Messy Marriages Podcast

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The first step is knowing what you want—what are your values, dreams, priorities and goals? Why do you get out of bed each morning? Who are your most important relationships? What is your purpose, and what makes you feel alive? Be mindful of the media you consume- ask yourself 2 ? What is my purpose for social media? Am I following people that make me 1% better ?  Choose to be kind- what do you need to do to integrate more kindness into your marriage? Do something that brings you joy-  Ask “why” before you buy-  Practice active listening-   Make time for self-reflection- walk with your spouse or sit on the patio today and slow down and reflect  Do something you can be proud of- What can you do that makes you proud? Question your “have to's” Prioritize rest and self-care Know when it's time to let go- forgive and don't let bitterness creep into your hearts Host:  Marc LucasSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How doe we pursue and prioritize our marriages in the midst of distance, business and children etc.? Brian and Trista share different ways they prioritized one another in the midst of 4 hours distance apart while working in different cities. Guest: Brian and Trista-Lynch BlackSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Christian Husband & Wives should pay ATTENTION to their Spouses.  A Christian husband/wife should be attentive to his/her spouse. They should always do their best to set aside a substantial amount of time to be with their spouse, enjoy their company, and seek to understand them better. In doing so, we cultivate intimacy and a stronger partnership.  We can grow closer to each other and build a stronger marriage that honors God in all!  (Prov. 5:18–19; Eph. 5:31). Guest: Jacob AirySupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does marriage is grace mean?  Grace is not saying the other partner is right. It's not even letting that partner off the hook. Grace is loving someone unconditionally and giving them the benefit of the doubt. It is the ability to love in spite of. Grace is choosing to be devoted even though you know the other spouse wronged you.Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In Luke 9:23–25, Jesus says, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” Notice that Jesus doesn't just tell us to deny ourselves for no reason – He ties it directly to our own good. God wants you to deny yourself because, ultimately, that's the best thing for you. It's the only way for you to be truly free. If you follow the world's advice and “just do you, follow your own truth,” it will not ultimately lead to satisfaction but to suffering. You'll become a slave to sin, bound to your own selfish desires. But when you deny yourself and put your life – and your wants – into God's hands, you'll be set free.Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My identity was in me, my family and my accomplishments.  I was an athlete, I had charm, an ability to sell ice to Eskimos and a decent brain…. My goal in life was to make my parents proud of me.  Their acceptance of my accomplishments so to speak kept me anchored and is how I experienced love for the majority of my life… I brought that into our marriage and needless to say it produced major issues.  I'll be honest it took me 15 years of marriage to realize that my identity wasn't found in my wife, my kids, my ministry as a pastor at a local church.  I felt I needed desperately to succeed in all areas of my life and became an idol for me…. Failure to receive some form of reciprocation for my efforts led to bouts of resentment….You see this was a symptom of a much bigger issue.  Even though I claimed to know Jesus it wasn't until recently that I chose to make Him central in my life… To rest in Him and know that regardless of anything else my identity is sealed in Him and his never failing love for me. At the end of the day there is such peace and joy in knowing that my identity is secure in Jesus and not any earthly things, including my marriage.Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Marc sits down with Robb Brunasky to discuss some of the common misconceptions we have in our marriages.  Guest: Robb BrunanskySupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The law of partnership means there is equal partnership in the marriage and no one is dominating the other. The fourth law is the law of purity. God created Adam and Eve naked and they were unashamed, until sin entered the picture. As God designed it, marriage is the safest relationship on earth. Guest: Brandon Mouer Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why do we need patience in our marriages?  God describes "Love as Patient,"  why is patience important and how do we cultivate patience in our marriages?Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 " Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your life..."  Are we enjoying life with our spouse? Marc, shares practical ways in how he does this in his marriage.  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A cord of 3 strands.  What does this mean in marriage?  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12-  "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:  10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." In the 4 Laws that God gives us for marriage-  Law of partnership Law of priority Law of pursuit Law of purity This one ties directly into the law of partnership; ask yourself daily, weekly and monthly are we building a partnership.  Do we support each other?  Lift each other up? Carry the load in the places and ways we can carry the load?Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We have all had disappointments in marriage- unmet expectations plans fall through- unforeseen things are out of your control.  It's inevitable this will happen but what do we do in these moments? We will all have negative realities in our marriage….We will have a myriad of emotions in our marriage- from HIGH ENERGY PLEASANT TO HIGH ENERGY UNPLEASANT TO LOW ENERGY UNPLEASANT TO LOW ENERGY PLEASANT-  Enraged to Joyful Annoyed to Proud  WE MUST BE HONEST TO GO WITH OUR EMOTIONS- I DO A JOURNAL through the Vowels and the U- is unexpressed emotions- The question to ask yourself is ‘Am I holding onto Unexpressed Emotions today? If I find myself in a rut of that one emotion especially when it is negative then I go to one of my favorite sites “Got Questions” and type in the search bar- Bible verses on ‘Annoyed” first article with solid bible references- 2 Timothy 1:7- We cannot control another person's behavior.  We most certainly are called to control our own.  Many times PRIDE- is at the root of our annoyance Proverbs 13:10- We believe that we know better than the person who is annoying us.   All of this helps us to RESPOND WELL TO NEGATIVE REALITIES- AS WE RESPOND WELL TO NEGATIVE REALITIES IT IS CALLED INTEGRATION An integrated person is able to handle negative feelings and experiences, including loss, imperfection, failure and rejection.   That is because integration is the ability to deal with BOTH Positive and Negative Realities Integration is a key skill that assists in your character structuring.  It helps your process life in an honest way and authentic way. Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I think the problem with us, human beings—even us, Christian human beings—is that, when we get married—like it or not—we tend to keep a tally sheet in our hand. We're keeping score as we go. We feel that that is completely legitimate, even though we would—to our dying breath—say, “We love each other incredibly.”  But because we are keeping score, it's easy to start to think, “You know, I don't think they are pulling their part of the deal on this”; or we start a quid pro quo arrangement. This is the antithesis of the way God deals with us. So, all we're saying, in this message is: “Why don't we treat our spouse the way God treats His spouse—with grace?”Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We all bring baggage into our marriages; but God's grace is sufficient for us, protects us in our insecurities and also exposes things that need to be uncovered in us. Guest: Carolyn DrakeSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

