Smart Drivel

Jon and Kurt wonder at the pervasive use of animal idioms in everyday conversation. Why do we call someone a Black Sheep? Or accuse someone of crying Crocodile Tears? What is a Paper Tiger and who famously made it into an insult to his enemies? Get the Albatross From Around Your Neck or the Monkey Off Your Back and have a listen. This episode is The Cat's Pajamas.

No, dear listener, this episode is not about everything that can go wrong in a podcast episode will go wrong. It is, however, a quick dive into Named Laws of nature or corporate life or technology or etc. Jon and Kurt share and discuss “laws” that are named after people. Where did they come from? Why were they so named? What did they seek to memorialize as a law? Remember Cheop's Law (he who built the Great Pyramid): “Nothing ever gets built on time or under budget.” Not even a podcast.

There is an actual “Museum of Failures” which memorializes products that were massive failures. Classics like “neon green Heinz Ketchup” and “Spray on Condoms” (yes, you read that correctly) are on exhibit as are countless others that, while born out of innovation, just never made it. Jon and Kurt highlight a few of the juiciest failures and have fun speculating as to why they never caught on.

Kurt and Jon explore the disorienting land defined by the Urban Dictionary and learn more than they bargained for. As it turns out, Kurt is equally at home with hors d'oeuvres as well as store d'oeuvres. One is consumed in a friend's living room. The other at Costco. If you don't know what it means to be a body booker, say, "Damn, Gina," or engage in the fine art of chipmunking, then this episode is for you. All we know is that Kurt and Jon are cheugies, and you probably are too. Bye, Felicia.

Did you know that the words written on Twitter every single day would fill a book of ten million pages? Did you know that “buttload” is an actual measurement? Jon and Kurt have fun in this episode doling out seemingly ridiculous statements that are actually true. They sound faker than Kurt's french accent, but are 100% correct. 

It started innocently enough when Kurt drove by a parking lot full of fire trucks, lights flashing, but no fire. And it got them thinking, what % of a firefighters day is actually spent fighting fires? (Answer given in the episode.) From there, Jon and Kurt decided it would make a fun game show to ask each other to guess what the % answer was to interesting questions….like what % of people pee in the shower? What % of people say they always read the Terms & Conditions (90%), what % of people send their pets Valentine's Day gifts? Well, you get the idea. What % of listeners will enjoy this episode (100%)?

The boys decide to give in to their genetic hard-coding and spend an episode exploring what makes the male human do so many idiotic things. Throughout the ages, it seems that those with the Y chromosome have simply not evolved. The “why women outlive men” trend on social media has it right. Tragically funny and infinitely ludicrous, Jon and Kurt discuss this phenomenon that seems to have sidestepped around half of the population. 

The boys are back sharing their feelings. They emote about peeves…yes, all those peeves, be they macro or micro, that get under their skin. But this time, they don't just dwell on the negative, the bothersome, the nuisances, as they add a new category…pet pleasures. What are those things/experiences/feelings that conjure up releases of dopamine and create a happy place. 

Having too much fun with the topic, the boys add on to last week's list and come up with even more new names for ordinary feelings we all have (like when you have an eyelash stuck in your eye).

Jon and Kurt pick up the scent from an earlier episode where they discovered John Koenig's “The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows.” Basically, he made up words to fit common feelings that deserve and need to be named. Never missing a chance to make up words (in the hopes of one day making it into the OED), Jon and Kurt hope they aren't thrust into “joculimbo” when they try to entertain by making up words to describe the feeling of actually cutting the bagel in two equal parts or the feeling of getting into crisp clean sheets…and many others. After listening, you may have a feeling of “euphicity” (but you'd need a beer for that).

Ever wanted to know what the difference is between alligators and crocodiles? Dolphins and porpoises? Further and farther? Whiskey and whisky? Plantains and bananas? You get the gist...this episode has Jon and Kurt exploring and explaining these hugely important differences.

What does a Pepsi navy have to do with telling time, reading books, or popes dying? Don't have a proverbial pot to piss in as you think of the answer? Well, we are sure there is a cool new word that sums up your feelings. And, in this episode, Jon and Kurt bring all of this together to enlighten, enrichen, and possibly entertain. 

Jon and Kurt can't get enough of sharing things that makes the other say, “I didn't know that!” They once again use the construct of each relating three little known morsels to one another. From the heights of Mt. Everest to the lows of World War I and lots in between, they give accounts of historical eerie coincidences and puzzling math party tricks and more. Set your watch to utc +1 (why? Who knows–seems you can just make it up) and give it a listen.

