The Everglow | My Life As An Empath

The trader said to him “So you are not dead after all, why did you do that? You tricked me.” The parrot responded “The bird back in Africa sent me a very important message.” “What was the message?” the man asked. He told me, “If you want to escape from your cage, you must die while you are still alive.”

In life it's easy to be risk averse, especially if you're an empath.  We fear rejection, failure, and loss so much that we often live in a state of analysis-paralysis, and never actually take a step forward to achieving our dreams or bigger goals in life.  If you're happy and you know it, then going with the status quo is totally okay - you don't always have to be reaching for that brass ring.  However, if there are any areas of life in which you feel stagnated, or you're not as happy as you think you could be, then it's time to start taking some risks! Follow my blog with Bloglovin

In life we often don't take time to smell the roses until something negative happens that forces us to actually stop and smell those roses. After the passing of my aunt today I decided it was time to become more introspective and see what lessons I learned from her life and her passing.

The law of attraction states that thoughts become things. What you think about, you bring about in your life.  Once you recognize this, you can take control of your life and attract almost anything you desire.  Sounds too easy, doesn't it?  Today we talk about what the Law of Attraction is, and how it was made popular by the wildly best selling book and DVD, "The Secret", by Rhonda Byrne.  I'll share two incredible stories of my own which are so amazing, the odds of these stories happening defy coincidence and very likely are less likely to happen than winning the Powerball lottery!  Prepare to have your mind blown.   Music by @Ikson  

You can improve your life, achieve all of your goals and your dreams if you stop pushing so hard!  Sounds counter-intuitive, doesn't it?  To achieve your goals, try less?  No of course not!!  Put in the effort at 100%, but work on the 1%.  By accomplishing a one percent change in your life every day, you'll experience 100% in only three months (give or take a few days).  The one percent solution is broken down into two parts:  1. Taking baby steps to achieve a goal, 1% at a time, and 2. Changing your life 1% a day to live your best life.  Listen to today's podcast for examples and how to keep changing your life for the better. When we try to achieve a goal, we often go as hard and fast as we can at the beginning, then lose hope when the results don't show up overnight. Instead, focus on accomplishing one percent of your goal each day.  That way you gradually build upon the previous day's accomplishment and develop a routine and since you're actually accomplishing something every day, you will be even more motivated to keep going. The same goes for improving your life one percent at a time.  Make a list of all of the things which are annoyances in your life, or you feel aren't a positive influence on your day in day out.  Then, every day, make it a goal to eliminate just one single annoyance.  You'll find every day, you'll be increasingly happy. Enjoy and don't forget to Subscribe and sign up for our newsletter.   Music credited to @Ikson  

Do you find it hard to be assertive in life?  Perhaps when you need to speak up the most, you sit in silence, pissed off, only later to wonder why you didn't stand up for yourself when you had the chance. Especially for empaths, we are averse to conflict and avoid it at any cost, and therefore stay silent when we shouldn't.  It might seem better to avoid standing up for yourself, but I've found that it is actually healthier to speak up.  While I also used to afraid of conflict since the negative energy would affect me, over the years I've gradually found my voice and started speaking my mind much more.  Not only did it NOT result in conflict, but instead, I found people who would otherwise be my adversaries, start to respect me, and apologize. To become successful in life you are going to have to learn to build your confidence and one of the best building blocks means speaking up for yourself.  Today's podcast is about finding your voice and speaking your mind.  Instead of being insulted, and then going home to ruminate over why you didn't defend yourself, start becoming more reactive and fearless.  It takes practice.  Lots of practice!  With a few small adjustments, and a baby steps however, you too can find your voice and become the person on the outside that you already are, on the inside. To become successful in life you are going to have to learn to build your confidence and one of the best building blocks means speaking up for yourself.  

Have you ever witnessed the career or life of a friend, colleague, or stranger and wondered if you should be "trying harder", or "doing more" in life?  Recently, I was thinking about some of my friends.  The ones from undergrad, spent years in their government jobs and have climbed to the highest levels, from being trade commissioners, to ambassadors.  The friends from MBA have stayed in banking and have become VPs, hedge fund managers, and climbed pretty high on the investment banking industry.  Finally, my friends from law school have stayed at their jobs and become partners at fairly significant law firms. Although I feel like I've accomplished a lot, it made me wonder, whether I should have just stayed in one industry, and one job.  The more I thought about it though, the more I know it correctly.  Too often things like titles, look pretty on paper, but we overlook the years of stress, hard work, and unhappiness that goes into these job titles, which at the end of the day, don't mean a hell of a lot because they can be taken away from you. Titles are nice, but what about your life?  How many adventures have you been on?  Are you waiting to retire to finally pursue your dream business or dream trip?  Well here's some news for you: you may never retire. Pensions aren't what they were. Also, as you get older, you may not be able to do all of those exciting things that you can do when you're younger. Instead of waiting until the end of your life to start living, in today's podcast, we'll talk about living life in reverse - retire along the way, and fulfill your bucket list items today.  You never know, tomorrow may never come.   Music by @Ikson

