I Feel Snitty with Craig Rozniecki

"Griftin'" (to the tune of Clarence Carter's "Strokin'") When he's not grabbing butts And mute, judging stuff He be griftin' Morning, noon, insurrection He be griftin'   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He'll grift from anyone on this planet or the next He be griftin'   He's ‘bout to sell somethin' How much money are you willing to give him? Would you buy a quarter for a quarter-mill? Would you give up your farm for a lifetime of Swiss cheese? He's ‘bout to sell you this “Trade your cows for a gallon of milk” He's ‘bout to sell you this “Give me 15 million and I'll stop windmill cancer” He ‘members when his mistress was diagnosed with windmill cancer He started a GoFundMe; laughed; and said, “April Fool's, y'all” He's griftin', yeah, he always does, he be griftin'   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He'll grift from anyone on this planet or the next He be griftin'   He's ‘bout to sell somethin' Would you believe anything he tells ya? That a knife was a sandwich? Jesus was a white man? A robe was a puppy? Or how about that he and his wife are all cute and innocent? ‘Member, no puppy is full of that much sh*t He spews it every which way Yeah, he's griftin' He be griftin'   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He'll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t He be griftin'   Now, when this guy starts dealin', I mean stealin' He doesn't care who in the hell he's hurtin' Because a creepy smile appears when this happens Whenever that creepy smile appears, we do start dealin' We say, “Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas, Clarence Thomas Clarence Thomas, f*ck you, Clarence Thomas” Other day: “Celebratin' Christmas early!” “Gonna get me a grift box and grift certificate” Went to the store to screw people over He held a box with a blank certificate Said, “Hundredth donor gets the prize; you'll be surprised as…” Woo!   He be griftin'… Cloak and dagger He be griftin'   He grifts from the living And then he grifts from the dead He'll grift from anyone on this planet or the next, sh*t He be griftin' He be griftin'… Cloak and dagger He be griftin', oath He be griftin'   And he grifts from the rich And he grifts from the poor He grifts from everyone He even grifts from his whores, ooh   He be griftin' He be griftin' He be griftin'   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

In this episode I snarkily dissect my joyous experience interacting with Trumpers since joining Twitter Blue in recent weeks.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

