Empowered to Connect Podcast

FASD specialist and adoptive mom Sandra Flach joins Jesse to break down fetal alcohol spectrum disorder: what it actually is, why it hides behind behavior nobody understands, and why it's one of the most common and least discussed disabilities in foster care and adoption. Sandra shares her own family's diagnosis journey and the accommodations-based approach that finally helped her understand her sons instead of just managing their behavior. It's a conversation for anyone parenting a child whose brain might be working differently than expected, diagnosed or not. Sandra Flach is co-founder of Justice for Orphans and an adoptive and kinship parent of six. After her own sons were diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome, she became a national voice on FASD, offering training, coaching, and a peer support community for foster and adoptive families. Website: Justice for Orphans: FASD Training & Support Key Takeaways FASD is far more common than most people realize (one in twenty people prenatally exposed to alcohol, up to seventy percent of kids in foster care), yet true diagnosis is rare because doctors are trained to look for facial features present in fewer than ten percent of cases. FASD symptoms overlap heavily with trauma and can look like willful defiance, but the brain difference is real: what looks like "won't" is usually "can't," especially around executive function, auditory processing, and daily living skills. The path forward is accommodation, not consequence: understanding a child's specific struggles (memory, impulse control, sensory processing) and adjusting expectations the same way we already do for visible disabilities. Timestamped Outline 00:00 – Introduction: meet Sandra Flach, adoptive and kinship mom, FASD specialist and advocate 00:01 – FASD 101: how common it actually is, and why it's called an invisible disability 00:08 – Getting a diagnosis: who can diagnose FASD, and why so few doctors do 00:13 – Why the standard diagnostic criteria miss 90% of cases 00:19 – Not a straight line: the "scribble" and FASD's scattered developmental profile 00:28 – Why it's not that they won't, it's that they can't: executive function and the brain 00:36 – The neurobehavioral approach: accommodations instead of consequences 00:40 – "A child with brain damage": the reframe that changed how Sandra saw her sons 00:46 – Grief, interdependence, and redefining what success looks like 00:52 – Untangling shame, for parents, kids, and birth parents 01:03 – The long view: daily living skills, connection, and "not yet" instead of "never" 01:07 – Where to find Sandra: her support group, training, podcast, and a free gift Resources Mentioned Justice for Orphans: FASD Training & Support Hope Community (Sandra's online FASD support group) The Adoption & Foster Care Journey podcast Sandra Flach's site (Soul Care Saturday devotional and free breath prayers download) Call to Action (CTA) ETC Shopify ETC Newsletter signup ETC Instagram ETC Facebook Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction and Sandra's Background(00:01:46) - What Is Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder(00:03:30) - Sandra's Family Journey to Diagnosis(00:07:57) - Challenges Getting an FASD Diagnosis(00:10:36) - Alcohol as a Teratogen and Whole-Body Effects(00:12:58) - Diagnosis Barriers and Facial Features Myth(00:14:17) - Navigating Diagnosis Without Birth History(00:18:48) - Developmental Gaps and Scattered Abilities(00:26:22) - Coping Strategies and Stress Capacity(00:28:21) - Executive Function and Misunderstood Behavior(00:30:28) - Communication Challenges and Real-Life Examples(00:33:55) - Untangling Trauma vs FASD Symptoms(00:35:54) - Accommodations as a Neurobehavioral Approach(00:39:36) - Seeing Brain Differences Instead of Bad Behavior(00:42:19) - Adults with FASD and Lifelong Accommodations(00:44:17) - Grieving Expectations and Celebrating the Child(00:47:58) - Community, Support Groups, and Celebrating Wins(00:52:04) - Addressing Shame and Building Acceptance(00:57:38) - Dispelling Shame Around Alcohol and Pregnancy(01:03:16) - Long-Term Goals and the Power of Connection(01:06:58) - Closing Resources and Farewell

What does open adoption actually mean, and what happens when fear gets in the way of staying connected? Annie Iverson, adoptive mom of four and creator of Write It & Remember It, joins us to talk honestly about openness, boundaries, and the small, sustainable habits that keep birth family connections alive. Episode Bullets Openness lives on a spectrum, from a card a few times a year to regular visits. There's no single "right" version of it. Three common misconceptions about open adoption: it means co-parenting, it's all or nothing, and it's mainly for the birth mom (it's really for the child). Keeping the child at the center means letting their questions, not the adults' comfort, drive the connection. A simple four-times-a-year rhythm (birthdays, a holiday, Birth Mother's Day, and one more) helps families stay consistent without overthinking it. "Something is better than nothing": an imperfect photo or a short text still counts as connection. Fear, of saying the wrong thing, of being judged, is often the biggest barrier, not logistics. If contact has faded or gone quiet, it's never too late to reach back out through the agency. Annie created Cards That Connect and the Birthday Interview Cards to make staying in touch simple and sustainable for other families. Resources Mentioned Write It & Remember It — Cards That Connect + Birthday Interview Cards Birthday Interview Cards & Book Digital Cards That Connect Free Guide: Keeping the Connection After Placement (PDF) Annie on Instagram Promo code: CONNECT20 for 20% off (Annie's gift to ETC listeners) Timestamps 00:03:29 — What "openness" really means 00:07:39 — Three misconceptions about open adoption 00:16:20 — Keeping the child at the center (the birth mom & shoe-size story) 00:21:43 — The four-times-a-year rhythm for staying consistent 00:22:52 — "Something is better than nothing" 00:32:18 — Fear as the biggest obstacle to staying connected 00:34:06 — What to do when contact has faded 00:41:52 — Letting go of the "hero" narrative If this episode encouraged you, share it with another parent who needs to hear it. For more support on connected, trauma-informed parenting, check out our Connecting Practices Handbook and the Cultivate Connection course. Chapters (00:00:00) - Annie Iverson on Empowered to Connect(00:01:45) - What is an Open Adoption?(00:03:04) - What Does Open Adoption Mean?(00:04:42) - Open adoption and biological family(00:07:40) - 3 Main misconceptions about Open Adoption(00:11:29) - What Kind of Contact Should Birthmother Have With Her Child?(00:16:18) - Open Adoption: Keeping the Child at the Center(00:20:21) - How to Keep the Open Adoption Relationship(00:25:52) - The Birth Mother's Cards(00:29:13) - Birth Mother Cards!(00:31:55) - Open Adoption: The Challenges(00:39:21) - Open Adoption: When Your Daughter Gives Up Her Story

