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Dan Cole and Ben Youngs are joined by YouTube's finest Squidge Rugby and Max Brown to draft their ultimate rugby teams ahead of the Autumn Nations Series.
Squidge Rugby joins Ben Youngs and Dan Cole in the For The Love Of Rugby studio to preview a huge month of international rugby. How have Australia developed since impressing against the British & Irish Lions? Who will take the grudge match in Chicago between Ireland and New Zealand? And what crazy new plays will Rassie Erasmus deploy with South Africa?
It's all change for Steve Borthwick's England ahead of the Autumn Nations Series. Tom Willis has announced his move to Bordeaux, ruling him out of international rugby duty, whilst his Saracens peer Noah Caluori burst onto the scene with FIVE tries against Sale.Meanwhile, Dan Cole and Ben Youngs salute the retiring Emily Scarratt, analyse the Leinster v Munster thriller at Croke Park, and pay tribute to their former teammate Lewis Moody following his MND diagnosis.
There's a ubiquitous prop in just about every police procedural and conspiracy thriller: a cork board pinned with documents, newspaper clippings, and Polaroid photos, all connected by a web of red string. They go by many names, including pin boards, string boards, evidence boards, investigation walls, conspiracy walls, and walls of crazy. These boards can be vehicles of insight or manifestations of madness—and in many cases, both. But where did they come from? And can they really solve a crime? In this episode, we try to unwind the red string board all the way to its center. To aide in our investigation, we enlist the help of Aki Peritz, a former CIA analyst and the author of Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History. You'll also hear from Shawn Gilmore, editor of The Vault of Culture and creator of the Narrative String Theory project; and Dr. Anne Ganzert, author of Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television. And we learn about the intricacies of building a string board from production designers Michael Scott Cobb (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and John D. Kretschmer (Homeland). This episode was written and produced by Evan Chung, Decoder Ring's supervising producer. It was edited by Willa Paskin. Decoder Ring is also produced by Katie Shepherd and Max Freedman. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director. If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at DecoderRing@slate.com or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281. Sources for This Episode Benson, Richard. “Decoding the Detective's 'Crazy Wall',” Esquire, Jan. 22, 2015. Coley, Rob. “The case of the speculative detective: Aesthetic truths and the television ‘crime board',” NECSUS, May 28, 2017. Ganzert, Anne. Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television, Palgrave Macmillan, 2020. Gilmore, Shawn. “Narrative String Theory,” The Vault of Culture. McGarry, Andrew. “Did Orwell's nightmare Nineteen Eighty-Four inspire the Snowtown murders?” Australian Broadcasting Corporation News, May 21, 2019. Peritz, Aki. Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History, Potomac Books, 2021. Peritz, Aki. “The FBI Is Going Crazy-Stringboard Crazy,” Slate, Feb. 1, 2022. Stiehm, Jamie. “My So-Called Bipolar Life,” New York Times, Jan. 17, 2012. Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Topics: outrageous Whole Foods behavior, a blank wedding gift check, Coley doesn't like "Do West", kids staring at you, Mariska Hargitay calls her kids "losers"SponsorsBoll and Branch: Visit BollAndBranch.com/TAYLOR for 20% bundlesMood: Visit Mood.com and use code TAYLOR for 20% off your first orderRitual: Visit Ritual.com/TASTEOFTAYLOR for 25% off you first monthSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
There's a ubiquitous prop in just about every police procedural and conspiracy thriller: a cork board pinned with documents, newspaper clippings, and Polaroid photos, all connected by a web of red string. They go by many names, including pin boards, string boards, evidence boards, investigation walls, conspiracy walls, and walls of crazy. These boards can be vehicles of insight or manifestations of madness—and in many cases, both. But where did they come from? And can they really solve a crime? In this episode, we try to unwind the red string board all the way to its center. To aide in our investigation, we enlist the help of Aki Peritz, a former CIA analyst and the author of Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History. You'll also hear from Shawn Gilmore, editor of The Vault of Culture and creator of the Narrative String Theory project; and Dr. Anne Ganzert, author of Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television. And we learn about the intricacies of building a string board from production designers Michael Scott Cobb (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and John D. Kretschmer (Homeland). This episode was written and produced by Evan Chung, Decoder Ring's supervising producer. It was edited by Willa Paskin. Decoder Ring is also produced by Katie Shepherd and Max Freedman. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director. If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at DecoderRing@slate.com or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281. Sources for This Episode Benson, Richard. “Decoding the Detective's 'Crazy Wall',” Esquire, Jan. 22, 2015. Coley, Rob. “The case of the speculative detective: Aesthetic truths and the television ‘crime board',” NECSUS, May 28, 2017. Ganzert, Anne. Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television, Palgrave Macmillan, 2020. Gilmore, Shawn. “Narrative String Theory,” The Vault of Culture. McGarry, Andrew. “Did Orwell's nightmare Nineteen Eighty-Four inspire the Snowtown murders?” Australian Broadcasting Corporation News, May 21, 2019. Peritz, Aki. Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History, Potomac Books, 2021. Peritz, Aki. “The FBI Is Going Crazy-Stringboard Crazy,” Slate, Feb. 1, 2022. Stiehm, Jamie. “My So-Called Bipolar Life,” New York Times, Jan. 17, 2012. Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
There's a ubiquitous prop in just about every police procedural and conspiracy thriller: a cork board pinned with documents, newspaper clippings, and Polaroid photos, all connected by a web of red string. They go by many names, including pin boards, string boards, evidence boards, investigation walls, conspiracy walls, and walls of crazy. These boards can be vehicles of insight or manifestations of madness—and in many cases, both. But where did they come from? And can they really solve a crime? In this episode, we try to unwind the red string board all the way to its center. To aide in our investigation, we enlist the help of Aki Peritz, a former CIA analyst and the author of Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History. You'll also hear from Shawn Gilmore, editor of The Vault of Culture and creator of the Narrative String Theory project; and Dr. Anne Ganzert, author of Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television. And we learn about the intricacies of building a string board from production designers Michael Scott Cobb (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and John D. Kretschmer (Homeland). This episode was written and produced by Evan Chung, Decoder Ring's supervising producer. It was edited by Willa Paskin. Decoder Ring is also produced by Katie Shepherd and Max Freedman. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director. If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at DecoderRing@slate.com or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281. Sources for This Episode Benson, Richard. “Decoding the Detective's 'Crazy Wall',” Esquire, Jan. 22, 2015. Coley, Rob. “The case of the speculative detective: Aesthetic truths and the television ‘crime board',” NECSUS, May 28, 2017. Ganzert, Anne. Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television, Palgrave Macmillan, 2020. Gilmore, Shawn. “Narrative String Theory,” The Vault of Culture. McGarry, Andrew. “Did Orwell's nightmare Nineteen Eighty-Four inspire the Snowtown murders?” Australian Broadcasting Corporation News, May 21, 2019. Peritz, Aki. Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History, Potomac Books, 2021. Peritz, Aki. “The FBI Is Going Crazy-Stringboard Crazy,” Slate, Feb. 1, 2022. Stiehm, Jamie. “My So-Called Bipolar Life,” New York Times, Jan. 17, 2012. Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
