Hearty Dice Friends

WE'RE BACK. Your boys - Chris and Grant - are back at it again with the RPG design, or rather, back at it again with a LOT of chat about Sheffield nightlife and some tangential Games Content. In this week's episode: - How Things Are Different In The North To The Way They Are In The South: a fascinating and novel topic of discussion - Vehicle RPGs? Is that a thing? - dare u enter our liminal IKEA hellscape - Deliberately making tea wrong online just to upset people And many more! We love ya. Keep it sleazy, kid. - G+C

Look: here are some reasons. And they double as content. Rest easy, little reader. - G x

Once again we turn to Twitter for some ideas, we even left out some of the truly upsetting ideas! Except for the ones about serial killers and dog wands, that gold stayed in. Biggest of loves, G + C

A brace of sad news items this week kick the show off with a melancholy bang. We look at the potential to exploit others for personal gain with some sort of football game? Well it certainly starts off that way. The hugest of loves, G + C

Look! An episode! So yeah, it's been a weird time and we have been late with episodes. We get it. So Grant and Chris have squashed themselves into a tiny office in the middle of a blazing heatwave in an attempt to bring you, valued listener, some delicious content. On the other hand the room got so dangerously hot that we had to breaks, so enjoy that weird format. G + C xoxoxox

We smoosh together some vampires and investigative crime drama this week. I know we normally try and do tabletop games but this would work so well as video game we went with that instead. Now if we can just get a thick 8ft tall vampire lady to step on us. For the sales numbers you understand. It's viral advertising. XOXO G = C

You've got to wonder: why aren't there more wargames about massive trains trying to kill each other? And if you think the answer is "trains are on fixed tracks which makes a competitive game about them fighting a bit boring" then, buddy, you aren't our core market. Don't know what to tell you.

What if you could use any weapon in a game? Tiny chainsaws launched from repeating tonfas, a bucket full of hand grenades, or and assault rifle that had no barrel but 9 scopes? Sounds like you'd be playing this weeks game which has nothing to do with popular video game series Quake.

We are LIVE from the comfort of our own homes as part of HDF Easter-Con. We streamed this episode on Twitch.tv/gshowitt and made a grim reboot of Winnie The Pooh. Join us for Easter-con! Or don't! I'm not your dad! xoxoxoxo G + C

Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab hugs & Crab kisses G + C

We are back once again with the ill behaviour and a structured and focused RPG design session featuring incisive commentary and insider secrets. Hugs and kisses, Grant + Chris [Editor's note:] The bird Grant was trying to remember was a Cassowary, and the game Chris completely forgot was Bagatelle

We're doing a hiatus because neither of us is really in the right place to be funny and engaging and insightful for a full hour on mic right now. We'll be back (baby!) on March 5th with episode 180, so please hang tight until then. The attached audio file is just us saying this for about four minutes and a weird, slowed-down version of the theme tune, so you don't have to listen to it, but you can if you want. See you in a month, much love, - G+C

The four of you have two human skinsuits, two robotic children, an overbearing overlord for a boss, and Henry down the road has just gotten himself a boat. How will this injustice be dealt with? How will you very slowly take over the world one suburban neighbourhood at a time? You're a perfect family, you should be able to figure it out - G+C

This week we forget to make a game and instead make two ways to be able to play the game we didn't design. It's confusing. A technological marvel and a playground toy scaled up. Lots of love - G + C

Merry Christmas! Mr Christmash. Merr Chrzmo. Mondo Coolmas. In this episode: - Malfunctioning cat dicks - Can you do game mechanics with Christmas decorations? No. Do we try? Not really. - Crackers, and how they could be better - Santa Wants You To Get Some Strange - EAT! THAT! TINSEL! Muz crumbo. - G+C

After an awful bus crash on your way to the global sports day summit , you and your classmates (and possibly Bill Clinton and some Civil War generals) must compete against death itself in the egg & spoon race. Also the javelin. And just who caused the crash in the first place? Lots of love G + C

There aren't enough games about Christmas - even fewer about managing the correct amount of festive cheer, lest the Spirit overwhelm you and try to hunt you down until you LEARN. Well: now there's one. Well: now there's the IDEA of one. So maybe that's enough. Merry Early Christmas. - Grant and Chris

