Podcasts about pursuers

Welcome back, Pursuers! After a refreshing sabbatical, I'm diving into a conversation I couldn't wait to have. In this episode, I unpack the latest season of Love Is Blind and why it stirred up so much buzz in the conservative and Christian spaces. From mismatched convictions at the altar to the deeper question of spiritual maturity, we'll explore what Scripture says about relationships, alignment, and standing firm in your faith. I'll also share my own “Love Is Blind”-style love story and reflect on why love without shared values just isn't enough.Let's talk faith, conviction, and choosing wisely—because love might be blind, but discernment shouldn't be.Please leave a comment or review for this episode to help us share this content with others! Connect with us: Website: https://www.narcelyruiz.com/podcast Instagram: http://instagram.com/upstreampursuit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UpstreamPursuit/

Imagine a game so successful that during the making of it, you actually end up coming up with three games. That's what Capcom did when they were prototyping Resident Evil 4. They got that, they got Devil May Cry and they also got the game we're talking about on this podcast. We're going back to 2005 to take a look at a survival horror that didn't get quite as many sequels as those other series just mentioned. We're talking Haunting Ground.On this episode of Stealth Boom Boom, we chat a little bit about the much better Japanese name of DEMENTO, as well as a tagline that Josh likes and doesn't like at all. We also look at a trailer with a lot of slobbering and panting, their reasons for including a dog, and mo-capping said dog.Here are some of the things you're gonna hear us chat about in our review: being reactive after you are definitely spotted by one of your pursuers; hiding under beds, inside wardrobes, and behind doors; Alien: Isolation; a distinct lack of fear; special hiding spots; Hewie the attack dog; fairy earrings; the sound of vase-breaking vs dog-barking; how much your bond with your pooch; German Shepherd-sized holes; some real headscratchers of puzzles; some of the flattest boss fights; shoddy glowing fireflies; Resi 4 comparisons; nice-looking maps that are a bit hard to read; a story with some heavy sexual themes, delivered through some ludicrous characters and dialogue; Manhunt; the strangely calm Fiona Belli; setting the scene via static camera angles; the looks of a late PS2 game; and a wonderful lack of loading screens. After all that, we take you through what some of the critics were saying about the game around the time it came out, and then we give you our final verdicts on whether Haunting Ground is a Pass, a Play, or an Espionage Explosion.For those who would like to play along at home, we'll be discussing, reviewing and dissecting Batman Begins on the next episode of Stealth Boom Boom.IMPORTANT LINKS TO THINGS

God's Judgment Against Stubborn Pursuers

We hate absolutes, but are pretty confident in saying that every relationship has a pursuer and a withdrawer. In this two part series we are breaking down each of these roles, how to help, how to love, how to communicate. And if there are two podcasts you listen to of ours let this be them! In this episode we discuss: The protective moves that pursuers gravitate towards How pursuers handle conflict How we can love our pursuer partners more How there is a different energy between pursuers and withdrawers Sponsored Cozy Earth - Visit Cozy Earth to get the comfiest sleepwear and sheets on the market! Use code IDO for 40% off.  Spark My Relationship Course: Get $100 off our online course. Visit SparkMyRelationship.com/Unlock for our special offer just for our I Do Podcast listeners! If you love this episode (and our podcast!), would you mind giving us a review in iTunes? It would mean the world to us and we promise it only takes a minute. Many thanks in advance! – Colter, Cayla, & Lauren Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join Jon as he goes solo with an engaging guest, Jason Adversello of Foul Pursuer, in this exciting episode recorded in the comfortable environment of the Slew House Recording Studios. Dive into the fascinating world of waterfowl hunting in California, exploring the rich duck hunting scenes, the joys, challenges, and the unique experiences that make it all worthwhile. Jason shares his journey from Sacramento to becoming a professional guide, emphasizing the importance of honesty and dedication in the business. Listen as they unpack the dynamics of guiding hunting trips, the bond between guides and their dogs, and the irreplaceable experiences of witnessing new hunters' first successful hunts. They also discuss the challenges of hunting in diverse habitats, from lush rice fields to natural marshes, and the strategies that lead to successful hunts. Whether you're an experienced hunter or a curious newcomer, this episode offers a detailed look into the heart of California's hunting culture, promising insights, humor, and an appreciation for the great outdoors. Don't miss the shared wisdom from years of guiding and memorable anecdotes that illustrate the vibrant hunting life in Northern California.

In today's message titled (Pursuers Of Evil) Pastor Cochran teaches God's people that there are grave consequences that come with seeking evil. It's a must, that God's people are always in pursuit of righteousness so that you live the life that God would want you to live! Shun evil and do good and when foolishness and evil presents itself you better Get Out Of There!!! Mark evil and avoid it like a plague! Our website: www.apor-newnan.org  Subscribe to our YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@APORNEWNAN Also enjoy these powerful podcast: Productive Living Podcast: https://aplaceofrefugechurch.podbean.com/ The Way 2 Go Podcast: https://aportrendsetters.podbean.com/ The L.I.F.E Podcast: https://aporrome.podbean.com/    

Get the Couples Therapy 101 course: https://www.couplestherapistcouch.com/ Join the Couples Therapist Inner Circle: https://www.couplestherapistcouch.com/inner-circle-new In this solo episode, Shane talks through how to understand and work with people who are emotionally avoidant. Hear how emotionally avoidant people differ from pursuers, how to avoid “right vs. wrong” conversations, how partners can help communicate what an emotionally avoidant person is feeling, whether an emotionally avoidant person can change, and the mindfulness exercise you can do every day to help. Join The Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/295562197518469/

The battle against Rosine (and her child-elf minions) continues, with Puck trying to convince Jill to not succumb to Rosine's fanciful temptations…and Guts just killing more and more children with murderous glee. We get some of the raddest and goriest scenes thus far, plus the appearance of Guts' signature Super Cannon Sword Whirlwind Attack to deal with those Ugly Buglies once and for all. Enjoy! Follow No Guts, No Glory on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nogutsnoglorypc/ Check out Steve and Joey's other podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/probing-ancient-aliens/id1321801647 https://open.spotify.com/show/3aREEXpe4DE37LsNkUxntW Check out Steve and Joey's Patreon for that other podcast: https://www.patreon.com/probingancientaliens

In this episode, we share wisdom from Scripture to offer encouragement and to equip our Pursuers with words that uplift and offer support. We share comforting verses and heartfelt reflections designed to help alleviate worry. Please leave a comment or review for this episode to help us share this content with others! Connect with us: Website: https://www.upstreampursuit.com/ Instagram: http://instagram.com/upstreampursuit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UpstreamPursuit/

In this episode, we share comforting verses and reflections designed to support our Pursuers who are navigating singleness. Please pass along to a person who you feel could be encouraged with this episode! Please leave a comment or review for this episode to help us share this content with others! Connect with us: Website: https://www.upstreampursuit.com/ Instagram: http://instagram.com/upstreampursuit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UpstreamPursuit/

Patreon backer Zach brings you this special episode all about monsters who chase you and don't want to stop! If you're enjoying the show, why not consider supporting it on Patreon? You'll get access to lots of new bonus content, including my other podcast, Patron Deities! Thanks to Ray Otus for our thumbnail image. The intro music is a clip from "Solve the Damn Mystery" by Jesse Spillane, used under a Creative Commons Attribution License.

There are so many messages making demands on our time. What do we do when we feel overwhelmed? And what are some strategies you can use to keep the flood of notifications, messages, alerts, and badges down to a manageable level? The Pursuers dig in and explore the topic, leaving the world a little better […]

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Are the Christians in your church stuck, not growing, not knowing how to live their faith out? Michelle Clifford has created a unique curriculum, Pursuit, to develop passionate followers of Christ. In this BOW podcast episode, she and team member Kelley Mathews discuss why she created it, its elements, how it works and what how Pursuit is different from the programs we often consider discipleship.

How actively do you seek to understand God's Word and will? This week, Pastor Hank Meadows takes a look at the call to be a lifelong biblical pursuer. Thanks for stopping by!

Happy New Year's Pursuers! In this episode we discuss some ways we can spend your New Year's day as we go upstream! Please leave a comment or review for this episode to help us share this content with others! Connect with us: Website: https://www.upstreampursuit.com/ Instagram: http://instagram.com/upstreampursuit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/UpstreamPursuit/

