When Our Adult Children Walk Away

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you've been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one's for you.We'll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.We'll talk about: ✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries ✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse ✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending ✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is brokenYou're not alone. You don't have to be perfect. If you're willing to do the work, there's hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.Some days are more difficult than others. Some days shine a spotlight on our estrangement grief - the silence and loneliness. These are high-risk days. On high-risk days, the silence can be deafening. High-risk days trigger more intense feelings. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other important days can be reminders of your estranged adult child. These are what we refer to as high-risk days. High-risk days often reopen emotional wounds and bring the pain and dejection of parental estrangement rushing back because the emotional distance or absence of an estranged adult child becomes more obvious to us - and to others.In this special overview episode, you'll be introduced to the concept of high-risk days and why they can be especially overwhelming for people navigating estrangement. You'll learn what to expect emotionally and why recognizing, planning for, and implementing survival strategies is essential in healing. Strategies are the key to maintaining emotional balance and protecting mental health. Pre-planned strategies empower, fortify and build confidence. First, we plan the plan, and then we follow the plan.This episode is the first in a five-part podcast series dedicated to helping estranged parents prepare for and survive our estrangement's most emotionally vulnerable times.In this episode, you'll discover:·         What qualifies as a high-risk day·         Why high-risk days often trigger more intense grief and anxiety·         How to begin preparing emotionally, mentally and physicallyIf you're a parent estranged from your adult child, this series is designed to give you the language, tools, and support you need to get through these days and gently care for yourself within them.#EstrangedParents #FamilyEstrangement #HighRishDays #SelfCareforParents  #CopingWithGriefSupport the showFor more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement. The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.Mother's Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant. In this episode, we'll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might respond to open the door instead of pushing them further away.We'll talk through:✔️ What estranged adult children mean when they bring up things like “control” or “favoritism”.✔️ How to respond without getting defensive—even when it hurts✔️ Ways to show empathy, take responsibility, and rebuild trust✔️ What accountability actually sounds like in real-life conversationsThis isn't about blame—it's about understanding. It's about getting honest, staying humble, and taking steps toward a healthier relationship, even if that road is long.Support the showFor more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement. The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Subscriber-only episodeHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.Whether it's a holiday, birthday, or significant life event, high-risk days may – usually do - heighten the pain, loneliness and embarrassment of estrangement. In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp offers practical strategies to help you prepare, set boundaries, and maintain emotional balance.

Subscriber-only episodeHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.If you're experiencing some degree of estrangement, you have almost certainly experienced the sting of rejection and the emotional gut punch of dejection. When some part of our involvement in our relationship is rejected, we can become overwhelmed by disbelief, anger,  hurt feelings and despair. In this episode, we're breaking it down. Rejection is the action – the delivery of the message. It is what happens when someone shuts you out—it's external. Dejection? That's the inner impact - the emotional crash, confusion, and heartbreak that lingers.We'll talk about how these emotions show up in estranged family relationships. In future and related episodes, we'll explore how to handle both to keep you moving forward. If your messages of love and attempts to be supported have been dismissed or perceived to be harmful in some way, and if you've ever felt shut out or disappointed, take a listen!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Ever wondered whether you need a therapist or a coach to help with your family estrangement (or any big life challenge)? Or maybe both? What if a person is professionally licensed and trained as both a therapist and an estrangement coach?In this episode, we break down the key differences between the two—how they work, what they focus on, and who might be the best fit for your circumstances.We'll talk about when therapy is the right call, when coaching might be a better fit, and how to tell if the professional you're working with is actually helping. Whether you're looking for deep emotional healing or practical strategies to move forward, this episode will help you figure out your next step!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Subscriber-only episodeHi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.This is a premium Subscriber episode. This is the link to subscribe. https://www.buzzsprout.com/2134816/subscribe  Please contact me at Janet@JESteinkamp.com if you have difficulty subscribing or have other questions. Thank you.In this episode, we're diving into the different but complementary roles therapists and coaches play in family estrangement—whether they're helping to heal relationships or, sometimes unintentionally, making the divide even deeper. We'll explore how different approaches can open the door to establishing a healthy and respectful connection or push people further apart.You'll hear about the impact of therapy models, personal biases, and communication strategies on estranged families. Plus, we'll discuss how parents and adult children can find professionals who truly support their goals—whether that means working toward reconnection or setting healthier boundaries. If you've ever wondered why some therapy helps and some seem to hurt, take a listen!