As empaths, we are naturally averse to conflict.  Because of our sensitivities, we find ourselves staying silent when we should speak up, even if it means getting screwed over.  We are so afraid of getting into an argument and having our energies drained, that we let ourselves get ripped off on lots of things like fraudulent billing by big companies, to letting regular customers at our own businesses take advantage of us.  But because we can't stand conflict, we often let ourselves get steamrolled, and then spend our time being frustrated with ourselves for not having had the courage to stand up when we had the chance.  The time to make that change is now. Start fighting for yourself and being your biggest advocate.  In reality if you don't advocate for yourself then no one else will.  Stop putting everyone else's feelings ahead of your own and start taking some risks with pushing back on situations that are unfair to you.  What I've found is that when you start standing up for yourself, the Universe will stand right behind you in moving things around in a way that will work in your favor.  Do you think it's a waste of time to spend half a day fighting that unfair $50 parking ticket?  It may seem like it's not worth the hassle, but what you'll find is that the more stand up for yourself, the less you'll have to in the future as unfair situations will stop being attracted to you.  Listen to the end of the podcast to see a realtime example of how the law of attraction works for you in these situations!

On this podcast, we talk a lot about stress and how it is quietly and slowly, killing you. There's a great book I was reading called "The Stress Solution", by Rangan Chatterjee.  In today's podcast, I'll discuss the book, and how our bodies are experiencing daily micro-stress-doses which are affecting our mental and physical health.  It's not secret that stress is going to send you to an early grave, however it's important to learn why we react the way we do to certain things in life so we can stop ourselves before reacting.  Experience stress was actually a natural response to save yourself from a predator many years ago when we were cavemen/women.  Our adrenaline would pump, our blood would flow faster, so we could take fight or flight - run from a predator, or be prepared to fight it.  Unfortunately, with all of the daily routines we have that stress us out, we are experiencing stress multiple times every day instead of just once a month.  The cumulative effect of constantly reacting as though a predator is chasing you is the equivalent to the predator actually killing you. Music by @Ikson

In this bizarre time, conspiracy theorists are popping out of the woodwork.  Those whose brains are not geared for conspiracies, are nonetheless being subject to the truly ridiculous stories put forth by such theorists.  It can be exhausting, and stressful dealing with those who can't accept simple events for what they are.  In my life I've learned it is best to stay away from such people, especially as an empath.  The conspiracy theorists will drain your energy because their brain has not yet developed far enough to process certain logic, or basic evidence.  Before you decide to engage in such a debate with a conspiracy theorist, make sure to bite your tongue, and walk away.  Or change the subject. On today's show we'll discuss why it's useless to argue with people that don't want to accept reality.  Ultimately, unless you're getting paid to do so and you enjoy it, what's the point of trying to convince other people that a cloud is just a cloud and not a government "chem-trail" to influence the weather?  Why bother trying to explain to someone that September 11 was actually a bunch of terrorists and not the work of some inside government or "Deep state".  Ultimately you have nothing to gain as an empath, but everything to lose as you will exhaust yourself by playing a game of whack-a-mole whereby every time you succinctly disprove their points, they just jump to another or change the subject. Take care out there!

What is Reiki and how can it help you? In the ever-growing sea of self-improvement options, from yoga to meditation, your options to live a better and happier life seem limitless in this day and age. In recent years, you've probably heard more and more about Reiki as a form of healing and overall wellness. In this episode we will talk to Manali Scott, an actual Reiki master, and learn about what is Reiki and how it can help you to heal as well as give you insight into what is holding you back in life. This podcast is about practical advice you can actual use in the real world and for empaths especially, this is one you have to listen to! I was a skeptic until I met Manali and she helped me get out of a sticky situation.  Visit her website and sign up for  her mailing list and check out her services. You can find her website at Zen for You Music by @Ikson