So you didn't have to, I read the 44-page Trump indictment. Here is my modest, hilarious, brilliant take on it all. Hey, as I've always said, "You can't spell 'awesome' nor 'modest' without 'ME.'"   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Right the Right” Been off course for a while Siri's a woman So, they go in the opposite direction They don't know where they are Or where they're heading But would rather wreck than admit they were wrong   Let's control the wheel and right the right They need our help; they're too drunk to drive Let's control the wheel and right the right They should prob'ly sleep it off tonight   Approaching a red sign Instead of stopping They shout “OCTAGON!” Sirens flashing Figure they're for someone else, so they speed up Start firing guns, yelling “BLUE LIVES MATTER!”   Let's control the wheel and right the right They need our help; they're too drunk to drive Let's control the wheel and right the right They should prob'ly sleep it off tonight   They've been off course too long Tank's about empty Yet still believing thoughts and prayers will refill it So, they then close their eyes while behind the wheel ‘Cause apparently cars don't drive cars; Jesus does   Let's control the wheel and right the right They need our help; they're too drunk to drive Let's control the wheel and right the right They should prob'ly sleep it off tonight   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Orwellian Poetry” (A. “Woke Insomnia” / B. “Project Real”) [Part 1: Orwellian Poetry] It was the con of the century It read like Orwellian poetry Too blinded by their own hypocrisy To see the dystopian irony Their delusions quickly became quite clear The con “will set us free”   [Part 2: Woke Insomnia] Insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia   They're wide awake and unable to sleep   For days on end, they can no longer think Dwindled is perception of reality Woke, but not alert to their surroundings “Truth isn't truth,” “Don't believe what you see” “You'll grow a third arm with the vaccines” “The lone cure for COVID is Febreze” This is what happens when Trump leads the GOP; they come down with   Insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia   ‘Nother day, ‘nother denial of truth Masked with the flag and other comfort food Empty-rhetoric symbols, no follow-through A lack of sleep, mentally weak “Doctors don't know science” “It's not guns; drag-shows cause gun violence” “Democracy will be saved if we destroy it” MGT, Cruz, Graham, Gaetz, Bobo, and Jordan have all contracted   Insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia Woke insomnia   Completely sober, yet their speech is slurred Can't see straight; their vision's blurred Trouble moving, they try to call Uber Awareness – an all-time low “The bottom is the top” “Fauci's leader of the mob” “With the most votes, Biden lost” Will they ever sleep to wake up?   [Part 3: Project Real] Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real   When they said to lock “her” up, they actually meant “Trump” When Trump claimed that Biden interfered, he meant himself “You stole candy!,” as they munch on “free” M&Ms “O.J. killed his wife!” is just them saying “We did it!”   Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real   Get ahead of the story and blame someone else But like a gymnast named Kama Sutra – you f*cked yourself   They point their fingers with a mirror staring back A giant reflection of their guilt, about to crack Their string of good luck is getting ready to end As all of their allegations come right back to them You hate Kaepernick, yet you took a knee Gay men don't hump sheep, but you f*cked one just last week You call blacks lazy when you don't work at all The GOP tries to lie, yet projects the real   Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real Accusations are confessions – project real   (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real (Woke insomnia) Accusations are confessions – project real   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Slim-to-None Funds” Do you know who they're stealing from? Charities named after them The dollars keep rolling in Diverted to greens and bogey-men Claiming donations as grifts They've sunk lower than piles of sh*t The depths of Satan's fiery pit? Lower than it   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world's biggest grassholes Pulling for hell   Driving around in their gold carts Crashing before they even start As they blame Soros and RuPaul News breaks of their organization's scam They don't know irons from woods Yet stole from the kids for these goods Than the South Pole is cold, they're Lower than it   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world's biggest grassholes Pulling for hell   They're always slicing to the right Their white balls they can never find “Mark us down for two,” they will say Flipping birdies to youngsters on the front and back nine   Further than you could ever attempt Even the devil is impressed At a point where nothing can drop Lower than it   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world's biggest grassholes   None, slim-to-none funds Take from children Give to themselves None, slim-to-none funds They are the world's biggest grassholes   Pulling for hell   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Erratic Days” Playing Candy Crush at a quarter to two on Monday afternoon Before throwing Skittles about the room, shouting, “Where in the f*ck's the blue?” Next saying, “I guess orange will do, and this purple sh*t too” All while watching cartoons he calls “news”   Unpredictability on speed Yes, no, yes, maybe   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He'll sniff uncontrollably at a nationally-televised speech And then be unable to blow his nose for a couple to three weeks He'll run a MAGAt marathon in his sleep And strain muscles when he breathes He only ever works in his dreams   He's a loose cannon awake or asleep Yes, no, yes, maybe   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He's had some erratic days January through December For as long as The Jesus can remember   Anger builds inside as he boasts loudly Hunger grows while he's eating His mouth dirtier every time it's cleaned Brain shrinks if he's ever thinking   Adderall seems to be working today Flying high as a kite (So f*cking high) Squinting like a drunk reading braille The teleprompter moving in his mind Yes, no, yes, maybe   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   He's up one minute, the next minute down He goes sideways and then diagonal The guy has had some erratic days   Erratic days   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“You're Accused and Betrayed” Insurrection!   He will bail you all out At least that's what he says He has told thirty-thousand lies So, his promises aren't worth a sh*t Y'all get flocked up; baa; and spout QAnon gibberish Attack police, what's free Because you're patriotic   So, Donnie eats his Whoppers As you're handcuffed and put away Guess it really sucks to be you You're accused and betrayed   He will watch as you go down Viking helmets and all His show isn't going well Prepped for you to take the fall You are the clowns Go ahead, grab the flagpoles Hit democracy's mouth In their graves, our Founders turn Witnessing nooses form Pence hangs around   So, Donnie eats his Whoppers As you're handcuffed and put away Guess it really sucks to be you You're accused and betrayed   Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation   Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces yuge evaporation Mass-deception, repetition Until your small brain faces bigly…   He will bail you all out At least that's what he says He's a liar, dic[tator] complier Seemingly unable to pull out He will bail you all out   L-O-C-K-E-M! L-O-C-K-E-M! L-O-C-K-E-M! L-O-C-K-E-M!   