Change My Relationship

One of the things we do in difficult relationship is use all or nothing thinking. This means when we see someone do things that are bad, we see the person as bad. When we see the person do things that are good, we see the person as good. This confuses us when we think that we have it figured out. It is better to think a different way.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/qsFiIYjDLHk  

Don and Alexandra (Alex) Flecky were married in 1980 and quickly discovered that baggage from their families of origin showed up in their relationship. They, like many other couples, found that their love for each other was hijacked by their reactionary interpretation of each other's communication.   Their personal experience figuring out how to change their own communication patterns, along with their professional experience working with couples, led Don and Alex to co-author CoupleTalk: Cracking the Code to an Amazing Relationship. In this podcast, they explain why and how their workshop is different than other programs.  They currently head the Relationship Research Foundation, Inc., a nonprofit organization that applies proven relationship-strengthening techniques and develops innovative resources to help today's couples improve their marriages. Previously, the Fleckys served as Shepherds of Marriage Ministries at their home church, Fullerton Free Church (California). Don is licensed as a pastor in the Evangelical Free Church of America and does pastoral counseling. Alex has B.A. and M.A. degrees in Communication Studies, with a focus on Argument and Persuasion, and has taught communication courses at California State University, Fullerton. For over 35 years, they have taught and coached thousands of couples on six continents. They regularly speak at conferences, churches, ministerial groups, marriage retreats, and community events. They are sought out by various churches and non-profit organizations to teach couples classes, train class leaders, develop cutting-edge methods to help couples, and launch specialized couples programs. The Fleckys love using stories from their own marital struggles to give hope to couples. They have three adult children, one granddaughter, and a Sheepadoodle.  They enjoy jet skiing, traveling, and getting a rush out of helping couples. Resources: CoupleTalk: Coupletalk.com Relationship Research Foundation, Inc.: USrelationships.org The Third Option: thethirdoptionoc.com     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/kLjZJaof2aY

Is the Bible all you need for your life and relationships? The majority of Christians and pastors would answer, "Absolutely." It is taught in sermons and Sunday School and is the message of songs sung over many years. It almost seems heretical to ask it.  Yet, it matters because misunderstandings about this issue can cause confusion and pain in people's lives, especially when they are searching for answers. Christian relationship advice often fails to apply the Bible in practical ways that help, especially when it is rigid.  Watch this video to find the answer to the question, "Is the Bible all you need for your life and relationships."   #bible #christianrelationshipadvice #scripturaltruth  Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse.     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/C69zmOY66pk  

What is the difference between a boundary and a wall? Watch this video to think about the differences and when you might want to consider one vs the other.     Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/J1B_7sEMADA

Emotional intelligence includes understanding that emotions can be primary or secondary. Recognizing this will help you to be less emotionally reactive in your relationships. Many in dysfunctional, toxic relationships struggle with identifying what causes their emotional reactivity, especially when past triggers contribute and intensify the responses.  The more you understand about your emotions, the easier it will be to make sense of them. It is crucial that you can trace the links between other people's actions and your emotions.  This includes identifying why you are upset and what feelings come first and second. This will also increase your awareness of what is going on in the other person's feelings and reactions. Watch this video to increase your emotional intelligence.     #emotionalintelligence #christianrelationshipadvice #dysfunctionalrelationship #toxicrelationship #emotionalreactivity Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Z2NJCg3otYc

Rachel shares the crazy cycle of hope and despair she experienced in her painful seventeen-year marriage to a narcissistic, abusive husband. With raw emotions and heartfelt concern for other women and men in abusive relationships, she explains why it took her this long to do what finally convinced him to change.  While there is no guarantee that your spouse can and will change, there is hope if you do this one thing in a way you have yet to. And if that doesn't produce change, you will have discovered something valuable that you need to know once and for all.    Resources: "CoupleTalk: Cracking the Code to an Amazing Relationship" offers a set of powerful communication tools which teach you healthy ways to communicate as a couple about any topic – no matter how sensitive – and help you to improve your everyday communication. CoupleTalk combines insightful video-based instruction, interactive in-class exercises, and a workbook filled with practical advice and helps. It can be used by a couple alone at home, in a small group at home or church, or in a large group of couples as a weekend retreat or couples conference. Many counselors and pastors also use CoupleTalk as an “at home” supplement to their work with couples. https://coupletalk.com/ Hosting Your Own Class: CoupleTalk Hosts are regular couples and individuals who agree to host the video series at their church or community center, or even in their home. No special training is needed to host the video series, and CoupleTalk offers a variety of helpful supports. https://coupletalk.com/   Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her Christian relationship advice includes messages, books, and classes that provide practical solutions grounded in biblical truths, bringing balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/6VEs7Ht_lHo

