The Pretender

Jay shares his recent experience of losing his beloved dog Ginger. In doing so he explains how much saying goodbye to the dog was more about letting go of a part of his life that he hasn't shared and a reminder that death of man or beast will always be a sad consequence of the fall of man until God restores his own order of life.Resources & Links: From dust to dust - Ecclesiastes 3:18-21Pet loss grief; the pain explained - Sarah Hoggan Quotable: "I realized I wasn't training my dog; I was training myself. I was learning that life can be messy, but you can still enjoy it, I was learning that you could fail many times at something, but it doesn't mean you are a failure" - Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks about healing form personal life events from both a physical, emotional and spiritual sense. During times of difficulty, tragedy, failure, illness or any valleys of life; it's often easy to get stuck into the weeds and thorns that life is. It's easier to give up than having to face the aftermath of an event, but ultimately , we must get there to heal. Jay also plays a guitar at the end of the episode!Resources: Songs Jay talked about Whatever you're doing - Sanctus Real Broken vessels - Hillsong  Quotable: "Everyone has their own process; everyone has their own time but if we are to continue living in this life - healing must happen." -Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode, Jay recounts a conversation he had with a late friend about suffering and draws perspective from it today.Dedicated to M.N.M. - Still sadly missed. Resources: The story of the man born blindAfflicted Saint, to Christ draw near Quotable: "…we shouldn't always claim to know or even explain the reason we suffer because frankly we don't know why certain things happen, but we should instead look to God for strength during these trials and challenges." - JayThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay recounts his love for basketball and the pain from it. He talks about why he is ready to quit – a true depiction of the impact the recent injury and process of recovery has had on him thus far. A little glimpse on some feelings that pain can bring out in all of us. Resources:The story of King David in the Bible Quotable: "I have counted the cost, I have embraced the pain for too long, but it has just been one sided, I have given everything to the game, but I feel like the game hasn't loved me back and I have nothing left to give to it anymore." - Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In November of 2016, Jay underwent a surgical procedure to repair his left Achilles tendon after it completely ruptured. He made full recovery in a record 6-7 months and went back to playing his beloved basketball. Well, seven full years later on the 16th of October 2023; Jay devastatingly went through the same procedure on his other leg. This experience agonizingly has brought so much shock and Jay speaks about it today.  Resources:What shall separate us from the love of God?Achilles tendon rupture Quotable: "It wasn't a pretty conversation but in that moment for all of you in doubt- that very conversation I was having was my faith." - Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode Jay pens a letter of apology to all the people in his life that he let down by choosing his own path. He gets a little personal in saying sorry for the unrealized potential that he left to pursue his own enterprise and how he is at peace with the fruits of that process 7 years later. Everyone of us needs a therapy session, Jay just thought his was saying sorry. Resources: Am I Wrong (Song Jay referenced) Quotable: "I have no regrets in my life, I have lived the life I would live over and over again; a life of complete and utter faith." - Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to Joseph Kayaya about being yourself, living your life to the fullest, his love for running and we delve deep into his experience with dealing with the death of his Dad as well as mental health. We also get to enjoy more of his trademark daily doses as he shares them on the podcast.  Resources & Links:JKDaily DosesTed Talk about grief (Nora McInerny)Lusaka Fitness Squad (premier running club) Books mentioned:Atomic habitsSmart Money WomanThe Richest Man in BabylonTiny HabitsBecome unstoppableThe Top 10 Distinctions Between Millionaires and the Middle Class  Quotable: "It's amazing how far a human body will go when you are clear with your goals" - JK   The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"    Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode Jay talks about how life is taking him back to parts of his life that he left behind. He goes in circles talking about going back to old relationships including professional relationships even giving an analogy of puppies and dogs! Yes he was philosophical about this experience until he decided to finally get to the whole point of this episode - sharing how life has helped him reconnect with his own siblings and family through the death of his grandma! Resources: Going back (Song Jay referenced) Quotable: "You know what? I also appreciate living the experience of loving someone I don't always agree with or put it this way fighting with someone I love." - Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode Jay talks about the challenges and 'weirdness' of adult friendship. He shares his experience being blacked out by a long-time close friend, how he came to terms with it and how he views friendship now. Resources: about friendship Billy no-mates (Book Jay recommended) Men, guard your