Have you ever wondered about the unwavering force that propels us towards our dreams? It's a relentless journey, marked by challenges and triumphs alike. Perseverance becomes our compass, guiding us through the labyrinth of aspirations. It's the cornerstone of any pursuit, reminding us that the path to fulfillment demands unwavering resolve. In these moments, we must remember: not giving up on our dreams but instead pressing on with even greater determination is the true essence of perseverance.Diana Gallo is the founder of Manhattan Model Studio, and she's been modeling professionally for over 20 years. Diana has appeared on magazine covers, commercials, television shows, movies, music videos, print catalogs, and much more. What sets Diana apart from other modeling schools is her one-on-one attention to her clients, their specific needs and desires, and her connections within the industry. With her help, numerous clients obtained agency representation and modeling work.Tune in to Episode 155 of Amiga, Handle Your Shit, as Diana Gallo explores the essence of perseverance in the pursuit of dreams. With a wealth of experience in the modeling industry, Diana imparts invaluable insights. She emphasizes the significance of self-care, advocating for a balanced approach to physical and mental well-being. Diana touches on the importance of radiating a healthy, relatable image rather than chasing unattainable perfection. Throughout the episode, Diana illuminates a comprehensive approach to achieving one's aspirations, both internally and externally.In This Episode, You Will Learn:Diana's Personal Journey in Modeling (5:33)Lessons in Resilience for Models and Dream-Chasers (12:46)The Transformative Impact of Perseverance (18:21)Practical Tips for Models and Pursuers of Dreams (25:11)Building Unshakeable Confidence in Modeling and Life (37:46)Perseverance as the Key to Unlocking Dreams (42:56)Sustaining Perseverance in Modeling and Beyond (55:16)Connect With Diana Gallo:InstagramManhatta Model StudioBuy Diana's Online Courses Let's Connect!WebsiteFacebookInstagramLinkedInJackie Tapia Arbonne websiteBuy The Amiga Way's BookShopmy Store Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Talking points: couples therapy, emotions, modern culture, empathy Delighted to have the wit and wisdom of Figs O'Sullivan to content with once again. It's been too long! We cover a lot of ground, specifically around couples therapy, so I encourage you to check the timestamps and listen in. (00:00:00) - As people learn more “therapy-speak” and watch more TikTok “experts”, how is that filtering down into relationships?(00:06:50) - Why do some people default to blaming their partner when things don't go well? (00:12:57) - Why talk about diagnosing partners yourself is so difficult, and how competency can actually, sometimes, make you IN-competent (00:18:24) - What's your opinion on modern therapy infiltrating culture the way it has?(00:22:49) - Is modern therapy set up well enough to truly help men?(00:30:25) - Why do couples fight over and over—and what do they fight about?(00:30:25) - The emotional pursuer and emotional withdrawer dynamic(00:41:25) - What are some ways out of that dynamic?(00:46:17) - What gets in the way of empathy, and how can that be overcome?(00:50:37) - What does good couples therapy entail, and how do you know it's working?(00:55:25) - It's important to pay attention to the ease of things as well as hard stuff Figs O'Sullivan was bred and emboldened in Dublin, Ireland, and immigrated to the Marin County and San Francisco area in 1994. He was drawn to psychotherapy and self-exploration to better open to, move through, and heal his own emotional pain and suffering, and the last of his family to do so. Figs' father is an experiential therapist in Ireland, his mother a social worker/probation officer, and his sister is also a psychotherapist in the Bay Area. He received a BA and MA in Economics from Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland before moving to the States and working as a stockbroker, employee stock options specialist, and executive. He quit the corporate world and attended Esalen in Big Sur, immersing himself in the study of existential psychotherapies, spirituality, body-oriented/somatic modalities, and the therapeutic expressive arts such as drama and dance as ways to uncage life, access inner wisdom, and build capacities for growth and transformation. Figs went on to receive an MA in Counseling Psychology from Meridian University in Petaluma. He has also extensively studied Gestalt Awareness Practice, Emotionally Focused Therapy (a highly effective form of marriage counseling), Imago, Collaborative Couples Therapy, Experiential Psychotherapy for Couples, Gottman's work, and more. Connect with Figs -Website: https://empathi.com/ -Podcast: Come Here To Me: https://get.empathi.com/comehere -Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/empathinow/ -YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnPbjlO6Q0KBXVHXeGyivlw Release porn as a crutch, reclaim your time, and recover intimacy. Introducing the Porn Detox Program: https://mantalks.com/porn/ This episode is brought to you by Cured Nutrition! Cured offers everything from CBD to functional mushroom products to adaptogens designed to help the body thrive in all aspects of the daily human experience. Personal favorite? The Zen sleep bundle. Get 20% off your order here: https://www.curednutrition.com/mantalks/ Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance and join me today.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools and training they're looking for. And don't forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts  | Spotify For more episodes, visit us at ManTalks.com | Facebook | Instagram | TwitterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Coined by Dr. Sue Johnson, founder of EFT, pursuers and withdrawers are often the roles people play in their close relationships, especially romantic relationships. Some relationships may have two pursuers. Some two withdrawers. But many times one is the pursuer and one the withdrawer, and it causes a lot of tension and conflict. So let's talk look at each, provide a description of their behaviors, deeper needs and feelings, strengths and weaknesses and then talk about how to start moving forward. Resources and Links Mentioned: Article on Pursuers Article on Withdrawers New Podcast Instagram! Follow and like! --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/beknown/support

Pursuers of Freedom | Romans 8 | Amir Rostampour

"Since the majority of women are responsive to desire, does that mean all women are sexual withdrawers?" Dr. Laurie says, "Absolutely not!" Join us on the episode as Laurie and George break down the difference between initiating and responsiveness and the pursue/withdraw cycle. How they look similar and how they are different. We discuss underlying needs and tactile ways in which each partner can take risks to deescalate negative cycles and bring more connection to the relationship. Pursuers and withdrawers will feel validated and comforted with the information in today's episode and walk away with action steps on how to improve their relationship with their spouse. We hope you join us and download and share this episode. Let us know how we're doing by rating and reviewing our show. Your feedback helps us keep it hot! Check out our fantastic sponsors! Dipsea -- Develop your erotic mind! Designed by women for women! An app with short, sexy stories to help you get in the mood! Go to dipseastories.com/foreplay for an extended 30 day free trial! Cozy Earth has the most comfortable, breathable sheets! It is like sleeping on a cloud. Use the code 'foreplay' for 35% off site-wide! Uberlube is our favorite lubricant for great sex! Silky, smooth, and safe! Order it today with the coupon code 'foreplay'! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever felt like you're the only one seeking emotional connection in your relationship? You're not alone. We, Nick and Amy, get real about the dynamics of pursuers—the ones actively seeking intimacy—and withdrawers—those who prefer a bit more distance in relationships. Drawing from our own experiences, we're  looking at how personality types and situational factors can switch these roles. More importantly, we're breaking down ways to strike balance in relationships that carry the weight of these differing personalities, without losing the essence of who you truly are.Influenced largely by individual backgrounds and upbringings, these communication styles and personality types play a significant role in shaping a relationship. Join us for an exciting and informative episode that will answer a lot of questions you might have about  "pursuers" and "withdrawers" and how this can impact your marriage.If you haven't already, go check out the Ultimate Intimacy App in the app stores, or at ultimateintimacy.com to find "Ultimate Intimacy" in your marriage. It's FREE to download and so much fun! Find out why over 650,000 couples have downloaded the app and give it such high ratings and reviews!WANT AMAZING PRODUCTS TO SPICE THINGS UP? YES PLEASE... CLICK HEREEnter promo code UIAPP for 10% off your purchase (and free shipping in the US)The Ultimate Intimacy Sexual Intimacy Marriage Course can be found HEREFollow us on Instagram @ultimateintimacyapp for app updates, polls, giveaways, daily marriage quotes and more.If you have any feedback, comments or topics you would like to hear on future episodes, reach out to us at amy@ultimateintimacy.com and let us know! We greatly appreciate your feedback and please leave us a review.

How should homeschool families engage in the culture war? Yvette Hampton speaks with Tim Barton, President of WallBuilders, about the importance of Christians getting involved in political and social issues.

Leaderboard rundown: (1:34)Thoughts on Royal Liverpool: (34:13)Biggest leaderboard disappointments: (44:00)Would you rather: Rain or blustering winds? (47:56)

In this episode, two of our most avid male Pursuers join us for a conversation on fatherhood. We talk about the importance of having a father in the home, its blessings and challenges, as well as qualifications of biblical fatherhood. Please leave a comment or review for this episode to help us share this content with others! Connect with us: Website:  https://www.upstreampursuit.com/Instagram: http://instagram.com/upstreampursuitFacebook -https://www.facebook.com/UpstreamPursuit/

Sponsored by:Open Door Financial Advisors www.opendoorfa.comWhere finances meet faith and family.-----------------------------------------------In this episode, Matt & Jenn respond to listener feedback about the impacts of sexual shame on the marriage relationship.sexual shame results in sexual relationships that are disconnected & withdrawn. Sexual pursuers and responders tend to be impacted by sexual shame differently. Pursuers often bear unnecessary guilt for having sexual desire. Responders have learned to resist sexual thought or activity.Intimate relationship is the ultimate antidote for shame. Co-create new meaning for sex with your Beloved.Please support these companies that support Intimate Covenant:Married Dance — https://marrieddance.com/?aff=29  Shop from this link and part of your purchase will support Intimate Covenant.  Coconu — http://www.coconu.com  Coupon Code: intimateconvenant for 15% off your purchaseAdventure Challenge — https://www.theadventurechallenge.com Use coupon code: intimatecovenant for 10% off your purchase. To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com   Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!    Cherishing,  Matt & JennPS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God's plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality.Join us at Patreon: www.patreon.com/intimatecovenantConsider a one-time gift: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate www.intimatecovenant.com Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn SchmidtThe Intimate Covenant Podcast is honored to be sponsored by:Open Door Financial Advisorswww.opendoorfa.comWhere finances meet faith and family.Derek, at Open Door, is helping Jenn and I find financial solution to build a future around our values and dreams. We personally and highly recommend Open Door to all of our listeners -- young, old, wealthy or middle class. Open Door can help guide your financial future while while keeping an eye on the eternal destination ahead.

Ok, so we all hear the saying, "Don't go to bed Angry." You probably hear this marriage advice at almost all weddings or bridal showers. Is it that important not to go to bed angry? Paige does not subscribe to this myth at all. Just the opposite. She feels that going to sleep during an argument is like a time-out. And then, when you wake up, it doesn't seem nearly as bad. On the other hand, Darren would love to hash it out until it's all resolved and then go to bed since he usually doesn't sleep if he is in an argument.  One of the reasons that they say not to go to bed angry is because it's typically difficult to sleep if you are angry. But what could be worse than going to bed angry is staying up and arguing...Here's what might happen if you stay up and argue:1.      Become more tired.2.      Think less clearly.3.      Get angrier the later it gets.4.      Get more triggered.5.      Say worse things.6.      Get more hurt.So instead of fixating on trying to get thru this fight so that you can get to bed, focus on what would help calm the situation down. Focusing on calming the energy will help you reduce the chance you'll get to bed angry and reduce the fighting.  In 85% of couples, one person is the pursuer, and the other is the distancer.  There's no crime in being either.  Pursuers look to “finish the discussion” to reduce relationship distress.  Distancers use the strategy of pausing an argument and using natural decay of energy to reduce distress.    Work on the Calm. If the argument isn't getting resolved and you're going in circles, try to pause the situation and resume at an agreed-upon time to check-in. This does not mean you are just sweeping the argument under the rug; you still need to discuss whatever upset you, but give it a minute to calm down.  This is a complex skill to learn, pausing,  but it can be helpful with some effort. This might not work for everyone, some might want to keep going at it, but I say, get some sleep and some distance!  Lemonade moment of the week - Julianne and Boyd are getting married, and the rehearsal dinner is out of the house, accelerating the "honey-do" list to 6 six weeks instead of 3 years. Links:  https://www.heartfeltcounselingmn.com/blog/2020/1/30/marriage-myth-dont-go-to-bed-angry - Paige's opinion https://www.verywellmind.com/never-go-to-bed-angry-the-pros-and-cons-of-this-practice-5214352 - Darren's Opinion ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

After a nearly four-month hiatus, the boys are back! Hear what motivated them to continue pursuing the process of Pursuing the Process. The guys share what the podcast and all you Pursuers mean to them. Jon also has some major life news to share! And, in doing so, he reflects on the reasons behind his decision and the balance he's trying to strike between learning and earning. Our hosts also discuss the changing perceptions around the "seasons of life" and contemplate ways to enjoy them all.

