Bitter Coffey

After a series of schedule conflicts and chainsaws, Kelly and Darek return to their respective studios for their first NH-VT podcast.  With topics ranging from Woodstock babies to extreme weather, both hosts are willing to overlook the lack of sound quality due to Kelly's mic deciding to take the day off.  We hope you will overlook it, too.

In a world where no good deed goes unpunished, Kelly shares her experience of getting yelled at for returning a lost wallet and Darek explains why closed-captioned TV is his only option. Proper orgy scheduling is explored, and Darek develops a new term for the garbage on a neighbor's lawn.  

Friend, Chang Report host, and musician Tim Chang joins Kelly and Darek in the studio to wish longtime listeners Colyer and Kevin a happy birthday. This turned out to be a "high energy" episode that somehow covers topics from golf, faulty ignitions, 90s rooftop parties and Cookie Jarvis.

In this non-Sting produced episode, Darek and Kelly celebrate longtime listener El Diablo's birthday and new(ish) listener Elizabeth's well-deserved vacation, Kelly and Darek characteristally bounce from topic-to-topic, discussing proper golf attire, ASMR, and Joni Mitchell.

Back from a trip to Ireland and the OR, Kelly and Darek welcome Glad, a returning on-air guest (also Darek's mom) and John, a longtime listener (and Glad's drummer) to the show. A flurry of topics are discussed, but since Kelly is still only able to type with one hand, you'll just have to trust us that it's a fun episode.

Papi lends his whining skills to this episode of Bitter Coffey, in which Kelly & Darek discuss the historical significance of the podcast, a nosy anti-vax neighbor, and Paw Patrol's support of Roe v. Wade.  Kelly loses the ability to speak earlier than usual, and Darek gets an update on The Pretzel Kids. 

The Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial was an unexpected topic on today's show. Kelly shares her Celtics fandom that involves screaming swear words, and Darek discusses how dinosaur-themed birthday party decorations are a stark reminder of their extinction.  Tim checks in prior to getting a new tattoo by Heavy Hand, and video game street cred prompts a reflection of an aggressive ostrich and cardiac arrest. 

Kelly and Darek barrel through a jam-packed double episode, where they live scroll through TikTok, critique two Billie Eilish songs, engage in The Great Cheeseburger vs. Hamburger Debate, and discuss the increased murder potential as a result of automatic garage door openers. Tim Chang absolutely steals the show in his retelling of The Best St. Patrick's Day Story of All Time. Prove us wrong.

Darek and Kelly return from their hiatus, add fuel to the fire surrounding the Great Sticker Debate. Darek tries on some fake grad school eyeglasses Kelly wonders if a leprechaun can fit in a shoe box. Show intro & outro music genius Tim Chang picks up his phone for a chat to discuss Wordle, Heardle, and crime-fighting chipmunks.

Against all technological odds, and in the face of an extremely dramatic snow squall, Kelly and Darek celebrate Shamrock Shake season with tales of a late night visit from an all-female EMT crew while ruminating on Olympic shenanigans and Super Bowl halftime. The Chang Report focuses on terrible ideas in television remakes, and a hypothetical exchange of poop and services. Tim·s new rockin· theme music also makes its much anticipated debut.

Darek and Kelly are back in the studio after Darek's battle with All Things COVID.  A discussion about football leads to a rambling musical journey about favorite parts of songs, and a boycott of just about everything.  Tim Chang's original, shiny and new show theme music will debut next week due to Kelly's technical incompetence under pressure. 

Darek and Kelly begin Season 5 and 2022 with a tribute to Betty White.  Michele joins the show to break down Kelly's musical  instrument-induced breakdown. Tim Chang invites listeners to begin using a new catch phrase, and Darek offers movie reviews on mediocre movies, past and present.  

In this holiday edition and season finale of Bitter Coffey, Darek accepts what could be candy from strangers when Kelly refuses to answer the door and Tim shares a hot take on recycling.  Happy Holidays, y'all!

Darek flexes hard on recent purchases for his new home, and Kelly shares her discomfort after revisiting 1980s sitcoms. The Chang Report offers insight and wisdom in the midst of grocery store tension caused by crouton options.   

With Tim Chang on vacation to properly celebrate Eastern Daylight Time, Kelly struggles to function in the studio as a left-handed person, and Darek shares a holiday-driven potential spike in peppermint flavor in candy.  Kelly curses in order to test the boundaries of Apple podcast censors, while Darek throws out a bid for a new logo for the show.  

