In the Moment with Mamoon

After over 15 years of coaching, I'm going to let you in on a secret.  There is something that happens in almost every single coaching session, at the moment the client has a breakthrough:  They drop their nafs.  For real. "Insight is when the ego collapses over a particular subject", as mentioned in the book, 'Inside the Soul of Islam'.    What does that look like in real-life?

Therapy and coaching can be useful tools for self-improvement. However, the biggest challenge with them is the fact that most people - especially the ones who need it the most - will never do it.  And this is not entirely without reason.  There is a lot of distrust of psycho-therapists, particularly those trained only in western Freudian models of the mind, devoid of religion, spirituality and sometimes even common sense.  Besides, if this therapy 'service' was not needed for thousands of years, why is it suddenly so fashionable now? 

There are 2 types of people in this world:  Spiritual Warriors and "Normies".  "Normies" are normal people.  There's nothing wrong with being a "normie". Most people are. They do fine. They go through mental and emotional suffering - much of it needless. They get freaked out when 'big things' happen in their lives and in the world. They're plagued with anxiety and bouts of depression, completely vulnerable to their circumstances.  Ultimately, they usually don't contribute much to the elevation of the consciousness of humanity most of the time. 

Here's a question that recently came up in a coaching session: Client: I've been trying to be present and I've let go of a lot of thinking about the past… but now I'm constantly thinking about the future. Me: If you want to gain any insight or clarity into deepening your level of presence, it has to start with presence. So, right now, are you fully present, with me, in this moment? Bring your full attention into the Now. Clear your mind. Take a deep, conscious breath. Client: I can't. My mind jumps to what's next and issues with my work and family. Me: That's okay, tune into your breath and your body. Do you notice any feelings in your body as your mind tries to run away? Client: Yes, I feel really bad.

Q: "How do I get rid of guilt and stop beating myself up after I sin?" After you mess up and realise you've done something wrong, the temptation is to become Judgy-Mc-Mufti Pants and start beating yourself up and drowning in guilt. I say 'temptation', deliberately. It is, indeed, your nafs (ego) that leads you down this dark, self-denigrating path of self-sabotage. Most people never become aware of this fact and foolishly believe that they feel guilty because they sinned.

I recently had a question from a client:  "The other day I was out with my family and I saw the mother of my ex-fiance. I gave her the nicest smile and she gave me the meanest, most horrible look like she wanted something really bad to happen to me."  At this point the client was on the verge of tears just recounting the event.  My response:  "Awwh, it must be really hard to live in your head." She quickly snapped out of it and became curious about what I meant. 

Here are a few reasons why I got so excited when I saw that 'MY People' (email subscribers like your good self) voted for the name of my next coaching program to be, "Nafs Mastery"... All of our relationship, mindset and spiritual 'problems' are manifestations of the nafs (ego) playing its games on us, without us being aware of it The essence of all spiritual growth comes down to the extent to which we are aware of (and not falling for) the tricks and traps of our nafs "Nafs" is not an English word… but it totally should be! It is perhaps one of the easiest-to-pronounce Arabic words that I hope will one day make its way into the Oxford dictionary

A question came up on a group coaching call recently: "How do you parent when you have no example? The way we grew up, with Pakistani parents who were really strict and didn't really connect with us or do any of the things that we now know we're supposed to do… things that are better for the kids in the long run… and more Islamic - like, how do we not just flip out when we see our kids doing something wrong?  

In one of the greatest movies of all-time, Kyle Reese tries to explain to Sarah Connor how dangerous this thing called "the Terminator" is: Kyle Reese: Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead! Sarah Connor: Can you stop it? Kyle Reese: I don't know. With these weapons? I don't know

The battle against the nafs (lower, egoic self) isn't a joke.  Your eternal life and worldly life depend on it.  Fortunately, in my travels I have come across some weapons that have aided me on my personal spiritual journey of being much more aware of the tricks my nafs is trying to play on me.  As a result, I've dropped a load of psychological suffering, much of which I wasn't even aware existed, until it was gone. I never realised it's possible to go for hours and even days with virtually no thoughts - certainly none that create anxiety, anger or depression.

