Parenting Successful Teens

Imposter syndrome is the FALSE belief that your normal human feelings of anxiety, doubts, etc are because there is something wrong with you.  Not true.  You're fine.  It's the belief that you're not already good enough that is the imposter.  Not you.   Tune in this week to learn the simple strategies to break the mental habit of feeling like you're not good enough so that you can feel more confident, quit proofreading your emails multiple times, start speaking up, and enjoying your many accomplishments.   Let's connect:  You can find me on instagram at allie.p.irwin.

The truth of the matter is that, as a Mom, I worked myself out of a job.  They will always need my love.  And I theirs.  But they don't need me.  And there is a grief there that is true.  Over the loss of identity.   I don't regret building my life around them.  If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing.   But it's time to both acknowledge the impact I've had on my kids and to pick a new focus. Sign up for my list here.  You'll be the first to know about Project Joy and other great stuff.

I'm a big fan of maternal intuition (Mom's wisdom).  But when are you being guided by intuition and when is it just a brain fart?  An old story or unconscious bias?  Tune in this week to learn a quick test to sort out when you're getting information that is helpful vs. following an unconscious bias that will hold you back. We spring clean our houses.  Empty our closets and sort out things that no longer fit.  So let's give our brain the same opportunity to start the spring by letting go of old grudges, stories about our past mistakes and habits that we are ready to change.  Click here to grab my Spring Clean Your Brain special.

Many parents want my help in getting their kids to tell them what's really going on in their lives.  They do this both because they want connection and they see it as a way to keep their kids safe. Tune in this week to find out the secret to getting your kids to talk to you about things that really matter. If you'd like to learn more about how having support could help YOU, we should talk.  Click here to schedule a time to tell me what's going on and what you'd like to change.  We'll talk about how we could make that happen. If you'd like to support the podcast (thank you!!!), click here.

Sometimes we get into situations where we feel a little over our heads.  Tune in this week to learn 2 strategies to make those situations easier to bear. 1.  Relentlessly being your own compassionate witness. 2.  Borrowing someone else's belief in you when your own faith in yourself is a little shaky. If you want a coach on your side to help you navigate a challenging situation, we should talk.  Click here to schedule a free, 45 minute call to explore what having support could do for you. You'll leave the call with a clear idea of your next steps and feeling like it was time well spent.  One of my clients, Emily, said "I thought it would be weird telling a stranger my problems but you were so easy to talk to.  I'm so glad we talked and I got the support I needed."

We live in a world that is more conducive to anxiety than play.  So play won't necessarily feel good enough to entice you away from work until you rewire your brain for more joy. Your brain will say "oh you can go do that when you send that email...finish the dishes..." (get your work done) But your brain is a liar. She's a snake oil salesman. Your work will never be done. It will expand to fit your available time. Tune in this week to find out why play doesn't feel more enticing and what to do about that. Wanna play more?  Need help with those pesky, joy-stealing thoughts?  Grab my February special - 3 - 30 minute zoom sessions for $97.

You can give what you don't have.  Moms do it all the time.  You read news stories of moms lifting hundreds of pounds when their kid is trapped.  Or Ben Carson's mom making Ben and his brother write 2 book reports a week for her, even though she couldn't read! We moms are resourceful and I love that about us. But all that giving causes us to go into a kind of Mom debt. This week, I'll unpack what that is and how to not let Mom Debt spin out of control. Please take advantage of the Change Any Habit February Special by clicking here.

You don't have a photographic memory and neither do I.  But we still place a lot of stock in our memories to be reliable and it turns out they are not.   Memory is a creative process.  We change our memories, every time we think about them. Tune in this week to find out how memory REALLY works and how to use this information to your advantage. To take advantage of the 30 minute free session offer, do one of these 3 things by midnight, February 5th.   1.  Rate the podcast on Apple and a screen shot to allie@allieirwin.com 2.  Write a couple sentence review of what you like about the podcast or why someone should listen to it and send me a screen shot. 3.  Join my Patreon community here at any level and Patreon will send me a notification.   Then I'll send a scheduling link so you can find a time that works for you.  Easy peasy

My family had a recent "hiccup" that turns out is very common mishap with the young adult crowd.  And it showed me how far we've come. So often parents come to me thinking that I'm going to take their problems away.   Nope.  I would if I could but that's not real life. I'm going to teach you how to stay connected to your own wisdom so that you can do what YOU know needs to be done.  Sounds worse, but I promise it's better. If you'd like to support the show through Patreon click here. Want to learn more about what having me in your corner with 1:1 personal support?  Click here for a no obligation call to explore what that could be like for you.

