Healing Broken Trust In Your Marriage After Infidelity

This episode is like a mini-letter to the unfaithful spouse.  Our goal is to help you articulate many of the things you might be feeling but can't seem to put your finger on. Also, you may have heard about our workshops and master class programs… You may be listening to this wondering why would we join the Healing Broken Trust workshop and program? “We're already in counseling, or something else, and I mean Brad and Morgan cover everything they have to say in the podcast anyways, right?” Well not quite. First of all, if you're in counseling right now you still need the workshop. Individual counseling doesn't solve marriage issues.  And I bet your marriage counselor is working on the marriage and missing all the glaring affair recovery issues you haven't yet dealt with. In addition to that…we deal with so much more in the program that we've never covered on the podcast. Such as: When sharing emotions is not enough, When being the healer doesn't solve the trust issues, Or when your spouse isn't helping you heal at all, When cutting off the affair partner isn't simple or straightforward in your situation, When you've decided to re-engage and work on the relationship but the underlying causes for the affair aren't dealt with, When you think you know why the affair happened and then you are given new information, When you have blind spots and can't see what you're missing, When you're not used to sadness so you do everything not to experience it, but in the process, you loose all access to intimacy. You're super positive, sure of the solution, thinking everything is explainable, but do you really understand why your spouse decided to look outside the relationship for some need to be met?  What need were they trying to meet? These are just some of what we help couples deal with in our workshop and program. So go to healingbrokentrust.com now and join us for the next workshop before it fills up.

Dan and Lynn are participants in the Healing Broken Trust program and they talk about their experience healing after infidelity.  A memorable moment in the conversation was when Lynn talked about how people comment on how others are noticing the changes in them.  Join the HBT program at healingbrokentrustworkshop.com

Missing this one thing could mean you stay stuck unable to repair the negative cycle. Check out our website for info about the workshop, blog, coaching, and other helpful tools: Healingbrokentrust.com

From feeling hopeless and defeated to a completely new and fresh take on the relationship.  Chad and Chaisley attended our healing broken trust workshop and now they have something to share with you about what they discovered.  Learn more at healingbrokentrust.com

We hit pause on the podcast but not on the practice of helping couples heal broken trust.  Since the last episode we had another baby.  We call him our pandemic baby.   While we've been away from recording new content we haven't taken a break from helping couples.  In fact, we counted the number of couples Brad has worked with 1-on-1 in just the last 10 years and we found the number to be a staggering 5,800 couples! That's not in a large group...that's FACE TO FACE, 1-on-1.  That's unheard of in the counseling profession. During this time we've developed a new way to help our couples.  We've tested in out over the last few months and the results have exceeded our expectations.  This new way to heal is what Brad is sharing in this episode.   So if you're looking to heal yourself and your relationship look no further.  Visit our website at healingbrokentrust.com.

Watch or listen to Brad's TEDx talk called What Makes Love Last here: https://youtu.be/gjLuX8ph3_w

If you're ready for help visit healingbrokentrust.com

Brad discusses what happens when the betrayer opens up and is vulnerable with the partner they've hurt.  How this can affect the future of the relationship. Find additional resources at healingbrokentrust.com

After an affair is discovered many people find it difficult to understand why the betrayal happened.  In Episode 63 Brad and Morgan discuss some of the challenges to healing.  They outline how shock and trauma affects the way understanding the affair is interpreted.  How the big why and little whys make a difference in healing after the affair is discovered.  How the level of pain affects the number of questions asked.  Also, here’s the link to the resource mentioned in the podcast join.smartcouplesacademy.com The Healing Broken Trust Quick Start Guide allows you to click “preview” in order to download the free resources associated with past episodes.

If you’re tired of feeling stuck, and you’re ready to take the next step, go healingbrokentrust.com. You can access additional resources there and even apply to work with Brad virtually from anywhere in the world on a weekly basis. That’s healingbrokentrust.com.

