Podcasts about Borderline personality disorder

It's BINGO TIME!! Xannie, André, Solène, and Katja use a bingo game as a vehicle to share personal recovery wins, experiences, and practical skills that have helped them navigate the complexities of BPD. Don't miss this opportunity to learn, heal, and celebrate small victories in the recovery journey! Hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications for more insightful content!

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday. Xannie, Carys, Céline, Jack, Darren, and Solène share personal experiences, revealing the challenges that come with maintaining self-care routines amidst the emotional turmoil of BPD. Whether you're a person with BPD or a loved one seeking to understand, this episode is packed with relatable insights and powerful discussions. Discover what self-care truly means, the obstacles we face, and how to foster compassion over judgment in our journeys. Don't forget to hit like, subscribe, and turn on notifications for more transformative content

In our last episode of season 6, Xannie, Carys, Céline, Jack, Darren, and Solène discuss the complexities of self-care for those living with Borderline Personality Disorder. The Bunch share personal stories, challenges, and strategies that reveal the often misunderstood relationship between self-care and BPD. Whether you're struggling with symptoms or supporting someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights and a community of understanding. Don't miss out on the wisdom shared as we explore how to prioritize yourself without guilt. Like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our journey together!Friday we'll be back to share some of the aspects of self-care that we still struggle with. Hit that subscribe button to stay connected!