What is true 'Islamic Spirituality'?  It could be described and understood in a few ways: To surrender oneself fully to the will of Allah.  To embrace Allah's constant, eternal Presence.  To use the outward rituals of Islam as catalysts to deepen our awareness of Allah's Presence.  To exchange one's own mind-made fantasies for the beauty of Allah's Reality.  Put most simply, it is 'Zikr Allah' - to bring Allah to mind. To clean one's heart, by quietening one's mind; removing thoughts of anything, thereby finding the One Source of everything.

People are trying to manipulate you all the time. And when you're unconscious (meaning, unaware of your thinking and feeling), you sometimes try to manipulate others too.  Here are some common examples that we all face every day

If you've had the misfortune of turning on the TV or doom-scrolling over the last few weeks, you might have noticed the planet slowly slipping into insanity and rolling the dice on starting World War 3. As if it wasn't enough to see a genocide unfold in Gaza, our politicians seem hell-bent on making sure that level of destruction stretches out as far and wide as possible. Oh, and were you getting too comfortable with those affordable gas prices and cheap food in your local supermarket? Well, our politicians are determined to fix that too by choosing violence over diplomacy at every turn.

You remember that TV show called, "Catchphrase"? It was fun for all the family on a Saturday night before the A-Team and Nightrider would come on. (Woops… I just lost all of Gen-Z, didn't I?) Anyway, the host would ask a question like "Name a kitchen utensil" and the player would name the first word that comes to mind, like "spoon". But you only win if the majority of an audience who was surveyed before-hand gave that as one of their top 5 answers. If your answer was 'spatula' or something random that didn't make the general public's top 5, you would hear a loud 'eh-ehh' buzzer sound, and lose. Anyway, now that Gen-Zee-TV is up to speed, are you ready to play?

One of the hardest things about fasting is entering the last phase of the day, a couple of hours before the end of the fast.  Often at this point, you're tired, hungry, drained after a full day of work (often with far too little sleep) and struggling to do anything but zone out.  And somehow, just when you want everyone to leave you alone, a sibling or parent or child or spouse - or all of them together - will stmake demands, or say or do things that make you just want to SNAP! 

The Quran tells us exactly why we're ordered to fast during Ramadan. Here's my translation of the verse:  "Prescribed for you, like those before you: fast! Perhaps your increased consciousness will last" [Quran 2:182] The ultimate purpose for fasting is to increase our level of consciousness, or 'taqwa'. This begs the question:  What is your level of consciousness and how do you know if it's increasing?

A couple of weeks ago I shared a 'Ramadan Gift' - the opening chapter of the Quran in rhyming verse.  Due to tons of very positive feedback, I'm going to share a few more verses with you. Again, don't get too excited - I'm not claiming that I'm able or that it's even possible to translate the whole Quran like this.  Also, please keep in mind that this is a first draft. It has not been thoroughly scrutinized by scholars as the final version would be if it were ever to be formally published. I'm sharing it with you to gauge your feedback and to see if it would be something worth taking further.   

I was recently talking with a client who said that he has a friend who was trying to re-connect with Islam this Ramadan and thought, "What better place to start, than the Quran?"  Granted, this person will have to read a watered down English translation and not the original, inimitably beautiful Arabic, but still, it should be all good, right?  The problem with Quran translations is that even one word misplaced can completely change the experience of the reader and their connection with Allah.  And there are a lot of bad English translations of the Quran out there. And, in recent decades, there have been some really good ones. But even the good ones translate some words in ways that can be very misleading to a native English speaker and someone who 'thinks' like a Westerner.  

