Let It Be

They say all good things must come to an end ... And while this episode isn't necessarily the end of Let It Be forever, it's the end for now. With that in mind, Kelly and Brooke take the opportunity to bring listeners up to speed with everything they've been up to in the six months since last recording. Hint: they've been rather busy! This is a wide-ranging conversation that covers: The realities of dreams coming true How exposed one feels when they have a new book out, much less two The consequences of making hard decisions What to do when you're a self-improvement writer who is struggling to meet their readers where they are ---- Want to stay in touch with Kelly and Brooke? Brooke and Ben will continue to produce the Slow Your Home podcast while in Canada (yes, they're moving to Canada) while the Straight and Curly podcast Kelly co-hosts with Carly Jacobs will continue on into 2018. Slow Your Home: https://slowyourhome.com/ Straight and Curly: http://straightandcurly.com/ Twitter: @kellyexeter @brookemcalary

In the final episode of this season, Kelly and Brooke answer some cracking listener questions.    After putting a callout in the Facebook group, the girls have been inundated with a whole heap of excellent questions – some of which leave them squirming a little.   In this episode Brooke and Kel do their best to answer the following:   What sort of things, big or small, wind you up to the point that all the theories to deal with it go out the window?  What tips do you have for staying present and in the moment?  Do you have any ideas for stopping self sabotaging?  Doyou have any routine, rhythm or ritual tips for people who don't work a 9-5, Monday to Friday type job?   Do you think you would be so successful without the support of your husbands?  What’s your take on the intersection of MBTI and Gretchen's 4 tendencies? (Obviously this one is for Kelly because Brooke has NFI.)   What are your top podcasting tips?   What is one quality you admire about each other?  What is the one simple/intentional living thing that you struggle to maintain?  What is the one thing you feel guilty about?  What is one thing you wish you had done/attempted 5 years ago??  I would love to hear your strategies for self compassion. How do you recognize your standards are too high?    What would a perfect/ideal day be?

In this episode Brooke and Kelly talk all things minimalism – what it is, why they’re a bit sick of it and what some of their most cherished items are.  Brooke and Kel are both minimally-minded. Both have less stuff than they used to, both like empty space, both like to keep clutter to a minimum and both have spent a long time considering their belongings. But both of them are completely fed up with the most recent iteration of minimalism, and in this episode they discuss why.   Minimalism tends to have two sides – the aesthetic, design-driven minimalism, and the lifestyle minimalism – and recently those two ideas have merged in to one. Upon hearing the word ‘minimalism’ many people now immediately think of Scandinavian style rooms with very little personality, or living out of a suitcase, or owning 15 items of clothing. And those things can absolutely be a part of a minimalist life, but they don’t have to.    Brooke highlights her biggest frustration with minimalism – it’s not about stuff at all, yet that’s what many people focus on when deciding the “rules” of minimalism – and why moralizing based on our level of ownership is a surefire way to alienate people.   Kelly also talks about the snobbery of the “experiences over stuff” movement and why, as someone who loves being in her home and sees it as an experience-giving place in itself, she often feels weird about loving stuff so much.   It’s a really interesting look at the changing face of minimalism, from two people who are advocates for simpler living but aren’t interested in the “must haves” and “how tos” of the currently popular idea of minimalism (much to the surprise of some!)   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

In this chat Kel and Brooke talk about the concept of being ‘broken’ and why there is freedom in the acceptance of our genuine selves regardless of how ‘normal’ we are (or aren’t). In life we’re often told there’s something ‘wrong’ with us that needs fixing. We need to fix our anxiety, our weight, our self-belief, our compassion, our relationships, our mental health… On and on and on until we find it difficult to name a part of ourselves that is completely fine as it is. On and on and on until we realise most of our headspace is occupied by thoughts of trying to be better, trying to be worthy, trying to be good. But after coming across this idea a lot recently Kelly wanted to look at the flip side of all this fixing – that is, what if we all decided we weren’t broken? What if we stopped trying to fix ourselves altogether and just accepted ourselves as we are? How would we feel in life? What would that look like? Would we stop achieving? Would we be happier? Would we feel more content, or would we feel like we were wasting our potential? In this episode Brooke and Kel talk through both sides of the idea of broken-ness, and how they both manage the tension between kindness and acceptance of themselves with the desire to strive or improve or achieve.

Kelly and Brooke answer a listener question about how best to maintain positive changes in life, when things start getting complicated.  In this episode Brooke and Kel answer a question they received in their Let It Be Facebook group recently:   “I just took a 3 month sabbatical and the difference it has made to my self-awareness, daily mindfulness and overall happiness is indescribable. I think it was the mental space created by such a massive change in routine that made everything I've been working on feel like it's finally coming together. Any advice for maintaining these positive changes - in particular the changes to my mental habits - on my return to daily life and the stresses of work?"  This is a big topic for both Kelly and Brooke, as they discuss in this show. Those well-worn tracks of habit and behaviour patterns are well-worn for a reason, and it’s often when life gets busy or difficult that we find ourselves treading the old familiar path again before we even realise what’s happening.   Brooke talks about the importance of awareness, priorities and patience, as well as remembering to be compassionate as we learn how to negotiate these new paths, while Kelly shares her experiences in self-sabotage and how she now manages her behaviour to limit those regressions.   The other really important thing to remember, that both Kelly and Brooke agree completely on, is to give ourselves credit for the improvements we make, rather than lambasting ourselves for perceived ‘failings’. It’s somewhere in this delicate balance between willpower and gentleness that maintenance lies. (Which makes it sound easier than it is!)   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