I've never highlighted a book as much as They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship.  It's my favorite book in 2025! Watch the Video Interview Author Dr. Isabelle Morley gives us a timely book that rejects the reckless proliferation of the following terms:  Sociopath Psychopath Love bomb Narcissist Boundaries Borderline Toxic Gaslighting Who is Dr. Isabelle Morley? Dr. Morley is not a chronic gaslighter trying to convince the world that she doesn't gaslight by writing a book about it. Here's her resume: Author of Navigating Intimacy and They're Not Gaslighting You Co-host of the podcast Romcom Rescue Contributor to Psychology Today Advisory Board Member of the Keepler app Founding Board Member of UCAN Member of the American Psychological Association Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) The Gottman Method – Completed Levels 1 and 2 Relational Life Therapy – Completed Level 1 PsyD in Clinical Psychology from William James College, 2015 Doctoral project researching hookup culture's impact on relationship formation, 2015 Master's in Professional Psychology from William James College, 2013 Bachelor of Arts from Tufts University, 2011 My Fatima Story I dated a woman for two years. Let's call her Fatima. In the second half of our relationship, Fatima bombarded me with many of the highly charged and often misused words listed above. After she dumped me the fifth and final time, I finally pushed back on her barrage of accusations. I said to her, “So, you truly believe I'm a narcissist? Let's look up the clinical definition of a narcissist and see how I stack up.” She agreed. Perplexity wrote: To be clinically considered as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) according to the DSM-5, an individual must exhibit at least five out of nine specific characteristics. These characteristics, as summarized by the acronym “SPECIAL ME,” include: Sense of self-importance Exaggerating achievements and expecting to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements. Preoccupation Being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love Entitled Having unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations. Can only be around people who are important or special Believing that they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). Interpersonally exploitative Taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Arrogant Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Lack empathy Being unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others. Must be admired Requiring excessive admiration. Envious Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them. These symptoms must be pervasive, apparent in various social situations, and consistently rigid over time. A qualified healthcare professional typically diagnoses NPD through a clinical interview. The traits should also substantially differ from social norms. I asked her how many of these nine characteristics I exhibited consistently, pervasively, and in many social situations. She agreed that I was nowhere near five of the nine. Admittedly, I sometimes exhibited some of these nine characteristics in my intimate relationship with Fatima. I'm certainly guilty of that. However, to qualify as a true narcissist, you must display at least five of these nine characteristics often and with most people, not just your partner. To her credit, my ex-girlfriend sheepishly backed down from that accusation, saying, “You're right, Francis, you're not a narcissist.” Later, I would educate her (or, as she would say, “mansplain”) about another of her favorite words: gaslighting. I mansplained by sending her a video clip of renowned couples therapist Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, who explained why standard disagreements and having different perspectives aren't gaslighting. Soon after explaining that, Mrs. Gottman explains why, in some ways, “everybody is narcissistic.” Watch 6 minutes from 1:35:30 to 1:41:30: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9kPmiV0B34&t=5730s After listening to an expert define gaslighting, Fatima apologized for incorrectly using the term. This is what I loved about Fatima: she wouldn't stubbornly cling to her position when presented with compelling evidence to the contrary. This is a rare trait I cherish. Narcissists and sociopaths are about 1% of the population, so it's highly unlikely that all your exes are narcissists and sociopaths. Still, Fatima flung other popular, misused terms at me. She loved talking about “boundaries” and “red flags.” According to Dr. Morley, my ex “weaponized therapy speak.”   Dr. Morley writes, “It's not a new phenomenon for people to use therapy terms casually, even flippantly, to describe themselves or other people. How long have we referred to someone as a ‘psycho' when they're acting irrationally or being mean?” Although weaponized therapy speak isn't new, it's ubiquitous nowadays. Dr. Morley's book sounds the alarm that it's out of control and dangerous. Three types of people would benefit from Dr. Morley's book: People like Fatima: Does someone you know tend to denigrate people using therapy speak? Are they intelligent, rational, and open-minded like Fatima? If so, they must read this book to recalibrate how they use these powerful words. People like me: Are you (or someone you know) accused of being a psychopath, a gaslighter, or a person with OCD? Actual victims: The explosion of use of these powerful words has diluted their meaning. As a result, the real victims of narcissists and sociopaths are now belittled. Their true suffering is minimized when every other person has a sociopath in their life. Their grievances are severe. Let's not equate our relationship problems with their terror. I'll list some of my favorite chapter titles, which will give you a flavor of the book's message: Chapter 4: Are They Gaslighting You, or Do They Just Disagree? Chapter 5: Do They Have OCD, or Are They Just Particular? Chapter 6: Is It a Red Flag, or Are They Just Imperfect? Chapter 7: Are They a Narcissist, or Did They Just Hurt Your Feelings? Chapter 9: Are They a Sociopath, or Do They Just Like You Less Than you Like Them? Chapter 11: Did They Violate Your Boundaries, or Did They Just Not Know How You Felt? I will quote extensively to encourage everyone to buy Dr. Mosley's book. Most quotations are self-explanatory, but sometimes I will offer personal commentary. Excerpts The trend of weaponized therapy speak marks something very different. These days, clinical words are wielded, sincerely and self-righteously, to lay unilateral blame on one person in a relationship while excusing the other from any wrongdoing. ========== Many times, we use these words as protective measures to help us avoid abusive partners and reduce our risk of “wasting” time or emotional energy on family or friends who don't deserve it. But using these terms can also absolve people from taking responsibility for their actions in their relationships. They can say, “I had to do that because of my obsessive-compulsive disorder” or “We didn't work out because she's a narcissist,” instead of doing the hard work of seeing their part in the problem and addressing the issues behind it. As a couples therapist, I'm particularly concerned with how the enthusiastic but inaccurate embrace of clinical terminology has made it harder to sustain healthy romantic attachments. With Fatima, our relationship woes were always my fault because I crossed her “boundaries” and I was a “narcissist.” If I disagreed, I was “gaslighting” her. Or I was being “defensive” instead of apologizing. And when I apologized, I did so incorrectly because I offered excuses after saying I'm sorry (she was right about that). The point is that she used weaponized therapy speak to demonize me, alleviating herself from the burden of considering that perhaps she shared some of the responsibility for our woes. ========== Their friend doesn't agree with their warped view of an event or their disproportionate reaction? The friend is an empathy-lacking narcissist who is actively gaslighting them. ========== In one memorable session of mine, a client managed to accuse their partner of narcissism, gaslighting, love bombing, blaming the victim, lacking accountability, having no empathy, and being generally abusive, manipulative, and toxic . . . all within twenty minutes. Although Fatima and I went to couples therapy, I don't remember Dr. Mosley being our facilitator, but that sure sounds like Fatima! LOL! ========== I'm certified in emotionally focused couples therapy (EFCT), which is a type of couples therapy based on attachment theory. ========== For example, if you feel like a failure for letting your partner down, you might immediately minimize your partner's feelings and tell them they shouldn't react so strongly to such a small issue. (For anyone wondering, this isn't gaslighting.) That makes them feel unheard and unimportant, so they get even more upset, which makes you dismiss their reaction as dramatic, and round and round it goes. Welcome to my world with Fatima! ========== You could claim your partner is toxic and borderline because they're emotionally volatile and unforgiving. You could say their feelings are disproportionate to the problem, and their verbal assault is bordering on abusive. But your partner could say that you are a narcissist who is gaslighting them by refusing to acknowledge their feelings, showing no empathy for the distress your tardiness caused, and shifting the blame to them (just like a narcissist would!). You'd both be wrong, of course, but you can see how these conclusions could happen. ========== Weaponized therapy speak is our attempt to understand people and situations in our lives, yes, but it is also a strategy to avoid responsibility. It puts the blame solely on the other person and allows us to ignore our part. ========== However, the vast majority of partners and friends are not sociopaths, narcissists, or abusers. They're just flawed. They're insecure, demanding, controlling, emotional, or any number of adjectives, but these traits alone aren't pathological. ========== But doing such things now and then in our relational histories, or doing them often in just one relationship, doesn't mean we have a personality disorder. These diagnoses are reserved for people who exhibit a persistent pattern of maladaptive behaviors in most or all of their close relationships. ========== I wasn't an abusive partner. I was a messy newcomer to relationships, as we usually are in our teens and twenties, trying my best to navigate my feelings while following bad examples from television and making plenty of other blunders along the way. Stonewalling was immature and an unhelpful way of coping, but it wasn't abuse. ========== If we're looking for a partner who will always do the right thing, even in the hardest moments, we're only setting ourselves up for disappointment. As I mentioned before, really good people can behave really badly. ========== If we don't know the difference between abusive behavior and normal problematic behavior, we're at risk for either accepting abuse (thinking that it's just a hard time) or, alternatively, throwing away a perfectly good relationship because we can't accept any flaws or mistakes. Alas, Fatima threw away a perfectly good relationship. I was her second boyfriend. Her lack of experience made her underappreciate what we had. She'll figure it out with the next guy. ========== Disagreeing with someone, thinking your loved one is objectively wrong, arguing about what really happened and what was actually said, trying to find your way to the one and only “truth”—these are things that most people do. They are not helpful or effective, but they also are not gaslighting. ========== “What? I didn't say yes to seeing it, Cece. I said yes to finding houses we both liked and visiting them. Sometimes you just hear what you want to and then get mad at me when you realize it's not what I actually said,” Meg answers. “Stop gaslighting me! Don't tell me what happened. I remember exactly what you said! You told me yes to this open house and then changed your mind, and I'm upset about it. I'm allowed to be upset about it; don't invalidate my feelings!” Cece says, her frustration growing. Meg feels surprised and nervous. She didn't think she was gaslighting Cece, which is exactly what she says. “I didn't mean to gaslight you. I just remember this differently. I don't remember saying I would go to this open house, so that's why I don't understand why you're this upset.” “Yes, you are gaslighting me because you're trying to convince me that what I clearly remember happening didn't happen. But you can't gaslight me because I'm positive I'm right.” ========== Cece's accusation of gaslighting quickly shut down the conversation, labeling Meg as a terrible partner and allowing Cece to exit the conversation as the victor. ========== I find gaslighting to be one of the harder labels to deal with in my clinical work for three reasons: 1. Accusations of gaslighting are incredibly common. I hear accusations of gaslighting at least once a week, and yet it's only been accurate about five times in my entire clinical career. Boyfriend didn't agree with what time you were meeting for dinner? Gaslighting. Spouse said you didn't tell them to pick up milk on the way home, but you swear you did? Gaslighting. ========== You could say, “I want you to know that I really understand your perspective on this. I see things differently, but your experience is valid, and it makes sense. I'm not trying to convince you that you're wrong and I'm right, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.” WHAT IS VALIDATION? Validation is another word that suffers from frequent misuse. People demand validation, but what they're really asking for is agreement. And if someone doesn't agree, they call it toxic. Here's the thing, though: Validation is not the same as agreement. ========== You can disagree in your head but still validate how they feel: “Hey, you're not crazy. I see why you'd feel that way. It makes sense to me. I'd probably feel that way too if I were in your shoes, experiencing our interaction the way you did. I care about your feelings.” ========== “I bet it felt really awful to have me challenge your experience and make you feel like it wasn't right or valid.” I regret I learned this lesson too late with Fatima. I was too slow to validate her feelings. We learn something in every relationship. Ideally, our partner is patient with us as we stumble through the learning process, often repeating the same error until we form a new habit. However, Fatima ran out of patience with me. I couldn't change fast enough for her, even though I was eager to learn and dying to please her. By the time I began to learn about proper validation and apologies, she had given up on me. ========== My husband, Lucas, hates it when lids aren't properly put on jars. You know, when a lid is half on and still loose or haphazardly tightened and askew? I, on the other hand, could not care less. I am the only perpetrator of putting lids on wrong in our house. I barely screw on the top to the pickles, peanut butter, medications, water bottles, or food storage containers. I don't even realize that I do it because I care so little about it. This drives Lucas absolutely crazy. I love this example because it's what I would repeatedly tell Fatima: some habits are hard to break. Dr. Mosley knows her husband hates half-closed jars, but she struggles to comply with his wishes. We're imperfect creatures. ========== Is your partner always leaving a wet towel on the floor after showering? Red flag—they're irresponsible and will expect you to clean up after them. Is your friend bad at texting to let you know when they're behind schedule? Red flag—they're selfish, inconsiderate, and don't value your time. It's all too easy to weaponize this term in a relationship, in hopes that it will shame the other person into changing. ========== People aren't perfect. Individually, we're messy, and in relationships, we're much messier. We all make mistakes, sometimes repeatedly for our entire lives. Instead of labeling all unwanted behaviors as red flags and expecting change or running away altogether, try a new approach: Identify why those behaviors hurt you and share that with your loved one instead. ========== When confronted with the knowledge that we've hurt someone, many of us become defensive. We hate the idea of hurting the person we love and since we usually didn't intend to hurt them, we start explaining why our actions weren't that bad and why they shouldn't feel upset. It comes from a place of inadequacy, self-criticism, and remorse. If the other person responds like this but you can tell they care about your pain, this may be a good time to give them some grace in the form of empathy and time. Wait a few hours or even a few days, then try the conversation again. For every criticism I had about Fatima's behavior, she had 20 criticisms about my behavior. As a result, I had many more opportunities to fall into the trap of becoming defensive. It's so hard to resist. I'm still working on that front. ========== We all have a touch of narcissism, which can get bigger at certain points in life, ========== Conflicts are upsetting, and we've all developed ways of protecting ourselves, whether it's getting loud to be heard or emotionally withdrawing to prevent a panic attack. Underneath these less-than-ideal responses, though, we feel awful. We feel scared, insecure, inadequate, unimportant, and alone. We hate fighting with our loved