Where's My Burrito?

In this triumphant return episode Christian and Max take a look at their last year of podcasting, speculate on the encroaching possibility of a digitally reanimated Orson Welles, Italian Colonel Sanders, and say “i'd watch that” a whole lot to ideas that will never get made.

In this episode we talk about ways to make the Olympics more metal, the foibles of Matt Damon, Graham Linehan, and Aaron Lewis, and dive into the acerbic political discourse of the UK.

In this episode we speculate about what happens when these billionaires have to be neighbors on Mars, the first dog in space coming back for revenge, the emotional impact on ghosts having to watch us poop, and Biden and Obama's enduring friendship in the face of an international crisis.

In this episode we talk about the weird implications of the Cat in the Hat, reptiles, and chart America's racist history through animated cat musical numbers. Max pontificates on why dogs don't need toilet paper, and Christian details the joys and horrors of having your parents visit you as a full grown adult.

Where's My Burrito? is rebranding as the official sponsor of both the country of Madagascar and Bacardi Rum. Madagascar really loved the work we've been doing lately and reached out to us to hype up its lemur population, gender neutral rectangular clothing, and their nation's love of the proud sport of motorcross. Listen to find out more about what Madagascar has to offer!

In this episode, we talk about British hypocrisy, the carnage of skyscraper construction, Native American Terminators, and Max debuts a new segment. “Max Comes at Carpenter”

In this episode we dive into the True Crime saga of Joe Kenda, the behind the scenes dramatics of school plays, talk about the Brendan Fraser Masterpiece, The Mummy before pitching a Mad Men movie where Betty Francis takes matters into her own chainsaw hands, Grindhouse style.

In this episode we talk about child mortality rates in the not that long agos before pitching a Zack Snyder adaptation of the Bible.

In this boozy animal-themed episode we talk about why camels aren’t the default option for animal transportation, the murderous proclivities of horses, and cure Christian’s arachnophobia by delving into the altruistic sacrifices of the noble spider.

We celebrate Episode 100 by deep diving into Nazi craftsmanship, calling Van Gogh a dang nerd, exploring the motivational racism of Men of Honor, and looking to the past to chart our path towards a hellish virtual Cyberpunk future.

In this episode Christian calls Max Lady Macbeth and refuses to elaborate, we speculate on specks, have a revelation that the Bible is just a confessional of God the Serial Killer, and tell the fascinating true life tale of why the hell calzones exist despite being unnecessary and unliked by most people. We also complain about the MCU because we like to alienate our core audience as much as possible.

UH OH! Christian is getting all UH OH! over here. Superman’s Super Stalking gets out of control and he unethically wages a war on Christmas… Our Irish friend, Seamus stops by and drops Irish conspiracy theories… Christian pitches the next genius evolution in the Groundhog’s day genre… but real talk? this episode is really just about all the UH OH’s

Election Day, a Nebulous Nimbus with the face of Raul Julia, a Palpatine version of Ben Franklin... you know...harbingers for the impending apocalypse.

We trade scatological personal sagas, pitch a less confusing UN, and talk about the election nightmare we’ve been stuck in for what feels like 20 dang years now.

God can’t pay his phone bill and tries to reconcile with his oldest friend, Nicolas Cage reluctantly gives in to destiny and becomes a cage maker, Professor X has to defend his curriculum to a concerned parent, and we have a nice rap sesh about formative childhood fears.

We give Lindsey Graham the Snape-ian redemption arc he needs but doesn’t deserve, check in with God and interview the problematic bee that stung Christian, and lie in wait for the Chekov’s Gun of 2020: Murder Hornets.

Christian and Max take a journey into their pasts and chart the formative global traumas, peaking with their exposure to the apex televisual predator Nancy Grace, that made them the terrified adults they are today. They also pitch some supernatural television shows, Max says “Trans Rights!” and Christian aims to unsolve every mystery in America.

