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In this episode of Dieting From the Inside Out, I'm diving deep into the 5 most common struggles middle-aged women face on their weight loss journey—and more importantly, how to overcome them with real solutions.Whether you've battled all-or-nothing thinking, emotional eating, food obsession, body image issues, or the effects of decades of diet culture, this episode is for you. I'm giving you a breakdown of each issue, practical strategies, and the mindset shifts needed to finally get off the diet hamster wheel—for good.Topics we cover:- Why “I blew it on the weekend” thinking is keeping you stuck- How to stop using food to numb your emotions- What food noise really means (and how to silence it)- Navigating body changes with aging and menopause- Unlearning diet culture lies you've believed since you were 12Grab the Food Noise Solution Guide Here: https://inquire.hamiltontrained.com/food-noiseTIMESTAMPS:(00:00) – Intro & Biggest Weight Loss Struggles for Middle-Aged Women(00:45) – Top 5 Weight Loss Struggles from ChatGPT (01:42) – Struggle #1: All-or-Nothing Thinking(07:10) – Struggle #2: Emotional Eating & Food as Comfort(13:20) – Struggle #3: Food Noise & Mental Obsession with Eating(19:20) – Struggle #4: Body Image Issues and Aging Fears(28:25) – Struggle #5: Diet Culture Damage & Decades of Unlearning(33:55) – Final Thoughts & How to Move ForwardMY RESOURCES & SPECIAL OFFERS:‣ Join the Dieting From The Inside Out Collective & get immediate access: bit.ly/DFIOcollective‣ Apply for 1:1 Coaching:Application for Coaching‣ Join my free Facebook group & get all my trainings:Fat Loss Simplified | Facebook‣ Get my [Free] Fat Loss Check-list Course:Never Struggle Losing Weight Ever Again Masterclass‣ Grab my 20 Pound Blueprint to lose your next 20lbs without feeling restricted:The 20 Pound BlueprintFIND ME ON:‣ Instagram:Instagram (@realjaredhamilton)‣ YouTube:Jared Hamilton‣ TikTok:Jared Hamilton on TikTok‣ Email:jared@hamiltontrained.com----© 2025 Jared Hamilton
Stuck in the diet trap of “all or nothing”? You're not alone—and midlife women feel it the most. In this special 600th episode of Candidly with Coffee, we're getting real about the all or nothing mindset and how it's holding you back from real, lasting results—especially in midlife. If you constantly feel like you've “ruined” your progress after one treat or keep waiting for Monday to start over, this episode will change everything.
Today we discuss all things polarized thinking and how to be okay with moderate success. I hope to encourage you to take agency over your situations and accept all strides in a positive direction!
Do you ever feel like if you can’t do it all—and do it perfectly—it’s not even worth starting? That’s the trap of all-or-nothing thinking. It quietly fuels shame, burnout, and discouragement—keeping you stuck and unsure how to move forward.In this episode, Bonnie shares a heartfelt (and slightly nerdy!) story about her love for sci-fi and how it reveals a deeper truth about the spiritual journey: God never asks us to grow at warp speed. Instead, He invites us to take small, grace-filled steps at His pace of peace.You’ll learn 3 truths from scripture and the “Law of the Harvest” to help you release pressure, overcome perfectionism, and step confidently into what God is calling you to do—with emotional wellness and peace leading the way.Tune into this episode to stop waiting for the perfect moment—and start walking in your God-inspired purpose with peace and clarity. Key Takeaways:- Why all-or-nothing thinking keeps you from peace, purpose, and progress- How to reframe growth as a slow, soul-nourishing journey with God- 3 biblical truths to break free from pressure and procrastination- A science-backed soul care practice to calm your nervous system and spark motivationHow to feel emotionally safe to take your next brave step with GodBreath Prayer:(inhale) The nearness of God is my good…(exhale) I am safe in His love.Scripture: Psalm 73:28 — “But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works.” If you’re ready to stop living under pressure—and start walking in God’s peace-filled purpose—join me for the Lent Wellness Study at mysoulcareschool.com.Together, we’ll journey through 6 weeks of prayer, scripture, and soul care practices designed to restore your emotional wellness and deepen your connection with Jesus.You don’t have to do it all. Just take one grace-filled step at a time. Sign up today and let’s walk this healing path together.LINKS & RESOURCES- Sign Up for NEW 6-Week "Lent Wellness Study! https://thebonniegray.com/soulcareschool/- Take my FREE Soul Care Quiz at soulcarequiz.com – your wellness assessment!- Get Bonnie's Bestselling book "Breathe: 21 Days to Stress Less" https://amzn.to/4azae1K- Subscribe to FREE Breathe Newsletter for Fall Quarter Soul Care! https://thebonniegray.com/subscribe/- Follow Bonnie at www.instagram.com/thebonniegray & www.facebook.com/thebonniegray Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
Send us a text! (add your email to get a response)We all know those moments—when everything feels either perfect or disastrous, when someone is either completely trustworthy or utterly toxic. "All-or-nothing," "black-and-white," or dichotomous thinking, shapes our relationships, political views, and self-perception in profound ways. But where does this all-or-nothing approach come from, and why is it so hard to escape?In this episode, we dive deep into the surprising evolutionary purpose behind rigid thinking patterns. Far from simply being a cognitive flaw, black and white thinking often emerges as a survival mechanism for those who've experienced trauma or instability. The problem arises when we carry these protective patterns into everyday life, relationships, and social media interactions where complexity is essential.We explore how dichotomous thinking manifests differently across various conditions—from personality disorders where it permeates every interaction to PTSD where it might remain confined to specific triggers. We share personal examples, research findings, and practical strategies for recognizing when you've fallen into extreme thinking. Then, we outline the evidence-based strategies for breaking free of the extremes of dichotomous thinking.Whether you're dealing with a loved one who sees the world in absolutes or noticing this pattern in yourself, we understand why our brains crave certainty and how embracing the gray areas might be the key to deeper connections and better mental health. We offer both compassion for why we develop these patterns and concrete tools for finding your way back to nuance.Resources:Bonfá‐Araujo, B., Oshio, A., & Hauck‐Filho, N. (2022). Seeing Things in Black‐and‐White: A Scoping Review on Dichotomous Thinking Style1. Japanese Psychological Research, 64(4), 461-472.Jonason, P. K., Oshio, A., Shimotsukasa, T., Mieda, T., Csathó, Á., & Sitnikova, M. (2018). Seeing the world in black or white: The Dark Triad traits and dichotomous thinking. Personality and Individual Differences, 120, 102-106.Support the showIf you have a loved one with mental or emotional problems, join KulaMind, our community and support platform. In KulaMind, work one on one with Dr. Kibby on learning how to set healthy boundaries, advocate for yourself, and support your loved one. *We only have a few spots left, so apply here if you're interested. Follow @kulamind on Instagram for science-backed insights on staying sane while loving someone emotionally explosive. For more info about this podcast, check out: www.alittlehelpforourfriends.com Follow us on Instagram: @ALittleHelpForOurFriends
In this episode, I talk about how all-or-nothing thinking might be the sneaky way you've been sabotaging your efforts toward you want. If you like my thoughts and insights follow me on my socials below for more! To be clear, I am not a therapist! I am just very interested in and passionate about self-awareness and personal growth :)Book a 1:1 session ☕️
Karen spent years jumping from diet to diet—trying everything under the sun, only to end up back where she started. In this episode, she shares how she finally broke free from self-sabotage, emotional eating, and scale obsession by shifting her mindset and focusing on the inner game of weight loss.What You'll Learn in This Episode:✅ Why diets keep failing you (and what actually works)✅ How Karen overcame the "all or nothing" mindset✅ The identity shift that made weight loss effortless✅ Why the scale doesn't define success✅ The secret to breaking free from food guilt & emotional eatingKaren's story proves that lasting weight loss isn't just about food and workouts—it's about changing who you are at the core. If you've been stuck in a cycle of losing and regaining weight, this episode will be perfect for you.TIMESTAMPS:(00:00) - Intro(02:25) - Where It All Started: Karen's Struggle With Dieting(06:08) - The “Dieting from the Inside Out” Approach to Dieting Explained(15:30) - The Identity Shifts That Helped Karen Make Lasting Change(24:28) - Why Breaking Old Habits Feels So Hard(27:20) - The Truth About Fast vs. Slow Weight Loss(29:25) - Working Through All or Nothing Thinking(35:22) - Why Karen Doesn't Care About the Scale Anymore(41:03) - What Finally Made Karen Take the Leap(50:10) - How to Move Forward Without Getting Stuck in the Past(53:02) - Karen's Advice to Anyone on the Fence About Joining(59:25) - Final ThoughtsMY RESOURCES & SPECIAL OFFERS:‣ Join the Dieting From The Inside Out Collective & get immediate access: bit.ly/DFIOcollective‣ Apply for 1:1 Coaching:Application for Coaching‣ Join my free Facebook group & get all my trainings:Fat Loss Simplified | Facebook‣ Get my [Free] Fat Loss Check-list Course:Never Struggle Losing Weight Ever Again Masterclass‣ Grab my 20 Pound Blueprint to lose your next 20lbs without feeling restricted:The 20 Pound BlueprintFIND ME ON:‣ Instagram:Instagram (@realjaredhamilton)‣ YouTube:Jared Hamilton‣ TikTok:Jared Hamilton on TikTok‣ Email:jared@hamiltontrained.com----© 2025 Jared Hamilton
How many times have you thought to yourself that it had to be all or nothing? Thinking like this can often hold you back from accomplishing what you want in your life. It can keep you from creating new beliefs about your future. Sure, all-or-nothing thinking makes it easy on us because there aren't any grey areas, but it also leaves us thinking everything is one way or another. It doesn't give us the opportunity to dig deeper to see if there could be a possibility of having something in between that all-or-nothing thinking. It doesn't give you that opportunity for growth. Ready to learn more about how all-or-nothing thinking is holding you back? Let's dive in… I'm inviting you to sign up for the free private podcast where I do a deeper dive into this topic on the Mastering Your Mindset Moments podcast for high-stress professionals: https://www.financialadventure.com/private Schedule your Complimentary Stress Audit and Clarity Session, where we'll work together to create a clear and focused plan for you to move forward so you'll immediately start enjoying your life with less stress, increased productivity, and more time to spend doing what you love with the people you care about: https://www.financialadventure.com/work-with-me Accountants, CPAs, Bookkeepers, Tax Preparers & Financial Professionals, sign up here to get updates on upcoming opportunities & grab the Audit Of Your Well-Being & Balance Guide here: https://www.financialadventure.com/accountant Ready to set up your business? I have a program to help you get your business set up so that you can start making money. Sign up for this program here: https://www.financialadventure.com/start Are you ready to try coaching? Schedule an Introductory Coaching Session today. You'll have the opportunity to see how you like coaching with an Introductory Coaching Session: https://www.financialadventure.com/intro Join us in the Mastering Your Small Business Finances PROFIT LAB if you are ready to take control of your business finances and create the profitable business you are striving for. Are you ready to generate revenues and increase the profit in your business: https://www.financialadventure.com/profit If You Are Ready To Choose, Start Or Grow Your Side Hustle, Get Your Free Checklist And Assessment Here: https://www.financialadventure.com/sidehustle Grab Your FREE guide: 5 Essential Strategies For Stress-Free Bookkeeping: https://www.financialadventure.com/5essentials Your FREE Online Virtual Bookkeeping Business Starter Guide & Success Path Is Waiting For You: https://www.financialadventure.com/starterguide Join Our Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womenbusinessownersultimatediybookkeepingboutique The Strategic Bookkeeping Academy, including Bookkeeping Basics, is open for registration! You can learn more and sign up here: https://www.financialadventure.com/sba Looking for a payroll solution for your business? You can get an exclusive 15% discount on your payroll services when you sign up here: https://www.financialadventure.com/adp QuickBooks Online - Save 30% Your First 6 Months: https://www.financialadventure.com/quickbooks Sign up for a virtual coffee chat to see if starting a Bookkeeping Business is right for you: https://www.financialadventure.com/discovery Show Notes: https://www.financialadventure.com This podcast is sponsored by Financial Adventure, LLC ~ visit https://www.financialadventure.com for additional information and free resources.
In this episode of the Help Me Understand podcast, JK reflects on the journey of the podcast over the past five years, celebrating milestones and discussing the concept of all or nothing thinking. He challenges listeners to rethink this mindset, suggesting that it may not be a binary choice but rather a range of options. JK shares his view on the importance of understanding the 'something else' that occurs when plans are not followed and encourages listeners to consider the mood required to execute their plans effectively.----Kids Talk Sports hoodies available HERE(available in both adult and kids sizes on website)----Have a question or topic you'd like JK to talk about in a future episode? Submit it HEREConnect with JK on Instagram: @coachjkmcleodEmail JK: jk@themusclefeed.comSubscribe on YouTube:@CoachJKMcLeodJoin JK's weekly email list: subscribe hereCheck out Feed Your Habits* apparel here(code: JKFYH for 10% off)*available in the US only at this time-----00:00 Introduction and Milestones08:16 Understanding All or Nothing Thinking19:37 Reframing All or Nothing Thinking26:04 Closing Thoughts and Key Takeaways
In Episode 290: How To Take Small Steps To Escape All-or-Nothing Thinking, You Will Discover: Why all-or-nothing thinking feels so convincing—and how small steps can help you break free from it. How tiny actions spark momentum, build confidence, and help redefine the way you see yourself. Simple, practical strategies to embrace small steps and make habits stick—no matter how busy life gets. Links From The Podcast Learn more about private coaching Learn more about We're Busy Being Awesome small group coaching Get the top 10 tips to work with your ADHD brain (free ebook!) Discover my favorite ADHD resources here Get the I'm Busy Being Awesome Planning System here Get the Podcast Roadmap here Get the ADHD Routine Revamp here This post contains affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Disclosure info here. Leave IBBA A Rating & Review! If you enjoy the podcast, would you be a rockstar and leave a review? Doing so helps others find the show and spreads these tools to even more people. Go to Apple Podcasts Click on the I'm Busy Being Awesome podcast Scroll down to the bottom of the page, where you see the reviews. Simply tap five stars; that's it! Bonus points if you're willing to leave a few sentences sharing what you enjoy about the podcast or a key takeaway from the episode you just heard. Thanks, friend!