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent topics in our conversations is whether the noise and discomfort of the eggshell stage will always be part of a struggling relationship and how to get back to “normal.” In the previous episode, we considered the first 1 - 10 reasons we benefit from the noise of our cracking eggshells. Now, we dig deep into reasons 11 -20. As you listen, consider how you can harness your eggshells' crunching noise (and discomfort) to understand your adult child's needs, boundaries and expectations. By embracing your eggshells (and theirs), you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust-based and mutually gratifying relationship.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Unlike the short episode with the same title, this episode examines differences and similarities in how moms and dads describe their experiences and strategies for navigating estrangement.I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender and family role. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness. So, for this episode, please consider your role in the family over your at-birth sex. If you have the role of nurturer, then consider listening as the traditional 'gatherer' or mom role. If you are more of the provider or 'hunter' than listen with an ear for the hunter role. We are each shaped by societal expectations, assigned familial roles, and the people in our lives. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of societal and family (the people who raise us) values - beliefs - traditions. We grow up in different circumstances and bring our unique selves to our relationships. So, it makes sense that we each have individual relationships with our children. Still, some elements (generally speaking) can be considered familial-role specific.These differences and similarities can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, respond to feelings of rejection, and prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves. The same is true for our adult children—they see us and experience us as their parents through their unique lenses.Please listen and let me know what you think. You can share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I read and respond to all emails that reach my inbox.  Remember - be brave!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement. Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right?I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness. We are each shaped by societal expectations, gender roles, and the people around us. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of our families values. We each are raised in different circumstances and bring our unique selves as a whole to our relationships. So, it only makes sense that we each also have individual relationships with our children. And... still there are some elements (generally speaking) that can be considered gender specific. These differences can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, how we respond to feelings of rejection, and how we prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves.Take a listen and let me know what you think. Share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp.com. Or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I do read and respond to all email that finds it's way to my inbox. Thank you. And be brave!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift  - A Deep Dive Into Reasons 1-10 (Extended)Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. In this episode, I take a deep dive into 1 - 10 of the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child's boundaries. By embracing your eggshells (and theirs), you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust-based and mutually gratifying relationship.Look for the 2nd extended episode. In it I dig into 11-20 of the 20 Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.The "Let Them Go" movement grew out of the emerging phenomenon of parental and family estrangement. Originally the movement was based on positive acceptance, open minded awareness, and love. This movement emphasizes personal well-being and the right to distance oneself from harmful dynamics.More recently, the movement has spun off a 2nd movement. We now hear from a “Let Them Go – Good Riddance” faction. In this episode I provide an overview of originally intended “Let Them Go” philosophy. In an extended episode, I will dig deep into the original spirit, how and why the movement morphed to include the “Good Riddance” offshoot. And we compare and contrast the potential outcomes of both. For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. This episode introduces the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child's boundaries. By embracing your eggshells, you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust based and mutually gratifying relationshipIn two future extended episodes, I will dig into 1-10 and 11-20 of the Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be in contact with your adult child. These tips will help ensure your communication is authentic, accurate, timely, and respectful. Using these tips, you can engage in proactive communication, demonstrate consistent behavior, and address any potential sources of misrepresentation directly.