Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

Lost Yourself To A Borderline?Have you lost yourself to Borderline? A partner, Ex partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or person close to you with Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you aware of Codependency? Are you learning any helpful lessons?One man blames God, calling him a "farce" after a relationship with a woman, who "trapped him into her getting pregnant" and now thinks the "farce relationship" was his relationship to and with God, when it was really the BPD relationship. This man whose comments I respond to also thinks, now, that God can't exists because Borderlines exist.Whether you can relate or not to this man's blaming God instead of the person with BPD and taking his small piece of personal responsibility or not please listen to see if you can relate and substitute your own lostness and feeling separated by something you valued in your life and/or about yourself before the devastation of the BPD relationship.ajmahari.ca/sessionssurvivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com - Podcast WebsiteThis podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025

BPD Idealization Phase Causes Fantasy BondingBPD idealization in the beginning of a significant other relationshipcreates a fantasy bond. People with BPD, not having any stable senseof self, are intense and want (often) immediate "relationship on". Afterthe person with BPD splits you to a major devaluation, you will not everbe able to be re-idealized.People with Codependency (often unaware of this) are very emotionally hungry - needing validation and reassurance (from childhood woundedness)feel fantastic, your feelings in the BPD idealization phase increase your senseof self-worth and self-esteem until the ruptured splits of BPD devaluation starthappening.If you are ghosted and/or discarded you've lost yourself so much to focusingintensely on the person with BPD, trying, in vain, to get back to that beginningand how great everything felt. Codependents after a BPD Breakup find it feelsnext to impossible to not get that idealizing person with BPD back to re-capturethe elusive - not ever going to happen again - idealization phase and who youthought the person with BPD was.https://ajmahari.ca - Sessions - Contact - Bloghttps://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com - Podcasts & Bloghttps://ajmahari.com - Online Store - Ebooks & moreThis podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025

Borderline Betrayal and Its Insidious Impact on YouBorderline betrayal and its negative, painful impact on you.Anyone close to any person with BPD will experience BorderlineBetrayal and the very real consequences to "self" that result fromBPD betrayal. People with Codependency have a suggestible enough core woundthat the impact of Borderline betrayal causes untold damage,rumination, cognitive dissonance, self-abandonment, and often longingfor the person with BPD who betrayed you to still be in relationship with youor needing so badly to understand, to not feel like everything was your fault.The immense struggle of lack of closure also takes its toll in more cases than not.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.comThis podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025

BPD Awareness Can't Save RelationshipsBPD awareness can't save relationships and doesn't mean changed behaviour (spelling Canadian now :) When a person with BPD hasintellectual awareness and can even talk about things at times, too many partners get fooled. Why fooled? Because too many people think that BPD awareness means "they get it" they can change. But emotionally, they don't get it. Whenever a person with BPD is triggered that awareness is lost and behaviour and lack of personal responsibility keep happening.BPD awareness without therapy can't save relationships and doesn't translate into actual change or better relating or any increased understanding of how they effect others. Codependents often feel more fantasy false hope believing that what a person with BPD can say intellectually, between episodes means "hope" for change and the relationship - sadly, this is not true.https://ajmahari.ca/sessionshttps://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com -

BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini?A commenter asks how could my BPD Ex be fine in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly be so unstable? Is a person with BPD stable in a relationship until they aren't? A BPD Ex compares his ex to Sherri Papini - any similarity to a thought to be "stable" partner who then suddenly shows how unstable they are? Does the length of a relationship with someone BPD have anything to do with whether or not they have stability? People with BPD are not emotionally stable people.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.comThis podcast is included in the top 100 Relationship Podcasts on Feedspot at:100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025

Borderlines Are Not Relationship WorthyBorderlines are not relationship worthy. They lack a self, have no object constancy and have relational and communication deficits. People with BPD feel very unworthy. They struggle without a known "self" to have any positive regard for "self" or "other". People with BPD often really don't like themselves and this is projected out on to anyone that gets close until a person with BPD can't cope with being close.People with BPD need extensive therapy in a psychodynamic modality of treatment that takes years so that they can find the lost "self" and among other things, develop and nurture their own self-worth first.Codependents also struggle with their own self-worth and need to learn in their healing and recovery that they are worth more than settling for a one-sided 'situationship' with someone with BPD. You deserve to be consistently seen and heard!https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com

BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your FaultBPD breakup, ghosting, or discard is not your fault. People with suspected BPD, diagnosed BPD untreated (or not fully treated) can't stop the ghosting or discards and neither can you. People with BPD often feel out of control in relationships and people with Codependency try to help, rescue, fic and change them. They need years of therapy that they would fully engage in to ever be able to have a healthy, age-appropriate relationships with healthy communication. It takes years of therapy for people with BPD to unlearn maladaptive defenses - namely splitting and all-or-nothing thinking along with not taking everything personally and to build and create a container of self. No matter how many times you recycle as a Codependent with an untreated person with BPD nothing can change. Each relationship recycle you just experience more and more of the same.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com

BPD Relationship Rollercoaster Causes Codependent Rumination Need For Closure Blocking RecoveryBPD relationship rollercoaster causes Codependent rumination and need for closure to be so strong that this becomes a major block to breaking the fantasy bond with a Borderline Ex and people healing from the relationship and from Codependency. Each and every Borderline episode that leads to splitting to devaluation and blaming of a partner causes partners or loved ones in any relationship type to ruminate, and need closure, episode after episode through an entire relationship - not just after the breakup, ghosting, or BPD discard.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com - This Podcast's New Interactive Website

Borderline Projection Through an Eternal Victim LensBorderline Projection onto friends, partners, Ex's, etc comes from his or her eternal victim lens and persona. The false self exists to protect the victimized borderline lose self. There is no excuse for BPD abuse because a high percentage of them were SA's in childhood, not given love, not taught any coping skills. These childhoods are often tragic. But, another core reality in Codependents trying to rescue, fix, and change the borderline to make a relationship work is that they are still emotionally young child-like victims of the lost self.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Two Codependents in Relationship After Previous Cluster B Relationships & Counter-DependencyThis is Epidsode 9 From my Codependency Surviving Cluster B Relationships PodcastCan two people both be Codependent in a relationship years after each had a BPD or NPD relationship with an Ex? A commenter asked if two people can be Codependent in a relationship with each other and can both manifest codependency more as counter-dependency when each person in the relationship has had a previous Cluster B relationship?https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderline Mixed Signals & Codependent Fantasy Bond CyclesBorderline's mixed signals and Codependent fantasy bonds. Borderlines in relationships give endless mixed signals like telling you how much they love after traumatizing behaviour or while still ghosting you, or after having ghosted or even for years discarded you. Saying in Hoovers, they love you, they need to figure out how to let you go - end the relationship - but they don't know how. Meanwhile you love them, you focus on them to the detriment of yourself as an Ex and Codependent. You need to let that BPD Ex go, but, you don't know how.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Tattoos and Piercings - Why pw/BPD Get  More Than AverageBorderlines Tattoos and Piercings - why people with BPD get more tattoos and/or piercings than non-Borderlines. A commenter (on Youtube) asked if a woman has an excessive amount of tattoos, could this be a dating red flag that she has BPD. I answer this question about Borderlines and tattoos and explain why people with BPD do, in fact, have many more body modifications- tattoos and piercings than those without BPD and several key reasons why people with Borderline Personality get tattoos and piercings so often. In a high percentage of a study they found that 22.41% of people with BPD had tattoos over at least 10% of their bodies.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Relationship Ruptures Are All Relationships Just Hard Work?BPD relational ruptures and an answer to a Codependent commentor's question are BPD and all relationships just hard work wherein I explain the differences between BPD relationships and healthy relationships. I also answer the question, "How can you tell if it's the person with BPD or yourself as a Codependent?" In other words, is it my BPD partner and his or her BPD or is it me, the Codependent? Why do so many with Codependency believe that they are to blame for BPD relationship ruptures and BPD relationship impossibility? https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