friendships – heed the warning of the Banshees of Inisherin When it comes to banter, men are in their element. But that is no foundation for lasting friendship How I realised I'd become a friendaholic) Quotable: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18v24 The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode Jay reflects on his recent depression and health issues, as well as how he lost his creative ability and enthusiasm for writing. He talks about an interesting technique suggested by a friend to regain it all back. What technique was this, you might ask - Doodling!Finally Jay shares his entire doodle list that included all the activities he did just to stay afloat. Resources about the technique of Doodling: What are doodles and their benefits? Benefits of doodling Doodle your way to better mental health Art Journaling (doodle and de-stress) Quotable: "But what I figured out through this novel idea from my super friend - was more confounding: That throughout the process of my mental struggles and physical health I was doing the same thing - I was incoherently doing [different] things to try and get better." -Jay The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to his identical twin brother Ralf about the experience of leaving Africa to settle in Europe, his experience with the difficulty of childbearing and the the challenges of dealing with different cultures and mental health. They then share the secrets and stories of identical twins!Resources & Links:MacSpeedys (Jay & Ralf's 'sort of' favorite courier)Basketball player - Zion WilliamsonBasketball player - Lonzo BallNike Kobe line (Jay & Ralph's favourite shoes)Adidas Dame 7 floral (shoe Jay bought)Decathlon (Jay & Ralf's favorite store)Rome, ItalyWe Run Rome (Annual 10k run in Rome)Panettone (traditional Italian Christmas bread)Hamburg, GermanyEurope's Migrant crisisQuotable: "Your relationship and marriage cannot be defined by having or not having a child....We let go [of the fact that we were struggling to conceive] and we immersed in each other." - Ralf "What's the point of having a child if your marriage relationship and the fundamentals of your home are broken?....invest in your relationship" - RalfShow notes: 3:17 - Shoes & basketball20.15 - Moving to Europe and the challenges of dealing with racism58.13 - Ralf's story about his difficulties in child bearing1:10:27 - his take on mental health1:35:16 - The secret life of twinsThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode Jay reflects on his recent unplanned hiatus and life as he shares his strange illness, tragic death of a friend and gratitude through it all. Safe to say he is back!Resources:Thorn in the fleshQuotable: "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." -Paul the Apostle (II Corinthians 12:10 The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to Alice-Mulo about her art, advocacy work in mental health and about her adult therapy coloring book (Free your mind, free yourself) - a first in Zambia.Resources & Links:Alice-Mulo 'Free your mind free yourself' adult therapy coloring book Fortitude galleryAlice's work exhibitionsOSISAAlice's social media handle:FacebookTwitterInstagramQuotable: "No matter how hard it gets, show up for your dream every time." - Alice-Mulo Show notes: 7:29 - I am without a face project14:46 - Adult art therapy coloring book book (Free your mind Free yourself)42:52 - her own struggle with mental health 59:55 - Business, entrepreneurship and Fortitude GalleryThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay continues the conversation with Tabo about her journey of life; they talk about how she copes with life's various challenges, they talk about her career and the power of a woman as a home maker and she also shares her experiences in starting a business and much moreResources & Links:Solwezi, NW, ZambiaPermaculture, Geoff LawtonVirtuous Woman (Proverbs 31:10-31)GreenPole FarmConnectorRed Velvet cakes and moreQuotable: "Submission is not a weakness, submission is an honor" - Tabo Show notes: Mental Health (2:19)Homemakers and the life of a career woman (8:20)Entrepreneurship (24:08)Green Pole Farm (37:00)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to Tabo about her journey of life; the challenges she has faced as woman in her aviation career, her time living in Western Australia, returning home to Africa and the challenges that presented for her family. She also shares her experiences in starting a business and much moreResources & Links:Solwezi, NW, ZambiaLivingstone, ZambiaLusaka, ZambiaPrincess Margaret Children's HospitalShenton Park HospitalQuotable: "You've gotta push in life until you get what you gotta get" - Tabo Show notes: Life & love in Australia (7:30)Coming back home to Africa (20:27)Victims (41:30)Mental Health (1:01:26)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to Mrs. Pretender herself, his wife Serah about how she has walked with him through this journey and she airs out how she has borne the brunt of the pain as well as what helped them hold it together in their most difficult times..Resources & Links:School of Tomorrow Homeschool curriculumQuotable: "I think As a parent if you decide to have a child, it's your responsibility to make sure that your child is brought up well" - Serah Show notes: Ryan and the story that changed our lives forever(9:47)The effect of quitting his job on her (21:08)Mental health (40:51)Home education (56:40)I got a life too (1:05:50)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

The Pretender podcast is back for a new season. Here's a Preview of what's to come in season 2.

