Podcasts about tantric sexuality

Send us a text & leave your email address if you want a reply!Ever wonder why most intimacy advice focuses on women's needs? This episode flips the script. Join Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown as they share powerful insights from their recent Tantra teacher training about what men truly need for deep connection.

This final episode of the Sovereign Series features Nadine Lee, founder of Tantric Alchemy. She shares her personal story of overcoming sexual trauma and her path to becoming a teacher of feminine tantric arts. Nadine discusses the importance of creating safe spaces for healing, the principles of tantra, and the significance of sovereignty in spiritual and sexual realms. She also talks about her work, including online courses and mentorship programs, offering practical guidance for those interested in tantric practices and feminine embodiment. Tantric Alchemy Her Drive 

What is tantric sexuality? Maharishikaa explains to Anna the dynamics underlying an unpleasant encounter Anna has had with a man obsessed with gaining power through sexual tantric rituals. With profound clarity, the Maharishikaa points out that an energetic exchange is at play in those experiences, where techniques are used to draw energy from the other person. What is aimed for by tantric practitioners is to gain the power to control situations. In order for male practitioners to attain that power, they need to get certain energies from a female, which they can also acquire through sexual acts. The Maharishikaa cautions that these practices, developed to experience oneness with the cosmic experience, come with repercussions that practitioners will have to deal with. She asks: Why bother getting into messy fields, when one has the Truth within? #Maharishikaa #TantricSex #InstrumentOfTruth Aaryaa Maharishikaa Preeti Maiyaa, is a revolutionary female mystic who fearlessly dares to demystify spirituality in her unrelenting call to realize Self, and act from Source. Detailed biography: https://maharishikaa.org/biography/ If you would like to make a Dakshinaa offering directly to Maharishikaa: Online transfer: http://bit.ly/Dakshinaa PayPal: maharishikaadakshinaa@gmail.com If you wish to make a donation to charitable works inspired by Maharishikaa: http://bit.ly/Daanam Lives transformed by Maharishikaa: https://maharishikaa.org/testimonials/ Subscribe to our mailing list: https://bit.ly/MaharishikaaEmailList

Tantra is a spiritual system that invites you to experience sex and life in a more powerful way. Your sexual energy can be rocket fuel for your entire life, but most men waste it - and waste their lives away in the process. In this episode you'll learn how to harness it so you can truly thrive in sex AND life.Shawn Roop is an expert on both classical and modern Tantra (Neo Tantra), and he focuses on helping men thrive in both sex and life. In this episode you'll learn about Tantric sex, ejaculation mastery and semen retention from the Tantric perspective, non-ejaculatory orgasms (Kria Vati), how to increase your capacity to hold more sexual pleasure and much more...

Dr. Laurie discusses Sacred, Spiritual, Tantric Sexuality with Frank Mondeose, aka "Spiritual PLayboy". You'll also hear answers to listener submitted questions, and get Dr. Laurie's take on "Sex in the News"

Sex and sexuality are not discussed openly. If you lived in a healthy society that embraced sexuality and celebrated it, what would it look like? Anne Bland shares her vision for "5 Stages of Tantric Sexuality" in an ideal culture. The first one is reclaiming the Innocence of your pleasure. The second is Playfulness and the third is about Pleasuring. The fourth Honouring and the fifth is Sacredness of sex. Anne also reflects on the discussions with Franziska and Amanda in episode two about their Tantric Sex Journey - and proposes a new word for 'courageous' to match the braveness of 'the balls': VULVACIOUS. Because... why not!? Download a FREE Pleasure Guide "Pleasure is Your Birthright - 7 Holistic Sex Tools": https://www.selfishlyhappyyou.com/pleasure-is-your-birthright-ebook Join the waiting list for the Pleasure Quest: https://www.selfishlyhappyyou.com/pleasure-quest Podcast website: https://www.selfishlyhappyyou.com/podcast Email: annebland@selfishlyhappyyou.com Book a free coaching discovery call: https://calendly.com/annebland/free-call Send a voice message: https://www.speakpipe.com/SelfishlyHappy Support the show: https://selfishlyhappyyou.com/buy-me-a-coffee

If our sensuality and sexuality are at the core of who we are, it effects what we attract and allow into our lives. - Lourdes Starshower.From this premise, we ask ourselves this question - “If we are not attracting the partner that we want in our lives, then how does our sexuality actually look like from the inside?”Many of us are not aware of our child wounds around our sexuality. These wounds could be in the form of abuse, repression of self-pleasure, apprehensions toward sexual attraction to the same sex, shutting out conversations about sexuality, or giving the impression of it being shameful. We all have heard these stories from our parents, in school, or even in the church. The repression can have massive effects on our physical, emotional, neurological, subconscious, and spiritual energy. Our orientation about sexuality early in life has something to do with how we perceive our sexuality and how we relate to ourselves when it comes to being intimate with another person.If we open mind and heart to accepting these ideas, tantric healing can open the door to healing these wounds. We can then come into alignment with our true selves, unlearn and re-learn how to give love and pleasure, and be intimate with ourselves the way we want to be loved. And when the right person comes into our life, we feel whole, centered, and ready to share that intimacy.This episode is an open and straightforward discussion about the topic of sexuality and the ideas around it. It may contain words that others may deem explicit. All terms have been used precisely for the sake of knowledgeable and informative discussion.If you are ready to satisfy your curiosity about your sexuality and what is there for you to re-learn and explore, then you definitely should give this episode a listen.Tune in to another impactful episode of Breakthrough The Ordinary podcast. S1 E45 | Ignite Your  Divine Ecstatic Sexual and Spiritual Potential Through Tantra Healing with Lourdes StarshowerClick here to listen to this episode: https://smartpa.ge/bto These are the highlights you wouldn't want to miss:03:08 - How Lourdes became a Tantric Practitioner and how Tantric healing transformed her life09:30 - How can people create a breakthrough in their life?11:22 -   The benefits of sexual healing in relationships22:02 - What is de-armoring, how is it done, and how does it heal sexual shame?25:55 - How does tantric de-armoring affect the orgasmic ability in men and women?28:25 - Meditative self-love practices that allow you to become the partner you desire33:45 - Why receptiveness allows for exploring what's possible in intimate pleasureAbout the GuestLourdes Starshower was an Advanced Certified Tantra educator, sacred sexuality coach, shamanic minister,  breathwork, and  Coach Clairvoyant. She is also the creator of Ecstatic Dakini Practitioner Training Inst. She is also a Reiki Master (energy and vibrational healing), Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist and Interactive Guided Imagery Specialist. She's the author of an online video program titled "Tantra Practices for Divine Ecstasy,” and holds a BA in Psychology and an MA in Wellness Management.Lourdes is a catalyst for people to become conscious around their sexuality.  She believes that transformational sessions are unique to each individual or couple. Therefore, she uses unique combinations of healing modalities that include hypnotherapy, breathwork, movement, Kundalini activation, eye gazing, chakra balancing, sound healing, reiki, shamanic energy healing, and more. She is known for her warm, intelligent, open-hearted  approach to emotional healing and erotic and spiritual awakening. Lourdes holds private healing sessions and Goddess Retreats for women.  She coaches, empowers and supports the healing of erectile and intimacy issues in gentlemen. And she counsels, reconnects and ignites emotional intimacy and sexual alchemy in couples. She has helped hundreds of people from all over the world to heal their inner wounding, enhance their intimacy, ignite their passion and expand their joy, pleasure and ecstasy in her private practice in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida as well as on Zoom from all over the world.   Know more about Lourdes and what she does:Visit https://www.tantrahealerflorida.com/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LourdesStarshowerConnect with Lourdes on  Socials:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lourdestantra/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lstarshowerTwitter: https://twitter.com/lourdestantra Follow the Podcast: Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/breakthrough-the-ordinary/id1579129631  :Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/7L6XsP0M87M8CX7AJ2LRS4  Google Podcasts - https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS9DQ1V1NVR6agAmazon Music - https://q4k0kx5j.r.us-east-1.awstrack.me/L0/https:%2F%2Fmusic.amazon.com%2Fpodcasts%2F05bbcd2c-1e6b-4d09-934e-4eac42e12362/1/0100017af9eb75aa-8c17c10b-25b5-4300-b24e-c002d99f89b3-000000/lIGTk2xPKpZbRH-tqg7FXsRKud4=229iHeartRadio - https://iheart.com/podcast/85365975/  Follow Us @thebtopodcast]: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thebtopodcast  Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thebtopodcastTwitter - https://twitter.com/thebtopodcastTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@thebtopodcastWebsite - https://btopodcast.comContact Us - thebtopodcast@gmail.com   About the podcast: Are you ready to commit to your future self---if you are, Marc Chiaramonte, a creative entrepreneur, coach, and adventure seeker, and Claudine Chiarmonte, psychotherapist, coach & joy creator, are ready to take you on a journey of and self-discovery to unlock your highest potential! Join Breakthrough the Ordinary to reveal what awaits you on your next quest of exploration, bringing practical strategies, tools, and secret fairy dust that our guests, coaches, healers, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders, will be sharing with you! New episodes drop every MONDAY!