Kelly experiences a series of mini nervous breakdowns during the recording of this episode, and Darek manages to keep the show together as his co-host falls apart.  Tim shares some real talk about the politics of parades, and a new catch phrases is born.  

In an unplanned focus on All Things Pumpkin Spice, this episode is the result of Darek and Kelly's return to their tradition of a pre-show pizza. Darek offers validation to Kelly's accidental crime spree, and Tim provides insight and truth on aggressively-decorated houses for Halloween.  

Kelly lost her show topic notebook, so she relies on Darek and Tim Chang to carry the show.  A brief discussion on lip-syncing turns into Kelly revisiting why she dislikes Mariah Carey, and Darek debuts his 1940s radio announcer voice, unaware that his daughter is playing with a hammer in the backyard.   

Kelly and Darek introduce the best new segment on the show, The Chang Report.  Darek offers an update on the home ownership front, while Kelly shares she is free of both fleas and ticks. And at long last, technology finally allows your hosts to share their vocal acumen with a stranger named Astrid.  

Michele Palardy of the Palardy Foundation briefly joins the show and offers a glimpse of what it's like to live with Kelly.  Both Darek and Kelly learn new farmer terms as a result. Darek carries the show due to Kelly's restrictive eating, discussing both house hunting and house cake, one of which might smell like cat urine. 

Bitter Coffey alum Darek Fanton sits in the second chair for a rapid-fire episode that covers a lot of ground.  Kelly jumps from topic to topic and Darek tries to reel her in. He is not successful.  

In the Season 4 premiere episode, Margo and Kelly showcase their Dad Joke skills, and Kelly takes a stand against telemarketers.  They debate if Peleton is a person or a bike, and celebrate the perfection that is Harry Styles. Kelly's neighbor uses a phrase that feels incorrect and Margo confirms because of her Secretly British status. 

In an episode dedicated to the genius of Monica Lewinsky, Kelly and Margo celebrate Pride Weekend. They discuss clothing choices of cereal mascots, while Margo gets her years and months mixed up, and Kelly once again forgot she was allergic to red onions. Shout out to Daily Would Radio and Carl Nassib! 

Margo and Kelly engage in an impromptu 90210 trivia battle, which is arguably the foundation of their friendship.  Kelly keeps trying to discuss the Friends reunion, but veers off course and at several points throughout the show, she loses the ability to speak and breathe properly.  It's an evening awash with cheese salads and questionable amounts Diet Pepsi. 

Kelly and Margo make it Podcast Official, announcing that Margo is now the permanent co-host of the show.  Kelly learns about pregnancy options with help from the spirit realm, and Margo shares some of the basic rules of Foot Season.  Kelly recently cut her lip open on her iPad and in classic Margo style, she navigates it without judgement. 

Margo and Kelly are so happy to return to the studio for an in-person show, smoothies in hand, and absolutely no agenda at all.  Huge thanks to every single one of our listeners for rolling with our unpredictable recording schedule during the pandemic via Zoom. We're back! 

On the one-year mark of the pandemic and a 15th birthday for Grace Batsie, Kelly & Margo reflect on how odd the past 12 months have been.  There’s not a lot of humor this week, but there’s real talk and the hope for a return to some sense of normalcy.  This might be the last episode that is done remotely, probably because this is the first episode that sounds somewhat normal. 

Back from a week off from recording, Kelly and Margo discuss Kelly’s staycation and the random, short-sighted, uninformed decision to jump into a 1-day juice cleanse.  The creepy story about the garage door repairman is finally shared, and the idea of a musical walking cane that provides a host of musical themes would probably see the light of day if either Kelly or Margo had the slightest grasp of electrical engineering. Kelly poorly promotes her favorite Etsy shop and Margo’s internet issues during recording offer the opportunity for both hosts to pine for a return to post-COVID recording in the studio. Alexa’s negative attitude concerns Kelly and Margo hopes for Oprah Winfrey quality backyard citrus trees.  

 A narrowly escaped drop-foot kicks off this week's episode, where Kelly and Margo learn a lot about Sam's cervix.  The  idea of a Battle of the Moms is discussed, as is the emotional and physical trauma of shopping mall ear piercings. COVID prevents Margo, Kelly and Sam from doing a Pandemic Dress photo shoot at Target, and Kelly faces the reality that breaking up with Cheryl and her cookies is hard to do. 

Sam joins Kelly in the studio this week as Margo recuperates from her recent surgery, a procedure that Sam can't quite get her head around.  With inhaling and hot mics somewhat under control, topics bounce from the term "cloffice" to one-star reviews to the great escape provided by a Lifetime movie. Kelly's struggle with decision-making is blamed on childhood cereal choices, and Sam inches closer to her discomfort with Lady Gaga. And her cookies.

