The Simply Great Relationships Podcast: Love | Marriage | Sex | Communication | Dating Advice

This week we're talking to Kenneth Play, international sex expert and sex educator, about his journey from low confidence to becoming a sex hacker. Kenneth discusses the many ways to find sexual pleasure, including through the alignment of desire, behavior, and values.We're all sexual beings, yet not taught how to find pleasure, so sex positive education is an important asset. Kenneth offers many free educational resources on his social media channels, as well as his Sex Hacker Pro online course.Kenneth also discusses the social narratives around sex that lead to men feeling inadequate and how to challenge them. He shares how to create the “right” environment for pleasure and how to broaden your sexual repertoire with your partner.If you're looking to level up your sex life, this episode is for you.

Are Kegels as close as you've gotten to being informed about pelvic floor health?If so, this week's episode is for you.Some signs that you may be having pelvic floor issues include:- Incontinence- Lower back pain- Discomfort with sex- A weak coreIf you're experiencing any issues, it's best to work with a pelvic floor physical therapist. Our guest this week, Kim Vopni, is talking all things pelvic health. She's providing tips for finding the best pelvic floor physical therapist in your area and making the experience as comfortable as possible. Kim is also sharing exercises you can do at home to strengthen your pelvic floor. The benefits of pelvic floor health are increased confidence, more pleasurable sex, and more closeness in your relationship. Kim is offering our podcast listeners $10 off her Kegel Mojo program with coupon code SGR.

Ever wonder what “mindfulness” really is?This week we're speaking with mindfulness expert, Sarah Harmon, about mothering oneself mindfully. If you find yourself deep in negative self-talk and critique, losing your patience when things don't go as planned, or spending too much time overthinking - this episode is for you.To learn more, be sure to check it out. We're covering what mindfulness really is, the importance of the relationship we have with ourselves, and how to be more mindful in our partnerships. Sarah is offering a free 10 minute meditation for you to get started! Her next round of The School of MOM starts October 12, 2020, so be sure to register for a reminder on her website if you're interested.Sarah Harmon is a mom to two girls, certified mindfulness and yoga instructor, and Licensed Mental Health Professional. Her philosophy artfully combines mindfulness teaching with modern data and science for an approach that is effective, results-driven, and evidence-based. She hopes that her curated programs and offerings, which are grounded in community, will help women and moms shift generational cycles of guilt, shame, and judgment. You can learn more about The School of MOM on her website and by following her on Instagram @the.schoolofmom.

In this week's episode, we're talking to Jasmine Johnson, a sex educator, entertainer, and therapist. Through her own journey of self-exploration, Jasmine became aware of how people tend to lose their identity when they become parents or professionals. She started Jet Setting Jasmine to help people come together for the fun of sex, learning what they like, and overcoming sexual shame.Jasmine found that shame gets in the way of sexual pleasure and wanted to help people enjoy their fetishes and expand their sexual repertoire. In order to do this, you need to:- Be more intentional about being on a journey to improve and enrich your sex life- Develop a sexual persona and figure out what your impasses are- Go on a journey of self-discovery to learn what you enjoyTo learn more about how to use porn as a source of entertainment and expansion, rather than education, explore kinks and fetishes, and reduce sexual shame, be sure to listen to this week's episode.Jasmine Johnson is a licensed clinical therapist and owner of Blue Pearl Therapy with a strong emphasis on Intimacy Post Injury, Trauma, and Intimacy Post Illness. She co-owns Jet Setting Jasmine and Royal Fetish Films, where the love of the arts, film, and sex education are combined to produce erotica that stimulates and engages the audience to push their sexual boundaries. Jasmine facilitates online workshops to help people explore and is a great educational resource. She has over 20 years of experience as an Adult Entertainer, Educator, and Master Fetish Trainer. Jasmine is a three-time award winning adult film star and has dedicated her craft to creating a more inclusive and ethically sound adult entertainment industry.

It's our 100th episode!We hope you've been enjoying the interviews we've been doing with experts in the field. For today, we thought it would be best to come back together and a Marina and Meredith episode. We wanted to celebrate this milestone by giving you a revamped all things communication episode. If you haven't already listened to Episode 001 - Communication that Actually Works, please do so first.This week's episode is covering a few more advanced communication strategies for couples. We're talking about why transparency is key, the power of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, how to own your own stuff, the three magic questions you must ask yourself, and how to recognize your partner's needs in a conversation.

You know those conflicts where you go from 0 to 100 in no time?Or you say something benign and your partner reacts with rage?It's likely your inner child is making an appearance. I'll be honest - when I've heard about the “inner child” in the past, I've rolled my eyes. But, after recording this episode, I have an entirely new understanding of this concept. And let me tell you, it's playing out in all of our relationships.This week we're speaking with Saadia Z. Yunus, LMFT, about how our inner child shows up in our relationships. We talked about what the inner child really is, how to know when it's showing up, and how to manage these sensitivities effectively.

Over the years, we've been asked a lot of questions by the couples we work with. Some are not always appropriate to answer in the therapeutic context. So, we're answering them here today.The 5 questions you wish your couples therapist would answer are:- Should we get divorced?- Are we a good match?- Do couples recover from... infidelity, emotional disconnection, dry spells, a sexless marriage, opening a relationship?- My partner's wrong, right?- Do you really care about your clients?We're answering these questions transparently on this week's episode and sharing everything you always wanted to know. Be sure to check it out!