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn't the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn't. Or, maybe it's more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair.Catastrophizing is a common behavior that affects many people during times of stress. Well… when is life more stressful than when our adult child starts pulling away, stops communicating constructively or goes no contact?The good news is that catastrophizing does not necessarily signal a mental health condition. In fact, preparing for the worst-case scenario can be a coping mechanism and defense mechanism. However, it is also true that if it becomes a chronic habit or interferes with daily life and functioning, it may be a sign of depression or anxiety. If you find yourself unable to stop the worst-case cycling in your head, please consider finding a licensed mental health provider who can assist in quieting the cycle.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, we crack the Busy Body Code. I share several easy strategies to manage a busy body by controlling your message. You can protect your privacy, ensuring that more energy can focus on maintaining emotional well-being. I share several responses you can use when approached by even the most well-meaning "share-er." I provide ways to sort through publicly neutral messaging to ensure the difficulties you're experiencing with your adult child are not enflamed by misinformation or the appearance that you aren't protecting your family's privacy.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm frequently asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf. I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to  approach an adult child without the parent's involvement—to defend us, advocate for us, or encourage our adult children to "stop the madness." The third scenario related to this topic involves parents recruiting, encouraging or requesting that a friend or family member approach their estranged child to advocate on their behalf. Regardless of who, how or why people advocate for us, after a time, these efforts often end in more sadness and disappointment for the parent. So, how can we make sense of it when advocacy for the parents does not bring the intended outcomes?In this episode, I explore these three scenarios from the adult child's perspective. You'll hear some strategies for navigating all three, and I'll explain why ensuring a clear and direct path for communication between the adult child and estranged parent becomes essential.This episode explores this topic in more depth. For a quick overview, check out the (Short) episode with the same title.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Adult children involved in estrangement often use specific terms and phrases to articulate their feelings and experiences. Newly estranged parents must understand and adopt these terms in today's context to fully grasp what their adult child tells them. It is not unusual for parents to become frustrated and feel imposed upon when they learn the new definitions and meanings of words and phrases. It may be helpful to know that the overuse of words and the evolution of their meaning is not a new phenomenon. Think back to when you were a young adult and you'll find plenty of terms we used in ways our parents no longer recognized.When terms become pedestrian or overused, they become overly familiar and perhaps even clichéd. The original meaning of a term or phrase becomes diluted and generalized. Several terms or phrases used by estranged adult children have been used so frequently over time that they have lost their emotional impact and fail to capture the nuanced experiences and feelings in the same way as in the past. Conversations can quickly become twisted and tangled if there are significant differences in past definitions and what terms mean today. The adult child and parent can leave a conversation with hurt feelings from unintended messages. I call this a communication disconnect.This episode's purpose is to assist parents in understanding key terms and phrases commonly used in our adult child's world. Importantly, learn them in today's context. I recommend that if you listen to this episode and get frustrated and want to debate, let it go. Don't scoff, don't dismiss and don't be offended. Instead, dedicate your energy to adopting the new meanings and get comfortable using them accordingly. Your adult child may take note of your determination to 'get on board' with them.As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this episode. Feel free to message me through the Contact Janet feature of the whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com website. Make sure to leave contact information so I can respond.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm often asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf.   I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to  approach an adult child without the parent's involvement—to defend us, advocate for us, or encourage our adult children to "stop the madness."   The third scenario related to this topic involves parents recruiting, encouraging or requesting that a friend or family member approach their estranged child to advocate on their behalf.   Regardless of who, how or why people advocate for us, after a time, these efforts often end in more sadness and disappointment for the parent. So, how can we make sense of it when advocacy on behalf of the parent's does not bring the intended outcomes?In this episode, I explore these three scenarios from the adult child's perspective. You'll hear some strategies for navigating all three, and I'll explain why ensuring a clear and direct path for communication between the adult child and estranged parent becomes essential.  This episode is a shorter introduction to the topic. For a deeper dive, you can find the expanded episode on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.To complicate matters further, outsiders can influence or drive the reconstructive process. Have you heard the terms Gaslighting and Cult of One? Check out those specific episodes for more information.So, what is the difference between what we organically recall (reproductive memory) and the changed or revised version (reconstructive memory)? The metamorphosis of memory can and does affect us all. If you think it doesn't happen to you, read things you wrote years ago. Consider a diary or your child's baby book. You will likely find discrepancies between what you wrote and when you recall. You might wonder if you mistakenly wrote things in the original document or if your memories have changed.Revision of memory is a usual and natural human process. However, in the face of estrangement, transforming memory can and often does lead to disastrous outcomes.Listen in to learn more about the differences and processes that occur. Then, when you want more information and to explore this topic more deeply, look for the extended version.