Get Sex-Smart

In this Q&A episode (the first ever on Get Sex-Smart!), Valeria and Sarah are answering your sex and relationship questions. Here's a timeline, should you like to jump to a specific one:  3:12 How do I figure out what my partner's fetish is? 9:10 My significant other wants to have the passwords for my phone and computer. Do I share my passwords or not? 15:30 My boyfriend insists on anal sex, but I don't want to have anal. What should I do? 27:05 Are dating apps ruining dating and relationships?  

Get Sex-Smart is back! After a few months' hiatus, Valeria and Sarah have returned with a new format, new ideas, and new sex-smart episodes! Tune into this short announcement episode to hear why we took some time off, what we've been up to, and how Get Sex-Smart is changing - hopefully for the better. And make sure to tune in on August 15th when our new season will return full force!

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are celebrating the past 99 episodes of Get Sex-Smart. In this more informal and intimate episode, we talk about how the show got started, what we love about it and maybe not so much, our favorite episodes, some personal stories - and a few rounds of a sex-themed game of "Would You Rather". 

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break! Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin talk about five ways to spice up and add fun and new levels of pleasure and intimacy to a relationship that has gotten a bit predictable and stale. Ideas include touch games, playacting fantasy scenarios, and much more! 

Recent studies show that there is a big orgasm gap between men in women: roughly 65% of heterosexual women orgasm in partner sex, compared to an overwhelming 95% of heterosexual men. What's really interesting though is that lesbian women's orgasm rates are very close to those of heterosexual men at 85%. On today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about some of the reasons why orgasm rates are so much higher in lesbian women, and what contributes to their superior sexual satisfaction compared to heterosexual women.  EPISODE NOTES: Guardian article, "Do Lesbians Have Better Sex Than Straight Women?" https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/09/do-lesbians-have-better-sex-than-straight-women

Breakups are often painful, heartbreaking, and difficult to navigate. In this episode, Sarah Martin shares her recent personal experience of breakup and chats with Dr. Valeria about the newest science of breakups; why we are often so bad at breaking up; and what we can do to reduce the pain of ending our relationships.  EPISODE NOTES: Break up as a signifiant stress event, and "broken heart" syndrome: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/can-you-die-broken-heart-science-proves-broken-heart-syndrome-ncna847831

In contrast to popular opinion, low libido and decreased sexual desire in men are actually very common. Many men struggle with the effects that loss of libido has on their self-esteem and relationships. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about the causes of low libido in men, how it affects men, and what can help. 

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin break down the groundbreaking concept of arousal non-concordance. Simply put, our physical (genital) arousal doesn't always match our psychological arousal. This dramatically changes the way we view sexual desire, pleasure and consent. Tune in to learn why arousal non-concordance is important, and how it can change your sex life.   EPISODE NOTES: Emily Nagoski's Ted Talk, "The Truth About Unwanted Arousal" (a must wath!) https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal?language=en

Get Sex-Smart is back from the summer break! In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin chat about high libido women. Conventional thinking tells us that men tend to be more interested in sex than women and that women with high libidos are rare. But how true is that? And, while many men say that they would love for their female partner to be more sexually assertive, what actually happens when a woman wants sex more than her male partner? We answer these questions and more in this episode.  EPISODE NOTES: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/2PGjmbA  

One of the questions we get asked most often is how much sex it's "normal" to have. Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin answer the question of what is normal sexual frequency. We also share our tips on how to tell whether you're having the right amount of sex; why you may not be satisfied about your sexual frequency; and how to be more satisfied with the amount of sex you're having. 

In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a look at the concept of "sexual scarcity" or lack of sex, and the idea of the right to sex (or as some would call it, sexual entitlement). Tune in to find out how the sexual scarcity mindset affects our intimate relationships and sexual satisfaction, and how we can positively address the real feelings of frustration, sexual shame and disconnect that are the driving force behind this mindset.  EPISODE NOTES: Amia Srinivasan's essay in London Review of Books: https://www.lrb.co.uk/v40/n06/amia-srinivasan/does-anyone-have-the-right-to-sex

