FREE YOURSELF... MY JOURNEY... PLOG-Podcast Blog

  Thankful for the small things in life that show us... That you can still smile through the storm.

  "If you can't handle the truth... Then find yourself a fairytale podcast."

  Beary last Christmas 2024❤️ Beary day after prior veterinarian negligently failed to treat as a critical case. Within 24-hours, Beary was rushed to emergency veterinarian hospital and admitted. She passed away in my arms only 24-hours after being released. I have a long awaited call, conversation with that veterinarian group next week. Beary's cancer could not be prevented... but her lack of care WAS preventable by the veterinarian and veterinarian group/practice. ❤️

  We understand that death is a unique experience each time...

  Where people, who should never had failed me, ended up failing me in life... Animals were there for me. ❤️Me & Sockies-2021

  The person I thought I married... was never real. The person I did marry? A charmer, manipulator, liar, cheater, snake, con artist and sympathy seeker by use of others character or illness. It took me a long time, with counseling, to make peace with the truth. I married a fictional character. That person was only real for a mere... 1 year. One would think, however... If you had a kid, CHANGE for THEM!. Yes, it's that easy

  Research has taught us much about parental alienation, a phenomenon where parents choose a favorite son or daughter, while alienating the other. This sometimes is the scenario of a narcissistic daughter who withholds and turns their own children from siblings. The grandparents are then fearful of the same narcissistic adult son or daughter also withholding access to now, grandchildren. An overwhelming amount of studies emphasize the detrimental effects of parental alienation on the son and daughters overall well-being. The parent-son/daughter  relationship.

  Modern Discomfort

  There are real people out there in this world that are veterans... Who have suffered real injuries and emotional pain.  If you're looking for a quick buck try getting a job at McDonald's. Instead of trying to scam the system.  It's that easy!

  Is it from hatred or strong dislike?.. Or... Does it really matter, when on the journey of healing oneself. Noone should carry such weight around forever on their shoulders.

  Who else is watching the latest government cuts with one eye open... and the other closed?. I started watching all of my VHS tapes from many holidays ago. I couldn't even make it through the first one.

  Tumor marker for a tumor that remains defiant, and always moved on them

  The horse connects with the woman

  Screenshots paint a different side of one's personality. Busy for months making fun, cruel conversations when you turn your back. It's no wonder, I have been feeling the way I have over the week. Eric has a negative energy that surrounds him. It's him. Justified.

  You can't expect the universe to be on your side when you're not a good person. However... You can certainly expect the universe to take sides. Watch, wait, listen.

  10 years ago... Almost as if time stood still. That's how it seems to me.

  There are no excuses for the obvious

  Having people who care about your well-being can provide the motivation and encouragement you need to overcome obstacles and pursue your goals.  Support systems can help you navigate difficult situations, whether it's offering advice, lendering a helping hand, or simply being there for you. *** *Podcast from a few days ago... early yesterday morning, I opened the medical files. The glue I was missing to help understand a lifetime of illness. I got all the answers that I have been needing and more. ❤️‍

  1 in a million chance. Those chances are almost impossible. Unless... the universe speaks. #The Truth Will Set Me FREE

  All the way from 2019 to 2025! Over 6 years later... and she's STILL a baby!?.. ROCK N' CANDY!

  Podcast 4/25/25 When family members are abandoned during illness, it can lead to profound emotional distress, including feelings of shame, worthlessness, and trauma. This can manifest in various ways, impacting their self-esteem, relationships, and trust. Children and adults alike may feel shame and guilt about their illness, when family abandons them. Assuming it's a burden or flaw that caused their family to leave.

