Baby Oil and Blow

It's Slashtober, and we're celebrating the only way we know how––by watching and discussing low-rent franchise horror films full of amateur Canadian actors and grizzly simulated murder. Up today is JASON X (2001), the unlikely 10th film in the beyond long in the tooth FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise where Jason gets frozen, unthawed 400 years in the future, and then shot into space! What does he find there? Comely 19-year-old science students doing science stuff in belly shirts, of course. Time to murder them with a space machete.

After a couple weeks of corporate America interruption, the podcast is back for our annual celebration of Halloween Horror Stupidity. It's Slashtober, and we're kicking things off by covering one of the most tragically under-appreciated Matthew McConaughey performances of all-time, his abusive, perverted, robot-legged Texan psychopath, Vilmer, in the criminally under-watched late franchise sequel, THE RETURN OF THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, AKA, TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: THE NEXT GENERATION.

Now that it's officially Fall, we felt like we needed to kick things up when it came to our September mini-series, Free Fallin, where we've been talking about movies that feature badass skydiving sequences. How does one turn things up to eleven after we've already talked back to back weeks of Charlie Sheen movies? By calling in the big guns. It's Howie Long, it's William Forsythe, it's dudes jumping out of airplanes while carrying chainsaws. We watched the amazingly titled late 90s flop, FIRESTORM.

Sometimes a movie sounds better on paper than it actually ends up being. You tell me I'm about to watch a movie where Chuck Sheen plays a former Olympic gymnast turned bad boy skydiver turned KGB recruit, and I'm expecting something great. And then you have TERMINAL VELOCITY, where… well, I don't want to spoil things. I'll let you listen and figure out how we feel for yourself. It's the second movie in our Free Fallin' miniseries, where we're talking a bunch about skydiving action heroes while we rocket towards autumn, and it's right here for your listening pleasure.

It's the last weekend of true summer, as the calendar turns over to September and Autumn approaches. Instead of whining about it, we've decided to rip the band-aid clean off and ditch our disastrous attempt at doing an August mini-series to start up a new fall series for September. It's Free Fallin', our month-long look at movies that feature prominent sky diving sequences. First up is powerhouses Charlie Sheen and Michael Biehn teaming up to give us one of the most accurate portrayals of American heroism ever put on film, NAVY SEALS (1990).

For some ungodly reason we decided to punish ourselves by watching straight to video sequels all August long. So this is the start of our latest miniseries, Discount DVD Bin! That exclamation point is there to make things sound exciting. What's up first? The straight to DVD monster movie sequel that wasn't enticing enough to bring back Kevin Bacon, TREMORS 2: AFTERSHOCKS.

If you're looking for some kind of low brow movie podcast for idiots, keep moving pal, because we're talking about a documentary on this bad boy. That's right, we're smart as shit. Our Action Mount Rushmore month finishes up with the most Austrian head on our monument, that of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's Mr Olympia versus an Eyetalian Hulk from Brooklyn known as Lou Ferrigno in the 70s bodybuilding doc PUMPING IRON!

July is when we do our Action Mount Rushmore, where we watch a JCVD, a Stallone, a Seagal, and a Schwarzenegger. This year in specific, we're doing Mount Rushmore two-handers, where our dudes share top billing with another actor. Caught up? Good. Because this is a very special episode of the podcast… it's our first watchalong! What that means, is instead of watching this week's movie (THE GLIMMER MAN) and then listening to the podcast, you're going to get it ready to go and then push play and watch it with us… it's the only thing we had any time to get together this week! Also, it's the closest you're ever going to get to hanging out with the hosts of this podcast, which some people have described as “Hell on Earth.” So, get THE GLIMMER MAN ready, pause it when the Warner Bros. shield pops up, and then prepare to press play 23:13 into the podcast. Sounds complex? Don't worry, we drunkenly talk you through the whole procedure during the show. Everything will come out in the wash.

