Don't Lose Your Headline

It’s The End! Get your tissues (no doubt you already have some on standby when listening to our voices) and be ready for a tear-jerking walk down memory lane. Look how long it is! Better get comfy, you tarts! The boys have been expecting to be arrested, failing to fight spiders and having poop problems! Then, in the world of news, we have a graphic Angry Birds clone, a police helicopter used for naughty purposes and a group of drag queens you would not mess with. Then, we have a go at making our own news stories and we get quizzed on the events of Headlines past. How much do we recall? Were we sober and awake for those episodes? Hold on to your sides and strap in for a good, long Headlining. And don’t cry too much, because Phil, Bret and Chris will be back!

Fear not citizens! This week the three finest heroes in podcast land are here to protect and serve in our super hero special! Hear all about our special powers and learn our secret identities and the adventures we have! Phil’s bell is acting up (don’t worry, it’s an actual bell this time), Chris has a forking weird exchange on his lunch break and Bret meets a child! In the wider world, Chris introduces us to our first super villain, the devious poo bomber, via stories of Bret’s criminal past. Then Phil takes us back in time to the weird news of yesteryear, including a technological advance, a dubious ghost and an epic duel. Finally, Bret brings along a Florida Game featuring everyones favourite superhero, Florida Man! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to be in with a chance of winning the episode prize, and join in with the #limerekt competition to go in for the series prize!

Equality is important to us at DLYHL and since we’ve done a penis special, this week we have a vagina special! We all learn a few things about the lady zone today, yet somehow penises and balls get plenty of mentions too. In life, Phil has a problem that you don’t want to hear, Chris is getting messy in the girl’s loos and Bret is best off not dancing. In the wider world, we have vagina facts and headlines- who knew vaginas got so many inches (of column space)? We also hear all about Nasa’s Planetary Protection Officer post, with Chris and Bret competing for the job. Finally, we learn that sometimes scrotums need a little smoothing out! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to maybe win the episode prize. Join in with the #limerekd competition to go in for the series prize!

This episode is very efficient and punctual! Phil is back in charge and showing us how a real host works! We also hear of Bret’s ability to be awkward and offensive, Chris’ enjoyment of birds or lack thereof and Phil’s worrying love of tasty treats. Phil’s exceptional hosting goes on to present three fun games! We have a pair of news stories, for you folks to guess- are they real or fake? The first is a tale of a friendly sausage character who makes life easier (or harder) for kids, the second is the tale of something unpleasant discovered in a strip club (can’t be anything good!). Meanwhile, Phil has a collection of bum trouble headlines! Things going in, things going out, we got it all! Don’t forget to guess which of us is lying about our personal headlines, with the tag #headlies to maybe win the episode prize. Join in with the #limerekt competition to go in for the series prize!

Welcome to a penisy special this week as Bret examines some phallic facts and news stories! This week, Phil is getting angry at crimes, Chris is not amused by 9/11 and Bret does some blowing for a lady! We have a bunch of crazy news stories for you, including a series of events involving Florida Penis, a woman with a fantastic name getting combative with Johnny Law and a play of 1984 is so intense with the ol’ torture that it actually makes people scream and vomit! Don’t forget to join in with the #headlies and you can win Bret’s compliment voucher, plus thanks to all who join in #limerekt as you guys are coolsome!

Roll up, sports fans! Chris is hosting this week and he’s doing a sports thing! See how well Phil and Bret know the world of outside motion games. Meanwhile, Chris has been to the fish zoo, Bret has been cementing his singleness and Phil has one last two-wheeled mishap! This week we have a ding-dong flasher (no, us neither?!) who’s actually a bit scary. Phil and Chris play a game of You Couldn’t Make It Up, using a rather limited set of words from the wordsmith. You’ll be amazed. Finally, we hear some sports team names that are real head scratchers- but which are real and which are fake? Use your brain guesses! Don’t forget to join in with the #headlies and you can win Chris’s sporting present, plus thanks to all who join in #limerekd and be cool!

Hello dear children, welcome to happy fun times at DLYHL! This episode is child-safe and has hardly any swearing or dead people at all. Bret, Chris and Phil are having a super sunshine day in lollipop forest and beyond! Sit comfortably and listen to story time, as Bret pulls his pole, Phil gets bumped off his bike and Chris crashes part of a car. Don’t worry kids, we’re all fine! But what of news from the outside world? We get educational with a series of headlines about the French, with key words blanked out for your guessing enjoyment. We also have a story about a nuclear power plant offering a somewhat sexist way to get new interns! We hear about a naughty man lying with a lizard or two and we learn about a man who has a police car adventure! Woweee! Remember not to stay up past bedtime while listening, and be good for Uncle Chris and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems.