On the second episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast hosted by  Joe-y Busuttil & New Zealands  own Grant Shepherd. .Interested in learning more about Tantra.Despite its age as a philosophical system that dates back more than a century, Tantra has gained popularity in the West in recent decades. You may have heard the term "tantra" used in the media and in spiritual circles to describe ecstatic, open relationships and multiple orgasms in tantric sex (where it can have different overtones such as: connection, celebration, intimacy, transcendence, divine consciousness, and so on). You may not have heard of Tantra before, but we'd like to show you how this ancient Eastern wisdom can make every day of your life a joy. When Tantra was first developed, it was based on a combination of Hinduism and Buddhism.Tantric insights:Instead of simply referring to "a loom," the term "Tantra" is used in Indian tradition to denote "text, theory, system, method, tool, technique, and practise." "Incorporating traditions and teachings into texts, techniques, or practises" is how Tantra is described in ancient texts. Interpretations and misinterpretations of ancient texts were greatly influenced by their use of highly metaphorical language, which left a wide open field for interpretation (to prevent uninitiated people from applying its principles in the wrong way).  All things in the universe are manifestations of the divine energy that governs the universe itself, and this includes everyone and everything in it. In this trance-inducing ritual, Shiva and Shakti, the masculine and feminine archetypes, the Sun and the Moon, night and day, and life and death, all dance together. In this way, Tantra can be viewed as the ultimate self-realisation tool for reaching enlightenment and realising the oneness of all things in the universe. All things have a divine nature, and we are no exception. All of life's aspects, including the senses, are included in this divine vision. Tantra is an excellent choice when it comes to practicality. Beyond intellectual comprehension, we must engage our bodies, senses, and emotions in order to fully comprehend our divine nature. It is to one's life, and not to a particular deity, that one should devote oneself. The two are inseparable in the world of tantra. Everything in the universe has a divine purpose, including our sexual energy. This blissful state of being can be achieved by using lovemaking as a means of transcending the physical level in Tantra. According to Western interpretations of Tantric teachings, sexuality is a central theme. The use of sex as a means to attain enlightenment is not the only way Tantra can be defined. It's a spiritual tool that can help you ascend to a higher plane of existence. Everything else was thrown out in favour of what was simple and quick (including the sexual component). Tantras from the past There are three main ways to practise tantra, each with its own set of benefits and drawbacks. It is Tantric Sexuality's concentration on sexual energy that makes it unique. In Tantra, sexual energy is held in high esteem. The universe's most potent and healing force is that of sexual attraction. Chi (Prana) is recirculated through the body and transformed into unlimited strength, vigour, and creative potential through procedures such as energy orgasms, semen and sexual energy retention, divine feminine and divine male energy embodiment, and many others. People who use this energy in the right way gain greater insight into the meaning of relationships and intimacy, as well as a deeper connection with their own sensuality and sexuality. They also gain greater physical power as well as healing for a variety of ailments, including mental health issues (depression and anxiety), as well as physical and chronic immune imbalances. The advantages are genuinely innumerable. An integral part of Tantra Energy Healing's approach to healing is the activation and harmonisation of energy channels in order to facilitate the optimal flow of clean energy for mind-body-and-soul detoxification, the removal of trauma and blockages caused by previous wounds, and the empowerment of a person to realise their full sexual - orgatic potential and experience profound spiritual awakening. Grant Shepherd:Meditation and Conscious Sexuality Teacherwww.consciouspathways.net======================================================JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.comINSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experienceFACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness01/the HARDER SHAFT podcast:https://www.podomatic.com/podcasts/thesecretmensbusinessAvailabe on all PODCAST PLATFORMS-iTunesSpotifyDeezerGoogle ManagerAmazom MusicPodomaticYOUTUBE:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE - MENS SEXUAL HEALTH https://www.youtube.com/c/TheSHAFTExperienceMENSSexualHealthsupport

In this world of duality, there is always the presence of good and evil, kindness and cruelty. Not all men possess a discerning mind to balance and equilibrate thoughts, perceptions, and beliefs around their surrounding world. Often, when conflict or negativity presents themselves,  our cognitive behavior tends to fight and disregard the underlying opportunities presenting themselves. It results in internal chaos. Aaron's MissionAaron Kleinerman is a Transformational Tantric Coach. His mission is to help men transform their inner chaos to authentic power by mastering the duality of their human nature - the masculine and feminine principles inside. This enables them to realize and appreciate their receptivity, creativity and intuition. The mind being the gateway into the body, when it goes into that space of mastery, allows men to live a life of joy and embodied balance. He helps men into the deep remembrance of the wisdom of their soul and share their unique intelligence with the world. Aaron's JourneyAaron Kleinerman is a Transformational Tantric Coach. His mission is to help men transform their inner chaos into authentic power by mastering the duality of their human nature - the masculine and feminine principles inside. Mastery enables them to realize and appreciate their receptivity, creativity, and intuition. The mind being the gateway into the body, when it goes into that space of mastery, allows men to live a life of joy and embodied balance. He helps men dive into deep remembrance of the wisdom of their souls and shares their unique intelligence with the world. How Aaron can help you:Gain clarity if you feel a bit lost and confused in which direction to turn.Have the strength to be authentic and show up because you have so much to offerYou feel the need to make a shift inside because you are struggling with your relationshipYou are looking to become a better lover for your partner.Click here to listen to this episode: https://smartpa.ge/bto These are some highlights you shouldn't miss:01:50 - Aaron's breakthrough: Recognizing the innate capacity to support others to move through challenges.03:18 - Learning to love and respect what is and not the illusion of what he wanted things to be 05:51 - Mastering the mind to find balance and see how the duality of this world can serve you08:20 - Honoring and appreciating femininity inside the masculine body10:46 - The motivation for getting his book out into the world14:54 - Falling in love with the potential  vs. acceptance of what is in front of us17:57 - Grieving and letting go of illusions and hopes projected on to a relationship20:54 - Knowing your inner union and discerning alignment in your relationships23:26 - The different faces of growing apart26:26 - How to nurture your inner union30:46 - Retreats and workshops where Aaron teaches around the world33:15 - Biggest why: To support humans in their awakening so they can express their wisdom35:35 - Aaron's advice: Live into the unique natural expression of your greatness that needs to be expressed on this planet. Meditating, mostly done sitting in silence and stillness, is a beautiful, deepening of masculine energy to appreciate what is to be the pillar of presence. But what's not cultivated oftentimes is the meditative movement of the body. And now that could be dance, that could be movement or putting a pillow down in front of you and beating to a pulp. That could be like letting all of the anger, sadness, or expression of everything inside.In this episode, Aaron Kleinerman introduces the concept of everythingness and nothingness in which their union puts you on an embodied level.  Episode Challenge:Meditating which is mostly done sitting in silence and stillness is a beautiful, deepening of masculine energy to appreciate what is to be this pillar of presence. But what often isn't cultivated a lot is the meditative movement of the body. And now that could be dance, that could be movement that could be putting a pillow down in front of you and beating to a pulp. That could be like letting all of the anger, the sadness, the expression of everything that's inside.In this episode, Aaron Kleinerman introduces the concept of everythingness and nothingness in which their union puts you on an embodied level.   Here's how Aaron describes his experience“The more I have come to honor, love, and appreciate the everythingness inside of me, then the nothingness to which I can experience has become more and more profound.They are seemingly opposite ends of the spectrum that unify in the field of love.Without one, the other has no contrast and meaning.With only one, then this human bodysuit can get lost in the oblivion of chaos or the lifelessness of only being empty.So, together, these two fields merge and play together to unify at the heart to help humans remember the pure joy of both, which circulate inside the fullness of being completely human and eternally divine.” Here's what we invite you to try:Do the following practice in five and five minutes, ten and ten or twenty and twenty.The practice of everythingnessDo five minutes of everythingnessPut on a timer on your phoneAnd you just dance and put on musicYou just move, and you sway or beat a pillow, just letting out all of the stuffThe practice of nothingnessAt the end of when the timer goes offAnd then you just come into stillness, you come into presence.What you're doing is on an embodied level,You're training your body to be in the stillness,And you're training your body to be inside of everything.Felt the impact and profoundness of the everythingness and nothingness practice? Share with us your experience. It might be your first step into creating clarity and mastery of your inner self. Tag us at @iamclaudine and Marc Anthony at the @btopodcast.  About the Guest:Aaron Kleinerman is a Transformational Sex and Relationship Coach, Facilitator & Speaker. He is the lead male teacher for the Embodied Awakening Academy, a Tantric Practitioner, creator of several online courses for me, and the author of the best-selling book "The Embodied Man." He has learned from the great masters in the space of sexuality and transformation. He earned a master's degree in spiritual psychology. Aaron went from being a licensed captain navigating ships to a sexual behavior and movement specialist navigating souls.  His workshops, retreats, sessions, and speeches help humans integrate body movement, psychology, sexuality, and spirituality. He speaks and teaches honestly and transparently so that others can unlock the real reason for their human existence.  Aaron's mastery as a teacher provides the practical tools everyone needs to implement embodied awakened intelligence into daily life. To know more about Aaron and what he does, please visit:Www.AaronKleinerman.comWww.embodiedawakeningacademy.com Follow Aaron on socials:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/AaronKleinerman/Instagram: - https://www.instagram.com/thesoulnavigatorTwitter - https://twitter.com/AaronKleinermanYouTube: - https://www.youtube.com/user/aaronklinky Follow the Podcast: Apple Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/breakthrough-the-ordinary/id1579129631  Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/7L6XsP0M87M8CX7AJ2LRS4  Google Podcasts - https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5zaW1wbGVjYXN0LmNvbS9DQ1V1NVR6agAmazon Music - https://q4k0kx5j.r.us-east-1.awstrack.me/L0/https:%2F%2Fmusic.amazon.com%2Fpodcasts%2F05bbcd2c-1e6b-4d09-934e-4eac42e12362/1/0100017af9eb75aa-8c17c10b-25b5-4300-b24e-c002d99f89b3-000000/lIGTk2xPKpZbRH-tqg7FXsRKud4=229iHeartRadio - https://iheart.com/podcast/85365975/  Follow Us @thebtopodcast]: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thebtopodcast  Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thebtopodcastTwitter - https://twitter.com/thebtopodcastTikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@thebtopodcastWebsite - https://btopodcast.comContact Us - thebtopodcast@gmail.com   About the podcast: Are you ready to commit to your future self---if you are, Marc Chiaramonte, a creative entrepreneur, coach, and adventure seeker, and Claudine Chiarmonte, psychotherapist, coach & joy creator, are ready to take you on a journey of self-discovery to unlock your highest potential! Join Breakthrough the Ordinary to reveal what awaits you on your next quest of exploration, bringing practical strategies, tools, and secret fairy dust that our guests, coaches, healers, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders, will be sharing with you! New episodes drop every MONDAY!