My guests Randy & Cathy Boyd on Messy Marriages.  Randy shares about his affair back in 2004 and how a beautiful thing called forgiveness saved their marriage.  Couples get to walk out forgiveness in their marriage.  When we put in the work and keep God at the center of our marriages we will thrive.  Marriage is not a cake walk and we always need to put in the work required of us. Guests: Randy & Cathy BoydSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

How we prioritize Spirit, Soul and Body has a catalytic impact on our marriages. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." Guest: Russ SmithSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is your forbidden fruit in your marriage?  Why it's vitally important to have an awareness on your forbidden fruit?  Connect with Marc Lucas Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On today's episode, Marc is talking about who the biggest enemy of your marriage is... Marc LucasSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Men love to quote Ephesians 5:22 which says the wives are to submit. They use to dominate and manipulate the wives, which only frustrates the wives. We have to keep reading.. ◦Ephesians 5:25 says, husband loves your wives like Christ loves the church. But there is big question here… HOW did Christ love the church. He was submitted. Think of Jesus in the garden asking the Father to let the cup pass. This is a clear indication that Jesus was dreading the next day and what was to come, but He submitted to the will of the Father.  ◦ As men, we are to submit as well. If we are submitted to the will of God, our wives will trust that their submission to us is healthy, trustworthy, safe and honorable. Guest: Tim and Moriah HilleySupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

  Dave Ramsey says the number 1 cause of marriage failure is financial hardship. While this has merit, we believe that financial hardship is symptomatic. It's a symptom of what you spend your money on. ◦Addiction comes in many forms. Substance, alcohol, porn, screen time, sports, fantasy sports, friends, work, and money, food, eating out.  ◦ What your addicted to is an idol that takes the place of God. You can usually tell what your addicted to or what your idols are by looking at your bank statement and schedule.  Guest: Tim and Moriah HilleySupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It is a lot of push and pull. Come here; now go away. With characteristic passion and intensity, it is usually all or nothing. They either feel the relationship is going great, sensing they are valued, cared for, understood, and special; or they feel the relationship is terrible, sensing they are rejected, abandoned, unimportant, and invisible. This creates intense emotional stress for them and relational stress with others, who often feel they need to walk on eggshells with the vacillator. Free Health Assessment Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have a listen as I share my mental health daily morning check-in. A= Have I been Abstinent today?  (However you define that-I find it a little more challenging when it comes to little things like food, work, and the computer.) E= Have I Exercised today? I= What have I done for myself today> O= What have I done for Others today? U= Am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today? Y= Yeah!  What is something good that's happened today? Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why communication is vital How having patience with your spouse is critical to loving them well Allow Space-The testing of your faith. Forgiveness -in order to start the healing process. Seek Counsel-openly express one's emotions, concerns, questions, thoughts and fears. Guest: Brad & Beth ThorpSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Integration is the ability to deal with BOTH positive and negative realities in life.  Integration is a key skill that assist in having a vibrant marriage. Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Why is character in important?  Character is the set of capacities needed to meet the demands of reality.  Your internal character structure is made up of four parts that work together to create a strong foundation. Growth occurs by understanding and expanding your capacity in each of the following areas. Building connected relationships Setting limits with yourself and others Navigating both positive and negative realities Managing the responsibilities of life  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Because God commands a husband to put on love toward his wife and a wife to come across respectfully to her husband (Ephesians 5:33), I have found it fascinating to think of the many ways of applying this instruction to the married.  I believe all of us can grow and take ground in the 19 principles we discuss on the show. Host: Marc LucasSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

