Raise A Little Hell Podcast

Florida's bill has been nicknamed the 'don't say gay' bill.  Here's more information on the bill: https://www.hrc.org/news/florida-senate-passes-dont-say-gay-or-trans-bill-legislation-heads-to-desantis-desk-for-signature-or-veto https://m.flsenate.gov/session/bill/2022/1557/billtext/er/pdf How many times can we say 'gay' in this podcast episode? Teaching kids in grades K-3 language to describe LGBT language will not change straight kids gay; just like teaching kids heteronormative language will make gay kids straight. People have a right to be who they are.  And they have the right to be introduced to language that will help them describe how they feel. Here is a link to research based, scienctifically processed and peer reviewed information on how gender affirming schools save lives:  https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/lgbtq-gender-affirming-spaces/ Newcomb, Michael E.; LaSala, Michael C.; Bouris, Alida; Mustanski, Brian; Prado, Guillermo; Schrager, Sheree M.; Huebner, David M.; LGBT Health, Vol 6(4), Jun, 2019 pp. 139-145. Publisher: Mary Ann Liebert, Inc.; [Journal Article] https://www.thetrevorproject.org/research-briefs/gender-affirming-care-for-youth/ Craig, Shelley L.; Eaton, Andrew D.; Kirkland, Alexa; Egag, Egag; Pascoe, Rachael; King, Kourteney; Krishnan, Sreedevi; International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being, Vol 16(1), Dec, 2021 ArtID: 1961572. Publisher: Taylor & Francis; [Journal Article] The bottom line is, the adults uncomfortable with kids being taught anything but heteronormative language and seek to put limitations on kids, aren't the ones who suffer...the kids are the one who suffer.   Learn more about LGBT language here: https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/diversity-schools   Jax Anderson and Renae Swanson are two mental health professionals helping parents decode the tween and teen years.   Jax and Renae have worked with tweens and teens for a combination of 35+ years and their experience and creative parenting solutions have proven valuable for parents around the world.   They aren't afraid to talk about the 'tough stuff', the topics and issues that many mental health professionals steer clear from speaking publicly about when it comes to raising tweens and teens.   Join Jax and Renae as they begin the journey of talking about the topic of raising tweens and teens in the world today.   Contact us with questions, requests or constructive feedback: Jax IG: @jax.parentingteens TiKToK: @psyko_therapy Email: jax@psykotherapist.com Renae IG: @renae.d.swanson Email: swansonrd@uwosh.edu

We are excited to be back for season 3, at long last! We've been wearing or fighting over wearing masks for the last two years.  Now that it appears we no longer require the mask as much, people are wondering how to return to life in public while remaining unmasked.   In this episode we will discuss how to model the great unmasking for our kids.  Admiittedly, we explore other topics in regard to the mask because, well, it's been a while since our last recording.     Jax Anderson and Renae Swanson are two mental health professionals helping parents decode the tween and teen years.   Jax and Renae have worked with tweens and teens for a combination of 35+ years and their experience and creative parenting solutions have proven valuable for parents around the world.   They aren't afraid to talk about the 'tough stuff', the topics and issues that many mental health professionals steer clear from speaking publicly about when it comes to raising tweens and teens.   Join Jax and Renae as they begin the journey of talking about the topic of raising tweens and teens in the world today.   Contact us with questions, requests or constructive feedback: Jax IG: @jax.parentingteens TiKToK: @psyko_therapy Email: jax@psykotherapist.com Renae IG: @renae.d.swanson Email: swansonrd@uwosh.edu

Many people have claimed that the increase in stress, anxiety and depression in kids is due to being forced to wear a mask at school.  That it gets in the way of their learning and affects their academic performance.   This is just NOT TRUE. What we've observed of the many people/parents making these false claims are they simply lack an understanding of and education in mental health, OR people/parents who simply don't want their kids to wear a mask.   The mask appears to have become a symbol of a political stance or a loss of liberties in this country and THAT discord is what is affecting kids, not wearing the mask.   Listen in for more education and information about MASKS, KIDS & MENTAL HEALTH - the real truth and we will lay it out for you from a mental health professionals point of view.  Show you evidence, explain what is more likely creating stress and anxiety and depression in kids, provide you with strategies to help them and talk about how you can advocate in your school district.   Jax Anderson and Renae Swanson are two mental health professionals helping parents decode the tween and teen years.   Jax and Renae have worked with tweens and teens for a combination of 35+ years and their experience and creative parenting solutions have proven valuable for parents around the world.   They aren't afraid to talk about the 'tough stuff', the topics and issues that many mental health professionals steer clear from speaking publicly about when it comes to raising tweens and teens.   Join Jax and Renae as they begin the journey of talking about the topic of raising tweens and teens in the world today.   Contact us with questions, requests or constructive feedback: Jax IG: @psykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy Email: jax@psykotherapist.com Renae IG: @renae.d.swanson Email: swansonrd@uwosh.edu    

