All About We

Isaiah 9:6 NIV“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Many who follow me know I’m a spiritual guy. Christmas has deeper meaning. For Christians like myself, Christmas […]

2018 has been a mixed bag in my marriage. We had some pretty cool things happen. Like our trip to Switzerland with my youngest son Jordan. But then we also experienced some pain. Two weeks before the trip my mom died. Additionally, my wife Marian was dealing with chronic stress at work. Meanwhile I have […]

“We’re not in a good place and haven’t been for some time. My partner doesn’t want the relationship to end and is willing to work harder at it. Will it be enough for me to stay?” Relationships suffer from a prolonged lack of attention. Despair morphs into disillusion. Walls of self-protection are constructed slowly and methodically […]

If you are a regular subscriber to my blog, by now you learned my mother died peacefully in her sleep a week ago. I could not have scripted a better ending to a remarkable life. My father died 24 years ago, so now I’m parentless. It feels empty. I miss my mom terribly. Fortunately, I […]

All couples encounter major problems from time-to-time. You are not going to get along 24/7. Problems don’t disappear once you adjust. Expect occasional conflicts throughout married life. This is normal. Problems may be minor or major depending on the circumstances. Most couples can manage to get through minor problems. All of us need help navigating […]

I see the pain of love everyday. Love hurts. I’m experiencing it right now as the failing health of my mom is a stark reminder that I will not have her with me forever. How can something that feels so powerfully good, feel so awful at times? In Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, he lists […]

When it comes to expectations about married life this is a question in the minds of most partners. “What do you expect from me?” Have you asked this of each other? And—have you taken time to unpack your expectations about spending life together? You might be surprised at how many couples don’t take sufficient time […]

When it comes to couple communication, here’s a request I get a lot. “Help us learn how to communicate right!” Sadly, many of the couples asking the question have been married for several years!By then they developed some awful patterns of communicating. In this lesson, I will address these common mistakes so you can avoid […]

What is the one thing that sets connected couples apart from others? It’s not just what they do per se. We’ve covered that in previous blogs. Things like: good communication mutual support respect date nights teamwork There is something unique about connected couples. It’s how they are toward each other. The one thing that sets […]

Most guys don’t know how to respond when their woman becomes emotional. It reminds me of a classic scene from the movie, “A League of Their Own”. “There’s no crying in baseball!” In the movie, Tom Hanks plays a drunken, worn out manager of an all women baseball league. He does the typical angry manager […]

A 16 year old client plops on my couch, noticeably angry. He informs me that his parents tried to do an “intervention” on him after a discovery of weed in his bedroom. He concluded the episode by saying, “The intervention was a waste of my time.” Then he looks me straight in the eye and […]

About 3 years ago an unmasking happened that rocked marriages. Someone hacked into Ashley Madison’s 37 million subscriber database exposing the identities of individuals seeking an affair. AM’s motto: “Life is short. Have an affair.” Karma struck. The business had a short shelf life. Beyond the breach, AM allegedly used fembots to interact with many […]

One of the issues Marian and I deal with from time-to-time is our big buts. No matter what we do to disguise them, our big buts have caused some problems. I mean, there have been times my big but has squashed my wife! Not good. She’s done the same thing to me too! It’s gets […]

Are you a power couple? Do you even know what that question means? Hollywood carefully crafted it’s definition featuring their poster couple, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, until they broke up. Currently, Tom Brady (football) and Gisele Bünchen (fashion) rank high among power couples. If you want to toss politics in the mix, a power couple whose […]

Are you worried about your kids’ obsession with their smart phone? Do you know what social media platforms they spend time on? Are you noticing any mood, emotional, or behavior signs that indicate they seem unhappy? A few days ago I read an oped in USA Today from a doctor who wrote about a disturbing […]

Do you want to get at the heart of the problem why couples struggle? Let’s figure it out and see if we can find a way to help couples soar. Ask the average couple the question, “Why does your marriage struggle?” You might hear… “We don’t know how to communicate” “It seems we fight all […]

