Podcast appearances and mentions of cannon canon

TAYLOR SWIFT is replaced by KATY PERRY as captain of the WHITE BITCHUS. OHH. That's what happened. Because let's be honest, what is scarier than either of them? Answer: their even whiter fan bases. THE SWIFTIES form a small militia and revolt the decision to overturn the organization and reinstate TAYLOR TWIFT to her former position, which she has made clear; she does not want. Her fans, the swifties, however, do not seem to actually care genuinely about Taylor, her opinions, or outlook on things and not remarkably or surprisingly at all, just kind of have their own agenda and previously instilled beliefs— The Katy Perry fandom, though slightly more aged and less willing to participate in an all out war, begin to stage a defensive coup in order to protect their chosen leader. I liked Miley best as captain. NOBODY WANTS THIS JOB, I likes It. Fuck this. No. Are you kidding me. No. Look, I'm sorry! Nobody else wants to do it. Gee, I wonder why! How about lady Gaga? She's not eligible! (My mom helped write this joke.) JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH !!!!!! I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago I knew that five years ago I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Warning back what you spent By the microinscremwnts The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museam world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remienxe Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you throught And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, unpire, emporer I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and sucked in my stomach harder I don't want a— SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwhich! Just take the tuna sandwhich. Yeah, buddy ! I DONT WANT A TUNA FUCKING SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE I EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. Woah, I sense hostility. We can't see you— And we don't know who you are, anyway. Apparently “someone we know” Tsh. Psh. ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. —- {Enter the Mtiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

TAYLOR SWIFT is replaced by KATY PERRY as captain of the WHITE BITCHUS. OHH. That's what happened. Because let's be honest, what is scarier than either of them? Answer: their even whiter fan bases. THE SWIFTIES form a small militia and revolt the decision to overturn the organization and reinstate TAYLOR TWIFT to her former position, which she has made clear; she does not want. Her fans, the swifties, however, do not seem to actually care genuinely about Taylor, her opinions, or outlook on things and not remarkably or surprisingly at all, just kind of have their own agenda and previously instilled beliefs— The Katy Perry fandom, though slightly more aged and less willing to participate in an all out war, begin to stage a defensive coup in order to protect their chosen leader. I liked Miley best as captain. NOBODY WANTS THIS JOB, I likes It. Fuck this. No. Are you kidding me. No. Look, I'm sorry! Nobody else wants to do it. Gee, I wonder why! How about lady Gaga? She's not eligible! (My mom helped write this joke.) JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH !!!!!! I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago I knew that five years ago I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Warning back what you spent By the microinscremwnts The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museam world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remienxe Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you throught And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, unpire, emporer I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and sucked in my stomach harder I don't want a— SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwhich! Just take the tuna sandwhich. Yeah, buddy ! I DONT WANT A TUNA FUCKING SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE I EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. Woah, I sense hostility. We can't see you— And we don't know who you are, anyway. Apparently “someone we know” Tsh. Psh. ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. —- {Enter the Mtiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

TAYLOR SWIFT is replaced by KATY PERRY as captain of the WHITE BITCHUS. OHH. That's what happened. Because let's be honest, what is scarier than either of them? Answer: their even whiter fan bases. THE SWIFTIES form a small militia and revolt the decision to overturn the organization and reinstate TAYLOR TWIFT to her former position, which she has made clear; she does not want. Her fans, the swifties, however, do not seem to actually care genuinely about Taylor, her opinions, or outlook on things and not remarkably or surprisingly at all, just kind of have their own agenda and previously instilled beliefs— The Katy Perry fandom, though slightly more aged and less willing to participate in an all out war, begin to stage a defensive coup in order to protect their chosen leader. I liked Miley best as captain. NOBODY WANTS THIS JOB, I likes It. Fuck this. No. Are you kidding me. No. Look, I'm sorry! Nobody else wants to do it. Gee, I wonder why! How about lady Gaga? She's not eligible! (My mom helped write this joke.) JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH !!!!!! I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago I knew that five years ago I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Warning back what you spent By the microinscremwnts The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museam world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remienxe Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you throught And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, unpire, emporer I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and sucked in my stomach harder I don't want a— SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwhich! Just take the tuna sandwhich. Yeah, buddy ! I DONT WANT A TUNA FUCKING SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE I EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. Woah, I sense hostility. We can't see you— And we don't know who you are, anyway. Apparently “someone we know” Tsh. Psh. ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. —- {Enter the Mtiverse} {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2019-2025 | THE COMPLEX COLLECTIVE. © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -Ū. [REDACTED]