This week, it’s a sex soundtrack special! You can put the podcast on while you’re getting down and dutty, and we will make you giggle and offer useful hints and encouragement. Phil is having yet more cycling mishaps, Chris doesn’t see an orchestra (whut?) and Bret has a proposition for all our listeners! If you’re single and looking to date, today might be your lucky day! While you’re making the beast with two backs, listen to our fun news stories and games! Police in America struggle to capture a notorious criminal with a surprising nickname, we examine the tale of a couple who had sex in a restaurant (and wouldn’t even pay) and we hear a series of Yahoo questions from people who shouldn’t have keyboards! But which of these are real and which are fake? Take off your pants, switch on your bullshit detector and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems!

Chris is hosting this week! And we’ve been very busy- Bret does something desperate and lonely, Phil is being blown all over the shop and Chris has his eyes brought into question! All sorts of stories this week. Did the Jumbo Shrimp really give away pregnancy tests? Yes, that sentence makes no sense. We have a Florida Game exploring some thrilling police chases (some just plain impressive) and last but not least, the love manual written by an ex-scientologist which can help you excel in the bedroom, using just an egg! Don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems! We love you.

Democracy never felt so good, as this week Bret and Chris go head-to-head in a debate and Phil pretends he’s some kind of news election man. Don’t forget to vote for reals, though! It’s super important! In the meantime, listen to our tales of strange news from around the world. We have the tale of some randy Swedes who had an electrifying time, we have a list of lesser-known electoral candidates with some very unusual policies, plus there’s the tale of an erroneous sandwich! Don’t forget to join in with our #headlies and #limerekd poems. And vote, damn it!

Spread your soundginas, it’s time for DLYHL! This week, Phil is a right old pedal-phile, Chris is getting Hipsterer than ever and Bret makes a black friend? We have a lovely mixture of suspicious news stories and articles for you, folks. A woman cooks for her husband using a rather special ingredient, that he’s (until now) unaware of. A guest from beyond the veil takes us to the land of the rising sun, to examine strange Japanese toilets. Last of all, we have a series of mystery headlines about drug-related hijinx! The things people will do to avoid getting charged… But which are real and which are fake? Listen, play along, have a laugh and don’t forget to join in with our #headlies to win a Haiku from Bret and #limerekd poems to battle for the season listener crown!

We haven’t covered the events in Manchester, because it’s not funny. We extend our deepest condolences to those affected and great admiration to those who helped. The show must go on, so instead we focused our efforts, as ever, on the sillier side of the news- if you want a break from the heavy stuff, press play! Par example: Phil has a series of headlines relating to drunks and drinking (he loves a glug), Indian women are putting something in their vaginas (and it ain’t Indian men) and a prank in a Poundland gets way out of hand (sorry, this one is a bit harrowing, on reflection). But which of those stories are fake news? One of our Personal Headlines is fake- tweet or comment #headlies and you could win Chris’ special prize. Also, finish our #limerocks naughty rhyme as there’s a series prize to win!

Let’s talk about six baby! Series six, that is, of Don’t Lose Your Headline- the comedy news podcast that puts the old phrase ‘truth is stranger than fiction’ to the test. Can you spot fake news? This week, faithful of the DLYHL cul- er- fraternity, we have tales from the world of sinners! A robot cop gets assaulted by a human miscreant, a cat up a tree is prepping for battle and all sorts of sixy things are happening in the Florida Game! Did a guy get 6 pool balls lodged in his bottom pocket? We have two new interactive bits for you, worshippers! One of our personal headlines is fake- tweet us with the #headlie to guess and maybe win a prize! Also join in the #limerock by finishing the limerick and there’s a better, season-end prize to win! JOIN US.

Here comes the final final episode! Series 5 is over, but it’s time to reveal the forfeit for the loser, who we announced last week. What awaits them? Humiliation? Monetary ruin? We also have a little play with some quick stories and games, while Phil dies of illness despite drinking more water. Bret ran over a goose and Chris met a French-speaking guy from a) the future or b) an asylum. Have a little listen, find out what’s in store for Loser McLoserface and laugh with us! See you in May for Series 6. Keep an eye on our social accounts to see the forfeit results in the coming weeks!

