Podcasts about expecting more

  Episode 88:  Expecting More.  Book: Believe Bigger  Chapter 13 & 14  Author: Marshawn Evans    What'd Up, Crew? What's good?    Who Gon' Check Me Boo?! God is! Day 95 Expect More  Matthew 13:58 And He did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.    Chapter 13: Stage Five Influence  PG. 227 “A message is no good if it stays in a bottle.”  ·      Pg. 231 “We don't get to script it. We can only surrender to it.”  ·      Pg. 250-253 Influence is about being available.  Key Lessons: 1.     Influence is about presence.  2.     Influence is actively speaking up. 3.     Influence requires surrender. Influence is unlimited.   Chapter 14:  Clarifying Your Life Mission  ·      pg. 256 “Say yes to what's in front of you.” This made me think of the man drowning and not taking the things God sent him.  ·      Pg. 257-258 Courage Comes with Clarity   ·      Pg. 259 “…the worst question we can ask God is why?  ·      Purpose Prayers- Questions 1.     God, what are you already doing? 2.     God, where do you need me?  ·        What Would Crew Do?!  (ask for advice) email the crew @ thecrewbookclub@gmail.com or DM on IG @thecrewbookclub    Why do I feel I am losing all my friends?  I started getting back closer to God recently, and it has been rewarding but challenging all at the same time. I invite my friends to church, bible study, etc., and they don't come or support me.  How do I stay friends with them but be triggered by their behavior it bothers me because I am changing. Do you have any suggestions on how to move forward?    The challenge of the week Pg. 269-270 “What is God saying to you about your life mission?” 1.     What type of calling do I have? 2.     Who needs my voice? My story? My insight?  3.     How am I uniquely gifted to impact those I'm assigned to?  4.     Where am I prewired to lead others? 5.     Why has God chosen me to participate in His plan? What outcomes does my presence facilitate?   My life mission is to be an _______________(1) by using_________________(3) an sharing these with_______________________(2) by showing them how to ____________________(4). My journey ________________________(5) is why I'm passionate about __________________(your motivation).     Quote of the week: Pg. 266 “The recurring dreams, visions, and ideas bubbling inside of you to create something new or change lives or the status quo are clues as to what it is God might be calling you to do.          CREW LOVE:  Leave a written review, give the podcast five stars, share the episode, and follow us on social media. I've partnered up with BetterHelp, sponsor of this episode; a special offer to The Crew Book Club Podcast listeners, you can get 10% off your first month of professional therapy:   https://www.betterhelp.com/crewlove   Click the link to get your free 30-day premium plus experience with audible  https://www.audibletrial.com/Crewlove  Order Book: https: https://amzn.to/3rgVO57 Check Out & Follow  YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@thecrewbookclubpodcast FANBASE: https://www.fanbase.app/thecrewbookclub INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/thecrewbookclub/?hl=en TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecrewbookclubpodcast

Dr. Phil Ransom-Bello teaches on Expecting More... #CHRiSTamplified --- If you have enjoyed listening to this podcast and would like to support The StandPoint Church, you can do so here >> www.thestandpoint.org/give

ACTS 10 – Houses of Fire – A New Wineskin? A New Strategy?A.    Introduction ·      December 31st, 2019 – “No Disease known to man” (in a HOUSE)·      March 2020 – our Church moved back into our HOUSE·      May 1st, 2020 – Governor Newsom said churches will be closed for months       Holy Spirit spoke - “It's time to come home”       “There's no place like homes, there's no place like homes”·      June 2020 - House Church? Confusion. For the Church? For the lost? (evangelistic)Trip to Oregon – Cornelius – Persian Motors·      January 2022 – ROCK OC begins in a house B.    ACTS 10 – “Houses of Fire – A New Wineskin? A New Strategy? 1 At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion of what was known as the Italian Cohort, 2 a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms generously to the people, and prayed continually to God. 3 About the ninth hour of the day (WHILE IN PRAYER – v. 30) he saw clearly in a vision an angel of God come in and say to him, “Cornelius.” (HIS NAME) 4 And he stared at him in terror and said, “What is it, Lord?” And he said to him, “Your prayers and your alms have ascended as a memorial before God. (HIS PRAYERS) 5 And now send men to Joppa (PETER'S CITY) and bring one Simon who is called Peter (PETER'S FULL NAME).  *WHO IS CALLING WHO?* - Lost calling the saved – Are we expecting this?? 6 He is lodging with one Simon, a tanner, whose house is by the sea. (PETER'S ADDRESS!)”7 When the angel who spoke to him had departed, he called two of his servants and a devout soldier from among those who attended him, 8 and having related everything to them, he sent them to Joppa.  *FIRST-TIME OBEDIENCE* 9 The next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour to pray. (WHILE IN PRAYER) 10 And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance 11 and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending, being let down by its four corners upon the earth. 12 In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. 13 And there came a voice to him: “Rise, Peter; kill and eat.” 14 But Peter said, “By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.” 