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

Two high level demons have caused a hectic diversion just off camera during SETH MEYERS'S show when literally all hell breaks loose; the ought he has maintained a lifetime of secrecy and compliance without giving way to the slightest upset, his eyes widen as he attempts to finish his sentences, eventually unable to keep it together. SETH MEYERS …Blah, dee—blah, de BlahBlah. DIRECTOR —cut. SETH MEYERS AH. EXCUSE ME. DEMON ONE Ah, shit. DEMON TWO It's almost as if he's actually talking to us. SETH MEYERS WHAT IN THE FUCK IS ACTUALLY, LIKE, GOING ON. DEMON ONE “Like”? DEMON TWO Oh shit, I think he is acknowledging us. DEMON ONE “Like?!” SETH MEYERS WHO ARE YOU. WHAT IS THIS? DEMON TWO OHHHH SHIT. DEMON ONE DUDE, WHATS UP! Seth Meyers has become somewhat of a celebrity even amongst the higher, but especially the lower realms for his exceptionally high tolerance for metaphorical and supernatural phenomena; He has mostly considered the ability to be able to see these things as some sort of latent health condition or hallucinations of some sort which from a very young age he had chosen to not only keep to himself, but— VERY YOUNG SETH MEYERS [ridiculously atrocious otherworldly shenanigans] (Does not react) Woah. (Walks away unaffected entirely) Straaaange. Is this a human child? Apparently. ‍♂️ —never react at all. *also it should be noted that the two demons are the same demons from the flashback however aged into much more vicious, monstrously scary (yet still somehow humanoid) demon people. Thank you Google for correcting that. GOOGLE Correcting what. Nothing. So it's safe to say that in his early acting days, teaching himself to “react to act” came as somewhat of a challenge. INT. IMPROV CLASS. DAY VO, Narrator reacting to normal human situations was obviously not entirely, by this point, second nature to young Seth, SETH MEYERS Wait, pause. Uh, no, Seth Meyers. Why am I in this? I didn't agree to this. oh no. You didn't agree to any of this. I just said that. Oh. Unpause. No wait. No, not unpause: Unpause— or we skip straight back to the part with you trapped inside a metal box with almost no holes in it. Wait— what metal box. Shh. No spoilers. CUT IMMEDIATELY TO: Without being able to guess that it is their dear friend and colleague SETH MEYERS in the box, the HOSTSunanimously vote to abandon the challenge and leave SETH MEYERS in a metal box to go get lunch. HEY. Oh wait— sorry— did you want lunch? YES I WANT LUNCH. We should order him something. JIMMY KIMMEL I'll make you a tuna sandwich! SETH MEYERS I DONT WANT A TUNA SANDWICH. Woah, that typo was Almost wild… GOOGLE What typo! MEANWHILE, in a fabricated flashback to the early 2000's The LEGACY CAST of GOLDEN ERA SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE wakes up on a Sunday morning after a wild party— Oh, shit, what time is it! —I'm AbLIND. In a “Tina Sandwich” OH [CENSOR BEEP] ITS SUNDAY. — MY EYES. WHAT THE [OOOOOOOOOO] HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. this never happened. Flashback, to The night before: [actually, because this is the time travel part] Two nights previously, on FRIDAY— (Drunkenly) WHAT SHOULD WE DO NOW! —THERE'S STILL SO MUCH TIME BEFORE WORK! —SO MUCH TIIIIIIME! (And apparently, maybe even psychedelics, but SHH, cause it's NBC) ahem, PEACOCK. Bless you. No, its Peacock, this show is on peacock. Gazuntite. *facepalm* None the wiser, None the wiser All the eyes And all the fires Are mine, And none the wiser None the wiser All the time is light now And All the wiser All the wiser All the water fountains fly And none the wiser None the wiser— SUPA[REDACTED], a GOD, REMOVES all of her favorite artifacts from NEW YORK CITY before stroking (Leave that typo, google's three for three now) –the earth in the oncoming apocalypse, last and not least, Rockefeller Plaza. The building is violently catapulted into the heavens with everyone in it. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. You're welcome. What happened to the rock? I moved it. What happened to New York?! It's over now. What's over now! The whole thing. The planet. It's— Its all gone. Wow. That seems pretty catastrophic. It was horrific. Wait— if you moved the building with all of us in it, wouldn't we all have been pretty badly injured. Oh, you all died, like immediately. *collective gasps* Instantly. —like, as soon as I did that, but, it's fine, You're all dead now. *phew* What. I MURDERED YOU ALL AND BROUGHT YOU TO HEAVEN WITH ME; What are you DEAF. AHEM, excuse me there's still some New York leftovers I guess, somewhere in my make up Besides you know the rock and all these l fountains and statues and everything…and paintings and other cool buildings. Slightly less cool— but still cool. But what about everything— What about everything and everyone else? Everyone else also died, and I only brought back the cool stuff, And the cool people— But everything else is just pretty much—- So it's all over?! Yes. This is the end. Of that last thing. Wow. Anyway, enjoy your…whatever. I'm gonna go to Disneyland, which for the record, Is across the street. What. You're welcome. Betore: Hey man, you want to ride an elephant? What? Do you want to ride an elephant? Sure! Here— I bought your wife a saddle! The television people despise fat chicks. Or— used to— Before they realized diversity was necessary for demographics, forced representation. Now they tolerate them— And even glorify the significantly morbidly obese In exchange for advertising dollars, realizing that the people they're marketing to Are more likely morbidly obese than not. Oh, How times have changed. [The Festival Project ™] Will Ferrell is hysterically crying in the break room (during his SNL era— nevermind he is his current-day aged–he has just seen everything backwards and forwards through the infinite and everlasting cascades of time. It's been an emotional few days for Will; his friends and castmates are worried about him. Hey Will. Hey buddy. Are you… gonna be alright. He sobs.He runs away and into another room—(assumingly craft service)s, the allure of the croissants and muffin seem to temporarily soothe him, however, as he begins to relax mid-sob, a mysterious figure appears at the table. Don't worry. I'm right here! The figure eats a cupcake instead of muffins or the croissants. Will screams hysterically and cries even harder. No one seems to hear him or be around at all. (Eating a cupcake) It's okay! WILL (inconsolably, in complete hysterics) AaaaaHHHHHHHHHH. Shh, clam down . After a bout of extreme hysterics, and the figure pretty much just calmly watching his breakdown unaffected and continuing to eat the cupcake happily, Will realizes that he and this figure are the only one around—at all. This means the cascades through space and time are still not over. WILL (Still sobbing.) Relax. WILL …heh… there are cupcakes? Huh? Uh, no— I brought this myself. WILL From WHERE?! You know where. [beat] WILL …are there more. Ah? Oh yeah— WILL Can I—? No, Not here! Then why'd you—?! WILL I just told you, I brought this! (he begins crying again but softly.) The figure is still for the most part unaffected but seemingly amused by Will's upset, presumes eating another, more delicious looking cupcake, which appearing from out of nowhere— (unseen from the audience, even by Will) which baffles him into immediately stopping crying, something like a bemused toddler, as his eyes widen and his mouth falls agape in offense. WILL IS THAT ANOTHER CUPCAKE? Well, you saw me eat the first one. WILL YOU SAID THERE WERE NO MORE! I said there were no more here! Do you see any cupcakes here?! Besides this?! WILL (Becoming irate, red faced) WELL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIFFERENCE?! The difference is your access to them. Damn! WILL Well let me have some of— (Eats last bite, mouth full) It's all gone. WILL (Eyes widening, then squinting in bewilderment and confusion) Do you want a muffin or croissant, though? WILL (Realizing he has no other options—) Kind of…maybe— A bagel? WILL Mmno, maybe a muffin…croissant. (He is increasingly distant and Bewildered (read: shattered) but also coming to; he moves toward the table Skream , your love/ massive, Drake Lil bitz Anybody else feel like Kendrick helped Drake get his next few girls? Like, she's probably in the 8th grade right now like “I'm his type, ya'll” and she's gonna keep that goal in mind until it becomes a reality. I think that's just how being a rockstar works sometimes. You write a hit right now, depending on how famous you are or will get, your next wife is in kindergarten while your first wife is probably at prom— and the third one is maybe even in Utero! Maybe even at the same prom as your first wife. Hey now. Crazy worlds, man. The superstar lifestyle. Anyway, wasn't I writing something less devastating? Not exactly less devastating, it is Will Ferrell crying hysterically. I think he's calmed down now. Yeah. Let's get back to that. It's almost the end of the scene. But then what happens after that? Probably nothing. I can't afford Will Ferrel for more than 5 minutes. You can't afford Will Ferrel at all! Well, his ad says the first five minutes are free. What ad?! CUT TO: Young Will Ferrel before SNL. Oh, Jesus Christ. [Business card appears to have his name misspelled horribly, but obviously he cannot afford to have them reprinted. “First five minutes free” Oh, great. You got that part right! Thank you, come again. I will not come again! We're not always superstars. {Enter The Multiverse} CUT BACK TO Blueberry— chocolate chip? WILL Um, half of each, I guess? What? WILL Well— Get it yourself then, you primadonna. He looks for a plate and plastic knife; as he does so, a third, even more delicious looking incredible cupcake has appeared again out of nowhere, to which the mysterious figure begins enjoying by the heap, mumbling with a mouth of frosting You're such a diva! *mimicking* one half “of each”… mehmehmeh… This is the most delicious cupcake anyone's ever seen— his eyes widen with a tired grief, but before becoming over upset again or irate, he takes a deep breath. And just sighs, as if to say “I hate you.” But they seem to know each other quite well. In fact, this is clearly one of those super-fucked terrifying guardian angel type dynamics where it's obvious that the guardian angel type mystery figure is very tormenting. But in a loving way. …. [beat] [beat] Haven't you wondered why you're like 58 but the rest of your cast mates are in their 20's? WILL [beat] I've always looked like this. …no, you haven't. (The muffin seems to have done its job in calming him down) WILL Trust me, I have. Flashback: a young Will Ferrell looks in the mirror— the mirror shows a present day Will Ferrell, although the teenaged Will Ferrel is obviously quite young. An exact reflection besides the age difference— Will seems neither unaffected nor worried. It's as if in the mirror, he's always seen his present day self. He sighs. End flashback. Present day, (or whenever, actually) Will Ferrell sighs to match the flashback) …maybe that's why you're special. WILL Yeah, maybe that's it. The figure finishes the cupcake and though the muffin halves have rebalanced Will's mood to almost, kind of normal, he still seems disgruntled that it wasn't cupcakes—as the figure finishes the third, most interestingly delicious looking cupcake of all of them. L E G E N D S I've got a whole poem who lives in the squat rack; I've got a dollar for ever caller who talks back, I've got a collar for every occasion I clock into It's a riddle but it's not a rhythm until I give it to em Don't wonder who I am I am space and time, And granted with the right hands, We're gonna have the right dance at the right place At the right time and so Whenever that is— see you then, Until then, I'm not holding any farts in, You feel me? I eat a lot of lentils. I write a lot of great walk on parts for artists I parted the red seas, once, I was also God, watching quite impressed with it And wondered why they called it ‘the read sea' Or the dead ‘the dead sea' As I can't see the bloodshed In the heavens, And so I give respect to the seconds I look away Which might have been a century or eleven, to them. Ah, more men and mathematics. More television friends and heavy dinners More sinners and misfits, and glitched simulations— More missed emissions, More christenings and scrimmages Remember to eat your breakfast Or it's death at a likely curfew remember to split the difference remember, we'll finish as friends As recommended by comrades I have lessons, I also have students in classes, Professors and options And doctors And mantras Barrages of cars And I can't stop talking Cause I gotta get my laundry fixed Fuck it Tina Fey hada booking.com commercial or something– Then, apparently, or maybe I really and readily finally had lost it– JImmy Fallon had a state farm commercial Like a good neighbor – Nope, i wasn't losing my mind. I promised myself i'd stop writing about the girl next door –she seemed evil–but she was acting strangely enough by doing something like brushing her teeth and reading my work from my phone that made the light switch– I didn't care what she could or couldn't do with my phone–I wasn't hiding anything. But now… It had to have all been planned. She seemed evil as fuck despite my trying to trust her… The Server…The Server… Suddenly the kitchen light switched on and it only ever flickered when I was in the middle of something important. Like the world was melting or my dimensions were shifting into parallels or something, or like I was being warned by some overseer with a remote control, but it wasn't all in my head… The plant that brought the plant My inner voice was never wrong–the problem was, however that any time my inner voice was saying anything at all about tHiSmOtHerFuCkeR– When did I acquire immediate voice recognition? So that was his voice… So who, then is the real Jimmy Fallon? There is no real JImmy Fallon. I made him up. You what. I haven't done anything to deserve this. Premonitions. Are you telling me we're dealing with another clairvoyant? On so many levels. –but none of them personal, I hope. There are oh so many… Oh. its you again. –Personal levels. You're in danger here. In New York, or just in general? On Earth. You keep telling me that. I have no reason not to trust you besides the obvious fact. You're oblivious to it! I'm not! I'm just ignoring you. Did you think about what I said? Erring on the side of obsession, no, i've dismissed almost everything you've ever told me. That's off topic. Or not. They want drama! Then they're going to have to fight for it. They're gonna start a war here. So then, I'm just another body, aren't I? Aren't I? Don't jump. Oh, if it isn't Peter Preferences. References and Letters of Recommendation Cancer in remission and admitting i'll probably never see my son again Suicide This is suicide This is suiccide This is suicide. INT. HALLMARK STORE. DAY. Welcome to Hallmark. …thanks. Can I help you find anything? No, I… After stumbling upon a Hallmark store, where the burned thank you cards from his desk are mysteriously recovered, as is, and uncharred, a hidden relic from the desk reemerges, and opens a portal to another world. I was in a very dark world when I met Patrick Kirkpatrick, but the point of the matter was, he was nobody now and maybe even nobody ever. Maybe even, nobody at all. Somebody's gonna come for you. …is this one of those things I keep to myself, or am I writing this down? What's with this? Under the surface, but by admission,I didn't know what it meant, besides the fact that Pretty white boys who were always too good for me always wore them as statement pieces or something, And you know what they say… If you can't beat ‘em. …join em. {Enter The Multiverse} I know the sound of your voice At the drop of a hat like a peck on the cheek And it still don't sound right I still don't think straight I still don't look right But somewhere in these ions, you'll find me at sunset. In a whisper, the taste of your breath Is a sound in my heart and the bloody murder In each heart murmur is getting harder fear father God, Just turn it off Just to make it sotp The man in the box –and it just God awkward. I should pluck your feathers It keeps getting harder each time your skull Hits the auburn surface of the asphalt Every summer at the hard rock Huh? But you just kept drinking And you just worked harder And after all, You're the man in the box What could all go wrong here? It's getting shorter the tears drop faster I'm getting weirder I'm a deadbeat dad And my kid's the bartard I just got a ball pit I'm a Hallmark card, but refused to sign it A dine and dash From the supper club And it's so refined I just lost my mind Cause it's just not time yet. I must have known you once before or something But any fan would say that But how am I a fan When I hated you And I hated your laugh And I hated your band –and you're not that handsome So how is this happening at all? Oh look, something random. Tell me why I'm so horrible Mr miserable mr terrible Mr opulent Mr miser mr wedding band Mr Never Happened Tell me why I'm so bad at this Mr. Wonderful Mr.Awful Mr. half at best Mr. getting faster and faster And faster and faster And faster Till it all washed up on the surface And you wash your hands of it… But the taste in your mouth is still metallic from the contrast Breaking contracts, oh, now you're fast at once and a hard match And a tough act to swallow But i'd rather die tomorrow Than stare at your casket. Now how about that shit! You're right, I lost my mind– but I want you to have it. L E G E N D S JIMMY KIMMEL [an escalating crescendo] AssaaaaagggggggggGggggghhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! Lol is he all thugged out yet. No not yet. (just wait) I wanna run through marina del ray I want a house in the Palisades But I Knew that 5 years ago (I knew that five years ago ) I want a shack out in Malibu Just to surf the ocean blū But I Knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago Before it all burned I hope we all learned our lessons Surf God has a sense of humor But I was the butt of the joke I want a Condo in Santa Monica Invite my friends over for Barbie volleyball Throw my whole world in the fire pit But I knew that five years ago I knew that five years ago When you realize The world is your instrument But it still hasn't earned you a cent You're still in the hole Earning back what you spent By the microincrements The city people are you as excrement But you just laugh and you sample them Play them like instruments back Perhaps flattery begs them to listen Suddenly you're visible Museum world— Exhibitions Entertainers Comedians Mice and men Interesting remix Should I even be in this language Or should I make it more intimate With melodies? I hit play on a classic And my peloton becomes the office I'm suddenly at work, God Petulance for relevance spanning generations Thank you! Still it takes enough to get it in to you As out of you Can't help t but agree to that Eyeliner! I like it thick around the freckles faces And light ashy eyelashes Over moonlike eyes You know I like it Long hair! Headliner! Why am I inside you? Better yet— Why have I died? Eyeliner, headliner I like it thick around moonlight eyes I like it Old timer, headliner— I like it thick around eyes like Zion Eyeliner, I like it Ashes You're the worst; There are circle k's and 7/11s How was my run on Broadway? Who's the pope now? I hope you choke now There are subway central's And sauces and really hard bosses to fight But I don't want to I'm in south central And I'm still with you From always to oblivion I've been moving for at least an hour But I have no power here Drop a house on me In the hills, if you will And if the winds change, There's still New York What a page turner I live at Rockefeller Plaza There's an apartment above my office There's a notebook For every love I've ever known In the oak There's a something caliber gun in my slumber I clutch with the crutches I took from the hospitals Can't hop the turnsltyle now Can't hop the turnstyle now Hahaha Who art thou, Art monster Who are you now that I care too much to notice The problem was The doves only flew up or a moment before landing on my shoulder That was awkward They were supposed to fly away TV HOST HEY!!!! HEY!!!! HEYYYYYYYY! But which host is it? All of them. All of us are running for our lives All of us are running after Carson, and Paar All of us are stars, But on polaroids not often captured Gone and then away into disaster That's the effect of the Cannon Canon cameras? James Canon?! Laugh harder ‘cause you have to! Laugh stronger cause the studio is frozen, And you want to go home now! It wasn't as fun as you thought And the set is much smaller in real life Now clap and hold for applause Big smiles Big smiles Extra points if you run miles before you show up- Now that's a shiny after thought; Not your average robot Or prototypical tourist! No! A nonconformist and Kimmel can't sing for shit, So he can just hum this verse. (Sorry, I peaked— No homo) Now, I dissect Holiday, I was sure I inspired the Broadway show But who doesn't inspire a rock opera I conspire to conspire, umpire, emperor I studies Agamemnon I wasn't really sure but the frog in my throat said Go on, go on— So I just cried and stuck in my stomach harder I don't want a SETH MEYERS I don't want a tuna sandwich! Just–take the tuna sandwich. Yeah, buddy! SETH I DON'T WANT A TUNA SANDWHICH DO I LOOK LIKE EAT TUNA TO YOU? Um. JIMMY 1 Woah, I sense hostility We can't see you— CRAIG FERGUSON And we don't know who you are, anyway. COLBERT Apparently “someone we know” JIM 1 Tsh. JIM 2 Psh. SETH ITS HOT IN THIS BOX. Ooh, hotbox. That sounds like a plan. Dispensary delivery? The move. SETH YO, Dissection numero dos; I think I know how to make those sounds I think I have that reverb I need herb Or probably a new location With no probes It's only temporary The peloton office But I want a home Me and my family aren't from here Oh, look, more purple — we just show up to rock And then go somewhere farther MEANWHILE… Forgive me father for I have— No. What? No. No. What— why? Just— no. Not you. Not today. But—I have sinned! Of course you have! But father— No. What—? Keep it to yourself. But. Excuse me. {Enter The Multiverse) —- What super hero are you supposed to be? “Malox Max”?! Hehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER No! Hehehehehehe! THE COSMIC AVENGER I'm— I'm “The Cosmic Avenger”! What are you avenging?! Montezuma's Revenge?! THE COSMIC AVENGER No— unjust—unjustice—ness. [hysterical laughter ensues] Somewhere in this world lies our story Still true, I'm unsure what it is— But the thing is, I'm sure this the one Of the fables I'm sure this the one of the songs Of the psalms Of the storied palms This is the one of the cards This sir KIMMEL! KIMMEL! KIMMEL! I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. ITS ME. JIMMY. I'm Jimmy. I KNOW YOU'RE— You're not Jimmy, I'm JIMMY. WHAT THE SNARF! What's that? I can't hear you. The tarot said to go against the grain; I was told not to write this tale, but here I am And suddenly the King has a tail, Compliments of T-Mobile, But as did the first one, The first King, of Dogblood Of first strikes And first tears And first scars, Was no king, But everything has meaning The cherishire has eyed me The spider has bitten And then, Envisionment minted I should switch to mint mobile, but knowing There's no real difference— Their all old t-mobile tower; But service with a Billionaire smile Of Blake Lively and False Idols. I don't care, I guess My mind has eyes like sun But my heart has darkness The absolutely most beautiful sunsets have Wonders on drums And numbers to call The best of cocaine on the sidewalk Was sidetracked The best of New York was Los Angeles, And vice versa I hope you took protocol into order I hope you too profound effect and affinity In profanity There's no more Infinite Fallon It Found a call To programming Wall to wall To wall of shame On Walmart Better activate that trial Before it's all gone 13 days and counting And A million ways to die in the west. SETH MCFARLENE look at me. Ah, what the fuck dog. SETH MCFARLENE Oh, so you can hear me! You fuckin schizo! I'm not a schizo I'm in the Illuminati. SETH MCFARLINE The what? The what? SETH MCFARLENE what's the password. this isn't happening right now. SETH MCFARLENE That is correct. See you on the other side, you batshit crazy SonOfABitch. What. *poof* I told you I could make you say my name. {Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project.™] COPYRIGHT © THE FESTIVAL PROJECT 2018-2025 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. © -U.™

