Okay, y'all… this episode has been weighing heavy on my heart, and I need to talk about it today.

#43: Hey there, lovely listeners!

#42: Oh, y'all, this episode is buzzing with energy because I'm back in my flow!

#41: Hey there, loves. This week's episode is raw, real, and deeply personal

Welcome to the first episode of 2025, y'all!

✨ Hey, beautiful souls! As we stand on the threshold of a brand-new year, this episode is your heartfelt invitation to pause, reflect, and exhale.

Have you ever wondered, If he's trying so hard now, why don't I feel like staying? You're not alone, my loves. In this fiery and truth-packed episode, I tackle one of the most confusing and emotionally draining dynamics I see in women considering divorce: when your partner suddenly does a complete 180—but your heart and body still say, “No.” ❤️‍

Hey, y'all!

Hello, hello, y'all!