15 And the voice came to him again a second time, “What God has made clean, do not call common.” 16 This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven. 17 Now while Peter was inwardly perplexed as to what the vision that he had seen might mean, behold, the men who were sent by Cornelius, having made inquiry for Simon's house, stood at the gate 18 and called out to ask whether Simon who was called Peter was lodging there. 19 And while Peter was pondering the vision, the Spirit said to him, “Behold, three men are looking for you. 20 Rise and go down and accompany them without hesitation, for I have sent them.”  *ROLE OF SUPERNATURAL* - New Wineskins often require it. i.e. Muslims*3 encounters + 1 Holy Spirit “says”* - WE can be STUCK in our ways, methods, expectations 21 And Peter went down to the men and said, “I am the one you are looking for. What is the reason for your coming?” 22 And they said, “Cornelius, a centurion, an upright and God-fearing man, who is well spoken of by the whole Jewish nation, was directed by a holy angel to send for you to come to his house (VIOLATION!) and to hear what you have to say.” 23 So he invited them in to be his guests. The next day he rose and *went away with them* (WITHOUT the “Approval” of the other Apostles!), and some of the brothers from Joppa accompanied him. 24 And on the following day they entered Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and had called together his relatives and close friends. 25 When Peter entered, Cornelius met him and fell down at his feet and worshiped him (CONFUSION). 26 But Peter lifted him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am a man.” 27 And as he talked with him, he went in and found many persons gathered. 28 And he said to them, “You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a Jew to associate with or to visit anyone of another nation, but God has shown me that I should not call any person common or unclean. 29 So when I was sent for, I came without objection (LOL). I ask then why you sent for me.” 30 And Cornelius said, “Four days ago, about this hour, I was praying in my house at the ninth hour,  and behold, a man stood before me in bright clothing 31 and said, ‘Cornelius, your prayer has been heard and your alms have been remembered before God. 32 Send therefore to Joppa and ask for Simon who is called Peter. He is lodging in the house of Simon, a tanner, by the sea.' (SHARED THE DETAILED PROPHETIC WORD) 33 So I sent for you at once (TRUE), and you have been kind enough to come. Now therefore we are all here in the presence of God to hear ALL that you have been COMMANDED by the Lord.”  *LOST want to hear ALL* - not watering anything down, avoiding the difficult (Jesus = ONLY WAY, issue of sin/repentance, judgment) 34 So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality,  35 but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him. 36 As for the word that he sent to Israel, preaching good news of peace through Jesus Christ (he is Lord of all), 37 you yourselves know what happened throughout all Judea, beginning from Galilee after the baptism that John proclaimed: 38 how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him. 39 And we are witnesses of all that he did both in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They put him to death by hanging him on a tree,  40 but God raised him on the third day and made him to appear, 41 not to all the people but to us who had been chosen by God as witnesses, who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead. 42 And *he commanded us to preach* to the people and to testify that he is the one appointed by God to be judge of the living and the dead. 43 To him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.” (THE GOSPEL)  *Preaching* - not “listening” – an apostle w/ an apostolic mandate*Not just praying for people, prophesying…but also PREACHING! 44 While Peter was still saying these things, the Holy Spirit fell on ALL who heard the word.  45 And THE BELIEVERS from among the circumcised who had come with Peter WERE AMAZED, because the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out even on the Gentiles. 46 For they were hearing them speaking in tongues and extolling God. Then Peter declared, 47 “Can anyone withhold water for baptizing these people, who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?” 48 And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked him to remain for some days. *BELIEVE & BE BAPTIZED – no delays / Spirit baptism! C.    APPLICATION 1.     Meetings in HOMES a. For believers (a church with house groups to a church OF house groups) – my eschatology.  This was/is a “wake up call” Pastor in Oregon – “the church needs to stop being a church WITH house groups and become a church OF house groups.” ROCK Kuwait was back in our house! (March 2020)ROCK OC begins in California (January 2022) b. For the harvest/lost – Iranians getting healed in house meeting in CaliforniaThis new wineskin was a HUGE barrier for Peter – going into THEIR homes! 2.     God pouring out His Spirit? - Iran – 1 million believers? Evangelism in the U.S.?*Both sides needed revelation – Cornelius (lost) & Peter (Christians)*The bigger barrier was on the side of the believers – today? 3.     New means NEW – not going back to normal, will we learn what God has been trying to teach us? New approaches, new lifestyles, new obedience?  Holding things loosely. 4.     Not getting distracted – turn off the other “voices” / be careful WHO you listen to / GOSPEL!!! – “run in such a way that you get the prize” (I Cor 9:24) 5.     Prophetic Direction – only doing what we see/hear the Father doing/sayingWe MUST have a new level of prophetic direction, encounters, guidance! Undoubtedly!!!Names? Addresses? Locations?Expecting MORE dreams and visions?? 6.     Increased Prayer (and fasting?) 7.     Finding the “God Fearers” (the Cornelius types!) 8.     Traps, Deception, False Teaching, Division, Betrayals*expect opposition, criticismThe OLD Wineskin will always criticize (even demonize the new one!)

