Hold My Iced Coffee

In this episode, Jennifer Wheland shares her journey of dealing with her daughter's cancer. Join us for this vulnerable and encouraging interview which will connect you with her heart and give you hope for seeing a bigger purpose in all our struggles. The community of Mamas she talks about is exactly what God intends for all of our pain. When we are vulnerable with each other about our pain, it connects us to the painful human experience we all share. Some stories, like dealing with cancer are much tougher than others, but there is beauty in the connections we find. I hope you listen to this story, cry a little, (it shows your connection with the pain of others) laugh and take courage from this Mom's story and her heart for helping others on their journeys. You can support families in RI dealing with childhood cancer through the Tomorrow Fund Transcript: Welcome everyone to Hold My Iced Coffee podcast. We are very excited today. I'm just over the moon to have Jennifer Wheeland here. She is someone who… She's dancing. You can't see that right now, but she's someone who really refreshes. She refreshes the soul and you're going to get to experience that too. There's going to be a time of refreshing. She is high energy, but she's a wise soul and it just oozes out of her pores. You're gonna you're gonna love this so we're going to get right into it. She is, I know her through a mutual friend, Patty and she’s spoken so highly of you and I've I've gotten to see your if it's OK to say your I've heard some of your singing. I've heard you know who what you're all about and I've just loved it and I'm so glad that we can make contact with each other. We know that you are a Rockstar Mom, you are a musician, a singer and so talented and what you do. Talented events planner and we are in a great friend. You know someone who you would want to grab coffee with. And want to just know and say I am so thankful that you're in the world. You have such warmth and you know you took on a role. Jenn, that you never expected. So first we just want to say thank you and welcome to hold my ice coffee --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/cindy-felkel/message

Cindy shares a story of how she and her husband had the same argument for decades until she decided to "jump off of the hamster wheel" and try something different. She really listened! What she discovered has the power to change all of our relationships, even the way we see ourselves. It is also the hope of getting past the divisiveness in our country right now. We hope you will listen and join the conversation. We'd love to listen to what you have to say! Quotes: I can't fully listen to people without judgment and… or a defensiveness of myself if I don't understand how much God loves me. Or maybe I should say, the more I grow in understanding the better I get at being able to fully listen to people because. Like you know I said that thing about that. You don't throw…or that when people throw shit at you. It's because they're staying in a pile of it. Well, if we want to get rid of our own stuff, then it comes from our security being around how much God loves us. The more secure we are the less we need to defend ourselves. and the more it's OK to be uncomfortable with somebody else’s pain A friend of mine, her child died and it was tragic and it was incredibly hard. I was really surprised by some people's reactions to her daughter's death. Several people told me things like that they couldn't go to the funeral because it hurt them too much. There was too much fear for them to see a child that died because they had their own children. And I get that and I'm not trying to be too condemning of people for that. I was just surprised. It really made me think about, that a lot of people were afraid to reach out to my friend because of the fear of it happening to them. They didn't want to think about it. You know and it was hard. There's something in us when we see other people’s pain, there's a part of us that just reacts with this fear, to face whatever it is that that person is going through. We just want to be like that can't happen to me right? And the problem is, that when we feel like that can't happen to me, we make religious excuses that isolate that person in their pain. But they also hurt us because, we are going to experience pain. And we're going to have bad things that happen to us and make other people uncomfortable. And, if we think that denying it and you know, ignoring it somehow helps, or that's the appropriate way to shield ourselves from that fear, we miss out on the connection with each other. We also miss out on God's heart for this world when we are suffering. And I just really believe the more that we know that, the more we can walk through other people's pain with them. And it's a beautiful honor. Every time somebody shares their pain with me, it's not easy. But it's just… it's so incredible and I think it helps to understand that people push us away during our pain from… because of their own fear. But it also helps us confront it in ourselves, that none of that is from God. I mean he never promised. You know, like any of these horrible things, he never promised that he would free us from life. He said he would give us fullness and walk with us through all of those problems. Whatever comes our way. Then we get to comfort other people with the comfort he gave us. And so. All of that goes back to deeply listening to people. And we don't have to have the answer…to 38:00 fix anything, we just get to be there and kind of just listen and understand. Because fixing anything… that's God's job. The article I referred to about how we are not as far apart as we think. https://perceptiongap.us/ --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/cindy-felkel/message

People think of self-compassion as soft. Instead, it is how we treat ourselves — and our kids are watching. Cindy and Elaina delve into how being created in the image of God and having inherent value transforms our parenting. Self-compassion helps us and our kids be more successful, at peace and take more risks. So how do we do that? They share 3 “Hold My Iced Coffee Sips” to help us practice self-compassion in parenting. --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/cindy-felkel/message

Hold My Iced Coffee - Wesley Pennington Interview Show NotesIn this episode, we had the pleasure of interviewing Sgt. Wesley Pennington, an army veteran, RI State Trooper, winning high school football coach, President of Rally Point Men’s Ministries, a men’s Pastor at Sacred Exchange Fellowship in East Greenwich, RI, and husband to the talented Marissa Pennington. Fatherhood and parenthood are close to his heart; he has two beautiful daughters (one 6 months old!) and believes parents play a crucial role in today’s society. “Unfortunately, we’ve lost the ability to father. How can we expect men to be fathers when they don’t have those role models?” Sgt. Pennington explains how he had the vision to create Rally Point Ministries to encourage and reenergize men to turn back to their families and the Lord. He also explores what inspired him to become a state trooper. Wesley honestly addresses the question: how can we talk to our kids about what is going on in the world?Wesley also reveals how he has personally been affected by seeing the racism, trauma (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, BLM protests, etc.) and discord in our country. As he has wrestled with the many “parts” inside him, Wesley has a unique perspective. He identifies with being an african American man, being a police officer and a pastor; he experienced this firsthand as he worked as an officer during June’s second protests in Providence, RI. With all the pain and frustration, he sees the key to transformation as God’s love and loving others. Wesley powerfully portrays that individuals seeing a person as a fellow human being with feelings, pain and struggles can stop misjudgements and bring healing to people. “We’ve lost the human touch. We may be brown or black in color, white in color, yellow in color, but underneath that skin, we’re all human, we’re all the same. God made us all the same and expects us to have that love and respect for each other. Empathy opens up communication.” Wesley reminds us, “Jesus said, ‘Love your God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.’” As an officer, every day while doing his job with excellence, he still puts himself in someone else’s shoes to try and understand their human emotions. He explores how the Church needs to be intentional, refusing to say “this is not my problem,” or staying comfortable in our setting. When we encounter those who are different from us, our love can increase and racism is broken down. Wesley advocates for confronting and changing our implicit bias as individuals (some that we might not even understand), and he is hopeful that we can grow closer to Jesus and innovate, finding new ways to think about the issue of racism with intentionality and humility. Wesley believes God is throwing out the old playbook; he sees hope. Wesley also unpacks rage vs. anger. Cindy brings up abusers’ anger over reacting to hurt. “If we have love, these things don’t happen. God says to all of us, I’ve put you here to help solve this issue, no matter how complex or uncomfortable.” Wesley, Cindy and Elaina talk about how Jesus is the one who loves us unconditionally and empowers us to show value and love to others, which may mean doing the hard, right thing. “We can come together in love, even if we disagree on some points, and listen to each other and maybe even have a change of thought. Maybe if we saw more humility, we would see less abuse.” -Wesley PenningtonWesley organized and moderated an amazingly insightful round table discussion Rally Point Men’s Talk called REDEFINED about race, how we can approach what’s going on in the world and bring change. Panelists include Bishop Jeffrey Williams, Pastor Donovan Woodruff, Pastor Tony Palow, Mike Caparelli of Unmuted Ministries (who we interviewed on Hold My Iced Coffee,) and Pastor Frank Reedy. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXtzQtSa810&feature=emb_err_woytRally Point Men’s Ministry Website: http://www.rallypointmensministries.org/