We're really committed to this Action Movie Mount Rushmore two-hander thing, where we're watching movies where our top 4 action heroes share top billing with another theoretically as large star, so that means we had to spend our day today sitting through and talking about ASSASSINS (1995). It's one of those movies where Stallone is trying to play a well-dressed and well-spoken sophisticated type, so thank heavens Antonio Banderas is also in it sweating his ass off and acting like a swarthy lunatic. Saved the movie, quite frankly.

Unless you've been living under a goddamned rock for the last couple years, you know that July is always the month where we celebrate our Action Mount Rushmore. We watch a JCVD, we watch a Stallone, we watch a Seagal, and we watch a Schwarzenegger. This year we're going to zhuzh things up a bit by theming things further. We're talking Mount Rushmore two-handers, where our titans of action share equal billing with another badass of equal-in-the-moment stature. First up in the rotation is Jean-Claude Van Damme going toe to toe with Dolph Lundgren in a movie about government-created Frankensteins going haywire, UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (the OG).

It's the last week of our big dog-themed event, ‘The Dog Days of Summer,' and we're flipping the script on you by talking about a movie where dogs and humans are decidedly NOT best friends. As a matter of fact, we're talking about a movie where a bunch of blood-thirsty wolves wage war against that gigantic Irish fuck Liam Neeson. It's 2011's bleak, depressing flick about how we all live alone and are destined to die alone, THE GREY. Enjoy!

If you like listening to podcasts where the hosts talk at length about dog sex all while doing constant impressions of Tom Hanks yelling, then this is the episode for you! Our June event ‘The Dog Days of Summer' continues with a discussion of that other cop and a dog movie that came out in 1989, TURNER & HOOCH.

We're just going to apologize in advance because this is the rapiest movie we've covered yet.

It's post Memorial Day, so we're sunbunt, we've got bellies full of hot dogs, and we're ready to start slacking off. Is it cool if adults start taking summer breaks too? Regardless, ain't nobody taking a break from podcasting. It's a new month so we've got a new miniseries to start. All June long we're celebrating ‘The Dog Days of Summer' by talking about dog movies. To kick things off we're getting right to the point and addressing the big one. The ultimate dog movie. The elephant in the room. Jim Belushi playing a tough guy cop alongside a rambunctious mutt in K-9. This was the flick that kicked off the whole Belushi era that was the early 90s, and we've got opinions!

Okay, so we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the female lead's body this week, but in our defense, this movie features about 40 minutes of full frontal nudity and we challenge anyone to not be stunned by the quality of it. It's the final film in our Cannon Canon retrospective, Toby Hooper's naked space vampire epic, LIFEFORCE (1985). Starting next week we plan on kicking off an entire month where we talk about dog movies, so we expect the discussion to become far less filthy. You can start looking forward to that wholesomeness now (unless one of the flicks distracts us with some bomb-ass dog titties, no guarantees). 

This week on The Cannon Canon we're delving into the Chuck Norris corner of the Cannon Films universe by talking about his 1985 film where one very misguided Russian terrorist and about three dozen multi-ethnic underlings attempt a full-scale land invasion of the United States, INVASION USA. “It can happen here,” but what “it” is gets pretty unclear, especially in the ridiculous third act of this Reagan-era monstrosity. 

Join us as we continue to dive deep into the output of Cannon Films, that 80s action-heavy production company set up by Golobulous, the snake man from Cobra-La. This week we're talking about one of their very best Charles Bronson vehicles that didn't have the words “death” or “wish” in the title, 10 TO MIDNIGHT (1983). It's Bronson vs a naked serial killer in a race against the clock to save all of the busty young co-eds in the nursing wing of the med school dorm from bloody annihilation, and we are here for it! 