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.To complicate matters further, outsiders can influence or drive the reconstructive process. Have you heard the terms Gaslighting and Cult of One? Check out those specific episodes for more information.So, what is the difference between what we organically recall (reproductive memory) and the changed or revised version (reconstructive memory)? The metamorphosis of memory can and does affect us all. If you think it doesn't happen to you, read things you wrote years ago. Consider a diary or your child's baby book. You will likely find discrepancies between what you wrote and when you recall. You might wonder if you mistakenly wrote things in the original document or if your memories have changed.Revision of memory is a usual and natural human process. However, in the face of estrangement, transforming memory can and often does lead to disastrous outcomes.Listen in to learn more about the differences and processes that take place. When you want more information and to explore this topic more deeply, look for the extended version.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.A few years ago, in the middle years of our family's estrangement from my adult daughter and grandchildren, I adopted the phrase "Parent Partner.” I borrowed the term from the early days of divorcing parents (remember Gweneth Paltro's divorce from Chris Martin?) working together to co-parent young children. The concept is that divorcing parent-partners choose to work collaboratively, in a friendly manner, to jointly parent young children. They may even vacation together, celebrate birthdays together, etc. The separation we - the parents - experience from our maturing children is actually a close cousin to the concept of divorce. If we manage it well, it doesn't have to lead to estrangement.The Oxford Dictionary defines divorce as " the separation or dissociation from something.” Isn't this what happens as our children individuate from us in their young adult years? In my experience, it certainly felt like a divorce at times. Individuation is natural. It is natural for our adult children to separate from us as their primary family - to create their own separate lives.So (insert shoulder shrug here), why not adapt proactively and intentionally in our relationship with our adult child?This episode provides 10 tips for growing into the parent-partner role, including how to integrate our adult children's expectations and needs - in the face of today's complex world - so we can stay connected and actively involved in their lives - AND not risk estrangement. For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don't become catastrophic.In this episode I provide a detailed explanation of how apologies and explanations function within the context of conflict management. In short, where apologies address the emotional aspects of a conflict, explanations tackle the rational side. By understanding when and how to use each communication tool strategically, we can foster an environment of trust, clarity, and mutual respect, leading to a more healthy and mutually respectful relationship.Listen to the shorter episode to hear a brief and specific explanation of the differences between an apology and an explanation.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don't become catastrophic.Where apologies address the emotional aspects of a conflict, explanations tackle the rational side. By understanding when and how to use each communication tool strategically, we can foster an environment of trust, clarity, and mutual respect, leading to a more healthy and mutually respectful relationship. In this episode, I provide a brief and specific explanation of the differences  between an apology and an explanation.Listen to the extended episode to learn more about how and when to use each.  For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.This Sunday in the US is Father's Day.  Many families around the country will spend time celebrating their dads. But, the day can be difficult for our estranged dads - and research tells us that the same is true for many of their estranged adult children. For estranged dads and adult children, the day shines a spotlight on circumstances that led to their strained or fractured relationships.Estranged relationships between any parent and their adult children are frequently incredibly painful and complex. There are differences between how moms and dads experience estrangement. So often, the moms lead the conversations when we meet or lead the effort to find help. It may appear that the dads are less affected. And yet we know dads are also hurting, scared and angry.In this episode, I share findings from a reliable research study on fathers and estranged adult children. In particular, the research I reference in this episode comes from this article: Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality - by Reczek, Stacey and Thomeer. The Reczek study is unique because it is one of the few that used longitudinal data collected to examine national trends (including family estrangement) over time. The study began in 1979 with ongoing and supplemental study of the same group of people through 2020.Take a few minutes to read the article if you're interested in the US statistics around father-adult child estrangement. The list of references at the end of the article provides an extensive treasure trove of scholarly articles, research-based books, and other resources.