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Welcome back, everybody. It is so good to have you here talking about hyper-responsibility & hyperresponsibility OCD. A lot of you may not even know what that means and maybe have never heard it, or maybe you've heard the term but aren't quite sure what it entails. And some of you are very well acquainted with the term hyper-responsibility. I thought, given that it's a theme that's laced through so many anxiety disorders through depression that we should address it. I think that's a really great starting point. WHAT IS HYPER-RESPONSIBILITY OCD? Let's talk about first what is hyper-responsibility. Hyper-responsibility is an inflated sense of responsibility. It is feeling responsible for things that are entirely out of your control, such as accidents, how other people feel about you, how other people behave, events happening in your life. It's ultimately this overwhelming feeling that the world rests on your shoulders, that it's up to you and it's your job to keep yourself and everybody else safe. Even as we look at this definition of what hyper-responsibility is, I'm actually feeling and noticing in my body this heaviness, this weight that you're carrying, and it is an incredible weight to carry. It is an incredibly stressful role to play. If you're someone who experiences hyper-responsibility, you often will have additional exhaustion because of this.  WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HYPER-RESPONSIBILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY OCD? One thing I want to clear up as we move forward is first really differentiating the difference between hyper-responsibility and responsibility OCD. When we say “hyper-responsibility,” we're talking about a heightened sense of responsibility. Actually, let me back up a little bit. We do have responsibility. I am an adult. I'm responsible for my body, I'm responsible for two young children, a dog. Responsibility is one thing. You need to keep them safe, you need to take care of them, you need to show up in respectful ways. But hyper-responsibility is so much more than that. It's taking an incredible leap of responsibility and feeling responsible for all the teeny tiny things, like I said before, that are out of your control.  Now, once we've determined what responsibility is, then we can also look at responsibility OCD. Now specifically for those who have responsibility OCD is where this sense of hyper-responsibility has crossed over into meeting criteria for having the obsession of hyper-responsibility that's repetitive, intrusive, unwanted, and you're also engaging in a significant degree of compulsions that, again, meet criteria for OCD. They could be mental compulsions, physical compulsions, avoidant compulsions, reassurance-seeking compulsions, and so forth.  The way I like to think of it is on a spectrum. We have responsibility on one side, then in the middle, we have hyper-responsibility, and then it goes all the way over to responsibility OCD. Some people will differentiate them differently in terms of they will say, hyper-responsibility is the same thing as responsibility OCD. But I'm not here to really diagnose people, and I'm not here to tell people that they have OCD if they don't quite resonate with that. I'll use me as an example. I 100% struggle with hyper-responsibility in certain areas of my life. But the presentation of that hyper-responsibility, I don't feel, and I'm sure my therapist doesn't feel, meets criteria for me to get the diagnosis of OCD. That's why I want to make sure this is very loose so that you can decide for yourself where you fit on that spectrum.  HYPER RESPONSIBILITY SYMPTOMS OR RESPONSIBILITY OCD SYMPTOMS A little bit more about hyper-responsibility symptoms or even responsibility OCD symptoms. Examples will include: when something goes wrong, you're probably likely to blame yourself and feel guilty for the fact that something went wrong. Even disregarding whether it was your fault or not, you'll feel a sense that this was your mistake, that you should have prevented it.  Another hyper-responsibility symptom is you might believe that it is up to you to control the outcomes of your life. It is up to you to control the outcomes of other people's lives—your dependence, your partner, your family members, and so forth, the people at your work, the projects at your work, or at school.  Another symptom of hyper-responsibility and responsibility OCD is this act of always trying to “fix” the problem. Even when you've recognized that there is no solution, you feel this need to just keep chipping away and finding the solution to prevent the bad thing from happening or being responsible for the bad thing. You may spend hours trying to prevent accidents or bad things from happening. What I mean by spending hours is it takes up a significant degree of your time, and it's usually quite distressing. It's a heavy feeling.  There is a difference between responsibility and hyper-responsibility. An example might be my husband found that one of our decks was rickety and shaking, and he felt it was his responsibility to fix that. He did it in a very measured way, in a very rational way, and it was coming from a place of his genuine value and his genuine view that it's his responsibility to fix that. However, hyper-responsibility would be fixing it, but then also checking every part of it to make sure that it was safe, spending a lot of time going over all the possible scenarios on how it may not be safe, how it could have been safer, what it would mean if something bad happened, replaying. I actually shouldn't use the word “replay.” It's almost like future forecasting what would happen and who would be at fault if something bad did happen.  Again, if we even went further into more responsibility OCD, it might involve repetitively doing these over and over again to get a sense of relief from this hyper-responsibility or to absolutely get security and certainty that nothing bad will ever happen. Often in this case, if I was using this example, maybe they would do the avoidant compulsion of saying, no one's allowed on the deck, even though it might be a safe, secure deck. That's just one example. It's probably not the best example, but I'm trying to use it in contrast to the many ways in which this can play out, especially for those who don't have hyper-responsibility.  A thing to remember is, people who don't have hyper-responsibility may look at the person with hyper-responsibility with a quite perplexed look on their face because to them, they can't understand why the person feels so heavy loaded with responsibility. And that can be very frustrating, particularly as it shows up in relationships.  Now, an inflated responsibility may also present as people-pleasing, which is really an attempt to control how people feel about you. It may also present as giving a lot of money or time to charities or groups of people who are less privileged and so forth. Again, let's get really nuanced. It doesn't mean if you donate money that you have hyper-responsibility. A lot of these actions people may do from a place of value. But again, we always want to look at the intention of why they're doing it, and are they doing it to reduce or remove this feeling that they're having?  Another symptom of an inflated responsibility is over-researching unlikely threats or possible scenarios. You're really doing it to try and prevent something bad from happening. Is it possible that someone could fall off a deck? Sometimes I'll explain it to you, for me personally, often it's related to the law. For me, it will show up in, “Oh, I'm a boss. I'm someone who has employees. What are all the possible scenarios that legally could impact me? Let me do a lot of research around that.” Until I catch it, and I'm like, “Kimberley, you're engaging in a ton of reassurance here. Let's not try to solve problems until they're actually here and actually a problem.” Another example of an inflated responsibility is keeping physical or mental lists like, did you do this? Did you do that? Did you do this? That's really an attempt to make sure nothing bad has happened.  One other thing is—I remember doing this a lot when I had a baby—checking the baby over and over. I felt that it was my responsibility to keep this baby alive, and yes, it was my responsibility to keep my baby alive. But I had somehow taken it upon myself that if something happened, I would be fully at fault. That it wouldn't have been my husband's fault, who's laying right next to me, who is a fully engaged and loving dad. I had taken it on myself that 100% of the responsibility of her wellness and his wellness, my children are mine, and if something happened, 100% of the fault would be on me.  