Heidi lays alone in her bed completely exhausted. Her pillow drenched in tears. Curled up in a fetal position, she whispers, “I’m tired of being taken advantage of by people I care for.” The consummate giver, Heidi goes the extra mile in her marriage, with her kids, and for her boss. What does she get […]

When I was a kid, I remember exchanging cards with classmates on Valentines Day. Everyone was your valentine! Later, when I fell in love and got married, I felt pressure like other guys to use this occasion express my heartfelt love and devotion. I remember the painstaking process choosing the perfect Hallmark card. Then there […]

Sometimes life can feel robotic. We get up every morning following the same script from the day before. Pressures of maintaining a household compounded by work demands seem to fill every waking hour. Days, weeks, months, and years are logged as events in the calendar, not experiences shared in the story of my amazing life. […]

I’ve battled insecurity in one form or another my entire life. Feelings of fear, inadequacy, self-doubt, shame, and rejection are giants I engage in battle from time to time. These insecurities developed in my formative years and stood in my way on many occasion, taunting me like a playground bully. Deep down inside I believed […]

I’ll begin with a disclaimer. The #1 thing I address is not heavily researched. However, in my view it is the underlying element to the problems couples identify in surveys. Problems like… Communication Finances Sex Parenting Can you guess what it is? Clues are imbedded in the title. Observe the couple.  Can you solve the […]

Normally on the All About We Podcast, my cohost Amanda Berlin interviews me on the content of my latest blog. This week we did a role reversal and I interviewed Amanda about her career journey. Read what she has to say about this topic and listen to the interview by hitting the play button above. […]

The holidays are kicking in high gear. Are you ready for it? Do you have your “happy face” on? Yeah right. For some the holidays are more harried than happy. While others complain that the holidays are simply horrible. Yet when the day arrives we say, “Happy Hanukah”, “Happy Holidays”, or “Merry Christmas”. Why is […]

You can find yourself in unnecessary conflict after you get married. For example, have you ever been in trouble with your spouse and not sure what you did wrong? Confused right? This happens a lot, especially to guys. “How can you expect me to know what you want when you don’t tell me in the […]

I hated this when my parents did it. My kids hated it when we did it too. When I talk with kids in my office, this is the one thing they dislike the most about their parents. Constant fighting. Conflict is normal Conflict is normal. How it is expressed, resolved, and managed determines the level […]

The look in this coworker’s eyes really disturbs me. It reflects the fear many individuals described in MeToo tweets in recent months. No one should ever be subjected to the sexual advances from a person of power in the workplace. #metoo is empowering individuals to come forward and report sexual harassment and abuse in the […]

Sometimes gratitude is hard to find. Consider what’s happened in America and along our southern border in 2017: Hurricane Maria in the Dominican Republic Hurricane Irma in Florida Hurricane Harvey in Texas Earthquake in Mexico Fires in Sonoma, CA Shooting attack on lawmakers playing baseball in Washington DC Vehicle attack in Charlottesville, VA Shooting attack […]

My top 3 parenting tips are likely to surprise you. You won’t find them listed in best-selling books on the subject. In fact, you might argue that they have nothing to do about parenting at all! Be that as it may, I routinely find myself sharing these tips with parents I coach. I’m going old […]

“What do I do when my parent is making my life a living hell?” I get asked this question a lot. You’re doing your best to be a dutiful son or daughter, but never seems good enough for your parent. Instead you hear complaints, criticisms, or negative comments that get under your skin. Do you […]

I asked my friend and mentor, Steve Warner to be a guest writer on my blog. He published a book called Mile 2: 31 Extra mile secrets for an extraordinary life. You can also listen to our interview with him in the All About We Podcast above. Steve shares insights on how to go the […]

Now it’s Your Turn What are you doing to maintain a level of trust in your relationship? If you broke it, what are you willing to do next to rebuild it?

