Kaleidoscope Radio

On this episode of Kaleidoscope radio, Alexa answers the demand of the Kaleidoscope. She asked, you answered and you told her in alarming numbers that you want to learn about Tantra. Alexa's answer? To welcome the lovely Devi Erickson to the show! Devi has a background immersed in traditional Tantric practice, and authentic teachings that she learned from a man who not only studied Tantra for over 30 years, but also learned Tibetan practices that are barely known, let alone taught. Devi tells Alexa about her entry into Tantra, and how when she moved to Vancouver, people just thought she gave erotic massages. She described the basis, foundation and tradition of Tantra, and the purpose it's meant to serve. She and Alexa also share a giggle over some of the more “enlightened” terms for genitalia in other cultures. She takes us along for a quick but intense history lesson and describes Tantra using a river metaphor that paints the most beautiful image possible. She also weaves her own experiences into that history and describes the style of Tantra she is knowledgeable in, and how it's origins differ from the more widely known Tantric practices. Alexa and Devi discuss the topic of tantra as a trend, and the dangers involved with how many inexperienced practitioners there are. She explains that in order to hold the space for someone to heal, you have a responsibility to be trained, qualified and experienced enough to provide that depth of healing. She also explains the importance of knowing your role, and being prepared with the right people on hand to help in any psychological capacity that may be needed. There's more to Tantra than a weekend seminar. Alexa asks Devi to describe what a session with her looks like, and what comes next is nothing short of beautiful. She describes the depth of connection that people reach just looking into each others eyes, and how heartbeats even synchronize. She also talks about how sex can be once those levels of connection are felt. Alexa relates back and talks about her experience with shallow encounters, and the different things she's been experiencing within her mind, body and sexuality as she grows as a person.   Quotes “And the one thing I had never addressed was my sexuality, because I didn't think I needed to” Links “Tantra is a path to enlightenment” “It's not just sex, it's so much more” “Usually what they're yearning for is connection. That's the missing piece” “The key to great sex is being present in your body” If the person does not have a lineage, and does not have a teacher, then they're not practicing or teaching tantra” “It can be fun without connection, but it's so much better when there is”   Links   More Alexa www.thevioletbutterfly.com The Kaleidoscope

Alexa welcomes Jess onto Kaleidoscope Radio after seeing what was easily one of the most exciting and engaged threads she's ever come across on social media. The threads are a play by play recount of Jess' mission yo get her “number” up to 100. Tons of ladies are letting Jess know that they love her mission, that it excites them, inspires them, and gives them life. Why not invite her here, to talk all about it? Jess talks about the inspiration behind Jess Hits 100, and asks Alexa what thread she caught. Alexa tells her that it was the airport post, and Jess gives her a live breakdown of what went down, and how much fun it was. She shares a lot of insight, and her own thought process during the adventure, and why heels and hard hats can be an awkward combination. Alexa asks her to share some of the potentially creepy or awkward situations that this has brought on. Her answer is pretty hocking, and also really informative as she discusses the impact of being so open about her sexuality and get goal. Alexa starts asking Jess about specific numbered encounters. She takes her on a journey to Argentina, a Bus trip to LA, a play party, and so many other places. She also describes the best sex, and the kinkiest sex that this mission is giving her the opportunity to experience. She also talks about the legendary 44. She tells Alexa about her big #100 and how it went down, as well as the celebration that followed. The ladies then go on to talk about butt stuff, because what else would make this episode even better than it already was? Jess gets the opportunity to talk about some of the cool things she's planning to do, and what she wants to work on in the present, and what she's got in mind for the future, she also shares a few ways to reach out and connect with her.   Quotes “I didn't want to be 95 one day and not remember when I was young” “In my head I heard feint alarm bells, it was fine, I got out of there” “If they were really rude or something, no thank you.” “I had to tell a man the other day where his G spot is”   Links www.readyjessgo.com www.femaletravelcollective.com More Alexa www.thevioletbutterfly.com

Destin Gerek is a transformational empowerment coach who specializes in helping you tap deep into your masculine core, awaken your sexual energy, and harness this newfound power to passionately manifest your biggest visions, and create the life of your dreams. Referred to by the press as Tantra meets Tony Robbins, Destin Gerek is an internationally recognized leading voice in masculinity, sexuality, consciousness, and personal empowerment.  Recognizing the need for new role models for men in these changing times, Destin is dedicated to redefining masculinity for the 21st century. Alexa begins by introducing Destin, and alluding to him as an erotic rock star, before handing over the spotlight. Destin tells her his views on the #metoo campaign, and what he's observed about the behaviors of men since that campaign began. He also explains what Alexa meant by the Erotic Rock Star, and the adventure that it was. He talks about the two types of guys: the bad boy, and then the anti-bad boy, and how each identity plays a role in a woman's feeling emotionally safe as well as desired. He also tells Alexa about how he shifted himself away from being considered a serious partner, and what happened when he decided he wanted to change that. Destin talks about what men can do for modern women, and he and Alexa discuss intuition versus logic and reason. The two also get into conscious sexuality, and how Tantric experiences and BDSM experiences can both create a level of consciousness within a person. Destin also gives some insights throughout the show on what makes an Evolved Man, and the benefits of having that awareness.   Quotes “Previous to three months ago, we've had large scale denial that we even had an issue” “I challenged myself to become the role model that I wished that I had” “How ever you present yourself to the world, it's a mask” “Women aren't seeing me as a potential partner, they're seeing me as a fun ride they want to experience” “There are things that men need to hear from another man”   Links http://EvolvedMasculine.com http://EvolvedMasculine.com/blueprint http://DestinGerek.com Social Media http://facebook.com/destingerekprofile http://facebook.com/destingerek http://twitter.com/destingerek

Dana B. Myers is an award-winning product developer, entrepreneur, author and media personality. As Founder of Booty Parlor, she has changed the lives thousands of women by inspiring them to boost their sensual self-confidence and create sexier, more satisfying relationships. Through her Mojo Makeover books and workshops, Dana helps women reclaim their sensual power and sexual pleasure. Her advice has been featured by Marie Claire, Women’s Health, Parents, Redbook and Allure. Dana has appeared on ABC Nightline, Good Morning America, Access Hollywood, The Wendy Williams Show and more. Alexa kicks off this online love-fest by expressing her appreciation for Dana, and the feeling is mutual! Dana shares the story of her upbringing, and how her household was comfortable with the topic of sex, and how she was the one among her friends who was first to open the sex dialogue, the first to buy sex toys, and the first to truly appreciate her feminine beauty. She then goes on to share how the Booty Parlor came into existence, and the reason why it needed to be in the world. Dana expands on the journey and growth of the brand, from developing products to hosting parties, and trainings within sex shops. She talks about how much she loved being able to educate and explain to women in person about how to not only utilize the products, but also to feel sexy doing it. The brand has since grown to an international level, and with it came some very unexpected and pleasant surprises. Dana describes the brand as more than just a sex toy business, but in actuality it's more of a confidence business. She shares the 4 words that play a massive role in keeping sexual desire alive and well within a long term relationship, and how the range of products have been inspired by sensuality, and fulfilling one another's desires and needs. Alexa relates on the topic of desires, and she and Dana both talk about sexual empathy and being openly communicative with your partner in order to have an awesome sex life. Quotes “A lot of times, the pleasure of a woman has kind of taken a back seat” “I wanted to feel everything there was to feel around sex” “You've got to feel sexy, you've got to feel confident, you've got to feel empowered before you can then bring that forward into a relationship” “We underestimate our ripple effect” “Women are scared to really share the details” “Our intimate connection is a priority” “You can't argue with the way someone else feels” Links www.DanaBMyers.com www.BootyParlor.com Coupon Code: Butterfly