Just one Cornettooooooo… oh, hello there! Looks like it’s time for the final episode of season 5, in which our brave heroes (played by Phil Austin, Chris Evans and Bret Allen) find out who faces the forfeit. Chris or not Chris? BTW, there’s a slight quality wibble mid-episode, due to new recording software. Technology? More like ‘Tsch, No-Likey!’ …So yeah, be a little ear-merciful, please. Meanwhile, work out which of these news stories are real and fake! There’s a cooking book with a very special ingredient, a Comcast engineer leaves a little surprise for someone’s 10 year old kid and a wedding is a tad disturbed by a boozy, violent maid of dishonour! And is that 2pec the rapper up to no good? (No, us neither). Enjoy and tune in next week for a light episode that reveals what the forfeit will be!

Open your head, it’s a new DLYHL! This week, we have Pete D. Gaskell of the Smorgasbored podcast, so please check his show out at https://www.acast.com/smorgasboredpod as he’s brought us a lot of punning and wit. Bret has birthday news, Chris has seen more signs and Phil found a time capsule in a drawer! Pete ponders the legality of guide dogs! We hear the tale of a grammar vigilante, sorting out the error’s we hate to see in the street! Pete brings us a story about an unfortunate poopy incident for a UFC fighter (seriously, this is awesome) and we learn of a special post-birth treat for mums! Last but not least, we play a little game of Blankheads to see if the guys can fill in some anal answers. Oh yeah, and Bret didn’t mean to suggest that a famous pop group were involved in a weird orgy. It was just their groovy beats.

Engage sound catchers! A new DLYHL has landed, full of bizarre news and weird stories. But first, a quick disclaimer. This episode includes a story which is actually really unpleasant, so consider yourself warned re: triggers, if abuse upsets you. No, we don’t find it funny either, but we do laugh our heads off at how impossible it is to not laugh when you’re not supposed to. Ever wanted to giggle at a funeral? Then you’re good to go! Oh yeah, there’s also the tale of a drunk man who demolishes roadworks, but makes up for it in style! We try to work out what’s better, a robot wife or a flesh wife? And last but not least, we hear the story of a song banned in Russia, for being a bit too… Eurovision.

Looks like a pod just got cast! We have a guest in the form of Tom King of That King Thing! Good job too, because Chris was kicked out. Phil is ‘absolutely fine’ after his fishy quest, plus he’s been playing with Bret’s hard tool. Bret has befriended Ronaq Ronaq and Tom has been scared shitless by a bag! We hear the story of a Korean woman with something magical in her purse, a man in China has something slippery up his bum (yep) and we hear about a guy who thinks eating in traffic is smert. Finally, we play Whose Headline Is It Anyway and it all goes a bit weird and wrong. Have fun, please send in your stories and jokes!

Hello, fellow ear owners. There’s no Phil this week! Dennis will be most pleased! He’s away on a vision quest, seeking the Salmon of Doubt, so Chris and Bret are taking up the reins in his stead. This week, one of them has been called a Viking and another has proven that he’s smarter than Phil, but which is which? We have multiple bizarre news stories for you! A woman fends off a sword-wielding robber, a man goes up, up and away in his beautiful balloon chair and a raccoon is disturbed after a brush with boobs. A man may or may not be the nuisance of Bridgwater and finally, a Bolivian fella tries to scam people with a Jesus fish. Do you ‘bolieve’ it? Enjoy, digest, get in touch!

Hello listener types! This week, Bret has some Resident Evil 7 spoilers for you, Phil is amazed by chicken within sausage and Chris tries to be more fish! Yes, we lead full lives. Funny news stories, you ask? A guy jumps out of a window after getting dumped (funnier than it sounds and you’ll never see Spiderman the same way again), we play a brand-new game called ‘You Can’t Say Shit With a Brick in Your Mouth’ and we hear about a video game themed brothel in Luxembourg! Are you a Tifa Lockheart guy or perhaps a sucker for Solid Snake?

Greetings for… what’s the day after Women’s Day? Boxing Women? That doesn’t seem right. We’ve been sooo busy this week; Bret’s flogging his book for free, Chris is rummaging in drawers (ooer) and Phil is sorting cards to the point of madness! This week we have the story of a man who’s so mad at his boss, he has >= 5 ways to kill him (featuring a special guest appearance!). We try our hand at creating some conspiracy theories (which don’t go well for the ladies. Understanding of satire required ahead) and finally we have the news of a Smart Condom which can tell you just how you measure up! Have fun, don’t get the doubt set it and please join in with Serial Japist!