Kel and Brooke have skirted around this topic for many months, but they think it’s time. Time to talk about privilege. What is privilege exactly? And why is it such an important concept to understand? Brooke and Kel both talk through their own understanding of privilege – from their initial defensiveness towards the idea, through to acknowledgement. It’s a topic that’s often met with resistance or outright anger, and they both talk in-depth about why that is. Kelly talks about the fact that we feel uncomfortable ever acknowledging our own privilege as it challenges the notion that “the harder I work, the luckier I get.” Brooke talks about a Toby Morris comic that gave her a lot of clarity on what privilege actually looks like (and it’s not necessarily about being born in to wealth – it’s far deeper than that) and how it gave her language to articulate privilege without needing to feel guilty or defensive. For Brooke, privilege is essentially about opportunity, while Kel posits it as headspace. Either way, this is a fascinating chat that will hopefully lead to a deeper conversation about the privileges that we are blind to, and those that are glaringly obvious to others. Links: Why Poverty is Like a Disease (https://longreads.com/picks/why-poverty-is-like-a-disease/) – Christian Cooper Toby Morris’ comic strip, ‘On a Plate’: http://www.upworthy.com/a-short-comic-gives-the-simplest-most-perfect-explanation-of-privilege-ive-ever-seen Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!   

This week Kel and Brooke talk about energy levels – specifically, how they manage theirs and why it matters to maintain a decent amount of energy when living a simpler, slower life. Over the past few years Kelly and Brooke have both worked hard to create space in their lives and to give themselves room for less doing and more being, but there’s a really important part of the conversation that’s often missing - that it takes energy to both create, and maintain this space in life. In today’s episode they discuss their thoughts on this, and why it’s been vitally important for both of them to figure out their own energy needs, what works, what depletes them, and how to fit enough of the good things in to life in order to provide enough energy to keep creating the life they want. Both Kelly and Brooke talk about the importance of good sleep and nutritious food, and Brooke talks specifically of her need for a good breakfast! Kel also looks at the impact of her introversion on energy levels, and why high-intensity exercise is her non-negotiable when it comes to boosting energy. They also both talk through their experiences in having energy vampires in their lives and how they’ve managed to either let those relationships go or renegotiated the way they spend time with particular people as a result. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!   

Kel and Brooke chat about their own personal experiences with depression and anxiety in this episode that’s slightly heavier than normal. Recently Kelly and Brooke hosted A Simpler Way in Sydney, alongside their mate Alexx Stuart. As part of Kel’s presentation at the workshop, she shared her story of anxiety and depression – something that has had an enormous impact on her life for many years. Considering that Brooke has also openly shared her experience of post natal depression and that both ladies believe it’s important to speak freely about these issues, they decided to chat about it today. They begin by sharing their personal experiences of anxiety and depression, as well as the process they each went through in recognising that there was an issue greater than ‘exhaustion’ at play. Brooke shares her experience with medication and treatment in the early days, as a mum of two little kids, as well as the management strategies she uses on a daily basis now. Kel shares what the early days were like for her, how she reached out for help and why she always advises people who are suffering to talk to someone. Kel also talks about her current strategies and what happened when she found herself feeling the grip of anxiety again earlier in the year. Interestingly, Kelly and Brooke both look at the initial dark period as a catalyst for some incredibly positive changes in their lives and as a result are far more aware of the impact stress, poor health, sleep deprivation and overwhelm has on their mental health today.

In the first episode back after a few weeks’ break, Brooke and Kel tackle the topic of quitting. They both have some experience in this, as both Kel and Brooke have shuttered businesses in the past which, on the face of it, were quite successful. Today they discuss what lead them to the moment of quitting, what it felt like to make the choice and whether they’ve had any regrets in the years since.  Brooke also makes the distinction between intentional quitting (in her case, a positive thing) and simply giving up on something because it was hard (not such a positive thing) and why her mantra is now, “We don’t quit on bad days.”   Kel talks about the cost-benefit analysis she walks through when considering whether to push on with something or not, and offers some insight into how she’s let go of something she’d invested so much in.   There’s a fine line between the good kind of quitting and the bad, and hopefully this honest conversation about both sides of the coin will give you some food for thought if you find yourself wondering what would happen if you simply walked away.  

In the final episode of this season, Brooke and Kelly look at what it means to be OK with being just OK. Spurred by a comment in the Let It Be Facebook group, Kelly and Brooke wanted to talk about the idea of simply being mediocre in life. That not everything is about striving and bettering and being at the top of your game, and not surprisingly, they have both similar and different views on this. Both Brooke and Kelly are strivers in certain areas, but Brooke is a more go with the flow person in general, whereas Kel likes to do things as well as humanly possible all the time. It’s part of the reason she’s so successful in everything she does. Interestingly though, they both understand the importance of living a life with contentment, not using striving as an excuse to be unhappy. The Facebook comment also touched on the idea of selfishness – is it selfish to not use our talents and strengths to their fullest capacity, thereby starving the world of our gifts – or do we not owe the world anything? Links: Living a Small Life – via A Life Less Frantic  It’s OK to Live a Mediocre Life – via Nosidebar  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