In relationships we often get into negative "cycles" or patterns of interaction, where miscommunication leads to anger, defenses, and disconnection. One of the most common relational patterns is the Pursuer-Withdrawer pattern. Pursuers often initiate discussions, want to talk things out right away, and move closer toward their partner to connect, whereas Withdrawers often shut down or get silent to avoid confrontation and may even leave the room to get "space" to manage difficult emotions. At the same time, everyone may do both a little of both at different times, whether you're a pursuer or a withdrawer boils down to your primary instinctual tendency during conflict.  As EFT Emotionally Focused Therapists, it is important that we understand what's happening inside the world of both pursuers and withdrawers. Join We Heart Therapy Host Anabelle Bugatti, Ph.D., LMFT, and Certified EFT Trainer Sam Jinich, Ph.D., as they discuss how to understand the world of a withdrawer and tips and strategies within EFT for helping these clients. For information on Emotionally Focused Therapy, visit: http://www.ICEEFT.com http://www.drsuejohnson.com Sam Jinich, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice in San Francisco. Sam has been endorsed and certified by the International Centre of Exellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) as a Certified Emotionally Focused Couple Therapist, Supervisor, and Trainer. Sam is the Clinical Director of the San Francisco Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy (SFCEFT) and of the Instituto de Terapia Focalizada en las Emociones (ITFE). For more information on Sam Jinich, PhD, visit: https://www.sfceft.com http://www.samueljinich.com/ For more information on your host Dr. Belle and We Heart Therapy, please visit: http://www.drbelle.com https://www.wehearttherapy.com http://www.LasVegasMarriageCounseling... http://www.snveft.com  More EFT Training Visit: https://www.SuccessinVulernability.com

