You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

If you thought the hidden fees phase of life was the "not knowing why I'm suffering" phase, be prepared. One of the bigger obstacles to overcome is the continual discovery of new hidden financial, physical, mental, emotional and vocational expenses of being an adult with ADHD and/or Autism. The only thing more costly than the coping mechanisms and compensatory self-soothing is the painful awareness of the numerous parts of daily life that require extra effort to maintain.

In this episode we explore the various ways we can experience the range of emotions that define depression; from joy to the absence of joy. Value-based systems that only reward productivity give a false sense of joy which can also lead to depression when being productive or successful in work, relationships, goals and every day life can feel fleeting or underwhelming. Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/how-do-you-experience-joy/

For adults with Autism, anxiety and medication are managed differently which also applies to co-occurring diagnosis like ADHD, depression, and mood disorders (irritability, aggression and meltdowns). Equally important is the Food is Medicine Movement bolstered by Nutritional Psychiatry. Let's dive into the various ways we can manage how we feel.  Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/autism-anxiety-medication/

Growing numbers of adults lived decades before their Neurodivergent struggles were adequately observed, evaluated and treated. Understanding the impact of generations of childhood emotional neglect illuminates the devastating parenting trends that have resulted in rising numbers of mid-late life diagnoses. Which is a nice way of saying, maybe it's not all their fault. Let's explore together. Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/childhood-emotional-neglect/

Decode manageable life skills. To-Do lists can be difficult for Autistic/ADHD adults and require organization, flexibility and prioritization skills.Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/my-manageable-life/

Whether you're at the beginning of your self-discovery journey, or are just learning terms, patterns and definitions, one question you may be asking is… Do I need an Autism diagnosis if I suspect I'm autistic? It's a great question with multiple answers depending on your unique medical history.* Another big factor to consider is ADHD. While it's common to have both, knowing you have both is most important because typical ADHD medications may not work, or be too strong if you also have Autism.Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/43-do-i-need-an-autism-diagnosis/

Combating the chaos sensitivity of everyday life can feel hectic and exhausting especially for your brain. Using the power of neuroscience, did you know implementing an intentional Gratitude Practice for just 5 minutes a day can help flip your brain chemistry out of fight or flight sympathetic nervous system (SANS) and into the regenerating state of rest or digest parasympathetic (PANS)?Read the Episode Companion Post at https://youdontsoundautistic.com/gratitude-is-the-attitude-of-healing/

In this episode Blake and Rachelle discuss what it means to discover you're actually autistic and what to do with that information. We also cover an article on Depression and how best to manage your depression whether you're a man or woman.

Multitasking should be called multi-firing especially when describing the neurological crossfires women find themselves dealing with every day. Still boxed in by gender roles, childbearing, child rearing and household management on top of working to afford today's climbing costs of living, women with ADHD are repeatedly missed and misdiagnosed due to improper evaluation of women's cycles, hormones and scripted coping mechanisms. Women with ADHD and Autism, as Blake describes from his own experience, is like walking with one short leg and one long leg and always feeling off balance and caught between two often opposite socio-emotional responses. 

Anxiety is a familiar feeling. How is anxiety different when you're on the spectrum struggle a bit extra with social interactions, attending entertainment or sporting events (even if it's something you want to do). That's the thing about nervous energy. It's in the nerves and the nerves pick up on EVERYTHING. Then you add in sensory sensitives to lights, sounds, crowds, smells and chaos... even a trip to the grocery store on a crowded afternoon can take a Neurodiverse family down a quiet isle to regroup. It always seems like the most difficult task during those moments is communicating with people in your group, but the silent shot in the dark is when your brain is ramping up into high alert mode and your creative thoughts lose all their energy and focus. Trying to come up with a gameday food plan, for example, becomes an usually daunting task. These are just a few of the things others can take for granted. Not us. These are decisions we had to agree to before we left the house. As we prepare for the NFL Superbowl later this afternoon, we talk about Anxiety impacts us and even more so for Blake. Learning how to talk yourself through your anxiety is a learned skill but it can be learned. 

Big feelings need a safe place to be expressed and supported by people who understand our unique life. After Rachelle joined a few "Mom's Autism" support groups on Facebook, we realized the importance of providing a safe place for Dad's too. The world we live in as parents is unique and often misunderstood. Dad jokes welcome at ADHD and Autism Dad's Group. Then we review Blake's first week on his 6 month journey to lose 85 lbs and all the ups, downs and obstacles that come with starting a physically intense routine and how to take the process step by step while managing the "instant gratification monkey of ADHD" and the daily reality of depression that Blake faces consistently.  Distinguishing "food allergies" from "food sensitivities" and how both impact digestion and brain function in terms of inflammation, nutrient absorption and physical energy specific to gluten, dairy and sugar. Since Blake is working on losing weight, we also review the impact of sugar and insulin resistance due to high cortisol (high stress hormones) especially for women, and how our body converts unprocessed sugar into fat. Yuck. Summing up why nutritionally savvy doctors insist on low/no sugar-dairy-gluten diet for Neurodiverse individuals, maximizing your body's natural ability to operate at a higher physical level can be positively influenced by what we do and what we eat. Yeah but...Ugh!  Reward/Consequence vs. Urgent/Important/Interesting decision-making self-motivation neurological models. The "carrot and the stick" idea. How do you dig yourself out of a depression to do something big like start working out. We turned to the research to review the impact exercise has on the brain in terms of improving learning, alertness, attention and motivation... which are all aspects that help create a new healthy routine like working out and losing weight.   Working out the big emotions of depression that get stuck, build up and feel more and more overwhelming by the day. We talk about a key part of processing emotions as it relates to making a decision about any given emotion, event or evaluation of how we felt in the moment that we don't feel good about. And even then, working through them and knowing who to call is very challenging. Emotions can have roots deep into childhood back when phone books were printed.  Build Your Muscles, Build Your BrainFollow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

