Falling Into Soul

This is not the episode I thought I would make. This is the episode it was time to make. And so goes the soul. Tracking where it leads is an ongoing commitment. But I know of no better way to keep the magic alive. In this episodeSeeing and dreaming with the soulA heartfelt thank you as I share why I'm moving away from making episodes here for now and where I'm going nextHow to stay connectedSubscribe to receive my occasional (but oh so soulful) writings to your inbox via The Terrible, Beautiful TruthGet on my Super Top Secret Email List to be the first to know when I make new things (a few times a year to your inbox)Thank you so much for being in this space with me. All of these episodes will remain posted. Feel free to revisit and listen any time. In soul,McCallSupport the show Read The Terrible, Beautiful Truth on Substack Stay connected through my Email List Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me Read or listen to my new book Down from the Mountain Read or Listen to my first book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

Western culture is rich in ways to keep us chasing the outer dream and pitiful in ways to facilitate the actualization of an inner soul vision. Our ability to dream with soul and bring forth what lies deep within us has been hijacked by the cultural delusion that tells us we can have whatever we want, when we want it, how we want it--an affront to nature.How to create, heal, and live with soul in a culture that's done its best to cut soul out of the picture is the work and obsession of my life. In this episode I share what I've learned over the past 15 years from my own Falling Into Soul journey:Three main reasons it's hard to create with soul and three tools to make the hard of it easerThe difference between dreaming with soul and chasing the dreams you've been conditioned to dreamSelf-inquiries to help you align with your own soul wayWith love,McCallRelated episode: How To Recognize the Will of the Soul Support the show Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me Read or listen to my second book: Down from the Mountain Read or Listen to my first book: The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

What happens to the ego through the processes of alchemy?In this episode let's explore:the progression of ego from Tyrant to Team Playerthe job of a healthy, alchemized ego in sacred alignmentthe partnership between ego and soulhow to navigate the ego disappointment and dissatisfaction that comes with soul alignment With love,M‣  get the "disappointing and lovely" stickerSupport the Show. Get a copy of my NEW book Down from the Mountain directly from me Get Down from the Mountain on Amazon (Kindle and Paperback) Read or Listen to The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy after Awakening

Alchemy is a terrible but brilliant series of processes that burn, drown, rot pressurize, and distill every extraneous thing out of the way so you can see what is there. What the fire leaves behind is who you really are. What the fire leaves behind is all the things about you that cannot be left behind. What remains when all else fades is how we know what's ours to live in a new way.In this episode:the threshold between being initiated to the true self and the pressing need to integrate the true self in all facets of lifethe spirit addiction or impulse to keep cleaning the slate, reinventing yourself or undergoing one more process of alchemy that could maybe possibly change who you are and what your life is about this timehow alchemy is not a process of transformation so much as a revelationprompts and inquiries for intuiting where you are on your alchemical journeyWith love,MPoem by KavijiSee photos of The Octopus TreeSupport the Show.--> Get a copy of my NEW BOOK Down from the Mountain directly from me--> Get Down from the Mountain on Amazon (Kindle and Paperback)--> Read or Listen to The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening

Announcing my new book Down from the Mountain: On Being Human after Spiritual and Alchemical Initiation now available for preorder. In this episode, I go over the table of contents for the new book so you can get a feel for what it's all about.Whether you've read The Second Half of the Mountain and are ready for more or you're just stumbling upon me now, Down from the Mountain holds its own as a book exploring the delicate coming-back-to-life work many of us face after undergoing the alchemical initiation required to uncover, align with, and live from the core self.Thrilled to be back in this space with you!McCallPreorders are now open for U.S. addresses. Rest assured, the book will be available internationally through many platforms after its release mid February 2024. Thank you for your support!Support the show---> Preorder my NEW BOOK Down from the Mountain--> Read or Listen to The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening--> Click for 20% off The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook (use code FALLING20)

What we think we want and what we say we want might not be the same as what the soul wants. The will of the soul is not always immediately known. It's the unconscious continually made conscious through astute listening to body aches, dreams and synchronicities, strange intuitive pulls, deep watery feelings, and life itself. We live in so much mystery, so much magic, so much unknown.In this episode we explore ways the unconscious (will of the soul) attempts to make itself conscious in our lives:Loss of motivation or focus for things you once loved to do or feel like you should want to do.Being thwarted, pulled back or seemingly sabotaged when you try to execute your plans or move in a certain directionDeep watery feelings and emotions, often arising at inopportune timesBody signals. Aches. Pains that come out of nowhere. Illness.Strange intuitive pulls that often seem backward or counterintuitive.And the big question: What's the difference between following the pull of the soul and self-sabotage? Because yeah, they can look a lot alike sometimes.With love for the the soul that is such a brilliant and gorgeous interrupter of plans, McCallSupport the show-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook

In this episode, Michael DeMaria and I explore the rich, complex, and paradoxical themes of burnout and renewal central to our lives as empaths, recovering codependents (over givers) and creative types.Speaking from our personal experiences with burnout and how-not-to-burn-out, Michael and I explore: The importance of the soul (water, earth) in tempering the creative fire and air of spiritHow to honor and be in conversation with instead of pathologizing processes of the soul that feel dark, slow, and counter to creative productivityLearning to differentiate between the ego being fed and the soul being fed through creative purpose How to be who we are....sustainablyI also share the story of how I burned out nine years ago on fulfilling my soul purpose, what I did to recover, and how I engage with purpose differently now.With love,McCallMichael's WebsiteSupport the show-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook

No amount of alchemical death and rebirth cycles can change who you are. It can only reveal it. And then the task becomes to live it, to anchor the unchangeable essence of Who You Are into your ever-changing human existence. Wildness and form. Dancing.So far in this podcast, I've talked a lot about what I call the Second Half of the Mountain Journey–the dark nights of the soul, dark nights of the spirit, and distillation. These alchemical processes are necessary to carry us from initial awakening to permanent alignment with the core self. But what happens when we reach the summit? What are the next alchemical phases and processes we go through once we have an abiding alignment with the unbreakable core within? What is life like then? What's the reward for completing all seven stages of alchemy?Exploring in this episode: What comes after going through the dark nights and distillation?What is the Philosopher's Stone?The alchemical phase of Radiation and how to deal with its devoidness The ongoing conversation between ego and soul or the immediate and infinite self.With love,McCall Related episodes: Living From the Unbreakable Core That Is Uniquely YoursBorn From Nothing--Magical WillSupport the show-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook

The alchemy of inner transformation is not a self-improvement project. It's a participation in the soul's evolution. It may not improve your life at all at first. It's a rather destructive process–dismantling your beliefs, identities, small hopes and dreams, tearing your life at each carefully stitched seam to reveal what's unbreakable underneath. It gets worse before it gets worse sometimes, so faithless and consuming, leaving you hanging by nothing but a single thread–your own breath tethering you to life in a place it feels like you never intended to be. And at some point, you realize this is it…there's nowhere else to go, nowhere to hide, nothing to save you from having to live what's right here now. So you breathe the breath that is yours to breathe. You take the thread that is yours to weave, and without pretense, fanfare, or promise of any particular outcome you live the impossible–the dream that won't stop dreaming, the breath that won't stop breathing, the thread that won't stop weaving you.In this episode, we explore: The difference between self-improvement and transformationThe difference between using your creative powers and resources to manifest things to make your life look good vs. using your creative powers to go through inner transformationLooking at the Dark Night of the Spirit from a new angle--The Great White NothingThe "log and fire" analogy to understand the difference between the Dark Night of the Soul and the Dark Night of the Spirit and why the Dark Night of the Spirit can be so challengingThree keys for living through The Great White Nothing/Dark Night of the SpiritReading of my piece "The Great White Nothing" put to music at 18:45With love for and from the Nothingness,McCallLINKS:-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook-->Click here for episode transcriptsSupport the show

"One of the hallmarks of maturity is to let some of what seemed like your best hopes go, especially if the tide of life is actually taking them from you and turning your face in another direction."  -David Whyte, What to Remember When Waking, The Disciplines of Everyday LifeIn this episode, I explore:When hopes can be helpful and when they can get in the wayWhy following your heart might not be enough sometimesHow to identify actual flow Learning to recognize the tides of life, the seasons that are ours to liveThe hopes and dreams of the ego vs. the wild will and dream of the soulWhat is the will of the soul? The alchemy that prepares us to partner with the unknown and the will of the soulWith love and gratitude for listening,McCallLINKS:--> David Whyte's What to Remember When Waking-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook-->Click here for episode transcriptsEPISODE QUOTES:If you can withstand the disappointment of your ego, you can live the wild dream of your soul."Are you really going with the flow or are you pretending like you're going with the flow and secretly paddling underneath?" -my dear friend and Anam CaraSupport the show