In this episode, Molly dives into a topic that resonates deeply with anyone struggling to build a peaceful relationship with alcohol: perfectionist or all-or-nothing thinking. Often disguised in subtle ways, this mindset can block progress and contribute to cycles of shame and guilt. Molly uncovers how this cognitive distortion manifests in our drinking habits, why it keeps us stuck, and how to break free by understanding our mind's powerful role in shaping behavior.What is All-or-Nothing Thinking? Understanding how perfectionism leads to feelings of failure when plans don't go perfectly.The Vicious Cycle of Shame and Off-Plan Drinking: How small setbacks can snowball due to mental distortions and negative self-talk.The Cognitive Distortions That Trick Our Brains:Mental filtering – focusing on failures while ignoring successes.Disqualifying the positive – dismissing progress due to minor missteps.Why Being at Peace with Alcohol Doesn't Mean It's Always Easy: Learn how peace is rooted in mindset shifts, not perfection.Rewiring the Brain for Sustainable Change: Molly discusses why progress isn't erased by one mistake and how small consistent efforts build resilience.Challenging AA's “Day One” Mentality: Explore the science-backed benefits of avoiding the punitive “start over” mindset.Key Takeaways:Progress isn't linear: One setback doesn't erase the steps you've already taken.Curiosity and compassion: Treat off-plan drinking as an opportunity to learn, not a failure.Replace rigid rules with flexible strategies: The key to long-term success is a mindset shift, not perfect adherence to plans.Mentioned in This Episode:Cognitive distortions like mental filtering and disqualifying the positive.The role of neural pathways in forming and breaking habits.The behavior map-results cycle for effective habit change.Resources & Links:Join the Alcohol Minimalist Facebook Group for support and connection.Molly's Book: Breaking the Bottle Legacy – Learn more about shifting your relationship with alcohol.Connect with Molly:mollywatts.comWebsite: Instagram: @alcoholminimalistEmail: molly@mollywatts.com ★ Support this podcast ★
In this episode of the Small Jar Podcast, I'm diving into the second mindset trap on the road to the empty nest—all-or-nothing thinking. You know the feeling: if your teen misses a curfew, your brain leaps to worst-case scenarios, or if you're not the 'perfect mom,' you fear you're failing altogether. But here's what you might not believe—you're not falling into this trap because you're anxious or overreacting. In fact, your brain thinks it's protecting you. I'll show you why this instinct to think in extremes is actually a survival mechanism, how it sneaks into your parenting without you noticing, and—most surprisingly—how letting go of this mindset can make you feel more in control, not less. If you've ever felt trapped in black-and-white thinking, this episode will open your eyes to the freedom waiting in the gray.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed, even when you're trying your best to stay faithful and push through the stress? You're not alone. In this episode, Bonnie explores how we can overcome feelings of overwhelm by focusing on the small beginnings that God delights in. As we step into February, a month filled with love and new beginnings, Bonnie reminds us that it's never too late to experience God's peace and joy, no matter how small the steps may seem. Learn to let go of the "all-or-nothing" mindset and embrace the small, intentional actions that can rewire your brain and bring lasting peace to your life. Tune into this episode to discover how to reframe your thoughts, use the power of "but" to combat discouragement, and lean into God's grace as you take small steps toward new growth.Key Takeaways:- Small steps matter: God rejoices when we take even the smallest steps toward our goals.- Overcoming all-or-nothing thinking: Learn how reframing your thoughts can help you stay motivated, even when progress feels slow.- The power of "but": Use this simple word to replace negative thoughts with God’s perspective.- Science + Scripture: Understand how small, intentional steps not only improve emotional wellness but also align with God's calling in our lives. Breathe Prayer: Inhale: "Do not despise these small beginnings "Exhale: "For the Lord rejoices to see the work begin" Scripture: "Do not despise these small beginnings for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin." Zechariah 4:10 Soul Care Tip: 3 Action Steps to Beat All-Or-Nothing ThingLINKS & RESOURCES- Sign Up for the NEW "Walking In Wellness with Jesus" Study! https://thebonniegray.com/soulcareschool/- Take my FREE Soul Care Quiz at soulcarequiz.com – your wellness assessment!- Get Bonnie's Bestselling book "Breathe: 21 Days to Stress Less" https://amzn.to/4azae1K- Subscribe to FREE Breathe Newsletter for Fall Quarter Soul Care! https://thebonniegray.com/subscribe/- Follow Bonnie at www.instagram.com/thebonniegray & www.facebook.com/thebonniegrayDon’t let discouragement stop you—God is with you every step of the way. Discover more Christian podcasts at lifeaudio.com and inquire about advertising opportunities at lifeaudio.com/contact-us.
If you're ready to break free from catastrophic thinking and gain more peace and confidence, this episode is for you! Tune in and learn how to take control of your thoughts and create a healthier, more balanced mindset. ✅ FREE CLASS! LEARN HOW TO STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK Don't forget to sign up for our free “How to Stop Caring What People Think” webinar masterclass at https://www.trishblackwell.com/stopcaring ✅ GET ACCELERATED RESULTS: Our next-level coaching happens at: http://www.collegeofconfidence.com ✅ STAY CONNECTED.
Your Next Best Move | Personal Growth, Wellness & Mindset Strategies for Women
Are you stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset when it comes to food and exercise? This week on Your Next Best Move, we're ditching perfection and embracing progress. Whether you're trying to fit in workouts between drop-offs or navigating healthy eating while managing a busy schedule, this episode is all about shifting your mindset to prioritize consistency over extremes. I'll share practical strategies to help you reframe your goals, celebrate small wins, and create sustainable habits that work for your life as a mom. Let's stop the cycle of guilt and overwhelm and focus on what truly matters—showing up for yourself in a way that feels balanced and achievable. Tune in now to take the pressure off and start making progress on your wellness goals today! Deanna Connect with Deanna: W: https://www.deannahope.ca/ IG: deanna_hope FB: Your Next Best Move Podcast
Are you caught in the "all or nothing" loop? Do you find yourself either giving 110% to your goals or doing absolutely nothing when life gets in the way? In this episode, we're diving into how the "all or nothing" mindset is keeping you stuck and why the middle ground—the power of "and"—is where true transformation happens. We'll explore how this shift can impact key areas of your life, including nutrition, exercise, career, social life, and personal goals. Plus, we'll talk about why it's not your fault, how societal pressures have shaped this mindset, and how to embrace a more sustainable and fulfilling approach to growth. What You'll Learn in This Episode: Why "all or nothing" thinking keeps you stuck in cycles of burnout and inaction. How the power of "and" can create balance and sustainable progress. The role of force energy and perfectionism in triggering fear and procrastination. Why it's not your fault: understanding the cultural roots of the "work harder" mindset. The importance of slowing down, resting, and recognizing what's already in front of you. Practical examples of applying the "and" mindset to nutrition, exercise, career, social life, and goal setting. How to shift from force to flow and embrace compassionate accountability. Key Takeaways: Progress over perfection: If you can't give it all, then some will do. Small, consistent actions add up to big changes over time. Balance beats burnout: Rest and self-compassion are just as important as effort in achieving your goals. Change your lens: Stop seeing setbacks as failures and start viewing them as opportunities to adjust and grow. Break free from extremes: Learn to thrive in the middle ground, where flexibility and resilience create lasting success. Here is the link to the Healthy Habit Journal I mention in the episode. AMAZON Ready to join the Balanced, Fit & Free Society?? Check it out here: BFF Society Remember you get 50% off your first month as a loyal listener! Use Coupon Code: BFF50 Remember to rate, review, and subscribe to the podcast! Thank you! Join my FREE FB Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/balancedfitfreelife Instagram: @raeannemullins Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rae.a.mullins Website: www.raeannemullins.com
Do you ever feel stuck between pursuing something new and holding on to what you already love? What if the way out is simpler than you think? Many Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) fall into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking, feeling forced to choose between moving forward and staying in their comfort zone. This episode explores how you can free yourself from that mental bind and step into a life of nuanced decision-making and inner peace. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the belief that “you must give something up to start something new” is just a thought—and how to question it. How to dismantle all-or-nothing thinking and open up a world of flexibility and possibility. How a simple, mindful practice can guide you to freedom and help you follow what truly excites you. Listen now to discover how to free yourself from the stress of rigid thinking and embrace a life of balance, exploration, and inner peace. Todd Dreaming of a stress-free, balanced life? Visit trueinnerfreedom.com and complete the HSP Stress Survey. Gain clarity on your stress triggers and enjoy a free 15-minute Inner Freedom Call designed to guide you toward lasting inner peace and fulfillment. Are you a highly sensitive person (HSP) or someone who identifies as hypersensitive or neurodivergent? This podcast is dedicated to helping highly sensitive people (HSPs) navigate overwhelm and stress by using The Work of Byron Katie—a powerful method for questioning stressful thoughts and finding true inner freedom. We dive deep into stress management strategies, coping with stress, and stress relief methods specifically tailored for HSPs. Learn how to manage emotions, especially negative ones, and explore effective stress reduction techniques that go beyond the surface to address the root causes of anxiety and pressure. Whether you're interested in learning how to lower stress, handle stress and pressure, or reduce stress through practical techniques, we provide insights and support based on The Work of Byron Katie. Discover how this transformative approach can help you decrease stress, find inner peace, and create balance in your life. Join us to learn about various coping strategies for stress, all designed to support HSPs in their journey toward emotional well-being.
In this episode of The YLF Chats Podcast, Daryl Perry welcomes Lindsay back to discuss the real meaning of consistency in fitness and nutrition. They dive into how societal pressures, rigid rules like "never miss a Monday," and social media extremes can distort our understanding of consistency. Lindsay shares her personal journey of redefining consistency as a flexible and intuitive approach that works for her life. Whether it's walking to work, adapting workouts during recovery, or finding balance in eating habits, this conversation highlights the importance of context and self-compassion. If you've ever struggled with feeling like you're not doing enough, this episode is for you. Outro:Please share this episode with anyone you think would be interested in listening to it. Visit https://yourlevelfitness.com/ylf-chats-podcast for links to the show page on each of the major podcast directories. From there, you can subscribe and share this pod. For comments, questions, topic ideas, or possible collaborations, email daryl@yourlevelfitness.com.
In this episode, a therapist and a certified coach delve into the intricacies of 12-step programs, focusing on Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and its newer counterpart, Food Addicts Anonymous (FA). They discuss the challenges and potential benefits of these programs for those struggling with food issues, citing personal experiences and client stories. Key topics include the principles of abstinence, the impact of restrictive eating, the role of sponsors, and the delicate balance between support and control. They also touch on the cultural and psychological implications of these programs, often questioning their long-term efficacy and potential for fostering restrictive eating d1sord3rs. For deeper insights, they reference previous episodes on related topics like "All In vs. All or Nothing Thinking" and "Can Cutting Out Some Foods Help My Eating?" Stefanie's Somatic Experiencing and Nervous System Regulation Course is enrolling now! Use code: LADLISTENS for a discount at checkout. This course is for beginners looking to gain a broader insight into the role of the nervous system in symptoms of stress, anxiety, erratic moods, body image distress, and food issues. Join our growing support community. This community is for you if you want a safe space to work through your daily struggles with food and body image. Community membership includes livestream episode recordings (online), monthly Zoom support meetings, a private Facebook group and member-only Q&A episodes. For more information go to: https://www.patreon.com/lifeafterdiets Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/lifeafterdietspodcast Email – hello@lifeafterdietspod.com Connect with Stefanie Michele, Recovery Coach, Somatic Therapist IT Stef's Binge Recovery Course -- www.iamstefaniemichele.com/iamstefaniemichelecourse Website – www.iamstefaniemichele.com Instagram – www.instagram.com/iamstefaniemichele Connect with Sarah Dosanjh, Author & Psychotherapist Website – www.thebingeeatingtherapist.com Instagram – www.instagram.com/the_binge_eating_therapist YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/c/TheBingeEatingTherapist Sarah's book I Can't Stop Eating is available on Amazon If you find this episode helpful, you can subscribe to the Life After Diets podcast, leave us a review, and share your thoughts with us on Instagram and YouTube (@lifeafterdietspodcast). Your feedback helps us create content that matters to you.
