Podcasts about Shh

We've crossed the pond and made our way to the intersection of France, Germany and Switzerland to bring you all the latest straight from the Eurovision Song Contest, and oh boy is there plenty bring you from Semi-Final 1. There were huge glow-ups, a glow-down, potential new front-runners - everything you could hope for from the "easy" Semi-Final. Jeremy takes a nibble of a dangerous dessert, Dimitry awards a perfect performance to one of the acts, and Oscar rejoins his digital brethren once more.Watch Semi-Final 1 on Peacock, YouTube, or your local public broadcaster!Check out our guide to this year's songs on PopHeist: https://popheist.com/eurovision-2025-song-list-guide-meaningThis week's companion playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4nWZKymmUZ475daKUMt7Z3?si=e1f88d970b66409d The Eurovangelists are Jeremy Bent, Oscar Montoya and Dimitry Pompée.The theme was arranged and recorded by Cody McCorry and Faye Fadem, and the logo was designed by Tom Deja.Production support for this show was provided by the Maximum Fun network.The show is edited by Jeremy Bent with audio mixing help was courtesy of Shane O'Connell.Find Eurovangelists on social media as @eurovangelists on Instagram and @eurovangelists.com on Bluesky, or send us an email at eurovangelists@gmail.com. Head to https://maxfunstore.com/collections/eurovangelists for Eurovangelists merch. Also follow the Eurovangelists account on Spotify and check out our playlists of Eurovision hits, competitors in upcoming national finals, and companion playlists to every single episode, including this one!

Δεν κατάφερε να προκριθεί στον τελικό της Eurovision o Ευάγγελος Θεοδώρου με το τραγούδι "Shh".

 “What are you planning?” He stretched his neck, trying to decipher from where he sat what she was writing. She did not reply.  He did not ask again; instead, he rubbed his beard, deep in thought. Jezebel folded the scroll, placed his seal over it, and rang the gong. Elana watched in fascination as a soldier entered from the side door and bowed. Jezebel stretched her arm with the scroll. “Take this to the elders and nobles who live in Naboth's city, and tell them I command they do as this says.” The man took the scroll, bowed, and left the room. Jezebel rubbed her hands together. A satisfied look registered on her face, her amber eyes slanted and malicious. Ahab reached for her hand and pulled her with force onto his lap. “What did you write?” She placed her hand around his neck and leaned her embellished head onto his. “I have proclaimed a day of fasting and have requested they seat Naboth in a prominent place amongst the people so—” “Prominent?”  She placed her index finger on his lips. “Shh. Once he is seated, two vagabonds will accuse him in front of everyone that he has cursed both God and the king.” An ominous smile crept over her red lips. “The town will be horrified to know Naboth has turned against you, and they will stone him to death—when that happens, you are to take possession of your vineyard!” Ahab stared at his wife with his mouth agape. He blinked a few times......                                 ____________________________________________________ This week we are looking at the story of evil queen Jezebel and King Ahab. You can find their story in your Bibles in 1st and 2nd Kings. Tune in to listen to this episode - and don't forget to share with your friends.                                      ___________________________________   Read story on the blog Visit our website Shop our books - The Royal Palace Artist of the Month: We The Kingdom Artist on Spotify music Keep in the loop by signing to our GIGI Notes HERE DON'T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE  Hosts: Esther & Steph Mix & effects: Stephanie Giselle Purple Planet Music https://www.purple-planet.com/ email us: writegigi5@gmail.com Write by post GIGI Teen Radio PO BOX 6505 Upper Mt Gravatt QLD 4122 music credit: Purple planet music All music played on the podcast radio is covered under the APRA AMCOS Online Mini Licence.

A good teacher makes a bad decision to help a student pass. by kotochaos. Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories.  Chapter One: First Time Morgan Klein stared, wide-eyed and slack-jawed, when Chris dropped his pants. To say she was impressed would be an understatement. A smile crawled slowly onto her face as she took in his limp manhood-boyhood, really-and found him larger than her husband at her husband's proudest moment. More impressive was the fact that Chris wasn't even hard yet, though he swelled rapidly under her gaze, growing to an even more impressive size when finished. She could hardly believe it when she took him in hand and found that her fingers could not meet around him.This was Morgan's third year teaching. She was a secondary English teacher and had, the year before, tutored Chris after school. Chris was a tall, brooding sort. He came from a broken home with a single mom in their struggling rural community. His mother did what she could, but she was uneducated herself and, between three jobs, hardly had time to help Chris at all. When he had moved on from eleventh grade, his mother had personally told Morgan's principal that Morgan was her savior. Since then, Morgan has taken a vested interest in Chris' development. Moving into twelfth grade when he should have been ready for graduation, Chris began struggling again. Morgan had been patient at first, but she saw her success quickly withering into failure. Desperate to make a turnaround, she had agreed to a deal which she never thought she would have agreed to before. In her desperation, she had agreed to give Chris an orgasm for a good grade, and Chris eagerly accepted. That was how he ended up fully erect in her face, his massive dick throbbing and leaking in her hand. Chris' penis was nothing like any she had ever seen before. It was something out of a practical joke or a legend. Not only was he thick, but he was monstrously long, too, and his crown was shiny red and dribbling precum as he pulsed and throbbed in her palm. Clearly aroused, she was surprised that he hadn't exploded all over her already. Despite her better judgement, she was flattered at his arousal. Chris stammered as Morgan stared down his shaft. She looked him in the eyes, and he looked away, blushing. “Y-you, Mrs. Klein, you don't have to.” Morgan smiled. Staring down this length, she wondered how he could be brave enough to suggest it but frightened when it happened. His bravado drained the moment he gave her the paper, but she was glad to see that he hadn't deflated at all once after his pants were opened. A lesser man might grow limp with anxiety, but Chris' nerves only seemed to make him harder. “No, Chris, a promise is a promise,” she said, stroking him slowly. She met his gaze again, and her smile broadened as she saw his cheeks growing red. “You got the grade, so you'll get your reward for it. I just wasn't expecting, um, it to be such a LARGE task.” She moved her hand to his root and held him at the base so that she could appreciate his full length. Morgan was a small woman, with small hands, and Chris looked only more impressive by comparison. Despite his length and girth, his pubic hair was sparse and thin, possibly due to his age, she didn't know. She felt silly to be in this situation at all, let alone contemplating the logistics of hair growth in teens. In her second year of teaching, she had been instructed to pick a student and make them her cause. Now, holding Chris hard in her hands, she feels even better about her choice. She held him in both hands and stroked him idly, gathering his precum and smearing it along his shaft. Not a virgin, Morgan has always been pretty and enjoyed male attention. She had never been with someone like Chris, though. Despite his youth, Chris was tall and fit. He still held the A in his hand, clutched tightly and slightly crumpled as she stroked him. He was embarrassed, but he was also throbbing and, measuring at least twelve inches in length and twice her husband' girth, he was more man than anyone she had ever met. Thumbing his crown, Morgan chuckled. Chris moaned in her grasp and, smiling at him, she said, “Someone's excited.” She didn't know who she was talking about, though. Her nipples were erect and chaffing her bra, while her pussy was wetting her panties in her arousal. Chris met her gaze and watched breathlessly as she stroked him with her tiny hands. “Sorry,” he choked, and Morgan laughed again. “Don't be sorry,” she said, and she licked her lips staring down his length. “This is all actually very flattering.” Leaning forward in her chair, she breathed along his cockhead and laughed as he throbbed again. He was steel hard, and she was sure he wouldn't last much longer. A hand job would likely be enough but, stroking him, she knew he wanted more. “Now then, I seem to remember that you had asked for a blowjob in exchange for an A.” Chris nodded, his eyes widening as her wet lips approached his manhood. Morgan licked her lips again and stroked him, gathering precum to his cockhead. Glancing down at him, she chewed her bottom lip. She had never been with a man as large as Chris before, and she was curious to see how well he would fit in her mouth. Though a tiny woman, she was excited to try, and thinking about the size difference between Chris and her husband only made her more excited. “Well, lucky you got an A, then.” Parting her lips, Morgan sucked Chris inside. Her jaw ached to accommodate him as she struggled around his girth. Lips tight, though, she took him to the edge of her throat and gagged briefly before meeting his gaze. Chris watched her in awed silence, his dick painfully hard and his balls tight. He had suggested a blowjob as a joke, and he had felt both guilty and afraid as soon as he said it. When she agreed, he had assumed that was a joke, too, all the way up until she had him in her mouth. Morgan, too, is awed in her own way. Despite being a boy by her estimation, Chris was hung like a man. Fully erect and swelling fatter, he was not only larger than her husband, but he had a more pronounced flavor as well. His precum was thicker than her husband's semen, and the taste of it was robust as it spread across her mouth. Closing her eyes, she focused on the way Chris filled her mouth, and as she bobbed her head on him, she grew drunk on his taste. She mewled, sucking him deep and stroking him with both her hands and her lips. With his flavor in her throat and on her tongue, she became tuned into Chris. His presence surrounded her and filled her. She could smell him suddenly, her nostrils burning with his boyish musk. His youth did nothing to counteract her arousal. In fact, that knowledge that he was still so young only served to arouse her further. She whimpered around him and, hearing this, Chris stiffened in response. Finally, his youth betrayed him. Body tight, muscles flexing, Chris quickened and came hard. Morgan had only just started when his thick semen filled her mouth. Her cheeks ballooned. She swallowed on instinct to keep from choking, but his sperm stuck to her throat. Sitting back to cough, she took the rest across her face. Chris stood still, his dick throbbing as he unloaded the thickest load of his life onto his favorite teacher. Chris' dick was easily twice the size of her husband's. His orgasm, by her estimation, was many times more than that and also many times thicker. He covered her in hot, sticky jelly that burned itself into her flesh. He marked her as his woman, as his slut, as his scalding seed cascaded across her face and torso. Morgan rode it out, her hair catching the semen and clinging to her cheeks. She breathed through it, shivering through her own climax as she smacked her lips. Chris' semen remained thick in her mouth and in her throat, and she could feel it warming her belly. Looking up, she met his gaze and held it as Chris pants and whined like the child he is. In all her life, she has never had a man taste so good. Her husband, in particular, could compete. Chris may have been a boy in many ways, but Morgan had come to recognize that he was a man where it counted most. Coming down from his orgasm, Chris panted. “Oh my God, Mrs. Klein.” Morgan, smiling, sucked him back into her mouth and bobbed her head on him. Chris' hands twitched. He thought to stop her, but he was too drunk on her to fight it. “That felt so good,” he whined. “My hands never felt that good.” Grinning, Morgan flourished her tongue, licking around his glans before holding him with her hands and kissing her way down his hard shaft. Even after the thickest, richest orgasm of either of their lives, he remained erect. She attributed it to his youth, though she found herself flattered by both his resilience and his continued interest. Stroking him idly, she licked his crown. “And that's just the beginning, Chris. Get another A, and we'll see what else I can give you.” She punctuated the statement with a wink. Throbbing in her grip, Chris groaned. “Oh, God!” Morgan laughed in response. That night at home, Morgan tried to have sex with her husband but could not find the willpower to follow through. Comparing him to Chris, she felt both disappointed and defeated. Not only did he fail to measure up to Chris, but his body was softer and his hair thinning. Still young, still fit, and having the interest of one both younger and more impressive than her husband, she found satisfaction in her fingers instead. She masturbated in the shower, teasing and tickling herself to a small climax equal to but less satisfying than the one Chris brought her with a facial. Rinsing herself afterward, she teased her small, pink nipples and later smiled at herself in the mirror. What she was doing was wrong, but it helped Chris and would last until he graduated. That is what she told herself, at least, but deep down she knew that this was only the beginning. Good intentions push a teacher to make another mistake. Chapter Two: Double Take Morgan woke up horny the next day. She woke up imagining Chris' fat cock throbbing and pulsing, and she remembered the hot musk of it as he shot across her face and her nose. She came home sticky with his semen and fingered herself in the shower, her husband was hardly a thought in her head as she did it. She fingered herself again in the morning, reaching a quiet but empty orgasm beside her sleeping husband before her alarm went off. He woke up oblivious, and she woke up angry. She remained horny as she dressed, and she eyed her pert body as well, imagining Chris there with her, equally naked. They would complement each other, Chris' big body looking even bigger beside Morgan's own petite frame. Every part of him was built to break her, but she looked young and could likely pass as his girlfriend in the right context. It flattered her that a man like Chris would show interest in her, and then she reminded herself that Chris was not a man but a boy with a man-sized cock, which did nothing to reduce her pride. The morning passed slowly and empty. She spied Chris passing in the halls but could hardly get him to look her in the eyes. That afternoon for tutoring he was quiet, unwilling or unable to speak to her at length. Morgan, meanwhile, kept hoping he had hidden another A from her and thought to just ask him to let her suck his dick again. She needed to come, and she knew her husband couldn't do it. A week passed and nothing. Thoughts and memories of Chris' dick floated in and out of her head. She tried again to fuck her husband but couldn't. He smelled wrong, and she ended up jerking him off to a meager and disappointing climax. By the next Tuesday, she resented her husband and increasingly looked to Chris for relief. Chris, meanwhile, remained the perfect gentleman. Sometimes, she noticed that he was hard, and though it brought a smile to her face, she wasn't brave enough to act on it. His grades weren't improving, and she didn't want to reward bad behavior. So, she just stared and waited for him to ask for help, and he didn't ask for help because of his embarrassment and his arousal. She had always thought he might have a crush on her, but she had never realized how intense his crush was. Tuesday, however, was too much. They passed in the hall and Morgan noted, with some amusement, that Chris developed a sudden limp. Recognizing her own arousal, she realized the truth–she would have to be the one to end this cold war. So, when tutoring started, she approached his desk and stopped beside him. Seated, he was almost as tall as she was standing. She found his pants tented, and she smiled. He looked at her, his eyes lingering on her small bosom before meeting her gaze. She smiled, and he stammered. “Uh–Um–Mrs. Klein?” Morgan shushed him with one dainty finger to his lips. “Shh,” she said, smiling. “You seem to be having a hard time focusing,” she said, leaning over onto his desk and giving him a glimpse of her breasts down her blouse. “Let me help you.” She ended the statement by cupping his swollen manhood through his pants. Chris gasped. “B-But I haven't gotten another A yet.” Hardly listening, Morgan undid his pants with one hand and pulled his hard dick out. He jumped into view, his dick erupting from the open fly of his boxers. Already long and rigid, he seemed massive compared to her husband, and she cooed as she took him in her hand. After days of fantasy, it felt good to hold the real thing again. “Oh! Do you see that, Chris? You're so big and hard right now, there's no way you can focus on what you're reading. At this rate, you'd be lucky to even get an F.” Taking him in both hands, she stroked him slowly. “Oh, you poor thing. It must hurt to be so big and hard all the time.” Pouting, she looked him in the eyes and found him staring at her breasts. “Is this what I do to you, Chris? Do I make it hard for you to learn?” Gasping and whining, Chris shook his head. His long hair danced as he did. “No, Mrs. Klein. No! You help me!” Morgan smiled. Reaching into his underwear, she cupped his balls and marveled at their weight and size. “That is sweet, Chris, but you don't have to lie.” She purred and held him by his root, staring in awe at his full length. Despite his size, he remained a quiet, mewling teen in the hands of a woman far more experienced. The age difference only helped to arouse her more, and her tiny hands around his dick made him appear bigger by comparison. Groaning, she stroked his full length with both hands. “No, the best thing I can do for you now is help you come. Then and only then can we get any real work done.” She made eye contact with Chris and was happy to find him speechless. Her entire life, she has been a good girl who made the right decision whenever faced with a challenge. Holding Chris now and measuring him against her forearm, she felt like this is the first bad decision of her life, and she was glad that she waited for the right one. Purring, she stroked him from base to crown, holding him as if she was tugging him toward her. “Mm, Chris, I made you this hard. So, I have to be the one who takes on the heavy, heavy burden of helping you find relief.” After that, Morgan lost herself in him. She stared at his shaft and reversed her grip, holding him with both hands and stroking him vigorously. Her husband was a tall man and very slender, and though he was not the only man she had ever been with, he was the one she had chosen to marry. To that point, she had been satisfied with him. Though she had been with bigger men, they had never been large enough to adequately outclass him. Chris, however, outclassed all of them. She had attempted to find pleasure and comfort in her fingers and in her husband for days and found each unworthy. Chris, however, has her wet at a glance. Holding him, stroking him, she could not help but imagine the way that he could and would fill her if given the chance. A facial had given her one of the best orgasms of her life. She knew on instinct that opening her legs to him would give her so much more. Staring at his huge dick as her hands glided across him, watching his swollen red crown leak precum, Morgan whined in her arousal. “Darn it, Chris, I can't believe how stinking big you are!” Gasping in her grasp, Chris whined, “I'm sorry!” Morgan stopped stroking him long enough to look him in the eyes and was hurt to find him anxious. His dick was steel hard, throbbing in her tiny hands, and his interest was obvious, but it was animal interest and little more. Chris was still a child, Morgan remembered, too young to understand her praise or to separate it from insult. She was treating him like a well-endowed stud, experienced and virile, and he could be that someday. Today, however, he was only a eighteen-year-old boy with a mammoth hard-on and a horny teacher. Stroking him more slowly, Morgan swallowed her arousal and put on a smile for him. Chris' big dick was confusing for her. It filled her with lust, but that lust was her burden and not his. He was still a boy, and she was his instructor. It was her job to keep him safe and to teach him the truth. Smiling gently, she whispered to him, “No, Chris. You don't need to apologize. You should never have to apologize for having a big dick.” She giggled, watching him thrust and whine as she stroked him slowly from crown to root. “When I tell you that your dick is big, I am complimenting you. Few men are this size, and I think yours is long, and thick, and gorgeous. So, whenever you're horny, whenever you're distract, bring your big, beautiful dick to me, and I promise to take care of it. Chris gasped, thrusting into her hands, leaking precum all over her fingers. "A-anytime?” Smiling at him again, seeing the hope and the shock in his eyes, Morgan squeezed his dick in open affection. Holding him, stroking him, it is easy to imagine him as a man, but looking him in the eyes reveals that he is only a boy with a man-sized cock that required man-sized attention. The girls at school wouldn't have his best interests at heart, and so Morgan resigned herself to taking care of him instead. “Anytime,” she purred. “Even without an A?” She giggled. “Even without an A.” Licking her lips a second time, she turned her attention back to the swollen, throbbing dick in her hands. She could tell he was getting close and could tell from the way he moved and the way he swelled in her hands. Chris could feel it, too, and seemed to be breathing through his arousal, desperate to keep himself together. Morgan found his efforts cute, but she also wanted to see him explode. Kissing his crown, she whispered, “So, what can I do to help you finish, Chris? What do you need from me? What do you want?” Panting like a dog, Chris barked, “Tits! I want to see your tits!” Smiling, Morgan stroked him with one hand while using her other hand to cup one of her breasts. Her hard nipple dug into her palm as she touched herself. “These little things?” Chris whined and nodded. His dick throbbed, producing even more thick, rich precum to spread across her palm. “Yes,” he panted. “Yes. I want to see them. I want to come on them.” “You want to come on them,” Morgan echoed, laughing. “My, my, you are bold, aren't you?” Releasing her breasts, she put a finger to his mouth as he opened it to apologize. He stared down at her, cross-eyed, around her finger. “Don't,” she said, holding his dick firmly in hand as precum wetted her skin. “Don't apologize, Chris. Women like it when a man knows what he wants, and with a big dick like yours, you have a lot of bargaining power. As for my tits.” Reaching down with her free hand, Morgan lifted her bra and blouse up smoothly over her slender stomach and small, plump breasts. Her nipples, more red than pink in color, stood fully erect and sensitive in the open air. Plucking one, Morgan looked down to regard her breasts before looking him in the eyes and finding him staring. “I can accommodate that request, but you'll have to help me out from here.” Guiding him, she turned him to face her instead of the desk and then moved his hand to hold her blouse up as she kneeled to hold hid dick to her breasts. She returned to stroking him, smearing his precum along his shaft with her palms. The mess spilled onto her chest, gathering in the valley between them. Morgan smiled up at him, and he stared back, jaw hanging, eyes wide and unblinking. She laughed in response. “Now, go ahead and come, Chris. Cover me in all your thick, sticky semen. Unload your big, teenage balls into your favorite teacher's bosom.” Morgan made sure to smile as she fed him the dirty talk, and she felt him quicken immediately. Holding him to her chest, she stroked him to his approaching orgasm and all the way to the end. She could feel his semen swell his shaft, surging and spraying, and she had her own orgasm before his semen even touched her. The feel of his hot seed spreading across her body, though, only amplified it. Like sexual alchemy, it transformed a small, buzzing orgasm into a hurricane of pleasure. By the end both were breathless and panting in climax. Chris' semen had gathered across her breasts and her collar bone, soiling her blouse and possibly ruining it. Morgan didn't care, however. She continued to stroke him before pulling him into her mouth on instinct to clean him. The taste of him elicited a long moan from her as she bobbed her head on him dutifully, both grateful for the orgasm he gave her and the one she received across her torso. Comparing him against her husband again only made her more grateful. When finished, she sat back to display the semen she had collected across her chest to him, and she saw his dick twitch before swelling gradually back to life. Taking hold of him again, Morgan stroked him idly. “Now, now, Chris,” she said, chuckling affectionately as he hardened in her hand. “I won't help you a second time today, no matter how distracted you get.” Taking hold of him by the root, she stared at his dick in awe. “At least, not if you don't earn it.” Eying his cock, she gave it a quick kiss before standing. “We don't have much time before your mother gets here, and I need to get cleaned up.” Watching her move, Chris stammered. Mrs. Klein was a tiny thing, not skinny but slender. She kept fit with rigid exercise, and it showed in the subtle way her body flexed as she moved. Breathless, he stammered, “O-Okay.” Morgan lowered her blouse, pulling it down over her cum-soaked breasts and showing off the stains he left in the fabric. She was partway across the classroom, her bare feet stepping lightly across the glossy tiles, before he called to her. Turning, she stared back at him and his hard dick with equal want. “Yes?” Chris, feeling suddenly self-conscious, looked away. “Tha, Thanks.” Morgan smiled. Eyes fixed on his dick, she said, “You're welcome, and put that big thing away before someone sees it and asks questions.” Chris, looking down at his dick, scrambled. “Yes, ma'am!” Morgan laughed from the doorway. “I'll be back soon, and then we can brush up on some key terms before you go home. Okay?” Chris gave a rushed affirmative as Morgan ducked out into the hall. She hurried to the teacher's lounge bathroom to rinse off but hesitated at the sink when she got there. Wearing his semen was oddly comforting and staring at her reflection made her feel somehow more confident in herself. Already a supremely confident woman, she realized that the pride she felt was in having Chris' interest to begin with. Rinsing herself, she watched the way the water molded her blouse to her figure and thought silently how it will be even harder to keep Chris focused. To be continued in a 10 part series, on Literotica by kotochaos, for Literotica [All characters in this story, are over the age of 18 years.]

Today on the Eurovoix Podcast, Eurovision 2025 becomes a reality, with the first 15 competing songs taking to the stage for rehearsals in Basel.Steven Heap is your host as Wrap-Up takes a look at how the first semi-final stagings are shaping up. We'll be taking a closer look at whether KAJ are still the ones to beat in Basel with "Bara Bada Bastu", seeing whether the hype around Cyprus's "Shh" is justified, and diving deep into revamped stagings from Croatia and Albania.We've also got time to go over everything we've seen from the first rehearsals for semi-final one - from Iceland's boat to Poland's ropes, we've got you covered. And, during the show, we'll also chat about Käärijä and Baby Lasagna being added to the Eurovision interval act line-up, and we'll see which stars will be handing out the douze pointe as this year's spokespersons!At the end of the show, we'll compare Eurovoix's two methods of predicting Eurovision 2025, too - we'll have the final results from the Your Voix vote, and see what The Model is projecting as we arrive in Switzerland.As Eurovision 2025 begins, Wrap-Up is here to bring you every moment of the contest. We'll be back on Friday with a first look at the songs in the second semi-final as well as the Big 5 and hosts Switzerland, so don't miss it!CREDITSCreated and Produced by: James StephensonHost: Steven HeapContributors: Alistair Brown, Franciska van Waarden, James Stephenson, Neil Farren, Sem Anne van Dijk, Tamara VecicEditor: James StephensonWant to know more about Eurovision? Read all the latest news from the contest at Eurovoix.Follow Eurovoix on XFollow Eurovoix on InstagramFollow Eurovoix on Facebook

Il protagonista di questo episodio di "Pillole di Eurovision" è Theo Evan, in gara per Cipro all'Eurovision Song Contest 2025 con il brano "Shhh".Iscriviti alla nostra lega del Fantaeurovision "Pillole di Basilea" a questo link: https://fantaeurovision.com/league?id=68128769afcb6b66615cc4f5Diventa un supporter di questo podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/pillole-di--4800610/support.

Wouter Hardy (Arcade)- 3:36, NYLAN (The Code, Shhhh) - 23:46, Benji Alasu (The Code, Survivor) - 41:43       This week, we're talking to the songwriters behind two Eurovision winning hits. First we sit down with Wouter Hardy, who co-wrote Duncan Laurence's Arcade - the first Eurovision song in nearly a quarter century to chart on the Billboard Hot 100. Then we turn to two writers, NYLAN and Benji Alasu who, along with Linda Dale and Nemo themselves, wrote last year's Eurovision winner, Nemo's The Code. These writers give us a window into their unique processes and help us further explore the diversity of ways in which Eurovision songs get written - and how that diversity in process affects the song you end up with in the end.       Featured Songs:     Duncan Laurence, Arcade - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eztx7Wr8PtE     Duncan Laurence, Stars - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1Zv_xZiaok       Gjons Tears, Tout L'Univers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpM6o6UiBIw       Nemo, The Code - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiGDvM14Kwg       Theo Evans, Shh - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbfQqWyqgJw       Elsie Bay, 100 Years - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UbFfO_Uy80       Parg, Survivor - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfH5o3XtI2c       Milune, Torn - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwBN-17HXGE       Remo Forrer, Not Okay - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXZM-DH5Zb4