Alexandra is a tantric sexuality coach & hypnotherapist. She is known for her honest, passionate and authentic coaching style. She works with high achieving men in their 40's helping them to stop self-sabotaging and step into their true power by healing negative emotional response, gain self-confidence and value for the true self. She empowers men to become 'Tantric Warriors' through somatics, mindset and self-compassion.

https://www.tantranova.com/PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/minddogtvSponsors:KOA Coffee https://koacoffee.com/?sscid=21k6_79g17TRUE FIRE GUITAR MASTERY: http://prf.hn/click/camref:1101lkzyk/pubref:minddog

On this episode of the Far Out with Faust Podcast, tantric sex expert  @Arja Hendrikx beams in from Bali to stimulate our sexual energy and encourage men, women and couples to achieve our best sex life ever — with multiple orgasms for all!Just so you know: it gets bad before it gets good (really, really good). Before we dive into having better sex, we're going deep into everything that's wrong with Western sex. OK maybe not wrong (too Puritanical), but limiting — in a single-orgasm, de-energizing, twinge of guilt for leaving your partner only semi-satisfied kinda way.But guys, there's hope. Like, multiple male orgasm without even having to sow your seed kind of hope. That's right, harnessing tantric energy to release a long-term pleasure explosion isn't just for a few legendary ladies.Catch Faust using the word “bonafide” in a sex podcast — without the least bit of irony, as he makes a head-blowing analogy between tantric energy and your TV remote control. For reals.Have we piqued your interest yet? Faust has a couple of books — and a scientific study — that might send you over the edge. Maybe you've heard of the divine feminine, which has gotten so much attention in recent years, but it's time we start to value and appreciate the true expression of the divine masculine as well.Tantra...Kundalini...Prana...it may sound woo-woo, dudes, but let's cut right to the chase: we're dealing with multi-orgasmic experiences. And while we never thought this would happen here on Far Out, we're talking about Gwyneth Paltrow.It's time to shed your inhibitions and start exploring the full spectrum of sexual energy. Are you sitting down? Because here's assignment #1: stop watching porn. It's f-ing you up, literally. We'll tell you why.Hendrikx explains how we can learn to use our sexual power not just to please ourselves and our partners, but to create abundance and wealth in every aspect of our lives. Don't worry if you're flying solo at the moment — because before you try to find intimacy with another person, you should cultivate that intimacy within yourself, she says. Hendrikx has sex tips for couples, too, so check out her master class in non-linear lovemaking (yep, it's kinky — literally).Of course we're going far out after the climax: she's 100% had a close encounter that has nothing to do with sex — so stay tuned to hear how the flash of light activated her senses. You can't learn tantra from a book, but she's got a must-read recommendation anyway.Listen till the end, where Hendrikx reveals the advice she has for humanity. You'll be totally surprised at what this tantric sex expert has to say.Arja Hendrikx is a tantric practitioner and sacred sexuality teacher who has traveled the world first learning, then applying her expertise to help women, men and couples achieve their potential by tapping into their sexual energy. She conducts workshops and retreats that combine her extensive knowledge of tantra, yoga and meditation, to help the curious expand their minds and hearts — and use their sexual power to live their best (multi-orgasmic!) life possible.  Visit Arja Hendrikx's website:https://www.arjahendrikx.com/Connect on social media:YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKWkBgmJGzPhbFTsQzWdJDAInstagram:https://instagram.com/arja_hendrikx?utm_medium=copy_linkFacebook:https://www.facebook.com/arjahendrikx/

Dead Time Season 3 Episode 4 Sexual Energy and Connection to Self with Alexandra Holovitz Tantric Sexuality CoachWhen we're connected to our sexual energy and spirituality, we're connected to our personal power, our sense of self, and our ability to go after what we want in life.Are you truly connecting to your sexual energy and harnessing the true you, the best you?Welcome Alexandra Holovitz Tantric Sexuality Coach & Hypnotherapist Alexandra is a tantric empowerment coach. She is known for her holistic, passionate and authentic coaching style. Her mission is to empower 1 million men/women through sexual awakening.  She believes real self-mastery comes through sacred sexuality and embodying your erotic essence. Her signature program is Art of Mindful Masturbation. You can learn more about her work at www.alexandra.guru and connect with her via Instagram @ alexandra_guru

Sex has the power to heal, to awaken, to transform and rebirth. We've been conditioned to experience sex from a lustful impulse alone - which only results in depletion, violence, and depression. Reconnecting to the true healing potential of sexuality is the most powerful you can do to become a fully awakened human. – – – – MASTER YOUR SEXUAL ENERGY – – – – ✅ FREE Ejaculation Control Course: http://bit.ly/ejaculation-control-guide ✅ Multi-Orgasmic Man 12-week course: http://bit.ly/multi-orgasmic-man ✅ Grab this bundle of my 4 most popular mini courses including: ​Testicle Breathing Guided Audio, Sexual Kung Fu Workout, Multi-Orgasmic Mastery and ​Qigong Mastery http://bit.ly/JWLbundle ✅ Male optimization herbs, books & non-toxic products: http://bit.ly/jw-shop ✅ FREE Orgasmic Goddess Course: http://bit.ly/VibrantGoddess ________________________________________________________________ – – – – ADDITIONAL RESOURCES – – – – - Learn about the science of semen retention: http://bit.ly/s-r-science - Open your Microcosmic Orbit: http://bit.ly/MCOrbit - The #1 Semen Retention exercise: http://bit.ly/s-r-exercise ________________________________________________________________ – – – – FOLLOW SKF – – – – – YouTube http://bit.ly/skf-youtube – Instagram @sexual.kungfu http://bit.ly/skf-ig – Facebook http://bit.ly/skf-fb – Twitter http://bit.ly/skf-twitter --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/sexualkungfu/message

In this episode I speak with male sex coach and tantric arts enthusiast, Nitya Mahlynn. We deep dive about how to embrace the teachings of tantra to last longer in the bedroom and feel more fulfilled with deeper more meaningful sexual connections. Nitya teaches us 5 of her most effective teachings in her sexual mastery intensive coaching program and how we can start to implement some of the techniques into our own sex lives. Join us on this journey of sexual self-discovery and find out what you may be missing out on when it comes to sex and intimacy. About Today’s Guest:Nitya grew up in Sweden, and took off on her seekers quest 3 decades ago to live in a spiritual community in India and Italy for a number of years. She was initiated into the Tantric Arts by a lover whom she spent 3 years in relationship with. These early experiences with this lover affected her understanding of sex, soul and embodiment, in a profound way that could not be undone, and that has formed the basis of her work as a sex coach for men. Nitya mentors Men to traverse the portal to their natural & authentic sexual genius, while learning to last 1hr & more in bed, and have multiple orgasms without ejaculation. Connect with Nitya:WebsiteAudio Program “The CODE to Lasting in Bed”InstagramFacebook YouTube My New Free Ebook;“Sexual Mastery for Men” will be ready in one week, DM/PM me with your email address if you want the link!"This Is Me" tip of the episode: Examine what your life is like when you don't show up authentically and feel how that feels for you. The key to living authentically is to feel the fear and do it anyway. This is the practice of courage. To live courageously does not mean to live without fear, it means to feel the fear but choose to still do it. Song of the episode: Sara Bareilles - Saint Honesty About the Host:Matt Landsiedel is a transformative coach, intuitive, podcast host, and author from Calgary, Canada.Matt specializes in teaching people how to heal shame and embody their authentic self so they can enjoy meaningful connections in their lives. His areas of expertise are working with gay men to develop a stronger sense of self-worth. Inspired to Be Authentic is a mission Matt has purposefully created. Through his content and coaching, he offers you inspiration to share more of your truth with the world. He does this by teaching you life changing skills and sharing energetic transmissions that inspire you to show up courageously in your own life by practicing vulnerability. Matt's vision for this world is for us all to live with more courage so we can share our authenticity and enjoy more meaningful connections in our lives.► Take my new FREE course: Embody Your Truth ► MattLandsiedel.com► Read my latest book► Facebook► Instagram

On this episode I speak with Tantra instructor Freya McFarlane. She discusses sacred sexuality, sacred femininity, eco sexuality, menstruation, and tantric heart orgasms. Take a slow and sensual journey into Freya’s tantric life as she seductively enunciates each word in the Queen’s English to arouse your audiophilia. Her ASMR vocals will tease you along as she describes her erotic self-discoveries in nature—bonding with the earth to find her sacred sexuality. Freya’s life experiences have accumulated a wealth of knowledge in tantric practices, sacred femininity, heart orgasms, and breathwork, among other things. So listen in and breathe deep because this episode will titillate your senses and tantalize your imagination. Find Freya McFarlane on: IG: @freya_mcfarlane FB: @freyatantra