10 Ways To Help A Borderline - Fact or Myth10 ways to help a Borderline are they fact or myth? I created a list of 10 ways to help a Borderline based on several different professional sources. As to whether these ways to help a person with BPD are helpful or harmful for you - fact or myth, I explain in this podcast why any loved one, Codependent person, loving a Borderline, will only make everything worse for themselves if you try these ways to help. Then again, many in their Codependent denial and BPD relationship impossibility may already be trying or have tried these 10 ways to help a Borderline.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Having Children - The Heartbreak of BPD Ex Loss or Co-ParentingBorderlines having children wound them (more often than not) and the heartbreak of BPD Ex's loss or Co-Parenting. Whether the Borderline Parent is the mother or the father, each will wound his or her children. A commenter lost his child to a borderline's lack of care. Co-parenting with a male or female with BPD is for most a nightmare that no matter what the BPD Ex does wounds your child or children. If you are younger, dating a borderline or not sure, be careful. It's not healthy to have a child with an untreated person with BPD.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Don't Make You Sacrifice YourselfBorderlines (or a BPD/NPD person) doesn't make you sacrfice yourselves as Codependents. A.J. Mahari adds in her experience on breaking free from her BPD/NPD Ex. Do you blame your BPD or BPD/NPD Ex for everything? What you need to know about your own personal responsibility that is necessary for healing change. You are not to blame for what a BPD or BPD/NPD did to you. But blaming them for your missed choice points that absolutely feel impossible won't help you break free of the betrayal bond. Not taking your own personal responsibility for Codependent choices made (consciously or unconsciously) aside from all that any BPD or BPD/NPD is responsible for will keep you stuck and will increase your suffering.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Triggers Explained & Why They Are So Crazy-MakingBPD triggers are explained and why they are so crazy-making. What you really need to know about BPD triggers that so many don't realize. What is the core of impossibility with BPD triggers? Why are BPD triggers central to endless lack of taking personal responsibility or accountability that is so crazy-making? BPD triggers are affecting you and part of how you as a partner, loved one, family member, of someone with BPD are losing yourself. You must stop care-taking for the person with BPD in your life. Stop trying to get the person with BPD to see how their triggered dysregulated emotion is hurting you because they just don't get it!https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

What Is BPD Transient Paranoid Ideation?What is Borderline Transient Paranoid Ideation? What does it mean? How can does it manifest for people with BPD and how can you recognize it and understand its scope and effect on you? Why does this trait (number 9) along with how it drives BPD splits to devaluation cause so many BPD Breakups and so much heartbreak for people who loves someone with Borderline Personality Disorder?https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Just Aren't That In To You & The Emptiness of BPD IdealizationBorderlines just aren't that in to you, Codependents. The incredible emptiness of BPD idealization takes a long time to understand because it felt so great and felt and was too good to be true. BPD idealization just as BPD devaluation isn't about YOU. It's about who you represent unconsciously to un-treated person with Borderline Personality Disorder. You think you can do better, give more, understand more and do it differently and that it will make a difference - Nope! Codependents also often believe that they are so to blame for why people with BPD act out, act in, punish, as you walk on the impossible egg-shells. No matter what you, as a Codependent try to do differently, promise, change, fix and so on  - NONE OF IT will work because you are insignificant (for who you really are) to the Borderline.For the Borderline, it's all about the Borderline. You are just the "object other" that they blame. They don't actually ever get to know who you really are as you lose yourself more and more to their lost selves as they seek to use (unconsciously often) to just survive. There's no excuse for what they do to you in their attempts (all about them) to just survive, seeking identity through you but not ever seeking to truly KNOW you!https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

You Can't Give Borderlines What They Need They Don't Want It From You AnywayCodependents can't give your Borderline what he or she needs. People with BPD really don't want what they need from you anyway. It's a lose-lose situationship. People with Codependency can't help a partner, or any loved one with BPD, you lost yourself trying, you don't get your needs met. And you can't satiate a person with BPD and the more you try, and try to love them, the more you will punished for your love and care. Codependents need to unlearn childhood woundedness and how it is repeating in all your externalizing out and endless focus on someone with BPD and on Borderline Personality Disorder itself. What about you?https://ajmahari.ca/session