There's a ubiquitous prop in just about every police procedural and conspiracy thriller: a cork board pinned with documents, newspaper clippings, and Polaroid photos, all connected by a web of red string. They go by many names, including pin boards, string boards, evidence boards, investigation walls, conspiracy walls, and walls of crazy. These boards can be vehicles of insight or manifestations of madness—and in many cases, both. But where did they come from? And can they really solve a crime? In this episode, we try to unwind the red string board all the way to its center. To aide in our investigation, we enlist the help of Aki Peritz, a former CIA analyst and the author of Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History. You'll also hear from Shawn Gilmore, editor of The Vault of Culture and creator of the Narrative String Theory project; and Dr. Anne Ganzert, author of Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television. And we learn about the intricacies of building a string board from production designers Michael Scott Cobb (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) and John D. Kretschmer (Homeland). This episode was written and produced by Evan Chung, Decoder Ring's supervising producer. It was edited by Willa Paskin. Decoder Ring is also produced by Katie Shepherd and Max Freedman. Merritt Jacob is Senior Technical Director. If you have any cultural mysteries you want us to decode, email us at DecoderRing@slate.com or leave a message on our hotline at (347) 460-7281. Sources for This Episode Benson, Richard. “Decoding the Detective's 'Crazy Wall',” Esquire, Jan. 22, 2015. Coley, Rob. “The case of the speculative detective: Aesthetic truths and the television ‘crime board',” NECSUS, May 28, 2017. Ganzert, Anne. Serial Pinboarding in Contemporary Television, Palgrave Macmillan, 2020. Gilmore, Shawn. “Narrative String Theory,” The Vault of Culture. McGarry, Andrew. “Did Orwell's nightmare Nineteen Eighty-Four inspire the Snowtown murders?” Australian Broadcasting Corporation News, May 21, 2019. Peritz, Aki. Disruption: Inside the Largest Counterterrorism Investigation in History, Potomac Books, 2021. Peritz, Aki. “The FBI Is Going Crazy-Stringboard Crazy,” Slate, Feb. 1, 2022. Stiehm, Jamie. “My So-Called Bipolar Life,” New York Times, Jan. 17, 2012. Get more of Decoder Ring with Slate Plus! Join for exclusive bonus episodes of Decoder Ring and ad-free listening on all your favorite Slate podcasts. Subscribe from the Decoder Ring show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Or, visit slate.com/decoderplus for access wherever you listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
PRL 10-22-25 Andrew Bayes, Donnell Coley, Zach Agnos, Rahjai Harris by Pirate Radio
Topics: Coley saw a psychic, thoughts on RHOC, the US Weekly cover with the RHOSLC cast, Coley's version of Matt disappearing on a Monday night, Trivia: Autumn, comparing Tate McRae to Britney Spears, Coley interviewed Taylor Swift last weekSponsorsBoll and Branch: Visit BollAndBranch.com/TAYLOR for 20% bundlesMood: Visit Mood.com and use code TAYLOR for 20% off your first orderRitual: Visit Ritual.com/TASTEOFTAYLOR for 25% off you first monthSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Tony Rodrigues – Ceres Colony Cavalier: 20-Year SSP Service & Memory Recall Technology | Truth Serum CollabShow Description:In this explosive Truth Serum collaboration, Robert Kalil and Coley UFO welcome Tony Rodrigues, Secret Space Program (SSP) experiencer and author of Ceres Colony Cavalier and Project Starmaker. Tony shares firsthand accounts from his 20-year tour of duty within off-world operations—detailing the technologies, factions, and consciousness manipulation involved in these covert programs.We'll discuss:Tony's time within the Ceres Colony and involvement with Solar Warden & ICC factionsThe creation and purpose of Project StarmakerHis memory recall process and the advanced techniques he developed to recover suppressed experiencesThe truth about 20 & Back programs, consciousness transfers, and timeline manipulationThe rise of the SSP disclosure movement and Tony's ongoing work helping others reclaim their own hidden memoriesThis episode is a deep dive into military abductions, advanced consciousness technology, and the fight for full disclosure.Guest Bio:Tony Rodrigues is a verified 20-year tour experiencer and the author of Ceres Colony Cavalier and Project Starmaker. Through his Patreon community, Talks with Tony, he hosts weekly meetups focused on disclosure, remote viewing, and consciousness development. Tony's groundbreaking Memory Recall Course helps experiencers recover their suppressed memories and integrate their multidimensional selves.
Dan Cole and Anthony Watson are at the EPCR launch day to talk to a stellar cast of rugby stars! Oh yeah, and we've got a podcast car... Henry Pollock joins the show to tell us about his whirlwind first year of rugby and how he's going to back it up this season. Trevor Nyakane gives us an insight into what it's really like to be in the middle of a Springbok scrum - featuring his signature shuffle! Joe McCarthy reveals the secrets of the British & Irish Lions tour as he aims to help turn Leinster from perennial finalists to champions of Europe. Ollie Lawrence is back from a brutal achilies injury that kept him out of a massive summer of rugby and is already tearing it up for Bath. Sale Sharks' new signing Jaques Vermeulen joins the show as we catch wind of a rumour that one of his teammates has got a George Ford Tattoo. Plus, former England captain turned Strictly Come Dancing phenomenon Chris Robshaw teaches us a few moves!
PRL 10-15-25 Justin Behr, Ken Watlington, Donnell Coley, Rahjai Harris, Will Coats by Pirate Radio
Andy Farrell, the Ireland and British & Irish Lions Head Coach, joins Ben Youngs on For The Love Of Rugby for a fascinating deep dive into an approach to leadership that has taken him to the peak of both codes. From being a teenage captain at the forefront of rugby league, to guiding his son Owen through the ranks in union, Andy has reached the pinnacle through a steely determination to continually evolve both his coaching style and the game itself.
Anthony Watson and Ben Youngs are back at Twickenham's Allianz Stadium, to chat with some of the league's biggest stars. Johann van Graan reveals the secrets behind Bath's famous treble, England's next generation Seb Atkinson, Chandler Cunningham-South, and Asher Opoku-Fordjour drop in, and we catch up with Ollie Chessum about his successful British & Irish Lions tour!
20251009 Berle Coley leadership Originally Broadcasted October 9, 2025, on ACB Media 6 Participants joined us for a discussion with the 2025 J. P. Morgan and First-timer recipients. Find out more at https://acb-community.pinecast.co
PRL 10-8-25 Aundrae Allison, Ken Watlington, Donnell Coley, Rahjai Harris, Will Coates, Corey Gloor by Pirate Radio
On today's episode, Rich and Nicole dive into Taylor Swift's new album, The Life of a Showgirl, important life events during the big game, and a good compliment. Rich tells Coley to check out Love is Blind, Sara tells a never-told embarrassing story, and a Top Jimmy story. Plus, golf gripes, seating strategy, and the worst text you can send. Tune in and share it with a friend who loves a little chaos with their coffee. Have Kids, They Said... is a SiriusXM Network Podcast made by Nicole Ryan and Rich Davis.If you'd like to send us a message or ask a question email us at HKTSpod@gmail.comFollow on social media:Instagram @havekidstheysaidpodNicole @mashupnicoleRich @richdavisand @siriusxm Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
The Springboks have retained the Rugby Championship for the first time in their history and Rassie Erasmus is building a terrifying squad; New Zealand extended their winning streak over Australia but couldn't get their hands on the cup. Meanwhile, Storm Amy did her best to disrupt a stacked weekend of PREM Rugby, but George Ford had other plans...
It's been a seismic few days of rugby. England have lifted the Women's World Cup, R360 murmurs are getting louder, Steve Diamond has been sacked by Newcastle Red Bulls and Dan Cole has become a spice girl. Scrummy Spice is joined by Ben Youngs, Shaunagh Brown and a very hungover Sarah Bern for a huge episode.
PRL 10-1-25 Shane Winkler, Anna Sawyer, Sarah Stone, Ken Watlington, Rahjai Harris, Donnell Coley, Ethan Norby by Pirate Radio
PRL 9-23-25 Mike Mullis, Brian Bailey, Donnell Coley, Bryce Williams by Pirate Radio
Anthony Watson and Ben Youngs are at Twickenham's Allianz Stadium, the home of England Rugby, for the launch of the 2025/26 PREM Rugby season. As well as league predictions, the pair speak to Max Malins from Saracens, Ted Hill from Bath Rugby, Steve Diamond from Newcastle Red Bulls, Henry Slade from Exeter Chiefs, Alex Mitchell from Northampton Saints, and Harry Randall from Bristol Bears.
