She loves superhero movies. He used to. Pat Brown and Sarah Gorr break down the modern superhero canon, week by week. They watch everything so you don't have to.
Pat and Sarah wrap up season 2 with the one and only be-nippled Bats in Joel Schumacher’s technicolor nightmare, BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997). Topics covered: we’re bad at audio, ice puns only, 9/11 baby!, “the good Batman”, sexy plant juice, be-nippled and be-butted, Gotham be lookin’ crazy, weird cuts, sloppy Spencer’s mess, Sarah goes mad, shitty Katherine Hepburn, timely Met Gala references, our show concept is bad
Pat, Sarah, and a very special guest dive into the dark and stupid world of SPAWN (1997) in this week’s ep. Topics covered: Stan Lee dunks hard, time travel!, H-E-double-hockey-sticks, super powers + guns = dumb, it’s always crimes, cliché-o-rama, chunky Juggalos, unintelligible Leguizamo, Sheen-aissance, handsome faces, unspecial effects, booby vamps, cops deserve semiautos, Satanic Panic?
Is Sarah capable of starting an episode without saying “We’re back”? Definitely not! But this week the duo is talking about STEEL (1997), starring the finest actor of our generation: Shaq. Topics covered: the black Superman, Shaq the Renaissance Man, Judd Nelson’s evil face, Sparky v. Lilly, Pat says NO NAPS, the world’s slowest-ticking bomb, Hey! Deadwood!, PLL BABY, crime diversity, magic sledgehammer, finger touchin’, when your best is pretty bad
Pat and Sarah watched THE PHANTOM (1995) which is GOOD, actually, despite whatever Pat says! Don’t listen to him! Topics covered: open to its pleasures, beefin’ with HDTGM, Jeffery Boam baby!, always never trying to be cool, Destiny mythology, microscope murder, everything but the racism, cum-raderie, Titantic fun facts, as good as the Godfather, dog humor, is the Phantom a superhero?
Pat and Sarah dive into the world of Joel Schumaker with BATMAN FOREVER (1995) and discuss which leaden action star takes the cake: Val Kilmer or Dolph Lundgren? Topics covered: Sno-caps, hidden motivation, horny Vicky Vale, fuck the Batmobile, The Shadow cinematic universe, notes on camp, the Joel Schumaker canon, facts about bats, visual gags, Tommy Lee Jones’s beef, Hot Buns v. Kissy Lips, be-earringed boys
TANK GIRL Get ready for an actual argument in this episode because Pat and Sarah butt heads after watching TANK GIRL (1995). Who's right and who's wrong? WHO'S TO SAY? Topics covered: Pat’s WRONG, Green Day’s Duckie, Wes Anderson-heads, chockablock with bangers, ye olde male gaze, mockin’ men, the Beavis & Butthead crowd, better than The Crow, grand schemes, is Tank Girl a superhero?
Bust out your Nightmare Before Christmas tees and your safety-pin earrings because things are getting pretty Hot Topic up in here as your hosts talk about THE CROW (1994). Topics covered: hot Crow merch, Brandon Lee’s death, hot bods, Stone Temple Pilots, it should be Shelly, Alex Proyas cred, sad lonely man guitar, lookin’ like a mime from hell, ‘90s wrestling fans, fuck you Thor is fun, leather daddies
Your hosts deviate from comics to talk about the radio play hero THE SHADOW (1994) for fans of all ages from 85 to 95! Topics covered: your favorite grandpas, what are the rules?, bad wigs, Genghis Khan 2, fuck Einstein, TUBES, potato jowls, low-rent Billie Holiday, David Koepp NO!, charmless & smarmless
Pat and Sarah are lying liars and took an EVEN LONGER break between episodes but now they’re discussing Fantastic Four while slowly losing their minds. This one has jokes in it! Topics covered: Pat’s busy and Sarah’s sad, the Spider-man vault, charmingly terrible, nonquality quality, the blind are magic, more Marvel movie digs, let’s hate together, Sarah is great at plot synopses, bibs & undies, Pat can stop talking
Pat and Sarah took too long of a break between episodes and forgot how to be funny! Oh no! They still talk about BATMAN: MASK OF THE PHANTASM (1993) though. Topics covered: Clean pants party, who’s this movie for?, Sarah’s steel trap noodle, Pat forgot how to argue, Sarah gets animated about animation, the Golden Age of children’s animation, yeah wow no jokes in this one, Mark Hamill is the man
The secretest gadget in our futility belt is here. For two seasons, Pat has been tirelessly removing the verbalized hesitations from our recordings, preserving them for all time in what he calls the "Um Reel." Enjoy, subscribers.