One of the best parts of traveling is the people you meet along the way. In just a few days, you can form friendships and bonds with other travelers that are deeper and stronger than with friends you have back home whom you've known for years. During my trip through Central Asia, I met Mark, who I decided to nickname "Dally", since he was from Dallas, Texas. When I travel, I often call people by the city or place they're from since it's easier to remember. Dally and I became good friends as we explored Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, and Uzbekistan. As a fellow traveler who has visited 100 countries, today I have invited him on the show to discuss our love of travel, and some of the misadventures and exciting things that have happened along the way. From muggings in Rio de Janeiro Brazil, to almost drowning in a Turkish bathhouse, we cover it all.   Join us, won't you? Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes for regular updates.  You can check out some of my travel videos on my YouTube channel by clicking HERE! Music by @ikson  

Have you ever wanted to run away from life?  In 2015 I was feeling so overwhelmed that I fled the country and ran away from being a lawyer! I told no one where I was going and fled to Thailand to be alone and save myself from having a breakdown. It was one of the best things I had ever done.  I went to Bali, Indonesia, then Chiang Mai, Thailand, and finally Calcutta, India for a month and told no one.  In this podcast I'll share what I did, I'll talk about the awesome travellers I met, and the life changing lessons I learned along the way.  Most people say you should always confront your problems and have the courage to keep getting up when you get knocked down.  They're wrong.  I learned that one of the best things you can do for your mental health is to run away from your problems and find happiness elsewhere.  I did and it worked out great!   As promised, here is the video of the morning after I arrived in Bali.  I felt the weight of the world had lifted off of my shoulders in this moment.   Also, here are random photos from my trip through Chiang Mai (and a few from Bali).  Sometimes it's fun listening to the narrative of someone's journey and then seeing the actual photos.   View from Green Tiger Vegetarian House in Chiang Mai Another view of my room while in Chiang Mai A cat cafe in Chiang Mai. Long philosophical talks with my friend Shivaun. Motorbiking through the Samoeng Loop. Riding the Samoeng Loop in Chiang Mai Hanging with new friends and the owner at the Green Tiger Vegetarian House One of the many night markets in Chiang Mai Awesome food at the night market! This baby elephant was so cute. It was fun feeding them! Fun with new friends on the way to the elephant sanctuary. Giving elephants a mud bath. Fun in the stream with the elephant! Delicious breakfasts every morning. Fish eating my dead skin Foot massage. She wasn't impressed. Even the cats had fun. Life advice that the Universe puts in front of you at the right time The moat around the city walls. Kuta Beach in Bali First stop was Bali! Rice terrace while drinking coffee. Volcano in Bali First stop: BALI   Stick around to listen to the end of the video. I recorded the podcast almost five years after this video and hadn't watched it until just now. Even back then in a euphoric state, I had reached the same conclusion: that it's okay to run away from your problems.  

As an empath or sensitive person, do you find yourself always taking on other people's problems?  I don't mind just listening to their problems; I mean you actually mentally and emotionally bear the burden of other people's problems as if they were your own!  You find yourself stressed, anxious, and tired. Depending on the time of job you have, your personality and shouldering other people's problems all of the time can crush you. Today I discuss how to separate how you can be involved in helping solve a problem without bearing the weight of that person's problem.  Ultimately, it will help you live more peaceful when you realize that it is not your job to be responsible for other people's problems.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2020 are simple: I plan to be selfish, unavailable, and unreliable. For an empath, f you implement these changes into your daily routine, you will gradually start feeling a levity unlike any other. Part of being an empath means you always put everyone else first. We are innately people-pleasers.  I'm tired of that stuff.  Yeah some people say how it makes me beautiful.  Screw that noise!  Living in a big city like LA, if you're a people pleaser you're seen as a sucker and people will steamroll right over you, taking advantage of you.  My turn!  Next time I see one slice of pizza left, I'm going to take it, and stuff it down my mouth.  Each man or woman for him/herself!