I have such compassion for the moms out there who experience this responsibility weight on their shoulders. I think number one, it's societal. Number two, I think it's normal, again. But number three, it's so terrifying because often, not just for moms, for everybody here, the thing that we are worried about are often people we deeply love too. The things that we hold in high value. That's again why it can be so incredibly painful.  Now, while these behaviors don't necessarily, again, mean you have hyper-responsibility or OCD. Again, I want you to think of it like it's on a spectrum. It is important to know that lots of people with OCD experience hyper-responsibility in many areas of their lives, and that hyper-responsibility shows up in many different subtypes of OCD, many themes of OCD. If you have OCD, you can really put that in your back pocket and keep an eye out and really increase your awareness of how hyper-responsibility is showing up and making it harder for you to overcome your obsessions and compulsions.  We can all agree as we move forward that hyper-responsibility deeply, deeply impacts somebody's mental health and their overall well-being. My hope is now to give you some tools, some things that I've found helpful for me to manage that—things that I've had to practice over and over again.  WHAT CAUSES RESPONSIBILITY OCD & HYPER RESPONSIBILITY? Now, before I do that, let's quickly check in on, often people will ask what causes responsibility OCD or hyper-responsibility. There are a couple of things to think about here. When I'm talking with patients who have OCD, I don't spend a lot of time digging deep into childhood stuff and bringing up old events and so forth. For some people, that can be incredibly helpful. I tend to find it often does become compulsive and we spend a lot of time there instead of actually targeting the behaviors that are problematic. But for the sake of today, of just giving you some education, we do know that hyper-responsibility CAN, not always, but CAN come from childhood experiences and family dynamics. Often a child may feel it's their job to take care of other people. Maybe they've been taught that. Maybe they're the eldest sibling and they were given a lot of responsibility. Maybe their parents were very, very strict, and that for them, they felt that they had to maintain that perfect demeanor and perfect school report and so forth. We do know that childhood experiences, that environment that we were raised in can impact someone's experience of hyper-responsibility.  We also know that brain disorders like OCD, other anxiety disorders, or even depression, or trauma—trauma is not a brain disorder—these mental health disorders can also exacerbate the theme of hyper-responsibility in people.  We also know that external pressures, societal expectations, the way our culture raises us can also add to a sense of hyper-responsibility. I know for me, as I've thought about this a lot recently, which was a part of the reason why I wanted to do this episode, I am a therapist; it's an incredible weight of responsibility to be a therapist. I'm surrounded by laws and ethics and licensing boards and all of these rules. I find that the environment of my work can very much nurture my already inclination to have hyper-responsibility. I do think too the environment we are even in as an adult can keep this going.  And then the last thing I want to look at, which we'll talk about here in a second, is simply irrational beliefs and rules we keep for ourselves can very much “cause” (I don't like to use that word) and exacerbate hyper-responsibility.  STRATEGIES FOR MANAGING HYPER-RESPONSIBILITY Now that we have this and we can get a feel for why someone may experience this, now let's talk about some strategies for managing hyper-responsibility. Because that's why you're here and that's what I really love to do the most. Let's talk about it. First, when I'm managing my own hyper-responsibility or I'm talking with patients about it, the first thing I do is get really clear on what is your responsibility and what is not. I often will do an exercise with my patients and say, “Okay, you are a human being. I want you to write me a job description of what you need to do to be a human being, to exist as a human being.” Let's say I owned a supermarket and I hired someone to work at the register, the job description would say exactly what is your responsibility. It would say, “You need to turn up at this time, you need to leave at this time. When you come, you need to log in, you need to clock in, you need to put your uniform on. Here's the things that you need to do that are your responsibility.” And then that employee has a very clear understanding of what their role entails.  Now, for you as a human, and everybody's job description looks a little different, I want to first get clear on what is your responsibility. For me, I'll use an example, I'm a mom, so I do have to be responsible for the well-being of my two children. But let's get a little clearer on what that means. Does that mean I have to just keep them fed and dressed? Or does that mean for me and my values that I keep them fed and dressed and have a degree of emotional support, but to what degree? This is why I want you to get really clear on what it is for you and your values.  And then once we do that, you can actually sit with a trusted person—either a family member, a therapist, a mental health provider, or a loved one—and start to question how much responsibility you're taking on. Of the things on your list, what are the things that are actually not in your control? Not in your control. Because if you have an anxious brain, remember your brain is going to tell you all of the worst-case scenarios. That's your brain's job. If you have an anxiety disorder, you're probably got a hyperactive brain that lists them off like a Rolodex, da da, da, really, really fast. All the worst-case scenarios.  People with hyper-responsibility often use that Rolodex of information and just start adding that to their job description. “Oh, well, if there's a possible chance that they could run out and whatever it may be, well then I have to protect for that,” even though it hasn't happened and it's highly unlikely. You can start to see, once you are looking at this list of rules you have for yourself, where you've pushed from just having a responsibility to having hyper-responsibility.  Another example might be in relationships. I'll use again me as an example. My husband and I are going to be 20 years married this year. For years, I took on as my responsibility that I was supposed to keep him happy. Over and over again, I found that I was unable to do this because I'm a human being and I'm faulty and I'm going to make him mad and annoyed sometimes. But I'd taken this responsibility that it was my job to maintain his happiness. And that's not actually the job description of being a human being. Once I started to go through this with my therapist at the time, I'm starting to see, I'm trying to control things that are out of my control.  The second thing I want you to think about is once you are clear on what is your responsibility, you have this great roadmap now. Now you have to think about staying in your lane. I may have talked about this on the podcast before, but I talk about this a lot with my patients. Once you've determined what is in your control, what is in line with your values, not just what anxiety's telling you, but what you believe is a healthy limit for you, then you can work at keeping yourself within those parameters and practicing not engaging in picking up responsibility outside of your lane again.  We always use the metaphor of like, I'm in my car, I can control what kind of car I drive, what speed I go, that's my responsibility. But let's say my child is in the lane, metaphorical lane next to me, and they're speeding like crazy, and they're driving all over. My kids haven't got a driver's license, just stay with me for the metaphor. But let's say my kid or my partner is in their car and they're smoking and they're checking their phone and they're swaying all over and they're doing all these things. I have to then determine, if I'm going to respond to that, what is my capacity in my lane. Let's say it was my husband. I have to basically accept that he's a full-grown adult who is responsible for himself, which sucks. Believe me, I know. This drove me crazy that I had to let him be in his own lane and I had to stay in my lane.  