The Dervish and the Mermaid

Podcasting five years, it’s been swell! But now we are saying farewell. Let’s talk about why We’re saying goodbye With many more stories to tell. A last parting gift, our ten jewels, Ten easy-to-memorize tools For living intentionally And unconventionally: They’re what we call our House Rules. Pace & Kyeli’s House Rules Resilience, Not Perfection […]

Kyeli helps Pace deal with her attachment to other people being moved by her creation. Before my creation is hatched, I’m already hella attached. If nobody cares To sample my wares, My plan might as well stay unhatched. bitching vs. venting game jams Compass Rose September Safari Games The Usual Error Time & Again internal […]

This applies to any fandom that strongly relates to its characters. Spoiler warning for Undertale. To choose a new topic at random, Consider the Undertale fandom. Some say they’re the best, Some say they’re obsessed, But we want to just understand ’em. What is Undertale? What is a fandom? Immersion, empathy, and fourth-wall-breaking in Undertale […]

Why is our culture obsessed with believing in some dogma and sticking to it 100% obsessively? Why doesn’t 99% count for partial credit? Another fine myth to debunk: 100 percent or you flunk. Eat one bite of meat And you’re now obsolete, 99 percent’s basically junk. allergic to chocolate If you’re a Quaker, you don’t […]

You live, and you do, and you age. Why not go explore the backstage? What makes people tick? Is this safe to lick? Don’t go through the motions, engage! game like a designer observe without judgement ask why Myers-Briggs S vs. N everyday philosopher “I don’t know for sure, but here are my thoughts” Thanks […]

When you’re watching a kitten be cute But your camera’s not all set to shoot By the time that you’re ready The cat has already Moved on, and so you follow suit. So unless one is very astute It is hard to get proof absolute Of a cute little cat. So why does just that […]

Is it out of the question or sinful To live lives that are just uneventful? Can the phoenix be plucked, Or are we simply fucked? Can we just be at peace and contentful? “I don’t deserve happiness” comfort is outside my comfort zone a pattern of moving after trauma happens, moving to escape the pain […]

Philosophical geekery. No quantum mechanics. Liquids flow always downhill. Physics prohibits free will. But with complex machines Like computers or genes, There might be some wiggle room still… the dice-rolling machine “Any sufficiently complex system is indistinguishable from randomness.” -Paul Lagasse The Sims the butterfly effect the meaning of life How would you live your […]

We each have a certain number of spoons each day, some more than others. If your spoons are limited, you’ll have to learn how to manage them, and how to deal with people who don’t understand. Plundering hoards of doubloons, Gallivanting in saloons, Using willpower, Heck, taking a shower: These things can exhaust all your […]

If there’s one thing we’d love to destroy, One missile we yearn to deploy, Its target would be Not the patriarchy, But the very emotion of joy. anti-joy vs. anti-cruelty Logical Fallacy #1: The Slippery Slope Logical Fallacy #2: The Scarecrow killing our own joy Hating the patriarchy does not mean hating men shoutouts to […]

To live life as wholly intentional, Be truly unique and original, Instead of conform To the cultural norm, You must leave behind what’s vestigial. amygdala gender roles dodgy evolutionary biology the “default male” assumption the commodity model of sex (and a debunking of it that Pace only read after recording the episode – sorry!) shame […]

For your path to proceed unimpeded There are three things that all must be heeded. You’re on the right map When these three overlap: What you love, what you rock, and what’s needed. Creepy Lemons” WCML 035: The 3 Circles of Pathfinding (and how perfectionism can skew them) with Julica Hermann Thanks for listening to […]

On the one hand, a strong demonstration. On the other, a sly exploitation. How far can you go And still certainly know That it isn’t a gross manipulation? why Pace is so obsessed with morality Olive Garden, waffles and cats, and bankruptcy two moral extremes: personal (keep my soul pure) vs. utilitarian (60% live the […]

Gluey Gus has completed the brick wall around his heart. Nothing gets to him. He’s strong, invulnerable, tough. Gluey Gus always gets the job done. Gluey Gus believes he’s making the right choice – the realistic choice. It’s a dog eat dog world out there, and you’ve got to be tough if you want to […]

There are certain things it’s unacceptable to say. I’m going to say some of them. A trolley is crashing, and you Choose who lives and who’s smushed into goo. Unlike what you’re taught, In real life you cannot Always hack Kobayashi Maru. trolley problem kobayashi maru liberal moral high ground What You Can’t Say by […]

There are two kinds of wanting: one that makes you miserable and one that brings you peace. Here’s the difference. This paradox feels like a flaw: Alan Watts even called it a law. The more that you chase Your joy, love, or grace The more that it seems to withdraw. the difference between wanting and […]

If you just live your life off the cuff, You might feel you’re not up to snuff. If you “Find Your Path Now” Then you’re worthy somehow, But otherwise you’re not enough. This is an insidious lie! A path’s not a thing you can buy. Don’t fall for that trap: It’s compass, not map. Your […]

