Underemployed

Fresh off being unqualified to talk about rap, David and Jack return to also be unqualified to talk about sports! The definitive list of the best athletic moments ever includes American basketball superiority over the French, fat-shaming men in authority, players calling teammates drunkards, coaches losing their minds, Shaq, a holiday celebrating fighting your neighbors, revealing celebrities you want to boink to a magazine for children, having an ear bitten off, and a surprising amount of Simpsons references.

The rap dorks are back to wrap up their rap bracket. Will "WAP" and "Man's Not Hot" continue their Cinderella runs? Can David's act of friendship carry a song into the next round? How far can a Shaquille O'Neal or John Cena track go in a bracket of this magnitude? Tune in to find out!

As David and Jack eye the finish line of Underemployed, they answer the question the Dependents have been asking them for 7 years: "What's the best rap song of all-time, you dorks?" Well they finally answer it, along with one of the most qualified people to help: Acclaimed rap reviewer Gozie Okoro! Can "WAP" stand tall? Can "Man's Not Hot" pull of one of the greatest upsets ever? Is Shaquille O'Neal a better rapper than A$AP Rocky? Can David pull off one of the greatest troll picks of all-time? Will Jack let John Cena's recent turn to the dark side impact his decisions? Tune in to find out!

It's the final edition of Underemployed's signature episode: The March Madness bracket that features no analysis and instead determines which team's mascot would win in a fight! From tigers and cougars, to kangaroos and big bears doin' thangs, we've got every matchup covered! Plus David and Jack ask the important questions, like how long can a duck fly, and has science gone too far by combining Cajun Jack and Cowboy Jack into one?

It's once again time to reflect and celebrate your 8th favorite podcast, Underemployed! Featuring the best clips of the past year, from David being imprisoned, trees that smell like bodily fluids, mascot fights, working during a global tech outage, and Jack letting go of a 5 1/2-year grudge. Plus they talk about going to a Ravens playoff game, the wedding of a dear friend and former guest, and the insane Luka Doncic-Anthony Davis trade. And they discuss the upcoming end of the podcast, when the last episode will be, and their plans as they near the finish line.

For the seventh and final time, Jack and David bring you the once-a-year extravaganza to cram in your stocking. They hand out their coveted best-of-2024 awards and look at the people and things that shaped the landscape. From the Kendrick Lamar-Drake beef that dominated this year's nominations, to unprecedented political figures, sapphic bops, historic hippos, American Olympic superiority, incriminating yourself while driving with a suspended license, rolling down a hill for cheese, and Shaq. Plus they remember those we lost this year to the great Thugz Mansion in the sky.   Intro sampled from There I Ruined It

After years of hot takes, annoyance, loudness, it's time for one of the most pivotal moments in Underemployed's illustrious history: David Hart's trial. Can he and former guest Joe Dweck prove that he deserves to roam free with normies? Or will Jack prove that David is a danger to society's earholes and patience? Tune in to find out!

The trial of David Hart is still delayed, but Jack refuses to switch up the episode order, so here we are. Destiny's Daddies return to talk about their unintentional summer hiatus, including their travels to Maine, New Orleans, and Seattle; the global tech outage of July that led to chaos at Jack's job and last second flight adjustments, Kendrick Lamar being pegged for the Super Bowl halftime show (while Lil Wayne did not), nearly seeing Goldberg at a Patriots game, Steph Curry being the devil that sunk the French basketball team, and Backyard Baseball coming back. Plus hearing OutKast's Christmas music coming out of a sex store, and Tupac deep cuts playing out of a smoothie store. Also David got a new job and Jack got a new shift!

David is back behind bars after his bond was revoked for general annoyance. But he courageously talks about how it's led to him getting buffer and being rejected by every prison gang. He and Jack also discuss weddings and Emmys they went to, ripped pants, the Celtics are on the mountaintop while the Lakers ship be sinking, Joey Chestnut being removed from the biggest glizzy stage, and the Kendrick Lamar's Pop Out concert. Plus it's officially a #HotBoySummer with music, from Chappell Roan and Billie Eilish to Eminem and... Shaquille O'Neal. And in a bonus clip, Jack pays beautiful tribute to America after we once again beat Canada in the Stanley Cup Finals.