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Parenting doesn't end when our children grow into adulthood; it just evolves into a different phase with its own set of challenges. Parents often struggle with letting their children become independent adults. It can be hard to transition from being the primary decision-maker to taking a backseat role in their lives.We are challenged to Let Go. We are faced with finding a new balance in how much support we provide and how much we honor our maturing children in their quest for independence. We face different and heavy financial concerns. Communication changes and boundaries shift.We begin to experience empty nest syndrome and our adult relationships may shift without children at the center.  And, last but not least, the expectations of both parents and adult children evolve.In this episode, I begin to scratch the surface of this ominous and sometimes joyous stage of parenting. Grab a chair and take a listen. Thanks for joining in!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.The concept of gaslighting has become a common term over the past few years. So what is it and why is it that our adult children are quick to accuse parents of gaslighting?Gaslighting is when someone says something convincingly and with authority puts into question another's perspective and experiences. Gaslighting pushes others to change their own thinking, beliefs, observations, and values. That, my friends, is gaslighting.There are people in the world who believe the earth is flat (no offense if you are one of those people) even with all the evidence to the contrary. People have been to space and seen our planet - round and rotating. And, still, there are people who will argue and debate to convince others that we live on a slab.More importantly, to how we communicate and interact with our adult children, we are often caught off guard when events, experiences, exchanges, and other aspects of family history are (seemingly) suddenly are described as hurtful, shaming, painful and perhaps even abusive. It isn't unusual for parents to push back, and try to persuade their adult child that they "simply don't remember correctly". That might be true, and still we are called to listen and consider their perspective. So, how do we listen, consider and acknowledge there are different perspectives to what, for parents, has been factual and true?For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Estrangement is most accurately defined as a continuum of distancing.  Estrangement in families refers to voluntarily or involuntarily distancing oneself from one or more family members or loved ones, usually due to significant conflicts or issues within the relationship.  Checkout https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement  to find a very helpful image of the estrangement continuum. In cases other than those involving abuse or addiction, adult children who pull away from their parents and other family members often point to a lack of respectful communication and miscommunication as the underlying or last-straw problem. While every estrangement is unique and influenced by individual circumstances, some general themes exist. These themes appear regularly in the resources available to our adult children as they consider whether or how severely to estrange a loved one.  And! When they consider reconnecting. I've reviewed research studies, books, articles, and other resources for the past six  years to understand these themes better. I talked with parents and adult children struggling in relationships, family systems therapists and estrangement experts. I also studied support resources for adult children seeking solutions to resolve their unraveling parental relationship – including estrangement. In short, I sought out any resource that focused on or related to the continuum of estrangement – and written for an audience of adult children. In this episode, I share and discuss what I have found to be the most commonly considered relational aspects adult children consider as they pull away. And! When they consider reconnecting.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is, "How do I know if my child is cutting ties and wants to be estranged?" Why is it important to understand the differences and similarities? Knowing the difference helps us assess the health of a relationship. Take a listen as I dig in and talk about the differences. And - importantly - the similarities.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail. Determining the level of estrangement between you and your adult child can involve some introspection and assessment of your relationship dynamics. Are you asking yourself questions like: What is the Continuum of Estrangement? What is the progression of distancing? How do I know if my adult son or daughter is on the continuum? How do I slow down the increasing distancing of my son or daughter?This episode is a great place to get initial insights into your questions and some information to help find answers. Let's get started. Listen in to this session and learn more about the Continuum, how to assess your relationship, and how to begin to slow down the distancing.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.For parents and adult children experiencing some level of estrangement (see the Continuum of Estrangment link below) understanding what an authentic apology means can be pivotal in repairing their differences. In this episode we dig deeper into the 5 imposters of an authentic apology. You will learn how to recognize and avoid these imposters, preparing you to recognize your responsibililities, how to hold yourself accountable and how to communicate your authentic apology.An authentic apology is more than just a string of words; it's a genuine acknowledgment of wrongdoing, accompanied by sincere remorse and a commitment to make amends. An authentic apology requires humility, vulnerability, and sincerity.  