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Senseless Mind Syndrome” His IQ is in the high teens What's left in his head constantly shrinking A confined vocabulary Just two-letter words, maybe three   He's ignorant of everything From physics to human anatomy Thinks Einstein was just bread with cheese That femurs were types of monkeys   It's outdated, dissipated His brain had its day, so he says again, again   He's concocted another word He may not drink, but it sounds like a slur It's not a noun and not a verb What it is no one can be sure   He acts like an illiterate If one gets poetic, “He can't read for sh*t” “Bigly” words are his nemesis Like “ambiguity” or “twit”   When thoughts escape him, they avail him More room between the ears for hot-air to travel through   Thoughts are vacant, he is ancient He is his own worst enemy Not a victim, but a villain An enemy to you and me To everybody   It's outdated, dissipated He is his own worst enemy When thoughts escape him, they avail him An enemy to you and me He's a villain of cognition An enemy to you and me He's a villain of cognition An enemy to you and me   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)” Brittle Don, brittle Don, you're always cryin' You lost another suit – this one for lyin' Brittle con, brittle con, the truth is hurtin' The odds of you outside a cell and workin'   Far away is where we think you should go Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus Stay in space until you float to Pluto We'll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud   Brittle Don, brittle Don, your bones are crackin' And, as always, your muscles are a-lackin' Brittle con, brittle con, your schemes are slackin' You just don't seem to have any laws' backin' Can't skirt them (Anymore!) Anymore, you lame layperson Think this is bad? Just wait till you're in prison Brittle Don, brittle Don, you're weak as plastic In Webster's your picture is next to “flaccid”   Far away is where we think you should go Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus Stay in space until you float to Pluto We'll salute with middle fingers, standing tall and proud   Tears of your hammies when you walk to the fridge With it being just three feet from your rocker (Rock away!) Your phony doctor saying you're in peak shape As you break ribs eating crackers   Far away is where we think you should go Somewhere between Saturn and Uranus Stay in space until you float to Pluto Salute middle fingers   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Daughter's Sexy” Incestuous and grossness He can't stop saying, “Look, my daughter's sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter's sexy”   He'll make the comment on a talk show “I'd hit that if she weren't my daughter” Everyone and their moms start to cringe Then whisper, “What the f*ck is wrong with him?!?” He's the leader of the Greedy Old Perverts   Incestuous and grossness He can't stop saying, “Look, my daughter's sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter's sexy”   It's one thing to say your kid's cute Calling them “hot” is kinda stretching it Like a Donald J. Trump in spandex Yet little Donnie has no regrets He's the leader of the Greedy Old Perverts   Incestuous and grossness He can't stop saying, “Look, my daughter's sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my daughter's sexy”   Incestuous and grossness He can't stop saying, “Look, my daughter's sexy” Incestuous and nauseous “A 10; hotter than yours; my…”   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Harassing All Women and Girls” She'd rather suffer a migraine, gout, and kidney stones than shake his hand She'd rather get a full-face tattoo of a$$ than smell his stench She'd rather recreate “Titanic” sinking than hear him scream her name They want nothing to do with him; he's harassing all women and girls   She'd rather skydive without a parachute than feel his lips on hers She'd rather always hallucinate than see his tiny mushroom She'd rather be waterboarded than hear the torture of his words She'd rather serve a life-sentence than spend just one second with him   He's a third-world, sh*t-hole country, only in semi-human form They want nothing to do with him; he's harassing all women and girls   She'd rather die a virgin than be within six-feet of his “wherever” She'd rather have hair like Fester than feel what's on his head She'd rather spin in F-5 tornadoes than for him to twirl her She'd rather forever sleep than find him in her bed   He's a sh*t-hole country, only in semi-human form They want nothing to do with him; he's still harassing all women and girls   She'd rather suffer a migraine, gout, and kidney stones than shake his hand She'd rather get a full-face tattoo of a$$ than smell his stench She'd rather spin in F-5 tornadoes than for him to twirl her They want nothing to do with him; he's still harassing all women and girls   Ooh, burn Mic drop Ooh, burn   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Pisstaker” Not one, but six!   So, my name is Donnie; I've got no money; owned by the Russian mob Together do some “laundry,” or they'll clean me out (Oh, no-no) So, I call my Vlady; I'm on hold, hold, hold, hold, hold After five hours, he says, “Why don't you just leave us alone?” So, I wear a bracelet, as a reminder; asks “What Would Vlady Do?” If my Cabinet protests it, I say “You are screwed!” (Oh, yeah-yeah) So, I call a guy, who says, “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait” “I know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight”   Showers, the golden showers There are powers with the tapes Pee on my a$$ and face So, whatever Vlady says, I trust and obey   So, his name is Donnie; he's lost some money; is owned by the mob He's on a choke-collar, so they don't bark (Ruff, ruff, ruff) So, he's always their b*tch, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf If they say to, he'll lick his balls if one is left So, he has no control, but wants to act like he's really strong Even though his muscles look like nothing more than fluff (fluff, fluff, fluff) So, I'm a pisstaker, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Little Donnie, take it away again for the chorus   Showers, the golden showers There are powers with the tapes Pee on my a$$ and face So, whatever Vlady says, I trust and obey   So, now I'm tired of doing the mob favors Being the butt of “showers” jokes by pisstakers Sh*t, I've got a call from someone named Popovsky (“Ha, ha, ha”) “You better not take off, for we hold your golden fate” “We know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight” “We know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight” “We know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight” “We know what he did in the summer of sixty-eight”   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“He's Jesus Nowhere” Lesu anchiteze Ese es quien es “Trump Jesus was arrested by the Roman government” (…yllaer ton tuB) …eH ma I dnA   They chant his name when he arrives Give him all the money they don't have Thinking that will help them to survive Though he doesn't care that they're alive (Pay up!) For all his suits (Pray now!) That he hears you (Pay up!) So he can win (Pray now!) The world will end   The guy thinks all the poor are weak That they all smell like fruit and veggies Loves no one but his stinky self He even hates children and elves   The church goes in flames When he decides to step in it The Bible doesn't say Lard Cheeto F*ckstick is the savior   He says what the deaf want to hear “Race don't exist; whites are superior” He'll brag he's a self-made man, raking in billions by himself Gone bankrupt six times; asked for daddy's help   He breaks every Commandment daily He'd f*ck his own family Would steal from a children's charity He'd even say “Jesus Christ is me!”   The church goes in flames When he decides to step in it The Bible doesn't say Lard Cheeto F*ckstick is the savior   “I am He” But not really “He is me” If “he” is Judas   He rebels against what's good and right Boobs and dollars always cloud his mind The “Rule” – the only thing not Golden Do unto others as would Satan   The church goes in flames When he decides to step in it The Bible doesn't say Lard F*ckstick is the savior   ‘Men!   