True story: the word NO is a complete sentence. As empath's or highly sensitive people, we have a tendency or disposition to always be people-pleasers. Accordingly, whenever someone asks us for something and we don't want to do it, we have a hard time saying the simple word NO. For an empath, saying NO is more of a negotiation, instead of an absolute or emphatic statement. Why? Because we are so concerned with offending the other person or pleasing them to make them happy, that we avoid using direct language to turn them down and try to negotiate declining the offer. Unfortunately, this ends up backfiring, as we usually get convinced to do what we ultimately never wanted to do in the first place. So what do I mean about saying “no” becoming a negotiation? Let me give you an example. Let's say someone asks you to go to a concert downtown. You have literally zero interest in going for a variety of reasons. First, you dislike the music of that particular band, second, the tickets are $200 each, and third, you're working that day so you would have to get home from work early, get ready, and then spend another two hours trekking downtown in heavy traffic. Basically you'd be exhausted by the time you arrived to see a band you have zero interest in seeing. But here's the problem with the average empath: when our friend asks us to go downtown, we don't say “NO”. Instead, we dance around the response. Example, instead of simply saying “no”, when asked whether we'd like to go to the concert, we answer “I'd love to go, but I have to work that day and I'd never make it on time.” Or we say something like “thanks so much for the invite, but the tickets are really expensive.” Do you see the problem with answering like this? What you've told the other person is that you're actually interested in going, except for a few things which can easily be overcome. Especially if the person you're talking to is a friend, which obviously they would be if they were inviting you, you have now done is open the door to negotiating. The problem now is that with regards to your “I have to work” excuse, is that what are you going to do when your friend tells you - “hey don't worry about getting there late, there's an opening act and the actual band won't actually get on stage until much later, so voila, you'll have plenty of time to get home from work and get there in time to enjoy the show. I'll even pick you up and drive us down!” or, what are you going to say if they respond by saying “don't worry, fortunately the band is having a second performance the next day which is a Saturday when you don't have to work. Great you're coming now!” As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, or a flake. In the second part of the example where you said you couldn't go because the tickets are too expensive, what are you going to do when your friend starts trying to strong arm you into going by saying “it's only $200, the band rarely comes to town. Stop being so cheap - you never go out and enjoy yourself anymore. It's not much money.” Or what if he says “don't worry about the tickets - I have an extra one and you can have it for free! What time shall we head down now that you can come?” As you can see, you just fucked yourself. Because now, if you come up with an alternate excuse, it will make you look like a liar, a cheapo, or a flake. Or all of the above. The problem is for an empath, you don't want to hurt your friend's feelings by telling them that the band sucks and you have zero interest in going, so you struggle to find your voice and speak your mind. You're almost obsessed with people's feelings and not hurting them or causing conflict so you always speak using wishy-washy language to avoid stepping on anyone's toes. The curse of an empath. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Ironically,

OH NO!  You've been dumped.  Your girlfriend, or boyfriend, dumped you.  While at first you were a bit numb and it was playing out in your mind, with every passing day, and then every passing minute, the situation starts getting worse for you emotionally.  You started off thinking:  I don't need her!  She's replaceable and I'll find someone new - to dwelling on her great qualities and then thinking she was the only one in the world for you.  Congratulations - you are officially in panic mode, falling into despair and depression.  Especially for an empath or highly sensitive person, the end of a relationship, when it doesn't happen on your terms, can be particularly devastating. Today's podcast is about a few things, but mostly it's about how to get over a breakup, otherwise known as the end of a relationship.  While there is no magic pill, employing some of these tips post-relationship can help speed up the recovery process.  And while it may seem like the pain is getting worse each day, just remember, that it will get better, and time really does heal this sort of wound. While girls and boys, women and men, process the end of a relationship differently, I'll try to speak generally about the feelings one goes through as well as what you can do to get back on your feet sooner rather than later.  Time is precious so why waste it worrying and pining about someone that doesn't even want to be with you?  Most of the time you're left bewildered, wondering what went wrong, but other times you saw the end looming.  Either way, unfortunately from my observations, probably 90% of the end of relationships involve a third party (ie. Your significant other met someone else), but don't take it personally or beat yourself up over it.  Just like friendships can have a season, so can romantic relationships - people grow apart or start looking for other things.  There's no reason to be mad at the other person, nor reason for you to be mad at yourself. The strange part of a breakup, perhaps rooted in biology or natural history, is that usually the person that is on the receiving end of the breakup, is the one that suffers the most.  What I mean by this is that the person who gets dumped usually suffers the most turmoil.  Even if you were thinking of ending the relationship anyway, or perhaps you had ended it on previous occasions but had reconciled, the fact is that once you get dumped, you're more likely to go down the path of feeling like crap.  I think there's a famous Seinfeld episode about this where George Costansa is in a rush to breakup with a girl before she breaks up with him so that he doesn't have to be the “dumpee”. Anyway, the end of a relationship will send you through a series of emotions.  Let's go through them briefly so we can discuss measures you can take to feel better.  I think the more aware you are over these steps, the more you can be assured that your just going through a grieving process like anyone else and that you'll get through it.  How quickly or slowly you get through it though will depend on you and how hard you try.   These days people get broken up with in a variety of ways.  Because we're in the electronic age, don't be surprised or take it badly if you're broken up by text message, e-mail, or a voicemail.  If you're really lucky you'll get dumped in-person, but these days the new fad seems to be “ghosting” where your ex literally just blocks your number and disappears into thin air, never to be heard from again. Let's start at the top and go through some of the thought process you will go through after getting dumped: You'll stay strong and think about what a jerk that guy was and how you can do better.  You'll start by vilifying the way in which he dumped you, critical of the method, and your brain will likely go on attack mode, remembering all of the bad things and his flaws, as well as all of the BS you had to put up with.  2.  Once you have exhausted hating on your ex,