Remember that spark you had with your partner when you first met? Butterflies in your stomach. Constantly checking for a text message or call from them. Daydreaming about your next date. Well, how do you get that back after you’ve settled into a routine of work, home, dinner, dishes, mouthguard, sleep? How about after a year? Five years? Or even a decade? Today you’ll learn how to use mindfulness techniques rediscover what’s amazing about your partner. Today’s guest is Dr. Cheryl Fraser. Cheryl combines her knowledge of how the mind works from a psychological and Buddhist perspective with her mission to help people create sexy, passionate, playful relationships. She’s also the author of Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. As always, I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this episode and what revelations and questions it creates for you. Please join us in the Relationship Alive Community on Facebook to chat about it! Resources: Check out Buddha’s Bedroom on Amazon Visit Cheryl Fraser’s website Click here to get tickets to Relationship Alive...LIVE on June 6, 2019 featuring Terry Real and musical guest Katie Matzell Visit www.neilsattin.com/bb to download the transcript, or text “PASSION” to 33444 and follow the instructions to download the transcript to this episode with Tammy Nelson. I want to know you better! Take the quick, anonymous, Relationship Alive survey FREE Guide to Neil’s Top 3 Relationship Communication Secrets Guide to Understanding Your Needs (and Your Partner’s Needs) in Relationship (ALSO FREE) Support the podcast (or text “SUPPORT” to 33444) Amazing intro and outro music provided courtesy of The Railsplitters Transcript: Neil Sattin: Hello and welcome to another episode of Relationship Alive. This is your host, Neil Sattin. We’ve covered lots of aspects of how to develop true intimacy with your partner: how to communicate well, how to understand each other, how to get past your triggers. Today, I want to focus on how to bring that mindful connection that you’re developing with your partner into the bedroom. So that you can have passionate, thrilling, sexual connection with your partner. Because often that’s, if not part of why we’re in relationship, it’s a big part of why we’re in a relationship. In fact, recently I put the question out to the relationship alive community on facebook: “How important is sex to you?” and there were very few people who said “yeah, it’s not a big deal to me.” Almost everyone, without a doubt, talked about how important a sexual, intimate connection was. So there’s the intimacy, that’s your closeness, your connectedness, and then there’s your ability to bring that intimacy into the way you connect in the bedroom with your partner. And today we have an expert in that very topic to chat with us. Her name is Doctor Cheryl Fraser, and she is the author of Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. And, Cheryl actually reached out to me and sent me a copy of her book, and I was just really moved by how simple it is, and yet how powerful the results can be for you. So, I’m really excited to have her here on the show. As usual, we will have a detailed transcript and show guide with relevant links. To download that, all you have to do is visit NeilSattin.com/bb -- and that stands for Buddha’s Bedroom. So I’m making it really easy for you. Or, you can as always text the word “Passion” to the number 33444 and follow the instructions. So let’s dive right in to the bedroom with Buddha and Doctor Cheryl Fraser. Thanks so much for joining us today. Cheryl Fraser: It’s so much my pleasure. So happy to be talking with you. Neil Sattin: Well, before we can get into bed, let’s talk about the way that you start your book which I love, which is bringing mindfulness to your relationship, and the sense that our partners aren’t there to make us happy. And how that desire for our partner to be that for us is at the root of so much unhappiness. So, before we can get really bed into partners, we often have this obstacle of feeling the resentments that we’ve stored about them. Or that abrasiveness that is actually an obstacle to the closeness, to the openness, to being there in a sexual way. So, how did you arrive there, and what, what is our good entry point here. Maybe it’s just with the Buddha, and how the Buddha’s teaching really do apply to the misery, the potential misery, of relationship as well as the bliss and joy. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Well, I think the short handle there is that great love and great sex are all in our head. And that ultimately is absolutely true. When I’m in love with you, it’s in my head. When I’m disgruntled with you, it’s in my head. When I’m horny, it’s in my head, even if it’s in my body. That’s why we can have an orgasm in our sleep, with absolutely no physical contact. Because actual eroticism and sexual response is also in our heads. So, you know, the title of the book, is a little bit controversial in some circles. I’m a card-carrying buddhist, whatever that is, I’ve been studying for 25 years, and I teach buddhism in long retreats, and I’m studied in Tibet and India etcetera. And “Buddha’s Bedroom” is a bit of a misnomer, in that Buddha was a celibate monk after the age of, about, early twenties. After he left his pleasure palace, and his concubines, and his wife, and his infant child, to go discover the root of suffering. So. Why would we put Buddha in the Bedroom? Because ultimately the teachings of buddhism, and whether you’re a secular person, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, whatever your religious or philosophical bent is, the beautiful thing about the teachings of buddhist philosophy, is they’re simply about training your mind and looking at your experience, whatever your belief and religious system are, how do we bring that to love and sex, which is the root of your question. So in essence, whether I’m happy or not happy is in my mind. And that applies directly to our relationships. So I’ll give a very simple example. Neil Sattin: Great. Cheryl Fraser: Let’s say after this interview, you and I have to drive somewhere, we’ve got a meeting. And we each go out to our car after we hang up from each other, and we’ve each got a flat tire. So what happens next is entirely up to our head. Do we have a tantrum? “This is a terrible day, I’m going to be late for my interview, oh no, this is a disaster, why does this always happen to me!” None of that has anything to do with the tire. It’s completely due to my mind’s reaction to reality. Reality is I have a flat tire. So let’s say, I’m going to make me the bad guy and you’re going to be the enlightened one here Neil. Let’s say I’m the one that’s having a tantrum, and I’m freaking out “Wahh!!!” meanwhile Neil goes out to his car, and is a highly civilized human being, and sees his flat tire, and says “Oh, ok, that happened. I’ll have to adjust my plan now.” The difference between you and I is in our minds, and our mind’s reaction to reality in that moment. I freak out, and my mind goes into suffering and dismay, and creates my problem. Not the flat tire. You have the same real issue, the car won’t work in the way you need it to in here and now. And you simply go “Ok, that happened. Reality changed. And I, Neil, am going to go with the flow, and make a new plan. Call a friend, grab a bus, reschedule your appointment.” This is so simple. We all know that from our daily experience, when we react to something, that’s when we suffer. That’s Buddhism 101. How does that apply to love? Well, let’s say my sweet heart comes home today, and he promised he was going to get cat food. Now, my sweetheart has adult ADD, he’s a little bit forgetful. So let’s say he promised to get Cat Food. I texted him, “Hey hon, remember the cat food.” Because that’s part of our relationship agreement around his forgetting things. And he walks in, and we all know where this is heading, blissfully happy to see me, gives me a hug and a kiss, the cat’s meowing, where’s the cat food, his face falls. In that moment, reality is I have a person who’s forgotten to buy cat food. That’s all that’s happened. But what happens next can often be, and I’m not proud to admit that I’ve often gone there: “Oh, for goodness sakes. I can’t rely on you, I texted you, couldn’t you just check the phone before you leave the store. You know, what’s the deal.” I am suffering but it’s in my mind. It’s certainly not the cat food. It’s certainly not the cat’s fault. And arguably, and this is where it gets challenging, arguably my misery isn’t because my partner did or didn’t do something. My misery is because I don’t like reality. I don’t like the reality that they did or didn’t do something. So to your point in your introduction, about whether we are ever in the right relationship, or can we be happy in our relationship. I’m fond of saying we all marry or fall in love with the wrong person if we expect them to make us happy all the time. And the first quarter of the book is really about this teaching of examine your mindset, and don’t change your mate, change your mind. So most of the small or medium distresses in our relationship, sexually, romantically, communication wise, how we handle the chores, how we handle the commitments at christmas time -- whatever that is. The small and the medium distress, pain, annoyance, anger -- most of that we can get on top of that if we work with our mind. We can say “Oh, I’m so frustrated with Neil right now!” I can look at my mind, I can look at the emotion, I can feel the emotion in my body, I can look at the story: “Neil’s so unpredictable, he makes promises and he breaks them, nah nah nah.” I can harness that in, and ideally calm my body, calm my mind. Do a stretch, do a little meditation, go for a walk with the dog, and come back and say “Hey babe. I need to talk to you about something that’s really bothering me.” So when we take all of that, it sounds complex, it’s actually reasonably simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. But it’s reasonably simple to say “My mind is the root of my experience.” How I engage with you, my beloved, is, in reality we’re having engagements, but how my mind interprets them is where I’m either happy or not.” “Oh, I’ve got a hubby who forgets cat food, he’s such a sweetheart.” versus “I can’t rely on you. I’ve got to do everything myself.” Wow those lead down radically different roads. Neil Sattin: Right. Right. And so there are several different paths that I want to go down here. One of them, I just wanted to share, I had this interesting insight when I was reading Buddha’s Bedroom, which was thinking about the question that I’ve often get asked which is, “When I’ve done all this growth, what if I find out that my partner isn’t the person that I’m supposed to be with anymore?” And I think that a lot of what you just said is the answer to that question. Not 100% of the time, but probably 85 to 90% of the time, as long as that growth includes how you process your own stories about your partner and your relationship. And you may find yourself able to connect in totally new ways that aren’t based around the dysfunction that maybe brought you together to begin with. Which is so often the case. So I just wanted to share that because for me, it was actually really inspiring, as a way of saying, yeah you know what, when you reach a new level of growth, you also reach a new level of ability to take a new approach in something that’s problematic in your relationship. That’s part of the growing. And some of that is the relational skill -- it’s how you talk to Neil about the cat food he keeps forgetting. And another part of that is how the inner part of your conversation that’s happening. Recognizing that “Oh, it’s my mind that’s torturing me right now,” and whatever you do to get past that. And a question that I have for you is around, is around those moments, like, how would you describe someone being, having their story, and getting past their story, but still recognizing, maybe it’s not the cat food, but maybe it is a repeated sense of like, “Oh, in reality I’m noticing that my partner actually doesn’t pay much attention to me.” It’s not like you’re giving the negligent partner a blank check to walk all over the newly practicing buddhist, right? Cheryl Fraser: No, because that would just create more suffering. And buddhism is all about trying to reduce our suffering not increase it. So let me get a little more clear here, so if we’re becoming a little more aware, and we’re examining our inner experience and our relational experience, and we come to a dawning realization that maybe our partner’s not that great at paying romantic or connected attention to us. That’s partly what you’re putting out. What do we then do with that? And these are such vast, vast questions. And as relationship therapists and coaches, both of us, we know that there’s not pithy answer, but what I’m putting forward as a really important tool in the tool box that’s different than a lot of other relationship advice, is don’t immediately go to “I need to fix this situation.” i.e. teach you, bed you, plead, cajole, bully you into paying more attention to me, in order to be happy. That’s generally where we go. I have to fix the tire in order to be happy. And from buddhist philosophy, it’s a bit of a radical idea for most of us in the west who are not trained this way. Well, you don’t need to fix the tire to be happy. Ipso facto, I don’t need to get my partner to be attentive to me in a specific way that I would enjoy, in order to be happy. Whatttt. That means I’ve got all this space in which to be happy, with my inattentive, distracted partner. Who I know loves me deeply, and shows me in other ways. It also gives space for the two of us to say “Hey, but with the inattentive, distracted, not romantic part, that is something I would like to work on.” But now I’m working on it from a place of curiosity and wonder and friendship and play and good humored acceptance that that is not your strong suit, instead of pain, demand and almost a cyclical failure experience, where I’m hoping you’ll remember to -- Neil Sattin: Yeah. Cheryl Fraser: Ok, here’s one. Oh, I did not get his permission to share this, I’ll get it retrospectively. I had an experience with my dearly beloved this weekend. It was my birthday, and um, I told him that all I want is something with wrapping paper on it. I said I don’t care if it costs a dollar. It’s not about that. It’s because I love wrapping paper, not because I love wrapping paper, but because of what it indicates to me. Which is a thoughtfulness, a bit of precision, a bit of, you know, making something special. It goes back to old patterns, about wanting to make a fuss about my birthday as a kid, and all that good stuff that we have some awareness of. So, my dearly beloved goes and gets me a really sweet little gift. As dog lovers, you and I both Neil, he got me this sweet book on you know dogs and whatever -- lovely book. And, he put it in a bag. Oh, uh, no! I’m telling you we’re set up for a fight now. He put it in a bag, and he left it on the hotel bed, and he left a card, and in the card, he said all sorts of loving things that were beautiful. And he said, “And redneck wrapping.” Now, redneck wrapping, meaning “I threw it in a bag! I didn’t get [TK AGAINST TAPE].” And I was not a very good buddhist, or a very good sex therapist, or a very good relationship therapist, or a very good wife, or a very good person in that moment. I kind of freaked out. “All I asked for was for it to be wrapped! I just wanted it to be wrapped!” And I actually had some tears, I was very tired, it had been a very long week. Now, if I had practiced what I preached, which I try to, as much as possible, I would have said “How cool! That’s his way of wrapping. This is my sweetheart. It’s kind of funny. It’s kind of cute. It’s kind of quirky. We’re different people.” So, just to bring this back together and to summarize it for our listeners. When I accept responsibility for my mind’s reaction to reality, it frees me up to accept reality the way it is, and be not upset. It also frees me up to say, “Ok, I’m not really upset, but we can talk a little bit about the wrapping paper in the future? What I would really love, if is on special occasions, if you got paper, because it’s symbolic to me. It just lights me up. You’ll get great return on your investment because I’ll be so thrilled.” But instead of doing it from a place of pain and hurt, and the place we usually dialogue about problems. So, I don’t want listeners to think that “Oh, my goodness, I have to accept every shortcoming in my relationship, from now on, because it’s my fault that my head isn’t happy with it.” No, no. That isn’t what we’re saying. But we’re giving people a super powerful tool, to add to the way we usually do relationship. Work on our head as well as the interaction between you and I. And find a way to be happy, and joyful, and horny, and in love, and curious -- regardless of what’s going on for our sweetheart. And then maybe, take their hand and ask them to jump into that playground with us, when we’re at our best. Cajole them out of their stuck place instead of trying to berate them, or guilt them, or harunge them out of that place. I think you and I have both experienced professionally and personally -- it doesn’t work all that well. Neil Sattin: Yeah, as soon as we are coming at people with, what in the dog training world we call negative reinforcement, as soon as that is happening, they’re going into their shame, and feeling unworthy, and that’s not a place where any good problem solving is happening. And certainly, where the connection, also, isn’t happening. I love that example that you gave, because your husband clearly he was thinking that -- he was probably thinking that he was getting at what you were asking for. He acknowledged it even. But he didn’t really get what you were asking for in the end, because, what you wanted was fairly simple. But he missed that point. Cheryl Fraser: And I love him anyway. And we redeemed the weekend. And often it wouldn’t have gone that way, but you know, the trifecta was there: the exhaustion, the working too much, and hadn’t had much time together, and all that stuff. I’m a human being in relationships, so are you. My private practice therapy office is upstairs from my home. You and I are speaking from my home right now. And I often say to my beautiful patients I get to work with, the couples I work with, I say, you know, “There’s upstairs Cheryl, and she’s awesome. And then there’s downstairs Cheryl, and I’m a lot less skilled down here.” [Everyone laughs] But, all of us should be that self revelatory and not set ourselves up. Because even though, I’m literally considered a sex and love expert, that doesn’t mean it’s easy in the trenches of real life with real human beings. That helps keep us humble, and it keeps us always searching and looking for ways to bring this beautiful work to people to do something that is sacred and profound. Which is to choose to walk through life with a person. And we learn if we’re older than 16 or so, that it’s not as easy as we thought it would be, and that soul mates don’t exist, and that Walt Disney sold us a bill of goods, and we should all sue him. [LAUGHTER] There is no happily ever after, at least by itself. Neil Sattin: So I think they have some money, so I think we should put a class action suit together, and go after Disney. Yeah, yeah, and I think that this is so true, that what we’re after is not this idea of a perfect relationship where nothing goes wrong. In fact, my latest catch phrase has been “the perfectly imperfect relationship.” That, that’s part of it. That it’s not that nothing ever happens it’s how you show up, it’s how you handle those things that inevitably go wrong that show you how strong you are, and actually I think are just as valuable as the blissful bedroom moments, are the moments where you survive something with your partner that was tough. That maybe in the past would have really derailed you. And you realize, “Wow, we did that in five minutes, which would have before taken us five days, or five months.” And that’s a real beautiful level of resilience, that you only get to if you’re doing the inner and the outer work that you’re talking about. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah, there are no easy relationships, other than maybe in the first few months. And it’s the work, and the joy, and the … I think the old fashioned wedding vows are so profound: better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. And I’d love us to remember that, that’s love. Not “you’re so perfect, and you’ll keep me happy forever, yay!” I mean, that’s naive, and, it’s not bad, goodness knows I’m not anti-romance, I love romance. But I love reality too. But the first part of the book, and we’ll probably move on to passion and stuff now, but the first part is sketching out the fundamental philosophy of using your mind in the way we’ve been talking about, as one way to approach your relationship, to increase your happiness and your connection, and avoid the pitfalls of having your day ruined because there’s a flat tire. Cuz nobody’s days ruined by having a flat tire. Your day is ruined by your mind, not the tire. Neil Sattin: And I want to highlight too that you offered this really profound view of self responsibility. That it’s not only about your happiness, it’s also about your horniness, or about your attention to a quiet moment. It’s what you’re bringing in every single moment, to that moment, is something that you have a say in, that you can bring awareness to. And what I love about these kinds of conversations, that now that you have heard us say this, you will not be able to experience the moment the same way ever again. You’ll experience it, and you’ll recognize, “Oh, wow I’m really unhappy right now.” And it will give you the opportunity, to ask yourself “What is my story that I’m telling myself right now.” Cheryl Fraser: Yes, yes. The phrase I use right now, that I bet you resonated with, is that we are story making machines. Right? I know you do that a lot of that in your work, and your teaching on this podcast and your other venues. It’s so important. What’s the story right now? And is it working for me! If the story is “You’re the worst husband ever, and all I wanted was wrapping paper, and nobody loves me!” That’s a dumbass story. I mean, what good is that doing me, what good is that doing me to the evening? Sure, we’re flooded with biochemistry, we all know when we’re in this story that it’s not always easy to snap our fingers and turn the page. Fair enough. But at least when we can realize that we’re stuck on a yucky page of the book, and this story is destructive, we can at least begin the process of stepping away, calming our self, finding our grounding, maybe hugging and holding our partner, letting our parasympathetic nervous system take over the sympathetic fight or flight, calm our self. And then we can probably turn the page, to a blank page and start again. Not easy, but profoundly beautiful to take that as a challenge personally, and with our partner if they’re willing to engage with some of that study with us. We can do with or without them being fully on board, like much relationship work, but to say: “I’m interested in re-writing my love story one mindful breath at a time,” is how I sometimes put it. Neil Sattin: I love that, I love that. And as we bring our attention to the moment, this is like a perfect segue I think, because I think for one thing I think a beautiful remedy for those really triggered moments is how you presence yourself. You know, our limbic system is lost in this sense that the tiger is chasing us. So being able to bring yourself into presence with your partner and talk about what is literally happening, I think is part of the mindfulness that you’re advocating for. Is that you seperate your story from what is actually happening, what the reality is that you maybe don’t like, but this is reality. And that can bring you into “I’m here, in this room, with my partner, they’re standing in front of me, we’re both breathing, the cat is meowing,” whatever is happening, that that brings you back into the moment, and once you’re there, all those systems start to come back online. And now let’s talk about how being in the moment is so important to revitalizing the sexual passion that so many people lose, and I’m putting “lose” in quotes. Because I love how you talk about how that’s never really gone, that it’s there within us. So yeah, how does our mindfulness and being moment focused get us back into passionate connection with our partner. Cheryl Fraser: Oh! My favorite topic. So the first chunk of the book is laying out what we’ve been talking about, the mindset and some of the fundamental teachings about how to use your mind to, to interpret reality and be happy regardless of reality, flat tire or no. Then I move into, I chunk it into what I call the “Passion Triangle,” I’ll briefly lay it out, and then I think you and I are going to focus on one or two key piece of that. When I talk about how to help people create, or become, or uncover, or revitalize, or reignite passion, I break into down into three keys to passion as a way for people to remember it. And I use the structure of the triangle, because I was told once by an engineer friend that a triangle is an incredibly stable structure. And if you want to build a big building you want to build it on the variation, and the idea of the triangle. All sides leaning on each other, strongly unshakeable. Isn’t that what we want to build in our love life? All three sides of our relationship leaning on each other strong and unshakeable. What are the three? I’ll name them. I’ll briefly describe them. I talk about intimacy being the base of your triangle. Thrill being one side of the triangle. And sensuality being the other side. And intimacy is what a lot of your work and my work covers, Neil. Which is I don’t use intimacy here as an euphemism for sex. I use it as a psychological, emotional communication, even spiritual connection. That sense of knowing each other and being known. What John Gottman and team call love maps, and which many other people talk about being seen by you, being heard by you, ups and downs, the little stuff, the big stuff. True intimacy grows over time, months and years, through what you were just about, the ups and downs, the things we go through, and maybe we can stand in the middle and survive. Intimacy, key to lifelong passion. Because the kind of passion I’m talking about, isn’t just a wild weekend. I’m talking about sustainable fluctuating alive passion. Sexually, emotionally, romantically and spiritually. So intimacy is really important, we probably won’t talk a lot about it for the rest of this conversation, but a chunk of the book is talking about how to bring mindfulness to your intimacy, and communication practices, mindful apology, things like that. Thrill and sensuality, are what I think people really respond to as ways to think about their relationship that are cast in a slightly different manner than maybe they’ve heard before. Thrill, I’m talking about the ineffable sense of butterflies in the tummy, and a rush of lust, or excitement through our mind or body, that most of us experience very easily in the beginning of our relationship, when we’re dating, we’re beginning to fall in love. You know in my days, I’m going to date myself a bit here, but it was all about the answering machine light and whether or not it was blinking or not when you walked in the door, you didn’t have the cell phone, so you were at work all day, and you came in at 5:30 or whatever, and immediately look to the corner of the room, where the answering machine sat, and if it was blinking, that meant there was a message! And hopefully it was him or her, and I would go and listen to the message, and it was my grandmother… And I love me my grandmother, but you’re so disappointed. We all know what it was like to be excited and anticipatory, and feeling a rush of thrill. To be at your office desk and to literally a rush of lust in your body when you remember that goodnight kiss from last night. Now what happens three, six or eighteen months down the road? You and I are familiar, and most of your listeners may be, with the findings that there’s a period of what’s called luminessence or numinosity, or whatever we want to call it in the fallin in love stage that is biochemically driven. We’ve got dopamine, we’ve got serotonin, and oxytocin, we’ve got love hormones, we’ve got sexual drive. We’re cave people in cave bodies, and we’re programmed to mate and get it over with! So the pursuit and the chase is very thrilling. Then we move into a phase of what I call “Marriage Incorporated.” Whether or not you’re married, gay, straight, or alternate couples, I’m talking about when we make a dedicated commitment to each other in whatever form. I just call it Marriage Incorporated. And that’s where the thrill is gone. We think, I’ll get back to that, but we think. As the old song says, the thrill is gone. And, we’re doing ok. I love you, you love me, we’ve got the kids, the dogs, the horses, the cats, no cat food, but whatever. We’re good, we’re fine, Neil, we’re fine. I like you, you like me, we’re not looking for an affair, directly, we’re not wanting to divorce, and we have a good time on vacation. And we are running the business of us: the mortgage, the pets, the kids, the activities, your career, my career, you’ve got that podcast, but I’ve got this other thing. We all know this, we are often living that right now. Marriage Incorporated is where the thrill seems to have gone, and we’re in contentment. Now, that’s a natural phase. My work’s about bringing the thrill back, re-infusing Marriage Incorporated, and turning it into Passion Incorporated. I’m going to get to sensuality probably a little later in this conversation, so let’s stay with Thrill right now. A reminder the three are Intimacy, Thrill and Sensuality. Because you asked me a key question, which is how does the mind, or mindfulness or paying attention, relate to thrill? In every single way. Because when you and I are new it’s novel, and novelty automatically takes care of thrill. I am curious as heck about you, I can’t wait to hear about your day, who your best friend was in school, and what happened to that friendship, where and how you lost your virginity, and how embarrassing was it. I want to know everything, I want to know where you bought that shirt, I want to know what your relationship with your parents are like. It’s easy, we’re organically curious when we’re falling in love. The thrill is based on novelty. You are uncharted territory, and I can’t wait to map every single bit of you. Every inch of your body, and every neuron of your mind. I want to know you. Neil Sattin: Right, and there’s often some fear, involved there as well that’s often fueling the dopamine and chemicals that are coursing through our bodies. Cheryl Fraser: Great observation, I am investing, and I’m fearful or anxious or excited that, you know, I’m falling in love with Neil, and I don’t know if he’s going to feel the same way, and am I over playing my hand, all of that is very exciting -- sometimes painfully so. And we then move into contentment, and life and busyness. We get complacent often. And the few of you listening that didn’t, Bravo and Hallelujah. But the majority of us get complacent, and I start to take you for granted. And what was new seems familiar. And it blows my mind when as couples we say, “I don’t really think there’s anything new to learn about my sweetheart.” Are you crazy? Have you met them?? We are vast, we contain multitudes. I think that’s Whitman. Neil Sattin: Yeah it is. Cheryl Fraser: Thank you, thank you! You will never know your partner anywhere as deeply as you think you do. As this is where I mentioned affairs. And I just want to ground this in reality for all of us. If you and I are in long term relationship, and our partner loves us and thinks were cool. But they’re not all that interested in our day, or our hopes and dreams right now, we’re not creating time to explore that together, we’re not cultivating thrill, we’ve lost novelty in terms of newness, and we’re not creating novelty with our mind and our activities. And then you and I meet someone at work, or at play or at a conference who’s interested in what we’re interested in. We have a fascinating conversation that is so often the grain of an affair possibility, someone finding us fascinating. So the work I bring with bringing mindfulness and the buddhist philosophy to our love and sex life, is create novelty all over again by what you so cleverly summarized a little bit ago in this conversation. If I show up with you here and now in this conversation, you are freaking fascinating. Even if I’ve slept next to you for the last 26 years. Even if I believe I know everything about you. You are filled with surprises, if only I have the eyes to see. And I think that a very simple way to make this relatable to people, is: Let’s say you and I love chocolate. And I am able to gift you with a tiny sliver of the most gorgeous Belgian truffle, in exactly the flavor and style that you would most love. Even as I say this, my mouth starts to water a little bit, and probably yours, and probably our listeners. And I give this to you, and I say to you “Neil, I want you to take your time, and I want you bring this to your nostrils and have a little scent.” And you’re like “Oh my goodness, it smells delicious.” But then I ask you to place it on your tongue and just leave it there. Just for a few seconds.” And it starts to melt a tiny bit, and I ask you to roll it around, and it’s silky and it’s smooth, you’ve got texture, you’ve got the orgasmic flavor explosion. And then you just enjoy it, you take time, and you swallow, and it’s gorgeous. Right? Neil Sattin: You’re killing me! Cheryl Fraser: Oh! Right after this I’m going truffle shopping. And I bet what you do not say to me is “Yeah, whatever. I’ve had a lot of chocolate before.” And the reason is, you’re just showing up here and now with that sliver of truffle. And you’re experiencing it, as though for the first time, and if you’ve had thousands of chocolate -- if you have a two chocolate a day habit, this moment is gorgeous if you focus on it. The power, and the eroticism, of attention. Now, if you were to, and let’s do this together right now. I want you to take your hand, and everybody listening, and just gently stroke the top of your other hand with the fingers. Using my right hand fingers, I’m stroking the top of my left hand. I’m closing my eyes, and I’m focusing on it for a few seconds. And it feels very powerful. Simply because of the special sauce of attention. Imagine kissing like that. Imagine someone licking our thigh like that. That’s the way it felt for the majority of us in the beginning, when we were exploring each other. We were locked and loaded on that sensation, and it was so alive, and it was so erotic, and it was romantic. Not just because it was new, but because we were paying attention. Novelty makes it easy to pay attention, familiarity does not make it easy to pay attention. The first time you drive a tricky mountain road. If you’ve driven it four-thousand times, because your house is at the top, you stop paying attention. So, what’s the point of all that? If you want thrill in the here and now after 27 or 48 years or 30 days, or however long it’s been. It’s your mind paying attention to this truffle, this kiss, this conversation with you, this description of your business meeting today, that makes it alive and passionate. Interest makes us fall in love over and over again. Interest and mindfulness, make thrill perpetual. Instead of simply part of the first few months of our relationship. That part comes automatically. Enjoy the heck out of it! I love falling in love. I love the rush of all that biochemistry and projection and craziness. And when I counsel people on what to do about it, I’m like “Enjoy the freaking ride.” It’s a roller coaster, but just know that you’re on a roller coaster. It’s amazing, it’s intense, you’re in an altered state of consciousness, the biochemistry of falling in love literally mimics the biochemistry of obsessive compulsive disorder in functional MRI machines. We actually are mentally ill when we’re falling in love. Enjoy the heck out if it. And then when it starts to settle, change, shift, and some of the deep work starts to happen, and it’s no longer so perfect, that’s where we can say “Ok, I am interested in boarding the roller coaster volutionally over and over again through our decades together.” That’s my mindfulness, that’s choice, that’s effort. That’s how we can begin to keep thrill alive forever. Neil Sattin: Great, yeah, that’s exactly how you take charge of your story. If you’re able in the moment to remind yourself, just like I had the ability to choose happiness in this moment, even, no matter what the circumstances are, now I also have the ability to choose attention. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Neil Sattin: To put my attention into this level of fascination. And where my mind went strangely, not necessarily that the words are connected at all, but I was thinking about fastening, like you’re fastening your attention to someone. So you’re fascinated with them. And the way that brings you into joy, also I think, takes you out of that realm of wanting someone to fulfill your expectations. So, and this I think goes into the sensuality piece, right? Because when you’re in the moment, and you’re fascinated, and you’re just enjoying that last sense of the chocolate on your tongue, you don’t want that moment to end. You’re not really thinking of the next piece, right? Because you’re able to bring your attention in that fully. And where so many people get lost, I think, in especially when there’s a disconnected state, where we’ve been in relationship for a long time, and it feels like the chasm between us is vast -- I don’t even know how to get to being sexual with you because I’m so wrapped up with business, and the kids, and the dog and the cat food. So, but the way, it’s such a quick bridge is to be able to give your attention like that to your partner, and to find that fascination. And then, it’s almost like, that question of how we get to the bedroom, in some respects, becomes a lot less important, because you’re enjoying that moment, potentially almost as much, as you would enjoy the bedroom. And it gets you into that enjoyment, which gets you maybe into more of a sensual experience with your partner. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. I want to comment on a few of those great points before we move into sensuality, I love the idea of fastening and fascination, because there’s actually a fairly esoteric buddhist word to describe deep concentrated attention, which is called Watakka [TK AGAINST TRANSCRIPT] which means to tack onto. Which is to fasten. Where your attention kind of gloms onto this breath, and it’s unshakably there. So you’re intuitively really on that point there, Neil, of fastening and fascination, because you’re the totality of my experience in this present moment. I am focused on you. The truffle. The business proposal. The kiss, etc. The other thing is sensuality is the word I chose on purpose, and again you intuitively picked up on this. I didn’t call the third side of the triangle “Sexuality” because sensuality is a much broader field in which to play. All five senses: touch, taste, sound, smell, and vision. And, in Buddhist and other teachings, the sixth sense, which is our mind, we can play in that whole realm. So the third side of passion, intimacy, kind of our relational connectedness, psychological work, the delight in communication. Thrill: we’ve talked about here, every moment, being a perfect truffle. No, that doesn’t happen for me either. But I can aspire to it more often. And thirdly sensuality, our sexual and erotic life across the entire spectrum. Everything from my eyes meeting yours across the room and having a spark of “There’s my sweetheart.” to holding hands while we walk the dogs in the forest, to kissing to cuddling when we watch TV, to our entire spectrum or our erotic sexual life -- whether that’s a verbal foreplay with a sexy text, whether that’s kissing, whether it is in our love making, the breadth and depth  and possibility of our love making, I’ll talk a little bit about that. All of that, is really in your head. I’m turned on or not turned on in my head, I’m interested or not interested in my head. I’m present with this orgasm in my head, or I’m fantasizing about someone else in my head while I’m orgasming. Which means I’m not fully present with this physiological and emotional experience, it’s still fun, but I’m having sex with someone else somewhere else, while my body’s with you. Which is a pretty common phenomenon. I’m not even conscious at my own orgasm, and feeling fully the deliciousness of this truffle. Neil Sattin: Ok, so, bringing our attention back to the sensual piece, when Chloe and I, in our course, when we talk about this, we talk about the continuum. And developing this mindful awareness that you are always on this continuum of sensual experience with your partner. Even if you are thinking about them, you are on that continuum. And the reason I talk about it that way, is because I like the sense that you’re always connected in that way, it helps, I think, also bridge the gap between disconnection or how do we even overcome this gap between us, and where we stand right now. If you’ve always been nurturing that sense of “Well, we’re on this continuum no matter what. It’s just a matter of where we are. We’re not in the bedroom part of the continuum, we’re on the kitchen making dinner part of the continuum, where we can be aware of each other's breath. Or I can go and touch and you really pay attention to that touch. And now we’re in the same dimension of sensuality, even though we’re in a different place than necessarily, hot sweaty sex between the sheets. Cheryl Fraser: Yep! I