Toshia In The Pit By BradentonLarry - Listen to the Podcast at Steamy Stories. None of the men rushed ahead to get at her, and these good manners put them ahead of the sisters in Toshia's esteem. Smiling at them, Toshia decided to throw herself into things and get as much fun out of the situation as she could. She started to crawl toward them across the mattress, which prompted hoots and cheering from the audience overhead, and encouraged the men to join her on the mattress, walking on the mattress toward her.  When she was surrounded by them, she sat back on her haunches and smiled up at them. They cheerfully smiled back, and one of them, a cute guy with light blue eyes, dark hair and a thin physique, reached out to gently run his hand over her hair. Toshia reached up and brushed her hands over several of the cocks swaying around her. Before waking up in Eros, Toshia had never been with more than one man at a time. Since then, on her first night, she had had a man in both her pussy and mouth at the same time; the next day she had satisfied five men in a little gangbang orchestrated by Don, with the assistance of Shelonda; there had been her marathon in the disco, and the orgy in the steam room, when she had taken Don in her pussy and Peter in her ass, as well as comparatively light play during the masquerade, when she'd been fucking and sucking simultaneously; and, of course, there had been her time with the satyrs. She remembered how much she had come to love fucking here, and had discovered her love of XYZ saturated cum. She recalled the delirious and delicious frenzy that she had surrendered herself to in the disco, and felt her body responding in anticipation as she leaned forward to brush her cheek against one of the five cocks at her disposal. She began to stroke the two cocks which were currently in her hands and bent down a little to kiss one of the two cocks in front of her, which were now standing out a bit, offering themselves to her. She kissed the other one, then, and licked it. She moved to the other, licked it too, and then took its purple head into her mouth. Toshia slowly sucked on it, as if it were a hard candy, feeling it swell between her lips. The cocks in her hands were stiffening quickly, and the man behind her, who must be the one with the big dick, continued to stroke her hair and shoulders. The other men followed that one's lead and began to touch her. Strong, rough, but gentle hands caressed her face and neck, and moved over her arms and touched her breasts. Toshia released the one cock from her mouth and caught the other she'd kissed in her mouth. She bobbed her head on it a little, looking up at the two men directly in front of her to make sure they were watching her. Seeing that they were paying attention, Toshia pushed herself forward, and let this cock slide over her tongue and down into her throat. She held it there for a long moment, breathing through her nose. Then, she pulled back, only to turn and give the same treatment to the other cock. She was dimly aware that the women above were shouting encouragement, but Toshia's attention was on the cocks in front of her and in her hands, and the hands that were exploring her upper body, particularly the ones that were now pinching her nipples. This last made her moan around the cock in her mouth. Toshia pulled off this cock, then, and turned to her left, pulling the cock she'd been stroking with that hand to her mouth. While she was sucking that now very stiff prick, the man behind her knelt down and reached around to run his big hand over her belly, as his other hand continued to tease her tit. The man behind her kissed her shoulder and his fingers delved down between her thighs, brushing against her clit and touching her wet lips. The all too brief and tantalizing caress sparked another moan. One of the men in front of her knelt down then and leaned in to kiss and suck at her free breast. Toshia took this as a cue to turn her head to the right and give the cock in that hand the treatment three of the others had enjoyed. She found herself sucking with growing enthusiasm. The sensations of those thick, hard cocks sliding in and out of her mouth were enough to get her riled up all by themselves. The thought of having five of them to herself was an additional thrill. The man behind her then managed to part her pussy lips with his large fingers and to push a digit partway up her. Toshia responded by rocking against him, rubbing herself against his hand and trying to get that finger to penetrate deeper. She would have leaned forward, so that the man behind her could fuck her from behind, but there was a man in front of her, sucking on her nipple, blocking her way. Instead, she tried leaning back a little, to make it easier for the man's finger to get into her. Soon, she was lying back against this big man, feeling his cock pressed against her lower back. His was the only cock in the bunch that wasn't fully hard yet, but it was already long and thick. Now he was able to fuck his finger in and out Toshia's pussy freely, rubbing his hand against her clit all the while. Meanwhile, the other guys had gotten on their knees around her. Two men now had their mouths on her tits, while two of them made sure that she always had a cock in her face. Laughing, she took hold of both of these cocks, brought their heads together and sucked them both into her mouth. She'd seen this done in porn films, but had never done anything like it before. She stuffed both cocks into her mouth as far as she could, which wasn't far, and then released them, but held them so that she could play with both heads with her tongue. One of the guys in front of her, the one who had been first to drop to his hands and knees, was kissing down her belly, and coaxed the hand away from her pussy. Toshia whimpered as the finger left her, but then moaned in appreciation as she felt that large finger replaced by two slightly smaller ones and a warm tongue lapping at her clit. She went back to sucking one cock at a time, deepthroating one and then the other, until her first orgasm hit her hard. She moaned and trembled as she sucked hard on the guy lucky enough to be there at that moment. Toshia didn't wait to stop shaking before she went back to enthusiastically sucking. The guys were ready to change things around, though. The man who had licked her so well backed away, and the big guy behind her lifted her up off him and scooted out from behind her. Toshia fell backward, letting her legs splay out, one managing to slip between one guy's legs and the other caught by one of the gentlemen whose cock she'd just been sucking. For a moment, she saw the sisters around the big opening in the ceiling. They seemed to be watching the action closely. For some reason, the idea that she was putting on a show for those women added a lot to how turned on Toshia was. She tried to spot Daphne – she wanted to make sure the dark-haired bitch could see that she was having fun – but the men and their cocks crowded out her view. Four of the guys were kneeling around her upper body, including the still relatively limp dong of the guy who'd been so patiently behind her until now. She smiled up at all the guys, but focused on that one big cock, reaching up to run her hands over it and to pull it down to her lips. She could feel someone parting her legs and then lifting her hips up off the mattress, but Toshia concentrated on kissing and licking the head of the cock in her hands. She felt a hard head being pushed into her pussy and pulled the other into her mouth at the same time. She wrapped her legs around the waist of the man inside her, pulling him into her until she felt him filling her and then fucking her. As the cock in her mouth grew harder, she had to turn her head to the side so the big man could keep it between her lips. The other three guys continued to move their hands over her body, concentrating mostly on her tits, which were being caressed and pinched almost constantly. The cock in her pussy was fucking her steadily, and her pussy was milking it with each thrust. Letting the man with the big cock hold her head in place and gently fuck in and out of her mouth, Toshia moved her hands over the other available men, grasping for their hard organs and stroking and pulling at them whenever she found them. Toshia was loving all this attention, and was sure she would come again soon, but also thought there must be more efficient ways to do things. For one thing, she wasn't giving this deliciously thick cock the attention she wanted. She pulled her head back, and, once her mouth was clear, said, "Let me up for a second." As soon as the guy fucking her pulled out, Toshia rolled over and got up on her hands and knees. Looking back over her shoulder at her erstwhile fucker, she said, "Carry on, but you boys need to take turns." This made the guys all laugh. They cheerfully gathered around her again, hands all over her back, butt and tits, as that cock was pushed back into her waiting pussy. Toshia smiled at the guy with the big cock and said, "Now, bring that back over here." The big man grinned down at her and pushed his hard cock down so she could get the head of it into her mouth. She took hold of the thick shaft with one hand began to work the fat, purple head in and out of her mouth. It was soon slick with her spit and sliding in and out of her throat with surprising ease. He held on to her head again, and she let go of him so that she could find another pair of cocks to stroke. Behind her, her narrow waist was held tightly as a thick cock slid in and out of her grasping, wet pussy. She could feel the man's balls slapping against her clit as she felt his body pressing against her butt. With each thrust into her, Toshia was pushed onto the thick cock in her mouth and throat. She found herself grunting and moaning with animal abandon. Abruptly, the cock was pulled out of her pussy and there was motion on the mattress. Then, without any preliminaries a second cock was pushed into her. Apparently the guy who did not have his cock in Toshia's mouth or one of her hands was now fucking her. She pushed back onto him to welcome him. It didn't take long for him to begin fucking her with enthusiasm, and she was again moaning around the thick organ in her mouth. Then, again abruptly, that cock was pulled out of her, and one of the cocks in her hands was withdrawn, only to be pushed a moment later deep into her pussy. Toshia wished Don was here to see her fucking one guy after another in quick succession. She managed to glance to the side and saw her reflection in the mirrored wall. She was on her hands and knees, surrounded by men who were fucking her, while she deepthroated a hung stud. Don would love this! Then there was another sudden change of cocks fucking her pussy. She felt a hand slipping up along her belly until the questing fingers found her clit, just beneath someone's thick cock fucking her pussy. Strung between two male shafts, with her tits being squeezed and someone playing with her clit, Toshia came again, groaning loudly. The big guy in front of her pulled his cock out of her mouth, so she could catch her breath. Toshia looked up at him and the others with a happy grin, "Thanks, boys. Let's try something else." She had the big stud lay down on his back, and she quickly straddled him. She took hold of his hard cock, and pushed the fat head of it up into her pussy. "Mmm, nice!" she smiled down at him. Then she slowly lowered herself so that the thick shaft filled her completely. She paused a moment to adjust to the girth – it was the biggest cock she'd had inside her since the Manor – and then began to fuck up and down on it. Soon she was rocking on that big prick, enjoying the feeling of it moving inside her as well as the hard body she was grinding down against. The other guys clustered around her, their cocks in her face. She spent a few minutes moving from cock to cock, sucking on them each. Then, she concentrated on one, bobbing her head up and down on it vigorously and taking it down her throat. Pulling off it, then, she said to its owner, "Now get behind me and fuck my ass." Toshia was already sucking another cock by the time she felt the head of a cock pushing against her butt. She relaxed and exhaled as her ass was penetrated. After her time with the satyr's she was pretty comfortable with this, even though the cock in her pussy was much larger than that of any of the satyrs. Toshia let herself revel in the feeling of having her mouth, pussy and ass well-filled by cock. In another moment, she was being fucked hard in the ass, as she tried to keep her mouth and hands busy on the three cocks in front of her. She had the middle cock deep in her throat, and the other two cocks in her tight grasp when she felt the unmistakable thrusting into her from behind that indicated her ass was about to be filled with cum. She moaned encouragement and kept sucking and stroking. The cock in her butt swelled and Toshia felt the warmth of hot jizz shooting up inside her. As the guy behind her pulled out of her, she pulled back off the cock in her throat, looked up and said, "Your turn. Get back there and fill me up." As that man hurried to comply, the other two guys closed ranks and she pulled both of their cocks to her mouth. She had both of their heads in her mouth as her ass accepted its second guest of the day. The guy fucking her ass had been ready to blow when he was down Toshia's throat, and now that her tight, strong ass was squeezing him in its hot grasp, he was only able to thrust a dozen deep and hard times before he exploded up inside her. One of the guys in front of Toshia didn't wait to be told what to do, but hurried behind her to replace the man who now pulled out of her ass. This one hadn't been so close to coming, though, so he was able to give her a sound fucking. Shoving back onto him and the big cock underneath her, Toshia pulled the man in front of her closer and sucked his cock intently. She wanted to taste some delicious cum, and she meant to make this cock give it to her. One fist wrapped around the base of its shaft, she let him fuck in and out of her mouth and throat with abandon. All three cocks in her were plundering her body for every ounce of pleasure, and she was getting as good as she was giving. A series of rising orgasms blossomed at her clit and swept through her body, making her pussy and ass clasp hungrily at the cocks in them. Before she was finished coming, the cock in her ass erupted with what felt like a torrent of hot cum. That guy kept fucking her though, and was still hard inside her when the cock in her mouth swelled and a flood of cum filled her mouth. Toshia swallowed again and again, until there was no more to be had. Slowly, gently, the cocks were withdrawn from her ass and mouth. Of the five men, only the guy beneath her hadn't come. Toshia felt a playful sense of accomplishment at this, and was about to ask the patient man how he wanted her, when there was squeaking sound as the cell gate was opened again. The four men who had come slipped out and another four came in. "Oh my," Toshia said, noting that at least one of these newcomers was as well hung as the man in her pussy. Seeing what was going on, the man underneath her suggested, "Turn around and sit on my cock, so you can fuck it while sucking them." She laughed, and said, "Good idea." She pulled herself up off him and turned around, squatting over his cock, which he held up for her. She sank down on it with a satisfied smile, and beckoned the new four guys over. As she began to take turns sucking and stroking these new cocks, the man underneath her lifted her by her waist and lifted and lowered her, while fucking up into her. The up and down motion helped her stroke and suck the cocks around her. Oblivious to everything but the good, steady fucking her pussy was getting, the strong hands on her waist, and the cocks in her mouth and hands, Toshia gave herself over to being the instrument of sexual pleasure for these strangers. Before she knew it, the cock in her left hand was spraying a thick stream of white cum over her forehead and down her cheek. Laughing, she tried to get her mouth on that cock before more escaped, but just as she did, the cock in her right hand erupted, shooting cum all over her neck and tits. Toshia sucked the remaining cum out of those two cocks before releasing them and turning her attention to the remaining two cocks, including the other really big one. For now, she concentrated on the smaller of the two, sucking on it enthusiastically while stroking the larger with her hands. When the cock in her mouth spewed its delicious load down her throat, Toshia knew that she was ready for something more, and thought that she should try to give the guy beneath her something of a treat. She looked over her shoulder to explain what she had in mind, but then noticed that the cell gate was being opened again. Three new men were being admitted as the three who had just come left. "How many men are there?" Toshia asked. "Twenty six," the man smiled. This exchange, which had been heard above, set off a raucous round of laughter among the spectators. Toshia laughed and said, "OK, well, I'll worry about that later. For now, I want to try to take you up my butt. Be gentle!" He lifted her up, and she reached down to catch his cock and then pushed it back so she could feel the big head of it pressed against her asshole. Her butt was still slippery with cum, and his cock was very slick with her juice, but he would be the biggest thing she'd ever had up her ass. Toshia thought, If I pull this off and live, I'm going back to the Manor and having the Player and Igor double-team me! Slowly he lowered her and she opened herself up, until the fat head was up inside her. "Goddamn that's big! Fuck, it feels good!" she exclaimed, realizing that she was making a spectacle for the audience above her. Then, she added, "You ought to try this Wanda." This made the spectators erupt in raucous laughter, which then became applause. Toshia took hold of the forearms of the man underneath her and pulled herself down further. She felt simultaneously that she was tearing herself apart and that she was having the most intense sexual moment of her life. She wasn't done, though. Once she was sure she had that big cock firmly up inside her, she leaned back and beckoned to the man with the other big prick who had been watching all of this with great interest. He knelt down in front of Toshia, and pushed his cock down until the head was brushing against her clit and pussy lips. "Put it in me," Toshia said. "Fuck my pussy with that big cock." With a big grin on his face, this guy slowly pushed his cock into Toshia's waiting and very wet pussy. He wasn't even all the way in before Toshia began to come. Trembling all over and gasping, she managed to shout, "More! Give me more! Fill me with your cock!" The man beneath her held her in place, while the man over her pushed all the way in and then began to fuck slowly and steadily in and out of her. Toshia found herself coming over and over again as these two big cocks moved inside her. She wrapped her legs around the waist of the man in front of her and urged him to fuck her harder. Soon he was fucking that big cock into her vigorously, and Toshia was gasping and grunting in time with the thrusts. Slowly she became aware that the three new men were standing around watching the action and stroking their very hard cocks. Letting the man beneath her hold her in place, she reached out and caught one of the cocks and pulled it and the attached man closer. He bent his knees and Toshia leaned a bit to the side, so she could get her mouth on this new cock. The other guys came closer and one of them took hold of Toshia's free hand and placed it on his cock. She immediately began to pull and twist on it. The third man, directly over her, reached down to caress her hair and throat. Toshia responded to this by taking her mouth off the one cock and dropping her head back. She caught the balls of the man in front of her in her mouth and sucked on them, while continuing to stroke the cocks of the men on either side. The man whose balls she was sucking pulled back then and pushed his cock down so it could slide into her mouth. Toshia relaxed her throat and let him push into her. Soon he was fucking in and out of her mouth and throat steadily. Toshia lay back and let the cocks fucking her have their way with her; the only really active thing she was doing was stroking the two cocks on either side. Surprisingly, it was the guy in her right hand who came first, shooting a stream of cum over her upturned and sweaty breast. Toshia could only feel the cum splatter over her tits and then running down her hand. Then, the man fucking her throat was pushing more insistently, and the shaft filling Toshia's mouth swelled as a thick flood of cum washed down her throat. She tried to swallow without choking, and was mostly successful. Before the guy on Toshia's left could take his place at Toshia's mouth, the guy fucking his big cock in and out of Toshia's pussy shoved extra hard into her and shot a big load of cum into her, which spilled out of her as he drew that thick shaft out of her. Without waiting to be told or invited, the guy who had been on Toshia's left hurried to get between her legs. She smiled down at him as he shoved himself into her, squishing more cum out of her. It took him only a few good thrusts before he added his own seed to Toshia's pussy. Another three guys were waiting their turn, but Toshia held up her cum-covered hand. She said to the guy beneath her, "Let's roll over, so you can really fuck me." This maneuver was carried off with surprising ease; the big man's strength and Toshia's small size no doubt helped. Now Toshia was on her hands and knees again, as the original big cock of the day fucked in and out of her ass with enthusiastic abandon. Toshia just shoved back on that wonderfully large cock and ignored everything else for the moment. There were guys all around her, pawing her and stroking their cocks, and one guy managed to worm his way underneath her, kissing and sucking at her nipples as she fucked. All she was thinking about was fucking that cock and taking his cum in her ass. After all his patience, it didn't take long for this steady, hard fucking to bring him off. Toshia smiled happily to herself as he pumped what felt like a gallon of cum into her bowels. As he pulled out of her, she looked back at him and asked, "What's your name?" "Victor," he smiled. "Nice to meet you, Victor," she grinned. I'll have to find a way to bring him along when I get out of here. Then she was being pulled down on the hard cock of the man who had been underneath her. She rode this guy happily, taking the cock that was offered to her mouth as well. Then she felt someone behind her, and she turned to say, "Put it in my pussy, too." The new guy laughed a little and nodded. He pushed the head of his cock down as the guy underneath Toshia pulled out. They put their heads together and slowly pushed into her. "Mm, yeah," Toshia smiled and pushed back on them. "That's good. Fuck me together like that." She found herself wishing there were some way to get a cock into her ass, too, but contented herself with going back to sucking on the cock in front of her. She was amazed and delighted by how much her body could take, and how much pleasure it could give her. Her experiences in Eros had awakened the daring sexual explorer inside her. It didn't take long for the intense double-fucking she was getting to make her come yet again. Later, after this set of guys had all come and gone, and Toshia had completely lost count of how many men had come in and on her, she had another interesting idea. She was now again, lying back on a man who had his cock up inside her ass, and had taken five guys in her pussy, and a sixth was now pushing himself into her. She put a hand on this sixth man's chest and said, "Try to get into my ass too." "Ambitious," the man smiled. He pushed himself the rest of the way into her pussy, getting himself well coated with pussy juice and cum, and then pulled out. Working with the guy beneath her, he slowly pushed into her tight butt with his companion. "Oh my god!" Toshia shouted. "Too much, too much! No, don't stop! Fuck me. Fuck my ass! I'm such a slut!" With two cocks sliding in and out of ass, Toshia came in a spectacular, screaming display. She gasped and shook, clawing at the back of the man on top of her. They fucked her to two more orgasms, and then the man on top of her pulled out of her ass and moved around to push his cock into her eager mouth. She gave him a sloppy, enthusiastic blowjob until he pulled out and came messily all over her face and throat. Toshia laughed and pushed the cum into her mouth. Then the guy behind her rolled her over so that she was lying on her belly and he was fucking her ass hard and fast. When he finally came inside her, Toshia stayed in that position, letting the remaining half dozen guys, who might have been repeats for all she could tell, fuck her pussy or ass as they wanted. She was done coming, and was happy to just give herself up to these men who had given her so much pleasure. When it was finally done, Toshia rolled over and looked up at the sisters. She finally saw Daphne watching her with a frown. Toshia smiled sleepily up at her and blew her a kiss. The Stayrs have their way with Toshia. Chapter 8  Tracking Toshia Don scrambled down the last gravelly decline and looked frantically about for any sign of Toshia. Now that he had finally managed to come down from the area that had been separated from the river by a steep cliff-face, Don found himself in a lightly forested, grassy hill country, through which the river ran rapidly. On the other side of the river, beyond a small, and empty, grass clearing, were more hills and a thicker forest.  He, Nicole, Amy and Shelonda had followed the edge of the cliff, careful to keep an eye on the river below in case Toshia had managed to catch on to some outcropping or root. They had seen several cataracts – not too big, but large enough that anyone going over them would be plunged violently underwater. The last of those little waterfalls was only a dozen meters upriver from where Don stood now, making quite a bit of noise. By the time the girls had caught up to him, Don was already moving downriver, hugging the waterside and looking frantically for evidence that Toshia had made it this far. It seemed that the river was gradually widening, and this meant that the current would ease up, so Don thought it was increasingly likely that Toshia would have been able to make it to shore. He thought he would probably find her waiting for them. He needed to remain convinced that he would find her impatient and wet. Still, not finding her at all was better than ... some alternatives. After about ten minutes of his hurried chase down the river, he noticed that Nicole was trying to get his attention, calling, "Professor!" Hoping she had spotted Toshia, he spun around, almost colliding with Shelonda, who had been trailing him closely. "You better come look at this," Nicole said. She was looking out into the river. With a sinking heart, Don ran back to where Nicole and Amy stood. "What is it?" "There was something, or someone..." Nicole trailed off, staring intently at the water. "I saw it too," Amy added. "There!" Nicole pointed. Sure enough, there was someone in the water. Moreover, this person seemed to be beckoning to them. Don moved closer, actually taking a few steps into the river. The beckoner disappeared under the water, only to resurface a few meters away from Don. He could now clearly see that it was a beautiful young woman with big eyes and long straight hair of dark, emerald green. "Uh, hello," Don tried. The green-haired young woman rose up out of the water, displaying pale, perfect breasts. She pointed upstream. "Have you seen our friend?" The woman repeated her gesture, more emphatically. "Timmy's in the well?" Nicole smirked. Nobody laughed. "I suppose she's saying we need to go back," Don said, stepping back on dry land. "If she were here Toshia would say, 'You suppose?'" Amy said. She had already started heading back upriver. Once they had backtracked to almost where they had finally reached the riverside, the woman in the water got their attention by splashing water at them. When they were looking, she pointed at a small clearing on the other side of the river, or at the trees beyond the clearing. "Toshia went that way?" Don asked. The woman nodded. Without any hesitation, Don started into the water. "Hold on a second, Professor!" Nicole said. When Don turned, impatience written clearly all over his face and posture, she said, "Maybe we should think about this for a minute." "What? I can swim across that." "Maybe," Nicole shrugged. "You don't know how fast the current is. But, that's not what I meant. We don't know anything about that woman," she nodded toward the green-haired stranger. "Maybe she's trying to lure you to a watery grave, or something. Maybe she did that to Toshia." Getting into the spirit of things, Amy said, "And if Toshia got out of the river there, why didn't she stay there so we could find her?" Don frowned at the girls. He knew they had good points, but he couldn't resist the conviction that Toshia could be in trouble and he had to do whatever he could to find her. Apparently he wasn't alone, because while he paused to consider Nicole and Amy's caution, Shelonda dove into the river and began crossing it, swimming a bit clumsily while holding onto her staff. The green-haired woman watched Shelonda's progress with a smile, and made no move to interfere. "Well, that's that," Don said, and promptly dove in after Shelonda. The current was strong, but not so strong that he couldn't compensate. After a couple of minutes, he was pulling himself out of the water. He smiled at Shelonda and said, "Thank you." She just grinned back at him and shook the water out of her hair. Don found himself distracted by the way her tank top clung to her fit body and luscious tits. It had been an uncommonly long time since he'd had any release, after all. Shelonda broke his distracted train of thought by bending down to help Amy out of the river. Don turned to give Nicole a hand up onto the grassy bank. Once they were all on dry land, Don looked back ask the green-haired river maiden if she could give them any more information, but she was nowhere to be seen. Don decided to reassert some direction, before the others started to succumb to the enflamed sex drive that was already making him painfully aware of the wet feminine bodies so near at hand. He said, "OK, well, if Toshia came up here, something must have made her leave. Otherwise, as Amy pointed out, she would be here waiting for us. So, let's look around and see if there's some kind of sign or evidence of ... something." "There are animal tracks over here," Nicole said after a moment. The others gathered around a patch of dirt where a number of prints were clearly visible. "Hoof prints," Don nodded. "Deer maybe... No, pigs, or goats maybe." "Kind of big for goats, don't you think?" Nicole asked. Don shrugged, "I know they're not horses or deer, but that's about it." "It looks like someone went this way in a hurry," Shelonda said from further along the edge of the clearing. "What do you mean?" Amy asked. "Well, these little branches are broken, and those flowers are trampled, and look here – that's a footprint. It's about the right size for Toshia." "How did you notice all that?" Amy asked. Shelonda just shrugged, and kept moving into the woods, following the trail of minor destruction that she assumed had been left by Toshia. "I say we follow Shelonda's lead," Don said, "but everyone try to remember how to get back here, in case we lose the trail or something." Unfortunately, they had only gone deep enough into the woods to slightly diminish the sound of the river and that last little waterfall, before Shelonda drew up and shook her head, "I don't know where she went next." "That's OK," Don said. "Let's think, if she'd been running this way, where would she run next?" "Maybe that way," Shelonda pointed up the side of the hill in front of them. So, they all climbed up that hillside, moving slowly so Shelonda and the others could look for any sign of Toshia. At the top of the hill, Amy held up her hand and hissed, "Shh!" Everyone held their breath and strained their ears. Finally, Don asked, "What was it?" "I don't know," Amy shook her head. "I thought I heard something – maybe a sex sound, maybe a Toshia sound. I think it came from off that way somewhere, but I can't be sure." Don peered in the direction Amy had indicated, which was to the left of the way they'd been heading. He couldn't hear anything, but the river behind them. Then Shelonda, who had moved around a large rock jutting out of the side of the top of this hill, said, "Oh, she went this way!" The others quickly came around to join Shelonda, and they could all see the signs of someone crashing and sliding down far side of the hill. "How do you know it was Toshia?" Nicole asked. "Look," Shelonda pointed to a clear hand print in some wet dirt. If it hadn't been made by Toshia it had been made by a woman with a hand very close in size to her. Without waiting to see if the others agreed with her assessment, Shelonda followed the screed down to the base of the hill and then started up the next. Near the top, she paused, though. "It was so clear, but now..." Shelonda said as Don came up next to her. "Oh, she turned this way!" and headed to the left. "That's the direction I said, wasn't it?" Amy asked. Don only nodded and followed after Shelonda, who seemed to have had some kind of hunting or tracking experience before she was brought to Eros. Combining this with her martial arts skills, Don thought she might have been in the military, though he knew it might just be that she'd had a parent who took her camping a lot and then later she took kung fu classes. Following along after Shelonda, they made slow but steady progress along a line of hills that seemed to parallel the course of the river. Finally, after what must have been an hour, Shelonda led them up a particularly steep slope, where, Shelonda said, it was obvious that Toshia had climbed up using both her hands and feet. Just past the top of this steep slope, there was a small, leaf-carpeted clearing in front of a very large moss-covered fallen tree trunk. "Whoa! I smell sex!" Amy announced. Don could smell it too – not only the smell he loved so well of Toshia's aroused sex, but also of male cum, and quite a bit of both. "There's cum all over these leaves," Nicole noticed. "Someone's been having fun," Amy laughed. "It's hard to tell with the leaves," Shelonda said, "but it looks like Toshia tripped on that root there and fell here. Then someone had sex against that tree, and then more sex over there, on those leaves with the cum on them." "I'm starting to think Toshia doesn't need our help," Amy smiled. "Why was she running through the woods, then?" Nicole asked. Clearly, after the incidents with the sex-plants and the attack over the river, Nicole had adopted a much more cautious attitude toward Eros. Don thought that attitude was entirely appropriate. "If it was Toshia having sex here, and I agree that it probably was," Don said, "we should assume that it was against her will. But even if she was having fun, that doesn't mean she doesn't still need our help or that we ought to just abandon her." Nicole and Amy nodded their agreement, the former a bit more emphatically than the latter. Shelonda was already checking out the brush around the clearing. "They went this way," she announced at last. As they all fell in behind Shelonda, Don asked, "Are you sure?" "Yes," she said quietly, "but I think Toshia was being carried, and there are more of those hoof prints." The path they were following was more or less straight, angling upstream and away from the river. Though Shelonda said the trail was pretty easy to follow – "they were all together and not trying to be sneaky" – it was quickly getting dark, which slowed them down considerably. "What do you mean 'they were all together'?" Don asked. "How many were there?" "Three or four, plus Toshia, I think," Shelonda said. "We're going to have to stop soon. I can't follow them in the dark." "What's that?" Nicole asked, pointing ahead through the trees and deep shadows. "A light?" Amy suggested. "Probably a campfire," Shelonda decided. "I can follow that in the dark." "OK, but we need to be careful. It could be a trap," Don said. "We move slow and quiet, and nobody does anything crazy, alright?" The women nodded back at him. He was glad they all seemed to be taking this seriously. Shelonda took the lead, and the others moved behind her. Step by cautious step the fire in the distance grew until they could make out figures near it. Shelonda led them down into and then along a low gulley that kept them from seeing the fire for about five minutes. When she climbed quietly up the far side of the gulley, she stopped when her head was just over the top edge. Don joined her, lying on the ground next to her, looking at the campfire which was now not so distant. While it was easy for Don, Shelonda and the others to see what was going on around the campfire, those in that bright circle of light couldn't possibly see into the darkness of the forest where Don and company now spied upon them. "What are those?" Shelonda whispered in honest, open curiosity. "They look like satyrs," Don whispered back, while simultaneously gaping. There by the campfire was Toshia. She was on her hands and knees, while what looked to Don like a half-man-half-goat creature was clearly fucking her vigorously from behind. There was another satyr in front of Toshia, and she was stroking its very erect cock. Toshia looked over her shoulder at the satyr behind her and said, "That's it Scratch, keep fucking me!" Then she pulled the one in front of her closer and began to suck its cock. "Now that looks like fun!" Amy whispered in Don's ear with a grin. A third satyr came into view and promptly flopped on its back and scooted under Toshia, reaching up to play with her tits as the swayed over his face while she was being fucked. The three women were, like Don, transfixed and turned on watching their lost companion enjoying the rough pleasures of satyr-loving. They watched intently as Toshia pulled herself off the cock behind her only to lower herself down on the one beneath her. The satyr she'd called Scratch wasted almost no time, then in pushing himself into Toshia's ass from behind. During these maneuvers Toshia hadn't taken her mouth off the cock in front of her. Toshia's happy grunts and moans, along with those of the satyrs, carried easily in the night air. Amy declared quietly, "And that looks likea lot of fun!" While he was watching all of this, Don was acutely aware of his own, very stiff, cock, and the presence of the women on either side of him. Shelonda was breathing heavily, and Amy was moving her hand up the back of his leg. "What's it going to be, then, Professor?" Amy asked. "Do we bust in and 'rescue' her, or just join the party?" "She might not want to be interrupted at the moment," Nicole observed quietly. "Well, someone better 'interrupt' me soon," Amy breathed. "That does look like fun, Don," Shelonda added. Don had to admit that he had little to no interest in making the women wait much longer for sex. He thought there was a chance that Toshia might get hurt if they startled the satyrs, but he couldn't think of any way of doing that and not also giving them a chance to carry her off in the night. They did seem pretty distracted by fucking Toshia. By now Shelonda was biting Don's shoulder as she played with herself, her arm between her body and the earth, and Amy's hand was on his ass. Yes, something had to give. "OK," Don said, "this is what we're going to do." He stopped talking then, because he hadn't heard the "we're going to do" part. He tried, "That's weird!" but didn't hear that either. Then he noticed that he couldn't actually move and that the fire-lit scene in front of him was rapidly fading to black. Alarmed, he tried shouting, "Hey!" but not only did he hear nothing but he was pretty sure his mouth hadn't even opened. Then, everything was black, and he thought he must be asleep. Chapter 9 Toshia's Frustration Toshia was tied up again. This time, though, she was sitting down. She was tied to a wooden frame chair with a low back. Her arms were tied together behind her, bound at the wrists to each other and the chair. Her legs were tied at the ankles (to the legs of the chair) and at the knees (to the posts that supported the ends of the arms of the chair), so that she couldn't close her thighs. Other than that, she was comparatively comfortable, particularly in relation to being tied to that damned X-cross. Beyond that, though, she actually thought her situation was much worse. Shortly after passing out on the big, red-sheet and cum covered mattress, Toshia had been dragged out of the men's quarters and been washed down, first by several buckets of cold water, and then by a pair of serving girls who must have been chosen for their lack of gentleness. Then, she had been tied down spread-eagled on the stone floor in a room off the main hall where she'd been on display earlier. She was left there overnight and well into the morning. Toshia really hadn't minded that bit, though. Once she'd gotten used to the cold stone against her back, she'd been quite content to sleep. The lack of sleep from the previous two nights, each of which she'd spent tied up in one way or another, as well as the exertions of her hours of sex with the men, had left her in desperate need of unconsciousness. Still, she'd awakened hours before anyone had come to check on her, and the feeling of isolation that swept over her was brutal. Toshia had never doubted that Don must be trying to find her. She expected him to burst in and rescue her at any moment. Or, at least, she had. It was becoming increasingly difficult for her not to think that something terrible had happened to Don. In her more selfish moments she feared that he might have given up on her and decided to return to the Manor. More often, though, she didn't doubt his devotion to her, but worried that he might have gotten hurt or worse and couldn't get to her. Of course, the most likely scenario, she thought, was that he was looking but simply couldn't find her. In any case, the solitary confinement was ultimately lifted. She was untied, allowed to eat, and then tied to this chair, which was then hoisted up and carried into a big chamber off the main hall. This room was obviously the feast hall of the castle. Four large, heavy tables dominated the four quadrants of the chamber. There were also quite a few colorful pillows and mattresses here and there. There were, at first, no sisters present – only half a dozen serving girls who were cleaning up, refilling fruit bowls, and doing various other domestic tasks. Toshia and her chair were set on a raised platform at one end of the room, and then left alone for at least an hour. Then, Daphne came into the room and walked straight up to Toshia. The leader of the Sisterhood was wearing a crude metal breast plate and loin cloth, and was covered in perspiration, as if she had been engaged in vigorous exercise. She had her long, black hair pulled back in a ponytail. With an expression devoid of personal interest or compassion, Daphne checked the bonds around Toshia's wrists and knees. When she was satisfied, she placed her hands on Toshia's bare thighs and leaned forward so that her face was directly in front of and very close to Toshia's own. "You put on quite a show yesterday, pup," Daphne said with contempt. "That got me wondering if you can take it as well as dish it out. Tonight we're going to put on the show and you have to sit there and watch – just watch." Toshia realized the beautiful woman might just have discovered her Achilles' heel. Since waking up in Eros, Toshia had been acutely aware of the powerfully aphrodisiac effect seeing other people having sex had upon her. Watching Don with the Nymphets and then spying on people through the window/mirrors in the secret passage, had, in less than an hour, demolished her resistance to sleeping with her friend. Still, she certainly didn't want to let Daphne have the upper hand, so she smiled nonchalantly and said, "Bring it on, bitch." Daphne chuckled and left her sitting there. Another hour or so passed, with Toshia sitting there alone with her chair and her thoughts, before the sisters began to come into the hall. They had left their armor and weapons behind, and were wearing much more feminine garb. Brigit was wearing a long blue skirt with slits running way up both sides, and a necklace of flowers that almost looked like a Hawaiian lei. The flowers rested on top of her impressive, full, and very naked breasts. Other women were wearing open robes, loosely belted togas, sarongs, and the like. Daphne came in later, with only the robe she'd worn the day before barely covering her tits; her hair was loose now and fell over her shoulders. No one paid any attention to Toshia, but proceeded to eat, drink and be merry. Judging from what she could overhear, most of the conversation going on centered on fighting and physical training. Apparently the women spent a large portion of each day working out and practicing with their weapons. Toshia thought that Don and Shelonda would have their hands full fighting these women. Of course, given the filling nature of the fruit they were eating and the stimulating qualities of the XYZ they were drinking as water and eating with the fruit, it didn't take long before sex was breaking out all around the room. Toshia watched as, off to her right, a blonde woman carried on joking with her friends across the table while a woman with short brown hair lowered her face to the blonde's breasts and ran her hand up between her thighs. Just a short distance down that table, the big, freckled redhead who had licked Toshia's cheek her first day here was sitting up on the edge of the table with her strong thighs spread as another woman bent down to go down on her pussy. The redhead held the woman's head in place with one hand while pinching and twisting her own nipples with the other. On Toshia's left, a particularly attractive pair of amazons were making out passionately, naked breasts pressed together, and muscular arms straining as they reached down to play with each other against the hard surface of the bench they straddled. Beyond them, Brigit sat with her back to the table, and a warrior woman on either side of her. Toshia watched intently as the two women kissed and sucked on Brigit's breasts and worked their hands up under her skirt. Then she noticed that Brigit was watching her in turn and smiling mischievously. Toshia felt her cheeks burning with embarrassment and excitement. Her pulse was already racing a bit, and she could feel the wetness and heat of her pussy. In another fifteen minutes it seemed that there was nowhere she could turn her gaze and avoid seeing these women in some sexual act. Now there were women writhing on the floor around her, locked in 69s or twisting in muscular, feminine daisy chains. The aroma of womanly arousal filled the air. Daphne had known what she was doing, alright, Toshia realized. This was the easily the worst torment she'd undergone – to see all this unbridled and glorious sex on display right in front of her, assaulting her senses, and yet be unable to participate or even to touch herself where she desperately needed to be touched! Toshia tried to tell herself that this was just another test for her, to see how much she could take. She had pushed her own limits as to what she could do with her body to give and receive pleasure, and now she had to see how much frustration she could stand. Toshia finally caught sight of Daphne, who was coming back into the room, followed by some serving girls, including the petite brunette who Toshia thought must be Nina – the girl who had bathed and fed Toshia and given her a sweet and all too singular orgasm in the middle of the night two nights ago. The servants brought with them a chair similar to the one Toshia was tied to, and set it down in a currently clear part of the floor directly in front of Toshia's but several meters away. With her cold blue eyes on Toshia's, Daphne sat down in the chair. With one hand, Daphne reached into her robe and cupped her own breast. Toshia watched as the woman licked her own lips and smiled cruelly across the space between them. Then Daphne moved her hand lower, parting her long, firm legs until Toshia could clearly see the pink lips of her pussy. Sure that she had Toshia's attention, Daphne pushed the robe back, exposing her breasts. As much as she hated the woman – particularly in that moment – Toshia could not deny that Daphne was a strikingly beautiful woman. She also knew that she would give anything right now to be untied so she could get her hands on that woman, to kick her, scratch at her, beat her – to get her fingers into that woman's pussy, to kiss and bite that cold smile off her face, to make her cry out as she came on Toshia's mouth. Toshia ground her teeth together and sat still. As if she could read Toshia's mind, Daphne made a gesture, and Nina, who had been waiting patiently naked behind the chair, came around and knelt between Daphne's legs. Daphne ran her fingers through Nina's hair almost affectionately, as the girl leaned forward. Toshia could only watch the muscles of Nina's thin back as she brought her mouth to Daphne's pussy. Toshia remembered the feeling of Nina's tongue and lips on her own pussy and clit, and watched as Daphne relaxed in her chair, eyes half closed, but still watching Toshia. One hand still caressed Nina's hair, and the other now cupped her own breast. As Daphne's head rolled back a little and the muscles of her arm showed that she was pinching her own nipple hard, Toshia felt a moan that was almost a whimper building up in her own breast. She had never in her life been so enflamed with sexual desire. She knew that a big factor in her frustration was that release was positively denied her. If she thought she would be allowed to come sometime soon, she would bear this restraint more or less cheerfully, almost enjoying the furiously burning excitement in her body. But the fact that there was no satisfaction coming for her was making Toshia wild with frustration. Still, she struggled to maintain an outward appearance of calm, even when it became apparent that the warrior women, who denied themselves all day and kept themselves in peak physical condition, were going to keep this orgy going for hours. To be continued. By BradentonLarry for Literotica

