I'm Heather and I'm here to talk about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home-study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption and so much more.
IN THIS EPISODE, SAMI + HEATHER CHAT ABOUT: How her heart changed from not wanting kids to adopting two The role that money played in her adoption journey How much adoption really costs The various ways to fund an adoption Various types of adoption (private agency, international adoption, independent, foster care, and special needs.) Open vs. Closed adoption Advice for future adoptive parents Words of encouragement for women wanting to pursue their dreams. RESOURCES MENTIONED: Sami's Amazing Course: https://your-sunny-money-method.teachable.com/p/your-sunny-money-method-basic?affcode=135827_hkiu-ez5 Funding Adoption Guide: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/product/raising-funds-for-adoption-guide-freebie/
Ep 26: This is Us The importance of owning your adoption story and how to do it with confidence.
Ep 25: 5 Tips for Vacationing with Kids
Adoption Baby Shower Ideas Show Notes Here: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/10-baby-shower-theme-ideas-for-adoptive-moms/
Adoption Preferences: What You Need to Know
An Interview with my 4 and 5-year-old. No show notes for this one. You'll just have to listen in ;)
Show Notes Episode 20 In this Episode Heather discusses: Personal thoughts on adoption Encouraging adoption quotes Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/adoption-101 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, friends. Welcome to Episode 20 of the for the love of adoption show. How am I already on episode 20? I have no idea. Today, I'm just going to kind of talk about adoption, not my normal episode where I'm talking about tips or just different things. Today, I just want to talk about some different things on my heart about adoption. So last weekend, we got to spend an awesome time with our kids birth mom and her daughter and her family. It was incredible. We went to a waterpark. They were celebrating our kiddos birth mom's daughter's 10th birthday. She invited us and we were like Absolutely. And I was so glad that we went and spent that time it was. It was wonderful. We spent the night there. And it was just so many great memories. She wants us to come again in the future. And we plan to invite her to our kids parties. And it was just awesome. It was just such a special time of bonding time. I loved seeing my kids with her. I just love that they know their story. I love that they know where they came from, and that she loves them and that she made the decision she made out of love and that they get to grow up and know her just means so much to us. So that's something that's on my heart. Something else I just want to talk about is kind of some of the stuff that being an adoptive mom has been like what are some of the differences and maybe being an adoptive mom versus biological mom. So one thing in the beginning, there is so much paperwork. Oh my gosh, one of the funny little sayings that I loved when we were in the process was “no morning sickness so far, but the paper cuts are horrible.” I will say though, that once the paperwork is done and you bring your baby home, that waiting period that the birth mom has to change your mind. it can feel intense. You're caring for your babies every need from the day you bring them home and you worry about them and you love them like any parent. And imagining that they can be taken back as hard. Although the truth is that that's rare, the thoughts still there. And that's a pretty big deal. Another thing about being an adoptive mom is like I was mentioning earlier how we spent last weekend with our kids birth mom and her family, there's extra people to love. That's one huge difference in my mind that makes adoptive moms different. We now care for an extra person, our child, but then also the birth mother or maybe the birth parents or maybe extended family on their side with open adoption. And no that's not the case for everyone. But it is becoming more and more common. And this makes me happy. When we first started the adoption process. I absolutely could not imagine an open adoption. I knew I was going to prefer closed. But the more I learned about open adoption and how it was generally better for everyone involved, especially the child I became more open to the idea this person was going to change our lives forever by choosing us. Why wouldn't we want to know her and have her be a part of our lives. No one else is ever going to give you a gift like this. In my opinion. It's an absolute honor to have her as a part of our lives. We love having the privilege of knowing her and spending time with her. There are plenty of extra people to love. Another thing that stands out is unexpected disappointments come up. Adoption is not easy. Not only is there tons of paperwork, training, fundraising, there's also disappointments when you find out that your profile was shown but you weren't chosen again. Or you plan a meeting with your child's birth mom but it falls through. Also the actual adoption finalization that can be a bit anti climatic. I've seen adoption finalization that happened at court with pictures and celebrations that followed. Ours involved getting a letter in the mail. Don't misunderstand, we were so excited we will receive that adoption finalization letter! But it wasn't exactly what we were expecting as far as a finalization celebration, although we did make our own little celebration after that so it worked out. Another thing with being an adoptive mom is just unexpected emotions. I can still remember that day we walked in and we met our children's birth mom, I had no idea at that moment how much I would care for her. A lot of people don't seem to get this or just how we could be comfortable having such a relationship with her. But some people do get it. And you're not probably gonna get it if you're not in this adoption world. If you're not someone that's adopted and has an open adoption, it's probably not going to make sense. And that's okay. Other adoptive parents with close adoptions have told me that they're jealous of our open adoption, that they wish they had that. I'm thankful that we do. Here's the thing, our children's birth, mom and us share a love for these sweet children. That's something really special with open adoption. I'm honored to have this amazing extra person in our lives. We're blessed to be our kids parents. And she's the reason that that's even the case. Another thing, explaining I love adoption, and I'm passionate about it. So I actually love questions and enjoy talking about it. And I don't always intend to tell strangers and acquaintances that we adopted. But I end up telling pretty much everyone because I love it. I'm proud of it. I could get away with telling no one because my kids look like me. Everyone comments on that, even birth mom and her family. But I'm too passionate not to talk about it when I have the time. Plus, maybe somebody is interested in adoption, and I can help them. And that matters to me. Let's be honest, adoption can be overwhelming, right? In sometimes when you're thinking about adoption, when you're considering it. You just need to know where to start. You just need to know, what do I do? Like, how do I figure this out? And what are the basics of what I need to know? Can somebody just tell me the basics? Well, I have put together an eight page guide, that is adoption 101. It talks about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt adoption terms, how to find adoption support, which is very important. Adoption costs, which we all need to know right? The steps to take to adopt books to read about adoption, and even talking to your child about adoption. This is a jam packed eight page guide, that really we'll just lay out the basics for you. Because again, adoptions overwhelming it is I get it. And sometimes we just need to be able to see something that kind of just talks us through okay, what do I do? And what do I need to know. That's why I created this this eight page guide, I spent a lot of time on to really fill it with what I thought was the most important things you need to know to consider adoption and just get started. If you decide it's right for you, you can get this completely free. Just go to for the love of adoption.com. And scroll to the middle of the homepage, you will see an image that says adoption 101. Because look, if adoptions on your heart, I believe that calling is there for a reason. And this eight page guide can just help break things down and help you get started. So make sure you go grab that today. Just overall, I know that adoption is a heavy topic. It is not all rainbows and unicorns, right? And although I talk about it in a more positive light than some, it's because I believe that we get to choose what we focus on. And we know adoption is hard. We know it involves tragedy. But that's not where I'm going to focus. I'm not going to dwell on that. We chose adoption so we're going to make the most of it. We're going to love our kids, we're going to let them know their story. We're not going to hide things from them, we're going to be honest with them, we're going to love their birth mom the best we can because she chose us. She picked us. I mean, that's pretty cool. I would never want to deprive her of a relationship with them. So like I've said before, for as long as they can have a healthy relationship with her, we are all for it. We love it. So anyway, today was just a little bit different on this 20th episode. Just wanted to share some of my thoughts on adoption, some of the funny things that you go through when you choose to embark on an adoption journey. But most of all, just to say, yes, adoption is hard, but it's amazing. I wouldn't change how we built our family. And I love that I get to help encourage others. I also just want to leave you with some adoption quotes. I love inspirational quotes. And there's just something about finding a quote that just really speaks to you that I think is just so powerful. And I have some of my favorite adoption quotes here. So I thought you might enjoy hearing some of these. “I hold my daughter in my arms arms and I thank God for bringing her to me. If the standard route for creating a family at work for me, I wouldn't have met this child. I needed to know her. I needed to be your mother. I know now why all those events happened or didn't happen so I can meet this little girl she is in every way my daughter I am carrying my funny gift from God and all is good.” That is from Nia Vardalos. Instant mom is the name of the book. Another one from her “Because now I know what I've been waiting for. I know exactly why the other processes didn't work. I know I was supposed to wait for this little girl. “ “Indeed, for all of us who are believers our present circumstances and futures aren't defined by our past. Our identities are found in Christ alone, as believers in Christ were adopted into God's family. Adoption. It's a beautiful thing.” That's from Kelly Rosati. Wait no more one family's amazing adoption journey. Here's a funny one I love. “I have four children two are adopted, I forget which two.” That's from Bob Constantine. And if I'm mispronouncing any of these names, which I'm sure I am please forgive me. “A son or daughter in any human family is either born to or adopted by the parents. By definition a child can't be both but with God were both born of him and adopted by him.” Jerry bridges in Holiness Day by Day Transformational Thoughts for your Spiritual Journey.” “Adoption has the dimension of connection not only to your own tribe, but beyond widening the scope of what constitutes love ties and family. It's a larger embrace. By adopting we stretch past our immediate circles and by reaching out via an unexpected sense of belonging to others.”That's Isabella Rossellini. I love that quote because again, it takes me back to that connection we have to our kids biological family. “ Adoption was a bumpy ride, very bumpy, but God was it worth the fight.” Mariska Hargitay “I think adoptions a blessing all around when it's done right.” Hugh Jackson “My birth mother brought me into this world but it was my adoptive parents who gave me life.” Christina Roma “Time and experience have taught me a priceless lesson, any child you take for your own becomes your own if you give of yourself to that child. I have born two children and have seven others by adoption and they're all my children equally beloved and precious.” Dale Evans. “Somehow destiny comes into play.These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical.” Nicole Kidman “By choice we've become a family first in our hearts in finally and breath and being. Great expectations are good, great experiences are better.” Richard Fisher “My life has been shaped by the decision two people made over 24 years ago, they decided to adopt a child they got me and I got a chance at the kind of life all children deserve.” Karen Fowler in Reflections on Motherhood. “Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins know this. It's the same. The feeling of love is so profound. It's incredible and surprising.” And that again is Nia Vardalos from Instant Mom. So anyway, guys, I just wanted to chat about adoption a little bit, share some thoughts, share these quotes. I hope this was just an encouraging little episode for you today. And I'll end this 20th episode with a little quote of my own, “I believe that if adoption is on your heart, it was put there for a reason, and that regardless of any obstacles that seem to be in your way, it will become a part of your story, if you trust and take the next step.” Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 18 In this Episode Heather discusses: 10 Ways to make the most of your adoption wait Adoption Books Budgeting course Adoption Fundraising Ideas Adoption Hospital Checklist Adoption Grants Links Mentioned: Adoption Waiting Guide: https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/6753904f02 Main Site: fortheloveofadoption.com Books for kids: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/adoption-books/ Books for Parents: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/adoption-books-for-parents/ Hospital Checklist: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/hospital-checklist/ Grants: https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/grant-options 10 Tips: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/10-tips/ Fundraising Ideas: https://fortheloveofadoption.com/adoption-fundraising/ Budgeting Course: https://your-sunny-money-method.teachable.com/p/your-sunny-money-method-basic?affcode=135827_hkiu-ez5 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, and welcome to episode 18 of the For the Love of Adoption Show. Today, I am going to be talking about 10 ways to wait well for your adoptive child. The truth is there is no perfect way to wait for your adoptive child because when you're passionate about something and you have to wait for it, the wait is often hard. It's okay to be where you are and feel what you feel. And the good news is there are things that you can do to make the most of the wait and to really live fully in the in between. Specifically, today I'm going to go over 10 tips to help with the wait. But before we look at those, I just want to talk about some important things to keep in mind. First of all, decide right now to trust God's timing. I know that this is easier said than done, I really do. But if you're a Christian, don't lose sight of the fact that God has already handpicked the child for you. And in the case of open adoption, he knows the impact and love that only you can share with your future child's birth mom or birth parents. Therefore, you can't get that call that results in permanent placement until that child is conceived. Think of this waiting time before your child comes as a valuable preparation time. Although it's hard, especially if you are waiting years to adopt, this time of waiting can serve as a valuable time you're never going to have again. Consider how you can make the most of it and believe that the trials you're facing during this time are helping to prepare you to be an even better parent to your future child. Use this opportunity to talk to other adoptive parents to learn what they wish they'd known before adopting. Now let's look at 10 practical tips for waiting adoptive parents. We're going to talk about ideas to make the most of this time. Number one, read or listen via audiobook to books to help you along on your journey as an adoptive parent. When your child finally arrives readings probably not going to be the first thing on your mind. So don't miss this opportunity to read and prepare for parenthood. If you're not big into sitting down and reading again, audio books are an awesome option. I'll put a link in the show notes for some book recommendations in case you just aren't sure what to read, this will give you some ideas. Number two, pray for your adoptive child and their birth parents. This in between time is a powerful time for prayer. For some help knowing what to pray, there's a few books that I can recommend. One's called Praying Through Your Adoption, another is Tandem a Devotional for Adopting with God in the Lead. Another great book is Praying Circles Around Your Children. I love that one. And another is Let us Pray. Number three, join a positive adoption group or just get involved in some way with others that are going through the adoption process or have gone through the adoption process. Getting involved in a group with others on the same journey as you, or those who've already been down this road, can be an incredible way to grow during the waiting process. There's really a lot to be learned from those who have gone before you and this can be an excellent way to talk through your feelings, ask questions and just get some extra advice and support. One thing I do want to note here is please be careful that the groups you choose or the people you choose to associate with are positive. Sometimes adoption groups deteriorate into more of a gripe session than a supportive community. It's easy for this to happen because a lot of times people are frustrated because they're waiting so long, but avoid this negativity at all cost. This is a time to surround yourself with positivity and support. And be sure that you remember when interacting with others that you have an opportunity to be a light to them. Number four, take advantage of this time with your spouse or family. If this will be your first child, you might be so excited about growing your family that you could almost overlook this opportunity. But don't. This is an excellent opportunity to soak up some great time with your spouse and connect to your family. This time next year, your family might be bigger, but for now focus on those closest to you. Number five, do something for yourself. If there's something that you've been meaning to do, but you just haven't gotten around to it, this is an excellent time to consider doing it. Maybe there's a new hobby you'd like to start or a fun book series you'd love to read. Either way, this is a great time to stay busy with things that fuel you. Number six, I wish I had done this, keep a journal. Getting your feelings out on paper or video of preferred can be a great way to process during the waiting period. You can use this as a private space to voice whatever you need, including your frustrations. But try not to dwell there. Another idea that I absolutely love is to make a keepsake for your future child. In this case, you can share your hopes and dreams, your prayers for your child. And once your child is old enough, you can give it to them. This is something that I wish I had done so much that I've created a journal for waiting parents that you can find on my site. Hi, friends, I'm so excited to finally be able to share this with you. I have created an adoption journal for waiting families, this is going to be a keepsake. It's a place to fill with thoughts and reflections while you wait for your child. It is full of encouraging adoption quotes, as well as scriptures. Every month is going to give you a place to put your prayer for your future child that month with a new question. And these questions are set up in a way that this could absolutely be a keepsake that you give to your child later. Look, the adoption waits hard, but you're not going to get this opportunity again to make the most of this time. And this is one way that you can absolutely take in this time and write down things from your heart that you can later show your child that are going to be on your mind and heart in a certain way now that are so special to share. So again, I've created this to be not something that's overwhelming, where you have something extra you have to do every day. It is a monthly journal, meaning that each month there's going to be a new encouraging adoption, quote, there's going to be a new scripture, there's going to be a place to put a prayer for your future child for that month. And there's going to be a new question each month, a question structured in a way that it's going to be something that's going to be really awesome to be able to share with your child one day. This is talking about maybe a 15 minute time investment per month on something that's going to encourage you and going to be something so special to share with your child. I made this completely fillable so if you don't want to have to print it, you do not have to. I know you're going to love this. I'm so excited to finally be able to share this with you. It was a labor of love and something that I wish that I had had when we were in this stage because we're busy and we want our heart to be in the right place. But we don't need this to take but so much time. It's not necessary for it to take a lot of time to really just share your heart and to keep you encouraged. So you can find this at fortheloveofadoption.com. I know this is going to help keep you encouraged during your adoption wait. And that is what my heart is to help you stay encouraged during this time. Because I know it's hard. And even more importantly, it's going to give you something amazing to share with your child one day. So again, fortheloveofadoption.com Go check it out today. I'm so glad I finally have it out here and can share it with you. Number seven, buy some fun things for your future child. Have some fun shopping occasionally for clothes, toys, books. It can help you just stay excited even when the wait seems long. This does not mean you need to go crazy spending all kinds of money. But picking up a little something from time to time can just make the wait see more enjoyable. I know when we were waiting, I would just go check the clearance racks of the baby clothes because we knew we're adopting an infant. And I would just get something every now and then and it just made it seem real. I did that for years, for years and it just kept the dream alive. As far as something else you can buy if you want to start building a collection of adoption books that can be an excellent thing to do. I'll include a list of recommended adoption books in the show notes. Another fun thing you can do if you're adopting an infant is get a hospital bag together For some ideas on what to pack, I'll include a link in the show notes. Number eight, prepare your home clean. Organize and purge your house, also known as nesting. Your primary focus won't be cleaning and organizing once your child comes home. But this is a great time to get your house in order. Get some baby- toddler proofing in place. And if you're adopting a young child, you'll feel less overwhelmed knowing that everything is just clean and fresh. Number nine, find a pediatrician. This is a great time to ask for recommendations from friends or make calls until you find someone you feel comfortable with. If you're adopting a newborn, you'll likely be asked for the pediatrician's name at the hospital so they know where to send the records. So, it can just go a long way in helping you feel more prepared if you've already selected a doctor. At that point, you'll also want to ask if they accept your insurance. Confirm they're accepting new patients. And just get all of those types of things out of the way. Number 10. Apply for adoption grants or fundraise. It is not too late to get funds together for your adoption, or to get your own money a bit more in order. This waiting period is a prime time to apply for adoption grants. For a list of some of my most recommended adoption grants, I'll put a link in the show notes that you can take a look. And if you'd like an overall list of fundraising ideas, you can find that on my site as well. And if you have debt, this is a great time to work on paying things off. Because the truth is a child is going to add expenses to your life. So even if you just tackle some small debts, it's a great time to knock some things out. I'll include a link to a budgeting course that I absolutely love in the show notes as well. But when all else fails, remind yourself that in the end, you will have your child in your arms. And when that happens, you'll know exactly why you had to wait. And you'll fully understand just how worthwhile all the ups and downs were. And, for just one last little bit of encouragement, I want to share just a tiny piece of an email I received just a couple of days ago that made what I do so worth it. This is from an amazing woman that I've had the privilege of speaking to over the last year, maybe. “ I can't believe it's finally happened for us. I remember attending your zoom call back in September, October, and you said to everyone, you will adopt your baby, it will happen for all of you. And when you said that, I started to really believe it would happen. I guess through all the heartache and sadness we had to endure it really truly was all in God's perfect timing. I can't even thank you enough for being such an important part of helping me through some really tough days. It really meant so much to me to have someone to just communicate with that can understand my feelings.” When I received that email guys, that just meant so much. Just to know that I can be a little part of anyone else's adoption story, their adoption journey, just a little bit of an encouragement means so much to me. That is literally why I do this. It is why I spend some weekends away, usually one weekend away every six weeks or so, recording podcast episodes away from my family, because I believe that the people that need to hear what I'm talking about will find this and will hear it and in some way it will help them in their adoption journey. And to me that is so worth it. So I really hope that this was an encouragement to those of you in the waiting stage. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 17 In this Episode Heather discusses: 5 Ways to Bond with Your Adopted Child Adoption Children's book recommendations Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://fortheloveofadoption.com/adoption-books/ Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello friends, welcome to episode 17 of the For the Love of Adoption Show. Today I am going to talk about adoption attachment and specifically five ways to bond with your adopted child. So, when you decide to adopt a child, you probably can't imagine anything other than just instant attachment once you hold your child in your arms, and as amazing as it is when attachment happens quickly and naturally, it is okay if that isn't your story, it's more than okay, it's normal. The good news is that regardless of the natural level of attachment that does, or does not, happen there are things that you can do to encourage a healthy bond between you and your child right from the beginning. So, before we get into the five specific ways to foster attachment with your child, I'm going to go over some important things to keep in mind. First of all, just breathe and give yourself time. With a pregnancy, many women grow attached as the baby grows within them. But honestly, even many biological mothers have issues attaching to their child. And in both cases, it's often a process of falling in love over time, rather than love at first sight. And that is okay. If you're telling yourself you have to be head over heels in love with your child in a certain amount of time, that's just putting so much unnecessary pressure on yourself. So, give yourself some grace. And honestly, if your child is more challenging, give yourself some extra grace. I will tell you from experience, it is easier to feel “all the feels” toward a child that barely cries and sleeps through the night at three months old than one that still wakes you up multiple times in the middle of the night when they're over a year old. But here's the thing, the child you'll end up with or that you already have is the child you're meant to have. Maybe they're in your life to teach you something, maybe you're exactly what they need, but most likely it's both. So, if it takes a little while to feel the love, that's okay. If you have to fake it till you make it. It's okay. The attachment and the love is going to come. But if it takes some time, don't worry about it. Just do your best to nurture this little child the best you can because the simple act of caring for someone incapable of caring for themselves that will build upon itself over time and create a level of attachment. Also remember this, you get to choose; the Greek word that is translated as receive means to take, to grasp to seize, receive as well as to take to oneself something or someone. The opposite of receiving something is to reject it. So, you have a choice. Your choice is to receive this child that God has placed in your life regardless of feeling or to reject them. By receiving them, you're not only honoring God. You're also setting yourself up for the best he has for you. He would not have called you to adoption in place this specific child in your life if it wasn't what he intended for you. Now let's look at five practical ways to encourage attachment between you and your child. Number one, do not underestimate physical touch. Hold your child. With an infant enjoy skin on skin contact and invest in a good baby carrier. With older children keep them close by holding hands or putting your arm around them, carry your child to bed or in from the car, play piggyback, cuddle and rock. My daughter is five and there is still no doubt that physical touch is one of her love languages. She's happiest when she's attached to me in some way. It's sweet, and I'm so glad she has that level of attachment to me even though at times I need my space as an introvert. But I believe at least part of the reason she's this way is that I always held and snuggled her as much as I could. Number two, play with your child. Children love to play. It helps their development and their social skills. But more importantly, it helps with bonding. You're speaking their love language when you play. With an infant, this can be something simple like shaking a rattle or a stuffed toy for them or just laying on the floor with them. And for toddlers, it can be a simple game of blocks, playdough, a game of catch. Don't overthink it. They're just happy to play with you. And if they're old enough to make a certain request, play what they want to play. Remember this though, you do not have to play for hours on end for this to help with bonding. Even just a few minutes a day goes a long way to help build attachment. I know my daughter would play ponies with me all day if I could. And I can't and honestly, it's not something I want to do for long periods of times. I try my best to take those times with her to sit down and play even if it's not something that I'm really interested in. Because it's important to her. She loves that time with me and it helps with bonding. Number three, look at your child. Eye contact helps establish an emotional connection and when you take the time to look at your child, this helps you learn them. It helps you form a bond. A mutual gaze is a form of communication. It helps them learn that you're the one caring for them, and it helps them start building trust. Number four, read to your child. Reading to your child gets them used to your voice. When a child's adopted, this is a wonderful way to get them familiar with your voice. A recent study in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics found that reading to babies in the NICU can help parents develop the same feelings of intimacy that parents have healthy newborns cultivate in the days and weeks after a baby's birth. So that's a big deal. It doesn't matter what books you read your baby. The idea is really that they're consistently hearing your voice and starting to learn that you're the one caring for and loving them. Of course, if you have an older child that you've adopted, read books that they enjoy, because then they're going to be more tuned in. If you do need ideas for great books to read to adopted children of all ages, I'll put a link in the show notes. Number five, sing to your child. This also revolves around your child hearing your voice. And it helps build the bond between you and your child. Singing to your child can improve their mood. And if it's an infant, that's going to also help with feeding and sleeping. And this all contributes to growth and development. And the good news is that your child loves the sound of your voice. Whether you consider yourself a good singer or no. Even my five year old daughter's yet to judge me when I'm off key and hitting all the wrong notes. And then a bonus tip. Say I love you as much as you can. You can never say it too much. Remember, God didn't put this child in your life by mistake. This child is 100% yours even if you don't feel like it yet, look into their eyes, look at their sweet little hands, smell their sweet little head and realize that by the grace of God, they're yours. Whether you feel it or not, they're yours. Just keep caring for them the best you can. The rest will come. You waited as long as it took to adopt. So don't beat yourself up if you have to wait to feel attachment. God is faithful to His promises. He says that whoever receives one such child in my name receives me. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 16 In this Episode Heather discusses: 5 Adoption Grants How to afford adoption Funding Adoption Guide Show Hope Grant Gift of Adoption Grant Help us Adopt Grant Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://fortheloveofadoption.com/product/raising-funds-for-adoption-guide-freebie/ https://showhope.org/our-work/adoption-aid/ https://giftofadoption.org/ https://www.helpusadopt.org/ https://www.achildwaits.org/ https://www.jscfoundation.org/ Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, friends. Welcome to Episode 16 of the for the love of adoption show. So last week, I talked about different fundraising ideas for your adoption. So I decided that this week, I would dive into five specific adoption grants that you might want to take a look at. Now, you may want to grab pen and paper so you can take some notes as I go over these. But I will also put the links to these in the show notes. If you've been around for a minute, you know that I talk about adoption grants a lot. And the reason is because it was the difference in us being able to adopt. It made such a huge impact in us raising our funds for our adoptions. It was the majority of how we raised the money for our adoptions. So, when it comes to the cost of adoption, most of us could use a little, or a lot, of financial help and adoption grants can help make your adoption dreams a reality, they definitely made a huge difference for us. So, I'm going to talk about five different adoption grants today. And if this list isn't enough, it's okay. I have more referenced on my site more in my Funding Adoption Guide that you can find. But this should be a good start for you. Some of the grants I discovered after we adopted, I wish I'd known about them from the beginning. But I'm happy that I found them, and I can share them with you. Remember, before we dive in, please keep in mind that organizations that offer grants have limited funds. Not everyone who applies for grants will receive one. Even if you don't receive it don't get discouraged. There are other grants to apply for. We didn't get every single one we applied for. And if you are going to apply for grants, take your time and do exactly directed by the grant organization. Failing to complete the application in the way they ask or leaving out requested documents and information can disqualify you altogether. And they'll move on to someone that has filled out the application correctly. But I promise it's not that hard. I successfully applied for and received a few. Well, I applied for more than we received. But we successfully received a few and that contributed 1000s of dollars toward our adoptions. And if I can do it, so can you. It's important to note that most organizations that offer grants require that you have a completed and approved home study before applying for financial assistance. Now that shouldn't keep you from going ahead and learning about these different grants if you're not there yet, because you want to have this information ready to go when you're at that stage. I started researching grants well before we were at that point, and it helped tremendously once we were ready to apply. If you do receive a grant, the funds are typically payable to the recipients licensed adoption agency or lawyer for any outstanding or future expenses. Many times the funds will just be sent directly to the agency. Okay, so let's dive in to some specific grants. Show Hope. Show Hope is near and dear to my heart. The founder of this grant, Steven Curtis Chapman is the reason I became so interested in adoption because after attending one of his concerts where he highlighted adoption, I just knew that was how we were going to build our family. As of the date of this recording, the current adoption aid grant application deadline is March 31 2022. But if you're listening after that, it's okay. Just go to their site and see what the current adoption aid grant application deadline is so you'll know. Some of the things to know about Show Hope. According to their site the applications completed after you've successfully submitted your application and all references and documents are submitted. And your application date is the date you complete the application and submit it to Show Hope. If a portion of your application or references aren't complete, you'll be moved to the next deadline. So that's why I'm saying really double check what you're filling out and make sure that you're doing it as they're requesting. You'll receive notification of the outcome of your application by mail. And last I checked; they said the processing could take a minimum of 90 days after the application deadline. Also, last I checked; the Show Hope Grant average was around $5,000. I can still remember getting that letter in the mail saying we were selected for a grant from Show Hope and it was such an awesome moment. And just a great demonstration of God's provision in our choice to follow his calling to adopt. Show Hope realizes that one of the primary barriers standing between waiting children and families is the cost associated with adoption. They're passionate about breaking that barrier down and helping children come home. They've helped more than 7900 kids come home to their forever families, so I would absolutely recommend checking them out. The second one I want to talk about is Gift of Adoption. Gift of Adoption is another grant that worked out really well for us. According to their site, they're the largest provider of adoption grants awarded without regard to race, religion, age, marital status, or sexual orientation. Grants of up to $15,000 are awarded monthly to qualified applicants to remove the financial barriers and make adoption possible. There is no application deadline, so families are invited to apply anytime after completing their home study but before adoption, finalization. Also they help with domestic and international. With gift of adoption, they do have some priorities for domestic adoption. The priority is to award grants that help keep children who are at risk of entering the foster care system from entering the foster care system. They also want to unite biological siblings or prevent them from being separated. And for international adoption, the priority is to award grants that unite or preserve biological siblings, prevent a child from aging out of the orphanage system, prevent special needs children from becoming institutionalized, and facilitate the placement of a child with a life threatening medical condition who will not receive proper care until adopted. You can check out more information on their site. Again, it's Gift of Adoption, and you'll find the link in the show notes. Look, I absolutely understand how intimidating the cost of adoption can be. When we first started considering adoption, the cost is what almost made us turn away. But I knew that I had to figure this out. I had to find a way for us to be able to make this happen. So I spent so much time, years, figuring out how we could fund our adoption. I do not want you to have to spend that much precious time getting this one aspect of adoption figured out. So out of all of that research I did, I have created a funding adoption guide. It is over 20 pages long. It includes fundraising ideas, recommended adoption grants, loan options, budgeting resources and more. And just to give you a little feedback from others, Sherry said raising funds for adoption by Heather is an easy-to-read practical guide for those who have a heart for adoption, but may be hesitant to move forward due to lack of finances. This is a must read for those desiring to turn their dream of adopting a child and becoming parents into a reality. Information that took a few years to glean all laid out in this one resource. It will truly give you a jumpstart in your own adoptive journey. Tammy said the information contained in this book is invaluable. There are so many different ways to raise funds and grants that are available. The author has shared these because of her passion for adoption. And then finally Dawn said she used to work for an adoption agency and that this is such a needed topic. It was so heartbreaking to see people not be able to adopt because of the cost. So look, guys, I get it. The cost can be extremely expensive and intimidating. And it can be what keeps you from moving forward. Do not let that be what keeps you from moving forward. This guide will help you get moving if funding adoption is what's holding you back. To check it out, go to fortheloveofadoption.com and then “Shop” at the top of the page and then look for the Raising Funds for Adoption Guide. I'm here to support you in your adoption journey. And I know that cost is a big aspect of that for so many. So, I'm excited to hear how this helps you. The next one I want to talk about is Help Us Adopt. Help Us Adopt is a national 501 C financial grant program that helps couples individuals regardless of ethnicity, gender, marital status, race, religion or sexual orientation with the cost of their adoptions and, they award grants up to $20,000. They support domestic, International and foster care adoptions and they don't charge the applicants to apply. According to their site, since 2007 they've awarded 478 adoption grants totaling over $4 million. Number four, A Child Waits Foundation. They offer adoption grants and adoption loans for international and domestic adoption. They're accepting applications right now for 2022. As of the time of this recording, their programs are active, their processes ongoing, and families are welcome to apply at any time throughout the year and at any stage of their adoption after they've completed their home study. On their site. It says that they've helped 2,050 families to adopt more than 2,600 children. Their mission is to promote the international and domestic adoption of children who are currently living without the love and security of a permanent family, and to support domestic adoption of babies by offering grants and loans to help with the cost of adoption. You can find more information about them on their site. But it does say that COVID has had a negative impact on both international and domestic adoptions. But they are helping people still during this time complete their adoptions. The fifth one I want to talk about today is the JSC Foundation. They have a few application deadlines, January 31st, April 30, July 31, and October 31, so four times a year. So that's pretty great. Depending on when you are ready to apply, you can go for the next deadline, a few things on them, the maximum gross income shouldn't be more than 120,000 to apply for their grant. And they will only let you apply for one adoption at a time unless the adoption is a sibling adoption. And they accept applications from married couples only. There's other guidelines that you can find on their site. But I'll also link that in the show notes. So again, these are just five adoption grants. There's more, but these are absolutely worth checking out. Last I looked these up, they were all active and running. And again, there is Show Hope, Gift of Adoption, Help us Adopt, A Child Waits Foundation and the JSC foundation. I really think you'll find that if you are in a financial need with your adoption and you apply for adoption grants, it's going to be worthwhile. Will you get every single one you apply for? Probably not. Will you get enough to make it worth it? Most likely. So I'd definitely suggest that you check these out. If you really want to dive into more adoption grants and more ideas to raise money for your adoption, I mentioned this before, you can check out my Funding Adoption guide on my site. I wish I had had that when we were going through the adoption process. It would have saved me years, literally, of trying to figure out how the heck we were going to get our money together. If I just had that it would have saved me so much time and energy, I cannot tell you. And I can tell you it will be one of the best $20 investment you'll make in your adoption journey if funding or adoption is an issue for you. So I hope this has been helpful. I know that you can do this. Go ahead and do your research and you're going to find more financial resources than you ever thought possible. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 15 In this Episode Heather discusses: 10 Adoption Fundraising Ideas How to afford adoption Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://mystory.lifesongfororphans.org/how-it-works/ https://www.bonfire.com/welcome/023ada4444734/ https://fortheloveofadoption.com/product/raising-funds-for-adoption-guide-freebie/ https://justlovecoffee.com/pages/fundraise-signup https://your-sunny-money-method.teachable.com/p/your-sunny-money-method-basic/?product_id=815857&coupon_code=FRIENDS-SAVE-10&affcode=135827_hkiu-ez5 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not with an adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, welcome to episode 15 of the For the Love of Adoption Show. Today I'm going to be talking about adoption fundraiser ideas. For many hopeful adoptive parents' money can be a true obstacle to really reaching their adoption dreams. Adoption, fundraising, though, can be a great way to overcome this hurdle, and gather the funds that you need to make this happen. There are so many great adoption fundraiser options, and some other smart ways to raise funds. You can do a quick search online and get so many creative ideas. But it can be confusing sometimes to know which ones can really pay off. So, I just wanted to share some of the best ways that we found to raise money for adoption. These were some of the most impactful ways that we personally raised money for our two adoptions. First of all, start a funding account. One of the best ways to raise funds for your adoption is to start an account where friends and family can donate, I highly suggest Lifesong for Orphans to set this up. One of the great advantages of setting up an adoption fundraiser account with them is that you can save 5- 7% in all the administration fees that many crowdfunding sites charge. For example, if you raise $10,000, over $1000 of that could end up going to fees to the site. That's $1,000 That could be going directly to your adoption! So, I will include this link in the show notes. Also, they mentioned that other sites might issue project creators a 1090 and that the funds raised have to be reported as income. But with Lifesong's My Story, the projects are always grant based. In addition, they offer an adoption fundraising kit that allows friends and family that want to support your adoption to receive tax deductions for their donations on behalf of your adoption. You'll also get access to some other tools that can help like a letter writing kit, they will link you up with a coffee fundraiser if you want to get into that. So it's a really great option to check out. Again, I'll put the link in the show notes. But if for some reason this doesn't work for you, you can absolutely gather funds another way but once you get your account set up however you decide to do it, share, share it on all of your social media platforms. If there are some people in your life that are not big on social media, email them, let them know. In addition, an email can come across more personal or write a letter even. That'd be more likely to get someone's attention than a social media post. But either way, if you're on social media share it everywhere. Number two, a dinner theater or benefit concert. This was our favorite way that we raised money for our adoption. Our dinner theater was a fun who done it kind of mystery. We have an awesome, talented friend that put together a play and our church allowed us to use their building. We turned it into a dinner theater and did two nights of performances. It was amazing and it raised significant funds that went directly to our adoption. And it doesn't have to be a theater. Do you know a musician? a benefit concert could be an equally awesome way. Think outside the box. Ask around, check with. You might be surprised just how much someone's willing to help you with your adoption fundraising goal. Number three ,host an online silent auction or a raffle. An online auction can be another great way to raise funds for your adoption. Families can use Facebook or other social media platforms or their blogs if you have one to host an online auction. You can post pictures and descriptions of various items and services, set minimum bids and hold an auction. Many times you can get some awesome donations from different individuals and organizations in exchange for having their product or service featured. And if you or your spouse have a skill that someone might benefit from offer that as an auction item. For example, my husband is a horticulturist and he offered a free consultation and a couple of hours of labor. Some of our other listings from some friends included a professional photography session and a massage certificate. If you decide to do this, put the word out to as many people as you can and ask around. Again, you will likely be surprised by how many people are willing to help if you just ask. Many times if someone can afford to donate directly, they've still might have a product or service they're willing to donate. And if not, they might know someone who does. Number four t shirt sales. There are a lot of companies you can go through to sell T shirts to raise money. But one company that was really great to work with that we liked was bonfire. When you're designing your shirts, you can consider personalizing them with your family's name or an adoption hashtag that you created for social media. I'll include this in the show notes as well. Number five letters or emails. Like I said earlier in the social media heavy world we live in this old school method is often overlooked. Writing letters is one of the more traditional yet effective fundraising ideas. With a letter or email, you can really tell your story. Share why you want to adopt and build a connection with your potential donors. Before you start writing, think about your reader. Are there specific friends, family or business owners that you want to request donations from? Because this will help you build your letter. Remember to have a catchy opening, and share your personal story grab their attention right away, consider sharing what led you to seek out adoption and why adopting a child is so important to you. And remember, you have to ask for the donation you have to tell them why you need the funds and what their contribution will go toward. Look, I absolutely understand how intimidating the cost of adoption can be. When we first started considering adoption, the cost is what almost made us turn away. But I knew that I had to figure this out. I had to find a way for us to be able to make this happen. So I spent so much time, years, figuring out how we could fund our adoption. I do not want you to have to spend that much precious time getting this one aspect of adoption figured out. So out of all of that research I did, I have created a funding adoption guide. It is over 20 pages long. It includes fundraising ideas, recommended adoption grants, loan options, budgeting resources and more. And just to give you a little feedback from others, Sherry said raising funds for adoption by Heather is an easy-to-read practical guide for those who have a heart for adoption, but may be hesitant to move forward due to lack of finances. This is a must read for those desiring to turn their dream of adopting a child and becoming parents into a reality. Information that took a few years to glean all laid out in this one resource. It will truly give you a jumpstart in your own adoptive journey. Tammy said the information contained in this book is invaluable. There are so many different ways to raise funds and grants that are available. The author has shared these because of her passion for adoption. And then finally Dawn said she used to work for an adoption agency and that this is such a needed topic. It was so heartbreaking to see people not be able to adopt because of the cost. So look, guys, I get it. The cost can be extremely expensive and intimidating. And it can be what keeps you from moving forward. Do not let that be what keeps you from moving forward. This guide will help you get moving if funding adoption is what's holding you back. To check it out, go to fortheloveofadoption.com and then “Shop” at the top of the page and then look for the Raising Funds for Adoption Guide. I'm here to support you in your adoption journey. And I know that cost is a big aspect of that for so many. So, I'm excited to hear how this helps you. Number six Parents Night Out. Let me tell you this, now that I'm a parent of two littles, we like our nights out and we'll pay for them. You can raise money to help with your adoption costs by hosting a parent's night out or if you prefer to keep it simple, you can babysit your family or friends children for a couple of hours. Better yet, if you want to create an event, partner with your church or school to see if you can hold the fundraiser there. Your church will likely allow you to notify church members about it. Grab a group of volunteers to help you watch the kids and charge for your services. The truth is most of us already paid to have our kids watched and it's normally not going to a great cause. So this is an awesome way to raise some funds. I remember our church doing a Parents Night Out to raise funds for college students to go on a mission trip and they received a great turnout. We were part of it. It's awesome to get that night out while helping something you care about. Number Seven. a message in a bottle. I haven't tried this, but I found this online and thought it was a fun and creative idea. So I wanted to share it. Send your friends and family a message in a bottle. You can send bottles with a note to let them know that you're adopting. In the note, ask them to consider returning the bottle filled with loose change. And you might be surprised how much you can raise. I'm pretty sure if somebody tried this with me for a good cause I'd to fill the bottle and written a check to go along with it just because I love the creativity of it. Some people might decide not to fill it and just donate. That's great. Either way, you've gotten their attention. You've brought them along on your journey and you've gathered more funds to help you reach your adoption fundraising goals. If friends and family live close, you can just arrange to drop off and pick up the bottles instead of worrying about shipping and try to find containers that can hold a lot of change. Number eight, okay, this is a big one! Apply for adoption grants. There are more adoption grants than many people realize. Adoption grants are how we raised the majority of funds for our two adoptions. Without them. I don't know how we would have adopted. I'll have a future episode that goes over that more. But if you want to go ahead and get into that now you can grab my Funding Adoption Guide on my sight that dives into grants and other ways to fundraise. Number nine, coffee sales. Sell coffee through a fundraising site, there was one that we use called Just Love Coffee. And then Lifesong. Like I mentioned earlier, I believe they link you up with one too, but most people love coffee, and many people would be happy to support a worthwhile cause like adoption, while purchasing some amazing high-quality coffee. Selling something that people love will just help make fundraising more enjoyable for those donating. And it'll help capture donations you'd likely miss out on otherwise. And number 10, budget. Along with the other ideas I shared there is one thing that you should take a good look at. And that's the money you already bring in. It is possible even on a tight budget to find ways to help afford adoption. At the minimum, you can most likely at least find some extra funds that can go toward adoption that you can combine with the other ideas. This can work really for just about anyone. If you struggle with budgeting, have my hand up over here, and could use some help Sammy and her Sunny Money Method course is amazing. I will link to that. She has a way of turning what is often such a heavy topic into an encouraging motivational, hope-filled journey. I've gotten so much out of following her and getting her course. It really taught me that living on a budget does not have to be stressful or complicated. It just simply means that you're intentional with your money. And What possible reason could you find that will motivate you more than giving a child a forever home than being able to adopt? I mean, really, that's the ultimate reason to get it together. The great thing I love about is it's simple. The truth is there's no magic trick to organizing your family's budget, but there is a shortcut. So again, these are 10 ways that you can help with funding your adoption. Believe me, funding adoption is possible. Choose the ways that you're the most excited about, think about the ones you think you'll have the most success with and you feel like you'll have the most fun with. Don't limit yourself to just one or two ideas. We used at least five of those ideas that I mentioned, if you found this useful, and you want more information on gathering funds for your adoption, be sure you check out my funding adoption guide on my site, because that has everything in it that we use to raise funds for adoption, and it lists out specific grants that you can check into. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 14 In this Episode Heather discusses: 10 Myths about Birth Moms Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/adoption-101 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, friends. Welcome to Episode 14 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today I am going to be talking about 10 myths about birth moms. You might also hear birth moms refer to as first moms, biological parents, bio parent, genetic parent, but I usually use the term birth mom. It's unfortunate but misconceptions about birth mothers are part of what can make many people second guess adoption. The term birth mother makes some people uncomfortable, and it causes them to visualize young girls giving up their babies carelessly. This perception saddens me because in most cases, it could not be farther from the truth. So let's take a closer look at 10 myths about birth mothers and replace them with the truth. Myth number one, they don't love and care about the children they choose to put up for adoption. Now let's talk about the truth. Most mothers that choose adoption care so deeply for their child, that they struggle with making an adoption plan because they believe it's what's best for the child. They go through this because they believe it is what is best. They're often in a place in life where they feel the child will have a better life with an adoptive family. In this case, they'll often pick the family out themselves, because it's the family they feel will give their child the best chance of a promising future. They could be a single mom, or it might be a couple that just doesn't feel prepared to raise a child. In our case, it was a decision discussed and decided on between the birth mother and father. Myth number two, they come back for their children. The idea that a birth mother will show up at your front door or sue to try to get the child back is a myth. Most birth mothers spend a lot of time developing an adoption plan, and often even go through counseling. I am not saying that there are not exceptions to this. Crazy Things happen in every aspect of life. But this idea is a myth. This is one of the reasons I'm so passionate about using a legitimate adoption agency. A good agency cares deeply for the moms choosing an adoption plan. And because of this, they're going to work with them to provide counseling and other resources that help them make the decision that's really best for them. By the time these birth moms placed their child, they're typically very solid in their decision, and they do not wish to destroy the family that they have helped build. Myth number three, they're selfish. No, they're not. They're making one of the hardest if not the hardest decision of their lives when they choose adoption. They're doing what they believe is best for their child despite the pain, it's causing them. When a birth mother chooses adoption. She's making an extremely selfless decision. Myth number four, they're drug addicts. This myth drives me crazy. Of course, some birth mothers do struggle with substance abuse, but so do some biological parents and every other category of people, and many do not. That has nothing to do with the fact that they're a birth mother that they're choosing an adoption plan. Let's be honest, adoption can be overwhelming, right? And sometimes when you're thinking about adoption, when you're considering it, you just need to know where to start. You just need to know what do I do? Like how do I figure this out? And what are the basics of what I need to know? Can somebody just tell me the basics? Well, I have put together an eight-page guide that is Adoption 101. It talks about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, adoption terms, how to find adoption support (which is very important) adoption costs, which we all need to know right, the steps to take to adopt, books to read about adoption and even talking to your child about adoption. This is a jam packed eight-page guide that really will just lay out the basics for you. Because again, adoption is overwhelming; it is. I get it, and sometimes we just need to be able to see something that kind of just talks us through, okay, what do I do and what do I need to know. That's why I created this eight-page guide. I spent a lot of time on to really fill it with what I thought was the most important things you need to know to consider adoption and just get started. If you decide it's right for you, you can get this completely free. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the middle of the homepage, you will see an image that says Adoption 101. Because look, if adoption is on your heart, I believe that calling is there for a reason. And this eight-page guide can just help break things down and help you get started. So, make sure you go grab that today. Myth number five, they're troubled teenagers. Another myth about birth mothers is that they're almost all extremely young. But the fact is most are in their 20s or 30s. And many are already raising another child or children. In this case, they know what's involved in raising a child and have decided that they feel they're unable to provide the best life for another child at this time. And this is why they chose adoption. Our children's birth mother was in her 30s and had her own daughter. Myth number six, they're promiscuous. The fact that a woman is facing an unplanned pregnancy does not mean that she's promiscuous myth. Number seven. They don't really care where their child ends up. Oh, they care! Birth mothers typically view a lot of adoptive family profiles before choosing a family. In addition, they might meet the family first as well. They spend more time than I can ever imagine thinking about what they want for their child and choosing the family that they believe is best. Our children's birth mom viewed a lot of profiles and met us in person before she made her decision. Myth number eight, they are anxious to get rid of their child. In many cases, birth mothers cherish the moments they have with their child before placement. Our children's birth mom spent time in the hospital with both of our children before they came to us. This was her choice. Part of an adoption plan can include spending time with them before placement and now we have regular visits. She cherishes the time that she sees them still. Myth number nine, they just move on with their lives as normal after placement. Placing a baby for adoption is a big deal, one that I will never be able to fully understand and that no one can unless they're in her shoes. This can affect a birth mother for life. The period after placement can involve real grieving for her. One factor that can help ease the pain is an open adoption, which is one of the many reasons I'm so passionate about it. This allows her to know that she'll be able to see your child again and receive regular updates, which is so important to many birth mothers. However, every birth mother has to deal with her decision to place her child with an adoptive family for the rest of her life. Myth number 10. They regret their decision. Although choosing adoption is one of the hardest things a birth mom can do, they didn't choose it lightly. Of course, it hurts. But that doesn't change the fact that she did what she believed was best for her child. And again, open adoption often helps alleviate many of the regrets that they might feel. Being able to receive updates and even visit their child can provide comfort and bring the truest healing available for someone that chooses adoption. So again, 10 myths about birth moms are that they don't love and care for the children they place for adoption, that they come back for their children, that they're selfish, that they're drug addicts, that they're troubled teenagers, they're promiscuous, they don't really care where their child ends up, they're anxious to get rid of their child, they move on with their lives as normal after placement, and that they regret their decision. I do want to end this episode saying I'm an adoptive mom. I would never pretend to understand the emotions, the tragedy of choosing to place a child, I could never begin to understand that, and I would never pretend to however, I respect it. I honor it the best I can. And I want to be an advocate speaking up for birth moms in changing the stereotypical idea of who they are and what they're like. So although I would never pretend to understand all that they go through, I would never pretend to be someone that could be as selfless as they are. I still want to be someone that speaks up and says these things are not true. This is what is true and changes the perceptions around birth moms. I hope that this helped explain and dispel some of the myths that people believe about birth mothers. The fact is they're very strong women making an extremely hard decision in the best interest of their child. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 13 In this Episode Heather discusses: How to choose an adoption agency Questions to ask an adoption agency What you should expect from an adoption agency Red flags to be aware of when choosing an adoption agency Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/agency-questions https://www.childwelfare.gov/organizations/?CWIGFunctionsaction=rols:main.dspList&rolType=Custom&RS_ID=157&rList=RCL https://www.naag.org/find-my-ag/ https://www.usa.gov/state-consumer https://www.bbb.org/ https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/ Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, and welcome to episode 13 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today I am going to be talking about choosing an adoption agency. Now not everyone that pursues adoption chooses to do an agency adoption. But today I am going to be talking about how to choose an adoption agency. So if that is the route you think you're going to take, or you just want to learn more about the possibility, then I'm going to discuss that today. Okay, let's jump in. So, when you decide to pursue adoption, one important consideration is how to find the best adoption agency for you. And it can be confusing to know what to look for. But if you decide to move forward with an agency adoption, you'll want to feel confident in the one that you choose to work with. This is going to be a fairly detailed episode so you might want to grab something to take some notes if you are needing some help with choosing an agency. So, the decision to adopt a child obviously is one of the most important you're ever going to make. You want to work with an agency that has everyone's best interest in mind. And you want an agency that handles everything exactly as they should, you may have heard stories of adoptions gone wrong. And although there are cases when this has happened, this is not the case with most adoptions, especially if you take the time to ensure that you're working with a legitimate agency. Prospective, adoptive parents really need to be able to trust their adoption services providers. No one with the heart to adopt wants to have things fall apart. So let's talk about the basics of how to find the best adoption agency for your family. So people pursue adoption in different ways. Some might use an agency for just their home study, while others use it for the entire process. In our first adoption, we used an agency for the entire process. And with our second we just used them for the home study. Some people may even choose to work with different agencies to complete certain requirements, or they may choose to work with several agencies so they're getting more exposure. Adopting through an agency does not prevent you from seeking out separate legal counsel. First of all know that we hired an adoption lawyer in both of our adoptions. Even though we worked with an agency in our first adoption, we still hired an adoption lawyer. So, while there's no one best adoption agency for everyone, there are steps that you can take and questions you can ask to make sure that the one you choose is the right fit for you. So first of all, agency licensing. If you choose to adopt through an agency, you should always choose a reputable licensed adoption agency. And although licensing requirements vary by state, every state clearly defines which entities can place children. There are also certain standards that these agencies need to meet and maintain. The minimum standards that are set for these agencies include things like educational qualifications, training requirements, and regulations governing the storage of records, things like that. I would discourage anyone from pursuing adoption with anyone other than a licensed agency or full-service adoption attorney. That is just my personal opinion. Secondly, do your research. prospective adoptive parents should always research the background of an agency before deciding to work with them. And here are some specific ways that you can research contact the state licensing specialist in the state where the agency is located you can find out if the agency is in good standing and I will put that link in the show notes so that you can go there and take a look at that. Contact the state attorney general's office to see if any legal action has been taken against that agency. I'll include that in the show notes as well. I'll include any of the links I mentioned in this episode in the show notes. You can also check with the state, city or county government consumer protection offices where the agency is located. Contact the Better Business Bureau office closest to the agency to see if they have any complaints filed against them. So again, contact the state licensing specialist and the state where the agencies located, contact the state attorney general's office, you can check the state city or county government consumer protection office and, you can contact the Better Business Bureau. This is just due diligence guys, it's part of the process to make sure that you are working with a legitimate agency. The next thing is check references. Once you have an agency that you are considering working with ask for at least three references from the agency. Ask them to provide you with the names and phone numbers of three clients whose adoptions were completed through them. And preferably more recently than, you know, years and years ago. You can ask those adoptive parents how the agency handled the adoption process, including any post adoption services and ask them if they had any problems or concerns. Would they use this agency again, if not why? So that you can find out what the issue was and see if you can reach out to another agency and get references and compare you really need to do your research here. The next thing you can do is you can join an adoption group join an adoptive parent support group in your area and adoptive parent support groups. You can talk with other parents about their experience with local agencies, there is a way to look at a list of adoptive parent's support groups in your area, you can do that on the national foster care and adoption directory. And again, I'll include that in the show notes. Next Hague accreditation. If the agency is working in other countries, it needs to be Hague accredited. And this means that the agency is accredited by the Council on accreditation to offer services to families adopting from countries that have ratified and ascended to the Hague treaty which governs inter country adoption. So I know that's wordy but Hague accreditation is important if you're looking into international adoption. Other considerations. Aside from ensuring that you're working with a legitimately licensed agency, it's really up to you to choose who to work with. In our case, we went to a free informational meeting and got a feel for the agency, because even if they are legitimate, you need to make sure it's the right fit for you. We did our research before we decided to work with them. And we got a feel for the agency. And we chose an agency that shared a worldview that aligned with our own. That was important to us. I know that choosing an adoption agency to work with can be hard, there's so many things to figure out. And I get that. So I've created a free adoption agency questionnaire that I want you to go grab, if you're in this process. If you want to have specific questions in front of you, when you go to the agency or when you're talking to them on the phone, that's what this is going to give you. It's also going to give you space to put some things that just really stand out to you about this agency, I'd suggest keeping one of these for each agency that you interview. You can get this in my resource library. All you need to do is go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, and you will see an option to get access to the resource library where you will find this document that you can download as well as many others to help you on your adoption journey. I hope you find that helpful. I can't wait to hear your adoption story. Now let's talk about some questions. There are some great questions that you can ask a potential agency before deciding if you would like to work with them or not. Here's just some ideas to get you started. What counseling or support, if any, do they offer birth parents? How do you locate potential birth mothers? Remember guys, it's our job as adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents to care about the ethics of the agencies and to choose an agency that shows true respect for the birth parents and a desire to serve them. Because the truth is adoptive parents also benefit when birth parents are well counseled. And when they're respected, it's better for everyone. When the birth parents receive the support and respect, they deserve. If you get a sense that that's not happening at an agency, I would absolutely choose someone else to work with. Another question. What is your fee structure? And what is the timeline for expected payments? Is there a certain type of adoption you specialize in or encourage? Do you have more experience with open or closed adoption? And what's the norm with your agency? How many children has your agency successfully placed within the last year and how many failed placements? What is your current average wait time? Now one note I want to say on this guys is I work with families, I speak to families all the time that are in the process of infant adoption and they're waiting a long time. So, if you get an answer that you don't love and the wait is long, that doesn't mean anything negative about the agency. That just means that that's how long it's taking. And that's just they're being honest with you. So, I know that that can be very discouraging for a lot of people, but hopefully they're honest with you and telling you if it's taking years, they're telling you that that's how it is. A lot of times agencies might even shut off taking new applications for a while, because they have an amount of families waiting. And that's what's fair for those families. That's what's fair for the families that are waiting is for them to not accept additional families. So just keep in mind that a long wait time doesn't mean anything against the agency, it could very well mean that they're doing things exactly like they should. And that's just how long it's taking. Now, that doesn't mean you can't do other things to get more exposure, aside from just what the agency would do directly. But that would be something you would also need to research. But I just want you to know that a long wait time doesn't mean anything against the agency, in and of itself. Another question, how many waiting families are there currently with your agency? What requirements does the agency have for prospective adoptive parents? What type of pre-adoption education does the agency provide? How long has the agency existed? What does the agency offer in terms of post adoption support services? What educational materials such as books or organizations do you suggest? Can the agency provide references from several families that have adopted through the agency? Can they produce references for the type of adoption that you're considering? What are the agency's experience and background in the type of adoption that you want to pursue? If you're pursuing international adoption, can the agency account for and explain its activities and available support in country? What are the state laws under which the agency must operate? Next, look for red flags. As you start your research, you'll start to get a sense of what to look for. Pay attention to your instincts. Just because an agency claims to be reputable does not mean they are. Again one of the most important things you can do in the beginning, is just make sure they're properly accredited and licensed and check references. Are they being forthcoming with an itemized list of fees and associated adoption expenses? Are their fees reasonable compared to other agencies and the research you've done? A good agency is going to let you ask all your questions and not make you feel like you're bothering them. It's their job. They will respond to your phone calls and your emails and they'll be professional and they'll work in everyone's best interest. This includes treating the birth parents well by providing counseling and post adoption support and providing good service to you and following all the proper protocols. If you start to work with an agency and you see some warning signs leave. It can feel difficult to walk away once you've gotten started. But it's important enough to do so if you need to. This is your future child or children we're talking about. You want to know that things are being handled ethically and responsibly. Some warning signs could be things like they're unprofessional or demeaning in their adoption language. Shorter wait times in exchange for higher fees would be a big warning sign, little or very limited pregnancy counseling, a lack of long term support for any member of the adoption triad. Don't rush this important part of the beginning of your adoption journey. If you meet with an agency or an adoption lawyer and it doesn't feel right, don't settle. Find an agency that you feel good about working with. Make sure the agency is licensed, read what you can about them online, including any reviews you can find call people that have adopted through them and find out their experience. If basic questions that you're asking are a struggle for the agency to answer move on and look for another agency to interview. You're looking for the best adoption agency for your family and it can take a little time to find them. Expect and demand professionalism. Agency staff should be able to readily provide their background, educational qualifications, years of experience, etc. Expect high quality pre-adoption orientation, education and training. This does not mean that everything is perfect. We're still dealing with people. But overall, it should be a professional setting. Both the expectant parents, the birth parents and the adoptive parents need and deserve quality, pre and post adoption services and support. The goal of adoption isn't just to place a child in a family but for that child to be placed in a family that they can thrive in. And a good agency will always operate under this philosophy. Look for an agency whose information you trust. The agency should always tell you about all of your options, explain any issues happening in specific countries, provide estimated timelines and be upfront with the fees. And again, on the timeline. All they can do is estimate based on current trends, so don't hold them to this. And don't fall for the first agency that makes promises that they can't substantiate such as shorter wait times, particularly for infant adoption. Pay attention to the level of responsiveness. If they're not prompt in answering you now, don't expect them to be different just because you decide to work with them. That doesn't mean you send them an email and they answer five minutes later. But if overall it's not a professional exchange then look elsewhere. Even a professional licensed adoption agency might not be the best fit for you. You have to be prepared to do your homework, look at all the available options and ask questions, lots of questions. This is really the only way to ensure that you're choosing the best adoption agency for you. Now, I want you to know that you can also go to my site, if you need that list of questions that I ran off. I know that was a lot. So if you need that, you can go to my site fortheloveof adoption.com/best-adoption-agency. So fortheloveofadoption.com/ best-adoption-agency if you want that full list of questions that I went through. You'll see that there in that post in case you need to go back and reference those and maybe take some additional notes. But I hope that you found this helpful. Choosing an adoption agency can feel overwhelming. But really, you just need to do some homework like you would anytime you were researching something that's what it comes down to. And with the different links that I shared, where you can research, the licensing and all of that, and the questions I've given you to ask a potential agency you may want to work with, you are well on your way to choosing the best agency for you and your family to work with. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you will be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 12 In this Episode Heather discusses: Top 5 things Adoption has taught me The For the Love of Adoption Mission How amazing adoption is Adoption secrets those that adopt know about Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/adoption-101 Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hi, friends welcome to episode 12 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today I'm going to be talking about five things that adoption has taught me, I just want to share these because if you are going through the adoption process, or really even if you're already an adoptive parent, I feel like these are just some things that can encourage you. And if you are already an adoptive parent, you might be able to relate to and sometimes in this minority of people that adopt, it would be nice to know that there's people that have experienced some of the same things that you have when going through the journey. So when we decided to pursue adoption, I did not realize that there would be so many lessons I would learn, I was naive, I didn't know anything about adoption. And I was just learning as I went, as many of us do. But now looking back, there are some things that stand out to me as just the most important things that adoption has taught me, I'm really thankful that adoption hasn't really given me a family I could have never dreamed of. But it's also really expanded my horizons for what's possible. Like I said, in the first episode of our adoption story, I didn't think we were the kind of people that would adopt, I didn't think we could figure it out. It just seemed too complicated. So reaching this goal, this amazing dream. And then doing it two times even it really is expanded my thought process on what really is possible and how much we block ourselves off from great things. Because we just think it's out of our reach. Like we're not that type of person. And friends, I'm here to tell you, that's just not true. That's a barrier we put on ourselves, and it doesn't need to be there. So I want to share these five things. Let's jump in. Number one, anything is possible, anything is possible. If there's one thing that I now really believe, after adopting it is that with God's help anything as possible, here's why we were completely clueless. Like I said, we were completely clueless about adoption. So many things had to happen for adoption to work, we literally could not do it on our own guys, we really couldn't. So much had to transpire for us to be able to do it. The truth was that with God, anything was possible. I just had a block then where I just didn't think we could, again, because of finances, and because of my family history, and just so many things. But the first thing that had to happen was that God had to change, my heart had to go through a heart change. Because when my husband and I got married, adoption was in no way shape, or form on my radar. In fact, having kids at all wasn't on my list. The truth is, we didn't plan to have a family. And it took some major intervention from God to move my heart toward adoption major, if you'd like a little more on that story, you can go back to episodes one and two. And then the other part of how anything is possible has to do with the cost. Adoption involves significant cost, we didn't have the money to adopt, we were not in a financial place to be able to save that kind of money. We didn't have it, it almost kept us from moving forward. If there was anything that would have kept us from moving forward. Aside from just getting our mind around the fact that we were the kind of people that could do this. It was money. Money was our biggest stumbling block. If we figured out how to pull the Financial Peace off, if we could figure that part of the adoption puzzle out anyone can for real. Coming up with 1000s and 1000s of dollars needed to adopt reinforce that anything is possible. So if funding adoption is a concern for you, I understand it was probably our biggest concern, it was our biggest concern. And we figured it out. And now I share all of that with you. So if that's an issue, I'm happy to share all of the resources I've found and what we did with you. Number two, God's plans are better than our own. I plan to stay as a family too. But God had other plans when I compare my old plans to stay how we were to his plans for building our family through adoption. My plan is flat-out laughable guys, and quite frankly, for me now having my two kids is a bit sad. My life has expanded everything means more because of them. Just everything is just better. Everything's more meaningful. Is it hard? Heck, yeah. Are there days that I'm like, get me out of here? I need time alone away from the fussing and the kids and the noise and this and that. Heck, yes, I might more than some other people because I'm an extreme introvert and I get very stimulated very easily. When there's a lot of noise and things happening and it is true. It wears on me. But that does not change how much better my life is with these kids. Oh my gosh, they're amazing. They're ours. They're making life more worthwhile. They make life more fun. Do they make life harder? Heck yeah. But do they make it more fun to absolutely, I was ready to take this entire lifetime and never experienced being a mom? And honestly, I probably wouldn't have known the difference. I will didn't have. But I was ready to take this entire lifetime and never experienced being a mom. I was ready to never see my husband be a dad. And He's amazing. He's built for Daddyhood. He really is. And now that I look back, Wow, just wow. Another way that God showed us that his plans are better is that once we decided to pursue adoption, we had no intention guys of adopting more than one child, no intention of adopting more than one child. But again, God knew better. He knew that Abigail and Bennett were meant to be together. When we got that email from Casey, our kid's birth mom asking if we would adopt our daughter's full biological sibling, we were in shock. No one. But God could have arranged something like this. We plan to stay our little family three, but he had bigger better plans. And now we couldn't imagine not having been it. Oh my gosh, we couldn't even imagine God's plans are better to think that if I'd been left to my own plans, I would have missed all of this. And all that's yet to come. Wow. Just wow. I still marvel at the fact that so many of us spend so many years trying to control everything and trying to dictate everything in our lives, versus really just taking a moment to listen to God to be in His presence and say, What do you want from me and try to lay our own plans down, it is hard, I resisted. It's hard. But man, when we do that, oh my gosh, guys, his plans are so much better. We hold on so tightly to what we think is best. We really think we've got it figured out. And we know that this is what's comfortable. This is what's good. This is what's better. Oh my gosh, get the heck out of your comfort zone. Because that's where the good stuff happens. Get out of your comfort zone. That is where the good stuff happens. That's where you live and don't just exist, that's where life becomes real, where life really begins. I hope that I can forever just cling to telling God fill me with what you want for me because I know what's better than what I want. And I still go back to my old ways of thinking I know better. And this is more comfortable. And this is how it should be. But man, man, I pray that for you guys, and for myself and my family that we would get out of that, that we would want what God wants because again, it is better. Okay. Number three, family is so much deeper than blood. Adoption teaches you that family is so much more than blood, I might as well have given birth to my children. And when I say that I am in no way discounting their first mom, their birth mom, she's amazing. We love her. They wouldn't be here without here. But they would and they wouldn't be ours if she hadn't chosen us. What I mean is that my kids are more like my family than my blood family. They are I have people in my blood family that, unfortunately, I don't have much of a relationship with at all all this to say family is so much more than blood. It really is. Number four, I can do hard things. And so can you as much as I love being a mom, it is not always easy. Some days, it is downright hard. Before adoption. I didn't have other humans depending on me for survival. Guys, come on, you know, if you have little kids, they can't make it on their own. They kind of need us right? Of the five things that cover this might be the biggest having two kids just 18 months apart? Well, let's just say for me, it has its fair share of challenges at times. But one lesson I've learned is I can do hard things. You know what I'd go as far as to say I was built to do hard things, again, that's where the good comes in. I thrive in a good challenge. And kids are one challenge there one hard thing that is completely worthwhile. That's it, they're worthwhile, so worthwhile. And number five, adoption is a blessing. You may have already gathered this from the other four points I covered. But adoption is a blessing like nothing else. I love my crazy kids so much. And I can't imagine life without them. And beyond how much I love them and what a blessing they are. adoption has opened my eyes to the world outside of my little bubble. I was stuck in my own little bubble for so long. Aside from two amazing kids to care for. We have a relationship with their birth mom, that's really important to us. She has helped me see how selfless someone can be probably more than anyone I know, more than anyone I know to give birth to two perfect babies and realize that the best decision you can make is to allow someone else to raise them and to be their parents. That's deep stuff, guys. She's more selfless than I could ever be. She really is. It's amazing. Adoption is a blessing in so many ways. Another way I've learned how much of a blessing adoption is is in you listening to me right now, adoption is a blessing because it changed my heart. It gave me a mission like nothing I've ever had it put a fire under me to share adoption with others. I have not stopped talking about adoption, even when no one is listening or when it feels like no one is listening, because there's always someone listening. But sometimes it feels like there's no one listening, this little podcast I have right now. I know you guys, some of you guys are my faithful listeners, and I love you guys. But this little podcast I have right now I seriously believe God is gonna use for great things, not for me not to bring attention and glory to me for him and his heart for adoption. When he told me to start this whole for the love of adoption thing. I didn't even know what I was going to do. I had no idea was going to start a podcast, this is all him. This is not me. This is all him. I'm saying these words right now. Because God made it clear that he blessed me with adoption, not just so I can enjoy the family I have, but so I would share it with others. So I would share what I've learned with others. If I can go from no desire for kids, no money to afford adoption to a mom blessed by adoption, sharing this message knowing God is going to make this bigger, I already know that I know it, without doubt, the least I can do is help you guys, if you are someone that wants to adopt is considering adoption is going through the adoption process has adopted, I hope you come across something on my podcast that sparks something in you or that you share it with somebody you know, and it helps them to look into or move forward with adoption. And if you do, if you find something worthwhile here, and you can share it with someone, you can leave me a review. All that does is help more people hear this, it encourages more people toward adoption, or at least helps them become more educated in adoption so that they can be more supportive of others on this journey. Because I can tell you right now, guys, I can tell you right now, adoption is a blessing. And it's so worth it. These are just five of the things that I've learned since adopting my two amazing kids. And I'm sure I can't imagine how many more lessons God will teach me and he's already taught me so many more. This was just the top five I wanted to share today. But here I am. I'm ready to grow. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to share with you guys what I know and share with you as I learn more. So I really hope you found this encouraging today. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, just go to for the love of adoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage. You'll be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 11 In this Episode Heather discusses: What to expect in the adoption home study Adoption Home study Costs Paperwork needed for an adoption home study How to prepare for your adoption home study Free adoption home study checklist Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com fortheloveofadoption.com/homestudyhttps://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/homestudyreqs-adoption/ Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this? Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the steps keep you from building your family through adoption. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption, including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are You know what, though? It can also be amazing. I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that has gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, friends, welcome to episode 11 of the For the Love of Adoption Show. Today we are going to be talking about the adoption home study. So, if you are considering adoption, and you want to have a better understanding of the home study, which is a big part of the process, this will be a great episode to listen in. Also, if you perhaps have started to get into adoption, but you have not completed your home study yet, this should be a really big help in just helping you go into that more prepared. So, let's jump in. An adoption home study. What is it first of all. It's an overview of your life. It consists of many components, which we're going to dive into, but it is used by the courts to determine whether a stable environment exists for a child to be placed into your home. So, a home study generally happens after you've completed any training classes and your adoption application. And, all states require that families applying to adopt complete a home study. So, if you're adopting, you'll be going through a home study. Once a home study is complete, your caseworker creates a written report about your family. And it includes some basic information that's gathered from you, but also some information provided by third parties. So, let's talk about what a home study consists of. So generally, a home study report includes a family background, financial statements and references, education and employment, information about relationships and your social life. So just kind of what your life looks like… daily routines, any parenting experiences, and just expectations you might have, details about your home and the neighborhood, readiness and reasons why you even want to adopt, references and background checks. And then also approval and recommendation of children your family can best parent. So, these are some of the things that the home study can include. Now, the home study process can take between three and six months to complete. And at first it might seem invasive when you hear this or lengthy. However, please know that agencies are typically looking for ways to help families adopt rather than prohibit them. So even though it might seem overwhelming to hear that list, I can tell you that although I was very intimidated, at first, when I heard what the home study would involve, it was actually much more comfortable than I expected, and not nearly as invasive as I thought it would be. Now, I will tell you that Child Welfare Information Gateway has some good publications that help explain the home study process. So, if you want to get the link for that, so you can check that out and maybe print that off, you can go to my site at fortheloveofadoption.com/homestudy. And you'll see information about the home study there including the link for the Child Welfare Information Gateway, and that can help as well. You'll also be able to find a fact sheet that just summarizes state laws and policies regarding what information is collected. So that can be great to take a look at just to give you an even deeper understanding. Now let's talk about the home study cost. If you're working with a private agency or a certified social worker in a private practice, the cost of an adoption home study can sometimes range between $1,000 to $3,000. With our agency back in 2015, or so, it was $2,000. But I'm not sure what they charge now, but it's probably in the $1,000 to $3,000 range. And this fee sometimes covers additional services such as an application fee and required training. Now, when planning to foster, you may not be charged a home study fee by a public or private agency. However, if you're completing a foster to adopt home study, then fees will probably apply. Hey, guys, so we know that the home study can be kind of intimidating, right? It's one of the parts of the adoption process that a lot of people get nervous about. But what if just doing a couple of things could help you feel so much more prepared for this important part of your adoption process? Well, I've created a free download to help with that. Two important steps to help prepare you for your adoption home study. Number one, begin gathering the needed documents. And then I list out all of these documents that you're going to need. If you have these together ahead of time, you're going to feel so much more prepared to jump in. And number two, discuss the following questions with your spouse because you're likely going to be asked these in your home study process. Things like what type of adoption do you want to pursue? How do you want to parent the child? What kind of relationship would you like to have with your child's birth parents and so many more. You can grab this free download in my resource library, you'll find that by going to fortheloveofadoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. There you'll see where you can get access to the resource library and you're going to get this and some other PDFs that are going to help so much in your adoption journey. I'm passionate about helping you and I know the home study is something that people get nervous about. So go grab this free download. It's just going to go a long way in helping you feel more prepared. Now let's talk about preparing for the home visits and the request for information. So, to help speed up the home study process, you can ensure that the necessary information is supplied completely and accurately. And that you don't delay filling out paperwork, scheduling medical appointments, or gathering the required documents. So, let's talk about what these visits entail. There will be some visits where the social worker comes to your home. It is easy to get yourself worked up about these, but don't. It is not a white glove test. To see how pristine your home is straighten your house like you would if friends were coming over. If you're so inclined, serve some coffee and cookies. But if you really want to be more relaxed about this, just remember that they are not coming into your house to grade your homemaker skills, they're coming to see if it's a good environment for a child. These visits are more laid back than most prospective adoptive parents expect. It's really an opportunity for them to get to know you and to learn more about why adoption is important to you. Just be yourself. Honestly, I enjoyed our home study visits, there are some things that can help to have prepared ahead of time, when you know you're going to be going through a home study, just to help things go a little more smoothly and move along a little more quickly. First of all, a health report, a physical exam within the past 12 months is required for all prospective parents and typically a TB test (tuberculosis test) are typically required for every member of the household. Medical conditions under control such as things like high blood pressure, or diabetes usually don't prevent individuals from being approved to adopt. However, a serious health problem that affects life expectancy might. Next, a criminal background check. All adults in the household must complete forms that are sent to Child Protective Services. And a state's police check center and adult in the household may also need to obtain FBI fingerprint checks and local police clearances under certain circumstances, such as recent relocation to the state where you currently reside. Applicants whose state or federal records indicate that they've been convicted of harming children cannot adopt. Now, I will tell you with our home study, I remember that we went to the local police station to have fingerprints done and it was not a big deal. It sounds more intimidating than it really is. Next, the financial statement, family income and sometimes budget information will likely be requested. Some states may require a copy of an income tax form, a paycheck stub or a W2. Do not worry about this. You don't have to be wealthy or even own a home to adopt and even if you receive some type of assistance or have debt, you will likely be eligible to adopt as long as you have adequate resources to provide for your family. We were not in a fabulous financial situation when we adopted and we were still able to move forward so don't let that stop you. Next personal references. You will most likely need to supply some names and addresses and phone numbers of three or four individuals who can just attest to your experience with children, the stability of your current marriage or domestic partnership and household, as well as just your emotional maturity. Most agencies require that references be people who are not related to you. So good choices might include close friends, an employer, a former teacher, a coworker, a neighbor or church leader. Next, an auto biographical statement. Many adoption agencies will ask each applicant to write an autobiographical statement or a story. This is just essentially the story of your life. It helps your caseworker understand your family better, and it assist them with writing your home study. Some agencies have workers available to assist you with this, and most will have a set of questions to guide you in writing the statement, so you'll know what it needs to cover. We went through a Christian agency so we also had to provide a statement of faith. Next copies of legal documents, copies of any applicable marriage licenses, birth certificates, divorce decrees, and other legal documents that are relevant to your application to foster or adopt will also be required. Now, as far as reviewing a copy of your home study report, you should receive a copy of your home study, make sure you look over it for any inaccuracies, so you can bring it to your agency's attention right away. If you find any, let them know, depending on the agency you work with, and the child you want to adopt, the information contained in your home study could be shared with the birth parents or others. So you want to make sure it's accurate. If you have any questions or concerns about the confidentiality of your information, just ask your agency who it would be shared with so you'll know. So now what after all, that you might be feeling overwhelmed. That's a lot, right? That's a lot of information. Maybe it just feels like Oh, never mind, this is too much. I know it can feel that way. One of the reasons people do not move forward with adoption is because they feel like it's too invasive. And they feel like it's just too much paperwork, all of those things. I absolutely felt that way. But you have to trust me here, it's not too much. I've gone through a home study twice, actually three times we had to do a home study initially to adopt our daughter. And then we waited so long it timed out and we had to do an update. And then we had to do another one for our son. It is not as bad as it sounds, especially like I always say if you just take it one step at a time, it is possible to just breathe through the process, complete one thing and then the next, you can only complete one form at a time. So, rest in the fact that you can just work your way through this. I remember my husband and I when we were in the midst of this, just taking this huge stack of paperwork and going into a coffee shop for the day. And just working on it there and getting quite a bit done just in a different environment. We made it as enjoyable as possible. We stopped and took some breaks. I mean, you can make it more pleasant than it seems like it might be. Just complete one thing and then the next. But believe this. When you have your child in your arms, it will all be worth it. And you will laugh at the idea that you ever thought the process was too much. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, just go to for the love of adoption.com and scroll to the bottom of the homepage. You'll be able to access all kinds of PDFs there to help you along different stages of your adoption journey. And if you've enjoyed this at all, if you could please leave me a review and rating it helps more than you know. Talk to you next time.
Show Notes Episode 10 In this Episode Heather discusses: 10 Things to Know Before You Adopt Average Adoption Wait Times Free Adoption PDF Adoption Resource Library Links mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Hello, welcome to episode 10 of the for the love of adoption Show. Today on this 10th episode, I'm going to be talking to you about 10 things to know before you start the adoption process. So, making the decision to pursue adoption is one of the most worthwhile decisions you'll ever make in your entire lifetime. It's a big deal. And I want to share some tips to know before you start the process. Some of these tips could be the difference between you feeling like you can't adopt and realizing that you can. So, I hope that you really take this in and get a lot out of this episode. Alright, number one, the cost of adoption is no reason not to move forward. You can't afford adoption. This is a big one. It could literally be the difference in you successfully adopting a child or stopping before you even start. I know I talk about this a lot. And that's because I hear people complain about the cost of adoption and use that as an excuse not to move forward. And secondly, this is why we almost didn't move forward. So I get it. Funding Your adoption is entirely possible. If you will open your mind to the possibilities, you can afford adoption. Don't let money be the reason you don't move forward. If you start Googling the cost of adoption, it can be enough to make you think it is impossible. I mean, when we first started considering it and learned about the cost, it was overwhelming. It almost kept us from even starting. We spun our wheels, we took years to get our finances figured out. And for us it was what took the longest. And we did not need to take that long, we just didn't know better. So, I'm going to help you with that. We took much longer to figure out our finances than it even took to be selected by a birth mom, we took a long time. But those years did teach us something valuable. So now we can share it with you. There are so many financial options available for adoption. So many! Affording adoption is such an important topic and one that I get so many questions on. So don't worry, I've got you covered with resources on my site. So, you can know how you can move forward with adoption regardless of your financial situation. You can check those different resources out on my site. But here's what I really want you to grasp. If we had let finances get in the way, we would not have our two children. That is crazy! I'm so glad we pushed through and figured this out. And I'm thrilled that I can share it with you. So, if this is a reason you might not move forward with adoption, we can tackle this head on and deal with it because funding your adoption is absolutely possible. Number two, adoption is worth it. Hear me on this! Despite all the work, the paperwork, the meetings, the classes, the waiting, and even the challenges of parenting adoption is worth it big time. There's going to be ups and downs throughout your adoption journey. When you decide to start the adoption process, you're signing up for a bit of a roller coaster ride. It's a lot like life, though. There were times in our adoption where doubt set in and we wondered if it would really happen. In our first adoption, we found out that we were being considered by a birth mom several times or at least our profile book was being viewed and we weren't selected. We waited and then we waited some more. In our second adoption, there were times we thought birth mom was going to change your mind. It was hard. But guess what, despite all of that it was worth it. Every adoption is unique and you're not going to have all the answers to all of the questions. Try to rest in the fact that every other couple that has ever adopted before you has had unanswered questions and times of doubt, but I promise you that once they hold their child, and once you hold your child, you knew why you had to wait. You knew that that was the child you were meant to have. If you decide to be brave and jump into the adoption process, you will discover just how WORTH IT adoption is. Number three, adoption can take a while. Adoption usually takes a while. On average, if you choose to adopt an infant, it can take a few years, that's okay. While you go through the adoption process, you will be busy doing all the adoption things, the paperwork, the classes. So just breathe, and let God determine the timeline. Do not let all the things scare you. The training the classes and the paperwork are just part of the process. And like anything else, when you take it one step at a time, and just keep moving forward, it works out when I finally realized that I wanted the child God had for us. And that that meant I had to wait for that child to be born, I became a little more relaxed about the timing. And now I can't imagine my kids not being my kids. We waited for our daughter for three years if you consider the time when we finally got everything together for working with the agency. If you consider it from the time we started considering adoption, it was more like 10 or 15 years. And we waited for our son for about seven months. So guess what? It all worked out. Number four, having support while going through the adoption process is important. Tell others, particularly people that you feel will be supportive. There was a time when we entertained the idea of keeping our adoption plans a secret, we thought it might be easier, and we thought it might be kind of fun. But in hindsight, I am so glad we told everyone honestly, we could not have done it without sharing our plans because the support was what made it possible. Not only did the prayers and the words of support help more than anyone could imagine. The financial support of friends and even some strangers made all the difference. We had an amazing woman we never met in person who heard about our adoption plans on Facebook make a very generous donation toward our first adoption. It was extremely helpful for us being able to move forward with our adoption, it was on her heart to do so. And that donation is what helped us reach the final amount we needed to move forward. It was an enormous blessing that we would not have received if we hadn't told others about our adoption plans. Could you use some encouragement as far as some things to know before you adopt? If so I have created a free download for you that's going to do just that. There are 10 things that I want you to know before you adopt. And you can find those in this download. You can get this for free in my resource library. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com. Go to the homepage and scroll to the bottom, you'll see a link there for the resource library where you can get this PDF and many others that are going to help you in your adoption journey. Adoption can be hard and sometimes you just need to know some things before you even get to the step where you're jumping in. So go grab this I know what's going to help. Number five, I talked about this in my most recent episode. Be yourself in your adoption profile. I remember being nervous when it came time to create our adoption profile. It felt like our simple life, our small home and other factors really might not fare well for us when it came time to being selected. It didn't matter. Don't worry about that. Just be honest. God already knows what child or children he intends for you. And that child is going to fit in just fine with your real life. So be real and honest. At the same time, I do recommend that you follow some advice when creating your profile book so you can really catch the attention of a potential birth mom. And you could even have someone help you design it if you'd like. We kept ours simple and used MixBook. We had our adoption agency, look over it and offer any suggestions. You can go back to Episode Nine. If you want to learn more about creating your profile book. Number six, An experienced adoption agency and/ or lawyer is worth every penny. I cannot say enough about our experiences with our agency. Are there moments of frustration throughout the process? Absolutely. Probably more than I can count and probably more than I remember now. But it was not the agency's fault. When I became overwhelmed or frustrated, I was actually able to call our caseworker and talk it out with her. It was amazing. She really became like a friend through the process. Also, we were able to rest in the fact that they were taking care of all the important details, and we didn't have to worry about it. I know that some people choose to adopt without an agency and if that's your preference, and you do your research, go for it. But absolutely make sure you have all the important legal details handled by someone that knows the ins and outs of adoption and all the aspects that go into a successful adoption. And if you meet or you even start working with someone and it doesn't feel right, do not ignore that gut instinct. You want to work with someone that you're confident knows the process, and that cares about doing it right. With our first adoption, we used an adoption agency for everything. And with our second adoption, which was a direct placement, we used an adoption lawyer, and we just went through the agency for our home study, I highly suggest getting a referral for an adoption lawyer. You don't just want someone inexperienced with adoption, handling something or someone so important. Number seven, open adoption is awesome. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't waste any time or energy being concerned about open adoption. Initially, I was so worried about what open adoption would be like. Would we be co-parenting? Would it be too invasive to allow us to form the family bond that's so vitally important? And the answer is no, not at all. I completely understand that open adoption can seem scary and intimidating at first, it absolutely was for me. But now, five years after our first adoption, I've spoken to other adoptive parents with closed adoption that wish theirs was open. They wish that part of the puzzle was complete for their child as well as for them. Not to mention practical things like being able to get medical information if needed. So, if you have felt hesitant about considering open adoption, or you don't even really understand what it means, go back and listen to some of my previous episodes. I think it's episode six and seven dive into open adoption. Number eight, people will make careless comments, do not worry about it. Remember that we as adoptive parents, we are in the minority. Most people you meet do not adopt and it's hard to understand something if you haven't personally experienced it. So, try not to take what seems to be careless comments personally. One comment many adoptive parents get is about your child's “real” parents. I've heard it. Again, try not to take it personally. I know we are our children's real parents. Just smile and know that they most likely mean well. You are your child's real parent in every sense of the word. Number nine, the love of an adopted child is the same. Don't ever worry that you won't love an adopted child as much as a biological child. Yes, there can be bonding issues, but this can happen with biological children as well. And this is also something I'll dive into in another episode. Also, if you just need some encouragement and want to read some encouraging quotes and scriptures about adoption, you can find some on my site. Number 10. If you're a Christian, please remember this. God will guide your adoption process. As I said in the beginning, there are going to be unanswered questions. Try to rest in the fact that God already has it all worked out. He already knows who your future child is. If you just follow his lead and do the next thing in front of you, which sometimes in adoption honestly is just to wait, you will be able to enjoy the journey much more than you otherwise would. So let's recap the 10 things to know before starting your adoption process. Number one, you can afford adoption there are plenty of resources. Number two, adoption is worth it. Number three, the adoption process is often not quick, be prepared for that. Number four, having support while going through the adoption process is very important. Number five, be yourself in your adoption profile. Number six, an experienced adoption agency and/or lawyer is worth every penny. Number seven, open adoption is awesome. Number eight people will make careless comments. Don't worry about it. Number nine, the love of an adopted child is the same. And number 10. God will guide you in the adoption process if you trust in Him. So those 10 tips should really help as you think through whether you're going to move forward with adoption.
Show Notes Episode 9 In this Episode Heather discusses: 5 Adoption Profile Tips The value of being “real” in your adoption journey The importance of respecting birth parents Funding your adoption Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Hello, welcome to episode nine of the for the love of adoption Show. Today we are going to be talking about five tips when creating your adoption profile. Whether this is physical, digital or both, it will be completely unique to your family. So before we get into the tips, let me just clarify what an adoption profile is, why it's used and just what to expect. So when a birth mother chooses to pursue adoption, she obviously has so many decisions to make, but most likely the biggest and most difficult is choosing the right family. So to help her make this decision, she'll receive a selection of family profiles to look through. And again, this could be in physical form, or it could be digital or both. For us, we just prepared an actual physical book, but a lot of times, these are done online as well. And adoptive family profile is basically an introduction to your family, your home and your life. When your family is a potential fit for specific birth parents or birth mom, which can be based on your preferences and different things, then your profile may be one that she views. This is how the birth parents may initially decide if you might be a good fit to adopt their child. Again, we created a physical profile book, but you could also create an online or video profile and this could increase your reach to potential birth mothers. If you're working with an adoption agency, they can likely help you with this and show you some examples. But I have heard from prospective adoptive parents that are working with an agency and they still really needed some tips on how to make their profile the best that it could be. So here we go. Here are five tips that you can follow to help your profile standout number one, speak directly to the birth parents. Write a letter at the beginning of your profile acknowledge that what they are going through is more difficult than you could ever understand and remember that what will be a very joyous day for you will likely be one of the hardest of her life if not the hardest. So explain to her that she is loved and respected. Realize that when she reads this, the baby is still hers and she's trying to decide what is best and who is best to raise her child. When writing about her use phrasing like considering adoption. Instead of choosing adoption and always refer to the unborn child as her baby, not yours. Write this letter from a place of sincerity expressing that you want what's best for her and the child. Let that come through in your letter. Be real and genuine show love and again realize that at this point, this is her child. She's deciding whether to move forward with adoption and whether or not you might be someone she wants to possibly move forward with. Tip number two, paint a picture. Show her what life with you will be like for her child, this woman or possibly this couple who is in the process of making again the hardest decision of their life wants to know that this child will be well loved and taken care of. But she likely wants even more than that she wants to picture the life her child will have with you. Let her in on what that life will be like what traditions are you excited to continue or start? What kind of parents will you be? Are there certain activities you're excited to participate in with your child? Give her a peek into what she will not physically be there to experience be descriptive. Help her really imagine your life instead of something vague like we like to garden, say something like we spend Saturday afternoons picking flowers from our garden to enjoy for the week, we're excited to share a love of gardening. Tip number three, use great photos. This does not mean you need Instagram Perfect pictures, fake looking pictures for all of your images. Start by looking through your photos. Find fun ones that show special occasions or vacations and holidays. Instead of just picking the prettiest ones. Choose ones that show real life that show fun and demonstrate hobbies you love and show your personality. birth mom or birth parents are more concerned with the kind of person you are in the type of parent you'll be than how perfect looking you are. Think about your day to day life and activities. Give her an idea of what it's like. Talk to your spouse about your hobbies and activities and choose some you'd like to share. If you have actual pictures of you doing these things, use them, or if needed, get some new ones taken. Again, these don't have to be perfect. So having a friend take them can work just fine. And use captions for your pictures to describe things. For example, I remember that in our profile book, we included some pictures of my husband and I when we were doing 10k. And I think we use some pictures of us hiking, use things like that, that show activities that you enjoy, so she can imagine the type of life her child may have. Having photos pulled together in a file before you start your profile will be a huge help. So try to gather those before you try to dive into creating it or it gets kind of overwhelming. Look, I absolutely understand how intimidating the cost of adoption can be. When we first started considering adoption. The cost is what almost made us turn away. But I knew that I had to figure this out I had to find a way for us to be able to make this happen. So I spent so much time years figuring out how we could find our adoption, I do not want you to have to spend that much precious time getting this one aspect of adoption figured out. So out of all of that research I did I have created a funding adoption guide. It is over 20 pages long. It includes fundraising ideas, recommended adoption grants, loan options, budgeting resources and more. And just to give you a little feedback from others, Sherry said raising funds for adoption by Heather is an easy to read Practical Guide for those who have a heart for adoption, but may be hesitant to move forward due to lack of finances. This is a must read for those desiring to turn their dream of adopting a child and becoming parents into a reality information that took us few years to glean all laid out in this one resource, it will truly give you a jumpstart in your own adoptive journey. Tammy said the information contained in this book is invaluable. There are so many different ways to raise funds and grants that are available. The author has shared these because of her passion for adoption. And then finally Dawn, she used to work for an adoption agency and that this is such a needed topic, it was so heartbreaking to see people not be able to adopt because of the cost. So look, guys, I get it, the cost can be extremely expensive and intimidating. And it can be what keeps you from moving forward. Do not let that be what keeps you from moving forward. This guide will help you get moving. If funding adoption is what's holding you back to check it out, go to for the love of adoption.com and then shop at the top of the page, and then look for the raising funds for adoption guide. I'm here to support you in your adoption journey. And I know that cost is a big aspect of that for so many. So I'm excited to hear how this helps you. Tip number four, be honest. Just like you want to use real pictures, you should also show the real you don't feel like you have to portray your family in a particular way. Based on what you think the birth mom would prefer. You do not know what she's thinking. And this is not the time to be fake. Keep it real. You also don't know what connection will be made that you couldn't even imagine birth moms choose certain families for all types of reasons you can never even imagine. For example, one birth mom chose her family because the type of dog they had our children's birth mom was attracted to the fact that she saw what she said was a hippyish five and she liked that true story. And she liked it. My husband is a horticulturist and we use real pictures that showed that otherwise she wouldn't have known. You never know what will attract the birth parents that you choose. So just be real. Tip number five, make your profile attractive, even though you want to keep it real, it should be put together. Well. If you're creating a profile book on your own, you can use a company like MixBook or Shutterfly. Once you have it all laid out, you can review a digital proof and maybe even have a friend look over it. Or if you're working with an agency, you could even ask them to look over it, we were really happy with the result we accomplished using MixBook. But don't let this stuff hold you back, take some time to put it together in a way that makes you excited for it to be shared. And remember, there is no one right way to make an adoption family profile. What you decide to include in your profile depends on what you think is most important for prospective birth parent to know about you, but just remember to keep it real. And one last note I want to mention is if you are working with an agency, they are likely going to have a checklist for you in regards to creating your profile that includes certain things that you want to make sure you put in your adoption profile. So if you're working with an agency, be sure to get that from them. So you don't go through all of the effort of creating the profile, and then leaving out things that you need to have included. By following these steps. You really can make an amazing adoption profile that really shows your life and helps describe what this child's life will be like if this birth family or birth mom decides to move forward with you. So just to recap the five points that we talked about to make a great adoption profile number one, speak directly to the birth parents. Number two, paint a picture of your life and what this child's life will be like if they choose you. Number three, use great photos that really show your life. Number four, be honest, this is a time to be real, and let them really see who you are. And number five, make your profile attractive. I hope this helps creating an adoption profile can actually be a lot of fun. So I hope you get some value from this and go make an amazing adoption profile. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 8 In this Episode Heather discusses: 5 Steps to kickstart your adoption journey Types of adoption Open vs. Closed Adoption Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Hi, friends. Welcome to Episode Eight of the for the love of adoption show. So far, I have shared our adoption story. I had an episode on different types of adoption and their associated cost ranges, we talked about some ways to know that you might be ready to move forward with adoption and the differences between open versus closed adoption, as well as advantages and disadvantages. Now today, I'm going to get into five adoption steps to get you started and some questions to ask yourself, if you think you might really be considering moving forward with adoption. These simple steps and questions can just help you in launching that journey. Grab something to take notes on if this is your situation, because you're probably going to want to refer to this or if you're listening at a time when you can't take notes, you might want to come back and listen again later. So the truth is, the idea of pursuing adoption can be very overwhelming. And many people do not know what adoption steps they need to take. Some perspective adoptive parents give up before they really ever even get started. I read a stat recently that 38% of practicing Christians have considered adoption, but only 5% have actually moved forward with adoption. I know one of these reasons is because people get overwhelmed. They think they have to have it all figured out. They just think the process is too overwhelming. And they basically quit before they even get started. I understand it's a lot to think about. Where do you begin? But I'm here to tell you that if you just take it one step at a time, it is a lot less overwhelming. But you might be thinking, Okay, that's great. But what steps do I take? What exactly do I do to begin the process? So again, today, I'm going to outline five simple adoption steps to get you started. And these basic stepping stones could take you farther along in your journey than you can even imagine. They took us to adopting two kids. If you're a Christian, pray right now in every day for God's peace and His guidance as you embark on this exciting journey. I can tell you right now that for us without His peace and guidance, we would not have made it we would not have made it very far at all in our adoption journey, we would not have actually adopted. Okay, let's jump in. Number one. Basic research. If you haven't already started researching, decide on a starting point to gather more information. Will you research online? Maybe look at some adoption groups, maybe some Facebook groups? Will you speak to some friends who have already adopted? Will you read some books about adoption, maybe you'll attend a free informational meeting at your local adoption agency. Or maybe you'll do a combination of these. Just start with one and go for it. You're not committing to anything at this point. You're just learning more just to verify that this is right for you and your family, our journey. If you listen to episode one and two, you already know this but our journey started with doing a little research of our own and eventually attending an informational meeting. If you want to hear more about that you can go back to Episode One and Two I get into quite a bit of detail there. Number two, realize that you don't have to have it all figured out to get started. This might not seem like a step but it is breathe. Hold on to this throughout your entire adoption journey. One step at a time is what gets you to this amazing dream, don't get too wrapped up in all the details in the beginning, adoption can be overwhelming. And it's going to be more overwhelming if you think you have to have everything figured out at once any worthwhile goal when taken step by step is very doable. So again, don't think you have to have it all figured out, just take a step, you might already have some idea of whether you want to adopt a younger or older child, or you might be considering domestic or international adoption. Or maybe you have no idea. That's okay, too. Don't feel like you have to have this all figured out in the beginning. And if you do need more information on different types of adoption, and their possible cost ranges, go back to episode four, where I dive into that, because that might kind of help you know where to start. So we started the process thinking we were going to adopt from China, that was what I thought our journey was going to be. But after attending an informational meeting, we made the shift to pursuing domestic adoption, it's okay to just start gathering information, even if you're unsure if you'll move forward with that particular path. Number three, read some books on adoption. This can be a great way to learn more and prepare for the journey. And these can include practical how tos, or books of encouragement, start with whatever speaks to you. There's really no right or wrong here. And if you need some books, suggestions, you can also find those on my site at for the love of adoption calm. Would you love something simple, that just helps you start thinking about simple steps you can take to start your adoption journey, because it can be overwhelming, right. And sometimes simplicity is what we have to bring back into even something as complicated as adoption, I have created a PDF that is five simple steps to start your adoption journey. These are not big, huge, overwhelming steps. These are some simple things you can do to start moving you in the direction of adoption. If you'd like to grab that for free, you can get it in my resource library, just go to for the love adoption.com. And scroll to the bottom of the homepage and look for the link to the resource library where you can get this free PDF and many others to help you on your adoption journey. Look, adoption can be hard and complicated. But it doesn't have to be in the beginning. Just simple things can help launch your journey. So go grab this. And I really think it's going to help take away some of the overwhelm and just get you started. Number four, start to think about the type of adoption you might be interested in, you want to really start thinking about what you're drawn to. Again, if you're just starting to gather information at this point, you don't have to make any solid decisions. But the adoption process can look different for each type of adoption. So start to consider the following questions. So you begin to get an idea of what your next steps might look like. And again, I just want to say go back to Episode Four if we need to hear more about different types of adoption and their associated cost. So let's dive into what some of these questions would be to help you get clear on the type of adoption you may be interested in. Would you like to consider adopting a baby or an older child? One thing to consider here is that a waiting child refers to a child who's older or a part of a sibling group or maybe has a pre identified medical condition. And oftentimes, these adoptions happen faster, whereas you'll likely wait longer if you choose to adopt an infant. Obviously, this is a very personal decision and one that you'll want to decide based on what your family feels is right for them. I will say infant adoption takes patience. So you need to decide if you are in this for the long haul and you're okay with it taking a while or if you want to choose the type of adoption that's likely to happen faster. So another question is are you interested in adopting domestically or internationally, domestic adoption refers to the placement of a US born infant for adoption by their birth parents who legally consent to the adoption with an adoptive family of their choosing. international adoption is a type of adoption in which an individual or couple becomes the legal impermanent parents of a child who is a national of a different country. Another question, will you adopt privately or will you maybe go through the state foster care system foster adoptions or foster adopt is a form of adoption in which a child is placed into a home as a foster child with the expectation that the child will become legally free to be adopted. And again, I talk about this in Episode Four where I break down different types of adoption. But it's very important to understand that foster care is temporary and adoption is permanent. When you're diving into the foster care and foster adoption world just make sure you have the correct expectations. Private adoptions one of the most common types of adoption especially When it comes to that of an infant in private adoption, the birth parent or parents voluntarily placed their child for adoption. They often choose the family with whom they'll place their child. Birth. Parents can either find a family on their own through word of mouth or profile searches. There's a lot of like adoption online sites where birth parents can go look or via the help of an adoption agency or an attorney. Another question to ask yourself, are you open to adopting outside of your race? Another question, would you consider adopting a child exposed to drugs or alcohol or even with known medical issues? A couple of things you might want to research if you are considering adopting a child with exposure is fetal alcohol syndrome and opioid exposure. I do plan to get into that in a another episode. But that really needs to be an episode on its own. So if that is something that you are considering, then do some research on that. Another question, are you interested in open or closed adoption? Basically, are you open to having any sort of communication with the birth parent. And just one little note here, after years of thinking, I could never consider open adoption. I'm now a huge advocate of open adoption. And just want to say that it's amazing. And I wouldn't trade it. So don't write it off too fast, if even if it feels heavy, because that's how it felt to me at first, do some research on it. Open adoption is a form of adoption in which the biological and adoptive families have access to varying degrees of each other's personal information. As an example, in our adoption, we have contact with the birth mom, I text her pictures, I let her know how the kids are doing. Sometimes we get together, we're very open with our children that they're adopted. They know she's their birth mom, she's very important to us. And we want them to know everything they can about her, we're so glad that she's in our lives. Because of that our kids have a big piece of their life's puzzle that they wouldn't otherwise have. So as long as it's up to us, and it can be a healthy relationship, we've chosen to have an open adoption agreement. And we are very happy with that. Again, you can get a lot more information on open versus closed adoption, and the advantages and disadvantages of each by going back and listening to Episode Six and seven of the for the love of adoption show. But having an idea of your answers to these questions will help determine your next steps. And as you move forward, these initial thoughts might change. But it still helps to have an idea of what you're considering as you research. Just remember things do change, it's okay. We started out very confident that we were going to go with international adoption at first, and then closed adoption. But after learning more, we ended up going with open domestic adoption. And now we can't imagine having it any other way. At this point. If you haven't already, you might want to include others in your adoption journey, such as an agency or an adoption lawyer, so you can really get a clearer idea of what's next. And depending on what type of adoption you decide to pursue, and whether or not you decide to work with an agency that'll help determine your next steps. Number five, think about finances and start formulating a plan. Sadly, this is where a lot of people get stuck. Many types of adoption are quite expensive. If we had let this stop us we would never have adopted. Thankfully, after so much research, we figured out how to gather the funds between our two adoptions, we gathered about $35,000. And much of that was from adoption grants and find raising, if you are going to require financial assistance, which many families do, this would be a good time to start researching options. If there was one thing that slowed us down, it was this and all the time I spent trying to figure this out on my own. If you want to learn the details of how we raise so much, you can actually find my funding adoption guide which goes in to detail on all the different things that we did to raise that money. It goes over fundraising, grants, loans, and budgeting, help and all those things. And you can learn more about that on my site. So I hope that these five simple steps just help you take some action. Let's just recap them real quickly. So you can just think through what you want to do if you're considering adoption just to get started. Number one basic research, jump in, start doing some basic research one way or another number to realize you do not have to have it all figured out to get started do not get hung up on having to have the full picture of what this is going to look like. Number three, read some books on adoption. This can be a great way to really learn more and feel more confident as you step into this journey. Number four, start to think about the type of adoption you're interested in and ask yourself the different question We went through number five, start to think about the financial side of it, start formulating a plan, start figuring that part of it out. That was what took the longest for us. Again, I hope that these five simple steps help you take some action. Even the simple act of picking up a book or listening to a podcast, just taking a single step can do more than you can ever imagine, in turning your adoption dreams into a reality. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 7: Advantages & Disadvantages of Open Vs. Closed Adoption In this Episode Heather discusses: Open vs Closed Adoption Advantages and disadvantages of open adoption Advantages and disadvantages of closed adoption A peek into our open adoption arrangement Adoption terms Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Hi, friends. Welcome back to the For the Love of Adoption Show, Episode Seven. Last week, we talked about open versus closed adoption. And we started looking at some of the differences between them and some of the advantages and disadvantages. If you have not listened to that episode, yet, this is part two. So, I would suggest going back and listening to that first. We are going to continue the conversation today talking about more advantages and disadvantages to everyone in the adoption. So first of all, I want to talk about the advantages of open adoption to the birth parents. So, advantages for the birth parents include an increased ability to deal with grief and loss. There can be a real comfort in knowing how the child is doing. So, when an open adoption is established, and that was the birth parents' or birth mom's wish, that's usually the main reason. It just gives them comfort in knowing how the child is doing. It can give them a sense of control over the decision-making and placement since they get to actually meet and ultimately decide on the adoptive parents, this can give them peace about their decision. It can give them the potential for more involvement in the child's life and the potential to develop a healthy relationship with the child as they grow. Just overall, open adoption can help make the decision to place their child for adoption easier. There's also advantages of open adoption to adoptive parents. This includes the ability to pray for the birth parents by name with your children, or even pray with them. The potential for the relationship with the birth family, more understanding of your child's history, increased empathy for the birth parents, and practically easier access to medical information and records you might need. And then advantages to the adopted child with open adoption, direct access to the birth parents history. The need to search for birth parents is eliminated. You can identify questions that are more easily answered such as who do I look like or why was I placed. And, it can ease feelings of abandonment since the birth parent is still reachable and it helps lessen fantasies like they know the birth parents are real. And it increases their circle of supportive adults in their life. It increases the likelihood of biological family relationships. And in transracial adoption, it gives them exposure to racial and ethnic heritage and that is a really big deal. Now let's talk about some disadvantages of open adoption. So disadvantages of open adoption to birth parents is a potential disappointment if the adoptive family cannot meet all the expectations or needs, or they choose not to later or maybe they have to move. They don't send the pictures like they said they would or the visits. So basically, if for whatever reason the adoptive parents don't continue the contact, that can be a disadvantage of open adoption because you've started that and then it's broken. Disadvantages to adoptive parents in open adoption could be potential pressure to accept openness or not be able to adopt especially with open adoption becoming more prominent. And then potential difficulty with unstable birth parents could be another one. Disadvantages for adopted children. Potential feelings of rejection if the contact stops. Another disadvantage of open adoption for adopted children could be a difficulty explaining the relationship to their peers, and a potential for playing the families against each other. Now, I want to talk about advantages and disadvantages of closed adoption to each person. Advantages of closed adoption to birth parents could be the privacy. Some feel that this provides a sense of closure and the ability to move on with their life. That's probably why our friend's birth mom chose to have a closed adoption, and probably much more. But that's probably one of the reasons. With closed adoption, an advantage to adoptive parents can be no danger or birth parent interference. Advantages of closed adoption to adoptive children can be protection from unstable birth parents. Okay, now let's look at disadvantages of closed adoption for everyone. So disadvantages of closed adoption for birth parents is less grief resolution, due to a lack of information about the child's well-being. They can't send an email and find out how they're doing. And that can be hard. Disadvantages in closed adoption for adoptive parents can be less empathy for the birth parents, no access to additional medical information about the birth family, and less control because the agency may control the information. So if you want to just find out something and you don't have contact, you can't just send an email or make a phone call and find out you may have to try to get information from the agency, and depending on confidentiality, you may not be able to get that information. Disadvantages of closed adoption to the adopted children are possible adolescent identity confusion because they're unable to compare physical and emotional traits to their birth families, limited access to information that others take for granted, and a potential preoccupation with adoption issues because so much is unknown. If you are in the process of adoption or thinking about adoption, but maybe you're a little bit overwhelmed with all there is to learn specifically some of the adoption terms, that you just don't know what they all mean, I get it. I remember learning so much when we were going through the process. And just knowing some of the terms would have gone so far, to just helping me feel more educated and understanding what people were talking about at the agency, and just in any conversations around adoption. So, because of that, I have created a free download of adoption definitions. This is a two-page quick Glossary of the most common terms you will come across while going through the adoption process. This can go a long way in just helping you feel more educated when talking to others about adoption. You can find this in my resource library by going to fortheloveofadoption.com. Scroll to the bottom of the homepage, and you'll see the link for the resource library there where you are going to be able to get this PDF but also many others that can help you along with your adoption journey. I know what's going to help you feel more educated go grab that today. So open and closed and its options obviously are very different. And although there are some advantages and disadvantages to each type, again, open adoption has gained a lot of momentum in recent years. And it seems to be the healthier option when given the choice. However, it is important that you decide what level of contact you're okay with this can grow over time, but the level of openness can vary greatly. And in no way should you step into something that you are not prepared to step into or commit to something that you're not truly committed to. So just to give you a little look into our open adoption arrangement. When we first started pursuing adoption, we really thought we were only interested in closed adoption. Honestly, honestly, the idea of open adoption was extremely uncomfortable and scary even to us at the time. However, our agency informed us that more and more adoptions were at least semi-open. And many birth parents specifically request that adoptive parents are open to at least some level of contact. So many times again, birth parents just want to know that the child is doing well. And they want this reassurance of that throughout the child's life. When you really think about the fact that a birth parent who chooses to place their child for adoption, is making the hardest decision they'll probably ever make, you can understand why they'd want this small return. Our agreement after we gave it a lot of thought, we decided it might not be a bad idea to change our preferences to open if we could help decide how much openness we were okay with. We defined aspects we were comfortable with such as exchanging first names and setting up a private email account where we could send updates regularly. And some things we just weren't comfortable with and that included exchanging personal information, such as last names and addresses But now with our daughter being five and our son, almost four, we have shared last names and phone numbers. And we are now completely fine with that. The relationship just had to grow and get to the point where we were comfortable with that. And we saw that it was healthy and good. So again, our daughter's five, our son's almost four. And now that we have the relationship with their birth mom that we do, we really cannot imagine it being any other way. And we don't want it any other way. It's proven to be a great, amazing comfort and advantage. In addition, she would never, ever have reached out to us and asked us to adopt a second time, if we had not had an open adoption. And if she hadn't been comfortable with us and had a way to contact us directly. I truly, truly believe that because of our willingness to have an open adoption, and because of us living up to what we said we would and staying in contact with her, we have our son, I do not believe we would have him otherwise. Also, she's always telling us how happy she is that she chose us and that she could not be happier with her decision. That means more as an adoptive parent than I can express. That's huge. I want her to be happy with the decision she made, and to have an open adoption with her. And to know that that's how she feels it means so much. Because of our openness agreement with her, we were invited to attend the ultrasound where we learned that our baby boy would be a boy. And without it, we would not have had that opportunity. So now, you can never predict what the future will bring and whether the contact will remain steady. You just can't. Much of that depends on the birth parent. And many times, the birth parents may end up distancing themselves if they just feel it gets too hard. Or maybe life just gets in the way. Maybe they have to move. So many things can happen. But we want our children to know their whole story. We're not going to hold back part of their whole story when we have the opportunity to share it with them. At this time, we have an open invitation for her to let us know if she'd like to get together. When she wants to arrange something as soon as it works with our schedules, we do it. In addition, we send her regular updates and pictures via text message. We believe that the healthiest decision for our children is that they know their whole story as much as possible. We have told them from the beginning that she is their birth mom. And as much as they can understand that for their age, they do. This is going to help them be able to put the puzzle pieces together. We will do whatever we can to make that possible. And honestly, as they get older, it will ultimately be up to them to decide if they want to have a relationship with their biological family assuming the family is open to that. In the meantime, we will speak to our children about their birth mom in love. We will have visits with her for as long as she wants and as long as we're able to. And we will make sure that they know that she made the hardest decision of her life out of love. She made the hardest decision of her life out of love. We want them to know their whole story. And she is such a huge part of that. We do not feel right taking that from them for as long as they can have a healthy relationship with her. We are thankful for open adoption. We're thankful for her. And this is what's worked best for our family. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist, and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 6: The Differences Between Open vs. Closed Adoption In this Episode Heather discusses: Open vs Closed Adoption Why open adoption has become more common The value of open adoption The importance of respecting birth parents Infant adoption Links Mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, and welcome to episode six of the For the Love of Adoption Show. I am really excited to dive into this topic today because it is so important. And, this is one of the things that there's a lot of confusion around and I really just want to share some things with you that I hope will help clear up some things in relation to open and close adoption. So, we're going to talk about open versus closed adoption. So, when making the decision to adopt one factor to consider is if you are going to be open to open adoption, or if you are going to be moving forward with closed adoption. So, what exactly is the difference? And how do you decide what is right for you and your family? First of all, let's talk about open adoption. An open adoption involves some degree of a relationship between the adoptive family and the birth family. This may just be with the birth mom, or it could include birth dad or even extended family. In open adoption, some identifiable information such as names may be shared, and it's up to you or you and the agency to work together to help establish boundaries. In the beginning, based on everyone's preferences, many times what's decided upon will be put into writing. So identifiable information might include first and last names, address, phone number, email address, and more. Or it could be as simple as first names and a private email address you set up that's just for you and the birth parents or the birth mom. Contact may include emails, text messaging, visits, etc. Some adoptions are more open than others or become more open as the relationship builds. And in that case, it could include visits. It could maybe be at the Agency office if you're using an agency. It could be a neutral location, like a park, or if you get to a certain point, it could even be in your home. But prior to the 80s open adoption was much less common. And it might just be that it was before the impact of birth parents and adoptees was really understood. But in addition, there was a fear that many associated with open adoption. I can identify with this because I was this way at first. However, over the last couple of decades, open adoption has become much more popular. And birth moms overall are more interested in this option. They will often request an adoptive family that is comfortable with this dynamic. The type of contact might be limited, but often some level of contact is desired. And it's really important to know that things might change. A birth parent may decide it's too hard and stop communicating. Or there might be other factors that come into play or it might be the opposite, where you start with very minimal contact, maybe just first names and email address. And then you start to get closer, and that relationship deepens and maybe start doing meetings. It's a really hard decision she's making and people can cope with it in different ways. So it's very important to be respectful of her and see you know what she wants and how she wants to go if you are okay with an open adoption. But because open adoption can look different in every adoption, there isn't one specific definition It really comes down to the wishes and the agreements made between the biological and the adoptive parents. In a fully open adoption, the biological family would most likely have direct contact with the child through methods such as email, phone calls, and visits. And of course, the adoptive parents are involved in these interactions. If anything wasn't in the best interest of the child, then you could obviously decide to modify that contact. You always would want to keep the child's interest at heart if there was something that was truly not healthy. So that's open adoption. In a closed adoption, there's little or no identifying information that's exchanged. And some birth parents may not even want to meet the adoptive parents. Many times adopted children want to learn about their birth family later. A closed adoption can make that more difficult. It seems though, to be in general now that closed adoptions usually present more negatives. And a good agency really should encourage the birth mother to request the amount of contact that she truly desires. As an advocate for her, they must consider her best interest as well as the child's and once these preferences have been defined, the agency's job is to work to match adoptive families and birth parents that desire the same level of communication. And this is often accomplished by allowing the birth mother or the birth parents to look through hopeful adoptive parents' profiles. And that could be in the form of a physical book or online, but to look through those who have agreed to the level of communication that she hopes to have. Are you wanting to learn more about newborn adoption and how that works? That is the type of adoption that we pursued. And I have created a 12-step guide to adopting a newborn. This can just help you know what steps you need to take in order to jump into this type of adoption. It can be overwhelming, but when you know what you need to do, what's step one, and then what is step two, it can go so far in helping you dive into this journey and really start making progress toward this dream. So again, I've created a free download that you can get in my resource library. To help you with this, just go to fortheloveofadoption.com. And scroll to the bottom of the homepage, you'll see an option there to get into the resource library. And you will get this download as well as many others to help you on your adoption journey. I know stepping into adoption, and particularly newborn adoption can be overwhelming. But I know this is just going to help you feel a little more prepared and know what you need to do to get started. So, go grab that free download today. Now, there are really pros and cons to both open and closed adoption. The biggest benefit to open adoption is most likely the connection your child could have with their biological parents. This is probably the biggest benefit. This can be especially important as your child grows up, and they're trying to determine who they are and understand their identity. It's hard being someone who's not adopted to really understand that. So, you really have to try to step out of your shoes and imagine not knowing where you came from. This is a big deal. It can take so much of the mystery out of the adoption and help them get answers to questions that they are sure to have. And another practical benefit is that if you have a relationship with a biological parent if you ever have any medical questions, you can simply go ask them. It's really important to understand that an open adoption in no way takes away from your rights as an adoptive parent. It is an addition, not a subtraction. Open adoption is a way to keep the tie between your child and their biological family. If that relationship can be maintained in a healthy manner, it can be an amazing benefit to both your child and your entire family. And I personally would go as far as to say, if that relationship can be maintained in a healthy manner, it's our responsibility to foster that and not to take that away from them. Now closed adoption in comparison, closed adoption is when your family will have no contact with a biological family. So, on the surface, this may sound appealing in some ways. My advice is if you feel this way, just analyze why it's appealing. Is it because it's what you feel is best? Is it really what you feel is best for whatever reason for you and more importantly, your future adopted child? If it is, it may be a good time to think and pray about what God's best is. And just make sure this isn't a decision being made out of fear. In the past, people often chose closed adoption, but again open adoption is now becoming much more common and from what I've seen, it's the norm now, I think it's because when a family researches, really researches they realize the benefits typically outweigh the cons. However, you might find some birth parents that prefer closed adoption. We have friends who've never met their child's biological parents because that was the birth mother's wish, not theirs. They would love to have an open adoption, but it's just not an option for them. At least not at this time. Again, you really have to look at the pros and cons. The benefits of an open adoption can include your child having the opportunity to learn about their biological parents, which can remove a lot of the questions and mystery. It can help them with their identity and their self-confidence, protection for your child against a sense of abandonment. The ability of your child to communicate with their birth family can help limit the sense of abandonment that many adopted children often do experience this. It takes away an absence of a need to search. If your child already has a relationship with their birth family, it eliminates their need to search and an open dialog about any medical issues that may arise. Sibling connections, there's a chance your child may have siblings they would not otherwise have the chance to know if open adoption is not chosen. It gives them affirmation. In an open adoption, it's typical that the birth parents choose you. So, knowing that you met them in person, and you were the ones they chose, can add to the feeling of certainty that this child was meant for you. It can reduce some fear for some adoptive families, the uncertainty surrounding the birth parents can be heavy. With open adoption, the communication with the birth parent can help ease any apprehension. And in transracial adoption, a connection to the birth parents can provide your child with an important connection to learn about their ethnicity. With that said, how exactly does open adoption work? Again, it can vary for each family. You might agree on annual updates and photos or perhaps even regular phone calls or visits. It's really again, up to the birth and adoptive family, often with the help of an agency to define these parameters. The goal is that everyone involved is as happy as possible with the agreement and that it is in the best interest of the child. So, in our case, we have an open adoption with our children's birth mom. And for us, this is very relaxed. It started with an email account set up just for us to send pictures to her regularly and us agreeing to meet a couple of times a year. But it grew to the point where we've now exchanged personal phone numbers and we text rather than email, always texting her new pictures. And we're completely comfortable with that. It took us a couple of years before we got to that point. But we're good with it. Now, we also do visits when it works. We even went to an amusement park this summer, and it was so much fun. We never push. We leave the decision up to her. And sometimes she'll reach out to see how we're doing and see when we can get together, and we'll get something planned. A good idea is to talk to your adoption professional or the agency you're working with so that you can really ask any questions you have. And also talking to other families that have an open adoption can be a great way to learn more. Just remember that just because one adoptive family's open adoption looks a certain way, that doesn't mean that's what yours is going to look like. And the good news is that you get to help determine what you want the agreement to look like. So next time, we are actually going to dive into advantages to the birth parents, advantages to the adoptive parents, as well as the adopted children, and disadvantages to all of these. So, I think that once you hear that as well, it's going to really give you a full picture of open versus closed adoption. So, if you're on the fence trying to make a decision, this can help explain a bit more and help you choose what's right for your family. So, I look forward to diving into that conversation with you next week. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist, and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 5: 4 Ways to Know if Adoption is Right for You In this Episode Heather discusses: 4 ways to know if adoption is right for you How we knew it was time to move forward with adoption Adoption 101 Associated adoption fees (where your money goes) Ways to afford adoption Links mentioned: fortheloveofadoption.com Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hi, friends, welcome to episode five of the For the Love of Adoption Show. I am so excited to talk to you guys. Today, we are going to be talking about how you can know if you are maybe ready to move forward with adoption. And specifically, four ways to know. Let's jump in. So first of all, how did we know adoption was right for us? And how do we know when it was time to really step up and start truly pursuing adoption? And how can you know the same? Honestly, for us, it all fell into place when we started to take a single step. And then it led to the next. So at first when we started thinking about adoption before we really started taking steps and just kind of thinking about it, I guess we just kind of thought the stars needed to align. Before we dove in like we needed to have plenty of money, the perfect house, the perfect jobs, the perfect life. You know, like everyone else has before they have kids. Now, I know without a doubt that even though we weren't, quote-unquote, ready. I know the kids we ended up adopting were the ones that were meant for us. I mean, don't get me wrong, they drive me crazy some days. But they're 100% ours and we love them so much. We love them like nothing else, they were worth the wait. And crazy works for us. It just does. But for us, when we took a step to attend an adoption meeting, that really led to the next step. And then the next naturally, but the steps are not always comfortable. But they still led to the next. So we knew, Okay, this is progressing by us taking one step and it's leading to the next if we had bowed out because of the discomfort we would never have adopted. So I'm not saying everything was just seamless. And just one step perfectly led to the next and there was no frustration or no work now, but each step continued to lead to the next. God was showing us that it was time. So ultimately, the timing was exactly as it was supposed to be. Our faith is what really kept the adoption dream alive. I mean, we knew many, many years ago that we were being called to build our family through adoption. But we didn't know how or when. And we honestly thought we would never be able to afford it. Overcoming that hurdle. Oh, my goodness, that was huge, huge in helping us move forward, there is no way we would have hung on to our adoption dream for so long if it was not a legit calling. So look, if you're called to adopt, and you take the first step in front of you, and it leads to the next and then the next, it's probably time to jump in with both feet and move forward. Because when we faithfully started putting one foot in front of the other, things started to happen. When we just thought about adoption, it didn't happen. Go figure right? But when we started to take steps, God gave us peace about moving on to the next step. And he provided a way we knew it was time to keep moving forward. So sometimes hearing something like that from someone that's already gone through adoption might be all you need to just kind of give you that boost. But other times, you might really be looking for something more tangible to decide if you're ready. I get that because it is a huge decision. So how do you really know when adoption is right? And if the timing is right? Let's be honest, adoption can be overwhelming, right? And, sometimes when you're thinking about adoption when you're considering it, you just need to know where to start. You just need to know, what do I do? Like, how do I figure this out? And what are the basics of what I need to know? Can somebody just tell me the basics? Well, I have put together an eight-page guide, that is Adoption 101. It talks about types of adoption, things to know before you adopt adoption terms, how to find adoption support, which is very important, adoption costs, which we all need to know, right? The steps to take to adopt, books to read about adoption, and even talking to your child about adoption. This is a jam-packed eight-page guide, that really will just lay out the basics for you. Because again, adoption is overwhelming, it is I get it. And sometimes we just need to be able to see something that kind of just talks us through… okay, what do I do? And what do I need to know? That's why I created this eight-page guide, I spent a lot of time on this to really fill it with what I thought were the most important things you need to know, to consider adoption and just get started. If you decide it's right for you, you can get this completely free. Just go to fortheloveofadoption.com. And scroll to the middle of the homepage, you will see an image that says Adoption 101. Because look, if adoptions on your heart, I believe that calling is there for a reason. And this eight-page guide can just help break things down and help you get started. So make sure you go grab that today. Here are four things that can help you decide if maybe it's time. Number one, you cannot stop thinking about adoption. When the adoption bug first bit us it was on my mind, but honestly, it kind of came and went. But after some time passed, it consumed my thoughts. It was like I had to do something about it, it was clear that it was not supposed to be one of those things that I just kind of think about and then never really do anything about I needed to move forward. So, are you feeling like adoption could be the way you build or add your family? Are you drawn to reading things about adoption or listening to podcasts like this about adoption that help you think about it on a deeper level, or maybe like me, you just know in the depths of who you are, that you are meant to adopt, you just know it, you just might not be sure what it will look like yet, or exactly how it will happen. And that's okay, no one does. An adoption journey unfolds usually very differently than you imagine it will. But if you cannot stop thinking about adoption, and if things keep pointing you toward adoption, do not ignore that, because that could very well be how to know that adoption is right for you. That's number one. Number two, your spouse is feeling the pull also. So, although I was the one that got the ball rolling with adoption, it did not take long for my husband to jump on board. And I know that in some cases, your spouse might not be sure about adoption right away as soon as you are, it might take them some time to warm up to the idea. And this can be especially true if your dream was to have a biological child. But you have to let that dream go, then this can be even more so. But if you get to the point that your spouse is very open or even drawn to adoption, that could be a really good sign that it's time to move forward. If you're having conversations with your spouse about adoption, and you both feel interested in pursuing it, or at least learning more, that can be one way to know adoption may be right for you. And then it could be time to start taking some steps forward. Number three, you start to see the bigger picture. When you consider adoption, chances are there's going to be way more unanswered questions than answered. But once something truly becomes a passion or calling, you start to find a way to figure things out, right. And as you do so the picture starts to become a little bit clearer. You'll start to come across information that answers some of your questions. Or if funding adoption is a concern, you might figure out how to gather the funds you need. Or you might come across an adoption agency you feel really good about and you want to work with. The point is that when the picture starts to become a little clearer, that's a big deal. That's a guiding light and that could be how you know that you're ready to move forward. Another way is you're dreaming of your child. When you open your heart to adoption. There are so many things to consider. What age are you open to and so many more. Although you will never know exactly what your adopted child is going to be like, you'll probably start to dream. You may know what name you'll choose, maybe you know that you're leaning toward domestic or international adoption. And you might enjoy time imagining what she or he might look like, what their personality will be like. The point is that when you start dreaming of your child, you start visualizing some sort of an idea of what they may be like, you may be ready to take the next step toward meeting that child. Just to recap, here are four ways that you can tell that you might be ready to move forward with adoption. One, you cannot stop thinking about adoption. Two your spouse is feeling the pull too. Three, you start to see the bigger picture. And four, you are dreaming of your child. With all that said, if you're open to adoption, take a step. And if that step leads to another, keep moving forward. Decide what your first step is going to be, maybe it's going to be to attend a free information session, maybe it's going to be to talk to someone that's been through the process. Maybe it's going to be to learn how you could afford adoption. But if you're open to adoption, and you're starting to think it might be right for you, take a step. And again, if that leads to another, keep moving forward. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist, and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes In this Episode Heather discusses: 5 common types of adoption including Foster Adopt, Domestic Agency Adoption, Independent Adoption, International Adoption & Embryo Adoption Adoption Costs Ways to afford adoption Associated adoption fees (where your money goes) Ways to afford adoption Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, welcome to episode four of the for the love of adoption show. If you listened to my first few episodes, we shared our story, and I set the groundwork to help you understand why I am so passionate about adoption, and just what it means to me and what I know it can do for you. So now we're going to start getting into more of the practical to really help you so today we're going to talk about some common types of adoption. This isn't all the types but some of the most common types of adoption and possible cost ranges. Hello, welcome to episode four of the for the love of adoption show. So if you listen to my first few episodes, we shared our adoption story or stories. And I set the groundwork just to help you understand why I am so passionate about adoption. And just what it means to me and what I know it can do for you if you have a call on your heart to adopt. So now we're going to start getting into more of the practical to really help you. So today we're going to talk about some common types of adoption, their possible cost ranges, and just a little bit of what your money is actually going to. If you're someone that's considering adoption or think you may eventually be considering adoption, I suggest grabbing pen and paper or opening an app on your phone to take some notes. Before we jump in. I do want to make one distinction. One of the types of adoption I'm going to be talking about is foster adoption or foster-adopt. So I just want to take a minute to clarify the difference between foster care and foster adoption. So foster cares temporary adoptions. Permanent foster care is provided to children who are unable to live with their own families for a period of time for whatever reason, and foster families helped by caring for children, usually, while the parents get help that they might need. Foster parents take on the responsibilities of a parent to provide a safe, nurturing and secure family environment for these kids. But the goal of foster care is reunification to their parents. Now, reunification may not always be possible. And if it's not, then that child could become eligible for adoption, but with foster care, reunification is the goal. Okay, so with that distinction, let's jump in. I'm going to talk about five common types of adoption, foster adoption, domestic agency adoption, independent adoption, international adoption, and embryo adoption, foster to adopt. First of all, this is a form of adoption, where a child will be placed in your home for your family to foster but with the expectation that they will become what's called legally free and able to be adopted. Now in some cases, depending on who you work with, you might be able to work with an agency that would allow you to adopt a child that is already legally free. That was in foster care. The adoptive parents can either be the family that was fostering them, or it could be another adoptive family. So in this case, the biological parent's rights will have been terminated by a court and after this happens, the child can be adopted again by either his or her foster parents or another adoptive family. So foster adoption can start with you fostering a child or it could potentially happen if you work with someone who is able to place children where the parent's rights have already been terminated. Now going on to the second type of adoption is domestic agency adoption. Domestic agency adoption is an adoption that is facilitated by a state-licensed agency. This agency is going to provide all of the services This could include counseling, the birth parents, home studies, to the prospective adoptive parents, relinquishment services, and post placement programs. So our daughter's adoption was an agency adoption. It is really the route to take, if you just want someone to handle everything for you, and you don't want to have to figure it out yourself. It's really kind of a one-stop to just get everything done and to have them handle all the different pieces. And they really do handle everything. And many domestic adoptions are open adoptions, a lot of adoptions have turned more open versus closed, which I will be getting into very soon in some future episodes. So if you're trying to wrap your head around open versus closed adoption, and how that all works, then stay tuned because I'll be getting into that soon. The next type of adoption is independent adoption. This is also sometimes called private adoption or parental placement or even direct placement. In this type of adoption, the birth parents and the adoptive parents make an agreement between them that the adoption should go forward. So if you listen to episode two about our son's adoption, that was an independent adoption. So rather than the agency handling everything for us, we went through them for just the home study. And then we personally handled the communication with birth mom, and we hired an adoption lawyer to just handle everything else and get everything finalized. The next type of adoption is international adoption, which is typically handled by an adoption agency. International adoption is also referred to as inter-country or transnational adoption. So it's the type of adoption in which an individual or couple becomes the legal and permanent parents of a child who's a national of a different country. So while parts of the process are similar to what you'd find in domestic adoption, there are other parts that are more complex because you are cooperating with the government of another country in your international adoption process. It will ultimately depend on where you choose to adopt, but all international adoptions must follow certain guidelines and procedures, which a good agency will be able to guide you in next I want to go over embryo adoption when undergoing IVF most couples store extra embryos for future use. Now, these backups often aren't needed and the couple may decide to donate the embryos to other people that are struggling to conceive. So in this case, when using a donated embryo for IVF treatment, a woman can carry her adopted child and experienced pregnancy. So once a couple decides on embryo adoption, they must complete an application get matched with a donor, and legally adopt the embryo then the donor embryo was implanted into the adopted mother's uterus. Now with embryo adoption in Agency helps the donor select adopting parents. The agency also handles many of the details and all the necessary protocols. adoptive parents are encouraged to review information about the donors before choosing an embryo. And this will usually include things like medical records, family history, and more. But like with other types of adoption, they'll also need to decide between open and closed adoption. So again, foster adoption or foster adoption, domestic agency adoption, international adoption, independent adoption, which goes by other names like parental placement, or direct placement, and embryo adoption are some common types of adoption. Now, let's just talk a little bit about the cost. I've got to give a disclaimer here. These are broad ranges, and they can vary greatly, depending on so many things. But I know if you're like me, it can just help to have some sort of an idea of what costs could potentially be. So I'm going to give you really broad ranges. This is just something to give you an idea. So foster adoption can be zero to 5000 or so. Or again, it could be more but the biggest cost with foster adoption is typically the home study. Oftentimes fost-adopt or foster adoption is a less expensive way to adopt agency adoption can be anywhere from 20 to $50,000. Independent adoption can range from 15 to 40,000. International adoption can be anywhere from 25 to 50,000. Again, or more. And embryo adoption can be around 7500 to 19,500 or so, again, these are just broad ranges to give you an idea. Look, I absolutely understand how intimidating the cost of adoption can be. When we first started considering adoption. The cost is what almost made us turn away. But I knew that I had to figure this out. I had to find a way for us to be able to make this happen. So I spent so much time years figuring out how we could fund our adoption. I do not want you to have to spend that much precious time getting this one aspect of adoption figured out. So out of all of that research, I did I have created a funding adoption guide. It is over 20 pages long. It includes fundraising ideas, recommended adoption grants, loan options, budgeting resources, and more. And just to give you feedback from others, Sherry said raising funds for adoption by Heather is an easy-to-read Practical Guide for those who have a heart for adoption but may be hesitant to move forward due to lack of finances. This is a must-read for those desiring to turn their dream of adopting a child and becoming parents into a reality. Information that took us a few years to glean all laid out in this one resource, it will truly give you a jumpstart in your own adoptive journey. Tammy said the information contained in this book is invaluable. There are so many different ways to raise funds and grants that are available. The author has shared these because of her passion for adoption. And then finally Dawn said she used to work for an adoption agency and that this is such a needed topic, it was so heartbreaking to see people not be able to adopt because of the cost. So look, guys, I get it, the cost can be extremely expensive and intimidating. And it can be what keeps you from moving forward. Do not let that be what keeps you from moving forward. This guide will help you get moving if funding adoption is what's holding you back. To check it out, go to for the love of adoption.com and then shop at the top of the page, and then look for the raising funds for adoption guide. I'm here to support you in your adoption journey. And I know that cost is a big aspect of that for so many. So I'm excited to hear how this helps you. One of the most important things to remember when considering the various types of adoption is to get the fee structure upfront. If whomever you're working with is not willing to be upfront, I would absolutely suggest going somewhere else. Whether you're going through an agency or an attorney or doing both for different aspects of the adoption, the best thing is to be prepared and avoid being caught off guard by expenses you weren't expecting. And sadly, there are individuals and even organizations looking to profit from the vulnerability of both hopeful adoptive parents and birth parents. But don't let this deter you to ensure you don't fall into this category. Be sure your agency is accredited and upfront when it comes to all of its billing procedures and look at their reviews and research them. If you get a weird feeling. If something doesn't seem right, go find someone else to work with. Although it can be overwhelming to like start looking at a specific agency and then decide to change if you get a bad feeling I absolutely suggest finding someone else. But back to costs. The bottom line is that out-of-pocket costs may be less than you think. So be encouraged, especially when you consider their other sources of funding like adoption grants, which are huge. Basically, that is how we were able to adopt. And the truth is there are different kinds of adoption and different fees associated with each, some are less expensive, and some more costly. But don't let that weigh you down too much. Because our first adoption, it was it was pricey. We did not have the money. And we were still able to make it work because of all the resources that are out there. And I will get into more of that in future episodes. But here is the list of some of the most common expenses related to the adoption process. Just so you can kind of understand where your money is going. Because I often get the question, why is adoption so expensive? What is the money going to so I want to break that down. So first of all their agency fees, these fees are going to help cover the services that are provided by the agency and its operating procedures. So obviously, there's an agency and there's people working. So there's going to be things like staff office space, paperwork, all the things that have to be done for a home study, which is an assessment of prospective adoptive parents to see if they're suitable to adopt a child. That's going to cost money. And you do always have to have a home study when you're adopting. Next attorney fees. So obviously, a lawyer is going to charge you. So a lawyer who either solely focuses on adoption-related cases, or who takes on adoption clients alongside their non-adoption clients, I will tell you in my personal opinion, I would get an adoption lawyer that knows it backward and forwards and upside down and all the ways and I would not personally go with someone who just says yes, I can figure this out. That is just like maybe a general practice lawyer, I would go with someone extremely familiar with adoption. Another fee that's typically going to be built into the fee structure is counseling. So adoption counselors provide counseling and emotional support to the different parties involved in an adoption or in foster care situations. So they're going to work to ensure that the overall well-being of this newly formed family is being taken care of and they're going to help the birth parents cope with the separation process. Next medical expenses the adoptive parent will Sometimes pay for the infant's medical expenses. If the birth parents do not have medical insurance for them. This could include medical or psychological testing. It could include the hospital stay any needed clothing or food as they wait for placement, and adoptive parents may be asked to pay for temporary foster care. If that's something that's needed, the dossier is another expense. This is a country-specific collection of documents that's designed to illustrate what the prospective adoptive familie is like. An adoption dossier includes everything from a family's medical and financial background to their employment history. Next, we have travel expenses. So all forms of adoption can come with some travel costs. For us, it was simple, we had to pay for gas to drive a couple of hours away. But depending on your situation, it could be more. Another thing is we were able to stay in the hospital when we needed to. So we didn't even have to pay for a hotel. But again, that can be different. And of course, if you're adopting internationally, this is going to have larger travel expenses. Another cost is the birth certificate. Once an adoption is finalized, the original birth certificate is amended, reflecting the adoptive parents as the child's parents. And the original birth certificate is often sealed in many states and remains confidential. Next, there's court cost for all domestic adoptions as well as some inter-country adoptions must be finalized in a US court. So court documentation fees really can range from like 500 to 2000. While the costs for legally representing adoptive parents can range from 1500 to 4000. Again, that's just some idea just to help you as you dive in just to get an idea of what the cost can be, and some of what your money is going toward. So again, our daughter's adoption was an agency adoption, we really appreciated that with our agency, we were told the fee structure up front, and we were made aware of any costs that would not be included. So for us, this included things like creating our profile book, as well as updating our home study. So if you are waiting a certain amount of time to be chosen, you may need to do a home study update. And that could be an additional fee, we did end up having to do that. And I think it was 500. For us the way the fees were broken out was a huge advantage. Because we were able to get the process started, there was a certain amount we had to pay upfront to like get going and the application fee and all that. But then we were able to get the process started. While we worked on getting the rest of the money together. In an ideal world, you'd have all the funds available in the beginning, just in case of a fast placement. However, I will say if we had let that stop us, we would never have adopted with our son, his birth mom, which is also our daughter's birth mom reached out to us directly. So we already had a relationship with her through the adoption of our daughter. And this resulted with us moving forward with an independent adoption. Now we'll say the parental placement our son's adoption was a lot more work for us. Because aside from having the agency do the home study, we had to hire the attorney and deal with court dates, and just all of that, versus everything being handled by the agency. So for independent adoption, you really want to again, get an adoption attorney that specializes in adoption, because you want to know they know everything there is to know and that they're not missing anything. This is so important. So for our son's adoption agency performed our home study, which is a requirement, and then we hired an adoption attorney to do the rest. That's just a little bit about our experiences. But your adoption journey may look very different. So if you're considering adoption, but you have to decide which type this should help you in understanding some of your options. And now you can start to take a deeper dive into learning about the type you feel most drawn to. So in future episodes, I'll plan to take a deeper dive into each type. So keep listening in for that. And I definitely look forward to talking to you next time. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 3: Why adoption is so important In this Episode Heather discusses: The importance of adoption Why you should not give up on your adoption dreams Why adoption is an important option for birth moms God's heart for adoption The hard side of adoption A birth mom's importance Links Mentioned: Home - For The Love of Adoption https://fortheloveofadoption.com/ Resource Library Landing Page (ck.page) https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/resource-library Heather Marshall (@fortheloveofadoption) • Instagram photos and videos https://www.instagram.com/fortheloveofadoption/ Don't have time to listen? No worries! Here's the episode typed out. Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello, welcome to episode 3 of the For the Love of Adoption show. Today is going to be an emotional episode, where I just really want to share my heart with you. This is not something I have really talked about before in any detail. But it's something I feel I have to share. And this is going to tell you where I'm coming from on a deeper level than even sharing our adoption story. I hope you enjoy this. Why is adoption so important to me? And why do I think it should be to others? Why is it such a big deal? That's what I want to dive into. First of all, adoption is incredibly important to create families, and to fill the need for families to accept children that need a loving home, and consistency and a stable home life. And adoption gives women that don't feel they can parent a child for whatever reason, another option, and that's a big deal. There are kids that need stable families and there are true orphans as well that have lost their parents and need families. So that's just the basis of why I'm so passionate about adoption. But adoption is important to God guys! Adoption is a process that makes one a legal son or daughter in a family they were not born into. And the metaphor of adoption is used throughout the Bible to give a picture of how we become sons and daughters of God. Adoption is a big deal! But with all this said, you might think oh, but what about the hard side of adoption? For example, let's say you are in the adoption process and a birth mom says she wants to move forward with you. And, then when she's still in that period of time where she can change her mind, she changes her mind and this child that you thought would be yours, you find out that is not going to happen. What about that side of adoption? Or what about the illegal orphanages and trafficking of children? If you haven't heard stories, there's awful stories around kids being trafficked for profit under the rouge of an adoption orphanage or agency that's not really legitimate. And it's heartbreaking. It's…absolutely… there's just no words for it. This is hard and it's wrong. It's corrupt, it is not okay, and we must fight against it! We have to fight against it! And if you are a family moving forward with adoption, you have to research and educate yourself on proper adoption procedures, and protocols and all the things so that you can better spot red flags, because that stuff is a big deal. And it obviously is not okay. It's heartbreaking! At the same time. None of this negates the importance of adoption when it is done right. And for those called to adoption, there are children that need homes and adoption can be done right. We don't turn on them because of this awful stuff. We don't turn our back on adoption and say, never mind, forget it, it's too hard. There are too many unknowns. We don't do that. Because when adoption is done right, it can be amazing. Because a birth mom saw our profile book, she chose us to adopt her children because she felt that we would be good parents to them. And, we fall short all the time. Oh my goodness. But, we strive to honor that trust she put in us, we love her, we love her, we are so thankful that we have her in our lives, maybe something we do or say could encourage her in a way no one else in the world can, because of the place we have in her life now, having adopted these children she gave birth to. Maybe our call to adopt goes beyond raising our kids, and extends to what we can be in her life. In fact, I know it does. I know it does. And why adoption, because it gave our children's birth mom an option that she felt was best. And without this option, we don't know what she would have chosen, we don't know what she would have done. It gave her an option, an option that she felt was the best, so much so that she chose us twice. It gave her an option, adoption, because God has a heart for adoption. And when he puts adoption on your heart, please hear me please hear this. If you don't hear anything else, in this episode, please hear this! When God puts adoption on your heart, you cannot ignore it! If you feel led to adoption, then that is your calling. And you follow it and you don't let anyone take that from you. Regardless of the difficulty, regardless of it falling through at first, regardless of anything, you hear people saying negative regardless of your family, not understanding why you're pursuing this, regardless of it all. If God puts adoption on your heart, you do not ignore that! You will feel a lack of alignment in your life if you try to ignore a calling that God has put on your heart, especially something like adoption, please hear me on that. That is the difference why we have the two kids we have. God put it on my heart. I could have said this is too hard. I can't do this. I'm not cut out for this. I'm not the kind of person that figures this out. No! But I didn't. I took a step of faith not having a freaking clue what I was doing. And let it lead to the next and the next. If adoption is on your heart don't ignore it, don't! Adoption, because it's how some of us are called to build our family. And I love my kids like I gave birth to them myself. In some way I will never, ever be able to fully understand, they were meant for us. And we were meant for them. They are our children and adoption is what made that so. And I'm so, so thankful for that. I'm so thankful for that. Yes, adoption can be hard. I'm never going to lie and say it's not. It can be tragic. Really every adoption begins with a tragedy. It does. The natural way to have a child and build your family is not adoption. Adoption begins with a tragedy. It can be hard. But when it's done right, it is always worth it. When it is done right, it is always worth it. This is why I am so passionate about adoption. This is why I will shout this message out forever, regardless of what anyone says negative toward adoption, because adoption is an option. Adoption is an option that birth moms have. And that is a big deal. So don't let the naysayers and those that are negative bring you down. If I did that I wouldn't be talking on this podcast right now. There are already so many things that come out about people saying negative things about me being so passionate about adoption. I do not care! I know the message God has put on my heart. I'm here to say it. I'm here to encourage those that I'm there for. If I'm not for you, that is fine. But if I'm saying something that is encouraging you and speaking to you in some way, hear it and take it in because you're the one I'm talking to. You're the one I'm here for. Adoption can be hard, but when it's done right, it is always worth it. Again, this is why I'm passionate about adoption. It's just one way to build a family. But it's a pretty amazing one. It's pretty amazing. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 2: Our Adoption Story: Part 2 In this Episode Heather discusses: Our unexpected second adoption Our open adoption Agency adoption Private, parental, direct placement adoption The ultrasound we were invited to attend Hiring an adoption lawyer Adopting our daughter's full biological sibling The emotional roller coaster of adoption The adoption hospital visit Post-adoption depression Links Mentioned: Home - For The Love of Adoption https://fortheloveofadoption.com/ Resource Library Landing Page (ck.page) https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/resource-library Heather Marshall (@fortheloveofadoption) • Instagram photos and videos https://www.instagram.com/fortheloveofadoption/ Don't have time to listen? No worries! Here's the episode typed out. Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hi, friends. Welcome back to the For the Love of Adoption Show. So excited to be back with you for Episode 2. If you have not had a chance to listen to episode 1, I'd suggest going back and listening to that first, just so this episode makes more sense. But I will give a little recap and also a little correction to something I said last time. At the end of the last episode, I had said how we were happy little family of three. And I had mentioned that had been for 18 months. That was wrong. It was less than a year, for less than a year, we had been a happy little family of three. And our daughter was an easy baby. She slept through the night at three months old. And we thought we were done. And, that we had what we wanted. And then I heard a story that made me ask my husband what if birth mom reached out to us and asked us to adopt again. I heard a story about this family that had adopted, and they had an open adoption and birth mom reached out and let them know that she was pregnant with their full biological sibling and would they be interested in adopting again? And I heard that and I was like, oh my goodness, because we had set in our mind that we were a family of three. That was it now and forever. That is what we thought. So I heard the story. And I asked my husband, what if that happened to us kind of as a joke, like, haha, what if that happened to us? And he was just like, oh my goodness, wow. Like, I don't even know. Like, that's crazy. About two months after mentioning that on our way back from our first vacation as a family of three. We were driving home from Nashville, we received an email from birth mom. We had sent her an email a couple of months before this just kind of giving her an update. And she replied, she was replying to that email. She told us how she had been nervous to contact us. And that she just wanted us to know that she had on her heart that she needed to tell us that she was pregnant again. And would we be interested in adopting this child. That it was our daughter's full biological sibling, and she thought it would be amazing for them to grow up together if it was on our heart to adopt again. I just remember being in the car and saying, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And my husband was like, what, what? What's wrong? I had to have him pull over. I had to have him pull over. And I told him… I read him the email. And he was just like, wow, wow. And it was so many crazy emotions. I remember we had to like stop driving for a while. We stopped at a restaurant after this. And we just kind of sat and tried to process and our minds were just like… we never imagined that this would be our story. My husband was already in his 40s and I was right behind him. We had a baby that was less than a year old. And we thought that we were done. Needless to say, this was not what we had planned. It was all God. And we had a lot of mixed emotions. Not that it was not this tremendous blessing, just that we had to adjust what we thought our “perfect little life” was going to look like and realize things were changing. Our house was small. Where were we going to put another child and just all these things. We just didn't know how it was all going to work out. But we knew that this was amazing and a blessing. And wow, just wow. So, we actually took a day or two to process and just think through everything and try to get our heads around it. And then we responded. And you know, of course, we told her, oh my goodness, we can't tell you how much it means that you would pick us all over again, what a blessing. How amazing that our daughter will get to grow up with her full biological sibling. This is incredible. We kind of talked through to make sure this was really the decision she wanted to make. And she confirmed that it was, and she actually invited us to her ultrasound. And that was amazing. I'm like, oh my goodness, this beautiful woman is inviting us to her ultrasound, to find out with her whether our daughter will have a brother or sister. From that initial email that she sent until the ultrasound, there were some gaps in communication, as well as some gaps after. Before I talk about that, we went to the ultrasound, and we all learned together that our daughter would have a baby brother. And with her timeline for her due date, they would be 18 months apart. That's where the 18 months came in last time that I got a little mixed up on. But they would be almost exactly 18 months apart. We went to the ultrasound, it was incredible. It was amazing that she invited us to something so personal. And I remember her referring to this sweet little baby in her belly as ours. And that was mind blowing. And just wow, wow. Now, this was a different kind of adoption. This was not an agency adoption. This was a parental or sometimes it's called direct placement versus an agency adoption. So with our daughter, we went through the agency, and they handled everything but in this case, because she reached out to us. So, she was obviously already identified, the agency wasn't doing the work to find a birth parent. For us, this was a different type of adoption. Two of the most common types of adoption are agency adoption, and direct placement, also known as private or independent. So, our first adoption was agency. And then this was going to be a direct placement adoption. And there was a lot to learn about the different types of adoption. We had to kind of wrap our head around a lot of things, we had to hire an adoption lawyer and just figure out new terms, figure out how things were going to look. It was just a very different process. But what happened in between the ultrasound, and her actually giving birth to our son was one of the things that we weren't sheltered from because of it being a parental placement. And that was lack of communication. So, we were communicating directly with her. And there would be periods of time where we did not hear from her like months at a time. And during that time, we started to wonder if she had changed her mind. And it was hard. We had adjusted our expectations to have this family of four. And we were wondering, is that really going to happen? It was a roller coaster. We were not sheltered from things like we were with the agency adoption, because we were in it. We were the ones that were coordinating things, much more than what the agency adoption. We just kind of sat back and they handled things and they let us know when something needed to be done. So it was a roller coaster ride for a few months. And it was hard. But we just had to have faith and just say… “God, if you mean for this to be for us, then it will be.” I'm not saying we didn't get frustrated and lack faith sometimes because we definitely had our moments. But, God knew what He was doing even when we didn't. And even though it was harder in a lot of ways because it was a different type of adoption, we did learn how to do what we needed to do. We like I said, we found an adoption lawyer that helped walk us through all the things and like I said, there was a lot to learn. There were new terms to learn, there was things that just seemed different, like the court appointed an attorney specifically to represent our son. We thought that was different and interesting, just new to us. But with all this said, we had to redo our home study. So, during those months, that was one of the things we had to get done. And the agency we worked with was the same agency we went through for our daughter, and they were absolutely amazing. They were thrilled that we were having the opportunity to adopt her full biological brother and they worked with us so wonderfully to just rush things along and get the home study completed so that we could have everything lined up and have no issues when he was born. We ended up receiving a message from birth mom, that she was in the hospital or heading to the hospital to have him. And she said, whenever you guys want to come, please do.We got there a couple of hours after he was born. That was very different for us… interacting at the hospital when she had just had him because with our daughter, she was two weeks old before we met her. Again, that's in episode one. So we went to the hospital, we went to her room. She had family with her and little baby was in there. And it was different because I didn't want to overstep in any way at all. And so, we let her, you know, tell us when she wanted us to hold him. And I remember that first night, the hospital had set us up in a room. We had him in our room, and my heart just started to ache for her. And I just felt like…I asked my husband, I just said, I feel like I should go ask her if she wants to have him for the night, because I knew she was probably going to be leaving the next day or the day after and that she was not going to be there for long. And I just felt on my heart that this was something I needed to do. I wanted to do. So I went to her. And I asked her. I said would you like to have him for the night? And she did. She was very thankful that we asked her that. I think that was a special time. I feel like that was the least I could do is to see if she would want to have him for that night. And she did. And I'm really glad that I did that. Looking back now, I'm really glad that I did that. Once everything was wrapped up at the hospital, and we brought him home, we had to experience some things and get used to some things that were very different from our daughter. So, we had this little girl that was 18 months old. And we had this brand-new baby. And he was not the easy baby that she had been. It was hard to attach to him. It's like you couldn't comfort him. There were so much attachment issues and just fussing. He was a difficult baby; it was a very different. And we went through a period of time of just like, God help us help us know how to handle this. This is so different. And that is when, I have other another episode I'll talk about this. But I went through a little bit of a post adoption, depression, it was not easy. But here's the thing, we did not realize that our family was incomplete until our son came along. But God did know, He knew. He knew the whole time that we were meant to be a family of four, that our daughter and son were meant to grow up together. And He knew. So regardless of how hard it was and the issues we had to work through, we were meant to be a family and God knew exactly what he was doing. And we are so thankful for that. We are so thankful that he allowed us and that birth mom thought enough to reach out to us and give us this opportunity. I just wanted to share that part of our story. So, you know how both of our adoptions went, how they started, and just so you can understand a little bit more about where I'm coming from. And now we're going to start getting into more of the nitty gritty in episodes to help you on your adoption journey. But again, the two types of adoption we personally have gone through are agency adoption, and direct placement, also known as private or independent adoption. I look forward to sharing more practical steps with you in some upcoming episodes. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
Show Notes Episode 1: Our Adoption Story; Part 1 In this Episode Heather discusses: Our adoption story; the long journey to adoption Agency, domestic adoption The Steven Curtis Chapman concert that changed everything Show Hope adoption grant Deciding against international adoption Open adoption Affording adoption Links Mentioned: Home - For The Love of Adoption https://fortheloveofadoption.com/ Resource Library Landing Page (ck.page) https://for-the-love-of-adoption.ck.page/resource-library Heather Marshall (@fortheloveofadoption) • Instagram photos and videos https://www.instagram.com/fortheloveofadoption/ Home — Show Hope https://showhope.org/ Don't have time to listen? No worries! Here's the episode typed out. Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Oh, my goodness, friends. Hello! Episode 1 is finally here. I'm so excited to be here chatting with you today. For those of you that already know me, thank you so much for being on this ride with me and hanging in there and coming here to listen to my first episode of many. And for those that don't know me yet, I'm so excited to share what I hope will be encouragement and hope with you, as well as many practical steps, and really help you in your adoption journey. So today, I am going to be talking about our beginning, the beginning of our story. And I just want to share this so you know where I'm coming from, and just why I'm even starting this podcast to begin with. So I grew up in a dysfunctional home. And I heard things as a young child that really affected me, one specifically was from a parent… “don't have kids, it will mess up your life.” And that stuck with me. I was a young kid, and it really made an impression. So I believed that having kids made life… not good. You know, I grew into a young woman just convinced that kids were not going to be a part of my story. Before I got married, I told my husband-to-be that I did not want kids and I knew he kind of did. And I was like, you know you need to choose here. You either need to not marry me. Or, be okay with not having kids. I wanted to be upfront because I knew it was a big deal for him. I could just tell it was a big deal for him. So he wanted to get married anyway. So we get married and we start living our life. And there were times here and there where he would say something that implied he had hoped I would change my mind. And I would basically say I have not changed my mind. I do not feel differently. I love you. But I told you how I felt and I still feel the same. And so we went on with our life like that. About 10 years into our marriage, we went to a concert, a Steven Curtis Chapman concert. And they were highlighting an organization called Show Hope. And if you're not familiar with this organization, you should check them out. They're amazing. But they're all about breaking down barriers to adoption. This was the first time adoption ever caught my attention. And it caught my attention hard. Something about it was beyond just picking up a packet of information. It was like God took hold of me and said…look at this. This is going to be your legacy. It was crazy. It was literally like a switch where I was convinced kids weren't for us and God told me after this, I am showing you this because this is going to be how you're going to build your family. So I looked through the packet of information and I did start to feel a pull on my heart toward adoption, and specifically in this case, international adoption from China. But it seemed like not the kind of thing that people like us would do. It seemed too much to figure out…too expensive. We just weren't the kind of people that would do this was really what I had in my head. We weren't those people. So even though I had this tug on my heart toward adoption, it was really put on a back burner. I would kind of look up things and research here and there. But I wasn't getting truly serious about it. But I kept feeling like God was telling me, I told you, this is something and this is how you're going to build your family. And I couldn't let that go. It's like He would not let me let that go. So eventually, I would say, goodness…so this concert was probably about 15 years ago, that we went to the concert, it was probably another five years, it was a long time, that we went to an informational meeting at an adoption agency. And we went to the international informational meeting to learn more about international adoption. And we left that meeting feeling heavy, especially my husband, that something about international adoption just wasn't right for us. It just didn't feel right. And we had, we felt burdened, and it just didn't feel like it was right. But we didn't want to forget this dream that God was starting to put in our hearts just because it felt too hard. So I don't remember how much time passed, but a little bit of time passed. And then we went to another meeting. And it was about domestic adoption. Now, I was not very interested, and frankly, a little bit terrified of domestic adoption, because of the often open adoption aspect of it, where the birth parents may have some involvement in your lives. I was very uneducated on open adoption. And it just seemed scary to me. Like, to be completely honest, it just seemed scary. And I didn't think that was what was going to be right for us. But as I learned more, we went to this meeting, we got some information, started to learn more, we started to feel like maybe we would be okay with semi open adoption, where there were some amount of communication. We started to open our minds to that and think, okay, maybe that would be okay. But there was still so much to learn. And it was so very overwhelming. How are we going to afford this? We did not have the money. It was 1000s of dollars, 1000s and 1000s of dollars to do an agency adoption. And there were so many things that concerned me like what birth mom or birth parents are going to choose me with not having a great family history, you know, not seeing that the grandparents on my side are going to be great grandparents to this child. It was just so many things in my head that made me think we're not the people for this, it's not going to work, there was a lot of doubt feeling like it wouldn't really happen. But again, we couldn't shake it. It was a strong pull, that this was something that we were supposed to pursue. So domestic adoption for us did feel more aligned, my husband felt more at peace with it. And we started to feel like okay, maybe this is the route we take, maybe this is what we really dive into and see where it leads. And so we did, we started to get everything going. Well, it took us years because we were learning this all from scratch. And we had no one that we knew that had gone through this process that we could kind of learn from. So we were just doing it all on our own and trying to figure out. Our big thing was financially, how do we fund this because it was not in our budget. So it took us a long time to get all of our money together because we need to basically be able to tell where all of the funding was coming from before we could be on the waitlist. So that took us quite a while. But once we got everything figured out. And, we had our home study done, which we actually ended up having to update a second time because it timed out. So we had two home studies. We had pretty much figured out most of the funding, not all of it, but we kind of had the gist of where the money was coming from. After spending a lot of time figuring that out. And we were at the agency we were a waiting family. So what that meant was, we had done all the things we needed to do to be on the list for them to be showing our profile book to expectant birth parents or expectant moms when it fit. So we were in that stage and we were being shown and it really started to feel like time was just passing. And it started to feel like this is not going to happen. It was a part of us that like had this faith. At least I did and I'm pretty sure my husband did too, that we were called to adoption and somehow, someway, it was going to work out. But there was also this like voice like, it's not going to happen, this is not going to happen for you. Look how long you've been waiting. This is not going to be how you build your family, you're not going to build a family this way. But we would receive notices every now and then from the agency that our profile book was being shown. And then nothing would happen. So that was kind of a feeling of defeat, like, Okay, I wonder why whoever seeing our book isn't picking us. I wonder what it is that you know, is causing them to not choose to want to meet us. But we just kind of, you know, kept on living our lives and started to feel like it was going to be a long time longer than we thought. Well, it had been about three years, it was about three years. And this was back in 2016. And, we received a call from the adoption agency. And they were calling to tell us that a birth mom had seen our profile book, and wanted to meet us. And oh, by the way, she's already had the baby. And that was like, whoa. Because we thought that when this happened, we would be hearing from the agency saying that a mom was, you know, pregnant and was considering us and that we would have some months to prepare. But this was like a call on a Tuesday, and she wants to meet you want Thursday. So we were like, Okay, let's do this. Let's jump in. So we went to meet her on Thursday, at the adoption agency office that was closest to her, we had to travel less than two hours to meet her. And we had about a 45-minute meeting with her at the adoption agency. And she had a family member with her. And after speaking with her for about 45 minutes, she asked us if we wanted to go to the hospital, and meet baby girl. And we had no idea that that was going to happen this day. We didn't know… we thought we were just going to meet birth mom, we didn't expect things to progress so quickly. But she told us she said you guys are it. I know you're the ones that I want to adopt her. And, would you like to come meet her? And of course, we were like, crazy ecstatic. And we were so nervous in the meeting. And it was it was all just insane. I'll talk about that in another episode. But she invited us to the hospital. So we went to the hospital. And she stayed, birth mom stayed for maybe, I don't know, 20 or 30 minutes. And then after that she left and she had already told us you guys are it. She left us to bond with the baby. And it was crazy. It was crazy. This little girl was placed in our arms. And my husband just had the biggest tears in his eyes. And we knew that this was her. This was a little girl we were meant to wait for and we were so happy. I mean completely deer in the headlights but so happy knowing that God called us to this. This is the little girl that was meant to be ours and all of this waiting and all of the even years. I mean, when you really look at the time, it's about 15 years ago, since we first started considering adoption, like as of right now, it was about 15 years ago, guys, my daughter's five. So for us in many ways, it was a 10 year journey. Now, I'm not saying that, that a lot of that isn't our fault, because it is. We drug our feet where we didn't have to in many in a lot of those years. But for us it was about a 10-year journey from the time adoption was put on our hearts until we had her in our arms. But it was worth it. It didn't matter that it was a 10-year journey. This was the child we were meant to have. God had called us to this, and he made it happen. We took a step of faith as he showed us what steps to take. And it happened. And it did not matter that it took that long. At that point, it did not matter. So we have baby girl in our arms. We have established a semi-open adoption at this point where we will… you know arrange visits and such. Our daughter was born in July of 2016. And the next time we saw birth mom was at Christmas. So we went to visit her at the agency. We met at the Agency office and we just had a little get together. It was very special. And we just loved getting to see her again. And it was so crazy to think how we were so terrified of having that connection and how extremely meaningful it is now to have that. But yeah, so Christmas was when we when we next saw her and then for a while we did not really hear from her and we had been told that that was common. That there's so many emotions, we can never even begin to comprehend that a birth mom has to process and go through with the biggest decision of her life that she's made. So, we were just going to be there, we kept sending her pictures, we honored our commitment. We had said we would email her pictures on a regular basis and tell her how baby girl was doing. We did all of that. And we stayed consistent with that. And we just kind of let her know the door was open when she wanted to get together again, we were there. So, with all that said, we were a happy little family of three. We were so very excited that God had blessed us with this beautiful little girl after so many years of waiting and being doubtful at times and wondering God, is this really going to happen? He showed up in the biggest way? And just said, Yes. I told you, I told you this was going to happen. And even through our doubt, he came through, as he always does. So we were happy little family of three. And we stayed that way for 18 months. And then after that, things changed. And we will talk about that more in the next episode. But I hope that this has just shown you a little of our story and given you some encouragement. For those of you that are considering adoption, it is absolutely worth it. For those of you that are in the waiting stage, it is absolutely worth it. So again, I hope that this has offered you some hope and encouragement, and I look forward to sharing more of our story in the next episode. Thanks so much for listening in today. And did you know that I offer a full library of free resources to help you along on your adoption journey, and I'm always adding more. This includes downloads of grant recommendations, adoption fundraising ideas, an agency questionnaire, a hospital checklist and much more. You can find that by going to ForTheLoveOfAdoption.com and scrolling to the bottom of the homepage. And if you have an idea for something you'd love to see added to this library, please send me a message and let me know. I'm always looking for ways to help you on your adoption journey. If you enjoy Instagram, be sure to find me there @fortheloveofadoption, where I love to hang out and share live videos and plenty of adoption tips. I'm always excited to support you in your adoption journey. See you next time.
For the Love of Adoption Show Trailer In this Episode Heather discusses: The topics to be included in the For the Love of Adoption Show Links Mentioned: Home - For The Love of Adoption https://fortheloveofadoption.com/ Heather Marshall (@fortheloveofadoption) • Instagram photos and videos https://www.instagram.com/fortheloveofadoption/ Don't have time to listen? No worries! Here's the episode typed out. Adoption. It's surrounded with so much confusion and misinformation. And how many people never move forward with adoption because of this. Hi, I'm Heather. I'm not an adoption coach or consultant, and I'm not within adoption agency. I'm a mom to two amazing kids I've been blessed with through adoption. And on this journey, I've learned and continue to learn a lot. Most of all, I believe that if God has put adoption on your heart, it's there for a reason. And you shouldn't let all the stuff keep you from jumping in. I'm here to offer you hope and encouragement, and to talk about everything from types of adoption, things to know before you adopt, funding your adoption including grants, the home study process, making the most of your adoption wait, talking to your kids about adoption, and so much more. Adoption can be hard, but many of the best things in life often are. You know what, though? It can also be amazing! I'm here to share what I've learned. I hope hearing from someone that's gone this road before you encourages and motivates you to take a step of faith and see where it leads. I'm doing this all for the love of adoption. Let's dive in. Hello! Welcome to the For the Love of adoption show. I'm your host, Heather Marshall. If you're looking for inspiration and practical steps to help you along on your adoption journey, then you're in the right place. Every week I am going to share my experiences, what I have learned and what I continue to learn as a mom that has been blessed with two kids through adoption. I'm going to share the stumbling blocks we had to overcome to make adoption a reality and how you can do the same if you have a heart to adopt. And, if you are in the waiting stage of your adoption journey, I'm going to help you make the most of that time. Subscribe to the podcast and head over to fortheloveofadoption.com for shownotes, links and lots of freebies to help you in your adoption journey. And, find me on Instagram @fortheloveofadoption. If you like what you hear, please head over to apple podcast and leave me a review and rating. This helps more than you know! And, remember…if adoption is on your heart, I believe it was put there for a reason and that regardless of any obstacles that seem to be in your way, it will become a part of your story if you trust and take the next step.
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