Sheila talks about how she felt when she found out about George Floyd being killed during his arrest. She texted her husband and said, they killed another one of us.We need to take time and grieve with the black community over how much hurt they feel.Covid19 was already a huge factor stressing her community because so many people lost their jobs without hope of them coming back.In addition, there are many issues with health care and black people not getting the same treatment as others.Sheila wants to encourage people to be involved through volunteering in black communities, voting, volunteering in the schools, giving to legal defense funds,She said, we don’t want to feel less than, we want to be believed, loved, and to feel human.She discusses problems with the police force and the way they are trained. For more on those issues, check out this link Police trainingGeorge Floyd is just one highly publicized tragedy, there are many others black communities are grieving. Including Breonna TaylorBreonna TaylorCheck out Sheila’s podcast here Little Novice

Messy Peace, Gritty Hope: Cindy’s bookHow can we hang onto hope when life is messier than we ever thought? Co-host and author Cindy Felkel shares why it was so important that she revise her book “Rum and Cola For the Soul: Stories Of Messy Peace and Gritty Hope,” and how the journey -- and stories -- forever changed her life and her readers.Show notes:Cindy sat in her driveway crying, “God, why am I revising my book?” The whole journey started after a breakdown after she left teaching. She was so tired, she needed rum and cola for her soul, something to calm her down then something to keep her going. That became a symbol. After she wrote her book, people said they found it discouraging. She had a driving force that said she had to look for what’s missing, then she had a meltdown. “This is the dumbest marketing strategy ever to release a book then to revise it,” she thought, but she wanted to find what she missed. Now it’s released.The original title was “Rum and Cola for the Survivor’s Soul,” but afterwards she thought “that title makes it sound like that is for people with severe trauma.” Cindy says: these are stories for everyone. Messy peace example is Cindy having anxiety, and a person saying, “Oh if you had faith you wouldn’t have anxiety.” However, Cindy can be having a panic attack and still know God is going to help her, and have peace in the middle of extreme messiness. Gritty hope isn’t based on “I’m never going to have problems,” rather, in the middle of working with trauma survivors, she says there is hope beyond the mess that’s right in front of us. So don’t ever say to Cindy, “If you have faith it will all work out.”In the book description, Cindy recounts how she yelled at someone (as a church greeter) to “shut the eff up” when he gave her a pat answer and kept pressing her, exposed deep hurt, then said, “You need to have faith.” It’s a sacred space when someone reveals their hurt. A glib answer doesn’t bring more peace. That’s where we are in the middle of COVID-19. It looks messy for all of us, for a friend who is a single mom, who got time by herself outside for the first time in 8 weeks.How can we have peace? There’s lots of fear -- for finances, future, we all feel that in different ways. Jesus never said, follow me and nothing bad will ever happen to you. In the middle of the storm, He said, “Don’t be afraid.” There's more, He showed that “when you follow me, I’m going to bring something out of this storm.”One of the hardest things for Cindy is that one of her sons plans to be “career military.” He said, “Mom, don’t pray for me to be safe, if I am, I’m not doing my job and not being a leader.” He’s still her baby boy. It reminded Cindy that our greatest purpose is not sitting closed off from the world but doing things that bring meaning and purpose, and there is peace that comes from sitting with Jesus and seeing a much bigger picture of your life.Ephesians 3:16: NLT. “I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.”God has unlimited resources for us. When we're in Him, He will fill us, yet life will still be messy. It meant so much to me Elaina to read that recently, as a single mom with days stretching before her. “I don’t have the resources for it. God does.” Gritty hope.We spend so much time doing things for God, but He says spend time with me and let me empower you. Cindy discovered this last summer. When she truly sits and reads God’s word, prays for how God sees us, and stays aware of Jesus’ presence in her life, she gains value for who she is, instead of “you need to fit in this mold and shut up.” Jesus wants to empower the good parts of us, and we can value the beauty in othersIn one story in her book, Cindy talks about a Christian homeless woman who will never live in a nice house and have an HGTV show; she enjoys life, she is so encouraging of the people around her, still being exactly where God wants her to be.Cindy’s story that stands out: she loves seeing the stories of Jesus. Favorite: Jesus was at the house of one of the Pharisees having a debate on washing rituals, but Jesus ignores it all. A woman comes in who was known as a sinful woman. How little opportunity she would have had to change. Jesus said, “Go in peace,” go in a right relationship with God. What would she do to make a living after being a prostitute? Go face your mess in a right relationship with God.When she worked in a strip club ministry, Cindy was frustrated with the other volunteers who said, “They could do something else.” Have you ever tried to restart your life after addiction with no education, no family support -- what kind of job are you going to find? Cindy couldn’t even find a job outside of teaching with tons of support!Things are messy but God sees us in a way people may overlook.Stress in Elaina’s life: my daughters and I get on the floor and “hug it out,” like the trolls! There are still worries about facing relationship conflict, finances, but there is peace in the midst of that. It’s not all worked out, but that’s why it passes understanding, just like Cindy values people enough to write their stories.What’s amazing is that Cindy grew up with the teaching that if she followed certain rules, or stayed in “the bubble” of safety through following Jesus, her life would work out. Her move to Rhode Island from the South felt like her family was getting torn apart. Some problems were “acceptable,” like finances, but she wanted her family to be close. When Cindy’s plans for going on the mission field fell apart and she ended up feeling frustrated and resentful, she buried it all. Ironically, 11 years later, she said breaking down and going through trials individually made her family stronger and more resilient, and closer today. God gave her the exact thing she wanted in her heart. It took breaking down the idea that following Jeus meant a comfortable, easy middle-class life. It was so much better her sons questioned when they were younger, it made them stronger.Another time she was planting a tree for her granddaughter, who almost died twice, and there were no answers, but Cindy was scared that planting a tree meant it was a memorial. She yelled at God, “You can’t take my granddaughter!” It was honest, raw and not nice. Suddenly she felt God's presence: “Why do you think you love her more than I do?” Cindy was frustrated “because God loves me yet was not fixing this.”That’s when Cindy wrestled with being resentful about her family’s experience: you can’t manipulate God to get out of hard times, sickness, uncertainty, even death.God is with us. Why do we think there’s a bubble of safety? We have peace that rises above that, no matter what happens or what the news says or what politicians do or say next.Cindy loves talking one on one with people about her book. Intimate and personal. She wants to go around to festivals and meet readers. So write her a message, leave her feedback, she wants to hear from you! She wants to build a community and conversations, and wants to continue that with our Hold My Iced Coffee community.We need the ability to say, these stories aren’t just for one person. Cindy wants to share the beauty of knowing this Jesus. The resurrection means every story of how Jesus interacted with people is still alive. How does he feel about the mess you made of your life? It’s in a story in the Bible. Read it and see how much He adores us?Cindy’s book is beautifully written and brings stories to life; she has compassion for people, especially those who have gone through trauma. And that’s all of us.Whatever is going to happen in this messy world, we can have hope!Book link: Rum and Cola for the Soul: Stories of Messy Peace and Gritty Hope