What if, right, Lord of the Rings was guitar hero? What if Gandalf summoned dubstep? Who lives under my stairs? Where am i? Some of these questions will be answered in this very podcast! We love you. Like, a lot. - G + C

Welcome to Mars(Venus)! While enjoying the Venusian(Martian)sunsets please remember to fill out your self-assessment forms, do the dishes, eat, socialise correctly, and not succumb to the crushing mundanity of everyday life. In this immersive VR lifestyle sim game Grimes will teach YOU how to exist as an adult in a world hellbent on crushing you under its heel. Huge love, G + C

Drinking: it's fun, but is it fun enough? We engage in a flight of fancy more fantastical than elves, aliens or magic: being able to meet in large groups in enclosed spaces. Can we create a drinking game that a) factors in non-drinkers as players and b)is balanced for our ravaged mid-30's hangover-prone bodies? Definitely the first one. Probably not the second one. Much love, - G+C

Happy Halloween! It's SPOOKY how short this episode is! Real talk: your boys aren't doing so great. We're both mad - and not in the wacky, fun-time way, more in the medicated staring at the walls sort of way. But! We've pulled it together enough to bring you a half hour of Halloween-themed entertainment. In this week's episode: - Dual Creepy Butlers - A Blind And Haptic Orgy - Ghost Convincer 2: Laid 2 Rest - I Know What You Did Last Summer, Please Enjoy My Short Presentation About It And many more! - G+C

In this week’s episode, we briefly consider the prospect of a game for dogs before we kick that to one side and spend forty minutes developing a spy game that’s quite similar to James Bond but not so similar that we’d get sued into the ground. Much love, - G+C

You wouldn't think that there'd be much of a game inherent in supernatural gossip mags, but you'd be wrong. We knew better. That's why we make the BIG BUCKS in game design. Okay, full disclosure: the SMALL to MEDIUM BUCKS. Anyway. Enjoy the show. - G+C

This week we get weird. I mean that we have gone weird, in the head, and then done the podcast anyway. It is a strange one where we go back to answering questions for a week, sink some boats in the name of love, get angry at hypocritical governments, and make non-straight sexualities overpowered. Brace yourself for a strange thrill ride rife with bad language and oddly introspective moments detailing our proposal qualifications. Good luck. G + C

G + C bring love to the battlefield in a combination of RTS and Visual Novel. Lots of Love, G + C

Not calling out anyone in JK Particular but we reckon there's a gap in the market for a media property about a selection of increasingly endangered magical schoolchildren. To that end: what if D&D, but in High School? Much love, - Grant and Chris

Grant want's a game about bees and Chris wants a castle. From this we bring you Stonekillers, a flying castle game that is probably our most marketable to date. See if you can tell just how tired we are from our voices. It's a fun game! G + C

Grant gets an idea about mining games and we immediately kick it to one side in favour of a barbecue based crafting system of mythical proportions. Lots of love, G + C

What if a game had mechs in it? Can you imagine such a thing? We can, so we recorded us doing just that. Next week will be episode-less as Grant is on holiday in a secluded and secret location. Though rumour has it that if you can find him he has to give you his gold. Lots of love, - G + C

Games about sharks - which is definitely a genre of games - are too arcadey for our tastes. Too low-brow. What this world needs is a high-concept, absurdist, hypertechnical electronic intrusion and counterintelligence game about sharks. Also, please enjoy our new format. Please. - Grant and Chris

Happy Gencon everyone! Grant and Chris are live on the show floor, talking about: Riddle magic Adventurer poop and the ever enthralling topic of specificity There is also some attempts at game design with weird monopoly sets, a remake of die hard, and Chris getting really into plums. Much love G + C

Welcome to Chess Club! There's only one rule at Chess Club - there are no rules. Well - actually, there are lots of rules, more than regular chess in fact, that's more of a turn of phrase to get across the unusual way in which we play chess. Anyway: eat this rook and we'll say no more about it. Also in this week's episode: - Just how do you organise PDFs, and can we wring any humour out of that? - Scene detail: a tedious dance in which you must trick your players into following the plot - What happens if you cast Mending on a pair of fashionably ripped jeans? - HEAVEN CARDS: OVERDUEL And many more! We love you. Be good. _ G+C