Rebroadcast Alert: Our Most Popular Episode!Dive into the world of High Conflict Personalities (HCPs) and the five personality disorders that often fuel their behavior. In this groundbreaking episode from Season 1, Bill and Megan explore the common traits of HCPs, including blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Discover why traditional methods of interaction often fail with HCPs and gain valuable insights into managing these challenging relationships. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate high-conflict situations with greater understanding and effectiveness. Don't miss this opportunity to learn from our most popular episode and transform your approach to high-conflict personalities! REBROADCASTWhen an HCP also has a personality disorder...Personality disorder or not, people with a high conflict personality (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. With HCPs, the pattern of behavior often includes a lot of these four characteristics:Blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsHCPs also seem to have personality disorders or some traits of these disorders. This means that they have long-term patterns of:Interpersonal dysfunctionLack of reflection on their own behaviorLack of changeMental health professionals have identified ten personality disorders. Five of these have a tendency to become HCPs: those with narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality disorders or traits. This helps us understand why they stay stuck in conflict – namely because of two reasons: they don't reflect on their part of the problem, and they don't change. So, the conflict continues or gets worse.Perhaps you know someone with this pattern. Someone who insists that you – or someone you know – is entirely to blame for a large or small (or non-existent) problem. If so, he or she may be an HCP and you likely have felt targeted by them and unsure what to do.In this episode, Bill and Megan give an overview of the five types and why the ways we interact with them don't work, and why you can't get them to reflect on themselves.Send us your stories!We'd love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question' button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt's All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:Who Are High Conflict People?Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesArticles:High Conflict People in Civil LitigationHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (02:42) - HCPs In Your Life (03:47) - Four Key Characteristics (06:27) - All or Nothing Thinking (08:48) - Personalities (10:11) - Unmanaged Emotions (11:55) - Giving It Time (13:21) - They Don't Stop Themselves (15:06) - Look for the Pattern (17:41) - Five Personality Disorder Types (21:45) - Range of HCP? (23:34) - They're Everywhere (26:31) - HCPs in Court Cases (28:07) - Antisocial (30:42) - Always Check Yourself (32:57) - Where These Types Pop Up (35:38) - When These Overlap (38:08) - Bipolar (41:42) - Wrapping Up (42:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: The Narcissistic HCP Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
Ask David With Special Guest Expert, Dr. Matthew May Daily Mood Log: Does it have to be done perfectly? Somatic Complaints: How does TEAM Help? Passive Aggression: What distortions cause it? Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'? Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? TOZ asks: Does passive aggressive behavior result from All-or-Nothing Thinking? The answers below were written prior to the show, based on correspondence with those who asked the questions. The live answers on the show will be different in many cases. 1, Roger, from Australia, asks: Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'? 2. Roger also asks: Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain? Dear David, Sure, I would love to have my questions be on an Ask David! It would be okay for you to use my real name and my location as being in Australia for the podcast and show notes. I've reworded the questions so that they get across what I was actually trying to ask in my previous email. You might now have a slightly different response based on the new questions. I have to apologise as my wording in my previous email was confusing, even for me. Here's a shorter version of the first question: “Dear David, I've got a question about doing daily mood logs as part of my psychotherapy homework. I tend to start a lot of new daily mood logs where I write my negative emotions and thoughts, as well as do positive reframing, but then get stuck when it comes to doing methods for challenging my negative thoughts, as I get caught up on trying to do the exercise perfectly. I get worried that I won't see as much benefit from the exercise if I don't do the steps perfectly or in order. Did you see improvements in patients who filled out their daily mood logs imperfectly? Perhaps they may have skipped steps or maybe they couldn't crush their negative thoughts completely, but continued to move on to working with new thoughts and seeing if they could crush those.” An even shorter version of the question would be: “Do daily mood logs still work if you complete them ‘imperfectly'?” A shorter version of the question about somatic complaints and pain is: “I've also got a question on treating somatic symptoms and chronic pain. Some clinicians have seen people improve by doing journalling or expressive writing about life stressors such as past stressors, current stressors, and self-limiting behaviours or beliefs. Other activities which seem to be useful include writing unsent letters to people who've hurt you, or doing behavioural changes for self-limiting beliefs like learning how to designate free time for yourself if you have a tendency to take on too much or feel guilty about spending time relaxing and not doing work. I was wondering what you've seen in your clinical experience and what you've seen patients do which helps them reduce or eliminate their somatic symptoms and chronic pain?" An even shorter version of that question would be: “Based on your clinical experience, what causes a reduction or complete elimination of in symptoms for people who present with somatic complaints or chronic pain?" Regards, Roger He David's reply Thanks, these short versions are a big improvement. Here are the quick answers: The critical thing is to come up with one or more positive thoughts that are 100% true, and that reduce your belief in the negative thought. If you send a specific example, it would help. There are several rules about getting workable negative thoughts as well. Perfection is never possible in the universe of daily mood logs, but excellence certainly is. A change in belief in neg thoughts is the goal. In my experience, somatic complaints, such as undiagnosed pain, dizziness, fatigue, and more, are often created or magnified by (or the expression of) negative emotions, as well as hidden emotions / problems. The average reduction of pain, for example, will be 50% if there is a dramatic reduction in negative feelings, or if the patient identifies and tackles some unexpressed problem, like anger, or unexpressed grief, or loneliness when the kids go off to college, and so forth. An average of 50% means that some people will experience a complete elimination of the negative symptoms, like pain. Some will experience no improvement. And some will experience some improvement. With regard to how or why this works, I don't really know, and don't think that anyone knows. But it seems like negative feelings, like depression, anxiety, anger and so forth have a magnifying effect on negative feelings. On the podcast, I can give a personal example of when I was in the Stanford emergency room, screaming in pain from a broken jaw. I can also give an example of what happens to my low back pain when I am in an especially good mood and I am out jogging. Best, David 3. TOZ asks: Does passive aggressive behavior result from All-or-Nothing Thinking? Hi David, I thought my therapist will tell me once he gets to know me that I'm passive aggressive and therefore I do things particularly anxiety disease as all or nothing black or white. I was wondering for you not to answer my case but in general does passive aggressive attitudes or approaches result from all or nothing thinking? Thanks, Toz David's reply. Thanks, Toz. Great question! To find out, you would have to do what I have recommended for nearly 50 years. Write down your negative thought on a piece of paper (can you do that?) and identify the distortions in it, using my lit of ten cognitive distortions. Let me know if you've done this. Most people refuse to do it! Warmly, david Toz replies: So I did your exercise. My thoughts were: I'm crashing. Help I'm scared. I'm going to die. Help me laud. Help me laud. Distortions: predicting the future. Magnification How is that? I looked up. Saw that was fine. Felt better. Then I checked my pulse. Not too fast so okay. Toz. David's reply to Toz, That, Toz, is totally cool! Way to go! Could also add: Emotional Reasoning. You identified two super important distortions that are always present in fear, paranoia and anxiety. Cool, cool, cool! David's comment: This is why I ask for specific examples when people ask general questions. As you can see, Toz asked about passive aggression, but his specific example turned out to be all about something entirely different: anxiety and panic. He did a great job of testing his negative thoughts with the Experimental Technique. Warmly, Rhonda, Matt, and David
In today's episode, I'm reviewing the three most-downloaded episodes of the podcast, including why I believe these episodes were so popular and key takeaways from each one. Included are overviews of Episode 2 ('Break Free from All or Nothing Thinking'), Episode 64 ('Three Things You're Wasting Time on as a Busy SLP'), and Episode 6 ('Revolutionizing Clinical Practice with AI and Chat GPT').PLUS I've got news!! I'm hosting a free masterclass on how to use ChatGPT to save time, so mark your calendar for January 30th, 2025, at 7 p.m. Eastern. Make sure to register for the webinar and stay tuned for more episodes aimed at balancing your career and personal life.To find out how I can help you create work-life balance, click here. Come join the SLP Support Group on Facebook for more tips and tricks!Follow me on Instagram! @theresamharpLearn more about Theresa Harp Coaching here.
The most reliable path to getting meaningful and lasting results in your life is to start small, or else you risk getting nothing. New to the podcast? Fill this out to get specific recommendations that Fast Track Your Self Improvement. The 9 Super Habits: Discover the 9 micro-routines and micro-actions that create outsized effects in supporting your energy levels, improved daily productivity, and a strong mindset. Click here to learn the 9 Super Habits!
Thriving through Menopause with Fitness, Fat Loss and a Focused Mind
The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of indulgence, stress, and guilt—but it doesn't have to be that way! In this episode, we'll dive into actionable strategies to help you avoid all-or-nothing thinking and maintain balance with Trim Healthy eating. Learn how to plan your holiday treats, stabilize your blood sugar, and set powerful intentions for a joyful, stress-free season. Whether you're navigating family feasts, holiday parties, or tempting leftovers, this episode is packed with tips to help midlife women stay on track with their health goals while still enjoying the season. We'll cover: The power of mindset and setting holiday intentions Practical tips for enjoying treats in moderation Blood sugar hacks for indulgences How to reset the day after a big meal Healthy strategies for staying on plan Join me as we reframe the holidays into a time of peace and empowerment. Let's ditch the guilt and embrace intentional eating! Grab your FREE Holiday Recipe Swap ebook HERE>>> https://bit.ly/3B0NeNe JOIN MY MIDLIFE STRONG: 12 DAYS OF FITMAS >>> https://www.getyourtrimon.com/12-days-of-fitmas We start December 9th!! SHOW NOTES → https://www.getyourtrimon.com/blog
Welcome back to another episode of The Smart Nutrition Made Simple Show! Today, I'm excited to chop it up with Max Lowery. Max is a behavior change expert and online health coach who's helped thousands of career-focused women lose fat, improve their health, and never diet again without sacrificing the things they love. He is also the author of The 2 Meal Day: Burn Fat and Boost Energy Through Intermittent Fasting and the host of the Never Diet Again podcast.In today's episode, we dive deep into the psychology of sustainable weight loss, exploring the five root causes that keep people stuck—like emotional eating, negative self-talk, and all-or-nothing thinking. Max shares how these factors impact long-term consistency and how diet culture exacerbates them.We also discuss practical strategies for sustainable weight loss, including the power of mindfulness, building satiating meals, and why ditching snacking could be the most impactful change you make. Plus, we explore the nuanced role of intermittent fasting, particularly for women, and discuss why exercise alone isn't the solution for sustainable fat loss.If you're ready to shift your mindset, break free from the diet cycle, and step into the best version of yourself, this episode is packed with actionable insights to help you do just that. As always, if you love what you hear on this show, then do me a favor and subscribe, leave a positive rating and review, and share this episode with a friend or loved one whom you think could benefit. And if you want to talk about working with me personally, I'd love to chat. Just schedule your free nutrition strategy call at https://www.bodysystems.com/free-strategy-call/.Connect with Max:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/max.lowery/?hl=enPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/never-diet-again-with-max-lowery/id1677268285RESOURCES:Book a free call to learn about our new men's hybrid coaching program PrimeFitOS: https://www.primefitos.com/callGrab our FREE Fat Loss Fix Guide: https://bodysystems.com/fat-loss-fix-guide/Check out our new High Protein Recipe Pack – Over 52 Easy to Make Protein Dense Meals + 2-Weeks of Shopping Guides and Meal Plans: https://bodysystems.com/high-protein-recipe-pack/We've recently partnered with Fullscript, the #1 online source for only professional-grade supplements, to create our own Smart Nutrition Made Simple Supplement Shop! As a loyal subscriber of Body Systems, you automatically qualify for 15% off all supplements – https://us.fullscript.com/welcome/bslnutrition/signupConnect with Us:Email: Ben@bodysystems.com Join our Smart Nutrition Community:
In this episode, Vic and Kels get real about the struggle with all-or-nothing thinking—the mindset that whispers, “If it's not perfect, it's not worth it.” Whether it's skipping a workout, breaking a diet, or missing a journaling day, they share how this pattern has shown up in their own lives and the toll it takes on progress and self-worth. With candid stories and practical tools, they dive into how to ditch the extremes and find freedom in the gray areas. Tune in as they explore: Why perfectionism keeps you stuck—and how to break the cycle. How to celebrate small, imperfect wins without losing sight of your bigger goals. Actionable tips to reframe “failures” and build a more flexible, sustainable mindset. If you've ever felt like one misstep meant you had to start over, this episode will inspire you to bend, not break, and discover the beauty of balance and growth in the messy middle.
The holiday season is filled with festive treats, busy schedules, and plenty of opportunities to slip away from our health goals. In this episode of The Ali Damron Show, Ali dives deep into the psychology of all-or-nothing thinking and cognitive distortions, explaining how they can derail your progress. She offers practical tips for staying on track, not just for weight loss, but for overall health and all aspects of your life—whether you're working on cholesterol, blood sugar, sleep, nutrition or even finances. Tune in to learn how to overcome the all or nothing mindset - the biggest hindrance to progress and growth there is. Ali's Resources: Consults with Ali BIOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough 10% off using code ALIDAMRON10 www.alidamron.com/magnesium Master Your Perimenopause Course + Toolkit "Am I in Perimenopause?" Checklist. What Hormone is Imbalanced? Quiz! Fullscript (Get 10% off all supplements) "How To Balance Your Hormones For Better Sleep, Mood, Periods and Energy" Free, On Demand Training Website Ali's Instagram Ali's Facebook Group: Holistic Health with Ali Damron
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In this live episode, hosts Sarah and Stef explain the concepts of "All-In Recovery" versus "All or Nothing Thinking," particularly in the context of the nondiet approach to overeating and restriction cycles. Stef explains that "All-In Recovery" involves abandoning restrictive eating behaviors entirely, which actually IS a quite all-or-nothing experience. She also explains how it worked to find enough inner quiet to actually find intuitive eating authentically. Throughout the episode, they highlight the distinctions between intentional eating without shame and unchecked binge eating, stressing the importance of presence and self-compassion in recovery. The hosts also address audience questions about how to identify if All-In Recovery is right for someone and the interplay between allowing binges and maintaining a helpful mindset. Overall, the episode provides valuable insights into the nuanced differences between these approaches, offering practical advice for individuals navigating their own recovery journeys. Join our growing support community. This community is for you if you want a safe space to work through your daily struggles with food and body image. Community membership includes livestream episode recordings (online), monthly Zoom support meetings, a private Facebook group and member-only Q&A episodes. For more information go to: https://www.patreon.com/lifeafterdiets Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/lifeafterdietspodcast Email – hello@lifeafterdietspod.com Connect with Stefanie Michele, ED Recovery Coach, Somatic Therapist IT Work with Stefanie - www.iamstefaniemichele.com/application Website – www.iamstefaniemichele.com Instagram – www.instagram.com/iamstefaniemichele Connect with Sarah Dosanjh, Author & Psychotherapist Website – www.thebingeeatingtherapist.com Instagram – www.instagram.com/the_binge_eating_therapist YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/c/TheBingeEatingTherapist Sarah's book I Can't Stop Eating is available on Amazon If you find this episode helpful, you can subscribe to the Life After Diets podcast, leave us a review, and share your thoughts with us on Instagram and YouTube (@lifeafterdietspodcast). Your feedback helps us create content that matters to you.