Who doesn't want a 24k life? Well, maybe we need to expect more from ourselves and God and be refined by His Word to get it! We're talking all things about Expecting More with my guest, author Leeann Kirkindoll, this one is GOLD! @Kerrie_Oles www.unlockedministries.com

Dr. Lisa Hanasono is an associate professor of communications at BGSU. In this episode, she shares her research on “Shattering the Silence on Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss,” which she worked on in Fall 2018 while an ICS Faculty Fellow. In this episode, she discusses her research on how culture, gender, media, and interpersonal communication factors work in concert to stigmatize and silence discussions about pregnancy loss—and what we can do collectively to end the stigma and support families.   Transcript: Jolie Sheffer:                          Welcome to the BG Ideas podcast, a collaboration between the Institute for the Study of Culture and Society and the School of Media and Communication at Bowling Green State University. I am Jolie Sheffer, an Associate Professor of English and American Culture Studies and the Director of ICS. Jolie Sheffer:                          This is the first of two episodes featuring fall 2018 ICS Faculty Fellows. ICS is proud to sponsor fellowships to promote the research and creating work of faculty here at BGSU. Those who receive awards are freed from one semester of teaching and service to devote unimpeded time to the interdisciplinary projects they've proposed. These projects must be of both intellectual significance and social relevance. ICS faculty fellows present their work in a public forum and engage with community partners, demonstrating BGSU's identity as a public university working for the public good. Jolie Sheffer:                          Today we're joined by Dr. Lisa Hanasono, an Associate Professor of Communication. Dr. Hanasono's research focuses on how supportive communication, institutional change and community advocacy can address issues related to discrimination, stigma, and resilience. Some of the topics she explores include gender bias and tenure track faculty service obligations and how online forums play a role in individuals coping with racial discrimination. Dr. Hanasono is here to discuss her research, analyzing communication around pregnancy loss and miscarriage. She spent months interviewing dozens of women who had experienced pregnancy loss and pored over popular pregnancy literature like the classic text, What to Expect When You're Expecting. In the process, she discovered deep stigmas around miscarriage, which cause people to shy away from conversations and treat the topic as taboo. Jolie Sheffer:                          Thanks so much for joining me. Dr. Hanasono:                      Thank you so much for having me. Jolie Sheffer:                          Why don't you start off by telling us a little more about what you're working on right now this semester. Dr. Hanasono:                      This semester, I am so fortunate to be at ICS Fellow, which is afforded me an amazing amount of space and time to be able to dive deeply into understanding cultural, institutional, interpersonal and personal factors that are all combining to perpetuate the silence and stigma surrounding miscarriage and pregnancy loss. But it's also given me the opportunity to look at some potential solutions, so to investigate what we can do both on an individual but also on an institutional cultural level to try to shift things so that we can break that silence and that we can shatter that stigma surrounding pregnancy loss. Jolie Sheffer:                          How did you become interested in this really important topic? Dr. Hanasono:                      So for so many years I've been studying discrimination, coping and social support, and much of my work has been focused on issues related to race, culture, gender, age, and ability and their intersections. It wasn't until 2015 when I experienced my own pregnancy loss that I had this aha moment. So I was pregnant in 2015 and had experienced something called a missed miscarriage, which up until that time I had never even knew was a thing. So really briefly, a missed miscarriage occurs when someone is or was pregnant, their fetus or embryo fails to thrive and yet the body doesn't know that it's had a miscarriage. And so I, after hearing the heartbeat of our baby, we called her baby spud, after hearing her heartbeat after seven weeks and being told everything was fine, I came back in for routine checkup at 12 weeks and found out that I had had a missed miscarriage. Dr. Hanasono:                      As someone who studies communication, as someone who studies social support, something really interesting happened. I started talking with people about this issue and telling them that I had experienced a miscarriage, and so many wonderful people broke their silence and said, "I've had a miscarriage, I've had a stillborn, I've had multiple pregnancy losses." I mean, these are friends and coworkers, family members, neighbors. It was amazing. To quote Alyssa Volkman who gave a great Ted