Self-Coaching

It's a fact, some people are just plain annoying. Right? But do you really know if you may inadvertently be annoying others? In this Self-Coaching episode join me as I explore what psychologists call affective presence. Essentially, affective presence refers to our ability to influence and affect people around us. Learn the tell-tale signs of when people might be finding it difficult to be with you. To become more effective—and less annoying—you're going to have to learn to read the psychological tea leaves. And although it helps to read other's body language and non-verbal clues, the real secret is learning how to engage others by being socially present and not distracted by insecurity or unconsciousness.

Are you tired of holding yourself back, dreading the challenges you face each day, tip-toeing through life fearful of making mistakes or being embarrassed? Rather than swimming in self-doubt and lack of confidence, this Self-Coaching episode will offer you a plan that will enable you to engage your innate resources without your usual hesitations and fears. You're going to learn an important, life changing lesson from a very determined frog.

I hate getting a cold! There, I've said it. Yeah, I'm a bit of a baby especially comparing myself to my wife who is much more stoic and accepting of such viral inconveniences. In my defense, through the years I've grown more tolerant—well somewhat more tolerant. But, hey, at least I don't complain any more. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I explore a few ways not to let the common cold keep you, as they say, under the weather.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I offer you a self-coached, self-directed path that will allow you to begin the process of liberating yourself from needless emotional struggle. Whether it's anxiety, depression, anger management, or simply embracing a more productive life, if you're willing to embrace just three Self-Coaching techniques then, I can almost guarantee that you will be on your way to ‘unlearning' the habits of insecurity that have inadvertently been ruling and ruining your life. After listening to this podcast, you will have a format for change—liberated, self-directed change. Whether or not you implement and practice this format depends on your motivation to change. If you supply the motivation, Self-Coaching can show you the way.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I explore the nature of psychological maturity. Although psychological maturity is a relative concept, understanding the elements that go into enhancing and advancing your own personal maturity will serve to help you have less stress, more happiness, optimism and the quality of life you've been missing. You'll be introduced to various strategies, such as becoming more flexible, responsible, resilient, and more emotionally balanced as you begin to self-coach your way toward relinquishing the reflexive insecurities that erode true maturity. Keep in mind that psychological immaturity will inevitably lead to emotional struggle and unhappiness.

As the temperature begins to remind us that winter is around the corner, how do you feel about the change of seasons? Perhaps it's time to yield rather than resist nature. Rather than complaining about the cold weather, what if you could learn to embrace winter, not for its harsh weather, but for the opportunities to regroup, to rejuvenate, and to psychologically restore your equilibrium? In this Self-Coaching podcast, I explore adopting a different perspective. Rather than feeling cheated about the shorter days or the harsh weather, what about learning to use winter to celebrate a turning inward, a realization of all things overshadowed by the extroversion of summer. Winter, an introverted time to find yourself.

I don't know too many people who enjoy the approach of winter. I know even less people who loath the process of setting our clocks back to standard time—the dreaded end of daylight savings time! Aside from the abrupt disruption to our lives, schedules, and circadian rhythms, resetting our clocks twice a year has become a real pain in the keister. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I explore simple ways to make your transition to the darker days ahead less stressful. You might even want to employ ‘hygge,' a strategy the Scandinavians, who endure months of total darkness, use.

In this Self-Coaching Halloween episode, I talk about the importance of embracing the transient nature of our lives. Paradoxically, we do this by becoming more present, embracing life more intimately without allowing ourselves to become contaminated by the abstract fears of change. Halloween, since it's Celtic origins six hundred years ago, has been a celebration of the harvest and the winter to come. A time where we don masks and disguises to thumb our noses at life's darker realities. Yet, it's also a celebration that we are here! We are alive and we have the option to live life more courageously in the moment without anticipation of the ‘winter' to come.

In this Self-Coaching episode join me as I explore your innate psychological tendency to actualize your true potential for a richer, more satisfying life. Like homeostasis, which is the body's way to maintain balance, your psyche can do the same--if you remove the impediments of insecurity. Whether it's a shrink, a guru, a shaman, or a pill, at some point you need to realize that you are in the best position to heal yourself. Essentially, this episode will teach you to self-coach yourself from identification with impotence and frustration, toward an empowered step-by-step method geared to unleash your instinctive capacity to claim the life you deserve.

Einstein once said that God doesn't play dice with the universe. I'm no Einstein, but when in comes to emotional struggle, well, in my humble, Self-Coaching opinion, God doesn't play dice with our emotional survival. Translation: Whether it's anxiety, depression, panic, or everyday emotional struggle, these problems don't just happen, they aren't random afflictions. Just as Einstein believed in the mathematical laws of nature, similarly, I feel that if you understand the “laws” of emotional struggle, you can understand, not only why you struggle, but what you can do to liberate yourself from needless emotional distress. And you can begin the process today!

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss getting to your core personality—your untainted potential for being the genuine person you were meant to be. There are a few prerequisites to releasing your genuine self, such as letting go of negativity, focusing on your strengths, being open to change, not living in the past (or future), and most importantly, shedding your insecurities. Getting to your core of who you are requires that you peel away the layers of reflexive insecurity-driven distortions. Each layer you peel away reveals more and more of your true potential to be you. And the closer you come to being you, the more you'll experience a resonance with life, with others, and with yourself.

Ever hear the adage, what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger? What do you think? Do you think it's just a platitude for keeping your chin up? There is research to support the notion that perceived failure can be the catalyst for future success. People like Oprah, Steven King, Walt Disney and many others support this notion, including my own personal experience with my guidance counselor telling my mother not to waste her money on sending me to college! In this Self-Coaching episode, join me to explore the benefits that can be derived from embracing setbacks and failures. Learn how to change a slumping life into one of passion and purpose. It's all about learning to find your “target.”  

Most of us want to be liked and most of us don't want to be disliked, right? So, what are the qualities that enhance the likelihood that you'll be liked? In this Self-Coaching episode I discuss 11 tips for ensuring that you can maximize your likeability in every relationship encounter. What draws people to you has to do with learning, not only to be a good listener, but how to cultivate genuine interest even when the other person is boring you to death. Tips like, injecting energy and optimism, pacing, sense of humor, and learning to become more conscious of these and other tendencies that you can coach yourself to embrace. On the flip side of being liked are tendencies that turn people off to us. Tendencies like complaining too much, not understanding the need for balance, feigning interest, or simply talking too fast.

“He made me sad.” “Her rudeness ruined my day.” Do you allow people to get 'under your skin?' Making you feel hurt, angry, or frustrated? If so, this Self-Coaching episode will help you understand your emotional sensitivity-triggers. So, stop blaming others and stop being victimized by your hypersensitivity. It's time to discover a way to never feel emotionally manipulated again.  Once you take your power back, you'll be in a position to evaluate your relationships and friendships more objectively, making decisions as to how to navigate through the most difficult relationship challenges and skirmishes. It's important to understand that relationships aren't static, and this episode will help you adjust your perceptions as to who you can trust, who you can love, and who is likely to hurt you.

Have you ever wished you could hold back the hands of time? To slow down life's treadmill and catch your psychological breath? If so, join me in this Self-Coaching episode and learn how to step out of time.   You may not be able to stop actual time, but when it comes to your internal, cognitive clock, you can learn to step out of time and taste the timeless, bliss of abandonment. Me, you, the universe, everything moves toward more and more complexity and disorder. Fortunately, there's a simple answer to this depressing state of affairs and I'd like to share it with you.   

When you meet someone and you're trying to size them up, chances are logic won't tell you the whole story. You need to hand yourself over to other important forms of information—intuitive information. In order to do this, you begin by giving up any preconceptions or biases you might have that could interfere with your seeing someone more accurately. From this vantage point you begin to tune into the persons, words, tone, appearance, body language, and so on. All adding data to your final assessment, “should I pursue this relationship or should I flee it?” Doesn't matter if it's your partner, your co-worker, or someone you meet for the first time at a party, learning to read people more accurately will help you with what I call developing your ‘psychological antenna'—the ability to use all your senses to form a more accurate picture of the person you're connecting with. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn the steps involved in assessing someone beyond first impressions. If you're in a relationship with someone, you'll learn to better read their non-verbal messages, moods, and defenses. You'll also learn what you can do to offer people the best and most accurate ‘read' of you.

I would guess that most children believe in magic--the power to make impossible things happen. As adults, our world becomes devoid of magic as we accept the hard reality that when it comes to life's challenges, there are no magic wands or other fantastic solutions to our struggles. In this Self-Coaching episode, I challenge you to recognize that there is magic, not the abracadabra kind of magic, but the very real, every day magic that comes with understanding the power of optimism--the power to make impossible things become possible. The magic of optimism offers you a glimpse into the transformative power that you harness when you live with a grounded expectation of personal resilience and resolve. The key isn't eliminating problems, it's managing and handling the inevitable challenges that constitute living in the real world. Is it really magic? I'll let you decide for yourself, but keep in mind that things that seem impossible to you today, may, in fact, become possible with the magic of optimism.

 “If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.” Mark Twain In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the nature of procrastination. Procrastination isn't an illness or a diagnostic category, it's a personality tendency (a.k.a., habit). And since procrastination isn't an ‘illness,' you don't have to cure it. You may have to address it, especially if your life is being sabotaged by escaping life's demands. Join me as I explore my own “ADD” personality, which in my estimation has nothing to do with an inability to focus, but rather a having a low threshold to boredom. I'm a stimulus junkie and in order to avoid procrastination, anything of low stimulus value requires flexing my self-discipline muscle. Developing your self-discipline muscle is one way you can begin to make your life more efficient and your intentions more obtainable. No more ‘kicking-the-can-down-the-road,' learn how to flex your self-discipline muscle.

Why do we dream? Are dreams important? Some scientists say that dreams serve no real purpose at all. Whether you interpret a dream or not, most research suggests that there's no question dreaming is essential to both your physiological and emotional balance. How exactly this is accomplished is anyone's guess at this point, but one thing is certain, dreams can often be used to facilitate your emotional growth and life journey. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode and learn a simple approach that will help you decipher your dreams and put them to use for every day mental health. You don't need to have a Ph.D. in psychology, just a practical Self-Coaching approach that incorporates the previous day's ups and downs to offer a lead-in to interpreting and understanding your nocturnal stories.  

According to Self-Coaching, emotional struggle defies common sense. Truth is, it just doesn't make any sense to go on struggling month after month, year after year. In this episode join me in a discussion of the fallacy of common sense and how replacing this concept with a more workable concept like ‘practical sense,' will put you in a much better position to understand and achieve emotional liberation and happiness.  

Would you find it unsettling to know that you may have neurotic tendencies? If so, perhaps you need to understand that to a greater or lesser degree we all have a very human inclination toward neurotic behavior(s). Whether it's worry, irritability, negativity, self-doubt, or being self-conscious, understanding the nature of what we call “neurotic,” is one way to begin to liberate your life from these needless, habituated habits of defensive living.   In this Self-Coaching episode you're going to learn, not only how and why we become neurotic, but more importantly, how to coach yourself to find what I call your “inner compass”—your path toward frictionless living. In order to access this inner direction, you first need to understand the impact that neurotically controlling life has on your wellbeing. Simply put, living according to your inner compass is living your life with meaning and purpose, rather than being manipulated by neurotic habits.

The fact is that we all complain—some more, some less. But what's so bad about complaining? In the Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn how complaining is like experiencing the same torment over and over again, thereby revisiting the stress of our complaint over and over again. Not only is it stressful to complain, it also turns us into victims, grumblers, and whiners. Did you know that complaining, especially chronic complaining, is a habit? Yup, complaining actually rewires your brain for negativity, pessimism, and unhappiness. Anatomically, complaining actually shrinks the hippocampus in your brain, which among other duties is involved in critical problem solving and intelligent thought. In other words, complaining ain't no free lunch. Join me as I explore the different types of complaining and why it's in your best interest to break the complaining habit.  

You may remember the song from the 50's, ‘Tossin' and Turning all night''? Who hasn't experienced the torment of not being able to fall asleep? You count sheep or try thinking pleasant thoughts, all to no avail. Meanwhile your frustration and inability to fall asleep has you at wits end. You know that sleep is essential, you know you shouldn't be worrying about tomorrow's problems, nevertheless, once again, you wind up ‘tossin' and turning all night. In this episode I explain a very simple Self-Coaching technique that I've been using successfully for years with my patients. Once you understand the concept, you'll find that insomnia can be a thing of the past. In fact, you'll find that falling asleep in five minutes or less isn't at all unusual.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting fatigued hearing about the next ‘wave' of this virus. I believe it's now called the Ba.5 variant. Great, right! Granted, it does seem as if we've become more resilient since all this began in January 2020. We seemingly have adapted rather well, however, just beneath the surface is that January 2020 reflexive feeling of paranoia. Guess it's a form of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) Is it okay to socialize? Is it practical to go to the theater, restaurants, weddings? Sure, we've come a long way, but we're nowhere near putting Covid in our rear-view mirror. Until that time comes, I'd like to offer a Self-Coaching approach where you can learn the value of being concerned rather than worried, being prudent when defining your comfort zones, and most importantly living each day with legitimate optimism.

We live in a world where frustrations are an inevitable part of life and learning to tolerate frustration should be a part of your healing journey. In this Self-Coaching episode, I talk about the nature of "intolerance"--letting life's frustrations victimize you. Maybe you've tried counting to 10, taking deep breaths, or thinking of purple elephants, all to no avail. Unless you have a better grasp on how and why you wind up frazzled by life's frustrations, you'll continue to be triggered by these events. Join me in an exploration of how that pristine moment between the stimulus (frustrating event) and response (becoming frazzled) can become your key to a calmer, healthier acceptance of life's inevitable challenges.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the important concept of compassion. Compassion literally means “to suffer together” and is defined as the feeling that arises when you're confronted with another's suffering and you feel motivated to do something in order to relieve that suffering. Research shows that compassion in life adds to our genuine happiness as well as our physical health and longevity. Although we typically think compassion as it relates to others, it also pertains to ourselves in what we might call self-compassion—the need for healthy forgiveness and nurturing. And yet there are some who are insulated from compassionate caring, retreating into their “turtle” shells of detachment and defensive insulation. Still others, in contrast, become overly involved in compassionate involvement creating what we call compassion fatigue. Join me as I discuss the different manifestations of this very important psychological emotion.

I'll admit, it sounds rather preposterous that there could be one reason for all emotional struggle, it just seems to defy common sense. Perhaps. Nevertheless, understanding the reason why we suffer isn't as important as knowing what we can do to liberate ourselves from a life contaminated by emotional struggle. Join me in this Self-Coaching episode as I lay out my reasoning why emotional liberation requires, not abstract, arcane psychological theory, but what I call, common sense psychology. Psychology doesn't have to be rocket science, it simply has to make sense—common sense.

In this episode you'll learn how to apply my Self-Coaching principles to solving emotional struggle. Whether you suffer from anxiety, depression, worry, or challenging moods, Self-Coaching is a hands-on technique for liberating yourself from needless insecurity-driven, distorted thinking. By learning to distinguish between your thoughts that are contaminated by insecurity and your mature, healthy thoughts, you'll be in a position to choose a life free of conflict and struggle. Self-Coaching is much more than ‘coaching,' it's a powerful cognitive behavioral tool for understanding the why of suffering. The reason I call it Self-Coaching, is because in order to break the destructive, insecurity-driven habits that underly emotional struggle, you're going to need to understand the need for motivational optimism in order to neutralize insecurity and replace it with self-trust. With self-trust, you'll be free to live life spontaneously, without the worrisome need to always be in an anticipatory state of “what-iffing” life.   

How to apply Self-Coaching to needless emotional struggle In this episode you'll learn how to apply my Self-Coaching principles to solving emotional struggle. Whether you suffer from anxiety, depression, worry, or challenging moods, Self-Coaching is a hands-on technique for liberating yourself from needless insecurity-driven, distorted thinking. By learning to distinguish between your thoughts that are contaminated by insecurity and your mature, healthy thoughts, you'll be in a position to choose a life free of conflict and struggle. Self-Coaching is much more than ‘coaching,' it's a powerful cognitive behavioral tool for understanding the why of suffering. The reason I call it Self-Coaching, is because in order to break the destructive, insecurity-driven habits that underlie emotional struggle, you're going to need to understand the need for motivational optimism in order to neutralize insecurity and replace it with self-trust. With self-trust, you'll be free to live life spontaneously, without the worrisome need to always be in an anticipatory state of “what-iffing” life.              

Not getting enough out of life? Not bouncing back from setbacks? Feeling a lack of self-esteem or confidence? If so, you won't want to miss this episode. Join me with my special guest (and daughter-in-law), Semira. Among her many talents and passions, Semira is a neuro physiologist, a mother of two, a skilled carpenter, artist, and gourmet cook, to mention only a few of her interests. How does she do it? What is it about her life and her attitude that allows her to savor all that life has to offer? Where others struggle with lethargy, lack of motivation, and empty lives, Semira has figured out the secret to a rich and rewarding life. In this Self-Coaching episode, you're going to learn what you can do to turn a ho-hum life into a more robust and fulfilling experience.

We often concede to stress by passively accepting the notion that we have no choice but to get upset when life challenges us. This is blatantly not true; you do have a choice! Join me in this Self-Coaching episode to find out how you can become more active in deciding whether or not you need to be victimized by needless neurotic, circumstantial stress. The second century emancipated slave, Epictetus, taught that everything that affects us, whether good or bad, positive or negative, depends on our own judgment and how we interpret the circumstances of our lives.  In other words, life doesn't dictate our happiness—our interpretation of life does!  This is why optimists are happier than pessimists. It was true in Roman times and it's true today. As for the 1,400 reasons? Well, you'll have to listen to find out what they are.

 If you struggle with weight loss and weight mastery, I'm sure you know how easy it is to fall prey to false intentions, rationalizations, or excuses. There's a big difference, for example, between wanting to eliminate late-night snacking and knowing that you're going to do it. Wanting to is an excuse that postpones action, going to is the mental action-memo that triggers intentionality. In order to go from wanting to to going to, you have to learn to stop being manipulated by self-sabotaging ploys that I call your "enemies." All self-sabotaging ploys have one thing in common—they are subtle ways of getting you off the responsibility hook. And when it comes to losing weight knowing your enemies is the first step toward weight mastery.

--Your brother just got his girlfriend's name tattooed on his leg and your parents are going to flip out. You find out that a coworker is cheating on his fiancé. --Do you think if you heard this you would feel an urge to tell someone? Damn right you would! In this Self-Coaching episode, we discuss whether gossiping is, in fact, part of our human nature—after all, everyone does it. But why? Why do we do it?  Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Could our tendency to gossip be harmful to our mental health? Join me in this episode to understand this rather intriguing tendency to, “spread the news.” Especially, the negative news.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I hope to convince you that emotional liberation doesn't have to feel like rocket science, in fact Self-Coaching offers a commonsense approach that anyone can understand. If you recognize that habits, all habits, are learned and all habits can be broken, then you're ready to tackle the habits of insecurity that have hobbled you with emotional struggle.

Do you recall insults better than praise? Do you think about negative things more frequently than positive ones? How about remembering traumatic experiences better than positive? Don't feel bad, you're not alone, it's what psychologists call ‘negativity bias.' In this Self-Coaching episode, I talk about this totally normal, human tendency to react more strongly to life's negatives than to its positives. Join me as I explore not only why we are negatively biased but various Self-Coaching strategies to minimize this tendency and replace it with a more optimistic capacity for a happy, more fulfilled life.

Here's a simple Self-Coaching practice that will ensure your relationship's ongoing sanity. Bottom-up, top-down interventions will solve most relationship conflicts. This is especially true if both partners are employing these strategies. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn that the strategy of calming down raw, bottom-up emotions of defensiveness, and replacing them with top-down, insightful thinking is perhaps the single best way to minimize, if not eliminate ongoing relationship stress.

In order to answer this question, we have to appreciate the thin line between anticipating future events and worrying about future events. The essential difference —anticipating versus worrying —has to do with the infusion of insecurity. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll find out why it's important to take a step back from any life challenge or crisis and ask two important questions: ·         Is what I'm feeling rational and reasonable? ·         Is what I'm feeling proportionate or disproportionate to the circumstance? Asking these questions will put you in the best possible position to begin to liberate yourself from needless worry and stress.

Many people who struggle emotionally look back to their childhood for answers. But what happens when we scour our past only to find a "relatively" happy, loving, nurturing environment without any significant trauma or neglect? The confusion often occurs when, for example, a patient in therapy scours their childhood assuming there must be something-something dysfunctional, alcoholic, abusive, or neglectful — about their parents. You know, the really bad stuff. In this Self-Coaching episode, we'll explore this paradox, demonstrating that not all anxiety and depression are a result of a completely dysfunctional nurturing environment. Far from it.

Next time you feel dead-ended by life, stuck, or overwhelmed by problems and worries, and you just want relief, rather than caving in to your feelings, recognize that you may need only a simple perceptual upgrade —a Self-Coaching "upgrade" that begins with an acknowledgement that just because you feel dead-ended and powerless doesn't mean you are. In this episode you'll learn three Self-Coaching truths designed to provide you with an empowered perspective that will liberate you from needless psychological struggle.

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss lying, particularly the ubiquitous, “white lie.” Is it wrong to fudge the truth if, in fact, we're doing it to be diplomatic? Of course not; it's what we might call a social lubricant. But when does white-lying cross the line becoming a neurotic problem? Tune in to learn the difference and start to fine tune your life. It's all about living “correctly” rather than at the mercy of reflexive insecurity.

Traditionally getting older gets a bad rap, but whether you're in your twenties or your eighties, this Self-Coaching episode will have you looking forward to your golden years with optimism. Admittedly, this sounds like hyperbole—it's not. Not once you understand that mortality, far from being a disquieting notion, is actually a profound teacher. What can the concept of mortality teach us? You'll have to listen to this episode to find out; just don't be surprised if you start to look at growing older as something much more than a winding down, but as an opportunity to grow and expand. You'll learn the value of shedding the superficiality of your acquisitional younger days and realize the true value of living “correctly.” No longer does growing old have to be feared.

Anyone who insists on looking for a guru, a shrink, a shaman, or a pill, to liberate themselves from struggle will ultimately fail. Why? Because no one but you can ever topple your destructive habits. When you look for someone to heal you, to take care of you, to make you better, then, like a child, you remain without the full potential power of your maturity.  It is exactly this power of personal maturity and self-trust that Self-Coaching promotes. In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the why and the how to becoming your own best coach in order to take an active role in your emotional liberation

Human beings are vulnerable creatures and when feeling out of control or insecure we instinctively tend to compensate with attempts to gain control and not feel insecure. Insecurity/vulnerability is the root of our struggles and trying to control life is the weed that grows from it. A desire to control life may begin subtly, going unnoticed for years, with no ill effects. But make no mistake: in time, control will act like a weed, overrunning your life with worry, doubt, and fear. Trying to control life is such a destructive strategy, yet few people see it for what it is. In this Self-Coaching episode, you'll learn why controlling life gives you an artificial and temporary feeling of security—you get seduced into thinking that your particular juggle of controlling strategies is the only way to escape vulnerability.

Do you want to turn your life around? If so, then this Self-Coaching episode will help you recognize whether you have a fixed or growth mindset. A fixed mindset is like having a bicycle with 10 gears, unfortunately if you have a fixed mindset, you're only using the first gear. You're afraid to experiment with the nine other gears, why? Because you're just not sure you want to risk failure.   If you happen to be clinging to that first bicycle gear your experience will be limited to peddling along level, easy roads; roads that are safe, manageable, boring, and limited. Whereas your friends with a growth mindset are saying, “Wow! Let's see what these other gears can do, as they abandon the level road, trying different gears to tackle different terrain challenges. You're not a 10 sped bike, but if you suffer from a fixed mindset, you are limiting your ride through life. Sure, it takes a bit of courage to experiment with life's other “gears”, but since we only live once, why not take the risk? Why go on holding yourself back with a fixed mindset? Why not try some of those other gears?

Everyone worries from time to time, but if you're a worrier or even a worrywart, maybe preparing for the worst doesn't sound so terrible to you. You may think it's prudent if not smart. And I wouldn't disagree if it weren't for the compulsive, unrelenting worry-loop that gets generated by insecurity and anxiety. There's a big difference between worrying and being concerned. Concern deals with here-and-now facts, worry deals with emotional fictions, projections of future vulnerability. When, because of insecurity and lack of self-trust, you feel you can't handle some aspect of life, then worry is often an attempt to somehow—if not magically—find a way to figure out how to feel less vulnerable about something that hasn't even happened. In a sense, you're trying to worry away the fears. What's the opposite of worry? Courage! Courage and a willingness to let life unfold dealing with each day as it presents itself. No doubt letting go of worrying may feel dangerous—it's not dangerous at all. But don't take our word for it—give it a shot and find out for yourself.

In this Self-Coaching Valentine's Day episode, Lauren and I discuss the many aspects of love and loving. When Cupid's arrow pierces our heart it sets in motion not only a powerful emotional reaction, but a biological process involving numerous feel-good, bonding chemicals including oxytocin, dopamine, and endogenous opioids--strong stuff! Whether it's physical love, platonic love, flirtation, or parental love, there's no question that human beings are hard-wired to love. Join us as we explore the many facets of love, intimacy, passion, and commitment.

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I want you to Imagine that you're on your patio trying to relax. You notice a cute little pigeon milling about, pecking and minding its own business. Innocently, you toss it a few crumbs from a leftover sandwich you'd been eating. The next day you go out to your patio and within minutes your little pigeon buddy reappears with a companion. Enthusiastically, you throw out a few more crumbs. By the end of the week, you're inundated with hundreds of pigeons leaving your once pristine patio a shamble of feathers, droppings, and a cacophony of cooing. You ask, "What should I do?” And to anyone witnessing your problem the answer is simple, "Stop feeding the pigeons!" If you allow reflexive, knee-jerk, insecure thinking to flock into your life with needless worry, fear, or negativity, then you're feeding the pigeons of insecurity. And if you insist on feeding your insecurity, the distasteful truth is that you will suffer. From now on, keep the image of the pigeons in mind every time you find yourself spinning with insecurity-driven thinking, then remind yourself to, "Stop feeding the pigeons!"

A famous line from the comic strip Pogo reads, “We have seen the enemy and he is us.” If you're at all concerned about whether you, or someone you know, may be too egotistical or narcissistic, this Self-Coaching episode can help. Lauren and I discuss the various shades of egoism and narcissism as it applies to relationships and everyday life.  

Whether it's the pursuit of happiness or simply living a more successful life, in this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I talk about strategies to maximize your chances of reaching your goals. There's a saying that goes: “If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time.” The longer you do nothing about what you want out of life, the longer you will live with empty dreams. Wishful thinking can never replace purpose-driven action. A successful life doesn't come looking for you; it must be sought, pursued // and embraced. Understand that a big reason why you quit on your goals isn't because it's too hard, too frustrating, or too complicated. You quit because you allow yourself to believe it's too hard, frustrating, or complicated. The person who refuses to accept negativity is the person who will always triumph. Starting today, aim at something, risk believing in yourself, then pull the trigger of action.

In this Self-Coaching podcast, Lauren and I discuss resiliency--your capacity to recover from difficult life events. Being resilient doesn't mean you won't experience difficulty or distress—you'll never escape the pain of being human. But you can learn to be more resilient! Resilience is like a muscle you can work at becoming more resilient. Start out by becoming more mindful, focus on doing something that occupies your mind and gives you a sense of accomplishment. You may have to force yourself at first, but remember, you're building muscle—be patient!   Most importantly, accept the changes—big or small—that have been thrust upon you. Don't cling to what was or what should have been, let go of the past and begin cultivating a hopeful attitude that will serve you going forward.   Healing takes time, be patient, give yourself time.

In this Self-Coaching episode, Lauren and I discuss a better approach to making new year's resolutions. Now that it's 2022 if you're like most people, you've probably come up with a few new year's resolutions. And why not, the new year brings with it an expectation of wiping the old slate clean and starting anew. We all like fresh starts. And as optimistic as you might be, don't be blinded by short-sighted, wishful thinking. In order to have those resolutions come to fruition, you need to recognize that unless you change your mind, you can't expect your goals to be realized. If you really, really  want to succeed this year, understand that it all boils down to self-discipline. And you build self-discipline by willfully enduring the transient discomfort of changing who and what you are. You're not born with self-discipline you acquire it!