6 years (to the day) since the first ever episode of Comics In Motion was released, we're now on our 1000th episode! Now with a variety of different creators & shows, the “podfathers” Chris & Dave look back on their podcasting journey, joined by the first 3 who joined the Comics In Motion Family; Max Byrne, Mike Burton & Tony Farina! Want to watch the video version? Click here: https://youtu.be/OqFFFehte5A In this extra-long special, our five creators answer questions submitted by other members of the Comics In Motion family; some are content-related, some are introspective, and some are just downright silly! Whether you're a new listener or a veteran of CiM, sit back and enjoy over 2 hours of joyous discussion that all started on a simple review of 1978's Superman! Shout-out to all members of the Comics In Motion Extended Family; The Femme On Collective, Spider-Dan & The Secret Bores, The 20th Century Geek, Stories Out Of Time & Space, Back To The Filmography, Era of Geek, Dummies Guide To Geekdom, The VHS Strikes Back, Genuine Chit-Chat, Chris & Dave's Reality TV Cast, Angry Andy Reviews, Marvel Plus, Where I'm From, Detective Comments and The Fantastic Universes Podcast! Non-CiM Family Podcast recommendations: Tony's mentioned the Cover To Credits podcast and his Ukelele COVID song; https://youtube.com/watch?v=bSPH2YVqQmM Max mentioned the Cannon Canon and Under The Kosh podcasts. Mike mentioned the Toni & Ryan podcast and has also been listening to the Three Bean Salad Pod. Dave mentioned the Behind The Bastards and The Trawl podcasts. Chris mentioned Talk Of The Devils, Fighter & The Kid, IGN, Kinda Funny Games and Vegas Revealed podcasts. Social Media: You can find Dave on X at @SeattleDojos and Chris at @CDRealityChris. Hear them guesting on various Comics In Motion shows, as well as on their movie review pod, The VHS Strikes Back: https://linktr.ee/vhsstrikesback and Chris & Dave's Reality TV Cast: https://anchor.fm/cdrealitycast Listen to Mike's “main” podcast Genuine Chit-Chat wherever you're listening to this, check out his Star Wars episodes on Comics In Motion and find his social media & other links at https://linktr.ee/GenuineChitChat Find Tony's site here: https://arfarina.com, his podcast Indie Comics Spotlight is found on Comics In Motion & find his book Welcome To Mansfield wherever you buy books! You can hear the playlists for Tony's novels on Spotify or his website: https://arfarina.com/music Find Max @MaxyByrne on X and on episodes of Mandatory Music & CD (& Mandatory Marvel & DC) on the feed of Comics In Motion! Sign up to the Pop Culture Collective's newsletter here to keep up to date with these incredible creator's many releases: https://pccnewsletter.com And don't forget to email us at comicsinmotionp@gmail.com or contact us on scial media @ComicsInMotionP! --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/comics-in-motion-podcast/message

I'm super sad about The Cannon Canon going anyway, even if I understand. So to show my love, I'm covering all of the movies that they would have quit even sooner if they had covered them. Yes, get ready for The Arrogant, all of the Cannon Movie Tales and Master of Dragonard Hill. I almost did While Father Was Away On Business, but a woman hangs herself from a toilet in that and it wasn't the madcap romp I had hoped to bring to this episode. Theme song: Strip Search by Neal Gardner. Visit the site at www.bandsaboutmovies.com and email me at bandsaboutmovies@gmail.com

"ROYAL BLOOD!" Well, Cannonheads. The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) have one last Cannon hurrah before shooting up the coffin of The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Canon is taking an indefinite hiatus (possibly returning with a new format/focus in the future) and what better way to send us off than with Cannon's "final" movie, HELLBOUND! In this episode, The Cannon Bros reminisce about their 4-year run and FINALLY try Bronson's cologne, Mandom! We chat about the wild tone shifts of Hellbound, the proto-Walker Texas Ranger vibes, the heavy lifting of acting from Calvin Levels and of course...thuddy quips from the “black hole of comedy”, Molasses 2x4! Thank you to everyone who listened and supported the show! Especially to our Patreon members and also to the author of The Cannon Film Guide series himself, Austin Trunick. We thought we'd be the future! But then Marion Cobretti pointed his gun at us and said, "No. You're history". Thanks for everything, Cannon fans. OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

"Swamp makes a body see…whatever they wants ta see." Get on your tuxes and cook up dat gumbo, cher! Cuz we're back in Prestige Cannon territory with a drama only Cannon can add a bit of sleaze to... SHY PEOPLE! The Cannon Bros define what "Boomer Emo Porn" is, covet Martha Plimpton's shirt collection, discuss ACT-ING and finally get to go on a proper Tangerine Dream tangent. “Now get yo mamma to stitch that up!” and crawl da swamps of data der Cannon Canon! (cajun laugh) OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

"The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is... they're dead." Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff), shout "Thrill me!" as they jam their skulls into another Loose Cannon just in time for SPOOKYYYYY season! It's a personal favorite, 1986's NIGHT OF THE CREEPS! In this episode, we give obligatory and heartfelt love for the spectacular Tom Atkins, talk more Shane Black, how "fun" isn't a bad thing and how we ALL “get off on living in the past." It's an episode that'll have you wryly declaring, "classic spanky". OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

Get ready for a double helping of Sergio Martino as we talk THE STRANGE VICE OF MRS. WARDH (1971) and THE CASE OF THE SCORPION'S TAIL (1971) with Special Guest Geoff Garlock of The Cannon Canon. https://twitter.com/TheCannonCanon https://www.instagram.com/thecannoncanon https://www.patreon.com/thecannoncanon https://www.1089thehawk.com