BPD Devaluation Introjected Codependent Responsibility Stop Internal Re-woundingBPD devaluation and damage is introjected by Codependents. People with Codependency have a responsibility to stop internally re-wounding themselves internally. People with BPD damage people with Codependency who try to love them. Once you know what is happening, or what happened it is your responsibility to get into therapy and out of the relationship to break the betrayal bond and to learn how to stop over-focusing on the your Borderline Ex. It's so important to get out of denial and to stop abandoning yourself.Codependency denied only exacerbates the internal critic that continues to internally re-wound your inner child and createsand continues your own inner critic to judge you so harshly as likely you were judged in childhood and by your BPD Ex.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Discard Codependent Fantasy Pissing Into The Wind of Cognitive DissonanceBPD discards (final or not when unknown) fuel codependent fantasy and leave people with Codependency essentially pissing into the wind - as if that would be any reality of "taking a shower". These relationships ruptures often ending over and over again, also can be likened to the title of Judge Judy's book, "Don't Pee on My Foot and Tell Me it's Raining" Trying to continue in the Codependent fantasy as this commenter I respond to does (with quite a twist near the end) means that in the cognitive dissonance of it all, the intermittent reinforcementof the still not broken trauma  bond, so many with Codependency, on/off partners, Ex's in a limbo place as well continue to actually "piss into the wind" in a fantasy illusion that to do wo would mean you have taken a "shower". In a relationship with an undiagnosed and/or untreated person with patterns of or with BPD being stuck in cognitive dissonance trying to figure out the Borderline, continuing to abandon yourself, perhaps as this commenter, while believing a desperate delusion that  his Ex is getting closer to recovery or somehow will is the most agonizing height of so much pain and all of its rumination thatyou feel like you just can't stop obsessing on. See if you relate, at least in part, to this commenter and his torment of Codependent denial and not really understanding BPD while at the same time he truly pisses into the wind as if he awaits an actual shower.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD NPD Who is The Person Behind The Idealization & Love Bombing?So many people who have been in a relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD with Co-Morbid Narcissistic Personality Disorder are caught in a trauma bond ruminating and trying to figure out who is the person behind the idealization and love bombing when there isn't a "real person" inside at all, only a false self. The intermittent reinforcement within the trauma bond with someone with BPD or BPD/NPD keeps Codependents stuck in circles of (often misinformation) trying to give their own explanations oroffer up erroneous ones or misinterpretations taken from perhaps listening to or reading too many contradictory sources online.The person you fell in love with doesn't exist. The person behind the idealization and the love bombing is the false self that protects the lost self in Borderlines and Narcissists.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Breakup or Discard Identify Your Codependent Part of The Dynamic To HealBPD Breakup or discard is so painful and so confusing for so many peoplewho have, but may not realize it, Codependency. Getting into therapy and going no contact is the way to identify your codependent part in the dynamicand to heal. Choose to no longer stay stuck in excessive obsessive focus onthe Borderline and what they did, why they did it because that focus willkeep the trauma bond in tact. You need to break that betrayal bond in orderto heal.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Quiet Borderline Inner Persecution and Codependent Reactionary ProjectionPeople who are Quiet Borderlines, the Discouraged sub-type of BPD, when triggered have a fawn/freeze response. They withdraw. You can't pull words out of them. Theydon't hear you. They may take space, or ghost you in a patterned way, and you don'tget it. You are trying to understand what the quiet borderline is doing. Many withCodependency think that it is the Quiet Borderline creating conflict when very oftenthat's not the case. They are re-experiencing "lack of self" as the introjectedpersecutory object they were to a parent. People with Codependency need to understandyour (often unconscious) reactionary projection about a significant part of the conflictthat you experience and think is all coming from the person with Quiet BPD. Codependentswill benefit from stopping their own repetition compulsion of pursuit of a Quiet Borderlinewho is deep inside re-experiencing inner persecution - they take on the role of the wounding parent or parents and that's not seeking conflict or any type of fight/flight.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderline Groundhog Day Repetition & Codependent Fantasy Borderline Groundhog Day repetition compulsions are pretty much every day (untreated) and people with Codependency are still trying to change the Fantasy Bond. People with Codependency end up in the fantasy while (untreated) people with BPD live each day or most days as yet another groundhog day of their own unconscious repetition compulsions. Want or need to understand why your Borderline doesn't see you or hear you, devalues, blames you, feels like a victim and can't learn from the daily repetition compulsions cycles?https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Relationship or Breakup - Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?An inauthentic Youtuber who prior to  March 2024 had 63,000 subscribers and now has bought her way up to 150+ subscribers, and counting, did one of her usual fluff so called "deep dive" into this silly title, "Are you a Codependent or Do You Just Care Too Much?"In my alternative for those who find it and will benefit from much more information and resonate with this podcast (episode) I identity the following about Codependency for so many that are in a relationship, are recycling a BPD Relationship, been ghosted and/or discarded by a partner or now Ex with BPD and who are suffering immeasurably and can't stop ruminating. Still stuck painfully in the cognitive dissonance of what happened. Many remain confused for months to years unable to break the trauma bond that you must break to heal and recover from the BPD Breakup and from Codependency. In this episode I explain the following:4 Codependent Themes15 Core Traits15 Childhood Causes  7 Benefits of Professional Help in Recoveryhttps://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Am I a Codependent in a Heartbreaking Cycle Of a Bpd Relationship or Breakup?Am I a Codependent, are you a Codependent in a heartbreaking cycle of a BPD relationship and Breakup - ghosted, discarded, had to end it yourself? In a BPD Relationship, recycling a BPD Relationship, or have you been ghosted or discarded - are you new to or still suffering from a BPD Breakup? Are you still unsure how to answer the questions, "Am I a Codependent?" Do you want that person with BPD back, are you totally focused on the on/off BPD - the Ex with BPD - still hoping, or did it all end a while ago or years ago but you still continue to hurt, watch videos, and ruminate?Why realizing what Codependency really means and how it applies to you is the only way to heal (working with an expert in this area, like myself)  and be able to move on and be truly free from anything to do with that person with BPD and all you have been wounded by.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Relationship Dynamics Codependents Staying But Not Taking It and Fighting BackBPD relationships dynamics with codependents who are staying in the relationship "not taking it" and are fighting back thinking that this isn't codependent and that somehow it means you are not still getting very hurt and negatively impacted by all that people with BPD do that wounds those closest to them. What does fighting back look like and what is the result of it when on is doing that but still staying in a BPD relationship? The betrayal bond dynamics in relationships with a person with BPD and a person with Codependency aren't all just one-sided.Session(s) With A.J. Mahari

