The Moderately Tortured Artist

So there's a part of you who wants to come out of hiding, to be seen as more authentically YOU. Who wants to take up a little more space. Who wants to be able to express themselves honestly and to allow others to witness that. Welcome to the podcast episode just for you. This contains everything I wish I'd known before I went on this journey myself. Why this can feel incredibly uncomfortable. Why expecting anything less actually creates more problems. And what you can do to support yourself through it.

So you've done the brave thing, you've shared your art or your gifts in some way. You're all hyped up and proud of yourself UNTIL - crickets or a lacklustre response. Until you don't get the outcome you desired.   If left unchecked, this disappointment can build up and build up and begin to turn into resentment and apathy. The narrative of "why should I bother?"    I don't want that for you, so let's shed some light on why you tend to veer down this rabbit hole and how you can avoid the bitterness that comes with it.   The guided close eye practice I mentioned to connect with your protector parts is ready for you here: https://www.dropbox.com/s/b37fxcyz4q6dvc7/Nurture%20Your%20Protectors.mp3?dl=0   And if you're ready for support in cracking your self-expression wide open, find out more about my Artists in Resonance community here: https://www.embodyyourartistry.com/artists-in-resonance

I've had a long and toxic relationship with overwhelm and we went through a break up a couple of months ago. My energy has returned, my zest for creating, really everything about the way I move through my day and how I feel about it has shifted. And I wanted to share what allowed for that to happen. When I realised what was hiding BEHIND the label of overwhelm. If you're experiencing overwhelm right now, I hope this episode supports you in a beautiful way. And if the LIMITLESS experience intrigues you, you can find out more here: https://www.embodyyourartistry.com/limitless

Desire. It's a juicy word that kicks up a lot of sensation in your body right? But when it comes to WHAT you desire and your MOTIVATION and DEVOTION to get there, not all desires are made equal. Most people use vague language to articulate their desires. Words like "happy," "healthy" and "more creative." Which makes them intangible. They then actually mean very little on their own. And they don't inspire action because there are far too many variables. We use vague language because we're afraid to claim what it is we truly desire. We'd rather live in I-don't-know-how Land. That. Stops. Now.

Your words create your world. Yep, the language you use each and every day is influencing and colouring how you feel. So is it empowering or disempowering you? Serving you or not? The uncomfortable news is that right now you're most likely speaking out of habit and through the lens of your conditioning rather than being intentional about it. The wonderful news? That can change TODAY and I'd love to show you how.

This episode is for anyone who has ever believed they should tone themselves down to blend into the background, to avoid standing out. That you shouldn't boldly share your gifts, draw attention to yourself or be exceptional because it comes with too much risk. It asks you "Where are you accepting being a background person when that costume doesn't fit anymore?" And explores a self-honouring way to come out of hiding and embrace your full expression.

I know, rejection isn't a topic that makes me jump out of bed and do pirouettes either, but I do think it's important to talk about. So even though it makes me feel incredibly vulnerable and a tad apprehensive, I'm sharing a rejection story of my own on the podcast this week. A pretty recent one. Complete with all the gory details, shaky knees, awkward emotions AND valuable lessons.   Because rejection (or the fear of it) is holding far too many creative tongues and hearts captive. And it doesn't have to mean what you've made it mean...

This episode is an audio version of a Facebook Live I did to call you forward. If you know you've been hiding, dipping your toe in the water or trying to convince yourself that "you don't have what it takes" or your art "isn't that important" - this is for you. Gather around the campfire. Grab a blanket and a beer, mulled wine or cup of hot chocolate. Because I have a battle cry I need you to hear and FEEL. ...Your joie de vivre may depend on it.