Gamers on their way to a convention run afoul of violent criminals on the run.  Can they use their "skillz" to survive? [warning - some violence, language, and mature situations] Written and Produced by Julie Hoverson Cast List Abby - Beverly Poole Mark - Brian Lomatewama Justin - Mathias Rebne Morgan Brianna - Lyndsey Thomas Tyler - Michael Faigenblum Clark - Brandon O'Brien News Report - Gwendolyn Gieseke-Woodard Man - Bill Hollweg Music of DARKEST OF THE HILLSIDE THICKETS!  used with permission Show theme and Incidental Music:  Kevin MacLeod (Incompetech.com) Recorded with the assistance of Ryan Hirst of Neohoodoo Studio Editing and Sound:   Julie Hoverson Cover Design:  Brett Coulstock "What kind of a place is it? Why it's a van on a road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?" _______________________________________ EXIT STRATEGY Cast: Mark - Game Master, in a wheelchair Abby - strategy girl Justin - the driver, Mark's brother Brianna - nurse, dating Tyler Tyler - wiry LARPer, dating Brianna Clark - a criminal Thug - another criminal SOUND     FOOTSTEPS OLIVIA      Did you have any trouble finding it?  What do you mean, what kind of a place is it?  Why, it's a car on a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere, can't you tell?  MUSIC SOUND      INSIDE CAR NOISES SOUND     Music plays on the radio SOUND     "BING" FROM THE DASHBOARD SOUND     Justin turns down the stereo JUSTIN     We're riding E.  [up] Eyes peeled for a gas station, everybody! MARK     Hey, Justin, remember when it used to be sooo cool to cross the state line? JUSTIN     Yeah - some things just lose their charm as you get older, little bro. MARK     And can drink legally in your own state... ABBY     Don't drink and game.  It dulls your edge. JUSTIN     You've got enough edge for all of us, Abby.  BRIANNA     [slightly off, giggles] I would too. TYLER     [slightly off] That is so great.  You are so great. ABBY     You do realize we can hear you? JUSTIN     Keep it clean back there.  I'll lose my damage deposit on the van if it comes back stained. BRIANNA     Ew!  We were just-- TYLER     [defiant] I was just telling Bree that if she ever got possessed by a demon, I would totally kill her. BRIANNA     [squeaky] Isn't that sweet? ABBY     [baffled] Yeah.  [whispered] What do you think brought on this declaration of undying love? JUSTIN     Tyler brought his DVD player.  I think they're watching Evil Dead. ABBY     Oh. [that explains it] MARK     You guys are all going to help with the "Super Five" tournament, right?  I can count on you? ABBY     Well-- MARK     Well? ABBY     [hesitant] I was checking, and the final round of the "AfterBlast" championship is in the same time slot. MARK     [excited] You really think you have a chance? ABBY     Hell yeah.  I plan to kick ass and take names.  MARK     That rocks.  JUSTIN     I-- I noticed you were the only - um - ABBY     Discernibly female? JUSTIN     Yeah, that - name on the semi-finals roster.  ABBY     Yup.  Time to represent. MUSIC JUSTIN     Pit stop! MARK     Man, you are this close to losing your deposit. JUSTIN     Shit.  Your chair's packed! BRIANNA     I got you, Mark.  SOUND     DOOR SLIDES OPEN, SHIFTING SOUNDS AS SHE GETS OUT SOUND     FRONT DOOR OPENS BRIANNA     Come on, then. TYLER     [teasing, going off] No groping my girl, now. MARK     Hey!  My hand slipped.  Once. BRIANNA     Girl. [snort]  I am a woman. [grunts as she gets Mark on her back]  OK, hold on.  Tyler, got the door? TYLER     [off] Getting it! SOUND     QUICK FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE SOUND     DOOR OPENS. MEN'S ROOM SOUND     FLUSH, STALL DOOR OPENS MAN     Hey!  You can't be in here! BRIANNA     Puh-lease.  I'm a nurse.  Almost.  [sarcastic] And you should get that looked at. MUSIC AMBIANCE     NIGHTTIME ROAD, VERY QUIET MUSIC VERY QUIET ON THE STEREO JUSTIN     [quiet] Hey Abby? ABBY     [quiet, tired] Hmm? JUSTIN     Just wanted to see if you're awake. ABBY     Really?  Nice of you to check. JUSTIN     Well... I'm not sure how much farther it is to the motel, and I was starting to fade a bit.  Help keep me on the road? ABBY     [half yawning] Sure.  What's on your mind? JUSTIN     Any chance you and I - you know - sometime? ABBY     [half a laugh]  I've sworn a blood oath not to date any man who can't beat me in a fair game of AfterBlast. JUSTIN     Really? ABBY     Something like that.  No offense, OK?  You're nice.  But we're kind of different worlds. JUSTIN     I used to game--  ABBY     Used to.  You traded in your dice for the corporate world. JUSTIN     It's not that bad-- [sudden change]  Whoah. ABBY     What? JUSTIN     Nothing.  Just - there's headlights behind us.  They weren't there a minute ago. ABBY     Must have come round a corner.  SOUND     CREAK, TURN ABBY     [turned to look] Hmm.  How fast are we going? JUSTIN     Why? ABBY     They're catching up.  Should I wake everybody? JUSTIN     Well...  if there's a crash, they're better off asleep.  Relaxed.  It's a fact - why drunks walk away more often-- ABBY     It's still coming.  Can we get off the road?  JUSTIN     There just isn't any place to go!  The ditches are ... gaping black chasms! ABBY     What's our speed? JUSTIN     Seventy.  So far. SOUND     GROWLING ROAR, GETTING CLOSER ABBY     How much can you push a minivan? JUSTIN     Don't know.  It's a rental. ABBY     All right. [thinking]  Turn off the headlights. JUSTIN     What?  ABBY      There's a good moon - the road is straight as far as I can see right now - can you hold the wheel straight while you're blinded? SOUND     ROARING REVVING APPROACHES JUSTIN      I... guess-- yes. SOUND     HEADLIGHTS TURN OFF JUSTIN     [heavy breathing] ABBY     Once our eyes adjust, we can look for a turnoff - in the dark, with the headlights, we won't see it until it's too late.  JUSTIN     Does that work? ABBY     I don't know.  Yes!  There, to the left, a road. JUSTIN     We're going too fast! ABBY     Start the turn early, and run in at an angle.  It should work.  MARK     [half asleep] Yeah, the roll factors are considerably less-- JUSTIN     Roll factors? MARK     "Street Wars," core manual.  The turn gauge modifiers. JUSTIN     Whatever, here we go! SOUND     SCREECH MUSIC AMBIANCE     OUTSIDE SOUND     TICKING OF THE ENGINE MARK     I'm suitably impressed. JUSTIN     Thanks.  Me too. ABBY     It worked! JUSTIN     A flat tire-- ABBY     Just one. MARK     --is not bad, all things considered. ABBY     [encouraging] Besides you missed the ditch, and the car didn't even flip. MUSIC SOUND     ON THE ROAD AGAIN TYLER     Doesn't this whole thing remind anyone of a movie? JUSTIN     Movie?  What, Texas Chainsaw Massacre? ABBY     Wo!  We do have the right carload for leatherface. MARK     Hey, Justin, don't pick up any strangers, kay?  I don't wanna be the first to die. TYLER     No....  OK, think.  A brother and sister in a car, in the middle of nowhere-- BRIANNA     [helping] In the middle of the day-- TYLER     Run off the road by a huge spooky truck--?  Hmm? MARK     That wasn't a truck.  ABBY     It wasn't? MARK     While you guys were watching the road, I watched it go by - It was big and square-- TYLER     A truck. MARK     No.  Better than that - I saw words on the side. BRIANNA     A truck? MARK     [sigh] Nope.  I must have made a perfect success on my perception roll, though - it was an armored car.  JUSTIN     In the middle of the night?  In the middle of nowhere? ABBY     Radio.  There must be something. SOUND     RADIO ON, SURF CHANNELS, STOP ON AN AD MARK     I like N-P-R. ABBY     News channel, bub. [Moment just listening.] JUSTIN     OK, enough with the ads - give us some news. TYLER     If this was a movie, the minute we switched over, the news bulletin would come on right then.  Cheesy, eh? BRIANNA     It's just a genre convention - a way of condensing all this boring time spent listening to-- JUSTIN     Shh. SOUND     TURNS VOLUME UP NEWS     ...the third armored car hijacking this year, and the second one with fatalities.  Three security guards were injured in the attack-- JUSTIN     Wow.  We should call someone. ABBY     Already on it.  SOUND     CELL PHONE BEEPS ABBY     Damn.  No reception. NEWS     --two are in critical condition.  Pursuers lost the car in a high speed chase when the hijackers realized they were being tracked and dumped the onboard GPS at the side of the road.  JUSTIN     Well, the motel must be close.  They'll have a phone. NEWS     Police believe that one of the hijackers may have been injured in the attack... SOUND      CLICK RADIO OFF - no music here MARK      I thought we were supposed to reach it by ten? JUSTIN     Well, with all you small bladdered people, we had a lot more potty breaks than I allowed for.  And, o'course, getting run off the road...  Changing the tire... TYLER     There was that. BRIANNA     Think your Uncle Joey'll give us a discount for coming in so late - half the night, half price? TYLER     I'll ask him.  [yawns] In the morning, though. MUSIC SOUND     CAR, SNORING FROM ALL BUT JUSTIN SOUND     BUMP, THEN CAR PULLS TO A STOP JUSTIN     [trying to stay awake noise]  Holy crap, I think we're here. ABBY     [waking]  Mmm?  Oh good... JUSTIN     One moment and I'll go and check in... ABBY     No, I'll get it.  Gotta pee anyway.  Small bladder.  [yawns] All that. JUSTIN     [receding] I didn't mean.... SOUND     CAR DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS SOUND     FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL, DOOR, BELL JINGLES ABBY     Hello?  Hello?  SOUND     RINGS DESK BELL SOUND     DOOR OPENS SOMEWHERE ABBY     [calling]  Look, I'm sorry to be coming in so late!  We had car trouble.  Can we get a room?  [beat]  Hello?  SOUND     FLUSH OF A TOILET ABBY     [needs to pee] Oh, jeez.  [deep shaky breath]  Hello? SOUND     DOOR OPENS CLARK     Hey.  Sorry about that.  I was catching a few.  You want a room? ABBY     Yeah, my friends and I - if you have a room with a couple of queens, we'll be fine. CLARK     Uh, sure.  Probably.  [looking around]  Nobody really here, tonight. ABBY     Could we have the one out on the end, then? CLARK     Don't see why not... um... ABBY     Says here it's room 14. CLARK     There you go.  [unconvincing laugh] So tired my eyes won't focus. SOUND     KEY SLAPPED ON TABLE ABBY     How much? CLARK     Oh, pay when you leave.  ABBY     Hmm.  Are you Joey? CLARK     Joey who? ABBY     [sharp intake of breath, then faking being ditzy]  Sorry - you look a lot like the cousin of a friend of mine.  CLARK     I get that a lot. SOUND     FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENS ABBY     Oh, can I use your bathroom?  It's kind of an emergency. CLARK     [too sharp] No!  I  mean, sorry - no can do.  Absolutely against policy.  Too bad you didn't get a room closer in, eh? ABBY     [flat, suspicious] Yeah. SOUND     DOOR SHUTS, JINGLE MUSIC SOUND     HOTEL ROOM DOOR SHUTS, FEET STUMBLE AROUND, BAGS DOWN, ETC. SOUND     BODY FLOPS ONTO BED JUSTIN     I am dead.  As driver, I call a bed.  SOUND     WHEELCHAIR ROLLS MARK     I'm with you.  SOUND     FLUSH BRIANNA     I suppose Abby and I should share the... other...? I thought she said the room would have two beds? SOUND      DOOR OPENS ABBY     That clerk didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.  Did you park right next to the door Justin? JUSTIN     [half moan] Yes.  Why? ABBY     I have a bad feeling about all this.  TYLER     Any chance it has something to do with all the spooky movie talk in the car? BRIANNA     And the guy who ran us off the road? ABBY     Maybe.  JUSTIN     Well, unless you're ready to drive - and pay for the extra insurance - We're not moving from this spot until I wake up. ABBY     But the clerk - there was something wrong there.  Really.  God, for a chance at a spot hidden roll. MARK     [more awake] Describe him. BRIANNA     [groans]  Come on - it's beddy-bye time! MARK     Abby's got good instincts, Bree.  You know how hard it is for me to fool her. ABBY     That's just in game.  I'm not-- JUSTIN     [half asleep, but trying]  But you are the only girl-- BRIANNA     [half-hearted] Woman. JUSTIN     --to make it into the ... strategic final thingee-- ABBY     Ok.  Shit I'm tired.  [long deep thinking breath]  He wouldn't let me use the bathroom.  He didn't try and hit on me.  Didn't know which number room was the one on the end.  Didn't ask how many "we" were.  Didn't know which rooms have queen beds.  Didn't ask for a credit card. TYLER     So? He's dead tired too.  Big whoop.  It's [looks] 2 freaking 55 in the morning. MARK     Jeez, folks, we've had sessions which went long past 3!  What's wrong with you? JUSTIN     [muttered into the pillow]  Getting old. MARK     Yeah.  You 25-year old over the hill codger, you.  Abby, what would you do now?  ABBY     What? MARK     This is the scenario.  Right here.  What would you do? TYLER     Sleep. BRIANNA     Seconded. JUSTIN     [Snoring] MARK     Assume it's unlikely we can drive out of here - at least not conveniently.  How would you secure the room? ABBY      [perking up]  We could set watches-- TYLER     [mumbled] Screw you! ABBY     I can't watch all night.  Adrenaline is only good for so long. MARK     That guy struck you that bad? ABBY     Yeah.  I'm probably just-- MARK     Let's assume otherwise.  We have a map - of sorts - on the door there.  Take a look. ABBY     I - well, I got the room on the end, since we'd have a better chance of seeing or hearing anyone coming.  MARK     [chuckles] ABBY     I can't help it.  I'm already in strategy mode.  Ok, the room has windows at the front and back and a bathroom that abuts the next room.  No windows in the end wall.  If we could keep an eye either side-- SOUND     FEET ON CARPET, CURTAIN PULLED ASIDE, THEN WHIPPED BACK INTO PLACE. ABBY     Oh, shit. MARK     What? ABBY     God, I hope no one saw the light.  MARK     I'll turn it off.  Let them think we're asleep.  SOUND     CLICK OF SWITCH MARK     Now? ABBY     It's the truck - car - whatever!    The one that almost ran us off the road! MARK     [gasps]  Are you sure? ABBY     Come and look! MARK     I believe you.  We need everyone if this is a real situation.  Shit. ABBY     There's woods - cover - right out back.  If Tyler was up, he could go look. MARK     He's not going to be up any time soon. ABBY     I know what will-- I'm going to take a chance and get my other bag from the car.  I'll see what I can see.  