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Stormy At Birth” Melanie's at home with their son So, where's he gone? Getting milk, food at the store? No, he met a porn star instead In a bed Husband, father of the year   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Saying “Sign this and tell no one”   Life changed after his baby's birth Storm alert One-thirty K to shut her up This could hurt his chances of…with Who's the b*tch? Melanie or Melanoma?   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Saying “Sign this and tell no one”   He whips out his mini-mushroom Then saying, “I was in the pool” Pretending he was cool He was finished before they started Oh, God, yes, he is so screwed   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Donnie's a Zero” He thinks he is seeing green, but is in the red Dealt a winning hand, but still having to fold, as he turned casinos into sh*t Vodka and steaks rarely miss, yet he couldn't make a dime The world's greatest businessman, only if all others died   Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero   Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   A big rat on his head he bought at the Dollar Store He's got the physique of a Chris Farley of Chippendales, only much less agile With the complexion of a Cheeto that's been worn Hands so small, they were rejected by a circus-porn   Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero   Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha   Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero Hey-ho, Donnie's a zero   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Withholding the Bribery” Speaking, he was only speaking “I'll give you that if you give me this,” no quid pro quo Dealing, he is always dealing “Four-hundred million for Biden's dental records” Reeling, his story is reeling Like the Pinocchio-who-cried-wolf on steroids Covers, he's running for covers But the bed he made he will now have to lie in   (Oh, boo-hoo) He's withholding the bribery One even the blind can see Guilty of fraud and conspiracy Obstruction and being a pu$$y   He never thought he would be caught He thought everything could be bought Forgot technology exists Thought TikTok was a clock for kids   Impeached for his crimes on two counts (Lock!) Then acquitted by soul sell-outs (Him!) He must have some dirt on them (Up!) Lady G's blow-up doll named Gym   Morals not a part of his life He'd rather die than say he lied About to face his comeuppance “Mother's disappointed,” says Mike Pence   A criminal (Lock) He is a criminal (Him) A criminal (Up) He is a criminal (Now) Each accusation is a confession When he threatens, he says “I was…”   Speaking, he was only speaking “I'll give you that if you give me this,” no quid pro quo Dealing, he is always dealing “Four-hundred million for Biden's dental records” Reeling, his story is reeling Like the Pinocchio-who-cried-wolf on steroids Covers, he's running for covers But the bed he made he will now have to lie in   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“¡Amar Old Glory Hole!” Oh, glory hole, you're a fantasy of his mind What could be on the other side? A porn star ready to spank him with his face? His personal “doctor” saying, “Here's something you can sniff”? Unfortunately no, neither of those were the case They'd be much too clean for his sick and demented tastes Oh, glory hole, what he wants will never breathe He's grabbed it joyfully, while saying it makes us free   Glory hole, amar Old Glory hole The stars and stripes he claims to always salute Dodging drafts and attacking Golden Star families There's not a single brave bone in him Glory hole, don't worry, glory hole Old Glory placed a restraining order against him The judge said, “What the f*ck?!?,” but then, “I'll allow it” “I'm getting too old for this sh*t”   He started singing our banner (Glory hole!) But remembered none of the words “Jose built some rockets over there” (Glory hole!) “Do the wave, watch ‘Twilight,' and burst” Standing tall, wearing a MAGA hat   Glory hole, don't worry, glory hole Old Glory will never embrace his filth It'd rather be burned in a necessary protest Than feel his puny hands on it Glory hole, amar Old Glory hole He f*cks the country over to keep from getting screwed Whines that he's the victim when he's really the culprit Such a man-baby, he is   So, glory hole, there's no need to worry He'll be embraced by bars in time Glory hole, yes, he'll try to scurry But will never outrun our stars and stripes   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“No More Honesty” Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly   His mouth is an enemy to our democracy His nasty-a$$ mouth is an enemy Stick him in an infirmary, record-quickly Mask him, stop the spread of his malarkey (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) He'll say he's not guilty, ask trailer parks for money They'll then sell Junior some Motel-6 blow (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) Poor little Donnie, forced to take responsibility Karma is a b*tch and she wants some more (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”)   Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly   Only a matter of time Til he's punished for his crimes Til he cries in the night and tissue stocks rise   Chant “LOCK HIM UP!” Chant “LOCK HIM UP!”   Truth: His mouth is an enemy (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) So deplorable and nasty (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) Truth: His mouth is an enemy (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) Poor little Donnie, that b*tch Karma wants some bigly retribution   Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly Y'all want no more honesty? Y'all get no more honesty Just a growing nose when he speaks - honestly   (Y'all want no more honesty?) He'll say he's not guilty, ask trailer parks for money (Just a growing nose – honestly) They'll then sell Junior some Motel-6 blow (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”) (Y'all get no more honesty) Poor lil Donnie, forced to take responsibility (Just a growing nose – honestly) Karma is a b*tch and she wants some more (chant “LOCK HIM UP!”)   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“34 Felony Crackdown” [Part I] Whoo, whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo Born in a mansion, the son of a king His shadow was opportunity All the failures were greeted with a shrug No consequences for all his f*ck-ups   The three-millionth time was no charm The truth hatched, he's more screwed than a chick at a farm   34 felony crackdown There's no misdemeanors to be found His life of crime finally has a price A rat behind bars, afraid of the mice   Whoo, whoo-whoo, whoo-whoo His vests were always legal-proof His Pampers, rat-hair, and clip-on ties too Thought he'd get away with everything Then he got smacked on the a$$ by Stormy   The three-millionth time was no charm The truth hatched, he's more screwed than a chick at a farm   34 felony crackdown There's no misdemeanors to be found His life of crime finally has a price A rat behind bars, afraid of the mice   [Part 2] We are his, we are his loyal dumb sheep Do all he says, still believe we are free If he says “Inject Tide!” to clean our clothes We'll get naked and ask, “Where is the needle?!?”   The mob is where I felt I belonged Took “Goodfellas” lit'rally So I proudly joined the dotards and dons Where I questioned authority Where I never questioned authority (No!) What they say will always go Unless a whacking is on your bucket list Then, by all means, just say NO!   No! No! No!   I don't want to die, so I'll trust and obey Nod, smile, nod, smile, nod, smile, repeat Hopefully my neck and face don't hurt again So many times I can say cheese But for freedom that's a minor price to pay (Shh!) Sacrifice life to look creepy Made to believe I'm free in mind, heart, and soul No thoughts, feelings inside me   I know I am right Everyone else is wrong For the truth is on my side On Opposite Day   [Part III] Baa, sheep, in unison, baa, sheep Making loud noises, all volume, no substance Blah, sheep, in unison, blah, sheep You're the “Dumbfellas”: The dotards and dons   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