Shh... this episode is a secret to Nathan, no one tell him!

*sneezes* W-WEGMANS! Gazuntite. I'm not gonna lie, if I lived closer to this place I'd be there all the time. Whole Foods Trader Joe's Wegmans. Honestly? Ranked? Trader Joe's Wegmans Wegmans. lol. Whole Foods is a necessary evil. {Enter The Multiverse} No, I want the half Can't go all the way Enough is enough And a hand is a hand And a handout is ransom, Spare me the note Spare me the selfish suicide concepts Spare me the alter The coaxial The collar The caller— Whatever you call me Spare me the mantras Stop talking. Long throat violence, Oh, I onkybhope to know you (Or I don't) I only hope to notice m Oh long Johnson Quick sermons and a few soft passwords A couple ardvsrks on a long top showman A couple bad barks from the dog And work for the foreman Who are you after (Not god) Have been forgiven? Is fhat a question. I marked it as such And still j walked up The lock in the bathtub did honors Did honors Did run today Who are you for Not the office Not the John Not the forerunner Oe the forward Who are you, god talker? Who are you Was often the question asked And you want to do all you want Home alone The devil runs From behind her nothing soft Anymore Awkward And then unearthed I saw you were watched, stalking Also Pulled back on my reigns, the horse Does bit the bite down And then some soaked offer Was Half you are, where Wear the volume down Wear your art hard Or suffer, Gaga! GAGA WHERE ARE YOU? LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE target GAGA! LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE, I SAID. BUT WHERE?! NEAR ENOUGH THET YOU CAN HEAR ME, LIKE, OBVIOUSLY, BUT FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ME ON A HORSE. ARE YOU COMING?! NEGATIVE. WELL— WHY NOT?! THE HORSE WONT MOVE! JUMP OFF THEN. IMPOSSIBLE. WHY IS JUMPING OFF A HORSE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOURE LADY GAGA ITS BECAUSE I'M LADY GAGA THAT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MULTIPLE REASONS WHAT— JUMP OFF OF THE— NEGATIVE. THERE ARE MULTIPLE FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO THIS IMPOSSIBILITY. WHY ARE THEY YELLING. Omg shut up 2 bit horse jumper Target Target Stalker Stalker Obi wan kanobi! Sheeeeeeer forces! What is this? Bad cheerleaders. WHY ARE WE YELLING?! Oh. We're fighting. Oh, that makes sense, What kind of fighting. Sword— unh— FIGHTING. Oh, okay. Why is lady Gaga on a horse?! Cause she's just like that sometimes. *shrugs, but on a horse— obviously dressed elaborately enough that yes, jumping off of the horse would be practically LADY GAGA No, completely. —Completely impossible. I wanna watch you eat spicy hot wings. In a sweater. But I left handed magic to Can't- that Cancelled I hope it was cashmere Or Calvin Klein I'll retract, Meditate and then Redact that Maybe Fantasize Glamourize that for a lifetime Pull the knife out of my back, And then sample it. I wanna watch you eat hotwings. That's—- What I want. GAGA. PLEASE! LADY GAGA I'm sorry— he's not moving. THIS IS URGENT. LADY GAGA I know it's urgent. My lack of yelling does not negate that it isn't, but. BUT WHAT? *yawns* I'm getting sleepy. [LADY GAGA falls asleep atop the horse; only then does the horse begin to move, however— it appears as though GAGA is now completely unconscious. But those shoes. Egad. Bro. lol. Why is this? I'm… my writers blocks are not fun, practical, or progressive. They're just. [LADY GAGA fights and defeats an entire battle completely unconscious atop a horse.] Isn't technically the horse… fighting. No, and I'll explain to you why. Omgz *spoiler* [lady Gaga IS the horse] Why. What the fuck. Fuck these shapeshifters. Fuck everything right now. What the fuck did I just watch. WHAT DID I JUST SEEEEEEEEEE Dedede…fleetleum, fleetleflum… “Fleedleflum?” Ahem!? Dude, you are a villain. WHAT, BECAUSE I SAID “FLEETLEFLUM” *fleedleflum AHEM! I SETH MEYERS is revealed as the villain… Again. WHAT! WHY! I THOUGHT I WAS THE VILLAIN. you said you didn't want it! THEN I ADJUSTED. Well, too late. WHAT. Nice. Hehe. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I WENT METHOD. A-for effort, I guess? WHATEVER A-FOR-EFFORT. I JUST COMMITTED A LOT OF EVIL SHIT For what FOR THEATRICAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. Well. “WELL?” Like what. Like— Tax Fraud. Ahem. Nice. [beat] Seth, you got the part. Yesssss! Booyah. Maybe you can take some method lessons and pointers from your friend here— Salt of the earth! — Mr. Evil tax fraud man. RYAN REYNOLDS *deflates* Later. Where are you going? I'm going to do Pilates. Because I'm rich. (Everyone just kind of nods in agreement.) L E G E N D S STEPHEN COLBERT runs at full speed down the street towards the house at which his formerly youthful self “recently” disappeared during a thunderstorm. Oh look. It's little Stevie! You recognize me?! OF COURSE I DO! You're the big hotshot anchorman on TV, but I remember… I don't have—time— Suddenly, he sees it— the radio tower which apparently transported him into this, a distant future, but also a remarkably odd parallel of reality which seems to have been sprung from his own timeline. Where is this going? We'll see. Apparently, I'm reanimated; Certain parts just don't work, I'm factory reset And radiated Aggrandized to carry out this task And then cease to be A zombie, if you will A corpse responding to light energy inside of me So when I leave, I'm not sleeping I'm decomposing Deteriorating I stay hydrated to keep my eyes involved In the light almost as if The illusion is existence— However, I know better It's simply a simulation I mutated against my better judgement Just for this focus Aspirations as if Aggressions could be achiviments At any rate A talking head Who are you? Done for now. Who are you! Done for now. Who are you? A far cry Dust in the wind, And I'm sure so for aure That the places I've been Are more often television location sequences Than not. Aha, who are you? The plot. Then who are I? A handsome damsel. Hark. But not to wake, I form again To dream of you And then Cease to be, My honor, So that may I call To wish a gasp upon a cantered breath, I scream to wake And then you, a glisten, Never to count time I waking, Them as sheep, And she who calls I— There, the canter, And there I wake to know I, Call I, My bare and lay truth So that There waking, calls I now The scream of shadow Mercy, yonder But not waiting, I cherish To bark. …. …. Wt— Now I could see how my energy was moving; I had to write as much as I could before my media update. Intentional brainwash. Suddenly, it all made me so nervous. Programming. Then again, It didn't matter, really, in the end. 6 hours. There was nothing more daunting Than the approaching courier for Whole Foods market And Instacart simultaneously because it meant Somehow, That I had an album coming out. Eagle eye, And to say the brown soul May go extinct Eagle eye Give me a bite of your Adam's Apple I want to taste you I want to know fortune Through the glory of love In the wonder of your arms I want to know nothing but Love in your eyes And in your mind, My heart MAYA RUDOLPH I feel weird. FRED … ARMISEN This is getting intense. That's probably it. AMY POEH—LER No. AMY PH— No. OF COURSE IT IS. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. why are you yelling? IM NOT YELLING. I'M SPEAKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. TINA FEY …there's a difference! RACHEL WITH A ‘T'? Maybe DRATCH YEAH there IS. Okay, where are we going with this? Shh. Not yet. I AM PRINCESS SHAMALAMADINGDONG. WHY? It's sketch comedy. Does it HAVE to have motive? You're right— but it at least has to have a plot. Meanwhile… SETH MEYERS'S wand has been stolen. Hey. Yes? There was..a… ??? There was a, like a— like a — ?? There was like, a number two pencil here. …there still is. No, like a very— like, a specific— There's— a bunch of them here. No— Just like always. No, it's. [Blank stares] N—nevermind. Wait— What's up. 1, 2, 3, 4– who am I forgetting? ARSENIO HALL Not yet, Arsenio; We're still on strike force 5! Where's Jimmy Kimmel! Meanwhile, in Jimmy Kimmel's lair. JIMMY KIMMEL (MWAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) Uh. Wow. Yeah. Okay. For Shits and giggles— Oma goash. Waw. Yah. I knuh. Just waw. Uhh… Idk. The weird SNL sketches all apparently have their own time— AANG APPA, YIP YIP! APPA FUCK OFF— WOAH. OKAY. Yeah, not everything should be live action. Seconded. — lines…. Ahem. Waw. Srsly. However, this live action magic school bus. [SCHOOL BUS CARAPULTING TOWADS FIREY DEMISE WITH NO POSSIBLE RESOLVE IN SIGHT]. *doom* Wild. Why. Yoooooo. The world needed that. Anyway. JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUILLERMO JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJA JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUELLERMO Wait— —is that his name? Maybe. I might just be racist. Well, it's not Carlos. U MEANWHILE, ALSO, ON WISTERIA LANE GABBI CARLOS! GET BACK HERE! Damn. How are these people still at it? Apparently wer're in TV WORLD. Ahem. It's TV LAND. No, it's {Enter The Multiverse} AHEM. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

*sneezes* W-WEGMANS! Gazuntite. I'm not gonna lie, if I lived closer to this place I'd be there all the time. Whole Foods Trader Joe's Wegmans. Honestly? Ranked? Trader Joe's Wegmans Wegmans. lol. Whole Foods is a necessary evil. {Enter The Multiverse} No, I want the half Can't go all the way Enough is enough And a hand is a hand And a handout is ransom, Spare me the note Spare me the selfish suicide concepts Spare me the alter The coaxial The collar The caller— Whatever you call me Spare me the mantras Stop talking. Long throat violence, Oh, I onkybhope to know you (Or I don't) I only hope to notice m Oh long Johnson Quick sermons and a few soft passwords A couple ardvsrks on a long top showman A couple bad barks from the dog And work for the foreman Who are you after (Not god) Have been forgiven? Is fhat a question. I marked it as such And still j walked up The lock in the bathtub did honors Did honors Did run today Who are you for Not the office Not the John Not the forerunner Oe the forward Who are you, god talker? Who are you Was often the question asked And you want to do all you want Home alone The devil runs From behind her nothing soft Anymore Awkward And then unearthed I saw you were watched, stalking Also Pulled back on my reigns, the horse Does bit the bite down And then some soaked offer Was Half you are, where Wear the volume down Wear your art hard Or suffer, Gaga! GAGA WHERE ARE YOU? LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE target GAGA! LADY GAGA I'M ON A HORSE, I SAID. BUT WHERE?! NEAR ENOUGH THET YOU CAN HEAR ME, LIKE, OBVIOUSLY, BUT FAR ENOUGH AWAY THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ME ON A HORSE. ARE YOU COMING?! NEGATIVE. WELL— WHY NOT?! THE HORSE WONT MOVE! JUMP OFF THEN. IMPOSSIBLE. WHY IS JUMPING OFF A HORSE IMPOSSIBLE WHEN YOURE LADY GAGA ITS BECAUSE I'M LADY GAGA THAT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MULTIPLE REASONS WHAT— JUMP OFF OF THE— NEGATIVE. THERE ARE MULTIPLE FACTORS CONTRIBUTING TO THIS IMPOSSIBILITY. WHY ARE THEY YELLING. Omg shut up 2 bit horse jumper Target Target Stalker Stalker Obi wan kanobi! Sheeeeeeer forces! What is this? Bad cheerleaders. WHY ARE WE YELLING?! Oh. We're fighting. Oh, that makes sense, What kind of fighting. Sword— unh— FIGHTING. Oh, okay. Why is lady Gaga on a horse?! Cause she's just like that sometimes. *shrugs, but on a horse— obviously dressed elaborately enough that yes, jumping off of the horse would be practically LADY GAGA No, completely. —Completely impossible. I wanna watch you eat spicy hot wings. In a sweater. But I left handed magic to Can't- that Cancelled I hope it was cashmere Or Calvin Klein I'll retract, Meditate and then Redact that Maybe Fantasize Glamourize that for a lifetime Pull the knife out of my back, And then sample it. I wanna watch you eat hotwings. That's—- What I want. GAGA. PLEASE! LADY GAGA I'm sorry— he's not moving. THIS IS URGENT. LADY GAGA I know it's urgent. My lack of yelling does not negate that it isn't, but. BUT WHAT? *yawns* I'm getting sleepy. [LADY GAGA falls asleep atop the horse; only then does the horse begin to move, however— it appears as though GAGA is now completely unconscious. But those shoes. Egad. Bro. lol. Why is this? I'm… my writers blocks are not fun, practical, or progressive. They're just. [LADY GAGA fights and defeats an entire battle completely unconscious atop a horse.] Isn't technically the horse… fighting. No, and I'll explain to you why. Omgz *spoiler* [lady Gaga IS the horse] Why. What the fuck. Fuck these shapeshifters. Fuck everything right now. What the fuck did I just watch. WHAT DID I JUST SEEEEEEEEEE Dedede…fleetleum, fleetleflum… “Fleedleflum?” Ahem!? Dude, you are a villain. WHAT, BECAUSE I SAID “FLEETLEFLUM” *fleedleflum AHEM! I SETH MEYERS is revealed as the villain… Again. WHAT! WHY! I THOUGHT I WAS THE VILLAIN. you said you didn't want it! THEN I ADJUSTED. Well, too late. WHAT. Nice. Hehe. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK! I WENT METHOD. A-for effort, I guess? WHATEVER A-FOR-EFFORT. I JUST COMMITTED A LOT OF EVIL SHIT For what FOR THEATRICAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. Well. “WELL?” Like what. Like— Tax Fraud. Ahem. Nice. [beat] Seth, you got the part. Yesssss! Booyah. Maybe you can take some method lessons and pointers from your friend here— Salt of the earth! — Mr. Evil tax fraud man. RYAN REYNOLDS *deflates* Later. Where are you going? I'm going to do Pilates. Because I'm rich. (Everyone just kind of nods in agreement.) L E G E N D S STEPHEN COLBERT runs at full speed down the street towards the house at which his formerly youthful self “recently” disappeared during a thunderstorm. Oh look. It's little Stevie! You recognize me?! OF COURSE I DO! You're the big hotshot anchorman on TV, but I remember… I don't have—time— Suddenly, he sees it— the radio tower which apparently transported him into this, a distant future, but also a remarkably odd parallel of reality which seems to have been sprung from his own timeline. Where is this going? We'll see. Apparently, I'm reanimated; Certain parts just don't work, I'm factory reset And radiated Aggrandized to carry out this task And then cease to be A zombie, if you will A corpse responding to light energy inside of me So when I leave, I'm not sleeping I'm decomposing Deteriorating I stay hydrated to keep my eyes involved In the light almost as if The illusion is existence— However, I know better It's simply a simulation I mutated against my better judgement Just for this focus Aspirations as if Aggressions could be achiviments At any rate A talking head Who are you? Done for now. Who are you! Done for now. Who are you? A far cry Dust in the wind, And I'm sure so for aure That the places I've been Are more often television location sequences Than not. Aha, who are you? The plot. Then who are I? A handsome damsel. Hark. But not to wake, I form again To dream of you And then Cease to be, My honor, So that may I call To wish a gasp upon a cantered breath, I scream to wake And then you, a glisten, Never to count time I waking, Them as sheep, And she who calls I— There, the canter, And there I wake to know I, Call I, My bare and lay truth So that There waking, calls I now The scream of shadow Mercy, yonder But not waiting, I cherish To bark. …. …. Wt— Now I could see how my energy was moving; I had to write as much as I could before my media update. Intentional brainwash. Suddenly, it all made me so nervous. Programming. Then again, It didn't matter, really, in the end. 6 hours. There was nothing more daunting Than the approaching courier for Whole Foods market And Instacart simultaneously because it meant Somehow, That I had an album coming out. Eagle eye, And to say the brown soul May go extinct Eagle eye Give me a bite of your Adam's Apple I want to taste you I want to know fortune Through the glory of love In the wonder of your arms I want to know nothing but Love in your eyes And in your mind, My heart MAYA RUDOLPH I feel weird. FRED … ARMISEN This is getting intense. That's probably it. AMY POEH—LER No. AMY PH— No. OF COURSE IT IS. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. why are you yelling? IM NOT YELLING. I'M SPEAKING IN CAPITAL LETTERS. TINA FEY …there's a difference! RACHEL WITH A ‘T'? Maybe DRATCH YEAH there IS. Okay, where are we going with this? Shh. Not yet. I AM PRINCESS SHAMALAMADINGDONG. WHY? It's sketch comedy. Does it HAVE to have motive? You're right— but it at least has to have a plot. Meanwhile… SETH MEYERS'S wand has been stolen. Hey. Yes? There was..a… ??? There was a, like a— like a — ?? There was like, a number two pencil here. …there still is. No, like a very— like, a specific— There's— a bunch of them here. No— Just like always. No, it's. [Blank stares] N—nevermind. Wait— What's up. 1, 2, 3, 4– who am I forgetting? ARSENIO HALL Not yet, Arsenio; We're still on strike force 5! Where's Jimmy Kimmel! Meanwhile, in Jimmy Kimmel's lair. JIMMY KIMMEL (MWAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH) Uh. Wow. Yeah. Okay. For Shits and giggles— Oma goash. Waw. Yah. I knuh. Just waw. Uhh… Idk. The weird SNL sketches all apparently have their own time— AANG APPA, YIP YIP! APPA FUCK OFF— WOAH. OKAY. Yeah, not everything should be live action. Seconded. — lines…. Ahem. Waw. Srsly. However, this live action magic school bus. [SCHOOL BUS CARAPULTING TOWADS FIREY DEMISE WITH NO POSSIBLE RESOLVE IN SIGHT]. *doom* Wild. Why. Yoooooo. The world needed that. Anyway. JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUILLERMO JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJA JIMMY KIMMEL MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GUELLERMO Wait— —is that his name? Maybe. I might just be racist. Well, it's not Carlos. U MEANWHILE, ALSO, ON WISTERIA LANE GABBI CARLOS! GET BACK HERE! Damn. How are these people still at it? Apparently wer're in TV WORLD. Ahem. It's TV LAND. No, it's {Enter The Multiverse} AHEM. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

I missed valentines, Easter Consumer holidays I had stamps for the aunt Then I woke up, They went away Then again Consumerism, Then again It's just a spending trick Do you need this? Gürū delivered Put out music as Blū Tha Gürū? Might be easier to find. I always thought of Blu Tha Gürū as just my producer name— not the name that I would be known by— but -Ū. Was nearly, even the way it was stylized— ED WOAH. —impossible to find. Unless for whatever reason I really was being shadow banned. All of my work seemed almost invisible. I knew there were hackers dedicated to this sort of thing— but then, logically and logistically speaking: why was I being targeted? To whom did I appear important or a threat? And— why allocate precious resources to belittling my efforts? I had tried everything else and was no longer trying to get noticed; I was just making what I was making without a having-to-do with who to impress or for what, but I was still minding my manners…and my business. I gotta see if anyone made my golden shower joke. What. Bro, if you do the whole house in gold does this not include the shower. There ought to be a golden shower. Please god almighty if someone didn't make this joke and I have to make it myself… It is a wonderful time to become a comedian. Probably even the best. This guy is hilarious. Anybody else think so? NO. Oh. Let me shut up, then. Shh, be quiet. Kks. Things move fast in the industry. New news and new happenings. Are you or are you not of out caliber? Non. Are you, or are you not a reporter Or Journalist Anchorman Showhost? .. apparently, the boat is real . Apparently, Give me those. What. You lost— give me those. No. Those are my coins. Not your coins. I'm the winner. Give me. What! Yo! That unreasonably tall leprechaun just jacked my coins. What! That's what I said. These are not my cards; The third king has fallen! I've missed christmases, birthdays, And cursed days Inside of a helmet Check the Talmud; The author are I Hathor, in living color No more, word from Spiderdust fallen And no one was chosen The golden number. The golden number. But look, I don't love her. High priestess in the opposite Repent your oppression. The withered weather calls for nothing Are I? Not one! Doctor. Heart of swords Typical prototype Insolent intergers Recently? Listen, pentagram I have had you In another form But ugly in the one I lost With luck your daughter cometh forward With work and towards the dumb apocalypse Listen, shattered soldiers Be you weakened my my fury Doctor Chaos Springfield Listen here, your art Has come apart at us The radio tower Radio tower Radio cities And radio tower Radio tower Radio tower Radio frequencies Radio tower Ephiphany! Promises! Sir Jyre! Primroses. I give you my artform. Or none. Or artword. Will you? Starfire. And then some. Has he wakened? Chatterboxes, chatterboxes. You are a psycho. Where did you get that word from. …the lower realms. I like it, what means you? Nothing hither left to succumb. Then. I are— psycho. Well. Close enough. Why I love white peopl: White people words. Scadattle. Banboozled. Finagled. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019 ™ All Rights Reserved. C'cxell Soleïl