This episode we have a real "come to Jesus meeting"....we constantly hear people say that their situation must be the worst situation that we've ever heard...they're surprised when we share what we share in this episode. Want 1-on-1 help from the comfort of your own home? Visit healingbrokentrust.com

In this episode we cover the 5 stages of grief in our relationship when we've experienced hardships. When we are hurt or when our relationship experiences a transition...sometimes for the worse...we grieve the change. But if you get the right help you can have a new and better relationship with your mate. But there are birthing pains sometimes when you're trying to bring about this new, better, version of you relationship. Learn more and schedule a coaching call with Brad by visiting healingbrokentrust.com

Two practical tips to getting unstuck in communication about the anything in your relationship Work with us personally weekly or for a retreat...go to healingbrokentrust.com

Are you stuck in self-deception? The answer might surprise you. If you'd like extra help healing after betrayal go to healingbrokentrust.com

Part 3 is all about how Anthony and Stephanie finally overcame the affair Go to healingbrokentrust.com for more help

Anthony had to figure out how to cut off the affair partner even when she persisted. Listen to their story here. Join our free web class: https://healingbrokentrust.com/learnmore Learn more about our services: https://healingbrokentrust.com/programs  

After years of feeling their relationship was "okay" Stephanie found herself at a crossroads. Anthony admitted to an affair. They decided to work on the marriage but couldn't shake the affair partner. Even after moving state lines the affair partner was persistent! Listen to find out how they healed from broken trust. Learn more at healingbrokentrust.com Join the Smart Couples Academy Master Class @ healingbrokentrust.com

Matt and Sue struggled after Sue discovered Matt's affair. They were split up and Matt struggled to leave the affair partner when they found our Master Class. They tell their story here.

Many of you may be contemplating divorce. Should you divorce? Will it make you happy? We discuss whether divorce is right for you in this episode.

We've compiled 12 warnings signs that someone is vulnerable to cheating. In this episode we talk about 3 of them. You can download the full report at healingbrokentrust.com/dangersigns

Pornography many times leads to infidelity. We discuss how porn can influence a person to be unfaithful and a few ways you can protect yourself and your marriage. We have partnered with Covenant Eyes so if you are wanting a resource to keep porn out of your home this can help: https://covenanteyes.com/affiliates/idevaffiliate.php?id=1190

This episode is all about the pursuer's affair. We talk a lot about the Avoider's affair but we forget that hey pursuer's have affairs too! You'll find this episode interesting as we take a look at how a pursuer can betray as well. Let us help you heal by going to healingbrokentrust.com

In this episode we talk about what research says about re-engaging the withdrawn spouse. The specific steps you can take to make sure you get the much needed feedback from the partner who traditionally withdraws and pulls away.

Without this missing link you will have a hard time fully recovering after infidelity. Make sure you do this for your relationship!  We even give you 2 actionable things you can do right away to make it happen. Learn how to work with us by visiting healingbrokentrust.com

It can be challenging to encourage the truth as a betrayed partner but in this episode we outline 3 reasons the betrayer struggles to be honest and a few ways you can encourage the truth so you get what you need. Honesty is sometimes hard to come by but this episode is a quick reminder of how to encourage it and we briefly review the most important things to remember Go to healingbrokentrust.com to learn how to get personalized help for your relationship.

We talk about 2 things you can do when they won't end the affair. 

Boundaries are so incredibly important for healing a marriage after infidelity and are important for preventing infidelity as well. If you would like more personalized help visit us at healingbrokentrust.com to learn how we can help you.

Is it wrong for me to check up on my spouse and look through their Facebook and bank accounts? We answer this question in this episode.

We talk about the one thing you need to know when healing after broken trust. We hope you have a wonderful 4th of July full of fun with your family. We are recording this from our hotel room and you'll never guess where we are!

Many times the person who is betrayed wonders what's going on in the mind of their partner who's having an affair. It's important to deal with the reality of the (typical) affair. If you're the betrayed partner, you may only see your partner pushing you away. It's easy to think that they really don't want to be with you....but could they be pushing you away because of their own shame and guilt?  Maybe they're afraid the marriage can't change...so they do things to push you away? Here are a few of the questions we discuss in this episode: Does the affair partner make them happy? Do they normally want to leave for the affair partner and why? What are some of the things the betrayer wants? What do they get out of the forbidden relationship? What is the betrayer thinking when they're unsure if they want to stay married? We answer these questions (and more) in this weeks episode.

A listener submitted question is answered that revolves around the issue of sexual assault that results from infidelity. How do we go from here? What can be done? Will they make it?

Sometimes people contemplate leaving their spouse for the affair partner. Let's talk about if that works and a few things you'll want to consider if you are wanting to leave and possibly marry your affair partner.  Can a relationship built on infidelity work?