I remember having fights with my therapist, not actual fights, but conversations. I'm like, “If we were using this metaphor, he could die. He could get himself into trouble.” She would say, “Yes, and you're going to have to decide what's best for you. There's no right for every one person. We're not going to treat everyone the same, but you have to take responsibility for how much you engage in trying to control the people around you, and you also have to be willing to allow this to be out of your control sometimes.” You can imagine me sitting in the chair. This was way before COVID. I'm sitting back on the couch and my arms are crossed and I'm all mad because I'm just coming to terms with this idea that I can't be responsible for everything, that I'm exhausted from trying, that I'm creating a lot of relationship drama because of my attempt to take control and be hyper responsible. I had to give it up. But the giving up of it, the staying in my lane required that I had to feel some really uncomfortable feelings. Let's just take a breath for that because it was tough and it is tough. I'm sure if you are experiencing hyper-responsibility, you too are riding strong waves of guilt, regret, shame, anger, resent because of this hyper-responsibility.  If this is you, what you can also do is really double down with your mindfulness practice. The biggest, most important piece of this is increasing your awareness of where it shows up in your life, in what corner, and how it creeps into little parts of your life, and noticing when it does and why it is. In that moment, maybe the question might be, what is it that I'm unwilling to feel? What am I unwilling to tolerate in this moment, and how might I increase my willingness to feel these feelings of guilt or regret or shame, or anxiety, massive degrees of uncertainty? Can I allow them without engaging in these behaviors that just keep this hyper-responsibility going? It's a huge test of awareness. And then we double down with kindness, and I'll tell you why. Because when you have hyper-responsibility, you're probably going to be plagued with guilt. You feel guilty for all the things happening with someone. We feel anxious because we didn't get it right. We couldn't keep the things straight and perfect and it's really, really heavy.  In order for us to negotiate with ourselves through those emotions in a non-compulsive way, we have to have a self-compassion practice where we give ourselves permission to get it wrong sometimes. We give ourselves permission to make mistakes sometimes. We allow things to fall apart. That's the hard part, I think. It feels so wrong to not be fixing things all the time. It can feel so irresponsible to not be preventing things and we have to be willing to navigate and ride through that compassionately. Now, if you're someone who really struggles with guilt, I've got two podcast episodes that you really need to go and listen to. Number one was Episode 161, which is all about this idea that feeling guilty does not mean you have done something wrong. A lot of people with anxiety, hyper-responsibility, and OCD think and feel that if they feel guilt, it must be evidence that they did something wrong. We have a whole episode, Episode 161 again, where you can go and listen and learn about how our brains make mistakes on this one.  In addition, if you are someone who has OCD and you really struggle with regret and guilt, we also have another Episode 310. It wasn't that far gone, that I talked about how regret and guilt are also obsessions. Meaning we have intrusive thoughts, we have intrusive feelings, and sometimes the intrusive feeling is guilt and regret. Please do use that resource as well.  And then the last thing I would want you to think about here is, for those of you who are in the background listening, but secretly thinking, “But I have screwed up. I have made mistakes. I've made so many mistakes and I need to make sure that never happens again,” number one, let me slow down for a sec—I want to first acknowledge that you are a human and you will make mistakes just like I am a human and we will continue to mess up over and over again. Let's just get that out in the open. Let's just come to a place where we can acknowledge and humble ourselves with the fact that yes, we are going to make mistakes. A part of you in this moment when you're saying, “But I've made mistakes, I've really screwed up,” is that you will not accept that that is a part of being a human. That is the tax on being a human, my friend. You're going to have to come to a place of acceptance of that.  Often people say, “That sucks. I don't want that,” and I'm going to keep saying, “But you will.” They'll say, “But I don't want to,” and I'll say, “But you will.” We could go all day on that one. But if you are someone who actually did screw up, it then again becomes a concept or a practice of when you screw up, how do you handle it? Do you screw up and beat yourself up for days and days and months and months and years or years? Or do you screw up and learn from it and acknowledge your humanness and learn what the mistakes are, and then do your best to pivot within the rules in which you set in what we said was your lane? Because often what happens is we do all this work, we address our job description as being a human and what's just within your line of values and what's your regular human responsibility. And then when something goes wrong, they hypercorrect and they go back to these rules that include a lot of control, a lot of preventing, a lot of ruminating, a lot of making sure, and you've gone back to being in all of everybody's lanes. If you're struggling with this, you can go to Episode 293. I did an episode called “I Screwed Up, Now What?” I really think that that was an episode where I had made a massive mistake and I was navigating through it in real-time and sharing what I thought was helpful.  RESPONSIBILITY OCD TREATMENT If you're wanting to learn more about responsibility OCD treatment, I'm going to strongly encourage you to look for an exposure and response prevention therapist who will be able to identify your specific subtypes and help apply an ERP plan for you. Now, if you cannot access professional help, you can also go to CBTSchool.com. We have ERP School, which is our online course teaching you how you can practice ERP. The course is not specifically about hyper-responsibility, but it will allow you to do an inventory of your specific set of obsessions, your specific set of compulsions, and put a plan together so that you can start to target these behaviors on your own. You can very much get up and running on your own if you do not have access to professional mental health. The whole point of me having those courses isn't to replace therapy. It's there to help you get started if you haven't got any way to get started. Often people go there because they want to know more and they want to understand the cycle of OCD, and that's why we made it. My lovely friends, that is hyper-responsibility. We're talking about when you feel responsible for anything and everything and everyone. If that is you, let me leave you with this parting message: Please slow down and first recognize the weight that you're carrying. Sometimes we have to do an inventory of the costs of this hyper-responsibility because it's so easy just to keep going and keep carrying the load and pushing harder and solving more and preventing more. But I want you to slow down for you as an act of compassion and take stock of how heavy this is on you, how exhausting this is on you, and then start to move towards acknowledging that you don't have to live this way, you don't deserve to live this way. That there is another way to exist in the world compassionately and effectively without taking on that responsibility. If you need support, of course, reach out and get support because you don't have to do it alone. There are ways to crawl out of this hyper-responsibility and get you back into that lane that's healthy for you.  I'm sending you so much love. I hope you're having a wonderful summer for those of you who are in the northern hemisphere. I have just gotten back from the southern hemisphere and I loved getting some sun. I'm so happy just to be here with you and keep working through this stuff with you and addressing these really cool, important topics.  Have a wonderful day. Do not forget, it is a beautiful day to do hard things. Take care.