In this excerpt from episode 16, Jonathan talks about how at one point in his journey he was really down and fighting for survival, how he almost gave up. Then he also challenges believers and Christians to come in the open and be real with their struggles.. Listen to the full episode here  The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled 1000 Feet Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this excerpt from episode 11, Pete talks about intermittent fasting, gives insight on self-discipline and how we should listen to our body. Listen to the full episode here  The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled 1000 Feet Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this excerpt from episode 14, Mandy talks openly about marriage and how despite the challenges she faced she feels she is living her best life. Listen to the full episode here  The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled 1000 Feet Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this season finale Jay reflects on his recent birthday and life as he shares his gratitude for all things thus far.   The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay reprises about why he started The Pretender podcast and breaks down some of the reasons he is the original Pretender. He summarizes why he exposed his struggles and for whom he does the show. Resources & Links: Definition of Pretender: one who makes a false or hypocritical show Quotable: "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33  The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks about the difficulty of being unable to help someone you care about; especially if you see them going to ruin. He shares his experience with this in his life and asks wonders how he could've saved the life of someone in his life. The touching part of it is that he still hasn't figured that out yet. Resources & Links: The Great GatsbySong Jay mentioned - How to save a life by the FrayThe parable of the Prodigal sonQuotable: "The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."― F. Scott FitzgeraldThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks about the challenge of waiting in life; particularly for things outside of your control. He shares why he sucks at it and some of his experiences with being in the waiting room of life. No magic trick or tips here, just my take on it.The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks to Jonathan Mundia Manenga about his unique real life journey. He shares an amazing, inspiring story and experience of determination in which he worked his way from someone who was going nowhere to someone with a real destination.Resources & Links:The real-life showTim Ferriss' podcast equipmentKalabo, ZambiaQuotable: "My definition of success is the pursuit of your purpose, if you are on the right path pursuing the right thing then you are a successful person; it's not a destination it's the journey" - JonathanShow notes: Rejected (8:00)Desperate & scared to fail: (27:00)Mental health (40:00)The Real-life show (55:10)J-Scriptures (1:07:04)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay and Mandy continue the conversation on mental health particularly how Christians deal with mental health, Multipotentiality, Mandy's work - the Moose, the Elephant and the duck. So much more exciting conversations including the Letter Mandy wrote to Jay back in 2016.Resources & Links: MultipotentialityYinu custom creativesBroadreachPATHQuotable: "There are some things you thrive by letting go of and there some things you thrive by holding on to" - MandyShow notes: Mental health (1:18)Multipotentiality (7:11)Moose, Elephant & Duck (33:21)The Letter (47:27)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

I talk to Mandy Dube about her experience juggling life as top executive, wife & mother. She shares the impact of her Mother's death by suicide that led her to facing her own mental health challenges openly and much more. Resources & Links: Book- Love Must be tough Transformation Prayer Ministry Magnesium bath Rainbow baby Quotable: "You cannot solve a problem under the same circumstances that created it" - Mandy Show notes: Balancing her role in the home with her career (4:23) Marriage (21:34)Rainbow baby (44:51) Mental health (59:43) The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks about perfectionism in his life and why he struggles with trying to be perfect. He shares a real chicken and dog story when it all came to a head and how he finally decided to be free of it, or trying to be free of it at least. The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet" Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay talks about personal life cycles and how his understanding his own 4 year life cycles have helped him embrace the transitions both in business and personal life. He also talks about the cycle of friends, the role the play in phases of life and letting go of people when their purpose has been fulfilled in your life. Finally, Jay addresses the impending shift of life that is dawning on his life as he hits another year 4.Resources & Links: Mark Moss' Pendulum theoryStrauss-Howe generational theorySong Jay mentioned - God blessed the broken roadThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this special; Pete talks about fasting, Mental health, quitting alcohol and how he found a final home in Zambia.Resources & Links:Dr. Gabor mateBook Jay mentioned (There is a City…There is a Temple - Elizha)Mental HealthFastingPete's favorite local snackQuotable: "Humility comes from knowing that you don't have a home" -PeteShow notes: Fasting (5:00)Quitting Alcohol (17:34)Mental Health (34:10)Finding a home in Zambia (1:05:43)Jay's welcome tribute (1:22:45)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay and his good friend Pete continue their conversation where they left off on plant based diet more about everything from parenting , permaculture homeschooling and much more. Resources & Links: Plant based diet Permaculture Geoff Lawton Zaytuna farm ACE homeschool curriculum Solwezi, NW LusakaShow notes: Plant based diet (1:30) Permaculture (7:30) Homeschooling (25:00) Homeschool and Socialization (46:40) Podcast origins and what's next (55:45) Jay's gift to listeners (1:15:58) The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode of the Pretender, Jay talks to his good friend Pete about his experience leaving the corporate and western life to move to Africa, Pete shares about everything from parenting to plant based diet, permaculture and much more. Resources & Links: Plant based diet Forks over knives Chris Paul Show notes: Peter (1:37) Moving to Africa (10:03) Wife's role and strength (15:14) Parenting and the stigma of stay at home dads (20.56) Basketball/NBA (38:17) Plant based diet (51:18) The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode of the Pretender, Jay talks about social media, his little history with early social platforms and why he is not on social media anymore. Resources & Links: The messaging network itsmy Waptrick MySpace Show notes: Looking back on 2021 (1:42) A/S/L (Age/Sex/Location) (5:05) Facebook (11:42) Disconnected (19.19) Emojis and smileys (22:12) LinkedIn (28:30) Breaking out: (31:47) Impact of social media (37:17) Connect with real people (38:33) The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode of the Pretender, Jay talks about the challenge of starting over when something doesn't work…picking yourself up when you fall to try something else in your life (resilience)Resources & Links:The valley of bitterness, child loss and how I got freeThe google blog platformWord press Show notes:New beginnings are part of life (2:10)There are no guarantees (5:05)Starting over is messy (6:31)Resilience (8:29)Starting over for another child (10:41)Starting over in my business (12:17)Embrace starting over (14:35)I called myself a novice and beginner (20:32)The blog to the podcast (21:15)The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this emotional episode of the Pretender, Jay talks about his struggle with bitterness after losing a child and how he got free. Resources & Links: Thi'sl The song Be King The Movie Saving Private Ryan How a man handles miscarriage Show notes: Bitterness and resistance to let go (2:42) Letting go with the help of my wife (6:08) The throne I had is fallen here (8:11) Forgiving yourself and others (12:29) Child loss (13:50) Ryan (15:58) Being there for someone grieving (17:30) This story is for you (20:12) Bitterness is Pride (21:21) The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode I talk about how following your own path or dream can be a lonely walk. How taking a different route in life brought experiences of loneliness, and how finding people with similar stories can be overwhelming. I share how I've dealt with these experiences. The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In this episode I talk about my experience in searching for a purpose and the meaning of life. I also touch on the views of some of my favorite philosophers on this subject, which Philosopher I think tops them all and some tips on how you can focus on the moments of life instead of searching the mysteries of life.If you enjoyed this podcast please rate, review and subscribe on iTunes Help me grow and spread my voice to more listeners.The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

In Part 2 of the Journey of an imposter, I talk about the reason we mask our struggles. I also address why and how our attitudes can be better to those who are brave and willing enough to share their struggles. Then I share why I do my best to not mask my struggles. If you enjoyed this podcast please rate, review and subscribe on iTunesThe Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Jay discusses, his experience in being comfortable about Life's struggles, what it means to feel like an imposter as well as the importance of gratitude in life.The Pretender theme music is a beat composed by 2dayPresents and is titled "1000 Feet"Note: I don't host a "comments" section, but I'm happy to hear your questions and insights via email, at jacobsiwiti@acquifersolutions.com

Look out for the very first episode, launching soon!