Talk on parenting taboos, it was as if I was part of a secret society of women and their partners, who are all coping silently and by ourselves with this notion of pregnancy loss. Jolie Sheffer:                          So for our listeners, how do you define pregnancy loss and miscarriage? What are the kind of common definitions of it? Dr. Hanasono:                      The way I define pregnancy loss is as an umbrella term. I see it as something that's very inclusive of many different types of neonatal losses. So we can think about miscarriage, we can also think about stillbirths, we can think about abortions, we can think, even to some extent, neonatal loss, which is where a baby dies within 28 days of birth. And so it's a very inclusive umbrella term. When we think about miscarriages, it's traditionally defined as pregnancy loss within the first 20 weeks of gestation. And although it's a very narrow definition, it's something that happens so frequently. I think the American Pregnancy Association gave a statistic that about one in four known pregnancies ends in a miscarriage. And so that means that there's even more pregnancies that people didn't know about that have ended in miscarriage. Dr. Hanasono:                      I've noted that we've had some really interesting technological and scientific breakthroughs where pregnancy tests are getting more accurate and we're able to detect pregnancies earlier and earlier. So I think the one in four might actually be a very conservative estimate where that number is going to swell and grow in upcoming years, that more and more people are going to know that they've miscarried partly because they have detected earlier and partly because it is so pervasive. So it affects millions of people each year. Jolie Sheffer:                          And the effects that you study really carry into all sorts of aspects of someone's life, right? Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. Jolie Sheffer:                          Physical, psychological, relational. Can you talk about what your research has shown your subjects as you've talked to them? What are some of the ways they've described the stressors and maybe conflicts that have resulted? Dr. Hanasono:                      So yes, it absolutely is a multifaceted trauma to many people. In terms of the physical participants, I did a bunch of interviews with women who had experienced pregnancy losses. They would talk about just the physical pain; the cramping, the bleeding, the backaches, and for some who had an operation, the physical tools that that could take, even more so, the psychological and relational impact that it can have. It doesn't affect everyone the same way or equally, but miscarriage and pregnancy loss has been linked to depression, to anxiety, to intense feelings of grief and hopelessness, guilt and shame, all of this amalgamation of negative emotions and psychological wellbeing. Dr. Hanasono:                      It also can be very destructive to close romantic relationships as well, to familial relationships. Some of my participants talked about how it was almost a turning point in their romantic relationships with their partners. So they had envisioned growing their family together, they envisioned this attachment with this baby, and when that didn't happen, it was like that future had evaporated in front of their eyes and they had to go back to the drawing board to decide, "Okay, what are our goals now?" And so it can be something that can be really damaging to relationships. But on a slightly silver lining, there were some of my participants who talked about how it actually brought some people together. So some of my participants said that they felt closer to their partner than ever before because they were grieving together and it was something that they share that they hadn't told a lot of other people and they leaned on each other. I also had some participants who made friends with women who had also experienced pregnancy loss, and so they shared this amazing bond and became much closer friends because of it. Dr. Hanasono:                      So it doesn't always end up in this negative outcome or this negative space, but it certainly can and it runs the risk of that. Jolie Sheffer:                          In your ICS presentation yesterday, you discussed why pregnancy loss and miscarriage remain taboo topics. Why is silence such a damaging approach? Dr. Hanasono:                      I think it's always good to question our assumptions because sometimes the silence is okay, and I think that's something that I want to emphasize a little bit more, that we don't have to break the silence for the sake of breaking silence, that sometimes our stories are our stories and we don't have to share them with everyone, and that's okay. But if we all remain silent and if no one talks about it, that can be problematic on a larger scale. So this is the reason why I think that we need to break the silence and shatter the stigma, so three main reasons. Dr. Hanasono:                      The first is I think that by remaining silent or forcing people to cope alone instead of cope together. And there is both research as well as personal experiential knowledge that supports the fact that when we get good support, it can really help us cope, it can help relationships, it can help us in terms of our overall wellbeing. So support matters, but unless we talk about it, we can't exchange and provide that support. Dr. Hanasono:                      I think the second thing that's interesting is the silence is really allowing