This episode is for those who are waiting. Waiting for permission to take up space, to share their work or to be chosen. And waiting to feel ready to step up and out of their comfort zone, to accept themselves wholeheartedly or to run towards what lights them up. Feeling hesitant, scared or doubtful is human and normal but when those emotions keep you frozen in place, then we've got some tending to do. You can find out more or jump into Embody Your Voice here: https://thatsweetroar.com/embody-your-voice

Sensitivity is one of those things many creatives have in spades and yet the messaging we tend to receive is often one of "too sensitive" or "overly emotional". In this episode I unpack this a little and encourage you to follow your own trail of breadcrumbs. Is your sensitivity something you're proud of and embrace or is it something you have distanced yourself from and hide? And how can you ensure your relationship with both sensitivity and sensation are one that fuels your creativity instead of dulling it? If you'd like to take a closer look at Unbind Your Artistry, head this way: https://www.embodyyourartistry.com/unbind-your-artistry

Welcome to the first episode of 2021! Where we explore how goals, New Year's Resolutions and our collective obsession with never-ending self improvement is impacting you.   The way I'm discerning between whether going after something is serving or sapping me comes down to - what lies underneath? What is the driving force behind this desire to stretch or to grow? Am I being pushed or being pulled? And if it does feel as though it's doing more harm than good, what's another alternative? ... Want to share your thoughts? You can find me on Instagram at @bykimberleysmith

Why is it that even after all the self help books and mindset work our minds are still full of doubt and drama, holding us captive? Could it be that we have to go another layer deeper? This episode is about how to cultivate safety and self compassion. It starts with uncovering your inner child and the weight they're carrying and then healing by meeting those needs in small ways today. If you'd like to check out my workshop, From Self Doubt to Surrender, you can do that here: https://thatsweetroar.com/self-doubt-to-surrender-for-performers

There are far too many of us feasting on our own shame and whipping ourselves because we're "not doing it right" and by "it" I mean LIFE. There's so much anxiety around making the "wrong choice" and many of us put our power in the hands of self help gurus, hoping they have the answer so we can follow their strategy and finally - GET. IT. RIGHT. My hope is that this episode calms your nervous system and helps you reconnect with what's true for YOU and deepens your own self trust. Because THERE IS NO ONE "RIGHT" WAY.

This is an ode to transition. The times in your life where nothing feels solid. You're shifting and changing and untethered. How can we best navigate our time spent wading through the messy middle? How can we show up with more grace and self compassion? Where are the lessons we're tempted to look away from? I share my story of the last 4 months and what's helping me as I wait for the ground to stop shaking in the hope that it'll being you some solace when you too are swimming in the unknown.

I know you want it. Some days the yearning might be so strong that you can almost taste it. You want MORE. You want to BE MORE. But the HOW feels elusive, hard and often futile. This is a nudge for you if you have been working on rewriting your beliefs, creating a bolder, more joyful version of yourself who feels more comfortable in their own skin, but the wheels have fallen off. Not once. Not twice. But dozens if not hundreds of times. This is a battle cry to rally all of us toiling with the process of becoming our version 2.0 selves and a conversation about the reality of what that looks like.

The biting of tongues. The constant questioning. The bending for everyone around us. Worrying that we're too much. That we're not enough. Taking on the opinions of others as gospel. This is an episode for the "good girls". The self sacrificers. The people pleasers. Those of us who have been (or still are) hiding parts of ourselves or shrinking in the hope that we won't rock the boat. This is a call for liberation. And the blog post I mention lives here: https://thatsweetroar.com/blog/hiding-yourself-confidence-as-a-singer

Many of us have never had to process fear in this way before. Deal with anxiety on such a grand scale. Uncertainty around just about every area of our lives and no end date. This episode is meant to put that to one side for a moment and focus on the BUTs, the What Ifs. What if this heartbreaking chain of events could be a doorway to more compassion, more consideration and more generosity? My intention is for these words to be a balm for those of us with both heavy, aching hearts AND high hopes for the future.

Why is it that we shudder at the word "artist" when it's about ourselves? Why do we struggle to label what it is we create as "art"? In this episode I'm unpacking the heaviness and the expectation and the rules we place around the words "art" and "artist" in the hope that you'll claim it for yourself. You will never be given a green light into owning the status or being accepted into the club. The good news? You get to own it for yourself and take the weight and obligation out of it to boot. My desire for you is to live artfully and with 150% glee. Because who wouldn't want that?

How far down your list of priorities do you think Creativity lives? For many of us he's relegated to the "nice to have" category always trumped by his less fun, more pushy older brother Productivity. I wanted to share a little about what has unshackled my Creativity recently and how I think we can all get a slice. As always, it requires some bold questions, restless discomfort and a whole heap of courage. Are you in?