I write you this poem most lyrical To question: just what is a miracle? Is it some kind of sign? Is it from the Divine? Or is there an answer empirical? Weird stuff we've experienced, part 1 The “grey dots” optical illusion impossible colors the misinformation effect the lost in the mall experiment physics envy […]

The strong status quo makes you hesitant. “It’s not my place” is the impediment. But you can’t be intentional And default conventional So go on, relocate that elephant! Kyeli tells the story of when she rearranged a restaurant’s bathroom and what it taught her about Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs, complacency, and empowerment. Thanks for listening […]

“10 times out of 10, science wins” Assuming you use a clear lens. Be open and kind, The truth you will find, Instead of believing your friends. Carrie Poppy’s TED talk: “A scientific approach to the paranormal” Mock witches, then say “keep an open mind” – microaggression scientism Spiral Dynamics: orange vs. blue (and accidentally […]

For decades I’ve worked toward subtraction: Removing all pain my main action. Well, I fell in that hole; Now I’ve found a new goal: Befriending my dissatisfaction. “I will never be satisfied.” -Pace (and Alexander Hamilton) Joy as the villain of Inside Out When there's something you can't stand about yourself and you keep trying […]

Life is a deck-building game. You draw randomly in the moment, but you can stack the deck in your favor beforehand. What does it mean to be good, If you act like a Romulan would? Your choice is foreseen By the moments between, Hope you stacked the deck best as you could! WCML 113: Caging […]

We hear a lot about the Social Justice Warriors, but what about the Social Justice Clerics? A person who’s skilled in barbarics Fights hard, then goes back to the barracks. And that’s where one finds (Not on the front lines) The healers, the shamans, the clerics. “silence is compliance” WCML 059: Self-care is a form […]

A camera that’s on round the clock Is something at which most would balk. But the stuff we could learn Outweighs this concern. I think, for weird stuff, it could rock. We could solve etymological mysteries! e.g. nerd (1951), zit (1960s), “Earl-aye in the morning” XKCD on weird stuff and the prevalence of cameras lifelogging […]

We’re torn between two distinct factions: Stay young, or spout grumpy detractions. In this case, the schism Is not race or sexism, But games based on microtransactions. How this applies to all kinds of social change, not just video games The psychology of the marketplace: bookstore vs. info-product PDF, PC game vs. mobile game “Outrage […]

I recently had a nice chat With someone who says Earth is flat. I know that it’s round And my reasons are sound, But how do I justify that? Why do we believe the things that we believe? How can we have good conversations about things like this instead of just calling each other idiots? […]

A fantasy realm is made worse By not being somewhat diverse. I speak of The Sims, And with pseudonyms About these issues we’ll converse. Kyeli feels like a bad feminist for creating a male sim in a male-dominated profession. At the root is the difference between hating men and hating the patriarchy. Thanks for listening […]

Each year at each AGDQ The chat will spew transphobic spew. To censor the trolling They became more controlling And that’s when these hijinks ensue… why it’s easier to be mean when you’re virtual and anonymous taking a stand for politics vs. taking a stand for values how to create a community that’s both safe […]

We didn’t believe this a month ago. But now, thanks to Zoloft and Lexapro, we kinda do! And what’s worse, we’re not even bothered by this. Here’s what it’s been like. I wager you might be surprised To hear Pace and Kyeli advise To give up intervening ‘Cause life has no meaning. Thanks so much, […]

If it’s technically true but you’re trying To mislead the questioner’s prying, Then the words that you spew Although technically true Are morally equal to lying. Thanks for listening to The Dervish and the Mermaid! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us on iTunes and send your friends to PaceSmith.com. That’s also where you […]

Let’s tackle a topic that’s tender: What the heck even is gender? Identity, role, What’s skin and what’s soul? Can we fight it, or must we surrender? WCML 073: The future of gender WCML 083: The future of gender (part 2) with Ealasaid Haas WCML 093: Don't “should” all over yourself: self-love and reducing negative […]

How to avoid “leading on” a friend? This is “No blood no trust” in the other direction. If relationships do not exist, Then how can I not become pissed When my so-called friend Was only pretend. What was the clue that I missed? Pace Explains why relationships don't exist No blood, no trust. Friendships as […]

A recent and needed activity Is pre-reading for sensitivity. But where to assign That very fine line Between censorship and subjectivity? Sensitivity readers are people who read manuscripts before they’re published to check for racist or otherwise offensive tropes so they can be rewritten before publishing. The article that spawned this conversation (h/t Kelly Kingman) […]

Pace and Kyeli each dodge a bullet of making a New Year’s resolution for a misguided reason. Hint: It has to do with being an Enneagram 3 and 4, respectively. (We didn’t manage to record this episode before the new year, but it’s never too late to wholeheartedly abort if you’re doing something for the […]