Just weeks before FTX, the crypto exchange Sam Bankman-Fried founded, declared bankruptcy in an epic failure and violation of trust that wiped out billions of investor dollars, I interviewed the head of policy and regulatory strategy at FTX and former CFTC Commissioner, Mark Wetjen in episode 127, "The Role of Crypto Exchanges in Policy, Regulation & Education".  Listen to Mark's take on FTX and crypto policy and regulation before the bottom dropped out from under the investors who trusted this centralized exchange to be a good ecosystem steward of client funds. I invited Mark on at that time, to discuss the recent bipartisan legislative initiatives that seek to clarify the crypto asset regulatory environment and to talk about a 2022 crypto education initiative launched by FTX, #GetToKnowCrypto, and about how platforms like FTX could play an important role in ensuring the future of work, wealth and creativity are accessible and inclusive for all. What a shocking fall from grace. And what a difference a few months make. What do you think is next for SBF and others who participated in the inner workings of FTX? And what does this mean for the future of regulation in the crypto ecosystem, which consists of over 22,000 different coins and tokens and myriad crypto assets and projects?  ****Join the Rachel Rogers & Hello Seven MAKE MONEY MOVES Challenge [affiliate] ****POWERED BY ADVANTAGE EVANS™ ACADEMY  Ready for YOUR advantage?  With Bitcoin and Ethereum leading the way, the cryptocurrency market is booming. And growing. With thousands of different types of crypto (and counting), crypto is a fast-paced, fast moving emerging asset class. Find out what banks, governments, and companies like Paypal don't want you to know about owning crypto and holding it in your own wallet or self-guided crypto IRA. Bottom line? It's a wave. And you deserve this opportunity to ride it all the way to financial freedom that leads to economic empowerment and generational wealth. LEARN safely, legally and confidently while you EARN so you CAN:transform your relationship with moneygenerate wealth in the new digital cash economycreate digital ownership streams that lead to generational wealthvet, buy, store, trade, earn, and sell cryptocurrenciesengage in “defi” to lend and leverage your cryptocreate, buy and trade creative and collectible NFTsJoin now at advantageevans.com/specialShow Notes:Sam Bankman-Fried NY Times interview: ‘Look, I Screwed Up': Sam Bankman-Fried Is Challenged on the Collapse of FTXLaura Shin's Unchained Podcast: The Chopping Block on FTX/Alameda: Is Sam Bankman-Fried ‘Crypto Kanye'? – Ep. 424Show Contact:Questions and requests: hello@techintersectpodcast.com Follow: Twitter @AtTechIntersect | Instagram @TechIntersect Web: Tech ISupport the showRegulate & The Rabbit Hole by Notty Prod licensed via Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Produced by Tonya M. Evans for Advantage Evans, LLC

SUMMARY:  What if you don't identify with the concept of an obsession being a FEAR? It's a repetitive thought or feeling, but you're not scared of a specific outcome.  What is the UNCERTAINTY when it comes to these obsessions?  Guilt Obsessions:  WHAT IS OCD GUILT?  OCD Guilt over past mistakes “I shouldn't have done that”  “That was a mistake”  OCD Guilt as a simple intrusive thought- no known mistake “Is it bad that I did that”  “Did I make a mistake?”  “What could be the consequences”   REGRET obsessions.  I've heard a lot about how guilt is a common intrusive feeling in OCD but not much about regret.  “I wish I didn't do that”  “I wish I had done it another way”  Guilt and Regret accompanied with sadness??  How to stop OCD guilt?  How to treat OCD guilt and regret Links To Things I Talk About: Feeling guilty doesn't mean you have done something wrong https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/ep-161-feeling-guilty-doesnt-mean-you-have-done-something-wrong/ How to let go of the past https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/ep-70-how-to-let-go-of-the-past/ I screwed up. Now what?  https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/ep-293-i-screwed-up-what-now/ ERP School: https://www.cbtschool.com/erp-school-lp Episode Sponsor: This episode of Your Anxiety Toolkit is brought to you by CBTschool.com.  CBTschool.com is a psychoeducation platform that provides courses and other online resources for people with anxiety, OCD, and Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors.  Go to cbtschool.com to learn more. Spread the love! Everyone needs tools for anxiety...If you like Your Anxiety Toolkit Podcast, visit YOUR ANXIETY TOOLKIT PODCAST to subscribe free and you'll never miss an episode. And if you really like Your Anxiety Toolkit, I'd appreciate you telling a friend (maybe even two). EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION This is Your Anxiety Toolkit - Episode 310 Welcome back, everybody. We are at Episode 310. I just recorded it as 210 and I'm still in shock that we have hit 310 episodes. I recorded it and I was like, “Hang on a second. That doesn't sound right.” And it wasn't, and that still shocks me to this day.  All right. Today, we are talking about a very important topic, which is guilt and regret. And I've called this episode Guilt and Regret: The Most Misunderstood Obsession, and I believe that to be true because a whole bunch of you are walking around wondering whether you have OCD or not because a lot of what you hear is that OCD is all about anxiety and uncertainty. But what about the folks who don't have a lot of anxiety and a lot of uncertainty, but they're having obsessive guilt and obsessive regret in the form of OCD guilt and OCD regret? So, I wanted to talk about that today.  Before we do so, let's quickly do the “I did a hard thing” segment. For those of you who are new, this is where listeners and followers share the hard thing that they've done. Why do I do this? Because so often, you guys forget that just because your hard thing is hard for you doesn't mean there's anything wrong with that. I want you to see that hard things are hard things and we should celebrate them and we should share them, and this is a platform I want to do that with. So, this one is from Mars, and Mars said: “After many weeks and years of hard work, I finally managed to reach an important stage of my career, and I ended up with two job offers.” Amazing. “Both were great really for different reasons, and I couldn't choose. I went back and forth and tortured myself four months trying to get certainty about which one is the right choice. I'd never been so anxious in my life. Finally, today, I sent the final email, even though I wasn't certain about the choice, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I finally feel like I can move forward with my life again.”  