What's more fun than getting a behind-the-scenes look at a couples therapist's marriage?We've had the unique experience of dating our husbands throughout graduate school, while we were learning the do's and don'ts of healthy relationships. We pulled them along for the ride, shared what we were learning, and practiced exercises with them. I'd say it served us tremendously. Today's guests have had a similar experience!In this week's episode, we spoke with Stranz and Mallory Wolfgramm, couples therapist, about their top three tips for making marriage work. We discussed why going to bed angry isn't the marital death-sentence it's made out to be, why time-outs during arguments are a necessity, and how to share concerns with your partner in an effective way.They've offered a free download, 10 Steps to Stop an Argument Dead in Its Tracks, which you can download here: Get the Freebie

Women often talk about the “mental load.”I, personally, have had this conversation with my husband countless times. It goes something like this:Me: “If I didn't think of everything that has to get done, it wouldn't get done. Why do I have to do everything?”Him: “You don't have to do everything, just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it.”Me: “But, that's the point. If I have to tell you what to do, I still have to think about it.”Can you relate?These conflicts typically get triggered before a holiday, family event, or other scenario where the day-to-day responsibilities are intensified. We start to feel overwhelmed, unappreciated, and unsupported. Watching our partner check emails, take their time getting ready, or grab a seat on the couch, while we're rushing around wrapping gifts, preparing food, and blow drying our hair can be pretty frustrating.Luckily, this week we're talking to Dr. Morgan Cutlip about sharing the mental load. We discussed what the mental load really is, how to open up a conversation with your partner about it, and the specific process to work through as a couple to share the responsibilities more fairly. If this is something you've struggled with in your relationship, be sure to listen in.

Everyone has sexual fantasies.People generally feel shame about their fantasies and think they're “weird” or uncommon. Research shows that having and exploring sexual fantasies and talking about them in the context of your relationship leads couples to have the most satisfying sex lives.Here are a few tips to set yourselves up for success:- Do your own work around shame by educating yourself and normalizing your fantasies- Communicate with your partner and go through the learning curve together- Integrate fantasy in small ways, instead of jumping into the deep end of the pool right away.In this week's episode, we're talking to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a preeminent sexual fantasy researcher, about what's “normal,” the role of fantasy, and how we can incorporate it into couples' sex lives. We covered the 7 most common types of fantasies, how to communicate with your partner about yours, and how incorporating fantasy can be enriching and broaden your sexual repertoire. Dr. Lehmiller's book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, is an excellent educational resource for couples looking to get started.

The first year of marriage is the hardest, right?When couples go from dating to living together, they're suddenly faced with “having to” make it work. Time apart is no longer built into your weekly routine, you don't go home to cool off after an argument, and you see and speak to each other every day. There are many more opportunities to see your partner in their best (and worst) moments. This allows you to grow to the next level of friendship, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy.Instead, you may feel disconnection. You may panic about things that feel harder now than they did before - communication, conflict resolution, and getting along. You may wonder if you made the right decision moving in together or getting married. You may take the perspective that your partner must have changed, they're getting “too comfortable,” or this is why people refer to marriage as the “ball and chain.”Or you can get a better understanding of why things feel different (this is totally normal) and what you can do to set yourselves up for many years of a fulfilling, loving, and connected marriage.In this week's episode, we're speaking with Kayla Levin, Newlywed Coach, about the struggles she sees newly married couples face time and time again, the biological process of infatuation and how we can conceptualize long-term love, and specific strategies for enhancing your marriage at any stage.Kayla Levin, CPLC, is a Certified Life Coach and Newlywed Coach. She is the host of the popular podcast, First Year Married, and lives with her husband and four children in Israel. You can find Kayla at firstyearmarried.com, over on Instagram @firstyearmarried, or on Facebook at Kayla Levin Marriage Coach. Kayla is offering listeners of the podcast 10% off her 6-part newlywed course with the code SIMPLY. You can check out the course here: First Year Married - The Self-Guided Course

Well, 60 episodes ago we talked about 6 common relationship problems that aren't actually problems. It happened to be the most popular episode so far. Today, we thought we'd revive that with three more myths.We love myth-busting because our perspectives inform what we think, how we feel, and what we do in life. If we view a particular interaction with our partner as a “problem,” we're more likely to think negatively about them and the relationship, feel frustrated or upset, and act accordingly. We've realized that many couples view things as problems that are not actually problems - causing unnecessary stress and conflict. So, we wanted to take the opportunity to shed some light on these.If you and your partner experience any of the following, this episode is for you:- Not always liking each other- Being attracted to other people- Periods of feeling disconnectedIf you're ready to get your myths busted and see your relationship in a more positive light, be sure to check it out.

Consider the following:“I am more focused on changing my partner, than I am on changing myself.”“If my partner is unhappy, I am incredibly uncomfortable and feel I need to fix or change their emotional state.“I need to sacrifice my own happiness and/or well-being in order to ensure my partner is happy.”If these statements rang true for you, you may have a tendency towards codependency.Codependency is a dynamic in relationships that lends itself to dissatisfaction, resentment, and having unmet needs. Once identified, you have an opportunity to shift it. You can work to:Become aware of what triggers codependent behavior for youExplore the ways codependence has tried to keep you “safe”Identify alternative behaviors, when these triggers arise, that are healthier and will serve you bestIn this week's episode, we're talking with codependency expert, Marlena Tillhon, MSc. She's sharing common traits of codependency in relationships, how codependency can create challenges in a partnership, and strategies for moving towards a healthier dynamic.Marlena Tillhon, MSc, is an experienced psychotherapist specializing in helping people end their struggles with codependency and insecure attachment and learn how to create healthy relationships so that they can finally get the love they need. You can visit her website at marlena.love, follow her on Instagram @lovewithclarity, and join her Love with Clarity community on Facebook. Marlena has a free video course, Losing Yourself in Relationships, that you can access here.

We've all heard it.Mid-argument with our partner:“You're just like your mother!”But, what does that really mean? Why is it so common?We learn how to be in relationships by observing our parents and the adults in our life growing up. We experience love in the ways our parents or caregivers showed us love. The way the important adults in our life expressed their emotions - happiness, frustration, anger - towards us, are the ways we expect our adult partners to do so.Now, here's where it gets tricky.Maybe, we didn't get along well with our parents or caregivers. Maybe we moved out and vowed never to be treated that way again. We might have hated the way they expressed anger or never really felt loved. But, somehow, we internalized that model for relationships and carried it with us into our marriage.We view our partner's actions through the lens of this model and we act (and react) accordingly.Think of a blueprint that tells you what to do when your partner expresses anger, sadness, or love towards you. Do you push them away? Do you up the ante? Do you yell louder? Do you shrink down and stay quiet?The dynamics that we grew up with have a tendency to play out in our adult romantic relationships. The good news is they are not unchangeable. By getting really clear on your own template and sharing it with your partner, you two can work together to create your own, new blueprint.In this week's episode, we're talking about how these blueprints are formed in our families growing up, how they influence our relationship in the present, and exactly how to move forward with making changes.