Jax and Renae discuss the mental health, academic, relationship and social affects on teens during the past year.  Teens are more resilient than adults give them credit for and instead of 'protecting' them from the trauma of this past year; it's imperative we listen to them, validate their feelings and support them in their own growth and development.  In this episode Jax and Renae help you with what to say and what to do to help your teen grow through this past year.     Join Jax and Renae in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks Jax Anderson can be found on IG: @thepsykotherapist & TiKToK: @psyko_therapy Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com

In this episode Renae and Jax discuss the aftermath of setting and maintaining boundaries with family and friends.  How this affect you and your kids.  It's important to model for our kids how to set and maintain boundaries but also how to cope with the backlash.    Jax Anderson and Renae Swanson are two mental health professionals helping parents decode the tween and teen years.   Jax and Renae have worked with tweens and teens for a combination of 35+ years and their experience and creative parenting solutions have proven valuable for parents around the world.   They aren't afraid to talk about the 'tough stuff', the topics and issues that many mental health professionals steer clear from speaking publicly about when it comes to raising tweens and teens.   Join Jax and Renae as they begin the journey of talking about the topic of raising tweens and teens in the world today.   Connect with Jax here:  IG: @thepsykotherapist  TiKToK: psyko_therapy Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com

Jax Anderson and Renae Swanson are two mental health professionals helping parents decode the tween and teen years.   Jax and Renae have worked with tweens and teens for a combination of 35+ years and their experience and creative parenting solutions have proven valuable for parents around the world.   They aren't afraid to talk about the 'tough stuff', the topics and issues that many mental health professionals steer clear from speaking publicly about when it comes to raising tweens and teens.   Join Jax and Renae as they begin the journey of talking about the topic of raising tweens and teens in the world today.   Holiday Guidelines We are following many of the guidelines on this website. Our hope is you are as well. Here is what we are following for our Holiday gatherings. These are important even if you have previously had COVID. They are finding that even though you have antibodies, you can still be exposed and spread the virus. https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/holidays.html For the 14 days before the get together please limit your contact with people besides those that you live with. If you know that your housemates or roommates are not safe distancing, please find ways to stay out of contact with them. (E.g., cook and eat at different times at them. Please only use substance with those that you are very close to like significant others. Substances make it hard to safe distance and maintain hygiene. Marijuana has been found to be a spreader when smoking in groups. If you have any symptoms at all, stay home. If you have been exposed to COVID, and are not finished with your 14 day quarantine stay home even if you were sick previously. Again, antibodies do not keep you from spreading.  We would really love to have all of you with us for the holidays and I know that this text message may upset some of you because of the life style change. Please try to follow these guidelines. If you cannot, please be honest so that we are all able to stay safe. If you cannot come, we can use zoom and we can definitely drop food off for you.   Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenraisinggirls Jax Anderson can be found on: IG: @thepsykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy and  Renae Swanson can be found on: IG: @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?  Shock, denial, or disbelief.  Confusion, difficulty concentrating.  Anger, irritability, mood swings.  Anxiety and fear.  Guilt, shame, self-blame.  Withdrawing from others.  Feeling sad or hopeless.  Feeling disconnected or numb.  If you are, your kids are.  Our behaviors are different now so "Do as I do, not as I say" is our new mantra!  Growth focused!  Resources: https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenraisinggirls Jax Anderson can be found on IG: @thepsykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG: @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Jax and Renae discuss how the reality of what our kids are seeing when they watch us and other adults behave our way through 2020.   Self awareness can help us model healthier skills for our children as well as help ourselves navigate this significant trauma we are all experiencing together.   Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenraisinggirls Jax Anderson can be found on IG: @thepsykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG: @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