Mars, number one, congratulations. Sounds like you've worked really hard. And number two, you're also doing this hard thing where you're allowing the discomfort into your day, into your life, and you're moving forward anyway. Thank you for sharing that. That is such an amazing accomplishment. Interesting, isn't it, how you've shared here too like it was around the certainty, but it sounds like that was similar to what we're talking about today, and let's talk about that. So, let's start from scratch. Start from the beginning. So, often people will come into therapy and say, “I didn't seek treatment for the longest time, because all I'm hearing is OCD is the uncertainty disorder, and I don't feel a ton of uncertainty in the way that I've heard other people do with OCD.” What do I do if I don't identify with this concept of the obsession being around fear and uncertainty? What about if you have a repetitive thought or a feeling, but you're not scared of the specific outcome? And this is so important, guys, because we do hyper-focus on uncertainty and I really do believe that uncertainty is the root of lots of OCD obsessions and a lot of our suffering if we don't accept that uncertainty. But what about those who have obsessive guilt and obsessive regret? So, let's talk about it. Guilt OCD - Guilt Obsessions Let's first talk about guilt obsessions. So, what is guilt obsessions, or what is OCD guilt? Ultimately, it's a thought or an action that occurs. That's the trigger. So, you had a thought or you did some behavior, and then you are having this onset of guilt. Remember, an obsession is an intrusive thought, feeling, sensation, urge, or image. And so, in this case, we're talking about intrusive feelings. And so, what's happening here is you've had a thought or you've done something and then you feel this very, very real feeling of guilt, very real feeling of guilt. Most of my patients who struggle with OCD guilt or obsessive guilt will say, “I genuinely feel like I've done the equivalent of killing a person. That's how much guilt I feel.” Even though you might be very clearly able to identify like, I didn't kill a person, or it doesn't make total sense on why I'm feeling this high level of guilt, that's so disproportionate. and that can be really confusing. And so, they're really confused as to what's going on.  So, they might show up in-- the guilt may be accompanied by intrusive thoughts like, “I shouldn't have done that. That was a huge mistake. I wish I didn't do that. How can I avoid that in the future?” And then you can easily see why we then move into compulsions, like avoidance, rumination, tons of reassurance seeking. In therapy, a lot of people go to therapy, not even OCD therapy because they don't even know they have OCD yet, and they spend all this time doing EMDR and biofeedback and hypnosis and all of this deep therapy work, exploring the deep meaning of the guilt, only then to realize like, “Wait a second, this is OCD. I'm doing all these compulsions and I'm even doing them in session.” Now, as I mentioned, OCD could be as simple as an intrusive thought of you're walking down the street and you just get the onset of guilt after some kind of trigger where there's no known mistake. Or it could be that you did something that didn't completely line up with your values, but again, then you have disproportionate degrees of guilt. Disproportionate.  If it's just a simple intrusive thought that has no known trigger or no known mistake, maybe your thoughts are related like, “Is it bad that I did that? Did I make a mistake? Was that right? Did that line up with my values? What could be the consequence of this?” And it can be incredibly painful.  Regret OCD- Regret Obsessions So, now let's move over to regret obsessions and compulsion. So, with regret obsessions or regret ocd, they usually are presented more as, “I wish I didn't do that. I wish I hadn't done it that way. I wish I had done it in a different way.” It's often accompanied with a deep feeling of sadness, like regret this deep feeling. Again, it can be an intrusive thought, but it often is just an intrusive feeling. This deep sense of, “I wish I didn't do that.” Sometimes it's accompanied with dread. “Oh, I hope I never do that, have this emotion, or do that thing again.” It can be incredibly painful. And again, people can get stuck in really the wrong kind of therapy, ruminating, ruminating, trying to solve what it was.  Sometimes I've had patients even come to me and say, “Oh, I saw you because you do self-compassion and I want to be able to forgive myself,” and they're doing compulsive forgiveness. I believe in forgiveness. I'm not saying there's anything compulsive about forgiveness in the day-to-day. But if they're doing it to get rid of an obsessive degree of regret, an OCD degree of regret, and that involves obsessions and compulsions, well then, that forgiveness practice can become impulsive.  OCD Guilt Over Past Mistakes I always laugh because I'm doing this breathing training, this meditation training right now. And some of them, the trainers who obviously are not OCD informed will say, “Breathe in your discomfort and breathe it out and let go of it and release it.” And I think that's a beautiful practice. But for a person with OCD, that can become compulsive. And so, it's important when you have OCD to catch these little nuances and these little behaviors and activities that can end up becoming a problem.  So, let's talk about how to stop this obsessive guilt or this OCD guilt, and let's think about this a little bit in terms of how you might master this sensation and this feeling that you're having. So, a couple of things before we move on is I have done quite a few episodes on guilt or letting go of things in the past in other episodes. So, I wanted to let you know, you can also go over, I did one episode about feeling guilty. It's Episode 161. I did another episode, which was highly requested, Episode 70, which is called How to Let Go of the Past. And I did another episode, which was actually me talking about my own sense of getting through something that I felt regret and guilt for, which was Episode 293 and it was called I Screwed Up, Now What? So, we'd actually have tons of sources here on the podcast about that, and I wanted to share those in case you wanted to really delve a little deeper. But let's talk about how to stop this OCD guilt.  How To Treat OCD Guilt And Regret All right? So, as you know, trying to stop an emotion usually doesn't work. So, we don't want to try that. That's not going to work. Same with regret. How to treat OCD regret, I don't encourage it. What we want to do instead is we want to be able to acknowledge it and observe it and do nothing about it. Now, I am a big believer in this. Truly I am. Whether you have OCD or not, when it comes to guilt, when it comes to regret, when it comes to shame, I'm going to encourage this very mindful approach.  