MARK     I'll try the phone-- ABBY     No! MARK     Why? ABBY     Switchboard - I saw a switchboard in the office.  MARK     Shit.  Major "notice," though.  Good one. SOUND     DOOR OPENS MARK     Abby? ABBY     I'll be careful. MARK     [encouraging] I'm glad it's you. SOUND     DOOR SOFTLY CLOSES MARK      Shit.  SOUND     A moment of just snoring MUSIC      CREEPS IN, JUST A BIT MARK     [snorty, "almost fell asleep" noise]  Abby?  What time--?  Shit.  SOUND     WHEELCHAIR SHIFTS MARK     [urgent hiss] Justin!  Wake up, dammit! JUSTIN     Wha--? MARK     Wake Up! SOUND     DOOR OPENS QUICKLY, FEET COME IN, DOOR SHUTS AGAIN MARK     God!  You nearly gave me a heart attack! ABBY     Sorry - I spotted someone out in the parking lot, just after I got in the van, and I didn't want to move again until it was clear.  JUSTIN     [almost awake] What's going on? ABBY     I'll get Tyler up. MARK     Go for it.  I doubt you'll have much luck. ABBY     Ah, but I have a secret weapon - I always pack a sixer with me to gaming cons.  SOUND     SLOSHING OF LIQUID MARK     [almost drooling] Energy shots. ABBY     Un-huh.  It may take a minute or two, but we'll get everyone up and running. MUSIC TYLER     All you had to do was shout "Bob! Bob is coming!" and I woulda been up and running without the taste of ass - Bob was the demon in the larp last weekend, and man was he-- MARK     Shush.  EVERYONE     [Murmurs of assent] MARK     Let's assume this is not a drill. EVERYONE     [a bit undecided murmurs] ABBY     I know there's something odd here.  I feel it. JUSTIN     Are you sure you're not just jittery about the tourney? ABBY     Probably am, but that doesn't make me think I'm wrong. BRIANNA     [Still groggy] What do you want us to do? MARK     Tyler, are you up for something that could be really dangerous? TYLER     Hell yeah. BRIANNA     [cautioning] Tyler? TYLER     Well, how dangerous? MARK     Abby? ABBY     Out the back window of the room, I think I saw that armored car that nearly ran us down.  It's parked in a dark spot.  If it's really the one, and there's any chance it's the same one that was stolen, there's a good chance we've walked in on a den of thieves.  We need to know.  Can you get within range of it and have a look? TYLER      Gimme a second. SOUND     FEET. CURTAIN MOVES BRIANNA     When you say "really dangerous"--? MARK     They already killed a couple of guys during the holdup.  I can't see them hesitating at shooting a few more bystanders. BRIANNA     Tyler? ABBY     Bree, I've Larped with him, and if anyone can really sneak, it's Folemon. BRIANNA     But that's his character! ABBY     In live action games, there are things you either can do or you can't, and sneaking is‑‑ TYLER     [voice slightly different - "in character" as Folemon]  I spy the brigands' carriage.  I will hence and reconnoiter. BRIANNA     Be careful. TYLER     Fair maiden, with you to return to, I cannot fail.  [kiss on hand]  Douse the lanterns, lest my shadow betray me! MUSIC SOUND     LIGHT TAPPING NOISE, WHICH GOES ON THROUGHOUT JUSTIN     What are you doing? ABBY     What does it look like?  I'm checking for trap doors. JUSTIN     You're joking. BRIANNA     Didn't you see that movie Vacancy?  There was a trapdoor in the bathroom floor.  ABBY     That was so annoying.  They were so stupid about that. JUSTIN     About what? ABBY     Did you see the movie? JUSTIN     Well, no. ABBY     They could have easily blocked the hatch.  But they didn't and ended up fighting guys popping up out of it. BRIANNA     They couldn't block it - they tried.  There wasn't any heavy furniture. ABBY     [derisive laugh]  What do you call this? SOUND     DULL THUMP JUSTIN     A mattress. ABBY     Have you ever had to move one?  From a dead lift?  And if that's not enough, the trapdoor was right next to the tub - you just soak the damn thing and no one - not even Schwarzenegger-- BRIANNA     Well, back in his prime-- ABBY     Is going to be able to shift it. JUSTIN     You ...actually ...thought about this? ABBY     [matter of fact] It's what I do.  SOUND     KNOCKING BRIANNA     Lights out - it's the door.  SOUND     SCUFFLE OF MOVEMENT BRIANNA     Tyler? ABBY     Folemon! TYLER     [muffled] I return triumphant! SOUND     DOOR OPENS AND QUICKLY SHUTS AGAIN, LOCKS TYLER     And, I have a prize! SOUND     TAP ON SOMETHING METAL SOUND     LIGHT CLICKS ON JUSTIN     What the--? MARK     No, that's good.  If we can get to the authorities, we can prove we saw the damn thing. JUSTIN     You coulda taken a picture - you think they're not going to notice a missing license plate? TYLER     [chuckling, full of himself] I think they'll have other things on their mind. ABBY     Oh, god, what did you do? TYLER     I had my thieves tool handy-- JUSTIN     What? BRIANNA     Pocketknife. TYLER     So I hobbled their horses. ABBY     We need to go now. JUSTIN      You did what? BRIANNA     He let the air out of their tires.  Tyler, sweetie, speak English so I can stop translating. TYLER     Hey, what?  They won't be able to come after us-- ABBY     But they will know someone was spying on their truck.  They might not notice the plate, but--  aagh! TYLER     I was... um... in the zone?  My character would have-- MARK     Understandable.  Let's deal with it.  Were there any other cars out there? TYLER     Not out back.  MARK     Justin? JUSTIN     What? MARK     Any other cars out front? JUSTIN     I didn't notice.  Sorry. MARK     See what happens when you give up gaming?  You lose your edge.  You remember anything Abby? ABBY     Not in the parking lot.  I can take a look. MARK     Hold off.  What do we have for weapons, if it comes to that? JUSTIN     Jack Shit. ABBY     Torchiere for a club.  BRIANNA     No - no heft. ABBY     We can wire the doorknob as a last resort - give someone a bitch of a shock. TYLER     Shh! [They all do.] SOUND     SLIGHT CRUNCH, MIGHT BE FOOT ON GRAVEL MARK     Posts. SOUND     VERY QUIET MOVEMENT ABBY     Uh-uh. BRIANNA     shit. MARK     The front? BRIANNA     Movement. ABBY     Window?  Door?  BRIANNA     Distraction.  [starts moaning, loudly - very sexy] ABBY     Stay out the way of the window.  BRIANNA     Uhh!  [whispered] Watching. [Up] Ohh! TYLER     [joins in] JUSTIN     You won't be able to hear-- ABBY     Neither will they! SOUND     WINDOW SLIDES OPEN WITH A PROTESTING SQUEAL ABBY     Shit.  If we're going out this way, we're doing it sharp and hard. MARK     Out front? TYLER     [still groaning] BRIANNA     Someone's right outside.  Ohh! Just a shadow.  Ohh!  Peeping or about to try something.  Ohh! JUSTIN     This is insane.  This does not happen in real life. MARK     Look, bro- you can play along, and worst that happens is you look like an idiot with the rest of us, or you keep saying it can't be real and maybe take a bullet.  Why not play along? JUSTIN      Shit.  What do you need me to do?  I am not joining that party. [Moans continue intermittently] MARK     Can you see what's at the top of the closet? Usually if there's access to an attic space, that's where it would be. JUSTIN     Sure. MARK     And you're tall enough. JUSTIN     No problem.  [suddenly serious] If this is some psycho situation, you know I won't let anyone get you, right, bro? MARK     Shithead.  Get everyone else out first!  I'm the burden - now get in the damn closet. SOUND     CLOSET DOOR OPENS ABBY     You're not a burden.  MARK     Physically, I'm a drag on the party. ABBY     Mentally, you're the only one keeping us together.  So you can just shut up. MARK     OK, shutting. BRIANNA     He's making a move. MARK     Shit.  SOUND     KNOCK ON THE DOOR BRIANNA     [loud] Ooh!  Oh, shit!  Huh? TYLER     [loud] What the fuck? MARK     Abby?  Where are we? ABBY     Tyler, get behind the door. Ready to slam it if you gotta. TYLER     Check. SOUND     KNOCK AGAIN ABBY     Brianna, the torchiere, stay below the window, trip anyone coming in. BRIANNA     On it. SOUND      KNOCKING INSISTENT ABBY     [trying to make up her mind] Door - wall - wall - door.  Shit! [deep breath, then calling out] What? SOUND     SHIFTING FURNITURE CLARK     You all right in there? ABBY     What? CLARK     I heard a noise. JUSTIN     [whispered] See?  Normal. ABBY     No.  At the very least, he's peeping.  No way he'd hear anything from the office.  [up]  Everything's fine.  We were watching a movie.  MARK     Good one. JUSTIN     Oh, this is idiotic. SOUND     WALKS, UNLOCKS AND FLINGS OPEN DOOR TYLER     Hey! ABBY     No! SOUND     GUNSHOT, BODY DROP JUSTIN     [screams in pain] SOUND     DOOR SLAMS CLARK     [screams in pain] ABBY     Bree, can you get the lock, without getting in front of the door - it's crap, but-- BRIANNA     Done.  Justin - is he--? SOUND     LOCK FUMBLED SHUT JUSTIN     [sounds more annoyed than hurt] I'm shot. ABBY     At least now we know it's not a drill.  SOUND     GUNSHOT, WINDOW SHATTERS ABBY     Down! SOUND     BODIES FALL, WHEELCHAIR RATTLES AND TIPS MARK     Get him.  I'll cover Justin. SOUND     CAUTIOUS STEP ON BROKEN GLASS ABBY     [scream, distracting him] SOUND     FEET TURN ON THE GLASS, GUNSHOT ABBY     Bree! BRIANNA     Yaaaah!  SOUND     THUMP - BODY DROPS CLARK     Yowtch! ABBY     Sit on that bastard.  Tyler, check for backup? SOUND     HEAVY CRUNCH ON GLASS CLARK     [Whimper] TYLER     On it. SOUND     CAR STARTING TYLER     Oh shit - he's in for a surprise.  Front's clear. JUSTIN     You seem to all be ignoring the fact that I've been shot. MARK     I've been applying pressure. JUSTIN     To my mouth. MARK     oh, yeah, I was supposed to be stopping the part that got shot, not the part that shot off, right. ABBY     Brianna, swap - you take a look at Justin, see if we can move him.  I'll hold down the ...fort. TYLER     Fart. [Snickers all around.] CLARK     [Moans, then grunts when Abby turns him over] SOUND     CRACKLE OF GLASS UNDER HIS BODY ABBY     Need something to tie him with.  TYLER     Gotcha.  Thieves tools to the rescue again. SOUND     RIPPING FABRIC - GOES ON FOR A WHILE BRIANNA     Tyler, toss me your flint and steel. SOUND     CATCH, THEN FLASHLIGHT COMES ON BRIANNA     Looks superficial.  I was hoping I knocked you down quickly enough, but I wasn't sure. JUSTIN     I've been shot. BRIANNA     Yes, but not badly.  I'll bandage it in a second. TYLER     Here's your fifty feet of rope... ABBY     Check the back? TYLER     I am fleet enough to be in all places at once. SOUND     ENGINE STOPS TYLER     Oh. ABBY     [grunts as she ties a knot]  OK, shithead.  Talk. CLARK     What? ABBY     Well, we have your gun.  And a pocketknife.  You want to choose which one I do you over with? CLARK     What?  I was just-- ABBY     Shooting in through our door? CLARK     I thought you were - TYLER     Shut up. ABBY     No, let him talk.  I want to hear this. CLARK     Nothing. ABBY     Oh, well.  How many friends you got out there? CLARK     None. ABBY     So that's Christine out back?  Or are you Knight Rider? CLARK     Ow!  No - No!  Stop! JUSTIN     Let me.  I'm the one he shot. CLARK     No!  There's just the two - and B-Ball's shot. ABBY     Anyone else? JUSTIN     Is this what you were doing? CLARK     OWWW!  No, no one! ABBY     What about the real clerk? CLARK     Oh - um - ABBY     Right.  We need to dump this guy somewhere. TYLER     Out back?  ABBY     Chances are, we can get out the front. JUSTIN     Chances?  I don't want-- ABBY     No worries.  Tyler - eyes on the back until I signal, OK? TYLER      Sure thing. BRIANNA     What now? ABBY     We do what we have to do.  Mark, you ready to take a chance? MUSIC SOUND     OUTSIDE - DOOR OPENS SOUND     WHEELCHAIR BUMPS NOISILY OUT THE DOOR ABBY     No shots.  Good.  We're moving out.  Justin, you're behind me and the chair - get your ass into the car and start it.  We'll pile in, peel out, and worry about belts and seats later. JUSTIN     Are you sure this is safe? ABBY     Nope.  Tyler?  Got the rear? TYLER     Got it. ABBY      Bree, you're first in.  I'll cover you. SOUND     GUN CLICKS READY BRIANNA     Check.  Hold tight! SOUND     WHEELCHAIR GRINDS ALONG THE GROUND TYLER     He's coming!  ABBY     Everyone - Move!  Justin - get it in gear! JUSTIN      Yeah... SOUND     JINGLE OF KEYS, THEY DROP TO THE GROUND JUSTIN     Shit! ABBY     Dammit!  Bree, get your ass to the other side of the car! SOUND     HEAVY FEET RUNNING ON GRAVEL TYLER     I'll-- SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     You'll go.  Move it.  I'll cover you.  [solemn] Don't fumble the keys. TYLER     I won't. SOUND     RUNNING FEET TAKE OFF ACROSS THE GRAVEL, snatch up the keys. SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     [Gasps as she shoots]  Damn, that's a kick. SOUND     GUNSHOT SOUND     CAR DOOR OPENS ABBY     Yessss! SOUND     ABBY SHOOTS SOUND     SIDE DOOR SLIDES OPEN ABBY     [yelling] Stop shooting at the crip, you scumbag!  You'll be sorry! SOUND     WHEELCHAIR MOVES SLOWLY, ODD FOOTSTEPS AS ABBY CROUCHES BEHIND IT ABBY     Nice to have friends, isn't it? SOUND     GUNSHOT ABBY     [yelling] You really should stop that!  THUG     [evil laugh] ABBY     I told him. TYLER     Come on! ABBY     Bye-bye SOUND     WHEELCHAIR PUSHED, ROLLS SOUND     GUNSHOT SOUND     GRUNT OF PAIN [CLARK] SOUND     RUNNING FEET SOUND     CAR REVVING SOUND     JUMP SOUND     GUNSHOT, PINGS OFF METAL OF CAR TYLER     [grunting to pull her in] Come on! SOUND     CAR MOVES, FEET DRAG BRIANNA     Here. SOUND     GRAB, DRAG ABBY     [grunting] SOUND     DOOR SLAMS SOUND     TIRES SPIN IN GRAVEL, CAR ZOOMS OFF ABBY     [sigh] OK, whose lap am I in? MARK     Mine.  Sorry about that. ABBY     Hey, we're all here, no one got shot-- JUSTIN     I did! MARK     And we had to dump my chair... ABBY     No one got killed, and we're back on the road.  I'm gonna feel like shit for the tourney, but who gives a crap?  [giggles] [All join in the hysterical relieved laughter.] MUSIC SOUND     OUTSIDE ROAD - MORNING NOISES ABBY     [waking up noises, suddenly awake with a gasp] MARK     [whispering]  Shh.  It's ok-- SOUND     RUSTLE AS SHE TRIES TO SIT UP ABBY     Was it - It was a dream? MARK     Hell no.  But once you passed out, we figured you deserved it.  Let you sleep. ABBY     Oh... MARK     Hey Justin?  When's the next bathroom? BRIANNA     And a phone. JUSTIN     Like anyone's gonna believe us.  BRIANNA     You did get shot. TYLER      And I still have my trophy. SOUND     PING AGAINST METAL OF LICENSE PLATE MARK     Shh.  Abby's out again.  ABBY     Hmm?  [rousing herself] Like hell!  Justin?  Crank the music!! END  