ones, and we really hate that we've hurt them, especially unknowingly. We're not being defensive because we have a narcissistic belief in our own superiority; we're doing it because we're terrified that the person won't understand us and will see us negatively, so we need to show them our side and explain to them why we aren't to blame. ========== But whether it's an inflated ego, vanity, self-absorption, or just unusually healthy confidence, these traits do not make a narcissist. To have NPD, the person must also require external validation and admiration, and to be seen as superior to others. This is the difference between a big ego and grandiosity. Grandiosity goes several steps beyond confidence—it's a near-delusional sense of importance, where someone exaggerates their achievements and expects others to see them as superior. ========== Some people suck. They're immature, mean, selfish, and unremorseful. Some people don't respect other people in their lives. They lie and they cheat, and they don't care that it hurts others. But they can be all these things and still not be a narcissist. There's a lot of room for people to be awful without meeting the criteria for a personality disorder, and that's because (you guessed it!) people are flawed. Some people feel justified in behaving badly, while others just don't know any better yet. Our growth is messy and not linear. ========== The reality is that anyone who genuinely worries that they are a narcissist, probably isn't. That level of openness and willingness to self-reflect is not typical of a narcissist. Plus, narcissists don't tend to believe or care that they've hurt others, whereas my clients are deeply distressed by the possibility that they've unknowingly caused others pain. ========== As with gaslighting, I have rarely seen people accurately diagnose narcissism. To put it bluntly, I have never seen a client in a couples therapy session call their partner a narcissist and be right. In fact, the person misusing the label usually tends to be more narcissistic and have more therapy work to do than their partner. ========== person involved with a narcissist to accurately identify the disorder because people with NPD are great at making other people think they are the problem. It's an insidious process, and rarely do people realize what's happening until others point it out to them or the narcissist harshly devalues or leaves them. Now, you might be in a relationship with someone who has NPD, but instead of jumping to “narcissist!” it's helpful to use other adjectives and be more specific about your concerns. Saying that a certain behavior was selfish or that a person seems unremorseful is more exact than calling them a narcissist. ========== Love bombing can happen at any point in a relationship, but it's most often seen at the start. ========== Love bombing is also a typical follow-up to fights. ========== Humans are a complicated species. Despite our amazing cognitive capacities and our innate desire to be good (well, most of us anyway), we often cause harm. People act in ways that can damage their relationships, both intentionally and unknowingly, but that doesn't make them sociopaths. In fact, anyone in a close and meaningful relationship will end up hurting the other person and will also end up getting hurt at some point because close relationships inevitably involve a degree of pain, be it disappointment, sadness, anger, or frustration. Even when we're doing our best, we hurt each other. We can't equate normal missteps and hurt with sociopathy. ========== People love to call their exes sociopaths, just like they love calling them narcissists. Dr. Mosley focuses on the term sociopath because it's more popular nowadays than the term psychopath, but they both suffer from misuse and overuse, she says. If your partner (or you) use the term psychopath often, then in the following excerpts, replace the word “sociopath” with “psychopath.” ========== calling someone a sociopath is extreme. You're calling them out as a human who has an underdeveloped (or nonexistent) capacity to be a law-abiding, respectful, moral member of society. And in doing so, you're saying they were the entire problem in your relationship. Unless you were with a person who displayed a variety of extreme behaviors that qualify as ASPD, that conclusion isn't fair, accurate, or serving you. Again, you're missing out on the opportunity to reflect on your part in the problem, examine how you could have been more effective in the relationship, and identify how you can change for the better in your next relationship. If you label your ex a sociopath and call it a day, you're cutting yourself short. ========== Let the record show that I have never seen someone use the term sociopath correctly in their relationship. ========== some boundaries are universal and uncrossable, but the majority are personal preferences that need to be expressed and, at times, negotiated. Claiming a boundary violation is a quick and easy way to control someone's behavior, and that's why it's important to clarify what this phrase means and how to healthily navigate boundaries in a relationship. Fatima loved to remind me of and enforce her “boundaries.” It was a long list, so I inevitably crossed them, which led to drama. ========== There are some boundaries we all agree are important and should be uncrossable—I call these universal boundaries. Violating universal boundaries, especially when done repeatedly without remorse or regard for the impact it has on the other person, amounts to abuse. ========== The main [universal boundaries] are emotional, physical, sexual, and financial boundaries ========== Outside of these universal, uncrossable boundaries, there are also individual boundaries. Rather than applying to all people, these boundaries are specific to the person and defined by their own preferences and needs. As such, they are flexible, fluid over time, and full of nuance. If they are crossed, it can be uncomfortable, but it isn't necessarily abuse. ========== boundary is a line drawn to ensure safety and autonomy, whereas a preference is something that would make you feel happy but is not integral to your sense of relational security or independence. ========== While a well-adjusted person might start a dialogue about how to negotiate an individual boundary in a way that honors both partners' needs, an abusive person will never consider if their boundary can be shifted or why it might be damaging or significantly limiting to the other person. Instead, they will accuse, blame, and manipulate their partner as their way of keeping that person within their controlling limits. ========== The point is that as we go through life, our boundaries shift. As you can see, this is part of what makes it difficult for people to anticipate or assess boundary violations. If you expect and demand that the people close to you honor your specific boundaries on certain topics, but you're not telling them what the boundaries are or when and how they've changed, you're setting your loved ones up for failure. ========== And again, people unknowingly cross each other's individual boundaries all the time. It's simply inevitable. ========== It will create an unnecessary and unproductive rift. 3. We Mistake Preferences for Boundaries Boundaries protect our needs for safety and security. Preferences promote feelings of happiness, pleasure, or calm. When someone crosses a boundary, it compromises our physical or mental health. When someone disregards a preference, we may feel annoyed, but it doesn't pose a risk to our well-being. ========== You've Been Accused of Violating a Boundary If you're in a close relationship, chances are you're going to violate the other person's boundaries at some point. This is especially likely if the person has not told you what boundaries are important to them. However, you might also be unjustly accused of violating a boundary, perhaps a boundary you didn't know about or a preference masquerading as a boundary, and you'll need to know what to do. ========== I never thought of telling Fatima that she was “borderline.” It helps that I didn't know what the term meant. Dr. Mosley says that a person must have several of the “borderline” characteristics to have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Fatima only had one of them, so she did not have BPD. Here's the only BPD trait she exhibited: Stormy, intense, and chaotic relationships: Have relationships that tend to be characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation in which the person with BPD idolizes someone one moment and then vilifies them the next. Because they struggle to see others in a consistent and nuanced way, their relationships go through tumultuous ups and downs, where they desire intense closeness one minute and then reject the person the next. Fatima promised me, “I will love you forever,” “I want to marry you,” “I will be with you until death,” “I'll never leave you,” and other similar extreme promises. Three days later, she would dump me and tell me she never wanted to get back together. Two days later, she apologized and wanted to reunite. Soon, she would be making her over-the-top romantic declarations again. She'd write them and say them repeatedly, not just while making love. Eventually, I'd fuck up again. Instead of collaborating to prevent further fuck ups, Fatima would simply break up with me with little to no discussion. This would naturally make me question her sincerity when she repeatedly made her I-will-be-with-you-forever promises. You might wonder why I was so fucking stupid to reunite with her after she did that a couple of times. Why did I always beg her to reconsider and reunite with me even after we repeated the pattern four times? (The fifth time she dumped me was the last time.) Humans are messy. I expect imperfection. I know my loved one will repeatedly do stupid shit because I sure will. So, I forgave her knee-jerk breakup reaction because I knew she didn't do it out of malice. She did it to protect herself. She was in pain. She thought that pulling the plug would halt the pain. That's reasonable but wrong. That doesn't matter. She's learning, I figured. I need to be patient. I was hopeful we'd break the pattern and learn how to deal with conflict maturely. We didn't. I'm confident she'll figure it out soon, just like I learned from my mistakes with her. ========== If I had to pick one word to describe people with BPD, it would be unstable. Fatima was unstable in a narrow situation: only with one person (me) and only when the shit hit the fan with me. Aside from that, she was highly stable. Hence, it would have been ludicrous if I accused her of having Borderline Personality Disorder. Luckily, I never knew the overused borderline term; even if I did, I wouldn't be tempted to use it on her. ========== Just as with red flags, we all exhibit some toxic behaviors at times. I don't know anyone who has lived a toxic-free existence. Sometimes we go through tough phases where our communication and coping skills are down, and we'll act more toxically than we might normally; this doesn't make us a toxic person. Indeed, many romantic relationships go through toxic episodes, if you will (should we make “toxic episode” a thing?), where people aren't communicating well, are escalating conflicts, and are generally behaving badly. We need to normalize a certain level of temporary or situational toxicity while also specifying what we mean by saying “toxic.” This is the only way we can determine whether the relationship needs help or needs ending. ========== trauma is itself a heavy, often misunderstood word. Its original meaning referenced what we now call “big T” trauma: life-threatening events such as going to war or surviving a car crash. Nowadays, we also talk about “little t” trauma: events that cause significant distress but aren't truly life-threatening, like being bullied in school or having an emotionally inconsistent parent. ========== Avoiding relationships with anyone who triggers hard feelings will mean a very lonely existence. ========== a trauma bond is the connection that survivors feel with their abuser. ========== A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== soldiers aren't trauma bonded after going to war together; they're socially bonded, albeit in an unusually deep way. A captured soldier who defends his captors? That person is, in fact, trauma bonded. ========== None of us get to have a happy relationship without hard times and hard work. It's normal and okay to sometimes struggle with the person you're close to or love. When the struggle happens, don't despair. Within the struggle are opportunities to invest in the relationship and grow, individually and together. ========== If you determine your relationship is in a tough spot but not abusive, now's the time for some hard relational work. A good cocktail for working on your relationship is specificity, vulnerability, and commitment. ========== Making a relationship work requires you and your loved ones to self-reflect, take responsibility, and change. This process won't just happen once; it's a constant cycle you'll go through repeatedly over the course of the relationship. You'll both need to look at yourselves, own what you've done wrong or could do better, and work to improve. Nobody is ever finished learning and growing, not individually and certainly not in a relationship. But that's what can be so great about being in a relationship: It's a never-ending opportunity to become a better person. And when you mess up (because trust me, you will), be kind to yourself. As I keep saying, humans are wonderfully imperfect. Even when we know what to do, sometimes we just don't or can't do it. ========== In this world of messy humans, how do you know who will be a good person for you to be with? My answer: Choose someone who wants to keep doing the work with you. There is no perfect person or partner for you, no magical human that won't ever hurt, irritate, enrage, or overwhelm you. Being in close relationships inevitably leads to big, scary feelings at times, so pick someone who wants to get through the dark times with you. Remember that when people are behaving badly in a desperate attempt to connect—not control—they'll be able to look at themselves, recognize the bad behavior, and change. Pick someone who has the willingness to self-reflect and grow, even if it's hard. Someone who will hang in there, even during your worst fights, and ultimately say, “Listen, this is awful, and I don't want to keep arguing like this, but I love you and I want to figure this out with you.” Wow. So well said. And this, in a paragraph, explains where Fatima and I failed. I dislike pointing fingers at my ex when explaining why we broke up. I made 90% of the mistakes in my relationship with Fatima, so I bear most of the responsibility. However, Fatima was the weaker one on one metric: having someone who wants to collaborate to make a beautiful relationship despite the hardships. The evident proof is that she dumped me five times, whereas I never dumped her or even threatened to dump her. I always wanted to use our problems as a chance to learn and improve. Fatima used them as an excuse to quit. She tried. She really did. However, she lacked the commitment Dr. Mosley discussed in that paragraph. Perhaps another man will inspire Fatima to find the strength and courage to bounce back and not throw in the towel. Or maybe she will mature and evolve to a point where she can be with someone less compatible than I was for her. She would often declare, “Francis, we're incompatible.” I'd say, “No, we are compatible; we have incompatibilities. Everyone has incompatibilities. We just need to work through them. If there is a willingness to collaborate, we can solve any incompatibility. The only couples who are truly incompatible are the ones where one or both individuals refuse to budge or learn. We can overcome countless incompatibilities as long as we both want to be together.” ========== We have wounds and scars and bad habits. We rely on ineffective but protective coping mechanisms. We push others away when we're hurt or scared. ========== Everyone behaves badly sometimes. But even then, odds are they're not gaslighting you. Conclusion I'll repeat: They're Not Gaslighting You: Ditch the Therapy Speak and Stop Hunting for Red Flags in Every Relationship is my favorite book in 2025! Buy it! Feedback Leave anonymous audio feedback at SpeakPipe More info You can post comments, ask questions, and sign up for my newsletter at http://wanderlearn.com. If you like this podcast, subscribe and share!  On social media, my username is always FTapon. Connect with me on: Facebook Twitter YouTube Instagram TikTok LinkedIn Pinterest Tumblr My Patrons sponsored this show! Claim your monthly reward by becoming a patron at http://Patreon.com/FTapon Rewards start at just $2/month! 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Xannie and Katja hear from special guest, Nasiba, who shares her harrowing journey of trauma, self-discovery, and healing as someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). From childhood abuse to the struggles of adulthood, her candid storytelling reveals how cultural perceptions of mental health can complicate recovery. Join us as we explore the emotional rollercoaster of BPD, discuss self-destructive behaviors, and celebrate the journey toward self-acceptance and forgiveness. This episode is not just for those living with BPD but also for friends and family seeking to understand. Don't miss the insights that could change lives!