Dr. Susie Gronski is a doctor of physiotherapy, a board certified pelvic rehab practitioner, and simply put, she's a physiotherapist for your private parts. She is the author of Pelvic Pain: The Ultimate Cockblock. She loves the outdoors and snuggling with her boys, her Hubby and fur babies. She's passionate about empowering others to take control of their sexual health, resolving their pelvic pain and fears around pain in general, meditation and spiritual development, education people about their bodies (especially their private parts) and being real... whatever that means! Dr. Susie kicks off by telling Alexa how she got into the medical field and what inspired her to follow a path into physiotherapy. Pursuing her hunger for knowledge and her thirst for adventure, as well as a shocking moment in which say may (or may not) have peed on herself, she found the field of pelvic health. That covers the hoo hah's, but as for the dangly bits, when guys started coming to her with issues, she decided out of compassion to narrow in and niche down in order to help people with one specific issue: their private parts. Alexa asks her about the most common issues she faces with Men, and Dr. Susie is more than happy to share the list! She gives quite a few examples of issues that men face, and the role that not only physical health, but also mental health plays in the healing of pelvic issues. She also shares some information about the pain that women experience, and why men aren't looked at with the same eyes women are when it comes to pelvic pain. She and Alexa talk about the person, place or thing that you keep facing on a daily basis that causes stress, can create and manifest a protective response in the body. It's important to identify the triggers that cause you stress, and work to rectify that issue, as triggers can often lead to bigger health problems if left unchecked. Dr. Susie also mentions that environment plays a role in the healing process. She gets into the subject of pain, and the fact that it's necessary for survival. She describes that both physically and emotionally, pain is a way to identify something that is wrong for us, or that we shouldn't be doing. She explains that it's a good idea to pay attention to our pain, but also to accept it as well as push beyond it to find a solution. She also talks about pain being a gift because it makes you take action. Alexa talks about branding, and asks Dr. Susie about her choice of branding and the journey it took to get there. She happily describes the experience of pushing her limits, and taking the plunge to speak her mind within her business and her message. Alexa also talks about authenticity and how important it is to be honest and up front with yourself and your audience. She also accepts and invitation to In Your Pants, Susie's podcast. Quotes “They don't have help, they don't know where to go, and no one will listen to them” “Without awareness of recognition, how can you change anything?” “If we didn't have pain, we wouldn't have the ability to survive as a species” “What we feel in our body is because our brain is telling us to feel it” “It is a conscious experience, but it's constructed in our brain” Links www.drsusieg.com In Your Pants – Podcast

Alexa bears all on this episode of Kaleidoscope Radio, and the result is an emotional one. She explains that her story shared is a current one, one that she's experiencing in real time as it develops, and that leaves an uncertainty and vulnerability that she's not used to sharing with anyone, let alone an audience. Alexa tells about a relationship that dissipated due to distance and a bleak outlook half a year prior to this recording. She describes her rationale in ending things, and felt that it was the correct thing to do because of distance and disconnect. The something happened that she wasn't quite ready to accept. Alexa has been saying that she doesn't want monogamy or a family for a long time, but recently she found a very deep connection with someone and resisted it. Things grew until both of them stopped, and realized they're not looking for the same things. Alexa was devastated, and surprised by that reaction. She uses this experience to set up her relationship and relevance of her guest, Stef Sifandos Stef spends his days learning to be open to receiving, creating content and reading material, spending time training and in personal practices. He spends his time with beautiful people, whether that's friends, clients, family or strangers. He and Alexa laugh about how difficult it is to sum up what they do in few words, but the always give it their best shot, and how it often gets understated. Alexa asks him about his connection to the masculine and feminine and how that appears within his work. He describes how he approaches conversation about the two in a way that's not fractured or fragmented, and that he's mindful of his words because he's come from a place that was negative, and he understands that he can use his language, understanding and experience in a way that can allow us to connect as people. He describes the way people can overdo one or the other, and that's it more about finding that steady state of being, and that patience and understanding is crucial is finding your balanced state. He talks about receiving, and how he was always in a giving energy, and gave so much all of the time that he wasn't putting himself in a place to be receptive of things. Stef shares some of the driving reason behind why some people give, and that they can come from both healthy and unhealthy places. He also addresses a question Alexa asks about heartbreak, and the journey that it is, and how to properly set yourself up to get what you need out of the experience. He also defines and breaks down negative emotions and why it's important to stay with them and then move beyond them. Alexa further relates her heartbreak to us, as well as Stef, and describes the emotional journey she went though in order to make sense of it all. She shares the highs and lows of the experience, as well as the ramifications it has on the story she's not only told herself, but the entire Kaleidoscope up to this point. Quotes “I'm just good at saying goodbye” “I hadn't cried that hard in years” “I help people deal with the issues I was going through at that time, but I didn't have anyone that I could look to that could help me.” “Ultimately it's about finding that steady state” “You need to create the space to allow yourself to receive” “When we take a break from the normality of life, we create space for ourselves” “Support presents itself in many ways” “You've been choosing that because it's safe” Links www.Stefsifandos.com  

Alexa welcomes the producer of Kaleidoscope radio, Scott Doucet onto the show today! Scott a Podcast producer, consultant and host of the show Podcast Bay. His brand, which shares the name of his show, aims to educate people about podcasting and how to get the job done effectively, with quality and purpose at the forefront. When Scott first got into producing podcasts for other business owners, he found it to be rather boring and flavorless, but once Alexa came along with the idea that was Kaleidoscope Radio, a world of sexy and exciting audio possibilities opened up within his production journey and he was more than happy to accept the challenge.   Alexa congratulated Scotty on his soon to be family and they talk back and forth about how freaked out both of them are by children and the concept of having kids. Scott talks to children like they're tiny adults, and the idea of having children scares the crap out of him. He also explains that sex has become a little weird for him since his wife got pregnant because it almost feels like he has a tiny audience at all times.   Scott and Alexa chat back and forth about their different upbringings, and how that impacted their lives and lead them to who they are today. Scott explains that his relationship with both of his parents is very open, and he can talk to them about anything, even if it's sex related.   Scott brings up a jaw dropping moment on Kaleidoscope Radio that led him to learn that he actually has limitations to what he wants to experience sexually. They talked about Alexa's search history, and a talk that she did at a crypto-currency event about sexual deviancy.   The chat leads to censorship within the media, and Scott voices that it was, and continues to be one of his biggest obstacles and concerns for the production aspect of Alexa's show. Even though she can say whatever she wants to on the air, it becomes a little difficult when writing descriptions and titles, because there is a limit to how open these things can be on places like iTunes.   Alexa and Scott circle back to talk about the Kaleidoscope as a community, and how Scott is a little jealous of Alexa for having such an awesome group of supporters behind her. Scott also brings up how he was a bit worried about how his editor was going to adjust to working on Kaleidoscope Radio because of the open approach to subject matter, but that it ended up becoming his source of sexual education. Scott expresses his appreciation for both Alexa and her guests for putting out a show that helps people ease into situations and learn about them before actually having to experience them first hand and potentially have a bad experience.   Scott gets into some of the podcast episodes that he has particularly enjoyed working on and listening to, and why. He also talks about why working on the show has given Scott's job a lot more meaning and purpose than it had in the days before Alexa's show his his desk. Alexa also shares her most nerve wracking interview and why she was so nervous behind the mic while she was talking to that particular guest. Finally, to close out this episode of the show, Alexa allows Scott to flip the script and ask a question of his own. He decides to ask Alexa if she's as open as she is accepting of others, or are there things she just won't do?   “Every moment of my life whether I knew it or not was leading me up to working in the audio industry” “Have you ever had that moment when you walk into a room and realize you're the coolest kid there?” “I was obsessed with my tally-whacker from the moment I knew it existed” “I did not know I had hard limits until I heard your show” “The last thing I want to do is censor you” “we want something that makes us feel like we matter, and that our job matters, and gives us meaning and validation and this show does that for me” “Acceptance is everything”