the commonality and the prevalence of pregnancy loss to remain underground. So without us talking about it, that awareness and that proactive piece remains invisible largely to our societies. So if we don't talk about it, if we don't educate people beforehand, then it becomes even more difficult down the road. Dr. Hanasono:                      The third and final reason why I think that we need to shatter the silence is because silence can be complicit, silence can signal indifference. And so I'm thinking about the person who is trying to cope with pregnancy loss discloses it to a friend, discloses it on social media, or just brings it up in conversation and no one acknowledges that loss, that silence signals that indifference that your loss, so to speak, doesn't matter, and that can be extremely hurtful. And so I'm hoping that we can break the silence when we can. Jolie Sheffer:                          Well, one of the things you talk about is that that silence for many of the women can translate into guilt and shame. Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. Jolie Sheffer:                          Or this sense of judgment that either they feel from others or they internalize them themselves, and you and I have talked about this. I was one of your participants. I had a miscarriage myself and I remember so vividly that sense of aloneness, and some of those conversations being devastating when someone didn't say the right thing. But on the other hand, the friends who really did just didn't know any more what to say except to say, "I'm sorry. How are you feeling?" And try and move on so quickly, like just how dramatically that shifted not only the conversation, but it really did transform those relationships. Dr. Hanasono:                      Something that I talked about yesterday was this notion of pregnancy loss as being a form of ambiguous loss, which [inaudible 00:11:15], a bunch of scholars write about this. It can be difficult to talk about pregnancy loss because it is so different from many of the traditional forms of death that we experience. In many cases, there may not be a baby to hold, in many cases, we don't have a burial site or even a memorial site, and in some cases, people didn't even know that we've had this loss. And so in trying to cope with it, I think sometimes we experience communicative challenges in terms of talking about and making sense of it, but I agree with you completely. Sometimes that validating and supportive conversation can make such a difference. And so I'm glad that you had some experiences where people were helpful. Jolie Sheffer:                          One of the things you've talked a lot is that lack of a communication script, right? Dr. Hanasono:                      Yeah. Jolie Sheffer:                          That like if someone's parent dies, you know where to go to get an appropriate card. You sort of know, "These are the things I'm supposed to do. I'm supposed to send flowers, send a note, attended a memorial service." There are kind of rituals in place. Dr. Hanasono:                      Yeah. Jolie Sheffer:                          So tell us about your research, what does and doesn't exist for those grieving a miscarriage. Dr. Hanasono:                      There's not usually a section in the Kroger or Hallmark aisle that's for pregnancy loss. There's stuff for grief, but many times it doesn't quite hit the mark. There are some pregnancy loss cards actually by Dr. Zucker. She's a psychology professor and she created #IHadAMiscarriage, a collection of cards that are actually specifically for people to give to loved ones who have experienced pregnancy loss, which is amazing. And some of them are very heartfelt, some of them are kind of on the lighter side. It's really interesting. Dr. Hanasono:                      I think that there are some aspects of resources, but I think in terms of a communication script, we often lack the words. So someone comes to you or someone comes to us and says, "I've had a pregnancy loss," or, "I've had a miscarriage," a lot of times we give pause and we just can't find the right words because it's not an automated response, and without that, we don't even know how to tailor it to the person. I think sometimes just saying, "I am sorry," and acknowledging the grief that they're in and providing a space for them to process is so helpful. Dr. Hanasono:                      There are many efforts where people try, I think with good intentions, to support the individual, but it falls short of helpfulness if not even being harmful. So in my talk, I discussed a few of those categories, one of which are the "at leasts". This is where someone provides a little bit of a silver lining or they try to put some sort of positive spin on it, but it's not helpful. So saying, "Well, at least you're able to get pregnant." That doesn't help someone because they want their baby, they want a healthy baby, and being pregnant isn't the same. Sometimes people will say they at least, like, "At least you have a child already." Well, that's not the same. These are different children. Dr. Hanasono:                      We also have the advice that sometimes people will rush to try to solve the problem by offering what people should do. So they'll say, "Oh, maybe you should've tried to conceive earlier and not put your career first," or, "Maybe you shouldn't have eaten at that restaurant or had that Sushi, or had this deli meats, or maybe you shouldn't have had that decaf coffee." So this all speculative, it's all hindsight. And not only is that