So it happened again didn't it?  Despite all of the lessons you've learned, hundreds of hours of YouTube videos, Podcasts, and self-help books, you still let someone through your front door that sucked the life out of you and now that that person has found your magical teat to suckle off of, you can't get rid of them. You're left drained, your eyes feel heavy, and you need to do a reset to get your energy back. If you don't properly recharge or cleanse, you'll end up becoming what you hate by being a jerk to your loved ones in an attempt to steal their energy to replenish your own.  It becomes this vicious cycle - someone has taken your energy and now you're subconsciously trying to take someone else's.  No wonder people like lawyers end up getting divorced so much - they probably do emotional drive by's on their spouses on a daily basis.  if you wonder why you need so much alone time, then this is why - because you are trying to protect yourself from further emotional turbulence and you need this time to heal. In any event I want to use this episode to talk about ways in which to recharge your batteries and reset your mood and essentially cleanse the toxic energies that you have absorbed.  What will be different though, is that as the modern-day hippy that I am, I don't really believe in all of these gem-Stones that you have to rub all over your balls.  I also don't believe in planets aligning in order to dictate your life such as I don't think you have to wait for Mercury to be in line with your anus before you can help yourself.  I also don't think you need to risk burning your house down by burning incense and sage thereby setting off the fire alarms sprinklers and making things smell funky for your neighbors - something especially true if you live in an apartment complex.  The reason I do not believe in all those things is because those are all externalities and I truly do not believe that you need external material objects in order to heal yourself. Because once you start relying on these external things then what happens when you don't have access to them? For example I live in Los Angeles and I'm pretty sure if I go to Trader Joe's or Ralph's or Walmart I can't just find Sage so I can burn it.  Does this mean I have to run around town looking for sage or perhaps some sort of particular Quartz stone before I can begin the healing?  And what if there is a worldwide shortage of Sage - does this mean I can't heal myself?   Nope, of course not.  The power to heal and cleanse oneself is within our self. So here are some ways that I have found effective to help myself recharge my batteries.  Hopefully you find some use in them.   1.  Make sure to give yourself some alone time everyday especially on a day when someone has taken your energy from you. If you live with a roommate or you live with your parents or are married or whatever, then you may not have your own little cave to spend some time outside of the house where you can be alone. Especially in a big city like Los Angeles, it can sometimes be difficult because no matter where you go there are people around. But despite the crowds and big cities there are usually some places you can go to find some space.  A good place to do this might be a city park where you can sit on a bench and have at least a little bit of room with no one that knows you around.   Another place to get some alone time could be a public library.  While people may be there, at least they're quietly doing their own thing which creates a very pleasant and healing environment.  I always love the smell of libraries. While it is important for you to be alone, I think it's even more important that you're at least away from people that you know including friends and family.  At least when you're alone in a park or library then you're not around people that can try to use you as a conduit for them to use you to dump their dark energy.  The more you can put yourself in an anonymous place,...

After watching the NBA Finals in which the Golden State Warriors squared off against the Toronto Raptors in a best of seven series, I was prompted to do this impromptu episode when the Warrior's star player, Kevin Durant, severely injured his leg. Kevin Durant was a unique player - not because of his almost 7 foot height, andand not not only because he was an amazing basketball player, but because of the fact that he was actually very sensitive to what other people would say about him even though he was a major celebrity.  Kevin injured himself about a month before the Finals and could not play.  Perhaps succumbing to the pressure to play again in order to save his team from elimination, he ended up playing.  From everything we knew it seemed like a bad idea in that he wasn't ready to play. He ended up playing.  I cringed every time he had the ball.  Sure enough, not long into the game, he ended up tearing his Achilles heel, perhaps because he was injured and playing when he should not have been.   In this episode, I explore how giving in to what other people want can ultimately lead to your demise. Good luck and best wishes to the kind soul known as Kevin Durant.