If bedtime in your house feels like a nightly negotiation, or you're the one lying in the dark at 2 a.m. wondering why nothing seems to work, this conversation is for you. Pediatric sleep consultant Allison Ezell spent years stuck between a sleep doctor telling her to sleep train and a TBRI therapist affirming the trauma-informed parenting she knew her son needed, unable to find anyone who could bridge the two. She eventually became the person she needed, and she's bringing that hard-won wisdom to us today. What We Cover in This Episode The two building blocks of sleep science, sleep associations and sleep pressure, and why understanding sleep associations alone resolves most of the sleep struggles Allison sees. The difference between "putting a child to sleep" and "putting a child to bed," and why that distinction matters most for kids who wake in the middle of the night. A practical bedtime routine built around what a body actually needs to fall asleep: sensory input earlier in the evening, a warm bath or shower, real connection, and a small snack. How to build felt safety around bedtime fears through repeated, low-pressure exposure, and a gradual pullback method for weaning off sleep associations without a jarring overnight switch. A consistent, scripted response for middle-of-the-night wake-ups, plus the red flags (frequent waking, restless legs, long sleep onset, excessive daytime sleepiness) that mean it's time to talk to a doctor. Resources Mentioned Dwell Pediatric Sleep Allison Ezell on Instagram (@dwellpediatricsleep) Timestamps 00:00:37 — Allison's story: years of sleeplessness with her son, and how she became a pediatric sleep consultant 00:05:03 — The two big buckets: trouble falling asleep vs. trouble staying asleep 00:08:01 — Sleep science 101: sleep associations, explained through "the pillow" 00:11:09 — "For a lot of parents, they are the pillow": why parents become the sleep association 00:13:36 — Building a child's confidence and tolerance for separation 00:20:35 — Why temperament and history change how a child responds to sleep 00:22:45 — Sleep pressure, naps, and finding the right wake windows 00:30:36 — What has to happen in the body to fall asleep: heart rate and body temperature 00:33:07 — Building a bedtime routine: sensory input, bath or shower, connection, snack 00:41:37 — Creating felt safety around bedtime fears through repeated exposure 00:47:52 — The gradual pullback: weaning off unsustainable sleep associations 00:53:07 — The scripted response for middle-of-the-night wake-ups 00:55:16 — Red flags that mean it's time to talk to a doctor 00:59:47 — Allison's closing message: it's not selfish to want to fix your family's sleep Connect Line Have a question or topic you'd like us to cover? Send it to podcast@empoweredtoconnect.org Chapters (00:00:00) - Empowered to Connect: Everything Sleep(00:00:45) - What a Sleep Consultant Can Help You(00:05:00) - How to Get Your Child to Fall asleep(00:08:05) - Sleep Science for Adopted Kids(00:09:19) - Sleep Associations and Sleep Pressure(00:14:50) - How to Sleep Well With Your Child(00:22:49) - How to Raise a Sleepy Child(00:27:04) - How to Establish a Sleep Schedule for Foster Kids(00:30:40) - The Science of Falling asleep(00:31:18) - Sleep Aid for Kids(00:35:56) - How to Have a Good Bedtime(00:41:50) - How to Put Your Child to Sleep(00:47:11) - Waking Up in the Night(00:51:42) - How to Talk Your Child Out of Night Fever(00:54:52) - Signs of Insomnia in Parents(00:59:28) - How to Sleep Your Child

What if the parent report card you've been grading yourself on this whole time was never actually yours to fill out? Episode summary bullets: Nicole Barlow, longtime foster and adoptive mom and one of our Cultivate Connection facilitators, shares how she went from feeling like a "rockstar" foster parent to realizing she was in way over her head. Why the peer-to-peer model at the heart of Cultivate Connection matters: none of us are exempt from putting these tools into practice in our own homes. The weight of being watched. Nicole opens up about neighbors, strangers, and offhand comments that shaped how she saw her own parenting. How Nicole's understanding of Scripture around obedience and discipline shifted over time (a perspective she shares from her own faith journey). Redefining success: from "my kids are compliant" to "does my adult child still call me, even from a hard place?" Why a compliant kid isn't always a regulated kid, and what Nicole wishes she'd noticed sooner in her own home. Dysregulation isn't disobedience: a look at fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, and why repair matters more than perfection. Nicole and Jesse's honest conversation about social media, comparison, and the images of parenting we quietly measure ourselves against. Nicole's closing encouragement for any parent white-knuckling their way through this season: "It's not yours to carry." Resources mentioned: Cultivate Connection On-Demand course: https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/cultivate-connection-on-demand Connecting Practices Handbook: https://empowered-to-connect.myshopify.com/products/connecting-practices-handbook-ebook-spiral Timestamps: 00:00 – Meet Nicole Barlow and her foster and adoptive journey 09:53 – From "I've got this" to feeling completely in over her head 18:13 – Faith, obedience, and the pressure of what other people think 26:31 – What "successful mom" used to mean to Nicole, and what changed 33:08 – Why her most compliant kid taught her the most about trauma 39:07 – Redefining success as relationship, not response 48:36 – Nicole's word for any parent white-knuckling it right now Connect line: Find more trauma-informed parenting tools and connect with our community at http://empoweredtoconnect.org or follow along on Instagram @‌empoweredtoconnect. Chapters (00:00:05) - Empowered to Connect: Nicole Barlow on Foster Parents(00:03:22) - How to Train the Trainer(00:10:07) - Coming soon: Learning to Love Yourself(00:10:31) - What Made You Feel Bad About Your Parenting?(00:19:21) - Anglicans on Parenting(00:26:46) - Paula on Being a Successful Parent(00:35:59) - Fight or Flight: Dysregulation and How to Support It(00:39:10) - What Does That Look Like to Be a Successful Mom?(00:41:20) - "So Much of Success Is Staked on Connection With My Child(00:48:38) - It's Not Your Parents' Report Card