We fucked up not recording a fourth ‘April Anniversary' movie for last month, so we're trying to make good by talking about a movie that's celebrating an anniversary this week, but also fits in with our new theme for May. Intrigued? No? Well, we still have to finish explaining anyway. This week we're celebrating the 35th anniversary of the release of AMERICAN NINJA 2: THE CONFRONTATION, which is one of our favorite releases from Cannon Films, which will be our topic for the month as we deep dive into the best of the best when it comes to the ‘Cannon Canon.' Enjoy! Or don't. Likely you won't, but let's not make a big deal about it.

Yo, all you arrestedly developed dorks who listen to this podcast! You ready to re-live some serious childhood shit? This week our April Anniversaries month continues as we celebrate the 35th birthday of GI JOE: THE MOVIE (1987), an animated flick that came out all the way back when we used to feel alive inside. How does it hold up? Probably Snake Eyes gets to do a million cool ninja things, right? Right??  Wait… what the fuck is a Cobra-La?

We've decided to spend the entire month of April celebrating significant film anniversaries, and this week we had a rollicking (drunken) good time discussing probably the last movie ever where former 80s heartthrob John Cusack came off as likable. That's right, we're over here celebrating the 25th anniversary of GROSSE POINTE BLANK, a flick you know we love because it heavily features our boy the Pivs. Let's hug it out, bitches!

Even though we started recording this episode outrageously late and Nate went into the situation outrageously drunk, we still talked for two and a half hours about the movie where Chuck Norris fights a Frankenstein. Who does something like that? Dorks. Dorks is who does something like that. SILENT RAGE (1982)! 

It may have took us three weeks to recover from our St Patrick's Day hangovers, but we're back just in time to squeeze one more podcast into our ‘Beware the Sci-Fides of March' event before the calendar flips over to April. Sorry about not talking about those last two flicks we advertised, but we felt like the pressing matter was shining some light on the underseen gem we're talking about this week instead, THE HIDDEN (1987). The dude from Twin Peaks and the dude from Flashdance hunting a body-jumping alien all across LA? Sign us the fuck up.

‘Beware the Sci-Fides of March.” It's not just great advice, it's also the name of our newest, stupid month-long event. For the entirety of March we're going to be talking about various action-heavy pieces of sci-fi schlock, and to kick the whole thing off we're diving into an underappreciated and awesome Dolph Lundgren cop movie where he has to bust white collar heroin dealers and brain goop-sucking alien deviants. It's got a gratuitous strip club scene, a fireball shooting super-gun and all sorts of the random bullshit we always appreciate. I come in peace!

The month of February is coming to an end, so naturally our Happy Burtsday! event has to also come to an end at its most logical conclusion——with an aging Burt Reynolds floundering terribly in the early 90s. We're capping things off by talking about the infamous joint where he cashed a check by acting opposite of an annoying little kid in the slapstick police sendup, COP AND A HALF. Crom forgive us, and Crom forgive Burt.

February isn't just the shortest month of the year, it's also the month that gave us the greatest movie star of all time—Burt Reynolds. Our Happy Burtsday! series has been all about celebrating the man's life. This week, we're talking about a total mess of a movie he directed as well as starred in, SHARKY'S MACHINE. It's got hookers, ninjas, dummies flying out of windows, and several scenes where Burt starts randomly crying like a huge fucking baby that made us totally uncomfortable. Let's see if you can make any more sense of it than we did.

Here we are, on the eve of what would have been Burt Reynolds' birthday and gassy from drinking too much Coors. What would be a more appropriate way for us to spend our time today than to talk about SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT and its ultra-70s experiment in melding together a southern-fried booze running movie and a tobacco-stained trucker movie? Throw in a wicked country soundtrack and both pairs of Sally Fields' chubby cheeks and it's a recipe for a good time.