am so happy that you teach it that way, and to help people come to that understanding. But you know, I’m going to have to say that unfortunately in my experience, not a lot of couples are doing what you’re promoting there. And that they don’t experience it, as a continuum. They experience it as a relational life, and psychological life, and our loving each other life. And it’s like errrrr bomp! And then there’s our sex life, and it’s not experienced as a continuum. So I think a lot of people would say “I love making dinner with my sweetie, and we’re laughing and joking and we’re listening to oldies and dancing around the kitchen, but I’m not connecting that to sex.” And that’s what you and I in our own unique ways are encouraging people to do. Which is, oh my goodness, the state of sexuality in long term relationship is really poor. There any very good surveys that give us a real glimpse into what’s happening in long term relationship bedrooms -- but clinically, and the best of the surveys and research that’s out there, I would guess that the vast majority of long term couples are having sex maybe a couple of times a month. And it is something they’re neglecting, it’s something they’re not even necessarily avoiding, though that can be the case. It’s more like passive, denial? Neil Sattin: There’s so many other things going on… Cheryl Fraser: So many other things. Fatigue and Netflix, the two biggest killers of sex ever. Maybe there’s another class action suit there. But, I’m Canadian and we’re not litigious, when we spill coffee we generally just clean it up. We don’t usually sue. But, I don’t know. We’re obviously teasing, neither you nor I want to sue anybody. But humor’s also good in love and sex. Here you go. But in the passion triangle, for sensuality, I just want to offer a few teachings that I think will be super helpful for people listening. And hopefully very reassuring. For people in long term relationship who are not having much sex, and not having very much spontaneous desire -- they’re not just like “Oh, I want to jump your bones, right now.” That’s sort of the old thrill phase for a lot of us, the early roller coaster phase. I want to let people know that there’s some very important research. Rosemary Bissant out of UBC, Vancouver, Canada, she works with a new model for female sexual desire, people can look her work up. But here’s the take home message that’s reassuring. Her research indicates that the majority of long term couples start making love from a place of sexual neutrality, now what does that mean? It means that the majority of long term couples start making love when neither of them is particularly in the mood. They’re not turned on, and horny in the body, I call that physical arousal, there’s different language for these, I’ll use mine. How I break it down to make it relatable to people. So they’re not physically turned on, and they don’t necessarily have mental desire: like “Oh, I really mentally feel like making love.” Often, they have sex because they’re like “Dang, honey, it’s been three weeks. We should probably have sex.” “Yeah, we probably should.” And that does not sound romantic, but I’ll tell you what it is, it is real. I had a patient, a gay patient, lesbian patient last week, say to me, she and her wife hadn’t made love in four months, and I was really encouraging her to attend to that and open up those possibilities. So she was really excited, cuz they’d made love, and she said “Oh Cheryl, it was so great. I was snuggled in…” I’ll call her wife Jane, “and Jane had her back to me, and Jane said to me, ‘Do you have your mouth guard in yet?’” That was the big move! THAT was the big move, man. “Do you have your mouth guard in yet?” And we laughed, my patient and I. Cuz we thought right on baby, that’s real life. And she said “No, I don’t.” And the rest is history. Why do I make that point? Because that’s real life! So rest assured, if we’re not feeling spontaneously lusty, or really in our mind, “Oh, I really want to make love.” That is normal. And Ok. And so, one of the things I suggest to people, it’s not a novel idea, your guest a few episodes ago, Tammy Nelson suggested the same thing, as many wise people, you probably do to: Make a once a week sex date. And make that be unshakable. Like, Monday night we make love whether we have a headache, or one of us is super tired, or one of the kids has the flu. We make love whether we’re into it or not. Now, the only reason we won’t, is if really through illness or a business meeting, we consult each other and say, “Hey babe, I’m not sure I can make out Monday night sex date. Are you ok if we move it to wednesday this week?” Because that way, you start making love touching, kissing, have a hot shower, have a bath, when you’re not in the mood. Don’t wait until you’re in the mood. In fact I like to counsel people, one of my catchphrases is “Never say you’re not in the mood ever again.” And what I’m saying by that, is that it’s ok if you’re not in the mood. No one should be in the mood if you’re making scrambled eggs and thinking about your tax return. Tax Day in the states today, right?Neil Sattin: It is. Cheryl Fraser: And someone comes up and wraps their arms around you from behind, and says “Hey baby what do you think?” It’s like “I’m not in the mood!” Worst thing to say ever even though it’s true. Instead I suggest people say “Not right now babe, ask me later.” It’s a very different energy, and it acknowledges what we’re talking about right now. That waiting until you’re in the mood to have sex, means you probably won’t have very much sex. Versus, I have a couple working with the weekly sex date, just for the last three weeks, and they were having sex maybe once a month, they like sex. They have successful sexuality together. They were just busy and tired. But they made a weekly sex date, and they’ve made love five times in the last two weeks. Because the sex date on Monday, kind of got everything warmed up, and then Saturday morning was like, “Hey let’s have a quickie.” That’s not true for all of us, but what I’m saying is that this is also the practice of mindful attention. If we’re not paying attention to our sexual life, on that continuum, as you so beautifully put it, if we don’t bridge the gap in our continuum, from you and I, and our humor, and our playfulness, and our parenting, and our going to symphony, and all the other ways that we are. If we don’t remember that we’re naked under these clothes, if we don’t remember that the unique part about you and I, if we’re choosing a variation of monogamy, is that sexual contact is unique to my relationship with you. And we’re neglecting it, and we’re expecting it to take care of itself, and we’re buying into the myth that the thrill can’t last forever. And it’s normal for sex drive to wane. It is typical for sex drive to wane, which make it normal on a Bell Curve, but that’s like saying it’s normal when you’re old to get unfit. That is typical on the Bell Curve, but if we choose fitness as we age, if we choose to be at the gym, or yoga class, then we don’t have to fit what’s normal. Don’t be lazy and old with your sex life. Bring mindfulness to sensuality side of your triangle. And it gets so much bigger than that, we probably don’t have time to go into that, but I wanted to at least mention to people, where it gets super juicey to use your mind in your love making, is the aspect of Tantric Sexuality. Transcendent mind states in my lovemaking with you, where the sense of you and I dissolve, and the orgasm turns from its typical physiological experience, which is actually pretty puny -- the average male orgasm lasts 7 seconds, and the average female orgasm lasts about 20 seconds. That’s a pretty puny amount of pleasure, as great as it is. Through meditation and through focusing your mind, and some practices I talk about in the book, and you can research elsewhere as well, around tantric sexuality, extended orgasm, full body orgasm, we can turn the orgasmic experience into something that lasts much longer than 7 or 22 seconds. Imagine the orgasmic pleasure filling your whole body for minutes, even longer than that. Imagine being to exchange that on an energetic level. That’s some of the really beautiful places that working with our mind, our partner, our heart, our connection could lead us to in the sexual realm. A type of transcendent sexuality. So maybe once a month, or once a quarter, you decide to have gourmet sexuality and sensuality with your partner. Instead of your typical meal. And I talk about that in the later part of the chapters in the book, because, why don’t I talk about the in the beginning of the book? Because, it you try to practice tantric sex without clearing up some of your unfinished business, learning to communicate better, enjoying cooking dinner together, remember your partner’s fascinating, and all the things we’re touching on today, Neil, you’re probably not going to have a 15 minute transcendent orgasm. Don’t be greedy, put in a little bit of ground work. You know, create and cultivate the conditions with Thrill, with Intimacy, and with Sensual contact, to move into some beautiful areas of sexuality, and intimate, spiritual, sexual connection that a lot of us don’t explore. And that, can certainly make a long term relationship fascinating a again. Fascinating again. And open up new worlds. From what I usually refer to as our nipple nipple crotch, good night routine. Where we just do the dang thing ever time, and I’m not opposed to that, but I’m saying sometimes, create a gourmet meal. Neil Sattin: Right, so I just want to mention that if you are interested to learn more about Cheryl Fraser’s work, obviously you can read her book, Buddha’s Bedroom: The Mindful Loving Path to Sexual Passion and Lifelong Intimacy. There are lots of little how-to and action items in the book, to help you along the journey. So I recommend that. You can also visit her website, which we will list in the show notes. It is DoctorCherylFraser.com. And, as a reminder, if you want to download the show notes, and the transcript of today’s episode, it’s NeilSattin.com/bb, as in Buddha’s Bedroom, or you can text the word “Passion,” which is appropriate for this episode,  to the number 33444. In terms of Tantra, I think it would be great to have you back on at some point to chat about that more. Um, we have if you’re listening and you’re curious, we’ve had Diana Richardson on the show, Episode 2 is a great place to start, it was the very second episode of the podcast. And, Margot Anand has also been on the show, I can’t remember her episode number, but if you search for Margot Anand on my website, you’ll find her. Two amazing Tantric practitioners who can at least start the conversation with you with what we’re talking about today. Cheryl Fraser: Beautiful. Beautiful. Neil Sattin: Cheryl, I’m wondering if you, cuz you offer on your website, people can sign up and get free stuff every week, and you over little love bites that give people a piece of something to work on, or to take action on, or to think about their relationship in a different way, which I think is really helpful to have those bite sized actionable items. You talk a lot about Tantra. Cheryl Fraser: I do. It’s critical to have bite sized action items. Because we talked about complacency, familiarity, fatigue, and netflix and everything else gets in the way. So they’re called love bites because they’re meant to be small bites of digestible. Some of them are two seconds, five seconds, thirty seconds to read a little reminder for your love this week. So that’s how I try to help each of us -- myself included, my sweetheart and I read my bites and try to put them into practice. Neil Sattin: We’ve been there, yeah. Cheryl Fraser: Yeah, and if people want to learn a little more about Tantra. I would start with the episodes you suggested, and I have a ten minute free video on my website as well, people can watch. Just so people can get a sense of what is a tantric orgasm, and how is it different, and that is a lifelong exploration that I welcome everyone to engage in, and I would delighted to dedicate a whole episode to that in the future, it deserves a bit more of an arc, so we can teach people some techniques on your show here, and have them start with that. But don’t lose hope. There are worlds to discover, sexually, emotionally, romantically, and conversationally with this person you think you know everything about. Neil Sattin: So, there’s one little bite that I’m wondering if you could offer our listeners today. I’m wondering if you could offer something for, let’s say you have that sex date on your calendar. And I have ten different ideas here, but I’m hoping you can offer one thing that brings people into the sensual dimension with our partner, something simple that helps reignite how they experience their partner this way, how they can invite their partner into the experience of them in a sensual way, what can you offer our listeners today as sort their little take home bite that they might try. Cheryl Fraser: Beautiful try this at home. There are a lot of ideas, but the one I’m going to offer right now is pretty simple, but very profound and very few of us do it. Which is, on your erotic date this week, take at least an hour, and break it into two thirty minutes segments, and it can be longer if you wish, and do a giving and receiving of erotic touch. With the rule, that you’re not allowed to touch overtly sexual zones. So, no genitals, no bums, and no breasts. So how that would work, would be the following: flip a coin as to who goes first, whoever wins the coin toss is the receiver first. And the receiver lays down on their back, nude, their eyes closed, you can use candles, and sometimes soft music without lyrics is nice to help relax the receiver and give them something to kind of let their mind dream on. And the giver, you probably did this in your falling in love and wildly sexual, but you probably haven’t done it in a long time, it gives you thirty minutes to explore your partner's body with a finger, with a tongue, with your hair, with a feather, with whatever you like. To just explore that body. When’s the last time that you licked the back of your partner’s knees? Everybody listening is probably thinking “Ummm 17 years, I think we probably did it that time we went to the cabin for the dirty weekend.” Anyway. So giving and receiving erotic touch. The receiver use this as a mindfulness practice, there’s more description of that in the book in some of exercises I’ve given as you mentioned, to do this with your partner. But, as you’re lying there, and your mind’s racing, about this and that, and thinking, and being distracted as minds are unless you’re very well trained in meditation, try to re-focus. Every time you notice you’re off in your head, “Ok, Neil’s fingers are, fingernails are scratching along my knee cap right now.” And just try to focus on experiencing that as deeply as you can. Mind races off, come back “Oh, now he or she are nibbling on my neck.” So you’re learning as the receiver, to really start to pay, and this is preliminary, it takes, some practice, really starting to notice the actual sensory experience without story. That can lead to persons who have difficult with orgasm, erection, premature ejaculaiton, this can help with that down the road, by the way. Then, at the end of the time, when the timer goes off, and you thank you partner as the receiver, and you switch. And you become the giver, and you explore your partner. So you’re doing multiple things here. You’re training focusing on your partner when you’re the giver. You’re training on focusing on your own experience when you’re the receiver. You’re training on exploring the sensual body away from the usual, as I call it as you heard, nipple nipple crotch good night points, that we’re used to diving for. Nothing wrong with that, but we’re expanding it. And we’re looking at creativity, we’re looking at eroticism, and we’re looking at making it more interesting, because if we fell madly in love with a new person or into the taboo of an affair. That sort of exploration might come naturally, all we’re doing is creating it in the here and now with the one we’re with. So there’s an idea people could do. And I’ll make the implicit, explicit. For this exercise, you could either then stop, and that’s the end of your sensual date, or, you could take it into love making if you wish, there’s different reasons to do either. But it’s really about erotically exploring. And let me just  finish by saying that a sex date doesn’t mean that you necessarily have intercourse, or that either person necessarily has an orgasm. It means it’s an erotic experience that involves nudity, touching, in that way. And that’s a real relief for exhausted bodies too. Our sexual date might be we play, we touch, and one of us chooses to have an orgasm. And the other one says “I’m completely satisfied right now just with playing and kissing and helping you as you touched yourself etc.” There’s no right or wrong. It’s the mindset of exploration, and the willingness, if it doesn’t go well, to just begin again with curiosity. Neil Sattin: Yeah, I love the permission that you bring to how you approach this kind of time together. An it’s interesting because when I said the word permission, I’m also thinking about the permission to say No. So, there’s, even though for instance you just mentioned in this exercise you might say, that the genital areas are off limits. If you have points on your body that are triggers for you, those can be off limits too. Like you can set rules so that you feel safe enough to have this erotic but not explicitly sexual interaction with your partner. Cheryl Fraser: Yes. Neil Sattin: Create safety for you. I love that too when you mentioned the never, never say I’m not in the mood. And what you offered was to say, “Not right now, how about later?” that really reminds me of the Gottman’s work around the power of saying No, and both people have permission to say No, but it’s not a “No, never” it’s a “No, and” or a “No, let’s do this instead,” and speaking scientifically, they proved mathematically that more free each person feels to say no, the more sex they actually have, ironically. So I love that to incorporate that into your work, and hopefully if you're listening, you’ll get a date on the calendar, with your partner for this week even. And if you are not partnered, you can do that for yourself as well. You can have the self exploration, or, find a good friend. But you could definitely do that with yourself as a way of exploring your own erotic inner experience, and connection to self. Cheryl Fraser: Yes, and I’m so glad you mentioned that. Because although the book is written primarily for couples, everything in it applies to us when we’re not in relationship, particularly around discovering our own mindsets, our own erotic potential, our own erotic touch and there are solo erotic exercises in the book as well. Because, my goodness, get yourself ready for when and if you choose to be partnered again. Neil Sattin: Yeah it’s amazing how many opportunities you have in line at the grocery store to be reminded like “Oh, this is all a story in my head, what’s happening right now.” Cheryl Fraser: Right, right. Neil Sattin: Well, Cheryl Fraser, you’ve been so deliciously generous with your time and wisdom today, and it’s such a delight to have you here to chat about Buddha’s Bedroom, your new book, and I hope that you listening have gotten a lot of today’s show, and you take the opportunity to visit Cheryl’s website and find out more about the kind of work that she’s offering. You mentioned that you’re going to come out with a course as well, in the Fall, right? Cheryl Fraser: Yes, I am, mid-September, it’ll be debuting an online course for couples, eight weeks on this material and more that couples can do at home. I think the way a lot of your work is so important is that we create work that people can do from home, because they can’t necessarily arrange their lives, their childcare, their business lives to come at the same time to a therapist’s office for deep work, and I’ve been looking at ways to offer deep work to people, and that’s debuting in the fall. And anybody who goes to the website, or signs up for love bites, will get more information about that when it goes live. I’m very excited to work with people in that medium. Neil Sattin: Love bites, Great. And if you download the transcript of today’s episode, we can also let you know when Cheryl’s course becomes available. So some incentive to grab the transcript. Doctor Cheryl Fraser, thank you so much for joining us today on Relationship Alive. It’s been so great to have you here. Cheryl Fraser: Thank you so much, and thank you for the work you do Neil. You know, I think people may often take for granted the plethora of profound, free, amazing, accessible content out there, so I encourage people listening to support this podcast and other great podcasts out there, that bring this amazing work to us that we didn’t used to be able get so easily. We’re all very blessed.