Ever notice how a bedtime standoff, a backtalk moment, or a flat-out refusal can turn into you against your kid? Jesse sits down with Mo & Tona Ottinger for an honest look at what happens when parenting starts to feel like a competition, and why "winning" a moment can quietly cost you the relationship. This one includes real, unfiltered stories (including a New Year's Eve bedtime battle that's now family legend) and a simple mindset shift that changes how you handle the next hard moment. What we cover in this episode Why parenting can start to feel like you're on opposite sides of the net from your own kid, and how to get back on the same team The difference between winning an interaction and being "rightly related," and why the second one matters more long term A real, unfiltered bedtime story about doubling down that went sideways (and the do-over that followed) What to do when your expectations and your child's needs are out of sync, especially with kids who struggle with big behaviors A simple practice for slowing the moment down mid-conflict so you can respond instead of react Resources mentioned Cultivate Connection On Demand: ETC's parenting course, referenced for its "before, during, and after" framework Connect with us Have a question or topic you'd like us to cover? Send your idea to info@empoweredtoconnect.org Chapters (00:00:00) - The Risk of Winning in Parenting(00:05:49) - On Winning and Losing(00:09:15) - What Does It Look Like to Support a Child's Bedtime Sleep(00:15:07) - How to Be Right All the Time with Your Child(00:17:52) - How To Approach a Parent's Bedtime(00:26:20) - Alexandra on Collaborative Parenting(00:35:25) - The Importance of Helicopter Parenting(00:43:00) - Slow Down With Your Child(00:50:51) - Slow Down in the Moment

Some books change the way we see. Rhonda Roorda's In Their Own Voices did that for countless adoptive families, including our own here at ETC. In this episode, Rhonda returns to walk us through her debut memoir, Torn from the Root, and the four questions at its center: who was going to get hurt, what was it going to cost, who would be held accountable, and what hope could there be for repair. It is a tender, unflinching conversation about transracial adoption, the voice of the child within, and what it really takes to belong. Listener-care note: this episode includes honest discussion of trauma, abuse, and mental health within the context of transracial adoption. In this episode Why Rhonda turned the lens on her own story after decades of documenting others, and what it meant to listen to the little girl within her The four questions from her memoir that frame the whole conversation The history most adoptive families never hear, from the 1970 National Association of Black Social Workers statement to the research that shaped current policy How everyday language and labels shape a child's sense of identity and worth The difference between celebrating a child's culture and simply living near it A family "blueprint" approach to belonging, where every member is honored and advocated for What repair actually requires, starting with an honest audit of ourselves How nurture, in ETC terms, shows up in our words, our attention, and our follow-through Resources Torn from the Root: A Memoir of a Black Transracial Adoptee by Rhonda M. Roorda (Temple University Press). Pre-order available now, releasing July 2026. In Their Own Voices, In Their Parents' Voices, and In Their Siblings' Voices, the landmark trilogy Rhonda co-authored with Dr. Rita J. Simon In Their Voices: Black Americans on Transracial Adoption, Rhonda's award-winning solo work Rhonda M. Roorda's website: https://rhondamroorda.com Context referenced in the episode: the 1970 National Association of Black Social Workers position on transracial adoption, and the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act of 1994 with the Interethnic Adoption Provisions of 1996 Chapters (00:00:04) - Rhonda Rorda on Transracial Adoption(00:07:12) - Transracial Adoption: A memoir(00:13:48) - Rhonda on Transracial Adoption(00:16:48) - Who Is Being Hurt in Transracial Adoption?(00:24:43) - In the Land of Adoptees: Language(00:28:53) - From A Commodity to the World(00:30:49) - Othering Transracial Adoptees(00:37:15) - What Would It Have Been Like to Experience A Real African Family?(00:46:40) - Adoption advocates speak out for equity(00:47:47) - Adoptees Speak Out About the Transracial Adoption System(00:53:59) - African American culture in the Netherlands(00:59:07) - Transracial Adoptions: The Need for Nurture(01:05:02) - Torn from the Root Review(01:12:53) - Telling My Story of the Transracial Adoption System(01:19:11) - From Here to Eternity(01:22:47) - Rhonda's Empowerment to Connect: Where Do We Go

