Okay, so now what?

Is it selfish to carry on enjoying life while others suffer? In the midst of heartache and news of war, have things like music, art, and fashion become excessive, wasteful, or even absurd?As mentioned in the episode:"Balenciaga's latest show" on CNN Style"I decided I can no longer sacrifice parts of me to that senseless, heartless war of ego." -Demna"‘Fashion doesn't matter now': Balenciaga pays tribute to Ukraine's refugees" in The GuardianYou can follow Anna Frymire on Instagram @frylikefrenchfry. Or reach out to her through her website: annafrymire.com

Pain is something we generally avoid because it generally sucks. But what if pain is information? What if it's a data point and indicator versus a problem we should avoid at all costs? Inspired by a pinky toe stub to end all pinky toe stubs and a painful insight from Jerry Seinfeld, this episode is all about pain: why it matters, why it works, and how we can use it to our advantage.As mentioned in the episode:"Pain is knowledge rushing in to fill a gap. When you stub your toe on the foot of the bed, that was a gap in knowledge. And the pain is a lot of information really quick. That's what pain is." (Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, Season 6, Episode 5)Huberman Lab quotes and information about discomfort"The Hazards of Growing Up Painlessly" by Justin Heckert for The New York Times"Meet the Child Who Feels No Pain" by Gillian Mohney on ABC NewsYou can follow Anna Frymire on Instagram @frylikefrenchfry. Or reach out to her through her website: annafrymire.com

There's a dozen reasons to get out of bed in the morning, but very few of those reasons feel genuinely important or motivating on a bad day. Unless, of course, one of those reasons is a barking dog or a hungry cat or a rabbit about to chew a tunnel through the living room wall. This episode is an ode to pets— the smelly ones, the slobbery ones, the loud ones, the ones that get us out of bed when life hardly feels like living.As mentioned in the episode:"After Life" season one, episode oneYou can find Anna on Instagram @frylikefrenchfryOr reach out on her website annafrymire.com  

Are victims telling the truth or just adding to their stories as they go along? If they are telling the truth, why are their stories fragmented and why didn't they say something sooner? This episode discusses traumatic memories, the brain's survival mechanisms, and why abuse survivors describe events that are fragmented, confusing, and seemingly unbelievable.As mentioned in the episode:“You're not a victim for sharing your story. You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth,  and raging courage.” -Alex Elle“The Keepers” on Netflix, directed and produced by Ryan WhiteFrom Pain to Power: Overcoming Sexual Trauma and Reclaiming Your True Identity by Mary Ellen MannThe Wounded Heart: Help for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan AllenderShame Interrupted by Edward T. Welch“Til it Happens to You” by Lady Gaga, written and performed for the documentary “The Hunting Ground”GRACE: Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian EnvironmentYou can find Anna Frymire on Instagram @frylikefrenchfry  or reach out at annafrymire.com

Season 2 starts Thursday, February 3rd, bright and early in the morning (7:00 a.m. EST)! Thanks for listening.You can find Anna Frymire on Instagram @frylikefrenchfryOr reach out at annafrymire.com

If 2020 was the year I learned to go out and find help, then 2021 was the year I learned just how much that mattered. Facing our pain, trauma, and grief is like thawing out: deeply painful, but so much better than a lifetime of numbness.As mentioned in the episode:"Sometimes the circumstances at hand force us to be braver than we actually are, and so we knock on doors and ask for assistance. Sometimes not having any idea where we're going works out better than we could possibly have imagined." -Ann Patchett*This is the final episode of season one. Season two starts February 3, 2022.

As the holiday season rises and falls, so does our anticipation, happiness, and disappointment. This can be a simultaneously beautiful and lonely time of year. Inspired by Truman Capote's "A Christmas Memory", this episode is a simple reflection on peace and joy in the absence of luxury and the midst of hardship.

Anticipating fun— from life's big events to small joys—  decreases our stress, increases our happiness, and improves our resilience. But is getting excited over upcoming events even worth it in a time of constant cancellations? This episode explores the science behind anticipation and why making plans is still totally worth it.As mentioned in the episode:"The impact of anticipating positive events on responses to stress" by Samuel S. Monfort, Hannah E. Stroup, and Christian E. Waugh 

What if you could say exactly how you feel, no holds barred, without the risk of repercussions? This is the episode about truth, how we repress it, why we repackage it, and what we can do to finally set our hurt, anger, and grief free.

