Spoiling Ourselves

Hey there - long time no see! We are cautiously dipping our toes into remote-recording waters with a quick check-in on the lives of America's first family, the Baldwins. What do we think Alec, Stephen, Billy, and Daniel Baldwin are up to right now? Does Adam Baldwin count? We'll round up some birth announcements, take a quiz to find out which Baldwins we all are, and finish with a song to help us (and YOU) remember all of the Baldwin's names. It's easy to forget one or two!

This week, CJ takes us on a magical journey into the Arrowverse! Just how many properties does the Arrowverse actually include? Did the show's creators intend for Oliver to have that much sexual tension with his sister? Is there anything we WOULD do for a Klondike bar? Plus, the return of Lia's accent challenge and "Arrow" Sorkin. This one's for the Boss!

We're almost there! This week, Lia takes us through Ryan Murphy's 2015 train wreck Scream Queens, a show that wasn't good enough to justify its lazy writing and blatant racism. We all have great ideas for what our serial killer costumes/personas would be, a new sorority of random tv characters from shows we've watched is born, plus CJ wins the right to murder Sam and Jack at the end of the episode. It was messy!

This week we watched Castle, a show full of men we've never seen before! We're talking about horny, ineffectual detectives, hordes of hot blondes showing up for book signings, and how much the first episode hates its female lead. Plus - one of the most baffling choices for a finale we've seen yet!

Three Typical Average kidsinside a haunted mansionJust by a chance freed a ghostwho made them BeetleborgsBeetleborgs!Big Bad BeetleborgsBig Bad Beetleborgs!Hey look nowthey're superheroeswith all these superpowersCool!Taken from a comic stripand now they're BeetleborgsBeetleborgs!Big Bad BeetleborgsBig Bad Beetleborgs!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbmsg1vF1SI

We're here with a new episode of Spoiling Ourselves just in time for Thanksgiving, and this week we watched the recently cancelled Netflix show The OA. This Thanksgiving, don't argue with your family about politics, argue with your family about just what the fuck this show's deal was! Sam couldn't make it this week, so instead we brought in Kurt and Kaia Handsomehat to help us decipher a show that one critic called "the best, most inaccessible show on television" and boy was it. We talk about what we would personally do to #SaveTheOA, Jack comes up with the best method for traveling between dimensions, and for some reason we spend a lot of time talking about Canada. Our brains are profoundly broken, and we have this show to thank!

This week, we watched Quantico on the recommendation of friend and listener Erik. Erik described Quantico as "the show where everyone fucks, and there's terrorists?" Our main complaint? Not ENOUGH fucking. They could've kicked it up a couple notches.

What's up you catty suburban housewives!? This week we watched the drama-comedy-soap opera -genre defying tour de force that is Desperate Housewives. Andy Lang (AKA The Dog Hat Reverse Burglar) becomes an acquaintance of the show and also the Susan of our podcast (it's like being the Charlotte of your friend group, except for a show that isn't Sex and the City). We prove how cultured we are by talking about Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman, plus we put a new spin on a classic sex position. Which one? That's a secret that we'll take to our grave!

Hey there party people! We're a couple days late and one CJ poorer, but we're two guests and one billion Periscope references richer! Join us as we discuss which candy bars have nougat in them, how woke Kevin Hart is, Martin Van Buren, where inside their body a person might transport 40 lbs of heroin, and also the TV show Undeclared.

We're back (again!) and going on a sitcom kick, this time with Amanda Bynes vehicle What I Like About You. We tell you what we like about each other, we express appropriate gratitude for Amanda Bynes, and we listen to the voicemails that collected in our inbox over the summer! They were mostly scam calls, but we're just happy to hear from someone (903-SPOIL-US). Listen to the whole episode to learn how you can make $10,000-$14,000 in passive income every 2-3 weeks!

We're BACK, baby, and we're better than ever! We took a long summer break, we definitely told you guys about it, and we're ready to rock all over again. This week we watched The Big Bang Theory, the show where horny scientists need money! We've got pitches for the next Young Sheldon, we've got snake people, we've got SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 3 OF CARNIVAL ROW! God, we love Carnival Row. Bazinga!Follow us on new SHOW SPECIFIC twitter @spoilingpod, please and thanks!