Honestly, at this point, it feels like the esteemed Shaykh is on my email list, a member of The Spiritual Switch program, and is secretly spying on all of my coaching sessions.  "Okay, what are you talking about now, Mamoon?" Over the years, I've shared a lot of insights with students that I honestly never heard from anywhere else - some of which occurred to me completely randomly in a state of prayer, or when reading the Quran… and some while I was writing the book "Inside the Soul of Islam". And recently, some of those same ideas - even the exact same insights into the same verses - have mysteriously been coming up in Shaykh Hamza's talks. I kid you not!

Ever notice how it's almost always during Ramadan that Israel or the US decide to suddenly conduct illegal wars against Muslim populations?  You think that's a coincidence?  I don't.  I think it's full-on spiritual warfare.  The materialist world-view would have you believe that your state of mind and spirit has nothing to do with governments, politicians, bombs, media and wars in the 'real' world.  I don't buy it.   

We're rapidly approaching the halfway point of Ramadan, which means if your Ramadan or Quran goals were unrealistic, it's starting to show up right now. I'm as guilty of this as anyone.  My original Ramadan goal was to read all of Muhammad Asad's "Message of the Quran" commentary, which it turns out takes over two hours per juz (chapter). That's a lot of time to be reading the Quran in English, and that's before even reading it in Arabic. So, I adjusted to my favourite Ramadan Quran strategy.

There is a mufti, who hides in the inner-recesses of your mind. Any time it sees anything, or anyone, it gives a 'legal' verdict. Right or wrong. Good or bad. Positive or negative. One of us or one of them. As soon as it gives its verdict, it judges and blames... leaving another part of you, the inner-victim, to suffer the consequences. Now I can almost hear you thinking…

The deepest, most important work I do with people results in 3 big changes happening: Deepen your connection with Allah Become your best self Improve your relationships The way that happens is by 'flipping' your Spiritual Switch.  

Ramadan Mubarak!  I've been playing around with something in my spare time and I want to share a little piece of it with you.  You might have experienced that the beauty and majesty of the Quran is sorely lost in translation.  There are better English translations today than when I was growing up, so the message may be more clear now, but it still requires a lot of 'hard work' to get through an English translation. For the most part, I find myself needing to read at least 3 translations before I can really appreciate the message and find a blend of meanings that fits my understanding.

I have the feeling that my Ramadan this year is going to be AWESOME, insha'Allah.  And after you implement this quick guide, God-willing, yours will be too. I'm super excited about this Ramadan in particular, for 2 reasons:  The timings of sunrise and sunset make each day relatively easy to get plenty of adequate sleep I have a Quran plan I'm super-excited about implementing.   

It seems like everyone in the world is waking up to the fact that evil exists… and it's a lot worse than they thought it was.  Suddenly all of those horrifying verses in the Quran about what ultimately happens to really evil people doesn't seem so extreme, eh? Recently, as I was doing my Quran recitation, I came across a phrase that made me realize that there are a LOT more Epstein files than the 3 million that have been released and the REAL Epstein files are a lot clearer and more telling than the random emails that have gone back and forth between him and other well known people.  

Ramadan is a gift from Allah, the Most Loving Guide.  (And it's only a WEEK away!) That means we're about to experience a month of spiritual training designed for us to increase our level of consciousness. However, as the Prophet, peace and blessings upon him, said: "One may fast and get nothing from their fast but hunger. One may stand in prayer at night and get nothing from their prayer but a sleepless night." [Collection: Ibn Majah] How can we ensure our level of consciousness rises with each passing day during the blessed month?

A couple of years ago, I taught a live event called, "Meet and Marry the One", and as a framework for the event, I realized that there are a handful of powerfully transformative qualities that - if we embody them - we actually BECOME 'the One' that everyone is looking for. And it turns out the "becoming" the One, is actually the secret to attracting the one.

The best month of the year is coming up. Originally, I was thinking I would keep the doors of the Meet Him & Marry Him program open until February 14th, because, ya know, I'm a hapless romantic at heart. But the voices of my better angels took over and told me this is a completely made-up Hallmark occasion, and Ramadan is coming up pretty soon afterwards, and there are far more pressing things to talk about.   