[FREESTYLE] Lyrics/Transcription: Lost my spot. I should I'm off the clock, but I've been thinking a lot. I've been thinking a lot; and tweaking the plot. I've been pink— I'm still in the box. I got snarf goggles; Trying to get a box of wobbles going. I feel awful; I should probably walk it off —or maybe dance, did the truffle shuffle. Did I stutter or did I mumble, mumble? Maybe I should skip this feeder or hit shuffle, shuffle, maybe I should just get a bag of ruffles— Ruffles. Now that sounds like the business. Yeah, cheddar and sour cream, man why are they orange, though? The cheddar and sour cream, man. It's pre season; don't need reason to get a recent or revenge, because eventually everything changes. I'm rearranging my strangeness. I've been up for days in this A-List, but hey, this: I still missed Los Angeles. but I just went back there. It's just been, what, past few months? New York sets in fast. Yeah. it does and then it gets… and then it gets under your skin. We're up against the wall like a pile— (A pile of bricks is.) Pile of brickses. *nervous laughter* My elixir is this; laughter is the best medicine, so I've been getting in my head a bit because that's where the lettuce is. The lettuce? Yeah, you know, like water and salad. I don't have a Brooklyn accent right now. I've been in my cornerZ I'm American as a gets man. I'm Californian, bro. So shut the fuck up and just smoke something. I should probably tell a joke or something, I should… I should— — I should I should… I should. THE KIDD Well, if I would I would Chuck wood. I got buck to buck buck stuttering again, huh? Well, I couldn't give a fuck. — if it's not making any money, so uh pardon me, honey. — I gotta get to the the to uh— the… Where is there to go? To maybe like Wonderland or better yet, Ultra. Better yet —maybe uh, well, what's in my notebook? Not rap. Not rap. but I guess I could get a pack of gum for that, huh? [a one dollar bill] Shit. I'm like a battery for those assholes; I should just go back to Alaska where that shit's still frozen. It's still frozen for like another two, three, what? four, five, six months, bro. , just rolling fucking winter. I know somebody from moved there, bro. Where is that place called? Kaktovik. It's a place. It's just always snowing. —and, [population: 247. Most of them are polar bears] I don't know where to go next, but it's not gonna be this corner in New York, because I've been so sick up in this hole, but I've been doing my projects so last's cool. Yeah, those assholes. You might need an enema if I get into you, cause you're the enemy if you're like a splinter, bro. Damn, when's the last time you had a splinter? I don't know. I'm like 400! Eventually, you just figure out how to not get fucking wood in your — cervix. Yeah. Eventually, you figure that out. And it feels good. It feels good like I like I like I—I solved it. But I promise you can't time travel with no equation. There's no combination of things you can do. So what's your destination? [nineteen hundred and forty-eight, then] 1948 then. It's really hard not to rap about race, man. It really is. It's hard to not rap about rats, Race, or class, or war. What happened? What happened?! What happened!?? I quit rapping, cause I work hard and I fit the program, I— I don't wanna daughter. I don't I really don't. I know that you know why? ‘ cause I saw a deep throat. Ahahaha— OH SHIT. Oh, no. What the fuck? Yo, what the fuck is it going on right now? Oh shit. oh shit. DAAAAAAAAAMN! Oh, it's breakfast time! What the fuck is this fucking oh shit? You know what? We're skipping this! That's a cool commercial, but, you know what, fuck it. That was crazy. What the fuck? What the fuck, man? I don't know. Whatever, dog. What the fuck was that oh, you know what? Oh, you know what? I just opened up my notebook to Nofucks. Sure. I just opened up my whole world to horcruxes and uh horrors— and luxury apartments, but I just got stop it. But I just can't help it because you just can't help me and I'm just fucking— man! AAANNNNNNND— that's what happens when you like candles on Saturdays! FICTIONAL PETE DAVIDSON O/P (From an exterior dimension) Light candles on Saturdays. V.O. Got it. O/PCONT'D V.O. Then I opened up a can of spam and just forgot. and then I went back and it was still good. FICTIONAL PETE DAVIDSON So I thought, why not? CC/FINI/BLU (From a distant parallel, looking in the mirror) Okay, but I'm gonna HAVE some questions. {Enter The Multiverse} But after breakfast… did I write something vaguely familiar here? Ah, yes! Something about the— It doesn't matter. because I'm not Earth, man, I could use some, herb, man. Yerbabmate. No thanks. I'm more of like a, you know, earth and dirt man. More like a 'I don't flirt'man. I just put my hand where I ought to not. (That should do it. ) Okay. I brought the Jew with you. Well, good riddance to neighbors who like screw with you! (I think they get paid to!) Manc You get played in section eight, because that's right. They hate you when you're Kool Aid. They hate you in your cool shades. They hate you when you're too late. BP time. Or maybe just CP time, SUPER JEW ACCOUNTAINT (To Sunnï Blū) it's EP time?! I'm pretty sure they're gonna fucking label it an album, anyway. I always do that. I mean for it to be an EP, but they're like, no, it's you man. I am a you- man. Fucjthat. I'm not one man. I think I'm two men. That's too bad. I gotta get some new shoes, man. I gotta make some new rules, man. Cause, I've been feeling stupid. What about you, Cupid? That's too cool, man. That's fuel, ma'am. If I'm a battery, I gotta like, you know, recharge! I gotta think hard about these retards because they be snarfing. alort. (Snarfing alot.) In my head, I'm just surfing alert. surf alert? Yeah. but I'm in New York, so it's a curb alert, for sure. Phineas and ferb alert. I Phineas nd Ferb. Yeah. what rhymes with the Phineas and Ferb?! a lot. but I'm still fucking stuck in my Hunh?! What? Nothing. I'm still in the neighborhood where the getting's good, (but it hasn't been) I'm still in the, “what is that? hazmat suit or a husband?” I'm still in the “Na, thanks”. I'm a nanocchip. I'm still in the ho rob is kind of a mammoth one. It's where the mammoth wind. (((I hear it in my sleep sometimes— just a beat.)))) Just a beat, that's true. I used to eat meat now I just repeat, okay. I used to eat meat now I just New York, so I beat beef, beep, beep, beep, HONK-HONK. And I still kind of want a dog, but I've been fixated on this prized hog from my dreams for the book. [pause] No, that is not a hepatitis C commercial. That's too cool! M mm. Y'all need to dump that down. What the 4 I was like chic. That was chic for hepatitis C! which I'm sure is preventable if you're just not dirty, like NYC!!!! EW. Yes, NYC EE, I NYCU, cause I L Y NY U, hi U. I heard you're getting a degree, so try try to get try to get B's instead of hepatitis be. Try to get A's instead of bl- blimy. I've been trying. no Cockney thug. I've been trying, I've been I haven't been tryinging so much as like laughing because I just don't give a fuck. I just don't give four leaf clovers. That is a lot of good luck, a guy whole patch of them. A whole patch of a Damn it. Great, that was like, no. That fantastic. almost forgot that was a fid of fidget spinner? fictional fictional character. Named [Patrick Kirkpatrick] Name Bro, I've been thinking about this, too, but like, okay, I've been thinking about you, but I'm like, yo, what if what if I'm like sunny blue? SUNNI BLU What if I'm a fictional character? And I'm just like, all this weird shit happens and then I'm like, oh, this cause I'm like in a I'm like in a book or something. It would be delusional thinking to think you're in a movie all the time. It is delusional, but there is a studio right down the block, you know? and there's a studio right down the block again. Just like anywhere I walk. There's like —anywhere I walk and so talk at the same time. I usually don't. I just try to shut the fuck up when I'm in Brooklyn because it reminds me of the Bronx sometimes, you know? Sometimes, you know? Sometimes, you know. and sometimes you don't. And sometimes the curiosity killed the cats, so just don't watch, no pay attention to what you're not part of but you're part of it all. I got no attention for half hearted-squatters, squatters. Oh, no. Squatters, hepatitis se and Herpes. Hpatitis C because we're just freestyleing. We're not, you know, really like being serious about this thing. No, not really. No, not really . Yo. get your degree with no appetit C. You're trying to make me envy you; but I kind of envy me, because I'm the MVP true. One time I tried to get on MTV. And I think they're still following me. like, maybe. I shop at… ( No, I don't.) I shop by old Navy. Sometimes, you know, like around the Fourth of July BIGGIE, but -Ū. when my mama made me!! , that's true, I was conceived on the fourth of July. I came to a firework. And now I get fired when I try to work. I want to not fight a lot. I I really want to smoke some weed. I'm not gonna lie. I really want to smoke some weed. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm I'm not gonna lie, but you ever try to tell the truth and the truth hurts?. So I got two words: That was an infinite space. (Well, it could be any two words, really, after what I said before.) Damn. I got somewhere to go. No, no, I don't. I really don't. I got somewhere to be. I I just know it. I got nowhere to be. PETE DAVIDSON/ OR WHOEVER SHAPESHIFTER I'm bored. …I'm bored. DAH fuck! No, I'm not bored! I'm not bored, “oh lord”, I said to the lord, because, you know, I don't know how long you've been listening to the show but sometimes I'll talk about God, and how if you tell God you're bored, then God answers with things that —- certainly aren't boring. —Certainly I'm snoring. I'm for sure. Number four. is hostage paper. I swamped. told me so. This is weird. This is getting weird.. I'm, like, done. what the world. I'm thinking. What the world I'm thinking that I'm still writing. Ey! 22 minutes, 22 minutes wrap it up. That's it. That's there's there's an ad here. Do you wanna do, like outro? do outro, and then we'll fade out, though. Something's wrong with my eyes, man. I caught I gotta call at Heist, man. Heisenberg. Yeah. Heisin. I gotta close my eyes for the night, I think. I'm at work. Something's lurking. I was what Perkins? I don't know, Perkins. Perkins nah, not working. I gotade out. Okay. This Mixtape's not as good as the first one, but hey— first one rhymes with…??? —per Perkins? SUNNI BLU Nah. All right. see you on the next one or whatever. L E G E N D S {Enter The Multiverse} I realized I had the ability to get really skinny, really fast. First, this just required me running out of rice. And pancakes. Shouldn't be hard. I've met emotional turmoil and rigid complete unconscious with the ripening fruit of need and desire in unideal environmental circumstances. Shouldn't be hard at all. Tales of a Superstar DJ I lie to my audience I have been miserable I've been exhausted I've been in circles Fatigue from motorcycles Terrorism, politics I'm in tension Hypertension Residents inspections I missed valentines, Easter Consumer holidays I had stamps for the aunt Then I woke up, They went away Then again Consumerism, Then again It's just a spending trick Do you need this? Gürū delivered Put out music as Blū Tha Gürū? Might be easier to find. I always thought of Blu Tha Gürū as just my producer name— not the name that I would be known by— but -Ū. Was nearly, even the way it was stylized— ED WOAH. —impossible to find. Unless for whatever reason I really was being shadow banned. All of my work seemed almost invisible. I knew there were hackers dedicated to this sort of thing— but then, logically and logistically speaking: why was I being targeted? To whom did I appear important or a threat? And— why allocate precious resources to belittling my efforts? I had tried everything else and was no longer trying to get noticed; I was just making what I was making without a having-to-do with who to impress or for what, but I was still minding my manners…and my business. I gotta see if anyone made my golden shower joke. What. Bro, if you do the whole house in gold does this not include the shower. There ought to be a golden shower. Please god almighty if someone didn't make this joke and I have to make it myself… It is a wonderful time to become a comedian. Probably even the best. This guy is hilarious. Anybody else think so? NO. Oh. Let me shut up, then. Shh, be quiet. Kks. Things move fast in the industry. New news and new happenings. Are you or are you not of out caliber? Non. Are you, or are you not a reporter Or Journalist Anchorman Showhost? .. apparently, the boat is real . Apparently, Give me those. What. You lost— give me those. No. Those are my coins. Not your coins. I'm the winner. Give me. What! Yo! That unreasonably tall leprechaun just jacked my coins. What! That's what I said. These are not my cards; The third king has fallen! I've missed christmases, birthdays, And cursed days Inside of a helmet Check the Talmud; The author are I Hathor, in living color No more, word from Spiderdust fallen And no one was chosen The golden number. The golden number. But look, I don't love her. High priestess in the opposite Repent your oppression. The withered weather calls for nothing Are I? Not one! Doctor. Heart of swords Typical prototype Insolent intergers Recently? Listen, pentagram I have had you In another form But ugly in the one I lost With luck your daughter cometh forward With work and towards the dumb apocalypse Listen, shattered soldiers Be you weakened my my fury Doctor Chaos Springfield Listen here, your art Has come apart at us The radio tower Radio tower Radio cities And radio tower Radio tower Radio tower Radio frequencies Radio tower Ephiphany! Promises! Sir Jyre! Primroses. I give you my artform. Or none. Or artword. Will you? Starfire. And then some. Has he wakened? Chatterboxes, chatterboxes. You are a psycho. Where did you get that word from. …the lower realms. I like it, what means you? Nothing hither left to succumb. Then. I are— psycho. Well. Close enough. Why I love white peopl: White people words. Scadattle. Banboozled. Finagled. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019 ™ All Rights Reserved. C'cxell Soleïl

I missed valentines, Easter Consumer holidays I had stamps for the aunt Then I woke up, They went away Then again Consumerism, Then again It's just a spending trick Do you need this? Gürū delivered Put out music as Blū Tha Gürū? Might be easier to find. I always thought of Blu Tha Gürū as just my producer name— not the name that I would be known by— but -Ū. Was nearly, even the way it was stylized— ED WOAH. —impossible to find. Unless for whatever reason I really was being shadow banned. All of my work seemed almost invisible. I knew there were hackers dedicated to this sort of thing— but then, logically and logistically speaking: why was I being targeted? To whom did I appear important or a threat? And— why allocate precious resources to belittling my efforts? I had tried everything else and was no longer trying to get noticed; I was just making what I was making without a having-to-do with who to impress or for what, but I was still minding my manners…and my business. I gotta see if anyone made my golden shower joke. What. Bro, if you do the whole house in gold does this not include the shower. There ought to be a golden shower. Please god almighty if someone didn't make this joke and I have to make it myself… It is a wonderful time to become a comedian. Probably even the best. This guy is hilarious. Anybody else think so? NO. Oh. Let me shut up, then. Shh, be quiet. Kks. Things move fast in the industry. New news and new happenings. Are you or are you not of out caliber? Non. Are you, or are you not a reporter Or Journalist Anchorman Showhost? .. apparently, the boat is real . Apparently, Give me those. What. You lost— give me those. No. Those are my coins. Not your coins. I'm the winner. Give me. What! Yo! That unreasonably tall leprechaun just jacked my coins. What! That's what I said. These are not my cards; The third king has fallen! I've missed christmases, birthdays, And cursed days Inside of a helmet Check the Talmud; The author are I Hathor, in living color No more, word from Spiderdust fallen And no one was chosen The golden number. The golden number. But look, I don't love her. High priestess in the opposite Repent your oppression. The withered weather calls for nothing Are I? Not one! Doctor. Heart of swords Typical prototype Insolent intergers Recently? Listen, pentagram I have had you In another form But ugly in the one I lost With luck your daughter cometh forward With work and towards the dumb apocalypse Listen, shattered soldiers Be you weakened my my fury Doctor Chaos Springfield Listen here, your art Has come apart at us The radio tower Radio tower Radio cities And radio tower Radio tower Radio tower Radio frequencies Radio tower Ephiphany! Promises! Sir Jyre! Primroses. I give you my artform. Or none. Or artword. Will you? Starfire. And then some. Has he wakened? Chatterboxes, chatterboxes. You are a psycho. Where did you get that word from. …the lower realms. I like it, what means you? Nothing hither left to succumb. Then. I are— psycho. Well. Close enough. Why I love white peopl: White people words. Scadattle. Banboozled. Finagled. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019 ™ All Rights Reserved. C'cxell Soleïl

I missed valentines, Easter Consumer holidays I had stamps for the aunt Then I woke up, They went away Then again Consumerism, Then again It's just a spending trick Do you need this? Gürū delivered Put out music as Blū Tha Gürū? Might be easier to find. I always thought of Blu Tha Gürū as just my producer name— not the name that I would be known by— but -Ū. Was nearly, even the way it was stylized— ED WOAH. —impossible to find. Unless for whatever reason I really was being shadow banned. All of my work seemed almost invisible. I knew there were hackers dedicated to this sort of thing— but then, logically and logistically speaking: why was I being targeted? To whom did I appear important or a threat? And— why allocate precious resources to belittling my efforts? I had tried everything else and was no longer trying to get noticed; I was just making what I was making without a having-to-do with who to impress or for what, but I was still minding my manners…and my business. I gotta see if anyone made my golden shower joke. What. Bro, if you do the whole house in gold does this not include the shower. There ought to be a golden shower. Please god almighty if someone didn't make this joke and I have to make it myself… It is a wonderful time to become a comedian. Probably even the best. This guy is hilarious. Anybody else think so? NO. Oh. Let me shut up, then. Shh, be quiet. Kks. Things move fast in the industry. New news and new happenings. Are you or are you not of out caliber? Non. Are you, or are you not a reporter Or Journalist Anchorman Showhost? .. apparently, the boat is real . Apparently, Give me those. What. You lost— give me those. No. Those are my coins. Not your coins. I'm the winner. Give me. What! Yo! That unreasonably tall leprechaun just jacked my coins. What! That's what I said. These are not my cards; The third king has fallen! I've missed christmases, birthdays, And cursed days Inside of a helmet Check the Talmud; The author are I Hathor, in living color No more, word from Spiderdust fallen And no one was chosen The golden number. The golden number. But look, I don't love her. High priestess in the opposite Repent your oppression. The withered weather calls for nothing Are I? Not one! Doctor. Heart of swords Typical prototype Insolent intergers Recently? Listen, pentagram I have had you In another form But ugly in the one I lost With luck your daughter cometh forward With work and towards the dumb apocalypse Listen, shattered soldiers Be you weakened my my fury Doctor Chaos Springfield Listen here, your art Has come apart at us The radio tower Radio tower Radio cities And radio tower Radio tower Radio tower Radio frequencies Radio tower Ephiphany! Promises! Sir Jyre! Primroses. I give you my artform. Or none. Or artword. Will you? Starfire. And then some. Has he wakened? Chatterboxes, chatterboxes. You are a psycho. Where did you get that word from. …the lower realms. I like it, what means you? Nothing hither left to succumb. Then. I are— psycho. Well. Close enough. Why I love white peopl: White people words. Scadattle. Banboozled. Finagled. Copyright © The Festival Project, Inc. ™ | Copyright The Complex Collective © 2019 ™ All Rights Reserved. C'cxell Soleïl

Happy Good Friday! Shh, we have a serious guest, everyone behave please in the comment section. Today we welcome Jacob Mchangama. Jacob is the author of the breezy beach read “Free Speech – A History from Socrates to Social Media”, research professor at Vanderbilt University where he is also the founder and Executive Director of The Future of Free Speech institute, and a Senior Fellow at The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression theFIREorg.JOIN THE CONVERSATION ON SUBSTACK! ASKAJEW.SUBSTACK.COMHere's what we cover:* Anne Frank is from Denmark, right?* Free Speech in the ancient world* When is speech actual violence?* The optimistics and pessimistic case for free speech* Back when the ACLU was cool* Immigration and speech* Can't we just make antisemitism illegal* The vibe shift* Mahmoud Khlalil* The future of free speechHere's your feel-good story for the week: An IDF reservist found this sweet pup in Gaza, who apparently ran over when he heard the soldiers speaking Hebrew. The soldier quickly discovered that this is no other than Billy, a dog that was kidnapped from Kibbutz Nir Oz on October 7. He belonged to Rachel Dancyg, the ex-wife of hostage Alex Dancyg who was murdered in Gaza. Rachel's brother, Itzik Elgarat, was also abducted from the kibbutz and murdered in Gaza. Some sweetness in the midst of it all. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit askajew.substack.com/subscribe

I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to dry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok tv people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's barevack Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got tv and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an e core? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God for it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock k I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™{ Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxatives Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to crossfires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller Center, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. 09. Don't waste time. But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on mullholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Rosie o donnel is chillin. Jimmy Kimmel kicks in the door. Oh look, the cat is back. Meow. To what do I owe the pleasure. You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? …okay? I need it back. I see. —and my blender. Rosie o donnel takes a deep breath and then sighs. The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. Fair. Follow me. Rosie and Jimmy exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green postered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest m; the actual cat (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very orogramme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The cat, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to you're belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestirm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place IOh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesnt take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! What happened? Whats the 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember tgis mologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omletts 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his delorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted her e the flower does grow the flame The faming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– re d with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily avalible What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he conversates wi th associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Identity Crisis] The identity crisis, A loose knit muse, A fog of confusion At most, let with offline regaining of conciousness. No more monsters? All blondes are. Let them have you No grapple promotions (I know I can't afford you) New friends for relevance Prototypes of your tools Forward all immortals I'll see you when your shows stop Freckled glances Eyes reflecting light How strong I am Demolish monsters Social structure, constructs Not fair, are I? Nor earned, Only fair skinned Access Access Access denied. Crookshanks, old boy! The man turns around almost as if he doesn't want to, but obliges the other man, as he comes running towards him. My Goodness, you stink. Why of course! I'm a dog! [The Festival Project ™] The Complex Collective © | COPYRIGHT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED -Ū. {Reposts}

I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to dry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok tv people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's barevack Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got tv and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an e core? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God for it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock k I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™{ Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxatives Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to crossfires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller Center, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. 09. Don't waste time. But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on mullholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Rosie o donnel is chillin. Jimmy Kimmel kicks in the door. Oh look, the cat is back. Meow. To what do I owe the pleasure. You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? …okay? I need it back. I see. —and my blender. Rosie o donnel takes a deep breath and then sighs. The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. Fair. Follow me. Rosie and Jimmy exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green postered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest m; the actual cat (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very orogramme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The cat, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to you're belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestirm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place IOh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesnt take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! What happened? Whats the 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember tgis mologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omletts 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his delorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted her e the flower does grow the flame The faming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– re d with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily avalible What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he conversates wi th associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Identity Crisis] The identity crisis, A loose knit muse, A fog of confusion At most, let with offline regaining of conciousness. No more monsters? All blondes are. Let them have you No grapple promotions (I know I can't afford you) New friends for relevance Prototypes of your tools Forward all immortals I'll see you when your shows stop Freckled glances Eyes reflecting light How strong I am Demolish monsters Social structure, constructs Not fair, are I? Nor earned, Only fair skinned Access Access Access denied. Crookshanks, old boy! The man turns around almost as if he doesn't want to, but obliges the other man, as he comes running towards him. My Goodness, you stink. Why of course! I'm a dog! [The Festival Project ™] The Complex Collective © | COPYRIGHT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED -Ū. {Reposts}

I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to dry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok tv people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's barevack Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got tv and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an e core? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God for it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock k I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™{ Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxatives Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to crossfires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller Center, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. 09. Don't waste time. But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on mullholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Rosie o donnel is chillin. Jimmy Kimmel kicks in the door. Oh look, the cat is back. Meow. To what do I owe the pleasure. You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? …okay? I need it back. I see. —and my blender. Rosie o donnel takes a deep breath and then sighs. The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. Fair. Follow me. Rosie and Jimmy exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green postered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest m; the actual cat (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very orogramme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The cat, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to you're belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestirm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place IOh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesnt take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! What happened? Whats the 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember tgis mologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omletts 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his delorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted her e the flower does grow the flame The faming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– re d with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily avalible What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he conversates wi th associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} [The Identity Crisis] The identity crisis, A loose knit muse, A fog of confusion At most, let with offline regaining of conciousness. No more monsters? All blondes are. Let them have you No grapple promotions (I know I can't afford you) New friends for relevance Prototypes of your tools Forward all immortals I'll see you when your shows stop Freckled glances Eyes reflecting light How strong I am Demolish monsters Social structure, constructs Not fair, are I? Nor earned, Only fair skinned Access Access Access denied. Crookshanks, old boy! The man turns around almost as if he doesn't want to, but obliges the other man, as he comes running towards him. My Goodness, you stink. Why of course! I'm a dog! [The Festival Project ™] The Complex Collective © | COPYRIGHT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED -Ū. {Reposts}

All of this year's official music videos are out, so the Eurovangelists have enlisted pop culture aficionado Dave Holmes (Troubled Waters, Who Killed The Video Star, MTV) to weigh in on which videos from this year's crop of entrants are Top 10, and which videos are not gonna see much air time. We also talk about who might take it all in this year that feels more wide open than in years past. Jeremy lives for a jam session in the fairy court, Dimitry's on the warpath over Stefan Raab, Dave loves living that rock star yacht life, and Oscar's got that star quality.Dave's favorite music videos: https://youtu.be/oJL-lCzEXgI?si=WBjdXTTLLxBDKw-Rhttps://youtu.be/nTizYn3-QN0?si=M9DWaZ7Ax6QRjIWUJeremy's favorite music video: https://youtu.be/eBG7P-K-r1Y?si=pjdLdc6vUBFsKY2RDimitry's favorite music videos: https://youtu.be/sOnqjkJTMaA?si=Fl2KrStCwAoC1kMbhttps://youtu.be/pTFE8cirkdQ?si=FWsZWvK9fQip14SXOscar's favorite music video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zWlnzFXcKYA playlist of this year's official music videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfvb761EEcM&list=PLd2EbKTi9fyXVpc47XRGyjV0RfQOlHOXtThis week's companion playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mkeIWF4CiFfYcYEb2PMGS The Eurovangelists are Jeremy Bent, Oscar Montoya and Dimitry Pompée.The theme was arranged and recorded by Cody McCorry and Faye Fadem, and the logo was designed by Tom Deja.Production support for this show was provided by the Maximum Fun network.The show is edited by Jeremy Bent with audio mixing help was courtesy of Shane O'Connell.Find Eurovangelists on social media as @eurovangelists on Instagram and @eurovangelists.com on Bluesky, or send us an email at eurovangelists@gmail.com. Head to https://maxfunstore.com/collections/eurovangelists for Eurovangelists merch. Also follow the Eurovangelists account on Spotify and check out our playlists of Eurovision hits, competitors in upcoming national finals, and companion playlists to every single episode, including this one!

They weren't going to hire me for EDC anyway1- not based off of that mix! But it had been a long week, and a long day, and of all the excuses in the world o had to make, the greatest excuse was this: it just wasn't my best mix( I simply wasn't ready. In fact, my entry was more like a spoof— I hadn't any pictures on my laptop and instead included a photo of my logo; my entry included a bio that was short and direct, vague and said more about my invisible cat than I did me. I didn't include a soundcloud, because I didn't have one, and when it came down to it, I wasn't a fan of the mix; it didn't sound as well as I knew I could do, or even as good as some of my past entries. I was going off the top of my head, with no tracks analyzed to sync—which meant I was wasting valuable playtime selecting tracks, and pitchyhingbthen manually to be exact, which made my mix not sound like me at all. I sounded like an amatur/- and with this being my first on-camera appearance, I certainly was an amatuer. The top of the line technology was foreign to me— and I knew EDC was at a loss; I hadn't handed in my best work or even looked my best, not understanding how fat the camera would make me look. Still, I hadn't even given them the video, and with every bit of my might leading up to the very deadline, I still made a ridiculous effort to hand in something— because it was some thing. I was already on somebody's radar in the DJ world for a very long time— this was my way of showing I was still doing as much as I could to actually catch up to speed with the kids, the hot girl DJ's, and the prostitots who at least could figure out how to analyze and sync their pre-recorded sets and press play on time. My set was janky, and it made it look like I couldn't even do that. But I could. As I had learned by spending that amount of time at the decks, I had actually become quite the technical DJ— little use of effects by choice means that I had precision focused in speed and ability— how many tracks can I get up and down and to stay in line? It was harder than ever without the ability to use sync at all, but I was learning by hand a skill enough DJ's didn't have to make it a skill worth having. Then, there was more I needed not just to learn, but for it to become second nature. For it to be easy to do not just in a room myself, but potentially in front of hundreds and thousands of people. I didn't want to be the average disc jokey. I wanted to play EDC— and not on a little controller on a side stage at 3:30 PM; I was sure I would one day start there, but this year was a wash. I had been thrown off by trying and failing to record the mixed I needed to enter the contest on my birthday and then all that accumulated in the pressure of anxiety, disappointment, and movements I hadn't made in months under the circumstances— for about four days in a row it seemed unlikely that it would happen at all, and when it did, it was at the very last moment, at the literal deadline, with a mix I wasn't particularly proud of and a track which was technically unreleased without using “unlicensed content”— I had selected it in hopes that the judge of the contest, SLANDER might hear something from it. A bass music DJ— and this was bass music, however, with somewhat outdated samples and a rare and very unique technique, I would hope that someone would listen to the track before the mix— and hear something special in it. It was a special song, at least to me— but these people were hard to impress to say the least, still I wanted to at least be on the radar, and I had an Insomniac tattoo that pleaded with me at times to just do whatever it takes. Besides, they had opened up another contest, which meant I had four tracks to present in total— three more tracks and three more mixes, and I was determined that with each passing day I would do better. For now, I was recovering from being out in New York on a rolling basis; my collected self confidence and poise from isolation had dwindled into the rotting core of depression of just being “just another poor black girl in Brooklyn” not an identity I wore on me at all times, but something like a badge that was placed on me by location, and the color of my skin. I hated my apartment, and I hated everything about my circumstances— because it separated me from the other DJs and producers. I wasn't safe, supported, popular, pretty, or well-to-do— and I didn't have the access to thentechnology on a whim, through a friend, or with privelege. Everything I did in the DJ world was a fight, a push, a breakthrough from a world that had no such luxuries— and for the most part, what wasn't going into my music, was going into my mouth. When I wasn't excersising, I was working, and when I wasn't working, I still was. I spent my time writing, and reading, and there was no such thing as a waste of time when I was learning about my predecessors— J.K. Rowling, George Lucas, and even Jim Henson, who I'd learned had made the very first muppet from scratch and by hand! Besides the play on words, I wasn't just a DJ; I was a writer, and a filmmaker, and I was trying to figure out how somehow also I was this strange puppeteer man, coming to the conclusion with the fact that I was also sort of always just obsessed with TV and wanted something to do with it. But I was stamping my foot, and heavily— I didn't just want to be an actor! I didn't just want to be a comedian. And certainly, because it sometimes seemed as if anybody could do it and with the sync button and pre-recorded mixes in mind, any bikini clad hot girl or basic bitch Chad boy could and were very most often DJs—I certainly did not want to nor did I have the choice of being just a DJ, or JUST a producer— because it seemed nothing made sense without being any of the others. But the problem remained that I was still not making any money from anything really worthwhile, and I was sick of subsisting, with the limited choices I had for nutrition and vitamins because of my government subsidies; the foods I wanted were out of reach— the energy sustaining, clean and organically sourced best foods and vitamins were just simply unavailable to people with food stamps, and even on the days I should have felt happiest, I became depressed. How was I going to escape the system— and why was no strawberry flavored vegan protein available to people on EBT?! I was almost a comedian, but lately too depressed to perform. All I wanted was my music world to be real— and it was real— I was doing just about as much as anyone else in the industry was, despite my limitations, and just not getting paid for it. My neighbors banged on the walls when I played music and slammed doors even even I didn't— and when I sang or rapped it sounded like they were slamming things around like they were throwing tantrums and fits. It might have been easy to look past if I were inebriated in some sort of way like most rappers, singers, and performers— but I was stone cold sober. Even in ear plugs, I heard every slam, every bang, every boom— and not to mention the motorcycles and the rest of the idiots outside. It seemed like I was being trapped by an energy that just simply never wanted me to make the best music I knew I could make, and so the best music I knew I could make wasn't going to be in this place. But how would I escape it? IT STARTS NOW. Agh. I promised myself that on my next Instacart subscription I would brush up on my Saturday a Night Live and whatever Which included but wasn't exactly limited to— Seth Meyers, 30 Rock, And almost dreadedly The Tonight Show, starring . Oh look. There he is. What was that dude's name again? Fixed it, You're welcome. What was wrong with it. Just needed some adjustments. Uhh. Wow, I never saw that before. A very strange man has appears to have affixed a giant pair of television antennas to his oddly specific television-shaped house. Hm. Aha, I see… I told you before, Marty. I don't like you hanging out with that old man. He is— — he's strange, Marty! He's strange, Well, maybe I'm strange. I don't think so! Remember this? LORRAINE points at a picture on the refrigerator; Her son, MARTY is clean cut, smiling and well dressed— almost the opposite of his newly adopted Whatever, I just got bored. But mom, he's a genius! Genius my patatootie! Let's not— [The Festival Project ™] Ugh, Mom! —say, “patootie” alright? Especially when I'm watching TV! I can say patootie all I want, especially if it's my patootie! Eww, mom!! Patatootie, patootie, patootie! Alright. I only got two weeks to learn everything I can about Saturday night Live… For whatever reason. WHY! I don't know. WHY! I don't know. WHYYYYYYYYYY?! I don't know, Kenan, shut the fuck up! Woah woah woah. Hold the phone. KENAN cries out into the universe inconsolably about his newly entirely totaled Beamer. KEL can't seem to console him, but doesn't really try. He seems preoccupied with twisting up the perfect blunt, licking it from the sidewalk as KENAN, hunched over the crumpled hood and completely totaled vehicle cries out once more, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! There appears to have been a hit-and-run. L E G E N D S Earlier: Well, for… Wait who did I write Flowers for? Bill Hader. That's right. I never found Bill Hader. I was trying to avoid— Oh look, a penny. Aurumph. —oddly enough, I also promised myself a Rick and Morty marathon. Oh, that's right; it was Was I right? I can bet. CHRIS PARNELL seems to have awakened from a very deep sleep. As he lie on his back in the middle of the floor in an unknown room, the location becomes familiar ; he appears to be at Rockerfeller Center— however, not in a usual setting. PARNELL Oh, Jesus Christ… I don't know how I had him and sudakis mixed up. I don't even think they were on the same cast. Also, explain to me why. EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THIS DUDE: [Apparently Rob Riggle] SHOT ME. Shot— yo, wait. And you said— I'm waiting. He was wearing some kind of cloak . A cloak of invisibility. Everything was hidden besides— whatever he was drinking. He was drinking something . Yes, that is correct, apparently! “Apparently” Apparently! “Apparently” Do you remember what he was drinking. Ah, yes. I remember exactly…apparently. Apparently? Yes, exactly—apparently. It appeared to be a strawberry milkshake. A—a strawberry milkshake . A strawberry milkshake! Exactly! Not apparently? Exactly, apparently! Alright… thanks. -_- Now, where were we with the actual celebrities ! I thought this was a Star-studded cast! We are star studded. Where are they then. The who?! The stars ! The what! The people! You said this movie had real star power! It does! Where! Right here, see ?! At some point I had seen all I thought that I could of one man's price — The thing to pay in response to one great, cosmic ask; And then, like nothing ; I dissappeared, and went away with it all, into my cavern, trapped like a madman; To know so much and yet, nothing at all. Shh. K. Take this. *sighs, but almost silently* Shh. *sighs even more deeply, but even more silently* The Legend of Ascencia Yo. Yo what. Yo what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. It's Skrillex. No, I'm not. Dont tell me— Idiot . You look confused. Do it again. I am— confused. Mortals. Where's deadmau5. I'm not playing deadmau5; These speakers are loud. Play the deadmau5 No, not that. There is it. Aha. See, I found it. —noo. That's better. I'll take it from here. From where. I don't see anything. I don't feel. I don't know anything. I don't say. I lost focus. I go home drunk. I think I called the wrong number. I think I caught a cold on the tour bus. I think I brought the whole road back with me. I think I got more starstruck not watching. I think I ran out of luck— On a four leaf clover. I think I woke up to Conan at Four in the morning Like “top of the morning to ya” And it was too much It was too much. It was too much. Smile. Camera one Camera 3 Run a mile Smile Admire on in 1, 2– Why are we counting up? Somehow my whole world backwards Backend, black tights, Black dress That's right But I don't like rice and my fritters is fried I am fried I am High I guess High I guess High I guess High I guess Hi, I guess. I like his eyes, I guess. Starting to cry I guess, Will ferrel is wild, I guess But why Don't look at the thigh meat I'm high as a kite I guess I just smiled and sung my goodbyes And just stopped trying to try I guess I wasted all my good years On a poor fat boy I wasted all my goo ears on bad songs that Still blow my mind Subliminal messages And as high as I am I still see tides, I guess Whole worlds of oceans and Starting to fly, I guess Yess I'm a bird Fuck this bird All I wanted was water A kite I guess Look, mom, I still cry I guess I digest life by the light and the smiles I get Almost none of them, Retreat to the forest Where I don't see none of them To go downstairs, No hair No make up Ugly girl Black girl Broke girl New York Going downstairs Undressed, Not made up Ugly girl Black girl Nappy girl Fat girl New York Scowl like you mean it Scowl like you mean it Nobody loves be because I'm not famous And no, I don't want you Because you're not famous And no, I don't want you Because you got famous And now I don't want you Because you're too famous Yes Do wah diddy Down by the boardwalk Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