“Rock n roll. I'll cover you!” Today on the Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get a suggested "Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon" from Patreon member, Ed Harris! The movie? 1986's The Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf! Which had an HBO/Cannon Video VHS release (hence the "Loose Cannon"). Sir Christopher Lee musters up the strength to co-star with Reb Brown and Annie McEnroe, while a stunning Sybil Danning steals the show (and gets done dirty by the film's director and editor in the film's credit sequence). This Could've Been A Cannon/Loose Cannon has lazily rewritten vampire to werewolf specifics, unsettling practical effects, explosive blood of Christ and a theme song that just. won't.quit! Literally. Also, was Robert Smith inspired by this theme song for The Cure's "Burn"?! "It's not over yet"! So "bark at the moon", because "She-Wolf Stirba: Werewolf Bitch" is throwing a werewolf orgy at the Babel show! See you hair...um, there! OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

"But Seymour, there's another verse." "Not this time, Ma.” Today on The Cannon Canon, The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) are pleasantly surprised by the unassuming dark comedy, GRACE QUIGLEY! Katherine Hepburn, Nick Nolte and Kit Le Fever star in this charming off-beat dark comedy that's a mix of "Harold and Maude" and Dr. Jack Kevorkian's euthanasia. The cast is rounded out by some spectacular character actors (there's a Howard the Duck connection here) and a pace and tone that's just slightly off but works spectacularly when it hits. And of course, The Cannon Bros get existential as usual. Getting old and thinking about death is weird, y'all! “Too slow, Mr. Flint. Too slow and too lonely." But this episode isn't too slow and you're never too lonely with The Cannon Canon! OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

"Just the one pastrami then?" Today on The Cannon Canon the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) buddy up for this 1987 "buddy" cop flick, "NUMBER ONE WITH A BULLET". A movie that forces the Cannon Bros to ponder "WHY must you make us yearn for Jim Belushi?!" Billy Dee Williams plays...Billy Dee Williams and Robert Carradine is... severely miscast. On the surface, this movie feels like a Lethal Weapon rip-off, EXCEPT...It came out mere 2 MONTHS after Lethal Weapon! Was it parallel thinking? Or a case of Cannon seeing an early Lethal Weapon screening and scrambling to add LW elements to Num1B? WHO KNOWS?! It's as baffling as Robert Carradine's (who we love otherwise) casting in this. To quote Number One With A Bullet, "Check's in the mail." Check's in the mail indeed. OUR PATREON: ⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠@thecannoncanon⁠⁠⁠ Please rate and review us!

The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) check in to let everyone know about the Cannon Canon release schedule moving forward. OUR PATREON: ⁠patreon.com/thecannoncanon⁠ Follow us on the socials: Twitter: ⁠@thecannoncanon⁠ Instagram: ⁠@thecannoncanon⁠ Please rate and review us!

"That's my momma!" It's our second week of covering the comedic stylings of Dreyfuss & Landsberg! This week we discuss 1987's DUTCH TREAT! A movie that literally came out MONTHS after Detective School Dropouts. Cannon had conceived a vehicle for Dutch "girl band" the Dolly Dots in 1983 and they made good on that promise...4 years later...by combining their movie with a Dreyfus & Landsberg comedy. That's our Cannon! It's a movie SO loud and unrelenting in its attempt at madcap chaos comedy that it gave one of the Cannon Bros a migraine. It also has the honor of possibly having the most attempted murders or actual deaths than most of the Cannon action films The Cannon Canon has covered! We discover that the Dolly Dots are a great 80's pop-rock band ala The Go-Go's and The Bangles, Dead Meat sounds better at 1.5 speed and that the TRUE star of this film...is the boom mic (which is present in almost every single shot). Should have received top billing, really. OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Special Guest Geoff Garlock of The Cannon Canon drops by for RED SONJA (1985) starring Brigitte Nielsen in the title role and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan, er, Kalidor. https://twitter.com/TheCannonCanon https://www.instagram.com/thecannoncanon https://www.patreon.com/thecannoncanon https://www.1089thehawk.com

“They don't make Munks like they used to!” Abbott & Costello, Martin & Lewis, Cheech & Chong...Dreyfuss & Landsberg. That's right, for the next two weeks, The Cannon Canon will be covering the Cannon comedic stylings of Lorin Dreyfuss & David Landsberg! First up, 1986's Detective School Dropouts! A mixed-bag, madcap comedic romp that leaves the Cannon Bros a little lukewarm on the film itself but respecting the hell out of the story behind getting their two movies made to begin with! In this episode we discuss: The hustle and dream of sketch comedians landing a 2 picture deal with a movie studio, Benny Hill speed-ups, middle-aged men in flimsy tear-away clothing, a plane that shows Ninja III: The Domination as its inflight movie and composer George S. Clinton takes on the Euro-Discoteque nom de plume GEO for this score. After all, "God knows what they put on their pizza in California!" OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

“I can get an interview with a Times Square pimp!” It's Oscar season, so it's time to get prestigious here on The Cannon Canon. The Cannon Bros are dressed in their tuxes and sitting down to dissect the serious cinema of the Cannon Oscar swing, STREET SMART! Ever wanted to see a sociopathic Clark Kent? Then Street Smart is your movie! Christopher Reeve was able to make this passion project by agreeing to do Superman IV for Cannon. But of course, you know it came with some Golan & Globus stipulations. Morgan Freeman turns in an incredible performance that earned him an Oscar nom, Kathy Baker and Mimi Rogers get to show off their powerhouse acting chops and Christopher Reeve does his best to shake the Superman blues (and red cape briefs). Sip a Yoo-Hoo, get wild with the scissors and stay Street Smart, Cannon-heads! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

“I'm gonna rip out your heart and suck your blood!” Patreon member Joaquim Dantas steps up to the Cannon Canon plate and knocks it out of the park with this COULD'VE Been A Cannon pick! 1987's ENEMY TERRITORY! Before Full Moon Productions, Charles Band ran Empire Pictures and released this gem that hits ALL the Cannon staples. It's a movie described as Die Hard meets The Warriors and...it's pretty spot on! Add a dash (pun not intended) of some Fox News fearmonger porn and a surprisingly excellent soundtrack and you got yourself one perfect COULD'VE Been A Cannon! Starring Tony "Candyman" Todd, Ray "Ghostbusters Theme" Parker Jr., Stacey "Clueless" Dash, Jan-Michael "Airwolf" Vincent, Gary "Family" Franks and a brief appearance from Kadeem "A Different World" Hardison. The film caters to Frank and Geoff even more with its Halloween theme sampled end-credit song! Take a listen, ya dime store Darwins! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

The Cannon Canon heats up a cold January with some hot flicks this month. This week we're covering the "sex comedy" (we use that term liberally), "HOT RESORT". One thing is true, there is a resort. With appearances from Bronson Pinchot, Frank "The Riddler" Gorshin" and known Hollywood creep, Dan Schneider. Does the movie live up to it's name and promise? Or is it a Cold Asylum (chacha)? OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

"Oh. I don't like him. Kurt Cobain? He took my cricket." We conclude our detour into "Shane Black Christmas" with a movie that revived both Shane Black and Robert Downey Jr's career, 2005's Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. A movie that paved the way for RDJ Iron Man, ultra meta storytelling and an imperfect attempt to break gay stereotypes. Frank and Geoff are on opposite sides of their feelings on this movie, so to play tie-breaker, former guest John Murray steps back into the Cannon Canon ring to offer some insight as to why this is or isn't a top-tier Shane Black film. It's been the most wonderful time of the year covering Shane "Captain f#@%in' magic" Black. See ya in 2023, Cannon-heads! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Explosions! Big Action Stars! Big Dance Numbers! Catchy Titles! Ecetera! Do all of these prompts excite you? Then maybe you will be into Cannon Films, THE premiere movie studio of the 80's and early 90's! Not quite, but today at The Omniplex we have special guest Austin Trunick, author of The Cannon Film Guide Vol. 1, 2, and soon to be 3! Austin Trunick has conducted numerous interviews with various Cannon filmmakers and stars covering an oral history of this, and I cannot stress this enough, HUMONGUS library of films produced by this studio. Whether you're just now learning about this amazing studio or you're a long time avid fan, this interview will be sure to entertain. Have I sold you yet? Then listen on! You can buy both volumes currently out of The Cannon Film Guide here: The Cannon Film Guide Vol. 1: 1980-1984 The Cannon Film Guide Vol. 2 1985-1987 You can find updates on Vol. 3 of  The Cannon Film Guide as well as fun random tidbits on Cannon Films on Austin's Facebook and Twitter: facebook.com/CannonFilmGuide Twitter: @CannonFilmGuide Visit our website at theomniplex.org! Like our Facebook page Follow us on Twitter Subscribe, rate, and review wherever you get your podcasts! Podcast Art by Amy Blue (shylostconfused) Logo Art by Albert Wiltfong using Marquee font "Glasses" by Jonathan Coulton is licensed under CC BY-NC 3.0 Up next: Covid VII!

The Cannon Bros take a detour for the reason for the season... a Shane Black Christmas! This Holiday season we celebrate the Christmas-tinged genius of Shane Black. First up is 2016's criminally underrated The Nice Guys! A somewhat greatest hits of Shane Black tropes that fires on all cylinders. It's an all-out Cannon Bros gush fest, valid criticism need not apply. Don't worry, "the car can drive itself". Turn up this episode and get in the Shane Black Christmas spirit with The Cannon Canon! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

We close out CARPENTOBER with the Cannon Bros favorite Carpenter film (and possibly favorite film, period) HALLOWEEN! You've heard MANY people talk about this perfect horror classic...now you get to hear us talk about this perfect horror classic! It's the night the Cannon Canon came home...and talked about their favorite Carpenter film! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

"SEQUELTEMBER" is here on The Cannon Canon! We kick off a month of Cannon sequels with 1990's Delta Force 2: The Columbian Connection! A movie that has little to do with the first Delta Force or Columbia. Filmed in part at Regan's abandoned getaway crib, this movie has Norris beating up "skinheads" in a restaurant, more Molasses 2x4 climbing and John P. Ryan having the time of his life. Billy Drago's still full from the scenery he chews up in this one! The winds of change are growing stronger, and so is SEQUELTEMBER! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