If he hadn't passed thanks to an apocalyptic cocktail of however many STDs he contracted over the course of the 70s eventually rotting his body from the inside, Hicksploitation legend Burt Reynolds would have turned 80-something-or-other this month. So, to show our appreciation for his particular brand of masculinity, we're throwing a month-long party that we're calling ‘Happy Burtsday!' To give things some structure, we're going to go chronological, which means that this week we're talking about an early, pre-stache role for Burt. It's one of his iconic characters, Gator McKlusky, running whiskey, running his mouth, and sticking it to ladies and the law alike in 1973's WHITE LIGHTNING!

This is a huge episode. We start off with the legend Meat Loaf (RIP) saying a few words about our movie of the week, we go on to do a deep dive on life in 1993, and then Tom Rock (RIP, soon… probably?) joins us for a call-in where he drops some wisdom of his own. What's the final subject of ‘New Year, Oldest Profession' month? A flick with a ton of pedigree. Director: Tony Scott. Writer: Quentin Tarantino. Star: That guy from KUFFS. We're going all in on TRUE ROMANCE.

A month of movies about hookers just wouldn't be complete without an appearance by a memorable pimp, and for our money Wings Hauser's Ramrod in VICE SQUAD is the greatest on-screen pimp of all time. Or, certainly, he's the pimp with the biggest head. Join us as we talk more early 80s urban sleaze, and Season Hubley getting popped in the head two times with a stool. Man, this movie is great.

CRUISING was a controversial, protested movie when it came out all the way back in 1980, and it seems to have remained an oft-debated subject ever since. Is it demonizing of the NYC gay community, or a humanizing look into a subculture some people never experience? Is it a secret classic in thriller filmmaking or a hot mess that doesn't even make any sense? Was Al Pacino really doing inhalants when he filmed that ridiculous dance scene? These are questions that two straight white guys probably shouldn't even be addressing, but it's a podcast, so here we are. Sorry. Hopefully nobody pickets outside BOaB studios.

We're barreling into 2022 headfirst by getting weird and potentially offending people. January is here, so we're celebrating with a new theme, ‘New Year, Oldest Profession.' It's going to be a whole month where we talk about movies that feature sex workers, which is bound to get uncomfortable and give us bountiful opportunities to stumble into strange asides we'll likely regret later. First up, we're discussing a piece of Roger Corman schlock about a cop who needs to go undercover as a stripper to catch a serial killer. It's the chick from BREEZY and the dude who wasn't Paul Reiser in MY TWO DADS in 1987's STRIPPED TO KILL!

It's the last week of Die Hard December, so we're talking about the greatest DIE HARD ripoff of all time (DIE HARD on a boat), UNDER SIEGE, starring our patron saint Steven Seagal. That's not all this one has to offer though, it's also got Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones totally wilding out as the bad guys. Also, as a holiday bonus, Tom Rock calls in and gives us an update about life in COVID-riddled Chicago.

Everybody loves a Christmas episode! We've been talking DIE HARD ripoff movies all Die Hard December long, and this week we've taken things up a notch by getting drunk and watching the flick right before we started recording. It's the BOaB Christmas Party, and we're celebrating by watching Die Hard in a Mall, AKA PAUL BLART: MALL COP. It sounds pretty fun, but honestly things get really depressing. Enjoy!

We're getting pretty deep into Die Hard December at this point, which means there's only a handful of sleeps left until Santa comes. Have you been behaving yourself and keeping up with all your action movie podcasts? I certainly hope so, or the jolly fat man might just fill up your stocking with a bunch of bars of soap and beat the living shit out of you with it. The Die Hard rip-off we're talking about this week is an interesting one, because it has the balls to use a high rise as the singular space our hero is trapped inside of with bad guys. Die Hard in a building. What will they think of next? Olivia Thirlby touches her temple and grimaces like Jean Grey. Karl Urban scowls and growls like constipated Batman. It's DREDD (2012)!

We're just about waist deep into the holiday season, and so far it's only led to a handful of mental breakdowns on our parts. That's a good thing, because we've fully committed to watching and talking about DIE HARD ripoff movies for the rest of the calendar year. This week we kept it together long enough to talk turkey about an absolutely ludicrous movie where a couple of teenage boys in a prep school manage to fight off a heavily armed crew of Colombian terrorists, mostly while in their underpants. It's tense, it's emotional, it's highly homoerotic… it's TOY SOLDIERS!