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are sharing their expert tips that will help take your masturbation practice from merely good to amazing. But that's not all! In today's fun bonus feature, Dr. Valeria and Sarah play a rousing round of sexual "Would You Rather" - with pretty hilarious and unexpected results. Make sure to stick around after the main discussion of masturbation is wrapped up, both to learn a fun and sexy game and to get up close and personal with your podcast hosts! If you want to jump directly to the fun bonus content, it starts around the 40 minute mark.  EPISODE NOTES: Sarah's featured interviews: BBC World https://www.bbc.com/news/world-44041947 The Guardian https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/19/multiple-orgasm-clitoris-science-research Dr. Valeria's featured print and video interview in Psychotherapy Networker: https://psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/1159/silent-and-confused/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000 Dr. Valeria's article in Business Insider: http://www.businessinsider.com/how-men-react-to-sexual-harassment-claims-according-to-intimacy-coach-2017-11  

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria is interviewing therapist, researcher, author and kink sex educator Galen Fous. Galen shares his 5 keys to exploring our personal kinks and to successfully integrating them into our sex lives. We also discuss sexual shame, the challenges of sexual incompatibility between partners, the need for more sexual and kink education for therapists, and more. An in-depth and fascinating interview! EPISODE NOTES: Galen Fous' website: https://galenfous.com/ Personal Erotic Myth survey: https://galenfous.com/pem/ Galen's book, Decoding Your Kink: https://www.amazon.com/Decoding-Your-Kink-Explore-Wildest-ebook/dp/B017CKIIAE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528996097&sr=8-1&keywords=galen+fous      

When it comes to sex, most of us have a past, along with some secrets and information that we keep private. But with relationships comes an expectation of sharing. So, what exactly should you be sharing with your partners, and how much? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what is reasonable to keep to yourself and what should be revealed in sexual relationships. Specifically, they discuss what to reveal and what to keep private about your sexual health; sexual history, number of partners, and past sexual behavior; history of infidelity and expectations of monogamy; masturbation and porn viewing habits; sexual fantasies; and past sexual trauma and abuse.   

Unsolicited "dick pics" have become ubiquitous in popular culture. Pretty much any woman who tries online dating inevitably ends up receiving her share of unwanted images of men's genitalia. So, why are men so keen on sharing photos of their penises with unsuspecting women? In this episode of the Get Sex-Smart podcast, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the most common reasons why men like to send dick pics, and the pros and cons of doing so in dating situations. EPISODE NOTES https://www.refinery29.com/why-men-send-nude-dick-pictures https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/los-angeles/we-sent-a-preemptive-v-pic-before-dudes-could-send-dick-pics-heres-what-happened http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/30873/1/the-woman-turning-unsolicited-dick-pics-into-art    

Many dating experts specializing in heterosexual relationships believe that women should make men wait before having sex for the first time. Some believe that withholding sex creates a challenge so many men crave and increases a woman's value; others say that securing a commitment from a man before rewarding him with sex leads to a more secure relationship. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take on this type of dating advice; discuss what possible consequences it may have for these couples' sex lives; and give their own view of how first time sex should be handled in new relationships.  EPISODE NOTES: Ted Talk by Al Vernacchio, "Sex Needs a New Metaphor" https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one

Having an active sex life with our partners often has a positive effect on our relationships. But did you know that having sex can help you perform better at work? In a recent study published in the Journal of Management, researchers found that when employees had sex at home, they reported feeling good at work the next day, as well as feeling more engaged and performing better. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a closer look at the study and discuss its potential for improving both our work lives and our sex lives.  EPISODE NOTES: From the Bedroom to the Office study: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0149206317698022?journalCode=joma Swedish sex leave for workers story: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/world/europe/sweden-sex-leave-town.html  

Sex-positive comprehensive sex education is rare in many places in the world, including the United States. For those of us trying to have sexual relationships, this means just doing our best and hoping it works. Unfortunately, our best often comes from porn, which was never designed to be an accurate representation of what sex actually looks like. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about seven types of sex "moves" or behaviors, many of which men learn from porn, which end up turning women off in a big way and getting those guys "banned".    

This year marks the 20th anniversary of Viagra, an erectile dysfunction drug that revolutionized the pharmaceutical industry and changed our sex lives forever. But is Viagra actually good for our sex lives? The answers may surprise you. Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the positive and negative sides of Viagra, and share their ideas on how to incorporate Viagra into your sex life for maximum benefit. 