With the trial of his life hanging over his head, David talks about the hard life being accused of felony silliness and shenanigans. They also go track-by-track on the Kendrick Lamar-Drake beef since they last talked about it, have a discussion on the NHL and NBA playoffs, Jack pays tribute to the Lakers for being the true 2023-2024 champions, trying to get Taylor Swift on the show, Jack is firmly pro-nepotism, and Caitlin Clark has ascended to absolute superstardom. Venmo Jack so he can put money in David's commissary.

David and Jack once again give an update on the state of the podcast and the goals they have for the future. Featuring an abundance of Gen Z slang (On God, FR FR) and the phrase "You'd have to imagine", a message about the future of the podcast, and David being locked away in prison on felony silliness charges, but not letting it keep him down.

If you're tired of listening to Taylor Swift's new album, how about some new Underemployed for your earholes? Jack and David return to talk about staring directly at a solar eclipse, the kidney stone-inducing amount of beef going on in the rap world (David actually is enjoying some Drake!), Jontay Porter is a dummy, trees that smell... weird, Jack went to WrestleMania in Philadelphia and got some amazing parking (plus friend of the show Colin Mackey is an amazing host.) Plus David pays tribute to his dear friend OJ Simpson, and Jack's coworkers think he looks like a predator without a beard.

It's once again the March Madness bracket show that proudly boasts absolutely no college basketball analysis whatsoever! Cougars, cocks, hat salesmen, zippers, gatuhs, wolfpacks, and about 12 different teams that feature bulldogs as their mascots; David and Jack dive deep to find out which mascot of the 68 teams in the NCAA Men's D1 tournament would win this bizarre version of the Hunger Games. Also, there's a lot of Cajun Jack (and Cajun David).

Y'all Q'd, we A'd. Despite Jack deleting the original recording a dumb-dumb, he and David are back to answer questions about when they knew they were destined for greatness, purchases if they became billionaires, the new Avatar series, dumb song lyrics, Muppets they'd hang with, Jack's coworker trying to paint him as a misogynist, why David's girlfriend is the best, and much more. Plus Jack wants a "Rasputin"-esque song written about him, David learned what "rizz" means, Jack keeps confusing Panic! at the Disco with Fall Out Boy, baseball is given its flowers, the Nickelodeon broadcast of the Super Bowl being amazing, and Jack has doubts one of their former guests is really injured.

It's that time of year again were Jack and David look back on the year that was, and look forward to the year that be. They talk about their most successful March Madness Mascot bracket ever, Jack getting a new name (and age), the Great Scott's Addition Gas Leak of 2023, David and Jack introducing Bethany to the world of coke rap, driving with your knees to spite the feds, Jack's passionate hatred of Virginia's new porn laws, David naming ladies DMX has boinked, and much more!

It's a new year, but Jack and David are still on their same old nonsense. David talks about the snow in Fredericksburg that led to Bethany having a roughly 6-hour work week, and the wild weather the area's seen this month. Jack talks about the bitter cold in Baltimore while he brought the heat by getting signs on TV at the Ravens game, including one that promoted his own TV station. Plus the potential Eminem-Taylor Swift Super Bowl matchup, David being wrong (and right) about Joe Flacco, the most electric playoff games they've ever been to, a soccer fan in the crowd being called on to ref, and the absolutely abhorrent decision by the FHA to ban funny road signs.

It's time once again for the award show that former President Obama once called "A blight on American freedom", the Undies! In a year dominated by the likes of Taylor Swift and George Santos to a lesser extent, David and Jack tip their cap(s that are hiding their receding hairlines) to a glorious 2023. From victimizing yourself after publishing a video of boinking in a senate hearing room, to Dan Snyder "finally getting his white wedding", the beautiful romance of Michael Jordan's son and Scottie Pippen's ex, and the passion for "Mambo No. 5" that nearly ruined a famous author's relationship. Plus Jack gives a nepotistic nod for Song of the Year, and David pays a heartwarming tribute to his dear friend Henry Kissinger. Intro sampled from: https://youtu.be/nQLJNCDa4GA?si=9JGK4cOpugPsHwwf

Jack and David talk about why they had an extended hiatus (and why they don't have a guest), before getting right back into form with David having beef with the NBA in-season tournament and the notion of Taylor Swift being the biggest musician in the world, Usher at the Super Bowl halftime show, and whether Cajun Jack will be included in Grand Theft Auto VI. Plus the boys saw Clipse in concert, and talk about their experience at the Kennedy Center, along with seeing a pre-teen full embracing the world of coke rap.