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday, Xannie, Jay, André, Georgette and Katja sdiscuss practical tips for creating effective routines, the importance of external accountability, and how to balance chaos with calm. Thanks again to our BPD Besties on Patreon for voting on this topic and joining us behind the scenes during filming! We always have a blast with you.Whether you're living with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode is packed with insights that can make a real difference. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on our journey together!More on what Katja said about habits in 66 days: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-long-does-it-take-to-form-a-habit#:~:text=Depending%20on%20what%20it%20is,help%20to%20develop%20new%20onesMay 21st we'll be back to talk about BPD & Structure. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

THANK YOU to our BPD Besties on Patreon for voting on this topic and joining us behind the scenes during filming! We always have a blast with you.In this episode, Xannie, Jay, André, Georgette and Katja share personal stories, struggles, and insights about the impact of BPD on their ability to maintain a structured life. The Bunch cover both extremes; the difficulties that come from being overly rigid with structure, as well as the struggles to maintain any structure at all.Whether you're battling BPD yourself or supporting someone who is, this episode is packed with relatable experiences and valuable advice that may just change your perspective. Don't miss out on this emotional journey filled with laughter, hard truths, and important takeaways. Check out the shortcut to Lena's intro video to see what Xannie was referencing!Friday we'll be back to share our top tips for maintaining structure. Hit that subscribe button to stay connected!May 21st we'll be back to talk about BPD & Structure. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Borderline Personality Disorder ~ I am grieving the loss of my . . . therapist. Listen to caller's personal dramas four times each week as Dr. Kenner takes your calls and questions on parenting, romance, love, family, marriage, divorce, hobbies, career, mental health - any personal issue! Call anytime, toll free 877-Dr-Kenner. Visit www.drkenner.com for more information about the show.