Do you know what your attachment style is?Each of us develops an attachment style early in life - it's solidified by about age 3 - that we take with us into future relationships. While we can't change our style, we can use it to provide context for our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationships. The more we know, the more we can adapt to healthier ways of being with our partner.There are four common styles:- Secure attachment- Anxious attachment- Avoidant attachment- Anxious-avoidant attachmentInterestingly, many anxiously attached individuals partner with avoidantly attached individuals. This dynamic sets the stage for a pursuer-distancer dance (think: one person is highly focused on and sensitive to their partner's feelings towards them, while the other is highly focused on creating space and not getting too attached) that lends itself to chronic conflict and emotional floodingIn this week's episode, we're chatting in depth with Katie Miles, LMFT about how to identify your own attachment style, what can happen when you and your partner have different attachment styles, and strategies for creating more security for yourself and your relationship.Katie Miles is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and co-founder of Habitbetter, an online institute that guides you to a more fulfilling life through the power of habits. She completed her clinical training at one of the top 10 medical centers in the U.S., where she worked for three more years with a variety of populations. Katie worked alongside and taught evidence-based practices to psychiatry and psychology residents, medical students, and other clinical professionals. As a licensed psychotherapist in private practice, she works with individuals, couples, and families to manage and overcome their struggles, heal and strengthen relationships, move through pain and suffering, and find growth and fulfillment. Katie genuinely loves being a therapist and getting to witness humans do the most amazing things!Katie was kind enough to offer a special discount to our listeners! Use the code SIMPLYGREATHABITS2020 to get 50% off her relationship course. You can access her course here: Healthy Relationships Crash CourseYou can find Katie on Instagram @connectionwithkatie or at Katie Miles, LMFT.

If you and your partner have been “staying at home” together these past few months, you may have come to a realization:We have no shared hobbies.So many couples are facing this, as the usual hustle-and-bustle has been paused. Gyms, restaurants, and movie theaters have been closed. Spas and salons have been closed. Spending time with friends has been put on hold.You may have been looking at your partner trying to figure out what in the world you're going to do together. This can be challenging for a number of reasons.

When was the last time you asked your partner how they were doing? I mean really took the time, distraction-free, to sit, look them in the eye, and asked.My guess is - probably not recently enough.This conversation should be happening daily. Every day, you and your partner should be sitting down for 15 to 20 minutes to check in with one another.How are you feeling?What's your biggest stressor right now?Is there anything I can do to help you with that?This simple practice has a number of benefits, like:Increased emotional intimacyFeeling supported by your partnerKnowing what's really going on in your partner's inner worldGiving benefit of the doubt easily because you have a more accurate context for your partner's words and actionsReduced stressDeposits in the emotional bank accountShowing up for this daily check-in is important all the time, but now, especially, with the increased stress and anxiety many of us are experiencing it's even more crucial.In this week's episode, we're talking about the importance of doing a daily check-in with your partner, exactly how to approach it, and strategies for troubleshooting the common challenges. If you haven't been doing this practice and you'd like to learn more, be sure to check it out.

Typically, when our opinions differ from those of a friend or family member, we can choose to avoid talking about that topic or come to compromise. Things like politics or what to order for dinner are fairly simple to manage with loved ones.But, what about COVID-19 precautions?You don't need to talk about them, but you do need to embody the ones that are important to you. As you, your family, and friends enact new practices, you'll quickly discover the areas of disagreement.What happens when you're together, but abiding by differing practices?It's time for a refresh on boundaries.There are a few ways to navigate situations where you'll be with friends or family members who practice different precautions in the coming months.1 | Get clear on what practices are important to you and your partner.2 | Communicate these boundaries ahead of time to the friends or family you'll be with.3 | Be prepared to enforce your boundaries as needed.In this week's episode, we're covering these three steps in more detail, as well as the unique challenges you may face when friends or family members have differing views on precautions, so you can be prepared for re-opening.

Most of us have developed some less-than-ideal coping skills recently.Staying up too late.Eating junk food.Having too many coffees or cocktails.Watching Netflix for hours on end.Foregoing your usual workouts.These are stressful times and we've got to get through it somehow. This is probably not the right time to start a Whole 30 or overhaul all your “unhealthy” habits. You'd likely be setting yourself up for failure.How about one small shift?What if you add or pair one small, good-for-you action with the others?A few suggestions:Salad for breakfast or before junkfood.Wine after working out.Moving TV time from a 10pm start to an 8pm start.Work out while watching your favorite Netflix show.In this week's episode, we're sharing the unhealthy coping skills we've developed during quarantine, the small shifts we've made to move in a better direction, and how you can do the same with your partner.

It's been a tough two months, huh?There's so much heaviness in life right now from the news, hearing stories from friends and family who have been affected in a myriad of ways, and not knowing when things are going to be “normal” again.It totally makes sense.You may be feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or even guilty for being one of the “lucky” ones. Staying at home with your partner has its positives, but can also be quite challenging. Working from home and supporting your kids in their online learning while managing a household and disinfecting everything that comes in your front door is no easy feat.It's important to carve out a little time for lightness.For you and your partner to share a laugh, go for a long walk, or skip the news for an entire 24 hours.What if you approached the coming week with acceptance of how life is right now, rather than desire for things to “go back?”If you allowed yourself to find joy and gratitude in what is right now?When we're surrounded by so much heaviness, it can be easy not to do this. But, in the process, we suffer.Our hope for you is that you'll listen to this episode and allow a little lightness into your relationship this week. We're sharing more about how remaining in fight-or-flight mode over an extended period of time is damaging, what you can do as an individual and a couple to allow for more positive moments, and how we both do this in our relationships.