What can you do when your family won't talk about what needs to be talked about? Dysfunctional families don't want to address issues. Here are your options.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/F2Vrq3JWMyg

There are four types of controllers who attempt to control you. You need to know who they are and what they do so you can refuse to allow their controlling to work. Watch this video to see what they are.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/mM9bpzSDF54

Do you find yourself stuck in a rut, unable to move forward after a difficult life change or loss? It could be retirement, death of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, a family split, an unexpected life turn or even an empty nest.  It takes time to navigates a grief journey, seasons of life changes, and loss, but sometimes it takes longer to adjust than you want. If this describes you or someone you know, you would benefit from these practical steps to get you out of a rut to help you with getting over it.  Watch this video to find out what those practical steps are.    #christianrelationshipadvice #seasonsoflife #gettingoverit #loss  #griefjourney   Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/53MySmdrdPY

Christians believe that God wants them to put their spouses first before their children. This is especially true when women believe that they need to submit to their husbands. Watch this video to find out when the children need to put first.   Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/dfubuhOI2GI

If you have trouble asking for help when you need it, watch this video. You need to learn that it is good for you to admit you can't do everything by yourself.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/RO66snUOCzQ

Do you find yourself frequently feeling resentful about what other people did or make you do? Resentment isn't a fun feeling and it can interfere with your enjoyment of life. Watch this video on how not to be resentful.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/g9eaW7kAXSY

Have you been receiving Christian marriage and relationship advice from counselors, pastors, family, and friends that you are fifty percent responsible for your part in the relationship problems? Have you been told just to give 100% of everything you can and let God deal with the other person? Or maybe that it takes two to fight? Or even if your spouse doesn't do their part that you have to do yours? Hearing those responses is frustrating, dismissive, and even infuriating when you are stuck in a relationship with someone in your dysfunctional family who is doing things that hurt you and your children. They make you feel hopeless when you know you have already tried everything you can, and it isn't working. Watch this video to find out why those responses are incorrect. It will be empowering #relationshipproblems #dysfunctionalfamilies #christianrelationshipadvice #christianmarriageadvice Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/MYAayQsMkBw

It's not easy to admit wrongdoing when it is pointed out to you. The natural reaction is to rationalize your actions. It matters how you react because it affects your relationships with everyone, including God. It may seem like an unimportant issue, but it isn't. You know how frustrated and exasperated you feel when someone refuses to take responsibility and instead uses blame-shifting. Watch this video to find out how you can admit your wrongdoing and stop rationalizing your actions. Accountability matters, and apologizing is important, even in your dysfunctional relationships. #dysfunctionalrelationship #rationalization #takingresponsibility #apologize #blameshifting #christianrelationshipadvice #accountability   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/31s2KPmKTb4    

If you are in a dysfunctional relationship, you are probably focused on the other person's life and not on your own. You may be trying to rescue and fix, because if you don't, nothing for you will change. This may have been going on for so long that you don't even remember what it was like to feel carefree enough to focus on yourself. The problem is that if you don't pay attention to yourself, you could lose too much time because there is no guarantee that there will ever be any change. And even if and when there is, you may have lost so much of yourself that you may not be able to get it back. It isn't easy to let go of the obsession to change someone else, but it can be done. Watch this video to find out how you can focus on living your life in spite of your dysfunctional relationships. #dysfunctionalrelationship #christiancodependency #liveyourlife   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/x5B6R2ilo88    

Manipulative setups by manipulators are purposeful acts that force you into a dilemma that is then exploited to get what the manipulator wants.     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/5RgUFicVFYo