Why is it sooo hard to connect with the worth that is inherent in our existence?  Why isn't awakening to our true nature, to our spiritual and creative gifts enough to heal this wound and actualize our inherent worth? And why do I have such issues with how we use the words "deserve" and "worthy" in the trendy spiritual lexicon? Let's explore.In this episode:Where the worthiness wound originates (bigger than personal trauma)One of the biggest obstacles to connecting with core worth that I've observed in us spiritually awakened humans How the final stages of alchemy--the Dark Nights of the Spirit and Distillation help deliver us from the madness of always having to prove our worthMore exploration of the Philosopher's Stone/the Unbreakable CoreWith love for the outliers,McCallLINKS:Healing the Core Wound of Unworthiness by Adyashanti-->Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening-->Click here for 20% off audiobook-->Click here for episode transcriptsQUOTES:"your work, your life, your relationships, will feel so much more fulfilling when your worth isn't always on the line”  Thais Sky“I'd been afraid that I'd somehow been given a life I hadn't deserved, but that's ridiculous. We don't deserve anything–not the suffering and not the golden light. It just comes.” Ann Patchett, These Precious DaysSupport the show

Did I just make a trailer for this podcast after two years of doing this podcast? Yeah, I guess that checks out. It usually takes me awhile of doing something important before I understand it enough to say what it is.Such is the way of soul. You don't have to understand the magic for it to be happening. And I'm getting so much better and letting it happen and seeing what happens. With love and deep thanks for being here,McCall--Click here to read or listen to my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening--Click here for episode transcriptsSupport the show

To be a mystic means to want One Thing more than any other of the things. Mystics have an intense and unyielding desire to know and unite with the divine, god, love, beauty, soul, truth, the core of all cores in this life, not in any other life or time. And so, they willingly burn through the fire of any moment to find it.This is why I say mystics are so fucked and so blessed. The mystic heart can't settle for anything less than what it knows it's here to be and do--what can't be said in words or seen in ways the world immediately understands. And it won't stop until you've given your whole life to find it.Let's explore the three desires of the mystic that eclipse all other desires:To unite with god, the divine, heaven in this life, not any other life or timeTo align the inner with the outer worldTo be a gateway between the worlds These desires are actualized through the thread of longing that pulls our lives inside out. Sometimes disruptively. Sometimes quietly. "Longing is the golden thread that takes us home." -Llewelyn Vaughn LeeBut what is "home" to a mystic and how does the Great Work of alchemy intersect with the mystic's journey home?With all the love in my mystic human heart,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

--Why do we have to fall into soul? Why can't we fly or rise into soul? Why is the way of soul paved by disappointment and disillusionment? Isn't there a way to skip all that? Surely we can outsmart the fall, if we could just tap into our highest and best selves and only act from there, we'd be okay, right? Rise above. Choose love over fear. Light over dark. Afterall, you are only one choice away from a whole different and better life, right? All you have to do is make that choice. What are you waiting for?Wow, do we love these kinds of messages in our frantic and disconnected world hyped up on conquering anything that threatens us. And while there is some truth to these motivational sayings, the fuller truth is more complex and most of us have to fall from the heights of spiritual awakening in order to connect with and live from the depths of soul.But why? Why is the soul down low? And what about the spirit that just wants to fly free? Doesn't it also matter?In this episode, let's explore:The original lovers of the Universe--soul and spiritThe One Thing (Soul) and The One Mind (Spirit) and how they exist within usThe Ego as a tyrant and the Ego as a servantThe seven stages of alchemy and how they help us create a harmonious marriage between Soul and Spirit There's some meaty alchemy in this one. Belly up and dig in. If you feel pulled.With love,McCall--Click here for my book The Second Half of the Mountain: A Guide to Personal Alchemy After Awakening--Click here for episode transcripts--Related Episode: The Difference Between Soul and Spirit and Why It MattersSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

When the maps you've been given don't match the territory you find yourself having to navigate, you trust the terrain itself and your direct, unique experience with it. This is how to honor and live the soul in a world that gives you a million ways not to.What does it mean to “trust yourself” or “trust your intuition” or “trust the process.” We hear these cliches about trust so often in the spiritual growth and development lanes. But what does it mean to trust? Join me as I unravel these cliches and lay a more realistic groundwork for what it means to trust when you're navigating terrain that is always shifting.In this episode:Three tools that help us trust our direct experienceSeparating the "should" and the "supposed to's" from the actuality of the experience Living with ambiguity of soul magic--navigating without the reassurance that you are on the "right" team or doing the right thing all the timeWillingness to own and work with the implications and energy you create from following your heart and embodying your magicPersonal anecdotes of how I work with these toolsMy Unconventional Invocation For Trust--a spoken word piece set to improve piano tunes.With love + thank you for listening,McCallLINKS:Download The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook hereClick here for TranscriptsSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