Empower Someone With BPD To End Unhealthy Life Choices Claims An Inauthentic YoutuberI keep it real to help you heal!An inauthentic subscriber purchasing Youtuber misinforms in the worst way possible by blamingpeople with Codependency as if you need to be "perfect" before you try to have all those "conversations" with someone in your life with BPD or else the borderline will just blame you.People with BPD don't take personal responsibility and it's not your job to be a "role model"or make sure as this Youtuber claims, "that your side of the fence is cleaned up first" to what, talk to a person with BPD abusing and using you? This Youtuber has bought over 70,000 "fake" subscribers in April and May 2024 (perhaps still on-going?) and allegedly also purchased thousands  of views on her video of a similar titlebecause her messages don't make sense and she isn't the "expert" she wants everyone to think she is.An in authentic Youtuber blaming victims of abusive borderlines and suggesting that you should be ableto "empower them" to stop "unhealthy life choices" that result from BPD. She sounds like a lost puppy,a rampant Codependent but what else is wrong with her that she needs to try to buy her way to "more credibility" while putting out the garbage "information" that she does. You can't empower a person with BPD to end the unhealthy life choices they make. Those choices will continue and continue to hurt you as will any notion or belief on your part that you aren't "perfect" enough for a person with BPD who uses you can can't love you.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Break The Betrayal Bond BPD or NPD Ex or Adult Child & CodependencyPeople who have been in a relationship with a person with Borderline Personality or Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and those who may also have a BPD or NPD parent need to recognize their woundedness from childhood to be able to heal Codependency. You cannot break a betrayal or fantasy bond with a BPD Ex, NPD Ex and/or BPD or NPD parent until and unless you work with someone who is, as I am, an expert in this area to help you heal and recover from a Borderline or Narcissist while healing your codependency which is the only way to break that fantasy bond or betrayal bond and know yourself better, and/or reclaim yourself.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions 