It's the Christmas Season, so we've decided to celebrate by talking all things DIE HARD. You know, because DIE HARD is a Christmas movie and everyone who says it isn't is a hipster curmudgeon who gets off on peeing in people's stockings. What this means, practically, is that all Die Hard December long we're going to be talking about different DIE HARD ripoff movies, which is one of our favorite action sub-genres of all time. Get in the spirit of the season and listen along, starting with this first discussion about PASSENGER 57. Or don't. No skin off our roasted nuts.

Due to a bias that he would say is against mafia movies and most other people would say is against Italians, Matt has gone his whole life without ever actually watching THE GODFATHER. Nate has used the apparently semi-tradition of white people marathoning all of the GODFATHER movies on Thanksgiving as an excuse to finally force him into giving it a whirl. Will he become a convert to the accepted dad logic that this is one of the best movies ever, or will he remain obstinate? Listen to this week's action movie podcast to find out! Gobble fucking gobble.

Even though we come out here every damned week and complain about any movie that lasts for longer than 90 minutes, we still had the absolute gall to spend two and a half hours talking about a 90 minute movie this week. What do you expect? We're pieces of shit. In our defense, we're being Drama Kings all November long and talking about very serious, very deep movies though, so we've got a ton of smart shit to say. This week we talked about FARGO, and I promise we kept the bad Minnesota accents to a (relative) minimum. Be Minnesota Nice and at least pretend to listen.

As the weather turns and people start to over indulge in comfort foods and become weighty in their asses, the BOaB crew has decided to turn to serious, weighty movies for the entire month of November. This week we're talking about Sylvester Stallone stuffing himself like a Thanksgiving turkey so he can play fat and sad and go fishing for Oscars in the ‘97 dirty cop drama COP LAND. Harvey Keitel is here, Robert De Niro is here––it's basically a smorgasbord of actors your dad loves all in one mustachioed package.

Not only is it the 200th episode of this prestigious podcast, it's also the beginning of a new theme month for us, so we decided that we had to go big. We're going to kick off awards movie season by becoming Drama Kings ourselves, and talking about the sort of manly cops and robbers flicks that leaned heavy on the drama and ended up being respected by academic types and couch potato dads alike. First up is Michael Mann's HEAT, which is a Masterpiece in Spike TV filmmaking and probably contains the greatest shootout ever put on film. What better way to celebrate hitting a nice, even, round number episode?

Slashtober comes to its grizzly end as we talk about arguably the best Jason movie ever made, FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VI: JASON LIVES. It's the one where they finally drop all the bullshit and just turn the hockey mask wearing drowned kid into an unstoppable Frankenstein. And it's the one that has a bitchin' Alice Cooper soundtrack. Gather up a pile of Halloween candy, light the black flame candle, and listen to this one with the lights turned low. It's guaranteed to disturb you one way or another.

Praise Satan, it's the first episode we've put together in weeks that didn't involve technical difficulties! Maybe it's going to be a happy Halloween after all. If you're like us, you think heavy metal and horror movies go together like peanut butter and boners, so we've decided to keep Slashtober going by talking about an underseen gem where a burnt to a crisp rock god comes back from the dead to murder all of the jocks picking on a young Skippy from ‘Family Ties.' It's the 1986 TRICK OR TREAT, and it's ready for your consumption (don't forget to check all your podcasts for needles and razor blades before you dig in).

Hey, look who showed up, it's the Judgment Day segment from our THE DREAM MASTER episode, back from the digital abyss it inexplicably disappeared into. We decided to throw it out there on the feed by itself as a special little treat for completists.