This is the episode all about social anxiety: what it is, what it isn't, and how to manage it. Maybe you're a "shy-loud" person who shines on the stage, but avoids intimate dinners. Perhaps you're a CEO who loves work meetings, but dreads the parties. Maybe family and friends are the one place you let down-- or the one place you feel like a failure. At least 40 million Americans report that they experience social anxiety. It has nothing to do with being an introvert versus an extrovert. Want to know what actually triggers social anxiety? This episode's just for you.As mentioned in the episode:Living With High Functioning Anxiety with Jordan Raskopoulos

Receiving love sounds simple enough, but it's actually kind of awkward. When someone gives us something― whether it be food, presents, or love― accepting might compel us to give back quickly or to at least write our obligatory seasonal gratitude list. But what if receiving, without obligation or quick reciprocation, actually makes us better givers?As mentioned in the episode:“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” -Zora Neale Hurston

Accepting help is quite possibly one of life's toughest experiences. And asking for help is even harder. But at the end of the day, we all need support in big, small, and meaningful ways. In fact, we probably needed the support long before the end of the day. So why do we wait until we're desperate?As mentioned in the episode:"The Boyfriend" on Seinfeld , Season 3

There's no such thing as a "non-creative" person. And yet, too many of us believe that the creative things we love or the goals we most want to achieve just might not be for us. This episode is for all of us with interests, aspirations, and dreams we don't plan to pursue because we fear the judgement, remember the critical comment from years ago, or doubt the point in even starting.As mentioned in the episode: “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” -Sylvia Plath"Reclaim Your Creative Confidence" by Tom Kelley and David Kelley in the Harvard Business Review“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘you cannot paint', then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” -Vincent Van GoghYou can follow Anna on Instagram (@frylikefrenchfry) or reach her through her website (annafrymire.com).

This episode is for everyone who feels straight up exhausted, even after a full night's rest. Nearly two years of global high stress and a lifetime of sensory overload has left many of us feeling depleted and searching for life's spark of enthusiasm and clarity. In this episode, Anna dives into exhaustion, fatigue, and the difference between sleep, relaxation, and rest.As mentioned in the podcast:"The 7 types of rest that every person needs" by Dr. Saundra Dalton-SmithDr. Andrew Huberman and Huberman Lab PodcastJoyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee

What does fake abuse look like? Or does it even exist? Emotional abuse might not leave a mark, but it certainly injures. Society generally agrees that physically abusing someone is wrong and that it can be classified as domestic violence. But what about constantly criticizing someone,  making them the subject of jokes, or blocking their access to finances, transportation, or friendship? Emotional abuse can be a taboo topic in a world that suggests: no bruise means no risk. In this episode, I explore emotional abuse, it's impacts, and just how much emotional abuse shaped the way I view the world and my place in it.*If you or someone you know is suffering from abuse, you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). Or text "START" to 8878.*It's also helpful to tell a trusted friend, pastor, supervisor, coworker, or counselor. You're not alone.As mentioned in the episode:Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother's Will to Survive by Stephanie LandWhat is emotional abuse?How to Recognize Verbal AbuseResources for Allies and SupportersAdditional resources: (no affiliate links)Parental Psychological Abuse toward children and Mental Health Problems in adolescence by Syeda Fariha Iram Rizvi and Najma NajamThe Deepest Well by Nadine Burke HarrisYou can follow Anna Frymire on Instagram @frylikefrenchfry. Or find her contact info on annafrymire.com

Each of us is living a story. Perhaps we're disappointed with this story or bored by it or even disgusted by it. Or perhaps we're deeply satisfied with our life story, but afraid one wrong move and it'll all be snatched away. Life's not linear, despite our attachment to timelines and our obsession with meeting certain markers in our life before we allow ourselves to feel accomplished or meaningful. Our lives are found in the "stories between stories". Inspired by a quote from author Deena Metzger, this episode is about allowing ourselves to get a little lost in our story as we find our way home.As mentioned in the episode:"Stories move in circles. They don't move in straight lines. So it helps if you listen in circles. There are stories inside stories and stories between stories, and finding your way through them is as easy and as hard as finding your way home. And part of the finding is the getting lost. And when you're lost, you start to look around and to listen." (excerpt taken from Writing for Your Life by Deena Metzger)