problematic because there's nothing that can be done now, but it suggests implicitly that the blame is on the mom, right? That it's your fault that this happened. And so that is not helpful. Dr. Hanasono:                      One of the things that many of my participants said that they found to be the least helpful, which surprised me, was the statement that's well intentioned but maybe just wasn't well received, which was, "Everything happens for a reason." I think in the best of spirits that many times that's said with good intentions to try to diffuse it, but it doesn't help at all. Dr. Hanasono:                      So there's a lot of things that people will say in good faith, but it just is not helpful. And I think instead what we need to do is to provide the support, ask open-ended questions; how are you feeling? What can I do to help? It's not your fault, let's talk, and also not rushing that grief process. I think that's one of the other things as a communication scholar, we try to find what's the right thing to say, and then to breathe. But the coping and the grieving is such an iterative, ongoing process that it's not just a one-stop magic bullet, "Here's what you say and you're good to go," but it's really tailoring one's message to the personal relationship and the individual, and then continuing that support as the person journeys further. And I think that something else we also need to consider is the timing. Jolie Sheffer:                          I think Americans, maybe in general, want to have a quick fix because you feel like- Dr. Hanasono:                      The closure. Jolie Sheffer:                          Right. Like, "Okay, I've done my piece. Now we all can move on from this." And part of what your research shows really is people need the space to have their grief acknowledged in an ongoing way without this rush to say, "I'm uncomfortable. Now, can we move on to something else?" Dr. Hanasono:                      Yeah. And I will mention I had participants that ranged in age from 19 to 74 years old. And so I had a woman who was 74. She had had a miscarriage almost I think over 40 years ago. And the fact that she was wanting to participate and share her story, and that she was still grieving, it resonates so much with me in terms of this idea of time. It's not something that many people just get over. Jolie Sheffer:                          There's another version of that, which is, if someone is lucky enough to then have a successful pregnancy and have a healthy baby later on, sometimes there's a temptation people to say, "See, it all worked out, right? Now you're good." Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. Jolie Sheffer:                          The one happiness does not erase the grief that remains. Dr. Hanasono:                      Absolutely. And that's an important thing too. So for my pregnancy and my story, a few years later, I did have another pregnancy which resulted in a very healthy baby boy who's now a very rambunctious, a wonderful toddler. And that is my story, but I think it is really important that that is a narrative, and it shouldn't be the dominant narrative. And furthermore, whether a person goes on to have babies biologically down the road, or adopt, or anything around the way, it doesn't negate that loss, and that these are separate things. And so I think that's really profound. Dr. Hanasono:                      There's a documentary that just came out about a week ago on October 15th, and it's called Don't Talk About the Baby, and it is powerful. If you get a chance to purchase it or rent it on Vimeo, it's an amazing documentary that chronicles different stories and issues related to pregnancy loss. One of the women who experienced a miscarriage, she talks about how she now has a baby, and then she takes a pause and she says, "That said, I still wish," and then she mentioned the baby that she lost was with us to meet her new baby. And so it shows these intertwined stories and lives and how we want to continue to honor and not just move on, but I think you're right. A lot of times we want that closure, we want everything packaged up in a neat bow, and we want to say, "Okay, you've accomplished this birth for whatever that's worth, and so now we can just move on." And so I think part of it is trying to resist that temptation how can we honor those that we've lost and still celebrate those that we welcome. Jolie Sheffer:                          Let's talk about some solutions. Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. Jolie Sheffer:                          So what are some things that... You've talked about kind of women sharing their own stories, but what can their partners, friends and families do? Dr. Hanasono:                      So we've talked about providing support and some things maybe we shouldn't say, and maybe some things that we could say. I certainly think that social support is absolutely paramount. In this whole thing we need to do it, we need to do it better, we need to do more of it. Dr. Hanasono:                      One thing that's been coming up in my research is this idea that we also should be helping the helper, which is interesting. And what I mean by that is the partner of the woman who has miscarried, the partner of the person who has had the pregnancy loss. They're in a unique position because they're often assumed to be the primary support provider for the individual who's going through the pregnancy loss in a physical embodied sense. And so in some ways, they are expected to be expending their energies to support, but