Jack and David return to finish up their definitive list of hip-hop's greatest moments. Whether it be the joy brought from "WAP", DMX naming ladies he's boinked in a verse, R. Kelly getting maced, Drake's unintentional child reveal, John Cena becoming a rap legend, Shaq asking Kobe Bryant how his ass tastes, and things getting a little easier out here for a pimp, there's enough moments here to make you want to put back on your 5XL tall tee and get an ice cream tattoo on your face! 

Who better to celebrate hip-hop's 50th birthday with than two dorks from the 'burbs? Jack and David reveal the first half of their definitive list of rap's greatest moments, from rappers dealing with conflicts through stabbings and champagne bottles, to Cardi B throwing a microphone at a fan and ODB saying Wu-Tang is for the children. They also discuss self-pleasuring songs, 50 Cent destroying Ja Rule for over 20 years, the "Tip Drill" video, accidentally playing DMX uncensored at Family Night, and so much more! Remember, this list is definitive.

The heat is on, and so is Underemployed! David and Jack talk the knockout of the Women's World Cup team (including Jack's hot take on what cost them), August being the worst month ever, Phoenix being an affront to God, David's first ever Flying Squirrels game (and why the team has such a grip on Richmond), that time Bethany got a full night's sleep in the back of a Kia Soul, Jack's travel woes that involved him running through the Philadelphia airport, David's take on 'Barbie', and more!

Jack and David have a lot to catch up on, from David's rain-soaked trip to Maine, to Jack getting a new name and age at a Richmond bar, plus the wonderful wedding of PJ Anderson and the amazing moment that almost was during the ceremony. Also, David's cat is a jerk, the heat and the haze across Virginia, Jack's penchant for getting music references in the news, Juvenile's Tiny Desk concert, Charles Barkley throwing people through windows, the hilarity that was 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather's beef, and Jack feels patriotic in his passionate fight against Virginia's new anti-porn laws!

David and Jack once again make their State of the Union address to the loyal Dependents, where they look back on the progress and history they've made in the past year, while setting themselves a lofty goal by the end of the decade. Also, Old Man David returns.

The weather's getting mildly warmer, and so is Underemployed! Jack tells the story of a gas leak in Scott's Addition that impacted the news station (and also briefly made him a nomad), Rihanna and A$AP Rocky proving that Wu-Tang is for the children, the continued rise of the Lakers, Ja Morant's a fool, Taylor Swift's dominance, David reminisces on the 2012 derecho, and more. Plus News Jabs, with cheating fishermen and trying to blame a dog for driving drunk!

Jack and David return to brag about the absolute raging success that was their NCAA Mascot Bracket (way better than most fools who picked a real one). Plus they talk David wanting steroids back in baseball, Jack's joy at the rebirth of the Lakers, David's Christ-like resurrection from COVID, the downfall of Dillon Brooks, the beauty of 'Cocaine Bear', Kia Souls being metaphorically bulletproof, the end of Dan Snyder, and more!

It's the triumphant return of the March Madness selection show that proudly features absolutely no actual basketball analysis, the ultimate battle between each team's mascot! Featuring such questions as how many wolfs constitute a wolfpack, how a holy man can deal with a fight, how many 16 seeds can beat a 1, how was David ever allowed to visit Princeton, and much more. Plus Jack's existential crisis about the mediocrity of his school's basketball program, and the long-awaited introduction of Cajun Jack!