1. Remind each other of the desire to come out stronger on the other side of the trial. Trials can either make us or break us as individuals and they can also make or break our relationships. We must choose to encourage each other through a strength-building season. 2. Determine to forgive quickly and easily. I know that some couples need to talk about every issue in detail. This is how they work through difficulties. And I get it. But ya'll, at the Woj house, there is not enough time in the day to talk about every issue in detail. We often have to simply forgive one another and get over it. Period. When I've poured over the Bible and what Jesus said about forgiving, I could never find a clause that says something like “Forgive one another after you've received full explanation of the feelings involved.”  Or “Forgive one another once all the trials have resolved.” No, the Word simply tells us “Forgive one another.” The quicker you forgive, the stronger you can live. 3. Accept the differences in your individual responses to sorrow and suffering. People grieve at different times in different ways. We can't control how we feel about issues, but we can control how we react to those feelings. However, we are all human. If your husband feels angry over unfair circumstances and you don't, allow him time to process his feelings in place of condemning them. If your wife cries uncontrollably over what you feel is small in the bigger picture of the trial, give her the freedom to grieve in her own way. Recognize that you are two different people travelling a path together. 4. Remember to share both the burdens and the blessings. I've found that one of the best ways to beat discouragement is to encourage someone else. Whenever I can find a glimmer of hope to be thankful for in the midst of our daughter's terminal  illness, I try to be purposeful to share it with my husband.  5. Spend time alone together whenever you can. I wish I could give you an exact science to this statement. If only the perfect schedule for marriages existed, right? But we all know it doesn't work that way. Whenever you possibly can, block out the distractions and connect with each other. Have dates. Drink coffee. Sit on the porch swing. Snuggle by the fire. Carve out time for each other between the necessary tasks of managing a difficult time in life. At times, it may be as simple as sharing a piece of chocolate over the kitchen sink or a brief kiss above the chaos. Guest: Rachel WojoSupport the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of the time, we talk about how to make relationships healthier, accept one another's imperfections, and take responsibility for ourselves within the context of the lives we have.  But what about relationships that are deeply and consistently unhealthy, despite all our deepest longings and efforts?  Relationships can end in various ways, some much more devastating than others.  How do you control yourself as you navigate a situation that is beyond your control? Guest: Cinthia Hiett newest book 'Wars to Peace'Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Empathy is important today simply because there is such a lack of it.  When we lay down ourselves and pick up the life of another, we let others know we love them and we're not unaware of what they are going through.   We can develop a greater level of empathy by entering into the suffering of others in the following ways: Become more aware of what others are going through Be present Help the other person process their emotions Validate their hurt Identity with the pain they are going through Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