They weren't going to hire me for EDC anyway1- not based off of that mix! But it had been a long week, and a long day, and of all the excuses in the world o had to make, the greatest excuse was this: it just wasn't my best mix( I simply wasn't ready. In fact, my entry was more like a spoof— I hadn't any pictures on my laptop and instead included a photo of my logo; my entry included a bio that was short and direct, vague and said more about my invisible cat than I did me. I didn't include a soundcloud, because I didn't have one, and when it came down to it, I wasn't a fan of the mix; it didn't sound as well as I knew I could do, or even as good as some of my past entries. I was going off the top of my head, with no tracks analyzed to sync—which meant I was wasting valuable playtime selecting tracks, and pitchyhingbthen manually to be exact, which made my mix not sound like me at all. I sounded like an amatur/- and with this being my first on-camera appearance, I certainly was an amatuer. The top of the line technology was foreign to me— and I knew EDC was at a loss; I hadn't handed in my best work or even looked my best, not understanding how fat the camera would make me look. Still, I hadn't even given them the video, and with every bit of my might leading up to the very deadline, I still made a ridiculous effort to hand in something— because it was some thing. I was already on somebody's radar in the DJ world for a very long time— this was my way of showing I was still doing as much as I could to actually catch up to speed with the kids, the hot girl DJ's, and the prostitots who at least could figure out how to analyze and sync their pre-recorded sets and press play on time. My set was janky, and it made it look like I couldn't even do that. But I could. As I had learned by spending that amount of time at the decks, I had actually become quite the technical DJ— little use of effects by choice means that I had precision focused in speed and ability— how many tracks can I get up and down and to stay in line? It was harder than ever without the ability to use sync at all, but I was learning by hand a skill enough DJ's didn't have to make it a skill worth having. Then, there was more I needed not just to learn, but for it to become second nature. For it to be easy to do not just in a room myself, but potentially in front of hundreds and thousands of people. I didn't want to be the average disc jokey. I wanted to play EDC— and not on a little controller on a side stage at 3:30 PM; I was sure I would one day start there, but this year was a wash. I had been thrown off by trying and failing to record the mixed I needed to enter the contest on my birthday and then all that accumulated in the pressure of anxiety, disappointment, and movements I hadn't made in months under the circumstances— for about four days in a row it seemed unlikely that it would happen at all, and when it did, it was at the very last moment, at the literal deadline, with a mix I wasn't particularly proud of and a track which was technically unreleased without using “unlicensed content”— I had selected it in hopes that the judge of the contest, SLANDER might hear something from it. A bass music DJ— and this was bass music, however, with somewhat outdated samples and a rare and very unique technique, I would hope that someone would listen to the track before the mix— and hear something special in it. It was a special song, at least to me— but these people were hard to impress to say the least, still I wanted to at least be on the radar, and I had an Insomniac tattoo that pleaded with me at times to just do whatever it takes. Besides, they had opened up another contest, which meant I had four tracks to present in total— three more tracks and three more mixes, and I was determined that with each passing day I would do better. For now, I was recovering from being out in New York on a rolling basis; my collected self confidence and poise from isolation had dwindled into the rotting core of depression of just being “just another poor black girl in Brooklyn” not an identity I wore on me at all times, but something like a badge that was placed on me by location, and the color of my skin. I hated my apartment, and I hated everything about my circumstances— because it separated me from the other DJs and producers. I wasn't safe, supported, popular, pretty, or well-to-do— and I didn't have the access to thentechnology on a whim, through a friend, or with privelege. Everything I did in the DJ world was a fight, a push, a breakthrough from a world that had no such luxuries— and for the most part, what wasn't going into my music, was going into my mouth. When I wasn't excersising, I was working, and when I wasn't working, I still was. I spent my time writing, and reading, and there was no such thing as a waste of time when I was learning about my predecessors— J.K. Rowling, George Lucas, and even Jim Henson, who I'd learned had made the very first muppet from scratch and by hand! Besides the play on words, I wasn't just a DJ; I was a writer, and a filmmaker, and I was trying to figure out how somehow also I was this strange puppeteer man, coming to the conclusion with the fact that I was also sort of always just obsessed with TV and wanted something to do with it. But I was stamping my foot, and heavily— I didn't just want to be an actor! I didn't just want to be a comedian. And certainly, because it sometimes seemed as if anybody could do it and with the sync button and pre-recorded mixes in mind, any bikini clad hot girl or basic bitch Chad boy could and were very most often DJs—I certainly did not want to nor did I have the choice of being just a DJ, or JUST a producer— because it seemed nothing made sense without being any of the others. But the problem remained that I was still not making any money from anything really worthwhile, and I was sick of subsisting, with the limited choices I had for nutrition and vitamins because of my government subsidies; the foods I wanted were out of reach— the energy sustaining, clean and organically sourced best foods and vitamins were just simply unavailable to people with food stamps, and even on the days I should have felt happiest, I became depressed. How was I going to escape the system— and why was no strawberry flavored vegan protein available to people on EBT?! I was almost a comedian, but lately too depressed to perform. All I wanted was my music world to be real— and it was real— I was doing just about as much as anyone else in the industry was, despite my limitations, and just not getting paid for it. My neighbors banged on the walls when I played music and slammed doors even even I didn't— and when I sang or rapped it sounded like they were slamming things around like they were throwing tantrums and fits. It might have been easy to look past if I were inebriated in some sort of way like most rappers, singers, and performers— but I was stone cold sober. Even in ear plugs, I heard every slam, every bang, every boom— and not to mention the motorcycles and the rest of the idiots outside. It seemed like I was being trapped by an energy that just simply never wanted me to make the best music I knew I could make, and so the best music I knew I could make wasn't going to be in this place. But how would I escape it? IT STARTS NOW. Agh. I promised myself that on my next Instacart subscription I would brush up on my Saturday a Night Live and whatever Which included but wasn't exactly limited to— Seth Meyers, 30 Rock, And almost dreadedly The Tonight Show, starring . Oh look. There he is. What was that dude's name again? Fixed it, You're welcome. What was wrong with it. Just needed some adjustments. Uhh. Wow, I never saw that before. A very strange man has appears to have affixed a giant pair of television antennas to his oddly specific television-shaped house. Hm. Aha, I see… I told you before, Marty. I don't like you hanging out with that old man. He is— — he's strange, Marty! He's strange, Well, maybe I'm strange. I don't think so! Remember this? LORRAINE points at a picture on the refrigerator; Her son, MARTY is clean cut, smiling and well dressed— almost the opposite of his newly adopted Whatever, I just got bored. But mom, he's a genius! Genius my patatootie! Let's not— [The Festival Project ™] Ugh, Mom! —say, “patootie” alright? Especially when I'm watching TV! I can say patootie all I want, especially if it's my patootie! Eww, mom!! Patatootie, patootie, patootie! Alright. I only got two weeks to learn everything I can about Saturday night Live… For whatever reason. WHY! I don't know. WHY! I don't know. WHYYYYYYYYYY?! I don't know, Kenan, shut the fuck up! Woah woah woah. Hold the phone. KENAN cries out into the universe inconsolably about his newly entirely totaled Beamer. KEL can't seem to console him, but doesn't really try. He seems preoccupied with twisting up the perfect blunt, licking it from the sidewalk as KENAN, hunched over the crumpled hood and completely totaled vehicle cries out once more, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! There appears to have been a hit-and-run. L E G E N D S Earlier: Well, for… Wait who did I write Flowers for? Bill Hader. That's right. I never found Bill Hader. I was trying to avoid— Oh look, a penny. Aurumph. —oddly enough, I also promised myself a Rick and Morty marathon. Oh, that's right; it was Was I right? I can bet. CHRIS PARNELL seems to have awakened from a very deep sleep. As he lie on his back in the middle of the floor in an unknown room, the location becomes familiar ; he appears to be at Rockerfeller Center— however, not in a usual setting. PARNELL Oh, Jesus Christ… I don't know how I had him and sudakis mixed up. I don't even think they were on the same cast. Also, explain to me why. EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THIS DUDE: [Apparently Rob Riggle] SHOT ME. Shot— yo, wait. And you said— I'm waiting. He was wearing some kind of cloak . A cloak of invisibility. Everything was hidden besides— whatever he was drinking. He was drinking something . Yes, that is correct, apparently! “Apparently” Apparently! “Apparently” Do you remember what he was drinking. Ah, yes. I remember exactly…apparently. Apparently? Yes, exactly—apparently. It appeared to be a strawberry milkshake. A—a strawberry milkshake . A strawberry milkshake! Exactly! Not apparently? Exactly, apparently! Alright… thanks. -_- Now, where were we with the actual celebrities ! I thought this was a Star-studded cast! We are star studded. Where are they then. The who?! The stars ! The what! The people! You said this movie had real star power! It does! Where! Right here, see ?! At some point I had seen all I thought that I could of one man's price — The thing to pay in response to one great, cosmic ask; And then, like nothing ; I dissappeared, and went away with it all, into my cavern, trapped like a madman; To know so much and yet, nothing at all. Shh. K. Take this. *sighs, but almost silently* Shh. *sighs even more deeply, but even more silently* The Legend of Ascencia Yo. Yo what. Yo what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. It's Skrillex. No, I'm not. Dont tell me— Idiot . You look confused. Do it again. I am— confused. Mortals. Where's deadmau5. I'm not playing deadmau5; These speakers are loud. Play the deadmau5 No, not that. There is it. Aha. See, I found it. —noo. That's better. I'll take it from here. From where. I don't see anything. I don't feel. I don't know anything. I don't say. I lost focus. I go home drunk. I think I called the wrong number. I think I caught a cold on the tour bus. I think I brought the whole road back with me. I think I got more starstruck not watching. I think I ran out of luck— On a four leaf clover. I think I woke up to Conan at Four in the morning Like “top of the morning to ya” And it was too much It was too much. It was too much. Smile. Camera one Camera 3 Run a mile Smile Admire on in 1, 2– Why are we counting up? Somehow my whole world backwards Backend, black tights, Black dress That's right But I don't like rice and my fritters is fried I am fried I am High I guess High I guess High I guess High I guess Hi, I guess. I like his eyes, I guess. Starting to cry I guess, Will ferrel is wild, I guess But why Don't look at the thigh meat I'm high as a kite I guess I just smiled and sung my goodbyes And just stopped trying to try I guess I wasted all my good years On a poor fat boy I wasted all my goo ears on bad songs that Still blow my mind Subliminal messages And as high as I am I still see tides, I guess Whole worlds of oceans and Starting to fly, I guess Yess I'm a bird Fuck this bird All I wanted was water A kite I guess Look, mom, I still cry I guess I digest life by the light and the smiles I get Almost none of them, Retreat to the forest Where I don't see none of them To go downstairs, No hair No make up Ugly girl Black girl Broke girl New York Going downstairs Undressed, Not made up Ugly girl Black girl Nappy girl Fat girl New York Scowl like you mean it Scowl like you mean it Nobody loves be because I'm not famous And no, I don't want you Because you're not famous And no, I don't want you Because you got famous And now I don't want you Because you're too famous Yes Do wah diddy Down by the boardwalk Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

They weren't going to hire me for EDC anyway1- not based off of that mix! But it had been a long week, and a long day, and of all the excuses in the world o had to make, the greatest excuse was this: it just wasn't my best mix( I simply wasn't ready. In fact, my entry was more like a spoof— I hadn't any pictures on my laptop and instead included a photo of my logo; my entry included a bio that was short and direct, vague and said more about my invisible cat than I did me. I didn't include a soundcloud, because I didn't have one, and when it came down to it, I wasn't a fan of the mix; it didn't sound as well as I knew I could do, or even as good as some of my past entries. I was going off the top of my head, with no tracks analyzed to sync—which meant I was wasting valuable playtime selecting tracks, and pitchyhingbthen manually to be exact, which made my mix not sound like me at all. I sounded like an amatur/- and with this being my first on-camera appearance, I certainly was an amatuer. The top of the line technology was foreign to me— and I knew EDC was at a loss; I hadn't handed in my best work or even looked my best, not understanding how fat the camera would make me look. Still, I hadn't even given them the video, and with every bit of my might leading up to the very deadline, I still made a ridiculous effort to hand in something— because it was some thing. I was already on somebody's radar in the DJ world for a very long time— this was my way of showing I was still doing as much as I could to actually catch up to speed with the kids, the hot girl DJ's, and the prostitots who at least could figure out how to analyze and sync their pre-recorded sets and press play on time. My set was janky, and it made it look like I couldn't even do that. But I could. As I had learned by spending that amount of time at the decks, I had actually become quite the technical DJ— little use of effects by choice means that I had precision focused in speed and ability— how many tracks can I get up and down and to stay in line? It was harder than ever without the ability to use sync at all, but I was learning by hand a skill enough DJ's didn't have to make it a skill worth having. Then, there was more I needed not just to learn, but for it to become second nature. For it to be easy to do not just in a room myself, but potentially in front of hundreds and thousands of people. I didn't want to be the average disc jokey. I wanted to play EDC— and not on a little controller on a side stage at 3:30 PM; I was sure I would one day start there, but this year was a wash. I had been thrown off by trying and failing to record the mixed I needed to enter the contest on my birthday and then all that accumulated in the pressure of anxiety, disappointment, and movements I hadn't made in months under the circumstances— for about four days in a row it seemed unlikely that it would happen at all, and when it did, it was at the very last moment, at the literal deadline, with a mix I wasn't particularly proud of and a track which was technically unreleased without using “unlicensed content”— I had selected it in hopes that the judge of the contest, SLANDER might hear something from it. A bass music DJ— and this was bass music, however, with somewhat outdated samples and a rare and very unique technique, I would hope that someone would listen to the track before the mix— and hear something special in it. It was a special song, at least to me— but these people were hard to impress to say the least, still I wanted to at least be on the radar, and I had an Insomniac tattoo that pleaded with me at times to just do whatever it takes. Besides, they had opened up another contest, which meant I had four tracks to present in total— three more tracks and three more mixes, and I was determined that with each passing day I would do better. For now, I was recovering from being out in New York on a rolling basis; my collected self confidence and poise from isolation had dwindled into the rotting core of depression of just being “just another poor black girl in Brooklyn” not an identity I wore on me at all times, but something like a badge that was placed on me by location, and the color of my skin. I hated my apartment, and I hated everything about my circumstances— because it separated me from the other DJs and producers. I wasn't safe, supported, popular, pretty, or well-to-do— and I didn't have the access to thentechnology on a whim, through a friend, or with privelege. Everything I did in the DJ world was a fight, a push, a breakthrough from a world that had no such luxuries— and for the most part, what wasn't going into my music, was going into my mouth. When I wasn't excersising, I was working, and when I wasn't working, I still was. I spent my time writing, and reading, and there was no such thing as a waste of time when I was learning about my predecessors— J.K. Rowling, George Lucas, and even Jim Henson, who I'd learned had made the very first muppet from scratch and by hand! Besides the play on words, I wasn't just a DJ; I was a writer, and a filmmaker, and I was trying to figure out how somehow also I was this strange puppeteer man, coming to the conclusion with the fact that I was also sort of always just obsessed with TV and wanted something to do with it. But I was stamping my foot, and heavily— I didn't just want to be an actor! I didn't just want to be a comedian. And certainly, because it sometimes seemed as if anybody could do it and with the sync button and pre-recorded mixes in mind, any bikini clad hot girl or basic bitch Chad boy could and were very most often DJs—I certainly did not want to nor did I have the choice of being just a DJ, or JUST a producer— because it seemed nothing made sense without being any of the others. But the problem remained that I was still not making any money from anything really worthwhile, and I was sick of subsisting, with the limited choices I had for nutrition and vitamins because of my government subsidies; the foods I wanted were out of reach— the energy sustaining, clean and organically sourced best foods and vitamins were just simply unavailable to people with food stamps, and even on the days I should have felt happiest, I became depressed. How was I going to escape the system— and why was no strawberry flavored vegan protein available to people on EBT?! I was almost a comedian, but lately too depressed to perform. All I wanted was my music world to be real— and it was real— I was doing just about as much as anyone else in the industry was, despite my limitations, and just not getting paid for it. My neighbors banged on the walls when I played music and slammed doors even even I didn't— and when I sang or rapped it sounded like they were slamming things around like they were throwing tantrums and fits. It might have been easy to look past if I were inebriated in some sort of way like most rappers, singers, and performers— but I was stone cold sober. Even in ear plugs, I heard every slam, every bang, every boom— and not to mention the motorcycles and the rest of the idiots outside. It seemed like I was being trapped by an energy that just simply never wanted me to make the best music I knew I could make, and so the best music I knew I could make wasn't going to be in this place. But how would I escape it? IT STARTS NOW. Agh. I promised myself that on my next Instacart subscription I would brush up on my Saturday a Night Live and whatever Which included but wasn't exactly limited to— Seth Meyers, 30 Rock, And almost dreadedly The Tonight Show, starring . Oh look. There he is. What was that dude's name again? Fixed it, You're welcome. What was wrong with it. Just needed some adjustments. Uhh. Wow, I never saw that before. A very strange man has appears to have affixed a giant pair of television antennas to his oddly specific television-shaped house. Hm. Aha, I see… I told you before, Marty. I don't like you hanging out with that old man. He is— — he's strange, Marty! He's strange, Well, maybe I'm strange. I don't think so! Remember this? LORRAINE points at a picture on the refrigerator; Her son, MARTY is clean cut, smiling and well dressed— almost the opposite of his newly adopted Whatever, I just got bored. But mom, he's a genius! Genius my patatootie! Let's not— [The Festival Project ™] Ugh, Mom! —say, “patootie” alright? Especially when I'm watching TV! I can say patootie all I want, especially if it's my patootie! Eww, mom!! Patatootie, patootie, patootie! Alright. I only got two weeks to learn everything I can about Saturday night Live… For whatever reason. WHY! I don't know. WHY! I don't know. WHYYYYYYYYYY?! I don't know, Kenan, shut the fuck up! Woah woah woah. Hold the phone. KENAN cries out into the universe inconsolably about his newly entirely totaled Beamer. KEL can't seem to console him, but doesn't really try. He seems preoccupied with twisting up the perfect blunt, licking it from the sidewalk as KENAN, hunched over the crumpled hood and completely totaled vehicle cries out once more, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! There appears to have been a hit-and-run. L E G E N D S Earlier: Well, for… Wait who did I write Flowers for? Bill Hader. That's right. I never found Bill Hader. I was trying to avoid— Oh look, a penny. Aurumph. —oddly enough, I also promised myself a Rick and Morty marathon. Oh, that's right; it was Was I right? I can bet. CHRIS PARNELL seems to have awakened from a very deep sleep. As he lie on his back in the middle of the floor in an unknown room, the location becomes familiar ; he appears to be at Rockerfeller Center— however, not in a usual setting. PARNELL Oh, Jesus Christ… I don't know how I had him and sudakis mixed up. I don't even think they were on the same cast. Also, explain to me why. EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THIS DUDE: [Apparently Rob Riggle] SHOT ME. Shot— yo, wait. And you said— I'm waiting. He was wearing some kind of cloak . A cloak of invisibility. Everything was hidden besides— whatever he was drinking. He was drinking something . Yes, that is correct, apparently! “Apparently” Apparently! “Apparently” Do you remember what he was drinking. Ah, yes. I remember exactly…apparently. Apparently? Yes, exactly—apparently. It appeared to be a strawberry milkshake. A—a strawberry milkshake . A strawberry milkshake! Exactly! Not apparently? Exactly, apparently! Alright… thanks. -_- Now, where were we with the actual celebrities ! I thought this was a Star-studded cast! We are star studded. Where are they then. The who?! The stars ! The what! The people! You said this movie had real star power! It does! Where! Right here, see ?! At some point I had seen all I thought that I could of one man's price — The thing to pay in response to one great, cosmic ask; And then, like nothing ; I dissappeared, and went away with it all, into my cavern, trapped like a madman; To know so much and yet, nothing at all. Shh. K. Take this. *sighs, but almost silently* Shh. *sighs even more deeply, but even more silently* The Legend of Ascencia Yo. Yo what. Yo what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. It's Skrillex. No, I'm not. Dont tell me— Idiot . You look confused. Do it again. I am— confused. Mortals. Where's deadmau5. I'm not playing deadmau5; These speakers are loud. Play the deadmau5 No, not that. There is it. Aha. See, I found it. —noo. That's better. I'll take it from here. From where. I don't see anything. I don't feel. I don't know anything. I don't say. I lost focus. I go home drunk. I think I called the wrong number. I think I caught a cold on the tour bus. I think I brought the whole road back with me. I think I got more starstruck not watching. I think I ran out of luck— On a four leaf clover. I think I woke up to Conan at Four in the morning Like “top of the morning to ya” And it was too much It was too much. It was too much. Smile. Camera one Camera 3 Run a mile Smile Admire on in 1, 2– Why are we counting up? Somehow my whole world backwards Backend, black tights, Black dress That's right But I don't like rice and my fritters is fried I am fried I am High I guess High I guess High I guess High I guess Hi, I guess. I like his eyes, I guess. Starting to cry I guess, Will ferrel is wild, I guess But why Don't look at the thigh meat I'm high as a kite I guess I just smiled and sung my goodbyes And just stopped trying to try I guess I wasted all my good years On a poor fat boy I wasted all my goo ears on bad songs that Still blow my mind Subliminal messages And as high as I am I still see tides, I guess Whole worlds of oceans and Starting to fly, I guess Yess I'm a bird Fuck this bird All I wanted was water A kite I guess Look, mom, I still cry I guess I digest life by the light and the smiles I get Almost none of them, Retreat to the forest Where I don't see none of them To go downstairs, No hair No make up Ugly girl Black girl Broke girl New York Going downstairs Undressed, Not made up Ugly girl Black girl Nappy girl Fat girl New York Scowl like you mean it Scowl like you mean it Nobody loves be because I'm not famous And no, I don't want you Because you're not famous And no, I don't want you Because you got famous And now I don't want you Because you're too famous Yes Do wah diddy Down by the boardwalk Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