“Con of the Century” It was the con of the century Only happens in idiocracies Their heads placed permanently in the sand Forgot to look up to breathe again   Told to not believe what they see nor hear Unless uttered by faux “John Miller” He authored the con of the century On a yuge bathroom stall with a Sharpie   Their delusions quickly became quite clear The con “will set us free”   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

34 Felony Crackdown 1. "Con of the Century" - 0:57 Act I: Dotards and Dons 2. "34 Felony Crackdown" - 5:10 3. "No More Honesty" - 3:12 4. "¡Amar Old Glory Hole!" - 3:31 5. "Withholding the Bribery" - 4:40 6. "Donnie's a Zero" - 3:11 7. "Stormy At Birth" - 3:52 Act II: Harlequins and Fakes 8. "He's Jesus Nowhere" - 4:36 9. "Pisstaker" - 3:24 10. "Harassing All Women and Girls" - 3:52 11. "Daughter's Sexy" - 2:56 12. "¿Amar Old Glory Hole? (Brittle Don)" - 3:49 13. "Senseless Mind Syndrome" - 4:18 Act III: You're Accused and Betrayed 14. "You're Accused and Betrayed" - 3:12 15. "Erratic Days" - 4:17 16. "Slim-to-None Funds" - 5:16 17. "Orwellian Poetry" (A. "Woke Insomnia" / B. "Project Real") - 4:26 18. "Right the Right" - 4:34   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