“Can we have a talk? I want to share something with you that may make you angry and I am asking that you listen and try not to overreact.” Marian’s tone was respectful and disarming. I agreed and listened. She was right. I was angry. But, I kept it under control and tried to understand […]

How to help your kid survive a bullying culture Let’s take a look at some things you can do to prepare your kid to thrive in school and handle situations when confronted by bullying behavior. Create a safe and respectful culture at home Does your home contain a bully toxin? Do you tolerate bully behavior? […]

Raising a responsible teenager is a parent’s dream. Living with an irresponsible teen is a parent’s nightmare! The task of raising teens today is challenging for some and frightening for others.   Cyber-culture youth are exposed to multiple streams of information that shape identity and influence behavior. Media devices are often used to connect with […]

One night last week before I was about to go to bed, the 2016 comedy Bad Moms was on TV. Five minutes into the movie I was hooked. It addresses pressure many mothers feel being “all things to all people”. The central character Amy, a wife, mother of two, and career person, lives in a Chicago […]

Addiction is a disease that breaks hearts. It has a profound adverse effect on everyone. Spouses, children, extended family, and friends, suffer heartbreak. Addiction damages and in some cases destroys relationships. Feeling utterly powerless while watching someone you care about self-destruct is painful. Addiction  is one of the most difficult relationship patterns to treat in couples or […]

Now it’s your turn What can you plan to do this week to go organic and connect?

If you want to get good at setting boundaries you’ve come to the right place. In my previous blog I highlighted 4 benefits you can expect by setting boundaries. Here I’m going to give you 4 simple steps to do it. Let’s check out the first one. #1: Listen to your gut This is slightly […]

My dad died 23 years ago. I still miss him. Even as I typed that sentence, I got choked up. So much of my adult life I didn’t get to share with him. I feel robbed. But then again, I also feel blessed to have him in my life. In honor of Father’s Day I […]

Couples in broken marriages want out, but what often keeps them in is fear over how divorce may impact their kids. “Our marriage is broken but do we want to break up the family?” So they work hard to repair the marriage. In some cases too much damage is done and it cannot be fixed. Divorce is […]

How to help your kids cope with tragedy or loss #1: Restore a sense of safety When loss or tragedy occurs, a child/teen’s sense of security is shaken. They have questions. What will happen to me/us now? Will more bad things happen? Will someone else die? At times like this kids need to feel safe. […]

It’s a standoff between parents and their two kids. Kevin and Heidi have finally come together to bring respect back into their marriage. Now it’s time to get Brandon and Stacy on board. However, the kids remain defiant, in mocked attire. The picture above is taken from chapter 5 in my book that discusses how to […]

How to bring respect back to your relationship Bringing respect back is easier said than done–BUT done nonetheless it must be. So where do “we” begin? #1: We begins with me. If you wait until your spouse/partner shows you respect before you reciprocate it may never happen. Two people waiting on the other are two people […]

Here are 5 things you should never have to give up for your spouse. Never give up your boundaries in marriage Boundaries are limits we set for ourselves or with others to feel safe and be healthy. Here are two examples: Personal limit: food and alcohol intake to maintain good health.  Interpersonal limit: holding to your […]

Clearing the eggshells Eggshells do not promote a healthy environment for family living. Ignoring them is not a good strategy. You cannot afford to keep making excuses and denying the severity of the situation. Yet, why is so hard to clear the eggshells? What keeps you walking on them? The unhealthy attachment – you keep […]

#2: Agree to not spend more than you earn during an average pay period Develop the skill of saying “no” to yourself if it falls out of the parameters of what you agreed together to spend. #3: If necessary, meet with a financial planner to establish a budget If you cannot figure it out together […]

#1: Identify What Makes Letting Go Hard When I observe a client struggling to let go of something I ask a question. “What makes letting go difficult for you right now?” The answers vary based on the event, but here are some common reasons: Fear of what happens after letting go Feeling responsible Fear of having to […]

A sex deprived marriage is symptomatic of a bigger problem. Couples are becoming more disconnected from each other on an intimate level. Many are exchanging romantic partnership for roommates. Here are some familiar patterns I observe among couples today. An increasing number of couples are not sleeping together. Nearly 1 out of 4 married couples sleep […]