This episode is a frank discussion about failure. Fun huh? I think one of the reasons we fear failing so much is because we consider it embarrassing, shameful and therefore want to bury it and never speak of it again. So in the hope that this gives you some sense of freedom around your own perceived failures, I'm going to divulge mine. Because surely the more we talk about failing, the less power it'll have over us. And wouldn't that be frickin freeing?

One of the questions people lob my way most often is along the lines of "How do you get so much done or make so much happen?" My go-to excuses for not making magic in my life or diving into all the creations/projects I want to explore are just as wiley as yours. It's how I wrangle them (and how often) that makes all the difference. So let's go down that burrow shall we?

This episode is about disconnection and discontentment and how a few simple practices could be a beautiful and powerful answer. I wanted to share how tapping back into my body, intuition and the concept of embodiment has dramatically shifted how I feel in my life and how it could do the same for you. So are you willing to tune in, listen and act from a place of connection over analysis? Want more info about The Much Less Tortured Artist? Wander this way: https://thatsweetroar.com/much-less-tortured-artist

For the final episode of the year we're going to explore five juicy life lessons singing has taught me. The importance of doing the work to make magic, the beauty of vulnerability and the dance of fear and confidence make the cut as well as a couple of other gems. And my Getcha Belt On Program lives here: https://thatsweetroar.com/getcha-belt-on Have a beautiful end to 2019 and take care of yourself! x

I know I know, we're all hiding at least a little because the fear of being judged by other people is crippling. But in this episode I ask the question "Is that at least partially influenced by the way we judge others?" How do you cheerlead or chainsaw other artists with your words? And can you see how all of this can either obliterate or perpetuate this notion that our industry is cut-throat, catty and competitive? It's time to break out the honesty and discuss how we can tweak this completely human tendency and lean more into compassion.

One of the weird "rules" we have in huge parts of our society is "don't play unless you're fabulous". You can't call yourself a singer unless you're at some elite level. You can't perform unless you can nail every note. You can't get out there and do the thing until it's EXTRAORDINARY. Now I'm not saying don't work hard at honing your skills, I'm saying don't hide yourself and your art in the meantime. Beginners have just as much of a right to share their music and their voice as anyone else. In fact we should be sharing while we're learning and accepting performance as an often organic part of making music. This is one of those "rules" we lean on as an excuse and I'm calling it out.

Money. Feeling awkward yet? Well you might wanna buckle up for this one because most people (let alone artists who are also carrying the weight of the "starving artist" mentality) have serious baggage around moolah. If you've been buying into the "artists can't make money" or "only unicorns make money from music" stories, this podcast will challenge you. If you're a musician defeated by your lack of funds, I'm going to ask you the tough questions (and admit where I made mistakes on this front).

Ever noticed that so many of your day to day moments and interactions are cloaked in a heaviness? Or seriousness? We take everything so seriously, rush from one thing to the next and wonder why anxiety is such an epidemic. What surprised me was how much I resisted doing the smallest things that could actually shift that and change my day for the better. The idea that we "don't have enough time" to take two minutes to bring more calm, silliness or beauty into our lives is bonkers. And yet here we are. So what can we do about it?

This is a plea. A request that you stop kissing the feet of the artists you love and lauding them as some kind of extraterrestrial being. Adore their music, acknowledge their artists but please don't make them out to be a unicorn. It's doing you BOTH a disservice. This episode explores why I think we might be better off admiring them at eye level.

I know, you're thinking, "How could Kim get the title of this podcast so wrong? I most certainly DO have stage fright!" Hear me out. Because I want to talk about WHY your body goes into fight or flight mode the second you have to step on a stage. And why all the meditating, deep breathing, hours of practicing and yelling at your brain might not be working. Because unless we get brutally honest about what the problem really is, we can't start fixing it.

This is one of those kick-you-up-the-butt in a good way podcast episodes. Where I get you to take an honest look at how you're investing some of your most valuable resources - time, money and energy. Empires and legacies and great art and serious impact do not happen by accident. They happen because someone decides that they are going to bet on themselves and they go ALL IN. So will you run towards the goosebumps or shy away?

What can I do to build my confidence? How can I feel more confident on stage? How can I feel better about myself and my art? All phenomenal questions I get asked on the regular. And A) I don't have all the answers, and B) the part of the answer I DO have is way more complicated than I can write in this blurb. This episode dives into what I've learned about confidence, why it's born in the gutter (amongst all the grime you might be avoiding) and why it's worth climbing on in.

If there were ever a podcast episode for when someone has ripped apart your art or who you are as a person - this would be it. This is a call to arms. Making a stand against harsh, unfair and unconstructive criticism. A reminder for anyone who considers themselves a creative that nobody can rob you of your joy, your passion or your conviction unless you let them. And a nod to how bloody hard it is to get back up again time and time again. This episode is brought to you by chocolate chip cookies, tears and a glass of rosé. I hope it lifts you from the depths of despair and gets you back on the horse you belong on.

Why is it that it takes us being knocked out by sickness or having a near death experience for us to notice how damn beautiful life is? In this episode I share my experience after being hit by a flu virus and the rose coloured glasses I wore the day I was well enough to emerge from bed. We have access to these lenses at all times and yet often choose to wear a greyer, less interesting pair. I'm encouraging you to trade those for a more beautiful view of the world as a bit of an experiment this week and see how much beauty you can spot.

This is for you if you cringe at the thought of diving into learning a new skill. If you avoid things you know you'll be bad at. If your insecurity reins supreme and means you run or hide rather than sticking with it. If you get really grumpy and frustrated when someone is trying to teach you something that you can't get right immediately. I hear you. Hi, I'm Kim and I'm a terrible beginner. This is the story of what I learned about myself when I took up dance classes a month ago. And what I realised is behind our unwillingness to start from the bottom and our BS story that being a "bad beginner" is simply who we are.

This podcast came out of the reason I didn't release an episode last week. The episodes I'd drafted didn't feel right or ready. Which led me down the rabbit hole of - how often do we rush our art? Or put things out into the world early for validation instead of trusting ourselves enough to know when its whole? And is the world of social media and feeling as though everyone's eyes are on you, adding an invisible pressure that makes us feel like we need to be constantly "producing"? What does being result orientated vs creatively curious do to the quality of our art and how we feel about it?

How do you treat your relationship with Creativity? Do you keep in touch, give her your undivided attention and love her whether she "puts out" or not? Or do you smother her with expectation and then ignore her for months at a time? Creativity is one of the most important relationships in your life and demands that you treat her as such. Today's episode explores one way I like to woo her myself.

Today I get really honest about a dream I shrank to the size of a pea just to make myself feel more comfortable in the hope that you won't follow suit. This episode is all about big dreams and why they need to be protected and moved towards. If you want to listen to my song Molasses you can do that here: https://ampl.ink/WO1Ek And my second song Part Lost Part Found lives here: https://ampl.ink/gzNk0

I know, it's not an easy (or sexy) sell. You might want to roll your eyes or have PTSD flashbacks to those two times you tried to meditate and failed abysmally, but please hear me out. Making space and embracing the skin crawling discomfort of spending time in silence is CRUCIAL if you want to make art (and stay sane for that matter) - let me tell you why.

Are you being ruled by the "should's", the obligations and the "what if's" other people throw at you? Keeping yourself small and hiding out of fear of what someone else will say or think about it? Are you trying desperately to be a good person while keeping your head above water? Well I hope this is the sigh of relief you've been waiting for. Permission to use that two letter word you've been avoiding. NO. Info about my Much Less Tortured Artist coaching program lives here: https://inspiredtosing.com/much-less-tortured-artist The book I mention is Essentialism by Greg McKeown: https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown/dp/0804137382/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=essentialism&qid=1563064856&s=gateway&sr=8-1

This episode is for those of you who identify as perfectionists or are plagued with the notion of "I'll never be good enough". Whether you currently wear your perfectionism as a badge of honour or are frustrated that it keeps you small and stuck, this episode will bring you even more clarity. Read as a chapter from my book The Moderately Tortured Artist, it'll dive deep on this topic and give you ideas on ways through the challenge that is extremely high (often impossible) standards. You can grab a copy of the book here: https://www.moderatelytorturedartist.com Or find out about my Much Less Tortured Artist coaching program here: https://inspiredtosing.com/much-less-tortured-artist

Discomfort is a pretty hard sell, I know, but hear me out. In order to do anything creative, stretch yourself in any way or grow as a person, you're going to have to embrace it. And many of us feel uncomfortable or like we're "wasting our lives" if we stay in our own cozy little bubble anyway, so wouldn't you prefer to have something to show for it? Today's episode is all about reaching your potential and adding vibrancy back into your life by making discomfort an easier pill to swallow.

Life as a musician unfortunately isn't all sunshine, rainbows, awards and opportunities. Bad stuff happens. Negative emotions run rampant. (I wish they didn't and that I could wrap you in cotton wool and glitter but I'm afraid it wouldn't help) But one thought, one idea most of us seem to latch onto can 10X the problem, making us feel even worse. In this episode we talk about how to get through difficult emotions without force and shame.

Our society praises discipline, hard work and hustle and makes damn sure artists know that they have to work doubly as hard to even have a chance of "making it". But couldn't we come at it from a different angle? One that still has us showing up, dedicating our time and our focus to our craft but perhaps feeling different? And not only in our music, but in our lives? If you'd like to read more about The Much Less Tortured Artist coaching program head this way: https://inspiredtosing.com/much-less-tortured-artist

"It's the destination not the journey" is a quote you've probably seen roaming Instagram but you may not have asked yourself how it applies to your music practice. Too many of us are muscling our way through practice sessions we SHOULD be doing rather than asking how we can SAVOUR them, let them nourish us in beautiful ways and SLOW DOWN. Most of us are leading full, busy lives, but why can't our music be something that we relax into rather than rushing through? And if you did make this shift, how would it change how you play? Can improvement exist in a space of calm and slowness? What are we sacrificing in the name of rushing and muscling through it? Would we in fact get more joy and progress out of a more intentional and deliberate practice?  

What is it that starts us on this path? That sparks something within that inspires us enough to pick up that instrument, wander into the world of performing and dedicate ourselves to making music? Joy. And yet as we become more serious about our craft and get older, we tends to lose sight of this being what used to be the whole damn point. So why does this happen and what can we do to ensure that our pursuit of bigger and better doesn't erode the passion that got us here in the first place?

In the age of the internet, social media and influencers, the hats a musician wears are changing. We have more accessibility to create and distribute our music than ever before but that also means it's harder to cut through the noise and be heard. Because of this, many of us are managing our own marketing, promotion and a handful of social media channels - but at what cost? Is the pressure to be constantly "on" and accessible as a personal brand having a negative impact on both our mental health and our creativity?

Most of us wish we had more time and energy to get creative. For exploration and investing in our practice and our art. But where is it all going? At a time when most of us are living considerably more of our lives online, could it be that this is stretching us thinner and thinner? Could it be that our tendency to consume and distract is not only adding noise to the space needed for ideas and creativity to flourish but is also preventing us from going deep?

What's your favourite flavour of practice? Are you a Type A striver who likes to knuckle down and do the deep analytical practice? Or do you subscribe to more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants-and-let-my-body-do-its-thing practice routine? And can we have both? How can we ensure that we train great habits so we can trust that we'll hit the right notes and play without tension in performance? But in the same breath don't get stuck playing music like a paint-by-numbers robot? This episode explores the dance we must do if we want to get better at our craft while still keeping the joyful expression that is the lifeblood of music alive.

I know the title of this episode will probably ruffle your feathers, but please hear me out. Being a musician is HARD. It's full of rejection, criticism, people telling you "no" and a crisis of confidence every week. One of the ways we can get through this and not just survive but FLOURISH is to recognise that there are circumstances and facts and then there are our stories around them and what we make those MEAN. In this episode we explore what the difference is and what it can mean for your sanity and self worth if you can distinguish between the two and CHOOSE AGAIN.

A short and sweet introduction so you know what to expect from this show and whether or not it could be one of your new favourites (hey, a girl can dream).