Hello dudes and fems! Bret’s going on a diet, Chris met a happy guy and Phil (and Bret) are making it big time as models. This week, we bring you the tale of two students who’ve got themselves in a bit of a sex jam, we explore a Sliding Story about a person causing a holy ruckus in a chapel and finally, a man uses his snake to get chicken! It’s the pearfect episode, really raisin the bar, so make a date to listen!

Choo Choo, the Master Debaters are visiting today! We have guests in the form of Toffa and Sean from the MD crew, which is why this is a long one. We gained their consent! Phil drives a car that’s on fire, Bret jizzes in his pants in Neros, Chris has some sort of new podcast! Toffa gets stuck in the shitter and Sean does heroic feats of geekdom! We learn of a music gig with a surprising gimmick and a woman called Lynn with matrimony on her mind. A gang of thieves recreate Through the Keyhole with burglaries and we get a glimpse into CSI: Bavaria. Finally, we have a fun game based on our knowledge of masturbating and genitalia! It’s 2017, it’s fine. Have fun everyone and please check out Master Debaters at https://soundcloud.com/master-debaters if you want to ramp up the laddish lawks, swearing and strange impressions!

We dialled down the swearing in this one, at the behest of a listener! Chris laughs at children and finds the real meaning of ‘cloud strife’, Phil has a bit of a week with mean emails and odd phone calls and Bret has his seaman devoured. Start your engines as we find out about pedal pumping (second best pumping episode ever?). We celebrate some important national holidays, such as bath safety month (safety starts at home). Last but never least, we learn of a rather unhappy Trump supporter (aren’t they all?). Prepare to eat your restraining orders!

Hello fellow earth humans! It’s DLYHL time as this week; Bret makes Ghost Recon sound more or less like Nandos, Chris meets a Bear (we aren’t sure what this means) and Phil inhales a bit of the ol’ plastic cancer smoke. We find out that Lady Gaga’s Superbowl performance was in fact a Satanic ritual, according to the lovely chaps of the alt-right. They know all about these things. We also play a game of Balls-out Metal or Made up by Brettle? So, if you know your Ozzy from your Cannibal Corpse, you can have a go at guessing which of these metal facts are phony. Last but not least, we learn of a special new way to create jewellery, which is so personalised that nobody will want to touch it! Enjoy and don’t forget to join in with Serial Japist! We’re rewriting the rules of punning!

This week: Uuuuurgh! A girl! Yes, #DLYHL has a guest this week in the form of Layla Randle-Conde, writer, creator and purveyor of humorous filth for The Beezly Street Gazette. So we’re on our best behaviour! Though, 50% of us had bad throats. Can you tell which? Bret has his heart screened for electrical nonsense, Chris reads the signs and Phil has a man-meltdown over coffee. Layla chooses her personal values over the lure of casual crime! Women, amirite? Lots of stories for you this week! The cops get lucky while hunting for Graham Norton, there’s a slew of masturbating drivers in America (where we learn a fun new term) and Layla brings us the tale of Waitrose’s latest anti-food! Meanwhile, Phil is rocking a game that tests our knowledge of Beezly Street Gazette, the funniest silly news site this side of Trumpton. Have fun guessing which stories are real and fake! Once again, we offer our thanks to Layla for her time and making us laugh. Please check out her site! https://beezlystreet.wordpress.com/

Happy new Thursday release day! This #dlyhl episode is really quite grim. Don’t listen to it. It’s not funny, it’s just horrible. Seriously! If you want to listen to a podcast of wit, banter, levity and good humour then that podcast is streaming elsewhere. Listening to this podcast can only bring misery and sadness. Don’t listen to Chris’s Italian faux pas, Phil’s ghost cat or Bret’s Shaun. Definitely don’t listen to the tale of the airport strip search with a twist, or the myriad real and fake crimes of a truly legendary (and possibly insane) businessman/duke/prostitute. For the love of God, don’t let Phil tell you about the legendary City of the Monkey God and its flesh-eating parasites. Hilarious stuff. Don’t forget to also never find out the answer to the #serialjapist and join in this week’s. Come back next week instead!