In this poddy i chat with fellow Spiritual Tradie George Weis as we go into his journey exploring consciousness through Vipassana meditation retreats before having his interests sparked at a Tantric Sexuality workshop. We spoke about his passion for music, mantra and kirtan as well as many other juicy nuggets like the trappings of spiritual frameworks and a beautiful poem about Rishikesh.

Most of us have heard about the sexual benefits of Tantra. But what is it exactly? Do you need a yogi’s flexibility to do it? An olympic athlete’s stamina? Can you do tantra with more than one person? In today's episode we’re talking with Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, the authors of Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. We’ll be discussing these questions, debunking some of the myths surrounding tantra, and talking about some tantric practices you can start using in the bedroom today.

EJ Love specializes in Tantric Sexuality. After posing the question to her group of followers, the Kaleidoscope, it was obvious to Alexa that she needed to talk to someone knowledgeable about Tantra for Kaleidoscope Radio. EJ has more than a few stories to tell, and brings a new light to the idea of Tantra, and even shares some interesting insight about an experience she had with BDSM. Summary EJ tells a little bit of her back story and introduce herself, her relationship with sex, swinging, and where tantra fits into the whole picture. Alexa asks her to share her point of view on the differences between Tantra and the BDSM community, and her thoughts on BDSM in general. EJ shares an experience she had in which she felt that BDSM had a healing nature to it when done consciously. They discuss couples first getting into erotic play, and where they start and sometimes end. They also discuss the erotic blueprint and EJ explains what exactly it is. EJ tells the story of her marriage to herself, and talks about the inspiration behind it. She talks about self love and how valuable it is. She also describes who Tantra tends to help, both male and female, and what variations are available to explore. EJ and Alexa laugh about a video mishap that occurred when Alexa publicly posted a video about anal sex health to EJ's social media profile.   Quotes “I very much associated my sexuality with my self worth and how much I could provide and please him.” “Sex had become work” “In my ind, Tantra was meditating and having sex for hours: “I realized the power that BDSM can have for healing” “Sex workers have such an incredible ability to heal”   Links www.ejlove.com www.soulpriestess.com    