This is the third episode in the "Formidable Fridays" series where we explore the difficult topic of loneliness. Each of us will experience profound loneliness at some point in our lives. The weight of it can feel stifling and the shame of it, silencing. Historians, anthropologists, and scientists have studied loneliness and it's causes for thousands of years. It's a pain we all share, especially post-pandemic as we navigate new social structures and expectations. But is there a practical antidote in a world filled with impractical struggles?  As mentioned in the episode:“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.” -Carl Jung“The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.” -Charlotte Bronte“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” -Maya Angelou“What should young people do with their lives today? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured.” -Kurt Vonnegut“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” -Mother Theresa“When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that's when I think life is over.” -Audrey Hepburn“The History of Loneliness” by Jill Lepore published in The New Yorker (April 2020)“Where loneliness comes from” by Katy Waldman published in The New Yorker (July 2021)“The beauty of being a misfit” by Lidia Yuknavitch at TED2016“Structure and function of the human insula” by Lucina Q. Uddin, Jason S. Nomi, Benjamin Hebert-Seropian, Jimmy Ghaziri, and Olivier Boucher published on NCBI (National Center for Biotechnology Information)You can follow me on Instagram @frylikefrenchfry. I love hearing from listeners and continuing the conversation. 

"Head of a Woman" is a 17th century portrait of a peasant woman in Rome. She has no teeth. She's looking down. She's aged and sad, but peaceful too. None of us know her name, where she came from, or why she sat for a portrait when peasants weren't the subjects of paintings. But hundreds of years later, we know her face and we admire her. We're all a little like the "Head of a Woman": people moving through life profoundly influencing the people around us, whether we realize it or not.September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and a reminder that each of us holds a deep, timeless significance even when life feels completely hopeless.***If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a trusted person or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255).As mentioned in the episode:"Head of a Woman" by Michael SweertsThe Depression Project on IG (@realdepressionproject)

Panic attacks—gotta' love ‘em! You're sitting through your Tuesday morning meeting when, suddenly, you're unable to steady your hand, read your notes, or find oxygen. You're dying in the corner while your coworkers blandly sip their coffee. Panic attacks rarely look or feel the way we expect, but for a brief window in time, the walls close in and we're left asking, "Okay, so now what?"Sometimes the fear of future panic attacks becomes just as bad as the panic attacks themselves. But these temporary physiological responses are manageable even if they're not always avoidable. So in preparation for your next unannounced panic attack, here are some tips and tricks for crippling anxiety management. Don't worry. You'll be blacking out  in style in no time.

Looking for a sunny start to your weekend? This isn't it. Nihilism and Existential Dread have cast their abysmal shadows across humanity for centuries. But is it all hopeless? What is meaning and how do we define it, find it, and understand it? At some point in our lives, we all experience an existential crisis which is, at it's root, an identity crisis and awful sense of hopelessness. But I think there's reason to hope. And I think the existential Russian novelists may be a bit more optimistic than we originally thought.As mentioned in the episode:The go-to guy for French name pronunciation, Julien Miquel, and the pronunciation of "Simone de Beauvoir""Man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately, in love with suffering." -Fyodor Dostoevsky"To live without hope is to cease to live." -Fyodor Dostoevsky"To love someone means to see them as God intended them." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

Skin-picking goes by a dozen names and can be the fallout of a dozen disorders. But at the end of the day, it's an anxious addiction that feels like an unbreakable obsession.  As a fifteen-year skin-picking  veteran, I have a few thoughts on the terrifying clinical terms and the petrifying fear that this is the one gross habit I'll never break.As mentioned in the episode:skinpick.com"Picking your skin? Learn four tips to break the habit" on Harvard Health Blog

Women's track and field might just be the most incredible thing on TV right now.  Running is a deeply spiritual endeavor and darn it if these women aren't some of the most inspiring humans on the planet. If you're feeling like a blah-blah spectator to life or perhaps you just missed this last week's Olympic highlights, here's a little somethin' somethin' to get you back on your feet. (Your physical feet and your metaphorical feet.) At the very least, you'll be race-walking your way through life in no time!As mentioned in the episode, here are the rad IG accounts you should follow and a couple inspiring quotes to keep you race-ready:Allyson Felix IGElaine Thompson Herah IGShelly-Ann Fraser-Pryce IGBriana Williams IGShericka Jackson IGAthing Mu IGSydney McLaughlin IG"Follow These 10 Inspirational Quotes From Famous Runners" from Very Well Fit"Namibian teens vow to fight Olympics testosterone ban" on BBC News