"There is a secret medicine reserved for those who hurt so hard they can't hope. The hopers would feel slighted if they knew."  -The Essential Rumi, Coleman BarksIn this episode I explore the dreadful stage of alchemical distillation--the final and brutiful cleansing before the formation of the Philosopher's Stone within. Signs of Alchemical Distillationin a holding pattern, not be able to get any traction or footing, false startsthe rug keeps getting pulled out from under youintense death and rebirth cycles in quick successionexperiencing your highest highs and lowest lows, surrendering more each timebeing stripped of purposes that used to define you, especially spiritual purposesgetting weirder and rare and fitting nowheresuspended between the worlds Outcomes of Alchemical Distillationbirthing a new incarnation that encompasses all of youopposites unite within--soul and spirit, dark and light, masculine and feminineliving from the unbreakable core that is uniquely yours--the Philosopher's Stoneability to face and transmute things you couldn't previously facepeace and wellbeing bond to the personality and remain so, even during times of great disturbance, loss, and overall lifeness cellular understanding that your worth depends on nothing but your existence crystallized focus, alignment, and intentDistillation is utter disillusionment that leads to utter freedom. This episode is for you if it's for you. If you know, you know.With love,McCallLINKS:Download The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook hereClick here to go to show transcriptsSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Is it okay to take a break from alchemy and the inner healing work? It's so exhausting and there's always something more to transmute and heal. Does it ever end? Let's explore causes for and ways to mitigate unnecessary exhaustion.Piecing ourselves out half-heartedly in too many different directionsGiving ourselves to relationships and endeavors that aren't giving back to usExpecting the outer results to match the inner efforts in proportionI also explore what it means to rest, not only as a way to recover the physical body and energy but as a way to access soul energy and creativity. And finally, what to do when you CAN'T take a break, when the alchemy and life keeps hitting hard and you can't escape having to do things you don't really want to do.With love,McCallDownload The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook here Quotes from the show:Even the most beautiful endeavors can be a distraction if the soul has other plans. The heart breaks itself on all its favorite things to align with something deeper, unknown and more true.“The antidote to exhaustion is not necessarily rest. The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness.”  Brother David in conversation with David Whyte from Crossing the Unknown Sea"A thousand half loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home." -Rumi"If you're tired and you rest/and you're still tired/it's your soul that needs care/the only way to rejuvenate a tired soul/is to listen/you must be still and quiet/and listen/then gather up every scrap of courage/to follow your soul's advice." Jenna Whitman's book, SoftlyDownload The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook here Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

When we face and transmute fear, we gain confidence. Confidence that doesn't depend on things happening in a way we are sure they must happen, but confidence that comes from being insecure, facing the unknown and allowing support and grace to find us in unimagined ways, letting go of certain hopes and trusting that what we can't yet see or know is there to hold us if we take the frightening steps far enough into the dark for it to find us.In this episode:How to transmute fear to confidence The difference between confidence and certaintyWhat to do when your confidence is shaken With love,McCallDownload The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook hereQuotes from the show:Alchemy doesn't save us from shit. Alchemy holds us to facing the shit, facing our deepest fears. The whole point of alchemy is to transmute the shit, transmute the fears, to face the things we feel we cannot face and realize the depths in us that are equipped to face them.Trusting things to work out in a certain way is not really trusting in life. Life is a manifestation of the mystery. Trusting in it means trusting things to work out in ways you can't foresee or know. The willingness to move forward even though things aren't going as planned allows us to be surprised by unknown helpers and graces along the way.This is the terror, but also the delight and the magic of the unknown: when we face the things we fear we cannot face, we come in touch with the deeper, wilder parts of us that are actually equipped to face them. “We can find what supports us when nothing supports us. By bearing the unbearable, we go through the desert to arrive at a nurturing oasis we did not know was there”.  -James Hollis "We don't need to learn to let go. We just need to recognize what is already gone." -Zen master Suzuki RoshiDownload The Second Half of the Mountain audiobook hereSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