Alternatively, I was gonna call this episode “A big YES to Sacred Sex”, but felt perhaps something a bit more specific would be relevant. But let that be an inclination as to what this episode will be offering. Steven Seva Roland is a Canadian Tantra and Sacred Intimacy workshop facilitator, coach, mentor, and author.   We talk personal stories and practical techniques for developing deeply intimately sexual connections. But of course, no episode on Tantric Sexuality would be complete without discussion arousal control in men as well as the cultivation of male non-ejaculatory orgasms.    Full Show Notes: http://bit.ly/ATTMindRadioEp21 Support The Podcast PayPal Donation Patreon Other Options (including bitcoin)

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson, co-authors of Designer Relationships, are a devoted married couple. They have been creative collaborators since 1999, and their critically acclaimed titles have garnered numerous awards. Michaels and Johnson are the authors of Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. They are also the creators of the meditation CD set Ananda Nidra: Blissful Sleep.

Devi Ward continues her conversation with the very knowledgeable and fabulous, Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels about creating a new paradigm for relationships. Including:* The 10 biggest myths about relationships* Unconscious Monogamy* Love as a profound interest* And SO much more!!Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson are a devoted married couple. They have been creative collaborators – teaching and writing about sexuality and Tantra together – since 1999. Michaels and Johnson are the authors of Partners in Passion (Cleis 2014), Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. Their books have garnered numerous awards: Independent Publishing (IPPY), ForeWord Reviews, and USA Book News Best Books, among others. They are also the creators of the meditation CD set Ananda Nidra: Blissful Sleep. To support the pleasure-positive community in New York, they co-founded Pleasure Salon in 2007.www.MichaelsandJohnson.com Connect with Patricia and Mark:Twitter: @TantraPM or @PtrsInPassionFacebook: http://Facebook.com/PartnersinPassionGuide

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson are a devoted married couple. They have been creative collaborators – teaching and writing about sexuality and Tantra together – since 1999. Michaels and Johnson are the authors of Partners in Passion (Cleis 2014), Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality. Their books have garnered numerous awards: Independent Publishing (IPPY), ForeWord Reviews, and USA Book News Best Books, among others. They are also the creators of the meditation CD set Ananda Nidra: Blissful Sleep. To support the pleasure-positive community in New York, they co-founded Pleasure Salon in 2007. www.MichaelsandJohnson.com

Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels know a lot about sex. In fact, they may know more about it than anybody else on the planet. They write about it; they interview people about it; they’ve even done it together inside an MRI machine. The result of this research is their fourth book on sex called Partners in Passion: A Guide to Great Sex, Emotional Intimacy and Long-term Love. In this episode, they dispel many of the myths around love, love making and what it takes to have a successful long-term relationship. All four of their books Partners in Passion, Great Sex Made Simple, Tantra for Erotic Empowerment, and The Essence of Tantric Sexuality are available on Amazon. You can find them on the web at http://www.tantrapm.com/index.html. You can find them on twitter @tantrapm. Be sure to rate and comment in iTunes.

Patricia Johnson & Mark Michaels authors of the Books 'Tantra for Erotic Empowerment' and 'The Essence of Tantric Sexuality' joins us on this night to talk about the Magick powers of Tantra Join Annette and Ed Shanahan with their guests for this broadcast about the Ultimate Magick.

Patricia welcomes married couple Mark A Michaels, graduate of NYU School of Law and Patricia Johnson, professional operatic soprano. Mark and Patricia are teachers of Tantra and Kriya Yoga. Tune in as they discuss their approach in their new book “The Essence of Tantric Sexuality” which includes breathwork, meditation, chanting and yoga.

Patricia welcomes married couple Mark A Michaels, graduate of NYU School of Law and Patricia Johnson, professional operatic soprano. Mark and Patricia are teachers of Tantra and Kriya Yoga. Tune in as they discuss their approach in their new book “The Essence of Tantric Sexuality” which includes breathwork, meditation, chanting and yoga.