Alexa kicks off by sharing how she met Suzie, as well as where this episode will differ from past episodes. She has decided to focus on the dating angle for this show, and therefore helping Kaleidoscope Radio to cover the entire spectrum of Sex, Love and Relationships. Suzie describes what she does, and how she got into the craziness that is her multifaceted life and career. She explains that everything came about on the tail end of a massive breakup, and accepting ownership over her part what went wrong. She talks about the journey of finding herself again, and how she was able to rebuild herself, and find a purpose that made her truly happy. She shares that once she figured it out, people started to find her as if she was a beacon, because even though she hadn't put anything out there saying that she could coach people through relationship struggles, people started to ask for her help. Alexa and Suzie chat about the qualities within them that seem to have a magnetic pull that attract certain people who need them into their circle when the timing is just right, and how just being honest, open and expressive has helped them to find the people they love and appreciate in various aspects of their lives. Alexa also shares that she's open to searching for the good in people, and typically will find something she loves within someone. They also talk about self care, balance, and how showing up as your best self actually plays into attraction on every level. Suzie talks about how important it is to be authentic to yourself, and who you are instead of trying to play into what you believe someone wants. She explains that good looking people often date average looking people because they value things like a big heart and family values more than they value hair extensions and botox. She says that when you allow your inner self to show and radiate outward, you attract the people who are best suited to you and your desires. She talks about some of the things she witnessed while throwing singles events, and how people missed the point of attraction and focused on superficial things, instead of the things that actually matter long term. Alexa and Suzie discuss why it's so crucial to put effort into getting ready for things, and why taking pride in the way you look, and feel can make a monumental difference in the way things work out for you. Suzie explains that she won't even show up unless she's feeling good because the desired results just won't be there unless she's in the right place physically, emotionally and mentally. She also shares an example of how subconscious habits can impact people far more deeply than they would expect. Suzie also brings up that the current state of things after the #metoo campaign, men are actually afraid to approach women for fear of being labeled improperly or accidentally misreading a social cue and inadvertently causing a problem. She also stresses that it's so crucial for people to educate themselves on things that they are afraid of in order to create understanding and dispel the fear aspect. They talk about non negotiable things that they care about, and how being dishonest about what you're into or willing to accept, or settling for something less than you want, almost always fall short or ends badly. Alexa also talks about being open and upfront, and how she doesn't want to get into a relationship and hold back anything about herself, so she feels it's good to lay your cards out on the table and expose your needs, wants, preferences and expectations from a relationship when things start to get serious. They also talk about the difference between lust and love, and how a person's kiss can tell you so much about how they will be in the bedroom.   “We blame the other person all the time, but it takes two to tango” “When people have had trauma, their empathy and intuition just goes off the charts” “Are you making sure you're showing up as a well balanced version of you?” “There are so many hot guys, according to the media, who are with the average girl next door because they don't want high maintenance” “You can feel when a certain person has walked into the room because they've got that light, and that energy, and that's what people need to find” “You've got to care about how you wrap the package” “We show people how we want to be treated” “Just feel confident in yourself. Own your space.” “The way they touch you when they're kissing you tells you what they're going to be like in the bedroom” Links Meet Your Match - Dating Course https://meetyourmatch.thinkific.com 30 Day PR Mastery https://suzie-parkus.thinkific.com/courses/30-Day-PR-Mastery?ref=73f3cd Monthly Media Planner https://suzie-parkus.thinkific.com/courses/media-planner?ref=73f3cd   Disclaimer These links are affiliate links

Jen Oliver is an Author, Podcaster, Core Transformation Coach and Founder of The Love FitMama Way. Through safe fitness, self care and mindfulness she supports new mums to embrace, nurture and enjoy their motherhood journey. What she is most passionate about is supporting women to love their bodies and love their lives. She enjoys pelvic floor related talk, how connecting to your deep inner core muscles gives you better orgasms, how to do this using core fitness, and how a deeper connection to your own core gives you confidence in the bedroom and the boardroom as a mom and in life. Alexa introduces Jen to the show and describes her excitement and discomfort surrounding the topic of sex and relationships after motherhood. Jen describes what makes a Fit Mama  for her, and how she could tie fitness and nutrition into motherhood, in a way that is both nurturing and enjoyable. She also discusses the core, and what happens to a woman's core during and after pregnancy. She brings up sex during and after pregnancy as well, and what can potentially happen to both partners during that time in a woman's life. Jen shares some tips, exercises and insights surrounding pelvic floor recovery, and restoring strength and tenacity to your core. She explains that taking the time to to see a professional can make a massive difference in solving a variety of issues after pregnancy. She also shares what to look for post pregnancy, and when your body will heal itself. She talks about intentions, expectations and obligations. She relates micromanagement, and stress, and how they can all play in together if left unchecked. Jen shares insights about accepting help, and being able to put ourselves first and not stretching ourselves too thin. She describes a breathing technique that strengthens the bond between your mind, your nervous system and your pelvic floor. She and Alexa also debunk the hormone myths. Quotes "I want to gently shock and awe" "Being a Fit Mama all starts with love" "These changes don't need to be negative" "There is so much misinformation and lack of information out there" "Just because it's common, doesn't mean it's normal" "When you start with this deep unconditional love for yourself, magic actually starts to happen" "If anything were possible, what would your ideal situation look like?" "We live our lives largely by reaction" "The number one benefit of breathing is calming the nervous system." Links http://jenoliver.com http://facebook.com/jenoliver17 https://www.instagram.com/lovejenoliver/ http://lovefitmama.com/pearlpullups https://www.youtube.com/lovefitmama

Alexa and Laureen talk about the impact that Laureen is having in the world, and how it means so much to her to hear about the difference she's making by spreading awareness about HSV. Laureen also describes her experience, and the journey from first contracting Herpes, and the decision to share it with the world in order to heal, educate and empower others. She also explains why she went from silence, to blogging, and finally to video.   She talks about the self perception that people who have contracted something have about being judged, and often people have never given anyone the opportunity to be there for them out of fear of judgment. She also describes the various stages that the herpes virus manifests, and the different ways it takes shape and form. She also shares that some doctors won't test unless there is a physical outbreak and the logic they apply to that decision.   Laureen shares that stress and the nervous system can play a massive part in illness and outbreaks. She also breaks down the different experiences people have with their first outbreak. From zero symptoms all the way to flu-like symptoms and genital discomfort, there is a huge spectrum of experiences that people undergo, and it varies from person to person in terms of frequency and severity.   She breaks down different things that can help with outbreak, and which can be controlled, and which can't. Alexa and Laureen talk about the biology behind the virus, and how it occurs on a biological level both within the body, and on the skin itself. Laureen talks about recognizing symptoms, and how learning how to work with your body when it gives warning signs can vastly impact the experience of living with herpes.   They discuss the importance of disclosing the information of having sores with the people who are going to interact with you in a sexual manner. Laureen shares experiences within her life story where disclosure was crucial and understanding from her partner was even more important.   She talks about the medical aspect of herpes, as well as the shift from STD's to STI's. Alexa and Laureen also explain that doctor's often fall short as far as knowledge surrounding sexually transmitted infections. They talk about the government control of the topics surrounding sex, and how they create distance between patients and medical care providers. They also share resources and sources of valuable information for both adults and teens. Quotes “I'm not condemned to live with this virus” “Finally, there's someone I can talk about it with who won't judge me” “Meditation helps a lot” “From the moment that you have a sore, wherever that sore is, you have to tell whoever is going to interact with that area” “usually the times you transmit are right before an outbreak or right after an outbreak” “You need to provide information but also support” “You are okay” Links https://www.youtube.com/laureenhd

Alexa welcomes Vanessa Cuccia to Kaleidoscope Radio! She shares her New York adventure that led to her finding Sexpo, and ultimately, today's guest of honor. She laughs about emoji shaped vibrators and gushes about the amazing sights and sounds of Sexpo. Vanessa Cuccia is the creator Creator of Chakrubs, The Original Crystal Sex Toy Company. She's also the Author of "Crystal Healing & Sacred Pleasure" coming out soon! She describes the conditions that created some sexual issues within her life, and the creation of her business that helped heal not only her own life, but others with sexual trauma as well. She explains spirituality from her perspective, and how the crystals play a role in healing from a sensual place. She describes that crystals have a metaphysical element to them that promotes energy flow and healing, and how pairing that with pleasure is very powerful. Vanessa breaks down energy a little further and describes how the line is made to compliment energy and accentuate pleasure. She also talks about the crystal types, as well as the various ____ eggs available, and the purpose they serve. She also shares how to use them and describes a practice and the range of motions someone can do. Alexa asks how to charge the crystals, and how to practice good hygiene. Vanessa talks about cleansing, and how to properly cleanse the crystals and releasing the energy. She also explains the 2 parts of crystal care, and how to properly utilize different methods to cleanse and charge crystals. Alexa also discloses what crystal she keeps in her bra! Quotes "If I'm going to choose a rock for my vagina, it's going to be something she's dealing" "I needed to reconnect to myself" "Some people are very sensitive to energy and when they pick up a crystal they'll feel it right away" "It's symbolic of you taking care of your sexual identity" "Something doesn't necessarily have to look spiritual for it to be sacred." "Every part of who you are is sacred and spiritual" Links www.chakrubs.com www.instagram.com/chakrubs Discount Code: Butterfly