Stop The Cycle of Bpd's Using You As An Atm and a Vending Machine In Relationship RecyclingAre you someone still in a relationship or in the on/off BPD Breakup relationship recycling with a person with (especially untreated) BPD? You are likely someone with Codependency. Codependents - BPD Ex's or partners and Ex-on/off partners of Borderlines are BPD ATM & vending machines on empty as each cycle rollercoaster ride takes more and more from you, depleting you as you continue to lose yourself more and more. You can't make the relationships work - fantasy bonded relationship impossibility.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions 

Losing Yourself Trying to Nurture and Aid a Borderline?In a response to a Codependent commenter on a video I did about Borderlines Lying and manipulation whether it is on purpose, calcuulated or not - it is what it is, this person who left a semi=hostile but Codependent denying comment thought that it shouldbe possible for partners, Ex's or friends of someone with BPD to nurture them and aidthem as they stressed this MUST be possible. No, it really isn't.This person's Codependent denial "take-away" they ascribe to my video is evidence of their own denial and twisting of what I said because they don't want to or aren't ready to realize thereality that one needs to find outside of a tantasy bond with a Borderline, You need totake care of yourself, not continue to think or believe or fantasize about nurturing andaiding - rescuing, changing, or fixing a person with BPD while you are being traumatizedand keep losing more and more of yourself and getting more confused about why "love" hurts so much.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Quiet Discouraged Subtype Specific Traits and Shocking DiscardsThe quiet Borderline subtype known and described as the Discouraged Borderline. A look at this presentation and manifestation of Borderline Personality Disorder.The specific Quiet BPD subtype traits are discussed as well as the reasons why a Discouraged Borderline's shocking discard is one of the most painful relationship endings. Cold discards by the Quiet Borderline that are not your fault.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Salacious BPD Women Are Not Dreams But Relationship NightmaresEvery person with Borderline Personality, their lives matter and are worth living. But in response to an objectified erroneous and pathological veneration of Borderline Women that goes way too far via his perspective as a malignant narcissist. Some of his video "Borderline's Life is Worth Living Technicolor Adventure" is in some aspects very dark and not only misses the mark in places but objectives the "Borderline Woman" as he seems to covet the emotionality of people with BPD but misrepresents it for his own duper's delight and Narcissistic supply. I want to present an alternative voice and remind you that if you are not, like said Youtuber is, a malignant narcissist or a Narcissist, as a Codependent, believing his wayward message will be very harmful, dark and dangerous for you. Salacious Borderline Women are not "dreams" they are unfortunately relationship nightmares. You need to get off the BPD rollercoaster trauma bond that you are losing or have lost yourself on.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions 