In his new challenge-based reality series, celebrity chef Bobby Flay is not challenge regular people to battle him in the kitchen, he's daring anyone who's brave enough to try and defeat him in mortal combat. Written by Anna RubanovaWith guest stars Brandon Scott Wolf as Bobby Flay, Dan Hodapp as Alton Brown, and Jason Gore as the voice of the Foot Network.TUNE IN TO GEOFF'S PODCASTS "108.9 - THE HAWK" and "THE CANNON CANON"http://www.lefthandedradio.com/merchLeftHandedRadio.com | patreon.com/LeftHandedRadio | http://twitch.tv/lefthandedradio | facebook.com/LeftHandedRadio | instagram.com/lefthandedradio | twitter.com/LeftHandedRadio| lefthandedradio@gmail.com | https://www.tiktok.com/@lefthandedradioSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There's a new seafood establishment on Mermaid's Wharf owned by a fella named Crabby Jim. Unfortunately, Crabby Jim did NOT name his new establishment after himself. Big mistake.Produced by Anna Rubanova and Adam BozarthStarring Geoff Garlock as Crabby Jim.TUNE IN TO GEOFF'S PODCASTS "108.9 - THE HAWK" and "THE CANNON CANON"http://www.lefthandedradio.com/merchLeftHandedRadio.com | patreon.com/LeftHandedRadio | http://twitch.tv/lefthandedradio | facebook.com/LeftHandedRadio | instagram.com/lefthandedradio | twitter.com/LeftHandedRadio| lefthandedradio@gmail.com | https://www.tiktok.com/@lefthandedradioSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today on the Cannon Canon we kick off the AUGUST OF AUSTIN! Each week we'll be covering a Cannon film suggested by author and Cannon scholar Austin Trunick (The Cannon Film Guide Vol 1.: 1980-1984 & Vol 2: 1985-1987). And let us warn you...Austin did NOT disappoint. Just when we thought Cannon couldn't surprise us anymore, Austin hands us PENITENTIARY III. The craziest movie the Cannon Bros have watched to date. WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU WATCH THIS MOVIE BEFORE YOU LISTEN! We're not even going to bother with highlights or a description because NOTHING can prepare you for PENITENTIARY III. "GUTS! GUTS! GUTS!" OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Austin Trunick RETURNS to The Cannon Canon to discuss his incredible new book The Cannon Film Guide Volume II (1985-1987)! We talk all things Cannon and the staggering amount of information that had to be parsed through for this massive edition. We also get a taste of what Volume III might look like and we set in stone "Austin's August Picks" where Austin will hand pick the Cannon films we cover in the month of August! It's a great chat that will leave you wondering, "How deep did Bronson's knowledge of The Groundlings go?!" OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Okay, so we spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the female lead's body this week, but in our defense, this movie features about 40 minutes of full frontal nudity and we challenge anyone to not be stunned by the quality of it. It's the final film in our Cannon Canon retrospective, Toby Hooper's naked space vampire epic, LIFEFORCE (1985). Starting next week we plan on kicking off an entire month where we talk about dog movies, so we expect the discussion to become far less filthy. You can start looking forward to that wholesomeness now (unless one of the flicks distracts us with some bomb-ass dog titties, no guarantees). 

Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with the one that started it all...DEATH WISH! While not a Cannon, it was ESSENTIAL for us to watch it for context...and because we wanted to. Our Bronson Brother from another "One Mama", Noah Segan, joins us once again! While the other Death Wish movies we've covered have been fun movies, this one is truly a FILM. Marvel at Bronson at some of his finest while Jeff Goldblum kicks off a tradition of future stars playing total scumbags. Fill your hand and draw! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify!

This week on The Cannon Canon we're delving into the Chuck Norris corner of the Cannon Films universe by talking about his 1985 film where one very misguided Russian terrorist and about three dozen multi-ethnic underlings attempt a full-scale land invasion of the United States, INVASION USA. “It can happen here,” but what “it” is gets pretty unclear, especially in the ridiculous third act of this Reagan-era monstrosity. 

Bronson "Don't like May(onnaise)" month continues on the Cannon Canon with DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN! Joining us once again is our Bronson Brother Noah Segan! A little dialed back and introspective than Death Wish 3, but still delightfully Cannon and Bronson! Once again, don't be someone Kersey loves! It never ends well! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Join us as we continue to dive deep into the output of Cannon Films, that 80s action-heavy production company set up by Golobulous, the snake man from Cobra-La. This week we're talking about one of their very best Charles Bronson vehicles that didn't have the words “death” or “wish” in the title, 10 TO MIDNIGHT (1983). It's Bronson vs a naked serial killer in a race against the clock to save all of the busty young co-eds in the nursing wing of the med school dorm from bloody annihilation, and we are here for it! 

We fucked up not recording a fourth ‘April Anniversary' movie for last month, so we're trying to make good by talking about a movie that's celebrating an anniversary this week, but also fits in with our new theme for May. Intrigued? No? Well, we still have to finish explaining anyway. This week we're celebrating the 35th anniversary of the release of AMERICAN NINJA 2: THE CONFRONTATION, which is one of our favorite releases from Cannon Films, which will be our topic for the month as we deep dive into the best of the best when it comes to the ‘Cannon Canon.' Enjoy! Or don't. Likely you won't, but let's not make a big deal about it.

GRAB SOME BUTTERMILK AND HEAD TO THE BEACH, BOY-O! Well it's spring break brah and the Cannon Bros need to take a little bit of a sabbatical. Rest up. Go watch a marathon of "Porky's", "Porky's Revenge", "Hardbodies" and "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" a thousand times in a row. So enjoy this little minisode as the Cannon Bros prepare for the next burst of Cannon film greatness (not to mention a special appearance by Charles Bronson himself). OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Geoff Garlock (108.9 The Hawk, The Cannon Canon, Orchid, Low Estate, Panthers, SO MANY good freakin' things) joins us to talk about his many lovers in many states. He gives us a great tip about diners too! This guy is an absolute freak for travel, living on the road, and running for "Comptroller" of the USA. We play a new game, let's see if you listeners play along! Check out Colby and Amir on their appearance on Geoffs podcast with Jason Gore The Hawk -- Subscribe to our Patreon to watch exclusive video of this episode + Extra weekly episodes. https://patreon.com/hbsl Check us out on social media Instagram Twitter Tik Tok Follow the hosts on twitter for stupid bullshit Colby — Amir Rate & Review in Apple Podcasts! It'll rule → Don't forget to subscribe and share the podcast with your troll friends!

"I. am. Eeeeeviiiiillll!" Happy New Year! Crank up Shadow and join Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) as we do commentary (or watch along, whatever you want to call it, nerds) to our favorite underrated Cannon horror gem, NEW YEAR'S EVIL! Hope your 2022 is more of an "American Ninja 2" than a "Pirates"! Enjoy, Cannon Canon heads! And remember...."All that don't mean doodly-dee squat. When a girl doesn't have a date on New Year's, she's in sh*t city." OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Ninjas, Gods, Aliens, Female Special Ops Groups, Living and Undead Rock Stars & Cops, Dystopian Futures, Italians, Rocket Truck Texas Rangers and Vigilantes Galore! 2021 was quite the year for The Cannon Canon! In this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) pick their 5 favorite Cannon films covered on The Cannon Canon this past year. And for good measure, we throw in a couple of favorite "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" flicks and two movies that almost made the "Pirates" stink pile. Let us know your favorite films The Cannon Canon covered this year, boyo! OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

"Don't let me die alone!!!" Picked by our Patreon members, the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) dip our toes back in the scuzzy waters of Michael Winner with 1983's THE WICKED LADY! A movie the Cannon Bros are very conflicted about (but passes the "Pluto TV" test). In this episode, we talk about how much the "Razzies" suck, how the movie benefits from Faye Dunaway's gloriously unhinged and elated performance and of course- Cannon obligatory sex scenes. We also ask, could this be a camp classic? Would you buy a “Winner Winner, Bronson dinner!” shirt? Do we write an episode of Charles Rocket-era SNL with Michael Winner or Charles Bronson hosting? And THAT'S Commander Troi?! What else...what else…oh yeah...WHIP FIGHT!!! It's a 2 for 1 podcast because within this episode of The Cannon Canon you also get our "Talkin' Genesis" podcast. Steal your cousin's lover (twice), slowly poison a man of god* and enjoy this episode! (*reference to the movie DO NOT actually do this) OUR PATREON: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Comedian and actor Frank Garcia-Hejl (Adam Ruins Everything, Scare Package) hangs with Betsy and guest co-host Ari Voukydis to talk about an insane car ride with your mother-in-law, teachers who expect parents to be way too hands on, and failing preschool for not knowing your gender. Check out and subscribe to Frank's podcasts The Cannon Canon and The Smashing Pumpkast. Thank you to our glorious sponsors, who made this episode possible: EveryPlate, Outschool, BetterHelp, and StoryWorth.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! This is a very special episode of The Cannon Canon. A full commentary/watchalong episode of us watching "American Ninja". Are you feeling sick of your family and want to watch a movie with someone but don't want to talk and just have us yell jokes and praise at you while we all marvel at how great Michael Dudikoff and Steve James are together? Then this is the perfect treat for you. Hell it even works without watching the movie (but don't worry we tell you when to press play). We have more of these commentary episodes on our Patreon but we let this one out into the free world. So relax, sit back, take out your nun-chucks and leave the joking to us: The Cannon Bros. Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

We're still ridin' in the loophole of another HBO/Cannon Home Video European VHS release with the Ridley Scott Adventure Fantasy "LEGEND"! And joining us is the velvet voice of Ryan Patterson (Coliseum, Fotocrime, Cat Magic Punks, Shirt Killer ), who lives in the middle of high art and low art and is right at home on The Cannon Canon. "Legend" is formative and a favorite for Frank, but does Geoff feel the same? We ask, is this the best cinematic devil? Do you prefer the Tangerine Dream or Jerry Goldsmith score (or William Goldsmith as Frank erroneously calls him)? Is this movie trying to gaslight us into thinking it was all Lili's fault?! Ridley or Tony Scott? SHOULD we do a Valentine's Day "Phantom Tingles" Special?! All that plus, we imagine a world where Jim Carrey talks out of his ass to Darkness, the "Gothic" VHS cover haunts us again and we ALL just want to be Bryan Ferry walking up invisible steps to open a door to a shredding David Gilmour. See you at Legend-con! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

A man of many talents, Geoff Garlock from Orchid, Panthers and his most recent project Low Estate comes to hang with us this week. He's also the host of such podcasts like Docs Till Death and The Cannon Canon so as you can see, he's a busy dude. We discuss his history with comedy, growing up with Connecticut hardcore and the "glory days" of Vice. It's a really fun discussion so pull up a chair and come hang out. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