After coaching hundreds of people on this, I think it's fair to say that the one of the hardest things people find about trying to use online marriage websites and apps like MuzzMatch is the time wasters. Sure, the creeps are bad too - but you can just delete and report them.  But the Time Wasters are like wolves in sheep's clothing.  They appear to be decent guys. And you think you're doing the right thing by going along with them, waiting for them to make the next move, BUT…  …There is no next move.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… Back when I was at university, there was a guy who was part of some kind of weird political Muzlamik organization. (Muzlamik is a made up word - it means kinda' sorta' tryin' to be Muslim or Islamic but not really).  And, one day the Muzlamik political guy got really clever. When the UK and the US had just gone to war with Iraq, all the students on campus (including the vast majority of the Muslim students), joined the "Stop The War" campaign and organized the 2 Million man anti-war march in London. But for some reason, this particular character didn't like the way we were all going about it - campaigning side-by-side with all those lefties. Something had to be done about it.  

A lot of my messages lately have been about supporting people to overcome their inner blocks and creating effective strategies so that they can find a wonderful partner for marriage.  But just in case that's not your goal… here are my top tips on how to stay single forever...

Believe it or not, there are some single people out there who have been too busy having zero success in their marriage search to take an hour out of their jam-packed schedule of terribly disappointing 'dates', to check out this training:  www.mamoonyusaf.com/MHMH   

A couple of months ago, I received this email from a sister.  My response will follow. QUESTION:  As Salaam Alykum Mamoon I want to share something with you. I totally understand that as Muslims we sometimes use the word "date" to mean to court and it doesn't mean date in the American context of going out endlessly and become bf/gf. However, there is a huge problem with that.

When you're single, it can seem like a long, never-ending journey - from meeting someone who's not a complete weirdo… all the way through to figuring out whether or not they could be a good life partner, and then deciding whether or not you really want them to be the one you spend the rest of your life with. And unfortunately, generally speaking, advice for Muslims on this is virtually non-existent.  For some mystical reason, Muslims are single, then suddenly get married… but nothing ever happened in between.  

Over the last decade, I've done 1000s of coaching sessions, and a lot of them have been with single Muslims. And during those sessions, I've received 1000's of questions.  Everything from: "How should I respond to this text?" to… "How come this guy isn't getting back to me?" to… "Should I go out with this guy again, or am I just wasting my time?" to… "We're both madly in love, but our parents aren't on board."  

Over the last few years, I've coached and advised many women in their 30s and 40s who are so exasperated on the journey to finding love, that they find themselves in a position where, realistically, if they ever want to have kids, they're going to have to freeze their eggs. This happens for a multitude of reasons, and through absolutely no fault of their own - obviously. And bizarrely enough - this has nothing to do with how attractive they are or whether they're 'marriage material'. I know of several objectively attractive women who are totally ready for love, who are in this situation.

Here's a question I recently got from a client. I've made all the details as vague as possible for privacy purposes. QUESTION:  My sibling and their spouse have been accused of abusive behaviour, and they have several kids who are now facing foster care. My family can't take all of them on, realistically, only a certain number of them. The others have been assigned Muslim foster parents. I feel very guilty about the kids we can't take on ourselves. What should I do?

Quote: "Not even God could sink this ship,"  [Commonly attributed to Captain Edward John Smith of the Titanic]. In the outstanding movie "The Dark Knight", the Joker, played by Heath Ledger, was holding Batman's girlfriend outside the window of a skyscraper. Batman instinctively said, "Let her go." And the Joker responded with the perfect phrase that someone probably should have pointed out to the captain of the Titanic when he claimed that 'even God could not sink this ship'.  The Joker's wisdom?  "Very poor choice of words!"

So said a client of mine from the UK who recently visited us in Morocco, referring to some 'Muzlamik' folks who are taking a kind of moral superiority in their decision to leave the UK.  Now, look… I get the attraction. Sun. Beaches. All kinds of entertainment. All forms of attractions. It's a land perfectly designed to entertain Brits. Oh… and it's all halal.