BPD Breakup Obsession & Codependent Excuses Waiting to Be Rescued By Who?Please note: At two points in this (passionate) episode I mention being very fed up with many of the excuses like the commenter I respond to in this episode. I am referring to being fed up withpeople on social media, denying their Codependency and making excuses - I am very patient andnot ever fed up at all with working with any singal client. In the video I was able to add thison screen but thought it best to add in the description here.BPD Breakup Obsession and seemingly endless Codependent (Ex of BPD or on/off) excuses waiting (perhaps unconsciously in many cases) to be rescued and by someone - who? The Borderline can't rescue you. If you believe, like the commenter I respond to here, in God, you may like this commenter be waiting for God to rescue you. God is not going to rescue anyone either. If you don't believe in God, or practice any faith or religion than please apply this to your own spiritual context and/or beliefs. The message that is most important is that you need to take personal responsibility to end the betrayal bonded relationship and take action to get into therapy and your own healing and recovery process. Heal and recover from the BPD or NPD Relationship breakup and Codependency,, truly find yourself. The first step, is just take action to start working with someone. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Can't Find Love Or Love You From Your Perspective - Borderlines Don't Take Your Identity or Self or Mental Image and then find love from that perspectiveBorderlines can't find love or feel love for you from your perspective, or mental image or somehow by "taking" your identity or self from you to see your perspective at all. Too many people with Codependency believe this because you really want to believe who you thought the person with BPD was who seemed to love you would really be findable again so you would be being loved and seen and heard. This is just not how people with BPD are or how they "relate" to significant others. They really do not know how to love you because they don't know themselves.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Petulant BPD Rage Uses You and The Why Insight of a Recovered BorderlinePetulant Borderlines use you when they rage at you. A borderline rage does make them feel better at your expense. They are often not aware of what is happening for your or how you are affected by them. Self-awareness deficits in untreated BPD mean that Borderlines are too engulfed and absorbed with their own dysregulated feelings to even be aware of how they are using you - this does not excuse what they are actually doing to you. How you are not seen or heard by them. Often after a Petulant BPD rage the person with BPD feels much better while you are left reeling. They are ready to carry on, and you are shell-shocked. They don't have a frame of reference from their rage to hear how hurt and/or devastated you are. BPD Rage episodes are not ever resolved in relationships.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderline Splitting Cycles Mixed With Codependent Denial Borderline splitting cycles mixed with Codependent denial fuel the betrayal bonded dynamics of cognitive dissoncance, falsely believing and defending that a BPD partner or BPD Ex "loves" you. Denial of one's own Codependency is often a conscious and unconscious driver of people continuing to pursue the fantasy of BPD Relationship "love". Untreated people with Borderline Personality Disorder can't and don't love you. Can you relate to believing a person with BPD "loves" you and continue to be fooled by (and fool yourself) that Borderline inconsistency, incongruence, and lack of words and actions having any unity with each other still somehow means, against all odds, that the person you love with BPD, are dating, or in a relationship with who has BPD really "loves" you? This is how people with Codependency continue to lose more and more of "self" to the splitting cycles of people with BPD who have no "self" from which to love you. They are seeking identity through you. The person with BPD, in a way, is taking you from you to try to meet their own needs in "object other" unhealthy "relating" that just isn't healthy love at all.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Recontacting Your BPD Ex (Reverse Hoovering) Increases Your Suffering Recontacting your BPD Ex is reverse hoovering and it increases Codependents suffering. Many people with Codependency are still in denial of the reverse hoovering responsibility that they have. No matter how the relationship "ended" or if it is on/off and/or being recycle, recontacting a borderline or still in communication increases the suffering of people with Codependency who have their own responsibility to not continue their part of the betrayal bonded relationship. You need to get into therapy to work toward going no contact so that you can heal.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Borderlines Don't Value You in Dating or RelationshipsBorderlines don't value you in dating or relationships because they are insatiable and have failed at "othering". People with BPD are very (lack of) self-focused and emotionally only aware of their feelings, wants that they mix up with needs. Borderlines don't value you because emotionally they are actually not relating to you, for who you really are.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Loving a Borderline & Why You Will Never Know Who He or She Is or WasLoving a borderline woman or man it is a high percentage of people in all relationship types who really will never know who that person with BPD in your life, or was in your life, is. Loving a borderline is loving someone you really don't know. It's loving someone for who you thought they were in the beginning and for who you still wish and/or have false hope for them to become.Intermittent reinforcement (at the heart of these trauma bonded relationships) has actually psychologically captured you and you are losing yourself the more you keep trying to love a borderline and really can't know who they actually are because they don't know who they are. https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Discard & Dangle Fantasy Facade At The End Like the BeginningMany with BPD when they discard you with or without actually saying so dangle the fantasy facade at the end like they did in the beginning. They want you to believe they are going to be the person you thought they were in the beginning, at the end, as they monkey-branch or quickly go to the next person. This is (often unconscious) manipulation to leave you feeling in the "one-down" position as the Borderline now has the illusion of being in the "one-up" position. It's their fantasy of facade. They are not who they think they are. The grass will not be greener with the next person.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