What do you do when the burden of responsibility feels too heavy? How can you reduce that weight without running away from everything and everyone who relies on you? In this episode, Brooke and Kel look at the idea of responsibility and why, at times, it feels so incredibly, exhaustingly heavy. They discuss what those responsibilities look like for each of them, when they feel heaviest, and how they can tell that the burden is getting a little too heavy. Importantly though, they also talk about how to deal with that feeling without resorting to the oft-dreamed-of solution of running away and living in a cabin, and how they both manage responsibility by utilizing strategies such as taking a break, creating or protecting their whitespace and learning to be OK with the seasons of discomfort or overwhelm. They also chat about the option of simply doing fewer things and working out whether the responsibilities are real or imagined. Brooke talks about the subtle but important mindset shift that happens when she acknowledges her choice in bearing most of her responsibilities, that regardless of how heavy it feels and how tough the day is, there is a choice in turning up. And while that doesn’t necessarily make it easier, it does help in owning the decision to turn up – even when we don’t want to. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

A little reprieve from the deep, existential conversations we know and love, this week Kelly and Brooke look at their current reading lists.   Both Kel and Brooke are avid readers, never without a book (or three!) on their bedside table. This week they take a look at what they’re currently reading, as well as those books they’ve recently finished which have struck a chord.   Kelly is probably more likely to read a good non-fiction than Brooke, with a good business or self improvement book often in her list. The ones she’s read recently include Sarah Wilson’s First, we make the beast beautiful, Kate Toon’s Confessions of a Misfit Entrepreneur and Brooke’s own  Destination Simple.   Kel also loves a good fantasy or science fiction read too, and has just finished Hugh Howey’s Beacon novel and Brandon Sanderson’s The Final Empire.   Brooke is an unapologetic fiction lover, who is enamoured with Stephen King’s Dark Tower fantasy series at the moment. She’s up to book four – Wizard and Glass – which is her favourite to date, and Kel is happy to learn that King’s books aren’t all zombie cats and murderous supernatural clowns.   Brooke’s also recently finished Hannah Kent’s The Good People (beautiful and disturbing), Alex Miller’s Journey to the Stone Country and the wonderful, wonderful Skylarking by Kate Mildenhall. Thrown in the mix was also Sarah Wilson’s newest book (which is very very beautiful and raw and smart and wise).   It’s a really fun chat between two massive book nerds, and Kel and Brooke have a great time discovering new titles and discussing the reasons they love the books they do.   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

  In today’s episode, Brooke and Kelly talk about the idea of acceptance, and why it’s not necessarily the same thing as giving up or giving in.   Kelly is a relatively new convert to the idea of acceptance – particularly in the way she views it in terms of control – and shares how learning to live with the idea of acceptance (sometimes, at least!) has helped her to let go a little of worries and future problems.  Brooke also shares her thoughts on the idea of acceptance and why sometimes it’s a positive thing to roll with the punches of life, while other times it can be an easy excuse for not fixing things that could be fixed, and perhaps even should be.   As always, the girls discover it’s a delicate balance that looks different to everyone, and the level of acceptance that works in one part of their own lives won’t be applicable in other areas. It’s also worth exploring what we do and don’t have control over, as this is a good place to begin to understand what we have to accept, and what we’re able to change if we want to.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Change is a topic that comes up a lot on Let It Be, and both Kelly and Brooke are advocates for embracing change, but what happens when it feels like life is constantly in flux? We can view this as a frustration, that we need to be constantly on the lookout for changes in our attitude, behaviours or circumstances OR we can view it as simply part of life. That is, we change. We evolve. We learn and grow and become different. As a huge fan of change, this is something Brooke feels really positive about and it’s interesting to hear Kel talk about her own experience of growth vs fixed mindset. Kel and Brooke also talk about the difference between regression, recalibration and falling off the horse, concluding that change is part of life and while there are times that we will slip back into habits we’d prefer to move beyond, it’s OK to recalibrate regularly. In fact, it can lead to amazing things. Also check out the details for A Simpler Way in Sydney on April 30 over at asimplerway.com.au Show Notes Come join us in the Let It Be Facebook group Say hi on Twitter and IG #letitbepod Subscribe via iTunes

Kelly and Brooke could have gone a few different ways with this week’s topic, but they decided to focus on giving up on bad things. Specifically, how to do it and when to know it’s time.    There are a few parts at play in giving up on the negative things in our lives. Firstly, we need to figure out what they actually are. And while some are obvious (bad relationships, unhealthy habits) others are very ingrained into our daily behaviours and may not even seem negative to begin with.   Kelly and Brooke talk about the ways in which they’ve identified negative things in their lives, and the roadblocks we often throw up in our own way in order to stay in the comfort zone (regardless of how uncomfortable it actually is).    They then talk about some of the negative things they’ve given up over the years, if it was difficult (it was) and why they think it’s tough to give up on things we understand to be negative in the first place.   At its core, many of these changes come back to awareness. That is, paying attention to how different elements of our lives are making us feel, and then having enough understanding of ourselves, our motivations and our actions to know how to start moving away from the negative.   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Kelly is often credited as being a highly disciplined person, but lately has been wondering – is discipline over-rated?  While it may well be true that Kel is a disciplined person, Brooke has never been accused of the same thing and has spent many years telling herself that it’s just who she is.   But as the girls chat it through, it becomes clear that discipline can mean many different things and while it’s now synonymous with a highly routine, spreadsheet-wielding way of getting through the day, it actually doesn’t need to be such a rigid thing. And once that becomes clear Brooke starts to see she may just be more disciplined than she thought.   This is specifically tied to the idea that a disciplined person makes getting things done look easy, but it’s the getting things done that matters. It’s often still ugly or hard or not a whole heap of fun, but discipline is what causes the gears to turn regardless, and this is a big mindset shift away from the idea of there being ‘disciplined people’ and ‘undisciplined people’.   Of course, it ties very closely to the notion of habits and willpower too, and as a self-confessed habit junkie, Kel talks about the ways discipline can lead to habit building and vice versa.   Such an interesting chat about the systems and beliefs that essentially drive both Kel and Brooke to action every day.  