In this episode of Life Goals in Progress, Coley and Nina chat through their go-to productivity hacks that make getting stuff done a little easier (and way more ADHD-friendly). From sticky note reminders and body doubling to pairing chores with TV and cleaning up digital clutter, they share the tricks that actually help them follow through without burning out. Find us: Marketing Agency: lifegoalsmarketing.com Content Hub: lifegoalsmag.com Instagram: @itscoleylane @itsninasoon @lifegoalsmag
A weekly magazine-style radio show featuring the voices and stories of Asians and Pacific Islanders from all corners of our community. The show is produced by a collective of media makers, deejays, and activists. Host Miko Lee speaks with author, activist Michelle MiJung Kim about her new Podcast, I Feel That Way Too. Then we listen to the first episode. Michelle MiJung Kim Website I Feel That Way Too podcast I FEEL THAT WAY TOO show Transcript Miko Lee: Welcome to APEX Express. I'm your host, Miko Lee, and tonight I'll be talking with author, speaker, and activist, Michelle MiJung Kim, about the new podcast. So we get to listen after the interview to the very first episode, and you get a little behind the scenes with activist Michelle MiJung. Kim, stay tuned. welcome, Michelle MiJung Kim to Apex Express. I'm so excited to chat with you. You are an award-winning author, activist, and now a podcast host. Hello girl. Welcome. Yay. Michelle MiJung Kim: Hello. Thank you so much for having me, Miko. I'm so excited. Miko Lee: I wanna start with my big question, who are your people and what legacy do you carry with you? Michelle MiJung Kim: Hmm. What a deep question that I can go on forever about. My people are, first and foremost people who are in my life, who have supported me throughout. Everything that I've gone through in my life, including my friends and family who have different lineages, people, most of the people that I hold near and dear carry with them, a deep understanding of their historical trauma, their familial trauma, and people who are courageous enough to share them [00:02:00] with me. So that really creates this bond that I have with my people. A lot of my people are in the queer and trans community and in the physical space of the Ohlone land, also known as Oakland, California. A lot of my community rooted in my Asian American identity. Miko Lee: Love this. My follow up, what is the legacy you carry with you from your people? Michelle MiJung Kim: The legacy that I carry from my people that jumps out to me right now is the legacy of my grandparents. My grandparents were both born in Korea. My grandpa from the north, my grandma from the south, and I am always thinking about how my grandpa was fighting for the Korea's liberation from Japanese occupation, and he was a writer himself. I always saw him writing and he had [00:03:00] stacks of paper ready to be published, but he ended up not being able to publish before he passed. So my book dedication starts with my gratitude to my grandparents and my grandpa specifically. The legacy of his work, his spirit, his love for philosophy, social justice language I carry with me. My grandmother, who was part of the first class of women in her generation to go to a university she was a badass matriarch of our family and her energy, her audacity, her courage, her confidence in her herself and her community is what I try to channel. I think about them every day. Miko Lee: Ugh. I love that. I'm wondering if you could share a little bit about your book. Michelle MiJung Kim: My book is called The Wake Up Closing The Gap Between Good Intentions and Real Change and really it's part memoir, part [00:04:00] principles of Social justice that I hold near to my heart. I really wanted to write a book that could be timeless and that could put into accessible ways how we can embody these values that are important for our collective liberation. So much of the social justice work that I encountered throughout my education journey had been highly intellectualized and theoretical and sometimes not unpacked in ways that feel human. I wanna see how people are struggling to hold social justice values while living their daily lives. How sometimes it gets challenging to embody the values that we say are important to us because it asks us to trade off our comfort and safety sometimes. I wanted to be really honest about my experience trying to live in alignment with my values, including the parts of my own contradictions and struggles and paradoxes that I've had to navigate. Miko Lee: Such a powerful [00:05:00] book for the time of now in that it does have the personal story, but then also recognizing what's happening in our world. It's really action forward. Tell me how you got from this book to creating a podcast series called. I feel that way too. Tell me what inspired this whole series? Michelle MiJung Kim: I think it is an extension of the work that I've been doing, which really marries personal storytelling and social justice values. I Feel that way too, exploring these tricky life questions like, can we be friends if we politically disagree? What if I'm not above revenge, even though I am a self-proclaimed abolitionist? Why do I have this urge to, be vengeful and why do I feel gleeful when people that have done harm get punished, right? Am I supposed to sleep with one person for the rest of my life? Am I a bad daughter? These are all the questions that I've struggled [00:06:00] with. I wanted to have an opportunity to unpack them with raw honesty and with guests that could really help guide me in thinking about these things while trying to stay tethered to my values around social justice. I've always been a fan of audio storytelling. So this was the perfect opportunity to explore that, especially in an era where the world is constantly insisting we solve these issues in isolation and we deal with our traumas in shame and without each other's witnessing. This is my way of hopefully making people feel a little bit less alone in their struggles and also in a way that, helps us to build more courage and community through stories. Miko Lee: I binge the entire season. Super fun, super personal., I was wondering how did you decide on these topics? Did they come naturally [00:07:00] or did you create an arc? Tell me about your process. Michelle MiJung Kim: I had probably two, three pages long list of topics that I wanted to explore and we had to pick and narrow it down. I wanted to tackle questions that felt existential in the collective psyche. I look at and feel into the zeitgeist of what is happening in the world . These are the questions that I wanted to explore because of my own life, but also some of these questions bring up a lot of shame and tension. when I looked at other podcasts that were exploring similar topics, I just felt as though a lot of these issues were being talked about in a very intellectualized way, in a very theoretical way without the raw sort of personal storytelling aspect that I was craving. So this was my attempt at being, courageous and practicing what I preach and being able to share some of the more vulnerable [00:08:00] tensions that aren't typically explored in the public arena. Miko Lee: Oh wow. So two whole more pages for future seasons of shows to do. I was, struck by how vulnerable the episodes are, how they're so personal. The first one being around, supporting your single mom and around financial and really emotional stability that really struck me as being so very personal and deep. I just wonder, has your mom and dad listened to the series or particularly that episode and what has been any response? Michelle MiJung Kim: Yeah. Um, my dad, no, but my mom, yes. I wanted my mom to listen to it before it aired. 'cause I thought that was the only fair thing to do. I gave her the option also to not have this air if she didn't want it to go live. And I was. So [00:09:00] scared about how she was gonna receive it. And for the listeners, the story really goes deep into my struggle around prioritizing her needs over my desires, and constantly living in this. Feeling of guilt for not doing more to support my mom. And also our definition of love and sacrifice being entangled in ways that feel sometimes impossible to navigate. I had attempted to have this conversation years ago with my mom that like completely backfire that I talk about on the podcast and, since then, I just never broached the subject because I was so nervous about how she was gonna take it. , And my biggest fear was her feeling less loved and feeling, hurt by my honesty. And so when it came time for me to present this podcast to her, I was incredibly nervous. What ended up happening was we ended up listening to the episode together. She was sitting [00:10:00] right there on the couch behind me and the, I played the episode and I just couldn't look at her face. So instead of looking directly at her, I had my camera on , so I could look at her through my phone. And I had my back toward her, and within the first five minutes she started crying. So I would pause the episode, talk to her about what was coming up for her. We would cry, we would fight, we would argue, we would apologize and we would cry again. So the entire episode that's 30 minutes long, took us three hours to get through. Miko Lee: Wow. Michelle MiJung Kim: It was incredibly difficult emotionally. And it was probably one of the most pivotal interactions I've ever had with my mom. I've been able to be more honest than ever with her. [00:11:00] She got to also be honest in her reaction and response, and we were able to be really brave with our vulnerability, which we had never done because most of our lives, our love and , especially our pain was communicated through silence. Just pretending that we're not hurting because we don't wanna hurt the other person. Very Asian. It was hard, very Asian, but it was also really healing. Miko Lee: Wow. I would love, love, love a follow up episode with you interviewing your mom. Michelle MiJung Kim: Yeah. I don't if request that. Miko Lee: I dunno if she'd be downed for that, but that would, I'm curious if you could share a little bit more about your needing to have your back toward her in the beginning and if that shifted over those three hours. Michelle MiJung Kim: Yeah. I think it was my fear of my truth being seen by her , and the inability for me to face her [00:12:00] when I knew my truth was hurting her. Hmm. And I also didn't want to pressure her to react in a certain way when I'm looking at her. So I, I, I don't know if she knew that I was looking at her through my phone. But I think I really wanted her to have an honest reaction and, that scared me. So I, and so at some point in. Yeah, I did turn around after I saw her crying. I paused the episode and I looked at her and I said, well, what's coming up for you? And she, her first thing, the first thing that she said was, I just don't remember it that way. Which started a whole nother conversation right around how she remembers my childhood, from her vantage point. And I think it's only natural for a parent, for anyone to want to know that their child, was not [00:13:00] hurt by their choices and that they did the best that they could and that was enough. And I think it's really hard to make space for the possibility that their