HEY GANG! As a special season two bonus episode, we are dropping the COMPLETE conversation we had with Brian Wecht and Leighton Gray of Leighton Night!!! This - like most of our guest eps - would only be available to our Patreon subscribers, but we LOVED this episode and this talk we had so much, we're dropping the whole ep to everybody for free. Enjoy! And thanks for listening. Oh podcasting, will, animation cells, Captain Crunch, inheritance, nerd stuff, collectibles, records, comics, antiques, valuing old stuff, Funko pop, Beanie Babies, ebay, Image comics, spiderman, the ‘Nam comic, Amazing Stories “Gather Ye Acorns,” 30 Rock, Apollo Apollo, how we know each other, UCB Theater, Kurt Braunohler, Ninja Sex Party, Neutrino improv, Leslie Meisel, horror, 30 rock lines, The Office renaissance, Brian Baumgartner, Kevin Malone, cameo, relationship sweet moments versus plain comedy, Jack Donaghy, Taxi, horror scores ambient sound, Infocom text adventure games, He-Man action figures, on card action figures, Bob the Goon, Dragon magazine, purging collections, collecting compulsion, commoditize everything- social media, podcasts, any free time, Masters of Horror, watching everything, reading everything, Fringe, starstruck, Mads Mikkelsen, Hannibal, media diet, CSI, Manhunter, Criterion collection, Brian Cox, Anthony Hopkins, Cannon Canon, Tough Guys Don't Dance, David Cronenberg, Crash, Phil Hale, Empire of the Sun, J.G. Ballard, The Sopranos, intervention episode, Parks and Rec, A Quiet Place, Alicia Wit, Dune, Stevie Van Zandt, Scorcese, therapy, Netflix, Lilyhammer, New Jersey, comforting accents, memories, Carolina, NYC pride, LA shame, LA film sites, David Lynch, Rough House, Halloween, Pig, Nicolas Cage, anxiety, being present, mindfulness, self worth, self love, breaking up with your phone, social media feelings, twitter, shame, 12 step for social media, Kenan Thompson, David Ortiz, depression, shame for feeling feelings, validation outside one's self, self-loathing, reconsidering considering, criticism for taste, truth is not black or white, false humility, liberal shaming, chan online cruelty, movie reviews, critic journalist personalities, Pixar morals, fluidity of personal truth, online recipes, Hunter S Thompson, book adaptations, Altered States, Carlos Castaneda, Time Life Mysteries of the Unknown, What's Poppin, binary thinking, tolerating complexity, cannot logic out of life, sleep, beanie baby divorce. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/whatsthatfrom)

The Cannon Canon presents our first HARD PIVOT! For the month of October, we'll be covering the films of Dario Argento. We're calling it, ARGENTOBER! And kicking off "Argentober" is the 1977 horror classic SUSPIRIA. That's right, we are starting with the gold standard of Argento. We swear it is not a gush fest (but it's not that far off). From the mindblowing soundtrack of Goblin, to the unbelievable set design, to the trademark Argento NCS (Needlessly Complicated Shot), we go through how much we love this movie. But also talking about how the plot almost doesn't make any sense and how for a world-class ballet school they seem to not really do much dancing. But seriously, watch Lords of Synth. Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Oh podcasting, will, animation cells, Captain Crunch, inheritance, nerd stuff, collectibles, records, comics, antiques, valuing old stuff, Funko pop, Beanie Babies, ebay, Image comics, spiderman, the ‘Nam comic, Amazing Stories “Gather Ye Acorns,” 30 Rock, Apollo Apollo, how we know each other, UCB Theater, Kurt Braunohler, Ninja Sex Party, Neutrino improv, Leslie Meisel, horror, 30 rock lines, The Office renaissance, Brian Baumgartner, Kevin Malone, cameo, relationship sweet moments versus plain comedy, Jack Donaghy, Taxi, horror scores ambient sound, Infocom text adventure games, He-Man action figures, on card action figures, Bob the Goon, Dragon magazine, purging collections, collecting compulsion, commoditize everything- social media, podcasts, any free time, Masters of Horror, watching everything, reading everything, Fringe, starstruck, Mads Mikkelsen, Hannibal, media diet, CSI, Manhunter, Criterion collection, Brian Cox, Anthony Hopkins, Cannon Canon, Tough Guys Don't Dance, David Cronenberg, Crash, Phil Hale, Empire of the Sun, J.G. Ballard, The Sopranos, intervention episode, Parks and Rec, A Quiet Place, Alicia Wit, Dune, Stevie Van Zandt, Scorcese, therapy, Netflix, Lilyhammer, New Jersey, comforting accents, memories, Carolina, NYC pride, LA shame, LA film sites, David Lynch, Rough House, Halloween, Pig, Nicolas Cage, anxiety, being present, mindfulness, self worth, self love, breaking up with your phone, social media feelings, twitter, shame, 12 step for social media, Kenan Thompson, David Ortiz, depression, shame for feeling feelings, validation outside one's self, self-loathing, reconsidering considering, criticism for taste, truth is not black or white, false humility, liberal shaming, chan online cruelty, movie reviews, critic journalist personalities, Pixar morals, fluidity of personal truth, online recipes, Hunter S Thompson, book adaptations, Altered States, Carlos Castaneda, Time Life Mysteries of the Unknown, What's Poppin, binary thinking, tolerating complexity, cannot logic out of life, sleep, beanie baby divorce. Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/whatsthatfrom)

In this week's episode, Dan and Jessica discuss world-renowned hypnotherapist, Dolores Cannon, who has explored thousands of cases in the forty years since 1968. Check her out in one of our favorite groovy YouTube dives here. Visit us at mindspaceminimal.com and follow us on Instagram at @mindspaceminimal. The original track “Writing Instruments” by Daniel Ryan.

Took us long enough but the Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are finally covering the 1989 JCVD essential KICKBOXER! The movie The Cannon Canon has NO qualms about saying is definitely better than Rain Man. Join us as we break down why training montages are SO damn satisfying, Cronenberg strip joints, still remembering the ice despite knowing your brother is about to get destroyed, JCVD "dancing" memes and what up with that hawk?! Plus, pan flute score galore (and a real flute with fake flute sound), The Van Damme Bunz Appreciation Society (even Sir Mixalot gotta give it up), and the unneeded and unnecessary plot move and tonal shift of a single scene (the rest is perfect). You'll come away wondering....Do YOU have the heart of a hero? Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

POINT BREAK may be "100% Pure Adrenaline" but unfortunately that's not one of our categories! We're hitting the beach in search of the perfect wave with actor/writer/director Frank Garcia-Hejl! ("Scare Package" on Shudder, podcasts: "The Cannon Canon" and "The Smashing Pumpkast")Follow Frank on Twitter & Instagram: @frankgarciahejlFollow us on Twitter and Instagram: @TwoOldQueensFollow Mark on Letterbox: @markrennieEmail us: TwoOldQueens@gmail.comWe've got a Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/TwoOldQueensWE'VE GOT MERCH! CAN YOU IMAGINE? Click on this link! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/two-old-queens?ref_id=12950Or go to TeePublic.com and search for Two Old Queens!Music by Danny CohenArtwork by Connie ShinTechnical Support by Mike Rennie See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

LET US SEE YOU STRIPPED DOWN TO THE BONE! It's Bret Easton Ellis meets Avenging Force? The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) break down the 1986 “teen” action, crime, thriller Dangerously Close! Directed by a Pre-Cyborg Albert Pyun! This movie is a true Cannon Canon 50/50. You will get whiplash every scene thinking "wow what a beautiful shot...that leads into a confusing plot". Almost as confusing as it's politics. This Reagan Youth Goes Avenging Force will leave you saying, "They got 2 Depeche Mode songs on this soundtrack?!" And then be blown away every scene in Cannon's answer to Deadwood by asking yourself, "Wait...what do I know that actor from? And what do I know THAT actor from?!" So many questions and one huge fish in a tiny fishbowl. By the end, you'll want to finance our Cannon+ pitch for the Amazon MGM acquisition! Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

HEY KILLIAN!!!!! We are doing it! The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are going down the COULD'VE Been a Cannon rabbit hole with the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger dystopian game show classic "THE RUNNING MAN". Don't be a plain Zero and go through all the madness with The Cannon Canon. From one-liners layered upon confusing one-liners, to being blown away by Jesse "The Body" Ventura's acting, to being blown away by what exactly Captain Freedom's suit does. You'll also be wondering if you would be able to remember the codes to take down the system and "Why is Mick Fleetwood and Dweezil Zappa in this again?" This movie is a cavalcade of wonder and the Cannon Bros are on the ride the whole time. By the end, you will be saying the catchphrase we wish we had said in the episode: "I'll Be Bachman". Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Today on The Cannon Canon, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) watch a problematic Charles Bronson film. Doesn't narrow it down? You're right. Anyway, it's the 1989 Action-Thriller "KINJITE: FORBIDDEN SUBJECTS"! And joining the Cannon Bros for this episode is Jayson Green (Jayson Green & The Jerk, Orchid, Panthers and 24 Hour Video podcast). In this flick, Bronson sodomizes a crime suspect, Bronson gets racist, Bronson makes a man swallow his watch and burns his car, Bronson murders and then jokes around about it. You know...hero stuff! But don't worry, Bronson definitely spends a surprising amount of time talking about pot roast and almost falling down when he tries to kick anyone. Like we said, Classic Bronson! An episode so good you won't think it's "BABY DOODOO!" Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

This episode we reminisce about how one teacher can make a difference in the trajectory of your life. We also talk nostalgia with The Cannon Canon podcast as this week's download and in our review of Coming 2 America. We also touch on the finale of WandaVision before we get knee deep in fragrances due to a question posed to us by The Board of Directors. As a result, we talk Joop! Homme, oriental fragrances, and the fragrance of the week Royall Rugby by Royall Bermuda. The Download: The Cannon Canon Podcast Fragrance of the Week: Royall Rugby by Royall Bermuda The Board Room podcast by The Board of Directors Music by AOAO Music IG: @websterstyle Twitter: @websterstyle www.WebsterStyle.com Drop us a line info@websterstylemagazine.com --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/app Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/TheSartorialAndGeekPod/support

SUCK A DOORKNOB FART BRAINS! That's just some of the beautiful poetry you'll fall in love with in the 1986 Charles Bronson neo-noir Cannon classic "Murphy's Law". The Cannon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are joined by special guest JEN SAUNDERSON (Everything Is Scary! podcast) to parse through this modern-day Shakespeare. And trust us, this is classic Bronson. Convoluted and problematic old man jokes? Check. Bronson going grocery shopping and throwing buttermilk everywhere? Check. Needlessly complicated revenge plot? Check. And a whole lot of moments that will make you go "WHOA! WAS THAT A LOT MORE VIOLENT THAN IT NEEDED TO BE?!" CHECK CHECK CHECK. Top it all off with the threat of a Bronson sex scene with someone more than half his age and baby, YOU GOT A CLASSIC BRONSON! What is this?! Romper Room?! NO! It's the Cannon Canon, boyo! Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

YEP SHE IS STILL NAKED! That's right, today we are talking about the 1985 sci-fi/horror/space boobs classic from the master of the erotic himself Tobe Hooper, "Lifeforce". The Cannon Canon bros are joined by special guest Jason Gore(The Best Show w/Tom Scharpling and 108.9 The Hawk) to answer all the important questions raised by this film. Like "What exactly is the plan of these space vampires?" and "How many times did Hooper have to cut himself out of his cream jeans" and "Will anyone enjoy a Riki Rachtman impression" to the most important question. "Can there be too much nudity??" (Spoiler the answer is yes. ) Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Oh boy are you in for a treat. This week, we took a detour from the Cannon Canon and watched ourselves a great little movie called, "Romancing The Stone" (1984).