One of the most common ideas Brooke and Kelly talk about on Let It Be is the importance of self-awareness, and why a high level of self-awareness makes the goal of “less doing and more being” a much simpler one to work towards.  What does it actually mean to be self-aware, though? And if one isn’t a self-aware person, how can they possibly work to improve their level of awareness? Brooke believes that all self-improvement stems from self-awareness and in this episode talks about her own understanding of self. She looks at her experience in mindless living – the years where she was the exact opposite of self-aware. She also shares how she began moving away from this mindlessness, with slow steps towards paying attention, and how the gradual emergence of her own awareness has changed virtually everything in her life in the years since. Kelly also talks about the importance of self-reflection and why cultivating a network of people who you can rely on for feedback as you begin developing your self-awareness is such an important part of the process. As is often the case, Brooke and Kel also come back to the idea of being OK with discomfort throughout the process of becoming self-aware. It often brings to light elements of ourselves, our behaviour and our choices that make us uncomfortable. But instead of giving into that discomfort, both Kel and Brooke encourage that we embrace it because on the other side of discomfort is growth. Links mentioned in today’s episode Carol Dweck’s book: Mindset 

You know that overwhelmed feeling. The one where everything feels too big, too complex, too hard, too much. It’s a feeling that everyone has experienced on the odd occasion and today Kelly and Brooke talk about how they deal with it.    In an ideal world we would head this feeling off before it became a big issue, but so often we find ourselves doing the opposite – avoiding the problem and focusing on busy-work instead. Kelly shares a recent experience of this kind of self-sabotage and Brooke shares how gardening becomes her go-to avoidance technique when she’s feeling overwhelmed.   But instead of giving in to procrastination, how can we avoid or minimize overwhelm in the first place? Brooke and Kelly both have some really practical strategies that will stop that spiraling feeling in its tracks, as well as some encouragement to simply accept that life sometimes happens that way.   They also talk about what causes this overwhelm in the first place – ego, expectations, obligations, a lack of realistic time management – and why it’s so important to begin to recognize those tendencies in ourselves so that we can stop overwhelm from becoming a constant companion.    Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/letitbepod/) and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke! 

Recently, a listener asked a question in the Let It Be Facebook group about how to maintain a positive attitude when faced with relentless negativity: “I'd like to hear what you'd say about staying positive and zen in the midst of high-strung coworkers and friends. People are constantly complaining about how hard it all is and it's awkward to not agree with them. What do I talk about if I can't complain about being too busy? How can I have more positive conversations? How can I talk about what I'm grateful for in my life without seeming like I'm bragging? I'm taking your advice but I feel like I'm in constant battle against the negative tide of all small talk.” In this episode, Kelly and Brooke discuss their personal experiences in dealing with a resident Debbie Downer, as well as some practical strategies in dealing with negative people. They also talk about the value of therapy, learning to compartmentalise the negativity and also meditation in dealing with this kind of situation. They also talk about the common problem of maintaining our personal positive outlook, without sounding like a Pollyanna or a braggart. Brooke’s straightforward advice: you don’t need to own their negativity and similarly, you don’t need to own their reaction to your positivity. Be you! Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/letitbepod/) and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!

Brooke and Kelly have very different approaches to how they structure their days – Kelly is a big fan of structured routine while Brooke embraces the more fluid idea of rhythm – but as they discover in today’s conversation, both approaches deliver them to essentially the same outcome. They discuss the difference between a routine and a rhythm, why they’re helpful in living a more intentional life and whether there is a big difference between them or if routine/rhythm is really the same idea with a different name. They also talk through some of their personal rituals – from the simple act of noticing nature to waking up with birdsong – and why these tiny moments form the basis of their mindfulness practices, even (or especially) on a busy day. Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke! Links and Resources: Destination Simple

To celebrate 50 episodes of therapy/sanity, Brooke and Kel answer some wonderful listener questions in this week’s episode, including:    What's the thing you're proudest of about yourselves that isn't “measurable"?  If you could have any job, what would it be?  How do you balance your needs, aspirations and goals with your families (or other significant others?)  How did you guys define the values and passions you always guide your life towards? What kinds of questions did you ask yourselves?   Do you practice what you preach?  My husband only listens to people who aren't me, so what resources would you recommend to help him keep organised?  I regularly practice mindfulness and its wonderful BUT I often find myself getting angry and frustrated at other people's lack of mindfulness. Do you have any suggestions for how I could think about these situations differently?  Do you have any tips on getting kids to listen to you?  What is the one dream you hope to achieve this year but fear you may not?  See? A cracking bunch of questions which Kel and Brooke have a lot of fun answering.   Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!   Links and Resources:   The 4 Tendencies - via Gretchen Rubin  Happier with Gretchen Rubin Paul Jarvis Carl Honore’s books

Kelly and Brooke are back for another year of navel-gazing and deep conversations.  Brooke and Kel often talk about the importance of living a values-based life, one where they act in alignment with their priorities, but the question is often asked: how do we uncover those values in the first place?   In today’s episode, Brooke talks about the emotional exercise she used to discover her personal values, while Kelly gives a great insight into the very practical approach she uses for determining her own values.   Unsurprisingly, the approaches are quite different but the outcome is similar: having a strong understanding of core values has led both Kel and Brooke to make decisions and actions based on what’s important to them, rather than simply being a passenger in their own lives.   Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group (https://www.facebook.com/groups/letitbepod/) and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!    Links and Resources:   7 strange questions that help you find your life purpose - via Mark Manson: https://markmanson.net/life-purpose  Eight weeks to a better brain - via the Harvard Gazette: http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/ 