If you've ever felt stuck because things weren't just right, this episode is for you!In this heart-to-heart episode, Steph talks about the all too familiar trap of all-or-nothing thinking, especially for high achievers and perfectionists. She opens up about her own battles with this mindset and how it has impacted her personal and business life, including game-changing strategies to help you let go of the need for perfection and start making real progress. From reframing success in phases to embracing minimum viable effort, you'll learn practical steps to move forward even when things aren't perfect. And keep your eye out for more info about Steph's popular Year on the Wall training, designed to help you plan out your year with clarity and confidence.
Become a Confident Eater: Overcome Overeating, Establish Healthy Eating Habits
All or nothing thinking around food will keep you stuck overeating and binge eating for much longer than you need to. This mindset takes food choices to the extreme, such as labeling foods as “good” and “bad” or thinking “I've ruined it, might as well keep going.” Today I cover… how to spot those sneaky thoughts that lead to a binge why all or nothing thinking happens 3 steps to stop all or nothing thinking
Gina chats with Learning Expert Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer, and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Beverley David about working through the messy middle of The Program.You can find the full video hosted at:https://www.facebook.com/groups/livymethodfall2024Topics covered:There's a middle to every journey - Let's explore this with Dr. Deena and Dr. Beverley today! Defining the language we use to describe the middle of our journey. Name it to tame it! Self-Talk: The words we use matter! Why it's hard to slow down - even though a pause is very helpful. Reflecting on the journey so far by feeling into it and getting perspective. You can show up even when you "don't feel like it" or "don't wanna." Do it anyway - you'll be glad you took a step forward and got started. Praising the Process - let go of a focus on the outcome and stay present with the process of what you are doing. Thought Trap: All or Nothing Thinking. Is there an alternative explanation? Compassion as good medicine for perfectionism. Adjusting expectations - finding the small, imperfect moments to do what's important now. An active pause: Capturing, Canceling, and Correcting our thoughts that are not working for us with Compassion. When weight loss seems trivial to whatever else is going on in our lives or in the world. Goal setting: There are many strategies to get us there from here. Tapping into our inner resources while being in service to others and the world. It's not failure, it's learning! Tips to stay in the game: Dr. Deena and Dr. Beverley share their wisdom and best tips! Where to find Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer and Dr. Beverley David: Dr. Deena Kara Shaffer: Instagram: @awakenedlearning www.awakenedlearning.ca Dr. Deena's new book is available at: https://pandamoniumpublishing.com/product/raising-well-learners-helping-parents-support-students-from-stress-to-success/ Dr. Beverly David: Instagram: @drdrbeverley www.yourpsychologycentre.ca To learn more about the Livy Method, visit www.ginalivy.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Bestie, if you're tired of the all-or-nothing mindset keeping you stuck, today's episode of the Queen of Pep Talks podcast is exactly what you need. Jessica is sharing a powerful exercise that will help you ditch perfectionism so you can finally stay consistent with the habits and routines that move you forward.Whether it's in your life or business, consistency is the *secret* to achieving your biggest goals—and this episode will show you how to break free from the all-or-nothing trap that's been holding you back. Get ready to take actionable steps toward the life and success you deserve!You'll wanna take notes on this episode, so grab a pen and paper, and let's dive in!Links/Resources:Register for the TRANSFORM Membership.Sign up for the JJXO Weekly Newsletter.Join the FREE JJXO Facebook Community.Read my book "Battle for Growth".Connect with Jessica on Instagram.
So many people check the scale and 'watch their weight' when it comes to eating and living. There are so many things that the scale does not reflect and it really is not a great indicator of your overall health. Today we discuss 7 reasons why you should ditch the scale! Episodes that are referenced include: Ep 130 Diet - All or Nothing Thinking https://youtu.be/UVH784AqaNY Nutrition Nuggets 65 Diet vs Lifestyle change https://youtu.be/gd0QRe2Tlpo Enjoying the show? Consider leaving a 5 star review, and/or sharing this episode with your friends and family :) Sign up for our newsletter on our website for weekly updates and other fun info. You can also visit our social media pages. We're on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube. Your support helps fuel the stoke and keeps the show going strong every week. Thanks! Website: www.mywifethedietitian.com Email: mywifetherd@gmail.com
Are you feeling stuck or overwhelmed in your move abroad journey? Do you ever feel like if you don't do things perfectly, you've failed? In today's episode, we're tackling a common mindset trap that could be holding you back—all-or-nothing thinking.I'll share a personal story about how this mentality showed up for me in a simple challenge to get outside every day—and how breaking free from perfectionism helped me stay consistent and make progress. We'll dive into why this type of thinking can sabotage your dreams of moving abroad and what you can do instead to stay on track, even when things don't go exactly as planned.Whether you feel behind on your move abroad goals, missed some coaching calls, or didn't complete a task on time, this episode will help you understand how to overcome the mindset that you have to start over or give up entirely. Progress over perfection is the key!Remember, moving abroad is a marathon, not a sprint. Let's ditch the perfectionism and keep taking steps toward your dream life abroad!Resources Mentioned:→ Join the Move Abroad Crash Course→ Contact us for Coaching Options→ Follow Move Abroad Coach on InstagramLove this Episode? What to Listen to Next:#65 There's never going to be a perfect time to move abroad #58 Are you stuck in the research rabbit hole?#46 How to get the hell out of your own way so you can finally move abroad #26 The 5 biggest ways we self-sabotage when it comes to moving abroad #11 I'm too busy to work on moving abroad
Description: Ever worked with a client that gets stuck in all or nothing thinking? They see things as mutually exclusive, this or that, or think in black and white? This is not them being difficult; it is actually one of the most common thinking errors we have as humans. In today's episode, I am sharing an effective form of questioning that will help you get clients out of this all or nothing thinking and into taking action. ASC Early Bird Application: www.chatwithjess.com Stay in Touch: www.jessicademarchis.com IG @jess_demarchis_coaching
Earlier this week, one of my private coaching clients said: "When you have ADHD, you live in the gray, but think in the black and white." What this means is that we view things in extremes, there's no middle ground. It's all or nothing. And this cognitive distortion touches everything to do with ADHD leading us to struggle, procrastinate, get things started, manage emotions and relationships. It just makes things harder than they need to be. So let's talk about how we can manage it! Then jump into these other episodes to keep working on your ADHD: Episode 211: Tie Up the Loose Ends First Episode 206: Later Means Never Want some additional help living easier with ADHD? Join the ADHD Success Club here or learn more about my private coaching.
418 The Fear of Driving Featuring Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW and Rhonda Barovsky, PsyD Today, we feature Werner Spitzfaden, LCSW, a Level 3 certified TEAM-CBT therapist who recently treated Rhonda, who's driving phobia returned during the pandemic because she did very little driving at that time. After you overcome any fear or phobia, it has a way of returning if you don't continue confronting your fear. Werner describes his skillful and compassionate work with Rhonda! Werner is a dear colleague and friend with over 35 plus years of clinical experience treating phobias, such as the fear of flying, claustrophobia (the fear of being trapped in small places), and driving (especially over bridges and overpasses). He also treats depression, panic and other forms of anxiety, and works in corporate environments to improve communication and teamwork. Let's dive right in, Please take a look at Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, As you can see, the upsetting event was thinking about driving over an overpass, and she rated her initial anxiety cluster at 100%, indicating extreme anxiety. She was also 90% ashamed, and 80% Inferior, worthless, inadequate, defective, and incompetent. She was also feeling 99% embarrassed, foolish, humiliated, and self-conscious, and 85% hopeless, despairing, frustrated, stuck, angry, annoyed, irritated, upset, and devastated. Her sadness was only modestly elevated at 25%. There are several teaching points. First, most of Rhonda's negative feelings were severely to extremely elevated. Second, although she is asking for help with a phobia, anxiety often goes hand-in-hand with a wide variety of negative feelings, including shame and inadequacy. This is because anxious individuals often feel like there's something terribly and shamefully wrong with them. Rhonda's feelings of shame are not unusual. Shame is a central feature of anxiety, whereas a loss of self-esteem is a central feature of depression. Werner added that the fear of driving often goes along with the fear of heights as well as claustrophobia. Rhonda admitted to engaging in many “safety behaviors” which typically make anxiety temporarily better but worse in the long run. Rhonda's "safety behaviors" included going out of her way when driving to avoid scary overpasses as well as asking her husband to drive her many place. As you can see, these totally understandable “safety behaviors” relieve your anxiety in the here-and-now because they are forms of avoidance, but that's why they makes anxiety worse in the long run. The urge to avoid of the thing(s) you fear is universal among individuals struggling with all forms of anxiety. Werner emphasized the importance of empathy in the initial phase of treatment, and throughout the treatment, since trust and the courage to face your fears is so central in the treatment of all forms of anxiety and, of course, depression as well. Rhonda invited Werner and another TEAM-CBT colleague, Lee Flowers, to stay with her in Berkeley during the recent TEAM intensive that David and Jill Levitt directed at the South SF Conference Center near the airport. She drove the group to and from the workshop to face her fears and get some motivation and support at the same time. You can see many of her negative thoughts about driving on Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log, including these: The bridge will collapse. 95% Other cars will make the bridge unstable. 100% I'll have a heart attack. 95% I'm so dumb for not driving on this overpass. 1005 I'm an ass. 100% I can't do this. 100% I'll die. 100% Lee and Werner will see me at my worst. 100% I need to study the exact route before I start. 100% I'll get into an accident. 100% As you can see, the list includes a mixture of fear-inducing thoughts as well as self-critical thoughts and shame-inducing thoughts, like "Lee and Werner will see me at my worst." Whenever you are working with anyone with anxiety, you have to emphasize first, to create trust, warmth, and understanding. This won't cure anyone of anything, but will give your patients the courage to face their fears when you get to the M - Methods portion of your TEAM session. After you get your A in empathy, you can move on to A = Paradoxical Agenda Setting. That where you bring Outcome and Process Resistance to conscious awareness. Then you melt them away using a variety of TEAM-CBT techniques. Outcome Resistance means that Rhonda may have mixed feelings about a “cure” for her driving phobia. In other words, although she WANTS to get rid of this fear, she may subconsciously NOT want to get rid of it. Can you think of why? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Process Resistance means she may WANT a cure for her driving phobia, but may not be willing to do what it takes to defeat this fear. What will she have to do? Take a moment to think about it, and make a guess. You'll find the answer at the end of the show notes. Werner and Rhonda described a number of TEAM-CBT M = Methods that they used to reduce Outcome Resistance, including The Miracle Cure Question The Magic Button Positive Reframing The Pivot Question The Magic Dial. To put this phase in a nutshell, Werner highlighted how Rhonda's intensely negative feelings helped her and revealed many positive things about her core values as a therapist and human being. This is a shame-reducing technique and you can use the Magic Dial to ask your patient what they would like to dial each negative feeling down to, without reducing them all the way to zero. You can see Ronda's goals on Rhonda's completed Daily Mood Log in the Emotions Table Next, Werner worked on Process Resistance, bringing the work on Paradoxical Agenda Setting to closure. At the start of the M = Methods portion of their work, Rhonda identified the distortions in two of her thoughts (“I'm dumb,” and “I can't do this.”). See how many distortions you can find. Wrote them down on a piece of paper and when you're done you can see the answers at the end of the show notes. Werner pointed out that Rhonda's anger, directed against herself, had become a springboard for agitation which intensified her anxiety. Werner and Rhonda challenged some of her negative thoughts with Examine the Evidence, Externalization of Voices (illustrated live during the podcast),Double Standard Technique and the Paradoxical Double Standard Technique as well as a Fear Hierarchy, which you can see if you click here. The also did Cognitive Flooding (also called Imaginal Exposure) three times, and by the third time Rhonda could only increase her negative feelings into the mild range, whereas they had started out in the extremely elevated range. They also used breathing exercise plus getting into the here-and-now to calm herself while driving over overpasses. All of this was background work for actually driving during the intensive, and the highlight was driving home in the dark on the third evening of the intensive. For Rhonda, this was the most fearful thing of all! She said at the start her anxiety was "greater than 100%," but she felt triumphant when she arrived home. Werner gave her specific homework, like driving over a specific overpass four times, and also encouraged Michael, Rhonda's husband, not to give in to her requests to do the driving on a planned trip to visit friends in Sacramento. I am deeply grateful to Rhonda for giving us such a raw and real glimpse into her courageous and victorious win over her intense driving phobia, and a big thanks also to Werner for being such a kind and powerful TEAM-CBT therapist, teacher!, and beloved friend! Thanks for listening today, Rhonda, Werner, and David Solution to puzzles above Outcome Resistance: If she's “cured,” she'll have to start driving much more, and that will include driving over overpasses and bridges. This concept will freak her out now, because she's still afraid something horrible might happen if she stops avoiding them. Process Resistance: To overcome her fears, she'll have to face them and experience some fairly intense fear along the way. Werner can support her, and drive with her, as he did, but she will still freak out at first when driving on overpasses and bridges. The distortions in those two negative thoughts included All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Mind-Reading, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Hidden Shoulds, Labeling, and Self-Blame.