Editors note: Chris' audio is a bit messed up here because he moved and screwed up his mic. There is some stuff about spiders at around 51 minutes and he also now knows that mildew is a fungus. -- Well shucks, partner - sure are some wet ghosts you've got there. I'd say that those are the wettest ghosts I ever done seen, b'god! Y'all need to get yerself some sorta ghost towel post haste, I reckon! Also in this week's episode: - Players planning preventing proper problems - Ever feel like a bad GM? (Yes.) - Spirals other than Death Spirals - Lots of different kinds of owlbears - Wet ghosts And many more! We love you. Be good. - G+C

Dulce et decorum est, pro patria DOOT DA DOOT DOOT DOOT DA DOO Also in this episode: - The Mug Apology - Best RPG manual to have on your side in a fight - How can we make enduring and resisting as interesting as, you know, other stuff in games? - How can you get over the desire to ride the plot as hard as possible? - Who is the Mayor of Neo-London in 2045? - Who Wants To Eat A Million Dice - An increasingly high-concept game about rockjazz propaganda And many more. Much love, - G+C

Even more ramshackle than usual this week, but at least that gives us an opportunity to use the word "ramshackle," so silver linings eh? Join us for advice and games design on the subject of: - THE FEAR - Is Cthulhu a game poem? - Staying even vaguely entertained when it's not your turn - Gorilla Bodybuilding Simulator - A football fighting game, then a football sex and fighting game, then again but without the sex Much love. It's too hot. Pray for us. - G+C

A combination of timed puzzles and resource management to, maybe, build a functioning giant robot by hand before the monsters arrive and eat the city. Or if not a *fully* functioning giant robot, then maybe just build enough to put on top of a hill and roll down into them. Also this week: - Why not try: War? - Pitching games without resorting to "just fuckin google it" - Players who add too much backstory, and how to use it against them - A Sexy Oglaf Game, like we're equipped to talk about that - Mothballs - Competitive Lying And many more. We love you. Be good. - Grant and Chris

That's the problem with the Animorphs - too much moving around. Terrible. Much better if instead of animals they can turn into ladders and screws and sofas and shit. Also in this week's episode: - Avoiding that terrible bit where players introduce their characters to each other - Making items memorable, or if you can't do that, getting better players - Sparing the lives of D&D monsters - Obstacle Golf - The Ultimate Tory Sport (Don't Worry, It's Not Fun) And many more. We love you so much. Come here. - Grant and Chris

"Take me down / Blimp Underground," sang The Sneaker Pimps, back in 1996. Or something like that, anyway. Come to think of it, what sort of name is "Sneaker Pimps?" Weird. Maybe they sold trainers before they were a band. Or rented out shoes to fetishists for sexual purposes; one or the other. In this week's show: - FRIENDS the RPG - Dragons with a Wisdom Rating - Magic Item Startups - Cavaliers & Coursers - Reverse vampires? - Blimps, but not the kind that crash and kill everyone inside And many more. Much love, - Grant & Chris

We spend a LONG time working out how to put spells in tanks today. Hopefully that's your sort of thing. Also in this week's episode: - Beating the heat - The Multiverse's Least Competent Stormcast Eternal - A genuinely evil evil empire - Running Sad Artsy Games - Britannia Rues The Waves - Some bollocks about an ambulatory tube of paint And many more. We love you. Be cool. - G+C x

There's only one way to put this spirit to rest - and that's by hosting the dankest party this campus has ever seen. Also in this week's episode: - Ending a campaign - What gives someone magic? - 21 Jeff Bridges We love you. Stay safe out there. In there? Anyway. G+C

Cities on wheels? Boring. Tired. DONE. Dungeons on wheels? That's the next big thing, baby! Hop on, strap in and get ready for the ride of your life! Also in this week's episode: - Doing stuff other than playing games whilst playing games - A NORMAL game for NORMAL people - Improving low level D&D with the addition of magical bullshit - Secret Lemonade Much love, G +C

Terrible and wonderful news! Grant has replaced the need to think up original ideas with a random game name generator that spits out pure gold* every time. Sorry, games design studios. Your time is up. In this week's episode: - Cursed arrow orchards (archards?) - Stitching five games together into a sort of Frankenstein's monster - How granular do you have to go with the old worldbuilding? - A game based on the Inverse Ninja principle - Sleepy spectres - Tennis Vampires - Will-they-won't-they car crashes And more! We adore you. Just look at you, you pretty little thing. - G+C *Bronze, at best