This is the final show of 2016, and considering it’s been a year for the books for both Kel and Brooke (literally!) the girls decided to take a look back at the good, the bad and the…interesting. Kel moved in to her long-awaited dream home this year, published 2 incredible books and made some huge shifts in mindset this year, while Brooke started a business with her husband, got a two-book deal and stopped listening so much to her inner mean girl, and is reaping the benefits of that every day. Working through a great Year in Review exercise designed by Busy Bee at www.betterthanbusy.com  (you should check it out - it’s great) Kel and Brooke answer questions like: What worked for you this year? What did you enjoy doing? Who did you enjoy spending time with? What didn’t work this year? What didn’t add value this year? What do you want to spend less time on next year? What do you want to spend more time on next year? The answers are super interesting and highlight just how much both Brooke and Kely have changed this year. And begs the question - what’s in store for 2017? Be sure to join the Let It Be Facebook group and head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke!

Now, this is an interesting episode. Again, inspired by a question from one of the Let It Be members in the Facebook group, Kelly and Brooke this week look at the topic of control. Specifically, when is a desire for control helpful and when does it become a burden? Kelly and Brooke come at the control issue from very different places, as Kelly freely admits she’s a control freak (to a certain extent, anyway) who feels more at ease and more productive when she’s in control of her physical surroundings. Brooke, on the other hand, used to cling to the idea of control as a way of dealing with her anxiety and depression, but over the past couple of years has really learnt to let go and find freedom in not being in control at all. It’s fascinating to hear the different points of view on control and its impact, but super interestingly, both Brooke and Kel agree that there’s a big difference between controlling our environment and controlling Life (and people) and that this is often where the tension of control lies. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

This week Kelly and Brooke talk about something that's come up a few times in the Let it Be group on Facebook - the topic of FOMO - the fear of missing out.  Not really one for FOMO Brooke talks about the reasons she used to fear missing out and the fact that most of it was related to her self-esteem. As that’s improved, she’s discovered she no longer really cares about missing out, and only uses FOMO to motivate her when she’s been in a bit of a rut. JOMO, on the other hand, is something she embraces wholeheartedly! Kelly similarly has discovered that the more she recognises her choices in life, the less she fears missing out on things. It’s that realisation of choice and agency that can form the antidote to excessive FOMO, and that’s something both Brooke and Kel discuss in this episode. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

In today’s episode Brooke and Kel answer a great question submitted via the Let it Be group on Facebook. Glenda wanted to know if Brooke and Kelly had any thoughts about how to arrive at a realisation or lightbulb moment more quickly.  As practised navel-gazers, this one is right up Brooke and Kel’s alley, and they have a really interesting conversation about why we can take as long as we do to come to some realisations, and, conversely, why other times we can arrive there in no time at all. They also talk about the necessity of going through a process in order to learn what needs learning, and the benefit of coming out the other side of that, which is, the next time we need to tap into that knowledge or self-awareness, it won’t take us nearly as long to arrive.  One of the key parts of the conversation is also about backsliding - why it happens, what we can do to avoid it, and how going through the learning is our greatest tool in arresting the backslide before it gets up too much momentum. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!  

In today’s episode, Brooke and Kel tackle another listener question about community. Carla asks: "I'm interested in your views on community… especially since you're both introverts. How do you overcome your introversion and shyness and feel part of a community IRL? What defines a community for you?” Both Kel and Brooke talk about the importance of community a lot, but both struggle with the people-heavy nature of what that actually looks like, so in today’s show they discuss why it’s worthwhile, but also how they both manage to involve themselves in various communities without burning out. It leads to an interesting conversation about what actually constitutes a community, and whether that’s different from a ‘tribe’, as well as practical strategies for dealing with the inevitable small, awkward talk that can come from meeting new people. Brooke also talks about the fact that you won’t necessarily have a great deal in common with those in some of your communities, and how realising and accepting that can help take some of the pressure off. This is a great episode for anyone who struggles to get involved, or doesn’t want community-mindedness to take over their lives, as well as anyone who’s suffered through multiple conversations about the weather. (It’s OK. We’ve all been there!) Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