This week we watched United States of Tara! We're talking multiple personalities, lush mountaintop picnics, and giant ladybugs big enough to ride. Plus, beware SPOILERS for Avengers Endgame - not for the plot, but for how hot Brie Larson looks. She's got it!

This week we're joined by Kurt Handsomehat, who happens to be wearing a green sweatshirt, to discuss Bones! It was a crime procedural on Fox....ran for 12 seasons? You've really never heard of it? Well, ok. We talk about the show's bizarre cast of serial killers, and how the show would be different if the main character played by David Boreanaz was actually the vampire Angel. You know, from Buffy...and the spinoff series Angel? You haven't watched either, really. We're honestly shocked.

This week, we were dizzied and dazzled by the first and last episodes of British comedy The Thick of It. We don't know exactly what happened in these episodes, but we do know what's going on with Brexit, kind-of! We also know that:-Armando Iannucci's dialogue sounds like what Aaron Sorkin THINKS his dialogue sounds like-British television is insane and they do whatever they want over there-JWoww would make a superior Queen of England.Cheers!

This week, your Spoiling Ourselves comrades watched The Americans, FX's period drama about KGB spies living undercover in 1980's Washington DC. Now I know what you're thinking. Another show where one character fucks another character to death? Surprisingly not! But there are plenty of murders, honeypots, and agents (of the double and even quadruple variety). Plus, we explore the show's penchant for truly bizarre music choices! Das vedanya!

We’ve been off for a bit, but we’re finally back this week to talk about Leverage! Boy, do we love a good heist. (We would’ve watched Bridalplasty, had it not made Sam sick to his stomach a mere 29 seconds in. We’re thankful, and you should be too.)Who would we draft for our ultimate heist team? Who can do the best Lil John impression? How do you get a horse out of a farmhouse? Plus - the return of Baldwin Talk, now featuring Justin Bieber!

This week we’re joined by friend-with-benefits of the show Ben Meyerson to watch WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO, a reality tv show hosted by STAN LEE. On this show, human contestants (with no superpowers to speak of) compete to find out who is the best superhero among them, oftentimes with no metric to determine why anyone might win or why they were better than others. How be superhero? Why is superhero? Where do keep superheroes? These are all questions that we, and the show, struggle to answer. This show ran for two seasons, which means yes, we watched two entirely different sets of contestants across the first and last episodes. Honestly? We think it was better that way.

This week we enjoyed Boston Legal, a show that has nothing to do with Boston except for the title! Are we fans of Captain Kirk or Captain Picard? How gross are Kangaroo pouches? Which last names make the silliest law firm? Plus - Sam makes a play for Lia's title as Worst-at-Accents!

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you didn't forget about us, or about the last episode of Spoiling Ourselves, because for the second episode in a row we're going deep on a political drama where a wife inherits the Presidency from her husband. Unfortunately, the show we're discussing this week is House of Cards, a show that would have been much better had its male lead not turned out to be an unrepentant sexual predator. We talk about the many murders and the even more many sexual partners of Frank and Claire Underwood, plus we advocate for a return to rule by the British Monarchy. Long live Queen Elizabeth!

Merry Christmas Eve, Friends and Relatives! This week your favorite TV not-binge watchers watched the first and last episodes of Scandal. A lot of people got murdered by assassins, a lot of young successful women had relationships with doughy old men, and Sam reads a monologue from one of the show's main characters that is sure to surprise and delight your conservative relatives. We loved our first foray in to the Shonda-verse, but we didn't agree with this show's assessment of who could and could not be heroes!

This week, we watched Alias! Did you know that you're qualified to be a super secret agent if you can build a small jenga tower, akin to a baby's toy? Neither did we! Did you know that Alias pivoted from spy drama to renaissance science magic? Neither did we! Do you know the secret identity of the Hot Dog Man? We do, but we'll never tell!!!