Delivering on promises made to you people, a wolf that was once a homeless man, a ruthless attack on David's medical ailments, the return of the Underemployed Curse, correctly picking the rise of the Jacksonville Jaguars, a tribute to Queen Lizzy, sports not mattering, and keeping your oven open. It was a wild year for Underemployed, and David and Jack recap the top moments in their anniversary special! Plus Jack is happy the Lakers didn't get Kyrie Irving, fine-tuning mac-and-cheese, an abundance of love for John Cena, and return of the supercut of one-liners at the end!

Jack and David are joined by Jack's longtime friend, Underemployed superfan, and actual respected journalist Jessica Albert, along with mutual friend and friend of the show Julie Sawitzky! They discuss Jessica's long journey across various cities and stations in her career, from her time at JMU to ending up in Baltimore, despite not yet having a proper Bawlmur accent or pants with the Maryland flag on them, covering a Billie Eilish concert despite not knowing who she is, going to Disney World every weekend while working in Orlando, how they all became friends in the first place, David's mom being a respected journalist herself, Jessica finding a love for running, and hating water-skiing squirrels. Plus Julie reminds David she's still not a CPA, and talks about the... unique event she and Jack almost went to years ago in Pittsburgh.

Cue the Mariah Carey, pour yourself some nog, and get your affairs in order, because Christmas is back, and so are the coveted, prestigious Undie Awards! David and Jack join you from the long-condemned Richmond Coliseum to hand out awards (including an album of the year no one sees coming), praise themselves for not killing a 103-year old woman, make multiple Homestar Runner references, settle grudges with fistfights, observe the rise and fall of Ash Ketchum, look at the wild rides of Elon Musk and Dan Snyder, discuss the insanity of the World Cup Final, read a bizarrely beautiful speech from their de facto guest of the year, and so much more. Plus Jack coins the phrase "his ceiling is through the roof" because he's not well-equipped to handle English.

Fresh off another wonderful Jay-Z Day, Jack and David discuss their Thanksgivings, including how David now preps his mac and cheese, he goes in-depth on the World Cup and the U.S.'s loss to the Netherlands, as well as the future of the program, sports apparently matter again because the Lakers are playing well (with Jack seeing their dominating win against the Wizards in-person), David has flaming hot takes even by his absurdly high standards, legalizing prostitution, Virginia drivers are apparently ass, and they preview the Undie Awards. Also, sports actually don't matter because Aaron Judge didn't sign with the Giants.

David and Jack talk about missing part of the Chris Rock show because they're idiots, David's excited for the World Cup while Jack has a soft spot for Brazil, sports don't matter because the Lakers are mediocre, Jack likes Taylor Swift's new album while they talk about the shitshow of her concert tickets on sale through TicketMaster, Kanye can't even get into Sketchers, and News Jabs, with someone trying to sneak a gun through a raw chicken at an airport! (Also, for legal purposes, don't actually keep your oven open.)

David talks about his trip to Philadelphia to meet friend of the show Colin Mackey for Premier League Fanfest, and he and Jack discuss which US cities are still on their bucket list, the concerns of the Lakers, the status of an Underemployed Curse, Jack's suggestion for turning around the Jaguars, he uses the nonsensical phrase "Lightning in a pan" for some reason, and they have a long discussion about the downfall of Kanye West and if it's possible to separate art from artist. Plus the long-awaited return of News Jabs, including the winner of Fat Bear Week!

David and Jack want to buy the Phoenix Mercury, and they need your help (Hint: It involves giving them money). They also talk about the impact of Hurricane Ian, Aaron Judge's impact on the record books, the miracle run of Albert Pujols, them feeling not-optimistic about the Capitals and Lakers, Jack's experience at the state fair, Rihanna performing the Super Bowl halftime show (while John Cena got snubbed), Jack's anger at Joe Flacco getting benched, and more!

Jack and David discuss getting to see Lupe Fiasco perform The Cool in its entirety (along with a verse they never thought they'd get to hear live), Joe Flacco retaining his eliteness, the Jaguars are probably Super Bowl bound, David's hot take of an NBA Finals preview, the Lakers are doomed, and Jack ponders the benefits of getting a fake butt. Plus David tells the story of his parents' once-in-a-lifetime vacation nearly being derailed by Queen Elizabeth's death.