You said it would be the last warning. You meant it this time. And somehow you are standing in the hallway with your voice raised, wondering how you ended up here again. If consequences have quietly become your first move, and you are starting to suspect they are not actually working, this conversation is for you. What we cover in this episode Why a consequence is so often the first thing we reach for, and what that reach is usually really about What a quick consequence shuts down: the curiosity, the teaching, and your child's chance to learn what to do instead The difference between a punishment mindset and a loving limits mindset, and how each one handles power How the Faris and Ottinger homes actually deal with mistakes now, including the "consequence" the Faris's friends could not believe was real Small, doable first steps if you want to lean on consequences less, starting with one question you can ask yourself in the moment Resources mentioned Cultivate Connection (the on-demand parenting course where the Collaboration module lives): https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/cultivate-connection-on-demand Connecting Practices Handbook (ideas for giving voice, choices, and compromises): https://empoweredtoconnect.shop/products/connecting-practices-handbook-ebook Chapters (00:00:00) - Nick Ferris on Empowered to Connect(00:01:58) - Questions about Consequences in Parenting(00:09:48) - Jesse on Contribution to Consequences(00:15:16) - What Happened When You Changed the Way You Parent Your Kids(00:21:19) - Do Parents Need To Complain About Mistakes?(00:28:46) - What Kind of Consequences Should Parents Have for Their Kids?(00:34:42) - The Limits of Parental Communication(00:37:58) - What is a Punishment Mindset and a Loving Limit Mindset(00:39:36) - The Loving Limits vs Punishment Mindset(00:45:37) - When You Can't Get What You Want(00:46:47) - How to Talk to Your Child About Consequences(00:52:56) - What Do I Want My Children To Remember About Their Childhoods?(00:57:02) - How to Civillate Connection in Parenting(01:00:22) - Closing Thoughts On The Nick Podcast(01:01:38) - Reclaiming the Preciousness of Our Children

Summer is here, and Jesse and Tona are keeping it real: they love summer, and it also asks a lot of them. In this episode, they sit down (virtually, because summer pivots happen to hosts too) to talk honestly about what it actually feels like to parent through the loss of structure — and what it can look like to find your footing in the middle of the season. They cover everything from the emotional load working parents carry when school lets out, to practical ideas for younger kids and teenagers alike. Whether your summer is high-energy or gloriously low-key, this conversation is a permission slip to stop trying to curate someone else's summer and start trusting your own. In this episode: Why summer can feel like something you have to survive even when you love it The difference between structure and rigidity — and why predictable rhythms matter for kids Practical, low-cost ideas for younger kids The "summer of ___" concept for kids & teenagers Boredom tolerance as a regulation skill — and what to do when your child genuinely can't self-entertain Resources & Mentions: ETC Summer Survival Kit Use Scaffolding - Free downloadable, Podcast Episode 90 & Episode 147, and we just wrote about this in our newest ETC Newsletter! The Lazy Genius Collective / Kendra Adachi Inside Out 2 (the character Ennui) Chapters (00:00:00) - How to Survive the Summer(00:02:40) - How Do You Feel About Summer?(00:06:55) - How to Plan for the Summer(00:12:15) - Summertime Work and Life Balance(00:14:35) - How To Survive Summer(00:17:07) - How to Plan Your Summer Survival Guide(00:20:55) - What's Your Summer Plan?(00:25:12) - What Makes Summer Feel Like Summer?(00:30:26) - Summer Plans for Your Kids(00:38:04) - When You Can't Help But Remember Your Hooligans(00:39:13) - Summer Is For Me(00:45:59) - How to Survive A Summer With Kids(00:49:36) - I Wish Bored Kids Could Be Tolerated(00:54:58) - Bored Kids: How Do They Regulate Their Mind?(00:58:55) - How to Deal With Bored Kids This Summer(01:03:12) - A message for the summer(01:04:33) - summer Survival Kit

Why do kids lie, even when the truth would have been easier? This week, we're replaying an oldie but a goodie: Let's Talk About Lying with Robyn Gobbel. Lying is usually about fear and felt safety, not character. This one will change how you respond. Chapters (00:00:04) - Summer Survival Kit(00:01:29) - Robin Goble on Lying(00:04:08) - We Only Lie Because It's Okay to Tell the Truth(00:10:29) - How to regulate the stress brain(00:14:49) - Don't Ask Your Child If He Did or Didn't Take Out(00:20:57) - Talking About Lies With Kids(00:26:30) - When Your Child Lies, It's Not Your Fault(00:32:18) - How to Talk to Your Child About Sexual Abuse(00:35:17) - How to Train a Child to Tell the Truth(00:39:24) - Real Talk About Lies(00:43:02) - A Parent's Advice On Love and Connection(00:46:40) - How to Parenting After Trauma (

Catch the replay! Mona is a Pediatric Psychologist and the author of Beyond Behaviors, among several other books. If you've ever read Beyond Behaviors, you know how brilliant she is! In this episode, we talk about the Brain - Body - Behavior connection and why it is absolutely essential for parents and caregivers to understand. Struggling with perplexing behavior in your home? This may be the episode you've been waiting for. We also talk about Mona's book that was published in 2022. Wanna learn more from Mona? Buy her book Beyond Behaviors here, sign up for the Beyond Behaviors course Mona teaches here or head on over to her website to learn more about her there!

Episode 237 is live! ️ If someone you love is in the middle of a new placement (whether that's a newborn, a toddler, or a teenager), this one is for the people standing beside them. Tona, Becca, and Jesse get practical about what it actually looks like to show up well for foster and adoptive families. Not just in the first week, but in the long haul. What's the most meaningful thing someone did for you (or that you did for someone else) during a new placement?