There is an epidemic of parental estrangement, but what are the causes? Your adult child refuses to have anything to do with you and doesn't let you see your grandchild. This is in spite of all the things you have done for your child and all the sacrifices you have made. You don't know the reason is and you can't get an answer. You are devastated. But you are also confused. How could this be happening? What could cause so many adult children to walk away from a relationship with their parents? Why aren't they aware of the hurt they are causing, and why don't they appear to care? Is it the parents' fault or is it the adult children's fault? There are many causes of this epidemic of parental estrangement. If you are one of the estranged parents, the adult children walking away, or anyone else who is dealing with this issue, you need to know what they are.  Listen to this podcast to find out. #parentalestrangement #familydysfunction #grandparentsrights #narcissists #christianrelationshipadvice   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/69r21422xFE

There are many reasons that it is difficult to divorce an abuser, but one of the most important is concern over how the children will be impacted. The fear can be enough to prevent abuse victims from taking the steps to move forward. It is for this reason that Tawni Carney and Karla Downing share personal and professional experience from their ministry with domestic abuse survivors on how to protect and support children when divorcing an abuser.   They identify common problems that arise with children and offer practical, heartfelt advice on how to deal with them. They cover questions such as how to respond to kids' anger and grief, how to handle visitation struggles, how to talk about the abuser, and more. They also offer suggestions for bringing God into children's lives as a source of strength.   Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims.   Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children's wear line, she went on to serve as a Children's Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to families throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.”   Today, as the Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global. Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore you and your children.   The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm.   Karla Downing's passion is to see individuals, marriages, and families set free from dysfunction, scriptural misunderstanding, and emotional pain personally and relationally. Her messages, books, and classes provide practical solutions based on biblical truths that bring balance and clarity to life and relationship issues. She also desires to equip ministry leaders and counselors to reach out more effectively to those struggling with difficult relationships, including abuse. #Christianmarriageadvice #Christianrelationshipadvice #Christiandivorcesupport #domesticviolencesurvivors #abusiverelationships #abusivemarriage #emotionalabuse #childabuse #EaglesWingsGlobal #karladowning   Resources Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website.  https://eagleswingsglobal.org   Love Does No Harm Workbook on Amazon https://amzn.to/4ryz4Y6   California Victims Compensation Fund https://victims.ca.gov/   Feelings Wheel for Adults and Teens https://www.socialworkerstoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/Free-Feelings-Wheel-Printable-PDF-Emotion-Wheel-Chart-for-Teens-Young-People-Adults.pdf   Feelings Wheel for Children https://www.catbears.com/images/social-stories/feelings-wheel/the-catbears-feelings-wheel.pdf     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/AYWN4WQ3g9Q

Dysfunctional and toxic relationships have many relationship problems that go unresolved indefinitely. When evaluating how to resolve conflict, you need to consider whether there is a possibility of relationship healing, given the ability of both parties to discuss the issues. Many times, one person wants to resolve them, and the other does not. One person can listen to and understand the other, and the other cannot. One can take responsibility and be accountable for their choices, and the other can't.   If you can resolve the past, it makes moving forward easier. But if you cannot resolve the past, is it better to let it go to move forward, or is it better to try to force conversations about the past that are likely not to get anywhere? You are the only one who can decide. It might be better to let it go, or it might be better to try to force a resolution.  Watch this video to find out if you have to resolve the past to move forward in a dysfunctional relationship.       #dysfunctionalrelationship #christianrelationshipadvice  #relationshipproblems #toxicrelationships #relationshiphealing #conflictresolution     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/kYzniL-ouGU

Emotional manipulators make promises and give you gifts to get you to do what they want. You need to recognize when these promises and gifts are being used to get you to give in to the manipulators demands.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/IqIII8W5lZg

It is difficult to have a family member with mental illness. There are some basic principles you can follow that will help you increase the chance of improved mental health. There are also things you can do that will make it worse. You need to know what to do and not do. You care about your family member with mental illness, but you also have to care about yourself and the rest of the family. Everyone matters. There needs to be a balance between the needs of the person struggling with mental health and everyone else. Learn how to do that. Watch this video to find out what you can do to help your family member with mental illness. #mentalhealth #familyproblems   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/aMn2WQrUlts