What's the one most valuable thing you have and can never replace, that you paid nothing for, protect the least, but let people take from you for free even when you don't want to give it away? TIME. We spend so much of our lives accumulating assets, material things, whether that includes your latest electronic gadget, your house, or your car.  What do you do to protect those things?  You buy an insurance plan for your phone in case it gets lost or stolen, and a case for your phone so it doesn't break if you drop it.  You protect it.  You pay for a car warranty, wash your car, and do regular maintenance on your car so it lasts as long as possible and looks good.  You protect it.  You buy home owner's insurance, perform regular maintenance, clean your house, and renovate it.  You protect it.  You put your money in a bank, and other valuables in a safety deposit box.  You protect them. If anyone tried to take your phone, car, house, or money, you'd be pissed off, angry, fight them if necessary, and cause a ruckus to guard against anyone taking these things from you.  Even though all of these things are replaceable, you would never let anyone take them away from you without a fight. But your time on the other, you give away without a second though.  Especially as an empath or highly sensitive person, time is something you give away freely and let people take from you, even when you don't have it to give, or don't want to give it.  Because you're so concerned with what people think, you let people take as much as they want from you in the interest of likability or not offending the person taking your time. Think about it.  You're giving away your most valuable gift for FREE.  If you keep doing this, you will end up frustrated and angry with yourself for not putting a stop to this terrible habit now.  When you initially get frustrated with the person wasting your time, you eventually realize it's your own fault and you wonder why you didn't put an end to people stealing your time. WHY IS TIME SO PRECIOUS Not that this needs much elaborating on, but let's face it, you only get this one life so from the minute you're born, you're living life on a countdown timer.  If you think of an hourglass, as soon as you're born…hell, as soon as you're conceived, the sand in the hourglass is only flowing from the bottom to the top.  While you can do certain things to prolong your life, like eating healthy, and staying peaceful, no matter what you do, that time will run out no matter what you do. Time is so precious because you can literally never replace it.  Ever.  If you crash a car, you can buy a new one.  If your house gets destroyed in a tornado, you can buy a new one.  When you give away your time, it's never coming back.  Ever.  It is the only irreplaceable commodity on earth.  When you waste time on something, you can't get it back.  If someone knocks on your door to sell you their religion or to sign you up for a fake after school program, then wants to sit down with you for half an hour to discuss it even though you already know your answer is a resolute NO, you can't later rewind the clock and get that person to give you your time back. I actually think time is even more precious for a couple of additional reasons beyond the simple fact that it is irreplaceable. You don't know how much time you had.  If you died tomorrow, but then at the gates of heaven were given the chance to have one more day on earth, can you imagine what that day would look like?  Would it start with a Big Mac and large fries at McDonald's, and end like a scene out of the movie The Hangover, when they went to the red light district in Bangkok?  No, not that part where Stu realized he had made love with a ladyboy…. What would be all of those crazy things you would do and how would you maximize your time?    Maybe your day would be spent simply curling up on the sofa with your family, watching movies all day and eating ice cream.