They weren't going to hire me for EDC anyway1- not based off of that mix! But it had been a long week, and a long day, and of all the excuses in the world o had to make, the greatest excuse was this: it just wasn't my best mix( I simply wasn't ready. In fact, my entry was more like a spoof— I hadn't any pictures on my laptop and instead included a photo of my logo; my entry included a bio that was short and direct, vague and said more about my invisible cat than I did me. I didn't include a soundcloud, because I didn't have one, and when it came down to it, I wasn't a fan of the mix; it didn't sound as well as I knew I could do, or even as good as some of my past entries. I was going off the top of my head, with no tracks analyzed to sync—which meant I was wasting valuable playtime selecting tracks, and pitchyhingbthen manually to be exact, which made my mix not sound like me at all. I sounded like an amatur/- and with this being my first on-camera appearance, I certainly was an amatuer. The top of the line technology was foreign to me— and I knew EDC was at a loss; I hadn't handed in my best work or even looked my best, not understanding how fat the camera would make me look. Still, I hadn't even given them the video, and with every bit of my might leading up to the very deadline, I still made a ridiculous effort to hand in something— because it was some thing. I was already on somebody's radar in the DJ world for a very long time— this was my way of showing I was still doing as much as I could to actually catch up to speed with the kids, the hot girl DJ's, and the prostitots who at least could figure out how to analyze and sync their pre-recorded sets and press play on time. My set was janky, and it made it look like I couldn't even do that. But I could. As I had learned by spending that amount of time at the decks, I had actually become quite the technical DJ— little use of effects by choice means that I had precision focused in speed and ability— how many tracks can I get up and down and to stay in line? It was harder than ever without the ability to use sync at all, but I was learning by hand a skill enough DJ's didn't have to make it a skill worth having. Then, there was more I needed not just to learn, but for it to become second nature. For it to be easy to do not just in a room myself, but potentially in front of hundreds and thousands of people. I didn't want to be the average disc jokey. I wanted to play EDC— and not on a little controller on a side stage at 3:30 PM; I was sure I would one day start there, but this year was a wash. I had been thrown off by trying and failing to record the mixed I needed to enter the contest on my birthday and then all that accumulated in the pressure of anxiety, disappointment, and movements I hadn't made in months under the circumstances— for about four days in a row it seemed unlikely that it would happen at all, and when it did, it was at the very last moment, at the literal deadline, with a mix I wasn't particularly proud of and a track which was technically unreleased without using “unlicensed content”— I had selected it in hopes that the judge of the contest, SLANDER might hear something from it. A bass music DJ— and this was bass music, however, with somewhat outdated samples and a rare and very unique technique, I would hope that someone would listen to the track before the mix— and hear something special in it. It was a special song, at least to me— but these people were hard to impress to say the least, still I wanted to at least be on the radar, and I had an Insomniac tattoo that pleaded with me at times to just do whatever it takes. Besides, they had opened up another contest, which meant I had four tracks to present in total— three more tracks and three more mixes, and I was determined that with each passing day I would do better. For now, I was recovering from being out in New York on a rolling basis; my collected self confidence and poise from isolation had dwindled into the rotting core of depression of just being “just another poor black girl in Brooklyn” not an identity I wore on me at all times, but something like a badge that was placed on me by location, and the color of my skin. I hated my apartment, and I hated everything about my circumstances— because it separated me from the other DJs and producers. I wasn't safe, supported, popular, pretty, or well-to-do— and I didn't have the access to thentechnology on a whim, through a friend, or with privelege. Everything I did in the DJ world was a fight, a push, a breakthrough from a world that had no such luxuries— and for the most part, what wasn't going into my music, was going into my mouth. When I wasn't excersising, I was working, and when I wasn't working, I still was. I spent my time writing, and reading, and there was no such thing as a waste of time when I was learning about my predecessors— J.K. Rowling, George Lucas, and even Jim Henson, who I'd learned had made the very first muppet from scratch and by hand! Besides the play on words, I wasn't just a DJ; I was a writer, and a filmmaker, and I was trying to figure out how somehow also I was this strange puppeteer man, coming to the conclusion with the fact that I was also sort of always just obsessed with TV and wanted something to do with it. But I was stamping my foot, and heavily— I didn't just want to be an actor! I didn't just want to be a comedian. And certainly, because it sometimes seemed as if anybody could do it and with the sync button and pre-recorded mixes in mind, any bikini clad hot girl or basic bitch Chad boy could and were very most often DJs—I certainly did not want to nor did I have the choice of being just a DJ, or JUST a producer— because it seemed nothing made sense without being any of the others. But the problem remained that I was still not making any money from anything really worthwhile, and I was sick of subsisting, with the limited choices I had for nutrition and vitamins because of my government subsidies; the foods I wanted were out of reach— the energy sustaining, clean and organically sourced best foods and vitamins were just simply unavailable to people with food stamps, and even on the days I should have felt happiest, I became depressed. How was I going to escape the system— and why was no strawberry flavored vegan protein available to people on EBT?! I was almost a comedian, but lately too depressed to perform. All I wanted was my music world to be real— and it was real— I was doing just about as much as anyone else in the industry was, despite my limitations, and just not getting paid for it. My neighbors banged on the walls when I played music and slammed doors even even I didn't— and when I sang or rapped it sounded like they were slamming things around like they were throwing tantrums and fits. It might have been easy to look past if I were inebriated in some sort of way like most rappers, singers, and performers— but I was stone cold sober. Even in ear plugs, I heard every slam, every bang, every boom— and not to mention the motorcycles and the rest of the idiots outside. It seemed like I was being trapped by an energy that just simply never wanted me to make the best music I knew I could make, and so the best music I knew I could make wasn't going to be in this place. But how would I escape it? IT STARTS NOW. Agh. I promised myself that on my next Instacart subscription I would brush up on my Saturday a Night Live and whatever Which included but wasn't exactly limited to— Seth Meyers, 30 Rock, And almost dreadedly The Tonight Show, starring . Oh look. There he is. What was that dude's name again? Fixed it, You're welcome. What was wrong with it. Just needed some adjustments. Uhh. Wow, I never saw that before. A very strange man has appears to have affixed a giant pair of television antennas to his oddly specific television-shaped house. Hm. Aha, I see… I told you before, Marty. I don't like you hanging out with that old man. He is— — he's strange, Marty! He's strange, Well, maybe I'm strange. I don't think so! Remember this? LORRAINE points at a picture on the refrigerator; Her son, MARTY is clean cut, smiling and well dressed— almost the opposite of his newly adopted Whatever, I just got bored. But mom, he's a genius! Genius my patatootie! Let's not— [The Festival Project ™] Ugh, Mom! —say, “patootie” alright? Especially when I'm watching TV! I can say patootie all I want, especially if it's my patootie! Eww, mom!! Patatootie, patootie, patootie! Alright. I only got two weeks to learn everything I can about Saturday night Live… For whatever reason. WHY! I don't know. WHY! I don't know. WHYYYYYYYYYY?! I don't know, Kenan, shut the fuck up! Woah woah woah. Hold the phone. KENAN cries out into the universe inconsolably about his newly entirely totaled Beamer. KEL can't seem to console him, but doesn't really try. He seems preoccupied with twisting up the perfect blunt, licking it from the sidewalk as KENAN, hunched over the crumpled hood and completely totaled vehicle cries out once more, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?! There appears to have been a hit-and-run. L E G E N D S Earlier: Well, for… Wait who did I write Flowers for? Bill Hader. That's right. I never found Bill Hader. I was trying to avoid— Oh look, a penny. Aurumph. —oddly enough, I also promised myself a Rick and Morty marathon. Oh, that's right; it was Was I right? I can bet. CHRIS PARNELL seems to have awakened from a very deep sleep. As he lie on his back in the middle of the floor in an unknown room, the location becomes familiar ; he appears to be at Rockerfeller Center— however, not in a usual setting. PARNELL Oh, Jesus Christ… I don't know how I had him and sudakis mixed up. I don't even think they were on the same cast. Also, explain to me why. EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THIS DUDE: [Apparently Rob Riggle] SHOT ME. Shot— yo, wait. And you said— I'm waiting. He was wearing some kind of cloak . A cloak of invisibility. Everything was hidden besides— whatever he was drinking. He was drinking something . Yes, that is correct, apparently! “Apparently” Apparently! “Apparently” Do you remember what he was drinking. Ah, yes. I remember exactly…apparently. Apparently? Yes, exactly—apparently. It appeared to be a strawberry milkshake. A—a strawberry milkshake . A strawberry milkshake! Exactly! Not apparently? Exactly, apparently! Alright… thanks. -_- Now, where were we with the actual celebrities ! I thought this was a Star-studded cast! We are star studded. Where are they then. The who?! The stars ! The what! The people! You said this movie had real star power! It does! Where! Right here, see ?! At some point I had seen all I thought that I could of one man's price — The thing to pay in response to one great, cosmic ask; And then, like nothing ; I dissappeared, and went away with it all, into my cavern, trapped like a madman; To know so much and yet, nothing at all. Shh. K. Take this. *sighs, but almost silently* Shh. *sighs even more deeply, but even more silently* The Legend of Ascencia Yo. Yo what. Yo what the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. It's Skrillex. No, I'm not. Dont tell me— Idiot . You look confused. Do it again. I am— confused. Mortals. Where's deadmau5. I'm not playing deadmau5; These speakers are loud. Play the deadmau5 No, not that. There is it. Aha. See, I found it. —noo. That's better. I'll take it from here. From where. I don't see anything. I don't feel. I don't know anything. I don't say. I lost focus. I go home drunk. I think I called the wrong number. I think I caught a cold on the tour bus. I think I brought the whole road back with me. I think I got more starstruck not watching. I think I ran out of luck— On a four leaf clover. I think I woke up to Conan at Four in the morning Like “top of the morning to ya” And it was too much It was too much. It was too much. Smile. Camera one Camera 3 Run a mile Smile Admire on in 1, 2– Why are we counting up? Somehow my whole world backwards Backend, black tights, Black dress That's right But I don't like rice and my fritters is fried I am fried I am High I guess High I guess High I guess High I guess Hi, I guess. I like his eyes, I guess. Starting to cry I guess, Will ferrel is wild, I guess But why Don't look at the thigh meat I'm high as a kite I guess I just smiled and sung my goodbyes And just stopped trying to try I guess I wasted all my good years On a poor fat boy I wasted all my goo ears on bad songs that Still blow my mind Subliminal messages And as high as I am I still see tides, I guess Whole worlds of oceans and Starting to fly, I guess Yess I'm a bird Fuck this bird All I wanted was water A kite I guess Look, mom, I still cry I guess I digest life by the light and the smiles I get Almost none of them, Retreat to the forest Where I don't see none of them To go downstairs, No hair No make up Ugly girl Black girl Broke girl New York Going downstairs Undressed, Not made up Ugly girl Black girl Nappy girl Fat girl New York Scowl like you mean it Scowl like you mean it Nobody loves be because I'm not famous And no, I don't want you Because you're not famous And no, I don't want you Because you got famous And now I don't want you Because you're too famous Yes Do wah diddy Down by the boardwalk Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