An update on the #MarkMcGwireChallenge, etiquette of wearing sweatpants in public and shorts above the knee, David may be classist and also doesn't want to go to strip clubs, Eminem is nearly an EGOT winner, an Underemployed NFT and mascot, mustaches coming back in style, which sports are actually sports, Jack wants to chat with Jay-Z at the Roc Nation Brunch, and more! Plus David's beautiful tribute to Queen Elizabeth II.

Jack and David return to talk about how their summer's been going, the worst/weirdest injuries they've ever gotten, pay tribute to Bill Russell and Vin Scully (with Jack telling the story of meeting the former), discuss the tragedy that was the 2011 Northern Virginia Earthquake, recent heatwaves, them holding a 40-yeard dash for bragging rights, the Juan Soto trade and DC's status as a sports city, NBA players hurting player empowerment, and they introduce the #MarkMcGwireChallenge!

You people asked, we... people answered! In the first Q&A in nearly 2 1/2 years, David and Jack answer rude questions about their alleged advanced age, Weird Al's lyrical prowess, getting hit on by old people at the gym, escaping a deserted island with Bobby Bonilla, tons of questions about food, making new friends at their age, what city they'd want to live in, and much, much more. Plus David loudly and unnecessarily gets something wrong that's easily searchable, Jack would gladly shill for some blood money, and they pay tribute to the Bodega Boys in the wake of their breakup.

New city, same nonsense! Jack's moved down to Richmond, so he and David celebrate with the return of old pal Nick Livingstone! They talk about Nick's scholarly success since he's last been on, being stunned by hearing his past trash talking, the best spots to eat in the city, how Nick copes with David's hot takes, Nick's love of cats (while David proudly owns a surly, fat cat), getting out of the bartending business and the fact that Nick is also somehow the most downloaded episode of the podcast ever. Jack also talks about his nerves of giving another wedding toast, and he and Nick make fun of David's various medical ailments, but, you know, in a sweet and loving way.

Once again bringing you the NCAA Tournament preview that proudly features absolutely no actual college basketball analysis, David and Jack are back and picking a winner between mascots in each matchup in a theoretical free-for-all brawl. From the sizes of various big cats, to the fighting skills of a refined gentleman, to how Sister Jean and a random homeless guy were intertwined once upon a time, it's time for what is truly the most wonderful show of the year!

In anticipation of the State of the Union address, David and Jack decide to drop their own address to you people, where they give very presidential speeches on the goals, future, and clear amazing societal impact of this beautiful, sexy podcast!

Much like some deadbeat dads, despite being a little late, David and Jack return to celebrate their baby's fourth birthday! Featuring the return of Joe "Peanut" Dweck to face the music on his questionable Mitchell Robinson and New York Knicks predictions, another slap in the face from Nick Livingstone, plus a look back at the Drexel Dragons magical tournament run, the return of their favorite guests, their new podcast art, more talk on what constitutes being culturally southern, the Super Bowl's halftime show, and more!

Coming to you live from the decaying corpse of RFK Stadium in Washington, D.C., while respecting the squatters' rights of the racoons that now call it home, David and Jack return to hand out some gold-plated pantaloons! Including a Woman of the Year near and dear to their heart, a perfectly meme-y yet litty Song of the Year, a Hot Take of the Year that saw a beloved athlete shoot himself in the foot like, 5 or 6 times, baseball having some national relevancy again, the return of the In Memoriam segment, and the 2nd annual Lifetime Achievement Award going to a centenarian who they hope doesn't continue the trophy's string of bad luck!  

With the holiday season now in full swing, how about a new Underemployed to whet your whistle? Jack and David discuss their Thanksgiving, including their favorite food and Jack staying in a spot with... weird history for him. They also talk about going public on the NASDAQ, the awful new name for the current-Staples Center, Waluigi not coming through in the clutch, an update on Joe "Peanut" Dweck's hot take on Mitchell Robinson, Jack wanting more money for no work, ways you can get Underemployed merch, an announcement on their next episode, and in a bonus clip, Jack talks about a musical act at the end of a Dave Chappelle event that got him geeked!