Have you heard the story about the frog that died in a pot of boiling water?  He was alive when someone put him into a nice cool pot of water.  That person then put the pot on the stove, reassuring the frog that everything was going to be okay.  The frog trusted the person and didn't think much of what was going on.  When the person turned on the stove, the frog didn't notice much difference in the water's temperature until it was too late and he had boiled to death. What had happened?  Apparently with small adjustments in temperature, as the water got hotter and hotter, it got so hot it began boiling.  Because of the frog's ability to adapt, it did not realize that the water go to such a hot temperature that the water's temperature became unsurvivable.  The frog died from the heat even though it could have jumped out of the pot at any time and saved itself. You're the frog and the water represents the stress in your life.  Much like the frog, as humans, we are good at adapting to our changing environment.  What inevitably happens though as we get older and have more responsibilities, is that the pot of water we are in called “life”, can become increasingly pressured, and hot like the water.  Since it can happen gradually over a period of months and years, we simply take on more and more, thinking we can and are handling everything okay.  Until one day we wake up dead at the ripe young age of 50 because of a heart attack from all of the stress we put our bodies through.  Does this sound like you? Today I want to talk to you about how to figure out if you're under so much pressure in your life that you're headed down a path of self-destruction, whether you realize it or not.  Today I want you to start examining your life as a pot of water and my goal is for you to pay attention to whether or not the water in your life is close to a boiling point without you even realizing it.  If you're alive, which you are if you're listening/reading to this, it is not too late to make changes to save yourself from yourself.  I still opine that stress is the number one killer of humans here in the western hemisphere and I believe being vigilant over our stress levels is even more important than being vigilant over our diet. Without further ado, let's see how hot the water is in your life before it's too late. PHYSICAL CHANGES Your body is always trying to speak to you.  If you're not attuned to your body you will miss the subtle, and then later, not so subtle cues your body is giving you.  The more stressed you are the more you will find your body changing until the effects are irreversible or have manifested in illnesses you can't cure. Skin and Hair While you may not think you're overly stressed, you may in fact be overly stressed if you find your body giving you subtle hints.  Subtle hints include things like your skin condition.  Do you find yourself getting pimples or other forms of acne even though you're way out of your adolescent years?  Don't ignore this.  Stress can trigger the right chemicals in your body which can cause acne regardless of your age.  If you think they are just temporary hormonal changes that will go away, while that may be true in certain instances, don't overlook them by assuming it is that.  In fact, take a look at what is going on in your life or what started to go on before the acne flared up.  If you can identify something that triggered it, that thing is probably something stress related and you need to get rid of it! I had a friend who had acne as a kid (join the club)!  It went away when he was about 19 years ago.  Fast forward twenty years later, at the ripe age of 39, he started getting acne again!  He was exercising regularly and also kept a very healthy diet free of fried foods and sugar.  Yet, there it was - big pimples popping up on his face.  He, like me, was an attorney, so appearances mattered given that he had to go to Court as well as meet clients etc.

In society these days we are obsessed with perfectionism.  We either seek it in ourselves, but more often, we seek it in others.  This usually extends beyond just other people, but reaches into the products we buy and the things we do.  Ultimately, we end up pursuing things that don't exist - illusions.  Things can always be better, and people can always be smarter and better looking.  You may think this episode is about letting go of perfection.  You would be wrong!  Today's episode is actually endorsing the pursuit of perfection, but pursuit of perfection within ourselves, and within the confines of our own limits.  Yes yes, I know we always preach about being limitless, but hear me out so you can understand the context of what I mean by “limits”.   Too many of us, especially in the dating world, look at others that they perceive to be better looking, more educated, taller, or whatever, and think because they themselves lack those certain traits, that they operate at a disadvantage.  For example, if your version of a 10 out of 10 person is a 6' 2” tall, handsome neurosurgeon, and yet you are shorter, chubbier, and less educated, you will perceive yourself to be less than a perfect 10 and feel inferior.  Similarly, by deifying certain characteristics that you specifically cannot or will never possess, you will walk around always feeling less, putting yourself at a disadvantage, and ultimately you will exude these feelings, thereby amplifying your low self-esteem and lack of confidence.  It becomes a downward spiral because you are what you think you are, and people look at you the same way you look at yourself.  If you think less of yourself then others will think less of you. The best example I hear is when guys describe a girl as being flawless, the epitome of perfection and that she's a perfect ten so will only date a guy that's a ten as well.  They then cry me a river about how a girl like that wouldn't date them, despite the fact that the guy themself has three university degrees from top schools, is super-intelligent, comes from a good home and has a great personality.  They fail to see that the real catch is staring at them in the mirror. I'm here to tell you that you can be a ten, no matter what you currently think of yourself.  And the way to do this is to take what you are and make it the best of what you are.  Stop dwelling on what you don't have and what other people have.   Here is how to elevate yourself to being a perfect ten and attract the person you want, the job you want, and the life you want. INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE PURSUIT OF PERFECTION 1.  Work with and improve what you got.    Face: When I say make yourself your own perfect ten then that's exactly what I mean.  Let's say that you think your appearance is ugly.  Don't accept that as your narrative.  Do something about it and make what you have as good as it possibly can, so even if you perceive yourself to be less attractive than others, and in your own mind a 5 out of 10 (I'm only using this 10 scale for narrative purposes btw), make yourself the best 5 imaginable.   If you don't like your appearance do something about it.  Now don't get ahead of me - I'm not suggesting to go out and get plastic surgery, fill your lips with fat so you look like a duck, and get so much botox that your eyebrows blink every time you open and close your eyes.  What I am saying is work with what you have.  There are many things you can do.  Get a hairstyle that flatters your face.  Groom yourself.  Pluck those hairs from your ears as well as the ones sticking out of your nose.  Shave - and yes that goes for you girls and guys!  If you have blemishes like acne, there are lots of options to treat your pimples and clear up your face.  The point is - take care of your face as it's the first thing people look at! And yes a quick note about surgery - if you think there is something very out line with your appearance and it is a medical condition y...