It's not about saving face or avoiding consequences but about genuinely seeking to repair the harm caused and rebuild trust and respect in the relationship.The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.If you've listened to other WOACWA podcast episodes, you know that I ground my work in effective, respectful, and intentional communication. I integrate communication training with my six-stage Estrangement Grief Model (Disbelief, Anger, Despair, Acceptance, Transformation and Maintenance).  By this, I mean that our estrangement journey can be most effectively navigated and remedied by reflecting on our relational circumstances, holding ourselves accountable for our own contributions to the estrangement, understanding and embracing our grief, and mastering our interpersonal behaviors and - critical to our success - by strengthening our communication style. So, having said all of that, what are the 3 truths about why, when and how we choose to write an amends letter? And, what is the lie? Or maybe more accurately, what are the untruths we tell ourselves? Let's get started!!For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, Dr. Steinkamp presents the sixth stage of  Estrangement Grief. During the stage of maintenance - Maintenance. In this stage, we have embraced some of the changes we chose to make in our lives after moving through the first five stages of estrangement grief. We have embraced our imperfections, grown to forgive ourselves and our adult child and come to recognize that we can find purpose and joy without needing the parent-child relationship. This is not to say we have stopped hoping to reconnect, or that we take all responsibility for the fracturing of our relationship. In the Maintenance stage, we understand and accept our new emerging selves - find our new sense of purpose, and establish satisfaction with our changed life.  We embrace our new parent-partner role and are ready for potential opportunities to reconnect with our adult child.  The possibility of reconnecting may feel scary and fragile like will be walking on eggshells - but we're ready! This is the stage where all of our work in the previous stages comes becomes our new normal. In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.The transformation stage of grief in the context of estrangement typically refers to the process of adapting and finding meaning after experiencing the loss of a relationship with a close family member, friend, or significant other. Estrangement involves a significant emotional distance or fracturing of a once-close relationship. The stages of grief in my model are: Disbelief, Anger, Dispair, Acceptance, Transformation, and Maintenance.In the transformation stage of estrangement grief, individuals may undergo a series of psychological and emotional changes as they work towards an open and authentic new understanding of themselves and the circumstances of their estranging adult child. A key element of the work people do in this stage is to better understand their own communication style and relational behaviors.  As they gain new self-awareness they can then begin expanding their communication tools and strengthen their communicaion skills. They can then ready themselves for the potential opportunities to establish  communication that better aligns with their adult child's needs (expectations). Effective communication is the bedrock of relationships - our communicaton skills and style can lead to trust, authenticity and strong boundaries.  In this episode we take a deep dive into what the transformation stage might involve in your circumstances.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.The acceptance stage of estrangement grief is one of the phases individuals may go through when experiencing the pain and emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from a family member or significant other. It is important to note that the grieving process is subjective and varies from person to person.During the acceptance stage, individuals may begin to acknowledge and come to terms with the reality of the estrangement. This phase involves accepting that the relationship has changed, and there may be no immediate resolution or reconciliation. In this episode we take a deeper dive into some key aspects of the acceptance stage.It's important to note that the grieving process is not linear, and individuals may move back and forth between stages. Additionally, not everyone experiences all stages, and the intensity and duration of each stage can vary widely.Seeking professional help, such as counseling or therapy, can be beneficial for individuals navigating the complexities of estrangement grief. It provides a supportive space to explore emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this – the 3rd stage in my estrangement grief model, we sit in Despair. In the Despair stage, our primary experience and emotions include agony, hopelessness, depression, rejection, lack of joy and happiness, woefulness, blame and shame. We ask questions like – why me, why our family? Where did I go wrong? Embarrassment and isolation set in and can sometimes take hold. In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.[This episode was recorded and produced in November of 2023. It was published and distributed in January of 2024. The content is applicable to all holiday celebrations and gatherings. Our apologies for the delayed availability.]Dealing with the holidays as estranged parents can be challenging, but it's possible to navigate this time with self-care, communication, and thoughtful planning. In this episode, we explore the unique pressures and triggers of family celebrations to help estranged parents survive the holidays.Remember, the key is to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your adult children. I encourage you to seek support and make decisions that will contribute to a more positive and manageable holiday experience.