Alexa kicks off the episode explaining to the Kaleidoscope how the new season is breaking down, as well as some of the changes that are occurring within the show, as well as the Kaleidoscope at large, and it's creating a metamorphosis for the Violet Butterfly. She also welcomes her guest, Mariessa Mahfouz onto the show, and tells Mariessa (and us) about her experience with Sylk. Mariessa breaks down the different types of lube and what you should be looking for when you're out shopping. She explains why reading the label is important and what you should be looking for. She and Alexa talk about product safety, and why coconut oil is not a good idea with condoms or toys. They get into many others reasons and ways to be cautious, while still having a blast with your toys. She tells Alexa what being sex positive, and representing a sex positive brand means to her. They also get into what happens when they find a partner with sex knowledge, including the safety aspect, and how it can lead to mind blowing orgasm. Alexa asks Mariessa what men think of Sylk, and if the review has been a positive one. She explains that she's heard good things, and Alexa shares her own opinions on the product! She also describes why it's a good idea to choose lubricant that mimics natural lubricant found in the body, and how it can lead to more in depth mental connectivity to sex. She leaves us off with a personal story, explaining the brand and the fact that it is a family business. She also shares the care that went into and the impact that came out of the brand. Alex caps things off by sharing the direction of the Kaleidoscope, and brings new listeners up to speed on the meaning of the name. Mariessa gets the show's very first encore, and shares an important fact about PH that even men will want to know about. Quotes “The Ripple Effect is really what this is all about” “There are a lot of lubricants on the market and not all products are created equal” “For women it is about that confidence and it is about that comfort and safe feeling” “It's the bliss line, that perfect combination of salty and sweet” “Why wouldn't you do more things that are going to make the experience better?” Links www.sylkusa.com Instagram: WeAreSylk Alexa: www.thevioletbutterfly.com  

Alexa invites JJ Roberts to speak about his book Sex 3.0 in this episode of Kaleidoscope Radio! He describes an around the world trip he took that lead to him having discussions and taking notes that ultimately became his book. He explains that the experience he gained living the 2.0 lifestyle, along with his experience living the 3.0 lifestyle, and the trip around the world led him to an apartment where he decided to sit down and write a book. The book itself only took 6 weeks to organize, but the content spanned over 2 decades of life and 53 countries worth of cultural experience. JJ answers questions from the Kaliedoscope posed by Alexa. He talks about women's and men's sexual desire, as well as tribal lifestyle and how families functioned very different without the concept of property. He also speaks up about the current 2.0 system, and the weaknesses within it. He explains that when you spend your life studying design and engineering things, you become good at spotting a bad design. He also talks about what would replace the 2.0 model, and how it would take a whole different level of thought to achieve a better design. Alexa asks a few more questions from the Kaleidoscope band JJ teases listeners a little with hints of a future project. Quotes "I couldn't express it very well because I didn't have clarity in my own mind yet." "I was able to tune in to the things that were not specific to one particular country or culture in relationships, but the things that were universally human" "As I got better and better at explaining it, more and more people agreed with me" "to get us from 1.0 to 2.0 took us about 9,500 years." "Don't underestimate women's desire for sexual variety" "The rejection of what is can never be a solution by itself" "If you want to go back to 1.0 you'd have to un-invent the concept of property" "My mom read my book, and she likes it. She doesn't agree with anything in it, but..."

Steena Brown's journey has gone from good-little-girl to sexual empowerment coach for women and their men. This required a deep release of fear, shame, perfectionism and self-sabotaging patterns. Training to become a birth doula, and her healing path through marriage, motherhood and entrepreneurship, taught Steena the art of sacred, aligned, sexy success which she now uses in her work with her husband: Movement specialist, Adam Brown. Steena goes back to where it all started for her, the difference in personalities between she and her mother, how the media shaped her young view of womanhood, and her education surrounding sex and sexuality. She also discusses her views of what kind of partner she wanted based on her perspective of her parents relationship. She talks a bit about her early dating history, and what it taught her about sex, and herself. Steena also talks about meeting her husband, and how that went, as well as how their spiritual beliefs were aligned, but caused confusion elsewhere in her family. Alexa and Steena get on the topic of beliefs about sex, and how it can create a lot of problems both in dating and marriage between couples. She feels that the “cut and dry” approach to male and female emotions is misleading, and inaccurate. Alexa also gets onto the topic of healthy communication, negotiation, and having the proper tools to explore sexuality with another person. Steena talks about sex within her marriage, and not having to acquiesce to sex. She feels that marriage has simplified things for her in terms of sexuality, and given her a degree of sexual security in order to work on things that needed to be worked on. The conversation continues to flow and unfold as the ladies move into all kinds of emotional and sexual territory. It concludes with Steena explaining what a doula does, and her experience in the field, as well as what kinds of cool things Steena has been up to in her business. Quotes “What does it mean to have the body of a woman?” “I want a partner who really gets me spiritually” “Life isn't a step by step.” “Let's just have sex all day, all the time.” “it's okay if tonight I don't want to have sex” “Marriage simplified everything” “The value of fantasy is so high” “Who you are and how you connect with other people goes out into every area”   Links www.steenamarie.com www.vpoweruniversity.com Facebook www.steenamarie.com/vpowervortex Podcast www.steenamarie.com/podcast

Ryan Thomas is an 11 year army veteran who has dedicated his life to helping people improve and design their intimate lifestyle. He's passionate about teaching and helping people understand themselves so that they can become more empowered, enlightened and intimate beings. He spends his free time rock climbing and appreciating the good company of his friends. Alexa and Ryan kick off this episode by sharing how they really feel about the sex advice found in magazines. Alexa also shares her thoughts and opinions of Dan Savage and the work that he does within the realm of sexuality. Ryan tells the story about how he found sexuality and created the career he has today. He talks about his relationship with women, where it started off, and how it developed over time. Alexa and Ryan also get into the topic of the world's largest gangbang. He also shares some of his most awkward and interesting conversations from recording his show. They go on to talk about some of the funniest sex related things they've seen on the internet related to masturbation. He also attempts to name the 11 different types of female orgasm. He also segues from talking about erotic massage to chicken breasts. They get onto the topic of strange places that Ryan has found himself in as a result of his show, and then just in general. They also talk about dating, and their first date etiquette getting them into trouble. They also talk about what kinds of things sound come out during the dating phase in order to reduce the chance of sexual repression within a relationship.   Quotes: “I'm not doing now what I thought I would be doing 10, 15 years ago.” “It was an unbelievable experience” “Are you willing to live the rest of your life without experiencing this sexual fetish again simply because you don't want to have the conversation?” “We need to be able to talk about this and not get angry” “Let's give ourselves the chance to learn” “I'm compassionate, but I'm not going to let people let their stories get in the way”   Links Www.theintimatelifestyle.com www.facebook.com/ryanthomasmst   ALEXA