Since we've been “staying at home,” we've heard from tons of couples that they're struggling with opposite sex drives.These are couples who don't usually experience this - their desire levels are typically aligned.But, people react differently to stress.They react differently to ongoing stress.For some, the stress response hits the breaks on desire more than their desire is accelerated, leading to a reduced sex drive. For others, their desire is accelerated more than the stress response hits the breaks. If these two people are in a relationship together, they may be experiencing opposite sex drives right now.In this week's episode, our resident Certified Sex Therapist, Marina Voron, is helping us identify whether this is what you may be going through, understand how and why this is happening, and giving strategies for how to navigate this successfully in your relationship.

Disagreements are challenging to navigate in general, but when you're both under additional stress they can become explosive. Having the ability to recognize when an argument isn't going anywhere and you and your partner may just not see eye-to-eye is key.Agreeing to disagree means:We fully heard each other's position on this issue. We understand our own point of view and our partner's. With that information, we still do not agree. We don't “have to” agree or find a compromise right now. We can drop this and revisit it at a future time or it may not even require another conversation. We're going to accept that we were not able to agree and move on with our day.Having the ability to do this helps you avoid getting stuck in unnecessary conflict, spend more time feeling comfortable and supported in your relationship, and minimizes disruptions to rituals of connection and other positive routines.In this week's episode, we're talking about:- What makes agreeing to disagree so challenging- How being able to agree to disagree benefits you and your relationship- The exact steps to follow to agree to disagree successfully

One of the biggest challenges we've heard from couples we work with since quarantine began is managing household and childcare responsibilities.All of a sudden, both of you were working from home. Schools and daycares closed, so the kids were home too.Wow.This has been a huge transition for families.These circumstances lend themselves to increased stress and anxiety, less time for self-care, more conflict, and feelings of overwhelm. When both you and your partner are having a hard time, it can be extra challenging to come together as a team - but even more important.There are a few simple strategies for navigating our new reality constructively:- Get clear on where you're at and what you want- Approach your partner gently to discuss how you're feeling and what you're needing (and invite them to share the same)- Come up with a plan and execute itIn this week's episode, we're talking about the struggles in this sudden transition, how to communicate with your partner to create a shared plan, and concrete tips for making it work.

The going has gotten tough.In full transparency, we recorded this episode before the COVID-19 pandemic was a concern here in the U.S., but it certainly feels timely.Using effective communication strategies, supporting one another, and maintaining your rituals of connection are much easier when life is “normal.” Add some additional stressors (think: kids, a demanding job, or quarantine) and your skills are sure to be tested.When things around you are hard, it becomes even more important to remain a team. You're in this together and could both use support and compassion.There are a few things to be exceptionally mindful of when trying to stay a team when the going gets tough:- Are you really listening to your partner?- Are you being open to their influence?- Are you honoring your individual needs with rest, recharge, and self-care (to the extent possible)?- Are you honoring the needs of your relationship with time to talk, rituals of connection, and patience? -Are you problem solving and making decisions jointly?In this week's episode, we're talking about why it becomes harder to remain a team when external stressors are high, the benefits of staying connected throughout these times, and practical strategies for making it happen.

If you are currently or planning to become a parent, this week's episode is for you. The transition to parenthood is a significant milestone for many reasons. It's an exciting and life-changing time for you and your family, which can also lend itself to struggles like postpartum depression or anxiety and relationship issues.When relationship issues go unresolved after the birth of a child, they can snowball. We often see couples who identify the shift in their relationship began 5-10 years ago, which happens to coincide with the birth of their first or second child. How this transition is navigated can have a significant impact on the future of your own wellness and the health of your relationship.One of the ways to set a new parent up for the best possible outcome is through excellent partner support. Often, Mom (or the primary caregiver) shoulders the bulk of the childcare responsibilities, especially if they're breastfeeding. This can leave their partner unsure of what to do to be helpful, feel like they don't have a role, or even feel like they're not able to take care of the baby as well as their partner. This type of dynamic can lead to disconnection and resentment.In this episode, we have a special guest, Dr. Danielle Jenkins, who is a psychologist and maternal mental health expert and has been working with families for over 20 years. We're talking about the lows and highs of the transition to parenthood, specific strategies for helping the transition go smoothly, and how to move forward as a couple and repair from a tough transition years later.Dr. Danielle Jenkins is the founder of Mama Thrive Village, an online community that brings women together to prevent, overcome, and move through maternal mental health concerns. Danielle is offering her eBook, Depression Proof Your Family and Prevent Postpartum Depression, for free to our listeners. You can find Danielle on Instagram @mamathrivevillage or Facebook.

Friends don't let friends personal growth all over their partners.We love reading, listening to podcasts, and doing online courses. We love to learn and share that knowledge with anyone who will listen. (I mean, we host this podcast…). What we have had to learn not to do, is share this knowledge with our partners when they're not interested.Often, one partner is more into personal development than the other. This can become a source of conflict when that partner tries to pull the other into their world.The other partner can feel:- Criticized- Attacked- Not good enough- Like there's something wrong with them- Like their partner doesn't like them- Like maybe they're not a good match anymoreOdds are, these are not the intended messages. I bet the partner who is into personal growth is looking to help their partner solve a problem, feel better, or learn things they find incredibly interesting. The action is coming from a loving place, but it's not likely to be received that way.Listen to this week's episode to learn more about why we push personal growth on our partners, how it feels on each end of the interaction, and what you can do to share your passion without harming your relationship.