With Lia off on a mission to the North Pole, Jack, Sam, and CJ sit down to talk about Wilfred, the American version of an Australian TV show about a man who hallucinates that his neighbor's dog is a man in a dog suit. Because the show stars the lithest, littlest boy in all of Hollywood (Elijah Wood) we spend a good chunk of the episode just talking about Lord of the Rings. But we also start our own cult, and we discuss what sort of horrible humans-cosplaying-as-animals we hallucinate on a daily basis. We're also willing to create our own version of MoviePass, but only if everyone donates $6 Billion to our Patreon

This week we watched Iron Fist (or Danny Rand and the Big Punch), the recently cancelled Marvel/Netflix joint. Iron Fist is a rare show that burned very, very faintly for almost all of its run, until it burned so bright in its last 30 seconds that it spontaneously combusted. What superheroes would we want to defend the outer boroughs of NYC? How much of our tax money should go towards public bathrooms? Is Scrooge McDuck the wealthiest superhero? Plus - a sleeper contender for the worst episode summary we've ever done!

This week, we need you to imagine you're listening to hit podcast sensation Spoiling Ourselves, and Jack, Sam, Lia, and CJ are covering the Backyardigans, a children's television show from Nick Jr. that Lia watched as a teenager. Did you do it? Great! We forgot to hit record when we first sat down to do this episode, and it definitely threw us off our game a little bit. Also, CJ finally wins a bet after wagering all of his points, and the genres of music this singing, dancing children's show tackled were absolutely ridiculous. Join us, won't you?

This week, the Spoiling Ourselves team investigated Monk, the USA network police procedural that ran for 8 seasons. He's a detective, but with OCD! A real Sherlock Holmes character if Sherlock Holmes had OCD. We talk about our biggest phobias and how they would help us solve crimes, CJ wins a lot of games and then gets dragged down to earth by his own hubris, and 3 separate William Shatners guest star simultaneously. You're not going to want to miss too much of this episode, but I guess if you missed a little it wouldn't be the worst thing.

This week we watched Mad Men! Don't worry - we're doing this show complete justice. No math-intensive runtime games, clown burglars, or human-robot-hybrid child armies fighting for Disneyland in this episode! We're professionals. And CJ is a killer whale!

This week on Spoiling Ourselves we are very, very sorry because we watched Zoids: New Century, an anime about giant animal mechs battling each other for sport. Again, we apologize, but CJ just hasn’t seen all that much television. We talk about Japan’s fondness for nuclear weapons allegories, and we also focus heavily on the Judge-bots responsible for refereeing the Zoids battles, the only characters in this show who REALLY mattered. Plus, we celebrate the career of the hardest working voice actor of our generation, Richard Ian Cox. What a guy!

We took a month off! Did you miss us?! We're sure you did. This week, we watched Grounded For Life - a show no one has heard of except for Lia, who owns 2 seasons on DVD. Tune in for the best ways to blend in at children's beauty pageants, Santa Claus and the Flashback Boys, and the legend of the Bone-thin Man. Hooray!

This week, we were devastated to learn that Jean Claude Van Johnson had been cancelled after only one season of six episodes. Having all been huge fans of the pilot when Amazon released it as part of its pilot competition, we gave the show a viking funeral Spoiling Ourselves-style. We all loved the hell out of this show, even though a lot of the humor was probably lost on us because we had seen maybe two Jean Claude Van Damme movies between the four of us. What is JCVD's real name? Just how deep does his filmography go? Fuck around and find out!

This week, we watched Friends with Benefits! No, not the 2011 movie Friends with Benefits. No, not No Strings Attached, the also-2011 movie with the same plot as Friends with Benefits. We're talking about the TV show that ran from August 5th to September 16th of 2011 - THAT Friends with Benefits. Come for this show's exuberant sexism, and stay for our heated debate on the best way for a human to overpower a horse. Cheers!

Well Friends and Relatives, we've finally done it. The much hyped, highly not-anticipated 69th episode of Spoiling Ourselves. We hope you're proud of us because this week we watched Masters of Sex, the Sexiest Show on Television (depending on who you ask). Sam, Jack, and Lia give CJ the sex talk, we all open up about the weird things our bodies do during sex, and we even find time to talk about Masters of Sex. Did William Masters and Virginia Johnson invent 69ing? No. But also. Nice.