In this episode Jax & Renae talk about the little pet peeves they've noticed while parenting through a pandemic.  Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by your own pet peeves?  Listen to Jax & Renae validate your feelings and pick up some parenting strategies they have been using to cope!    Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenraisinggirls Jax Anderson can be found on IG: @thepsykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG: @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Jax and Renae discuss the significant mental and emotional impact 2020 has had on kids and their parents.  They remind listeners of the fragile brain development youth are experiencing and how parents can add to their stress and also share strategies on how parents can help lighten their kid's stress.       Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenraisinggirls Jax Anderson can be found on IG: @thepsykotherapist TiKToK: @psyko_therapy and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG: @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Jax and Renae discuss their reactions to area school district decisions, school options, and the media coverage of COVID-19 related science. Links: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schools-childcare/reopening-schools.html https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2020/p0723-new-resources-tools-schools.html https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/testing/testing-positivity https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/education-k-12/news/2020/07/16/487756/3-principles-reopening-schools-safely-covid-19-pandemic/ https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/community-mitigation.html   Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks Jax Anderson can be found on: TiKToK: psyko_therapy IG: @thepsykotherapist Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on: IG @renae.d.swanson Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

COVID-19 & Quaranteenagers   We recorded a special episode of Raise A Little Hell Podcast to help you talk to your teen during this pandemic.   Teens are restless and understandably so, they may be driving you crazy by this point and we feel you Mamas.   In this episode we answered some of the common questions we have been getting since COVID-19 has sequestered us to our homes.   Hope you enjoy it, and if you have any questions please let us know in the comments.  We'd love to hear what you think!   You can view the video by joining our Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=share

Jenny Jamison, APSW joins us for our Part 2 discussion on sex trafficking and your teen - what you need to know.   Jenny Jamison has extensive experience working with victims who have been sex trafficked; and in this episode she shares her valuable knowledge, experience and information.   Have a listen and let us know if you have any questions or additional information by contacting us at one of the links below... Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks Jax Anderson can be found on IG @thepsykotherapist and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Season 1, Episode 7 Sex Trafficking - What You Need To Know Part 1 In this episode Renae and Jax answer questions they intend to ask Jenny Jamison in episode 8.  Jenny is an advanced practice social working on her clinical licensure at A Beautiful Journey and Brave Space. One of her previous positions was as a anti-trafficking/sexual exploitation advocate for Winnebago County where she acted on behalf of survivors of sex trafficking/exploitation to increase survivor safety and decrease further victimization by individuals and systems.  Jenny provided emotional support and resources to victims and worked within legal and medical systems to provide court and medical accompaniment for survivors navigating these systems. Additionally, she developed and conducted training and outreach to service providers and other community members.   Jax and Renae answer the questions prior to interviewing Jenny to show how limited even professional counselors can be in understanding all the dynamics of sex trafficking.  Sex trafficking is constantly evolving and changing and getting harder and harder to infiltrate and stop.  If one doesn't work in the world of sex trafficking on a daily basis it's understandable how they wouldn't know all the details.  As parents, topics like sex trafficking are scary and therefore we are tempted to understandably avoid talking about it or even thinking about it.  But, if we want to keep our kids and teens safe we need to start learning more about it and there is a lot to learn.  Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks Jax Anderson can be found on IG @thepsykotherapist and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Season 1, Episode 6 How To Talk Your Teen Through Sexual Trauma *TRIGGER WARNING* episode includes conversation regarding sexual assault and rape.   Jax and Renae discuss how to talk to your teen who has experienced sexual trauma either as a teen or as a child.  Although this is a sensitive topic and understandably challenging to talk about, it is a much needed conversation.   A staggering 95% of people have experienced some form of unwanted touch.  Therefore, this is an important conversation to have in order to support parents who may have a child or children who have been sexually assaulted, either from rape or unwanted touch.   Trigger Warning! We break down common questions they are when their teen or a teen they have experienced sexual trauma. This is a difficult topic for our kids, parents, and counselors! So do what you need to do to take care of yourself during our next two episodes. Here are some things to know to listen to this episode. My child has sexual trauma. What do I do? Step 1: Don’t freak out! Your parent senses are going to be highly activated, but they need you to stay calm. No matter what is happening in our teen's lives. We are always the parent. Step 2: Listen. It is going to be super hard because you are going to want to go to action, but that can come later. They need you now. They may just tell you and go. Empathy and Validation are KEY. Give them the space to do what they need to do. These conversations sometimes happen over time. Step 3: Check-in with them. It is going to take time to process. Step 4: Gather the troops. Ask your child if they need another adult to talk to, or maybe you need them to talk to a different adult. You are a good parent whether they talk to you or not! Step 5: Keep checking in over the loooooong haul. They may need to talk with new developmental stages.  Signs of Trauma This is tricky. The signs of your teen being traumatized look the same as other struggles such as mental health issues, friendship changes, puberty, etc… What you are looking for are changes in their behavior that are consistent over time. We list the changes in the podcast, but remember that no matter what behavior your child is displaying, you are a great parent. I mean come on, you are listening to a parenting podcast. Do I need to contact the police? It depends on the situation and the area you are living in, so we cannot give you a direct answer. However, we can provide resources. You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800.656.HOPE (4673). If your child has been  raped, time can be of the essence with evidence collection. Calling this hotline will help you connect to local resources and they can talk you through your next steps. Resources   https://www.rainn.org/about-national-sexual-assault-telephone-hotline   https://www.rainn.org/articles/warning-signs-teens   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/teen-angst/201111/has-your-teen-been-sexually-assaulted   https://www.rainn.org/articles/help-parents-children-who-have-been-sexually-abused-family-members   https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/f_abused.pdf   https://thercc.org/get-support/supporting-loved-one/supporting-child-sexually-assaulted/   https://www.thinkuknow.co.uk/parents/articles/Finding-out-your-child-has-been-sexually-abused-or-exploited/ Find Jax and Renae on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks Jax Anderson can be found on IG @thepsykotherapist and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Renae Swanson can be found on IG @renae.d.swanson and at www.integritycounselingllc.net Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"