Shame comes when we feel rejected.  So when we feel accepted we begin to heal the shame.  How do we feel accepted after infidelity?  We learn to share our vulnerable feelings.  How do we learn to share our vulnerable feelings?  You go to healingbrokentrust.com and book a 1-on-1 retreat.

You're not a failure but your methods are probably failing you. Make sure to avoid these 7 things so you can be sure to succeed in healing after betrayal.

This episode answers the questions why does the betrayer get so defensive when we need to talk about the details and when I ask simple questions about what happened?

It's hard enough dealing with the affair in private but Brad & Morgan provide valuable advice for when the affair becomes public. Whether you're the average person, a CEO of a large company, or a celebrity or high profile person this advice will help you navigate the pain of infidelity in the public eye.

You want the person who betrayed trust to become trustworthy which is completely understandable BUT what happens when the betrayer finds it hard to trust the partner they betrayed? How is this even possible? What you can do now.

Do you feel that your spouse hasn't been totally transparent with the finances? Have you considered doing something to manage your money like the Dave Ramsey method but you can't seem to get it together and you don't know why? Maybe you're the one in the relationship who just can't seem to let your partner into that part of your life and you don't know how to make them happy? This episode will really help you iron out this part of your relationship.

Sometimes children are born because of infidelity. In the midst of your suffering, now there is a little human reminder of your pain. What should you do in a case like this? Listen to find out. Feel free to send us questions at healingbrokentrust.com

We talk about 2 communication traps couples fall into when they are talking about anything pertaining to their relationship. If you can avoid these 2 ways of communication you can solve a huge portion of your relationship problems.

How does someone become unfaithful? Is it something they are predestined to do or can it be prevented altogether? Are you raising an unfaithful child? How can you ensure that your child is able to have a healthy committed marriage even if you have not.

When do people officially throw in the towel and quit the relationship? Many people think it's the affair that causes the break up but that's not the case most of the time. There is so much more that destroys the relationship. In this episode we talk about what "done" and "checked out" really looks like.

Are some wounds so big that they can't be healed? Why is it that some people heal and others don't?

Why does my spouse lie? Many who experience infidelity struggle to understand why their spouse won't come out with the full complete truth while some will spill the beans at the drop of a hat. In this episode we talk about why people lie while others don't.

So many couples have no idea what's possible when it comes to long term healing. They merely scratch the surface when they recognize their negative cycle and understand emotion...but did you know that's only the start? In this episode we talk about super-primary emotion and what it can do for your marriage.

Picking up the pieces of your life after an affair can seem impossible in some ways. But this episode will help you to alter your thought process and inoculate yourself against the crazy feelings after infidelity.

In this episode we talk about how to forgive. So many people think that by forgiving they are somehow weak or saying that it’s okay to cheat. We help you to understand how you can forgive without sending the message that it’s okay to hurt you. healingbrokentrust.com/episode23

In this episode we answer the question “Brad how do I talk to my wife about this? She told me before I had this affair; I never want you to tell me if you have ever cheated on me. I don't want to know that because I have been betrayed by someone else before in the previous marriage.” Has your spouse said something like, “I will leave you if you ever cheat on me, if you ever sleep with anybody else, I'll leave you.” If you’ve heard this statement then this episode is a must listen episode! healingbrokentrust.com/episode22

Did you know that there are 10 different types of affairs? In this episode we outline the different types of affairs that people experience and how they are alike and how they are different. Understanding this one thing will transform the healing process for you. You will understand your partner and the situation so much better and that will expedite the healing process for you. Go to healingbrokentrust.com/episode21 for the downloads.

In this episode we help you take control of the destructive thoughts that keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns that keep you from post-traumatic growth. In particular we discuss abusive labeling, blaming, unfavorable comparisons, and more. Sometimes you need an outside source to point out what is true and what is just your mind playing tricks on you. We will give you simple things you can do to begin transforming your thoughts so you can take back your day, your week, your month, your year, and ultimately YOUR LIFE!

The ABC model of thought renewal, the lies we tell ourselves, and how our thoughts make a difference in how we feel This episode talks about renewing our mind and how we can sometimes wrongly personalize, assume, and catastrophize our situation and other things you must stop right now.