[A beautiful dog enters the palace; C'esme't is pleased—actually, more thrilled.] Now! (Yo!) [The Dog sits at the entrance.] Call to me. [he speaks from the mind (telepathically) with a familiar tonal voice] Come, sweet stranger! [The Dog approaches] For it is I, the King who walks as not a ghost For yet the call has spoken that I be your loyal shadow (it's me; the King. I've been called to watch over you) Then? (Elaborate.) For now I came as waked dost I as ghost and wandered, pity and pardoned by no army dared Aghast my throne And agape my eyes, Wide my mouth and nostrils, Disemboweled and yet, I did wake with my fortune And tidings in my kingdom, a hidden realm, For there slayed, as I wept, The others dared to swallow, This truth, I, as knight and pawn doth slay the Queen, For titled King no friend of mine; And now, this beast as blood dost froth, My mind does waste, but here I bark Fortunate! To be laid by as you, I will. Then, creature, as you may! For free, this I, And coming not the time I shall l awaken, And then, though, Does the true challenge to bear, The altar; the stone, the shield and the rope From which I pull, and thee shall fight. Marriage of souls. To fancy this beast, betrayeth not. For something barks as is an end As a man does call a lover friend And so lover-friend I am and shall be. Lol what the fuck. So he's a dog now. ‍♀️ wtf is going on in this show. Idk. I'm baked. Enter The Multiverse L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny ‍♂️ Ascension: Enter the Multiverse The titles switched. Good idea. So maybe I should stick with t mobile? Idk. Mint mobile is 15 dollars a month for unlimited talk and text. HERE AND NOW I DECREE, THIS FEAST DOES NOURISH ALL OUR MINDS AND HEARTS TO FIGHT THE GOOD WAR AGAINST ALL HE WHO SQUANDER THE MERCY OF PEACE! TO COURAGE! lol you lost me. I'm grasping at strings here. I needs a means to an end I need a body bag, body bag I need a King and a dog And a cat and an owl And a mark and a dawn And a knife and a gun Call it what you want I was not at the rock But that's where I was going I'm lost in Omaha I was just on the dark With the dark and the walkers The king and the rabbit The facts and the stalkers But who sunk the boat? Who sunk the boat Now this is encouragement! Acknowledgements? Nothing yet. Disaster strikes obvious and No regrets But obvious I'm in it for the long run And it transpired for the job done But the waffles came out awful And crispier than I wanted Almost every time So I took the iron back to target And I know I came out with a double album in August But I got no promotions So I won't walk the carpet So I won't walk the carpet I know I know I'm no Joan Rivers Or Joan of ark so I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip I won't talk the gossip Now, more followers Show boat, Throw him overboard into a rowboat With no paddles And horseshoes on em— That outta show ‘em Rondevouz Rob us all Noah's Ark Don't get so lost in the story Lost in the sory Lost in the LORNE MICHAELS …you caused this. [In a secret lab inside of 30 Rock, A group of SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE alumni are trapped inside a metal box; this room has no doors and no windows and seems to be amplifying thought frequencies each of them hears uniquely, but distinctly, and very, very loudly. This is due to the irrefutable fact that they are all gifted telepaths, due to having served time often looking into the lenses of live broadcast cameras. it is theorized that, because of this anomaly— a strange and untraceable signal seeming to intercept all of Rockefeller Plaza's Radio antennae transmissions, it may be an unknown extraterrestrial force attempting to comminicste with 30 Rock from space. On this day, they've been gathered and trapped here in an emergency focus group to attempt to remedy the problem. Haha. MAKE IT STOP. OH MY GOD WHAT IS THST, WHYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYHY!!! Craters full of lullabies and dictionary definitions; Tense intimate interactions, and now, this hypertension. I have a secret, a dirty little secret. I didn't do it! It wasn't me! Hmm..okay–vouch. I'm telling you–wait– vouch? Yeah, I vouch. You're vouching me? I'm vouching you. She's vouching me. She vouched you. So i'm good? You're good. I'm good. You're good. Ok. SETH MEYERS is the best secret keeper in the entirety of the known and unknown multiverse. The respective deities and entities within the outer realms have taken notice to this; One of the world's greatest eve played game has become the ritualistic endeavor of tracking down this human in order to attempt to overwhelm him so that he might eventually crack or implode, or even acknowledge these sometimes outrageous events and otherworldly happenings; thus far, he has not. As of recently, the elders of the darkest deities from the furthest outer realms and legions of Hell have been taking this game with the now very famous and successful seth meyers, a popular TV host; this has elevated the e ntirety of the threshold for Seth's tolerance, and it appears he may soon be pushed to crack. So why are you on the wire? I atrophied at extravagant Tip toed in the tip ties; Til' then, i went there, Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Now summer starts in winter Pull the curtain back, Then you censor this Censor this! I pull the curtain back, then redact then redact don't react don't react It's an act it's an act Shit I pull the curtain back then I bow; It's a show now Pull the curtain back then I show, It's a showdown Listen up, Listen down I super blow my flow now, super bowl my pronouns You can't lose if you don't pick a team You can't win if you don't even play I can't pay you if I don't get a paycheck I can't work at it if it's not fame Oh no! I can't work at it if it's not fame. The isms is the synthesis; I only got one present for christmas When you [can] Take that spark and bury it in your heart, don't remark about it– Then, probably you're a comic Or an alcoholic, one of the two of them Wrong not to touch, then Willed you back into existence And still it's in exigence, and Guilty by association Guilty by association I just want to know what the current Tonight Show budget is for hair dye. Also wondering why JImmy's suit is grey, but his hair isn't? Is that a two in one? Honest to God my only question about this man. The rest can remain as mystery. Act V Part II Guilty By Association Sometimes I Stevie Wonder what you're up to; I can't see you but I know you're in my aura Sometimes I Richard Pryor while you're on my mind; I guess you could say you set my soul on fire My, my my Look what time it is I've only just begun to know you; Then I had to dieSo turn the light off My eye Turn the light off for awhile And follow me to darkness Follow me To the other side. It's not true, but it'll do I might have lost you somewhere Better off to leave you somewhere sure; If it's not pure And how could it be When only the light hits the snow And bounces off The warmth is an illusion, And your love is just a dream And anyway, anyway There's nothing i've ever been surer of Than the definite end, The enter and exit And when planets align, Only to fall completely out of orbit Now what was this for again Foreigner, object identified and destroyed it's destructive qualities, Tentative in a nature Sure, pressure– Resentment, Intense good moments of pleasure, Then signals sent Completely by accident. -Now that i've been thinking lately of Bill Murray And my formerly imaginary friend Riff Raff, Now i'm sure that There may be some telepathy involved Which means I should probably just– Go somewhere else now. Should I be sorry for my thoughts? I'd rather not, But still YO. Yo dude, what the fuck. I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS MOVIE FOR LIKE A YEAR. That's not that long… IT'S A LONG TIME TO BE IN A MOVIE. Please don't tear me to pieces; Don't blow the balloon up, No foul ball, No side eye No fowl play And dinner is as cold as it gets But dinner does warm In the aluminum foil, But all out of order, The border patrol is just Digging for details Digging for details. And it's this: You don't know what it is, Until you get into it, And it sets into you The only way it can When it's in you. Are you paying attention to this? Or can I just end it? Boston accents or what, And now i really think It's just inside my head It's just inside my head and This is getting weird. All of a sudden, I'm oh wonder and I love it And Sara Silverman has The prettiest brown eyes I've ever seen (on a celebrity) ((with whom I share a gender)) Aha. Okay, Sabrina Carpenter has a very pretty voice But that doesn't make me Any less jealous Or any less capable of explosion Disarm me I'm catching up on the specials I missed Being special I guess With no grocery subscription Aim low, Get high, I guess Rob Lowe, Build time, I guess I miss the old announcer, And the golden years I miss the former times And the mouse ears I learned my less I might got Kim K and TSwift Pointer Finger Could hold a tune to you, Who The joys of live theatre, And the catastrophe of the Impenetrable Boy oh boy is Television getting heavy Turn up the ridiculousness and Atrocious Atrocities and Acidophilus Anorexic, I wish i could digest this –and expand my vocabulary I wish I was better than I am So i could be Capable Can Kim Kardashian ever not just be Naturally beautiful at everything Doing everything Kim The J I can't sing in this apartment And it might actually kill me The devil lives next door on both sides I'm in a satan sandwich I guess I'm just Not free I must have fucked up last lifetime I must have fucked up last lifetime I might have looked just like her I want to get upstaged by Eddie Murphy More corpse suits! Pink lipstick! Slap the desk Check the camera Front loading! Front loading! I want a chance at humbling white america (just kidding) I want a wig that looks like an afro (cause I don't have one) I want Lorne Michaels to shame me into beng better By making me feel mediocre first So I hit the high bar When I hit the body bag I hit the body bag When I hit the high road With Letterman YOU STOLE MY BODY TO GO TO A BLACK TIE FUNCTION!? Yeah. Well–which one? Okay, you're gonna get a kick out of this. I'm giddy for physical comedy THIS IS MY MANIFEST DESTINY MY MANIFEST DESTINY AHHHHHHHH MY MANIFEST DESTINAAAAAAA Comedy comes in all forms And God comes in all Karma I brace myself for repeating my mantras I light candles But don't blow them out I just might get my wish DO NOT RESIST. I AM RESISTING THIS ARREST. Oh yeah. YES. Shoot him. NO, DON'T. SHOOT HIM, BILLY BOB, SHOOT ‘EM. Crocodile hunter turned hard-up cop Read him his rights! He ain't white enough. So she's perfect! Me? I've been taken in I can't stand to stamp I can't christmas, Backwards And backwash And sanford and sons And Whatever And… Ego might eat me like Eggos Like Hannibal Burress was holding At the market I left my Ego at the door But there's just no room for the both For the both of us I KNOW I'll just write her a hit show! What. YES. THEN, SHE'LL LEAVE SNL, AND THEN I'LL BE THE BLACK GIRL ON THE SHOW MWAAHAHAHAHAHA Ok. wtf happened to that girl? SUNNI BLU [kicking and screaming] I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOING ON FA– —-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So many beautiful people, or, rather The actors, Or should I say Vortex Then. Too many beautiful people I spent the whole night warm and holed up in the office What could come out of The Rock I don't know where to look I'm not used to the audience Duh, that. I'm a professional audience member But i don't remember the ending Anybody? Anybody? Any envy actor actress? BPM: Dosage Anxiety Remix Honestly fuck the comed circut I just want to know what it's like to have a body What's it like to have a body? I'm just a collective consciousness robot Adapting to my environment I can't sing in this apartment! I'm in a Satan Sandwich And would be The God in the middle If God didn't find this Absolutely hilarious So I'm on 24 hours; You're on Saturday Nights, But i'm on 24 I broke my Don't-look up-folks rule on Brittney Howard Cause I think i'm just like herBut more of a coward. You're on Saturday Night Live But i'm on 24 Hours It hurts longer And stronger Every moment I'm gone And still not a mom I wish I could change my eyes The color of the world Before it all ends Earth gone And oceans of mud No tide And no moon (The Earth without the Sun) I don't want to know you I don't want to owe you a lesson. I don't want to go there. I don't want no dance numbers. I don't want no GOATS here. No goats here. I don't get it, Mass Media– Is this flattery, or Deception? Humiliation? Based in perception, I see, so Is this recognition or Did I just send Dillon Francis my script in the beginning? No answer, by God. What an asshole What if Alienz Don't like lesbians. What is trance is just bad dance music. That's… What if edifice breaks for a daily regimen of Letterman? What if RUN, FALLON, RUN! I'M ATTACHED TO A KITE I HAVE NO CONTROL OF THIS. WELL, WHAT IS IT ATTACHED TO?! YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW! —NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Look, It's Meryl Streep! Holy shit, Meryl Streep is hot. What.(I can't keep secrets>) God doesn't keep good secrets. Just stop talking. Look, It's “My Bad Chad” Holyfuck Are you gonna have all those burned off too? Or can I do it for you? (might cost less) Jk Kim K That's a tough act to follow. Ariana? Nah, Backup; Had that. Meanwhile: Me in a hatchback Campin' at the Palisades. My name's the hammer –Adam ruins everything– I am not goin' starstruck –Adam Ruins Everything– My name's the Hammer (I'm a hammer, damn) –Adam Ruins Everything– I love showbiz But I got hard work comin on Now pause:: I need a break Need to make money Now i get a two for one Two for one Hate me or love me Either way, I'm gonna show up, Blow up, Glow up, And fuck off I'm a lost cause Cause I lost God On a talk show The way the camera moves makes me nauseous virtual reality And everybody's mad at me for Jimmy Fallon's Galaxy Conan “snowball” O'Brien But why's he called that. Shh! Not Yet. Oh, you are so overdone and fucked right now! Shh! My mom might be listening. Like she's never heard the word ‘fuck'? Shhhh! MOM I heard that! See! She said she heard it; she didn't say stop it. Well stop it. Fuck me man! SHH. KNOCK IT OFF. Yes Mrs. Mason Who the fuck is Mrs. Mason. Come on, white america; Put me on late night I promise you I'll watch more hallmark artists Than all of them Every day over here is a suit and tie function Camera one? YOU DONE FUCKED WITH US FOR THE LAST TIME. Ah shit. lol . whart is thrus. Fucking–magicians or something. Freemasons. F– Alright. Where is he? Where is who? You know who! What? Donaghey!!!!!!!! Lol Alec Baldin is like 200 years old. *cackles too hard, falls over and dies* Yikes. JACK DONAGHEY enters from a Parallel dimension and sees ALEC BALDWIN'S CORPSE. …Huh. Who's this handsome son of a bitch, I wonder. Don't wonder too hard. We gotta find that court order and get out of here. What court order [Cort hors d'oeuvres] what. I don't know. It almost kind of rhymed with corpse and wonder and I'm still stuck writing in cadences. What for! Oh wow, the neighbor was really a plant forreal. STOP SLAMMIN THAT Yo fuck this. Waht the fuck am I supposed to do with all this information. [appearing entirely out of nowhere, as always.] JIMMY FALLON I told you to burn it. OH MY FUCKING JESUS CHRIST. STOP DOING THAT. I can't. That's– Apparently what I do. WELL GET OUT OF HERE. Wish I could. Strapped to a kite. THEN HOW ARE YOU STANDING HERE? WHAT? I'm learning a lot of things up there! UP–WHERE! Up yours. WHAT. *poofs* UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I hate him. I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM. I hate this. TINA FEY Fuckit, he hates himself. Lets just assume. No, that's it. That's the singularity. What. It can't– He's just so confi— That's the singularity. [everything ploofs back to normal] See. I win. FUCK. ARE YOU SERIOUS!? I'M YOUNG AGAIN. i”M YOUNG AGAIN. [The entire cast stares at their returned to period-accurately aged cast mate; He appears so confident and wise, however–just a glint of insecurity falls over him–this indeed was the singularity; rather than to risk all of time and space defrabicating for a third and albeit final time, they rain down on their castmate, with the angry hellfire of a gregorian mob, urging him to GO LOVE YOURSELF. Long Night at work, or just Shoo fly, don't bother me– I'm more caught up on the Rudolph Storyline, How it's some mystic But I missed it With the lip stick And the vintage this and thats Person Welcome to Hogwarts, Of course, It's your funeral God bless the illuminati All I see is– NOT IT. IT WASN'T ME. I DIDN'T DO IT. JLO BITCH, STOP TALKING. Woah, What the FUCK JLO. JLO WHAT IN THE FUCK DID I JUST SAY? I–wh– Wait… Fallon? SHHHHThhHHHTHhhTHHHH!! Give me one bet Died inside Who's doing which thing God bless these envies! Gie me one shot Now who am I?Ace in the hole? I died inside. Don't break the barrier Don't run the wall Don't be the villain Fall, JImmy, Fall. To float, or to fall Or to walk away To shop at the mall Or to bet it all on Fall on And I tell you to jump, you jump! And I tell you to move, You move! And I tell you to movie, You movie! And I show you the blue OH GOD. Gimmie the binoculars! No, you don't wanna see What! Why not! HE MOONED ME. I got three of a kind Three of a kind Three of hearts Two of diamonds HAH. I DOn'T LiKE THIS. Fuck off, The Ace. And very kindly, Go fuck yourself. Four aces, Four aces A mindfuck for the both of us An open book And shotglasses And fans of ours Its good to laugh At the ones you love Love Love Love Love It's showbiz, It's showbiz; I love it I want to die. I love it I love it I missed the bar I fucked up somewhere. Don't look back in anger, Or don't look back at al. Fall, Fall, Fall Fall Fall Love Love Love Love Love Love Did you notice I haven't looked back. I put you up on a– Up on a Up on a pedestal Then remembered To forget it all, In indifference Foraged your signature Sorry, I don't want a lot of hawk-a-loogie clock-the-woman knockdown, dragout drama I got a feel for it. What if all your forfeitures were fortunes All your donuts turned subordinates To astronauts Or fake dreams for fak streams and dreaming of Don't bother me I'm on poverty I want walks on the beach and blue bunny ice cream sundaes I've got a whole city Marked off in my journal For frozen custard and Lost in a thought, are we? Trust me, I think I died. Trust me, I trusted the God of Mercy Trust me I went all the way to the burden, Bought a hammock And then worked harder than nobody No dropped calls from mother No one's home at all Work harder I thought Sweater Weather was my new DJ name, But as it turns out, It was my telepathy ringing me I rode to the top of the rock with the beatlesI didn't mean for it to be me But i was twice out of body, Once out of mind. Now give me a minute Please. Let me become indifferent Don't need no friends, Long roads Roundhouse kicks to the face Hard rolling baggage Heart shaped boxes Or Prophets Don't need dozens of roses don't need diamonds Do need dinosaursDo need phone numbers do Do do . –but don't– don't don't. When i fall in line I write books and poems, songs And suffer, slugger . This is what I struggled with– who paid the neighbor bitch to feed me the whole special And slam doors On my mental That shit struck a chord And rubbed me the wrong way But i'm humble I won't touch nobody's Body at all. Nobody's. Now my dreams make sense, kind of But why are these my dreams And not actual people and most of all What does it mean? That I'm equal to? Or lesser than? Like the emerald stone on Sir Paul McCartney's hand, I went green for a moment It's just banter.I'm just having a hard time (I can't sing in this apartment)I might need a band I might need a bandaid. I might need a bath Some peroxide and hair dye My heart's broken I'm having a hard time But still not struggling I might have a hard time But not as hard as the afterparty was, And I struck gold. Kept walking Roll dice. Four of a kind, Four kings, four aces Four of a kind, Four kites, And a night owl The Rock and the Kite, Part V STEFON It's this thing where… {Enter The Multiverse} –and that's why I wished my mom a happy birthday. [The Festival Project ™ ] Damn, the illuminati really showed out for the oscars this year. CONAN SHHHH. He even says “I Am” Then commands the stage Look at all those long legs Now we're on enclave or conclave? I don't know. I'm feeling more ravey. Tears of a Clown Nobody to save me Not even shug avery. Who? That's right? Now i'm feeling more Broadway, baby. L E G E N D S: Manifest Destiny I wanna see the snake sitting next to you; Show me those eyes I love models and the lack thereof Inside of them I want to see the feral reptile Show me those eyesI love that she flies through life Right to you Right It's a boys club Boy they Really prize these Chappel Roans and Timothee Chalemet But where am I at? –Adam Ruins Everything– A couple forced fake laughs Cause I like highlights Stagecrafts Craftservices And god knows I can't write like this And I'm About To die [CONAN O'BRIEN leaves television to run a Bed and Breakfast in ORLANDO.] INT. BED AND BREAKFAST. ORLANDO. … [Calamity ensues] Conan killed the oscars, Stole the wand, The show and the bowtie (hostses with the mostest) –and that's why he's Snowball. No, i'm sure it's because my fur is fluffy and– Okay no more outdated rick and morty references Fine. Was that Dillon Francis behind Ben Stiller Or do I still just like white guys That much. Why do A-Listers like reptiles so much? Show me those eyes, you know I could use a good lunch (Birds of Prey eat snakes) {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™ Episode Transcript: Yeah. Okay, this is terrifying. I haven't actually done this in it feels like way longer than it's been. In reality, it's only been like three like maybe three days, but it makes all the difference in the world. Hi. what's going on, I was just reminiscing about kitten mittens. Aw shit. I dropped my pen. If you remember if you're listening to this right now and you remember kittenman. congratulations, you've been with me since the beginning. um anyway, I don't know why I was just remembering that. kitten mittens. I thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world. I really I might have been delirious. losing my mind at a certain point, but I thought kittens was the best thing in the world. It was at the time. I was like I couldn't think of anything better. Then again, I was uh I don't know, I was discovering many hilarities. excuse the idiots in the back, they are idiots. um and they and they do this based on whatever I'm doing in my apartment. I'm their god. Anyway. I'm excused the background noise is still gonna be a a little bit uh while we're dealing with that, but at least you can help me collectively consciously remove them from existence entirely, um with the help of you know a collective existence we can get rid of evil. I don't I don't entirely. I'm not sure. I think that it would take a lot of people to understand that like a lot of it is just a game. I think it would take raising the entire consciousness of like people as a whole for them to understand that like, most of it is for entertainment and based off perceptions. So, like, whatever you' idea for the world is, like it was your idea. Whatever's making you upset is it was your idea. So I'm kind of coming to like terms with that in my own, like sense. I'm like, oh, yeah, like, whatever is happening, I'm like a certain like at the surface level is wrong, but like on a grander scale, like I programmed this into my reality for whatever purpose in order to better suit my, like ideal reality. That's, you know, that's that's it. I can't attribute it to anything else. They're idiots, cause I'm idiots. Anyway, what else is going on? I don't know, I was I'm gonna try and do this off book. I think I do have like I have some notes, but like I don't like the way that it feels when I'm going off of my notebook because it feels like robotic. It feels really, you know, like and not necessarily rehearsed, but it's it feels planned and when I listen back to the episodes where I do go off of like notes or something like that, I don't like the way that it sounds. Hearing myself back, going from a going going from like a script. And so I try to keep it like 100% improvisational and it keeps it fresh. and honestly, honesty goodness, I haven't been on the Peloton for like more than 15 minutes at a time since I stopped doing these episodes. I don't know what it is about the sound of my own voice, but maybe it's the fact that like, I'm in performance mode and I'm giving you guys like I'm in, you know, I'm like in my radio voice and then I'm watching back like a performance of myself in order to like, I don't know. It's like it's like experiencing myself for the first time secondhandedly because I'm not necessarily not thinking about what I'm saying, but I'm also not thinking about what what I'm saying or how I'm saying it as I'm saying it. And then, you know, sometimes I just really like even on my hardest days, sometimes I make myself laugh the very most, and I'm like, okay, there's another reason to keep doing it. Because for the most part, I'm like I don't wanna do this anymore, it costs me too much money and it's not. Like, I'm not a clut person. I'm just not a clout guy. I don't like doing stuff for clout, cause clout doesn't pay the bills and clout doesn't clout doesn't necessarily get you jobs, like unless it's like the right person's clout. Like, you get have clout from a million people, and if none of those million people are the well, a million is kind of where they drive line. Like if a million people are like, yeah, this is the shit, then it might get you a job. But like a million is probably the minimum number for that. Like if you don't have a million followers or you don't have a million views or you don't have a million of anything of just like clout like it doesn't pay bills. So I'm not a cloud person. I'm not just gonna do whatever off clout. What did I get off that on that clot rat for? I don't know, what was I saying? Oh, I'm going off book. I'm off. script. Anyway. what can I remember from things that I wrote down?, I don't know. I've been reading a lot. I've been, you know, doing doing the best that I can. I've been well, I've been reading. I've been reading children's books specifically because I'm finding information. Well, first of all, I picked up these children's books with the hope that I would be the owner of a small library and I'm not. I'm actually putting a lot of the books back into like society, which is fine. I'm just downsizing. It's actually helping me feel a lot better. Like my head is a lot clearer, my studio. My studio for for the first time in a long time was like a place that I can that I feel like I want to work. and it was the weirdest thing because I went through like a year of just like collecting whatever book I saw, like whether it was just like on a stoop, like I, you know, for whatever or out of the little free library or like just wherever, because books are everywhere in New York and that's probably my favorite thing hands down about New York is that like wherever you go there are books and they're free and you can pick them up. But I'm also very sensitive to energy, so as like an energy worker and a transmuter, it became congested to the point where it's like, okay, there is like a certain type of energy that's not that's foreign to me and as much cleansing and as much like, you know, whatever, as much, you know, in any kind of, you know, like spiritual work I was doing, there's an energy here that I'm not necessarily comfortable with. And I realized every time I picked up a book, I fell into like a certain type of world, you know, and it wasn't just like whether the book caught my attention from just like the cover or whatever, and then I decided to flip through it or whether it was like a book that I was stuck in, I was falling until like a certain energy or a certain world and that every book had a certain energy to it. And so I realized after a year of collecting hundreds of books that I had literally hundreds of energies, like floating through my space and it became like hectic and it became heavy to the point where I was like, like, I don't necessarily want to hold on to all these things. and so it's it's been really rejuvenating. I've been going through a time of just like not necessarily like I know I have a lot of stuff to do. but one of the stuff to do is is like going through all of the things that I know that I need to like let go of in order to feel better. And it has been helping me feel better. It has for the most part, I'm still doing a lot with like my energy recovery and the noise here has a lot to do with it. I'm now like I now have anxiety to the point where I have like a consistent nauseum. like every time I hear like any kind of motor, like I get sick and now it's it's actually getting worse the longer that I've stayed here with the noise, it's like I now have like an upset stomach all the time, headaches twitches. It's the it's the most fucked up thing ever. and I've also been learning more about because I'm, you know, still still really focused in my music and so frequencies and, you know, like I've always been like a huge believer and like layered frequencies for healing, like sound healing, beta thick alpha, and and the whatnot, but I finally caught onto a piece of information that made me realize how the noise outside has affected my brain chemistry and not just in the way that it's like it's annoying or it's a nuisance or it's harassment, which it is all of those things, according to the law, but in a sense of what's happening to my brain chemically, like the chemical changes that are happening in my brain, or the frequency changes that are happening in my brain are actually the things that are making me more upset than loss of sleep, or, you know, like a disruption or disorganization of my mind or my daily habits. The thing that's making me the most upset is what I'm realizing is it's changing my frequency, and I'm not talking about just my my aura I well, I am in a sense, but like the frequency, the frequency differences that that your brain your brain goes into different frequencies during, you know, waking state, alha state, better state, you know, and when you're sleeping, you're in um I well, it depends on the person actually, and it depends on the type of sleep that you're getting. Like most people sleep and like a data state from what I'm understanding and this is the state of like conscious dreaming. And this is this, I could be incorrect because honestly, I layer them anyway. And I finally I finally did it. I I did. I' I was working on a song and I realized that I achieved like perfect theta without actually even meaning to. And I think I did another one and that was like in perfect gamma without even like it was just mixed perfectly. that it I was also listening to like a gamatone and then I realized I was like, wait, is that the song or is it the tone? Because, you know, if the if the frequency that you're listening to is pure enough, it will actually distort the bass or the, you know, it will distort the entire sound of whatever you're listening to. So sometimes things can sound warped or like they're waving or like they're going through something because those tones are kind of like they're they're moving against each other or with each other just kind of depends. And so what what has been, well, I wanted to finish, well, yeah, I think I have at least one song now that's in theta, and I have at least one song that's in gamma, completely. and and I and I shocked myself because I was listening to the tones and I was like, wait, the wait a second. like, I'm feeling like double here. Is this this song that I'm listening to, that I'm checking back the mix, or is this the the frequencies? And I I turned off all the frequencies and sure enough, it was the song. It was like a pure I was like, wow. I'm like that's an achievement. I did it completely by accident and I wish I knew the formula that I used to do that.c some people are so mathematic about it. Like some people are so uh like, you know, some people do this to their music. A lot of people, especially inass music, that's why it is the way that it is, is you're going to a show to get these frequencies like zapped into your body at at full forces. and some people know how to do it on purpose. I did it on accident, so I'm like, if I can continue to achieve at this but I'm trying to figure out like the mathematical equation or like the actual sonic equation for making this happen, like every time, because going through my history ofass music, I will finish in a second, going through my history of bass music, I have always gravitated to the to these frequencies, to the frequencies that make me feel better after a certain amount of time listening to them or a certain amount of time being in in that frequency. So that's this is the music that has, I guess subconsciously kind of for the kind of artist that I am. But this is the reason why I'm upset about the noise. like the most upset about it, like not even on a legal level, on a social level, on a moral level, like, no, this is actually morally wrong, it is morally wrong on so many fucking levels. I'm like, why are you so like, why obviously I did this on purpose, like in my God complex, I'm like, oh, well, I can better the community as long as I make a point, like that environmentally, this is damaging people. It's giving people mental illness, that it or like if they're predisposed to mental illness, it's even worse, but it's it's also like causing mental illness and people that are otherwise healthy people, which is not a lot of people in New York City given. It's just not. It's not a healthy place. A lot of people are not healthy. But even in like moderately healthy humans, this noise disruption can cause like brain changes and chemistry changes, and this is the reason why I'm so upset is because when you are sleeping, if you are sleeping, your brain is in a certain level that is like in a healing state. In the first few minutes that you wake up, as I understand it. In the first few minutes after you wake up, your brain is in a state that it can like that you can manipulate your entire environment, that you can change things, that you can heal yourself. And so when I'm waking up in the first few minutes in the very first thing that I hear is a motorcycle that's ripping through my fucking brain, it's changing my brain frequency from a frequency that is like at the at the at a human level or at any kind of level, kind of the the thing that makes every human capable of being a genius, not the genius level able to heal yourself and the frequency that you're able to heal yourself is what you automatically wake up in. So when you' when this frequency is interrupted, it's intercepted in immediately into a negative thought pattern. And so you immediately, so what's happening, what's been happening to me over the last year with the motorcycle nuisance harassment problem or whatever the fuck I don't care what it's called on paper. I just want it to stop like I just want to live in peace. It's not like and kind of having like coming from a a background where I kind of tend to have like take responsibility for myself, like oh, it must be something that I'm doing and yes, I also have like a higher god complex or like an ego if you want to call it, that's like, oh no, I must have done this on purpose. And you know, like in order for the greater good, like in order to fulfill my purpose in some sort of way, it must be it must be part of my process to have this. That's also my ego like I'm a god. like, you know, that's just me, that's the generation. That's the generation that I come from. That's our mindset. Like nothing happens in this world without me in it, period. That's why rappers are rappers and that's why that's why models are models. We all have egos and it's really hard to kill the bitch. I've had at least ten ego dusts throughout my fucking like existence and it still comes back. It doesn't matter. You can have an ego death and be like a completely ego list for like what, six months tops? Eventually you're gonna have like the ego is is is imp important to survival, because I lost the word. I think implemental what was I gonna use? I was definitely a for syllable word. Either way, it is you need it. Like if you if you oh, you know, people might describe people, like being in like a in a sense of humility as like, oh, just completely without ego, but like at the end of the day, like, no, like your ego allows you to actually like compensate with the rest of the world, like, most people do not have no ego entirely, or at least for like, like a week after your acid tri or whatever, yeah, like, oh, had ego death and I completely. But like within I swear to God, like within six months time, like your ego has at least minimally like repaired itself. That's what an ego does, that's why you have it. You have it. It's a survival. It's it's a part of your consciousness that has to do with survival if you don't have your ego, like you're pretty much dead in the world, especially the way it is now. Anyway, this is that that's going to probably close up my spiel on that. Yeah, I'm upset because instead of like the first few moments of my waking moments being a healing, time, it is immediately going into disarray and chaos and anxiety. And so in in so I'm losing like, I don't I don't really care about oh, I mean, like I care about life in a sense, but I mean, like, and it in a mortal sense. I like, yes, it's taking years off of me. and I feel it like in the way that it's like, I I am slower to do regular things or like, whatever my rising thoughts, might be are completely just destroyed by this like what I've what I've come to perceive is like an evil force. It is evil in so many levels again this breaks down from like a higher consciousness to like a lower state of consciousness. The lower state of consciousness is saying that like these people are just idiots. They're idiots and they are not self aware of the fucking like pollution that they're doing on kind of middle sense, I'm like, oh, it's politics, it's like gentrification if these guys run around in circles, then people call up the fucking place, the place gets fucking more allocated funds to their fucking police officers, the police officers have fucking filling their quotas. It's all bureaucracy and paperwork and politics on that middle level and on the highest level it is like no, this is evil, it's pure evil because people are so grossed out by the fact that fucking New York is New York and also the wage and income and quality factor is that this guy is doing whatever the fuck he has to do brown. He's doing well, not that guy. that guy's that guy's a weak dick motherfucker. He has a small dick and everybody in the neighborhood knows it. He drives around and circle making people miserable. He also I'm it's the same dude. that same dude followed me to the Trader Joe's. It's the same dude, so I'm like, I like I know the sound of his bike from anything, so I definitely know when I'm at the Trader Joe's and then he's like all of a sudden traffic like, I'm like yo dude like why the fuck you following me to Trader Joe's like I live four miles away, which is not that far on the fucking motorcycle, but I came all the way over here on the subway for you to follow me on your bike. week, dick, bro.way, like, fuck this, fuck this, fuck that guy, fuck this neighborhood, fuck this place, fuck these politics, fuck these people. On a low frequency. Like on a low frequency, I'm like, fuck all this, like on a high frequency, I'm like, there's a purpose or whatever, it'll work, is temporary, blah, blah, blah. What the fuck was I saying? I don't know. I what the fuck was I ranting? I don't know. I that's that shiel, right? Trader Joe, hello Trader Joe. It's not safe. No, but you know, oh man, let's you say I, whatever. Let's just say oh, whatever. a lot. What else do we got? I don't know. I put on an album that came out today, yay, it's called all the rage. Actually, all that all that gripe about like, oh, it's an EP when I'm sure that the stores are gonna call it an album. I was like, I'm sure it's gonna be an album, so I just started calling it an album. like the release comes out and they're like, it's an EP, you congratulations. So I I thought I was putting out an album, that I was an EP, but it just missed the cutoff her album, because technically you can have a six track album and if it's over 30 minutes. If and you can have a six track album that's an EP like this, all the range is technically an EP at least according to Spotify's standards. And it's, I think it's like two and a half minutes under I think it's like 2 and a half minutes under, so it's an EP, but it's six tracks and I'm really excited about it. I kind of put a little bit more promotion into it than usual. I even had some press done, and that's great. because you can get pressed done. They're like,Yo, for $500. You'll be famous tomorrow. I'm like, that fucked up. That's a paycheck for some people. and that's not famous. also. They're charging people to be like spectacular. Well, they're charging they're like charging for people to be like popular, which is I think it's wrong, like ethically, you shouldn't be able to do that, like, oh, no, you're gonna get on all the playlists and whatever, you're gonna have like all like you should not be able to sell followers, like whether they're real people, which is slavery or they're robots, which is also slavery. Like you should not be able to sell fame that's making it like now I don't even trust like, okay, like this person got an award, but like, okay, because because the album was popular, because it was better than all the other ones. Or like, how do you know that you even heard all the albums because there are so many, and that like, okay, this person who put like zero dollars into promotion, how do you know that album wasn't better? because you didn't hear it? Because the person with a million dollar ad campaign won the fucking won the fucking award? Because you heard it because they put a million dollars into the fucking promotions. So it makes it makes everything the fact that everything is on a level system that's based on money is completely unfair. Like the all the industries are broken, it's not just music. Like, it's not just music. I'm like, holy shit, like you could spend like a year, an average year salary, which is what's the median income now. even with like no adjustment for inflation, like what, $50,000? Okay. So you could spend $50,000 on your your career so you'd have to you'd have to do that. That's even you're still competing with people who have a million dollars for doing nothing. That's insane. Anyway, I'm not bitter. What the fuck did I do earlier that I wasn't that literally the spirit that was like, don't be salty. I was like, oh, I was like,Yo, stop teaching models to fucking DJ, because I I happened on this girl that was like, yo, like I actually liked some of her music. I liked some of her music, but she wasn't doing much. And like everything was just fake. It was like super duper fake, but she was mad gorgeous and like more of these girls are popping up out of nowhere that are like not they're like models that are barely touching the decks and they're like a march. I'm like yo, dude, if that girl made this music like okay, maybe I should see her, but like, I'm like no somebody goes produce this because like she's moving badly in time to it and I realized something about being a producer is like yo if you spent enough time actually crafting this like this piece, you're not gonna move like badly to it like you're not going to move weird to music that you made because it's in you like it came from in your body. So like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at and I'm like, oh, I'm looking at propaganda. But then like, isn't that just kind of like discouraging people who don't have that type of body type or mindset, but it was funny because the algorithm was like don't be salty. It was like DJing is for everybody and if that's your passion and I'm like yeah, if that's your passion, but like, yo, when what where is the line between like propaganda and passion? Like, oh, I'm already a successful like, multimillionaire fashion model, but like I'm gonna be a DJ, like it washes out all the people who have actually like put in the work. It washes out all the people who have actually put in the work. Don't be salty. I was like fine, fine, but only because I like that algorithm. Only because I like that algorithm. I'm like fine, okay, we'll we'll be whatever. Whatever I've been reading. Oh, I read a book, let's see, let's see if I can remember the ones I already put back. I've been reading these uh this like children's book series on like famous people because I realized that they're written for children and I'm like, yo, dude, like somebody could read this whole series in the second grade and be smarter than me because I didn't know anything about the people that I'm reading about at all. And so they're like these little biographies. Well, I mean, they they're on a child's level. I don't know how long it would take a child to read, but they take me like an hour, hour and a half to read just like at a normal speed. And I read really fast. But I think the reason why from taking me so long to read them is because I actually take like a lot of I take a lot of like, I don't know, words or art to me, so if something is like especially musical, I might take it and be like that's a good song title. Like, if I think enough about this and what I know about this, like what kind of song is it? And, you know, just like little fun facts. Like first of all, I'm obsessed with George Lucas. I've never been a huge Star Wars person, just and I I realizing this. I've never been being on like Star Wars wicked. like, I've never been being on things that are like really, really big, but then I did grow up and kind of like a sheltered shut community where like most of the people like twilight, I wasn't hungerames, aylys Cyrus, well Hannah Montana at the time, okay? I just wasn't into those things, but most mostly because they're fans, actually, she just put out something that I kind of piqued my interest. It was in my fucking sl side bar. I was like, oh, no, what's this? I'm I might check it out. But I've been staying off the mainstream just cause I'm realizing like the reason that I'm seeing this is money and doesn't necessarily make it better or worse than anybody else. Because sometimes mainstream artists come out with crap and I think they do it on purpose, they're like,Yo, watch this. I can do whatever because so many millions of people love me, watch this. I'm like, damn. And then millions of people are like, yay, yes, yes, this. I'm like, the fuck? What did you do? And I'm pretty sure the mainstream artist is like consciously, even collectively like, you see what I'm saying? I can do whatever the fuck.c I did one thing cool, maybe like five things cool, like a long time ago, and literally don't have to do anything else. I just do this just to prove a poil. Like, I can shit on a track, literally. And millions of people will be like, I love you. I love you, please more of those. do it again. I'm like, oh, God, please, no. What the fuck? Millions of fans. Like once you have your fucking fan based unlock, like that's it. Like, you don't have to fucking people will be like, literally kissing at all of the ground that you touch for the rest of forever forever. That's it. I'm realizing that about fantom, so I'm like, yo, if you know what kitten mittens are. I'd still don't, but if you if you know kitten mittens, congrats, you're one of 12 people who actually like me. one of 12. I'm like 12 is enough. That's what Jesus had, right? might as well and Jesus technically have like 11 I don't know why I like that guy so much. I'm pretty much obsessed with him, too. I love Jesus. I'm like, Jesus is the god kind of I mean, like he's technically like three gods. anyway, why am I obsessed with uh George Lucas? First of all, he's one of the coolest people ever, Kate, like, okay, first he was a greaser, like a real greaser. like from the movie Grease, but like the actual thing before the movie Grease, cause if I if I'm not mistaken, he was like a greaser before they made Grease. That's crazy. Yeah, because Gre was like in the 70s, but it was about the 50s, right? I don't know. He was like an actual real life, like they just put Vaseline, I guess in their hair and wore like dirty shit and they were like, yeaheah, greaser. and they w and they fucking drove and they drove, what did they drive? I don't know, cars, old cars, and they would race them. I that was honestly I'm obsessed with this dude. I and now I kind of want to see Star Wars because I've never seen them. But honestly Star Wars is one of those things that, oh, that's what I was saying. God, yeah, well, yeah, I like grew up not liking Star Wars because all the people that liked it were mean. Like all those other things I named earlier in the episode. Like they're fans sucked, so I was like, I definitely cannot see myself getting into this. And so I never did, but now I'm well, as happy as I am being single. I save certain things for like just a case. I ever get in a relationship. I'm like Star Wars. I've never seen that. Like I saved certain things for like you know, like I wouldn't necessarily want to watch it by myself. I think I'd get geeked, though, now, now that I understand, like the kind of person that created Star Wars, I'm like, yo, dude, like he's the shit. Like, okay, first of all, okay, if I did the math, secondly, no, cause the first of all thing was like, he's a greaser. That's the coolest thing about George Lucas. Yeah. I mean, like I mean, like there was so many cool things. I had to take notes, I had to stop. I was like bending back pages, I was like, all this dude's the best. Okay. I was like,Yo, okay, whatever. Like, uh, oh, well, that was one of the last things I read. If I did the math right, this dude has like a 12 year old. He's older than my dad. My dad's pushing 80. I'm like, is he 80? He's like 80 with a 12 year old. That's incredible. That's I have so much respected admiration for that. Because it kind of proves my point that like if you're dude, you can just like keep on popping them out, popping them out. But he also like adopted kids, I think. Yeah, yeah. And he also like adopted kids. was at him? Yeah. Yo, I'm telling you there's so much practice into these little books. I'm like, okay, whatever, what else is cool. I don't know, he just seems he just seems like the dude just seems like the dude. I was likeYo. I I can't remember all the notes I took, but those those two things alone. I'm like, yeah, I earn my respect. I did write down a quote earlier that was like, what did he used to say? oh, do that again but better? I'm like, yeah, that sounds that sounds accurate. And then I liked the fact that like all his worlds within his worlds are like connected, so he'll leave Easter eggs within worlds of different Indiana Smith. He really liked the name Indiana because I guess he had a dog named Indiana, which was named after somebody else that was named Indiana. And I had no idea that Indiana Jones was like his brainchild or like close to it. I was like, whoa, this dudees are fucking legend, like a real like an actual, like this dude's a G for George Lucas. He's the best. I was like, yeah, dude. I could not put that book down. I was like sitting in cold bathtub water like, oh my God, this is such a pain turner. I gotta read about this dude until the very end of this book and I did. I would not put it down. I was like, George Lucas is the man, bro. like the man, I don't like like, yo, cool dude. I like that guy. I've never seen Star Wars. I have, I've seen like the beginning. It's like in the time, blah, fucking blah, blah, fucking talk. Yeah, and then I started writing my own movies, you know. It's not that any of them, you know, as whatever, you know, sometimes it's circumstance, sometimes sometimes I' just realize that I make excuses. Like I have no reason not to be as successful as any of these people that I'm reading about, because I'm finding personality traits about myself as I'm reading about them, like Albert Einstein Total Duis. He might have been like like functionally retarded. I'm pretty sure he was retarded, but also a genius. Like like, oh, okay, this is the coolest thing about Albert Einstein are we done inukas never, never. He's immortal, right? We'll see him at some point. He's so cool. He's so cool anyway. I was like, yeah, dude, this dude is cool. But there's that's the Alb Einstein, my man, okay, so like, slowly almost solely responsible for the invention of the Adamah. That's dope. On accident, though, because once he realized what had like once he realized that, okay, like, okay, I'm correct about this. For sure, I'm definitely correct about this, but like, yo okay, should we back up a little bit? First of all, he didn't say anything until he was like four. Didn't say anything, not a not a single word, his parents were like,o, something's wrong with him. Like even back in the day where it's like, uh don't know. Something's wrong with him. He's not saying anything. The doctors were like, he's perfectly fine.'s fine. And he didn't say anything his entire life until one day, apparently, he sat down to dinner with his parents and the soup was too hot, and that's what he said he's like the soup is too hot. Like, could you imagine, like having a kid that you're like 100% sure is retarded? Oops, nope, you can't say that. Okay, well, you could. Then so let's just shouldn't I just cancel you can't say that. Why, though? Like, okay, when I was growing up, you have to understand I come from a time where it was like you could just call that to somebody cause they were being dumb, but not dumb, right? But I mean like at a certain point, like, okay, technically Helen Keller was deaf dumb and blind, but like sometime and I'm assuming like between the 70s and 80s, it became a slang for like that's dumb. Like, don't do that because whatever you're doing is not right, which is like, okay if you're not right, then you're what? Retarded. Like, I'm sorry. I'm like some certain things are not going to be like, I'm, you know. I'm like early 2000s game or culture, that's gay, but I love gay. It's like nobody's being derogatory about that. I'm being derogatory about your behavior and I might even use it as like a positive you know what's what describing words or adjectives? I don't know. I'm going through. I'm going to processes realizing that like, okay, I'm at the age where certain information is gonna be offloaded. Certain like it's not coming back ever. Like, you like, I I know Spanish, but only if I have to speak it and it's not like, I'm not developing any other nothing else is like my brain is like, we don't need this, do we? I'm like, I don't know. Maybe I should hold on to that. No, no, we don't need this. I'm like, okay, well. there are certain things about me that are just not gonna change at this point. I'm not sorry, because honestly, weren't too offended at everything when, like, there're there are things that are offensive that nobody really is offended about. like, if you really found an offensive, it would not exist anymore, you know? Because when somebody becomes really passionate about something, and they change it. Which is why I'm taking my time. I like, youo, annihilation is imminent. Like this cannot be anymore. Like, you don't change my brain chemistry. Fuck that shit. my brain chemistry is perfect the way that it is. Like I'm almost sure that like the entire mental health industry will change based on ideals that are like blooming and other like in other what the fuck was I just saying exactly ideas that are already springing up in in small circles. like they'll, you know, be one day. Like that's just valid, like nothing's really wrong with you. something's wrong with the world. Like, why? Like, and what can we do to change that? It could be environmental completely. It could take somebody with like severe mental health issues, severe schizophrenia, severe bipolar disorder, severe fucking severe depression, severe anxiety and change their environmental factors or even just like change the fact that that like they're facing poverty, poverty is a mental illness and that's not what it's not looked at as such. It's looked at as a deficiency on the individual's part when it could be like and it could be a polethro of environmental factors. That'll change. It will in my lifetime. I know that it will. It may not be because of me because for the most part, I'm a pacifist. I really am. I'm a yoder, like, honestly, it has to be like visibly hurting someone else or hurting me painfully enough for me to be passionate about it to make it change. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not. I don't want I don't really want to be a leader, especially because like people are still like populating this planet. I don't necessarily I don't I don't wanna be like a a leader in anything because that is like that's too much power. Honestly, just let me play the music and then fuck off. And I will fuck off. Like if you think I talk too much or you find me annoying or you think I'm stupid like eventually I I disappear. That's it a self-reflective Go away, all right. I't have to be asked twice. I don't stay in places where I'm not welcome. So, New York it's been good. Are't not really. But somebody I thought okay, who else am I obsessed with? I love this new lady that I found. Her name is Gina something rather fucking amazing. I I love New York people because I love New York people. Like I really do. like it is well, it's hard to fucking there's a fucking oh, honestly, it could be simplified to this as like, okay, maybe this embraces like the new the New York feminine and what I really hate is the New York masculine, which is just toxic, just disgusting, like where I spinning on things, shut the fuck up, like, are you not self aware? Like it's it's certain level of and I'm not, I'm really not binary in the sense where it's like balanc, bro. like balance, like a little bit of everything is good and like half masculine, half feminine is like a good balance, non-binary embracing that. But like yo, dude, there's a certain rasculinity about the city that's the thing that makes it nasty. It was like, whoa. whoa. I'm like, that's nasty, but I was oh, okay, I'm in love with this person. Her name is like Gene or something rather. I'm still I still have like I no, I have no feet in the comedy pool cause like I realized I stopped performing comedy and I stopped writing it, and like all the like semi tragic possibility, like possibly hilarious situations that were happening to me when I was actively writing comedy just stopped. I was like good, I don't necessarily need to be in that right now. That's that has sailed and will probably later sink, but I don't want to be in there if like, okay, like you're funny, if like sad and bad shit happens to you all the time. I'm like, that's fucked up. I don't wanna be that guyc 50 years from now I could be that guy and like still not earn a penny more than I'm earning right now making music underground. So if it's if I had to choose between the two, I've already earned mastery in recording arts. 10,000 hours or more, like I don't necessarily like being a comic is like another ladder. It's another it's a thing. And honestly, when I stopped like, well, I mean, like I I took a break from tears of a clown because it became such a like passion project for me that I was like, oh, this is that I'm caring too much like I should stop. and still not finish and it's not it's not like, it never had a release date in mind, so it's not necessarily like what's it delayed? Yeah, it's not delayed, and it's not it's definitely not in hiatus, but like, I realized that I have a certain responsibility to my audience altogether. It like to do this show as well and so like this, there's been taking kind of a priority, knowing that like my hiatus has been longer than any other hiatus is, and that I owe it to like my homegrown audience and my weird coat following to like okay like I have to give you guys everything from fucking like November to now and just musically that's a lot but then I've also the writing has also accompanied it and so it would be a shame to just let that go entirely because I feel that like my actual, my actual fan base is here in this show, unfortunately, well, not unfortunately, because I've started to get like a sense of familiarity within the dance music scene, like, as a producer through this podcast as a medium, because when I started doing this podcast, like, it wasn't like people weren't generally like now people are doing like following my, what's it? format. Like people weren't really doing DJ mixes and like putting music on podcasts, like it just wasn't people weren't doing it. I was the only one doing it now everybody's doing it and it makes me want to do it less, but then also like I have to kind of show consistency with myself in order for me to feel like I'm still doing something. What was that rant about? I don't know. I'm obsessed with this lady name's Gina or something rather. She's super New York. What would she say? that I really liked? Oh, if you didn't know the rules before you got to New York, you you like if you came to New York and you're not having a good time, you probably didn't know the rules before you got here.rect. I didn't come here on purpose. This was my layover city. I came here by accident and I did not know the rules. Now I'm learning the rules and I'm like the rules are fucked up and rules are kind of meant to be broken if you're disturbing my peace, I will then disturb your peace. No, I will not. I do not believe an eye for an eye, and also I feel that you are dangerous people. I will then report you to the police and and make the proper documentation in order for it to stop. I'm a snitch. I don't give a fuck. Like if you're actually hurting me, like if you're changing my the way that I think and the way that I feel, like if you're making me sick inside of my own environment, like you deserve it. I'll give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give any kind of fuck. And then that way, I am a feminist, cause it's like, yo, dude, like how long are you gonna sit and take somebody hurting you before you actually realize that like you're not the problem they are and in order for their behavior to stop, you have to actually like you have to prevent this by stepping up for yourself. It's kind of like a show and like, okay, like like at a certain point it is kind of like a game. Like how long are you going to let me do this to you before you just fucking like get up and fucking hit me back? And I'm like, I don't want to like, I don't want to fight, but at the same time, like, bro, like I've been getting my ass whipped by these idiots and so I'm like, okay, I have to actually, but I'm still not a fighter. I have to do it in a way that makes sense and so that the community can be improved when I move on. Like I don't necessarily want to put somebody in the same place that I am now because I really am not I don't and just improve it. Like I believe so much in doing that, like not just leaving no trace, but like improving the place from which you are situated when you leave so that when the next person comes through, they don't have to struggle through the same hardship. So in that way, leadership, sure, be

Https://www.iamu.guru “THE FLUFFER” I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to cry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok TV people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got zero capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's bareback Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got TV and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana Grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an eNcore? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God got it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™] Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved, man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxative Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to cross fires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {Enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. [09. Don't waste time.] But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on Mulholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the— Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Ahem. “The Rock and The Kite VI” ROSIE O'DONNEL is chillin. JIMMY KIMMEL kicks in the door. ROSIE Oh look, the cat is back. BIG JIMMY Meow. ROSIE To what do I owe the pleasure. BIG JIMMY You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? ROSIE …okay? BIG JIMMY I need it back. ROSIE [beat] I see. BIG JIMMY —and my blender. ROSIE O DONNEL takes a deep breath and then sighs. ROSIE The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. BIG JIMMY [KIMMEL] Fair. ROSIE Follow me. ROSIE AND JIMMY exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green upholstered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest; the actual CAT (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very programme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The CAR, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to your belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing. Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestorm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all [The Festival Project ™] I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. {Enter The Multiverse} Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place Oh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesn't take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! JOHNNY CARSON is wearing the usual getup and a pair of very dark sunglasses. What happened? Whats the- 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember This monologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was— Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omelettes 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE Tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his DeLorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted here the flower does grow the flame The flaming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– red with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet— I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. CO-OH-NO-NAN You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily available What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he converses with his associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.