Making small daily decisions while navigating ADHD and Autism are difficult enough without adding the need to make a pivotal life change too! Just the thought of that is overwhelming.  Blake found himself in this exact position this week and facing the same fork in his mental/emotional road that either goes left towards another round of procrastination... or right, towards the choice he's been masterfully avoiding. How do you motivate a neurodivergent mind whose brain is fueled by urgent, important or interesting? New routines are not easy. We walk through the process of how he approached this moment in time. We also spend a few minutes talking about how mental health is being approached by a few ladies dating Clayton on The Bachelor and make our predictions for how this is going to play out. Or maybe we got distracted and forgot to say our predictions out loud. Tune in to find out. We also started a new Facebook Group to support Dad's/Men with ADHD and Autism because we believe men who want access to more help should have more options. Mom's have a few amazing tribes already and lean on each well. We want the same safe space for the Dad's/Men who show up everyday too. Rachelle is helping out with the group. Don't make it weird.  Dad jokes are welcomed and encouraged. 

It's a question we're seeing a lot in various groups lately and feelings are mixed about the concept. Life on the spectrum is still largely misunderstood and conditionally judged. Many aspects of daily life, parenting, and thriving come with a very different owner's manual and one that's still be written for all age groups. Blake discusses his feelings as someone with ASD and we look for potential core reasons prompting discussions about a "cure". We also discuss our experience with autism genetic research and second the notion that above all, we need more research, more compassion, more social acceptance and more understanding for Autistic individuals of all ages. Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

What was your light bulb moment when you realized you might be Autistic? Did you stumble across the connections or did someone help illuminate the idea? We high-level review our understanding and awarenesses of autism spectrum disorder over time and discuss the perspective changes and research advancements that continue to help adults find their own missing life puzzle piece.  Adults receiving a diagnosis as an adult face challenges that often receive little to no support and remain largely unrecognized even today. Statistically adults with autism report feeling traumatized before and during the process of discovering their diagnosis. We're raising awareness for the hidden influences of low self-esteem resulting from not having these life answers sooner. With greater awareness comes more evolved and heartfelt solutions. Join us. Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

Daily life is full of unexpected twists and turns which often clash with our expectations and expectations of routines. Staying afloat and learning to stay out of a place of feeling anger and rigidity takes practice and a dedication to find the laughter and the joy of the moment. Moving our physical bodies is also a key component of managing emotions, physical and mental energy, sensory sensitivities, sensory integration, promoting healthy sleep and keeping our brains firing and wiring towards a mental/emotional momentum that can keep us feeling good AND help protect us from getting caught in negative thought/feeling loops. These "feel good" loops or "feeling insecure" loops can make all the difference in boosting our sensory feedback loops to help us build self esteem or keep us feeling stuck and avoidant of other people. It's not a cureall strategy... but it does help. We'll take you through this perspective for both adults and children as we discuss our recent adaptations to our son's schedule to help keep him on track too.Trust us, in 2022... this is a skill you'll be glad you learned with us. Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

Welcome 2022! ADHD and Autism didn't just appear on the planet overnight. The Night Watchman Theory offers an interesting perspective that many agree with that align the unique traits of ADHD to the same traits that our earlier social structures valued to keep us safe at night. Rachelle believes Autism may have evolved from generations of depression or freeze-centered responses to stress. Today, we live in a world that has evolved poorly from a socio-emotional standpoint creating traumatic exclusion our fellow Neurodivergent souls. Trauma that we will heal from over time. As we round year 3 of the pandemic, we notice our values have changed. It's time for our outer world to change to reflect our new values. Instead of thinking "It'll never change" or "I'll never be accepted for who I am" what if we had the bravery to imagine a world that was more socio-emotionally inclusive? Like many outdated structures that unfairly divide us that can no longer persist, what if we created a neuro-integrated world? Can you suspend imagination and allow yourself to wonder "What would I want the world to feel like where I felt accepted for being myself?"  Resources: https://www.additudemag.com/watchman-theory-adhd/Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

How do you successfully reconcile and find the middle between family members with sensory, dietary, emotional profiles on opposite sides of the fight/flight vs freeze Neuro-biodiversity scale?? We've spent 10 years researching this very topic and finally this year managed to pull all the pieces together to create a Happy Holiday experience for everyone.Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertigJoin the Group. Join the Conversation.ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private)You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA)

Has anyone told you "You're too tangential for me"?? For individuals with ADHD/ADD (with or without Autism, Anxiety and Depression) the reality of life is a tangential stream of consciousness. Listen in to discover if you, or someone you love, can relate to Blake while he transparently describes the brilliance and chaos of his mental health routines. Join the Group. Join the Conversation. ADHD and Autism Dad's Group (Private) You Don't Sound Autistic (YDSA) Follow Blake's journey on TikTok at @blakefertig