An alchemist is one who takes everything as it comes, transforming the harmful into helpful, the ordinary into extraordinary, and the painful into beautiful. Not by way of bypass, but by way of engaging in deep and, at times,  disruptive processes. Alchemists turn their back on nothing, knowing that every life circumstance, desired or not, is the critical base matter needed for making gold.Alchemy can be an overwhelming esoteric topic with weird words, cryptic symbols and images, and various interpretations. But you don't have to be a scholar of any of that to transmute and transform your life situations.In this episode, I pare alchemy down to three keys to remember if you want to work magic in your life.Start Where You Are and Let It HappenKnow the Essence from the Form Unite the OppositesWith love,McCallQuick quotes from the show:A magical life is no the absence of pain, disappointment, darkness, and heartache. It's living all of that so fully it becomes your beauty.  “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.” -Rilke"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.” -James Baldwin“What we cannot hold we cannot process and what we cannot process we cannot transform. And what we cannot transform haunts us.”  -Zen ProverbSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Allow, allow, allow. Everything, every being, every process has its own wisdom and magic. I am learning to not interfere, to let it be, let it work its magic. I honestly think this is love: space to be. Love is when you let it be. Let it be, allow, receive.I built this episode around a song I wrote when I left my music career in 2010--specifically the line "I just need some space to be who I am." I call this The Song That Started It All because it set me on the final and brutal climb of my second half of the mountain journey where I had to go through the dark nights of the spirit and distillation to come to the gates of surrender and walk through.Exploring the BEING space:What does it mean to actually BE our authentic selves in any given moment?Why is it so hard to give ourselves space to be?What gets in the way of us extending this love to ourselves and others?What can come from being in the space of surrender? What magic happens there?With love for those in the far reaches,McCallwww.McCallErickson.comSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Space is hard space is good you need it, but you don't want to be misunderstoodIt's not easy to make it or take itbut something's nagging and you just can't shake itYou want to look but it's scary to see everything's choking and you need to breatheIf you stop for a moment, the image you've been trying so hard to hold together might shatter and fallWouldn't it be better to keep it all in and love through these pretenses and walls? You know there's risk either way, but you have to move when the heart calls. Separation might take us further apart,but it brings us closer, closer after all. In this episode, we dive into separation, a necessary and vital alchemical phase that helps us know ourselves as individuals so we can be a clearer part of the whole.What is separation and how does it show up in our individual alchemy as well as our relationship alchemy?How can separation help us heal division in ourselves and relationships?Signs of separation: conflict with or needing space from loved ones, feeling the need for alone time, feeling the need to get real about your part and understand your truth in any situation, partnership, creative project etc.Symbols and images of separation: air, wind, space, gaps, divides, divorce, sharp tools like swords, knives, extractions toolsExample of how I've applied separation in my lifeHow to make it through a challenging separation phaseAt 14:20 I share my original song "How Some Stories Go" written during a really difficult relational separation that taught me the importance of holding tension of not knowing in order to allow the deeper soul story to unfold in timeWith love,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

"Perfectionism is the attempted tyranny of a concept over the messy reality of embodied living." -Anthony LawlorIn this episode I explore the progression of perfectionism in my alchemical journeyFirst as a way to survive and cope with trauma. Then as a way to buffer me from the raw experience of life and perhaps try to control how other people saw me so I could ensure their approval and love. Next as a tension to constantly transmute in order to keep me in creative flow with my soul.I get real about how making this podcast has challenged me to face and transmute my perfectionism is ways I couldn't do ten years ago when I tried to record my music.At the end, I announce some new projects that I'm currently working on.With love from the deep end of messy and embodied living,McCallQuick quotes from the show:What is real, precious, and truly golden inside me does not give a shit about my perfectionism.Thinking there's a right way to do anything and someone other than you knows what that is and you should give all your time and energy to figure it out can really fuck over your soul. Trusting your own direct, non-conceptual experience, not as the right way, but as the way that's flowing, as the way that's happening for now will save your soul."Perfectionism is the attempted tyranny of a concept over the messy reality of embodied living." -Anthony Lawlor"You lose your grip and then you slip into the masterpiece." Leonard Cohen , A Thousand Kisses DeepSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

The same things keep happening, and we have to figure out a way to do them differently. Doing the same things differently. That's how we grow. In the spirals. Sacred geometry of the soul. In this episode I discussthe spiral nature of soul growthwhy some issues and wounds never go away completelythe difference between a cycle and a spiral how to break a cycle and enter the spiral I share my original song "Once Upon a Time Again" at 15:45With love on the path of spiral unfolding,McCallQuotes from the show:"There is another world, but it is inside this one." -William Butler Yeats“We shall never cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time.” T.S. Eliot Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