Surrogate partner therapy isn't very well known to the general public, aside from receiving the Hollywood treatment in the movie "The Sessions". In truth, surrogate partner therapy can be an extremely effective and powerful healing modality for people suffering from a variety of relationship, intimacy and sexuality challenges. In this episode, Dr. Valeria interviews Andrew Heartman, IPSA certified surrogate partner, about what surrogate partner therapy really is about and how it can help us improve our sex lives.  EPISODE NOTES: IPSA: http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/ Andrew Heartman's website: http://surrogatepartner.us/   Human Awareness Institute: https://www1.hai.org/ This Is Life with Lisa Ling (CNN series), Episode "Sexual Healing" (Season 4, Episode 1) https://www.cnn.com/shows/this-is-life-with-lisa-ling  

Infidelity is one of the most painful, divisive and contested relationship topics out there. With high rates of self-reported cheating, it is a very real problem that affects a lot of people. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss eight common reasons why people cheat (according to a new study); why these reasons are so common; and how we can navigate the complex world of relationships to better deal with the threat of infidelity. EPISODE NOTES: 8 Main Reasons Why People Cheat (article): https://www.lehmiller.com/blog/2018/2/16/these-are-the-8-main-reasons-people-cheat  

Many of us go through extended periods of time without partner sex for a variety of reasons: getting over a breakup, a personal loss, or just having a hard time meeting the right person. When we do meet someone we want to have sex with, getting back in that proverbial saddle can feel very stressful and anxiety-provoking. In this episode, Dr. Valeria shares five keys to feeling less anxious and more confident about having sex again after a long time without a partner. 

It seems like every week now there is a new and exciting discovery happening in the field of sexuality. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the five most recent sex-related innovations that are promising to be helpful, interesting, and even a bit controversial. The innovations include a new online STI testing app; a streaming-based online sex ed school; an invention that aims to normalize sexual desire by applying electro-stimulation to the brain; and two groundbreaking sex toys.  EPISODE NOTES: Biem, STI testing app: http://biemteam.com O.school: https://www.o.school BrainStim by Liberos: https://liberoscenter.com/brainstim-2/  Eva II, hands-free vibrator: https://www.dameproducts.com/products/eva b-Vibe rimming plug: https://www.bvibe.com/vibrating-anal-toys/rimming-plug-2.html      

Microcheating is a term that has recently become popular on social media. It refers to a pattern of seemingly small behaviors that indicate that your partner may be excessively focused on someone else (emotionally or physically). But is microcheating really a thing that we should be concerned about? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin share their opinions on microcheating, its validity, and what it may mean for our intimate relationships. 

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break, and in this first episode of the new year Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin say goodbye to 2017 with a list of their favorite sex-related scientific discoveries and events that took place last year. They also share their favorite Get Sex-Smart episodes of 2017 and offer tips on making successful sexual resolutions for the New Year.  

Virginity is a controversial topic in our society, and many people who never had partner sex feel anxious about losing their virginity. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what is problematic about virginity; the feelings of shame and anxiety many virgins experience; and how virgins can start having enjoyable and fun partner sex.  EPISODE NOTES: Scarleteen, an excellent sex ed resource: http://www.scarleteen.com

Pegging is a sexual activity that can be both extremely pleasurable and very intimate. Many men and women are curious about pegging but also feel unsure and anxious about trying it. In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what pegging is, how to make it pleasurable, how to overcome anxiety and concerns around pegging, how to discuss pegging with your partner, and more.  EPISODE NOTES: In addition to this episode, we recommend Ep. 47 (Anal Sex, part 1); Ep. 54 (Anal Sex, part 2); and Ep. 73 (Sex Toys for Men). The information in these episodes will help you create an amazing pegging experience.   

Many couples face challenges around sexual compatibility, including differences in libido, eroticism, and sexual fantasies and preferences. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the problem of erotic incompatibility, when one partner's sexual fantasies, fetish or turn ons are different from those of the other partner. We discuss how to manage complicated emotions around erotic incompatibility, ways of communicating and negotiating, and possible solutions. 

Studies show that about 8% to 10% of adult population describe themselves as virgins. Partners of virgins often feel the pressure to make first-time sex as good as possible. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about the concept of virginity; what difficulties and anxieties can come with being an adult virgin; how partners of virgins can overcome their own concerns and anxieties about sexual performance; and how to make sure both partners have amazing and pleasurable first-time sex. 