Hold My Iced Coffee Podcast Show Notes.“Everything is Going According to Plan, Said No One Ever” - CoronaVirus EditionCindy is excited our podcast is moving in kind of a new direction -- which came from a Hold My Iced Coffee moment she had. She realized she wasn’t valuing her own and Elaina’s stories. We still love sharing guest’s stories, but we’re also going to focus on Cindy and Elaina’s real stories and value how we can share God’s encouragement and journeys with you, our listeners. It’s not always going to be super polished. It’s real and this is what God’s given us to share. Cindy wants to share from who we really are - not compare. “Compare leads to despair.” Cindy kept trying to be someone else. She wants to be authentic. “I like who we are, what we’re doing, it’s empowering and encouraging.”A lot has changed since our last podcast! We’re recording March 9, 2020, in a time of masks, covid, social distancing, homeschooling, Easter week, incredible suffering and yet joy. We’re excited you’re coming on the journey with us and we want to hear from you.Cindy introduces the concept of being kind to ourselves from the book she is reading, “Self Compassion” by Dr. Kristin Neff. We have a notion that this is overindulgent. However, it’s learning to value and treat yourself as you would treat a friend. It sounds simple, but it is empowering. The self-esteem movement is about comparing ourselves, being better than average, and that devalues people. Self compassion says, “I am worthy of compassion because I exist.” God says, when I created people, “It was very good.” Yes we have a sin nature, but we were created to be very good as in the image of God -- it starts with loving ourselves. It is not narcissistic, but the self-esteem movement says my value comes from being better than you. It teaches me how to value you. Or insecurity, I’m less than.Cindy has found it playing out in real life -- she’s given herself space to be sad. “I struggle with anxiety and depression, and the minute I admit that I get afraid.” She shuts down sad emotions, but saying this is hard about losses helps. She just sits in the morning, reads her Bible and cries. She misses her friends and seeing her grandkids 3 times a week. Many have bigger losses but her losses are real. Then she can share it with other people. Not stuffing it so it keeps popping up and leading to more depression.Elaina: I had a memory of being in a hard place and didn’t want to be kind to myself to let myself sleep, punishing myself, and I experienced a lack of peace. I talked to my friend Pattie who said, “Are you going to let my friend Elaina go to sleep?” It was powerful; I realized that I don’t treat myself as a friend. I’m a single mom of a 7 and 9 year old, it’s a lot, and I constantly feel I’m behind the curve. Why aren’t I reaching out to 20 people a day, doing a new workout routine, etc? God does want us to have grace for ourselves. If I’m not beating myself up, it will lead to self compassion, what can i do? I can go for a walk. You are loved, maybe you can do something. People do feel isolated. This is one thing people can do today to help us be kinder to ourselves.Cindy says we can reach goals by giving ourselves a break if we miss a workout. “Why would you do something that leads to you punishing yourself?” Versus, I love myself and I'm going to do something to take care of myself. What would you say to a friend? You wouldn't say - there’s no hope for you. Journal, ask, Jesus, what would you say to me? If it’s nothing but negative, that’s not Jesus. God adores you. It’s empowering, God gives us gifts we hide from the world, she wants to work out to have stronger lungs.Cindy shares the transformational power of the gratitude journal. It’s not overwhelming. She did not want to get out of bed last week. She took an old notebook. She writes 10 things she is thankful for - specific things, like her granddaughter and how she likes to sing. It resets our brains to focus on positives. Our brains are wired on negatives to protect us, what’s dangerous? But it doesn’t protect us, it makes us negative. Cindy was struggling last week “The only reason I was getting up was for coffee because I had caffeine headaches.” She has good things in her life and she is going to celebrate them. Empowering. Write it on your refrigerator, poster, physically writing it helps. Graffiti a wall if you need to! Kids can get involved too. Cindy is thankful she is more free expressing herself! If you come eat with her you’ll understand! A connection, someone understood. She loves the sound of crickets, they remind her of camping and it is emotional. Represents family time, nature, vacations.Elaina - what would she write in her journal? Doesn’t negate the hard things. Finding treasure in the wreckage. A neighbor of mine has covid and he is thankfully getting better. When I got divorced he took me and the girls to Olive Garden. They were like 5 and 3. He said, what is it you want to do in writing? Really helped me develop my skills and was a profound encouragement in a devastating time, also a friend to my family.Elaina is thankful for homeschooling working single moms - they are another level of superheroes. First day of homeschooling I was a mess, both girls sharing my computer I needed to write with, and my daughter said “Best day ever!” She was happy to be with her mom. It blew me away. Sometimes it’s the little things. I hope they remember the ice cream sandwiches, doing a puzzle, movies past bedtime, walks to pick chrysanthemums, laying on a blanket in the sun listening to meditative music Gianna put on, Annabelle riding her bike around the tennis courts at our condo shrieking “Freedom!” Gianna bragging, “I get to do school work in my bed!” My dad joked that she’s ready for college. So many really blessed moments. We can jot down those small things we’re grateful for. We can implement the gratitude journal today along with self compassion.Cindy says we are so hard on ourselves, it keeps us from seeing beauty in small moments. “Dare to slack. Lower the bar.” It’s ok if you need to cry. She used to beat herself up for crying in front of her kids. When his son was in an argument with his brother, he pulled out a toddler Bible and a journal - this is what mom does during a breakdown. They knew mom was a real person and gave them freedom to know they’ll get through. College students lost their whole community.This week my friend Dr. Bethany McKinney Fox, a pastor of Beloved Everybody church in LA, posted a prayer for single moms and how we could help them - even Facetime with their kids so they can get something done. I was blown away. It helped me feel compassion for myself. She offered that and I was so amazed and touched at that practical help. My mom is an incredible help to me every day, not every single mom has access to their parents. Also, Cindy offered to have us come play in your yard as we social distance, and even though we can’t now I’m going to take you up on that. We want to go to Beloved Everybody Church!Marriage in a time of quarantine! Cindy got the idea to post youtube videos of her and Brian because it’s been a challenge. He is an introvert, she is an extrovert. Now that he works from home, he’s talking more, she feels more isolated, he’s in her space, she has almost no outlet, she wants to physically be in a friend’s presence. She wants to focus on what’s funny, at least someone will laugh. Go watch the first one they did, some of her son’s ministry students watched it and Cindy and Brian were being inappropriate - her son was horrified. To laugh has brought them together. Brian is sharing his wisdom with younger people. Reach out and send them questions. More funny things coming through the pipeline! She has strange thoughts, like wondering about DIY bides. A twisted sense of humor makes us look at life differently.How can the kindness of God help us to be kind to even one other person a day? A message, text, call, pick something up for someone, a prayer, instacart it to their house. leading up to Easter week, Elaina wonders if the disciples felt like they were finally going toward something, a climax, then nothing went as they planned. Everything fell apart. Jesus was crucified. That wasn’t the end of the story. This is not how we planned our April. God brings the most beautiful things out of the hardest things in life.Cindy has been blogging about the book of John. It is John’s reflection of Jesus’ story years later after John saw the destruction of the temple, massacred people and the other disciples were killed. “The light has come into the world and darkness has not overcome it.” What did John know about Jesus? How do we know what John knew even in the darkness? The darkness is there but the light is still at work.Stay safe, be kind to yourself, and we’ll hold your iced coffee from 6 feet away.Links:Cindy’s blog:Cindy and Brian’s youtube videos: Cindy’s Youtube ChannelBeloved Everybody Church: https://www.belovedeverybody.org/Self Compassion book: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-kristin-neff/