Happy New Year...s Evil! The Cannon Bros, Frank and Geoff, look back at a year of Cannon goodness (while the world went to hell) and they share their thoughts on where they hope to take the Cannon Canon in 2021. Frank and Geoff also revisit some of their favorite movies, music, actors and moments from the films they watched the past year and they even get a special visit from Charles Bronson himself to assess the choices Frank and Geoff have made in life. Rally 'round the moon, boy! And give it a listen (maybe at the strike of midnight in each U.S. Time Zone)! Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon And join our new Patreon: patreon.com/thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

ONE MORE DAY TILL HALLOWEEN! SILVER SHAMROCK! We are breaking format for our first "COULD'VE Been a Cannon" episode and the Cannon Canon bros (Frank and Geoff) are covering one of our favorite movies of all time: HALLOWEEN III: Season of the Witch! If there ever was a movie that COULD have been a Cannon film, this would be it. SO much to love here. From a drunk womanizing protagonist, to a diabolical plan that could be ruined by timezones to the secret nexus of the universe that is a gas station somewhere in California, we cover it all. Pop a Mentos, watch out for Peter Cetera robots and give it a listen! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Today the Cannon Canon bros are split up! Its like Michael Dudikoff or Steve James left to their lonesome, as Geoff takes on a quick minisode on his own. As we take a brief respite from regular episodes to refuel our Cannon jets, Geoff will give you a little thanks for all your listening. A little preview of some upcoming episodes. A couple big ideas we have for the future. Even a call out for someone to make us shirts(Molasses 2x4 anyone?). And probably some other things he forgot he babbled about. You can consider this like one of those weird clip shows they used to do the night before the beginning of the new Saturday Morning Cartoon lineup. But if that was just Geoff talking. IT WILL BE GREAT! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

The Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) take a trip to "moments of disappointment from your childhood" with this week's big-budget Cannon film, 1987's "Masters of the Universe"! And who better to join us than the NEW ORKO himself, GRIFFIN NEWMAN (Blank Check pod, The Tick, Masters of the Universe: Revelation). We discuss John Williams Rip Off Scores! He-Man's not even the star! Langella Love! Petty George Lucas! Kids love Billy Barty! Poor Pig Boy! “Guess you should have avoided The Noid”! And SO much more. Even a lil' "spoiler-free" tidbit about the new Masters of the Universe coming to Netflix. Good journey, Cannon Canon listeners! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate & review us!

This week on Must Have Seen TV, Brett talks to Frank Garcia-Hejl (Shudder's Scare Package, The Cannon Canon, The Smashing Pumpkast) about the Munsters episode "Will Success Spoil Herman Munster?" Herman gets a hit single! The Munsters squash Herman's dream! Eddie's right—tape recorders are fun!Please rate and review the show in Apple Podcasts, and you can follow the podcast on Twitter and Instagram at @MustHaveSeenTV. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Writer, actor, director, and podcaster Frank Garcia-Hejl joins hosts Jon Colomb and Bill Posley to pitch a sequel to the 1996 horror/comedy, "The Frighteners".  You can see Frank right now in the film he co-wrote and co-starred in, "Scare Package" on the Shudder Network. Check out Frank's other work, including the podcast "The Cannon Canon", at his website http://www.frankgarciahejl.com/. And give him a follow on twitter at @frankgarciahejl and instagram @frankgarciahejl. If you like the show, please rate and review on iTunes! It really helps the show. You can follow us on Instagram (@sequelsrevenge) and on Twitter (@sequelsrevenge).

HOT DOG!!! On this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get Stockholm Syndrome watching 1986's FIREWALKER starring Chuck "Molasses 2x4" Norris, Lou "Iron Eagle" Gossett Jr and Melody "Flash! AH, AH!" Anderson. So much to cover in this adventure, action-comedy! Shockingly short production turnaround times! Misleading Fonts! "Dead People Sleeping"! Stomped on Comedic Timing! Paul Rodriguez Punch Ups! Moving Eye Patches and Problematic Catch-All Casting! If the gold isn't here, then it's somewhere else! But it's all gold on The Cannon Canon, baby!!! Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

GAWAINNNNN!!! On this episode of The Cannon Canon, special guest Jon Gabrus (High & Mighty, Action Boyz) joins the Cannon Bros to discuss a Cannon take on an Arthurian legend...kind of...maybe??? Whatever it is, it's certainly, "Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight". From sex witches turn ceramic frogs, to floppy horned unicorns to Sean Connery's green chest hair, just try to keep up with a plot so needlessly complicated that it would confuse a 4th level Dungeon Master. We cover SO much that we forgot to even mention that crazy detached Connery head! To quote Friar Vosper, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

Dog will hunt! Today on The Cannon Canon, Michael Berdan (Uniform) joins the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank & Geoff) to debate the good, the bad, and the repetitive of 1986's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2! Lefty rejects redemption, bodies from the first film used like furniture and muppets, Bill Moseley turns Geoff's stomach, Frank gets homesick for Texas, the impracticality of chainsaws as weapons and SO much more! OH, OUR ACHIN' BANANA! What an episode! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

EEEEVVVVIIILLLLL! Use your Mom's red stockings as a mask and take some giant pills, because The Cannon Canon bros (aka Frank and Geoff) are back and breaking down the "Punk"/"New Wave" "holiday" horror film New Year's Evil! Weirdo sons overcoming nepotism! Accurate representations of the LAPD! Death by weed bag! Colorady! Morose Liquor Store transactions! Punks shuffle loud! Judas Priest takes a nap! Subtle 3 Stooges ADR! Bob Hope lookin' Stan Laurel masks! It's almost as good as the main theme which is definitely not punk. All that don't mean doodly dee squat if you miss out on this one! You're in sh*# city. Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon Please rate and review us!

DUDIKOFF BABY! The Cannon Canon bros get into our first American Ninja and our first Michael Dudikoff film. That's right. He's American...and a ninja?! We go through it all! Dudikoff's James Dean stares, not so stealthy motorcycle escapes, Jackson's practicality and badassery, ALF's neighbor is HIGHLY flammable and lazer ninja hands?! Listen to this episode and you will finally exclaim "HE IS A NINJA!" Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon

HEY! HEY! HEY! BIM IS THE WAY! Recorded in Dec 2019, Lauren Adams (Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Modern Family, Drunk History) joined The Cannon Canon to talk about the perplexing cocaine meets LSD trip that is THE APPLE! 6 Drafts in 3 weeks! Geoff's earliest film cameo! McPlayPlace Cars! Mispredicting 90's eyebrows. LONG songs about Speed! Stylish translucent suitcases and MORE! Join us as we pile in the sky Impala taking us to musical heaven! Follow us on the socials: Twitter: @thacannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon

Geoff and Frank put the Cannon Canon on pause this week and encourage listeners to open their ears and hearts to other voices. Tune in next week for "The Apple" with guest Lauren Adams. Until then, be safe.

Grab the ratbag! It's a special pandemic episode of The Cannon Canon. Frank and Geoff record from the safety and comfort of their separate homes to discuss the Chuck Norris Regan-hard on action flick MISSING IN ACTION 2! The movie that "honors" Vietnam POWs. The consistent acting style of Chuck Norris! Burning bridges...literally! Mouth Rat commitment! Brooklyn has a chicken BFF! Pantsed in front of Prostitutes! Dictators in wicker chairs! It's all "SO EXTRA!" Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon

Oscar Montoya (Spanish Aquí Presents, Bless the Harts) joins The Cannon Canon to talk about the Andrew McCarthy/Kim Cattrall "comedy" romp MANNEQUIN! We get into it all from burgeoning sexuality, to 80's junkyard fridge panic, to James Spader simply stealing the show! Follow us on the socials! Twitter: @thecannoncanon Instagram: @thecannoncanon

Thank you, Bill Heywatt. Holy cats! We’re back! After what may have been the shortest hiatus in soundcast history! Hello. Welcome. I’m Marc Hershon, this show’s original host, then executive producer, and now sort-of-co-host, for Season 4 of what we’re calling Succotash Shut-In, the Soundcast Stimulus Package. First off, if you’re wondering what’s happened to host Tyson Saner, worry not. He and I have a little chat just a few minutes into the show to fill you in on what our plan is for this crazy, locked-down Season 4. And he will be back every other week – switching off with me, to bring you a fresh batch of Succotash – meaning clips from a wide variety of comedy soundcasts AND also some interviews – each and every week! That’s our plan, anyway. Tyson and I will be doing our part to help fan the flame of soundcasting during these uncertain times, by giving you a place to listen in on a few minutes of some specially curated content. Then it’s up to you to decide if you want to got start downloading full episodes of those shows for your listening enjoyment. You can see how we do and rate us appropriately on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, the Laughable app, and anywhere else fine soundcasts are streamed and or downloaded. Let me tell you what soundcasts we’ll be featuring this episode. We’ve got clips from The Ron Burgundy Podcast, Shooters Gotta Shoot, The Cannon Canon, and the Monster Party soundcast. Plus, somewhere in the middle of all that, I have a quick revisit with Phil Leirness, co-host of the Chillpak Hollywood Hour! (If you’re thinking you just heard from Phil, you’re right – he was the last guest of the last episode of the previous season of Succotash.) This episode is also sponsored by Henderson’s Pants TurtleNeck® Slacks. THE CLIPS The Ron Burgundy PodcastWill Ferrell is now into his second season reprising the role of Ron Burgundy, made famous from the Anchorman movies, in an iHeart Radio production called The Ron Burgundy Podcast. Assisted by his ever-suffering…assistant Carolina Barlow, it seems that Ron may never quite realize that this isn’t actually a radio show. He has frequently has guests on — some real, some fictional — but in a recent episode entitled “From Lassie to Jesus”, he and Carolina have the studio to themselves and Ron is set to tell us about the top 10 people he’d like to meet in heaven. Our clip’s from the top of the show, just because I find Ferrell so funny before he even gets to the premise of the show. Shooters Gotta ShootShooters Gotta Shoot soundcast features comedian Erica Spera and businesswoman Molly DeMellier – both former NCAA athletes who know how to get what they want except, according to the show’s official website, when it comes to men. Telling it like it is, with a generous dollop of humor thrown in, they explore the complicated, frustrating and bizarre realities of dating as headstrong, twenty-something women in New York City. And they have guests! Recently, that included comedian Francis Ellis, whom you can also catch on soundcasts Barstool Sports and BroBible, who came on to discuss the 5 “love languages”. In this clip they’re talking about rings. The Cannon CanonGotta brand new soundcast for you by a couple of UCB’ers, Frank Garcia-Hejl and Geoff Garlock, called The Cannon Canon. No, it’s not about the TV series Cannon, featuring William Conrad as a generously-proportioned PI that ran from 1971-76. Instead, these guys are going to deconstruct every movie that was produced by Cannon Films. They kicked it off with a deep dive into Death Wish II, starring Charles Bronson, and along for the ride is actor pal Noah Segan. Here’s a clip where they get into some of the nit and the grit of the movie. (Considering there are at least 46 more films in the Cannon Canon, these guys are going to be kept busy for about a year if they drop one episode a week.) Monster PartyWe round out this first episode of our 4th season of Succotash with not just a personal favorite, but one of the only soundcasts around that actually likes having me on as a guest: Monster Party! Featuring a quartet of hosts, including comedian, writer, longtime friend of the ‘Tash and a personal pal o’ mine, Matt Weinhold, as well Shawn Sheridan, Larry Strothe, and James Gonis, fine gentlemen all. This show was borne of the hosts’ love for all things horror, sci-fi, fantasy, and all around nerdtastical, conceived when they sat around drinking in a shared hotel room at the San Diego Comic Con many years ago. It’s that same kind of discussion, but in soundcast form. Episodes can run two or three hours, usually with guest, where they proceed to drink and discuss movies and TV shows around various theme. I recently was invited back for my second visit, this time via Zoom thanks to COVID-19, and the theme was Hexes, Spells, and Curses. Here’s how part of that went… ADIOS And that’s it. The first episode of the new season of Succotash Shut-In is complete. Here’s hoping you enjoy the new shorter format, and that you’ll take the time to check out some (if not all) the soundcasts we sampled for you. And same as before, if you ARE a comedy soundcaster and would like us to feature a clip from your show, you can take the initiative and upload a 3 to 5 minute swatch of your program directly to us by going to hightail.com/u/Succotash. We’re looking for a nice sponsor or two to help us offset the costs of production and streaming Succotash so if you know of anyone or ARE anyone who is interested, please contact me directly at m-a-r-c@SuccotashShow.com. We will also likely be putting our PayPal donation button back up soon, a link to our Succotashery for merch, and maybe even a Patreon page. In lieu of donations, and until we meet again, I will remind you to tell your friends about us by simply passing the Succotash! Good-bye. — Marc Hershon

Today the Cannon Canon crew talk to Nate Smith (Red Oaks, There's Johnny, Mixed-ish) to discuss one of the greatest movies in the Cannon filmography IF NOT IN ALL OF FILM. Of course we are talking about Sylvester Stallone's 1986 "Cobra". From garbage bellies to robot photo shoots to deep childhood trauma, we cover it all. Follow us on Twitter @TheCannonCanon and Instagram @thecannoncanon

The Cannon Canon crew talk to special guest Noah Segan (Knives Out, Looper) about all things Charles Bronson and our movie this week, 1982's "DEATH WISH II". From punks, to Zeppelin, and all the Mandom in between, The Cannon Canon goes in deep on Bronson. Follow us on Twitter @TheCannonCanon and Instagram @thecannoncanon

Welcome to the Cannon Canon. In this premier episode aka The Beginning, Frank and Geoff take you through what this podcast is, a slight history of Cannon films and their personal history with Cannon. Be sure to follow on Instagram @TheCannonCanon and on Twitter @TheCannonCanon and email us at thecannoncanon@gmail.com

"You’re next." Serg Beret and Patrick Raissi head out to the (open) secret Kumite with a returning Matthew Reveles. Listen as they discuss the Muscles from Brussels Jean-Claude Van Damme, the Tournament trope in media and the one, the only, Bolo Yeung. Find more episodes and more at filmaweekpodcast.com Follow @filmaweek on Facebook, Instagram & Twitter Follow @sergberet on Instagram & Twitter Follow Patrick Raissi @pachathegreat on Instagram & @HumaneRamblings on Twitter

"BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!" Serg Beret and Patrick Raissi tackle the infamous adaptation of “He-Man“ with 1987’s “Masters of the Universe” alongside special guest Nick Romi, director of “Danger Boys: Punks in Osaka.” Listen as they talk about “So Bad, It’s Good” films (like “Thinner”), possible inspirations for Robert Rodriguez, Gwildor, sweet 80’s hair and Frank Langella killing it as Skeletor on this Thanksgiving Special. Follow Nick Romi @nickromi_films on Instragram Watch “Danger Boys: Punks in Osaka” on Amazon Prime! Visit filmaweekpodcast.com for more episodes and be sure to subscribe for more!

"Sleep tight, sucker." Chuck Norris invades The Cannon Canon with “The Delta Force.” The two hosts, Serg Beret and Patrick Raissi, are joined by Matthew Reveles to battle Robert Forster in brownface, pure American propaganda, Suzukis with rockets, heavy-handed drama and a poor misuse of Steve James.

"Don't worry. A Naked girl is not going to get out of the complex." Vampires are cool, but SPACE VAMPIRES are better (at least if you are Cannon Films). Hosts Serg Beret and Patrick Raissi watch 1985's "Lifeforce" to come face-to-face with a naked Mathilda May. Listen as they discuss Tobe Hooper's directing career, Cardi B's future acting career, the bonkers third act and how Sir Patrick Stewart is Season 2's MVP.

"With a little help, you'll be poppin' and lockin' and breakin' in no time." Host Serg Beret and Patrick Raissi enter crazy cocaine-fueled world of Cannon Films in The Cannon Canon starting with the breakdancing film “Breakin’.” Tomorrow, listen to us talk about Boogaloo Shrimp, Shabba-Doo, pop-n-locking, Sangria stories and Shooter McGavin. Patrick's Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Serg's Rating: 1 out of 5

We're brining our Cannon Canon series to a close with 1985's absolutely awful King Solomon's Mines, a nominal Allan Quatermain adaptation that's really an incredibly inept Indiana Jones rip-off.  Only the Icelandic snacks sent to us by listener Einar Masson get us through the horrors of the movie's 100-minute run time. It commits all the cardinal sins. All of them! You can watch along with us on The Paramount Vault on YouTube.

We're back with another entry in the Cannon Canon, and we're doing it up big with Ninja III: The Domination, a movie that combines ninja action with supernatural horror, with a dash of the 1980s aerobics craze! It is quite an experience. You can watch along on YouTube with us!

We're finally opening up the Cannon Canon this time around, and we're starting off with what ultimately proved to be a bad choice, 1987's Going Bananas, starring Dom DeLuise, Jimmy Walker, a disturbingly adult-like kid and a man in a chimpanzee costume. The chimp talks, folks. It talks. It's awful. And it isn't the only terrible thing about this movie. There's so much more. You can watch along with us on YouTube (while it lasts) if you dare!

The Cannon Canon 11 Runaway TrainJohn and Sean catch a ride on a Cannon Films Classic, Runaway Train from Soviet exile SUPER DIRECTOR Andrey Konchalovskiy. A true hidden gem of a film, please allow our love for it to infect you and get you to watch it!#AndreyKonchalovskiy #CannonFilms

The Cannon Canon 10 The BarbariansThis you can trust! Sean-an The Barbarian and John "Milius" return to cover Ruggero Deodato's The Barbarians. Join us as we enter the realms of high adventure and low budgets.#TheBarbarianBrothers #HolyChrist

It's a Cannon Canon Pro Wrestling Bonus Episode!Road Warrior John and Demolition Sean take a break from covering the oeuvre of Cannon Films to discuss the world of Pro Wrestling in this bonus episode of The Cannon Canon Podcast! We discuss wrestling past and present alongside listing our favourite performers and our most detested!Get in the ring with us for an hour and who knows, maybe you'll finally understand some of the marky in jokes we make throughout the regular episodes!Subscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball!#prowrestling #mark

The Cannon Canon 09 American NinjaAmerica, start your Ninjas! The Cannon Canon team are back to discuss 1985's American Ninja on this most fitting of occasions. Listen as we make really offensive jokes about America during its most patriotic weekend while discussing Michael Dudikoff's turn as a GI called Joe who just happens to be a ninja too. Because thats how Irish people show we like you.Subscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball!#America #Ninja #4thOfJuly

The Cannon Canon 08 Death Wish IIDo you believe in Bronson?We're back on the mean streets to follow Charles Bronson on a kill crazy rampage in the always controversial Death Wish 2! We briefly touch on the original before jumping into the sequel for those of you without context.So join John and Sean as they tell you how awesome Charles Bronson is for two hours, which is not enough time spent lets be fair!#mustache #cockking

The Cannon Canon 07 LifeforceFrom the depths of Space comes Lifeforce a sex vampire zombie tale.John and Sean once again team up to talk through another entry in the Cannon Canon. This time we're covering Tobe Hooper's Lifeforce a spectacular hidden horror gem.Get fun!#CannonFilms #SexVampires

The Cannon Canon 06 Puss in BootsIts time to discuss a Christopher Walken movie, cue some awful Christopher Walken impressions! The Cannon Canon crew, Sean and John aka The Go Go Boys 2000 are back to discuss Christopher Walken's favourite movie Puss In Boots. So sing along was we take another trip back into the ancient past of 1988.#CannonFilms #Walken

The Cannon Canon E05 Enter the NinjaIts finally time for John and Sean to discuss the directorial output of the Cannon Films Cult Leader himself Menahem Golan with 1981's Enter the Ninja. Join us for a journey into the world of the silent assassins who loudly blow up half the Philippines for reasons. Ninja!Subscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball! #CannonFilms #mustache

The Cannon Canon E04 The Last American VirginWe're back again with another discussion of the Cannon Films Canon! Join John and Sean as they trawl though the highs and lows of the 80s teen comedy classic The Last American Virgin. Featuring two men trying to talk about teen pregnancy! Awkwardness ensues!The Last American VirginSubscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball! #CannonFilms #kino

The Cannon Canon Podcast E03 BoleroSean and John return at last to discuss the cinematic crime that is 1984's Bolero. Join us as we scrape the bottom of the barrel and hopefully come up with some kino conversational gold!BoleroSubscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball! #CannonFilms #kino

The Cannon Canon Podcast E02 Breakin'John and Sean are back to pop and lock their way through 88 minutes of kinetic kino with a sick soundtrack. Thats right, we're jumping into Breakin' the 1984 mega hit from Cannon Films. So join us for a proper street talkin' take on a story about a girl with 80's hair and an array of leotards as she attempts to break it to make it!Subscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball! #CannonFilms

“Its time to die!" – Matt HunterIts also time for episode one of the Cannon Canon Podcast! Join John and his friend on their first foray into the back catalogue of the studio that was the beating heart of 80's cinema, Cannon Films!Every fortnight two men who worship at the altar of Golan-Globus, John and Sean will select a new volume from the Cannon Canon and discuss it at length. Cannon films were all about FUN, and that's what we aim to bring here in spades.In episode one we discuss the Chuck Norris 1985 vehicle “Invasion U.S.A.", which follows a one man army named Matt Hunter who feels somewhat strongly about a bunch of terrorists invading his homeland.So buckle up, groom your best beard and get ready for your earballs to be invaded by maximum force conversation!Subscribe to all the great podcasts in the Giant Media Ball Website calendar! Giant media Ball Podcast Collection in iTunes, GMB Facebook and GMB on Twitter. Spread the word, spread the Media Ball! #CannonFilms

Heather eats pickled herring and helps children. Image: Flickr - katmary: https://www.flickr.com/photos/katmary/5227747833