Well, things have certainly shifted over the past few weeks. Here in NY, schools are closed, restaurants and many small businesses are closed, and a ton of people are working from home who never have before.There is a heightened level of stress and anxiety right now that's weighing on everyone. Aside from concerns about the impact on the health of ourselves, friends, and family, there are financial concerns, and the need to adapt suddenly to unexpected lifestyle changes.We recorded this episode last week, so some information may already be outdated. The strategies, however, remain consistent. It's time for self-care, boundaries, and effective tools for managing your emotional load.In this week's episode, we're walking you through how to navigate your own stress and anxiety, while preserving your relationship health, as we face the coronavirus pandemic together.We realize many couples are suddenly home together full-time (some with their kiddos) or one or both spouses are working around the clock in healthcare. In an effort to provide additional support, Meredith is offering free online coaching, Feel Closer to Your Partner in 9 Days, starting this Monday, March 23rd. You can register here

So, it's not really about the coffee.You know by now that taking responsibility for keeping your side of the street clean is a key component of healthy relationships.This isn't always easy. We have days where we didn't sleep well, are under extra stress, or are just in a bad mood. If circumstances like this have primed us to be irritable or have a short fuse, it's likely we're not going to do the best job at managing our emotions.There are, however, things within our control that have an influence over how effectively we can self-regulate. Consuming excessive amounts of caffeine, sugar, or other stimulants will send your central nervous system into overdrive and create a shorter distance to being emotionally flooded. Focusing on negative thoughts, consuming stressful or negative content, or holding onto negative emotions for an extended period of time will set ourselves up for flooding.Part of taking responsibility is managing your physiological and emotional stress loads in an effective way. For us, we started by cutting out caffeine. What's one change you could make to reduce your stress level and set yourself up for success?

If you've found yourself hiding boxes from your online shopping in your garage, car trunk, or closet - welcome. You're in good company.So many couples struggle with speaking openly about finances and coming to a shared perspective for future financial goals, how money should be spent/saved, and how to organize their budget. Often, this leads to an unspoken “agree to disagree” arrangement, which involves each partner doing what they feel is right. Communication about money is avoided because we anticipate it leading to an unsolvable conflict, so resentment builds.Then, the Amazon box arrives.Enter: resentment overflow.The non-shopper sees the box, feels overwhelmed with frustration about all disagreements about money, and conflict ensues.So, the next time you order something online - you hide the box. You stash it away, so there isn't a conflict. The hope is you can just ignore that part of your relationship because things are pretty good between you, as long as you don't talk about money.Unfortunately, this strategy doesn't work long-term. It's actually a form of infidelity.Financial infidelity.Holding secrets about your shared finances, spending large amounts of money without your partner's knowledge, or stashing money in your rainy day fund (note: not your shared savings) are all forms of financial infidelity.Surprised?Most people are. Be sure to listen to this week's episode if you want to learn more about what constitutes financial infidelity, how to re-open the lines of communication with your partner around money, and some money strategies that can be effective.

Have you ever wondered about emotional affairs?We've worked with many couples who have gone through the experience of a partner having an emotional affair. Let us tell you - an emotional affair is just as damaging (if not more) than a physical affair. The dishonesty and turning towards someone new instead of your relationship partner creates a significant breach of trust and requires a lot of repair work to move forward.There are a few key components of emotional affairs:1 | They're secretive.2 | They involve a LOT of communication.3 | There is intense emotional closeness and vulnerability.In this week's episode, we're going into more depth on emotional affairs. We're defining them, discussing the context in which they can occur, and giving you strategies for repairing and moving forward should you be experiencing this in your relationship.

Do you ever feel like you're so “in your head,” that you're missing what's going on in the here-and-now?Racing thoughts, replaying things that have happened in the past, worrying about things that could happen in the future - these experiences pull us out of our body and into our mind. The problem is if we're stuck in our mind, we can't really feel. We'll miss those intuitive hits, hunches, and gut feelings meant to guide us through life. Our emotional experiences will be stunted or bypassed entirely. We won't be fully available to connect with other people because we're so focused on our own “stuff.”In this episode, we have a special guest, Shelby Rose, who is a spiritual business mentor and podcast host helping women gain confidence and bring soul alignment into their business. We're talking about how to get out of your head and back into your body through a practice called embodiment and how to use this approach to create the relationship you truly desire.Shelby Rose has worked with hundreds of clients to facilitate increased energy, confidence, a connection to their highest self, and thriving businesses. She is passionate about her signature Become Magnetic Method, using it to facilitate alignment, embodiment, manifestation, and vibrancy for her clients. You can find Shelby on Instagram at @xo.shelbyrose or hosting the Raise Your Vibration podcast on iTunes.P.S. Meredith hosted a FREE online workshop, Feel More Loved in One Hour a Week, and it's available for download. This one hour workshop will walk you and your partner through:>> The benefits of having consistent rituals of connection in your relationship>> Identifying your most impactful activities across three crucial categories (friendship, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy)>> Integrating rituals of connection into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines>> Troubleshooting issues that may arise as you create these new habitsIf you're interested, download here!

This year on Valentine's Day, we're encouraging you to make it about more than just flowers and chocolate. So much emphasis is put on the Hallmark qualities of February 14th, but celebrating in this way once a year is not going to have a notable impact on your relationship.Our resident Certified Sex Therapist, Marina Voron, says:Make Valentine's Day your Sexual New Year!Think about the motivation you felt on January 1st. It likely felt like a clean slate, a fresh opportunity to tackle your goals for 2020. Do you have a similar checkpoint for your intimate relationship? An annual (or semi-annual) habit of touching base with your partner to explore what's working, what's not, and how you'd like to enhance your sexual relationship moving forward?If not, it's time to start. Setting intentions with your partner for physical intimacy is a great way to prioritize this area of your relationship. You can take the time to share openly about what each of you enjoy and are interested in and then co-create a plan for making it a pleasurable year.If you'd like to learn more about this process, be sure to listen to this week's episode. Marina is sharing her process for setting Sexual New Year intentions and tips for communicating with your partner about this topic.P.S. Meredith hosted a FREE online workshop, Feel More Loved in One Hour a Week, and it's available for download. This one hour workshop will walk you and your partner through:>> The benefits of having consistent rituals of connection in your relationship>> Identifying your most impactful activities across three crucial categories (friendship, emotional intimacy, and physical intimacy)>> Integrating rituals of connection into your daily, weekly, and monthly routines>> Troubleshooting issues that may arise as you create these new habitsIf you're interested, download here!