Season 1, Episode 5: So Your Teen is Sexually Active   It’s hard to think about, but eventually, your kid will have sex.  Thinking about it can bring up all kinds of emotions for us as parents. Listening to this podcast will help you ready for the moment that you realize that your kid is sexually active. To help you prepare we cover the following topics in this episode: sleepovers, consent, new types of sex, and what age is appropriate for sexual activity.   Sleepovers: What were your best and worst sleepover experiences like? Like all parents you want your kids to have some of the good and not very much of the bad. It is so important to have a set of communicated expectations with your kids when it comes to sleepovers. We discuss common questions we are asked such as co-ed sleepovers, where should the sleepovers be, parental presence, boyfriends/girlfriends, and the temptations kids face.    Consent: What is consent? Most of us did not grow up learning about consent. For the purposes of this podcast, consent is defined as engaging in contact that both parties voluntarily agree too. Please note that no one can give consent if they are in any way impaired. It is important to talk to your kids about what consent is and what it looks like when consent goes well; also, what can happen if they don’t seek consent. Make a plan with your kids when they don’t feel safe giving consent. Cell phones can be bad in so many ways, but in regards to safety, it is gold!   New ways to be sexually active: Kids today are very well informed about different types of sexual activity and available tools. They largely do their homework before they do anything.  Your child may know more about sex than you do!  We discuss new topics and hardware that you may not be aware of yet, and give some guidance about how to talk to your kid about these topics.   Sex Timeline: Does your teen have a timeline they believe they have to meet? Many teens have a belief they are “supposed” to have sex or be in a relationship with others by a certain age. Their expectations may come from their friends. They may also get their expectations from you. Model what you want them to know. Talk to them about what you believe is a healthy timeline.   How old should a kid be before they have sex? We want our teens to be emotionally and developmentally ready to have sex. If your teen is able to engage with you and talk about sex, they are most likely ready. If not, it may be that they have the interest but are not yet mature enough to handle sex. We discuss general guidelines for when your teen might be ready.    Resources Sleep Overs:  https://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/ready-for-a-sleepover/   https://health.usnews.com/wellness/for-parents/articles/2017-10-12/the-pros-and-cons-of-teen-sleepovers   https://yourteenmag.com/social-life/teenagers-friends/coed-sleepovers   https://www.parentmap.com/article/teen-coed-sleepovers   Consent: https://www.sexandu.ca/consent/what-is-consent/   https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent   https://kidshelpline.com.au/teens/issues/what-consent   http://worldpopulationreview.com/states/age-of-consent-by-state/   Modern Teen Sex https://www.hrc.org/resources/a-call-to-action-lgbtq-youth-need-inclusive-sex-education   https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-met-lgbtq-teens-parents-sex-talk-20180406-story.html   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/modern-day-sex-talk-_n_6171136   https://www.teensource.org/blog/2010/06/my-favorite-websites-teens-and-sexual-health If you have questions you can reach us at jax@psykotherapist.com Join our mailing list here: www.RaiseALittleHellPodcast.com Connect with us on social at Facebook: Jax Anderson - The Psyko Therapist Jax IG: @thepsykotherapist Renae IG: @renae.d.swanson    