Many times parenting just feels too hard for too little reward.  So this week I share the framework I use to figure out where I'm out of balance so that I can get back to enjoying my family. That's what I want for you. I want you to LOVE this phase of your life.  And the next one, and the next one.  I want you to be happy now. And if you want that too, Click here to book a free call where we will sort out what's going on for you and make a plan. And if this podcast helped you think about parenting in a new way, please subscribe so that YOU don't miss an episode and share it with a friend.  They'll be glad you did. 

How can you tell, before you click, if an article is going to be helpful to you?  Or will it just leave you feeling worse?   Listen this week as I deconstruct 2 articles in real time that purport to answer the same question - Why do kids of good parents struggle?  Both articles leave their reader worse off but in completely different ways.  By deconstructing them, I'll show you the tricks they use to get you to click, lull you into a sense of safety and then gut-punch you with guilt. If you are looking for support in 2023 to become more confident and have more fun with your family, click here.  This is a link to have a free conversation with me about what is going on with your family and what you'd like to create instead.  Together we'll make a plan that will get you there.  

Serious listener question:  I feel like I don't matter that much to my kids, now that they're teens.  What do I do? Recommendations + fun questions: * Biggest Pet Peeve. * Favorite Parenting Book * Favorite Holiday Tradition If you'd like to learn more about how to put the podcast ideas into action by working together, or if you'd like to work on something we haven't covered, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link.  Putting the podcast into Action ❤️. These calls are free, fun, and feel like a conversation with a wise friend.

When it comes to parenting teenagers, your best move is to do things because you want to do them, not because you're banking on things like appreciation or even polite attendance as the expected outcome.  Because no one knows what outcome will happen.   So your best bet long term is to learn to pair activities that you can genuinely find joy in doing with your goals. Want my personal help in figuring out how to do that for your family?  Click here to find out more about how having personal support could benefit you.  The call is free and you'll leave seeing new possibilities for your family and with a clear best next step.

Improving your communication skills has long lasting effects on your kids.  When they become adults, their perception of their own social skills is influenced by how they communicate with you.   As parents, we can use the teen & young adult years to improve our relationship through better communication plus lay the foundation for our adult relationship.   If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link.  Putting the podcast into Action ❤️

Psychologists say that there are basically only 4 parenting styles - permissive, authoritative, neglectful and authoritarian.  Which one are you and which one is best?  Tune in this week to find out.  

I created a garbage strategy* for Wordle and still got good at it pretty fast because I was having fun. It was a completely different garbage strategy than I'd been using for Duolingo that has kept my streak going for almost 3 years and 2 languages.  In this week's episode, I break these garbage strategies* down, because creating your own garbage strategies is going to make parenting your teens so much easier and more fun.   * garbage just means so simple that on my worst day and I feel like garbage they still work. If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link.  Putting the podcast into Action ❤️

Raging hormones?  Immature Brains?  Terrible time of misery only to be "gotten through" or endured with wine?  None of that is true.   Tune in this week to find out what the latest research has to say about teenage brains. If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link.  Putting the podcast into Action ❤️

As a recovering people pleaser, I developed an unconventional approach to make saying no or speaking up easier for me.  By easier I mean I made it possible for me to do without having to majorly psyche myself up. If you have trouble saying no to your kids, their teachers, you boss, the lady that wants you to help with the holiday fair...this episode is for you. After you listen to this episode, let's talk about putting this into action in your family.  Grab your free call here. 