Are you affected by other people's emotions?  Do you find yourself feeling tired and drained after speaking to certain people?  You might be an empath.  If you're a highly sensitive person, then you are very attuned to the energy from other people.  You have to be careful with this gift as the wrong people may know this about you and take advantage by trying to give you their negative energy so you can suffer for them.  We will discuss how to identify yourself as an empath, and steps you can take to protect yourself from negative people who target you for your gifts.

Did you ever ask yourself why you've ever suffered despite having done everything right?  After having an ultra-stressful week thanks to certain bottom-feeding scumbags that I had mistakenly allowed into my business circle, I had an epiphany that I would like to share with you.  Fortunately it only took me three decades to get to this conclusion, but it's an important one.  If you've been experiencing any suffering whatsoever, I urge you to read on so that you can start feeling good again, take control of your feelings, and live an amazing life free from pain. I'll start with my own story.  Generally, I've always done things right in life.  I was born with intelligence and logic.  In addition to that, I spent years in school, always at the top of my class, never getting into trouble.  I always follow the law, have never been charged with a crime, and have never even received a speeding ticket in my entire life.  Financially, I am very conservative with my money and save well.  On the health side, I exercise regularly, and eat an ultra-clean diet, low in meats yet high in proteins and necessary nutrients – I have a clean bill of health.  I'm close with my parents and have a group of amazing friends.   Despite all of this, I have found that there has been suffering in my life.  When I say “suffering”, I'm referring to any pain, anguish or stress – basically any negative feelings – that I have felt.  I realized there was a clear disconnect as this equation didn't make sense.  It didn't make sense that I experienced suffering when I was doing everything “right”.  I had to get to the bottom of this conundrum. Don't get me wrong.  My life is amazing and always has been.  I'm certainly not here to paint a bleak picture – I've travelled the world, was raised very well, and have lived a privileged life.  More importantly, I've never been one to live a “glass half-empty” kind of life, ever.  When things have gone wrong, I've always blamed myself because at the end of the day, even if someone else screws me over, my thought process is that it was my fault for letting them do so in the first place.  But wanting more answers, I decided to figure out what exactly was the problem, so that I could find a solution and live an even better life.  Enough was enough.    PROBLEM I found the problem right away:  I was suffering because of other people and for other people.   Blame-game time.   Rarely, almost never in fact, was I feeling pain because of my own unilateral actions.  As a child, my suffering was caused by bullies at school who belittled me because of my skin color.  At home, I suffered without even realizing it, as I had a family member that experienced depression for years.  Even though the bullying ended around the age of eight, there was still pain thanks to the household situation.  In latter years, a crazy girlfriend with her own issues would cause suffering.  Now, as an attorney, I unfortunately found suffering all around me on a daily basis with overbearing clients trying to impose their poor life decisions on me not by simply hiring me to do legal work, but  by wanting me to emotionally share in their grief.  The final straw most recently was another attorney (not sure how he even has a license given his stupidity) who has spent his life making mistakes and yet blaming everyone else for his own incompetency and failures, desperately trying to draw innocent bystanders into his internal chaos.  I call him “Mr. It's Not My Fault”. For someone like me who is hyper-sensitive to people's energies, these things are so emotionally draining and painful, that I found myself experiencing some form of suffering on a regular basis.  Because it happened so gradually, I never took an opportunity to realize what was going on.  As we adapt, feeling these negative emotions just became part of the job, or part of life, and I accepted it.  Until now. What's the point in “doing everything right” in life,

Maintaining happiness is like doing gardening. You can't sit back when you're happy and expect to always stay that way. It takes work! Spring Cleaning is about reviewing your life and clearing out the clutter every year. I'm not just referring to the clutter on junk in your house. In fact, this episode is about how you should review the people in your life and see if they serve any purpose. Check out todays episode for instructions on how to protect yourself from toxic people so your happiness can flourish!

Do you want to live a flexible life but still get the bills paid? On my latest episode I discuss how you can live what I call a “modular lifestyle” where you earn income on your terms when you want, so you can have more control of your time. By driving for Uber, freelancing on Fiverr, or renting out to AirBnb, you can make income without having to commit to one single job. Life isn't lived by working from 9 to 5 behind a desk, staring at a computer screen. Live cheap, travel cheap, enjoy life!