Alexa kicks off by talking about an opportunity that recently came her way, and a very deep discussion she got into with some people that really reinforced her mission with Kaleidoscope Radio. She also describes how she and Stewart became acquainted. Stewart describes the process of learning he was attracted to men, and then telling the people in his life. He explains the different reactions he received from different people, and how liberating the feeling was. He and Alexa discuss his education model, and what's being taught in school today, versus what they were learning. Stewart shares a funny story that he experienced one night. It involved a man, personal space, a dark room and an strange conversation the following day. He also talks about his turn ons, and what about men and women gets a reaction out of him. Alexa also discloses part of the contents of her sex toy box. Stewart shares a story of a friend of his, and the family dynamic they were able to create between two gay men, as well as two gay women. Alexa weighs in on that moment, and how communication is crucial to creating a strong bond.   Quotes “All the people who hate you, and won't accept you, let them go, and embrace all of the people who love you.” “Your sexual preferences and how you operate as a sexual being has a lot to do with how you were shown love” “Be really careful of the people you let get close to your heart and body”   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Stewart-Robertson-Relationship-Coach-189511887759109/  

Maureen Pollack is an intimacy coach, devoted wife and mother of 2. She's passionate about women's happiness, whether it comes from pleasure, equality, freedom or self image and respect. On yeah: She's also the inventor of The Waterslyde Alexa shares the story of her first experience with pleasure and sensation, which she didn't understand at the time, but in hindsight, she's able to put experience and insight to the situation. Maureen talks about how she was inspired to invent the Waterslyde, she shares the story of how the prototype began, and how it was received by the first women who tried it out. She discusses intimacy, and marital practices from other cultures that encourage intimacy within relationships. She talks about how lack of touch can actually create urge and desire within couples and help with intimacy or connection issues. Quotes "I sat on that idea for 15 years, just thinking about how great it would be if the water came to me again" " would want someone to be super involved and into it" "That's my whole goal: intimacy" Links www.waterslyde.com Maureen@waterslyde.com  

Laurie Handlers is a film producer, sex educator, author, and intimacy coach. You could call her a Sex and Happiness Coach! If you want to get sexier and happier, call her! She holds a Masters degree in Education and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Sociology. Her career includes over thirty years as a corporate change consultant, individual empowerment coach and international seminar leader. She is a dynamic speaker, facilitator and has taught transformational workshops for women, men, couples, singles, parents and teens since 1978 on techniques and secrets that are the basis of healing the body, releasing past emotional trauma, stopping the aging process, and reducing stress. Referred to as The Queen of Emotional Release in the Tantra world. She has been the host of the radio show Sex and Happiness for 11 years. Laurie talks about emotional release, and why it's crucial to have emotional release in order to get clear, before setting clear intention. She explains what the absence of emotional release can cause, and how to avoid those issues. She describes a solo activity for sexual manifestation, as well as a couples activity she calls an adoration ritual. She explains how to set it up, what to do, and what the purpose is. She also explains a ritual that can be done during sex. Laurie tells Alexa about her experience with kink, and that she wasn't really interested in it until a certain experience. She also tells the kaleidoscope about the various courses, classes and programs that she's been teaching and facilitating, and the purpose of them. Quotes "Sexual energy is the most creative, is the most powerful energy you have" "It's good to let things go, and not suffer" "The body becomes the altar at which the other person prays" "What are your fears, your intentions and your boundaries?" "I'm not terribly woo" www.butterflyworkshops.com  

Andre Shakti is a journalist, educator, performer, activist and professional slut living in the San Francisco Bay area. She is devoted to normalizing alternative desires, destigmatizing sex workers and their clients, and not taking herself too seriously. Andre wrestles mediocre white men into submission and writes about sex work, queerness, and non-monogamy for Cosmopolitan, Rewire, Thrillist, MEL, Vice, Autostraddle, and more. She can be frequently found marathoning Law & Order: SVU under a chaotic pile of partners and pitbulls, and yes, she understands how problematic that show is. Andre is the reigning "polyamory pundit" at her non-monogamy advice column "I Am Poly & So Can You!" which you can visit - and submit questions to! She's passionate about social justice, self expression, democracy, sex positivity, fitness, kindness to animals, the LGBT Community and the issues that impact it. Andre kicks off the show by telling a story of a former job she had that allowed her the freedom to do both jobs. She also gets into confidence, and how pivotal it can be in many situations. Alexa and Andre discuss “unconventional” work, and the stigma that surrounds it. They also discuss fear, and how many people are living happily, fulfilled and accomplished lives while leading lives that others may deem “unorthodox”. Alexa explains how she and Andre became acquainted and what piece of writing drew her to wanting to get Andre on the show. She talks about having “daddy issues” and how embracing them has actually made a much bigger impact on her life and career than avoiding them has. The discussion moves into the direction of dungeons, kinks and fetishes, the void that exists in some places, and what it all means. Andre also explains polygamy and describes her relationships. The uncut discussion continues to wind in and flow into topics like sex positive education and life experiences, Andre moving to the deep south, and fisting. To finish off, Alexa and Andre express their deep gratitude for one another and close out the show. Quotes: “If people see you're not ashamed of something, it puts the ball in your court, it puts you in power.” “Fear is the unknown” “Every windfall that you've gotten, you didn't see it coming” “You have to have each others back regardless of color, creed or orientation” Links www.IAmPoly.net    

Through his ongoing independent research into the nature of Fetishsexuality  and more than fourteen years of working hands on with clients, Galen intends to offer a variety of alternative views, theories and therapies that may contrast sharply with current clinical, social, political, religious and moral views of human sexuality.   He has been advocating for sex positive approaches to understanding the complex nature of Eros and have been “out” publicly in the Sex-Positive, Fetish and Sacred Sexuality communities since 1998. He has a Master’s degree in Transpersonal Psychology with an emphasis on the study of Fetish, Kink and D/s-BDSM. Galen shares his thoughts on kink within therapy, and how things are finally catching up to societal norms and natural behaviors. He also  compares the process to another point in recent sexual history. He explains this first experiences with his sexuality, and the reason why he felt he needed to hide it from the world. He also talks about how this lead him to his career. He takes listeners through 5 key components of successfully integrating your sexuality into your life. He goes into detail about topics like sexual authenticity, sexual honesty, and the sexual shadow. Alexa tells a little more of her side back story and rounds out the discussion with Galen before closing out the show. Quotes "People were curious, interested, intrigued, turned on..." "This is the assumption that 'they know what normal is'" "Your sexuality is your birthright" "We live in such a sex negative culture..." Links Galen Fous MTP Fetish Sex Educator Sex Positive Therapist Sex Researcher http://GalenFous.com @FetishSexExpert - Twitter Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Galen.Fous.MTP Skype: Galen Fous MTP Fetlife: https://fetlife.com/users/77494 Author: Decoding Your Kink - http://tinyurl.com/Decoding-Your-Kink

Alexa takes listeners along for the ride as she reads a steamy excerpt from Improper Etiquette by Janice Maynard.   "I'd much rather see your bedroom..." "I can do anything I put my mind to, love, you wait and see." "What she had done earlier in the shower was so out of character for her" "He groaned and went deeper, trying to imprint himself into her DNA"

Ryan Orrock has been studying all things pleasure, connection and relating “consciously” for just shy of a decade now. He loves pleasure in ever form that it appears in. He has made every mistake possible, and finds great joy in supporting others to find their pleasure and path to whatever else they want. Summary Ryan discusses sensory experiences, and how important they are to our perceptions of intimacy, connection, enjoyment and pleasure. He goes into his upbringing, and how that impacted his early sexual experiences, as well as what changed in order for him to enjoy intimacy and pleasure in a much bigger way. He explains energy, and how it can be used to heal, as well as where certain forms of energy work originated. He also shares his perspective on pain for pleasure. Alexa and Ryan talk about guilt, importer syndrome, and how it can impact various aspects of a person's life. They also discuss the waterfall effect, and a mass sharing and teaching that the world could benefit from. He gives Alexa a peek at everything he has going on in terms of pleasure, connection, communication and relationships, what he's hoping to solve, and how people can get involved. Quotes “It's so important to learn our sensory experience” “I have fantasies and dreams about us using erotic energy to do everything from learning languages to saving rain forests.” “If you wait until you're perfect before you go help anyone, you never will” “Keep sharing, wherever you're at.” “We seek pleasure, we avoid pain” “ I boil everything down to knowing what you want, asking for it, and negotiating” “We make relationships so complex” “This is the solution for everything we see on TV”   Links www.ryanorrock.com www.patreon.com/ryanorrock  