Can breaking free from all-or-nothing thinking transform your post-divorce life? This episode promises to show you how shifting away from black-and-white thought patterns can unlock the power and choices you didn't realize you had. I'll walk you through how this limiting mindset can leave you feeling powerless and stuck during your divorce. I'll also offer practical strategies to recognize and challenge these habitual thoughts. By the end of this episode you'll have tools to step into your inherent power and see the spectrum of possibilities available to you as you move through your divorce and beyond.To schedule your complimentary consult with Karin click here.Make sure to follow and rate the podcast on your favorite podcasting app.For more information and full show notes go to:https://www.karinnelsoncoaching.com/post/ep184
Podcast 416 Ask David is it reckless to question the existence of the "soul?"' How can I make myself accountable? Do we have a "personality," or is that just another illusion? Do questions about the "self" and "free will" involve All-or-Nothing thinking? The answers below were prepared prior to the podcast, and simply based on email exchanges. Be sure to listen to the live podcast discussion to get a variety of opinions and comments! Questions for today's podcast. #1: Weren't your comments on the self a bit reckless, given that the existence of / or belief in the “soul” is a prerequisite for most religions? #2: How can I make myself accountable for doing the exercises in your books? #3. Holy asks if the concept of having “a personality” is the same as the question of having “a self?” #4. Could questions about the “self” and “free will” involve All-or-Nothing Thinking? Question #1. (not question, just a comment worthy of a response) Your comments on the “self” were shallow, mocking and restless. The recent episode on ‘Do I have a self?' (Episode 406) was very shallow and mocking of people who thought there was a soul/self. Given a soul is a prerequisite for most religions, dismissing it out of hand without meaningful discussion seems reckless. David's response Thanks, there's a lot of truth in your comment and we'll definitely include this on an upcoming Ask David! To give a brief response prior to the show, I would say that I am not trying to defend or attack any religion, but don't want to give up my right to freedom of thought. I, David, am not saying that the “soul” does not exist, but what I am saying is hard to convey, and I probably won't be successful now, either. But, when you talk about a “soul,” I do not have any idea what you mean by that word, or what you are referring to, if anything. To me, words like “self” or “soul” are simply language that is “out of gear,” as Wittgenstein might say. Meaning can only occur in a specific concept. It is not the case that there are “pure meanings” for abstract concepts. Thinking along those lines was the huge error that Plato and Aristotle made. Now, let's say I go to YouTube and listen to some really kick-ass music that I totally love. I might say, “Wow, that guy (like James Brown, for example) really has soul!” What I'm saying is that I tremendously admire and appreciate his talent, his energy, and so forth. I am not referring to something metaphysical. My concern about your comment is that it sounds scolding, at least to my ear, like the “morality police,” perhaps. Personally, I have seen a great deal of evil done in the name of this or that religion, and I have no doubt that you have, too! Still, I am sure you have strong religious beliefs, which I respect, and apologize for having offended you. But I admit I am ambivalent, and partially happy that you are offended, and speaking out, because I believe that critical thinking is also tremendously precious, just as your religious beliefs are precious to you. In a selfish way, I have to confess I am also happy for the criticism, because controversy stirs up interest, and I am trying to interest people in our podcasts, which are ultimately dedicated to healing and relief of suffering. Still, I cannot deny the truth in your comment, that my “critical thinking” can be a disguise for a put down. When I wrote Feeling Good, I was very aware already (in the 1970s) that the chemicals categorized as “antidepressants” had few or no clinically significant effects above and beyond their placebo effects, and subsequent research has validated this. But I did not emphasize this in that book because I did not want to pull the rug out from anybody, and hurt anybody's feelings. After all, if you are getting a nice “placebo effect,” that's a good thing, at lest to some extent. Now, I'm older, so I'm more willing to speak my mind, and let the chips fall where they may. And you have bravely spoken your mind, too. Kudos to you! And that's the end of my prayer! Keep those good thoughts rolling along. Amen Best, david (PS I'm sure you'll get way better answers from the others on the podcast tomorrow!) Question #2. How can I make myself accountable for doing the exercises in your books? Good to have Fabrice back. Regarding your books I have a question. I have trouble holding myself accountable doing the exercises in the book. Do you have any advice on how to prioritize doing the homework and being disciplined with it? How did other depressed people get better using your books? I already filled out multiple notebooks but appear to be stuck. Any help appreciated! David's Response Thanks, we will address your question on a future Ask David podcast, if that's ok. Question #3. Holy asks if the concept of having “a personality” is the same as the question of having “a self?” @HolyLoveQuest • 1 day ago Thank you for this video on this topic, it was very clear to me! It's a shame that this chapter of your Feeling Great book was removed, because to me this philosophical point is one important tool (among the many techniques that you propose) to get read of negative thinking, and to heal. What you said about the DSM is refreshing, and I agree with it. So, you said schizophrenia and bipolar1 are mental disorders, and you explained why, but what would be the third: psychopathy? It would be nice if you do another video where you dig on this. Your voice on it is really important. What the APA is doing is really concerning. Other psychiatrists disagree with this business of labelling people. And you're right, it's detrimental to human beings. There is another psychological concept that you didn't talk about, but who looks similar to the "self", which is the "personality". What is your take on it, the same or different? Lastly, now in the spiritual domain, is the notion of the soul the same for you than the "self"? Or, in your opinion, could it be a possibility of an essential part of us which links us all to the Spirit, to spirituality? Looking forward to watching the other philosophical videos! David's Response Will include in next Ask David Podcast! Question 4. Could questions about the “self” and “free will” involve All-or-Nothing Thinking? Matt send me the following email he received and asked if we could include it in our next podcast, and my answer was “of course!” Hi, I'd like to tell you about my experience with my son. He is 14 years old and despite our honest attempts not to label, he has always been the problem child: selfish, disobedient etc. Recently we started him on Prozac and the changes have been incredible. Things that have been way beyond his best times are now simple, like going to sleep on time or having a good time with his brother. Every night my wife and I tell each other about some new miracle. So, I wonder what you can say about this from the lens of free will. An obvious conclusion would be that the choices he made until now were not "free" because his brain was not presenting him with the same set of choices that other kids experience. On the other hand, if he is acting better now, we could say that it is not his choice, just a pill making the decision for him. I feel like that would be insulting and degrading. I wonder if a lot of resistance to therapy and especially pharmacotherapy is related to anxiety about the question: "If I can be changed by a pill, then who am I?" I had another thought after listening to the episode on "self". The position that self doesn't exist seems extreme to me, maybe like "all or nothing thinking". Maybe we could answer that question with a "magic dial". How much do we agree that there are selves and free wills? I agree that there are problems associated with having a self and free will, but I think there are practical and theoretical reasons on the other side as well. Maybe the golden path is in the middle? David's Response: Will include your excellent question in the next Ask David Podcast! I am so happy to hear the good news about your son! At this point I will briefly say that concerns about “free will” might definitely include all-or-nothing thinking in the following sense. There is an awful lot of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, behaviors, preferences, and so forth that is kind of hard-wired by evolution, genetics, and who knows what. For example, I really love blueberry pie that way my mother made it, but I never cared for pumpkin pie. I cannot “will” myself to like pumpkin pie! So I don't have free will in that sense. Similarly, I can't “will” myself to want to stop breathing permanently, or to stop feeling hungry when I haven't eaten, and I can't “will” myself to levitate when mediating or being able to high jump over something five feet high. The list goes on and on. And even when I freely chose something, like what type of new shirt to purchase, I have no doubt by genes and innate preferences, and possibly my upbringing, will strongly influence my choices. We all have biases, preferences, and desires that we do not choose, at least not consciously, Like sexual preferences, for example. We're kind of stuck with what we've got. Now we can make free choices, of course, but we cannot be “totally free,” because we exist and are human. A cat can't “not” get excited by a wiggly piece of string or a mouse that's running away. But we CAN make conscious choices, obviously, just as I made the decision to print your excellent question and type out this brief response! Warmly, david
The Savvy Psychologist's Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Mental Health
The impact of all or nothing thinking and some alternative approaches to ease the symptoms.Savvy Psychologist is hosted by Dr. Monica Johnson. A transcript is available at Simplecast.Have a mental health question? Email us at psychologist@quickanddirtytips.com.Find Savvy Psychologist on Facebook and Twitter, or subscribe to the newsletter for more psychology tips.Savvy Psychologist is a part of Quick and Dirty Tips.Links: https://quickanddirtytips.com/savvy-psychologisthttps://www.facebook.com/savvypsychologisthttps://twitter.com/qdtsavvypsychhttps://www.kindmindpsych.com/
TUNE IN TO LEARN: Ever felt trapped in the cycle of all-or-nothing thinking, only to end up burned out, inconsistent, exactly where you started? How many years have you been trying to lose these 10kgs?Or add a zero or 2 to the business you are proud of?Or that degree or course finished? Join me, Angela Sharina, your Brain's Coach, as I share my personal journey and client stories to illustrate the power of micro changes. Inspired by the Japanese philosophy of kaizen, we'll discuss how small, consistent efforts can lead to significant, long-lasting results. Bill Gates, "We overestimate what we can do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a decade" Learn how to break free from a black-and-white mindset and start thinking in all colors of rainbow—to achieve steady progress in your fitness, nutrition, and business goals. This episode goes deep into the profound impact of minor, sustained adjustments over time that even make millionaires from people with regular jobs. Tune in to discover actionable strategies for long-term success that keeps on growing
Do you struggle with all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to changing your habits? You're either totally on track or completely off the rails, with no middle ground. Sound familiar? In this episode, I dive into why this black-and-white mindset is sabotaging your progress and keeping you stuck in a vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting. Tune in this week to discover practical strategies for overcoming all-or-nothing thinking so you can finally break free from the diet rollercoaster and achieve your goals with more ease and joy, instead of letting one off-plan decision spiral out of control. Get full show notes and more information here: https://carriehollandmd.com/115
Feeling Down? Try the Feeling Great App for Free! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it out at FeelingGreat.com! What's a Give-Get Imbalance? What's the Best Treatment for Anxiety and Dysthymia? Can you do Externalization of Voices on Your Own? The show notes for today's podcast were largely written prior to the show. Tune in to the podcast to hear the discussion of these questions by Rhonda, Matt, and David. And keep the questions coming. We enjoy the exchange of ideas with all of you. Thanks! Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Martin asks: What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Eoghan (pronounced Owen) asks: Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own? 1. Suzanna asks: What's a “Give-Get” imbalance? And how can you get over it? Description of Suzanna's problem. Suzanna is a woman with a grown daughter with severe brain damage due to a severe brain infection (viral encephalitis) when she was an infant. Suzanna was constantly giving of herself and catering to her daughter. She explains that her daughter can be very demanding and throws tantrums to get her way, and kind of controls the entire home in this way. She can only talk a little and has the vocabulary of about a two-and-a-half-year-old. She can mostly express the things she wants or doesn`t want on a very basic level. She mostly understands what I want from her, but mostly does not want to do what I ask her to do. She can be very stubborn. And I cannot reason with her because she has her own logic and, in her eyes, only her logic is valid. Maybe all a little bit like a two-and-a-half-year-old. Suzanna struggles with negative feelings including guilt, anxiety and depression, because she is constantly giving, giving, giving and feeling exhausted and resentful. And she tells herself, “I should be a better mum.” Can you spot any distortions in this thought? Put your ideas in the text box, or jot them down on a piece of paper, and then I'll share my thinking with you! What are the distortions in the thought, “I should be a better mum”? There are many distortions in this thought, including All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Mental Filtering, Discounting the Positive, Magnification and Minimization, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Directed Should Statements, and Self-Blame. There may be one or two more, too! The first step in change nearly always includes dealing with motivation and resistance. Suzanna decided to do a Cost-Benefit Analysis, as you can see below, and a revision of her Self-Defeating Belief, as you can see below. Another helpful step might include “No Practice,” which simply means saying “no” so you don't constantly get trapped by “giving,” as well as “giving in.” A third critically important strategy involves the mom and dad making the decision to work together as a loving team in the management of a troubled child, rather than fighting and arguing with each other, as we've discussed on previous podcasts. However, in many, or possibly most cases, the parents are not willing to do this. They are more concerned about being "right" and so they continue to do battle with each other, as well as the child who needs a more loving structure. David Cost-Benefit Analysis Self-Defeating Belief: I should be a better mum to my daughter Advantages of this belief(How does believing this help me?) Disadvantages of this belief(How does believing this hurt me?) This thought motivates me to: Put myself out. Push myself to give what I have. Find ways to advance her development. Find ways to involve her in everyday life. Invest myself into her and her life as much as I can, physically, emotionally and time wise. Try to find ways that my daughter can have a fulfilling life. Try hard to connect to her, her pain, her needs, her sadness and her frustration. Try to make her life as easy as possible. Try my hardest to see her world through her eyes and gain deeper understanding of how she feels. Try to understand what is upsetting her when she throws a tantrum. Stay healthy and fit to have energy for her. Try to make her life rewarding and meaningful. Fulfill my duty as a mum to my daughter who needs my support. I can feel good about myself. I satisfy other people's expectations of me. Protects me from criticisms from my husband I am a prisoner to my daughter. No matter how hard I try I don`t seem to make a meaningful difference to her life and to her development. I am a “Siamese Twin” to her. I cannot move or do anything if she doesn`t want to. I reason with my emotions instead of thinking rational at times. I let my daughter get away with “murder”. I find excuses for her behaviour. I find excuses for her why she cannot behave differently. I beat up on myself when I feel I failed her. I take all responsibilities away from My daughter and make them my own. I blame myself when I cannot motivate her to do something. I blame myself when she is bored and unhappy. I feel guilty doing my own things. I feel guilty when I do not involve her in my activities. I feel guilty when I expect her to do entertain herself for a while. I cannot live my own life. I cannot be myself at times. She rules my life, and she lives my life. I feel trapped and frustrated. I feel I need to constantly entertain her. I feel responsible for her happiness. I feel responsible when My daughter is sad and frustrated. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed at times. I feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Advantages: 20 Disadvantages: 80 Semantic Method: Re write your personal value I want to be a mum to My daughter and help her along and invest myself into her. But I also want to treat myself the way I treat her. She has a “right” to live a happy and fulfilling life, but so do I. Our needs and desires are equally important and deserve the same attention and care. I can only continue to look after My daughter well if I look after myself too and take myself and my needs and desires as seriously as I do hers. There needs to be a give-get balance so that both of us can be healthy and happy and stay healthy and happy. I want to help her to slowly take new steps into independence and support her lovingly along the way. 2. What's the best treatment for anxiety and dysthymia? Hello Dr. Burns, What method of treatment would you suggest for GAD and dysthymia? 3rd wave CBT, ACT? What is best based on science? Can you recommend some books please? thank you Martin David's Reply My books are listed on my website, FeelingGood.com. They all describe my approach, which is a bit like CBT on steroids. But every patient is treated individually and uniquely, following a structured and systematic approach that facilitates rapid and dramatic change. I don't recommend “methods of treatment” or “schools of therapy” based on so-called “diagnoses,” but treat the individual with TEAM. Every session with every patient is an experiment, with precise measures at the start and end of every session. The new Feeling Great App, now available, gets a mean of 50% or more reductions in seven negative feelings, such as depression, anxiety, and more, in 72 minutes of starting to use the bot. You can check it out for free! Anxiety and depression often co-exist, and the app targets both. My book, When Panic Attacks, describes my approach to anxiety, based on four models of treatment: the Motivational, Cognitive, Exposure, and Hidden Emotion Models. If you use the search function, you can find podcasts describing those models. Also, there's a free anxiety class on this website. Thanks, Martín, for your excellent question! Best, david 3. Can you do Externalization of Voices on your own? Hi David, Long time listener of your great podcast and huge fan of your book Feeling Great. I've often heard you mention that “externalization of voices” is one of, if not the most powerful CBT techniques. I am just wondering if it is still almost as effective when done solo without a therapist i.e. the person takes on both the roles of positive and negative by recording themselves talking or similar? Also, have you any data comparing the efficacy of TEAM CBT work carried out solo using Feeling Great/your podcast as a guide vs. TEAM CBT performed with a trained TEAM therapist? I am very much looking forward to the Feeling Great app launch in the UK as hopefully that will be a much more effective way to do personal work without a therapist. Many thanks, Eoghan (pronounced Owen) David's reply Thank you, Eoghan! Appreciate your support and thoughtful question. I don't have any data on the use of EOV on your own. One could use a recording device, like your cell phone, and record your negative thoughts in second person, “you,” and try to defeat them when you play them back, one at a time. But in my experience, people nearly always need an experienced role player to do role reversals to show them how to get to a “huge” win. People almost never get a huge win when doing it for the first time, because the therapist (in the role of positive self) can model unfamiliar strategies for the patient. Generally, a hugely successful response involves a combination of self-defense, self-acceptance, and the CAT, or counter-attack technique. And sometimes other methods as well, like Be Specific, for example Radical new learning is definitely the key to success with EOV. Now, thanks to the app, everyone can practice, since we've trained our Obie Bot to role-play with users, do role reversals, give feedback, and so forth. Great question that I will include in the next Ask David if that's okay! We are also exploring the combination of the Feeling Great App plus a trained TEAM therapist from the Feeling Good Institute in Mountain View, California. We are hoping that 1 + 1 may equal 3. Wouldn't that be awesome? What I've found when doing research is that the results are virtually always wildly unexpected! Somethings come out great, and some things come out dismally. I always tell myself that “the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away!” Seems to be the rule in research! Especially when you're wanting to be guided by the truth, and not so much by your hopes and expectations. Best, David
One of the best ways to help your fitness coaching clients make fitness progress that lasts is to help them ditch all-or-nothing thinking. Easy in theory, not so much in practice. Host, fitness coach, and mindset expert Dr. Kasey Jo Orvidas breaks down the science of how to make fitness progress that lasts a lifetime by improving your mindset. Whether you're a fitness coach or on your own fitness journey, these tips will help you create long-lasting changes to lose weight, improve your relationship with food and fitness, and embrace your ability to change in all aspects of your life.Connect with me on IG! @coachkaseyjo1-1 Fitness & Mindset Coaching: www.kjocoaching.comHealth Mindset Coaching Certification: www.healthmindsetcert.comWatch episode on YouTube: https://youtu.be/PCcpYwlY0gQRegister for the FREE 3-Part series: THE COACHING CODE! We start on August 8th! https://www.kjocoaching.com/the-coaching-code-fall-24LEAVE A REVIEW, WIN A WORKSHOP! After you leave your review, take a screenshot and upload it to this form to be entered to win: https://forms.clickup.com/10621090/f/a4452-19651/1AZIEQZ9BBSNBGN161
Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Podcast Practical Philosophy Month Part 2, Do Humans have “Selves”? This is our second podcast in our Practical Philosophy Month. Last week, in our first episode, we focused on the “free will” question. As humans, we all feel like we have “free will,” but is it just an illusion, especially if all our actions are the result of the physical processes in our brains and the laws of the universe? The Bible certainly dealt with this in the book of Genesis, where we learn that the first humans, Adam and Eve, were given a wonderful Garden of Eden to live in, but they had to choose whether or not to obey God's rule NOT to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. They chose to eat the fruit, implying that humans have free choice. But the philosophical arguments rage on. In today's podcast, we are joined by two beloved and brilliant colleagues, Drs. Matthew May and Fabrice Nye, as we explore the question of whether or not the “self” exists. We all feel like we have a “self,” but is this real or just an illusion? When you try to define your “self,” you may run into problems. For example, you might think that the “self” has to be the part of us that does not change from moment to moment, and is always ‘the same.” For example, I might think back on my childhood and feel convinced that I was the “same David Burns” then that I am now. And, if you are religious, you might also be comforted by the idea that your “self” is the same as your “soul,” and that you will therefore live on after you die. This concept of a “soul” is a core belief in many religions. But are we fooling ourselves? And what was the Buddha thinking about 2,500 years ago when we talked about enlightenment as resulting from the “Great Death” of the “self.” He seemed to be hinting that something wonderful can happen when you give up the idea that you have a “self.” In the original draft of my book, Feeling Great, I had a chapter on entitled, “Do you need a “self?” Join the Grateful Dead.” I tried to persuade readers that the existence of a “self” is nonsense, based on the philosophy of Ludwig Wittgenstein in his famous book, Philosophical Investigations. But readers found the chapter so upsetting that I decided, on their urging, to delete it from the manuscript, which I did. My goal is not to disturb people, but to provide a path to joy and to loving connections with others. But to this day, I still get emails from people asking me to offer that chapter, or to deal more deeply with this concept of the “self” vs “no self” in a podcast. So, here is my attempt today. I will start with my own take, and then summarize some of the views about the self that were expressed by Fabrice, Matt, and Rhonda during the show. Here's my thinking. There are many key questions you could ask about the concept of the “self?” including: Do we have a “self?” And if so, what is it? Does the first question even make sense? I'm sure you would agree that if a question doesn't make sense, then it isn't a “real” question, and there really isn't anything to talk about. Then we can just stop feeling frustrated and perplexed, and move on with our lives. That is the precise position that the late Wittgenstein would probably have taken. He stated that words have no ultimate or “true” meaning outside of the various contexts in which we use them in daily life. Most words have many meanings, because they are used in different ways, and you can find most of the meanings in any dictionary. So, if you think of the word, “game,” you will quickly realize that it does not have one “true” or essential meaning. It can mean a sports competition, with two teams competing against each, like soccer. But you can have two teams competing in some way other than a sport. And you don't even need two teams to have a “game.” For example, some games are played by one individual, like solitaire with a deck of cards. Or you can think about the “dating game,” or refer to “game birds,” or a “game boxer.” In short, there is not some single “correct” meaning to the word, “game.” Some uses have overlapping meanings, and some uses do not overlap at all with other uses. So, there is no point in trying to figure out if “games exist,” or what the ultimate or essential meaning is of the word, “game.” Now, how do we use the word, “self,” and what does it mean in each context? You might tell your child to behave themself. This simply means that they are misbehaving and will be punished if they don't behave more politely. You do not have to tell the child that their “self” also has to behave better, because that would be meaningless. We already told the child to change their behavior. You could ask friends, as I did this morning, if they are planning to join me on the Sunday hike. Two of them confirmed and said that “they” would join me today on our hike. I did have to ask them if they would be bringing their “selves,” because I just do not know what that would mean! They already told me they're coming to the hike. (They did come and we had a lot of fun.) In my extremely challenging freshman English class at Amherst College, we had to write two or three papers per week on odd topics. The teachers were relentlessly critical in their feedback, and would nearly always point out that we sounded incredibly phony and need to find our true voices, which came from our real selves, as opposed to the false fronts we often used to try to impress people. Almost every student got dumped on constantly! The professors weren't referring to some metaphysical “true selves.” They were just referring to the fact that our writing didn't sound natural, compelling, or vulnerable, and so forth. Our writing was, for the most part, an enormous turn-off. Most of us never could figure out quite what that class was all about, but it was useful as I became more sensitive to the “tone” or “voice” in any writing. I would have to concede that it was a sobering but helpful class. But they were not referring to some mystical “true self” we had to find. They just wanted us to stop writing in such a sucky way! So here is my point, which you might “not get.” When you keep the word, “self,” in the context of everyday life, it is obvious what it means, and it never refers to some metaphysical “thing” that we could “have” or “not have.” It is just a vague, abstract concept that is devoid of meaning when it's all by itself. A “self,” just like “free will,” is not some “thing” that we might, or might not, have. The question, “Does the self exist,” according to Wittgenstein (or his big fan David) has no meaning and so we can just ignore it. It's not a real question. It is, as Wittgenstein was fond of saying, “language that's out of gear.” Now, does this discussion have anything to do with emotional problems, or TEAM therapy? It absolutely does. That's because nearly all depression results from some version of “I'm not good enough,” including: I'm inferior. I'm a loser. I'm a “hopeless case.” I'm a failure. I'm unlovable. I'm a bad parent. I'm defective. And so forth. If you buy into these “self” condemning proclamations, thinking that they mean something, you'll probably feel depressed, ashamed, inadequate, hopeless, and more. As you can probably see, all these self-critical thoughts contain tons of cognitive distortions, like All-or-Nothing Thinking, Overgeneralization, Labeling, Mental Filtering, Emotional Reasoning, Self-Blame, Hidden Shoulds, and more And to put it in a nutshell, they ALL involve the belief that you have a “self” that's broken, or simply not “good enough.” And all of those statements are meaningless. My goal in therapy is NOT to persuade you that you ARE worthwhile, or “a winner,” or a “good” parent, but rather to show you how to let go of these meaningless but painful ways of belittling yourself. I might use techniques like Empathy, Positive Reframing, Explain the Distortions, Let's Define Terms, Be Specific, the Double Standard Technique, the Externalization of Voices, the Downward Arrow, and many more. That's because the VERY moment you suddenly “see” that these kinds of statements are both untrue and unfair, and you stop believing them, your feelings will instantly change. So, you could say that TEAM really IS a “Wittgensteinian” therapy. And when people ask me how to develop better self-esteem, I would not try to get them to discover how to have some magical and wonderful “thing” called self-esteem, because that concept is just as nonsensical as the concept of a “self.” You might say that “self-esteem,” if you want to use the term, is more about what you DO. And there are two things you can do if you want to change the way you feel. First, you can stop beating up on yourself with hostile criticisms like the bulleted statements listed above, and talk to yourself in the same encouraging way you might talk to a dear friend or loved one who was hurting. And second, you can treat yourself in a loving way, in just the same way you might treat your best friend who was coming for a visit. In other words, you can do nice things for yourself. The day my first book, “Feeling Good,” was finally published, my editor called me with some bad news. She told me that the publisher, William Morrow and Company, loses money on 9 out of 10 of the books they publish, so they decide which ones are most likely to sell, and those are the only ones they'll promote. The rest of the books go on a “loser list,” and the company does little or nothing to promote them. She said my book was #1 on their “loser list,” since the president of the company felt it had no commercial potential, and that very few people would be interest in a long book on depression. She added that the one thing they did do was to send my book to ten popular magazines for first serial rights. That means they get to publish an excerpt from your book as an article, so that stirs up some media interest in your book. Sadly, she said that all ten had turned them down. She said that I'd have to be in charge of any further marketing of my book, so I asked what I should do. She said to call all ten magazines right away and persuade them to change their minds. In a panic, I called them all, including Ladies' Home Journal, Reader's Digest, and on and on. Every magazine said the same thing—they did not want my book, had turned it down, had zero interest in it, and to please top calling since authors shouldn't call them and they considered it a form of phone harassment since they'd already made a decision. Yikes! No fun! When I jogged home from the train station that night, I shouted, “You're a loser, you're a failure.” That didn't sound so good so then I shouted, “No, you're not! You'll figure out how to make it happen! Just keep plugging away.” That sounded a lot more loving, so when I got home, I told my wife that the book at just been published and that I'd been turned down by all ten magazines for serial rights, and the publisher decided not to spend any money on marketing or advertising, so we needed to go out and celebrate. She why we would celebrate? I said, “You don't need to celebrate when you win, because you already feel great. But when you lose, that's when you need to celebrate, because you're feeling down. So, tonight we'll celebrate!” We went out for a fancy dinner and celebrated and had fun. And the rest, they say, is history. I just kept trying and getting turned down by newspapers, radio stations, television programs, and more. But eventually, the tide started to turn. To date, Feeling Good has sold more than 5 million copies and it achieved best-seller status. And the reason was that researchers discovered that the book actually had antidepressant properties, so excitement about it spread by word of mouth. I am hopeful that the new Feeling Great App will help even more people. Fabrice made some interesting and wise comments on the notion of the “self.” He said that the idea that we have a “self” is a sense that we nearly all have. Some people feel like the “self” that is located somewhere behind the eyes or in the middle of the head. But, he emphasizes, there is no such “thing” as a “self.” He has quoted someone who has “said it all,” but the statement only makes sense IF you “get it!” Here's the quote: “No Self? No Problem!” This is actually the title of a book by Chris Niebauer, PhD, and the subtitle is How Neuropsychology Is Catching Up to Buddhism. If you want to check it out, here's a link to it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/No-Self-Problem-Neuropsychology-Catching/dp/1938289978 