From Messy to Maintainable: How to Stay Communicative and Organized in Your Marriage 1 - Create Consistent Traditions that Serve Multiple Means - SaturdayCoffee, Walk, Connect & Discuss during a Family Review Time.  2 - Leaning in honestly/openly on each others strengths. 3 - Create a Joint Family Calendar - via iCloud, Gmail, reduces errors and event overlaps while increasing accountability AND awareness for ALL members. 4 - Identify the Lead Social Coordinator - Who heads up which event. We BOTH get emailed but one person is the LEAD. I handle School and he handles sports. We still check in on STATUS of things. 5 - Hearing vs. Listening - Know best times of day AND best ways to communicate it. Do I have his 100% attention, (avoids repeating info) get confirmation, then start with what I need, then discuss. I repeat what was decided as FINAL CONFIRM. Saturday office time together.  6 - Quiet Time Together - Front Porch Happy Hour, Poolside with Fancy Drinks. Kids have quiet time.  7 - Rest as a Ritual - Nap taking, sleep mask, headphones, mediation app) lavendar spray, ozone machine & exhaust fan on. Kids can play outside so quiet house or games as treat. When younger graham crackers & milk inside Thomas the Train tent. Taught kids respect and self control.  Guest: Danielle Wurth Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Your relationships operate similarly to your bank account. Healthy relationships depend on the right balance of deposits and withdrawals. Deposits are actions, like spending quality time together, offering sincere praise, listening and talking honestly with each other, and sharing positive experiences together. Withdrawals are holding boundaries, saying “no”, and offering constructive feedback when needed. As you make appropriate deposits and withdrawals in your relationship with your spouse, he/she will feel valued, loved, supported and understood. When this occurs, intimacy can take place and the path to partnership is fostered.  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A thriving marriage is made of two thriving individuals building a relationship together. That would explain why the health of our marriages is ultimately determined by our individual health. We often talk about the importance of physical fitness, but we also need to be diligent about spiritual, emotional and mental fitness. Guest:Robbie and Donna Howells Senior Pastor @ Warehouse Church  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Share her testimony in how God has restored and completely saved her marriage after having multiple affairs.  Cindy shares her testimony and how she longs to walk outside of shame and show others that God can redeem us, even from the worst situations.  What's the difference between Guilt & Shame? Guest: Cindy Taylor Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Mia lives as a testimony to God's grace and His forgiveness. As one who formerly lived in brokenness and shame, she rejoices that God has restored her and identified her as His own.  Inspired to share this message of hope with others, she boldly proclaims the Gospel message of forgiveness to all that will hear.  Mia is the wife of Bob and the mother of three adult children (who all decided to get married in 2018), She is also now an official member of the Grandma club with three grandchildren.  Guest: Mia Koehne Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Learn your Love Style to understand how your childhood experiences inform what you expect from relationships, how you receive and express love, and how you respond to others in stressful interactions. Knowing your Love Style gives you a starting point from which you can grow to become a Secure Connector.  The Avoider-“I like people but I'm not very comfortable when they get emotional or needy around me. I like to keep it simple—it's so much easier when people just take care of themselves like I do.”  The Pleaser-“I enjoy caring for others and work hard at making those I love happy. I'm not great at saying “No” or keeping boundaries, but anything is better than having people upset with me.”  The Vacillator-“I long for close connection in relationships but people always let me down. The Controller-“I don't like being outside of my comfort zone, so I always make sure I'm the one in charge.  The Victim-“I keep my needs quiet, and honestly, I'm not even sure what my needs are. It's safer when I just go with the flow—there's less opportunity for a blow-up.”  The Secure Connector-“I am comfortable with myself and with others, able to handle conflict, negative emotions, and both giving and receiving.  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

They have committed all sins in the 10 commandments- & we discuss on the show "Why we pray in marriage"?  What happens if we don't pray? Tim and Moriah with Hilltop Marriage Coaching use their 18 year marriage experience together as they are transparent with their testimony- so they can give you hope through Jesus Christ and how he has restored and redeemed their marriage and family. We do not think it fair to ask you to be fully transparent while you learn nothing about us.  Guest: Tim & Moriah    Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Leaning into discomfort is, well, uncomfortable. This may mean staying quiet even when every urge in your body is telling you to fill that awkward silence. This may mean having a tough conversation with your partner, rather than avoiding it. Guest: Matt & Corrina  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Chuck & Hannah are Stage 4 Cancer thrivers, they have an incredible & motivational life story to share that speaks to EVERYONE. How do you find INTIMACY even through CANCER and so many other obstacles!  Chuck & Hannah's new book is Get Up & Live Chuck's Story- Read Chuck's story of his miraculous journey surviving end-stage cancer with its lessons, growth, and healing. After healing from stage 4 cancer with a grim diagnosis of only 3 months to live, Chuck found a higher calling than landscaping! Realizing that the power of his story could help others Hannah's story- huge hurdles in life can stop you in your tracks. Hannah encountered the top 5 stressors of life in a spans of 2.5 years. Read her incredible story of how she found joy going through the challenges of cancer, divorce, moving, death, and career loss. This book is an amazing tool for anyone facing challenges that feel like dead-ends in life. Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What do we do when our “Spouse'' is insensitive and wants to “Fix Me” but I so desperately want him to love me through my healing process. Acceptance with or without understanding - a lot of things that one spouse may go through are very difficult for the other to understand because you simply haven't been through it.  The spouse needs to feel seen, heard, and accepted just as is even when the other spouse can't truly understand what you're experiencing. Guest: Jeff and Tierney Shirrell Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Being busy in our marriages  seems to be a badge of honor and a marker of self-worth, with a lack of leisure time viewed as a direct indication of status. When busyness is glorified and encouraged, you may end up overextending yourself with varied obligations, appointments, commitments, and responsibilities. Busyness may lead to feeling: Anxious Stressed Overwhelmed How do you find that work-life harmony in your marriages?  Quick Win with action steps for us to take.  Guest: Grant & Jodie Botma   Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As Stage 4 cancer survivors, we have an incredible & motivational life story to share that speaks to EVERYONE. Guest: Chuck & Hannah Keels  Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dave and Kimberlee Herman, offer advice and encouragement to couples as they describe how they continue to work through their differences in their marriage.  Guest: Kimberlee Herman author of "Women of the Bible: A 12-Week Bible Study for Christian Women Support the show: https://marclucasradio.com/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.