It can be really frustrating when you don't feel heard by your partner. It seems like no matter what you do or how you express yourself they just don't understand your perspective. They may keep shifting the focus back to their own experience or tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't feel the way you feel.So, what do you do?In many couples that we work with, this leads to a habit of case-building. We view case-building as coming up with every single reason why your position is correct and your partner's position is wrong with evidence to back those reasons up. (Think: “Exhibit A depicts a text message from last Thursday in which you said…”).This effort to be heard can feel extremely overwhelming for the partner on the receiving end. They're likely to feel super unheard, like there's no space for their perspective, and that you are coming from an expert stance. Remember, criticism from an expert stance = contempt.Case-building often involves pulling in “facts” from outside of your relationship. For example, “anybody in this situation would think _____” or “I asked my friends and they all agreed the right approach here is _____.” When we back-up our position with “everyone else,” it can feel incredibly critical to our partner. It creates an “us” and “you” dynamic, which can be quite hurtful.If you've been using case-building to get your point across during arguments and aren't sure what else to do, be sure to listen to this week's episode. We're going deeper on this topic and giving you strategies for how to be heard in a more relationship-preserving way.

One of the most challenging parts of merging lives with a spouse is having them join your family. You're inviting them into a lifetime of history, beliefs, routines, and expectations - and you're not giving them a rule book ahead of time.The differences between our partner and our family became crystal clear when we're faced with a decision and the two do not agree. (Think: where to buy a house, how to spend a holiday, who to invite to a party you're hosting). Let's take the hosting a party example. What happens when Mom says, “you have to invite everybody” and your spouse wants to keep it small?You don't really care either way and you're used to your mother hosting parties, so you figure - she knows what she's doing, we'll invite everybody. And your partner gets angry. They don't understand why you're siding with your mother over them. After all, aren't you two hosting the party in your home?So, you go back to your mother and let her know you're just having a small get-together, so you won't be inviting everybody this time. Now, your mother is upset. She doesn't understand why you're excluding family members and is worried about people being offended. Worse yet, she's “disappointed.”Talk about being stuck in the middle.“Why can't my spouse just say yes? It would be so much easier on me and then my mother would be happy.”Scenarios like this unfold because you're not aware of the unspoken rules your family functions by, so you haven't been able to share them with your spouse. You're not aware that all families don't function the same way as yours, where the mother makes the decisions about gatherings and hosting events and the father weighs in heavily on finances. Or that you and your siblings have spent your lives saying “yes” to our mother because your father taught you that's how to “be happy.” You just said, “yes.” You deferred to her for decisions about parties. And life was easy.Now that you're married, you've got to find a way to integrate your two families - your new family, and your original family.In this episode, we're talking about why conflict between spouses and families is normal, given the circumstances, how these conflicts come to be, and what to do to diffuse both sides constructively.

The idea of “respect” comes up quite often in our work with couples. Consider the following:- How do you “know” your partner respects you?- In what ways do you act respectfully towards your partner?- What behaviors does your partner do that make you feel respected?It's often easier to identify the actions that make us feel disrespected, like:- Being yelled at or talked down do- Feeling your time and commitments are not being taken into consideration- Not feeling acknowledged or appreciated for your effortsExperiences like these happening consistently are a drain on your emotional bank account. If you perceive your partner doesn't respect you, it's time to have a conversation. Notice that I said “if you perceive your partner doesn't respect you,” not “if your partner doesn't respect you.” The truth is this matters because you don't feel respected. It's doesn't necessarily mean your partner doesn't respect you, it means they are doing (or not doing) that communicate disrespect.In this week's episode, we've identified three ways to feel more respected in your relationship. To learn more, be sure to tune in!

There are certain conflicts that seem to come out of nowhere. You've approached your partner with a concern, laid it out as clearly as you could, and - to your surprise - they completely lose it. They're angry and hurt - and it's somehow your fault.How are you supposed to bring up your concerns if this is how they're going to react.Most likely, this is a case of the message being sent not ending up as the message being received. What you thought you were sharing with your partner was very different than what they felt you were sharing. There are a number of possible reasons for this, including having a low emotional bank account balance, faulty beliefs about your partner, or a trigger related to this topic.Here's a visual for you:Impact = Message Received Intention Message SentThe hard truth is the impact your message has matters far more than your original intention. We talk a lot about perception vs. reality - the impact is how your partner perceived the message, and that's what we've got to work with.So, how do you make sure you're communicating your needs in a way that allows your partner to receive your intended message? You'll have to listen to this week's episode to find out!

We've got something a little different for you this week!Our guest, Juan Santos, LPC, is joining us to talk about his five step strategy for building more trust in your relationship. Having a foundation of emotional safety is key to constructive communication, effective conflict resolution, and a healthy emotional bank account. You've got to trust your partner with your feelings in order to be honest and vulnerable.When you think of trust, think:T - TimeR - RespectU - UnderstandingS - SupportT - TogetherThese five concepts include strategies for enhancing the emotional trust in your relationship, such as setting aside Time to make plans with your partner each week and Respecting your partner by building them up, rather than breaking them down. To learn more, be sure to listen to this week's episode!As a bonus for our listeners, Juan was kind enough to giveaway a copy of his eBook, Couples Workbook: Exercises to Improve Your Relationship. Get your FREE copy here! (link to: LeadPages)Juan Santos, LPC is the Owner and Lead Clinician at Santos Counseling PLLC in Greensboro, North Carolina. You can find Juan on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

It's that time again…New Year's Resolutions! 2020 goals! New Year, New Me!Insert eye roll.Look, we're all about personal growth and making positive changes in your life and relationship. We just don't feel like it can only start on January 1st. If at any point throughout the year you feel the need to reset, jump back into this episode and follow our three step process.In the meantime, let's plan for a successful 2020!You've got to ask yourself a few things:- Where did you come from? What was 2019 like? What do you want to keep and what do you want to leave behind?- Where are you currently? What's feeling good? What's standing in your way?- Where do you want to go in 2020?Goals have their place, but we really like setting intentions. Intentions give you the space to acknowledge ongoing progress, shorten or extend your journey, and get consistent feedback that you're on the right track. Goals can be very black and white - you either achieved it or you didn't. But, what about the 99% of progress that happens before the goal is officially checked off the list?Be sure to listen to this week's episode to learn our three steps to setting yourself and your relationship up for a successful 2020. Happy New Year!