The conclusion of our sermon series focuses on what sets us apart in how we walk our sexuality as Jesus people.

After a nearly two-month hiatus, Jon and Todd are back and ready to reflect on their recent experiences. The intent of this episode was to talk about their latest adventures and the memories from those. Jon shares what it's like to share tents with four other guys and encounter bears in Alaska, and Todd talks about his first Yankee-Red Sox game at Fenway. What emerges is a discussion about the connection travel has to happiness and relationships. Hear how travel can create everlasting bonds between people and the importance that those relationships play in our lives. The guys also discuss the way travel triggers gratitude and fosters purpose and mindfulness. Also tune in to catch some updates on previous guests and a shout out to some of our Pursuers.

The party gets to know each other better before heading into a dubious mountain pass. Is someone following them?

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers   Episode 10: Why This Is So Hard   First 5 minutes: Wrapping up this series and tying all the pieces together. Getting both sides, the Pursuers and the Withdrawers to recognize they both get hijacked by a deeper thing that is at play. Quick recap of TEMP.  This acrostic created by EFT Therapist George Faller describes the Appraisal Theory, which is how our body processes emotion. TEMP is- TRIGGER is something I notice that sends my body a message that our connection is being threatened. Then I feel an EMOTION that picks up the threat and tells my body there is something wrong “uh-oh”. My body sends the signal to my brain where I start to assign MEANING to what I am seeing and feeling. And then I do a cued response that is my PROTECTIVE Strategy that is the thing my body feels will keep me and/or our relationship safe. All of these responsive behaviors are based on our attachment to each other which is learned based on our attachment strategies from our past experiences. Minutes 5-10: The strategies that our bodies naturally do when we get a threat message that our connection is at risk- were learned from our development. Over time, we learned these strategies as our way to maintain connection. We all need connection to survive- we are ‘pack animals' and rely on each other for safety and connection. If something happens within us that we pick up as a possible cue that we could get rejected or abandoned, then our connection is being threatened and we do the thing we've learned will keep us connected.   Mis-messages from our culture when we hear ‘you don't need anyone'. This is false. We all need connection. We see this in our 12-step programs that are linear and send the message that they need to get healing ‘on their own'. What a person does when they can't get connection within their system, is they go and find connection in another system that is more safe then the one they had to leave or where they were not finding.   Minutes 10-15: We all long for acceptance and to be seen. We need to be able to find connection in our hardest and darkest places where we don't really like ourselves. It is vital for us to connect. In isolation, all the bad feelings grow- anxiety, depression, etc… we are not meant to be alone with our experiences. We are designed to share experiences.   Internally we long for acceptance and for someone to be present with us. Brene Brown says, rarely does a response solve the problem. Connection and presence is what we need in distress. We want couples to be able to access our deeper feelings and our deeper fears. Often for a Withdrawer it's that they will be found flawed and rejected. Often for Pursuers its, that they are inadequate and that cues a lot of emotion, and if they are too much they will be left. Sue Johnson- co-founder of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) asks, “What is your catastrophic fear?”   Minutes 15-20: The whole reason we have Pursers and Withdrawers is because that's how we learned to cope. This is why it's so important that we learn how to get clear about what is hurting so we can tell our partners that we need them in these places where we feel insecure. We can't let our partners in to the places we haven't taken the time to consider. Acceptance of ourselves cannot ever make us feel secure. We need acceptance from others- specifically our partners, in order to feel secure. This is so hard because everything in our lives tells us NOT to bring these negative and hard things forward. We all long to be accepted in the hard places. Broken and Loved. It's what we need. Isolation doesn't allow us to get the feedback we need to know if we are doing ok. Minutes 20-25: We need others. If we don't acknowledge our need for others, we miss the very thing, the only thing that can bring us the security we long for. It's not only about stopping the cycle, it is more about being able to bring our fears and longing forward and for our partner to respond with acceptance in the places where we are afraid.   Connect Point: Broken and Loved. If you haven't ever identified TEMP (Trigger, Emotion, Meaning and Protective Action), start with that. But once you have identified your process, we want you to try to discuss your deeper “catastrophic fear”. Can you identify what you are ultimate afraid of if everything goes wrong, and can you share it with your partner. Partners, only say, ‘Thank you for sharing'.   For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 9: What Withdrawers Can Do First 5 minutes: What do Pursuers need in distress? First- we are making an assumption that we are already de-escalated. De-escalated couples don't get into as intense of fights and that we can do a repair when there is a disconnection. Both sides are engaged and working toward connection. Pursuers will need to slow down their own process to the point of being able to identify what they need in those distressing moments, and then also be able to articulate to their partners what those needs are. Minutes 5-10: It's easier for a withdrawer to come alongside their pursuer when the withdrawer is not the ‘problem'- the example given was distress caused by an external factor. Withdrawers who are ‘causing' the distress or adding to the distress, can get blamed and then can get defensive. It makes it harder. If you can ‘dodge the bullet' and instead of believing you are being attached, start to see your Pursuer in distress who needs your help- you can shift the interaction. “I know I've let you down, and I am sorry I have, I am here with you and I want to understand.” Minutes 10-15: If slows the cycle down enough for the Pursuer to actual, consider what might be going on underneath the surface energy. We're not asking Withdrawers to lie or to own something that isn't accurate. To capitulate doesn't really help or create connection. If withdrawers can “disconnect from the accusation” and instead acknowledge your partner's distress. Let the Pursuer know that you really want to understand what is happening emotionally. It is really hard for a Pursuer to take in the offer of understanding because this is a new move.  Minutes 15-20: It's hard not to shift how we interact with others once we learn these new moves. With our daughter Avery, when she is distressed, we respond in a different way now. Pursuers can be fighting so hard to be heard that the content gets lost. For a withdrawer to stay and try to hear is already better then when they are left alone feeling unheard. When a withdrawer stays, a Pursuer feels like they are worth the risk. It is hard for a Pursuer to start to accept that they might be using control or systems or managing their partner in order to actually help them feel better internally (to manage internal anxiety). Minutes 20-25: If a Pursuers fear is that they will be abandoned for being ‘too much'- it is hard for them to talk about the energy that we feel might be too much. Pursuers are carrying a lot of responsibility in their efforts to make everything better. But then their heart gets missed. Pursuers feel they are unlovable when everything is falling apart, therefore they spend a lot of energy holding it all together for themselves and for others. Connect Point: Withdrawers consider, of the things we've brought up in this episode, what could I do that might be a different move for my Pursuer and then share it. Pursuers, consider what your Withdrawers is saying they might be able to do and consider how you might be able to take it in or what you might need. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Episode 8: What Pursuers Can Do First 5 minutes: There is an order to growth. First, you have to be aware something is happening. Then you have to be able to recognize that you and your partner both ‘do' things in the distress and identify what your trends are. After awareness around those things is present, you start to have an opportunity to slow the process down and adjust your moves. In these next 2 episodes we want to break down a pro-active move around supporting and comforting your partner in their distress. 2 things have to be present for this to work; 1. Your partner has to be able to let you in on what they need and 2. You have to be de-escalated enough that you can set your own immediate distress aside so you can comfort your partner. Minutes 5-10: Have you ever noticed that your partner's move is actually making the situation worse? Angela noticed that Chad was doing something that increased her distress and in that moment realized that she does that to Chad often- make is worse not better. As Pursers, we often want to coach or fix or solve the problem of the withdrawer, but sadly, in the cycle, doing that only confirms their worst fear- that they are inadequate or don't have the answers. Showing up for our Withdrawers actually means listening, validating and asking them what they need from us- instead of us offering what we think they need. It is counterintuitive to not solve a problem that is presented. Pursuers have to be intentional about setting that urge aside and instead appreciate that our Withdrawers are letting us in to their process. Minutes 10-15: Often the ‘answer' to the problem isn't an answer at all- it's being present that makes an impact. A withdrawer's fears are around failure and getting in wrong, and because they didn't have the right answer they will be rejected. So even if the Pursuer solves the immediate problem, what is also does is confirm the lack the withdrawer has for not having the answer and it will possibly cause them to withdrawer those inadequate feelings even more. Pursuers do better if they come alongside their Withdrawers and still accept them and appreciate them while they are still in the process. Pursuers have to be aware of what happens for us when we feel helpless or feel like things are slipping into an ambiguous place. Withdrawers have to be willing to let their Pursuers be in this process also. These are new moves for BOTH sides. Minutes 15-20: All of this growth starts with awareness and at each new level, there needs to be a new awareness. Once you get to a place where you are de-escalated as an individual, and de-escalated as a pursuer, then, can you now start to consider what would comfort and support you in distress and then share that with your partner so they can consider what it would look like to provide it. If Pursuers can show up like a teammate in their partner's process and not like the coach, it will naturally shift the withdrawer's guard and the probability they will let us come alongside them is higher. All of these responses happen fast and take practice and grace as we learn them. Minutes 20-25: Withdrawers might be hesitant to ask for help because of their experience of being criticized when they do. Our goal as a pursuer is to adjust what they have typically gotten and make it safe for them to not have all the answers. Asking for help for a withdrawer is almost like admitting failure, and they need to know that they are stilled loved and accepted in those places. Pursuers can work on acknowledge the effort instead of criticizing the behaviors. Connect Point: Withdrawers, can you consider what your Pursuer can do to support or comfort you in your time of distress or in the not knowing? And Pursers, can you consider what it would look like to try and do what your partner is asking? For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 7: De-Escalated Withdrawers First 5 minutes: Escalation for a withdrawer doesn't mean heighten energy and big emotion. What escalation means is that the strategies (of both sides) are in full play. An escalated Withdrawer is one who is really avoidant and disengaged. So an ‘de-escalated' withdrawer is a little bit more engaged and aware of what is going on in the cycle. When a withdrawer can start to see how their humor or placating or avoidance affects their pursuer, they are less escalated then when the strategy hijacks them outside of their awareness. Small little moves make a big difference. If a withdrawer can start to ask themselves, “what do I feel in these moments when I am drawn to go away”, you'll start to put words to the process. Minutes 5-10: “I don't know what to do, but I am learning that to stay is better for you.” Leaving is often how withdrawers regulate what feels like it's getting out of control, but the pursuer often feels left alone in the chaos. This move is counterintuitive because staying could make the interaction feel escalated, when in reality, it's a more conning move. Staying in the room or staying in the interaction gives the best chance at co-regulation. Pumping the breaks on the cycle for a withdrawer is to try to hang in there in what feels like a hard conversation with your partner. Minutes 10-15: A de-escalated withdrawer can have an awareness of the process and then also stay in the room. They must first re-engage themselves, and then once they have more awareness, they bring that awareness into the relationship. An engaged withdrawer can also bring their own distress to their partner. They can (make attempts to) bring their experience to their partner in order to get a response. Pursers then need to be able to: Listen, empathize and be with it, not coach it or fix it etc…. A de-escalated couple can keep the focus on the presenting distress (partner won't feel the need to hijack the conversation with their response). Minutes 15-20: Failure is what withdrawers are trying to avoid, and staying in the room feels risky, yet, if you never try there is no way to be seen in the lonely, hard, distress. The ‘new move' is to slow down and try something different… to try NOT to leave the partner in their distress and chaos. The time it takes is a process. First you'll be able to do a repair after the fight. You won't be able to do all these moves right away. There will be little adjustments to the engagement. Once you get some reps on the repair, you'll have a better chance at slowing down in the moment. There will be a risk. But there will also be a reward. Minutes 20-25: These moves will feel less awkward over time when you get used to them. The goal isn't to make a withdrawer to become a pursuer or stop being a withdrawer, we'll only shooting for a little more engagement. Connect Point: If the withdrawer were to try a new move, what would that feel like for the purser. Can you discuss how you think it would play out if your cycle was shifted by a new strategy brought forward by the withdrawer. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