"Expel Ds" (to the tune of Silverchair's "Abuse Me") Need to take some action Getting in their face They just went full fascist Let's f*ck ‘em in different ways   Come on, expel Ds, yeah, we'll fight it   Well, they don't think they'll suffer But we'll make sure they do They'll be running scared And trip on the truth   Come on, expel Ds, yeah, we'll fight it Come on, keep tweeting, ‘cause you'll lose Come on, expel Ds, yeah, we'll fight it Come on, keep tweeting, ‘cause you'll lose   Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of there, out of here   Come on, expel Ds, yeah, we'll fight it Come on, keep tweeting, ‘cause you'll lose   Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of here Vote the traitors out of there, out of here   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

"MAGA Tears" (to the tune of Cold's "Wasted Years") There's a meme they post After he gets indicted with thirty felonies Saying life ain't fair To him and the billions he stole   All the tweets go on out Donations come on in Mad emojis clicked Pressed the caps lock again Blaming allergies Glad tissues are near They can't help but let out some MAGA tears I'm loving all these MAGA tears I'm loving all these MAGA tears   They think he's Jesus Christ Porn star spanking him with a rag was the Second “Coming” He'd only save himself A rapist seized in the rapture ‘Stead he's back down to earth All these troubles that he'll face Why can't his demons be erased?   All the tweets go on out Donations come on in Mad emojis clicked Pressed the caps lock again Blaming allergies Glad tissues are near They can't help but let out some MAGA tears I'm loving all these MAGA tears I'm loving all these MAGA tears I'm loving all these MAGA tears   All the tweets go on out Donations come on in Mad emojis clicked Pressed the caps lock again Blaming allergies Glad tissues are near They can't help but let out some MAGA tears   All the tweets go on out Donations come on in Mad emojis clicked Pressed the caps lock again Blaming allergies Glad tissues are near They can't help but let out some MAGA tears   All the tweets go on out Donations come on in Mad emojis clicked Pressed the caps lock again Blaming allergies Glad tissues are near They can't help but let out some MAGA tears   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

"Grifts Away" (to the tune of Dobie Gray's "Drift Away") Day after day he files lawsuits For anything, nothing, and/or everything Through it all he has never paid his dues His lawyers snarl and cringe He's still the same   They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away   He demands your donations all the time Then brags that he's much richer than you He goes on spouting bigly lies Tells you what you must do Or else he will sue   They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away   And when his bank's wiped clean He knows who to see – the mob and Vlady They'll help carry him through If he grabs US by the pu$$y   He's far weaker than a silly string Far dumber than a deformed, comatose frog Yet when he croaks, millions still believe He can carry a song They sing along   They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away   They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away They give him some treats, then give him some more As he tricks them, doing nothing at all, and grifts away   Nah nah nah, don't you, don't you pay him Don't pay him   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

I dedicate this podcast to Brian Grgurich, who was gay; never given a fair chance in life; and passed way too soon. Rest in peace, my good friend.