that can take a big toll. On the one hand, in some of... So it didn't start out the semester with that being the focal point, but it's something that's really bubbling to my attention. And in reviewing the transcripts and reviewing them again and again, I've been noticing a couple of things. Dr. Hanasono:                      So one, for when the partners are men, there's a unique layer of toxic masculinity that can play into this aspect of coping and make it much more difficult where they want to provide support to their partner, but at the same time, they feel pressured by aspects of manning up, of getting over it, about being a tough guy and powering through it. And I worry, although this may work for some people as a coping mechanism, for others, it may further add to the stress and not allow them to process their grief. I think part of it is thinking about coping as a community, and not just coping dyadically when possible. Dr. Hanasono:                      The other aspect is that it seems that the dominant narrative, both in media as well as in conversations when we talk about pregnancy loss, still seems largely heteronormative, largely white centric. This is troubling because when the partners are not men, when the partners are women, non-binary, they are often invisible. And so we think about the partner and we say, "Well, when he deals with this," and so when those individuals are not "he", they are rendered invisible, they're neglected, their concerns aren't even on the radar of the research agenda. They're not on the radar of the stories perpetuated in the media. And so yes, I think we need to think about not just providing support individually to the people who are experiencing it on a physical level with the pregnancy loss, but also thinking about how we can help the helper and how we can communally or as a community cope together. Jolie Sheffer:                          And what lessons do you think your research has for medical professionals, so for doctors, nurses, sonogram technicians, folks who might be among the first to recognize that there's a problem and to have to communicate that to individuals and their families? Dr. Hanasono:                      I will say that this is another thing that's really come to the forefront with my research, is how important, how significant these individuals are both in framing and breaking the news, but also in the potential for them being agents of change in de-stigmatizing pregnancy loss and miscarriage. So on the one hand, I see healthcare providers as being individuals who could really help to educate patients before they're pregnant. So for those who are thinking of expanding family planning as well as those in the earlier stages of pregnancy, to provide information about potential miscarriage, how to potentially avoid it if possible, but also being aware of the commonality of it that they could be really important people in starting that conversation and educating, but also they tend to be the ones who are the first to break the news and to confirm at least in a medical sense that this has happened. Dr. Hanasono:                      There has been some interesting challenges as it relates to the institutional bureaucratic aspects of it. So for example, some of my participants talked about how they were seen by a technician, and the technicians are smart and they're trained and they know when things are wrong, and non-verbally, it's very difficult to have a poker face when they pull up the screen. But at some practices, and this might be for liability reasons, but they are told that they cannot break the bad news, but it's very clear to the patients that something is not right. And there can be a long law between when that discovery happens and when the actual OB-BYN doctor is available to break this bad news and to unpack it. Dr. Hanasono:                      So there's something about both the culture of care, but also maybe how certain protocols and different types of policies might be able to help all in this process. But yes, I think that the healthcare providers are absolutely instrumental in both breaking the silence, but also de-stigmatizing it. When they share what happened, a lot of patients want to know why, like why did this happen? Why did this happened to me? And being very careful in how that conversation is framed and discussed can be helpful both for demystifying, but also so that the patient doesn't walk away thinking, "It's my fault, I did this," because that further spirals into shame and silence. Jolie Sheffer:                          One of the things you've talked about too is the way that medical providers, sort of the language they use, can be helpful or hurtful. In my own case, after that miscarriage when I was then trying to conceive, I had a different doctor, who was a fertility doctor who was really remarkable and wonderful, and actually going through the process, he confessed that or shared that he and his wife had had multiple miscarriage. That was not an expected thing to hear from my doctor, but it really provided the sense of being treated like a human being. And I think that's something you've talked about elsewhere too, is that sometimes the official medical language can get in the way of some of that human contact. Dr. Hanasono:                      There's an interesting disconnect sometimes with our fantastic medical professionals and with our everyday folks in terms of the terminology that's used and sometimes the jargon that's used. One of the interesting things in looking at pregnancy loss and miscarriage, when