Season 1: Episode 4 My Teen wants to have SEX! We know it is scary, uncomfortable, and weird, but you have to talk to your teen about sex waaaaay before they are interested. We tackle the signs your kids might show when they are interested in sex, how to manage your reactions and ways to do the deed (talk to them). Signs 
Your kids may tell you; however, it is way more likely that they are going to show you!  Get prepared, you are going to see their clothes change; underwear gets fancier and smaller, Hanes and Fruit of the Loom are no longer acceptable.  Kids that were not at all interested in their appearance are suddenly spending more time in the bathroom and on their appearance than you previously thought possible.  They might change how they talk about those that they are interested in. All of a sudden you hear the same name over and over, or you no longer hear about kids you used to hear about…Pay attention your kid is getting ready. Your Response is Everything Pretend your child just asked you a question or you “caught” your child “messing around.”  What emotions do you imagine you would feel? Your response in these “big” moments is so important. Your child is making determinations about whether you are safe or not by your micro expressions!  I know it’s scary, but you’ve got this!  If you are nervous or a bit embarrassed about sex yourself, it is so important to practice ahead of time. Our responses and reactions to our teens are a part of the foundation of healthy or unhealthy sex as an adult.  Talking about Sex I always wanted to believe that schools are giving our kids what they need, but we all know that kids are not certain how to ask questions at school. Not only that, but Sex Ed in public schools is very heteronormative. This is what we have learned. Be specific, your kids are not going to make the connection between “body fluids” and sex. Their brains are not ready for that type of work. It might even help to ask them the terms that they use! 
Ask Questions!
 We have heard from other parents that they have been nervous about asking questions about sexual topics because they will say things wrong. Many parents have had experiences using terminology incorrectly and feeling ashamed of other's reactions. Reach out and ask professionals that are trained to educate you. They will help you learn and may have tips for how to learn more. We have provided some great resources for parents below. By parents, we mean parts of straight kids, gay kids, nonbinary kids, all the kids.  Expectations are Key for YOU and THEM
 Choice-based education is best! Don’t offer threats that you cannot serve logical consequences for; such as “You are going to get an STD from having sex”.  They may view that as an opportunity to check and see. Teach them about sex and consequences before they are even interested. Set your expectations long before kids are ready. If they know what you expect from the get-go and it was shared with them at a neutral time, they are way more likely to make healthy choices. The whole goal is to help your kids learn, so they can make their own choices. If you see that it is incredibly difficult to trust your teen. That may be more about you than them. If so, reach out to friends, support systems, and/or a counselor. Resources Talking to your kids about sex https://healthfinder.gov/healthtopics/category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-sex   https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking   https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/ultimate-guide-to-sex-talk#when-to-talk   Gender and Sexuality   https://www.thetrevorproject.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImZ7X-vr35gIVAtbACh0GVQs6EAAYASAAEgK-cPD_BwE   https://www.genderbread.org/   https://www.hrc.org/resources/resources-for-people-with-transgender-family-members   Parenting LGBTQ+ Youth   https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth   https://pflag.org/loving-families   https://www.hrc.org/resources/all-children-all-families-caring-for-lgbtq-children-youth       Resources for our academic audience   Roffman, D.M. (2011). A review of talking to your kids about sex: Turning “the talk” into a conversation for life. American Journal of Sexuality Education, 6, pp. 326-328.   Telingator, C, & Webster, C.R. (2019). The birds and the bees: Speaking to children, adolescents, and families about gender and sexuality. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 58, pp. S10.   Bersamin, M; Todd, M.; Fisher, D.A.; Hill, D.L. Grube, J.W; & Walker, S. (2008). Parenting practices and adolescent sexual behavior: A longitudinal study. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70, 97-112