Community can feel different when your parenting journey looks different. Sometimes your circle shifts. Sometimes it shrinks. And sometimes it stretches you in ways you didn't expect. But here's what's true: you are not the only one figuring it out as you go. Ask for help. Say the honest thing. Find people who truly get it, and hold onto the ones who love you even when they don't fully understand. Your community might not look how you imagined, but it can still show up for you, support you, and grow with you. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube!

In this episode Becca, Jesse, and Tona walk us through what it looked like for them at the beginning of their parenting journey. Starting foster care, adoption, or any new parenting role can feel disorienting and overwhelming. It won't always feel natural or easy, and you may not feel an instant connection. That's normal! There will be stress, uncertainty, and moments where you question yourself, but that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. What matters most is showing up consistently, being willing to learn, and creating a sense of felt safety over time. You don't have to be perfect to make a real difference. Your steadiness and presence is what builds trust. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube!

Let's talk about the “Wall Between Us”, the invisible, protective bricks we build from past hurt that quietly block connection with the people we love most. Our snapping, withdrawing, overreacting, and people-pleasing once protected us. But what if they're now keeping us stuck? Healing doesn't start with fixing our kids. It starts with noticing our own “shark music;” noticing what is keeping us from connection. This conversation is about compassion over shame. Curiosity over judgment. And small, daily shifts that break generational cycles. Every brick you take down builds something better for the next generation. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube!

What if connection is one of the most powerful tools in the classroom? In this episode, Marti Smith and Amie Huggins join us to share about their new book The Connected Classroom and what they've learned working with educators inside real school systems. They talk about why building trust with students matters so much—and how connection creates the safety kids need to engage, learn, and grow. If you're a teacher, caregiver, or anyone who cares about helping kids thrive at school, this conversation offers practical encouragement and hope for creating classrooms where students feel safe, seen, and ready to learn. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube! Suppoort Amie and Marti by ordering their book.  https://a.co/d/098ZnA1F To reach Amie, check out the information below. Website:  www.amiehugginsconsulting.com Email: Amie.arhllc@gmail.com Instagram: teacher_amie49 To reach out to Marti, check out the information below. Website: www.creativetherapies.com

Does your nervous system feel like it's been in survival mode for a long time? This episode is for you. We sat down in person with Melissa Corkum to talk about burnout, blocked care, and why connection can start to feel like a shock instead of a reward. A few takeaways: ✨ Emotional pain and physical pain activate the same parts of the brain.✨ Blocked care isn't a character flaw — it's a protective response.✨ You don't heal it by trying harder. You start by caring for your own nervous system. If you've felt resentful, numb, exhausted, or ashamed for not feeling the joy you “should,” you are not alone. It won't always feel this way.Keep hope. Carry on. We're with you. For the Blocked Care Assessment, click here.

On this next part of our mini-series “When You're Tired”, we reflect on being emotionally tired. It is the quiet exhaustion that comes from caring deeply, showing up consistently, and holding space for others. Dr. Archandria Owens and Jesse discuss naming and expressing emotions, unmet expectations, and explore gentle ways to care for ourselves when we are exhausted in this particular way.

On today's episode, Jesse and Jill Stockburger dive into a big question: What do we do when we're living in chronic stress? They talk about how stress, adversity, and trauma impact us on a deeper level, and what it actually feels like to carry these experiences in our bodies. If you're feeling tired in your body, you are not alone.

In today's episode, Jesse and Tona take a deep dive into the tension between connection and compliance in everyday parenting moments. Through real-life stories (yes, even dishes), we explore how prioritizing relationship doesn't mean abandoning expectations and structure. Instead, it creates the foundation for lasting responsibility and trust. Join us for a thoughtful conversation about playing the long game, responding instead of reacting, and why connection is often the fastest path to meaningful compliance.

New semester! Same kids, different needs. As the second half of the school year begins, routines may get messy, expectations may shift, and those old pain points may resurface. In this episode Jesse, Becca, and Dr. Rachel talk about pausing, noticing what's not working, and making small, doable adjustments (at home and at school). From the kiddos to adults, we can all find ways to revamp our expectations by staying curious and starting small. Here's to a second semester filled with grace, flexibility, and hope!

A quote that we posted, “Your willingness to come back and repair matters more than getting it right the first time” went viral. On this week's episode of the Empowered to Connect Podcast, we dig into why rupture shows up so often in our families and why it's completely normal. Rupture happens because we get tired, distracted, overwhelmed, or just out of sync. In our homes, we're our most unfiltered, exhausted, and real selves, and that means disconnection is bound to happen. But repair is where trust grows, safety forms, and connection deepens. Our kids don't need perfect parents; they need repairing parents. And honestly? We're all learning how to come back together, one moment at a time.

It's that time of year again - time to take a deep breath and spend hours and hours with family members you may or may not want to see, eat foods that may or may not be easy for your kids to eat and spend the next month or so with the dull hum of presents and high expectations accompanying your every move. Happy Holidays everyone! In all seriousness, whether you live for this season or loathe this season, it can be a bear to navigate with all of the out of the ordinary that it brings. Have no fear! On this replay episode, Jesse Faris, Becca McKay, and JD talk through all of these things and more with some practical tips and reminders to help get you through what can be a really tricky season to navigate with your family!

In this episode, Becca, Jesse, and Tona dive into a timely topic: gratitude. With the holiday season in full swing, we can't help but ask, should children be grateful? If not, how do we scaffold gratitude for our kiddos? Tune in for an honest conversation about expectations, empathy, and what gratitude really means. We share personal stories, a few laughs, and some surprising insights about how gratitude shows up in everyday life. It's a heartfelt reminder that gratitude isn't something we demand. It's something we model and grow in together.