Number one, are you able to catch it in its tracks? That is number one. That is a tactical skill, is awareness, to be able to catch, “Oh, I am stuck in this guilt bubble or this regret bubble or this shame bubble.” Just like you would when you're stuck in OCD. You're able to catch, “Oh, I'm engaging in a pattern of behaviors that looks a lot like OCD.” Same goes for this situation. So, I'm observing and being aware of it. And then number two, catching where I'm wrestling with it. What safety behaviors do you have in relation to this feeling? Again, when it comes to OCD, it doesn't matter what the obsession is, it doesn't matter whether it's associated to uncertainty or not, it doesn't matter if it's real or feels real or not. What we want to do is take a look at the safety behaviors we're engaging in and first ask ourselves, are these helpful and effective?  So, if you have guilt or regret, and your way of coping with that is to beat yourself up in hope that you never do it again, how effective is that? Is that working for you? Is it actually preventing you from doing things in the future that may trigger off regret and guilt? No. Are you avoiding certain things so that you don't have to have this guilt and regret in the future? Do a quick assessment on those safety behaviors and ask yourself, does this help me in the grand scheme of things, knowing that OCD may pull guilt and regret on me for the most minor thing again tomorrow? Is it effective for me to try to make my life really small and avoid things because of an emotion that I may have to experience?  Remember, the emotion will not hurt you. You'll allow it to rise and fall. It is painful. I'm not going to lie, it is painful, but it won't destroy you, especially if you have a relationship with guilt and regret and with this discomfort where you're not resisting it. Remember, what you resist persists.  So, you want to take a look at, do a functional analysis, do a review on how effective is my safety behaviors. Are you engaging in reassurance-seeking compulsions saying, “Do you think I did something wrong?” Going to your partner, “Do you think I did something wrong?” Maybe you're confessing. “I feel guilty that I did this thing. I want to tell you what I did so that I can let it off my conscience.” Now again, within a normal degree, we do this to some degree. I always laugh. Several years ago, my son, who was four at the time, came home and blurted out to my husband that mom had run through a red light, just out of the blue. He'd figured out that red lights were bad and you can't drive through them and he's like, “Mom went through a red light,” the minute he saw him. Of course, he was like, “No, you didn't.” And I had to admit to it. But after that, I felt this urge to admit to things so that I could absorb myself of that guilt and regret that I had. And we all do it. I want to normalize that. I don't want to pathologize those kinds of behavior. But if you're doing that repetitively and it's interfering with your relationships and it's creating more and more stress for you, and you do it once and you don't completely feel absolved and you feel like you need to confess again, this is a safety behavior that isn't effective and that's causing long term problems and is feeding the cycle of OCD. We want to break that, guys. We want to break that. So, what I want you to look at here is, again, awareness. Are you able to acknowledge what's going on? Are you able to identify the compulsions that are problematic? And then are you able to let it be there? Let it be there. Do nothing about it. Now, if you're a real badass, which I know that you are, you will then, if you're really ready, you might even do something fun and pleasurable while you feel guilt. Now that is doubling down. While you feel the obsessive guilt, while you feel the obsessive regret, you're actually going to go have some fun and enjoy yourself. So important. This is a super important piece of the work that we do.  How To Stop Relationship OCD Guilt Now, for those of you who have relationship guilt or relationship OCD guilt in relation to your OCD, this is so important. It's so important that you catch the safety behaviors that you're doing and then you reengage with your loved one, because often what we do is we either do a whole bunch of compulsions or we shut down completely. We stop hanging out with them, we stop opening our heart with them, we stop engaging in intimacy with them. And that can become a big problem. For those of you who have real-event OCD and guilt associated with real-event OCD, the same thing is applicable, which is we want to go through those steps, and then we want to practice opening up our life being fully engaged in our life, in the things that you value, whether the real event happened or not. I often get emails and DMs from people saying, “I feel like my real event is worse than other people's real event, and so therefore I should suffer, or I should figure this out.” And I want to say, “That's a very tactical trick that OCD plays on you to get you back into doing compulsions.”  And so, I want you to be aware specifically to harm obsessions, relationship obsessions, real event obsessions, sexual obsessions. This is such an important piece because that's often where it shows up. But again, it doesn't have to be fear and uncertainty related. Sometimes the guilt and the regret can be the actual obsession that people experience. Okay?  So, as always, we want to throw a massive dose of self-compassion onto this. Self-compassion in and of itself is an exposure for many people. and often people with specifically this OCD guilt and OCD regret when they practice self-compassion, it is like the ultimate exposure. The ultimate exposure. And I really want to encourage you guys to surround yourself with kindness, encourage yourself with kindness, motivate yourself with kindness, nurture yourself with kindness when you're struggling and you're experiencing a high level of discomfort. It doesn't have to be fear. It can be around these other emotions that you experience, and shame. Shame often comes along with this. So, we want to make sure that we are doing everything we can to engage in self-compassion as much as we can. Okay? All right. That's it for now. Let's quickly do the review of the week. This is from Triphonik and he or she said: “Love this podcast. Kimberley's podcast is so inspirational, relatable, and helpful. I have been dealing with OCD since my early 20s. I went through extensive therapy, medications, and lots of prayer! I got to the point where my OCD was not taking over my life anymore & hardly noticeable. I'm now 43 & I've recently gone through some lapses with it after these years. It really shook me to the core. Following Kimberley's anxiety toolkit podcast was helpful in getting me back on track with the tools I've learned from my past along with some new ones! Her spirit and her level of sincerity with the knowledge and experience she has helped me so much! I'm so incredibly grateful to have found this podcast. Thank you, Kimberley!” Thank you so much, Triphonik. Your reviews mean the world to me. Really, they do. And I'm just so happy to be on this journey with you.  All right, folks, I'm going to see you next week and I'll talk to you soon.