In this episode I cover Trump's indictment; what the prosecution will prove; and what the defense will try pulling from their arse. Not only that, I snarkily respond to right-wingers' ridiculously over-the-top commentary regarding their hero's arrest. Such precious snowflakes...   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOPLDCBGkbzDh0PMUneNQ3A

"Donnie and the Feds" (to the tune of Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets") MAGAts, better look on Twitter Donnie raided for nothing ‘Cept stealing something nuclear Yeah, he'll sell it to anyone Who wears a crown So, let's all grab some booze and popcorn For he's going down   So, Lady G and Ghouli are freaking out Their heads deep up his ass D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds Oh, Merrick grabs him by the pu$$y Without ol' Donnie's consent Calls it “legal-room talk,” means Donnie's f*cked Oh, his safe combo is 1-2-3-4-5 D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds   MAGAts, they're coming for you next Clear your search hist'ry And don't steal White House documents Because watching porn is the same as treason Don't let nobody tell you otherwise They're just blind from whacking-off   So, Lady G and Ghouli are freaking out Their heads deep up his ass D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds Oh, Merrick grabs him by the pu$$y Without ol' Donnie's consent Calls it “legal-room talk,” means Donnie's f*cked His safe combo is 1-2-3-4-5 D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds   So, Lady G and Ghouli are freaking out Their heads deep up his ass D-D-D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds Oh, Merrick grabs him by the pu$$y Without ol' Donnie's consent Calls it “legal-room talk,” means Donnie's f*cked His safe combo is 1-2-3-4-5 D-D-D-Donnie and the Feds   Donnie, Donnie and the Feds Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie and the Feds Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie and the Feds Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie and the Feds Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie and the Feds, the Feds, the Feds Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie, Donnie and the Feds   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I discuss the perception vs. the reality that is the Joe Biden presidency thus far. Includes: snark, facts, snarky facts, and facty snarks.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I talk 187 minutes (for 10 minutes); Josh Hawley resembling a chicken; and Clark Kent, all while providing my best/worst impressions of Adam Kinzinger, Steve Bannon, and of course, Donald Trump.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I break down the 7th January 6th hearing. Said breakdown includes Donald Trump and Alex Jones impressions, as well as a comparison between the former and a specific type of excrement. Enjoy.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I light up and then explode at the Republican Party for ruining the 4th of July, bigly.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I relay my belated thoughts on the Cassidy Hutchinson testimony. My 4-year-old son says I'm the "best," so it's more exciting than it sounds.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I tell anti-choice men without uteruses/uteri what they can do to themselves.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Here's my snarky analysis on session #5 of the January 6th hearings.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I snarkily dissect the 2022 Texas Republicans resolution. No matter how crazy you figure it is, yeah, it's crazier than that.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I present my thoughts on session #4 of the January 6th hearings. If I had to sum it up in 3 words and 1 abbreviation, it'd be "Trump is guilty AF."   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

"They're Gonna Watch (2,000 Mules)" (to the tune of The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)") When he wakes up, well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie because he's Dinesh D'Souza When he speaks out, yeah, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie because he lies when his lips move If he posts tweets, well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie because he's foreign to the truth And if he shoots a film, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie like a no-good felon would do   But they would watch two-thousand mules And they would watch two-thousand more Just so they can claim that votes were stolen While living in Natives' home   When he's working, yes, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie because that's what pro liars do And when caught porking his Christian mistress named Sue He'll give money to her and her husband too When he gets charged (when he gets charged), oh, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie ‘cause he don't want cell #2 And if he goes there, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie, because that's all D'Souz can do   But they would watch two-thousand mules And they would watch two-thousand more Just so they can claim that votes were stolen While living in Natives' home   Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur   When he's praying, well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie, because he's talking to himself And when he's sleeping, well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie, because his teddy bears said so When he speaks out (when he speaks out), well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie because he lies when his lips move When he gets charged (when he gets charged), well, I know he's gonna lie He's gonna lie ‘cause he don't want cell #2 He's gonna lie ‘cause he don't want cell #2 But they would watch two-thousand mules And they would watch two-thousand more Just so they can claim that votes were stolen While living in Natives' home   Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Blah blah blah blah (blah blah blah blah) Dur dur dur yada dur yada dur yada dur dur dur   But they would watch two-thousand mules And they would watch two-thousand more Just so they can claim that votes were stolen While living in Natives' home   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I talk about the third January 6th hearing, mainly focusing my attention on why Mike Pence isn't the hero many are claiming he is.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