Traditionally, sex toys have been the domain of women. These days though, men are increasingly interested in trying sex toys for their own pleasure, and the market offers a great variety of products. In this episode, Dr. Valeria interviews guest Katy Zvolerin, PR Director for Adam & Eve, a popular online seller of adult products. We discuss why sex toys for men are becoming more popular; the variety of products available - from the simplest and most expensive to more advanced; prostate stimulation, pegging, and more; and finally, our advice on how to use sex toys both solo and with a partner to bring more pleasure and variety into your sex life.  EPISODE NOTES: To get 50% and free shipping on one item at www.adamandeve.com, use the promo code SEXSMART at checkout.

Many men who struggle with dating and relationships think that being a "Nice Guy" is the key to getting the girl. Unfortunately, this strategy often ends up delivering disappointing results. On today's episode, guest Harris O'Malley, aka Dr. Nerdlove, chats with Dr. Valeria about the side effects of the "Nice Guy" stereotype, and how having a "Nice Guy" mindset can seriously sabotage a man's chances at a happy and fulfilling sex life. EPISODE NOTES: Find Harris O'Malley at: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/ Get Harris's books at: http://www.doctornerdlove.com/books/

In the recent weeks, the #MeToo movement swept over social media in the wake of the Weinstein sexual harassment scandal. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss why the movement is so important; share their own perspectives on #MeToo; and make the argument that the movement may have a great potential to heal and improve the intimate relationships between men and women. 

Today, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin are discussing the seven factors that contribute to men's sexual attractiveness, based on the sociologist Catherine Hakim's theory of erotic capital. We discuss physical beauty; liveliness; charm; physical presentation; social skills; sex appeal; and sexual competence. We also talk about how men can increase these factors to become more sexually attractive. 

According to a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research, many men seem to treat their female partners' orgasms as a confidence booster and a way to feel more masculine and successful. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and guest Sarah Martin discuss the reasons why men feel this way; how this treatment of female orgasms impacts women; and the potential consequences for sexual relationships. EPISODE NOTES: Study "Do Women's Orgasms Function as a Masculinity Achievement for Men?" http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2017.1283484

This may come as a surprise to many, but male erotica and pornography are incredibly popular among women. In fact, gay male pornography has been consistently at the top of the most searched pornography topics for women. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss what's behind this high level of interest; what it tells us about women's sexuality; and some of the good resources for those of you who are interested in exploring this genre. 

We often take it for granted that men always want sex and are always eager and ready for it. But is it true? Dr. Valeria and guest, sex and relationship wellness coach Jeanson Benoit, look at the top five surprising facts about men's sexual desire (according to a recent study that looked at heterosexual men in long-term relationships). These findings challenge our understanding of men's sexuality and reveal that male sexual desire isn't as simple as we thought.  EPISODE NOTES: Original study: A Qualitative Exploration of Factors That Affect Sexual Desire Among Men Aged 30 to 65 in Long-Term Relationships  

We're looking at a recent study published by Pornhub that complied 10 years of porn searches. Each year, different sexual fantasies seemed to be especially popular. Dr. Valeria and guest, sex coach Sarah Martin review the most popular searches on Pornhub and discuss what they say about our sexuality in this raunchy and hilarious episode.  EPISODE NOTES: Original article on The Cut: https://www.thecut.com/2017/06/pornhub-data-sexual-habits.html Soul Shaking Love online training (free): https://getsexsmart.com/soul Kinky Tips Blogfest (with prizes): https://getsexsmart.com/kinky  

Today, Dr. Valeria is answering a listener question. The listener enjoys her intimate relationship, but still has a hard time disengaging from everyday life and its many responsibilities, and feeling more sexy, confident, and open to intimacy. Dr. Valeria shares her tips and advice. 

For many women, being able to have an orgasm with a partner is a big challenge. Actually, most women have experienced a lack of orgasm during partner sex (especially intercourse), and this issue affects heterosexual women the most. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin look at some of the reasons why women have trouble having orgasms with partner sex, and what can be done to help women become more orgasmic with their partners.

In this new dating-focused episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about a common source of anxiety for a lot of people: the fear of coming across as "creepy". We talk about what defines creepy behavior; the difference between being creepy and socially awkward; and how not to come across as creepy in dating situations. 