BPD Breakup & Codependent Woundedness Vulnerability is a Strength After HealingAfter a BPD Breakup, ghosting and/or discard getting into your own healing and recovery journey focusing on yourself - not the Borderline Ex - healing your Codependency and becoming a bounded, empowered, independent person means your vulnerability will be a strength, not a weakness.In response to a comment on a shote I did about my empowered understanding of any vulnerability being a strength wherein I was talking about my medical weight challenges I talk in more depth about vulnerability as a strength and respond to a YouTube commenter who seems to be coming from a place of significant need to protect and believe that vulnerability is a weakness.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Responding to Borderline Ex Only When Contacted or Hoovered is NOT No ContactAre you an Ex of someone suspected of having BPD or someone you know has BPD? Whether you know the relationship is over or not are you trying to not initiate contact first? Are you a stance now of only responding to contact (hoovers) from your Ex and thinking that means you have gone *no contact*?You are not in full no contact if your Ex with BPD can contact you in any way. You are not in full no contact if you have left even one avenue of contact open to be hoovered and then and only then you respond. What are you doing? Why?https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions

BPD Deceptive Hoovers & BPD Ex's Self Deceptive Reverse HooversBPD deceptive hoovers are what hoovers are, deceptive. BPD Ex's reverse hoovers are often self-deceptive. BPD hoovers or Ex's reverse hoovers only lead to more of the same - try again, nothing changes, no re-idealization or honeymoon phase and as the BPD betrayal bond cycles repeat over and over you keep end up being in that same stuck "want/need my BPD Ex back" agony. Time to get off the BPD relationship recycling rollercoaster and go no contact.https://ajmahari.ca/Sessions

Riding the Chaotic Rollercoaster of a Borderline? Core Secret Understanding You Need To KnowIf you are riding the chaotic rollercoaster of a Borderline, there is a secret understanding that you need to know. Many resist this understanding that is your own healthy way forward toward no contact and finding your own healing, closure and the reasons and lessons of what you have gone through and why you are finding it so incredibly difficult to break away from the BPD relationship chaotic rollercoaster of the impossibility unworkable and very unhealthy relationships.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Definition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or NarcissistDefinition and 5 Signs of a Trauma Bond with a Borderline or a Narcissist that every Codependent partner, on/off relationship recycling, or Ex of a person with BPD or NPD needs to know. People in relationships with a person with BPD or NPD are in trauma bonded relationships that are not healthy. People in these relationships do have Codependency, to one degree or another.Even those who experience counterdependency can often also be codependent as it's a spectrum. What you need to know about trauma bonds, trauma bonding, and the 5 tell-tale signs you are in a trauma bonded relationship with a Borderline or a Narcissist.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

The Borderline Set Up HooverThe Borderline set up hoover is unlike any other type or generic "average" hoover. The Borderline set up hoover is one that is your BPD Ex plotting to punish you (especially the female borderline vs the male BPD Ex) by lying false accusations to get you arrested and put in jail. This is as serious as your BPD Ex can ever get. Not all with BPD will do this set up hoover but many more women with BPD are doing it to male Ex's.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

LIMERENCE vs LOVE Obsessing on An Unavailable BPD Ex - Stop Relationship Recycling Go No ContactA lot of people who can't stop BPD Relationship Recycling, ruminating about the BPD when you are their Ex have Limerence as well as Codependency. In this episodeI explain the 3 Main stages of Limerence. The differences between Limerence nad Love.I also breakdown the 3 stages of Limerence and the negative impacts of Limerence andwhy going no contact from a person with BPD who ghosted you or discarded you or who you may have broken up with is crucial for you to break the betrayal bond, heal the limerence and your Codependency.https://ajmahari.ca/sessions

Why Don't Borderlines Just Get It?Why don't borderlines just get it, how to have their own boundaries and understand their feelings even with iniial therapy can't they just get it? Are you falesly hopingwomeone in your life with untreated BPD just get it? What is it that you might not be getting? What do you still need to get? That you still need to undersand about BPD and your relationship recycling?https://ajmahari.ca/sessions