In this episode, I begin with talking about Elaina’s struggles as a single mom working from home, while also balancing home public schooling while confined to her condo because Rhode Island has closed all of the parks.I share a prayer for all of us as we face issues surrounding the corona virus. I pray that we lean into God and depend on him for comfort and strength. That we don’t give in to fear and we love our neighbors well. 3 things people need to know before they listen to this podcast.1. I have a unique perspective on things. I am sharing a story of dealing with extreme grief as a story of hope for facing the corona virus. 2. I believe laughter and tears are both holy ways to unite ourselves with other people as we face the struggles of life. I think we should do both a lot. As we face the struggles of the corona virus, I love the laughter about toilet paper issues. I also am laughing at myself for being obsessed with no one seeing how much gray hair I have.3. Southerners LOVE fried chicken. Perhaps more than Northerners love iced coffee.As I start the interview with Hannah we share funny stories about Aunt CindyHannah grew up as a pastor’s child in a conservative home with a lot of support. Since she was very young, she has journaled to God and signed the entries, Love Hannah.Her senior year of high school, a close friend that she had grown up with was a victim of suicide. Hannah had never experienced such a deep loss before. She went to counseling. Christians often struggle with thinking it is ok to go to counseling, but it is an important tool.Hannah felt betrayed by God and she hated him. She realized she felt like she needed someone to blame and when she wasn’t blaming God, she was blaming herself.Hannah leaned on her friends who worked with her at Chick-fil-a for help getting through this time. She had tons of memories and triggers at work because she had worked with her friend there.Her friends let her cry as much as she needed to. It was never anything anyone said that helped her. Just people being there for her as she grieved,The lessons she learned through processing grief and venting all of those feelings onto God proved his faithfulness to her. She believes this applies to whatever happens with the corona virus because we can trust that God will be with us. It is not about us deserving his faithfulness. It is about how much he adores us.During this time, we want to share resources with you to help. You can schedule free life coaching sessions with me at ourjourneysmatter.com Free Life Coaching SessionI will also be offering free audio versions of my book at our website holdmyicedcoffee.com

What happens when we’re challenged in life beyond what we think we can bear? How do we handle the unthinkable? For guest Amanda, she faced a situation she never thought she would -- her son was born at 24 weeks, weighing only 14 ounces. Listen to her honesty and grace in how she valued herself in her crisis -- and how she saw God in the midst of her and Owen’s story, including dating. We also explore how we can share hope with those who may not have experienced the same outcomes.Cindy share her struggles in processing this interview because after having a miscarriage she was told she should be over it three weeks later.Cindy discusses how Americans don’t know what to do with grief.Grieving together binds us together.Cindy remembers the call she got for her friend Amanda and sitting in the hospital hallway, waiting to hear what would happen with OwenAmanda, a teacher, was excited to be pregnant and was due in April. She was having lots of swelling; open heeled shoes were a must.At 23 weeks in a snowstorm she was transferred to a hospital an hour away with preeclampsia in the second trimester, she was in shock.She had her son Owen on Jan 3, 2010, in an emergency C-section. She started to convulse; 10 min after she delivered she almost died.Born 24 weeks, her son was only 14 ounces, and 10 inches long! He had a five percent chance of living. One day at a time.“When can I take him home?” The nurse said, “Not for a very long time.” Seeing him struggle to breathe was one of the hardest parts.Today when she thinks, “I’m frustrated,” she looks at the picture of her holding Owen, and she reflects, “Those were bad days, not today.”Her son could fit in her two hands at a month old, which was the first time she held him; he was in an isolette for five months, had a trach for 2 years.How did she get through this? Her parents drove through a blizzard 6 hours, her dad said, we need a theme: With God all things are possible, and he wrote it on her son’s isolette. She is still in touch with nurses.Amanda saw God’s faithfulness in just being able to get up and get a shower.She lived in the Ronald McDonald House for around 7 months. She would go back and cry every night, grieving, and holding him she shed little tears for this tiny tiny baby.According to March of Dimes, for whom she volunteered, Owen is still among the smallest surviving thriving babies - he was the size of a 23-week old baby.Bigger babies did not survive. When she came back, other micro-babies were gone, she is thankful, as Owen could have suffered so much worse.How do we share hope with those who may not have gotten the same outcome as her son? She uses the story with her students, teaching at a Bible College, she never thought she would have a 14 ounce baby, be divorced, going through struggle, she is way more compassionate than she would ever have been, and encourages students to remain faithful, God can make something beautiful out a mess. Her relationship with the Lord is what got her through, but it’s still a struggle. Her ex-husband has released custody and her current husband is going to adopt Owen. How could he reject his own son?Amanda married this incredible man, he calls Owen his son, says I love you. Two daughters are excited. Full picture of what Christ has done for us, beautiful story of the redemption of God who sent his own son to die for us.Supporting kids with autism and ADHD, be as inclusive as possible, she doesn’t hold back. When he was young she took Owen to a mall lugging oxygen, lots of equipment, looking like a sideshow but it’s important for her to get him in as many activities like swim lessons, piano, he loves the water, jacuzzis, amusement parks, getting him a full life.Amanda valued herself and son through dating after divorce. She grieved the loss of her marriage, not necessarily her ex. Who is going to come into my life and be super special with dealing with a child with special needs? She had to tell dates, “My son may live with me for the rest of my life.” Met people all online, busy professional, had her son 100 percent of the time, her dates had baggage, then she met Brian. She almost had to have higher standards as a mom of a special-needs child.Who is holding her iced coffee? It was very difficult for her parents, her mom, she became a second mom, having to change her grandson’s airway, helped them move in to a new house, her mom would support her. Owen is who he is because of their sacrifice.Example of scraping the rearview mirror - her husband showed so much grace, when things get crazy, he has a great perspectiveGoals for 2020, get a hold of long-term prognosis for Owen, building a strong relationship with her step-daughters, she’ getting her PhD. She wants to enjoy her kids who are 10,12, and 16, and make lots of memories and make the most of this time.