best. Also cause harm. Hmm. Without making them, one dimensionally a bad person or a bad mother. I think holding multiple truths like that can be so difficult , for anyone, but especially when it comes to the impact that our action has on our loved ones. Mm-hmm. So I think it was truly, shattering the image of what she thought was our childhood. And rewriting an entire history in her mind, in order to make space for my reality. And I think that took a lot of courage on her part, and also a lot of grace, that she had to extend to herself and me. Miko Lee: And by the end of that three hours, did you have a sense of resolve or a different [00:14:00] path moving forward? Michelle MiJung Kim: I think we didn't come to a hundred percent agreement on what happened, which I didn't expect. But there was certainly things that were said that we had never verbalized before around what was hard, what was painful, and what we kept from one another. And I think we needed time away from each other to really process that. So I think we did the best that we could. Actually that night we went to a concert together 'cause we already had tickets and we could not go. And we went, Miko Lee: what was the concert? Michelle MiJung Kim: We went to a K-pop concert, Bada, which is Miko Lee: Oh yeah. Michelle MiJung Kim: All like dancing. Miko Lee: Love her. Michelle MiJung Kim: So we just let out all of our angst , dancing and that was a good end to our night. Miko Lee: That's a great way to actually resolve dance it out. Michelle MiJung Kim: Yeah, exactly. We just dance it out. And then, at first it was a little awkward, but, we got over it. Mm-hmm. [00:15:00] Afterwards, she listened to the podcast on her own with a transcript because her first language is not English. She really wanted to make sure that she understood what she listened to. So she had the transcript in front of her and she was looking up words that she didn't understand. She said that really helped her to understand more of what, I was trying to say. I didn't expect this, but weeks later she just randomly said, I am really sorry. I did the best that I could and I didn't know how much you were carrying. That changed everything for me. I didn't expect that kind of acknowledgement and validation from her when I was putting out this episode when I was writing it. I truly just wanted to do justice to my own truth and make space for my stories in ways that I'd never done before. But to then receive her acknowledgement, of some of the things that [00:16:00] I talked about was. Truly invaluable and healing in ways that I didn't expect. That completely changed our relationship. I'm able to be a lot more honest with her and I feel less, guarded about, the most tender parts of me when I'm around her. Miko Lee: Wow, that's so powerful that one episode. How impactful. Thank you so much for sharing about that. the topics that rose to the top in your conversations? Every single one of them had such universality, the Oxford study then the talking about Gaza and the impact on your job, being friends with somebody that you disagree with politically, each of these topics, there's so much resonance. I'm wondering of the three pages you had to choose from, how did these float to the top? Michelle MiJung Kim: It was a tough one. I had a team that I talked to about which topics to prioritize and we all got votes [00:17:00] on which ones we wanted to talk about. Some I had to really push to get it in to the season. The one about, my open relationship journey, they were like, why the hell do , we wanna talk about this? For me it was like, it's not about how to do open relationship 101 or how to do poly 1 0 1. It's actually about desire. Right. How we get in touch with our desire and practice wanting and being able to practice wanting that is at the core of that episode. I really wanna talk about it because no one else was talking about it. Miko Lee: I appreciated that episode because it was about autonomy. Like how do you hold on to who you are as an individual? To me, I didn't look at it as much about poly as much as it about who am I and how do I hold on to my belief in who I am even in the midst of being in a relationship. Michelle MiJung Kim: Absolutely. Exactly. I think I wanted to prioritize topics that weren't popular in terms of the public discourse, not 'cause [00:18:00] it's not something that people are grappling with, but because it's tricky to navigate. Because it requires a lot of nuance and often I think when we talk about desire or when we talk about personal wellness and self-development, it's so often done through the lens of, white co-opted, self-help culture. I wanted to do it in a way that felt more in alignment with my values around social justice. I picked the topics that were less explored through that lens, but also that, I felt were present in our public zeitgeist and in the cultural musings. Some of these topics were also timely. Like the one about my job loss due to Palestine or my struggle with my friendships that were breaking all over the place because of our political disagreement or the conversation around [00:19:00] abolition and conflict, navigating conflict in our own lives that map to our vision of the collective liberation Miko Lee: and the contradictions that we hold. Michelle MiJung Kim: Exactly, and the contradictions that we hold and that we have to make room for that often get, muted or disregarded because it's uncomfortable to talk about or that makes us feel less radical, less critical, less social justice-y And I think these are actually quite urgent topics that we need to talk about in order for us to create more, coalitions, more resilient relationships that is at the foundation of all of our organizing. Whether that is, you know. Or in our political work or personal, , living in alignment with our values. So I felt these were also timely conversations that needed to be had in a way that felt accessible, personal, and honest, that wasn't overly packaged up. So that people can [00:20:00] resonate with the raw struggles. Miko Lee: I also appreciate how you put listeners voices in at the end and just with their perspectives, because as you're talking about, for instance, the breaking up with friends because of political differences, then we're hearing other people's voices about their experiences. So how did you do those call out for those voices and did you identify specific topics you wanted colleagues to speak on? Michelle MiJung Kim: Yeah, so we did a call out for voicemails for every episode, and it was so important for me. I kept pushing our team to do it, even though we were running out of time and resources. They were like, no, we gotta cut this part out. And I was like, no, because the podcast is called, “I Feel that way too” and it's about, not just me, but how my story then gets reflected by the entire community. I wanted to make sure that the community voices become a part of this episode. I did a call out on my social media, on my newsletter, and it was actually quite hard to get people [00:21:00] to submit voicemails. I think people feel a lot of pressure to get it perfect. I asked my friends and they said they wanted to do it, but they were feeling pressured because they feel, they felt like they didn't know what to say and they wanted to say it in a way that felt professional. And so Miko Lee: come up with something profound. Michelle MiJung Kim: Exactly. They wanted to be profound and everything that we do, I think takes a level of courage. I really appreciated people who submitted their voicemails. Miko Lee: Yeah. Michelle MiJung Kim: We had voicemails coming from New Zealand, from Taiwan, from the United States from Canada, and so it was wonderful to know that there was a global sort of connection to these issues and the things that we are grappling with, and also knowing that we're none of us is really alone. Miko Lee: Speaking to the alone, we're living in such a time of isolation right now and where there's two different parties with really clear agendas and people are this way or [00:22:00] people are that way, and yet your title is, “I feel that way too”. Can you share a little bit about where that title comes from? Michelle MiJung Kim: I was part of my very first high risk direct action calling for an end to the genocide in Palestine, I was terrified and I decided to partake in it because I didn't know what else to do to process my anger and my desperation, watching what was happening unfold on my screen. I just felt like I had to do something more than what I was used to doing, whether it's donating or signing petitions or writing. There was a collective gaslighting during that time where the media outlets were justifying what was happening in Gaza. People were being, retaliated against for talking about Palestine. There was this overall, polarization between people who felt this [00:23:00] urgent need to do something about Palestine versus people who are living their daily lives as if nothing was happening. I went to participate in this direct action, I was surrounded by people who felt similarly, and after this really intense action took place when everybody was highly activated and charged because we had just seen our comrades be arrested and then released, and we were, just in our adrenaline. We all held hands to chant together collectively. And the chant went like this. ” Don't worry, I got you. I feel that way too. We'll get through together, we'll make our way through.” And when the chant leader said, I feel that way too, something in me broke and I just started weeping. In that moment, I just needed to feel like I wasn't alone in feeling this kind of [00:24:00] desperation, this type of pain and trauma, and anger towards our systems, and that just holding hands with complete strangers. Chanting, I feel that way too. Made me feel so much more grounded and hopeful and courageous to a point where I felt I was able to take more risks than I was comfortable with. So that's where, that's the origin of the phrase. I feel that way too, for our podcast. I just think back to that moment where I felt so seen, I felt so held and encouraged just by the sentence. I feel that way too. That's the kind of feeling that I hope to be able to gift to our listeners, whoever's listening to our podcast and whatever topic may be. I hope more people feel encouraged by the stories that we share and the way that we are creating space for us to be vulnerable and courageous together. Miko Lee: I [00:25:00] love that. So you're asking your audience to listen, feel connected to something else, be able to be part of a bigger movement. Are there other things that you want your audience to ponder or to take action on? Michelle MiJung Kim: I think the podcast really is about, community and courage. The podcast asks us to be courageous about identifying what we want, about how we want to live our lives, who we want to be, and being courageous enough to face the contradictions and make space for the collective, and connection. I would love more than anything for people to feel seen. But also feel encouraged to share their stories with people in their lives and to hopefully be able to take action together. I think the action of caring for one another in this vulnerable, honest way, the way that my mom and I got through that very difficult