Do you want to know who is sexting?  Your kids and/or their peers most likely are.  As of 2010-2011, 69% of teens have sexted with people they know offline.  Imagine what that number is now.  What do you need to know about your teen and sexting?  We discuss the law, apps and other details you need to know.    Is it even legal?  Nope, it is not legal. It is scary because it is so easy to send or forward a picture. Because it is so easy, our kids are not even going to think about it. Our goal is to help you talk to your kids about sexting before they start or have any negative consequences. If you tell them what is okay and not okay, or even better yet, have them tell you; they will begin to think twice. Helping them understand these limits helps brain development!   How do you talk to your teens about it?  If you ask them directly, they will likely lie to you. Newsflash! All teens lie. They might do it avoid trouble. They might do it to avoid our emotional backlash.  Here are some strategies to get them talking.  Don’t ask them about themselves, but ask them if they know anyone that sexts? Try asking about the topic, over asking about their actions. Once they start talking, you sit. Don’t move. Don’t worry about having the right words. You can ask questions as long as you are calm. Just listen and be with them! The key is to do it before the kids have gotten in trouble.    What apps are teens using?   Jax and Renae discuss apps that teens are using right now that you might not even be aware of. We go over what the apps intended function, what teens are using them for, and the safety risks for each app. For example, did you know that you can FaceTime and send private messages on Instagram?    How can I protect my kids from others and themselves?  Renae and Jax discuss ways to set up your devices to keep you safe. Did you know that the iPhones are much harder to set up to protect your kids? There are options to prevent their children from being able to use and download applications and/or ways to browse. We also discuss ways to allow your children to have and explore the apps in a way that you can still monitor them.    Should I be monitoring my kid's phones?  Yes, absolutely, but not all of the time. If you are on your kid's devices and/or in their apps all of the time. Or if you approach them every time they post something that makes you nervous, they will find a way to hide their activity to you. Remember to choose your battles with them. Remember to consider your child’s age before you react. For example, it is normal for 13-year-olds to take way more selfies than you ever thought possible.   What do I do if I know my kids are sexting? Jax and Renae want to remind you to really monitor your feelings. If you are finding yourself reacting instead of responding, consider what fear you are reacting to. Is it about you or them? Growing up now is completely different than growing up when we were kids. So what you did may not apply to your teen's situation. Once you are calm set your expectations and boundaries ahead of time so that your child knows what your expectations are. If kids know expectations and don’t feel “harassed” about them, they will respond to what you said. Also, make sure your teen knows what the consequences will be if they break the boundaries. Remember your teen’s phone is their entire social life. There should be limitations, but those limitations must be clear, time-limited, and related to the crime.   What do I do if I struggle with my own sexual history? Stay calm. Lots of parents have histories that will make them more sensitive to their child’s sexual behavior. Take heart! You are not alone! If you find yourself reacting and/or making assumptions about your teen based on your history, there are lots of things you can do. Reach out! Find someone who is safe if your life that can help give you a reality check if needed. See a counselor! Jax and Renae believe everyone needs a counselor to stay sane as a parent. Seeing someone could help reduce your sensitivity to your teen's behavior!   Resources https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/07/19/is-teen-sexting-cause-concern-or-no-big-deal-how-help-kids-stay-safe-online/   https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/well/family/teens-are-sexting-now-what.html   https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/crime-penalties/juvenile/sexting.htm   https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/bullying-safety-privacy/all-about-sexting   Scholarly Resources   Casas, J.A..; Ojeda, M.; Elipe, P.; & Del Rey, R. (2019). Exploring which factors contribute to teens' participation in sexting. Computers in Human Behavior, 100, 60-69.  Holoyda, B.; Landess, J.; Sorrentino, R.; & Friedman, S. (2018). Trouble at teens fingertips. Youth sexting and the law. Behavioral Sciences & the Law, 36(2), 170-181. Rice, E.; Craddock, J.; Hemler, M.; Rusow, J.; Plant, A.; Montoya, J.; & Kordic, T. (2018). Associations between sexting behaviors and sexual behaviors among mobile phone‐owning teens in Los Angeles. Child Development, 89(1), 110-117.  Wachs, S.; Wright, M. F.; & Wolf, K.D. (2017). Psychological correlates of teen sexting in three countries-Direct and indirect associations between self-control, self-esteem, and sexting International Journal of Developmental Science, Vol 11, 109-120.