Bio: Michael Caparrelli has been a pastor for 16 years, starting at North Providence Assembly of God. He is founding pastor of Sacred Exchange Fellowship in East Greenwich, RI. Mike is the author of a phenomenal book, “Pen Your Pain Into Parables,” a speaker, advocate, and founder of Unmuted, an organization that gives people back their voice.He finished his PhD coursework in Behavioral Science with an emphasis upon Addiction Psychology. Currently, he’s a keynote speaker in churches, schools and other venues across the nation on subjects such as depression, addiction, grief, early childhood trauma, etc.Mike’s book “Pen Your Pain into Parables” is a tool for recovery if you struggle with any type of pain or trauma from the past. The book is a tool to help get unstuck from yesterday. It is founded on the idea there is a God who loves you, and combines narrative therapy and EMDR, a therapy that shows “we have to deal with unprocessed memories and interpret our past in a redemptive way to have more confidence to face the future.”Mike wrote the book after a 3-4 year crisis that took him on a journey. He went through grief of a marriage ending, a heart attack, and a young mother in the church passed away from addiction. He started to look at his whole life and things were getting darker. He read Psalm 71: “From the days of my youth, you have been with me.” He realized, “looking back I didn’t see a trail of blood but footprints in the sand. God has been there the whole time.”We develop a problem-saturated narrative -- you look back and all you see is pain. “Pain consumes our attention and jades our perspective, and if you’re not careful, all you can see is darkness.”During that crisis, “God came into my dark world. He changed the narrative, flipped the script.” Mike wrote parables, or stories of his life, on Facebook. He took a second look at those dark moments and saw they worked out as part of God’s story.Cindy: “We need to rethink how we’re hearing God.” Cindy did a Bible study with a woman who saw everything in her life as a judgement from God, condemning. Cindy: “I promise you God adores you! Sometimes we can’t see that we’re reading the Bible wrong.”MC: “Pain skews our perspective.” Illustration: Suppose you are sitting at your favorite beach, with your favorite people, eating and drinking your favorite things, it’s the perfect day. But if you have a toothache throbbing, all you focus on is the toothache; all the blessings are overlooked. “Emotional pain works like physical pain. Pain hijacks our attention. It takes retrospection with the help of the Holy Spirit to realize there was more to the story than just pain and Jesus was right there.” We can put those painful memories into perspective so they no longer haunt us.That past data is critical to how we are going to view the future. Our brain is a predictive engine. If past data is skewed, or problem-saturated, what I get is what I expect. Cindy: Foster kids act out because that’s what they know. Overcoming trauma is hard to do if we don’t know how much God truly values everything about us.Mike was inspired to start Unmuted, an organization that gives victims back their voices, because until age 6, he was impeded from opening his mouth because of shame, which takes away our voices, along with adversity and trauma. Then he came out of his shell, and he was more freed, even in his 40’s. When shame takes over, his voice, the thing God gave him to glorify him, goes away. Losing our voice affects our ability to ask for help. You have not because you ask not. Henry Ford said: “We get what we ask for,” which takes courage. We lose the power to profess, generate and create when we lose our voice. Trauma takes our identity. Mark 7:35 says that when Jesus healed a man, “At this, the man’s ears were opened, and his tongue was loosed.” Jesus heals us and our voices are given back. Unmuted is about giving victims their voices back.Was there a parable that was hardest to write? For Mike, it was the parable that was omitted from the unofficial second version about a family member. He edited it out about their experience; they had second thoughts about him sharing it. Some of the greatest pain we suffer is the pan of others: we feel powerless in that pain. Countless studies have shown that caretakers’ grief is greater than those they take care of -- the stress, tension they feel. He felt the most powerless and vulnerable because it was about someone he loved.Cindy has to ask God to show His light at work when she’s cared so much about people and grieved.Quote: “When you frame your painful past the right way, the most tragic moments become valuable artifacts.” Reframing so those flashbulb moments don’t lug the chains into the next decade.Elaina took Mike’s first Parables Workshop last fall. She got to read one of my 4 parables in church with Pastor Mike standing next to her, and it was one of the best moments of 2019, knowing he was supporting her. Our testimonies can help others in the future. Elaina: “The book totally changed my perspective on painful events that have happened to me.”Elaina’s favorite parable Mike wrote was the “Belly button one!” He was a little boy ashamed of his belly button, a normal part of his body. Mike’s parable shows us how we don’t need to be ashamed of normal things. Whenever he posted a new parable on FB, Elaina stopped what she was doing to read it!Mike shares a scientifically proven way to put shame in the right place.If we understand how trauma is filed in the brain, the book makes sense and it can be effective. “When we go through trauma, it is not filed in prefrontal cortex but it’s stored in the subcortex beneath, where we remember snippets, an impression, a sound, a smell. It’s filed out of context so that it becomes larger than life, imposing on your psyche.” That’s what happens with trauma. They play out and we are continually triggered. “The book is a tool putting these traumatic events back in context so these moments are not so imposing, but we can put them in the context of God’s story.”Elaina wrote a parable about the night she found out the truth about her marriage. “Going into the dinner, I thought it would lead to reconciliation with my then husband.” It turned out to be a “Night of Confessions at Longhorn Steakhouse.” Mike’s suggestions helped it not be so terrifying, knowing God did not forsake her. “Taking Mike’s class was a turning point in my healing.” - ElainaMike went first - he shows us how, he plunged into the pain, came out the other side, and it’s impressive that he shows us that healing is important.Cindy: “The humility of Mike being real would protect us from abuse in the church. You’re not going to be abusive if you’re not being real.” According to Mike, the Bible says in leadership, we need to be a good steward of power and influence. “He gives power to empower, not overpower.” Anyone who has power through position or access, it’s important to steward that power so it doesn’t turn us into someone mismanaging it and hurting people, whether they intend to or not.Mike is traveling to churches, Teen Challenge Events, he is going to people who are lowly in spirit, because it is where the book would make the greatest impact; we put a light where it shines the brightest in a dark place, people that are broken. As Jesus says, The healthy don’t need a doctor, the sick do. Elaina: we all have that brokenness. Cindy: Some of us are better than others at denial.The response has been great to the book. People want the book and the workshop, so he’s done it 7 times, and the breakthroughs are more immediate; he didn’t expect to do as many workshops.His next book will be released this December, 2020! “The Ox and the Ass.” Based on Deuteronomy 2:10. “Do not plow together with an ox and an ass.” It shows the dangers of being in toxic, incompatible relationships that can destroy us, and how we can break free, change patterns, and the book gives a warning for the signs: prevention and intervention.“A parable is a story that accentuates the ordinary moments to teach us about God, Neighbor & Self. Pay close attention, because...ALL OF LIFE IS A PARABLE.” - Michael CaparrelliYou can purchase the book “Pen Your Pain into Parables,” give it as a gift to someone who has gone through trauma, and connect with Michael Caparrelli at:. Painintoparables.app.(Pen Your Pain Into Parables or painintoparables.app)https://www.unmuted.app

If we were truly people who radiated hope, we’d live each day with joy. We’d empower those around us. We’d believe in possibilities and we’d change our world.