  I made that phone call. Another call for help to my birth mother. The need for help, assistance getting into a home because this property will need to be sold. I am still attempting to make a HUGE FEAT solo and it's getting to feel impossible. Even YOU listening... you couldn't get into another home or mortgage or take over, without him co-signing and helping YOU. It's the same thing, I am doing, asking for help, but from someone who should care enough to help me after 3 years of myself, getting nowhere but stressed. But you make me feel bad for asking my own parents? Sorry, I meant, birth mother. Yet, your parents helped raise all of your children. However, I am downgraded and insulted for asking for mere help, assistance. Yes, it's behavior that is nothing but like a double-edge sword. Calling the kettle black, even at this point. If it wasn't for a close friend and cousin guiding me, to understand. I deserve to be cared about, because I matter. If it was not for them. I would not had made that call, because the easy way to had helped me was 3 years ago. A mere signature on a grant form from next of kin, from an organization that helps those going solo as a first time home buyer. My pre-qual budget is not proving promising, in order to find me a home. I have been going in circles, without the help from blood or my birth parents for over 3 years and counting. In one hand, I have a pre-qual that honestly would need "per realtor," around another $50,000 to secure a good home. The reason, because the market where I need to be, where my providers are located is not cheap.  With the constant pain, getting to be OFF-THE-CHART and evolving to SHARP-PAIN down the same leg as the tumor. My time to move is narrow at best and so was the hopes of you actually starting to show any remote of care or concern about someone who is sick and deserved the best. Well... that again was left on deaf ears and once again, not even caring enough to listening to me talk. That is, when your not putting the phone down. You can hear when someone puts the phone down. The same move, and bizarre way to let me know after many years of doing the same thing to me... when it involved, serious matters... "YOU are not WORTHY of my time to even care to listen." That is what putting the phone down and not listening, says to me. It makes adult children choose unhealthy relations, when they lack simple care or concern from their own. Mind you, this came from a trauma therapist. It's a pattern that has taken me years to understand. I feel more so now, than ever before of one of my prior neighbors named, Brenda. The woman who myself and a prior relation befriended. When others considered her different and mean only because she was withdrawn from society. She got hurt. She was hurt from her own family. She unnecessarily struggled, suffered and felt like nothing, but a mere burden. All from her very own. All because she was sick and her health was declining. She was, a mere burden in their eyes. Yet, she soooooo deserved SO-MUCH-FAR-BETTER!!!!!!. I would never take my own life, because of my own family. Her doing so, still haunts me. What I learned from Brenda was wisdom and so much more... how to be sick with still demanding respect and dignity. Demanding so, from your family. Anyone, who keep stressing, that family should help family.... You can't make people care, when they do not. All you can do is keep reaching out to others and remember how you were treated. To not treat others, in turn, who are sick. The way you were treated. I refuse to be on hospice and help by a death dollula where I currently reside, because it is not even within their reach. Or even within reach of my own providers. Not even the same hospital network. Facts. Everyone deserves to feel comfortable. Everyone deserves to feel loved. Those needs are basic human needs, that should easily be given by the people, who should had loved you unconditionally the most. No if, ands, buts or rhyme or reason, about it. No one, who loves someone, let's their very own struggle. Especially when loved ones, make sure to protect that from happening... before they leave this earth. Today, I just realized, to you. I am not worthy of love by you or being cared for, by you or any concern from you... but only through your eyes. My lifetime of illness, was your let down and burden. I couldn't be the rich, success story, that you so-longed for me to be. I could not even bare the grandchildren, that for most... is easily attainable. I was not the baby boy, as once hoped. I was born instead... just me. All of me and my broken pieces of failing health that started young. As a baby. I am glad, you were able to find all the above and even more. From those who provided, what you needed. What I could never, ever be. Understanding patterns, behavior and not-so-smart decisions in my lifetime, isn't so hard to figure out now at an older age. When you finally understand, that sometimes you had no choice in the matter. Because the very people, who should been by your side to help lift you up... were never to be found. I have no clue or idea how to maneuver, through this current part of my journey. Your response of needing help, was to just ask another guy. Go ask Eric. Where you ask, is Eric? Scrambling to find any guy, because you aren't worthy of help, from the very people who should always be lifting you up... is a damning thing to figure out at an older age. By saying those words, every time someone needs help. Can lead to placing a vulnerable time in one's life... into the wrong hands. Women and young ladies, then find themselves in unhealthy relationships, abuse, violence, rape and abandonment. Time and time and time again. By grace and many decades of experience... trials and tribulations. I will, get there one way, shape or form. I may die feeling unwanted, unworthy and unloved by you and others. However, I will never allow myself another phone call, asking for help. I deserve better. I deserved, the best.

  In true life, holiday form... my life. Easter went into a 2-day celebration event. Traditional and Non-Traditional.

  Being "nice" focuses on pleasantness and social graces, while being a "good" person emphasizes ethical behavior and a commitment to making a positive impact. While a good person is often nice, a nice person may not always be good, as they might prioritize being liked over acting with integrity or empathy. 

  It's been another crazy, eye-opener experience when trying to find a property. I truly do not get it, because this should NOT be that difficult. Expecting renters to double deposits, because of small children and/or pets??

  The dungeon 1/4 bathroom

  I always admired, the beautiful house on the corner. The couple and their little dog, always when running into them at the park never hesitated to say, hi! So much rain, flooding over the past few weeks. Yet, it still withstood the elements. That says alot about the house, and even more so about the owners. Well taken care of and perfectly groomed yard! Home owners insurance generally, does not cover flood damage. It is an optional, additional coverage. Crossing my fingers the nice elderly couple living there has insurance.  Across the street is the Angel Park. Where many walks have been enjoyed by myself and the fur kiddos over the years. How surreal, the house that stood, survived. Across the street from the Angel Park.

  Remember the Salon Selectives brand in the 90's?. It made your hair super healthy and grow like a weed! Loreal Vive, Healthy Lengths equal to... if not better. Sure, my hair still comes out and has become super thin. However, it's still growing and that counts

  The days... Just seem to flow ALL together. However, I think we all may just be looking for some much needed DRY weather! Back to utilizing the huge, washable Pee Pads. 7 hours, 2 pads that absorb like a sponge

  Question: Are you in it for solely, the money? Or... Are you in it, for the passion and heart of helping people?. ❓️

  The ridiculous costs for my prescription drugs... keeps growing

  It's never healthy to suppress your feelings. And... When it comes to internal health struggles. It is most certainly, true. Don't suppress.