In this episode, Matt & Jenn discuss the challenges when your spouse is OK with being just OK. We describe our personal journey toward growing together and some principles to guide your breakthrough toward deeper intimacy.Every marriage has gridlock issues where one spouse is quite content to maintain status quo and the other spouse desires growth and novelty.Fear is the fundamental reason that responders resist growth. To confront this fear, turn from dwelling on your fears and start to focus on reasons for hope. Pursuers, stop focusing on what is missing in your marriage and start focusing on your part in creating the dynamic that exists. If you want change, then change yourself.Extended content and an unedited video recording of this episode is available on Covenant Club: intimatecovenant.com/membersBowling Green Marriage Day 2022: If you are in the area, we'd love to meet you! Register now, intimatecovenant.com/bg2022Join us at the 2022 Annual Marriage Retreat, September 22-24, in Houston, TX. Registration is now open, but space is limited and we expect to sell out again. So, register today! www.intimatecovenant.com/retreatAnnouncing Covenant Club! Our online community with discussion forums (including husbands-only and wives-only sections), monthly interactive webinars, and other resources to help answer your questions, provide encouragements and learn from other covenant-focused couples. Join us! www.intimatecovenant.com/members To send your comments, questions and suggestions, go to our website: www.intimatecovenant.com/podcast and click on the button: “Contact the Podcast” for an ANONYMOUS submission form. Or, send an email: podcast@intimatecovenant.com   Thanks for sharing, rating, reviewing and subscribing!    Cherishing,  Matt & JennPS — If you have been blessed by the message of this podcast, we would deeply appreciate your support by donating to our mission of spreading God's plan for intimate marriage and holy sexuality: www.intimatecovenant.com/donate www.intimatecovenant.com Intimate Covenant | Matt & Jenn Schmidt

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 6: De-Escalated Pursuers First 5 minutes: Escalation happens quickly and sends us into a cycle that puts both partners into their strategies. How do we know when we are able to remain de-escalated in our cycle? De-Escalation doesn't mean we don't fight. It means withdrawers are more engaged and pursuers can have more awareness around what is happening for them internally. Pursuers often feel hijacked by their emotion- so quickly that its often hard to stop. When we review a Rocky Moment- can we recognize the part we played in what went wrong. Minutes 5-10: Healthier behaviors for a Pursuers looks like an ability to recognize what is happening inside of them emotionally during their interactions. If the focus is still on the behavior of others, the goal is to shift that focus internally into what the behavior of the other person is or is not making them feel. Could be anxious or frustrated or sadness or chaos, any emotional recognition is more aware then none. A half step to understanding internal cues could be, ‘something is going on and I can feel it, but I don't know what it is.” De-escalation means that you can slow your cycle down a bit and understand the other things that are at play- in TEMP, the emotion and the meaning parts. Minutes 10-15: A pursuer can tell their withdrawer a body marker. I would look something like- “I can feel the energy in my body ramping up and I need you to help me.” The idea of being escalated or de-escalated is a continuum. It's not one destination or the other. It's fluid and you can go back and forth depending on how secure you feel in your connection. In healthier places, the partner can help the Pursuer deregulate if they are starting to feel anxious or out of control. Minutes 15-20: De-Escalated Pursuers don't stop being pursuers. They are just able to slow down some of the “P” Protective Actions- the behaviors. Instead of working on managing the things around them to decrease the chaotic feelings, they can articulate to their partner what they feel and what they feel drawn to do. ‘I feel overwhelmed and I want to manage everyone.” Slight adjustments can change the interactions from getting into a cycle to understanding each other better. Once you are in a place where you can share what is happening, you can start to create to meaning around your interactions. The goal IS NOT to just calm down or to deregulate. The goal is to connect in distress.   Minutes 20-25: As a pursuer, a recognizable shift in emotional health is to start to see how our strategies in a cycle land on or affect our partner. We are able to return to a fight quicker and even initiate a repair owning or acknowledging the part we played in it and sharing our deeper longing or desire. Connect Point: Imagine that you, as the Pursuer, is sharing with your partner what is going on internally or emotionally instead of focusing on the withdrawer's behaviors or lack of behavior. How do you think that would go? If you are the withdrawer, imagine your pursuer coming to you with their internal process versus what you are or are not doing. How do you think you would respond to that? Discuss the possibility of a different interaction. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Laurie is a highly experienced ASSECT certified sex therapist and the co-host of the chart-topping podcast, Foreplay Radio Sex Therapy. I've admired Laurie's work for many years and long before I had a podcast of my own, I was sharing her podcast with my clients or colleagues because it is a gold mine of knowledge! She's also an author, speaker, has featured in media from the New York Times to Huffington Post, and offers weekend retreats for couples in North Carolina. With her focus in emotion focused therapy (EFT), Laurie beautifully details how common patterns between partners, that of the withdrawer and the pursuer, can play out sexually. Anyone who's ever had a sexual partner should listen to this, as I have no doubt that you'll learn more than think you can about yourself and your sexual style. You can find out more about Laurie here: https://awakeningscenter.org/therapists/laurie-watson Foreplay Radio sex therapy, the podcast she co-hosts with couple's therapist George Faller, is consistently in the top 10 on iTunes. This week's episode is sponsored by Desir, South Africa's leading sexual health and wellness brand. Desir believes that sexual health is not just about the latest sex toy, but about using products to improve one's overall sexual health and wellbeing. For 15% off at www.desir.co.za, use the code FORAFRIEND.

Laurie is a highly experienced ASSECT certified sex therapist and the co-host of the chart-topping podcast, Foreplay Radio Sex Therapy. I've admired Laurie's work for many years and long before I had a podcast of my own, I was sharing her podcast with my clients or colleagues because it is a gold mine of knowledge! She's also an author, speaker, has featured in media from the New York Times to Huffington Post, and offers weekend retreats for couples in North Carolina. With her focus in emotion focused therapy (EFT), Laurie beautifully details how common patterns between partners, that of the withdrawer and the pursuer, can play out sexually. Anyone who's ever had a sexual partner should listen to this, as I have no doubt that you'll learn more than think you can about yourself and your sexual style. You can find out more about Laurie here: https://awakeningscenter.org/therapists/laurie-watson Foreplay Radio sex therapy, the podcast she co-hosts with couple's therapist George Faller, is consistently in the top 10 on iTunes. This week's episode is sponsored by Desir, South Africa's leading sexual health and wellness brand. Desir believes that sexual health is not just about the latest sex toy, but about using products to improve one's overall sexual health and wellbeing. For 15% off at www.desir.co.za, use the code FORAFRIEND.