In this episode, I share a soulversation Michael DeMaria and I had on his podcast Musitations. United in our longtime commitment to healing codependency in our own lives, we explore emotional sobriety and how it relates to the well-being and creativity of the soul. Topics explored:What is emotional sobriety?Our personal journeys with healing codependency and learning to transmute feelings and emotionsFeeling vs. Emoting and how they're both necessary Our work to live beyond the drama triangle Forming secure attachments outside of the drama triangle Attachments vs. connections Link to the video version of this episode (coming soon)Michael's WebsiteMichael's Music on PandoraThe Drama Triangle Thank you for listening and for being in the world.With love,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Maybe you keep finding yourself in the unknown because the unknown is the only thing big enough to hold you.In this episode, I dive deep into Magical Will and how it works. Magical Will is born from the nothingness we become through the alchemical processes of transformation. It's how we create, build, live and navigate in the unknown while remaining in alignment with soul and spirit.What is Magical Will?How does Magical Will work?Points and keys to remember when working with Magical WillTrust now, understand why laterFeeling states and body pulls, spirit and soul working in the fleshMagical Will and Magical Won'tThe Third Way or The Stellar Path--uniting of the Solar (spirit) Path and Lunar (soul) PathWith love and thanks for listening,McCallQuotes from the show:"The most important thing to remember is this, to be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become." W.E.B. Dubois“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about." RumiSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

You can know you are free when the alchemical journey of transformation has successfully turned you into a nobody and delivered you to nothing. Wait...what?!In this episode:Why we have to become nothing in order to know our true nature and to activate the soul codes of purpose within The dismemberment journey it takes to get thereReincarnating into your own lifeThe magic and usefulness of the Nothing Space Hint: Becoming nothing is not the end, it's the truest beginning, the center of the spinning paradox, the core of the philosopher's stone.Performance of my original song "Nothing At All" at 13:35Quotes from the show:“If you were not friends with the vast nothingness inside, why would you keep casting your net into it and waiting so patiently” Rumi - Coleman Bark’s translation“In our culture with the level and degree of societal conditioning, the only way to heal and be free is to first be totally destroyed. Once we’ve been wiped out completely (all that conditioning wiped away clean) we discover we are an animal whose nature is in synch with all.” Monica Cassini“The symbolism of having the limbs and intestines taken out and later replaced reflects the experiences many people go through over a period of ten or even twenty years….during such difficult times, you are forced to undo yourself, to go to pieces, to free yourself from the tendency to think of yourself at any given time as one type of person with one type of task. Either you become fluid or nature erases you in its own way.” The Shaman's Body, Arnold MindellSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

One of the things that has been pried from the grips of my poor ego through the processes of alchemy and spiritual maturing is the idea that I could crack the code. That I could somehow figure out how to save myself from the perils of life. That somehow, my righteousness, my chosenness and my wisdom set me apart from the rest of humanity, and I wouldn’t have to suffer in the ways other humans suffer. The idea that being “good” and doing the right things was somehow related to my level of suffering was deeply, deeply embedded in me. But honestly, what a fucked up idea.Exploring in this episode:Deprogramming the idea that we can be saved from suffering if we do the right thingsThe soul cannot be healed and discovered solely through healthy living The role that danger, the abyss, the edge, and the nothingness have in awakening the soulComing to the place where nothing saves you and how important this place is to magical alignment and magical will How there is no Philosopher's Stone, no creating with magical will without giving up every notion of what we think it might mean to do so At  10:46  I do a reading of my piece "When Nothing Saves You" with impromptu piano music in the background. It just felt right. With love from one magical abyss to another,McCallThank you for listening and supporting the show! Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Spiritual disillusionment is a huge part of soul awakening. But it's not always easy to decipher whether spiritual practices, rituals, modalities, and beliefs are helping or hindering on the path of soul growth.In this episode I explore Spiritual Margaritaville--the "love and light" base camp we encounter upon spiritual awakening.What is Spiritual Margaritaville?What roll does it play in the journey of spiritual and soul awakening? What are the pitfalls of Spiritual Margaritaville?Is all that "love and light" stuff just a bunch of woo woo?Easy quick tests to discern the good shit from the bullshit thereWhat comes after Spiritual MV on the alchemical journey and does it work to go back there after moving beyond it? And the most important point of the alchemical journey: Figuring out what form(s) your particular gifts/creativity/life force wants to take in this life. (HINT: it's not always what we're sold by spiritual culture and culture at large.)With love to all on the path of spiritual discernment and soul awakening.Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast!McCallQuick quotes from this episode:-There’s no right path, way, or blanket truths for every step. There’s only what holds the most meaning and growth for you now. And every “now” might call for something different.-There's no amount of enlightenment or spiritual awakening that can keep us safe from life. Life isn't meant to keep us safe. It's meant to keep us open. -Not subscribing to any truth or way other than the pull of your own soul is perhaps the most thrilling, terrifying, and important thing in the world.Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