Back with another guest, this time David's semi-famous frisbee pal, Joe "Peanut" Dweck. They talk to Peanut about growing up in Brooklyn before going to Indiana University, the craziest rumor around campus about a future NBA lottery pick, his tenure in law school and why he wanted to get in law to help kids, David telling him about the Chandra Levy murder, Rutgers' condom mascot, his wedding, and the delusions, depression, and blind optimism that comes with being a New York sports fan!

Despite David sounding like they were recording way past his bedtime, it's another exciting episode of Underemployed! Featuring the wild rides of Urban Meyer and Jon Gruden, Newcastle's new problematic owners buying the team from a guy who apparently throws up in fireplaces, Jack getting an ovation for a wedding toast he didn't even give, David's long haul to a wedding of his own, getting blue-balled by "Return of the Mack", visiting Kobe Bryant's old high school, the coldest the wedding they've ever been to, not embezzling money when you're a former NBA player, what song they'd geek out for at the Super Bowl Halftime Show, and more!

Jack and David return to the podcast earf to talk about how Drake's "Way 2 Sexy" is a gift and Kawhi Leonard's star-making cameo in the music video. They also discuss the end of Summer and the annoyingly hot weather as it went out, their chance encounter on public transportation (!), Jack's vacation, David getting back in the wedding groove, Jack's pathetic attempt to name the branches of the military, David's head shape, Jack's last concert, them joining the U.S. Space Force, and remembering Norm Macdonald while discussing some of his favorite bits and jokes. And in some bonus bits from before the official start, David talks about Urban Myer's lack of success with the Jacksonville Jaguars, and a potentially spicy Halloween costume.

Coming to you from the morgue of Area 51 (*cue the X-Files theme), it's Underemployed! With an update on the poll on whether or not David was correct in saying Texas isn't a culturally Southern state, bad storms, the 25th birthday of ATLiens, the rollout for Kanye West's album, Drake's album cover, David giggling like a titmouse at the Washington Nationals' win percentage, the pleasant success of the San Francisco Giants, Jack getting a proper vacation, and the return of the Wedding Bois!

Despite the naysayers, doubters, and legal uncertainty, Underemployed has made it to 50 episodes! And Jack and David feel there's no better way to celebrate than by bringing back their first ever guests, Quinn and Miriam! The self-proclaimed lazy piece of shit and Spirit Airlines bitch bring the heat, discussing astrology and beer mixes, the Atlanta airport plane train, Governor Jim Justice's charm, COVID-19, their favorite sandwich cheeses, Miriam's move to New Hampshire, building a statue for David at Mary Washington, Quinn's summer in Alaska, Bjork's uber-sexuality, great Hugh Hefner tributes, DNA makeups, and of course, a return to what they would stick their hypothetical dicks into. Oh, and David tries to argue that Texas isn't a southern state. Furreals.

Jack and David pay tribute to 2020 Undie Lifetime Achievement Award winner Shock G/Humpty Hump, as well as DMX, before David also discusses the downfall of the European soccer super league and the corruption of FIFA, a woman unknowingly charged with a felony for an unreturned VHS tape, and some proper etiquette as the country begins to return to normal, including how to act at concerts, weddings, and strip clubs. Also, a belated well-wish, David's a criminal, and Jack has lost touch with the youths. Get off the tracks, or you're getting run over by the Underemployed train!

Can the return of Sister Jean propel wolves? When can Shaq be used as a tiebreaker? What's the difference between a Dragon Tales dragon and an evil one? What's the difference between a regular eagle and one that's a Harry Styles fan? It's the return of the battle of the mascots in time for the return of March Madness. Plus a new Stump the Slob, the newest Underemployed baby, and the dashing of Jack's dream wedding.

Getting a car back from a meth head, how not to ask a future coworker on a date, a hall of fame pitcher destroying a bird. While 2020 may have been a rough year, David and Jack still look back on the past year of Underemployed episodes and all the ups, downs, and laughs (?) that came with it. Plus Jack's (fever) dream wedding, a congratulatory message with no words, and the annual supercut of one-liners at the end.