Do you remember your teen years? What kind of ideas did you have? Jax and I both found that our understanding of how to be an individual in relationships came from tv, music videos, and movies. Who was your relationship imprint? Oh, Judd Nelson!!! Who do you think your teen's relationship imprints are? These are the things we have to address with our kids. Today we are going to help you understand your teen's brain development and relationships. 
 Control Rears its Ugly Head! 
When relationships are failing, teens attach it to more. They believe that they can help, change, and cure their friends and romantic interests!!! But this is normal. We have to teach our teens that we can have different ideas and ways of being and still really care about each other. How do we help our teens understand the limits of their control in their relationships? We model and communicate with them. 
 What my kid's relationships will mirror mine???? Nooo, we have to be perfect so our kids can be healthy!!! Let’s dispel this myth right away. You don’t have to be perfect, but we have to do our best to model healthy communication, conflict, and making amends. Your kids will expect their significant others to interact with them the way they see you and your partner interact. Here is an exercise. Think about the behaviors do you hope they will have in their relationships? Then consider if you do those behaviors. If not, it is time for some cleanup. Don't worry, we have all been there! 
 Brain development and relationships? Our teen's brains set them up to be vulnerable to codependency. You will know when your teen is struggling with their friends and significant others. You know what I am saying. They might mope, disappear, or be cranky with you all day. They hear the other’s perceptions of them and believe that it is true. For example, “But mom, I am such a loser!” Or their friend or significant others could be having a bad day and that means that they mad at them. “I think they hate me!” Their emotions also move so quickly! They go from feeling fantastic in their relationships to feel as though they are entirely alone! Imagine going from your best day to your worst day within minutes. That is their everyday! 
 Social media: Do you ever actually talk?  Our kids do have quality relationships with their friends and significant others almost entirely online. Some of them just through pictures. However, it is soooo important that they also learn how to have emotional communication face to face. They need to learn how to read emotional and nonverbal communication. Encourage your kids to move from dms, pms, or snaps to FaceTime or something where they can see their friends as they talk. Also, if you want your kids to have relationships, trust us on this one. It is going to be hard when your kids are complete a*^ &*^*%, but limit their phone time, don’t remove it unless they are doing something illegal. Almost all of their social interaction is online. If they don’t have a phone, you have set them up to feel left out. We have all had that feeling at one time or another. 
 What to do? First, remember all of the skills you want them to have? Build those in yourself. Model them in the relationships you have with your friends, partners, and them! Your actions will speak volumes. Second, f*(& up in front of them and then make amends. Seriously, they need to see you do this. We are serious. You are their imprint for what it is to be an adult. Show them how to be real. Third, communicate with them the way you would like them to communicate with others. I know this is hard when they are being mean! Fourth, try to be in a calm place when you make decisions about their relationships and social media. If you are reactive, you might make decisions you don’t agree with later and/or say things you cannot take back. Be curious about the things you are not so sure about and you will learn a lot more. 
 Resources  Healthy Relationships https://www.hhs.gov/ash/oah/adolescent-development/healthy-relationships/index.html https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/healthy-relationship.html https://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics Teens and Online Relationships https://www.wsj.com/articles/for-teens-romances-where-the-couple-never-meets-are-now-normal-11558152022 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-power-prime/201302/are-online-relationships-healthy-young-people https://www.liveabout.com/meeting-people-online-online-safety-tips-for-teens-3196625 Teen Brain Development and Relationships
 https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_the_teen_brain_transforms_relationships Teens and Codependency https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319873.php https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/teen-angst/201310/codependency-in-children   For my scholarly friends Goldfus, C., & Karny-Tagger, A. (2017). Changing Perceptions About Changes in the Teen Brain: An Overview. LEARNing Landscapes, 10(2), 173-187. https://doi.org/10.36510/learnland.v10i2.809   Sheffield Morris, A.; Squeglia, L.M.; Jacobus, J.; & Silk, J.S. (2018). Adolescent Brain Development: Implications for Understanding Risk and Resilience Processes Through Neuroimaging Research. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 28(1), 4-9. https://doi.org/10.1111/jora.12379