Enjoy this replay of From Trauma and Loss to Healing and Empowerment with Cam Lee Small. One of our favorite Therapists/Adoptee Voices joins us on the pod to talk about lots of things including his book The Adoptees Journey: From Trauma and Loss to Healing and Empowerment. We talk with Cam about everything from how identities are formed in adoptees to things he wishes adoptive parents knew to his own experiences filled with pain and beauty. This is an episode every adoptee and adoptive parent NEEDS to hear. Find Cam's work at therapyredeemed.wordpress.com and follow him @‌therapyredeemed on Instagram and YouTube.

Ever wonder why certain behaviors leave us scratching our heads? On today's Empowered to Connect Podcast, we're diving into sensory processing. What it is, why it matters, and how it impacts our ability (and our kids' ability) to regulate and move through the day. We all know the basic 5 senses, right? But did you know there are actually EIGHT sensory systems your brain is managing? We're breaking it all down:✅ What is sensory processing?✅ What happens when our systems get overwhelmed?✅ How can we support ourselves and our kids when things feel "off"? We're not Occupational Therapists. Just parents sharing what we've learned. This is a conversation you don't want to miss!

Parenting takes heart and strategy—and finding the right balance can be tough! In this episode, Becca, Jesse, and Tona dive into how Cultivate Connection, ETC's peer-to-peer parenting course, helps caregivers strengthen both. You'll hear insights on parenting styles, nurture, and structure—and how to bring it all together at home. Interested in taking the course? Find a Cultivate Connection Facilitator near you or hop on the waitlist for Cultivate Connection Online, coming early 2026 on the Empowered to Connect Institute.

In this episode of the Empowered to Connect Podcast, Jesse, Tona and Becca unpack a powerful analogy from Dr. Becky (@drbeckyatgoodinside), the idea that parenting differently than how we were parented isn't instinctual, it's intentional.⁣ We explore what it means to rewire our responses, embrace connection when it feels unnatural, and do the deep, courageous work of parenting with awareness and healing.⁣ If it's ever felt like you're “doing it wrong” because it doesn't come naturally, take a listen. Learn more about Dr. Becky here.

Welcoming a child through adoption, foster care, or kinship is beautiful AND complex. Tona, Jesse, and Becca share candid stories from NICU stays to international travel, name the emotional “roller coaster” of early days, unpack “cocooning,” and offer concrete ways families and their people can prepare, communicate, and support attachment. If you're a waiting family, a new parent, a grandparent, or a friend who wants to help, this one's for you.

In today's episode, we are joined by school psychologists Rachel Peterman, PhD and Teressa Davis, PhD with special guest host (and former Dean of Students and School Social Worker) Becca McKay who unveil insights for parents, especially as it pertains to getting to know the special education system. Hear these experts as they share what they wish every parent knew about supporting their child's emotional and academic growth. From nurturing mental well-being to navigating learning challenges, IEP's and 504 plans, this conversation is a valuable starting point for parents seeking to empower their children's success! To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube!

It's August, so kids are going back to school all over the place! Join us today as we throw it back to one of our favorite conversations! We delve into a crucial Back to School conversation with author of Beyond Behaviors, Brain Body Parenting and acclaimed pediatric psychologist, Mona Delahooke! The ETC Team join Mona as this episode delves into effective strategies grounded in neuroscience to navigate the upcoming school year, focusing on emotional well-being, academic success, and social adjustment. Tune in for a concise yet impactful dialogue that empowers parents and caregivers with actionable insights for fostering resilience, positive connections, and overall growth as children transition back to school. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website, follow us on social media and YouTube!

The Fawn Response! The least known of all the stress responses! We relied on the work of Pete Walker from his incredible book: PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving as we crafted this episode. Stela Sinanaj, Clinical Therapist, and Becca McKay, Program Manager of the ETC Institute join us to explain the ins and outs of the fawn response as well as how to better support the loved ones in your life who identify with this stress response!

The Stress Responses - you know - Fight, Flight and Freeze...well, you may be surprised to learn that there are actually 4 stress responses ("Fawn" is the fourth - don't worry, we'll cover it in great detail in a few weeks). We'll look at how you can support both yourself and those you love IN those responses! Today, we dive into the "Freeze" Response. I'm OUT and you can't thaw me - the Freeze Response is one of the toughest to handle as a parent, friend or caregiver. It can disguise itself in lots of ways, but don't worry, we're here to help! Expressive Arts Therapist Jill Stockberger and ETC Staffer Becca McKay join us to discuss how we can support ourselves and those we love when they freeze.

The Stress Responses - you know - Fight, Flight and Freeze...well, you may be surprised to learn that there are actually 4 stress responses ("Fawn" is the fourth - don't worry, we'll cover it in great detail in a few weeks). We'll look at how you can support both yourself and those you love IN those responses! Today, we dive into the "Flight" Response. Those who experience a flight stress response have learned to avoid conflict to protect themselves. They may physically run away, attempt to change the subject, deflect with humor, or lie. The flight stress response can also be associated with over-achieving or obsessive compulsive tendencies. This instinctive reaction makes people want to flee to escape danger (real or perceived). The flight response is a helpful automatic reaction for self preservation and fleeing harm. How do we support ourselves or our people when they're in flight mode? You'll have to listen in to find out! JD, Becca and Dr. Rachel Peterman explore the ins and outs of the flight response with a unique twist that you do not wanna miss. To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website and follow us on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube!