Sure, we all love STARTING campaigns - but who wants to actually go through the long-winded process of PLAYING the damned thing? With our new Dungeons and Dragons module, we'll ensure that no game ever fizzles out because you'll be able to explosively detonate your plot within 45 minutes or less. Or your money back! Also: - Session Zero advice - New Axes of Evil (also Good, Lawful, Chaotic, etc) - Fictional Detectives? Much love. Be good! - Grant and Chris

Bit of a shorter episode this week - we're running an online convention on the HDF Discord, dontcherknow. Coming up this week: - Easily avoidable mistakes that every new game designer makes - How to use published adventures (it involves a red pen and judicious editing) - Also we actually design a real game? Not just one with a rhyming celebrity title or anything. Much love, - Grant and Chris

Who would win in a fight? We spend the first half of the episode dealing with such fantastical matchups as: - The X-Men versus The Omen - Nigella Lawson versus Nigel Slater - Beyonce versus Gilgamesh - Kirby versus.... Anything Then we design a game that's American Football but with drawing in it. Much love, - Grant and Chris

"You've joined us for another brawl, you cheeky little blighter - come for the guts and blood and gore in NICOLAS CAGE FIGHTER!" Also in this week's episode: - Bottle episodes - An extended discussion about the ill-advised Cyberpunk 203X - Theoretical collector's editions of RPGs - A game set entirely within one room, because there's not enough of that going on already apparently - Madame Two Swords versus 100 Bees With a Gun - Ice Cream Wars - Phillipa Forester, our queen And many more. We love you. Stay safe out there. - G+C

Things are weird right now but we're back, baby - kicking in the metaphorical door of your isolation and figuratively stomping around your flat, yelling at everything and clearing out your imaginary liquor cabinet. In this week's episode: - A Quake RPG? - Planning, and not planning - Running games over the internet, for obvious reasons - A sort of stack-em-ups marathon game - Probably the worst idea we've had for a title game so far And many more! We adore you. Be safe, keep your chin up, and play some games. - G+C P.S. Jingles went a bit weird at the start of the episode - hopefully we've fixed it, but apologies if it still sounds funny.

We were off for a bit, but we're back now. JUST YOU WATCH. Or, rather: JUST YOU LISTEN. In this week's show: - Best subsystems? - Disappointing scenarios - Mechanical feedback for cool jackets, neat haircuts and the like - Players that feel scared of Doing It Wrong - Fred Burst - Normal People Don't Need Drugs: A Superhero Drug Game - NFLHeim: Realm of Mist and Sizeable Lads - Splinter Cell, but you're in a taxi the whole time And several more. We love you. Be good to one another. - G+C x

We're confident that we can build a fully-realised world in Unity for just under ten thousand dollars, and what's more, we have support for horses, eighteen kinds of magic, three different kinds of catgirl and something we're calling ULTIMATE LIFE PATH DEVELOPMENT. Also in this episode: - Getting back into GMing after an extended break - Big setting or small setting? - Predestined dooms at character generation - Expensive things that aren't magic items And: - Garbage Vendor Simulator - Schoolyard Heroes - THE MOON IS A LIE We adore you. Be good to each other. - Grant and Chris

What's that, up in the rafters? Why, it's Nicolas Cage, scrabbling around the roof like a big horrible spider and trying to suck secrets out of the ceiling! What a scamp. Also in this week's episode: - How to reveal where the next thing in the plot is happening - An extended reminiscence of Chris' youth as a martial artist - Elimination rounds for con games - Dealing with the impossible dullness of setting sections - Suturing hams onto your fists - VAPORGLAIVE And many more. We love you. - Grant and Chris

Definitely not enough games about shoving. Left stick moves, right stick looks around, all the other buttons shove. We know what you're thinking: what about jumping? Jumping is just shoving the ground so jumping is still allowed. Also in this week's episode: - Breaking the ice with a con group - Sulking players and withholding affection from same - Being a better player - Appropriate amounts of wine - Mascot Rampage - Clown Detectives And possibly several more things in addition to that. How lucky you all are. Much love, - G+C