When you've been together for awhile, you get really good at figuring out why your partner does what they do.Or, do you?The accuracy of those assumptions (yes, they are assumptions) really depends on what information you're using.Are you basing your guess on the guess you made the last time this behavior happened?Did you have an ex who used to do this behavior all the time because they were uncomfortable with emotional intimacy?In your family growing up, was there an unspoken rule that the loudest person wins the fight? So, you know when you're partner gets loud they are making a power play to win?As humans, we try our best to make meaning of the world around us. We place that meaning on the people we relate to and experiences we have. Our brain stores that information for future reference and the next time a similar situation arises it quickly informs you of the reason behind it. This ability has helped us survive for a long time, but in relationships we risk functioning with inaccurate information.Without asking your partner, there's really no way to know their intentions for sure. In fact, their intentions may change from day to day, situation to situation. So, what do you do?In this week's episode, we're talking about the dangers of being unequivocally sure of your partner's intentions, how to identify this habit, and what to do instead.Show Notes:SGR 049 - Are Invisible Rules Running Your Relationship?SGR 054 - How Radical Responsibility Will Save Your RelationshipSGR 001 - Communication That (Actually) WorksSGR 050 - Is Your Partner Always Defensive?

By now you know how important rituals of connection are to the health of your relationship. (If this is new to you, check out Episode 002 - Getting Back to the Honeymoon Phase - One Habit at a Time Having daily, weekly, and monthly shared activities with your partner is the most impactful way to keep your emotional bank account balance high and your relationship skewed towards the positive.Marina and I are sharing our top rituals of connection that we're keeping consistently lately!Not surprisingly, we had a few in common:- Texting funny memes back and forth with our husbands- Having daily coffee dates- Watching “our” TV shows together- And more!Be sure to listen to this week's episode to hear the rest of our daily rituals and see if you'd like to integrate any into your relationship.

During the holidays, there is a significant increase in invitations and expectations from friends and family. It becomes even more important than usual to check in with yourself and your partner on how you're feeling, what you want, and what you need.Without this check in, you're likely to end up feeling overwhelmed, overbooked, and resentful. Your physical and emotional energy may become depleted and you'll look back on this time of year with relief that it's finally over. (Not the type of holiday experience we'd want to have).This is where the boundaries come into play.There are a few different factors to consider when deciding where and how to spend your time this holiday season. We've identified three types of boundaries:Physical Boundaries | These are boundaries around where you will and won't go and how you will or will not accept physical touch (for yourself and your children).Emotional Boundaries | These are boundaries around the ways in which you will connect with others. For example, what topics you will and will not discuss, how long you'll spend connecting with particular people, and the types of emotional experiences you're open to having.Energetic Boundaries | These are boundaries around your physical, emotional, and mental energy. They involve taking into account how tired you are, how emotionally drained or energized you feel when interacting with certain people, and how much mental bandwidth you have for supporting others.In this week's episode, we're going deeper into each of these three types of boundaries, what they look like, how to evaluate which ones you need to enact, and how we apply these in our lives.

Would you describe you and your partner as friends?Are you friendly to one another on a daily basis? Do you look out for each other and offer help when needed? Do you laugh together?We've talked about the three arenas of healthy relationships - physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and friendship - many times and we find friendship often takes a back seat to the others. The existence of a strong friendship can be more subtle than the other two.Here's what it looks like:You find each other funny. The jokes you tell, the way you do and say certain things, and attempts to be playful are humorous.You let there be lightness in your day-to-day. You create a culture of ease in your relationship by initiating and being receptive to friendly chats, silly moments, and things feeling “okay,” even if there's been a recent disagreement.You truly enjoy spending time together. You look forward to seeing your partner at the end of the day, whether it's for a date night or watching TV at home. You run errands together when you can and turn that into a good time, too.In this week's episode, we're talking about all of this plus giving you strategies on how to cultivate a stronger friendship in your relationship. If you're feeling like you need an uplevel in this area, be sure to check it out.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away... are you ready?This holiday is a great opportunity to pause and consider what you're thankful for, both as individuals and a couple. We've touched on gratitude many times in that past, so you know it's a powerful way to cultivate more positivity in your life and relationship.The holidays can be really difficult. Each one brings a slew of expectations, stressors, past experiences (both good and bad), and more. Thanksgiving is no different. Both you and your partner will have perspectives on how the holiday “should” go, “should” be celebrated, and how time “should” be spent with your families.It's crucial to feel like a team as you and your partner walk into Thanksgiving dinner. You need to feel supported and like you have each other's back. Check out this week's episode where we'll be covering all of this and more. We're talking about:- What makes Thanksgiving so emotionally charged- How to prioritize your relationship during the holiday- How to get along “good enough” with everyone- Cultivating an attitude of gratitudeWe've also created a helpful bonus - The Thanksgiving Survival Worksheet - that's going to take you through what each of you needs to get through the holiday, the best ways to be there for one another, and how to come out united at the end of the day. Click the link above to get your copy!

Well, today we're being really open and honest with you.We want you to know:- We argue with our partners.- We use the 4 Horsemen at times.- We get emotionally flooded and overreact.- We get triggered and lash out at our partners because of past experiences in our relationship or childhood.We do these things because we're human beings having an imperfect experience of life.However, we have mastered a critical skill:Repair.When a disagreement goes south, the fallout does not last for days or even hours. We take space, are responsible for calming ourselves down, and then reconvene with our partners to explain, apologize, and move forward from the situation.This is key.How you handle conflict just needs to be “good enough,” not perfect.You need to have a good enough balance in your emotional bank account, a good enough point at which you stop an escalating argument, good enough strategies to calm yourself down, and a good enough habit around initiating and accepting repair attempts.And you need a partner who is invested in doing these things good enough, too.Be sure to listen to this week's episode to hear our latest not-so-pretty conflict stories and learn more about how we resolved them.