11/01/2022Bruh Issa Murder Track 6: Caught Red Hand And You Still Tryna Lie? In this episode, we are talking bout mfs, who got caught in 4k! Be you a scary ass cop who shoots first, denies later, or a bank robber who likes to pass cute little notes, you'll get caught. Nowadays, cameras are everywhere, and you can't do shit, which is also why I think you should dress every day like you might become a meme.Musical Feature: MVP- Vic SageSean Groubert "I Screwed Up" : [02:45] Dominyk Alfonseca [11:35]Social media links: https://linktr.ee/BruhissamurderSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/bruh-issa-murder/exclusive-contentAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

This week, BBC Culture dropped its list of “The 100 Greatest TV series of the 21st Century.” No. 1 is exactly what you’d think it’d be, but below that, there’s plenty to argue about. (Deadwood at 18?! Horse pucky.) The Nose, over the years, has covered many of the shows on the list, by the way: Atlanta, Black Mirror, Fleabag, Game of Thrones, The Good Place, I May Destroy You, Mindhunter, OJ: Made in America, The Queen’s Gambit, Schitt’s Creek, Stranger Things, The Underground Railroad, Watchmen… to name a few. And, speaking of shows: Maid is a Netflix limited series inspired by Stephanie Land’s memoir, Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive, and created by Molly Smith Metzler. Netflix describes it this way: “After fleeing an abusive relationship, a young mother finds a job cleaning houses as she fights to provide for her child and build them a better future.” Its 10 episodes dropped on October 1. Some other stuff that happened this week, give or take: Alec Baldwin Fired Prop Gun That Killed Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins, Injured Director Hartford names city’s first troubadour and flow artist; Khaiim Kelly and Lael Marie Saez will serve three-year terms The Many Decades of Bond “How has someone who is a borderline rapist, murderer, and potential sociopath, endured through all these decades?” Michael Caine Says His Latest Film Is His Last, but He’s Not Retired The 88-year-old screen legend says he’s transitioning to writing, while his representatives walk back his remarks. Americans Are Overworked And Over Work “As I’ve gotten older, work is definitely [still] really important, but I think I’ve started to see it less as my identity.” ​​It’s Quitting Season ‘I Screwed Up’: Netflix’s Ted Sarandos Addresses Dave Chappelle Fallout Netflix Staff Raised Concerns About Chappelle Special Before Its Release The company is dealing with an internal outcry unprecedented in its history. Dave Chappelle’s views on gender are problematic and hurtful Addison Rae Was Permanently Banned From TikTok For Literally Like A Day, So I Guess She Can Go Back To Dancing Now “Time to get a job.” Why ‘Y: The Last Man’ Was Abruptly Canceled Six years after landing at FX for development, the drama based on the beloved comic series was axed before it could even finish its first and (possibly) only season. Y: The Last Man Might Get Resurrected On HBO Max The Huge Box Office For Halloween Kills Seemingly Says A Lot About Peacock Succession at Scholastic Seemed to Be a Shock, Even to the New Chairwoman The powerhouse children’s publisher, known for Harry Potter, had been passed from father to son until Iole Lucchese, a top executive, was given control. Top 40 New Wave Albums The Believer Literary Magazine Shutting Down Issue No. 139, due out in February 2022, will be its last Kanye West is now officially ‘Ye’ ‘Handmaid’s Tale’ Author Margaret Atwood Faces Backlash for Gender Neutrality Tweet MLB Just Tried a Bunch of Experimental Rules in the Minors. How Well Did They Work? Several minor leagues served as the guinea pig for ideas that could improve the pace of play, including robo umps, pushing the mound back, and bigger bases. Were they effective? ‘The Sopranos’: WarnerMedia In Talks With David Chase About HBO Max Prequel Series Why Groundhog Day Left Harold Ramis And Bill Murray’s Friendship In Shambles Royal Caribbean to offer 274-night cruise — the world’s longest GUESTS: Rand Richards Cooper - A fiction writer, contributing editor at Commonweal, and the restaurant critic for the Hartford Courant Mercy Quaye - Founder and principal consultant for The Narrative Project Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter. Colin McEnroe and Cat Pastor contributed to this show.Support the show: http://www.wnpr.org/donateSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On the show today… You won't ever hear the name 'Kanye West' again after this week… only because the singer has officially changed his name to Ye. The name is linked to both one of his children and the Bible, but that's not the only reason he is making headlines right now. Plus, Angelina Jolie walked the red carpet for the premiere of her new film with five of her children by her side and the world is swooning over the family photos. But if you look closely at the image, it also proves that one of the darkest rumours about Brad Pitt could in fact be true. And comedian Dave Chappelle's new Netflix special has drawn criticism both from external critics and internally with employees set to stage a walkout accusing the special of hate speech and inciting violence. The conversation has been labelled ‘cancel culture', but there's more to this story than what the headlines are covering. LINKS "Dave Chappelle's Special Cost More Than 'Squid Game'" - Bloomberg.  "Dave Chappelle vs. trans people vs. Netflix" - Vox. "‘I Screwed Up': Netflix's Ted Sarandos Addresses Dave Chappelle Fallout" - Variety.  