Margo and Kelly welcome friend and co-worker Sam “Lark” Diaz to the show, and realize they each had experiences working for, or almost working for, the federal government.  They review the previous week’s inauguration, the clinginess of Lady Gaga, the fierce factor of Michelle Obama, and compare Joe Biden’s Bible to a very big sandwich. Sam explains the origin into her numerous monikers and her religious faith, Kelly grandstands over the number of Gummi Bears she can fit in her mouth and Margo may or may not be broadcasting from a bunker in an undisclosed location. 

Neither Margo nor Kelly can pronounce the word "meteorology" correctly, dashing any hopes of a career as a meteorologist on a local TV station. Both agree they are the only residents of Vermont who don't partake in the Devil's Lettuce, and plans are discussed for a tiny house with no ladders.  Margo and Kelly break down pandemic day-drinking and explore the significance of a turkey in one's front yard.  A shared Bee Gees obsession is shared, and the countdown clock for Margo's new hip begins if they actually had a countdown clock. 

Kelly and Margo celebrate their technological leap into the 21st century a mere 10 months into the pandemic.  Margo looks forward to having her hip replaced and Kelly opines that her silent, unfair judgement of others is what keeps her from being called for jury duty. They discuss their recent COVID vaccines, and once again wait for Dan Batsie to fix everything. Margo feeds her children cookies for breakfast and Kelly finally forces her dog to wear a sweater. 

The “That’s What She Said” bell quickly becomes the third host in the 3rd season premiere of Bitter Coffey.  Margo might leave her life behind and become a rancher, and Kelly breaks down her fear of clowns, but failed to share at least half the story.  Family trees are randomly discussed, as well as boring and/or dangerous and/or illegally acquired toys from their youth that have left both emotional and physical scars.  Margo shares the term “cherry bumping” and Kelly pretends to speak French.  And of course, there’s a story about a naked bicycle thief.   

In a rare Saturday morning show, Margo does her best to navigate Kelly's excessive coffee consumption earlier that morning, while discussing cardiovascular issues, Jell-O, and a recording of an ice cream murder truck drive-by.  Kelly goes into her decades-long fear of fabric stores, and Margo shares that her dislike of PB&J might be un-American. Salad bars are mourned and Darek's stellar editing skills hide a segment when Kelly just starts hitting buttons on the laptop for no apparent reason. 

Margo and Kelly both process their recent COVID tests, and we're happy to report they are both negative.  Kelly confuses Match Game with Hollywood Squares and Margo shares a pandemic-driven game show reboot. There's a moment when Kelly is searching for a recording of an ice cream truck that spirals away from her, and Margo discusses her obsession with the Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, complete with highly-anticipated team regalia.  

Margo and Kelly celebrate the first days of fall, and discuss ice cream trucks from the 1980s, leading to a Cannonball vs. Screwball Debate. They ponder the resilience of Greek pool floaties and how Bed, Bath & Beyond claims to be the "Master of Kelly's needs."  A fruit fly repeatedly swings by the studio, and Margo shares yet another word that Kelly has never heard. 

Fan of the show and our creative consultant Grace Batsie joins Margo and Kelly, where they continue to break down the origin and validity of the term "meatbird." They also delve into 80's candy, old people TV shows, violent sugary beverage mascots and the genius of Dan Batsie. There are several times where Kelly is convinced the show isn't recording, but continues to ramble on for the better part of an hour.

With Darek on summer hiatus, previous guest Margo Batsie joins the show in the 2nd seat. She and Kelly take a meandering & unsupervised walk down Memory Lane. They share the somewhat recently discovered fact that they shared an orthodontist and zip code in their youth, how they both made their foray treading the boards on the legit stage as children awkwardly playing politicians, and the impact Taco Bell had on Margo’s driving skills. They break down possible reasons Tom Cruise is a frequent orphan in movies and they offer support to a woman named Michelle Obama, a newcomer to the podcast scene. Nothing really happens but a lot goes on.

In an effort to help alleviate the stress of a pandemic, we decided to meet up to record a show with the hope it would provide some sort of distraction for our listeners (and ourselves). Just days later, the world went sideways once again as a result of the tragic and senseless murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. Like you, we’re outraged and doing our part in this unprecedented time through protesting against police violence in our communities, raising awareness, and most importantly, educating ourselves on privilege, racism and how we, collectively, can move forward. Both of us have always had one goal in mind each time we sit behind the mic – add some levity to counter the insanity out there in the world and to make our listeners laugh. We hope we succeeded.