What is enough? How is it defined? Why is it defined that way? This is an eye-opening conversation between Brooke and Kelly that proves equally surprising to both of them.Kelly and Brooke came into this conversation with totally different ideas on the direction it would take - Kelly initially assuming they’d talk about ‘enough’ in terms of money, and Brooke assuming the conversation would centre on ‘enough’ in terms of self. Never ones to shy away from differing points of view though, this episode sees Kel and Brooke go deep into both ideas of enough-ness, despite the fact that money makes Brooke feel incredibly un-comfortable and brutally aware of the privilege of even having that conversation. When the conversation turns to enough-ness of self, and how we can learn to embrace it, Brooke realises she’s changed a lot since recording the infamous Inner Mean Girl episode earlier this year! Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Can guilt ever be a good thing? Kelly and Brooke talk about their own experiences with guilt and where it’s had a positive impact on their lives. In this episode, Brooke and Kel tackle a listener question about guilt. Tara specifically wants to know how to deal with the different types of guilt she experiences: comparison, shoulds, deserving and the guilt of happiness. Not only do they work through each of their experiences with guilt (and for two non-Catholics, they sure do have a lot of it!) but also different strategies for dealing with each type of guilt. Brooke also uses pop culture references (Daredevil for the win!) to work through her thoughts on the usefulness of guilt and why it can sometimes be a good thing. Her and Kel talk about listening to that pang of guilt and using it to focus our attention on the places it needs to be. While Kel goes to great lengths to avoid ‘bad’ feelings, this idea of using guilt as a guide rather than a nasty thing to be avoided opens up a great discussion on using those negative feelings to drive self-improvement and live more intentionally. Head over to letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Kelly has never hidden the fact that she has a complicated relationship with gratitude, as for her, it ties so closely to privilege and ‘first world problems’ . Brooke, on the other hand, is a big fan practising gratitude and credits it with helping her overcome some of the lowest moments over the past few years.  Today they talk about why gratitude can so quickly become a guilt-laden exercise (I’m so lucky and others are not) and one that works against itself, as well as offering some practical ways of incorporating more gratitude into your day without slipping into Pollyanna Mode. Kel also comes to realise the core of some of her discomfort with gratitude, and how that can impact her ability to fully feel her emotions (the good and the bad). Kel and Brooke also talk about how to install gratitude (but not guilt) into their kids. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Kelly has recently finished reading Mark Manson’s new book, The Subtle Art of Not giving a F*** and was struck hard by what he calls Manson’s Law of Avoidance. So aside from the fact that Kel now wants to discover and name a law of something (Exeter’s Law of Providing Value in Conversation has a nice ring to it?) the law itself really struck a chord. Manson explains that, “The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid doing it.” “That means that the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, how you believe yourself to be, the more you will procrastinate ever getting around to doing it.” Given recent episodes where Kelly and Brooke have discussed change and assumptions and the pain involved in shifting our habits, this is an awesome topic to dive deep in to. Not surprisingly, they come at it from very different places. Kelly from a place of personal improvement and Brooke from a place of fear. What neither of them really expected though was for it to be so uncomfortable, and to delve in to the idea of not being universally liked.   Head over to the Let it Be wesbite to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

In today’s episode Brooke and Kel talk all about writing. Specifically, what it is they like about it, what they find difficult and why they continue to write in spite of the fact that it can be difficult. Brooke is in the middle of writing her first book while Kelly is actually in the process of completing her third book right now, so writing is very much front and centre for both of them. As people who write (albeit less now that they’re podcasting multiple times every week – the irony is strong in this one!) the question is: why? Why do we write? Why is it important to commit our thoughts to the page on a regular basis. Kelly talks a lot about the impact she wants her words to have on the world, while Brooke finds writing helpful in figuring out exactly what she’s thinking. Brooke also shares that she’s really enjoying the writing process so far – though maybe that’s because her deadline is still a comfortable distance away.  Both Kel and Brooke have other writers they look up to, and both girls share their tips and insights from their respective (unofficial!) writing mentors. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Have you ever met someone who made you challenge your assumptions? Or someone who forced you to stop and question the stories you were telling yourself?  In today's episode Kelly talks about the frustrating experience of meeting someone like this - a complete contrarian whose constant questioning challenged her to rethink her entire worldview - and the changes that have come as a result. This experience leads in to a great conversation between Brooke and Kel about the stories we tell ourselves and the assumptions we make, as well as the challenge that is changing them.  Both Brooke and Kel have had experiences that forced them to challenge their assumptions, and today Brooke talks about her recent realisation regarding chakra cleansing (YES. SERIOUSLY.)  It's always interesting to dig in to the stories we tell ourselves and the obstacles they put in our way, but as Kel and Brooke discuss today, so much growth lies on the other side of them it's almost always worth asking the question, "Why?"  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” (Nelson Mandela) Both Kel and Brooke have had to make some pretty massive life changes after reaching breaking point over the past few years, and in today's episode they talk about change - more specifically, why they think it took them getting to that breaking point to actually make the changes they needed. What both Brooke and Kel realise in today's conversation is that self-awareness is key in making adjustments in life before things get to breaking point, but also going through the breakdown and subsequent transformation is what has given them that self-awareness. Kelly also talks through a blog post of hers that explores the seven reasons you can’t make changes you want (and how to overcome them), which includes: We feel trapped/like we have no options I’ve tried changing but nothing works This is just how life is I know changes need to be made, but I’m too exhausted People won’t accept the changes I need to make unless things are desperate Surely if I just keep pushing I’ll get there (but we don't actually know what 'there' looks like I don’t deserve anything better than what I’ve got right now Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

It's not often Kelly and Brooke get to record their conversations in person, so when they knew they'd be attending the Problogger conference together in early September, it was too good an opportunity to pass by.  Given previous episodes where both Brooke and Kel have shared their discomfort at attending big, busy events, networking, meeting new people and walking in to a room full of strangers, they thought a discussion on comfort zones would be fascinating. Add to that the fact that Kel didn't have the opportunity to prepare ahead of recording, and you have a very timely exploration of comfort/discomfort.  Turns out Kel and Brooke have similar ideas on what happens when they stay inside their comfort zones too long, as well as what happens when we intentionally put ourselves outside them. Kel talks about the idea that 'nothing good ever comes on this side of your comfort zone' and both she and Brooke share some examples of a time where getting comfortable with being uncomfortable has paid off. Brooke also talks about being more confident to head out of her comfort zone these days, and the need to return to it sometimes in order to recallibrate and learn. Such a fun and interesting conversation this week and great listening for anyone looking to expand into the unknown or uncomfortable - even just a little.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