Basically, yes. Now, obviously this question and answer might require some context.  Over the last decade or more, I've coached a lot of single women who are in their late 20s, 30s and 40s who are living in their parents' home. And much of the time, they're unclear about whether they are technically allowed, in Islam, to leave their parents' home without being married.  

Here's a question from a coaching session… (as usual, it's been edited, summarised and certain details have been changed, to protect identities)... QUESTION:  "After getting coaching from you, I built up the courage to start calling my mum, who lives in another country. And for a while it was going good, but now, every time I call, my mum gives me guilt trips and she just gives me bad energy.  She starts comparing me to other siblings. As you know, I was wronged by my siblings, but my mum claims the opposite. And the worst thing is she then gives me guilt trips for not being around. What's going on? How come it was in flow before, when I started calling her, but now it feels a lot more heavy and negative?"

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him, said: "Observe moderation in taking action, and if you fail to observe it perfectly, try to do as much as you can. And be happy, for none would be able to get into Paradise because of his actions alone." The companions of the Holy Prophet said, "Allah's Messenger, not even you?" He replied, "Not even I, but for Allah enveloping me in His love.  And bear this in mind: the deed most loved by Allah is one which is done constantly, even though it is small."  [Collection: Muslim.]

Let me start with a disclaimer. I have absolutely no evidence whatsoever that JiuJitsu master Ryron Gracie has any interest in the Quran. However, I do know that the brothers Rener and Ryron Gracie put an enormous amount of intelligent thought into helping people achieve something that's also incredibly difficult: mastering Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Firstly, I know how insane that sounds. Many people reading this may well be Muslim, and let me assure you, this does not work for Sunnah fasts or Ramadan fasts. Because Islamic fasts are specifically designed to make sure that you do feel hunger and thirst. There is no way around the inherent challenge in the pre-dawn to sunset, no food, no water fast. However, a lot of people these days are into "intermittent fasting" as an incredibly intelligent way to lose a lot of unwanted body fat, quickly and effectively.  

Despite all the fake bad news about immigrants being the problem in the UK and the USA, the fact is that in reality, we boost the economy and keep it thriving.  That's why I chuckled when I was recently reminded of something I heard in an audio program I listened to about 20 years ago by Brian Tracy. He came out with a lot of zingers, but one of the gems that stayed with me was this. (For context, he was talking about the importance of being an entrepreneur and what it takes to be successful in business).

This might seem random, but it occurred to me recently that there is one piece of home workout equipment that I have used for well over a decade and I never plan on not using. It's extremely cheap (compared with a gym membership), doesn't take up space and it gives me the freedom to be able to work out at home without compromising on the effectiveness of the workout.  It even worked for me while I was at university, when I was basically living in a shoebox in London. (Come to think of it, I must have been using it for almost 2 decades). 

Question From A Client: My kid has just started university, and he's feeling very lonely and insecure. He's spending most of his time alone, getting bored and distracted, and isn't feeling great about it. What would your advice to him be?

Here is a pretty basic question: Have you ever set a long-term goal and then not achieved it? If so, you're right up there with 99.99% of the entire human population. One of the problems with long-term goals is that they're incredibly difficult to achieve, and for the most part, we end up giving up on them and then feeling like failures.

One of my all-time favourite productivity authors is Leo Babauta of Zen Habits. He has this excellent idea about setting New Year's goals, which is: don't do it. At least not until you've taken stock of everything that happened over the last year. He has a process that he calls the "Sacred Bow" (rhymes with cow) - which is to look at each month over the last year and simply note the major events that occurred. Then look at all of the lessons you learned and all of the accomplishments that you achieved over the last year.  

"Give yourself a rest from managing! When Someone Else is doing it for you, don't start doing it for yourself!  Your striving for what is absolutely guaranteed to you and your laxness in what is required of you are evidence that your inner eye is dull." Here's my take on this gem of ancient wisdom...