Have you ever felt trapped or stuck by a situation in your life? Joni Renbarger shares her story of feeling trapped in a life that was tearing her down and her journey to find a way out.Our guest today is Dr. Joni Renbarger. She is going to share a story about how she is living in a Hold My Iced Coffee season of walking in her value.We feel that sharing people’s stories is an honor for us and honors them. We love that we can laugh with each other even when sharing stories of hardship.Sometimes Hold My Iced Coffee moments of stepping into our value are not joyous, they are hard and healing. Joni has an inspiring story of how she is doing just that.Joni is a psychologist who worked for 11 years on the Wind River Reservation. During that time, she saw extreme trauma. The reservation has a crime rate that is 5 to 6 times the national average. The life expectancy is only 50 for people living on this reservation. After going through a divorce, experiencing the death of co-worker, which left her grieving and short staffed in an extremely stressful work environment, Joni began to seek a way out of this environment for her and her children. The process took four years and many parts of this battle are ongoing. She had to learn to value herself and fight for what was best for her and what she felt was best for her children. She faced stigmas and condemnation from many people around her.How do you ignore those condemning messages we all carry around when your decision was already so hard? Joni discusses Bible verses she found helpful.Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Ephesians 6:14-16The way to extinguish those flaming arrows is to put those messages in their place. Know your value to God. Trust him with your journey. Rely on him. Though it is impossible to ignore hurtful messages from others, knowing you are walking with God, helps you not be ruled by those messages.You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. Leviticus 19:18If we are going to love our neighbors as ourselves, we have to start with loving ourselves.Joni shared over and over about how much time she spends in prayer. She has been so grief stricken she said she sometimes prays balled up like an infant. She has found healing and strength and repeated often throughout the interview that God will not leave you. He will not. Even when you are disappointed with him. When you are wondering. When you doubt. He never leaves you. He draws you into a relationship with him.Often church people misuse the idea of humility. How can we be humble while valuing ourselves?The misuse of humility is widespread in church. People often associate humility with being a martyr. This version of humility is harmful to people. It causes them to stay in situations where they are being harmed. Valuing ourselves without putting ourselves above others is humility that is healing and draws people to us and God. Learning this has helped Joni in her work and it is her hope for the reservation where she worked.Hold My Iced Coffee is an important symbol for Joni. Elaina supported her through her journey. She held her up while she made these tough decisions to take care of herself.Joni hopes that other people gain hope from hearing her story. She hopes they know they don’t have to go through their journey alone. That they have hope for finding a way out.We have so much more to share. Obviously there are layers to Joni’s story that couldn’t be discussed on a podcast. We hope you found hope for anywhere you feel trapped.Please reach out to us on Facebook, Instagram or at Holdmyicedcoffee.comIntro and outro music: http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Scott_Holmes/Inspiring__Upbeat_Music/Scott_Holmes_-_Upbeat_PartyCopyright: Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

“Thank you for speaking up. This happened to me, too, but I’ve never told anyone.” Our guest, Cheri Crider, hears this often. After breaking free from exploitation and now working for Amirah, she advocates for others to find their voices. Amirah is an organization for survivors of sex trafficking, providing residential, outreach, and education services, helping them to find refuge, community and lasting healing. However, Cheri is blunt in her protectiveness of these survivors -- she doesn’t share “survivor stories” or “survivor porn” so others can feel better about themselves. Cheri shares that God was present even amidst her darkness and encourages others to see how He is there as well. How can we help survivors who have experienced this? She also answers the question, “What can I do? I’m only one person” in a powerful way. Cheri’s starfish analogy is impactful and is going to resonate with our listeners.Cheri is a Staff Accountant and Outreach Survivor Leader at Amirah.Cindy, Elaina and guest Cheri go deep fast. Cheri hates “survivor porn” -- the morbid fascination of a trafficking survivor’s experience as something to chat about around the table. But our narratives, Cheri says, are best used to find solutions. “I don’t allow people to feast on my bones. I share my story for educational purposes and for the glorification of Jesus.” We’re empowering people to know we can make a difference.Why did God abandon me? Cheri sees God at work in the dark times. Starfish story - A little girl keeps throwing starfish back into the ocean. A man says, “You’re wasting your time. You’ll never save all of them.” The girl says, “But I saved that one.” Cheri states, “It only takes one listening ear, one caring heart, one cup of coffee, to impact a person’s life. And every day we get the choice to be that one, or not.”Cindy: The power is all of us valuing a person, 100 little things not a “big thing.”Cheri sees God at work before, during and after her journey of recovery. Her interactions with caring people stand out to her.We’re supposed to see each other without judgement. Making the assumption that the other person is innocent from the start. It will change how we relate to everyoneWe say: the issue is too big, I can’t do anything. Just love the ones you sense are affected. That’s enough. God takes care of the rest.Amirah’s verse: Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13Cheri goes to prisons to speak to tell women: someone is waiting for you on the outside and has been where you are and knows how to help.From when she exited the life, and when Cheri learned about human trafficking, there were 37 years between. She couldn’t escape, guilt, shame and hiding, she just kept trying to fix what was wrong: relationships, trauma, addictions. She didn’t realize what had really happened to her. She ended up at the same church where she was at 14. There she met a special woman, a pastor, who read between the lines of how she told her story to see trafficking. Together, they held a human trafficking prevention seminar in the church. At that seminar on Jan. 25, 2015, Cheri learned she was a victim of human trafficking. She's made so much progress since then. Now, she can share what she’s learned and her recovery at Amirah. God was in all of that.Value the difference we can each make. We all have special giftings from God. We do these things without effort. “If you don’t know what your giftings are, figure them out. Then take them out into the community. Hold a prevention and awareness event. Invite a survivor to share at an event, and compensate her. Like the starfish, you can make a difference.Take action now! There are 100 ways to end human trafficking. Listen to the still small voice. Cheri experiences those things that stir her heart and her spirit. That’s the way God talks to her. That can be for us, too.If someone wants to take action steps: Amirah is based in Massachusetts, there is a safehouse in MA, one opening in Connecticut. Urgent Need: transportation, taking women to appointments (therapy, doctors, etc). National Survivor Network nsn.org - locate a survivor to come to community, event, group, church, book club, or contact a domestic violence shelter. “Anywhere vulnerable people are, they are susceptible to sexual exploitation. Being willing to see them, hear them, show love for them, that can help.” That’s all part of the solution.What if a listener has a story and says, “I’ve been running from this story, and healing is for someone else?” Cheri advises: find that one listening ear, caring heart, even if they don’t understand what happened to you, learn together that it wasn’t your fault. 78 percent of trafficking situations happen because of psychological manipulation. You can also contact Cheri at ccrider@amirahinc.org. Be cautious about revealing it to family or the church -- many people have misconceptions. God will guide you and put the right people in front of you.You are not alone. Often we feel isolated. Survivors of sex trafficking and exploitation are all around us.Our piece of the solution is important and highly valued. Starfish ripple effect. One on one changes both people. “BOGO God” - If we help one soul that’s hurting, both hearts are changed. “When we dare to see another person’s pain and hold it in our hands, in our hearts, it changes us, from the outside in. Both lives are affected.” You’ll start to see innocence, soften our edges, help us to see each other more clearly. Bring it back home and shareIn U.S., there are 2,000 animal shelters, but in New England there are under 50 beds for those recovering from sex trafficking, immediate need, emergency housing. Amirah is already helping women -- please support organizations who have successful models. Connect with Cheri and her blogs and see how valuing our piece of the solution mattersNot a coincidence Jesus hung out with prostituted women and those abused. So close to the path he walked.Learn more about Amirah at Amirahinc.org. You can sign up for their monthly newsletter, volunteer, support housing for survivors of exploitation and more.Cindy is going to hike Mount Washington to raise funds for Amirah!Here's the link for the spiritual gifts test https://open.life.church/items/130249-week-23-spiritual-gifts-test-pdfhttps://nationalsurvivornetwork.org/Amirahhttps://www.amirahinc.org/1 (888) 373-7888National Human Trafficking HotlineSMS: 233733 (Text "HELP" or "INFO")Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a weekLanguages: English, Spanish and 200 more languagesWebsite: humantraffickinghotline.org100 Ways You Can Fight Sex Trafficking