We live in a world of pressure, deadlines, and overwhelming to do lists. Naturally, this way of being has a tendency to flow over into our romantic relationships. But, what happens when it does?Truthfully, it doesn't always go very well.A few things to consider:Is this something my partner actually has control or influence over?If not, that's a good indicator that putting time pressure on your partner is an attempt to cope with your own feelings of hopelessness or helplessness in a given situation. If there's nothing they can do to make it go differently, there's nothing they can do.Am I imposing a deadline to reduce my own anxiety or discomfort with the unknown?Before moving forward with creating a deadline for your partner, check in with yourself. What is my emotional state right now? How am I feeling about this situation? If you're feeling negative, overwhelmed, stressed, upset, anxious, out of control, or another highly uncomfortable emotion, it's likely you're desire to put time pressure on your partner is an attempt at coping.The most constructive way to connect with your partner in these situations is to share your feelings. Let them know how worried, stressed, or uncomfortable you are with the unknown timeline. Seek emotional support and see how you can team up to manage this distressing time together.To learn more about to handle time pressure in a relationship preserving way, be sure to listen to this week's episode.

Our resident Certified Sex Therapist, Marina Voron, gets asked this question by couples A LOT.“How often should we be having sex?”For most couples, it seems once a week is a healthy target.Why?The focus on frequency of sex is really about making it a habit. Once a week seems to be often enough that couples can get into a routine and have consistent enough opportunities to make it happen.When sex happens less than once a week, it can start to feel high stakes and pressured, since it doesn't happen “a lot.” We look for “perfect sex” and are easily disappointed if expectations aren't met. This can kickstart a cycle of negativity around sex and physical affection, making it increasingly challenging to reset.Be sure to listen to this week's episode to learn more about how to prioritize sex and establish your own routine.

One of the most challenging dynamics couples face is when one (or both) partners lie. Being lied to can be extremely triggering within a romantic relationship. Growing up, we're taught about the inherent “wrongness” in lying and those lessons become internalized as unwavering beliefs.“Bad people lie.”“People who lie have something to hide.”“If someone loves you, they will always be honest with you.”Learning your partner has lied can lead to a cascade of worry thoughts and questioning past experiences, like:“How could the one person who is supposed to love and care for me LIE to me?”“They must not love me as much as they say they do.”“They must have something to hide.”“If they've lied about this, what else might they have lied about?”While this is normal, it likely won't serve you, your relationship, or lead to more honesty from your partner. Lying often comes in moments of emotional stress, as a means of surviving this moment. (Yes, we know they would survive without lying, but it doesn't always feel that way). This means that establishing a culture of emotional safety is crucial in shifting a dynamic of dishonesty.If you want to know more about why our partners' lie and how to change this pattern, be sure to listen to this week's episode.

In case you needed more motivation to get your relationship on the right track, research shows that the quality of your romantic relationship has a significant impact on your physical health.In her recent book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski details the range of affects marital quality can have.Perhaps not surprisingly, worse marital quality was associated with worse mental health and quality of life. Consider the daily impact of relational negativity on your well-being. The emotional environment in which we live affects our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and more.One of the most mind-blowing findings?Marital quality was a higher predictor of health than smoking.Smoking?!Friends, if you're struggling in your relationship, it's time to make a change.To learn more about these studies and the other findings, be sure to check out this week's episode and Emily's book.

In our recent discussions about the benefits of gratitude journaling, we learned that not everyone feels inspired by making a list. While I love lists - haha - and feel satisfaction from filling each line, Marina feels restricted and bored by that. Lists can have an association with chores or “to do's,” making them a turn off from some people.If you're more of a “Marina,” mindmapping may be a better fit for boosting your mood and enhancing your relationship.Mindmapping is a more flexible and fluid way to brainstorm your gratitudes. Instead of a traditional list, you'll start with the broadest categories (i.e. my husband, my family, my home, my job) in circles around the page. Then, branch off from each one and expand from there.What are the specific things you're grateful for about your husband? Your family?Then, branch off from those too.Mindmapping is nice because it gives you a visual representation of the abundance of things to be grateful for in your life. Imagine seeing a page full of notes about and connections between everything that impacts you in a positive way!We go into more detail on this week's episode, so be sure to check it out!

You must be curious what this one simple thing is…Gratitude.Why is gratitude journaling so powerful?Our brains are extremely skilled at picking out what's going wrong and what's problematic. We don't have a natural tendency to focus on what's going well. In a relationship, this can perpetuate negative cycles and make it hard to see your partner (and be seen) doing things differently.We want to help you change that.By spending a few minutes each day scanning your memory for things that felt good in your relationship, you're consciously focusing your attention on the positive. You're feeding your brain good thoughts and your body good feelings in the context of your relationship. It's sort of like making deposits in the emotional bank account on your own time!Creating a gratitude journaling practice means:- Identifying and writing down things about your partner and your relationship that you are grateful for.- Looking at your list and feeling the feelings of gratitude, joy, or appreciation in your body.- Visualizing the scenarios you're referring to on your list and letting yourself enjoy it again.This is such a small investment, huge payoff activity (our favorite!) that there is nothing to lose by trying it out. We both swear by it and have tons of clients who have experienced significant shifts in their relationships as a result of integrating this practice into their daily routines. Give it a try!

We've spent a lot of time over the last few weeks talking about defensiveness, criticism, and the patterns that ensue when this becomes the standard way of communicating in your relationship. By now, you know the damage this dynamic creates and how to identify when it's happening.But, what do you do instead?Take radical responsibility.Take 100% ownership of the ways in which you contributed to a hard moment.Sound crazy?Here are some of the benefits:1 | You regain a sense of control in an otherwise out of control situation.2 | You immediately feel calmer and less angry.3 | You de-escalate a tense situation with your partner (rather than up the ante).To take radical responsibility, make a mental (or physical) list of all the choices you made that contributed to the situation at hand. For example, if you're frustrated with your partner because they forgot to pick up the dry cleaning you needed, you might say:“I chose to wait until the last minute to pick up the dry cleaning.”“I chose to ask my partner to pick up the dry cleaning, instead of picking it up myself.”“I chose to work at a job that requires me to wear clothes that go to the dry cleaner.”(Yes, seriously).Give it a try the next time something triggers your anger and let us know - what is your new emotional experience? How quickly does your anger dissipate? In what ways did taking radical responsibility serve you and your relationship?