An outtake from the end of episode 15 when I realized I recorded and edited the whole podcast without the right mic settings turned on. This spurred me to throw myself on the bed in exasperation with expletives flying and saying to my partner, "This just proves that it's impossible to be perfect."With imperfection and heart,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

You can follow the protocol and do all the right steps, and it can still not work for you. Because you can’t predetermine or outline the wild, unpredictable factor of the soul. You feel, discover, and live the truth of it every step you go. In this episode I share about my lifelong obsession with the unpredictable, the mysterious, wild factor of life and the soul.Burning questions of my life that set me out on the path of alchemy:Why do certain healing modalities, steps to success, etc work for some people but not others?Why is it that you can be so clear about your intention and set goals to make that happen but then lack the drive to carry it out?Why is manifesting things into form easy sometimes and then other times it doesn't work at all?Deeper into the alchemyWillpower vs. will of the soulThe inspiration of spirit vs the will of the soulHow to get spirit and soul to align and work together to bring magic into formThe ego's role in this way of magical manifestation and creatingThe role of surrender in manifesting with soulThank you for listening and supporting the show!With love,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

There’s no level of self-actualization that can exempt us from having blind spots. The willingness to be softened and see in ourselves what we have not yet been able to see is how we grow. Again and again. In this episode, I explore:The role of fear and shame in keeping us locked into the Codependent Drama TriangleThe necessity to face fear and shame to transmute out of the Drama Triangle and get to your own soul sourceSigns that fear and shame are pulling you into the Drama TriangleTools for addressing them Grace we can give ourselves as we reconnect with our true nature as Ongoing ProcessReclaiming our true worth--worth inherent in and dependent on nothing but our very existence I share my original song "How We Grow" at 17:17Thank you for listening and supporting the podcast.With love,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Maybe what the world needs isn't more love, but better love. Love that doesn't feel good and light all the time. Love that doesn't brush hard truths under the rug, but helps us face them, knowing that moving through the valley of the shadow gifts us with an inner richness beyond words.Join me in this episode as I explore moving from the Codependent Love paradigm to what I call the More Than Love paradigm. Topics:Codependent Love paradigm vs the More Than Love paradigm Transmuting my "Self Righteous Bitch" energy Learning to hold conflict and opposition in ourselves and with others Discovering The Third Way--the possibility of new life when opposites are joined Working with and healing ongoing divisions in ourselves, our relationships, and our communitiesLive Performance of my original song "Somewhere in Between" at 15:30With More Than Love,McCallThank you for listening and supporting the show. Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

The codependent triangle way of relating as abuser-victim-rescuer permeates our society and perpetuates trauma. In order to stop the trauma cycle and heal, we have to step out of all roles in the triangle and operate from a place of soul, seeing the luminous power in ourselves and all beings.In this episode:What is codependency as it relates to soul work?The three roles in the codependent (drama) triangle and how to break free of themMy personal journey and story with progressing out of the drama triangleHow taking the second half of the mountain journey and forming the Philosopher's Stone within brings a new round of facing codependencyTransmuting the Codependent Triangle to the Compassion Triangle This one is for the cycle breakers.With love,MResources mentioned in the show:https://www.karpmandramatriangle.com/https://yourholisticpsychologist.com/Codependent No More Healing the Shame that Binds YouThe Second Half of the Mountain Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Grief is an ocean...waves and waves and some places you can never touch the bottom of it. In this episode I exploreWhy grief is such a big part of soul work Why grief never seems to fully resolve itselfInvisible losses of the soul How alchemy prepares us to carry and process grief better At the end, I do a spoken word of my writing Made of Grief originally published on my website in 2013.This one is for the grievers.With love,McCall Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