What do Washington Commanders defensive coordinator Jack Del Rio and Tampa Bay Devil Rays pitcher Jason Adam have in common? They lend credence to the dumb-jock stereotype. In this episode, I snarkily dissect a couple of their recent such comments.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Here are my thoughts on the 2nd hearing with regard to the Capitol attacks, including a fictional back-and-forth between Donald Trump and an inebriated Rudy Giuliani on election night.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Here is my take on the first of seven scheduled hearings regarding the January 6th attacks on the U.S. Capitol.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Due to yet another mass-shooting, I felt the need to snarkily refute the ten favorite NRA/GOP talking points surrounding gun-reform.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Due to the recent sexual-misconduct allegation made by a SpaceX flight attendant against Elon Musk, I decided to concoct a Letterman-style Top Ten List of Elon Musk pick-up lines. Drumroll please...   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

When it comes to inflation and baby-formula shortages, the GOP is like that guy who posts on Facebook how wonderful his wife is right after sleeping with her best friend and just before getting it on with a girl from the club he calls Donkey Kong. This episode is all about GOP hypocrisy, bigly.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

Canadian clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson is the Dr. Phil of Ron Burgundys. The guy loves to hear himself speak and often times doesn't know what the hell he's talking aboot. In this episode, I tackle Peterson's rampant sexism via a fictionalized dialogue between him and a female patient who goes by the name Serendipity Sasquatch.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

I was recently told racism wouldn't exist if people stopped talking about it. Then the Buffalo shooting occurred. In this episode, I get snarkily psychological (or is it psychologically snarky?) about racism in this country. ...and yes, the title was inspired by Mr. Psychology himself, George Costanza ("It's not a lie...if you believe it").   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I snarkily dissect Elon Musk's claim that the modern-day Democratic Party has been hijacked by extremists.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

In this episode, I snarkily dissect Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito's opinion draft on overturning Roe v. Wade.   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

"We Stand with the Ukraine" (to the tune of Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Brain") Why you trying to impeach our man, Murcans? You know we with Putin   So, we gotta tiptoe around this Bleedin' Russian red, pissin' yellow ‘n' blue Injected bleach near our wisdom tooth Yeah, should probably get that checked out soon That was some kinda tangent Fo' real, I mean, what were we even talking about and sh*t? Hey, you all forgot too, didn't you? Mission accomplished, twenty-twenty-two Follow the lil red dot Like you's an ADHD kitty-cat Make you look away, cuz Traitors like us stand with Putin and Ukraine   We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Love Ukraine less than our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man   Hey, yo, why ‘vryone frontin' us? Okay, okay, we'll step up Trump made the perfect call, he told you all Was perfect, like Putin bare-chested Riding his horse through a Siberian desert Withholding military aid from Ukraine For a lil dirt on Biden That's nothin', not like they'd need it for somethin' Until now, but let's not go gun-jumpin' Impeachment for bribery? Our man-boy Putin thinks that's just silly We agree whole-heartedly Fools like us stand with Putin and Ukraine   We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Love Ukraine less than our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man   Won't impeach our man, yeah, our man Because of Putin Won't impeach our man, yeah, our man Because of Putin Won't impeach our man, yeah, our man (impeach) Because of Putin Won't impeach our man (save our man) Will hate-tweet yo' ass instead   Got connections where the sun don't shine We talkin' ‘bout Russia, you gutter-mind We cold as frozen rubles Off to hell, our summer cottage We proudly wear the red and blue On our clothes, the white on our face Say we're patriots, but are a disgrace We project and play it both ways Speak one way, act another Sing for the troops, represent ourselves, motherf*cker We kneel to the dollar If held by nuns or a dictator They call us the GOP Fools like us stand with Putin and Ukraine   We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man We stand with the Ukraine Love Ukraine less than our man We stand with the Ukraine Won't impeach our man   Won't impeach our man Because of Putin Won't impeach our man Because of Putin Won't impeach our man Because of Putin Won't impeach our man Because of Putin   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/

"Balls of Dystopia" (to the tune of Muse's "Knights of Cydonia") To hide feelings Is to be manly, you see Bottle it all up Heart-attack at thirty   Testosterone fades From our world today Let's burn our scrotes Or become a joke   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he's a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he's a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   With the end of men in his sight He places on his bowtie To prove he's a man day and night He goes to light his balls on fire   Books https://www.amazon.com/Craig-Rozniecki/e/B00JBQ95LO   Blog https://thekind-heartedsmartaleck.blogspot.com/   Twitter https://twitter.com/CraigRozniecki   Facebook https://www.facebook.com/AuthorCraigRozniecki/