Fabrice emphasized that the concept of “self” is “nebulous.” He asked, “Is there a ‘David'?” He explained: You wouldn't be able to prove this in court. Well, you could show ID, but that would not be proof. Where does the information on the ID come from? Birth certificate? Who wrote the information on the birth certificate? Probably some doctor back in 1942. And where did he get that information from? Probably some caregiver said “Write ‘David' here.” Was that from a credible source? Not at all. That info was made up on the spot! Now, you can say that there's a “sense” of a David going around, and that there are some patterns that show signs of “David-ness,” but there is no “David.” Matt added that your body is not your “self.” When you break your arm, you don't say that you have broken a part of your “self.” You just say, “I broke my arm.” Rhonda raised the question of whether the “self” is just the same as “consciousness” or “awareness.” Someone in our group added that the “self” is what we DO, and not what we ARE. And, of course, what we are doing is constantly changing from moment to moment. My understanding of all of this is that once you let go of the notion that you have a “self,” you will no longer worry about whether or not you are “good enough” or “special,” or whoever. You can focus instead on living your life and solving the problems of daily living and appreciating the world around you. If you screw up, you can focus on what specific error you made, rather than obsessing about your inferior or defective “self.” You can actually welcome failure as just another teacher, so you can grow and learn, and simply accept your screw ups, or both. In fact, two of the most popular TEAM techniques for challenging the distorted thoughts in bullets above are called “Let's Define Terms” and “Be Specific.” These techniques are right out of Wittgenstein's playbook, and they are prominently featured in the “Learn” section of the new Feeling Great App. If you're feeling depressed, and thinking of yourself as a “loser” or as being “inferior” or even “worthless,” the goal is NOT to “become a ‘winner,” or more ‘worthwhile,' but rather to give up these notions as nonsensical. But once again, many people cannot “get it,” or “see it,” and that's where a caring and skillful therapist can help. Some people wrongly think that letting go of the notion that you could be “worthwhile” would mean a huge loss of something precious. Many people who don't yet “see” what we're trying to say are terrified of the “Great Death” because they think that giving up the notion that you have a “self” means giving up all hope for improvement, for joy, for intimacy, and so forth. But to my way of thinking, the truth is just the opposite. When your “self” dies, you and your world suddenly wake up and come to life. When you accept yourself and your world, exactly as they are right now, everything suddenly changes. Of course, that's a paradox. I believe that leading our patients to the “Great Death” of the “self” is like giving them the understanding and courage they need to throw some garbage in the trash instead of carrying the garbage around with them all the time! I hope some of this makes a little sense, but if not, don't worry about. Sometimes, it takes a little time before you suddenly “see it!” Thanks for listening today. We love all of you! Rhonda, Fabrice, Matt, and David
Sometimes the biggest obstacle to making healthy changes is just getting started. Standing at the starting line and seeing the long road ahead can feel so daunting - it feels like it's going to require so much energy, effort and motivation. And right now you have NONE. So where do you start?? Today's episode is probably the encouragement you need right now. This is a conversation I had with my good friend Kate House, the host of the Live By Design podcast. We tackle some really great mindset shifts in here that I hope will change your perspective a little bit about the journey that you're on. In this episode, I share about: Simple, 10-minute things that you can do when you feel tempted to do nothing The secret to creating a motivation-proof routine Practical tips for incorporating “low-activation energy” exercises into your daily life Why the “Getting the Ball Rolling” mentality is a game changer for your long-term success! If you're needing wisdom and inspiration to break free from the all-or-nothing mindset and all-too-elusive pursuit of perfection, then this episode is for you. More Resources & Links Join Kate's Goals with Soul free summit this week!!! (Over 20 incredible speakers bringing you encouraging conversations!) Need help getting started! Get Megan's FREE 5-Day Jumpstart Tips guide! The Jumpstart 30 Program for Beginners Follow Megan on Instagram
Special Announcement #1 Attend the Legendary Summer Intensive Featuring Drs. David Burns and Jill Levitt August 8 - 11. 2024 Learn Advanced TEAM-CBT skills Heal yourself, heal your patients First Intensive in 5 years! It will knock your socks off! Limited Seating--Act Fast Click for registration / more information! Sadly, this workshop is a training program which will be limited to therapists and mental health professionals and graduate students in a mental health field Apologies, but therapists have complained when non-therapists have attended our continuing education training programs. This is partly because of the intimate nature of the small group exercises and the personal work the therapists may do during the workshop. Certified coaches and counselors are welcome to attend. Special Announcement #2 Here's some GREAT news! The Feeling Great App is now available in both app stores (IOS and Android) and is for therapists and the general public, and you can take a ride for free! Check it Today's Podcast Practical Philosophy Month Part 1, The Free Will Problem Welcome to Practical Philosophy month. For the next five weeks, we will discuss some of the most popular and challenging problems in philosophy, such as these: Do human beings have free will? Or is free will just an illusion? Do human beings have a “self?” Or is the “self” just another illusion? Is it possible to be more or less “worthwhile?” Are some humans “better” or “worse” than others? Does God exist? Is the universe “real” or “one”? What's the meaning of life? What is “self-esteem”? How does it differ from self-confidence? What's the difference between conditional and unconditional self-esteem? What's the difference between self-esteem and self-acceptance? What do you have to do to experience joy and feelings of worthwhileness? We will try to complete the list in five weeks, so some weeks we may include more than one topic, since many of these topics are related to one another. Rhonda and David will be joined by our beloved Dr. Matt May, a regular on our Ask David episodes, and for the first and second sessions we will be joined by our beloved Dr. Fabrice Nye, who created and hosted the Feeling Good Podcasts several years ago. Each week, you will also hear about the linkage between these philosophical dilemmas, and emotional problems, like depression, anxiety, and relationship conflicts. For example, nearly all depressed individuals believe that they aren't sufficiently “worthwhile.” I see my goal as a psychiatrist not as helping people feel “more worthwhile,” but rather showing people, if interested, how to give up this notion entirely and become free of certain kinds of damaging judgments of the “self” and others. You will also learn how these types of philosophical problems continue to play a large role in psychiatry and psychology, including the DSM5 diagnostic system. For example, is the diagnosis of “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” a true “mental disorder” that you could “have” or “not have?” And might some or most of the so-called “mental disorders” listed in the DSM be based on faulty philosophical / logical thinking? And if many or most of the “mental disorders” are based on goofy, faulty thinking, is there a more productive and effective way to think about most emotional problems? And how did we get into this mess in the first place? Worrying certainly exists, and we all worry at times. But how much or how often do you have to worry before you develop or have a “mental disorder” called “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” that can be diagnosed like any medical illness and treated with drugs? Or is “Generalized Anxiety Disorder” (and hundreds of other “mental disorders in the DSM” based on a certain kind of nonsensical thinking? And if so, why? What is the goofy, faulty thinking in the DSM? And are there some “mental disorders” that are valid and real? We HAVE touched on all of these themes in previous podcasts, but I thought it would be nice to put them all in one place and bring in a variety of “solutions,” controversies, and experts. I David, will often represent (hopefully, and to the best of my ability) the thinking of Ludwig Wittgenstein, as expressed in his famous book, Philosophical Investigation, published in 1950 following his death. That book consists of a series of numbered brief essays (a few paragraphs each) that were based on notes found in a metal box under his dormitory room at Cambridge University. He'd written these in preparation for his weekly seminars in his dormitory room. Wittgenstein, although now widely regarded as one of the greatest philosophers of all time, did not think he knew enough to teach in a classroom. In fact, because of his feelings of depression and self-doubt, he sadly never tried to publish anything when he was alive. Wittgenstein's philosophy also played an indirect but significant role in the evolution of several modern psychotherapies. His philosophy created new ways of thinking that gave rise to the work of Dr. Albert Ellis, the famous New York psychologist who created Rational Emotive Therapy during the 1950s. Ellis emphasized that the “Should Statements” that trigger so much guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, and rage are based on illogical thinking. He might often say, “Where is it written that people or the world “should” be the way you want them to be?” Of course, this idea actually traces back to the Greek Stoic philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius. Wittgenstein's thinking also seems to have played a role in the thinking of Dr. Aaron Beck, who adapted the work of Ellis and called his version of the “Cognitive Therapy.” Beck emphasized many thinking errors, like All-or-Nothing Thinking, and Overgeneralization, that trigger depression, anxiety, and more. Sadly, Wittgenstein struggled with severe depression and loneliness throughout his life, and three of his four brothers tragically died by suicide. Wittgenstein also had prolonged periods of time when he considered suicide. It is also sad that he did not know how to apply his brilliant philosophical breakthroughs to his own negative thinking, but that application of his work did not develop at the time he was still alive. Part of Wittgenstein's depression was related, I believe, to the fact that very few people, including the most famous philosophers of Europe, could understand his thinking when he was alive. From time to time, I think he glimpsed the enormous importance of his work; but I believe that he also had prolonged moments of self-doubt when he thought his work was of little value at best. To be as correct as possible, Wittgenstein did write a manuscript called Tractatus Logico Philosophicus as a young man, although he never tried to publish it. He wrote it when he was a prisoner of war. He thought this book solved all the problems of philosophy, which had plagued him since he was a child, and he felt great relief. He sent a copy of his manuscript to Bertrand Russell, who was a famous British philosopher. Bertrand Russell was incredibly impressed with the Tractatus and distributed it to many European philosophers. Bertrand Russell thought it might be the greatest book in the history of philosophy, and a number of the 20th century philosophical movements including Logical Positivism, were inspired by that book. However, Wittgenstein left the field of philosophy, thinking that his work was done, and that he'd found the solutions he was looking for. He tried teaching grammar school for a while, but was fired because he became frustrated and violent toward some of his students. He also tried to survive as a fisher in a Norwegian fishing town, but was not successful at that, either, because he didn't know much about fishing, much less supporting yourself through fishing. One day, he learned that a brilliant Swedish economics student had found a flaw in his Tractatus, and his inner turmoil about the puzzling problems of philosophy flared up again. He decided to return to the study of philosophy. He applied to be an advanced undergraduate at Cambridge University, but when someone in the admissions office spotted his application, they recognized his name and showed his application to Bertrand Russell, who had been wondering what had become of the young man who once sent him such a brilliant manuscript. Russell, who was the chair of the department of philosophy, said to being Wittgenstein to his office immediately for an interview. Russell explained that he would have to reject Wittgenstein's application to be an undergraduate at Cambridge University. Deeply disappointed, Wittgenstein asked why. Russell told him it was because he was already recognized as the greatest philosopher of the 20th century. Bertrand proposed that if Wittgenstein would agree to skip college and graduate school, they would immediately award him a PhD for the manuscript he'd sent to Russell years earlier. Russell also offered him a full professor ship in the department of philosophy. Wittgenstein protested and said he needed to study philosophy again, because of the error in Tractatus, and that he didn't know anything, and definitely could not teach in a classroom. Bertrand Russell insisted, and they finally struck a deal where Wittgenstein would agree to be a professor of philosophy but all he would have to do was to have a conversation session with anybody who wanted to talk to him at his dormitory room once a week. Wittgenstein accepted and met for years with students and famous philosophers who came from around Europe to crowd into his dormitory room for his weekly seminars, and he began to shape a radically different philosophical approach from the one he'd described earlier in his Tractatus. He was determined to find a new way to solve all the problems of philosophy. And, to my way of thinking, along with those few who really understand him, he was successful. But he was often frustrated because, so few understood him. This was unfortunate, because what he was saying was incredibly simple and basic, and it was pretty similar to, if not identical to, the thinking of the Buddha 2500 years earlier. The Buddha apparently had the same problem—almost nobody could understand what he was trying to say when he was still alive. They couldn't “get it” when he was talking about the so-called “Great Death” of the “self,” or talking about the path to enlightenment. The Buddha's frustration resulted from the exact same problem Wittgenstein encountered 2500 years later. The Buddha was saying something that was extremely simple, obvious, and basic—and yet, it was rumored that of his more than 100,000 followers when he was alive, only three actually “got it” and experienced enlightenment. When I read Philosophical Investigations my senior year in college, it was rumored that only seven people in the world understood what Wittgenstein was trying to say. Wittgenstein's dream was that philosophy students would “get” his thinking and give up philosophy when they realized that most if not all philosophical problems are sheer nonsense. He wanted them to do something practical and real in the world instead of studying philosophy. He was verry disappointed when his favorite student, Norman Malcolm (one of the seven who “got it,”) pursued an illustrious career teaching philosophy in America at Cornell University. I always wished I could have known Wittgenstein when he was alive, so I could have told him this: I loved you, too, and I got it after several months of confusion, trying to understand your Philosophical Investigations, but eventually understood it with the help of your student, Norman Malcolm. His book about you was very inspiring. And that's why I left philosophy for something more practical in the world. I decided at the last minute to go to medical school to become a psychiatrist instead of philosophy graduate school. Hopefully, I am doing something that you might be proud of! But oddly enough, your thinking has also influenced my approach to people who feel depressed and worthless. They are also under a kind of destructive “enchantment,” thinking that there is some such “thing” as a more or less worthwhile human being! And this is a major cause of depression and anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. I wonder if you, Wittgenstein, ever felt that you weren't “good enough” when you were feeling down. hopeless and suicidal? I sure wish I could have helped you with that! If you want to understand Wittgenstein's work, the best book in my opinion is Norman Malcolm's moving and affectionate tribute to his beloved teacher, entitled “Ludwig Wittgenstein: A Memoir.” It's a short moving tribute to his beloved teacher, and tears go down my cheeks every time I read it, or even think about it. If you ever visit my office here at home, you'll find that memoir proudly sitting on my bookshelf, with a handsome photo of Wittgenstein on the cover. Toward the end of his life, Wittgenstein appears to have become more or less homeless, and he died from prostate cancer. His doctor said he could live in his home, where he was befriended by the doctor's wife in his final days. His dying words were, “Tell them that I had a wonderful life.” He died on April 29, 1951, just a few hours before my wife was born in Palo Alto, California. Surprisingly, she is the only person I've ever met who understood Wittgenstein's thinking entirely the first time I explained it to her. She “already knew” what Wittgenstein, the greatest philosophical