Pat and Sarah return to regular episodes with BATMAN RETURNS! Now featuring 50% more FIGHTING. Topics covered: Charles Dickens’s ghost, aging properties of toxic waste, Blade Runner 2049 is bad, LET’S FIGHT, Penguin vs. Thanos, wow we really fight! dang!, Nathan Drake the Merry Murderer, Christopher Walken’s smooth baby face, Catwoman: The Movie, the horniest Batman, Penguin’s butt crack
Pat and Sarah are back from summer vacation, and they’re ready to kickoff season 2! …But not yet. So this week it’s all about catching up, updates, and a whole reel of bloops for you to giggle at. Talking points: what we did on our summer vacations, social media manager position available, logging in is hard, shoutout to super fan Will, what’s coming up, now taking suggestions, Pat’s bad segments, previously unheard yelling, words are hard, parachuting budget: $0, FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!, Jenessa with a "C"
Pat & Sarah talk shit about Billy Campbell’s chin in THE ROCKETEER (1991) in the final episode of season one. Stay tuned for a special treat at the end. Topics covered: going for the jugular, 8-year-old Alex, tonal consistency FTW, KiKi at the Witches’ Picnic, character actors are the stars, Terry O’Quinn!, Errol Flynn loves Nazis, Timothy Dalton can get it, low-rent Bruce Campbell, Pat tries to diagram, Disney owns our imaginations, wrapping up season one
Finally! Pat & Sarah talk about Captain America! No, not that one. Not the good one. It’s CAPTAIN AMERICA (1990) and boy, oh boy, is this a ROUGH ONE for our gal & Cap superfan, Sarah. Talking points: attempted murder, fun-bad vs. bad-bad, Sarah Gorr: Fan Boy, President Ronny Cox, starring Ralphie from A Christmas Story, rubberman, the problem with Bernie, adaptations, who needs establishing shots, Cap is narsty, Witches’ Picnic 2: Assassin City, development hell
Pat & Sarah get their first look at a Sam Raimi superhero flick with DARKMAN (1990) in this *very* special episode of Futility Belt. Talking points: a very special episode, The Last Action Hero Show, the worst proposal, Sam Raimi: Post Modernist, homeless hero, knife boot vs. leg gun, Pat makes Darkman sound smart, is Pat winning Futility Belt?, the skyscraper trope, man in the lonely castle
From BATMAN to B-movies, this week it's time to celebrate the buns, guns, and fun of 1989's THE PUNISHER starring Dolph Lundgren. Not Jon Bernthal. Or Tom Jayne. Topics Covered: Painted-on beards, Dolph’s buns, Tom Jayne is not fictional, mini reviews and a marriage proposal, the podcast’s conceit is failing, The Punisher as a character, undermotivated '80s buns, naked Ninja Turtles, Japanese stereotypes galore, B-movies, Director Mark Goldblatt, dogfood jokes, Dolph Lundgren is wet cardboard
Pat and Sarah travel back to a wildly different era--when Batman movies were both dark *and* fun, when Batman and his foes were kinda kinky, and when Warners could at least pretend like they knew what they were doing with the character. It's Batman '89! Topics Covered: you are my number one guy, Batman on VHS, Sarah's couch and the movie sprite, WB once knew how to Batman, other chinless comedians who could be Batman, the secret eyebrow connection, Jack Nicholson's strange magnetism and gobs of money, Batman is kinda kinky, Tim Burton's resume circa 1989.
This podcast description should tell you all about how in this episode Sarah and Pat discuss Deadpool 2 and respond to listener emails, but it's just too self-reflexive to bother. Topics Covered: Deadpool 2 is a Chipotle burrito, Sarah liked this movie, Pat is a therapist, Zazie Beetz, the conceit of Final Destination, critical emails, Colonel Sanders is probably a racist, Pat was wrong about the rhinos, Sarah stays on brand ie lots of yelling.
Three months late to the game, Pat and Sarah talk about BLACK PANTHER (2018) this week. Listen as they join the ranks of people in love with Michael B. Jordan. Talking Points: timeliness, theater experiences, Kelly is very cool, Warmonger is the best Marvel villain OF ALL TIME, everyone has a crush on Michael B. Jordan, no props to Marvel, yes props to Ryan Coogler, all corporations are evil, Sarah loves to yell, Lupita Nyong’o is perfect, rhino wars, Pat’s got a big brain, Swamp Thing is BACK
Pat and Sarah somehow survive SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (1987), which reunites all of your beloved characters, with the addition of John Cryer as a very, very cool teenager. Topics Covered: "Nucular" Man’s invisible pants and acrylics; Nucular bloopers; a beautiful terrible piece of garbage; Clark Kent
Our intrepid hosts' brief respite from Superman ends with a look at SUPERGIRL (1984). Is the film's only saving grace Faye Dunaway's wig? Maybe! Topics Covered: idle threats, a star-studded cast, The Love Witch 2, wildos and magic balls, finessing The Witches’ Picnic, Krypton’s Herbal Essences, Supergirl is gay, rat-tail-lookin’ motherfuckers, bitches need savin’, rape scenes! but for fun!, agency, runaway backhoes, headbands
Pat & Sarah take a break from DC to talk about the latest installment of the MCU, AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018). SPOILERS ABOUND! Topics Covered: rebels, MCU’s BIG BAD, Pat’s terrible opinions, Red Line pukin’, comparisons to Power Rangers, character vignettes, "endless end game", everyone that dies, crossover events suck, Gamora sucks, an invitation to the party, seein' the boys together, Chrises & Toms, is Thanos lame? (no)
Pat and Sarah continue their trek through the '80s Super-verse with a discussion of Superman III, a film as racist as it is incoherent and inadvisably goofy. Amidst the disjointed story, indifferent special effects and rhetorical attack on the welfare state, enjoy also: the painted-on, vaudevillian beards; Lois's sunburn; the dog-food-eating scene; the gibberish we're told is "Italian"; the garbage scene; and, of course, the Kentucky Fried Chicken bags.
On a cold and blizzard-y Chicago night, Pat and Sarah gathered around the warmth of the television to watch a movie about a plant-monster running around some bayous. Wes Craven's Swamp Thing (1982): Was this a superhero movie? Was it a ... watchable movie? Is there a better name for it than "Swamp Thing"? Is the titular monster a tad too handsy? Listen for the answers to these questions and more!
Pat and Sarah watch and discuss Superman II, the only thrilling superhero sequel to replay the entirety of the first movie in its opening credits! They address important issues, like Supes's decision to give up his powers for a whole ten minutes in order to get busy, and whether the whole movie should have just been a Clark and Lois date.
Welcome to Futility Belt, a Superhero Re-watch Podcast! In this episode--our origin story--longtime friends and contentious superhero fanpeople Pat and Sarah try to figure out exactly why they're doing this. Reason: movie-yelling is a fun and enlivening activity all friends should enjoy together! Each week Pat and Sarah will be re-watching superhero films in chronological order, beginning at the dawn of Hollywood's "blockbuster" era. The subject of conversation this week is Superman (1978), a film directed by some guy Pat knows the name of! (It's Richard Donner.) Sarah begins to fall for goofball Clark Kent, and Pat tries to turn the podcast, in its very first episode, into a spelling competition. It's a thrilling adventure, bound to have a sequel!
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