Tawni shares her story of survival in an abusive marriage and her healing journey after her decision to divorce. She and Karla discuss how churches respond to abuse victims in a way that often causes more pain. They identify common phrases that, sometimes unknowingly, twist Bible verses and lead to misunderstanding the right way to respond. The hidden message is often one that produces guilt and over-responsibility for the victim. They also offer suggestions on how to support children in abusive marriages and through divorce. Tawni and Karla's personal experiences in abusive marriages drive their passion to help people navigate and heal from abusive relationships. Their conversation is filled with helpful tips for anyone who has experienced abuse and/or interacts in any way with victims.             Tawni Carney is a single mother of three whose path blends creativity, ministry, and healing. After beginning her career designing swimwear for national retailers and launching her own children's wear line, she went on to serve as a Children's Pastor in Costa Mesa. For over 20 years, she has ministered to women throughout Orange County, California, offering support and hope. She founded Gang of Arrows, a life-skills program that grew to multiple studios, creating safe spaces where kids learn, create, and believe their “hands are made for good.”   Today, as the Acting Executive Director of Eagles Wings Global in Orange County, California, Tawni carries a message of deep faith in God's power to restore. The mission of Eagles Wings is to bring hope and healing to survivors of domestic violence. They advocate, educate, and empower women and men to discover their true value and worth to break the cycle of abuse in their families. They provide physical, emotional, and spiritual support to those seeking freedom and restoration. Eagles Wings also desires to train churches and their staff to identify abuse victims and respond to them in a way that offers support rather than harm.   Resources Eagles Wings Global is an organization that supports abused women and men in Southern California. The website lists resources, which include in-person and Zoom "Love Does No Harm" groups. They also have a phone line to receive personal support. Tawni Carney can be reached through the website.  https://eagleswingsglobal.org       Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/yN1su0zUxYU

In dysfunctional families, people do a lot of things that are unhealthy and destructive. Watching them causes anxiety because of the harm they can do to themselves, you, others, and the relationship. The obsession with changing them can be all-consuming if left unchecked. It can even make you physically and emotionally sick. The solution is to manage anxiety over others' choices. There are things you can do that will make it easier. Your life doesn't have to be ruled by things outside your control, even when that is your dysfunctional family.  Learning how to manage anxiety over others' choices will change your life by changing yourself. Watch the video to find out how to do it. #dysfunctionalfamilies   #manageanxiety  #changeyourself   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/W9_zGj786hA

Getting mentally ill people to medicate is a frustrating experience. Yet, they have to in order to get better and be more independent. Watch this video to look at the real-life options you have. Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/LnH3ylmyJBc

Unfortunately, the stigma of mental illness in the church still exists in various ways. People hold misconceptions about the cause and treatment, which makes it harder for those struggling with mental health. Some of these misconceptions can cause actual harm because they prevent people from speaking up and from getting the treatment they need.  It is important to understand scriptural truth about what causes mental illness and what is required to treat it. Whether you struggle with mental illness yourself or you encounter people struggling with it, knowing how to correct the misconceptions and biases rather than perpetuating them will bring hope and healing. Watch this video on the stigma of mental illness in the church.  #mentalhealth #scripturaltruth  Resources: Grace Alliance offers mental health resources and groups in the church: https://mentalhealthgracealliance.org/  National Alliance of Mental Illness offers information and support groups: Nami.org   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0aYt25ojZPM

Have you ever felt lost in conversations where resolution seems out of reach? Have you wondered why every attempt you make to explain is met with roadblocks that leave you even more frustrated? If so, you might be encountering what Annette Oltmans of The Mend Project calls "The Maze of Confusion."  The Maze of Confusion is a strategy used by emotional abusers to derail genuine communication. By weaving a complex web of distractions and dead ends, they prevent meaningful dialogue, leaving their partners overwhelmed and disoriented. Instead of engaging in healthy conversations, these tactics create barriers to understanding and resolution, leading to increased confusion and emotional pain.   In this conversation, Annette and Karla talk about the tactics used to block communication in emotionally abusive relationships from their own experience and from their work with thousands of abuse victims and survivors. Their conversation contrasts unhealthy tactics that prevent resolution with the characteristics of healthy communication that foster understanding and resolution.   This podcast is packed with helpful information that empowers abuse victims and abuse survivors. They need labels for the tactics that are used to control them. They need to understand the motives that drive the abuser's behavior. They need validation to counter the gaslighting and invalidation.      Understanding and navigating this maze can be challenging, but you don't have to do it alone. Annette is the founder of The Mend Project, an organization that seeks to educate, equip, and restore all who are impacted by emotional abuse and train those who interface with them personally or professionally. Please take a moment to review their resources. #confusion  #emotionalabuse  #emotionalabusesurvivor #domesticviolencesurvivors    Resources and Links:    The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/   Find Clarity and Healing Course - https://themendproject.com/find-clarity-and-healing-course/   "My Journey Through Double Abuse" - interview of Annette Oltmans' story. https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-a4tmz-1004118   "I Was a Covert Emotional Abuser" - Interview of Bucky Oltmans' story  https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-ebkpt-107fd04   Maze of Confusion, Terms and Definitions and Other Free Resources from The MEND Project - https://themendproject.com/resources/   Karla Downing's Classes - https://www.changemyrelationship.com/current-and-upcoming-classes/     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ewZv3bY0tcg