There's a ghost in the machine! Unfortunately, we only have 3/4 of a podcast for you this week because some Gremlins apparently tore the guts out of our recording equipment and the Judgment Day segment didn't actually get saved. Don't worry, you didn't miss much though. Ivo-Cobra8 gave THE DREAM MASTER five ninja stars (under both of his IMDB accounts), Matt and Nate both gave it two, and we announced that next week we're going to be talking about TRICK OR TREAT (1986) as our totally 80s Slashtober slashes on.

October is here and the buildup to Halloween is upon us. This is pretty much always our favorite time of the year, except for the occasional Winter Olympics year where there's that week where you can watch curling for 12 hours a day, so we're celebrating by doing an entire month of the most 80s slasher movies that ever 80sed. It's Slashtober, and first up we're talking about a totally bonkers flick about a Fonzie impersonator who drills through an entire girl band with a killer electric guitar. It's SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE II, the sequel nobody knew we needed!

How do you cap off an entire month of comedy? You've got to talk about one of the most legendary funnymen the Hollywood scene has ever produced… Emilio Estevez. That's right, last week we talked about Charlie Sheen taking his shot at making people laugh in HOT SHOTS!, so this week we're answering tit with tat and giving Emilio his time to shine as we cover his Samuel L Jackson co-starring attempt at parodying the LETHAL WEAPON franchise, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S LOADED WEAPON 1. With a name like “National Lampoon's,” it's got to be good. For full transparency: the editing app was being very glitchy this week when it came to importing new audio, so we had to go without a cold open or a second trailer in the break. Get off of our cases about it, we almost couldn't get this episode together at all!

Are you ready for your gut to be busted? We're deep into our month of action comedies—which we're calling Just For Laughs, because it's a term we came up with—and that means it's time to address the elephant in the room and talk about one of the most highly esteemed on-screen comedians of all-time, Chuck Sheen. It's the beginning of a two week long sub-event where we're pitting the offspring of Martin Sheen against each other in a laugh for laugh showdown to find out who the funniest Estevez is and the first movie up is HOT SHOTS!.

Last week our schedules went nuts and we missed an episode, so this week we're dropping a little early as a mea culpa, which is Latin for, “Hey, get off my dick.” September is Just For Laughs month here at BOaB, and we've kept things moving by watching another action comedy. This week it's a Matt O favorite, as his role model and personal favorite actor Martin Lawrence pretends to be a cop in BLUE STREAK. Luke Wilson is here being as dry as burnt toast, William Forsythe is here showing off how good he is at growing mustaches. It's a good time!

After a couple weeks of insane scheduling conflicts Nate was left with a tough decision today––use the evening to record a podcast or use the evening to get blind drunk. He decided to do both. We're kicking off our big month of talking about action comedies, ‘Just For Laughs,' by discussing one of the most beloved pieces of action comedy weirdness of all time––John Carpenter's BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. It's so strange that Hollywood had no idea how to sell it, so we're not going to try to sell this podcast any further. We've paid our dues. The check is in the mail.

It's been a long intense month of growth here at Baby Oil and Blow, as we've been watching chick flicks in an attempt to better understand the female perspective. Is it cheating that our final movie is a MAD MAX film? No. A lot of people have argued that Charlize Theron's character is the real protagonist, after all. And there's a scene where a lady shoots a gun better than a man. Yep, that tears it, we've done a great job and BOaB is officially a feminist podcast. Back to man-baby bullshit next month.

This deep into our August Chick Flick marathon we thought we needed to turn things up a notch and feature a film starring a lady who literally nobody thinks about when they ponder classic action flicks—Geena Davis. That's right, Thelma or Louise herself. Things worked out for us though, because not only is THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT full of all sorts of over the top action, it was written by a BOaB favorite, Shane Black, and it was directed by a foreign dude who we have a complicated relationship with, Renny Harlin, so we felt right at home while watching it. Let's be perfectly honest, Samuel L Jackson dropping so many motherfuckers didn't hurt either.