Episode 1 Season 1: The Birds and the Bees it is more is just Sex.   What are we going to talk about?   Jax and Renae delve into the forbidden of talking about sex with your tweens teens. Guess what?!? Research does NOT support the idea of simply not talking about sex with your tween/teen. Jax and Renae kick the door down on the taboo topic of talking with teens about sex by drilling into discussing gender, sex, and masturbation right out of the blocks. Healthy sex education starts when children are little! Not after they have learned about sex from their friend on the monkey bars. It is a myth that talking about sex leads to sex!   When should you start talking to kids about sex?   The younger the better but using language and sources that are appropriate for your child at different developmental ages. They should learn from you rather than from the playground talk.    Gender??? What???   A relatively new area to talk to our kids about is gender expression and sexuality. Renae and Jax take some time to talk about how to help kids understand gender and how to prepare your children to explore their gender and/or understand other's gender expression.   What should you do when your culture is different than those around you?   How do you handle the social reaction to your child having “the” knowledge? You need to be open with other parents in your circle when you talk with your child because they talk to each other and any info and potential misunderstanding will spread like wildfire! Renae and Jax also talk about respecting the culture of other families around you. Different cultures have very different beliefs about sex.     What is your expectation?   Are your expectations are too high or too low? Your expectations will dictate the behavior of your kids. If they are too low the kids may choose to not exceed them. If they are too high, you may have chosen a battle line. Listen in, Jax and Renae will give you ideas about expectations.    Tips   Jax and Renae give tips on how to create the right situation and open the conversation with your kids so that it goes smoothly, and they perceive you as hearing over lecturing. Setting and phrases to use with your kids are covered. Renae and Jax also discuss things to help you stay present while you are freaking the fuck out inside!   How can You reach us? Find them on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/TeenDaughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks  Jax Anderson can be found on IG @thepsykotherapist and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/. Renae can be found on IG @renae.d.swanson or you can email her at rswanson@integritycounselingllc.net.  Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com   Resource Ideas and Links   Talking about sex with the littles. The following books are golden.   Sex is a Funny Word by Cory Silverberg and Fiona Smyth What Makes a Baby by Cory Silberberg   Talking to your kids about sex   https://healthfinder.gov/healthtopics/category/parenting/healthy-communication-and-relationships/talk-to-your-kids-about-sex   https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/parents/tips-talking   https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/ultimate-guide-to-sex-talk#when-to-talk   Gender and Sexuality   https://www.thetrevorproject.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImZ7X-vr35gIVAtbACh0GVQs6EAAYASAAEgK-cPD_BwE   https://www.genderbread.org/   https://www.hrc.org/resources/resources-for-people-with-transgender-family-members     Resources for our academic audience   Roffman, D.M. (2011). A review of talking to your kids about sex: Turning “the talk” into a conversation for life. American Journal of Sexuality Education, 6, pp. 326-328.   Telingator, C, & Webster, C.R. (2019). The birds and the bees: Speaking to children, adolescents, and families about gender and sexuality. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 58, pp. S10.   Bersamin, M; Todd, M.; Fisher, D.A.; Hill, D.L. Grube, J.W; & Walker, S. (2008). Parenting practices and adolescent sexual behavior: A longitudinal study. Journal of Marriage and Family, 70, 97-112

Raise a Little Hell Podcast   Two licensed mental health professionals taking on the taboo topics of raising tweens & teens.  Real talk, honest and authentic with the intention of adding value to the lives of parents and tweens & teens.  We believe in the power of knowledge, the power of talk and the power of an adolescents attitude   Who are we? Jax and Renae have a combined ( 19 + ?) years of experience working with parents and adolescents as professional counselors and 31 years experience as parents. Our passion is helping teens and parents increase their connections with each other as they maneuver through life's many detours. Jax and Renae are also active community social justice advocates for all peoples who lack privilege.   Our Why   Jax and Renae want to create a space where no matter your background, you will feel welcomed, validated, and encouraged. We want to facilitate a space where all types of households, cultures, and parenting styles are accepted. This is a "no shame" space. We want to help educate parents to enhance their current parenting methods by discussing taboo topics such as sex, social media, cell phones, and more.  Remember your way is the way, but our information is intended to back you up. Be prepared to laugh and hang on for the ride with us.   What will happen this season?    This season Jax and Renae are coming out of the blocks strong by starting with a season-long discussion of all things sex and teens. We cover topics like consent, puberty, parental sex lives and the impact on teens, how to talk to your kids about sex, and much, much more. You will learn and laugh as you hear Renae and Jax apply their sexpertise related to adolescent mental health and parenting. You will also enjoy their "digressions" as their facebook live audiences have commonly come to call their off-task discussions.   How can You reach us?   Find them on social media by engaging with them in their facebook group for Moms of Tween/Teen Daughters: https://www.facebook.com/groups/momsandteengirls/?ref=bookmarks   Jax Anderson can be found on IG @thepsykotherapist and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jaxandersonlpc/ Send her a message!   Renae can be found on IG @renae.d.swanson or you can email her at rswanson@integritycounselingllc.net.    Join the email list for Raise A Little Hell Podcast here: www.raisealittlehellpodcast.com "Disclaimer: This podcast is informational and NOT a substitute, replacement or in conjunction with individual, family, couples’ and group psychotherapy. If you or someone you know is in need or seeking mental health services please contact your local mental health service provider. For more resources pertaining to mental health please visit https://www.nami.org/"