It's one thing to find and live your own truth. It's another to live the parts of you too big and wild to fit into any truth, even your own.In this episode I discuss:The fear and pain that comes with not fitting in, of the world having no place for you when you are true to your soulMy own journey with trying to make and find a place for myself in this worldMy story with leaving my home of 16 years in Utah and driving away with nothing but my car and a few personal belongingsMore about the distillation phase of alchemy that delivers you to an irrevocable partnership with the unknown Finding your truest belonging in the unknownI share my original song "Someone Else" at 11:19This one is for the tribeless, the misfits among the misfits.With love,McCallSupport the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

You may be undergoing the rigorous process of distillation ifyou keep going through intense death and rebirth cycles in quick succession the rug keeps getting pulled out from under youyou can't get any traction with anything you try to manifest or create you feel like you can't quite break free of certain cycles you're finding yourself shutting most of the world out and stripping all excess noise from your sphere so you can focus on hearing your inner voiceyou're experiencing isolation and loneliness to the Nth degree If this is you, you are far along the alchemial path and well on your way to living from the unbreakable core that is uniquely yours--the Philosopher's Stone. Join me in this episode as I explore the rigors of the distillation process, why it has to be so hard and brutal sometimes, and where it leads us....through the narrow gate...to the great beyond... Live performance of my original song "Closer" at 17:40Thank you for listening. ♥Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

The whole point of doing the inner work of alchemy is to form the Philosopher’s Stone within. But what does that esoteric term "Philosopher's Stone" even mean? And what does it mean for those of us engaged in soul work today?In this episode I demystify the Philosopher's Stone. I talk about what it takes to uncover it within (having a spiritual awakening isn't enough) and explore some of the main gifts it brings us once we get there:The inseparable union of soul and spirit withinA sense of well being bonded permanently to the personality The ability to stay aligned with yourself in all situations with all people at all timesUnparalleled focus and intentA fresh start, the ability to build something new and get off the merry-go-round of karmic loops and old patterns If you're interested in knowing how to live from this magical and unbreakable core that is uniquely yours, this episode is for you.Thank you for listening ♥Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

We can be so busy trying to find our soul purpose, trying to create a life we think is going to give us the most freedom that we miss the one thing the soul actually wants--to live the life we've been given.Join me as I create a new conversation around soul purpose and telltale signs of how to recognize soul alignment when it's so often not what we think.Original song "Fall Away From Me" at 14:24Thank you for listening!Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

When the journey kills our attachments not only to material things, but also to spiritual aspirations and dreams, we’re faced with living from the achy abyss of our own nothingness--a path woven from continual surrender to mystery and wonder. In this episode, we'll exploreThe dark night of the spirit and how it differs from the dark nights of the soulWhy it's necessary to lose our identifications not only with the material world, but also the spiritual world and our practices (ascension, healing, astrology, alchemy, yoga, meditating, spiritual purpose etc.)The gifts of going through the dark night of the spirit and being stripped of spiritual ego. Magnificent gifts. Musical rendition of "I Have Learned So Much From God" (Daniel Ladinsky version of Hafiz poem) at 15:24Thank you for listening!Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

We often lump soul and spirit into the same category, using them interchangeably, but from an alchemical perspective, they are different. How so and why does it matter? In this episode I explorethe difference between the opposing soul and spirit energies within each of us and why we can't disconnect from one or the other how the alchemical processes help us re-balance those energies in ourselves the realities of navigating and creating with soul in a world that has largely circumvented it Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

One of the most confusing things on the soul path is feeling we are so deeply meant for something and having it so not work out. What's up with that? Let's explore how alchemy works to burn away our preconceived notions and put us into contact with the true nature of ourselves and all things--the starting point of all magic making. Song: Fall From the Lie at 12:48Thank you for listening. Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

Soul work can be so hard sometimes. Is the price we pay to be true to our hearts and follow the pull of the soul worth it? Join me as I unpack some of the conditioning around this question and explore how to connect with the beauty and the wonder of the unknown beyond our preconceived notions of things.Life performance of original song "Everything I Never Knew I Needed"at 20:05Thank you for listening!Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

An exploration of why it can be difficult to follow the pull of the soul and how you're not doing anything wrong if your reality is hard, even though you may look like a spiritual failure. We'll also take a look at what's going on alchemically (the lower vertical experiences of the inner axis) when things get so hard and devoid of perspective at times. Live performance of Saving My Own Soul at the end (21:07)Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)

In this first episode, we explore what it means to live the soul's truth, what things condition us away from knowing and aligning with our inner truth, and how to cultivate a relationship with our inner landscape to navigate the challenges of life. Live performance of original song "I'm Your Lullaby" at the end.Support the show (https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5JJ6968QC4LZ4&source=url)