This week's episode explores the idea of 'home' which turns out to be a super fascinating topic for Brooke and Kel as they really couldn't be more different. Kel prefers to be at her home in Perth more than anywhere else in the world, whereas Brooke has an insatiable wanderlust and would happily live on the road forever. In fact, she finds herself feeling anxious just at the thought of having to stay in one place for the rest of her life! In this episode Kel talks about why home, as a place, is so important to her and how it helps her to feel at ease and in control of life. Conversely, Brooke shares why home isn't a place to her, but rather the rituals and relationships that happen inside a place. Interestingly though, Brooke is discovering that as her kids get older and roots start to grow a little deeper, there is a slowly growing feeling of being anchored and she talks a little about why that's challenging for her. One thing both Kel and Brooke agree on though is the idea of home being a place of security and safety, and how fortunate they are that this is the case. Such an interesting one this week! Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

If you've listened to the show for any length of time you might suspect that Brooke and Kel are somewhat introverted, (or possibly a whole lot introverted!) and in today's episode they chat about what that means to them, how it impacted them growing up and the obstacles and benefits of being introverted as an adult.  They talk about the difference between being introverted and being shy, and why you can be one without the other, as well as coping strategies they both use when they find themselves in intense social situations. Brooke also wants to make something clear - she isn't aloof! She simply has a life-long case of RBF.  Getting to know ourselves - our quirks, strengths, weaknesses and weirdnesses - is a key part of creating a more contented life, and both Brooke and Kel have done some hardcore exploring over the past few years. Understanding who they are and why they tick has helped to not only create that contented life of more being and less doing, but it's also lead them to a greater sense of calm and self acceptance too. Which has little to do with being an introvert and more to do with spending time getting to know ourselves.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

After an impromptu mid-year break Kel and Brooke are back!  We all experience the red-hot bubbling feeling of resentment occasionally - be it in a romantic, professional or social relationship - and in this episode Brooke and Kel dive into what resentment actually is, how they personally experience it and what measures they've put in place to minimise the negative impact it's had on their lives.  Kel shares a recent experience with resentment at home, how it manifested itself, and what she did to stop it from becoming a poisonous influence on her relationship. Brooke talks about the realisation that so much of her anger stems from resentment, and specifically her frustration with not communicating clearly what she needs. Brooke also talks about the importance of self-awareness and learning to 'feel your feelings', identify what's causing them and communicating what you need, as a way of combating resentment.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Today Brooke and Kel talk about the idea of going fast some times, in order to go slow in others. And it's this juxtaposition, this seemingly contradictory approach to how we spend our days, that's at the heart of slowing down and living a more intentional life.  Far from the assumptions that her life is now slow and relaxed ALL THE TIME, Brooke shares her love for 'fast' and the effectiveness of a good deadline pressure, as well as her tendency to front-load her work in order to have regular go-slows.  Kel is far more organised in her approach to going fast to go slow (which surprises no-one) and shares how she creates blocks of time in her days where she has permission to do things in a less efficient way. Brooke is not particularly efficient so this idea is mind blowing.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

'Me Time'. It's a phrase that makes both Kel and Brooke cringe, so in today's episode they unpack why exactly that is.  They talk about their own idea of me time (not a pedicure or a facial in sight!) and why it took them so long to understand its importance. Brooke talks about the seasons of life and how some times a 3 minute grab of quiet is all we're going to get, as well as the change in her life this year as both kids have started school.  They talk about the perception of me time as being selfish and entitled, as well as the opposite ways they were raised to think about think about it. After tiring of saying the phrase 'me time' 167 times in this episode, they've also decided it needs a rebrand!  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Most weeks Kel and Brooke sit down to chat with a topic in mind, and they have a decent idea of where the conversation will end up. Then there are conversations like today's.  They could have spoken about the things they've been learning recently, or the ways in which information has changed their points of view. Instead, they went the literal route and started off talking about school! Kel loved school and missed about 5 days in total, while Brooke was often found loitering in the sick bay, coming up with reasons why she wouldn't attend the next day.  Interestingly though, both Kel and Brooke had similar learning experiences throughout school and both needed to develop their critical thinking skills significantly as young adults.  The conversation does eventually come back to how Brooke and Kel each prefer to learn, as well as the cycles of learning they each find themselves in. Sometimes they can't get enough new information while other times you'll find them curled up in bed reading The Hunger Games for the 67th time.   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show! 

Brooke is a reforming perfectionist who takes issue with the idea of a 'perfect' anything, while this year Kel published a book called Practical Perfection. So when the topic of perfectionism came up recently the girls had two immediate thoughts: 1) why hasn't this come up before? And 2) this is gonna be interesting.  Recently Brooke had a big lightbulb moment, as she realised her perfectionistic tendencies had actually been holding her back. It was only when she actively began shedding the idea of perfect that she was able to make great strides in so many areas of her life that had been stuck for years.  Kelly, on the other hand, has become very adept at managing her perfectionism, rather than trying to banish it completely. She also is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to the different types of perfectionism, how they affect us (and those around us) and the different strategies needed to either manage or move away from them when they become damaging. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