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 5: The Withdrawer's Dilemma Show Notes.   First 5 minutes: Withdrawers have a hard time receiving feedback because any feedback lands like criticism. Feedback doesn't mean ‘opportunity' for a withdrawer, it means they must have gotten something wrong. Withdrawers are often anticipating that someone is going to tell them they got it wrong, so they are looking for it themselves so they can anticipate where it's going to come from. Minutes 5-10: Pursuers often feel like withdrawers get things wrong and withdrawers often feel like withdrawers are getting it wrong. Both strategies tend to blame the withdrawers for what is going wrong. Withdrawers are not trying to set off their pursuers. The message they get is that conflict is bad, and therefore they are trying to avoid it at all costs. Pursuers tend to have an anxious attachment strategy, while withdrawers tend to have an avoidant attachment strategy. So the internal message of the withdrawer can be, others are better off if I am not around, and I am better off not being around… but then they lose connection. Withdrawers want and need feedback to measure themselves, but feedback is dangerous and often lands like criticism, so they are in a double bind, wanting feedback but being afraid of the message that comes with it. Minutes 10-15: Withdawers then often find something else to ‘go to' or validate themselves with because they aren't getting it from their partner. Drinking, hobbies, isolated options. Example of working on a car in the garage- being in the garage and working on the car re-enforces the message that they probably don't know how to engage with their family. Errors or assumption from the pursuers is that their withdrawers aren't really thinking about the connection they want. They are, but they don't think they will or even can succeed at it, so they choose lonely over failure. Humor is a great strategy for a withdrawer to stay engaged but try to stay out of the distress, but when used in conflict, it might backfire. Minutes 15-20: Unless a person has done some emotional work, most of them, both pursuers and withdrawers, don't even know that their strategies are hijacking them. The more a withdrawer withdraws, the more likely they are to fail at the thing they are trying to protect- the relationship.   The message the withdrawer strategy often sends is that they don't ‘need' connection or their partner, but they do. We all need connection. The pursuers can also see the withdraw as a sign that they aren't safe to their partner or trusted by their partner. Minutes 20-25: In distress, when a withdrawer ‘goes along' with the purser, its' often seen as capitulating or placating. Withdrawers are not maliciously or intentionally trying to get it wrong. Even secure relationships have to work on their cycle and their process. Connect Point: Both partners take time to discuss one of the dilemmas withdrawers face that brings up empathy or compassion for the process your withdrawer is going through. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 4: The Pursuer's Dilemma Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Pursuers often feel like their thought process might be too much and therefore are already modifying or holding back some of the energy they have. This episode is designed to bring up empathy for our Pursuers. Minutes 5-10: The first dilemma we bring up is when we see something that isn't done the way we thought it should be. Should the pursuer only show gratitude for the effort, or should the pursuer point out what might be wrong with how it was done- which reinforces the message that no one can get it right for them. Another dilemma is when pursuers are in an interaction and start to feel like the other person isn't understanding them- the internal process is possibly to go bigger- make it more urgent, use more words, etc… or not saying anything, but feel like that won't work. If pursuers show more energy to help clarify the interaction, they are seen as too much. Minutes 10-15: If pursuers don't ‘take control' of situations that feel like they are not going well, then they feel compromised- their motivation is to help all situations run the best.  Pursuers can often try to use silence- still to get a response from their partners. If pursuers don't say anything, their anxiety builds because they feel compelled to bring attention to what is going wrong. But it takes so much energy to both hold back, but then to bring it forward. It's a catch 22. The intent for why the pursuers fight so hard comes from such a good place in their hearts. Pursuers just want ‘everyone to do their part.' It's exhausting and pursuers get burnt out. Minutes 15-20: Pursuers can get to a sense of hopelessness when they have been doing so much for so long without help or acknowledgement. When we have to ask for, even in a demanding way, for needs to be met, pursuers then feel too needy. The systems that pursuers have in place for everything to run well, end up running them and everyone else and if the systems start failing, a pursuers anxiety will begin to build. Pursuers take on so much and even pick up the slack for others, but then the system learns to rely on the pursuer and possibly even just let the pursuer do it all. But then pursuers get no relief. Minutes 20-25: Pursuers believe (and often withdrawers will agree) that they are working harder and doing more than everyone else. And the real sad part is that pursuers also blame themselves when things start going wrong. Pursuers are willing to try anything and everything to get the response they need. Connect Point: Both partners take time to discuss one of the dilemmas pursuers face that brings up empathy or compassion for the process your pursuer is going through. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 3: “Honoring Withdrawers” Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Withdrawers have the ability to keep emotion from getting in the way of their task. They have been learning these strategies since their developmental years and life has taught them that it is a benefit to be able to stay calm in chaos. Withdrawers can maintain the appearance of stoicism on the outside even in the evidence of stress. Withdrawers do research and like to know that the decision they are making is the best one.   Minutes 5-10: The way a withdrawer nurtures a relationship is to be diligent about being accurate. They spend a lot of time thinking through what the best choice or best answer would be. Withdrawers are stoic and pursuers lean on their stability in times of distress. Withdrawers look into danger or distress and can maintain composure to try and restore things to stable again. Withdrawers have an internal check list that helps them stay focused amidst distraction. Minutes 10-15: While Pursers like systems- they tend to be external systems that they need others to follow. Withdrawers run on internal systems for themselves to remain stable in all circumstances. Withdrawers are trying really hard NOT to fail, even to the fault of it being methodical. Withdrawers are pretty self-reliant and we often see their self-reliance as low maintenance, but that also means we can miss their heart. Often if we ‘check in' on a withdrawer, they can feel like they got it wrong- just because we are drawing attention to their possible need. Withdrawers want to make sure they look ‘ok' even if they are not. Minutes 15-20: Withdrawers are like health and safety; they just want to keep everything ‘good enough'. Withdrawers are the pace cars for those around them. While pursuers tend to want to pick up the pace or continually look for ways to improve, withdrawers appreciate it when things are stable and there is nothing on fire. Minutes 20-25: Withdrawers know how to use humor to lighten the mood or help absorb some of the tension.  They know how to ‘de-escalate' the tension in the room with humor or by distracting or changing the subject. Withdrawers having a willingness to ‘go along' with the Pursuers plans or systems without much push back, even if they have a more accurate way. Connect Point: Both partners honor one good thing about the withdrawer in their relationship. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 2: “Honoring Pursuers” Show Notes. First 5 minutes: Pursuers are really working hard to stay connected and to help the relationship stay connected. Pursuers are HOPEFULL. They believe that the efforts they are contributing are really going to work! Pursuers are RESOURCEFUL. They are going to try everything possibly to help the relationship thrive. Pursers are Resilient and Creative. They have a lot of words and try hard to be clear or are very willing to clarify if you ask them for more understanding. Pursuers will take a risk to share what they are feeling and thinking if they feel there is a chance it will help. Minutes 5-10: Pursuers notice the problems and call them out with the intent that it will help their partner know what needs to be fixed. Pursers what things to run efficiently so a pursuers body will help them hone out what might slow down efficiency. The motivation of a purser is to do whatever is needed to help the relationship go well. Pursuers manage all the details. Pursuers are making efforts for connection. They might not always be able to articulate that they ‘need' their withdrawers, but the deep motivation is to connect. Pursuers discern disconnection and threat because they want to get out ahead of it.   Minutes 10-15: Pursuers not only notice what might be going wrong, they take the risk to bring attention to it so that it can get addressed and the connection can be restored. Pursers are cheerleaders for people around them. The see everyone's ‘potential' and want to help them reach it. Pursuers want to share the insight they see about those around them and are pushing for everyone to be their best. Pursers really are fighting hard for themselves, for their relationship, for their partners, for their families etc…. They are hoping for and seeking out feedback so that they can improve themselves. From books, from others, from a therapist, from a workshop. They are looking to improve themselves as well as those around them. Connect Point: Both partners honor one good thing about the pursuer in their relationship. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

The Word of God ought to move in your life to produce a change, a kingdom type change. And that change begins with what's known as Grace. In the Hebrew, that word ‘'hesed''. And God's grace brings about change so that your life can be a recipient of God's will. Now not just receiving His promises His blessings, but having demonstrated His will, having done those things, that you will be a recipient of the rewards the recompense of God. And that's a wonderful thing, to carry out God's purposes, and be a recipient of God's promises. To donate please visit us at: https://www.LoveIsrael.org/donate Checks may be sent to: LoveIsrael.org 6355 N Courtenay Parkway Merritt Island, FL 32953

The Word of God ought to move in your life to produce a change, a kingdom type change. And that change begins with what's known as Grace. In the Hebrew, that word ‘'hesed''. And God's grace brings about change so that your life can be a recipient of God's will. Now not just receiving His promises His blessings, but having demonstrated His will, having done those things, that you will be a recipient of the rewards the recompense of God. And that's a wonderful thing, to carry out God's purposes, and be a recipient of God's promises. To donate please visit us at: https://www.LoveIsrael.org/donate Checks may be sent to: LoveIsrael.org 6355 N Courtenay Parkway Merritt Island, FL 32953

Connecting Couples Podcast: Series: Pursuers and Withdrawers  Episode 1 Show Notes. We're  back from our 6-month hiatus. First 5 minutes: A deeper dive into both roles in the relationship cycle. Understanding more the Pursuers and the Withdrawers; their motivations, the things we love, the things that are challenging, what the strategies look like in ‘escalation' and ‘de-escalation'. How does this content impact your relationship (what growth will look like). Minutes 5-10: In process- pursuers tend to share as they go and withdrawers tend to want to have it built before they share it. Can (either strategy) recognize their own process and let your partner know about it. The goal is NOT that you switch roles- that pursuers would become withdrawers or withdrawers would become pursuers. A healthy goal is possibly that pursuers can understand their part and share their internal process more and that Withdrawers can understand their part and let their partner in on it more. Escalation- when the relationship is under distress and one or both partners feel heightened emotion and strategies are quickly in play. Your body is sending you strategic messages based on how you are reading or assessing the interaction. Messages might be: I'm going to be left (abandoned) as a pursuer, or I'm going to be ‘in trouble' and I'll shut down as a withdrawer. Minutes 10-15: Before understating strategies and attachment (or EARLY into your understanding of the Pursuer and Withdrawer strategies) ... you know you and your partner don't ‘communicate' affectively and you get into fights that don't feel resolved. Pursuers have a tendency to increase energy and can blame their partner. Withdrawers have a tendency to shut down and often take the blame on themselves. Couples who ‘don't fight' aren't necessarily de-escalated. Not fighting might be a strategy that reduces conflict, but doesn't always make us feel securely connected, or seen and heard. De-escalation. Does NOT mean you will not fight. It means we can understand more what is happening, repair more, and are able to ask for our needs to get met in a way that our partner understands. Statistic- couples often stay in distress for up to 7 years before asking for help from a therapist. Once you get help, how can you tell if the help is making a difference. What will it look like when a couple is in a more secure place that is less escalated and more aware. Minutes 15-end: If you can have a conversation with your partner about what your emotional experience is (instead of discussing the content or jumping to strategy), it really starts to shift your relationship. Growth that happens- now that I have awareness, there is a better chance for a good repair. My growth is reflected by my ability to return to a fight with the part I played and what my experience was (self-focused on own behavior and own motivations versus partners). Connect Point: First identify (or remind yourself and your partner) what strategy you lean to in distress. Are you a Pursuer or a Withdrawer? Then, identify one or two of the moves you most likely go to and share YOUR typical moves with your partner. Let your partner share their own moves with you. For more information about Chad and Angela, check out their website: www.therealimhoffs.com  

Isaiah 58: 2-12; 61:1-3Devin DunnIsaiah: Songs of the Servant