CREDITS Hosts: Laura Brodnik & Kee Reece Producers: Laura Brodnik & Madeline Joannou Audio Producer: Leah Porges WANT MORE? Join us in our Facebook group to discuss everything pop culture... https://www.facebook.com/groups/2524018781153963/ Read all the latest entertainment news on Mamamia... https://mamamia.com.au/entertainment/ Follow us on Instagram @mamamiaentertainment https://www.instagram.com/mamamiaentertainment/  Subscribe to The Spill Newsletter...  https://mamamia.com.au/newsletter Join our Facebook page... https://www.facebook.com/mamamiaentertainment/ GET IN TOUCH Call us on the pod phone 02 8999 9386. Email us at thespill@mamamia.com.au Want to hear more Mamamia podcasts? You'll find them here... https://mamamia.com.au/podcasts Mamamia acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we have recorded this podcast on, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures. Support the show: https://www.mamamia.com.au/mplus/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jason Cady is a New-York-based composer, librettist, pedal steel guitar and modular synthesizer player, and co-founder and co-artistic director of Experiments in Opera. We talk about following one’s musical curiosity, the definition of opera, music and storytelling, leaving the 20th century avant-garde behind, and how when “everything goes” in art, we might as well make it fun. Jason's website: jasoncadymusic.com

In de 5e aflevering van de Business Books Podcast bespreken Thijs Peters (hoofdredacteur MT) en Remy Ludo Gieling (hoofdredacteur Sprout) de lessen uit: » De Ladder van Ben Tiggelaar over drie effectieve stappen om jezelf of je organisatie te veranderen. » Hard Things About Hard Things van topinvesteerder Ben Horowitz over het antwoord op moeilijke beslissingen in je bedrijf. » Leap van IND-professor Howard Yu over effectief omgaan met concurrenten. » Yes! I Screwed Up van journalist Miloe van Beek over de lessen van mislukkingen van snelgroeiende ondernemers. Bestel de boeken op www.businessbookspodcast.nl.

Episode 15 - I Screwed Up   In this episode I begin with an apology on how I screwed up.  I talk about Secretary of State Mattis lays a truth bomb by Newsweek of all places.  I discuss the illusion of safety and security offered by the State, as evidenced by the school shooting in Parkland, Florida.  I also share an upbeat story from down here about a local company investing in medical cannabis. LINKS: http://www.newsweek.com/now-mattis-admits-there-was-no-evidence-assad-using-poison-gas-his-people-801542 https://www.buzzfeed.com/briannasacks/the-fbi-was-warned-about-a-school-shooting-threat-from?utm_term=.lnK078AQo#.lnK078AQo http://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/news/business/article_c97abdcc-119f-11e8-9a86-e393c4bdf663.html KEEP IN TOUCH: www.steemit.com/@eric-the-red www.twitter.com/ericthered79 www.instagram.com/eric_the_red1979 www.facebook.com/rebelwithacausepodcast   SUPPORT: https://www.patreon.com/RebelWithACause       --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rebelwithacause/message

To date, the most downloaded show has been #006 I Screwed Up. I’m hoping this is because you all can relate, and not just because you want to hear me talk about how bad I screwed up. But I’ll take it any way I can get it. Today, I share a few more thoughts about mistakes … Continue reading #014 Mistakes Part 2 →

On this episode, we are going to talk about the unique relationship that high-stakes professionals have with mistakes and failure. Mistakes. Many of us would rather not think about them, let alone make some ourselves. In high-stakes situations, how we handle the mistakes others make, but more importantly, how we handle ourselves when we make … Continue reading #006-I Screwed Up →

PART 2 FEATURING MEMBERS OF JESUS PIECE, EDGEWISE, DAMNATION AD, and I mean, lots of cool people not in bands or in bands that you don;t know about. It is, without a doubt, lit.   HEY EVERYBODY!! Welcome to the second installment of our THIS IS HARDCORE FEST special episode. Now look, I know what you are thinking on this: “Liam, why is this episode so damn long?” LOOK Y’ALL, I SCREWED UP. I thought I had balanced out our two episodes perfectly and I had not. I’m sorry. I’m just nervous I guess cause that last episode had GODDAMN CHAKA MALIK on it and that had me kind of stoked and pumped at once. Anyway, as you know we record these on the spot jawns in a real on the run manner, so sound quality is rough, and a few key moments and people got cut off. Huge apologies for that, we owe you one or whatever. BIG THANKS TO JUSTIN LORE, SEAN BENNIS-SINE, EVAN VELLELA , MIKEY SMACK, GRACE KIM, AND ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE WHO TOOK TIME OUT OF THEIR BUSY SCHEDULES TO TALK TO US! As usual, huge thanks to Joe and Chris from THIS IS HARDCORE FEST, Madi, our peoples at Broad Street Breakdown and the Hardcore Kids Corner, and to all the folks who took a flyer or bought a barf bag or a shirt, and big thanks to LEHIGH VALLEY APPAREL CREATIONS for printing our stuff. There are a huge variety of topics covered here we could link to, but you bozos have google so do it yourself. One exception, Freddy Alva talks about his new book which you can find out more info about here! Basically, that is it! PLEASE RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE! The more this thing grows, the better equipment we can get, and the better we can make this all sound thanks everybody, you great! The post CINEPUNX Episode 54: THIS IS HARDCORE SPECIAL EPISODE Part 2 appeared first on Cinepunx.

Mike (www.MichaelSpillman.com) continues his discussion on change, today talking about those changes that come to our own poor decsions....I SCREWED UP! (music by Kevin MacLeod - incompetech.com)