Kelly Marie Hoffman Interview Show Notes“What we focus on grows.” All of us are in relationships -- with ourselves first, then family, friends, loved ones. How do we change those relationships and patterns if they are negative? It starts with a mindset shift. Renowned relationship coach Kelly Marie Hoffmanshares valuable insight to help us value ourselves and transform our lives.Kelly Quotes:“When you have a gold standard, if something tarnishes it, that becomes really clear.” –Kelly Marie Hoffman“If no one believed in you or taught you what a confident woman looks like, you feel like you’re standing on the outside of the confident women club. The goal is for all of us to not settle for being treated in a way that doesn’t honor who we are.” –Kelly Marie Hoffman“Instead of focusing on fixing a problem in your relationship or life, focus on the outcome you want. Then there are no problems!” -Kelly Marie Hoffman“Develop a pain radar – not a pain thermometer.” –Kelly Marie Hoffman“Mindset – when we expect to be treated well, the world responds accordingly.” –Kelly Marie Hoffman“Finding a phenomenal fit partner is one of the most life-changing things people can do” – Kelly Marie Hoffman“Yes, this painful event happened. What life am I going to build out of this?” –Kelly Marie Hoffman“If something’s not working in your relationship or your life, it’s a skillset upgrade.” -Kelly Marie Hoffman70 percent of communication is nonverbal.· Kelly is Elaina’s relationship coach! Kelly is an incredible, compassionate human being! Kelly Marie is a sought-after Mentor, Coach and Speaker, and also an ABC TV personality, appearing for over 10 years on the morning show, AM Northwest.· Kelly’s background: She’s a New Englander, now lives in the Pacific Northwest, got her Master’s in Marriage and Family therapy and is a relationship coach. She was seeing clients having relationship issues. After dating horribly, teaching herself concepts and finding success with her husband, Kelly had a mentor, then as a therapist, her clients wanted to find a partner, so she started teaching people – referred friends and it grew. She loves it, it’s the most life changing thing people can do, life can be heavy – there can be a phenomenal fit partner for you, not a perfect person.· How did Kelly get to the point of a mindset shift? In high school, she knew she was attractive and smart and but she wasn’t treated that way. Mindset – people feel a certain way about themselves and it creates a pain radar. Then, if someone treats them poorly, they expect the world will treat them well and the world responds accordingly. “Negative mindset: you’re thinking and believing something about yourself that does not enable you to be your best self.”· Kelly grew up with the mindset, “Be as pleasant as possible to men so they’ll like you.” We think the reason a relationship is not working is we need to do more. This is a choice belief. I get to help women see they should be treasured. The “frog and the pot,” analogy, when you think it’s normal for someone to stonewall, you can’t take any steps, but you can identify and recognize a mindset shift.· Power of mindset with Kelly’s clients – she hears in her clients’ voices when they make the mindset shift. “I deserve to be treated well, and I don’t have to try to fix things” -- within months they are in a good fit relationship.· 70 percent of communication is nonverbal. “You’re going to have to treat me well and here are the ways you can treat me well.” A man sometimes thinks: she’s not going to call me on my hooey. But men who want a real goddess who is passionate and connected, sure of herself, giving off positive nonverbal communication points, are drawn to women who know their value, and they find each other well.· Kelly’s middle school dating: girls were allowed to go out with someone as long as they went out 2 months or more with the same guy, not just date casually for a meal, a fun outing, etc, or they were labelled, but how do you know what works for you if you don’t try meeting different people? Then we get stuck in a bad fit. Dating culture starts early, taught to feel guilty, being unfaithful to someone we don’t even know. Dating is a newer cultural phenomenon, only in the last 100 years, never before do we have more choices.· If no one believed in you or taught you what a confident woman looks like, you feel like you’re standing on the outside of the confident women club. The goal is for all of us to not settle for being treated in a way that doesn’t honor who we are. This also helps vetting friendships.· When your mindset is, “What am I doing wrong?” respond differently. I’m perfect the way I am, calm centered, everything is ok. Ask, “Do I need to make this situation change?”· Tony Robbins – what you focus on grows. Example as a mom to sons: “Don’t put dirty socks there!” Vs. “Dirty socks go here.” We don’t want the hay; we are looking for the needle; get tools to make it go faster.· Don’t focus on “There are no good men out there.” Our brain is a willing slave but not an intelligent one. If we say, “I’m not going to date atheists or dishonest guys,” they tend to show up. However, you can tell them what you want. Come up with core values, 3 characteristics. Laser focus: I want a man that treats me this way this way, honest man, rather than looking for a man who doesn’t lie. “When you have a gold standard, if something tarnishes it, that becomes really clear.”· How can we set ourselves up for success and focus on the celebration? Focus on the outcome that we want. It’s time to say my, I was in an accident, leg isn’t going to work, what life am I going to build around this, what outcome? Nothing makes us feel worse than talking about a problem – in a relationship a guy knows he did wrong and women tend to want to discuss that to death. A way to get around that is to give them skills.· A client had a hard time asking for what she wants and needs. Instead of a long conversation she could say, “Could you please do this?” He can say yes or no. If we did not have a nurturing childhood, our 4-year-old is scared they won’t give it to us. But we can be the adult for our inner 4-year-old! Kelly shares an example with her husband, a conflict cancelling a double date when her husband’s father came to town early; she was the 4-year old! She was creating the problem, argument. Focus on the outcome you want, not fixing the problem; then there are no problems!· Takeaway: If something is not working in your relationship or your life: it’s a skillset upgrade. Up-level your life. The core of who you are is so wonderful, you have the ability to change things, but you are great just who you are!Own Your Love Life FB pageWebsite: Kelly Hoffman You can contact relationship coach Kelly, request a free phone consultation, watch her master class and get more information.