In this minisode, Xannie, Carys, André, and Katja share personal stories and insights that reveal how a lack of boundaries can lead to emotional turmoil and self-destructive behavior. Are you struggling with relationships or feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? This episode is packed with wisdom and real-life experiences that can help you understand the critical role boundaries play in your mental health. Don't miss out – subscribe now and turn on notifications for more enlightening discussionsMay 14th we'll be back with our PATRON'S VOTE Episode, on BPD & Structure! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday Xannie, Carys, André, and Katja share their personal revelations and experiences, exploring the hidden triggers that lead to self-destructive behaviors. The Bunch discuss how moments of clarity can spark meaningful change and the importance of recognizing when we are our own worst enemies. Whether you're living with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement. Don't miss out on the chance to better understand yourself or your loved ones in this journey of healing and self-acceptance. Hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications so you never miss an episode!May 14th we'll be back with our PATRON'S VOTE Episode, on BPD & Structure! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

In this candid episode, Xannie, Carys, André and Katja discuss the struggle of self-sabotage faced by many living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The Bunch share their personal stories and experiences, exploring the emotional turmoil that leads to self-destructive behaviors. Discover how these patterns impact relationships, careers, and self-worth. If you or someone you care about is navigating the complexities of BPD, this episode is a must-watch. Hit that subscribe button for more insights and support in your journey toward healing!Friday we'll be back to talk about how we've learned to recognize self-sabotaging behavior. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and turn on notifications so you can join us as we unravel these captivating stories!May 14th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Structure. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Send Me a Message! In the next chapter of My Therapy Reflections, I share a very significant IFS (Internal Family Systems) breakthrough that has reframed how I view some of my darkest moments. When life feels too loud and too bright (which is most of the time), I tend to mentally retreat, like hiding in a tunnel—a cold, dark place that where I sometimes I can sleep for days. But this session revealed something surprising: my internal parts weren't trying to trap me there like I had thought. They were waiting at the top, encouraging me to come back.Even my inner critic—the voice I've long seen as cruel and as my enemy—was there trying to help. Not to tear me down, but to shield me from a world I'm not built for. This unexpected shift helped me see that every part of me, even the ones I've battled with, have been trying to protect me in their own, unique way.I also uncovered a younger part of myself, frozen at age 15, holding trauma I hadn't accessed in years. That story continues in Part B. But in this episode, it's all about beginning to see your inner system not as broken, but as misunderstood. Maybe, like me, you'll start to feel compassion for the parts of yourself you once feared.Support the showTo support the show, CLICK HEREYou can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters

會談地圖Podcast

“I hate you.” If you've ever heard those words from your child, you know how painful and jarring they can be. In this episode of Family Vision, Rob and Amy Rienow continue their series on the Ten Commandments with a deep dive into the Sixth Commandment—“You shall not murder”—and how Jesus reveals that anger and hatred in the heart are spiritual expressions of that same sin. They unpack what it means for parents and children to struggle with anger, bitterness, and hatred—and how we can proactively disciple our families toward healing, grace, and reconciliation. This is a timely conversation for any parent dealing with emotional outbursts, strained relationships, or the heartache of children turning away. What You'll Learn in This Episode: - Why anger and hatred are spiritual violations of the Sixth Commandment - What to do when your child says “I hate you” - How the words we use—like “idiot” or “hate”—reveal the condition of our hearts - The cultural danger of justifying hatred in the name of righteousness - A biblical strategy to help children (and parents) find freedom from anger Featured Resources: Free MP3 Seminar — Helping Your Child Find Freedom from Anger: https://visionaryfam.com/freedom Visionary Family Camp — Join us at Cedar Bay, July 19–25. Register by June 1: https://visionaryfam.com/camp Join the Visionary Family Community — Learn more and sign up at https://visionaryfam.com/community Need Prayer? We'd love to pray with you. Send your requests to podcast@visionaryfam.com. Like This Episode? Help more families discover the podcast by subscribing, leaving a review, and sharing it with your friends. Next Episode Preview: Next week, we take on the Seventh Commandment—“Do not commit adultery”—and talk about how to help our children and teens pursue purity in a world filled with temptation.

Join Xannie, Georgette, and Katja as they tackle common clichés like "people with BPD can't maintain relationships" and "BPD means you're selfish." Through candid conversation, they explore the nuances of living with BPD, the impact of trauma, and the importance of treatment. Whether you're struggling with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode aims to shed light on the complexities of the disorder and debunk harmful myths. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell to stay updated on all things BPD!

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday Mo, Hak Ja, Xannie and André discuss the borderline personality disorder (BPD) traits they observe in TV characters Lila West from Dexter and Jessica from Jessica Jones. The Bunch share how they relate to these characters, revealing how their struggles reflect real-life experiences of those living with BPD. Whether you're navigating your own journey with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode is packed with relatable moments, emotional insights, and a candid discussion about the impact of media representations on our understanding of mental illness. Don't miss out on a chance to connect and share your thoughts! Hit that subscribe button for more enlightening conversations!May 7th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Self Sabotage. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Today's Topics: 1, 2, 3, 4) Do you suspect that you are dealing with someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder? Learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder Traits and how to help our loved ones who might suffer from this

Send Me a Message! In this episode, Elliot records from inside his car as rain pours down outside, reflecting nicely the turbulence felt within all week. Battling extreme and rapid mood swings that have left him exhausted and overwhelmed, Elliot shares how poor sleep, stimulant medication, grey weather, and sensory sensitivities have compounded to intensify his struggles. As the rain falls mirroring his rapidly dropping mood, he offers listeners a genuine glimpse into the exhausting reality of managing emotional dysregulation and fatigue. --Follow my journey living with mental illness and the hard-fought lessons learned along the way. Lived experience is the driving force of this podcast, and through this lens, my stories are told. This is a raw, honest, and authentic account of how multiple psychological disorders have shaped my past and continue to influence my future.Support the showTo support the show, CLICK HEREYou can follow me on Instagram: @elliot.t.waters

Join Xannie, André, Hak Ja and Mo as we explore the complex characters of Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars and Jinx from Arcane through the lens of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). We dive into their emotional struggles, impulsive behaviors, and the devastating impact of their relationships. This two-part series not only highlights the traits of BPD as depicted in popular culture but also offers relatable insights for those affected by similar challenges. Whether you're struggling with BPD yourself or supporting someone who is, this discussion is packed with empathy, understanding, and a deep connection to the characters we love. Friday we'll be back to talk about Lila West from Dexter and Jessica from Jessica Jones. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and turn on notifications so you can join us as we unravel these captivating stories!May 7th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Self Sabotage. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

In this heartfelt episode of BPD Brunch, we dive into the unique challenges faced by stay-at-home moms living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Xannie chats with Georgette and Mo about their personal experiences, discuss the intense emotions that accompany motherhood, and explore the importance of community, support, and self-care. If you've ever felt lonely, overwhelmed, or misunderstood as a parent, this episode is for you. Discover practical advice on managing your emotions, strengthening relationships, and understanding the impact of BPD on parenting. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell for more insights and support on your journey!

Join Xannie, and educators Katja and Georgette as they share their unique experiences navigating the challenges of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in the classroom. From the rollercoaster of emotions to the surprising strengths that emerge from their struggles, this discussion uncovers the realities of teaching while managing BPD symptoms. Whether you're living with BPD or a friend or family member of someone who is, tune in for insights, inspiration, and a sense of community. Discover how these educators turn their challenges into teaching moments and find out what it truly means to teach with empathy and resilience. Don't miss out on their powerful stories!

While we don't want to put labels on people, it is important to be aware of certain patterns of behavior. Because the more awareness we have, the better we'll be able to navigate situations we find ourselves in.In this episode, you will learn:The characteristics, signs, and symptoms of narcissism and borderline personality disorder.How to draw boundaries and protect yourself from dysfunctional or even dangerous relationships.The truth behind the age-old question, "Can people really change?"Helpful LinksHave a question for Lysa, Jim, or Joel? Leave us a message, and it could be answered on one of our future podcast episodes! Start here.Download “Trust Is a Track Record: 5 Scriptural Truths To Remember God's Faithfulness" by Lysa TerKeurst here.Purchase "The Trust Journey Bundle" that includes I Want to Trust You, but I Don't by Lysa TerKeurst as well as The Trust Journey (a guided journal to use alongside I Want to Trust You, but I Don't) here.We'd like to extend a special thank-you to our sponsor for this season, Compassion International. When you sponsor a child, you'll receive the “Proverbs: The Beginning of All Wisdom” study guide as our gift to you! Go to compassion.com/proverbs31 to get started!Click here to download a transcript of this episode.Want More on This Topic?Listen to "Narcissism ... What It Is and What It Isn't."Listen to "Good Boundaries Lead to Better Relationships."Listen to Season 4 of Therapy & Theology called "Boundaries Boot Camp" with Jim Cress. Start by listening to "Here Is Your Permission To Set Boundaries."Watch "Realities of Life With a Narcissist."Read Good Boundaries and Goodbyes by Lysa TerKeurst.