Tom Cruise finally flings himself into the sun and merges with it, becoming the terrifying ultra-star we always knew he could be. Meanwhile Tom Foolery, election-rigger extraordinaire, steps into the spotlight to give the Trump campaign one more nudge toward victory, ants unify the United States and China into the new superpower “Chinerica” and James Cameron discovers 9/11 a few days after everyone else. Joe Biden is ants. Everything is ants. Go ants.

Christian reveals his evil plan to cultivate the ultimate assassins, which basically involves training babies to commit crimes because they’re “sponges”. Max poses more time travel questions, and finds purpose in heckling Christ on the cross.

Christian explains his love of skeletons, we dig into the very real history of rollercoasters and firefighting, and attempt to tamp down the actual Randall Flagg of our times, Tony Robbins.

In this totally not blasphemous episode God appears from the heavens to defend Christian’s joke material, we continue to excoriate Ben Shapiro for existing, and take a trip down memory lane revisiting all of the car-related trauma Max was put through by everyone.

Tommy Lee Jones is out of control and must, must be stopped. His dereliction of duties as an elderly Space Cowboy, a regular Cowboy, and a cowboy-tinged “Law Enforcement Type” are beyond the pale. This Tommy is unleashed, unchained, and unencumbered.

In another installment of an on going conversation…Christian and Max yell about frugality and pharos…I’m not here to teach you what a fucking gerund is…The difference between Snow and SleetCreate their own crypto…It’s a bird, it’s a plane, It’s the Jeff Bezos of Super heroes.What’s your favorite trying?

Greek mythology... The RNC... The origins of the Marvel Universe... How do they all combine? Haphazardly at best.

We kick off this episode workshopping our most cogent and realistic film idea to date: an anthropomorphized surly hurricane that has a love affair with a regular horse, and then fights El Nino, his estranged son. After that this totally serious episode gets into the hypothetically trippy history of the Salem Witch Trials and dance epidemics, reveals Christians dark history with a drug addict puppet, and seriously asks how Batman is in any way helping battle systemic racism.

Disney's America... Trump Vs Lady Voice Lincoln A Civil War TMZ situation... The Infamous Roach Incident... (R)obama... Get Fucked William Henry Harrison... 31 days A Nuclear Deterrent from being an asshole... a greek Version of Fraser.. We pitch evolution of the Octopus... Hectapus

Golden State Killers, Bear Youtube, and Epstein’s main squeeze Ghislaine Maxwell round out a wholesome episode that also features an extended David Carradine auto-erotic asphyxiation bit. Rated E for Everyone.

Rona Runs Rampant… JK Be Terfin…Trump Stumpers in the motherfuckin houseChristian pitches a racial version of that Split diseaseThe many sins and Lies of Christian and MAx are revealedmorally descend into a nightmare version of Annie that is still somehow more cartoonish than the original.

You hear about these Dutch Torture Chambers?What’s the best fruit?Christian doesn’t understand Bananas.Max Watches HamiltonEdgar Allen Poe is overratedRavens need to imagine themselves in the creation of our nation.Shout out to the amazing women all taking the L for the Team.

On this week's installment... Christian calls women dirty pieces of tape...(but it makes sense) proposes a galactic solution to racism... Max give his Top 5 presidential speeches that were given under the influence... begrudgingly give a nazi credit.. Ja Rule needs money... and Xzibit comes out as a fraud.

On this week’s episode…Christian meets wolves…Ponder the Voldemort of Natural Disasters…Christian runs for School Board…give Bear Hitchcock is rightful praise…And Max creates the perfect candidate.

On this week’s installment…Christian is bad at DnD…We take a pit stop in OZ…Make john Goodman a sex Symbol who also may be the devil…Why fandom is terrible…Stroll down Bonnaroo memory lane…Max looks like Riff Raff…Hulk Hogan is a hot dog…and Max is a budget boy!

In memory of George Floyd. Black Lives Matter.

This ep has everything, Syphilis, Admiral Ackbar, George Carlin perpetrating mass tragedies, Something about Pterodactyls and then our nations darkest hour, the systematic elimination of Letters by numbers.

On this week's installment of an ongoing conversation, Spielberg scapegoats Rita Moreno... look back at the failure of the Game of Thrones finale 1 year later... Pitch the follow up series, Thrones '77 set in New York with a Weekend at Bernie's Dany Pitch Finale Fixers, where we fix your finales. Try (and Fail) to make a funny MeToo moment. Nicholson reveals himself in the eleventh hour.

And we're current... Rona Update... Christian Makes his mom watch Breaking Bad... Max watched videos of whales, while Christian imagines his new aquatic overlord, Bruce... Monkey Marx, a victim of his hijacked ideology... Christian Explains brain functions poorly... For fuck's sake, Mom. Stop making DMT.

On the final day of Christian's 20's, The boys talk Coffee, Bubble boys, Mormonism... Reminisce about bad Whiskey Devolve into devious bit called Theater Critic Baby... Ponder Black time travel and end up in TylerTown

In this week’s Cuomo Corner, the boys talk about Cuomosexuals, and the mysteries of Andrew Cuomo’s nips. Christian details the latest Louie CK special, NAMBLA enters the chat, and an aging Kevin Bacon stars in Footloose 2: Ren’s Renvenge. Christian has an extended bit about Randy Newman where he calls him Randall a lot.

In a world run rampant by Rona, Christian and Max talk the hierarchy of Theme Park movie rides... Christian works on a bit where he can be a feminist and a sexist at the same time... Can't remember Autobots in the moment... Christian thinks the nazi's are Indiana jones villains first, mass murders second. Rona Update

in episode 69... God time is Lit... We figure out Bernie's next move... debate video games... Pitch a Flintstones corona drama... Max watches fish videos Christian is scared of monkey magic... Cortes has a shit carbon footprint. and all things are possible thru god... including the first ever 150 million dollar faith based Sci Fi film.

A totally not depressing episode of Where's My Burrito where we detail all of the ways Jared Leto is a totally normal man who is definitely in touch with common people. Also Crypty is back and sassier than ever.

Chillary Clinton and Mitt "i'm a narc" Romney take up some real estate in this mostly Corona-free episode, as well as a sitcom pitch called "Biden and Bernie", a brief bit of speculative Mormon history and the latest installment of Malibu Homicide.

Christian goes into a death spiral over Super Tuesday while Max coins the name 'Pooper Tuesday' and keeps repeating it until Christian begrudgingly accepts it as the new name for the latest in many shitty Tuesdays.

Christian parts ways with his long time co-host Max in favor of Max's mom.

Equal parts extended therapy session and writer’s room, Christian grapples with his inability to take compliments, while we workshop a Coyote Ugly requel, a new American epic about graverobbin’, and break our longest running segment streak with the fourth episode of Malibu Homicide.

Christian proclaims his love for vodka above all things while also educating Max on philosophy and telling a parable about vegetarian retribution. Max regales Christian with tales of a Harry Potter universe that’s set in a blisteringly hot Florida theme park and packed with miserable fanny pack wearing tourists.EP 3 of Malibu Homicide continues the saga and ties with our other most recurring segment, Face/Off recaps. Will we last longer than 3 eps? Yes.

Predators,, Rocky, Buddha crossovers?Christian pitches a sequel to Buffy and Max realizes this masterpiece in real time.Christian Has earthquake realty plansHow you feeling bout this virusand Calm Chris 2020 is formally introduced.

61... We begin with the first installment of a new, weird, probably, terrible improv bit called Malibu Homicide,

Christian processes grief, Max becomes a sitcom star and recounts California's glory days of forced animal fights, and Christian again freaks out about an easily Google-able question.

In honor of this, the boys pivot and make the how a murder mystery hellbent on solving the Biggie/Tupac murders… But almost immediatley give that up to talk about Beetljuice the musical. Christian fixes terrorism while pitching terrorism. Mama McCarty comes to town and Christian moves to LA. It’s an episode chalk full of specialty lawyers, Creepy Arkansans and just a smidge of the most useless super power ever.