  By being compassionate and present, you can truly comfort a sick family member. Offer them kindness through small acts of care like adjusting their blanket, making their favorite soup, or simply sitting quietly by their side. Listen to their concerns with patience and reassure. Let them know, they're not alone.

  Evidence of a good life. Nah... Evidence of a GREAT LIFE!  One, that I terribly miss. Get out there, make memories, take lots of photos and don't forget to place them in lots of photo albums. They will one day... be a reminder, proof of a really well-lived life! Remember, the 80's fashion trend, stir-up pants? Zoomed in to

  Typical days off work... too out-of-it, to do anything. Strange, how it wasn't about ever being of assistance to me. More so, of assistance to a son, I never knew I had

  Here's one for memory! I didn't attend my own high school prom, however... I did attend my high school sweethearts prom

  THIS... Is how I remember birthdays in the family

  I won, a temporary overturn of the remainder, of my insurance appeal. Prescription drug coverage. Due to continued cuts with NIH, Rare Cancer Institute research/Federal Funds. My insurance company is not certain, how long my drug coverage will last. Due to so many cuts with federal research funding, this is temporary. I am just thankful to have a break before most likely, another process of appeals. It's been a very frustrating but as well... enlightening process. My providers will also need to remain on the same page, as it was highly advised to look for a new provider, one who did not follow proper protocol.  This contributed to further problems, with the entire appeal process. Right now, I am just taking the time to recharge and focus on life. With the help of another round of steroids, I was able to realize a bit of energy. Finally going through my clothes, that no longer fit. Over the past several months, I have lost a tremendous amount of weight.  I am under 100 pounds now, so my clothes definitely need replacing this week. Along with undergarments and just taking time for overall self♡care.  Valuable time for some much needed recharging!

  This test SHOULD be negative

  When someone is accustomed to neglect, receiving kindness  can feel confusing, uncomfortable and even suspicious... leading them to push it away. One may also doubt the sincerity of the gesture or feel unworthy of it. This can be due to a lack of experience with positive interactions often stemming from past trauma. You may essentially, not have the emotional tools to recognize and accept genuine kindness when it's offered. #Pitfalls Of Trauma 

  A good month, it may take to recharge. What I didn't know? Family or loved ones, can file additional information on your behalf, appeal process

  Watch closely; narcissistic families, cult behavior... How they ban together, to destroy the inner family target. Group chats, family gatherings, phone calls. It isn't about any concern of their family member, target of choice. Instead, it's just a daily checking in among the group. A mere smear campaign of malicious ganging up... what's NEXT on the agenda!. All the way... to the end. How fast the narcissistic family, cult gets rid of their family target... the better! Then, it's onto the next one. The next scapegoat among already trained narcissists, another cursed generation. Rarely, does the narcissistic family, cult break such a toxic cycle.

  Patients should be able to afford their medication because the high cost of prescription drugs can significantly hinder access to necessary treatment, leading to poorer health outcomes, non-adherence to medication regimens, and ultimately, a negative impact on overall wellbeing particularly for individuals with chronic conditions or low income; making affordable medication a crucial element of quality healthcare access. 

  Another weekend...useless help. Yep, doing everything on my own, again. Even with a legal agreement, it's too much energy, trying to make someone understand responsibility... turning agreements into arguments. The excuses of being "tired" are mere excuses. I could easily use that excuse and more... however, one will remember lack of help at closing. When the proceeds from the house/years of hard work on my end, flipping this house... go into my hands.

  Here is a photo of the pee pads. These also worked as a sponge for  basement water issues

  It's times like these... The truly tough times! In the end, you will know exactly what you were built from... or built upon. #TRUE TEST. #TRUE GRIT.

  How do you like your roses? With leaves.... Without leaves? Long original stems... Trimmed in various lengths? Clean and simple for me. Why? It helps the roses to have enough room, to bloom to full potential. Also, change your water daily. Luke warm water with a dash of sea salt. This will help to preserve those beauties

  *This podcast is from last week, right before Valentine's Day. I had Snoreo's vet appointment and mine, which required out-of-state traveling. 3 days later... I can no longer do, that type of traveling. I knew, in time... this would happen. This makes house hunting, far-more-tricky, as I must rely on others to view potential properties.

  2025 Go ahead and close the rest of the year... I won't be complaining. Insurance company, came back less than 4 days later.... I can plan on Federal Court, and in all actuality, I'm ready.

  This podcast, is from earlier this week. I got the latest appeal, decision from the insurance company this evening. Update to follow... Again, I can't stress it enough. EVERY state should have patient assisted suicide. No patient, should ever have to endure MORE than is physically possible or necessary. #Be PROACTIVE