[Rerun] Dr. Kirk does a deep dive on borderline personality disorder.This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/KIRK to get 10% off your first month.Become a member: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOUZWV1DRtHtpP2H48S7iiw/joinBecome a patron: https://www.patreon.com/PsychologyInSeattleEmail: https://www.psychologyinseattle.com/contactWebsite: https://www.psychologyinseattle.comMerch: https://psychologyinseattle-shop.fourthwall.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/psychologyinseattle/Facebook Official Page: https://www.facebook.com/PsychologyInSeattle/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kirk.hondaNovember 16, 2015The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.Disclaimer: The content provided is for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only. Nothing here constitutes personal or professional consultation, therapy, diagnosis, or creates a counselor-client relationship. Topics discussed may generate differing points of view. If you participate (by being a guest, submitting a question, or commenting) you must do so with the knowledge that we cannot control reactions or responses from others, which may not agree with you or feel unfair. Your participation on this site is at your own risk, accepting full responsibility for any liability or harm that may result. Anything you write here may be used for discussion or endorsement of the podcast. Opinions and views expressed by the host and guest hosts are personal views. Although, we take precautions and fact check, they should not be considered facts and the opinions may change. Opinions posted by participants (such as comments) are not those of the hosts. Readers should not rely on any information found here and should perform due diligence before taking any action. For a more extensive description of factors for you to consider, please see www.psychologyinseattle.com

What happens when the pain of trauma from sexual assault collides with the struggles of borderline personality disorder (BPD)?Join Xannie, Katja, Madhurima and André in this vulnerable episode as we discuss the harrowing experiences of individuals living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) who have faced the trauma of sexual assault. With raw honesty, the Bunch share their stories, revealing the complexities of their emotions, the challenges of healing, and the importance of community support. This episode is a safe space for those who feel isolated in their struggles, offering insights and encouragement. If you or someone you know is navigating these difficult waters, tune in to discover that you are not alone. Note: While we will discuss the emotional impact and experiences related to these issues, we will not go into graphic detail about the assaults themselves. April 30th we'll be back to talk about BPD in TV and Movies. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Lost Yourself To A Borderline?Have you lost yourself to Borderline? A partner, Ex partner, girlfriend or boyfriend, or person close to you with Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you aware of Codependency? Are you learning any helpful lessons?One man blames God, calling him a "farce" after a relationship with a woman, who "trapped him into her getting pregnant" and now thinks the "farce relationship" was his relationship to and with God, when it was really the BPD relationship. This man whose comments I respond to also thinks, now, that God can't exists because Borderlines exist.Whether you can relate or not to this man's blaming God instead of the person with BPD and taking his small piece of personal responsibility or not please listen to see if you can relate and substitute your own lostness and feeling separated by something you valued in your life and/or about yourself before the devastation of the BPD relationship.ajmahari.ca/sessionssurvivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com - Podcast WebsiteThis podcast is ranked in the Top 100 Relationships Podcasts on feedspot.com at:100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025

Join Xannie and Katja for the fun and absurdity of 'Would You Rather' questions that not only entertain but also reflect our unique perspectives on life's challenges. Whether you're navigating the ups and downs of BPD or supporting a loved one, this episode is packed with relatable moments and emotional insights. Grab your favorite brunch beverage and join the conversation—because sometimes, a little silliness is the best distraction! Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments!

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday, Xannie, André, Solène, Raf, Georgette and Melanie share personal stories and insights on how online and in-person support groups can serve as an alternative pathway to recovery. From connecting with like-minded individuals to gaining invaluable perspectives, discover how these communities can provide the understanding and encouragement you need on your journey. April 23 we'll be back to talk about BPD & Sexual Assault! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Are you searching for effective ways to manage symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) outside of traditional therapy?Join Xannie, André, Solène, Raf, Georgette and Melanie as they share their personal journeys and practical tips. Discover how everyday activities—like yoga, creative pursuits, and learning from life experiences—can play a vital role in your healing journey. Whether you're struggling with BPD or supporting a loved one, this episode is packed with relatable stories and invaluable insights. Friday we'll wrap up this conversation, sharing how peer and community supports have helped us on our recovery journeys. April 22nd we'll be back to talk about BPD & Sexual Assault. Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

You're not broken; you're a story unfolding. This is just the beginning." Living with Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like your identity is a kaleidoscope—shifting, breaking, and hard to pin down. One day you're strong, the next you're lost. In this session, we dive into Carl Jung's idea of archetypes—universal patterns in our minds—to help make sense of that chaos. We'll explore how these “inner characters” shape who we are and offer a way to steady the storm of BPD identity struggles. Plus, you'll walk away with one simple skill to start reclaiming your sense of self. This ep has raw insight that'll leave you wanting more (hint: ⁠⁠sessions⁠⁠ have it).Share this with someone who knows the chaos too. Recap: Explored the Hero archetype—your inner courage to face BPD's chaos. It's not about perfection but taking small, brave steps toward a steadier identity.Skill: Hero's Quest Journal—write the Dragon (challenge), Hero's Move (action), and Treasure (possible gain) to turn struggles into growth.Connect: Tried the journal or Shadow dialogue? Share your wins with us at rose@thriveonlinecounseling.com!Next Up: We'll tackle another archetype—maybe the Self, to find your center. Stay tuned!Resource: Curious about Jung? Check out Man and His Symbols for a beginner-friendly dive.Book Sessions with Rose Here:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Schedule with Jay Here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy or clinical services. We are mindset coaches and want to offer this content for the betterment of the BPD community. We offer mindset coaching for individuals nationally and internationally. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jump start your recovery today!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Want to make a podcast- choose riverside!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personal anecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**

Carys and her bestie, Lindsay, discuss the complexities of friendships among those living with Borderline Personality Disorder. They share the raw and honest journey of their connection, how they navigate their struggles together, offering insights into healing, unconditional love, and the importance of having someone walk beside you. Whether you're living with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode provides valuable perspectives and emotional connections that resonate deeply.

Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday, Xannie, Carys, and special guests Toni and John share their personal experiences and insights on what it's like to attend parties, weddings, and social gatherings while managing the unique challenges of neurodiversity.April 16th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Non-Therapy Recovery Tools! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Reclaiming Life: Coleen Caraway's Mental Health Journey On this new season of the Make Mental Health Matter Show, Kelli starts a new season with live in-studio episodes. The first live guest is Coleen Caraway. Little bit about Coleen's story from her: “I own Danu's Wardrobe, a fantasy-style bookstore and event space, where everyone can find adventure. Currently, we are looking for a new physical location and looking to collaborate with other businesses with the same dream. I want to speak on my experience with my Borderline Personality Disorder and the journey from being adopted, childhood trauma, and my journey into adulthood. At the end of 2024, I was re-assessed by my therapist and we discovered that with my daily techniques for a little over 2 years, I no longer fit the diagnosis of BPD. I hope to share my story and give people who have been diagnosed with BPD, hope.” Short bio: Coleen Caraway, originally from the Dallas, Texas area moved to Colorado on a whim in 2018. She fell in love with the mountains and decided to stay. She owns Danu's Wardrobe, an independent bookstore and event space, where everyone can find adventure. She enjoys creating community, reading, and working with other local businesses. In Coleen's spare time, she enjoys reading, creating themed dinner parties, and hanging out with her cat. This episode is sponsored by Danu's Closet. Find out more about Coleen here: Website: www.danuc.net  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100089982183456  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danuwardrobe  Buy new books here: https://bookshop.org/shop/Danu_Wardrobe  Want to find out when the next incredible episode of Make Mental Health Matter show is dropping? Sign up for the Make Mental Health Matter newsletter for special tips, and insider only offers. Click HERE to sign up today! Need more resources? www.makementalhealthmatter.org  https://linktr.ee/makementalhealthmatter