Hello, it’s us again! This week, listen out at the start for an important announcement from an impotent host! DLYHL will be coming out on Thursday from now on. That means you get a second podcast this week! You lucky dogs. Furthermoresome! Bret bids Bunker 13 farewell, Chris gets washing himself wrong and Phil sings at a customer for 20 seconds, which is 20 too many. We cover some thrilling news stories this week: a master criminal called The Horse Stripper is at large, we learn of Russia’s morbid answer to Uber, there’s a glass of OJ you don’t want to drink and finally Chris and Phil enter the post truth era make up some fake news about Trump. Bret keeps calling him ‘Trumpy’?! Which stories are real? Which stories are alt-real?

Holy returning podcast! Don’t Lose Your Headline is back in action and coming out swinging, kicking off 2017 with some brand new bizarre news stories. Which stories are real? Which are fake? Is truth stranger than fiction? Why is Phil allowed? Bret’s seeking out a fellow Bret, Phil’s getting poopy and Chris is getting into F1 podcasting (for realsies). We explore the tales of a man whose penis is having a bad day, a Taiwanese funeral which had pole dancers and other merriment and finally the seasonal rise of elf porn! Enjoy the show and feel free to get in touch on our site or Twitter: @dlyhlpodcast, @bretallenwriter, @FlippingPhil and @TnMChris!

It's the Don't Lose Your Headline & That King Thing comedy special! It's silly, it's got way too many people in one podcast, and it's loud and it's full of merriment and over competitiveness and stupid team names and rude bits! Woo! Merry Crimbo, ya lucky ducks!

Hello all, it’s the season finale! No scores to be recorded now, it’s too late for our series loser. All he can do now is find out what forfeit the other two have in store! We have some fun games to play nevertheless, as well as personal headlines. Bret’s enlightened in Asda, Chris sees something that stirs his soul and Phil hurts orphans. Find out about the email sent to a lecturer while high on meds, a form of ID that simply is not accepted (tempting though it may be) and we play some of our favourite games using the bits we remember from this series!

Sorry about the delay in posting, folks! Due to Headliner illness! Well, well, it’s the penultimate episode of season 4 and now we find out who wins and who’s doing the forfeit! But that’s not all. Bret has some good writing news, especially for Harry Potter fans. Chris has had a brush with the apocalypse and Phil is mistaken for a girl! Shocker. Do Chinese police make headlight abusers stare into their own lights? Does saying ‘Opa’ make you healthier? Do Chris and Bret remember anything that happened in Season 4?! Enjoy. Next week we find out what the forfeit is!

Good Monday, listeners! It’s the podcast that pits truth against fiction! Can you tell which news stories are real? This week, Phil tells us how he chased down a rogue driver for miles, Bret gushes over a terrible but excellent film and Chris opens a theme park which crosses over with the Xth dimension of unimaginable horror. In a twist of fate, we have not one but two sex toy stories this week! First up there’s a robotic head designed to give head, then a collection of penis tattoos and monstrous dildos, the likes of which have never been seen. Man and machine are one! Collect the whole PussyKat range! Lastly, Chris brings us a Sliding Story about a woman with a cracking sense of humour and a hell of a hobby. She won’t get far, chasing cars! Put your brain through the wringer. As ever, let us know if you have comments or news stories of your own!

Bon Monday! A new podcast awaits you stuffed with news and non-news! We get miffed about Islam (not for reals, don’t worry) and corporate overlords (bastards) and lack of grammar (which it turns out can be quite threatening). Phil tells us all about his bumbum discovery, which is quite… something. Chris has a story about a man who had a bad time in a toilet cubicle, but smells better than you’d expect. Finally, Bret has a Sliding Story for you where a true Floridian flees from the cops, but has an unpleasant surprise in his pants. Last but not least, listeners notified us about a vicious squirrel attack on defenceless old folks! Yes, all our stories are bum or poo related this week. Purely serendipitous! Enjoy! As ever you can check out the actual story links on our site, or drop us a line.

Greetage! It’s another Monday and another ‘sode from the ‘cast! This week, the DLYHL crew get acquainted with Deus Ex, Phil’s manliness and Jeff Goldblum. Meanwhile we hear about the values of a semen facial (the other kind of facial… or… kind of a hybrid?), the fantastic new startup that lets you message people via potato and we play Whose Headline Is It Anyway? Was a chicken elected mayor? Did a robot stab a guy? No! Enjoy- drop us a line any time with stories and questions!