Darek and Kelly are joined by long-time listeners of the show, and Kelly’s former bosses, Morgan and Margo. The crew reflect on drinks the size of your head, discuss the best names for groups of animals and discuss the relationship between hot dogs and friendship. Kelly tells the harrowing tale of the shuttle from hell and Morgan discloses why why’s called what why is. Bells are introduced to the show to indicate a “that’s what she said” moment and they do not go unused.

To close out 2019, Darek and Kelly reflect on the year that was, and look forward to what’s ahead, including making a few impromptu on-air phone calls to some special guests to ask them about their favorite (or least favorite) holiday memories. Kelly shares her own most troubling holiday experience, as well as recounting her recent interaction with the “team” at Lesbian Connection.

Kelly and Darek are joined by super siblings Tim and Lisa Chang to consume and discuss carbs of every shape and size. Tim recounts the origin story of he and Darek’s friendship, reveals his controversial snackfood opinions and is somewhat bemused by both the weather and people of Northern Vermont. Kelly takes issue with putting salt in coffee and the crew bask in the glow of a recent “feature” in Lesbian Connection magazine.

Bravely overcoming a serious case of “doughnut throat”, our hosts chat about the resurgence of roller derby, awkward vocal tics, and trace the very short origin story of Kelly’s favorite new catchphrase. Leaf couch season continues with a special shout out to Instagram’s #freechairproject and the suggestion of a special new merch item. Things conclude with a deep dive into the plethora of National Something Days and a stellar cold-close.

After a bit of a newborn-related hiatus, Kelly and Darek are back to regale you with tales of their best years ever, share some significant life updates, reflect on their distinct experiences with the Champlain Valley Fair and Y2K and Kelly saddles Darek with a dodgy nickname. Along the way, Kelly shares a newly identified pet peeve and Darek gets confused about when Jim Carrey’s early films came out (which he's now aware of, so there's no reason to point it out).

Our hosts are joined by rock star in attitude and profession, Gladys Douse (who also happens to be Darek’s mother). Glad shares her experiences as a lifelong Vermonter who now lives in North Carolina, as well her musical journey and evolution. The group also chats about the lie that is the storied baby shower nacho bar, sun couch season, perms and so much more.

As Darek embarks on paternity leave, we close out Season 1 of Bitter Coffey with some (arguably TOO much) excitement about Winooski’s upcoming road vaginas, engage in a robust punctuation debate that would damage most friendships, and with the help of guest-host Mo Citro, further explore our odd fascination with Celine Dion. At one point in the show, Kelly begins speaking in a Canadian accent that isn’t detected until post-production, and we may or may not lovingly compare Darek’s baby with a tuned-up bicycle. Michele encounters her first live rat and records a video of him or her running errands around town. We will be back for Season 2 after childbirth & adjustment to fatherhood, summer courses and open-mouth naps in the sun.  Stay fresh this summer, Cheesebags!  

On this episode of the definitely still a “comedy” podcast Bitter Coffey, Kelly hatches a plan to start a band with Darek’s Mom, reads a letter from friend of the show Morgan, and our hosts offer some very dubious relationship advice. We also discover that one poor listener has been suffering through the podcast (more than most) at 1.5 speed, which leads us into the dark and disturbing world of “drunk speed”. Darek also goes off on a rant about gendered baby clothing, and Kelly is chased by a literal beaver.

Mo Citro somehow finds the mental strength to return for another episode of Bitter Coffey! Following a delightful pretzel chicken dinner, our hosts discuss the lie that is instant cake mix and discover that celery water rids your body of more than just toxins. Kelly shares the greatest personal ad in history, discusses her distaste for incorrect pluralization, there’s some delightful effects experimentation and there’s conversation about more terrible job experiences. We mourn the loss of the Northern Vermont institution Pizza Putt and discuss the Aunt Becky college admissions controversy. We also want to hear about the everyday items that make you feel like a rich person.

Darek and Kelly are joined by Mo Citro for a wide ranging episode full of figurative and literal key changes. Mo and Kelly share the origin (and near demise) of their friendship, we discover that Kelly is more like her weird Aunt than she would like and that the Vermont high-school bowling scene is booming. Finally, we’re treated to a harrowing tale of garden Buddha abduction.

On this week’s episode we explore the special relationship that Kelly shares with the folks at Vermont Gas, talk about the current state of customer “service” and delve deep into Kelly and Darek’s podcast libraries. You’ll also learn a valuable lesson about how to scare off an intruder and more than you’d ever want to know about one of the members of Darek’s birthing class.