genius of the 20th century, spent a lifetime figuring out! Reincarnation is pretty “out there,” and fairly silly, to my way of thinking, but sometimes it can be fun to think about it! Here is my understanding of how the thinking of the “later Wittgenstein” actually developed. His first book, which is nearly impossible to understand, was called the Tractatus Logico Philosophicus. It is a series of numbered propositions, which he compared to climbing up a ladder, rung by rung, as you read the book until you got to the roof at the top of the ladder. Then you could throw your ladder away and give up philosophical thinking, since he thought his book contained the solution to all the problems of philosophy that had tormented him since childhood, as mentioned previously. The philosophy of language in the Tractatus is based on the thinking of Aristotle and Plato, who thought that the function of language was to name things that exist in the real world. Plato's idea was that our real world consists of imperfect examples of a “Platonic Reality” which consisted of “perfect” representations of everything. So, for example, Plato believed there could be a perfect “table,” a perfect “lamp,” and so forth. In other words, he thought there was an ideal essence to the concept of a “table.” And, I suppose, there might also be a “perfect” version of you! The early Wittgenstein also thought that the logic inherent in our sentences reflected the logic inherent in an external reality. If that doesn't make much sense to you, join the club! But that's kind of what Plato and Aristotle were promoting, at least in my (David's) understanding. When Wittgenstein's Tractatus was debunked, he was devastated, and desperately wanted to find another way to solve the problems of philosophy, since they started tormenting him again. It was much like a relapse of OCD or some other emotional problem. In fact, he thought of philosophy as a kind of mental illness that needed treatment. Here's an example of the types of philosophical problems that tormented him. Do human beings have free will? Do we have a “self?” Is the universal “real?” Of course, we THINK we have free will, and it SEEMS like we make “free decisions” all day long, but is this just an illusion? For example, some people would argue that we cannot have “free will” because we “have to” follow the laws of science that govern everything, including how the brain works. So, since we “have to” do what we are doing at every moment of every day, we must not have free will! Here is an argument that we do NOT have “free will.” When a powerful storm or hurricane destroys a portion of a city, and people die, we see this as a tragedy, but we don't get angry at the hurricane because it does have “free will.” It is just obeying the laws of physics that govern the forces of wind, air pressure, heat and cooling, and so forth. A storm cannot behave in any other way. So, the argument goes, we are also following the laws that govern the functioning of our bodies and brains, and so we cannot do other than what we do, so we, too, have no “free will.” We THINK we are acting freely but it is an illusion, so our brains are obeying the laws of the universe at every moment! For hundreds of years philosophers have struggled with this puzzle, and many people still wrestle with this problem today. It was one of the problems that drew me to philosophy. Impractical for sure, but still tantalizing. Another way to express the free will puzzle is via religious thinking. I was taught when I was growing up that God is omnipotent (all powerful), omnipresent (present everywhere) and omniscient (all knowing.) So, God knows the past, present, and future. And if God knows the future, then God knows what we will do at every moment of every day, and we are helpless to do otherwise. Therefore, we have no “free will,” even though we “think” we do! This free will problem can definitely be unsettling, with troubling moral consequences. If we do not “free will,” then are serial killers really responsible for, or guilty, or accountable for their actions? If we do not have free will, then wouldn't that give us license to do whatever we want whenever we want? Clever arguments for sure! We may “feel” like we have the freedom to do whatever we want at almost any moment of any day, but are we fooling ourselves and living in some gigantic hoax, or illusion? Are we total slaves with the delusion that we are actually acting “freely?” How do we resolve this problem? Well, one day Wittgenstein was walking past a soccer game at the park, and the soccer ball hit him on the head. He wasn't hurt, but had the thought, “What if the function of language is NOT to name things (like trees, or lamps, etc.) that exist in some “external reality,” like Plato and Aristotle thought? What if language actually functions as a series of “language games,” with rules, just like the game of soccer? Then the meaning of any words would simply be the many ways the word is used in different real world situations. In fact, that's what you find in the dictionary when you look up the meaning of a word. The dictionary doesn't ever give you some “correct” or ”pure” meaning, since most words have many meanings. This would be the opposite of the philosophy of Aristotle and Plato who argued that there were “true” meanings for every word, noun, or concept. What if, instead, words had NO true or essential meanings, and their meanings were simply embedded in the context in which they are used in ordinary, everyday language? If so, this might mean that philosophical problems emerge when we try to pull words out of their ordinary meanings, which are always obvious, and put them into some metaphysical realm where philosophers argue about “ultimate truth.” Let's say we wanted to find out if humans have “free will.” Well, not being sure if there is such a “thing” as “free will,” we could look up “free” and “will” in the dictionary. (I know this sounds incredibly obvious and almost ridiculous.) What does “free” mean? Well, we could talk about the many ways we use “free.” Political freedom means that in some countries you cannot contradict the leader (the dictator) without the danger of being thrown in prison or even murdered. But in other countries, you are, In fact, free to express your own ideas and opinions, without fear of punishment. Free also means getting something without having to pay for it, like a seventh bottle of soda is free at the local grocery store if you purchase a six pack. Free can also mean “available.” I am starting up my Sunday hikes again, and I might say, “If you are free this Sunday morning, meet at my front door at 9 and we'll go for a hike and have a dim sum feast afterwards at a Chinese restaurant on Castro Street in Mountain View, California, Now notice that when you talk about “free will” you have taken this word, “free,” out of the familiar contexts in which we find it, and given it some type of metaphysical “meaning.” But in this metaphysical, philosophical arena, it has no meaning. So, instead of trying to “solve” the so-called “free will” problem, we can dismiss it as nonsensical, and ignore it as having no practical meaning, and move on with our lives. We can say, “I just don't understand that problem! I don't know what you're talking about when you ask the general question of whether we have something called ‘free will.'” That either works for you, or it doesn't work for you! Your choice. It does work for me, but it took me months of thinking until I suddenly “got it.” My way of describing this philosophical error is “nounism.” You think that nouns always refer to things that could “exist” or “not-exist,” just like Plato and Aristotle thought. So, you ponder and try to figure out if this notion of “free will” exists or does not exist. But it's arguably a meaningless question. That's why I say, and Wittgenstein might say, I have no idea what you're talking about. Today we'll discuss the free will problem and how it might relate to our field of psychotherapy. Next week, we'll deal with another thorny problem: Do we have a “self?” Or is that also just some kind of illusion? I (David) wrote these show notes before the show, and we have had fairly extensive email exchanges, with a variety of points of view on whether or not we have something we can call “free will.” First, I'll put a great email by Matt, followed by a comment by Fabrice. Here's Matt's email first: Subject: Re: question Yes, that's getting very close to what I'm trying to communicate. I don't believe you are 'slow' or 'super lame', either. In fact, quite the opposite. I suspect I'm failing to do an adequate job of disarming your claims that 'free will' and 'self' are words taken out-of-context and, therefore, can't be shown to exist or not-exist. I apologize, as I am pretty excited about the potential to help people, suffering with self-blame and other-blame, by realizing that we and others don't have a 'self' or 'free will'. I believe we have a brain that makes decisions and creates experiences, including the experience of having a 'self' and 'free will'. I believe that the experience of 'making' a decision is an illusion, as is the idea of a static, unchanging 'self' that controls decision-making. I asked you to pick a movie and you said, 'Green Mile'. You acknowledged that this movie title simply 'popped into my head'. That's correct. Your 'self' didn't control what you selected, using 'free will'. Your brain just came up with that movie title. There was no 'self' that made a decision to choose that word. I agree that we have a brain which is incredibly powerful. I'm claiming that we don't have an auxiliary 'self', with extra super powers, controlling our brain. We can make decisions, but we don't have 'free will', meaning, the ability to control those decisions. I do think you have some resistance to seeing through the illusions of 'self' and 'free will', all of which say awesome things about you, e.g. morality and justice. I'm not trying to convince you, one way or another, and I don't expect to. I'm more interested in the listening audience, as many people are significantly relieved when they realize that we are more the victims of our biology and circumstance rather than defective 'selves' lacking 'willpower'. To put a slightly finer point on the subject, when people say they have 'free will', they don't mean that 'decisions are made'. Obviously, decisions are made. You decided to keep reading this email, for example. Or you didn't. I'm not sure. Either way, a decision was made. When people say they have 'free will', they are saying that they (really, their 'self') are/is free to decide whether to continue reading this email, and that this power goes above and beyond what their brain is doing, according to the laws of physics. I am claiming that this is a ridiculous and dangerous thought, for which there is no evidence. You're saying these terms haven't been defined. I'm pointing out that they already have been, intuitively, by anyone who thinks, 'I shouldn't have done that', or 'they shouldn't have done that'. These thoughts require a belief that they 'could have' done something different, that they had free will. Aside from rage and guilt, let's examine the narcissism and excessive sense of confidence a patient might have, if they believe that they can simply 'decide', through sheer 'willpower', not to beat up on themselves anymore. Or a patient who believes they can simply 'decide' to always use the 5-Secrets, rather than criticize and blame. Can they? I've never seen that happen. That's why I assign homework. I know that the goal is to rewire the brain so they can feel and perform better, later. We can't simply decide to feel good all the time. We all drift in-and-out of enlightenment. If we want to increase the likelihood that we will be able to set aside self-criticism or communicate more effectively, we have to practice new thoughts and behaviors. If we do, we will develop greater skills at defeating negative thoughts and communicating effectively. Otherwise, our brains will do, in the future, what they are programmed to do, now. It's because we lack 'free will', that we must do homework. Similarly, you couldn't simply 'decide' to be the world's best ping-pong player. You realized you would have to work hard to re-wire your brain, if you wanted to have a chance at that. Let's use the murderer/cat example: A cat tortures and kills mice for the same reasons that a murderer does: their brains are programmed to do so. Murderers don't have a defective 'self' that is failing to express 'free will' adequately, when they murder. They're doing precisely what the atomic structure of their brain caused them to do, according to the laws of physics, in that moment, when presented with those precise stimuli. We don't have to judge or punish the cat or the murderer's 'self' and insist they should have used their 'free will'. We can accept that neither creature had the ability to decide differently from what their brain decided, in that moment. That is where the therapeutic element of this realization comes into play. I think it's important on a lot of levels, to stop blaming cats for being cats and murderers for being murderers. Similarly, if a patient doesn't want to do homework, will it do any good to blame them and think they're bad and should decide differently? No, it helps to accept them where they are, and to accept ourselves where we are, with open hands. Realizing nobody has a 'self' operating their brain and making decisions that are better than their brains' decisions doesn't mean we have to let all the murderers go or trust our cat with a new mouse companion. We can still be aware that their brains are programmed to murder. We would still be motivated to do whatever is necessary to protect society and mice. The difference is the attitude towards the murderer. We aren't trying to 'punish' or 'get vengeance' but to protect and, instead of 'labeling' them as having a 'bad self' or even being a 'murderer', but someone who has murdered and, left to their own devices, likely to do so again. Instead of judging and demanding vengeance, we would see a murderer as the victim of their biology and environment. Instead of condemning them as permanently evil and bad, we could recognize that their brain is currently wired to do bad things and they might still learn new ways to interact with others. Perhaps they're not hopeless cases, after all. From the other side, if I ever committed murder, and sentenced to death, I wouldn't want to be feeling defective, thinking what a bad self I have and guilty/ashamed for not flexing my 'free will' in the heat of the moment. Instead, I might feel a sense of relief, purpose and meaning, that I was protecting others by being put to death. Alright, enough out of me! Thanks, Matt And now, the response from Fabrice: Matt's thinking is exactly in line with mine. I don't know if the topic came up in your discussion, but some people argue that actually someone could have done something differently than they did, because there is some randomness in Nature. But that argument doesn't hold water because even if the decision “made” by their brain is different, it has nothing to do with their will but only with the Heisenberg principle. Cheers! Fabrice Nye fabrice@life.net David's wrap up comment. Matt and Fabrice have quite a different view of “free will” and the “self.” They are arguing, very thoughtfully and persuasive, that we do not “have” a “self” or “free will.” People have been involved in this debate, as I've mentioned, for hundreds of years, taking one side or another. My own thinking is different, and reflects my understanding of Wittgenstein's thinking. They have take these words out of the contexts in which they exist in everyday language, (which is a huge temptation) and involved in a debate about abstract concepts which have no meaning. Very few people, it seems, were able to grasp this idea when Wittgenstein was alive, or even today. So, if what I'm saying makes no sense to you, be comforted, since it seems likely that 99% of the people reading this, or listening to the show, will agree with you! And that's still a puzzle to me. It is not clear to me why so many people still cannot “see” or “get” this idea that words do not have any pure or essential “meaning” outside of the context of everyday use of language. The best psychotherapy example I can use is the fact that nearly all depressed individuals are trying to figure out, on some abstract or philosophical level, whether they are “worthwhile” or “good enough,” or whatever. This seems to be a “real” problem, and so they believe that they are not sufficiently worthwhile. This belief can be so convincing that many people commit suicide, out of a sense of hopelessness and self-hatred. But there is not such thing as a human being who is more or less “worthwhile.” Of course, your actions can be more or less worthwhile at any moment, and we can evaluate or judge our specific behaviors. Yesterday, we had our first recording session in a video studio we have set up for our Feeling Great App. We had a lot of fun and recorded some (hopefully) interesting stories we'll publish on our two new YouTube channels. I really appreciated the colleagues who made this possible. It was a relief for me because I tend to have performance anxiety, which impairs my ability to speak naturally and with emotion. But this time, there was no anxiety at all, so it was fun. Did this make me or my colleagues more worthwhile human beings? No! But it did show that we'd become a bit more effective and communicating messages that will trigger healing and understanding in our fans, and hope that includes you! When you “see” this, perhaps for the first time, it can be incredibly liberating, since you no longer have the need to have a “self” that's “special” or worthwhile. And, as some of you know, my beloved teacher and cat, Obie, taught me that when you no longer need to be “special,” life becomes special. When your “self” dies, you inherit the world! There's no funeral, only a celebration! Feel free to contact us with your thoughts, ideas and questions! Thank you for listening today! Rhonda, Matt, Fabrice, and David
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