Hello everyone! Within this episode, we learn about Phil’s mouth, Bret’s kitty and Chris’ ears. The news stories we explore this week are as mad as ever! We hear about a new, tasty way to rid the world of landmines. We examine the tale of a man who had a romantic affair with a fellow intelligent mammal (but not one with two legs) and we hear some of the fun and sarcastic things said by Tube drivers. They are not a happy bunch! Enjoy the stories, feel free to send in your own or hit us with abuse!

Happy Halloween, Samhain and Ghostober: it’s the terrifyingly funny Halloween special! Frighteningly, Phil’s audio is a bit louder this week because we’re experimenting with new recording methods! But it’ll be perfect next time! He was possessed or something. What other horrors lie within? Phil gets haunted, Bret gets terrified and Chris terrifies others. Instead of news stories this week we have a variety of games themed around the spooky and dreadful. Tales of haunted rings, spectral beasts, demonic offspring and other creepy stuff await within. Listen… if you DARE!

Hello and welcome to Don’t Lose Your Headline! It’s not the penultimate episode, because we’re going to make this season longer. Longer is always better, right? Chris has PSVR, Phil tries to eat himself to death and Bret’s as merry as Jack. We also have news stories! A man guilty of *blank* destruction causes a fuss in the shopping centre, while his wife waves a *blank* and they run through *blank* while *blanking*. Bear with it, folks. There’s a case of a stolen brain. Why? Drugs! We’re all for experimentation, but there’s a limit. The limit is the skull. In Head to Headlines we argue the toss (pun intended) about the legality and morality of pumping in public. Is it ok if it’s too dark to see? Lastly: thanks to our Russian correspondent Ash and his Russian boy-source Regulus who confirmed the whole beaver thing for us.

Welcome Headline fans! This week we explore a new game, as well as reading a couple of the usual bizarre news stories you love. We hear the tale of a man who overdosed on a dangerous substance (Phil and Chris have fun guessing it) and went waving knives around. We also explore the story of a charity leaflet campaign in Russia which encourages folks to exterminate beavers. A tad harsh? We’ve also got another Sliding Story provided by Phil, concerning footage of things that should not be done on top of vehicles! Our new game features making stories up on the fly (because we’re so great at that) including the tale of a high speed chase involving a stuffed toy, a (very) premium rate phone line and some offensive busking! Enjoy!

This week Phil has some shocking (but not so shocking) news, Bret’s touting his Choose Your Own Adventure game Hipster Quest which needs testers (see the show notes on www.dontloseyourheadline.net) and Chris is getting into Lego in a big way. We cover the most wanted animals in Michigan (including a real-life bad horse) and we hear about a gentleman who gets far too close to his Henry Hoover. He isn’t smiling now, but we do have a catchy new social justice slogan… Head to Headlines details a real historical battle that took place between a dwarf and a dog, in sunny Stoke. We don’t condone it, but we did attempt to fully explore the realities. Phil also brings us a new game called Sliding Stories, featuring the tale of a man who drives the wrong way down the highway- but the details are stranger than you might expect.

We beg for forgiveness! As the podcast will explain, we had an audio glitch on this episode and were unable to use it. Thanks, technology! But we have still recorded a rough and ready episode for you- no points scoring, just nattering about the news stories we’ve found and playing an impromptu game of You Couldn’t Make It Up (thanks to Geoff Tibballs for his handy random book!) Expect some embarrassing stories to help you get to know us, a tale of cinnamon cans (featuring a dire Arnie impression) and a story about kids whacking people with trolleys!

Greetings headline hunters! This one’s got some proper rude bits (shock) so don’t listen at work or with your gran. This week we have some fun personal headlines that hint at Chris’ metropolitan Sex in the City lifestyle! We hear the story of a teacher with a potty mouth and Charlie the superstar dog has a few too many and feels a bit… woof. Last but not least, Phil lowers the bar yet again with a series of sex positions and acts (not nice ones! NSFW!) and we have to work out what they involve. We are not so worldly after all. Finally, hear the tale of a man who wants to exchange his ball and chain for… a ball and chain.