conversation. That [00:26:00] in and of itself is healing. Multiple generations of trauma. If we all could muster up the courage to practice that level of honesty and courage with one another, so much of our, need to heal can be met and so much more possibility emerges from that action. After airing some of the episodes, we also hosted a discussion session. Called the Courage Collective, where we got to discuss and unpack what came up for people after they listened to the episode, and that was incredible. Just being able to have a consistent space where people can meet provided that sense of community that we all need right now to be able to move in solidarity with our broader movement , and to sustain this very difficult, exhausting path that we're all walking in our personal lives, but also in our collective lives. I hope people can listen to the podcast and share with somebody that they wanna talk about the topics and keep the [00:27:00] conversation going in a way that can encourage you to take action that brings you closer to more community, more possibilities for our collective liberation. Miko Lee: Michelle MiJung Kim, thank you so much for joining us on Apex Express. We're gonna put a link to the entire series in our show notes. where else can they find out more information about you and your work and your book. Michelle MiJung Kim: Everything you need to know about me on my website, www.michellemijungkim.com. You can sign up for my newsletter and follow me on social media, on Instagram at Michelle Kimkim or on LinkedIn. Miko Lee: Love it. Thank you so much for joining me. So now take a listen to the first episode of, “I Feel that way too.” Michelle MiJung Kim: The other day I was talking to my mom about my uncle, her older brother who has stage four lung cancer. My mom was [00:28:00] venting about how upset she was that her brother's kids weren't jumping at the opportunity to pay his hospital bills. She said he sacrificed his whole life for them. How could they do this to him? I mean, they have their own lives too, mom. One of them has a little kid. It's not exactly cheap to raise kids in Korea. So I don't know. It feels fair to me that they're talking about what they can or can't afford. My mom was not having it. She said they have their whole lives to be there for their kid, but their dad, he doesn't have that much time left. They should do everything they can to support him. Wait, were we talking about love or money? My mom knew there was a difference right after a few back and forths. I just asked her the question that I really wanted to ask. Do you think uncle feels like his kids [00:29:00] don't love him because they're not giving him money? It wasn't just a question about my uncle and his kids. It was a question about me and my mom. About love and sacrifice, after all, isn't our willingness to sacrifice the ultimate measure of our love. Hi, and welcome to, I Feel That Way Too, a podcast where we ask some of life's trickiest questions and together find the courage to unpack them one story at a time. If you've ever wondered how life could be different, but didn't know where to turn, I'm here to tell you, you are not alone. I feel that way too. Ever since I was young, I felt responsible for taking care of my single mom. You know, growing up seeing her sacrifice so much for [00:30:00] me and my younger sister. When I got older, I just thought, yeah, that's my job now. That's just what you do, right? Whether it was taking a soul sucking corporate job, or using my savings to relocate her from Korea. I took the responsibility for caring for her seriously. I took pride in it. Whatever sacrifice I had to make felt appropriate, given how much I love her and how much she'd given up to raise me. But as an adult, I've been struggling with this more and more. If the only way I can express my love is by showing how much I'm willing to sacrifice, then how can I ever prioritize my own desires and needs? What do I do with all the guilt and shame and resentment that comes from feeling burdened by this responsibility? Have I become so Americanized that the idea of al piety feels suffocating? Am I a bad daughter? I mean, [00:31:00] that's such a common experience. This can be even more complicated in immigrant families because often we have those values, right? Sahaj Kaur Kohli: Asian values, filial piety, or we see fism as a really big value in immigrant households. So putting other people first, prioritizing the family over the individual, that's a hedged core Coley. She's a therapist, writer, and founder of Brown Girl Therapy, the first and largest mental health organization for children of immigrants. I've been following her on Instagram for years now, and I love the fact that she's making mental health relevant and accessible for Asian Americans like me, like learning Speaker 3: about words like enmeshment. So enmeshment is this idea that there are very loose or no boundaries within. Relationship. So in the family system, if we're talking about families, there are no boundaries. There is research that suggests that immigrant families tend to be more enmeshed because they're actually trying to protect themselves and their loved ones, creating these insular communities and [00:32:00] families from harm from the dominant society. So it was adaptive initially, but of course, just because it's adaptive doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy. We can see now that that kind of loose boundaries can lead to people feeling really dependent on one another. So often that's it's hierarchical in immigrant families, so it's a top down of dependency, but then children are being dependent on more, depending on your birth order, your age, your gender, your being dependent on in different ways. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: Becoming someone my mom can depend on was kind of my life purpose for a long time. My attention was always on what she needed and how I could provide that as a kid. I rarely asked my mom for anything that wasn't practical or necessary. She was a single working mom, and I could see how hard she was working just to keep us afloat. Instead, I tried to help however I could. I'd hand over my New Year's allowance from my aunties and uncles. Whenever we went out [00:33:00] to eat, I'd always check the prices on the menu to make sure I wasn't picking something too expensive. I worked hard in school, got good grades, and told myself, this is how I can help. I'll get into a good college, land a good job, and make enough money to take care of her. That's exactly what I did. Right after college, I jumped into corporate America instead of chasing my passion for social justice because. At the time, what mattered most was bringing my mom to the US and supporting her financially. And honestly, I was proud of myself for that, starting so young, being able to help my mom. It felt good. Looking back though, I realized that I never really let myself just want things, you know, like things just for me. And then in my thirties, something started to shift. I found myself really struggling with our relationship. I was having trouble differentiating my desires from her needs. Speaker 3: So in the Western world, we talk about [00:34:00] individuation. When you're an adolescent, you were growing up and you start to build your unique interests and you start to prioritize your friends and you start to be your own person. A lot of us immigrant children didn't really get that we were still expected to do X, Y, and Z, so we didn't really get that chance to individuate around that age, you know, as we're 12, 13, up until 19, 20, 21. And so a lot of us are doing that later in life. I work with clients who are 30, 40, 50 years old who are like, wow, this is the first time I'm doing something for myself. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: At every crossroads in my career, my decisions were often tied to one question. How will this affect my ability to support my mom? Can I quit my job? How much money do I need saved up to cover both of us for six months? Even little decisions like whether to make a frivolous purchase came with this gnawing sense of responsibility. That kind of mental math had become second nature, but prioritizing my own joy and [00:35:00] abundance. Well, that always came with a side of guilt. It felt like my entire life was split in two. One part lived for me and the other for my mom, and as I got older, the tension between the two only grew becoming harder to navigate and more emotionally draining. Sahe calls this parent child role reversal parentification. Speaker 3: At the root of it, there are two types of parentification. There's instrumental parentification, which is more about taking care. In more practical roles of the family. So maybe, you know, cooking for sick relatives or making sure your younger siblings were okay, or if you were a latchkey kid, left at home alone, you know, going to school one time, making your bed, all of these things that you had to do for yourself or for your family because maybe your parents were out working or just weren't able to do it. And then we have emotional parentification, which is more about taking on those emotional roles. So being the family mediator, maybe taking on the role [00:36:00] of a parent or a spouse for one of your parents, because either one parent isn't more present or because emotionally they don't have the type of relationship where they speak to each other more emotionally or vulnerably. So a parent might use a child to do that. It's also about generally managing your parents' feelings. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: One year after many years of working with my therapist, I mustered up the courage to set some financial boundaries with my mom. Not necessarily because of money, but because I needed to shed the guilt. That gnawing feeling that whatever I was doing was never enough and that there was always more to give. I thought if I can get my mom to tell me the exact amount that she actually needs, then I can finally know that I'm meeting her expectations and I don't have to wonder if I'm not doing enough. I could handle the financial responsibility, but I didn't wanna carry the emotional weight anymore. So one day at a [00:37:00] posh new Indian Fusion restaurant that I thought she'd like, I mustered up the courage to ask her, can you tell me exactly how much you need monthly so I can better budget my own finances? Up until then, I was paying her rent and giving her allowance in random amounts, paying for whatever needs arose at various times throughout the month. She was visibly perturbed by my question. Without looking at me, she said, just give me whatever you can. I insisted, no, mom, I want you to tell me what you need and want. She replied, I just want you to do what feels good and right for you. I said, I don't know what that is, so I need you to tell me. I was getting frustrated. She was getting uncomfortable, so I said. Okay, fine. So if I said $500 per month, that's okay with [00:38:00] you. She looked visibly worried. See, so you know what you need. Why won't you just tell me, make my life easier? She burst into tears. Why are you making me say an amount? You want me to feel shame? I already feel bad now. We were both cry, yelling. People at other tables were exchanging awkward glances. She said, don't make me say an amount out loud. I want you to support me because you love me and because you want to, not because I'm asking you to. At this point, my voice was near full volume, tears dripping down my face from knowing I had caused her pain, but somehow my untamed anger kept spilling out. Despite knowing full well that I had done enough damage to my mom's heart, I desperately needed her to see my pain too. I shouted, [00:39:00] I do love you, and I'm asking for your help. Why can't you just help me? I never got my mom to say an amount. It was as if I had spoken the very thing that needed to remain unsaid. By speaking the unspoken. I had broken the delicate dance we'd been doing for decades where love meant anticipating needs and quietly fulfilling it to save face. Where protecting meant pretending not to see the weight we each carried, because naming it would make it all too real. Silence had become our shared language of care, but now we were at a loss for words. We packed up our untouched food without speaking and left the restaurant, and I never brought up the topic again. And here I was wanting her to tell me exactly what she needed so that I could feel less [00:40:00] guilt for feeling like I'm not doing enough, even though I was doing a lot. Speaker: Mm-hmm. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: And so we were at this crossroads and we couldn't see past each other's pain and our own pain in being able to connect to one another. And since then I've been really hesitant to bring up. Any conversations around money or boundaries with her, because first and foremost, I'm terrified of her feeling like she's not loved. That somehow if I bring this up, she's going to feel more like she's a burden and she's going to stew in her own shame knowing that I don't think she has. Capacity and the skillset to be able to hold her emotions right now. And then I feel resentful that I have to think through what she needs before I can just be a child and tell her to meet me where I am for once. Right? Mm-hmm. And so then the cycle just continues and I am not sure I, I know how to get out of it. Speaker 3: Boundaries is such a like. Trigger [00:41:00] word for so many of us, right? When you hear the word boundaries, you're like, no. All of a sudden that door closes and you say, this is not something that's gonna speak to me. Because it has this reputation of being like, cut people out. Say no, protect yourself. And those narratives really don't speak to so many of us who come from collectivist backgrounds where. We want to maintain a lot of these relationships. We just don't want it to feel as bad as it does. And so disentangling and learning how to disentangle our feelings and our values from our parents is often the work I do with my clients. And it takes a long time, right? Because you are sitting down, sifting through a basically a pile of values, norms, expectations, feelings, and saying, okay, this one belongs to me. This one belongs to my mom. This one belongs to my dad. And trying to figure out. Where does that leave you, and how do we move forward and build the sense of self with things that actually feel true to you? And a lot of that work is painful. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: Trying to disentangle my definition of love from my mom's isn't the only thing that's been painful to navigate. It's also the [00:42:00] realization that so much of my upbringing fundamentally shapes the way I live today. Speaker 3: At its best, parentification can lead to having a lot of pride developing really good work ethic, being really mindful of your role in your family and leaning into that. But at its worst, it can be a form of emotional neglect. And I think that's really important because in my work with children of immigrants, a lot of times a lot of us don't realize that we have different needs when we're growing up. And sure, maybe you had a roof over your head, maybe you were, you know, sent to school, maybe you always had food on the table. And these are really. Big significant needs that were met, but were you also cared for emotionally? Were you allowed to express your emotions? Were you modeled and nurtured emotionally? So just being taught that even emotions weren't something that was safe to have. And so in that way, that's when parentification can become a sign of emotional neglect. So as by definition, parentification is taking on adult-like roles or roles that are. Older than you are developmentally at a young [00:43:00] age. And it can lead to people pleasing, it can lead to perfectionism, it can lead to constantly, um, monitoring our parents or other people's emotions or feelings. Right? Those are very common long-term consequences of being parentified children because we've never really learned how to take up space. People pleasing, Sahaj Kaur Kohli: perfectionism, hyper vigilance. Yeah. I've been dealing with all of them pretty much my entire life. One of my core memories from when I used to live in Korea was being invited to a friend's house After school, we were supposed to do homework together, and her mom sat with us going over everything and helping us out. I remember feeling so reassured, like finally someone was helping me in the way that Mamie feel safe and cared for. And because I wanted to be invited back, I was always on my absolute best behavior. I didn't want her to feel like I was being a burden or a nuisance, so I made sure to take my shoes [00:44:00] off in the neatest way possible. I made sure to wipe off any crumbs off the table, and I even offered to do the dishes. Y'all, I was barely 10, but I felt like I needed to be, liked to be helped. The truth is. I am resentful. I resent that I never got to just be a kid. I'm angry that I couldn't tell my parents that I was sad or hurt or scared. I'm angry that I thought care and attention were earned. By making myself small, likable, and pleasant. I'm angry that I couldn't allow myself to rest or stumble because I knew there was no safety net to catch me and that I thought it was easier to not want than to be disappointed. But for the first time in my life, there is something I want [00:45:00] just for myself. I want to heal desperately. I want to shed this weight so I can finally be my most authentic, free, and expansive self without needing to prove anything to anyone. I want to access the safety, abundance, joy, and ease that I didn't have as a. Child. Talking to my parents about my childhood wounds feels really hard. Not only because I'm worried about how it'll make them feel, but because deep down I truly believe that they loved me the best way they knew how so? How do I even begin to tell them that their best wasn't enough to protect me from harm? How do I share that? I feel resentful for the child that I never got to have without breaking their hearts in the process. And the hardest part, even now, I catch [00:46:00] myself prioritizing their feelings over my truth. It is like this unshakeable sense of responsibility where their comfort feels more important than my pain. How do I even untangle that? Speaker 3: You deserve joy and peace and ease. I mean, ultimately so many of us aren't able to give ourselves permission to be able to work towards joy and peace and ease. 'cause we don't believe we're deserving of it. And that is a product of, you know, these family dynamics, but also guilt and shame and not knowing the difference between those two. And then feeling like we automatically are. Bad if we aren't constantly pleasing other people. So many of us also struggle with that, uh, binary mindset. You know, if I feel this way, it's wrong. If my parents are disappointed, I'm a bad child. And that's not true. We have to learn. And [00:47:00] you have to decide at what point you're willing to accept that it might not change. And then decide what you're willing to tolerate. And that's the acceptance in grief work that is so hard and grief, I call it grief for a reason. 'cause grief never goes away. There's no resolution in grief. It's learning to build a life around it. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: Yeah, that's so real and so hard, that whole acceptance piece, right? Knowing that it's going to take time, but also that there may need to be a time where you start to accept, uh, your parents for who they are and what they have capacity for and what they don't. What's been really difficult for me is the acceptance of the reality. And my desire to heal, part of me feels like I can't heal until I get the acknowledgement, until I get the validation, until I feel seen in my entirety by my mom and by my dad. And sometimes I feel like that just sets me up for more disappointment and sense of betrayal and resentment because I [00:48:00] am not getting the very sort of human and childlike need from my parents. But knowing that that may never come, and I can't depend on that for my healing, but that's been really hard to accept. Speaker 3: I was just gonna say, that makes me really sad because I'm hearing you like deny yourself something that you deserve because you're still waiting for your parents to give you permission for it. When you can give yourself permission for it yourself, but for some reason you don't feel like you have enough agency or you're not allowed to be the one who decides I can heal. Even without my parents' acceptance. And that's a lot of the inner child like re-parenting work of like, you know, thinking about little Michelle and what she needs and how do you give it to her. How do you find power and strength in being able to be the adult who can say, fine, if you're not gonna take care of this little girl I am. I'm gonna take care of her. And it's really hard, right? And it's really painful, but. [00:49:00] It hurts me to hear you say that you won't be able to do this until you get that permission, because the reality is you may never get that acceptance and acknowledgement you're looking for from them. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: In high school, when I came out as bisexual to my dad, he just ignored it. He pretended he didn't hear me change the subject, and that was that we never talked about it again. And honestly, I was fine with that at the time. He didn't wanna hear more and I didn't want to share more. We lived under the same roof, but how much did we really know about each other? Anyway, fast forward many years later, I was on my way to a date with a woman I just met. I was on the phone with my dad and thought maybe this is a chance to let him in on my life, just a little. So I told him where I was going and casually asked, what would you do if I ever brought a girl home? I don't know what I [00:50:00] was expecting to hear, but I definitely wasn't prepared for his answer. Don't come home. He said Speaker 3: It's very challenging and I think I just recently had these conversations with a couple clients of mine where, you know, sometimes we have to ask ourselves. The greatest gift we can give people we love is letting them see us for all parts of ourselves, right? Every part of who we are. That's the greatest gift we can give someone we love. And not everyone deserves that gift, especially if they're not tending to it, nurturing it. And I see you like, as like a younger version of you, like vulnerable and raw and saying, love me, love me, love me. Mm-hmm. It's not just you, it's it's all of us. Right? We, we have these experiences. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: It wasn't until one Thanksgiving back at my dad's house that I realized just how much I did crave my dad's acceptance and love. Thanksgiving is one day [00:51:00] that we all gather at my dad's house. We ordered a Thanksgiving family meal from Boston Market that no one really likes chit chat and eat for no more than 40 minutes and migrate over to the living room to watch a movie of someone's choosing, usually me or my dad. This has been our way of bonding for as long as we started gathering. The movie that my dad, the same man who stonewalled me when I came out to him in high school, chose for us to watch, was Boy Erased a movie about a gay man's search for acceptance from himself and his family without making eye contact. He said, have you seen this? I thought you might like it. It's about a gay person. As someone who's never been interested in anything L-G-B-T-Q related, this was his clumsy way of inching closer to me. My dad didn't throw me a coming out party. He didn't wear a rainbow pin or proclaim how proud he was to be an ally. [00:52:00] There was no tearful heart to heart about acceptance, apologies, forgiveness, or unconditional love. And you know what? At that moment I realized. I didn't need any of that. Sitting side by side on that Costco couch of his, I understood exactly what his silence was trying to say. Speaker 3: And that's what happens in high context cultures, right? It's not about being direct, it's not about being explicit. It's more about what the contextual clues are. I think behaviors is where it all comes down to. So that might have been your dad's way of saying, I accept you and the way that I know how, and me watching this with you is my way of showing that in the same way that my dad. Never growing up or through my thirties, only recently started to say, I love you. But growing up I would go home and he would leave me newspaper clippings about mental health or about something I had told him about and those would be on my bed every time I would visit home. And that's, I knew, was his way of saying, I love you. [00:53:00] Right. We have the cut fruit anecdote that everyone has in an Asian household. Our mom's way of loving us is through food and by caring for us and caretaking for us. 'cause that's the role they knew how to play. I even had an interesting conversation with my mom where I've asked her, I think this was a while ago, where I asked her, what else do you wanna do? Like stop trying to do my laundry when I come home. Get out of the kitchen. We'll just order food. But then I realized it made her sad and I realized I was actually taking away her agency to love me in the way she knew how. Because that's not how I need to be loved. I've also asked my parents, did your parents ever say, I love you? When was the first time or the last time you, you heard them say that to you? What was that like for you? Oh, that must have been really sad that your parents didn't even say, I love you. You know, that impacts kids. And then using that as a frame of like. Are you thinking about how you don't do it with me? Like sometimes it takes these little kind of games before we can get to a place where we feel like we can get that conversation going. But even then, where can we find beauty in the relationship with our [00:54:00] parents? I'm sure if we, you know, really wanted to dive deep into it, we would. You would be able to think of like strengths in your relationship with your parents, ways that they do love you or see you even if it's not what you want. The way that they love you is still a way that they are showing you that they love you. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: When I think about my younger self, I sometimes find myself imagining my mom and dad when they were young, what were they like growing up? How many crushes did my mom have as a teenager? When did she start sneaking cigarettes? And what made her start? Who was there for my dad when he lost his dad as a child who told them they were loved? When was the last time someone asked them about their hopes and dreams? What did they long for? Growing up in Korea with my mom, she often told me her parenting philosophy. [00:55:00] I want us to be like friends. She'd say, she'd tell me stories about how she was always afraid of her mom, how strict my grandma was. How she never got the chance to fully explore her passions and curiosities. One day when I was in elementary school, she just said, you're not going to school today. And instead of taking me to school, she drove me and my sister to a farm outside the city. She told us real life experiences are more important than what you learn in textbooks. She didn't want us to live inside the same box. She'd grown up in. She wanted something different for us. She'd say things like, date as many men as you can before you marry. Travel as much as you can while you're young. Learn to drive as soon as you can. More than anything, she wanted us to be free freer than she ever got to [00:56:00] be. The way my parents love me and the way I love them. It's not something you'd find in some textbook. It's messy. It's complicated. It's nuanced, and it's big. It's so big. It is not the kind of love you see in those Hallmark movies where a white parents hug you and say, I love you at least 15 times a day. But I feel it. I feel it in the everyday moments, like when my mom insists on doing my laundry with her permanently sore back, or when she likes every single thing I post on Instagram. I feel it every time she sees me and says, you're so pretty with genuine awe in her eyes.[00:57:00] Michelle MiJung Kim: If you liked what you heard today, please tell your family. Tell your friends. Tell your people. Subscribe to our show and leave us a review. Sahaj Kaur Kohli: Wanna hear more from me in Sege? Watch the full interview on the I feel that way. Two YouTube channel. And while you're at it, subscribe to our newsletter on our website at www dot I feel that way. Two.com. Miko Lee: Please check out our website, kpfa.org/program, apex Express to find out more about our show. We thank all of you listeners out there. Keep resisting, keep organizing, keep creating, and sharing your visions with the world. Your voices are important. APEX Express is a collective of activists that includes Ayame Keane-Lee, Anuj Vaidya, Cheryl Truong, Isabel Li, Jalena Keane-Lee, Miko Lee, Preeti Mangala Shekar and Swati Rayasam. Have a great [00:58:00] night. The post APEX Express – 9.18.25 – I Feel That Way Too appeared first on KPFA.
PRL 9-17-25 Ken Watlington, Rahjai Harris, Donnell Coley by Pirate Radio
Ben Youngs, Ruby Tui and Shaunagh Brown are in the studio together to break down all the Rugby World Cup quarter-final action. South Africa shock with a 15 woman lineout, do the Red Roses play their best rugby in the rain? And… for the love of Sophie De Goede's mighty boot. Plus a look ahead to the Semi finals. …which France team will show up this weekend against the Red Roses? And who does Ben think will win that semi final clash between New Zealand and Canada under Friday night lights. Spoiler: it's not the same as Ruby. For many women in rugby, a second career isn't a choice. it's a necessity so they can keep playing the game they love. Mitsubishi Electric are helping women in rugby unleash their Parallel Potential. Learn more about their amazing stories at: www.parallelpotential.com #ParallelPotential #RWC2025 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TSP #2169 – Tony Rathman | Staticom & Spirit Communication
Facebook @coleyufo @coleysnx @SNXRadioLIVE @SNXRadio YouTube @snxradio X @coleyufo @SNXRadio Rumble @coleyufo
⚠️ Disclaimer The views of the guest and those of Robert Kalil do not necessarily reflect those of the platform we are streaming on. We are not giving medical advice or diagnosing any physical or psychological condition. As with all guests on this show, please use your own discernment. This podcast is for spiritual exploration, education, and entertainment, and is also a space for open thought and conscious dialogue
Facebook @coleyufo @coleysnx @SNXRadioLIVE @SNXRadio YouTube @snxradio X @coleyufo @SNXRadio Rumble @coleyufo TSP #2199 – Darrel Denton: Bigfoot Researcher | With Rob & Coley UFO of SNX Radio
⚠️ Disclaimer The views of the guest and those of Robert Kalil do not necessarily reflect those of the platform we are streaming on. We are not giving medical advice or diagnosing any physical or psychological condition. As with all guests on this show, please use your own discernment. This podcast is for spiritual exploration, education, and entertainment, and is also a space for open thought and conscious dialogue
⚠️ Disclaimer The views of the guest and those of Robert Kalil do not necessarily reflect those of the platform we are streaming on. We are not giving medical advice or diagnosing any physical or psychological condition. As with all guests on this show, please use your own discernment. This podcast is for spiritual exploration, education, and entertainment, and is also a space for open thought and conscious dialogue
The Rugby Championship is quickly becoming the tournament of the year as South Africa inflict an historic loss upon New Zealand, whilst Argentina hold on to defeat Australia. Dan Cole & Ben Youngs pick over all the action before being accosted by an angry Julián Montoya…
Canned clams never tasted so good! Coley Gaffney is here to show us how comforting and delicious clam chowder can be when made with pantry staples.Coley is the creative force behind ColeyCooks.com, and you might recognize her from Food Network Star season 10, and as a guest from The Rachael Ray Show and The Today Show. While her TV days go back a few years, her passion for seafood and Italian cooking is rooted in her family history, making her the perfect person to guide us through this classic dish.In this episode, we talk about why she embraces canned seafood and the flavors and techniques that make her dishes shine.This episode is extra special because it's going live on my birthday. And since I love seafood, Coley's creamy New England Clam Chowder Recipe feels like the perfect way to celebrate!
PRL 9-10-25 Ken Watlington, Kristi Overton, Donnell Coley, Rahjai Harris, Ethan Norby by Pirate Radio
The BCSN Nation Podcast is Powered by Buffalo Wild Wings! Thank you to Buffalo Wild Wing's for joining us as we provide Northwest Ohio and Southeast Michigan local high school sports coverage!Coming up: Debating the top of the NLL Buckeye, looking into Northview's streak-snapping win and previewing the Game of the Week between Findlay and Southview.Follow Brandan Carnes on Twitter: https://twitter.com/CarnesBrandanFollow Justin Feldkamp on Twitter: https://twitter.com/JustinFeldkampFollow Mason Lowry on Twitter: https://twitter.com/MLowryBCSNFollow BCSN on our Social Media:- https://twitter.com/BCSNsports- https://www.facebook.com/bcsnsports- https://www.instagram.com/bcsnsports/- https://www.tiktok.com/@bcsnsports- https://www.youtube.com/bcsnsportsCheck out our website: https://www.bcsnnation.com/podcastThe BCSN Nation Podcast is Powered by Buffalo Wild Wings.