Society bills maternal instincts as a sort of magical knowing that all moms have that tells them the right thing to do in any situation.    So when moms feel confused or conflicted or don't know what to do, it feels like something has gone wrong.  Like their maternal instincts have let them down.  Or they probably suck.     Tune in this week to find out what maternal instincts actually are and how to build yours up in ways that will actually guide you.

Today I share my "borrowed from a business book" approach to setting parenting goals.  This is the process that set me free during the years when I truly struggled as a parent. Take a listen and feel free to email me your parenting goals so that I can celebrate with you! allie@allieirwin.com

I thought I was listening to good parenting advice this morning until I heard this one little phrase.  It was like a dog whistle for triggering mom shame.   Sounds innocuous on the surface, but loud and clear for its intended target.   If you've heard something that made you feel like crawling into a hole, tune in this week to feel way, way better.   Ready to really heal mom shame?  Click here to schedule a free call to see what having private support could do for you and your family.

How do you define success for your family?  If you haven't explicitly thought about it, you are most likely following a definition of success set by elite colleges - good grades, lots of extracurriculars, maximum post-college earnings, etc.  Unfortunately, that definition sets most kids up for struggle rather than success. (Even the kids elite colleges accept because they end up defining themselves by those external measures.) So this week, I'll share my unconventional approach to defining success so that you can create your own values-aligned definition and truly set your kids up for success. Got questions?  email me at allie@allieirwin.com Ready to get started putting this podcast into action with your family?  Click this link to see what a month of support could do for you.  

Sometimes even "good" advice can trigger us.  We read a book all our friends loved or an inspirational post, and instead of getting great ideas, we feel worse about ourselves as moms. In this week's episode, I'll deconstruct some "good" advice that triggered me so that you can learn the tools of spotting and rejecting advice that doesn't work for you.  Plus I offer some fun historical examples from top parenting experts that turned out to be terrible advice.   What are you waiting for?  If you've got stuff going on in your family, I want to help.  Click here to schedule a free call to talk about what's going on and what you want to be happening instead.  I'll give you a big picture perspective of what's happening and then we'll talk about ways to shift that.  Moms just like you love these calls even if we don't end up working together!

How do you get your kids to tell you what's going on in their lives?   You love them + you're curious + you want to help.    But if they don't tell you anything, how can you help? Because there is no amount of good parenting that lets your kid's skip "the hard parts", the best way to handle them is to know about them.  And this week we'll break down how to create an atmosphere where kids feel comfortable telling you their "stuff".   Love these podcasts but struggle putting them into practice with your family?   That means you are ready to think about the next step.  Working with me is the best investment you can make towards strengthening your family + not losing your mind during these crazy years. ❤️ Click here to set up a call to learn more about what that could look like for you. 

Our human bodies hate change.  They work hard to keep us at a stable temperature, blood pressure, etc. Otherwise, we'd pass out whenever we stood up or went outside on a hot summer day. Similarly, we resist changes in our family relationships.  Adjusting as our kids grow older and more independent is hard work.  And that work isn't made easier by the familiar adage "everyone goes through it." In this week's episode, we'll look at what DOES make changing relationships easier to navigate. If you could use some help navigating the changes happening in your household, we should talk.  Click here to set up a time to talk about what's going on and explore what having support could look like.   Moms just like you love this time to have a judgment-free set of eyes looking at their situation and offering a fresh prespective.

Parents of difficult children are the luckiest parents.  Difficult kids give us get so many great opportunities to practice mental flexibility, unconditional love, live their values and become judgement proof.  I feel sorry for parents with "easy" kids because they miss out on so much.   You get a front row seat to a creative mind, even if their creativity is not used for the purposes you prefer! Check out this week's episode, it's a love letter to help parents see why difficult kids are so fantastic.  If you'd like to talk about what having personal support could do for your family, click this link to set up a free, no obligation call.  You'll tell me what's going on.  What you wish was happening instead.  And then we'll map out a plan to get you there.  Even if we choose not to work together, you'll still think this was time well spent.