The boys are back at it. They are committed to teaching/relating/sharing with each other unique and oddball things previously unknown. In this episode they talk about exploding whales, dropped bombs, the oldest professions in the world, and the aforementioned weird etymology of the word “testify.” Grab a thing or two and have a listen….

Jon and Kurt recently learned of a fascinating human dynamic: there are many instances where large groups of people all swear they know a fact that is indisputable. Yet they are wrong. Their "fact" is completely made up. It is a wild manifestation of being human–certainly AI wouldn't fall prey to a social current that sweeps up many in its errant tide. In this episode, our completely human co-hosts explore many different examples of The Mandela Effect. It's true. I swear it. I saw it myself.

Jon and Kurt continue with the format of sharing fascinating, entertaining, fun things the other didn't know. Yes, there was an Emu war. And Ikea sells a gazillion meatballs. There is a species that regenerates. Oh, and we get to hear the two oldest jokes in the world. Pull up a metaphoric stool and hear all about these and others.

Jon and Kurt seek to educate, enlighten, and entertain each other with information previously unknown–be it of the historical, technological, or linguistic bent. What happened in 1752 that no one remembers? From what common sense practical usage did everyday words come from? And what the hell do you call this cool way of cursing: $@&*#!. Come get some fun learning on….

Throughout history, dating as far back as humankind can go, there is an indomitable spirit in people that drives innovation and invention…to make our lives easier and more efficient. This manifested in a way that we kept creating new “technologies” from the umbrella to the printing press to electricity to the automobile to the internet, well you get the idea. And as great as we can say these have made our lives, when they first started there were many nay-sayers. Many who predicted their demise or calamities that would befall users of said technology. Jon and Kurt dive into a few of the most notable of these and share things like the chairman of IBM saying in 1943, “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” Don't be afraid, take a listen. 

Jon and Kurt were intrigued by the history, impact, and power of seemingly innocuous everyday items. In this episode they try to make the cast that the utilitarian fork isn't just about eating, it is representative of the history of humanity. And then they discuss chewing gum and its role in society. You'll never grab a utensil or chew the same way again…

You might think the common brew/brewski/suds/etc. is just a proletariat beverage more suited to frat brothers than aristocracy. But you would be wrong. Beer has been revered for over 10,000 years as both a nutritious drink and a social elixir. Jon and Kurt follow beer's impact over the centuries from ancient Egypt to Medieval Europe to the landing of the Mayflower. Grab a cold one and have a listen.

Jon and Kurt seek to answer that age-old question: why are things shaped as they are? Is it for practical purposes? Design aesthetics? Efficiency in production? All of the above? Ok, enough questions, how about some answers. In this episode, our two hosts expound on certain well known objects and explain why they are shaped as they are. Traffic cones, champagne glasses, hockey pucks, wing nuts, etc. Shape up and take a listen.

Proving once again that you can take the men out of boyhood but can't take the boy out of the men (or something like that), Jon and Kurt crack themselves up by sharing a bunch of words that sound really dirty (like clatterfart) but are actually quite innocuous on the word spectrum. So don't be pusillanimous, put on your headphones, and listen. You might find it to be quite a tittynope. 

We all go through life blithely using everyday products without knowing why they are what they are or why they have certain qualities. We just accept them for their utility value, not bothering to ask why. Well, phew, thankfully Jon and Kurt have decided to ask the question and this episode brings their answers. Why do winter hats have that pom pon on top? Why are doorknobs made of brass? Why do wine bottles have an indention in the bottom? And so many more….Tune in and never look at an everyday product the same again.

Humanity has long searched beyond the corporeal to find answers to life's big questions. As part of this, there has always been a place for “gods” in all civilizations. From the omnipotent Zeus to Thor the Thunder God to current "big religions' gods" to the top pagan deities, gods have played a huge role in creating/guiding/forming life's overall path. Yet, yet, there are also many gods who have far narrower remits. The goddess of sewers. The god of intoxication. The god of excuses. Etc.  These gods punch way above their weight levels and turn obscure roles into major parts of people's lives. Jon and Kurt examine a few of these gods and opine on their influences. Are you there God? It's me Margaret….

Jon went into the fictional phone book to make a list of home addresses where TV/film/literary characters lived. And then he decided to test Kurt's knowledge of said addresses, giving him three questions to ask to try and identify who, what, and where lived there. The big question is: can you do better than Kurt did?