This is a common situation: you make a sex or intimacy-related request of your partner; they seem to agree to it, but never actually follow through. You find yourself feeling frustrated, dismissed, and dissatisfied. In this episode, Dr. Valeria looks at some reasons why your sexual requests are going unfulfilled, and what you can do to improve the situation. 

When we talk about intimacy, we often talk about physical attractiveness and beauty as important factors for good sex. But just how important are our looks when it comes to creating fulfilling sex lives? Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin weigh in. 

Many of us struggle with feelings of distance and disconnect in our sexual relationships. Keeping the spark of passion and intimacy alive gets especially harder in long-term relationships. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Jeanson Benoit discuss five tips for creating a stronger sexual connection with your partner that will help you revitalize and strengthen your intimate relationship.

Faking orgasms is a well known phenomenon that has become part of popular culture over the years. But is it a good idea to fake? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin reveal who fakes orgasms (surprise: it's not just women); why we fake; what to do if you are the one faking; and what to do if you discover that your partner has been faking.  EPISODE NOTES: 2017 Faking Orgasms Study: https://www.entitymag.com/faking-orgasms-study/

Today, Dr. Valeria and her guest, sex coach Jeanson Benoit discuss the five things women secretly wish men did differently in sex. We talk about performance pressure; pleasure; sexual skills; pornography; what men absolutely need to focus on; ways in which men themselves - and the rest of us - need to give men a break; tips and strategies for better sex; and much more.  EPISODE NOTES: The Guide for Getting It On - book available on Amazon Dr. Valeria's Digital Sex Ed DVD Store: http://drvaleriachuba.com/store Jeanson Benoit's Website: https://www.thesexmechanic.com

A lot of dating advice being given these days also deals with sex and intimacy. And while some of it is accurate and well-intentioned, a lot of it is based on myths, false assumptions, and general sex-negativity. In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a look at five types of dating advice that not only won't help you have good sex now but can also have very negative consequences for your sexual relationship long-term. 

We often focus on the skills of the partner who is giving oral sex. But how we receive oral sex has a huge impact on our enjoyment of the act. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss five common mistakes that women make when receiving oral sex, which prevent them from experience the full range of pleasure and fulfillment. 

Dr. Valeria chats with relationship coach Valerie Greene about how balancing our male and female energies can help us create better relationships; how to become more magnetic to the masculine; and how to communicate your feelings in an authentic way.  EPISODE NOTES: Valerie Greene's free e-guide to Man-ifesting lasting love: http://www.coachvaleriegreene.com/eguide/

Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin are back with another anal sex episode. Today, we're sharing 5 advanced tips and techniques for taking anal sex to the next level. (Make sure to check out Episode 47, our first anal sex episode, which is a must-listen for anyone interested in exploring anal pleasure!) Sarah's website: www.goodsexlifestyle.com Dr. Valeria's website: www.drvaleriachuba.com Need to recharge your sex life? Get Dr. Valeria's FREE 5-Day Sex Life Reboot video course here: www.sexlifereboot.com    

Dr. Valeria and sexual empowerment coach and Tantra master Elise Carr discuss how the power of the yoni - heart - mind connection can heal women's sexuality and empower them for more creativity and happier lives. This episode is the last one in our 6 part series on sexuality and spirituality.  EPISODE NOTES Elise Carr's website: http://stellamuse.com Previous episode in this series:  Episode 1: http://bit.ly/2elj8pA Episode 2: http://bit.ly/2gcdq8I Episode 3: http://bit.ly/2qzLTqK Episode 4: http://bit.ly/2pFz8a3 Episode 5: http://bit.ly/2ngpAUL Need to recharge your sex life? Get Dr. Valeria's FREE 5-Day Sex Life Reboot video course here: www.sexlifereboot.com 

Dr. Valeria and her guest, sexologist and sex coach Jeanson Benoit, talk about some of the sexual behaviors and attitudes of women that men secretly hope women could change. This includes men wanting women to initiate sex more often; have more sexual desire; more body confidence; speak out about their sexual needs and desires; and be more open to experimentation. Dr. Valeria and Jeanson share their perspectives and give tips on how to create positive change that will benefit both men and women. Jeanson's website: www.thesexmechanic.com Need to recharge your sex life? Get Dr. Valeria's FREE 5-Day Sex Life Reboot video course here: www.sexlifereboot.com