In this episode of Kaleidoscope Radio, host Alexa Martinez reads All Wet by Shawn O'Connor, and gives some juicy details about the subscription based service: The Nooky Box. She also gives a deal exclusively to members of the Kaleidoscope   www.thevioletbutterfly.com www.thenookiebox.com  

Meg Ross is an entrepreneur who has started and run numerous businesses including a Paul Mitchell cosmetology school on Long Island as well as both relationship and business coaching practices. Her passion for launching interesting companies, paired with the idea of creating a thoughtfully curated, sex-positive experience for everyone gave rise to the Nooky Box. Her favorite sexy topics are how to spice up your life, why porn is so controversial, and why it's important to try new things in the bedroom.   Summary Meg tells Alexa about how she found her way into what she currently does. She talks about how The Nooky Box, a subscription based sex toy service, was conceived. Alexa gushes over the contents of her Nookie Box, as Meg explains what goes into the selection of items within each box. They talk about the experience of buying sex toys, and how the box makes the experience a lot less intimidating than going into a sex shop. Both Alexa and Meg share a laugh over the idea of starting a Kaleidoscope themed box, and the various items and design elements that it would entail.   Quotes “It opens up a completely different channel of conversations that need to happen between couples.” “Make sure you are being the safest you possibly can when you are starting to play with all of these things.” “If you put a little bit of thought or care into the after, it can make the entire experience so much nicer” “Yay! Sex!” “Give yourself a little time to ease into it”   Links www.thenookybox.com www.thenookybox.com/indiegogo www.facebook.com/thenookybox www.twitter.com/thenookybox www.instagram.com/thenookybox  

Dane Tomas is a writer, performer and personal development instructor based in Byron Bay, Australia. He is passionate about subjects such as self actualization, sexuality and conscious entrepreneurship and has written several books on these subjects. Dane is the founder of the Integrated Man project and the creator of a powerful system for clearing behavioural conditioning 'The Spiral'. Summary Dane tells Alexa about what he does, ad the various things he experienced on his way to finding his path and passions. He talks about sexual discoveries, and how sex played a part in his confidence, connection and life. Alexa and Dane discuss consciousness, energy and how it all plays into having a deeper connection with both yourself and your partner. They also get into having open conversations about sexual health and STI's, what is expected of one another, and how to properly set expectations in order to have a better relationship. Finally Dane discloses the type of sex he's been wanting to explore and what it entails. Quotes "I like to package up ideas that change consciousness in some shape or form" "Some guy wrote that. What if we test it? Maybe it's wrong. That's kind of been my attitude since day one." "I think the area that gives me the most direct feedback of my development is how I can navigate my connection with another person." "It's nice to map the terrain and be honest and open" Links www.facebook.com/danetomasishere www.danetomas.com/books www.clearyourshit.com

Dana Pharant is a former dominatrix. After finding the kink world and playing within it for years, she decided to move on and take off of the valuable lessons with her. Her time in kink allowed her to move beyond things in her past, rise above self judgment, and come to a place where she realized “I'm not broken, I'm not fucked up”. It also gave her an awareness of energy, Since then, she has been helping other women tap into their own Inner Dominatrix in order to live more bold, sexy and fun filled lives.   Summary Dana talks about how she found the kink world, where she was when she had first explored it as a topic of interest, her first party and where things went from there. She describes her first BDSM experience on the receiving end, and what made her want to step into the dominant role. She shares what it was like when she finally decided to transition out of the dominatrix role. She talks about the feelings she started getting when it was time to leave, and the shift within herself and the community that started to occur. She also talks about how she was able to transfer a lot of what she had learned, and who she had become into what she's doing today. Dana explains a couple of the steps women can take to step into their inner dominatrix energy, and shares a behind the curtain at what's coming up with another dominatrix she's collaborating with.   Quotes “That experience was incredible. I had this really deep dropping into my body like a spiritual experience.” “You could be in a room with a thousand people watching, but nothing exists except for you and your play partner.” “Beating people for a living is a lot of work” “I got what I needed out of that community. It wasn't meant to be a lifetime things for me.” “If you're not authentically in there, they know.”   Links www.innerdomintrix.com    

EJ Love specializes in Tantric Sexuality. After posing the question to her group of followers, the Kaleidoscope, it was obvious to Alexa that she needed to talk to someone knowledgeable about Tantra for Kaleidoscope Radio. EJ has more than a few stories to tell, and brings a new light to the idea of Tantra, and even shares some interesting insight about an experience she had with BDSM. Summary EJ tells a little bit of her back story and introduce herself, her relationship with sex, swinging, and where tantra fits into the whole picture. Alexa asks her to share her point of view on the differences between Tantra and the BDSM community, and her thoughts on BDSM in general. EJ shares an experience she had in which she felt that BDSM had a healing nature to it when done consciously. They discuss couples first getting into erotic play, and where they start and sometimes end. They also discuss the erotic blueprint and EJ explains what exactly it is. EJ tells the story of her marriage to herself, and talks about the inspiration behind it. She talks about self love and how valuable it is. She also describes who Tantra tends to help, both male and female, and what variations are available to explore. EJ and Alexa laugh about a video mishap that occurred when Alexa publicly posted a video about anal sex health to EJ's social media profile.   Quotes “I very much associated my sexuality with my self worth and how much I could provide and please him.” “Sex had become work” “In my ind, Tantra was meditating and having sex for hours: “I realized the power that BDSM can have for healing” “Sex workers have such an incredible ability to heal”   Links www.ejlove.com www.soulpriestess.com    

Erika Briones is the epitome of turning tragedy and adversity into magic. From heartbreak, trauma and abuse to creating bold, beautiful things in life, Erika has created a massive shift in her life. Her mission is to spread joy, and her message to as many people as possible. Her presence is impossible not to love, and her triumphs are inspirational to no end. She works with people to increase their sexual confidence and deepen their self awareness in order to gain a deeper appreciation for themselves and their partners.   Summary Erika tells Alexa about her upbringing, how she was as a child, and when her world changed to include sexual trauma and cult behavior. She explains when these specific things came to a halt, and where she went from there. She talks about getting involved with various forms of sex work after college, and what initially made her take that direction upon graduation. She also talks about how she found Tantra and shares what it is. Erika describes the key moments that created the shift in her life. She gained information and education on the topic of sex and cleared up a lot of her confusion created earlier on in life. She also dives into her first experience with real BDSM and how she came away from that experience with a healthier outlook and feeling about sex. She talks about what she does now, and how she helps clients move past sexual and emotional blocks. She explains how people find her, and what she aims to accomplish in working with people. She also talks about the parts of what she does that she really enjoys. Alexa and Erika discuss the pussy, and how they differ from woman to woman, and how cocks differ from man to man, and how it can cause image issues to assume that they should all look similar. The ladies finish the discussion talking about Erika's sexual confidence coaching, tapping, music and John Mayer. They also talk about letting go of the past in order to move into a safer and healthier frame of mind and body.   Quotes “1 in 3 commit suicide, 1 in 3 go mad, and 1 in 3 wake up and tell the world.” “I did things that most women do when they are feeling scarce and feeling like this is the path that they are supposed to lead” “I was kind of into pain, and there was something sexual and erotic about it.” “The more you learn how to save that energy, you're going to notice that your health is going to improve, you'll feel more energetic, you'll have more ideas and you'll live longer.” “It's perfect to be human and be humble” “I just fell in love with discovering 'what is my sexuality and what does that look like?'” “It is a form of therapy” “Our brain is responsible for our orgasms” “Not every conversation about sex is sexual” “You need to let go of the past”   Links www.erikabriones.com  