Humans love their monuments…the pyramids, the Empire State Building, the Eiffel Tower, the coliseum, etc. But what do we know of them except what we learn from a hard to hear guide on crowded tour when you just want to get to the restaurant for dinner or a wikipedia page that seems to jump centuries like a schoolkid jumping puddles or saying “huh, I didn't know that” to a trivia question answer in a beer soaked bar? In other words, they are cool, but what are really intriguing secrets and little known facts about these well known monuments? Well, thankfully, Jon and Kurt spend time sharing bon mots of monument knowledge with us. 

Jon and Kurt find amusement (they are easily amused) in discussing words and phrases that were once popular but have now gone out of style.  Of course, this is just a launching point for some meandering musings.

Humans make mistakes. They also change their mind. Or think they can improve something. In all these cases, when written, these same humans are grateful for the invention of the eraser. Yes, the eraser. That wonderful piece of technology that gives you a “do-over,” that enables you to take chances, to go outside of your comfort zone knowing you can always take it back with a flourish of your eraser. Jon and Kurt go from discussing the history of the eraser into the much more esoteric discussion of the eraser's metaphoric and existential role in society as a whole. Oh, it's a wild ride. If only they could have taken it all back….

Jon and Kurt take a deep dive into the history of the pedestrian, utilitarian, humble yet mighty toothpick. From its practical origins to its stint as a status symbol to its reign as the arbiter of cool to its “usage drift,” the toothpick has been a marker of humanity itself. Chomp on a toothpick and do your best James Dean impression and give the episode a listen. You'll be amazed at the outsized legacy the simple toothpick has forged over the millennia.

Join Jon and Kurt for a rollicking, delicious, jaunt through the history of donuts and their role in pop culture. Find out why they (ok, just one of them) call donuts "the Truman Doctrine of Pastries", what Clark Gable and Washington Irving had to say about them, and how the hole came to be. Expect to get a big hankering for a donut...

The lads are back with another fun episode of interesting, random, silly facts (like the aforementioned one about Saudi Arabia). How many brains does a leech have? How many words for snow does Scotland have? And how close, via DNA, are we to our fellow humans? What about Bananas? 

Do you know that the longest word in the English language without a true vowel is “Rhythms”? Well, this got Jon and Kurt thinking about other really fun facts that can be used to dazzle friends and confuse enemies. What animal is really good at math? What country is the most densely populated? Whose poops are cube shaped? And why? Join the boys as they dip into a favorite Smart Drivel topic and give us more fun, interesting, and even smart facts.

Hitting a classic Smart Drivel theme or genre or topic (ok ok ok, we get it). Jon and Kurt spend this episode giving the back stories to some of the most classic terms from sports or games.  These are expressions we use in everyday life, yet they came from sport, and we get to learn their provenance. Does this seem to be out of left field? Would you rather we shoot point blank? Well, checkmate then, you got us. Have a listen, learn some new dinner conversation fodder, impress your friends!

Jon and Kurt decide to be topical (that is funny in so many ways with these two) for once and have an entire episode dedicated to bizarre, funny, and interesting stories around elections. With the U.S. election just a few weeks away, they look back at memorable moments in campaigning, curious balloting from around the world, funny nicknames for presidents, and, of course, get caught up in succotash.   

The boys are back with a new episode dedicated to all those little tasks that take no time off the clock but take a lot of time off our souls. We all have them…tiny things to do that trigger big resistance. Transferring the plates into the dishwasher? Putting on a new roll of toilet paper? You get the idea. Typing liner notes? Oh my….

Ah, the wonder of comforting childhood rhymes–such sweet innocent word play to amuse, soothe, and educate young children. At least that is what we all thought until Jon and Kurt did some digging, some intensive research, some literary forensic analysis. What they found is unsettling to say the least. Turns out, some of our most beloved nursery rhymes have morbid, lascivious, and/or creepy origins. Leave all your peaceful childhood memories behind, and join the boys as they dig into the true history of some iconic rhymes.

Finding humor, joy, and moral intrigue in select words, Jon and Kurt play a little game. One of the co-hosts comes up with a favorite or interesting word and explains the reasoning behind his choice. The other co-host then has to come up with a compelling entry of his own – but it has to start with the last letter of the other's word. Of course, this being Smart Drivel, they seldom stay on task or on topic. The conversation that ensues is entertaining, if nothing else.

Jon and Kurt decide to get patriotic, historic, and caloric–ok, not caloric, but it did fit the rhyme scheme–as they share unique, surprising stories about our 46 U.S. Presidents. From the scientifically interesting (which is the only President to hold a patent) to the physically interesting (who was the shortest President) to the curiously interesting (who was the only President to kill someone in a duel) and onwards, they unearth some pretty cool facts about those who hold our highest office.