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Remember the 2006 comedy Failure to Launch, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew McConaughey? I found it pretty easy to identify with Kathy Bates, who plays the mom (Terry Bradshaw plays the dad) – of a son who would not stand on his own two feet. They had to creatively coerce their adult son to move out. Well, news flash. The tide has turned, and we – the parents –- are more and more often attempting to scrub the launch. Or at least that's what our adult children claim. We want to hold tight and keep our place at the center of their lives. Unfortunately, our adult children often experience this as overinvolvement, being directive and too instructional. The outcome can be devastating when we fail to respect their request. They are asking us – need us to - get out of their way and step back. We are being asked to support, encourage and cheer them on from the sidelines – and as parents, we often resist.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.In this episode, we take a deep dive into the 2nd stage of my model of estrangement grief - Anger.  This and the other five stages are uniquely related to crumbling relationships between family members. The primary experiences in the Anger stage are overwhelming indignation, exasperation, animosity, antagonism, bitterness, spite, fury and rage. We find ourselves saying things like – how dare they…. after all I've done for them, and don't they realize how much I've done for them and how much they depend on me?  In the stage of Anger we as parents might communicate our raging feelings to our adult children by lashing out, making accusations, and even making threats (i.e., references to inheritance). These actions are seldom if ever effective in healing the relationship, and any momentary relief we might feel after lashing out, is commonly followed quickly by despair and hopelessness.In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com where you will find resources, events, book clubs, communication training, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!The continuum of estrangement discussed in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Unlike other models and theories, I refer to the first stage of grief in estrangement as Disbelief.In the stage of Disbelief, our primary experiences include shock, panic, overwhelming doubt, denial, minimizing or skepticism and rationalizing. During this stage, we tend to send many texts, email messages, and voice messages - imploring our adult children to listen to our explanations or answer our questions. In many cases, the adult child remains silent or pulls further away. Though not all parents enter into the estrangement grief cycle in this stage, those who are in the stage of Disbelief often work tirelessly to 'fix things' and explain our side of the story. Where this is a time to listen openly and without judgment, our sense of desperation can lead us to do exactly the opposite. In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Are you cycling through your emotions at warp speed? Are you angry in one moment and crippled by sadness in the next? Are you feeling helpless and hopeless? Wondering if life will ever be good again? Are you embarrassed to tell your friends, or perhaps your friends begin to pull away when you tell them about your broken relationship? In this episode, I provide an overview of the six stages of estrangement grief. Disbelief, Anger, Despair, Acceptance, Transformation and Maintenance. This episode is the 1st segment of a 7-part series.Footnote: Since this recording, the first stage of the Estrangement Grief Cycle has been renamed from Denial to Disbelief. This is due to the differing aspects of grief related to death vs aspects of grief related to estrangement. Please listen to Episode 4 to hear a more extensive explanation of the differences. Thank you. For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Is your relationship with your adult child falling apart? Are things between you changing, but you can't quite understand why? Are you looking for ways you can stop the unraveling without making things worse?  How bad are you willing to let things get before you take action? In this episode, we dig into the first two levels of estrangement on the estrangement continuum - Cordial Contact and Low Contact. And I provide 5 tips you can use to slow down the unraveling.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Is your adult child walking away? Did you miss the warning signs? How can you make sure it doesn't get worse? In this episode, I will define estrangement and we will get familiar with the continuum of estrangement. You will be able to determine where your relationship falls on the continuum. And I'll share some things you can do to stop the progression of estrangement in your relationship.For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send a text by Fan Mail.Hello Sweet Parents,Welcome to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away Podcast. I invite you to join me for a series of episodes in which we dig deep into the challenges today's parents face as we navigate the expectations of our adult children. In each episode, I explore a different aspect of estrangement, including the continuum of separation, the estrangement grief cycle, the critical role of communication in estranged relationships, the differences in how parents and our adult children experience estrangement, how to navigate the dark and silent times, and how to prepare to repair. Checkout our podcast episodes and begin to:Let go of guilt, blame & the what-ifs Get unstuck from your dark and lonely isolationLearn to maximize the quiet times for your growthUnderstand your and your adult child's communication styleCreate a path forward that honors you and your adult childFind a renewed sense of purpose and hopeLike all services provided at WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com, this podcast is designed to meet the unique and complex circumstances of each individual's estrangement journey. You can do as much or as little as you need to help navigate the rocky terrain of your journeyPlease pick an episode that sounds like it may help you today – at this moment. Click in, and take a listen. I hope that you find encouragement and renewed hope in what you hear. Thank you for joining me!   -JanetFor more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair! The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.