To understand cults and regimes You must unstitch all of the seams. What makes a belief Last long or be brief? Memetics: the study of memes. WCML 104: High-demand groups, part 1 of 2 (with Emma and Kelly) and WCML 105: High-demand groups, part 2 of 2 (with Emma and Kelly) What’s a meme, and what makes […]

2018 is nigh here; Let’s focus on being right here. We’ve always preferred To choose just one word To set our intent for the year. Pace’s previous words of the year: acceptance, annihilation, surrender, pantry, easy mode, warm bread with butter on it Kyeli’s previous words of the year: courageous, open, mermaid, epic, loud How […]

Say you turn down a high-paying job. Are you following your dream, or running away from your life? How can you tell the difference? When you set out to follow your dream, Your choices diverge from mainstream. Are you finding your way, Or running away? Things might be more mixed than they seem. Why someone […]

Meaning well is not enough – you also need followthrough. There once was a fellow named Hal Who was honest and good for morale. But Hal always falls through. Every time. So would you Rely on this so-honest pal? Thanks for listening to The Dervish and the Mermaid! If you enjoyed this episode, please review […]

The underprivileged are expected to bear the burden of educating the privileged and also making them feel okay when they do harm. Here’s why that sucks and what we can do to make it suck less. I walk up to greet my new neighbor Who then runs me through with a saber. I say, “Oops, […]

“Package deal” is a technique to find peace out of dissonance when you feel regret or longing. “Duplicate jars” is a way to find out the truth when your mind is lying to you. Sometimes, when I have been damaged, I want to just toss out my baggage! But I cannot release One troublesome piece […]

Our culture’s all brain and no soul, No connection and too much control. Philip Shepherd’s the man With a radical plan: Reconnecting our parts with the whole. The Story of a culture (e.g. Why should wearing a necktie make you feel respectable or competent?) independence is an illusion “The very idea that reality can be […]

One of my favorite shortcuts Is learning by having the guts To try without fear And so today we’re Gonna teach you how to futz! How to futz in a safe sandbox Kitchen “common sense” Self-confidence Staying young Thanks for listening to The Dervish and the Mermaid! If you enjoyed this episode, please review us […]

More detail (including live roleplay examples!) about the bulldozer/doormat pattern, in which one person dominates (often subconsciously) and one person submits (often subconsciously). Pace runs the bulldozer pattern and Kyeli runs the doormat pattern. I’m bent on achieving a goal. I’ll build up some steam, then I’ll roll. But don’t be afraid; If I am […]

Kyeli and I were accosted by a creepy stalker recently, and so we want to talk about politeness, being a “nice girl,” placating, salespeople, creepers, and other folks who violate the social contract. “Buy this vacuum from me ’cause it’s cheaper,” Says the salesperson. Now go deeper: We respond so politely ‘Cause rude is unsightly, […]

We’ve been throwing around terms like “the patriarchy” and “feminism” without ever explaining what we mean by them. Here’s an introduction to what feminism is (and isn’t!) and why we think it’s important. It’s Feminism 101! There’s plenty of work to be done, But let’s start with equality And a dash of frivolity And hopefully […]

When we have a guest on the podcast, and the guest says something we disagree with, do you want us to interrupt or let it slide? Each time I talk back to a guest, I feel some internal unrest. Is just keeping silent Implicitly violent? Or am I just being a pest? WCME 022: A […]

A spiritual bypass is when you focus on only the internal work to the exclusion of an external problem that needs to be addressed. Here’s what it looks like. The Law of Three starts with fixation. The second point is the negation. The third transcends both, If it’s actual growth, But what if it’s minimization? […]

How to heal and/or manipulate others by whispering to their invisible gnomes. The gnomes are a metaphor. We hope…. If you read some thick, scholarly tomes Your predictions surpass Sherlock Holmes. You’ll soon see the fnords And reap the rewards Once you know the invisible gnomes. Pace Explains who to trust WCME 051: How to […]

Direct communication vs. subtle communication, ask culture vs. guess culture, low context vs. high context: different names for the same two communication styles. In direct communication, it’s always okay to ask and it’s always okay to say no. In subtle communication, it’s polite to be indirect, and being direct is seen as rude. If you […]

This is it! Here is everything else I learned at IEA 2017. Some fabulous speakers on scene, A focus on practice: that’s keen. We’re still old and white, But there’s a lot we got right at IEA 2017! Part 1: Wholeness and sensing with the belly center (learned from Philip Shepherd) Part 2: HeartMath and […]

How to spend time online without getting triggered, stressed out, or turning into a rat pushing a lever. In part 1, we explore the problem, commiserate, and begin to explore possible solutions. Use Facebook without reading news. More connection, and less shallow schmooze. When your phone dings, don’t drool; Don’t be your phone’s tool. Connect […]