If you are a Christian in a dysfunctional, toxic marriage, you are desperate for Christian marriage advice. When you see marriage books or conferences by Christian authors and speakers, you are willing to buy the books and attend the conferences. You try to apply their ideas, even if your spouse isn't.   There is only one problem: not everyone who offers you advice understands what you are going through. Some of their ideas can make your situation worse. You even have to be careful when you seek out Christian counseling.  So if you have more than a few minor marriage problems, you are struggling with addiction, abuse, affairs, narcissism, manipulation, mental illness, emotional abandonment, or other complex,  dysfunctional, and toxic dynamics, be careful. Don't go to Christian marriage conferences or read Christian marriage books. Watch this video to fully understand why that is a bad idea and what you need to do instead.   #christianmarriageadvice  #dysfunctionalrelationship  #toxicrelationships  #christiancounseling #Christianmarriageconferences     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/O3IWdojI-wc

Self-evaluation is healthy and necessary. The problem is that codependents, including Christian codependents, tend to take too much responsibility and end up invalidating themselves. This video will show you how to evaluate, not invalidate yourself.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/wYvGZaLQf6I  

People in the church have adopted the idea of soul ties. They are believed to explain the strong connections between people that are difficult to break. It is important to analyze whether this is true or whether there are other explanations for them that make as much or more sense. They are also presented as biblical, but are they? Is there evidence of them in Scripture? Knowing scriptural truth about them is essential. Just because they are presented that way doesn't mean they are. Understanding what soul ties are and whether they are biblical is good to know because at some point, someone may tell you that your relationship struggle is caused by a soul tie. If it is, you need to know how to break it, but if it isn't, you don't want to be led astray. #soulties #scripturaltruth   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0u8pWicMRoQ

Do you believe you should deal with the situations that make you angry before you go to sleep at night? Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry and not sin. That may mean you should go to sleep without confronting.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/FcWI8PUSvak

Does God want us to suffer? Christians say many things, giving the impression that He does. We hear that God brings suffering to make us rely on Him. We hear that God wants us to grow and mature through trials. We also hear that God is glorified through our suffering. There are Bible verses that teach all those things.  If God wants us to suffer and it brings out so much good, should we seek out ways to suffer? Is it okay to do what we can to end our own suffering? Is every type of suffering the same?   These and other questions need to be answered, because how you view and how you respond to suffering matters, especially in our dysfunctional, toxic relationships.  Watch this video to hear the answer to the question, "Does God want you to suffer?"     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/bOTVgXfagwo

Is it okay to want a good life as a Christian? Is it okay to strive for material possessions to give our children a good life? I answered this question for one of my subscribers. Find out what I said.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/sPqjGc-hZZc

Are generational curses causing the problems in your toxic relationship? Some Christians think they are. The scriptural truth matters because what you believe is causing the problems will guide your approach to dealing with them. There are many combinations of problems you may have to deal with, and many options for how to address them. You want nothing more than to help your loved one and fix your relationship. To do that, you need to understand not only what is happening but what is causing it. Dysfunction does run in families. No one can deny that. But are generational curses causing the problems in your toxic relationship? Watch this video to find out. You need to know. #generationalcurses #toxicrelationships #scripturaltruth #dysfunctionalrelationship #dysfunctionalfamilies    Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/1-Vi2pa2Tzw