Episode 1 of Kaleidoscope Radio!   Today’s episode will include what you need to know to have the best threesomes, what’s in it for women when it comes to giving blow jobs, and are there hip hacks to get better penetration with your partner? Plus I’ll tell you a few random things I’ve learned recently. All this and more on Ep1 of Kaleidoscope Radio!   Welcome to the first episode of Kaleidoscope Radio! I am your host, Alexa. Now, before I get into all that juiciness from the intro, I think maybe I should introduce myself! So, here’s a little bit about me - I am a girl raised in the deep south of Louisiana, grew up catholic(ish) with military parents, dad left early, mom remarried and then remarried again. My family has A LOT of women in it. And of course as the cliché goes, I wouldn’t have all of that any other way. I am a former pageant queen #rhinestonesisterhood, I went to college at the University of Southern Mississippi where I worked up to 4 jobs at a time along with a full course load just to make it through. I graduated with a degree somewhere in between Biology and Forensic science, which came in very handy when I left two months after graduation to become an art dealer. I sold art as a crew member on luxury cruise ships for 6 years, I traveled and still travel quite a bit - 78 countries and counting, currently recording this episode of Kaleidoscope Radio in Novi Sad, Serbia. You know. . .It was somewhere in my last year, on a cruise ship, where I really fell in love with learning again. I accredit it to an insatiable thirst I have when it comes to devouring books. I was handed the right book at the right time and bang! The rest is history, so it seems. What I became most interested in was sex, sexuality, relationships and varying dynamics of love. It probably wouldn’t surprise you if I told you that the book was Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha. Since then studying, educating, writing, making videos and talking incessantly about these topics has pretty much consumed my life. And again, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I came off of ships and began releasing some of my work through social media and the response was incredible! It was mainly short life stories with perspective twists that began catching the eye of many other podcasters, bloggers, editors and even casting directors. Recently I filmed the (hopefully) pilot episode for a reality series for MTV. Still waiting to hear what’s going on with that! I recently made the decision to come off of ships permanently to pursue a full time career as a writer, a speaker, podcaster, YouTuber and all around influencer in the topics of sex, love and relationships. I have a blog called The Violet Butterfly, where most of my work is accessible as well as put a face to the voice! Just go to www.thevioletbutterfly.com In fact, the reason for the “kaleidoscope” in Kaleidoscope radio has to do with my blog. In case you didn’t know, a group of butterflies is called a Kaleidoscope. . .Therefore, when it came time to give a name to my followers, The Kaleidoscope. . .just made sense. The group I am mentioning is a curious, multifaceted, extremely diverse group of people who are all interested in exploring the topics of sex, love and relationships.   What I decided to do, was make a portion of the podcast called “Questions from The Kaleidoscope”. These are real fan questions that I attempt to give unbiased, educational, real life answers.   So, I asked the group – “What is your sex question?” Throughout the show, I'll share some of those with you!   Let’s get started!   A random thing I learned recently, in 2009 the 1st 3D map was created of the female clitoral structure. . .this was 8 years after we had mapped the entire human genome! In my opinion that’s kinda the focus we’ve put on understanding female sexuality as a whole!   Another interesting fact, as early as the 13th century, goat eyelids were used to make cock rings.   SM Is there any way to hack getting your hips higher for penetration without buying a sex contraption or extra piece of furniture?   There are a variety of positions you can try to get your hips higher than what is available with missionary position. I suggest you go to sexinfo101.com for some ideas. What is great about this site, other than they have over 138 different listed, is that they have 3D animations that will demonstrate how to get into those positions safely. Other than grabbing a couple of pillows and putting them under your coccyx (lower back), you can try one of my favorite hacks which is a yoga pose called “bridge pose”. It is where you lay on your back, knees bent towards the sky; then, raise your hips up as high as you can manage. Instead of interlocking your hands behind your back, grab your ankles. That will give you stability and something to brace yourself depending on the force of your partner’s thrusts. When you are ready to try something else, try the arm of your couch (if it is high enough) or other raised surfaces – kitchen counters, the washing machine (if it is not too high). If anything you and your partner can have a laughter infused session romping around the house looking for the best climactic and stable surfaces! I know you mentioned “without buying a sex contraption or extra piece of furniture” ; however, if you are exceptionally agile or as my friend Star Captain Steph would say, bendy then I recommend you to consider trying out a sex swing or a yoga swing. These have unique pulley systems that allow for you to customize your positions. Also, people will never know your yoga swing isn’t always used for yoga ;) #dualpurpose   A random thing I learned recently – There are roughly 57 different genders you can choose from when putting together your Facebook profile. As quickly as I can list them off – here we go – Agender Androgyne Androgynous Bigender Cis Cisgender Cis Female Cis Male Cis Man Cis Woman Cisgender Female Cisgender Male Cisgender Man Cisgender Woman Female to Male FTM Gender Fluid Gender Nonconforming Gender Questioning Gender Variant Genderqueer Intersex Male to Female MTF Neither Neutrois Non-binary Other Pangender Trans Trans* Trans Female Trans* Female Trans Male Trans* Male Trans Man Trans* Man Trans Person Trans* Person Trans Woman Trans* Woman Transfeminine Transgender Transgender Female Transgender Male Transgender Man Transgender Person Transgender Woman Transmasculine Transsexual Transsexual Female Transsexual Male Transsexual Man Transsexual Person Transsexual Woman Two-Spirit   AN So recently discovered I enjoy watching my guy have sex with other women.... Any tips on how to explore this properly and on mentally involvement?   The term is voyeurism, which means you like to watch. Many people enjoy watching others have sex, especially if it is someone they love. You get a unique view of your partner that you would never get otherwise. For most couples this is a bonding, self less experience. For other, less mature couples this can be something that destroys the relationship with flares of jealousy, guilt and distrust. I will give you a few tips assuming that you are a self-aware, conscious individual. If you are looking to have experiences with your male lover by inviting another female into the bedroom, first things first COMMUNICATE with each other what you wish to gain and how the experience will please you. You can even use this verbal exchange as foreplay. It does not have to be a rigid or uncomfortable talk. Next, my recommendation - YOU do the choosing. Before you do the choosing, consider how most women have been conditioned to respond when entering sexual encounters. With that in mind, take that into consideration before choosing the third. Another reason I say for you to do the choosing is because you want to protect yourself in any way from feelings of jealousy or inadequacy that may arise. When you do the choosing, I hope you will be kind to yourself in doing so. I recommend that you choose a third who is more into you than your partner, but also shows your partner favor. She must be mentally and emotionally stable, which means you may not want to take her to bed within the same night as meeting her, or maybe you do if it is a really amazing conversation, just be prepared to wait if you must. No one says that these types of trysts have to happen all within the span of a night! Make sure she is understanding of where your boundaries are, ask her where hers are and of course don’t forget your partner’s requests and limits as well.   Something we don't do in the straight world that we should consider borrowing from gay land is the “what are you into” phrase. In the straight world we seem to forget that sexual encounters are an exchange to be negotiated. In the straight world, once consenting adults get to a yes to sex then people seem to stop talking all together, as if it would ruin the mood. If you are down for sex, you’re down for sex. Make sure you are comfortable when it’s actually going down. If you know you may be bringing a third home then make sure to set the scene as well. Have clean sheets on the bed, make sure the room smells ready for play. Maybe have a bottle of wine on stand by to calm a few jitters or to discuss play intentions over. I don’t recommend sex with any strangers when you’re wasted because so many things can go south and not in a good way, so be cautious about alcohol consumption. Have clean towels, water, EXTRA condoms or other STD/STI protection methods handy and have a bathroom that is clean and ready for showering and freshening up after play time finishes. I know the chosen third is the “extra” in these situations, but that does not mean that her feelings weigh less or should be disregarded when it comes to post coital care. Make sure she feels comfortable and cared for as well. Continue communicating and keep your eyes open for unspoken feelings that should be spoken especially before the third leaves. Have a plan that she is aware of before you all wind up as a beautiful mess of body parts. Does she stay? Does she go? If she stays where? Have a taxi number handy in case Ubers are hard to come by or do not come to your area (if she didn’t drive). Maybe even joke with your partner beforehand what would happen if she goes absolutely bat shit crazy!   