It's the biggest Ok Boom pod you've ever seen. Red Sox take 2 of 3. -Roman Anthony Out 4-6 Weeks -Red Sox Crushed In Finale -Crochet's Worst Inning/Outing -Still 98.6% Playoff Odds -Abreu's Status -Hicks IL Stint? -The AL Blows -Raffy Brawl -Just The Nuts NEW MERCH: https://section10merch.com SECTION 10 NIGHT TICKETS: https://redsox.com/section10 Use promo code “Jared” to get up to $1000 in bonus credits AND a special pick on Underdog! PLAY HERE: https://play.underdogfantasy.com/pc-d2PyPbHAPu Get Blue Moon Light delivered by visiting https://get.bluemoonbeer.com/JARED for delivery options. #ad This episode of Section 10 is sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://BetterHelp.com/ROCKET #ad Get 20% off your DeleteMe plan when you text SECTION10 to 64000. Message and data rates apply. Get your free quote today at https://Ethos.com/SECTION10 #ad Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code SECTION10 for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. 0:00 - Intro 0:22 - Ok Boom Anthony's Hurt 21:48 - Jordan Hicks To IL? 24:27 - Taikus 26:49 - Hicks Numbers 32:25 - Kyle Harrison 33:30 - Bullpen Game 35:45 - Wong Obstruction 37:00 - Should've Forfeited 39:40 - When Will Roman Return? 41:22 - Sounds Like More Masa 43:07 - 1945 Forfeit 44:40 - Astros Take The Lead 50:10 - Ketchup Gods? 51:42 - Unplug For Off-Day 53:25 - TITE Scandal 54:00 - Bon Jovi 58:00 - Back To Hicks 1:03:45 - Steve Drowning In Honks 1:16:39 - Garrett Crochet's Worst Outing 1:28:30 - The American League Blows 1:32:49 - Raffy Brawl 1:35:00 - Hicks Still Stinks 1:45:28 - Funny Tweet 1:48:23 - Nate Eaton 1:50:54 - Who's Getting Called Up? 1:52:00 - Tough Day For RedZone 1:54:30 - Brayan Bello 1:59:00 - Coley's Driveline Take 2:04:24 - KKSMVP 2:31:54 - Stop & Shop Look Ahead 2:39:06 - Weather Look Ahead 2:44:18 - Predictions 3:00:55 - Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
This week on Life Goals in Progress, Nina and Coley talk about the never-ending desire to be the “cool girl” and what it actually looks like to be yourself instead. From navigating judgment and comparison to unpacking how introversion shapes our comfort levels, we share the real stories behind why authenticity feels so hard and the small practices that help us show up anyway. Find us: Marketing Agency: lifegoalsmarketing.com Content Hub: lifegoalsmag.com Instagram: @itscoleylane @itsninasoon @lifegoalsmag
PRL 9-3-25 Ken Watlington, Antwan Staley, Donell Coley, Rahjai Harris, Troy Dreyfus by Pirate Radio
The Payton Tolle era is upon us and Coley is making a huge statement coming off a sweep of the O's. -Tolle Mick -Sox Sweep Orioles -Anthony TWO Leadoff Homers -Gio, Bello, Crochet 3-Headed MONSTER -Reevaluating Craig's Moves -Ketchup Big In Boston -95.7% Playoff Odds NEW MERCH: https://section10merch.com SECTION 10 NIGHT TICKETS: https://redsox.com/section10 Use promo code “Jared” to get up to $1000 in bonus credits AND a special pick on Underdog! PLAY HERE: https://play.underdogfantasy.com/pc-d2PyPbHAPu Get Blue Moon Light delivered by visiting https://get.bluemoonbeer.com/JARED for delivery options. Get your free quote today at https://Ethos.com/SECTION10 #ad For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, ED, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/SECTION10 #ad This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://BetterHelp.com/ROCKET Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code SECTION10 for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. 0:00 - Intro 3:30 - Coley Live Beard Shave 17:30 - https://section10merch.com 19:01 - Schwarber 4-Homer Game 24:00 - Back To The Stache 27:30 - Mike Singletary 29:52 - Sox Sweep Orioles 46:10 - Taikus 51:20 - Game 1, Brennan Bernardino 56:40 - Game 2, Lucas Giolito 1:04:00 - Everything Coming Up Craig? 1:22:00 - Defensive Alignment 1:26:00 - Skubal Gets Shelled But 1 Earned Run 1:27:30 - Narváez In Pain 1:31:35 - Game 3, Brayan Bello 1:39:00 - Game 4, Garrett Crochet 1:39:32 - Nextel Call Of The Series 1:46:00 - T Messes Up 1:47:45 - Lou's Stand Up Technique 1:49:13 - Red Sox Win 3-2 1:50:18 - MLB/Red Sox Social 1:55:17 - Coley Is A Dick Now 1:57:45 - Parade 2:01:35 - Bon Jovi Invite Out 2:05:00 - Outlook Over The Next Month 2:28:30 - KKSMVP 2:50:50 - Roman Ketchup Interview 2:55:30 - Commercials 2:56:55 - Jared & Coley Fight 2:58:45 - Stop & Shop Look Ahead 3:08:50 - Weather Look Ahead 2:16:28 - Predictions 3:21:50 - Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
PRL 8-27-25 Ken Watlington, Donnell Coley, Holton Ahlers, Andrew Bayes, Justin Hardy by Pirate Radio
Topics: the best Chinese food in NYC, Coley's account of "zapper fingers", Travis Barker liked his son's gfs photo, they take an Eccentric Personality Test, places that make us hornySponsorsHomeaglow: Head to https://www.homeaglow.com/TAYLOR to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Are you ready to stop waiting for permission to build your dream life? This week, I sit down with Coley Arnold, community builder, serial entrepreneur, and founder of Foundress, a thriving community for female entrepreneurs! Our conversation will kick you into high gear to give yourself permission to chase after the life, business, and relationships you desire. We unpack the true power of community, why we believe so whole-heartedly in making it a priority in our businesses, and how you can cultivate your own thriving community that uplifts you. We also reveal the inner work it takes to move past external validation and take back your life from the “hustle, grind” mindset to go all-in on your big dreams. HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 Say hello to community builder + serial entrepreneur, Coley Arnold! 05:00 What were the struggles of launching your first business? 12:00 How to stop waiting and give yourself permission to chase your dreams. 16:00 What limiting beliefs did you have to overcome to step into your power? 19:05 How to move past external validation + let go of the “hustle, grind” mindset. 27:55 Tangible ways to cultivate a community that helps your business thrive. 34:35 What is one thing that is working for your business? 40:25 How to effectively build + grow your community. 44:45 What is the current version of you demanding permission for? 48:45 How to find your own day-to-day balance, without comparing yourself to others. 52:25 Celebrating Coley's Powerhouse moment of prioritizing her values to find her mission. RESOURCES + LINKS Click HERE for tickets to the 2025 Powerhouse Women Event August 15-17th in Scottsdale, Arizona! Powerhouse Women is a COMMUNITY and YOU are part of it! Take a screenshot of this episode and tag us on Instagram so we can keep the conversation going and create more of the episodes you need! FOLLOW Coley: @coleyarnold Foundress: @found.ress Visit the Foundress website: www.foundress.co Powerhouse Women: @powerhouse_women Lindsey: @lindseymarieofficial Visit the Powerhouse Women website: powerhousewomen.co Join the PW Community Facebook Group: facebook.com/groups/powerhousewomencommunity
Topics: chaotic vs. calm houses, Tay likes to power wash naked, Parker is taking Puberty class, what Coley thought "canonization" meant, Tay is addicted to SiriusXM in the car, America trivia questions, Coley still can't spell “indicted”, Fashion Fashion Never Stops SponsorsSKIMS: Shop SKIMS Fits Everybody collection at SKIMS.com. Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select Taste of Taylor in the dropdown menu that followsBoll & Branch: Get 20% off, plus free shipping on your first set of sheets, at BollAndBranch.com/TAYLORSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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