Being a mom is an endless string of decisions.  Both the number of decisions we have to make (5 before breakfast

So many Moms are worried about how much time their kids spend on screens.  But what they don't understand is all the roles that screens play in a kid's life.  Connection, comfort and much needed time to just zone out or numb out. This week we are going to talk about the differences between comfort and zoning out as a way to help our kids spend less time on their screens.   And like all of the epsidoes we are going to help our kids by helping ourselves first.  Because truth be told, you can't tell a teen anything that you aren't role modeling yourself. Want help applying this week's episode to YOUR family?  Click here to schedule a free discovery call where we'll talk about what having support could do for you.

Do you want to raise your kids differently than the way you were raised? In this week's episode, we'll talk about how to keep the good parts and not let avoiding the bad parts become a trap.  

Our unconscious mind acts a lot like a crockpot.  Other people's ideas about how we should be get put in there when we are little, and those ideas simmer for decades. Much like ingredients in a crockpot.  In this week's episode learn how situations that trigger us today are based on thoughts that have been simmering in our unconscious minds for decades.  Identifying these links with help you be less triggered by stuff your kids say and do AND take the pressure off your current day self to "get it right". 

Some days everything goes your way and other days feel like you are slogging through mud with 14 monkeys on your back. In this episode, I'll show you how to create more of those easy days.  And in the process create more of what. you want for your family.

Resentment is what you feel when you don't address your anger.  It's a big ol' pile of all the things you told yourself to just let go or pretended you weren't made about when you were.    In this week's episode I'll share to how to not resent your own kids. Or more specifically the sacrifices you made and emotional slights you endured without so much as a thank you. If you'd like to talk about how to put this podcast into action in your own family, click here to find a spot on my calendar. https://talktoallie.as.me/HowcanIhelpyou The call is free and you'll walk away with a clear plan of what to do next and how having support will make being a parent easier and more fun!

Oftentimes when we are having a disagreement  and our kids yell "I'm not you, Mom" or "Stop treating me like a baby", what's happening is that we are seeing them through our Mom Goggles. This week you'll learn how Mom Goggles prevent you from seeing your kid's situations from their perspective, even when you're trying to understand them!

The idea behind so much of "conscious parenting" and "gentle parenting" is that our kids are fragile and if we say or do the wrong thing we'll screw them up forever.  Bah.  It's exactly the opposite.  Putting pressure on ourselves to never make a mistake is what makes our kids fragile.   Making mistakes and then repairing them makes our kids strong.  That process teaches our kids to feel safe and secure.  It teaches them boundaries and self esteem. Mistakes followed by repair are good for everyone.  If you'd like to learn more about how to put these ideas into action by working together, schedule a free, no obligation call by clicking this link.  Podcast into Action ❤️

Most people would agree that parenting is hard.  Really hard. So in this week's episode, we are going to make parenting a little easier by introducing the concept of clean pain vs. dirty pain.  By learning to spot the differences you'll be able to reduce the amount of pain you feel AND the amount of pain your child feels. To apply these concepts to YOUR family, don't hesitate to schedule a free call with me.  Our time together creates a safe, nonjudgemental space for you to get questions answered and put these ideas into practice.  Click here to schedule.

When you are a Mom it is hard not to (at least occasionally) freak out!  You are just going about your day and BAM...in comes a text and a fresh worry. Well don't worry, I've got you.  In this episode, I offer 7 ways to feel calmer.  3 ways to soothe your racing, ruminating mind + 3 ways to help your body relax + 1 way to change your environment so you are less triggered. Schedule a free call if you'd like help applying this to your specific family situation.  It is a safe, nonjudgment environment to share what's on your mind and get some help & clarity.  Click here to schedule.

It's your last summer togther before you become an empty nester and you're worried about what that's going to be like.  (Or maybe feeling guilty that you are counting down the days because of what it's been like!) In this week's episode we'll talk about why the term empty nest makes things harder than they need to be. For the special mentioned in this week's episode, email allie@allieirwin.com with "Empty nest transition" in the subject line and I'll send you the details.

Too often being a mom = being society's punching bag. Cruddy stuff always runs downhill and Moms are stuck at the bottom of that hill trying hard to make things work anyway.  That deserves admiration not blame. So in this week's episode, we discuss having a zero-tolerance policy for smack talking other Moms so that we can create a culture that supports us. Together we can make being a Mom mean being part of a super cool sisterhood rather than society's scapegoat.