This week, we watched the recently-ended New Girl, a show guitar-legend PRINCE apparently loved very dearly! We're getting into the Serinda Swan-ing of Coach, creating our own versions of drinking game True American, and flashing forward to our own entwined futures (Jack's involves a harem full of clones). Is this show as good as Prince thought it was? Probably! We wouldn't know - we only watched the first and last episodes. Such is our privilege and our curse.

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, we watched Psych! We'll cover what we would do with Sherlock Holmes-style investigatory powers (CJ would be a no-nonsense manager of half a dozen McDonalds in a fictional town in Wisconsin), detail Sam's 18 separate, secret identities, and take an almost unbearably long detour into a new segment called Jack's Wrestling Corner. Quick, close your eyes! How many hats are in the room?!

On a special Holiday (you know the one...) episode of Spoiling Ourselves, your hosts decide to go camping but then remember they need to record an episode about hit Showtime program Weeds! A main character from the pilot was only ever in one other episode, which happened to be the finale, so he was our ideal character. Plus, a fairly weird round of Who Fuck Who and a globetrotting, animal racing adventure! Smoke it if you got it!

This week, your hosts are joined by mysterious stranger and Twitter celebrity Steve Dyer as they talk about Graceland, a USA Network drama about undercover federal agents all living together in a beachfront mansion in California. They go surfing exactly one time, and it takes up roughly 40% of the pilot, so just know that that's the kind of show you're getting in to. We compare the 6 Graceland housemates to the 6 friends, Steve is bad at who fuck who, but he makes up for it with a rocking new sex position for you all to try out.

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, Sam is replaced by friend of the show Ben Meyerson in a shocking twist straight out of a soap opera. A soap opera like ABC’s Revenge, perhaps?! We do our best to make sense of a TV show ostensibly based on The Count of Monte Cristo, one where Courtney Love plays an assassin named White Gold and the character who gets “killed” in the first episode sticks around for FOUR seasons to get in some preemo fucking. Plus: Painters Glue! The only glue strong enough to stick to painters!!!*NOTE* - if you downloaded this ep earlier today, you may have noticed some technical difficulties. Plz redownload, this has been fixed!

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, we watched Eureka, a Syfy show about a secret government town full of geniuses. This episode is brought to you by time buttholes and EELS!

We're late, we're sorry, but LISTEN! We watched Sailor Moon, and we're here to give you our DEFINITIVE TAKE on one of life's most haunting, unanswered questions: SUBS OR DUBS?

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, we welcome Friend of the Show Kurt Handsomehat for a scintillating conversation about the incredibly formulaic television show Breakout Kings. You know that actor from Westworld who was also on House of Cards? The guy who plays Liam McPoyle on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? Well his name is Jimmi Simpson and he was somehow the star of this ensemble show about capturing escaped convicts. We explore the extended Breakout Kings TV universe, plus we find out which Man of the Sea has been a Flat Stanley this whole time!

Would you believe that this week's epic drama, DARK ANGEL:-aired concurrently, in the SAME TIME SLOT, with last week's similarly-named show, ANGEL-was created by JAMES CAMERON, and-starred JESSICA ALBA in her breakout role as a super soldier genetically enhanced with CAT DNA?!!We can, because we watched the first and last episodes. All 150 minutes of them, in fact! Tune in to hear all about this impossible-to-find-online, Producers-style scam of a show that certainly doesn't look like it took 10 million dollars to create! James Cameron and Jessica Alba do NOT want anyone to find this show, and honestly neither do we!

This week we watched the first and last episodes of Angel, and there's only two words we need to describe our experience: "pee pee" and "demon." Angel is a Buffy the Vampire spinoff, and...you know what, it doesn't matter. Pee pee demon, guys. There's a character called the pee pee demon.

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, Sam is hosting an episode about HBO’s Bored to Death, with a little help from guest host Tyler Corey! In the show’s last scene the main character shares a beautiful moment with his girlfriend who is also apparently his half-sister, so you better believe we spend most of this episode talking about incest. Plus we pitch some Bored to Death movie sequels to HBO executives, and Lia makes her first pass at a Waluigi accent. It’s weird!

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, your four good friends the Men of the Sea watched Cheers! We're thrilled to be returning to the Frasierverse (a term CJ has legally copyrighted) to spend an inordinate amount of time discussing Fraiser Crane, everyone's favorite not-the-main-character-of-Cheers character! Sam pitches us an incredible new spin-off of Cheers, Senator John Kerry stops by the show (Cheers, not Spoiling Ourselves, that would be nuts) and we play a classic round of Who Fuck Who! 28 Emmys you guys!

Hey everybody! We recorded the first 20 mins of this show before realizing we forgot to press record, so we are PISSED OFF! But PISSED OFF = PASSIONATE, so this is a fun one.We watched Boy Meets World.-Did Boy Meets World predict the rise of ISIS?-Did Cory and Topanga cause 9/11 by bringing Shawn to New York?-Other fun, non-terror-related content-Do you like hearing about tv? We could talk about other stuff, we’re open to suggestions.-Chuck Bass is dead to us-Plus, our FIRST VOICEMAIL!!!

It’s episode fiddy-five, baby! This week on Spoiling Ourselves:-We watched Doctor Who spinoff series Torchwood!-It would be terrible if two people were cut in half and both their bottom halves were sewn together-Pokemon - gotta scoop ‘em all up! Put ‘em in your pocket! Pokemon. -What would we do if we were pansexual intergalactic immortal beings? Lia would live in a tropical house. Jack would procreate with early humans to make himself Y-Chromosomal Adam-DON’T TELL ANYONE WHAT WE SAY!!! And do not listen to any other podcasts.(TW for this episode - discussion of sexual assault)Listen to John Merfeld's new album, "Everything Eventually" on Spotify:https://open.spotify.com/album/4ATE7lUOLRPP5iwBarz0IOOr buy it on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-eventually/1303255735

We just want to take a minute to thank the FBI, DHS, and NCIS for listening to our show. This episode is definitely putting us on some sort of watch list, and we know you “have” to listen for national security purposes, but we sure do appreciate your ears anyway! So strap in for the ride! No one has ever heard of this show and there’s not much to shake your tail at!

This week, intrepid TV detectives Sam, Jack, Lia, and CJ watched CSI colon Crime Scene Investigation. We ponder what it would be like to be on both sides of the law: Jack and Sam debut their new crime fighting personas "The Squealers," while we also let everyone know what our M.O.'s would be if we were serial killers. Plus, we're all very excited about the return of everyone's favorite game Who Fuck Who. Don't turn that dial!

This week on Spoiling Ourselves, Lia introduces the boys to the magic of Sabrina the Teenage Witch! We talk about what it would be like to have magic in high school, Jack and Sam are two rude interrupting boys, plus we lay down some ground rules for our second season: 1. Go fuck yourselves 2. You can't drive a car alone 3. Don't forget the Alamo 4. No loose ends. Thanks for playing, listeners!Also, a lot of things really suck right now! Laugh with us and then help if you can: https://www.gofundme.com/dr2ks2-las-vegas-victims-fundhttp://www.pbs.org/newshour/rundown/can-help-hurricane-victims-puerto-rico/

We're back, and we're kicking off season two of Spoiling Ourselves with a very special musical episode about ABC's musical TV show Galavant with guest Kurt Handsomehat! Tune in to find out which of us is the worst singer (if you think it's CJ then the answer won't surprise you). Plus, we imagine Christian Bale in his most challenging role ever as the lizard Tad Cooper, we definitively answer the question of whether or not life begins at conception, and we hear from an old friend. Dan Shecklesworth, please stop contacting us!

Part II of Spoiling Ourselves 50th - Listen to our favorite moments from the past 49 episodes!

Welcome to Spoiling Ourselves...this week we watched NOTHING! Take a walk down memory lane with us as we reflect on the past 49 episodes, answering questions from friends of the show and ourselves. Which show made us weep the most? Which show do we wish we'd never watched? Which one of us is physically weakest? Which kind of bird is best? Tune in for answers to all these and more, plus some fun compilations of moments from past episodes. **SUPER thanks to Sam Gordon for our compilation music. Remixed theme song is by Sam and Lia, based on a theme by Men of the Sea's illustrious Vice President Tyler Corey.**