In the introduction, Cindy points out the humor of this entire interview. Jen is the social media coordinator for Hold My Iced Coffee yet throughout this interview, she talks about hating social media. We are challenging our listeners to count all the ways she sharesJen also shares her heart for desiring more connections with people. She is very vulnerable in sharing how much of a struggle it is to find connections in our busy modern world.Jen starts out the interview with introducing herself. Then she talks about connectedness and how we all struggle with it.As a military spouse for 9 years, she moved around a lot. They were stationed at 3 different duty stations. Even with the shared experience of having spouses deployed, connection didn’t happen until someone purposefully put together a support group for the military wives.When Jen had children, her husband decided not to re-enlist so he could be around for his children growing up. This led to another move and having to try to find connections again.Her career is in mass media communication because she loves getting out and being around people.Moving so many times has made finding connections really hard, even though she is really outgoing.Connecting at church hasn’t happened because Sunday morning services aren’t made for that.The three of us met in a mom’s group. Cindy admits to “being in a bad place.” Because she was struggling, she just spoke her mind. It is what sparked a small connection between the three of us.Elaina brings up the question: “Why are we not finding connections if we are all three good at seeking them?”How do you use your desire for connectedness in your faith? Jen talks about wanting to do more in relation to her faith but struggles to find a place for it. It is hard to find the balance with having a career and raising kids. How can she fit anything else into her schedule?We are surrounded by people but not connecting. The three of us are learning to work together and encourage operating in our strengths and balancing out weaknessesSocial media can be a way to get people together but sometimes people rely on it too much. Jen wants to get together with other people and have real relationshipsOur vision is to help people connect. We try to be honest about our need for connection and how we have struggled with that.Social media can breed competition. People seem to be perfect. Real connectedness shows us that we are real people with real struggles.We all struggle to create connections with people at our church on Sundays. The services are not created to encourage connectednessElaina talks about her struggle as a young mom with visiting mom’s groups and longing for just one person to understandDon’t try to break into established friend groups when they are together.We need to be bolder, because everyone needs connection. Jenn is committed to doing things she wants to do and finding connections there. She enjoys dance and theater and is starting to seek connections with others who also enjoy these things.Connecting with people over common interests is a great place to start.The three of us have this struggle and we think most everyone else is too. Few people are really known. We want people to love us flaws and all.We are casual friends who are building connections with each other through this podcast because we don’t have to pretend to be perfect.Jen longs for time to spend with other women where she can be real.What did you learn about connectedness from being a military spouse.In the beginning it was just about getting to know her husband and embracing the opportunity. When he was deployed, she didn’t know anyone. Someone organized a group for the military wives to get together.Even working in a church she found her relationships were superficialSeeking connection on social media leads people to depression from lack of physical touchThe hope is us building real relationships. It is what Jesus modeled.When we value other people and value ourselves, we can build real relationships on a deeper level.Challenge to go out and be real make connections. We want to help! Reach out to us on Facebook and let’s encourage each other.

Our guest Caitlin compassionately explores topics like:1. Ministry2. Being “Felkeled”3. Working with middle schoolers4. Eating disorders5. Self-careClick these links to reach out to Caitlin or the resources she sharedNational Eating DisorderCaitlin's BlogYoung Life

What happens when the bottom falls out of our lives and we end up in unexpected places? Elaina shares her story of divorce and overcoming shame, being a single mom, and how we can value our single sisters. She and Cindy discuss embracing the awkward and finding ultimate hope in Christ.

1. While trying to learn to communicate better with her husband, Cindy realized she was jealous of the respect her husband gets for his personality.2. Preparing to speak at Something to Chew On, led Cindy to wrestle through her issues with not loving her personality.3. Criticism led Cindy to feel like she needed to change her personality. She was insecure and couldn’t handle people not liking her. As she grows in confidence, she is learning to accept criticism as a means to improve.4. Valuing ourselves allows us to operate in our strengths. We can then get people to help us with our weaknesses. 5. Elaina and Cindy talk about how they live out healthy interdependence as they work on this podcast. 6. Cindy discusses her dreams for Hold My Iced Coffee. She wants to connect with her listeners and have fun events.7. Cindy discusses her vision for Hold My Iced Coffee. She wants a stage to bring people onto and share their stories. Not a pedestal where everyone looks at her.8. Cindy talks about being a mother. She admits that she is always hesitant to give any specific advice because every child and family is different.9. Cindy talks about valuing your children as individuals. Be a student of who your child is. View them as a puzzle you are trying to figure out. Believe in them and their potential. Help them dream and then empower those dreams. 10. In parenting (and teaching) it is important to let you no be no and your yes be yes. So don’t say no very often.11. In marriage, Cindy thinks the key is being an encourager and learning to value each other.12. Whose Iced Coffee are you holding? Cindy talks about how she and Elaina both encourage each other to walk in their strengths through this podcast.

1. The meltdown. Cindy describes having a meltdown when she was teaching and someone told her to “have faith.” This led to her writing about Rum and Cola for the Soul. 2. Cindy challenges people to admit that having faith doesn’t mean your life is never hard.3. Cindy talks about the importance of calling people survivors instead of victims.4. When Cindy asked young adults why they weren’t reading her blog, the answers led her to podcasting.5. The burn out from teaching, the frustrations, all the struggles Cindy went through freed her to explore who she really was and who she really wants to be.6. How the story of The Little Match Girl helped Cindy appreciate the importance of seeing people’s struggles.7. The two sides of shame. Anytime our value is based on our performance, we are destined to struggle with shame. The story of the prodigal son shows two sons who didn’t understand how much God loved them.8. The importance of feeling what you need to feel. 9. Learning to listen to the right voice and how this led Cindy to want to live her live celebrating the beauty in everyone’s journey.10. Cindy discusses her core values of individuality and compassion. Understanding what matters most to her has shaped how she wants to live the rest of her life. She is excited about helping people know their journeys matter.