How can you get unstuck in your life and toxic relationships? If you're in the middle of a maze of problems and unable to resolve them, you are frustrated and overwhelmed. If you are in a dysfunctional relationship, you are confused. You can find suggestions everywhere on what you should do, but what will work? What is the next step? Too much information can make it worse. What you need is simple, practical, and easy to apply immediately Christian relationship and marriage advice from someone who understands. This video gives you what you need from someone who understands. Karla Downing has been in many dysfunctional, toxic relationships and knows what works and doesn't work.    If you want answers now, watch "How to Get Unstuck in Your Life and Toxic Relationships." You will get them.       #toxicrelationships #dysfunctionalrelationship #Christianmarriageadvice  #christianrelationshipadvice   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/sGij1UKK1zo

How can you identify a difficult person? The answer to that question is critically important because you need to know who you are dealing with whether it is someone you are married to, related to, or have just met. Listen to this video to find out how to identify a difficult person.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/_oKIO048qfY

You are told to listen to what people say with an open mind and to try to understand their perceptions, but what do you do if the person has distorted perceptions? Listen to find out.     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/aXRUjZnaw9I

Manipulative undermining occurs when a person deliberately and deceitfully does whatever it takes to take away your power. Learn more about this manipulative tactic by watching this video.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ocr8t7MzpLk

Are you living congruently in your relationships? You are not if you are not setting boundaries and living in a way that aligns with your values and convictions. Dysfunctional and difficult relationships often weaken our resolve to stand up for what we believe is right. Watch this video to find out how to live congruently in your relationships.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/sAyVEsndmW8

Many things are said in Christian circles that lead us to draw conclusions about scriptural truths that aren't completely accurate. One of those is that God breaks those who love him. Have you gotten the impression that even though God is good, He wants us to be broken so He can teach us? I know I have. I hear things said all the time that lead to that conclusion, but in this video, I challenge the belief that God breaks those who love him. #scripturaltruth #godisgood   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/0JcEhgcH53w

You know the saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result." This applies to dysfunctional families, dysfunctional relationships, and toxic relationships. They can literally make us do crazy things. And the dynamics are so complicated and confusing that it is difficult to figure out how to change our reactions. Remembering simple relationship tips is helpful. One of those is "Do something different to change the outcome." Try it and see what happens. Can it be any worse than continuing to do the same thing and getting the same result?   #dysfunctionalrelationship  #toxicrelationships  #dysfunctionalfamilies  #relationshiptips     Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/_-RxRP08YbA

Dysfunctional families have lots of friction and disagreement that isn't easy to navigate. There are a myriad of problems. One of those is when you don't like your child's partner. There are many reasons that it might be that way. Yet, how you react to this situation is similar regardless of the reasons. There are things you can do that will damage your relationship and cause more relationship problems. There are things you can do that will improve your relationship now and in the future. Even though your concerns are valid, you want to respond in the right way. You need this parenting advice now, even if you have already made some mistakes. Watch this video when you don't like your child's partner. You will be glad you did. #dysfunctionalfamilies #parentingadvice #relationshipproblems   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/IdD5zomzXWc  

Dysfunctional families have lots of relationship problems. One of the big ones is when your wife doesn't like your family. Whether it is one or both of your parents, your siblings, or anyone else, it causes a huge amount of stress and subsequent landmines you have to navigate as a husband.  Not only is your wife unhappy, you know your family isn't happy. You are in the middle and need help to navigate in a healthy way that doesn't unnecessarily damage your marriage and cause more problems for you and your kids. But you also want to consider your family's needs, especially when it involves your parents. There's one more consideration and that is you. You matter too and yet, it is easy to lose sight of that.  While this video can't answer all your questions and can't address every scenario, it focuses on the similarities and offers principles you can keep in mind, including biblical ones. It also helps you to view the problem in a larger context because it is easy to get lost in the details of the latest disagreement.    You need this Christian marriage advice now, even if you have already made some mistakes. Watch this video when your wife doesn't like your family. You will be glad you did. #dysfunctional  #dysfunctionalrelationship  #wifeandhusbandrelationship #relationshipproblems #christianmarriageadvice   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zsq9Zb6q7ik