I know what I laid out above may sound like a lot, but this is where the answer to the second part of you questions lie. The more effort you put into creating a comfortable safe experience, the better chances you have of protecting your emotions and your bond with your partner. If you enter an emotionally and sexually charged situation like this on a whim or in the midst of a boozy evening with your lover, or if you do it to prove your “bout-ness” or your laidback-ness, you leave yourself open for some major irreversible consequences. Remember that.   My next statement may not get me the popular vote but I will say it anyway. . . If you are in LTR with your partner, maybe married for 10 years say, and you decided you want to “spice things up” and you (as the wife) want to indulge in a fantasy of yours and/or your husbands by having a threesome, I recommend you hire a professional. Someone who specializes in this dynamic, who is acutely aware of feelings and emotions and is trained to make the experience all about you and your partner without any selfish hidden agendas. And make sure to do your research first!   Lastly, remember shit happens (literally and figuratively!) have laughter prepped for those moments instead of tears or anger. And have FUN!   JSS What are women's thoughts on giving oral? As in, how do you get pleasure from giving? I know how great receiving is, but what are women getting out of it and how can we make it better?   Well, JSS, it is hard to generalize, but I will do my best to give you a relatively gender encompassing answer here. And if you don’t mind I will give advice for giver/receiver so that you can get the best idea of total dynamic.   Some women love giving oral. They love the pleasure it brings to their partner and usually that turns them on just as much as the person who is receiving. Some like the taste, the smell, the action. Some like to use that time to touch themselves. For some, that familiarity is a great way to get them in the mood, while getting their partner in the mood as well. “It turns me on to be the turn on” / “ It turns me on to turn you on” Some women may have been raised to know that any sex other than the procreative kind, is ungodly and should not occur. I imagine they have a completely different set of views on fellatio. Some women see giving head as a duty or chore. That could stem from many reasons. Maybe she does not feel her action is equally reciprocated. Maybe she sees sex in general as a burden. Maybe she is not comfortable with her abilities. Some use it to leverage. *I’d personally like to see less of this happening!     WOMEN or GIVERS, who would like to give better head, typically go to Cosmo or the internet to learn different techniques (rub the balls, squeeze the base of the shaft, massage the prostate, etc.) but what they are missing is the mental connection. Technique is one thing, and that is teachable to an extent but what is not typically as easy to convey is that you, as the giver, must actually want to give. Being in the right mental space before you even put your mouth over the tip of his cock is one sure fire way to start giving some of the best blow jobs of your entire life.   Ladies, when you look at him, think. . . (this is like mental one-sided foreplay) “I am going to rock your fucking world” “I am going to show you just how good of a choice you made” “I am going to make you beg” “I am going to tease you, to lick you, to suck you, to fuck you, to show you that you think you know me, but wait. . .there is so much more”   Notice all of those begin with “I am going to” I would like for more ladies to understand that it is just as much your responsibility to put you in the mood as it is your partners. If you love them (or if you are just trying to show off with a 1 night stand) Make sure you do the work to enjoy it!   As clothes get removed, hold the space and the mood you want. You have the penetrable orifice, you make the rules for insertion including the atmosphere. You can keep the vibe with your gaze, your breathing and the words you say to yourself and to your partner either verbally or mentally.   Do your best, as the giver to take the person all the way in before you actually take their member into your mouth. Blow jobs can, and in my opinion, should include much more than just a mouth and a penis. Rub the top and inner part of the thighs in big tantric sweeping motions. Vary the pressure, vary the tempo. Caress the sides of his torso. Kiss him on his neck, down his body, on his pelvic bones. Give a little primal nibble here or there. What I have mentioned just now is all technique, but it is technique that can keep things personal for both sides and is taken to the next level should you continue the sexual mantras all the while. When you look at his penis, have a (I know this may sound strange) conversation with it. I suggest in your head or he may get a little weirded out by it! Tell it how much you love it. Tell it how much pleasure you are giving it. Tell his penis thank you for the pleasure it brings you. Tell it thank you for allowing you to worship it in this way. If you want to get dirty with your conversation well. . .go for it! “One day I am going to let him put you in my ass” – Now that is a different discussion all together ;)   Continue loving, worshiping, fucking with your mouth, hands, breath and emotional body. Don’t be shy if you need lubrication on your throat, meaning use your spit to make it easier to take and to go deeper. Take breaks when you need them and take moments to “check in” with the receiver.   Sometimes this is just the beginning of play, but if it is not and you agree to have him climax in your mouth, make sure to continue to hold the space you create in whatever way feels natural and comfortable. (A little more detail is given below)   Some other good to knows – If you do not want his hand behind your head, tell him. . .but tell him seductively. I don't recommend “surprising” him with certain things you pick up in magazines or blogs (even mine!). I recommend discussing them, as playfully or sensually as you can. Find the boundaries. I promise you will kill the mood (in most cases) if you shove a pinky finger in an ass hole when he is not expecting it because you read somewhere that the male G-spot is best accessed that way. Which is it and can lead to much stronger male orgasms, but he should be prepared for that! Have a plan when it comes to the big finish. If you let him climax in your mouth, don’t take it and run away to spit it out. That is a sure fire way to disrupt that atmosphere you are worked so hard to enjoy and create. Whether you have a cup to spit into when he finishes or should you choose to swallow, make sure to gently give his penis a little more attention before the session is officially complete. Make sure to give it your last few mental whispers of gratitude and thanks before moving to your partner himself.   MEN – do all you can to make the giver comfortable (unless you are her master and the latter is your end goal – different story all together) Don’t push unless you are following her lead. Let her explore your body. Let her find the things that get the most reactions out of you. Don't fake something feeling good, because she is sure to interpret it as you liking it and wanting more of it. Tell her if she is doing something you do not like, that tickles, or that turns you off. And make sure to tell her she is doing a really good job when she finds the parts of you that make you crazy. Use your words, make sure to breathe and moan or grunt when it feels natural. Note that it is not her duty to do anything for you. She does this act for herself, because she loves you.   I have a tip for both sexes – use something to cover his eyes, like a pillow or shirt, the first time you decided to have an exploratory session. Not only does this enhance the other senses by taking one away, but it makes her more comfortable to get up close and personal and can give her a boost to be more confident in her curiosities!   What do both sexes stand to gain from good head? PLEASURE, SATISFACTION, A BOOST IN CONFIDENCE, STRESS RELIEF, STRONGER BONDING BETWEEN PARTNERS, MEMORIES FOR THE MASTURBATION BANK. . .I could go on! You get the point! Good head is good for you!   Last few things - Remember that actual ejaculation is not the measure of a good BJ. Sometimes sex of all sorts is incredible without ejaculation and should not be used to determine success or failure. And to my casual dick lickers, just a reminder that some STDs and STIs are orally transferrable. Is it more uncomfortable to ask important questions about someone’s sexual health or for you to be the one telling another that yours is compromised?   WOW – that’s was quite a show for my first go round! I hope you all found something of value here!   If you have a question for me, you can send it to alexa@thevioletbutterfly.com All identities will remain concealed. If you would like something more creative than your initials to represent your question, sign off with a name of your choice!   You can join the official Kaleidoscope by going to thevioletbutterfly.com/join-the-kaleidoscope And uh, only join if you’re not creepy. Curious – good, Creepy – not so much. I personally monitor everything that goes down in there. Once your request is accepted you will enter a community space of other curious and exploring individuals of all shapes, sizes and backgrounds who treat each other with respect and love! In The Kaleidoscope, you also get a daily, sexy “just thought you should know”, you’ll see Kaleidoscope exclusive posts and I will make sure to keep you up to date on all things Violet Butterfly!     Do you like what you hear so far? Great! My dream is to continue doing this full time! There has been public demand for even more content and through various platforms! This being one of them! Because I love giving this all away for free, I’m looking for sponsors for the shows! You and/or your business will get in show shout outs and promotions. And just so you know, your support/sponsorship allows me to hire people to help edit the content so it gets released faster, allows me to purchase better equipment for higher quality content, and allows for me to keep living! Yay! My Patreon Creator Page makes getting involved, showing support, or becoming a sponsor a whole lot easier, just visit – www.patreon.com/alexanmartinez And of course by choosing to support through Patreon, you get a number of other perks for your contributions! Thank you in advance. I’ll never be able to fully express just how grateful I am to have you in my life