"You don't have to figure out your whole identity today. Jung's archetypes—like the Shadow, Hero, or Self—are like threads in BPD's tangled web. Start with one—maybe that loud Shadow—and give it a moment. You're not broken; you're a story unfolding. This is just the beginning."Living with Borderline Personality Disorder can feel like your identity is a kaleidoscope—shifting, breaking, and hard to pin down. One day you're strong, the next you're lost. In this session, we dive into Carl Jung's idea of archetypes—universal patterns in our minds—to help make sense of that chaos. We'll explore how these “inner characters” shape who we are and offer a way to steady the storm of BPD identity struggles. Plus, you'll walk away with one simple skill to start reclaiming your sense of self. This ep has raw insight that'll leave you wanting more (hint: ⁠sessions⁠ have it).Share this with someone who knows the chaos too. Hit us up with your own fire—how do you keep rising? Let's talk about it. Back next Tuesday with more !Resources:Book: The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious by Carl JungBook Sessions with Rose Here:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/individual-sessions/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Schedule with Jay Here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/22608/⁠⁠⁠Gift cards now available for purchase here:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.thriveonlinecounseling.com/product/gift-card/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for therapy or clinical services. We are mindset coaches and want to offer this content for the betterment of the BPD community. We offer mindset coaching for individuals nationally and internationally. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Jump start your recovery today!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Want to make a podcast- choose riverside!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠**This episode is colloquial not clinical, using personal anecdotes to support conveying information in an informal, relatable way**

Join Dr. Andy Cutler and Dr. Carla Sharp as they discuss the current conceptualization of borderline personality disorder (BPD), including diagnostic challenges, evidence-based treatments, and strategies to reduce stigma by framing BPD as a treatable condition. The conversation also covers recent updates to the APA's BPD guidelines.  Carla Sharp, PhD is a distinguished clinical psychologist specializing in developmental psychopathology, particularly borderline personality disorder (BPD). She is a professor in the Clinical Psychology Doctoral Program and serves as the Associate Dean for Faculty and Research at the University of Houston. Additionally, she directs both the Adolescent Diagnosis, Assessment, Prevention, and Treatment Center and the Developmental Psychopathology Lab at the university.   Andrew J. Cutler, MD is a distinguished psychiatrist and researcher with extensive experience in clinical trials and psychopharmacology. He currently serves as the Chief Medical Officer of Neuroscience Education Institute and holds the position of Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at SUNY Upstate Medical University in Syracuse, New York.   

Katherine Fabrizio is a psychotherapist and author specializing in the complexities of mother-daughter relationships, particularly when those dynamics are impacted by personality disorders like narcissism and borderline personality disorder. Drawing on her clinical experience and insights from her book, "The Good Daughter Syndrome," Katherine helps listeners understand the patterns of the "Good Daughter Syndrome" – a role often adopted by daughters of difficult, narcissistic, or emotionally immature mothers as a survival mechanism. Her work offers crucial guidance on recognizing and breaking free from these ingrained patterns, empowering individuals to prioritize their own emotional well-being.  Katherine provides practical and actionable steps for setting healthy boundaries, navigating challenging family dynamics, and ultimately reclaiming personal power and autonomy.  Tune in to Episode 189 of The Fearless Happyness Podcast, available at fearlesshappyness.life and hear about Katherine's life of Fearless Happyness!

Chris had a happy childhood. He has an aspirational marriage. He loves his job. So what the hell is he doing on the show? Well, Chris had a happy childhood, but his brother did not, and this difference has strained their relationship to near estrangement - and that is what Chris is doing on the show. Not only does he want help navigating the conflict with his brother, but he also wants to protect the relationships he has with his brother's kids - without betraying his own boundaries. Fortunately for Chris, Renée loves few things more than analyzing messy family dynamics and talking about B-B-B-B-B-Boundaries. They dig in deep and get it all sorted. Plus, Renée answers a juicy listener question in the intro. Siblings, spirituality, personality disorders, energetic boundaries, near death experiences: this one has a little something for everyone!Support the show

What if the emotional struggles you face with BPD are connected to undiagnosed autism?Join Xannie, Carys, and special guests Toni and John, as they share what it's like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Autism, or both! This discussion unravels the nuances of living with both diagnoses, exploring how they manifest in daily life, emotions, and relationships. Whether you're struggling with BPD, Autism, or know someone who is, this episode aims to shed light on common experiences and provide valuable insights. Friday we'll wrap up this conversation, sharing how we manage our various diagnoses in social settings, like parties.April 9th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Non-Therapy Tools for Recovery! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

In this episode, we sit down with our social media manager/helper/everything-assistant, Joey D'Angelo, who shares their relationship with our work on the podcast. Joey is not a parent, but is full of childlike wonder and endless compassion, and has been on a recovery journey which includes reparenting herself. What happens when we turn the principles of mutual respect, emotional regulation, and co-regulation inward? Joey shares the impact of their upbringing and how that led to their development of Borderline Personality Disorder (aka Emotional Dysregulation), and their journey through BPD recovery, re-building self-trust, reparenting, and applying conscious parenting methods to heal inner wounds. Together we explore reparenting through the lens of collaborative parenting—without parenting any children. On this episode, we discuss: ✨ What is reparenting is, and how to recover our inherent self-trust ✨ Learning new relational languages that are non-coercive, and how this neurological rewiring is challenging in the short term, but will create more peaceful relationships in the long term. ✨ How collaborative parenting principles—like connection over correction—apply to self-growth and personal healing ✨ Practical ways to nurture your inner child with empathy and patience ✨ The challenges and breakthroughs of unlearning harsh self-talk and internalized criticismWhether you're a parent or not, this conversation offers powerful insights into healing, self-trust, and cultivating an internal environment of love and understanding. Joey is a gender non-conforming, neurodivergent queer in their mid-30s. They are a white, AFAB non-parent, single person who has a value system rooted in understanding intersectionality and developing communities where equity precedes privilege. They worked in film and TV for 7 years, ran their own business between 2018 and 2021, and have worked in events, marketing, and social media for over a decade. Joey lives with Borderline Personality Disorder (also referred to as Emotional Dysregulation) in Toronto, Canada and is actively involved in justice for people who are insecurely housed, and their BPD diagnosis has completely shifted the way they care for themself, offering a North Star that's rooted in balance, comfort, and fun. Get in touch with them:Instagram, TikTok, YouTube: @hi.itsjoey Website: www.joeydangelo.squarespace.com

If you've ever been with an emotionally volatile partner or perhaps suspected that you yourself might be emotionally volatile, you hopefully already know about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). (And if you haven't, we have lots of episodes on the subject!)Here, we talk to a therapist whose clientele is largely comprised of those contending with BPD. What's it like to be a therapist who works with clients with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? What are some of the big challenges and greatest rewards?"Can BPD be treated?" "Is it possible to recover from BPD?" "How does therapy work when it comes to BPD?" are a few common questions -- all of which we address.---Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)---Memorable quotes from this episode:"Then I will see the ‘flip' take place.""There can be this, ‘How dare you?' response — or, ‘Are you saying I'm bad?'""Ideally I'm asking people to talk about it instead of acting it out.""The treatment takes place in the relational field between us (client and practitioner).""I'm inviting people to communicate instead of act out their hurt or distress.""The core feature is the fear of abandonment … being left or rejected.""There can be chronic feelings of emptiness that people describe (which can be related to a lack of sense of self).""Partners will often talk about the intense anger outbursts.""The hallmark defense mechanism is splitting, which is seeing people or situations as all good or all bad.""No one is there for me and no one will ever be there for me. Everyone lets me down. I desperately want to be taken care of, but I can't trust anyone to take care of me.""Over and over again, there is going to be rupture and repair, which is the experience that this person did not have early on."---Mentioned on this episode:Setareh Vatan's Psychology Today profileRBeyond Borderline: True Stories of Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder Paperback – edited by Gunderson & HoffmanGet Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder – by Rachel Reiland