Getting outdoors is beautiful, but getting into the wild is something all together different. Our souls and our brains need the wild on a fundamental, biological level. And the wild might just need us too.As mentioned in the episode:"Into the forest I go to lose my mind and find my soul." -John Muir"Understanding Nature and Its Cognitive Benefits" by Kathryn E. Schertz and Marc G. Berman"Nurtured by Nature" by Kirsten Weir"You go into that water and it's extremely liberating. All your worries and problems and life drama just dissolve." -Craig Foster in "My Octopus Teacher""You slowly start to care about all the animals... even the tiniest little animals. You realize that every one is very important." -Craig Foster in "My Octopus Teacher""I fell in love with her, but also with that amazing wildness that she represented and how that changed me." -Craig Foster in "My Octopus Teacher""What she taught me was to feel that you're part of this place and not a visitor. That's a huge difference." -Craig Foster in "My Octopus Teacher""In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect." -Alice Walker

It's our first Formidable Friday and we're dealing with a general sense of overwhelm. Here on "Okay, so now what?" we don't deal in self-help plans. We do, however, explore some unconventional tips and tricks that may help with anxiety and the impending doom of a crazy week/weekend. For instance, procrastination productivity is totally a thing and you should try it. Also, distraction and snacks spark genius. But why read this description. All the good stuff is in the episode!As mentioned in the episode:“It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much, doing nothing, really doing nothing." -Gertrude Stein

The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy would indicate that French Fry sharing is not only socially expected, but benefits both parties and society at large. After all, what kind of fry-monger doesn't spare a fry for a friend? So you've decided to share your fries with your friends. But what about generosity in general. Who's more generous: the poor or the wealthy? Why do people share and is there a correlation between generosity and happiness?This episode is all about the social, psychological, and neuro benefits associated with sharing your beloved, fried and salted Yukon Golds!As mentioned in the episode:The Universal Fry-Sharing PolicyThe Science of Generosity at the University of Notre Dame "The Science of Generosity" by the Greater Good Science Center at UC BerkeleyNPR interview with Paul PiffPaul Piff's TED Talk: "Does Money Make You Mean?"“A neural link between generosity and happiness” published in Nature Communications

Why do some people get excited about very ordinary things? How can I be excited about my very ordinary life? Recently I stumbled across this guy who really likes cars. His name is Doug DeMuro and he has 4 million YouTube subscribers, but that hasn't stopped him from creating videos in his t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers with basic camera skills and no scripting whatsoever. But he really likes cars and his enthusiasm is contagious. Doug's enthusiasm got me thinking about the intersection between creativity, joyfulness, and intelligence. So if you're into conversations about Cognitive Science, cars, and marshmallow-eating chipmunks then there's something in this episode for you.As mentioned in the episode:Doug DeMuro's review: "The Mitsubishi Pajero Mini Is a Very Tiny, Cute Off-Roader"Intimations of Creativity with Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman on the Jordan B. Peterson Podcast (Season 4, Episode 31)"How to Find Joy in the Everyday" with Ingrid Fetell Lee

Whether you're chasing disaster or disaster's chasing you, there's an opportunity to upcycle. Sometimes our greatest setbacks become our best assets. This episode is for all of us feeling deflated by our failures and wondering what the heck to do now.As mentioned in the episode:"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." -Maya Angelou (This quote might be a popular misquote of, "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.")Overheard San Francisco's rad IG account

The vitamin of vitamins! The hormone of all hormones! Vitamin D quite literally saves lives. Perhaps you're navigating the post-winter "bleh" or a more serious mental illness or autoimmune disease. Well, Vitamin D isn't the only remedy, but it may be one of the best. This episode is part Vitamin D comedy and part unlicensed, definitely-check-with-your-doctor-first medical advice. Either way, there's a little something in this episode for us sun-lovers and house-hermits alike!As mentioned in the episode, here are the awesome sources in order of their appearance:"Vitamin D" from the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public HealthMy Naturopathic Doctor's amazing hair"Vitamin D and Depression: Where is all the Sunshine?" by Sue Penckofer, PhD, RN, Joanne Kouba, PhD, RD, Mary Byrn, BSN, RN, and Carol Estwing Ferrans, PhD, RN, FAAN"12 Vitamin D Instagram Captions for Your Sunniest Posts" :)