The Stress Responses - chances are, you've heard of them - Fight, Flight and Freeze...well, you may be surprised to learn that there are actually 4 stress responses ("Fawn" is the fourth - don't worry, we'll cover it in great detail in a few weeks) and we are taking the next several weeks to do deep dives into each of them! We'll look at how you can support both yourself and those you love IN those responses! Today, we dive into the "Fight" Response. Those who identify with a fight stress response have learned to step up to the plate to protect themselves. This instinctive reaction often sends them into an aggressive, sometimes attack mode to fend off the danger they face - real or perceived. What's the best way to support someone with a fight response? You'll have to listen in to find out! JD, Becca and Tona walk through everything from what a stress response is to how to support those you love in the middle of those 'fight' responses.  To learn more about Empowered to Connect, check out our website and follow us on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube!

Today, we're joined by Kaycee Stanley, Executive Director and Founder of The Reel Hope Project — an organization using powerful, strengths-based videos to connect kids in foster care with their forever families.  Kaycee shares the heart behind their mission, the balance of holding onto hope while honoring each child's story, and how their videos capture what makes each child come alive.  Don't miss this inspiring conversation about storytelling, connection, and making a lasting impact!  To learn more about The Reel Hope Project, click here!

Friendships Matter More Than You Think! Whether you're surrounded by a solid circle of friends or navigating a season of loneliness, connection matters. This week on the podcast, we're breaking down the three types of friends everyone needs — those walking alongside you, those a step ahead, and those just a bit behind. Join us as we share personal stories and practical insights on how to build a rich, meaningful community. Whether you're feeling connected or craving deeper connections, this episode is for you.

It's more than cake and balloons. What does it really mean to celebrate someone — especially our kids? Is it about big parties and perfect gifts? Or is it something deeper? This week on the podcast, we're talking about the heart behind celebration: the power of being seen, known, and cherished. We'll share stories of moments we felt celebrated, and explore how simple, intentional gestures can speak louder than any party ever could. Because at the end of the day, celebration says:✨ I see you.✨ You matter to me.✨ Your needs and wants are important. Let's raise kids who feel this kind of celebration — every day.

Marriage is hard. And if you're in a tough season, you are not alone! On today's episode, we sit down with Empowered to Connect's very own Mo and Tona Ottinger, as they share their marriage journey with honesty and wisdom. What happens when you and your spouse aren't on the same page? When you realize marriage isn't as simple as A + B = C? Your marriage doesn't have to look like anyone else's—but growth happens when we extend the same compassion to our spouse that we do to our kids. As Mo shares on the episode:"This is harder than I thought… and there is a gift in the growing." Join us for this powerful conversation about love, struggle, and the beauty of learning together.   Show notes: Stress capacity window downloadable 

If you've been around here for even a minute, chances are you've heard us mention the word “attachment.” Attachment isn't just a buzzword—it's the foundation of how our kids feel safe, loved, and connected. But what is attachment really, and why does it matter so much? In this episode, we're covering:- What attachment is (and what it's not!)- How it's built over time through everyday moments- Why it's about patterns of connection, not perfection When we do our best to tune in and meet our child's needs, we help create secure attachment, which in turn deepens our connection with our kids. #parentingpodcast #empoweredtoconnect #connectedparenting #attachment101 #attachment #parenting

This week on the podcast, Jill Stockburger joins us to explore how art, music, and movement provide powerful ways to express, heal, and connect—at any age! Art isn't just about creativity; it's a language of healing that reaches us when words fall short. From little kids to teens and adults, anyone can use artistic expression to process emotions, find meaning, and even rewire the brain for resilience. We're diving into the neuroscience behind why art and play help, and how they've been used throughout history as a way to communicate, cope, and create beauty in hard times. If you or your child struggle to express emotions, this episode is for you! #parentingpodcast #empoweredtoconnect #connectedparenting #expressiveartstherapy #arttherapy #thepowerofplay

We're all on a journey of growth—learning, evolving, and discovering new parts of ourselves. Each of us brings unique personalities, gifts, passions, and stories to the table. And guess what? There's room for all of us! You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to grow at your own pace. You're allowed to be exactly who you are, right where you are. This week, we're sitting down as friends and coworkers to talk about how we've grown—as people, as spouses, as parents! Join us for an honest conversation about the beauty of evolving and the freedom in embracing who you are today.

Join us this week as we go back to the basics! What is stress? Did you know that there are multiple types of stress, and not all of it is bad?! What is trauma? How do stress, trauma, and adversity impact us and our kids? In this episode, we're breaking down:- The different types of stress + trauma- How trauma affects brain development, the body, and the spirit- The difference between everyday stress and life-altering trauma Let's get back to the basics and build a better understanding together!   Click here for a list of resources, including printables, podcast episodes, videos, and more!

On this week's podcast episode, we're diving deep into the concept of worthiness with the incredible Courtney Tierra! Courtney reminds us of a powerful truth: Our worth exists simply because we do. It's not tied to grades, appearance, or accomplishments— just by being here, we are worthy and hold inherent value. Today, we will discuss:- How knowing your worth can empower better decisions- The importance of affirming your child and building them up- Why grace and kindness—toward yourself and the kids in your life—are game-changers- The impact of language, especially around adoption, on a child's sense of self This conversation is packed with practical wisdom for parents who want to instill confidence, self-love, and resilience in their children while continuing their own lifelong journey of embracing worthiness.If you want to learn more about Courtney and her story, you can find her website by clicking here.  You can buy purchase book on Amazon or by visiting her website.  If you'd like some Worthy merchansise, you can find it here!  Finally, follow Courtney on Instagram @theworthyreminders. 