At a loss for how to help a sibling wit Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Wrapping up their conversation from Wednesday, Jack and his siblings, Derrick, Grant, and Alicia; Mo and her brother Shawn; and Madhurima and her sister Madhuja share their top coping strategies for effectively managing BPD in the context of their sibling relationship. Whether you're living with BPD or supporting someone who is, this episode offers a unique perspective on navigating intense emotions and conflicts within families. April 2nd we'll be back to talk about BPD & Autism! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

It's time to get out of the dysfunctional dances and be bravely honest about what you may be experiencing behind closed doors. That's what Lysa TerKeurst, counselor Jim Cress and Dr. Joel Muddamalle want to help you work through this season!In Season 8 of Therapy & Theology, you'll hear episodes on:The victim mentality.Love bombing and gaslighting.Anger and blaming.Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder.What addiction is and how it impacts us.Pornography.Helpful Links:Download “Trust Is a Track Record: 5 Scriptural Truths To Remember God's Faithfulness" by Lysa TerKeurst here.Purchase "The Trust Journey Bundle" that includes I Want to Trust You but I Don't by Lysa TerKeurst as well as The Trust Journey (a guided journal to use alongside I Want to Trust You, but I Don't) here.We'd like to extend a special thank-you to our sponsor for this season, Compassion International. When you sponsor a child, you'll receive our Proverbs: The Beginning of All Wisdom study guide as a gift to you! Go to compassion.com/proverbs31 to get started!Want More on This Topic? Listen to "Bonus: Am I in Denial That This Relationship Is Unhealthy?"Listen to "S4 E1 | "Here Is Your Permission To Set Boundaries" With Jim Cress."Watch "Difficult vs. Destructive Relationships | Therapy & Theology."

Do you have a sibling living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? Join us in this heartfelt episode where siblings share their raw and emotional journeys navigating the complexities of living with BPD. Jack and his siblings, Derrick, Grant, and Alicia; Mo and her brother Shawn; and Madhurima and her sister Madhuja share how BPD has impacted their relationships, the struggles they've faced, and the powerful moments that brought them closer together. Whether you're living with BPD or have a loved one who is, this discussion is packed with insights, support, and inspiration. Friday we'll wrap up this conversation, sharing our best coping skills for managing sibling relationships with BPDApril 2nd we'll be back to talk about BPD & Autism! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW! https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch

Ross Rosenberg addresses a question from his Self-Love Mailbag: 1. What prevents individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) from understanding the emotional pain they cause to others?2. What are the origins of the deep-seated shame experienced by people with NPD and BPD?3. What are the reasons that individuals with these disorders often struggle to feel empathy for others?4. What causes the intense fear of abandonment commonly seen in individuals with borderline personality disorder?Be sure to leave another question to be answered in the next installment of the Self-Love Mailbag. Consider subscribing to Ross Rosenberg's/Self-Love Recovery Institute's new Patreon Subscription, where you can access exclusive content, insights, and services. https://www.patreon.com/RossRosenbergSLRIatreon ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.Ross's pioneering contributions to codependency have provided sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developed a treatment program that permanently resolves the issue. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops. His global impact is best illustrated by his YouTube channel, with 30 million views and 297,000 subscribers, and the sale of 190,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. Facebook.com/TheCodependencyCure) Instagram (@rossrosenberg_slri) Twitter (@RossRosenberg1) and now…TikTok! (@RossRosenberg1)Support the showABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.Ross's pioneering contributions to codependency have provided sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developed a treatment program that permanently resolves the issue. Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops. His global impact is best illustrated by his YouTube channel, with 30 million views and 297,000 subscribers, and the sale of 190,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages. In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services.Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com. Facebook.com/TheCodependencyCure) Instagram (@rossrosenberg_slri) Twitter (@RossRosenberg1) and now…TikTok! (@RossRosenberg1)

Xannie chats with Jay about his experiences with body image, societal expectations, and the complexities of mental health as a gay man with borderline personality disorder. Discover how internal dialogues and external pressures can drastically affect self-perception and emotional well-being. Whether you're navigating your own journey with BPD or supporting someone who is, this conversation sheds light on the often-overlooked struggles men face with body image.

Struggling with the urge to “get even” because of intense BPD emotions? Join Xannie, Céline and Georgette as they wrap up their conversation from Wednesday, sharing their personal experiences and effective strategies for managing these intense emotions and vindictive urges. Whether you're living with BPD or are a supportive friend or family member, this conversation offers valuable insights and practical tips to help regain control and promote healing. The DBT STOP skill: is a distress tolerance technique designed to help individuals manage intense emotions and impulsive behaviors. It stands for:- S: Stop what you are doing.- T: Take a step back from the situation.- O: Observe your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.- P: Proceed mindfully with a chosen response rather than reacting impulsively.This skill encourages pausing to gain perspective before taking action, promoting healthier emotional regulation.March 26th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Sibling Relationships! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW!  https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch 

Do you ever feel the overwhelming urge to “get even” when you've been hurt? Join Xannie, Céline and Georgette as they explore the often unspoken feelings of revenge and vindictiveness that can accompany BPD. With raw honesty, they share personal stories and insights on how past experiences shaped their responses to hurt and rejection. If you've ever felt the urge to retaliate or hold a grudge, this video is for you. Tune in to understand the driving forces behind these emotions and find healthier ways to cope.  Friday we'll wrap up this conversation, sharing our best tips for managing the urge for revenge effectively. .March 26th we'll be back to talk about BPD & Sibling Relationships! Can't wait until then? Sign up for our "BPD Buddies" or "BPD Besties" tiers on Patreon to get early access to an exclusive extended cut of next week's episode NOW!  https://www.patreon.com/thebpdbunch 

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Blaise Aguirre (I Hate Myself: Overcome Self-Loathing and Realize Why You're Wrong About You) is a child and adolescent psychiatrist specializing in dialectical behavior therapy. Blaise joins the Armchair Expert to discuss becoming an expert on Borderline Personality Disorder and DBT, the correlation between BPD and suicidal ideation, and that it's not a choice to live with the disregulation of BPD. Blaise and Dax talk about the analogy of a person with a BPD brain being saddled with a very fast car but not the skill to drive it, the fact that when we are disregulated we can't think properly, and why being too protective of one's feelings can actually rob them of the ability to confront necessary emotions. Blaise explains the glory he has when a patient leaves therapy, the saying in DBT that you have to go where angels fear to tread to truly help patients, and how liberating it is to realize that our common destiny is stardust.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode, Dr. David Puder interviews Dr. Frank Yeomans, a leading expert in Transference-Focused Psychotherapy (TFP) and personality disorders, to explore the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). They discuss object relations theory, identity diffusion, splitting, and the therapeutic relationship in TFP. Dr. Yeomans shares clinical insights on working with paranoid, devaluing, and omnipotent transferences, highlighting how therapists can navigate idealization, devaluation, and therapeutic neutrality. They also compare TFP with other psychodynamic approaches and discuss the role of aggression in mentalization and personality integration. Learn how TFP helps patients develop a stable identity Understand the differences between BPD and NPD treatment Explore the role of transference in psychotherapy Tune in for a deep dive into psychodynamic therapy with one of the field's top experts!   Link to blog Link to YouTube video