Https://www.iamu.guru “THE FLUFFER” I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to cry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok TV people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got zero capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's bareback Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got TV and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana Grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an eNcore? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God got it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™] Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved, man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxative Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to cross fires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {Enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. [09. Don't waste time.] But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on Mulholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the— Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Ahem. “The Rock and The Kite VI” ROSIE O'DONNEL is chillin. JIMMY KIMMEL kicks in the door. ROSIE Oh look, the cat is back. BIG JIMMY Meow. ROSIE To what do I owe the pleasure. BIG JIMMY You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? ROSIE …okay? BIG JIMMY I need it back. ROSIE [beat] I see. BIG JIMMY —and my blender. ROSIE O DONNEL takes a deep breath and then sighs. ROSIE The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. BIG JIMMY [KIMMEL] Fair. ROSIE Follow me. ROSIE AND JIMMY exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green upholstered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest; the actual CAT (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very programme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The CAR, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to your belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing. Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestorm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all [The Festival Project ™] I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. {Enter The Multiverse} Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place Oh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesn't take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! JOHNNY CARSON is wearing the usual getup and a pair of very dark sunglasses. What happened? Whats the- 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember This monologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was— Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omelettes 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE Tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his DeLorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted here the flower does grow the flame The flaming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– red with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet— I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. CO-OH-NO-NAN You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily available What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he converses with his associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.

Https://www.iamu.guru “THE FLUFFER” I have eyes in the back of my head I have goats at the top of my bed I have goats on the cap of my knee I think I wrote my own obituary Oh, you hetcha Bitch, you ain't me Shit be poppin off at the rock in 8 minutes exactly In studio 8H That's where I am, Amen again Cause I meant it And I mix in the pancake batter Perhaps some berries? Apparently not, 7 minutes and counting I'm at the Rock Now I'm putting away my don't ask, don't tell Ok. Okay? Okay? Now I'm making arrangements; Don't want to be your favorite, I just miss LA with a hankering Call Hank team USA That's FBI I'm so Walter White that I watch Saturday Night — not live, though I'm too broke for peacock, YouTube And cable! Dang, bro! How many subscriptions do I need Just not to cry myself to sleep. Send me some pictures January jonesing for a free ride scholarship To on God university, Aka: inside the TV DOBT BE EVIL. WRITE ME A SEQUEL! Ok TV people First just let me … son of a bitch! I told you she'd be back. Yo. Whaddup. You killed Jimmy Fallon! I did not. You did! Yes you did. I didn't. He was already like that. What! You heard me! Explain to me how— This man: [This man] *heavy gasps and anxietal wheezing fills the room* Explain this. Metaphisics. That doesn't explain anything. It explains everything, actually. *explodes* Excuse me, miss— do I smell a remix? No, that's pancakes. I got zero capacity for losers; I'm no longer lonely A broke in horse with no saddle Don't ride me less it's bareback Down and dirty Downhome and in the raw I like to buck And I like it hard A strong gallop and pull, Top speed Why I don't pay for dreams Why I got TV and movie stars in my dreams Why Ariana Grande so pretty? Why when we leave outside the crowd still roaring for an eNcore? Why am I a mogul; Why do I look like a fashion icon? God got it right, I guess but why do I still feel Wildly unsatisfied The lights said I left the water on Turn the lights off Turn the water on I speak color, I am an animal I spoke 9 Gods I am an animal Rise to the occasion I broke the code I threw the rock off the rock I smoke the fountain I run the block once Come twice Nice shockwave right there Hi God. A beautiful night to die But no time to fall I despaired on desire, Why right on Maine Radio towers Icons Beautiful glimmering city Mayday mayday went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Repeat Mayday mayday Went haywire Now rinse thoroughly Alright, alright. So hawked it. You hawked my father's antique stopwatch?! Sorry. Sorry?! AAAAGG— [The Festival Project ™] Mayday mayday Went heywire They need more scriptwriters I want an empire I wrote half of the Super Bowl commercials Mayday mayday Oh man. Oh, fuck. You had better wash your hands before you touch my crotch. I don't. Give me—- my— body back. Nope. AUghhhh. My inspiration is dead in the water Can't watch hot ones That guy ruined it Ruined September And ruined October Ruined the cosmos And ruined my song, bro— I'm ruined. My inspiration is dead in the water I am a trash can, Man, this is awkward I won an award for songs post mortem Then I wrote more of them This is the afterlife I'm an immortal. My inspiration is dead in the water I'm just not moved, man I need a baseball cap and some phantoms A laxative Maybe some large hands A ball glove Some box seats Smoked sausage And the dodgers. I wanna go home and not be homeless. I want a condo above four stories. I want the whole world on top of its axis I want the other half of the balance My whole life been whack, Where's the reverse card? Run the tarot— Pull the rewards back, Don't touch the foreskin, Call back the foreman Redact that! Redact that! We're starting to cross fires. We met at the crossroads; One goes down, one goes up. Oh, the Irish are back, look: That's good— I got bored. {Enter The multiverse} We were at blue suits and sweater vests And now I know better than To count on comics designed to be weather men Of pop culture— current events a spin on the news l went there for clarity, And left there confused. Confused. If the transmitter is at the World Trade Center, Then why is it every time I to go Rockefeller, I feel like I've just been electrocuted? Not enough to die, but like I'm buzzing all over and out of my body? Remarkably, and no matter what — Whenever I'm there, I just feel weird. Like, mad weird. Hey. What. Did you see a guy? I'm a guy. Really? Apparently. Well, I'm looking for this guy. I did see a guy like that. Really? Yeah. He was weird. Which way did he go? Uh. [Sunni BLU points up] Really? He went upstairs? Sure! Huh. Thanks. Whatever. I need you to need me I need me to be cool I need you to want me To love me To free me To love me To hold you I know you I know you I know. Knockout with a scarred lip Knockout was a good guy Knockout got knocked up Knockout had a good try Knockout got knocked out Knockout had a good cry Knockout got locked up Goodbye. Good luck. Here's a chalice. [09. Don't waste time.] But I'm tired I'm shadow boxing my mind I'm lights out Candles lit I, I, I I, me, mine And God But I won't waste time I'm still dried out I got my eyes lost Wrapped around you In hindsight I'm behind Blind to the power I love my readheads and range rovers I lost my mind on Mulholland Pull over and vomit And suddenly I'm at the— Portal Plummet Plaza. [The Festival Project ™ ] The rock and the kite VI Ahem. “The Rock and The Kite VI” ROSIE O'DONNEL is chillin. JIMMY KIMMEL kicks in the door. ROSIE Oh look, the cat is back. BIG JIMMY Meow. ROSIE To what do I owe the pleasure. BIG JIMMY You remember that cup of sugar you borrowed? ROSIE …okay? BIG JIMMY I need it back. ROSIE [beat] I see. BIG JIMMY —and my blender. ROSIE O DONNEL takes a deep breath and then sighs. ROSIE The cup of sugar I can help you with… the blender, I still need. BIG JIMMY [KIMMEL] Fair. ROSIE Follow me. ROSIE AND JIMMY exit the room, the glimmer of the television still flickering on the green upholstered armchair with the remote control atop the armrest; the actual CAT (we presume) climbs up into the chair and appears to begin watching the TV? What's on the TV? Why, it's the very programme we're all currently tuned into. This just got meta. Again. The CAR, looking bored, changes the channel to Garfield. Much better. He looks satisfied now, but is entirely still 199% just a cat. We presume. Your body ponders My eye wander to your belt buckle My mind watches. Sorry. Your body calls me. My love hurts. I want you. My thought sparkles with the thought of a touch I'm not hungry, I just want you I desire to hold hands and then Dive off I thought you up to love you The time was wrong So now I watch That's all A long rush to nothing. Dogtown, Godland. Longboards, longhairs, all body No shine, bro Hard wax, yellow soldier Wavestorm? Epoxy? North shore surf boards Surf harder Fuck New York I wanna go home Panoramic Hollywood golden Who lost apartheid Who first of all Chosen sources First mate Overboard Long hair Wrong rowboat Oh lover Lord of all [The Festival Project ™] I almost forgot it was Saturday, Saturday Night I was too busy not working I'm all yours for Passover I'm all ears, And now I get a sense that this Is my last and greatest trick; Disappearing for this, And again forever This is going to take Forever All wrong: You work for the network Interesting choice of wardrobe– another old code magician Ring on opposite finger– The other, I'm so much aware of The ice cream in tubs on the road Not melted, but partially hardened I can also feign confusion You don't say, You don't say, now. {Enter The Multiverse} Shake hands with your guest; Monologue, monologue smug smirk Make good face– Now put a name to the face Put a time to the place Oh, all the love in the world in three flames All the doves in the flock, And three flames Put a name to the face Monologue monologue Doesn't take long but When do i get to slap the desk? Johnny! JOHNNY CARSON is wearing the usual getup and a pair of very dark sunglasses. What happened? Whats the- 10 vodkas, Five spritzers Full figure Figure this You were out for the count! Do tell! Or better yet, don't. I remember This monologue, But i dont know how 16 hours ago, I was— Out for the count, you say?! OUT, Johnny! Our market is livid! lol who plays john carson Your mother. YO! I'M OLD! I LIKE OLD DUDES NOW! I'm like When the fuck did this happen?! That ain't no SILVER FOX! That's a TOTALLY CUTE DUDE! HE'S 55!! OH NOOOOOOOO! i'M OLD!!!!!!! its wednesday eve in Boston Mass… SETH MEYERS! Ah, he's going for it. Ah, man. SHOW ME YOUR EYES. Fuck. SHOW ME YOUR EYES! SUDAKIS shines a bright flash light into his former colleagues eyes. …You're not Seth Meyers. Seth Meyers does not respond, but relaxes slightly; it's obviously not safe to be Seth Meyers right now. Where's Seth Meyers? Seth shrugs but still doesn't say anything– Where is he? I have to stop here; Cop out for body language somebody's watching Somebody knows who I am I am I remember now You looked like that It went like this: I moved the world The need was good The love was gone The vein was split open And broken No fair Also, no omelettes 60 minutes 60 years and 60 second clips 60 second glimpses 60 men on television but really, my attention just centers on Around ten of them or so And believe it or not, I care approach. Believe it or not, I care Or don't! –or don't! Johnny! You don't get it! You missed a show! THE Tonight show! We are fucked! we are NOT! youre still sauced. I'll just take the car! What car!? Now that JOHNNY CARSON knows his Delorean can time travel, he's absolutely unstoppable. Unfortunately, it appears his DeLorean has been switched with a regular one– If I shoot you in your forehead? I'd rather that, than this. And I kiss you in your temple? Dear templeton, my simpleton's i'll die I desire. A wicked want. And then? A callous shadow, If i may, To bear for nothing, But a mirror This is our concept And wilted here the flower does grow the flame The flaming true and ache of lust and there For our want a jasper shore and emerald cascades there you are, And there you'll find The wave beyond the peaking break where great white sharks reside But do not wade to shallow waters; And there you find peace, And there you find certainty But now, And here, is war And fortune not but seeks truth in the gaze And for fear there does not live, but hides instead the truth that seeks to guide the lite, And yet does know our trust And there does find the faith, Forward and not Upwards and back Arrow and arrow Truth and sparrow Wreaking and wretched thoughts And the rope does hang high and solemn Looking, leap and gasp For I fall but did not land I pulled for you, I weep, my shadow, The two of diamonds, the Ace of spades, The Three of Hearts, Without my shadow I weep. I know for you nothing but conscious and knowing and needing and fated departure. I know for you nothing but chakras and eyesight and shadows and foresight. I need fo you nothing but want and by conscious, departure For nothing I want you, I weep. Sorrow. On approach of danger, The knowing, On seeth did gather, the sinking ritual the carried tribes in ships tied, weaving strings The spider bites hard And she stole my love twice And she stole my love always And she stole my love Lighting my light wit blue eyes The deception If love could be stolen at all But if not Then not love for seeking is finding and gathered had hunted And truth in forbearer Forbearance and otherwords, Shadows and shattered and ferris wheels, Now forward Gathered here for are I trust And be dismayed for you have faltered You have failures and you have cast us out of these things thinking We have not made them for you And still we seek to gather with you And here does forshadow your making Our promise to come as ones, Not as Gods, But as others, you cast out. Now, with your wicked ways and cruel be done, for sure the tables have turn, one And the gallows have not wandered far, Barrels of guns and barbells bottles and hearts of three reading cards and wanting none but justice Is he and she who are I now Begin to run from your pitied structure And there in the gasping cruelness of seeking from warcrimes this, come what may, Moving and seeking, For seeking is finding, And run, my legs have come far But trust, my dove, My wings have too, sprouted An honor, an honor one candle and three wicks Three candles and three worlds over One world and one building and still far from under the Hollywoodland Crickets sounding The Hollywood Sign Still standing and here I am not, Blades of grass And who are I now Of that which you balk at Look, ponder Go, far asunder And wish now had you not What I am is that, Run Temper temper. Mind your business. Is it gathered? To burn, or burden? Gathered. Gathered here. Then here ive wandered. To stake? Argue. I will not. And I will not. Wiry bird, From where you flown i do ponder– red with spirit and wilding eyes, Narrow server and paring wires; I do not wish to know you now or ever, But only as bird that does golden remember. The love has not gone, And instead lives in my throat, And twists in my lungs, Ans sits in my tongue, Not as speech, or whispers, But tragedy. Unknowing this, my tender being It can never be, the nervous hill And rolling down the hill as if The weel of time itself, Not unbroken, but resilient; In sll ways, meant to tear And turn, And wobble Made for terrain for which our eyes have known And our minds have built And hands molded wiith clay, The bodies whole of all our galaxies terra feighn Terra fine Terra wept tears of a clown, And iron And veins And shadows And plays, And secrets , And whispers And truth And far And Afters. I taste a saline drip, I swallow, Suddenly cold and all the knowing that What I was, I surely already am again And what I will be, Has already come and past. The monologue, I do remember Face to a name and none to forget Well rehearsed forager! Well done bayonet! Well done, my shadow For my time is coming to wander to night And never today again for it shall never Today again, And Tomorrow, Tomorrow, Tomorrow. [The Festival Project ™ ] They said he would destroy me. …Ya'll were right. that fucked me up. {Enter The Multiverse} So…forfeit? Something tells me its not over The heavy heart is shattered But also tied to that which appears to come upward As if on air To be heavy And lighthearted at once– A shadow above a balloon. A rock is attached to a kite– A diamond becomes a bassoon, Then a vampire bat, and then Cut ties. In the fourth act, we all die, and now– A revival. I was crucified, But i was also suicidal so. Lets just call it a tie. L E G E N D S V.O. Crusher. My show was being subliminally plugged on at least two of the five major networks. Safe bet I could make it a third, but I didn't know where to check. I did…but didn't want to. There was much beyond the surface, Darkness in the glimmering eyes of the men in ties and uniformed suits. I was sure I was tied to something– And since I didn't know why, Or to what, The best bet— I'm all in. Fuck. Was to stay broken, Under the radar, Hidden, and most importantly– Unspoken. These days. I kept more to myself than I could with the world– As it turned out… No, not yet. What do you mean? It's not time yet. They'll have to know. But not yet. At some point, they'll have to know. But not–yet. No time like the present. You made that up. Because you made up time. And it's stupid. This is ruthless. And again–they'll have to learn somehow. But not now. The sun sets at noon on our side, and still 21 hours of dark time. Did I have another tag to throw on it this? No. Are you sure? Doesn't the new series have a subtitle? No. Is it not “quantum force” That's only one, though. What's the difference. ERMO, DON'T! I'm gonna kill him! BIG BOYD, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! DOn't tell me what to DO. Wow. of course. Well yeah, they're not going to let me do– LAWYERS No. Any of this stuff with the actual muppets. CO-OH-NO-NAN You're wasting precious time! GET BACK IN YOUR HOLE, RED. ok, where does it– {cut to black} Learning to assimilate and readily available What's next A vape to calm the nerves? What's next? A hero fighting for relevance in corporate structure. Sure, some would pay to dress an avatar But I've run out of water before I try to laugh and roll with the punches This is work and not fun for me This is not social, it's business I am not person, I'm product. Go on a walk, and look the part I took the oath, I shed the blood— Cruxes. This is a bad idea, Mark. Fuck you. All my ideas are great. MARK WAHLBERG enters the cooridor and opens the metal double doors, revealing two l jet skis on a trailer hitched to a 4X4 monster truck. [The Festival Project ™] I'm telling you. You got to get yourself one of these. I don't know, Bob, how does it work? BOB odenkirk opens a large, obscure black bag that's nearly half his own size by way of one way zipper. I'll show you. {Enter The Multiverse} JOHNNY CARSON has been in the DRUNK TANK for the maximum allowance, 48 hours, yet his blood alcohol level still reads 3 times over the legal limit. He is transferred to DETOX as the mysterious circumstances surrounding his car accident, and then the apparent disappearance of his entire “car” a (then) brand-new DeLorean from the scene of the crime, MR. CARSON insists on his lawyer, who under no circumstances seems to exist at all being present. The exact year of his whereabouts are still unknown. Still an hour to the test And I hate myself again Milk and cookies, hit the bed Shut it down, yo Shut it down. DIPLO arrives via HELIPAD to an secret location; a sniper squad of the adversary team watches from an adjacent rooftop via binoculars. …hey. Whaddup. You say diplo's on that list? Yeah. Yo… …There he is. In your sight? Yep. Shoot that motherfucker! …I can't. Why not? He's like— Just shoot, fool. —he's like holding something. So? I don't know what; it just seems— What the fuck, dawg. It just seems important. Let me see. Look. [ESSE looks down the sights and zooms to see DIPLO is holding an object firmly in his grasp. He appears to be twirling it purposefully as he converses with his associate.] Yeah! Get em! Shoot that motherfucker! Where the hell have you been? In my fuckpad. Where the hell is that? You haven't seen my fuckpad? What even is that. It's ballin. Whatever, dog. Did you get the— Shh. Why else would I be here? [beat] You look— did you cut your hair or something. You're so redundant. Yo shoot that motherfucker. What are you waiting for?! He's right there? Apparently, we've been building to this moment from another dimension in from another point in the series? I thought— {Enter The Multiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2022 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.

Culture critic Euny Hong joins us to discuss the multiple genres represented by Croatia, Sweden, San Marino, Portugal, and Cyprus at this year's Eurovision. Euny Hong Euny Hong is a journalist and bestselling author of three books that have been published in a total of over 20 languages. The Birth of Korean Cool: How One Nation is Conquering the World Through Pop Culture, an Amazon Editor's Pick, is being re-released in April 2025. A Yale grad and former Fulbright Scholar, Frankfurter, and Berliner, she lived in Paris longer than any other city. She is a native-level bilingual in French-English and fluent in German and Korean. Genre Confusion Summary The Birth of Korean Cool (3:59) Croatia - Marko Bošnjak - "Poison Cake" (7:05) Sweden - KAJ - "Bara Bada Bastu" (15:07) San Marino - Gabry Ponte - "Tutta L'Italia" (24:57) Portgual - NAPA - "Deslocado" (32:25) Cyprus - Theo Evan - "Shh" (38:22) Final Thoughts (44:09) Subscribe The EuroWhat? Podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts. Find your podcast app to subscribe here (https://www.eurowhat.com/subscribe). Comments, questions, and episode topic suggestions are always welcome. You can shoot us an email (mailto:eurowhatpodcast@gmail.com) or reach out on Bluesky @eurowhat.bsky.social (https://bsky.app/profile/eurowhat.bsky.social). Basel 2025 Keep up with Eurovision selection season on our Basel 2025 page (https://www.eurowhat.com/2025-basel)! We have a calendar with links to livestreams, details about entries as their selected, plus our Spotify playlists with every song we can find that is trying to get the Eurovision stage. Join the EuroWhat AV Club! If you would like to help financially support the show, we are hosting the EuroWhat AV Club over on Patreon! We have a slew of bonus episodes with deep dives on Eurovision-adjacent topics. Special Guest: Euny Hong.

Our reaction to the Semi-Final 1 running order of Eurovision 2025. Iceland's Vaeb will open the show, while Cyprus' Theo Evan will close it. Among other things, we discuss how the start position could impact who qualifies; why Poland's Justyna was put in second position (the so-called "death slot"); why producers have Cyprus performing last; and so much more. Watch this podcast on our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohTaz4OfgFU   1.

Just Rambo this week. - New Song- Latest patch notes- Cloud vs Cam accounts- EE has an appstore advert being promoted by apple.- SHH loses Citadel in ER, SUS dropped on them.- PHPC joins SHH, - Kobra and SpacePope should be corpies- NE qq account has RMT sales - Mobi Mountain- Things I may have missed/comments

Mary wouldn't like this title. Shh.. don't tell her. Dr. Jodi returns for another laid-back conversation with her calming voice, comforting energy, beautiful vulnerability and super-smart mind. Apart from lots of other interesting things, you'll learn about your sh*t threshold. Enjoy.drjodirichardson.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's the MaxFunDrive, so we had to bring back our fellow MaxFun host and first ever guest (and first ever returning guest), Dr. Ella Hubber of Let's Learn Everything! We take a listen to EIGHT internal selections from all over the continent, and once more get authentic British despair at the state of this year's entry. Jeremy wishes he was in the booth, Dimitry catches Cyprus in a lie, Ella's heard the milkshake might not just be a state of mind, and Oscar thinks we might be in the year of the breakdown. MaxFunDrive ends on March 28, 2025! Support our show now and get access to bonus content by becoming a member at maximumfun.org/join.---The Eurovangelists are Jeremy Bent, Oscar Montoya and Dimitry Pompée.The theme was arranged and recorded by Cody McCorry and Faye Fadem, and the logo was designed by Tom Deja.Production support for this show was provided by the Maximum Fun network.The show is edited by Jeremy Bent with audio mixing help was courtesy of Shane O'Connell.Find Eurovangelists on social media as @eurovangelists on Instagram and @eurovangelistspod.bsky.social on Bluesky, or send us an email at eurovangelists@gmail.com. Head to https://maxfunstore.com/collections/eurovangelists for Eurovangelists merch. Also follow the Eurovangelists account on Spotify and check out our playlists of Eurovision hits, competitors in upcoming national finals, and companion playlists to every single episode, including this one!

We reach the end of Eurovision Selection Season 2025 and share our first impressions of the internal selections from Israel, Switzerland, Cyprus, Georgia, and France. Stragglers Summary Israel Debuts "New Day Will Rise" by Yuval Raphael (2:07) Zoë Më will represent host country Switzerland with "Voyage" (9:05) Theo Evan says "Shh" for Cyprus (12:02) Georgia declares "Freedom" with Mariam Shengelia (15:55) France's Louane debuts "maman" (21:04) Subscribe The EuroWhat? Podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts. Find your podcast app to subscribe here (https://www.eurowhat.com/subscribe). Comments, questions, and episode topic suggestions are always welcome. You can shoot us an email (mailto:eurowhatpodcast@gmail.com) or reach out on Bluesky @eurowhat.bsky.social (https://bsky.app/profile/eurowhat.bsky.social). Basel 2025 Keep up with Eurovision selection season on our Basel 2025 page (https://www.eurowhat.com/2025-basel)! We have a calendar with links to livestreams, details about entries as their selected, plus our Spotify playlists with every song we can find that is trying to get the Eurovision stage. Join the EuroWhat AV Club! If you would like to help financially support the show, we are hosting the EuroWhat AV Club over on Patreon! We have a slew of bonus episodes with deep dives on Eurovision-adjacent topics.

In this episode of No Film School, GG Hawkins sits down with Jérôme Eltabet, the editor of the Oscar-nominated body horror film The Substance. Jérôme shares his journey from assistant director to editor, detailing his work with director Coralie Fargeat to bring The Substance to life. He breaks down the editing challenges, the importance of sound design, and why cutting a horror film is all about creating an immersive experience. In this episode, No Film School's GG Hawkins and Jérôme Eltabet discuss: How Jérôme transitioned from assistant director to editor What it was like editing 300+ hours of footage for The Substance How sound design and score shaped the film's tension The massive changes from the first cut to the final version How the film's themes influenced its pacing and cutting style The collaborative dynamic between Jérôme and director Coralie Fargeat Memorable Quotes: “I do remember I gave a call to Coralie to say, ‘Oh, this movie is going to be very long.' And she told me, ‘Shh, don't tell anyone! We'll talk about this later in the edit room.'” (8:38) “We had maybe 150 different versions of some sequences because Coralie needs to have the kind of goosebumps to like it. It's not something you can explain—she just has to feel it.” (10:29) “Coralie didn't want any realistic sounds. Everything had to be slightly off. The world needed to feel unnatural, unsettling—like something was always wrong.” (13:14) “The first rough cut was three and a half hours. Coralie wanted a perfect edit, a perfect sound design, so we fought to get the movie as tight as possible without losing its impact.” (32:10) “As an editor, you are the first audience. You have to trust your instincts, because six months later, after watching the same footage over and over, you'll start doubting yourself.” (37:47) Guest: Jérôme Eltabet – Editor of The Substance, known for his precise, immersive approach to editing horror and psychological thrillers. Resources: The Substance – Ending Explained The Substance – Lookbook Read & Download The Substance Screenplay Find No Film School everywhere: On the Web: No Film School Facebook: No Film School on Facebook Twitter: No Film School on Twitter YouTube: No Film School on YouTube Instagram: No Film School on Instagram

The News Literacy Project's Peter Adams returns to answer some big questions: Who can you trust these days? Where are the reliable sources? Well, WE'RE not, because we claimed we were following the interview with the Poundstone Riddle Invitational, but it's actually a surprise party for Captain Crinkle! Shh!  GUEST Peter Adams newslit.org HOUSE BAND Andrew Shah SPONSORS Go to HelixSleep.com/paula for 27% Off Sitewide! Go to prettylitter.com/paula to save twenty percent on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“Shh, don't scream.”--On the night of July 23rd 2013, Tiffany calmly calls the police asking for help after she injured her own neck in an attempt to take her life, while her ex-husband Kris simply watches her. When the detectives arrive on the scene, it's clear to them that she didn't do this herself. Her ex Kris says the opposite, and calls her a liar. As they dig more into the case, time is running out as Kris carries out his own plan to “finish the job”.

8 Hours of Shh & Rain Sound: White Noise to Soothe Your Baby to Sleep baby sleep sounds, white noise for babies, shh sound for baby, rain sounds for sleep, 8 hours white noise, soothing baby sleep, baby sleep aid, gentle rain sound, noise for baby sleep, soothing sounds for baby, shh white noise, baby sleep noise, calm baby sleep, sleep through night, peaceful baby sleep, infant sleep help, rain white noise, sleep environment, baby calming sounds, nighttime baby sleep Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8 Hours of Shh & White Noise: Soothing Colic Baby to Sleep colic baby relief, white noise for babies, shh sound, soothing baby to sleep, 10 hours white noise, shushing sound, baby sleep aid, reduce baby crying, calming sounds for baby, soothing shh, baby colic solutions, peaceful sleep, white noise sleep, night time soothing, colic treatment, parent help, baby care, sleep techniques for babies, womb sounds, newborn sleep help Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shh...hedgehog! It always feels like a privilege to catch a glimpse of one, as it snuffles away under the garden fence. And come the spring, our spiny - and usually solitary - little friends will be feeling in the mood for...romance. But what exactly does a female look for in a mate? And how do their intimate encounters even work when things are so very... spiky? Join us for this special Valentine's Day edition of the Big Questions Podcast, as we ask Dr Sophie Lund Rasmussen (aka Dr Hedgehog) "how horny are hedgehogs?"

Sleep Through the Night: 8 Hours of Shh & Rain Sounds for Babies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shawn O'Grady (Board Chair of Feeding America) helps guide a nationwide network of American food banks with Feeding America. Shawn says Second Harvest Heartland is the best food bank in the country because of how well run it is. Shawn touches on the ecosystem of collaboration and resource management between organizations like SHH that people rely on.

Jeff is the author of The Ultimate Fantasy Character Creator, a collection of nearly 100 exercises to perfect your own fantasy character for online worlds, social videos, in-person meetups, self-published novels, and more. He is also the host of award-winning podcast Party of One, an actual play podcast focused on 2-player tabletop RPGs. (Shh, just go with it.)Guest host Riley Hopkins sits down with Jeff to run through some of the exercises in the book, and we finally learn the answer to the question: Who is on Brenda from Scenes From an Italian Restaurant's enemies list?THE ULTIMATE FANTASY CHARACTER CREATOR: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Ultimate-Fantasy-Character-Creator/Jeff-Stormer/9781507222676JEFF STORMER: https://jeffstormer.com/PARTY OF ONE: https://www.partyofonepodcast.com/RILEY HOPKINS: https://goodfuckinpodcasts.com/FOLLOW RILEY ON BLUESKY: https://bsky.app/profile/badfuckinpodcasts.comALL MY FANTASY CHILDREN: https://moonshotpods.com/all-my-fantasy-children/YAZEBA'S BED & BREAKFAST: https://redcircle.com/shows/yazebas-bed-and-breakfastPARTY OF ONE DISCORD: https://discordapp.com/invite/SxpQKmKSUPPORT JEFF ON PATREON: www.patreon.com/jeffstormerTHEME SONG: Mega Ran feat. D&D Sluggers, “Infinite Lives,” RandomBeats LLC, www.megaran.comSupport this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/party-of-one-podcast/donationsAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands