Podcasts about anger part

The post Wisdom and Anger (Part 2) appeared first on Waukesha City Church.

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The role of mob rule today.

Anger isn't something to fear or suppress, it's a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries, and more authentic relationships.In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others' with confidence, clarity, and compassion.The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Anger isn't something to fear or suppress, it's a powerful signal that, when understood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, stronger boundaries, and more authentic relationships.In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business & Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others' with confidence, clarity, and compassion.The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

The laws of nature state that things cannot go from disordered to ordered without an outside influence. Buildings don't form on their own without builders, trees don't grow without energy from the sun, and children don't grow without food from their caregivers. Pastor Jeff reminds you today that relationships aren't strengthened without forgiveness. You won't be able to completely avoid conflict in your relationships, but a spirit of forgiveness can help you reverse the damage done over time.

A common phrase that people use to describe someone lashing out is anger is to say, “Well, that was the straw that broke the camel's back”. The truth of the matter is that every human has a limit to how much they can endure before buckling under the pressure. But what Pastor Jeff teaches you today is that you should have a strong will and not allow yourself to easily give in to anger, because being quick to anger can often result in you alienating those around you, pushing them away permanently.

Anger isn't something to fear or suppress, it's a powerful signal that, whenunderstood and handled consciously, can lead to deeper healing, strongerboundaries, and more authentic relationships.In this episode of Inspired & Empowered Living for a Thriving Business &Life, discover how to navigate both your own anger and others' with confidence, clarity, and compassion.The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show is broadcast live Thursdays at 5PM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).The Inspired and Empowered Living Radio Show Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

"The Man In the Mirror: Pride, Fear and Anger." (Part One) with Special Guest: Steve Towers. Thank you for listening to Pastor Michael Petit from Calvary Chapel Devine, Texas. We hope you enjoy our podcast, Sunday and Wednesday Teachings. You can get more information from http://calvarydevine.org Listen to Son-Salt-Light Christian Digital Radio 24/7 with great teachers of the Word of God and Worship music. https://streams.radio.co/s1df711a7e/low

"The Man In the Mirror: Pride, Fear and Anger." (Part Two) with Special Guest: Steve Towers. Thank you for listening to Pastor Michael Petit from Calvary Chapel Devine, Texas. We hope you enjoy our podcast, Sunday and Wednesday Teachings. You can get more information from http://calvarydevine.org Listen to Son-Salt-Light Christian Digital Radio 24/7 with great teachers of the Word of God and Worship music. https://streams.radio.co/s1df711a7e/low

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People seem queued up and ready to be angry—in the classroom, at work, on Twitter, and on the freeway. Pastor J.D. teaches how we can be angry like Jesus.

People seem queued up and ready to be angry—in the classroom, at work, on Twitter, and on the freeway. Pastor J.D. teaches how we can be angry like Jesus. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/1518/29

It's like a wild animalwaiting outside your door, ready to pounce on you. That's the Bible's vivid depiction of sin.

You know you have an anger problem. But you'd rather not think about it. Where will it lead, if you fail to deal with it now?

Elder Paul Darby continues his Sunday School series on anger. Anger is the drawn sword of human relationships. Before the sword strikes with a sharp word or a violent deed, […]

Uncontrolled anger doesn't have to define your relationships or your life. In this episode, we dive into five practical, biblical ways to deal with anger and respond to angry people. From calculating the cost of anger to finding your identity in Christ, learn how to turn anger into an opportunity for growth and peace. undergodpodcast.com #OvercomingAnger  #ChoosePeace #SpiritualGrowth

Anger is a powerful emotion that can either build or destroy relationships. In this episode, we explore the different ways people express anger and how it impacts their lives. Learn why anger is often a learned response and discover biblical wisdom to help you recognize and disarm destructive anger patterns in yourself and others. #MasteringAnger #BiblicalWisdom #HealthyRelationships #EmotionalGrowth

Anger is the drawn sword of human relationships. Before the sword strikes with a sharp word or a violent deed, it is first drawn. Anger begins with a feeling and […]

Most people would let go of anger if they knew how. In Part 1 of Emotions That Destroy, Pastor Chad teaches us how to rid our lives of anger, using Ephesians 4. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/1388/29

Most people would let go of anger if they knew how. In Part 1 of Emotions That Destroy, Pastor Chad teaches us how to rid our lives of anger, using Ephesians 4. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/1388/29

The post Equipping Hour: Anger part 2 appeared first on Grace Bible Church.

Find out how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

Find out how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

Find out how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

Dr. Stanley explains how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

Dr. Stanley explains how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

Dr. Stanley explains how we can determine if our anger is righteous or sinful and how to deal with it.

When you become angry, it's important to not only control your anger, but you should also process your anger. Controlling your anger without processing it will drive it deep inside, and might come out in negative behavior.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Anger is an emotion that every human being experiences. Though anger is often wrong, it can also be appropriate because we all have a sense of right and wrong. It's important to learn learn practical ways to manage anger in a creative and responsible manner.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How anger can limit you from expounding the kingdom of God because of unforgiveness.  

When the Bible says the fruit of the Spirit is patience, it's saying a Christian is somebody who at last knows how to deal with anger. You know, anger is a scary thing. Almost all murders and wars start with anger. It's a tremendously dangerous emotion. And this ability to deal with anger, to really release and remove it, to pray for enemies, to forgive people, to pray for oppressors, to repay evil with good is an essential sign of Christianity. Ephesians 4 shows us three things about anger: 1) anger in itself is not a sin, 2) anger usually is a sin, and 3) your motives are always impure. This sermon was preached by Dr. Timothy Keller at Redeemer Presbyterian Church on March 4, 1990. Series: Fruit of the Spirit. Scripture: 1 John 3:11-20, Ephesians 4:26-32. Today's podcast is brought to you by Gospel in Life, the site for all sermons, books, study guides and resources from Timothy Keller and Redeemer Presbyterian Church. If you've enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support the ongoing efforts of this ministry, you can do so by visiting https://gospelinlife.com/give and making a one-time or recurring donation.

Remembering an insult can cause us to flare up at any relational irritation. Nehemiah faced constant provocation in his work to rebuild Jerusalem's wall. In this message, Pastor Lutzer considers three steps in Nehemiah's stance toward injustice which can free us from anger. It's time to let go of our bitterness. To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/172/29

Remembering an insult can cause us to flare up at any relational irritation. Nehemiah faced constant provocation in his work to rebuild Jerusalem's wall. In this message, Pastor Lutzer considers three steps in Nehemiah's stance toward injustice which can free us from anger. It's time to let go of our bitterness. This month's special offer is available for a donation of any amount. Get yours at rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. 

Remembering an insult can cause us to flare up at any relational irritation. Nehemiah faced constant provocation in his work to rebuild Jerusalem's wall. In this message, Pastor Lutzer considers three steps in Nehemiah's stance toward injustice which can free us from anger. It's time to let go of our bitterness. This month's special offer is available for a donation of any amount. Get yours at offerrtw.com or call us at 1-800-215-5001. 

If we're destroying our relationships, spiritually stagnating, or allowing the enemy a foothold, anger is probably involved. Our anger can damage ourselves and others. In this message, Pastor Lutzer provides three reasons we need to be freed from anger. Why do we have this emotion of intense displeasure? To support this ministry financially, visit: https://www.oneplace.com/donate/172/29

If we're destroying our relationships, spiritually stagnating, or allowing the enemy a foothold, anger is probably involved. Our anger can damage ourselves and others. In this message, Pastor Lutzer provides three reasons we need to be freed from anger. Why do we have this emotion of intense displeasure? This month's special offer is available for a donation of any amount. Get yours at rtwoffer.com or call us at 1-888-218-9337. 

Most often we associate anger with other people we have a problem with. But it's also possible to be angry with God, even to the point of being passively aggressive toward Him. In this message, Pastor Lutzer observes seven characteristics of an angry person. In the power of the Holy Spirit, God can show us our sin and how to make restitution. This month's special offer is available for a donation of any amount. Get yours at offerrtw.com or call us at 1-800-215-5001. 

If we're destroying our relationships, spiritually stagnating, or allowing the enemy a foothold, anger is probably involved. Our anger can damage ourselves and others. In this message, Pastor Lutzer provides three reasons we need to be freed from anger. Why do we have this emotion of intense displeasure? This month's special offer is available for a donation of any amount. Get yours at offerrtw.com or call us at 1-800-215-5001. 

In this week's question, a kinkster wants to explore their Dominant side and wonders if they can use that to work through their anger. Here's the question: I'm a submissive but I may be... The post Q&A: Is Anger Part of Dominance? appeared first on Loving BDSM.

Featured photo is Mina as a child (more pics below!) 374 Anger, Part 2 You Have Always Hated Me! In the Anger Part 1 podcast (371 on November 20), Rhonda, Matt and David discussed the fact that when you're feeling angry, there's always an inner dialogue—this is what you're saying to yourself, the way you're thinking about the situation—and an outer dialogue—this is what you're saying to the other person. In Part 1, we focused on the inner dialogue and described the cognitive distortions that nearly always fill your mind with anger-provoking inner chatter about the ‘awfulness” of the person you're mad at. Those distortions include All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Labeling, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Mind-Reading, Fortune Telling, Emotional Reasoning, Other-Directed Should Statements, and Other-Blame. That's a lot—in fact, all but Self-Blame. And sometimes, when you're ticked off, you might also be blaming yourself, and feel mad at yourself at the same time. Matt suggested I add these comments on Self-Blame or it's absence:: Another possible addition would be when you identify the absence of Self Blame when we're angry. For me, it's been easier to think of that as a positive distortion, because you are blind to, or ignoring, your own role in the problem. In other words, when I'm blaming someone else, it's me thinking my poop smells great and tit's all the other person's fault.. I've wondered if we fool ourselves like this because of the desire to have a special and perfect “self,” which we then defend. Because nobody's perfect, our "ideal self," as opposed to our "real self," is just a pleasant, but potentially destructive, fantasy. Still, we try to preserve and project the fantasy that we are free of blame and the innocent victim of the other person's "badness," , and we imagine there we have a perfect “self” to defend. Or, as you've said, at times, David, “anger is often just a protective shell to hide and protect our more tender and genuine feelings.” We also discussed the addictive aspect of anger, since you probably feel morally superior to the “bad” person you're ticked off at when you're mad, and this makes it fairly unappealing to change the way you're thinking and feeling. Your anger also protects you from the risk of being vulnerable and open and genuine. Today we discuss the Outer Dialogue, and how to express angry feelings to another person, as well as how to respond to their expressions of anger. The main concept is that you can express anger in a healthy way, by sharing your anger respectfully, or you can act out your anger aggressively, by attacking the other person. That's a critically important decision! Toward the start of today's podcast, Rhonda, Matt and David listed some of the distinctions between healthy and unhealthy anger. The following is just a partial list of some of the differences:   Healthy Anger Unhealthy Anger You treat the other person with respect, even if you're angry. You want to put the other person down. Your goal is to get closer to the other person. You want to get revenge or hurt or humiliate the other person. You hope to improve the relationship. You want to reject or distance yourself from the other person. You want to understand the other person's mindset and find the truth in what they're saying, even if it sounds ‘off' or ‘disturbing' or offensive. You want to prove that the other person is ‘wrong' and persuade them that you are ‘right'. You want to understand and accept the other person. You insist on trying to change the other person. You express yourself thoughtfully. You express yourself impulsively. You come from a mindset of humility, curiosity, and flexibility. You come from a position of moral superiority, judgement, and rigidity. You are patient. You are pushy and demanding. Optimism that things can improve and that there's a great potential for a more meaningful and loving connection. Hopelessness and feelings of certainty that things cannot improve. Open to what I've done wrong and how I've hurt you. Focus on what you've done wrong and how you've hurt me. I-Thou mindset. I-It mindset. You're vulnerable and open to your hurt feelings. You put up a wall of toughness and try to hide your vulnerable true feelings.. You look for positive motives, if possible, and don't assume that you actually understand how the other person is thinking and feeling.. You attribute malignant motives to the other person and imagine that you can read their mind and know exactly why they feel the way they do. You accept and comprehend the idea that you can feel intensely angry with someone and love them at the same time.. You may believe that anger and love are dichotomies, and that conflict and anger, in some way, are the ‘opposite' of love or respect.. To bring some dynamics and personality to today's podcast, Mina, who's made a number of noteworthy appearances on the podcast, agreed to describe what she learned on a recent Sunday hike. (I've started up my Sunday hikes again, but in a small way now that the pandemic has subsided, at least for the time being. I'm struggling with low back pain when walking and that severely limits how far I can go.) Mina began by explaining that when she was talking to her mom on the phone. Her mom described a conflict with woman friend who seemed angry with Mina's mom. Mina said, “I can see why that woman got angry with you.“ Mina explained that her mother, who is “conflict phobic,” paradoxically ends up with conflicts with a lot of people. However, Mina's mother sounded hurt by Mina's comment, and said, “You've always hated me since you were a little girl! You always looked at me hatefully!” Here are some of Mina's "angry" childhood photos:   Mina explained how she felt when her mom said, "You've always hated me.” My jaw dropped when she said that! It was such a shock. I've always felt like she was my best friend! . . . I hate feeling angry. It makes me every bit as uncomfortable as anxiety. If I express my anger, it goes away, and I feel better. But I don't usually express it, and then it comes back disguised as weird neurologic symptoms. And that, of course, is the Hidden Emotion phenomenon that is so common in people who struggle with anxiety. When you try to squash or hide negative feelings your think you're not “supposed' to have, they often resurface in disguised form, as phobias, panic, OCD symptoms, chronic worrying, or any type of anxiety, including, as in Mina's case Health Anxiety—that's where you become convinced you have some serious neurologic or medical problem, like Multiple Sclerosis. Matt suggested that I might remind folks of my concept that “anger allays get expressed, one way or the other.” He's found this idea to be both true and incredibly helpful for “us nice folks who think we can get away without expressing our anger, thinking we can avoid conflicts, entirely. This always backfires, in my experience!” On the recent Sunday hike, Mina practiced how to talk with her mom, using the Five Secrets of Effective Communication. After that, she used what she'd practiced on the hike to talk to her mom about their relationship, and then got an “I love you” message from her mom the next morning. This made Mina very happy, but because she had a full day of back to back appointments, Mina decided to spend time crafting a thoughtful reply at the end of the day, when she had a little free time. But when she went back to her computer at the end of the day to send a message to her mom, she discovered that her mother had deleted the loving message she sent early in the day, and Mina felt hurt. When Mina asked her mom about it, her mom said that deleting the message was just an error due to ‘old age.” However, Mina did not really buy this, and thought her mom probably felt hurt and angry because Mina had not responded sooner. In the podcast, we practiced responding to mom using the role-play exercise I developed years ago. Essentially, one person plays the role of Mina's mom, and says something challenging or critical. Mina plays herself and responds as skillfully as possible with the Five Secrets, acknowledging the other person's anger and expressing her own feelings as well. We practiced responding to mom's statement, “You've always hated me.” Matt played the role of mom and Mina gave a beautiful Five Secrets response. You'll enjoy hearing her response, and Matt's and Rhonda's helpful feedback, when you listen to the podcast. Then Mina asked for help responding to another statement from her mom, who had also said: All of the kids your age are angry, because you were neglected a lot of the time because of the war in Iran, and your dad and I were busy doing what we had to do to survive and avoid being arrested. All of my Iranian friends with children your age are experiencing the same thing. Matt and Rhonda did more role plays with Mina, followed by excellent feedback on Mina's Five Secrets response. Again, I think you'll enjoy the role-playing and fine tuning when you listen to the podcast. One of the obvious take-home messages from today's podcast is to use the Five Secrets of Effective Communication when you're feeling angry and talking to someone who's angry with you as week, As a reminder, these are the Five Secrets. LINK TO 5 SECRETS And to make it simple, you can think of talking with your EAR: E = Empathy (listening with the Disarming Technique, Thought and Feeling Empathy, and Inquiry) A = Assertiveness (sharing your feelings openly with “I Feel” Statements) R = Respect (showing warmth and caring with Stroking) However, here's the rub: People who are angry will usually NOT want to do this! When you're ticked of, you will almost always have a huge preference for expressing yourself with the Unhealthy Anger described above. Matt urged me to publish my list of 36 reasons why this intense resistance to healthy communication. LINK HERE for the LIST 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Empathize 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Share your Feelings 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to Treat the Other Person with Respect. So, as you can see, there's a lot more to skillful communication of anger than just learning the Five Secrets of Effective Communication, although that definitely requires tremendous dedication and practice. But motivation is the most important key to success or failure. When you're upset with someone, you can ask yourself, “Do I want to communicate in a loving, or in a hostile way?” The reward of love are enormous, but the seduction of hostility and lashing out is at least as powerful! This battle between the light and the dark is not new, but has been blazing for tens of thousands of years. And, of course, the decision will be yours. Thanks for listening today, Mina, Rhonda, Matt, and David

Anger, Part 1 You suck! Screw you!   Jay asks: Are you EVER going to do a podcast on anger? Dr. Burns, Also are you EVER going to do a podcast on Anger with Rhonda and Matt? You have done many podcasts on depression, anxiety, interpersonal relationships YET there is not one podcast addressing anger. Given the world we live in right now maybe it's time to address Anger from a TEAM-CBT perspective and give it the attention you have given anxiety and depression. All the Best, Jay In today's podcast, Rhonda and David address this important but neglected topic that is perhaps more important than ever in today's angry and violent world. David began by pointing out that in the feeling Good App, anger improved as much as six other negative feeling clusters, with fairly dramatic reductions in just a few days. This was completely unexpected and exciting, and has been replicated in numerous beta tests. Maybe there IS a small glimmer of hope in this troubled, angry world! David pointed out that anger is addictive Depression is not addictive because in depression you are thinking I am no good, and you have negative and painful distortions about yourself. Anger, in contrast, is addictive because you are directing the distortions at other people, telling yourself that they are no good, and they will never change, and so forth. These distortions directed at others trigger feelings of moral superiority and those feelings are intensely addictive. Any group that is at war tends to feel morally superior and sees the “other” as scum, the enemy, and these distortions give you justification for hurting and killing them and feeling good about what you are doing. What makes the treatment of anger fairly challenging is that most angry people are not looking for help. Distortions directed at others are key in conflicts with friends and loved ones as well as racial and religious hatred, and war and violence. How do you treat a patient who is angry? You always start with T = Testing. David's research on therapist accuracy indicates that therapist accuracy is recognizing anger in their patients is incredibly poor. If you want to assess and deal with patient anger,  the Brief Mood Survey at the start and end of every session can be invaluable, and the Evaluation of Therapy session at the end can also help. E = Empathy comes next. However, empathizing with someone who is angry can be challenging because they are often provocative, or want the therapist to align with them in their belief that the person they are angry with is to blame. We want the client to feel accepted, and have a warm relationship with their therapist so the therapist can easily get sucked into the patient's blaming mind-set. David calls this “reverse hypnosis,” and this can sabotage the chance for effective treatment. Empathy can be challenging if the anger is directed at the therapist, or if the client is saying they are so angry they want to hurt someone. That can be ethically challenging because of the Tarasoff duties to warn the victim and notify the police. That is tough because the client can get upset with the therapist. A = Assessment of Resistance comes next, starting with the Straightforward or Paradoxical Invitation. With someone who is angry, we nearly always use the Paradoxical Invitation. Here's an example: You have been talking about person X, and I can see you are pretty fed up with her. You said, you've tried everything and nothing works, and she won't change. I have a lot of tools that could be very helpful if you want to do work on the relationship and turn it around. But I did not hear you saying that, and I am assuming that is NOT what you want. Don't get me wrong, if you want to work on this relationship, I'd love to do that so you can develop a closer relationship, but at the same time, there's no law that says you have to get along or like everyone. I'm assuming you DON'T want to work on your relationship with X, but want to make sure I'm understanding you. Am I reading your right? M = Methods Two invaluable tools are the Straightforward or Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis for anger, blame, or for the relationship. Anger CBA What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of feeling intense anger at the other person. Blame CBA What are the Advantages and Disadvantages of blaming the other person for the problem. Relationship CBA What are the advantages and disadvantages of having a relationship with this person? David provided this example of a Paradoxical Anger CBA. A man was hospitalized involuntarily in Philadelphia who was brought in by the police. He was working at Savings and Loan company with disgruntled customers. A customer came in who was whining and complaining. The patient was a large and powerful man, and he got so angry at the whining customer that he picked him up and threw him against the wall. They called the police who arrested the man, but he seemed psychotic, or in a manic state, so they brought him, instead, to the hospital. He was sent to Dr. Burns' cognitive therapy group shortly after he was admitted to the locked unit, and defiantly stated at the start of the group that he was sent here for “anger management!” Dr. Burns said he never tried to “manage” anger, and instead suggested that they could list some of the advantages and benefits of his anger with the help of the group, and also list what his outburst showed about him that was positive and awesome. Together, the man and the group listed more than a dozen positives on the white board, including: Truth was on his side People are too entitled, making demands on other people. The patient has a strong value system and was willing to put everything on the line for his beliefs He was willing to show his true feelings. And many more. At the end of the group, Dr. Burns reviewed all the really good reasons for his angry outburst, and said he did not see any reason for him to change or to give up his anger. The patient said he totally agreed. At the start of the group, the man's anger had been 100 on a scale from 0 to 100. Dr. Burns asked him how angry he was now, and the patient said zero! The dramatic change came about because of the Paradoxical Cost-Benefit Analysis. That strategy can be tremendously helpful when you are working with an angry patient. You won't get any buy-in by trying to convince the patient to manage their anger. David was actually siding with the patient's resistance, and the patient could sense that David actually liked and admired him. This can form the basis of a trusting and productive therapeutic relationship. But many therapists are afraid of this type of paradoxical strategy and reluctant to let go of their addictions to “helping,” in spite of the high failure rate with that approach. You and your patient have to be on the same team if you want to use tools for effective change. If the patient is motivated and wants help, you can work on the inner dialogue or the outer dialogue, or both. The inner dialogue is the way you are thinking about the situation, and the outer dialogue is the way you are communicating with the other person. Anger always results from your inner dialogue—your thoughts about the other person, and those thoughts will nearly always be distorted. The Daily Mood Log can be very helpful at eliciting and challenging those distortions. The focus with the DML is on the inner dialogue, which will nearly always include a rich mix of positive and negative distortions including All-or-Nothing Thinking: Seeing the other person as a total loser. Overgeneralization: Generalizing from a negative moment or characteristic and seeing them in an entirely negative way based on this one negative habit, or feature they have. We all have features that are not likeable. WE generalize from the person's actions to their SELF. You think the person is bad. Mental Filtering: Noticing and focusing and all the things about the other person that you find offensive. Discounting the Positive: Ignoring the person's positive qualities, or telling yourself that they're fake or don't count. Mind-Reading You imagine the other person's motives. When you feel angry you nearly always attribute malignant motives to them. Sometimes there are some truths and other times there are no truths. Fortune Telling: Telling yourself that the other person will never change. Magnification and Minimization: Exaggerating the other person's “badness” and minimizing their good qualities. Emotional Reasoning: I feel angry at you, therefore, you are scum and I want to get back at you. You must be very bad. Labeling: We label someone as a terrorist as if the person's entire person can be reduced to a label. There are terrorist actions but…a terrorist can be considered a freedom fighter by someone else. Shoulds He shouldn't be like that. She shouldn't have said that. Other Blame: Telling yourself the other person is to blame and that you are the innocent victim or their badness. Once you've identified the distortions in a thought, you can use any of the more than 100 M = Methods I've developed to challenge it, such as Explain the Distortions Externalization of Voices with Acceptance Paradox, Self-Defense, and Counter-Attack Technique Semantic Technique for Should Statements Forced Empathy Positive Reframing of the other persons feelings and behaviors Individual / Interpersonal Downward Arrow Examine the Evidence How Many Minutes Technique Paradoxical Double Standard Many more If our listeners (meaning you) want a Part 2 podcast on anger, we can describe helping the patient with the Outer dialogue, which is how you actually communicate with the person you're feeling angry with. This was not discussed in great detail on today's podcast, but we just touched on a couple points. The first topic is the difference between Attacking with your anger vs Sharing your anger. It's not bad to be angry, but it is how you share and express your anger that's most important. There's a huge difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. If your goal is to hurt and demean the other person, it's unhealthy, destructive anger. You may want to get back at the other person, hurt them, or put them down. Healthy anger is very different. Martin Buber, a 20th Century Jewish theologian, distinguished an “I-It” vis and “I-thou” relationship. Buddhist philosophy is similar. They say that the cause of all evil is the belief that you are separate from an external reality, so you see other person or group you're angry with as the “enemy” or the “it,” that is separate from you, and “different,” as opposed to the “thou.” Then you can rationalizing using, hurting, or even killing them in order to advance your own interests, or so you think! Sharing your anger involves letting the person know directly and openly and respectfully that you are angry with them because of something they DID, and not because of something they ARE. The goal of healthy anger is to develop a deeper and more loving (or satisfying) relationship with the other person. Healthy anger is the decision you make to share your anger, rather than to attack with your anger out of vengeance, frustration or rage. Healthy anger is not the choice that most people seem to make, since unhealthy anger gives feelings of vengeance and moral superiority. A Part 2 podcast on anger might include Forced Empathy Relationship Journal (RJ What did the other person say? What did you say next? EAR Checklist / Bad Communication Checklist Consequences Five Secrets of Effective Communication List of 12 GOOD Reasons NOT to E = Empathize using Listening Skills A = Assertiveness—Sharing vs attacking with your anger R = Convey Respect The RJ Requires insight, communication skill, and the painful death of the “self” Examples: Why does my husband constantly criticize me? Why are men so critical? Why does my wife treat me like crap? Why can't men express their feelings? Thanks for listening! Rhonda, and David