This week we have a guest star- Tom King of That King Thing podcast! So you can look forward to some gaming related wit and also the confusion factor of a fourth male voice. Sausage fest?! We hear about a Florida Woman who was shot by her own oven (…what) and a Japanese fisherman who fends off a bear attack (racism corner is getting busy these days). Tom tells us the tale of a catfish from above hitting a woman in the face (will Phil fall for a little red heron?) and we play a game of Real or Toss which challenges us to spot real and fake games- all of which involve some kind of unpleasant sexual motif. Enjoy the show and don’t forget to check out That King Thing- which Phil will be appearing on this week, on Thursday! You can find it here: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/that-king-thing/id1094573910?mt=2

Welcome back to another DLYHL- a long, meaty one-hour episode for the serious hardcore fans who want to delve deeper into our world! We have a church offering no salvation whatsoever and we hear the tale of a right pair of batlickers (do not try this at home, or even in a cave)! Find out all about the Handsome Weeping Boy who’s paid to wipe away your tears and we play the first and last ever game of Experiment or Excrement! It’s educational. Lastly we play another game of You Couldn’t Make It Up, so expect some stories that do not make any sense! Enjoy- we look forward to hearing from you!

Episode 2 has landed! Aside from the boys’ personal headlines (feat. Penises, Hitler and Doritos) we have plenty of weird news stories for you – but which ones are real and which are fake? We visit a lady doctor from Lancashire guilty of ‘really’ gross misconduct (we also hear yet more about the hosts’ privates)! We hear about a brave man diving into poopy danger and getting a bit out of his depth, plus a family get food poisoning while having a celebratory ‘we survived food poisoning’ meal. Hope you’re still alive, guys! Finally this week we have a Head-to-Headline that pits two members of the insect kingdom against each other on a urine soaked battlefield!

DLYHL Season 4 has landed! We're back with some new games, new ideas and of course new stories - but are they real or fake? Is truth stranger than fiction? For those who haven't heard, there's also a bonus live episode available now! Behold, the unintentional masturbation special! This episode features an impressive gorilla impression (including public masturbation), a man who feels the need to destroy after masturbating to music (what) and sex toys cause a stir in Austin- ‘cocks not glocks’, everyone! We also invent some stories on the spot, which include pensioners, farmers and more masturbatory horror! Welcome back to DLYHL and enjoy!

Hello Headline fans! This is a special episode, recorded live at Casa Phil, to keep you from gnawing off your own legs in frustration while waiting for season 4 to start. (not long to go - S04E01 goes live Monday 29th) So this slightly shorter live special may be a bit rough around the edges but we know you'll like it! We find out what the most Canadian crime of all time is and we briefly discuss the results of Phil's forfeit, which you can see on our website! We also hear about a Norwegian golf course pooper, an absent-minded lady who sends racy photos to the wrong everybody, laser wielding sex pigs and a man with a van (and an urgent desire!).

This week we have the season finale, with the forfeit being delivered to the loser announced in episode 9! We chat about a couple of fun stories such as the store owner who made himself the star of his window display and the everyday superhero who's protecting the streets from crime (but not himself from cholesterol). We also play a game of Headlines Against Humanity using scenes and people from past DLYHL stories! Find out what the nation's next big sport will be! Thank you all for listening. We'll be back for season 4 in a couple of weeks, so follow us on Soundcloud, iTunes, Twitter or our website www.dontloseyourheadline.net to get updates- plus check out the site for more crazy news stories from around the world!

The merciless Chris and hairy Bret go head to head in our heavyweight episode! With Phil out in front by a megachunk of points, it seemed only fitting for Bret and Chris to duke it out to see who ends up in third place, facing a forfeit. Just one on one, that’s the way we do it baby! We learn whether being whizzed on by a peepee boy is sexual or non-sexual, we delve deeper than ever into the Adventures of Florida Man (from degrading selfies to propane combat) and we find out just how hard it is to fake our stories on the fly. Some celebrities get horribly slandered, so… please don’t sue! Listen and find out who loses this season. Enjoy!

This episode has some very insightful DLYHL-themed Would You Rather Questions! Plus, we have a nasty accident at prom night which will make a night to remember and we meet the legendary ‘nipple geezer’ of Japan! Head to headlines features the endless struggle between dog and penguin and there’s a wonderful tale of a pig running for mayor in Michigan (and he’s the best candidate!). Lastly but not connected, a bacon-wielding pensioner kicks ass!

This week, Phil has his revenge! I suspect he may have tampered with our questions somewhat in the edit... Meanwhile we cover the Japanese penis festival (which suffers a nasty accident) and a gang of 'ultra-seagulls’ terrorising Swansea! Nature is rising up against us. There's also an execution on the horizon and we wrestle with the concept of Pokémon Go! Lastly, an old friend contacts the show with a cautionary tale of beans, science and... self-love.