 Occasionally Brooke and Kel like to take a week off their signature navel-gazing conversations and tap into a lighter, more personal topic. This week they're talking about downtime. That is, what they do in theirs, how they protect it and why family downtime is different to personal downtime (spoken like true introverts!)  Brooke recognises that it's important to be organised throughout the week in order to have downtime over the weekend, but also recommends a lowering of standards in order to take some of the pressure off.  Kelly and her family fiercely protect their weekends and she also talks about the shift her and her husband have made in getting off their laptops in the evening hours.  They also talk about their favourite TV shows, what activities they like to do in their downtime and why early mornings are the saving grace of their busy days.  It's another fun one!Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Today's episode is another one based on a listener email, this time from someone struggling under the weight of others' expectations.  Kelly has some fantastic insights into both how to deal with these expectations and how to frame them when we start to feel overwhelmed. As well as highly practical ways of facing up to the issue rather than letting it fester and become a bigger issue than it needs to be. While Brooke is a huge proponent of the motto, "Not my problem,"  she understands that it's undeniably more complicated than that and suggests tapping in to our priorities in order to see what we will and won't feel pressured by.  It's another curly one, and the girls have a great chat about their own experiences in managing expectations, as well as the lessons they've learnt over the years. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Last week Kelly received an email from a listener struggling with constant worry. And considering Kelly could worry for Australia, the girls thought this would be a great topic for today’s episode.  Brooke is more of a reformed worrier, coming to realise there is very little power in constant and obsessive worrying. She understands that there are times where it is a legitimate response but for the vast majority of her time she simply asks if worrying will help change things, and she’s discovered that the answer is more often no than yes. Kelly, on the other hand, has a whole range of strategies in place to minimise the impact worrying has on her life and she walks through some really practical suggestions for anyone who finds themselves consumed by worry.     Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Brooke and Kelly are often asked if they really practice simplicity in life all the time, and the answer is a resounding no. But rather than feel like a failure because of it, both Brooke and Kel quite like the idea of going against their best advice, at least some of the time. In this episode they talk about the idea of backsliding into previous bad habits and why that can actually be a good and powerful reminder of why they made changes in the first place. They also talk about how much better they are at recognising a backslide now, and why that's really the key in making long-lasting change, rather than the ability to stick with it 100% of the time. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Brooke has been fairly open throughout these podcasts about her struggles with confidence, and today Kel is determined to dive into the topic in more depth.  They talk about their upbringings, self-talk and possible sources of confidence (or a lack thereof) and Brooke has a lightbulb moment when Kelly talks about the difference between arrogance and confidence.  Brooke also talks about the importance of "faking it" as a way of moving forward in spite of the nasty voice inside her head, and credits that as the reason she's able to get up and create things in public every day. She also draws loads of inspiration from other creatives who openly share similar self-doubts, while still creating incredible work. It inspires her so much to realise people she looks up to struggle with the same issues, but continue to create regardless. And maybe that's the key? Hearing the voice, acknowledging it, but moving forward regardless.  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Kelly talks this week about her goal of living a life without regret, which brings about a really interesting conversation about what regret looks like, what things are worth regretting, and specifically, the moments that both Brooke and Kel have regrets about.  Both ladies share some of those, and also how they manage to move past them. Acceptance, apology, forgiveness (of ourselves as well as others) all come in to play, and it's a fascinating look at how each of them process those gut feelings of having screwed up.  On the flip side they also talk about the regret of doing nothing, or of not having tried, and both agree that the biggest regrets they have are often tied up in inaction or fear, rather than trying and failing. Which really is one of the best takeaways from this episode - it's better to have tried and failed than not tried at all!  (Of course, there is some dreadful dancing that Brooke very heartily regrets too.)  Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Brooke and Kelly have discovered that one of the pitfalls of having existential, navel-gazey conversations every week is the very real risk of appearing overly earnest. So while these weekly chats are definitely a highlight, in today's episode the girls talk about something they both love dearly - books! Not only do they discuss what genres they enjoy reading and which they avoid, but also the where and how of reading too. Brooke is now a strictly physical book in the hand type reader, while Kel is happy with her iPad with the occasional real book. Brooke also talks about her complete lack of self-help reading these days (is self-help book burnout a thing? It should be) and Kel pleads with Patrick Rothfuss to JUST. RELEASE. HIS. NEXT. BOOK. Kelly and Brooke share a love of dystopian fiction, and fangirl over Hugh Howey and his Wool trilogy for a while, before leaving with a list of comfort reads that they both routinely come back to. Some of those are pretty surprising, and most not the slightest bit comfortable on first glance. Needless to say, this episode is fun and loose and more than a little enlightening.

As expert navel-gazers, Kelly and Brooke can sometimes seem a little serious, so when a listener wrote to Kelly and asked us about her personal fear of becoming too serious, it seemed like a good topic to discuss.  Unsurprisingly, Kelly and Brooke come at this from different angles, with Kelly talking about her desire to be respected and taken seriously, while Brooke realises she wants essentially the opposite - to be thought of as funny and carefree.  They do share the same advice on how to avoid the trap of over-earnestness and becoming THAT person at the dinner party though, and the endlessly useful suggestion that people are really thinking about us far less than we think they are anyway. Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

Brooke is just home from an amazing Canadian adventure with her family and is ready to hit the road again soon - this time for much longer. Kelly, on the other hand, talks about the challenge of leaving behind her daily routines when travelling and why she gets the most out of a trip when she's prepared ahead of time. Both Kelly and Brooke love travel and the opportunities it brings, so it's interesting to hear their different perspectives, particularly when they end up with a very similar philosophy - that of slow travel. They also talk about the benefits of travelling like a local, avoiding the historical site burnout of constant touring, and why they both love setting up a home base and exploring a region in-depth rather than being on the move every day or two. This is definitely a lighter look at letting it be, and one that just might get the wanderlust burning!Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!