The first go round with fun phrases was such a hit, Jon and Kurt decided to give it another whirl. Not wanting to "Let the Cat Out of the Bag," but proving to not be a "Flash in the Pan," they wanted to see if they could do it again. Enjoy their presentation of more fun phrases and from whence they came.

Jon and Kurt dig deep to bring you little nuggets you can use to dazzle your friends at your next dinner party. What words in the English language don't have a rhyme? Who is the model for the NBA logo? Where did the word suede come from? Why do we have Gin & Tonics? And many more truly relevant facts.

The fanny pack. Spray on hair. Corsets. Beanie Babies. Eating placentas. Polyester leisure suits. Yes, in this episode, Jon and Kurt explore fads and trends of the past that have, thankfully, passed us by.

You are probably asking yourself right now, “solo synchronized swimming…Isn't that an oxymoron?” And while you would be correct, it didn't stop it from being a honest-to-god true Olympic sport in not one, but three, Olympic Games: 1984, 1988, 1992. We guess that by 1992 a dictionary or thesaurus ended up at the IOC headquarters and they quietly got rid of it. All of which leads Jon and Kurt to have fur this episode sharing absolute true stranger than fiction legitimate crazy (getting the idea) Olympic sports. Like chorus singing (1912-1948), live pigeon shooting (1900), hot air ballooning (1900), etc. Nothing needs to be embellished here…the authenticity of these events generates the humor. Take a listen and be amazed at what humans can come up with to compete for medals. Olympic bobbing for apples anyone?

Part of the explanation of what makes humans on top of the food chain is our ability to govern ourselves and make communal laws. However, like all things humans touch, invariably things get out of control. In this episode, Jon and Kurt talk about some of the most ludicrous, head-scratching, obscure laws that are still on the books in cities across the globe. Whatever you do, do not have an ice cream cone in you back pocket on a Sunday in Georgia.

What? That is toads, not rhinos, that give you warts. Well, actually, that's not true either. For centuries, we have blindly (not like a bat) given myths to animals that we hold to be true. But here is the kicker, they are patently false. Jon and Kurt go on a debunking mission and spread the truth gospel about many cherished animal legends (spoiler alert…ostriches don't bury their heads in the sand and goldfish can remember things for well more than 3 seconds). There goes our little water cooler bon mots. Damn.

Jon and Kurt decide to check the veracity of time-honored and venerated sayings/proverbs/idioms by applying science, math, logic to the idioms. Can lightning really not strike the same location twice? Can a walnut remove scratches in the floor? Can you really teach an old dog new tricks? Tune in, have a listen, and don't take any wooden nickels.

Join Jon and Kurt in the greatest, funniest, smartest, drivelest episode ever. Yes, indeed, they reveal the biggest, oldest, smelliest, farthest “ests” of all time. Oldest piece of art? Highest IQ? Strongest animal on earth? Shortest novel ever written? Smallest country? Geeze, this is just the best.

If you knew that the etymology of the word “decide” killed off all other choices, then you might be apt to decide for yourself to listen to this latest episode. Jon and Kurt decide to continue their discussion on words in the English language–where they come from, why they exist, and some crazy fun facts about them thrown in for good measure. We're not being sarcastic (spoiler alert), we do think you will want to figure out all the words that have e before i. Give it a listen, ya?

Bowing to popular demand, Jon and Kurt are back with a whole new episode dedicated to words. Revisiting a favorite topic – fun facts about words–our two co-hosts provide a bevy of tidbits, etymologies, backstories, and really cool information about some of the most used and interesting words. Where did “mentor” the word originate and why? What word has the most definitions? Well, you get the idea. Consider yourself armed for your next dinner party conversation.

Join the fun as Jon and Kurt take turns asking each other provocative questions that, as you would expect, span the smart and the drivel. Find out who they would switch lives with for just one day, what they loved doing when they were eight, and if they would choose being the rock or the hard place. Of course, while each co-host gets to ask, they also have to answer the questions themselves. Makes you wonder, how would you answer these questions?

Join the fun as Jon and Kurt take turns asking each other provocative questions that, as you would expect, span the smart and the drivel. Find out who they would switch lives with for just one day, what they loved doing when they were eight, and if they would choose being the rock or the hard place. Of course, while each co-host gets to ask, they also have to answer the questions themselves. Makes you wonder, how would you answer these questions?

It was time. Our curmudgeonly co-hosts had held out from getting annoyed by people, things, society, etc. for just so long that they couldn't hold it in anymore. Ergo, we get another “Pet Peeves” episode with all new nuisances, annoyances, and things that just piss off Jon and Kurt. Take this test: listen and try to see how many you agree with or not. Then you could say listening to Smart Drivel is a pet peeve. Ha.