If you've ever felt like you're just barely surviving, you should probably know that you've never "just" survived. Survival takes guts and it's damn impressive! This reflective episode is a little bit H.G. Wells, a little bit "Reading Rainbow" read-aloud, and a little bit Toni Morrison because what would we have ever done without Toni?As mentioned in the episode:"We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.” -H. G. Wells"At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough." -Toni Morrison

 Whether you're the most punctual, most flexible, or most miserable when it comes to running from point A to destination C, this episode offers a few insights for those trying to break the always-late habit or put up with the habitually late loved-one. As the world reopens and our calendars begin to book up again, we might be asking, "Okay, so now what?" The world feels weird and recreating a routine feels even weirder. There's no step-by-step perfect plan to punctuality, but sometimes, the smallest shift in perspective changes everything.

Not to brag, but trauma survivors are expert pivoters. If you're looking to perfect your pivot, look no further. Also, it's National Donut Day and donuts are kind of the ultimate pivot pastry so you're in the right place for a little history, some storytelling, and a bit of "how to pivot like a pro" game!As mentioned in the episode:Smithsonian Magazine's "The History of the Donut""The History of Doughnuts" from The Spruce EatsHow to say "olykoek" with High Quality Voices... haha :)

Comedians may be the bravest, coolest, best people among us! So go hug the funny person in your life. And maybe listen to this episode co-hosted by Anna and Daniel Frymire. When you feel like screaming, comedy might be the answer because a good laugh is, quite literally, better than therapy.(Content warning: This episode discusses Dave Chappelle's comedy special “Sticks & Stones”. That special discusses abuse and gender identity. I don't condone shaming based on gender. I also believe abuse survivors and stand with them.)As promised, here's the details for this episode's highly recommended hilarious people:Eliza Hayes Maher is Tik-Tok's favorite "90's Mom" and has the best reels on her Instagram account right hereComedy for the Internet's "Animal Facts" videos are kinda' just too much... check them out and follow them hereTony Baker animal video voiceovers will make your day so please join the party and follow him hereLeslie Jones is straight up hilarious so follow her here

Please note: the way I say “platitude” at the beginning makes me cringe too. You've been warned.But also... When in doubt, platitude! Because, you know, when God closes a door, he opens a window. Also, turn your frown upside-down because it is what it is! Whether you're the recipient of platitudes or the "platituder" offering up unsolicited well-wishes, this podcast features a few insights and quotable geniuses to help you on your way. (Spoiler: turns out the platitudes didn't turn my frown upside-down.) As mentioned in the episode:Danielle Coke's InstagramHealed leper storyJames Baldwin quotation

Showing up as yourself can feel terrifying, especially when you have a drop (or gallon) of anxiety from past trauma. The good news is, once you show up as yourself without apology, the worst of it is over.  A lifetime of people-pleasing has been exhausting so I'm leaving it behind! I'd rather risk the occasional rejection than die the slow, soul-crushing death that comes from wondering if all of the ways I've tried to change for others was, or ever will be, enough.Of course, sometimes I still feel like Tina Fey when she wrote, "My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne." [Bossypants, 2011] Oh well... we all take it a day at a time!

In the chaos of life, there's no shame in asking, "Okay, so now what?" This is the episode about my mental breakdown, human resiliency, and also donuts and paintings and French fries. Welcome to the little-bit-of-everything first episode of "Okay, so now what?"As promised in this episode, here's the donut info. If you live/work in CA, check out the apricot cardamom donuts at Dynamo Donut! You can also follow them on Instagram @dynamodonut!

I don't want to exaggerate, but I'm literally dying. This is a podcast in response to life‘s WTFF (“Where's the freaking French fries?”) moments. Unfortunately, I don't offer plans, platitudes, or promos. I do ask a few questions, stumble upon occasional insights, and gather quotable geniuses from time to time. A little bit mental health and a lot curious, this is the podcast for when it feels like the sky is falling and it's sure as heck not raining French fries. But by god, I wish it was.