Participation trophies are seen as consolation prizes that make people weak. (actually that's the kindest version

Do you want your kids to live up to their potential?  You are definitely not alone.  I hear this all the time from my clients and I get it.  I used to want that too until I discovered that it was actually holding my kids back.   Tune in this week to discover why believing in your kid's potential sets your family up to struggle and learn ways to empower your kids to find their own motivation instead. 

I'm in therapy.  It's a stereotype, but I'm cleaning up some childhood wounds.  And I made a discovery that I can't wait to share with you. So if you think your Mom might have screwed you up, OR you are worried about screwing up your own kids, this week is for you. ❤️

After a big, exciting or stressful time people often tell me that I "just need rest".  Argh.  It's not that they are wrong, it's just how are you supposed to rest when it makes you feel bored and restless? Listen to this week's episode to learn what's actually happening in your brain.  How to use these feelings to help you break bad habits and feel better as quickly as possible. 

My friend asked me for some tips on how to stay sane during crazy times.  Great question because it feels like all the times are crazy times! In this week's episode, you'll learn the Big 3 Foundation pieces that set you up for sanity when your days are feeling overwhelming.  Then I'll offer my 2 energy practices that you can do in under 5 minutes to reset your nervous system and help you feel calmer. For the video version of these exercises, please join the free Facebook group No BS Mom Help.

Want to get things done and yet you feel overwhelmed by your endless to do list? Check out this week's episode for a more playful approach to productivity.  In this episode, I detail the exact system I'm currently using to manage the endless details of running a business while moving a household.  You'll learn how to set up your day in line with your values so you can go to bed at night feeling GOOD about what you got done.  

Do you know what is the criteria for being a successful Mom?   Is it the number of family dinners you eat together?  Report card results?  Happy kids? There is no "good mom" governing body handing out certificates but it does help to have a clear idea of what you value.   This week I'll walk you through 4 distinct criteria to help you get clear on which metrics matter the most to your family. 

You don't have to wait to feel better until your kid starts doing the thing you wish they would (homework, help without complaining, be nicer to their sister). Or wait until they stop doing the thing you wish they wouldn't do. You can feel better right now.  And feeling better now increases your chances of getting what you want.  In this week's episode, you'll discover the 4 questions that can help you feel better right away and usher in new insights on your situations and the best way to approach them. 

Build a strong adult relationship with your kids matters because you are going to have that relationship for decades.  Even longer than the relationship you have when they are under your roof!   While you'll still always be their mom and they'll always be your babies, it's important to transition the relationship to an adult one in order to keep it healthy and strong.   So in today's episode, we're going to talk about how to make that transition from a parent - child relationship to parent - adult child relationship.

If you have a child that seems to enjoy arguing like a competitive sport or conversely won't stand up for themselves in an argument, then this week's episode is for you!    I will show you how to see this situation in a brand new way that makes it go from super frustrating to one that benefits both of you!  No matter which end of the arguing spectrum they are on.

I kicked off the new year by picking up an old hobby, skiing. I was super excited right up until the day of my first lesson. Then I was terrified. In this week's episode, I share the exact 3 step process I used to calm myself down so that I could give myself what I needed before the lesson, make the most out of my lessons and even enjoy myself. What you'll learn in this episode: * Clues for when to use logic and what to do if logic doesn't work. * The important step that most people skip that keeps them in a freak out loop. * Simple 3 step process for calming your fears. * How to know exactly what action to take when your brain is freaking out. * Why doing this process creates a high return on time invested.

Despite what inspirational coffee mugs say, you shouldn’t forgive before you are ready. If you push feelings of anger and resentment aside and too early forgiveness won’t stick. For the full show notes and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to allieirwin.com/52.

Commonly accepted wisdom says that teenage brains are all kinds of crazy.  True, but teenager’s brains are specially equipped with abilities we lose later on.  In today’s episode, I’ll show you what that ability is and how to get it back. For the full show notes and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to allieirwin.com/51.