In your abusive relationships, is power over you an illusion? I know it doesn't seem like it is. The abuser exerts control, and it feels impossible to challenge it. You feel stuck, victimized, confused, and powerless. It takes a lot of work to be able to stand up against verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and any other abuse controllers use. One of those things you can begin to do to feel more empowered is to question the abuser's tactics. It helps to consider the basis of the abuser's power and control. If it is only perceived power, you have choices about what to do and how to respond that you didn't know you had. Watch this video to navigate your abusive relationships and find out the answer to this question: Is power over you an illusion? Abuse survivors know the answer, and you need to know it too. #abusiverelationships #power #emotionalabuse #abusesurvivors #controller Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/7zGHKNhHQb0  

Holidays are painful for people who are going through grief, loss, dysfunctional relationships, and painful memories among many other things. Listen to this video to get ideas on how to deal with holiday triggers.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/wJ3tpxGNe8k

Self care for the holidays is essential for everyone but critical for anyone dealing with dysfunctional family dynamics. Watch this video for some practical ideas.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/2fHR1tqiteE

Healing from sexual betrayal is a complex process that involves navigating the six stages of grief. Betrayal trauma recovery is necessary when trust has been violated by someone who should have been faithful and trustworthy. It is necessary to heal from all types of infidelity: emotional and sexual affairs, sexual addiction, prostitution, and any other sexual acting out. The betrayal involves many losses, which must be grieved to heal. Understanding the process helps make sense of this deeply painful and devastating experience. Knowing there is healing at the end gives hope when otherwise it would seem hopeless. Healing from sexual betrayal involves navigating the six stages of the grief journey. Watch this video to learn what each stage involves so you have an idea of what you need to go through. #betrayaltraumarecovery #healingfrominfidelity #griefjourney   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/pXaEXO1l0nk  

Toxic relationships are full of complex dynamics, unresolved problems, and painful feelings. We react to all those things by trying to fix, control, and change people. Even when it doesn't make sense to hang on, we do. We don't realize that the only choice we have is to let go or be dragged. Whether it is love, guilt, trauma bonding, codependency, or fear, we keep trying to make things right even when it hurts us. We need reminders, assurance and a guide in toxic relationships to make a decision on whether to let go or be dragged.     #toxicrelationships #letgo    Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/bE0sA9rzvsA  

Bobbie Tea describes an unbelievable lifetime of abuse starting at two years of age. Her story is living proof that abuse victims continue to pick abusers until they get strong enough to say, "No more!" In Bobbie's case, her abuse history included a pervasive family history of sexual molestation that strongly suggests there is a spiritual generational component.   According to the U.S. Department of Justice, statistics show that family members perpetrate 34% of child sexual abuse cases. According to Darkness to Light, a non-profit organization committed to preventing child sexual abuse, "The younger the victim, the more likely it is that the abuser is a family member. Of those molesting a child under six, 50% were family members. Family members also accounted for 23% of those abusing children ages 12 to 17." Ninety-one percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child or their family knows. Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse typically accompany sexual abuse.   Bobbie's story illustrates the resilience of abuse survivors and the power of God's love to heal. It is a story of pain and hope, at the same time.    Bobbie Tea's memoir, There Once Was a Girl: A Memoir With a Message, is available on Amazon.  https://amzn.to/3XkOfaA   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/yDppTqmUttY  

Shame-based people react to anything you say that criticizes them or threatens to expose their weaknesses. They also do other dysfunctional things that range anywhere from codependency to addiction to abuse and more. Watch this video to get more understanding about why shame-based people do what they do and also learn how to respond to them.   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/on69zPoFt-Y

Christian codependency can affect whether you are a healthy or a codependent caregiver. When you need to care for someone in your life, it is never easy. Whether it is caring for an elder parent, a mentally ill or disabled child, or a chronically sick spouse, you will need to be intentional about the boundaries you set. It is hard to figure out how to take care of yourself when the demands are overwhelming. Watch this video for caregiver support in finding out how you can be a healthy, instead of a codependent caregiver. It will change your life. #codependent #christiancodependency #settingboundaries #caregiversupport   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/y-xAtNkZYVw

Holidays are difficult for people who have dysfunctional families. They are also painful for people with loss and bad memories. While you cannot change the circumstances, one of the things you can do is to change your expectations. Watch this video to see how this simple change can make a big difference. #changeexpectations #holidayemotions #dysfunctionalfamilies   Website: https://www.changemyrelationship.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChangeMyRelationship YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@changemyrelationship Watch this video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/ZDxMivGYs8M