 What if we embraced the slower pace of winter instead of resisting it? In this episode, we're talking about “wintering”—not just as a season, but as a state of being. We'll explore why rest and recovery are essential, even when they feel hard to prioritize; and in doing this, we are actually modeling for our kids that it is okay to have needs! We are human and limited, and being able to name our needs and have them met within our family structure is a beautoful picture of connection. Join us this week as we talk through what it could look like to embrace the slowness of this next season!     

  It's that time of year again….New Year's Resolutions! Some of us love them, some of us… not so much. But no matter how you feel about resolutions, RE-ADJUSTING can give moments to reflect. Seasons change, jobs change, responsibilities change— what if, instead of looking for more ways to perform, we took the time to ask ourselves:- What do I want more of this year?- What do I want less of? Instead of resolutions that feel rigid or overwhelming, what if we focused on creating checkpoints? Little moments to check in with ourselves, reflect, and adjust. This week on the podcast, we're diving into how resolutions (or the freedom to skip them!) can actually bring freedom and rest in 2025. Let's explore how this year can be more about progress than perfection.

If you aren't familiar, Cultivate Connection is our “flagship” parenting course. In it, you'll learn helpful parenting practices and strategies for kids of all ages! These practical skills are rooted in research on brain-based parenting, attachment, trauma, sensory processing, and more. You can participate in Cultivate Connection through a local Facilitator in your area. If you lead, support, or encourage parents, consider joining our Facilitator Training! This week, the Wooley's tell us why they decided to become Cultivate Connection Facilitators, how it impacted their relationship and their family, and they mention some of their favorite parenting tools they've learned along the way! If you have ever considered becoming a Facilitator, this is the episode for you! Learn how Cultivate Connection and Facilitator training works, details about the class, and how you can apply for our next cohort which starts in January!   Are you a parent who wants to learn more? You can apply to be a Cultivate Connection Facilitator by clicking here! The new cohort begins January 7th, 2025!

Do you ever feel like there's a wall between you and your kids? Like no matter how hard you try, you're just... missing each other--or tuning into completely different stations? This week on the podcast, we are diving into what it looks like to "tune in" to your child. From personality clashes to communication styles and even attachment patterns, we'll explore: Why we often “miss” each other in conversations. How our own experiences shape the way we interact. The power of slowing down, turning the dial, and tuning into their wavelength. Connection starts with understanding, and as parents, it's up to us to take the lead. Your relationship with your kids doesn't have to feel like static. Let's figure out how to meet our kids right where they are and create space where everyone feels seen and heard. To find out more about us, check out our website here.  Are you a parent who wants to learn more? Our Cultivate Connection class begins January 7!  If you want to see the "Be Attuned" downloadable that was discussed in this episode, click here for this free resource. 

If you're a parent, or you work with kids in some capacity, chances are that you've noticed how kids can seemingly change from day to day! They can go from being able to clean their room 18 times, to a complete meltdown from simply being asked.. If you have had the thought of, “Ugh! Why can't my kid just______.”, you are not alone! On today's episode, Tona, Jesse, and Becca talk about a helpful framework for looking at kids through a nuanced perspective. It all goes back to a phrase we say often: “Parent the child in front of you.” Kids' ability to handle challenges changes from moment to moment, so don't be surprised if they can't do what they did yesterday. Today's stressors might be different—whether it's school, social pressures, or just life itself. This week, we're diving into how to tune into your child's current state and gauge what they can handle right now. Because sometimes, it's not about what they should do, but what they can do in that moment.   To find out more about us, check out our website here.  Are you a parent who wants to learn more? Our Cultivate Connection class begins January 7!  If you want to see a visual of the stress capcity that was discussed in this episode, click here for this free resource. 

On today's episode we had the biggest honor of sitting down with clinical counselor and developmental scientist, Dr. Deborah MacNamara! Trust us when we tell you that you do NOT want to miss this episode! Why?? Jesse and Dr. Deborah dive into some deep and pressing issues such as how attachment and food are related, what happens when behavior becomes bigger than connection, recipes for relationships, and even de-constructing the idea of “picky eaters”. You'll learn, you'll find encouragement, and you might even shed a few tears in this really informative and life-giving episode of the Empowered to Connect podcast. LISTEN TO THE EPISDE AND DROP THE SECRET WORD IN THE COMMENTS FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A COPY OF DR. MACNAMARA'S “NOURISHED.” Find Dr. Deborah MacNamara on... Facebook: Dr. Deborah MacNamara X: @debmacnamara Instagram: @drdeborahmacnamara Subscribe to Dr. Deborah MacNamara's Kid's Best Bet NewsletterWebsite is here! Buy her newest book Nourished

On today's episode Jesse, Tona, and Becca open a big can of worms… When I set a boundary, I get “Crying and foot stomps and glares, OH MY!” Why is this happening?? What do I do about it?? Listen in as we unpack BIG reactions that we encounter with the kids that we love. Subscribe to the Empowered to Connect Podcast, follow us on socials, and let us know what you want to hear more about!

Listen to today's episode of the Empowered to Connect Podcast: Help! We're not on the same parenting page! One of the number one parent questions we get is “HOW can I get my spouse on the same page with parenting???” It makes sense - we each bring SO much of our own history into the equation, so it takes work to get on the same page! Listen in as Jesse, Becca, and Tona share lessons they've learned along the way at different points in the parenting (and pre-parenting!) journey. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, so you don't miss any of our bi-weekly episodes!