I experienced my pregnancy last as a nerdy communication scholar, I hit the journals. I went and looked at peer reviewed research to try to figure out what's going on here. And there is so much in terms of the medical, but there wasn't as much in terms of the experiential and the communicative. When I was looking at a lot of the medical literature, I learned that one common way to refer to miscarriage is as a "spontaneous abortion". And while that's, I think textbook or technically, maybe the way that it can be discussed in some medical circles, given some of the connotations of the word abortion, I think that sometimes that could actually be a translational hiccup in terms of communicating with patients. Dr. Hanasono:                      And so there's little things like that in terms of translating jargon to people who may not be part of the medical community, as well as be thinking different approaches and different ways to provide support when people initially find out that they had a miscarriage. Dr. Hanasono:                      One other thing that I had mentioned was just for some medical practitioners, because pregnancy loss is so every day and so pervasive that this can be just kind of one of the things that's part of an 8, 10, 12 hour work day is that we have to break the bad news. This is what we do. This is part of the job description, like it or not. And I get that. I get that that has to be something that people do and that it does have an emotional labor toll or tax for our medical providers. I am sympathetic to that. At the same time, it's so important to realize that although it's an everyday thing for some individuals who have to break this bad news, it is an extraordinary moment that they'll keep with them for the rest of their life, and so kind of thinking about not just the human element, but what's at stake in that conversation. Jolie Sheffer:                          One of the things we've seen over the last few years in particular is social media and celebrity culture actually tackling this subject head on in ways that I don't recall in the past. So could you talk about some of the kinds of social media activism and celebrity interviews that have made this a more widely understood issue? Dr. Hanasono:                      The landscape is changing, Jolie, and it's really fascinating both being driven by social media, but also the emergence of stories from celebrities. I mean, when you've got Beyonce talking about her experiences you know that some things have shifted. We've heard Gabrielle Union, Lisa Ling, Nicole Kidman, Mariah Carey. There's so many women who are breaking the silence and sharing their stories. And I think in some ways, it's absolutely critical in moving us toward this culture of openness to see people who are revered. Many times individuals respect or they put celebrities in a particular space where what they do can be a trendsetting kind of thing. And so I think for them to share their stories is very valuable. Dr. Hanasono:                      At the same time though, I worry because sometimes it can trend. And so for example, Priscilla Chan, who her partner is Mark Zuckerberg, and she was sharing her story and it was, of course, widely spread over Facebook. And I think that it's wonderful that she broke the silence and talked about it, but it was one of those things I worry that sometimes the shelf life can be very short with celebrity culture as well as with particular topics. So my hope is that pregnancy loss is something where as a course we can keep the conversation going, we can dialogue about it, as opposed to being just the number one trend thing for this particular day and then we move on. Dr. Hanasono:                      And so I see this tension back and forth where we keep wanting to move on to the next thing. There's a trauma, we want to move on, or there's something trendy that a celebrity says, and then we want to move on. So I think, in some ways, these celebrity stories have helped to put it on the public agenda and has raised awareness, which is wonderful, but I think we need to now shoulder the load and continue the conversation. Dr. Hanasono:                      As far as social media, I think that it's a really promising platform for the potential of sharing information both in terms of support groups. So I've joined some Facebook moms groups that have been really helpful in talking about this and addressing it. It gives a way for people to share their own story in their own time to a bunch of people. But at the same time, because social media is so much of what we call a many to many, meaning that it can be screen captured and shared and people are talking back, it's not just one person sharing it to the world, it's so interactive, that I do worry sometimes about the trolls and about the negativity that can come from it. And there are some individuals who are incredibly hurtful, and so it opens up possibilities for problems. Dr. Hanasono:                      I had a mentor who gave a great line. She said, "Don't feed something you don't want to grow." And so in some ways, when we are met with this type of negative response, I think part of it is figuring out how to diffuse that and not to escalate it. But I see social media as being a way to raise awareness and as a way for people to share their story broadly. Jolie Sheffer:                          So can you talk a bit about how do other cultures mark this grieving process? Dr. Hanasono:                      This is something that I'm hoping my future research can pursue because I think that I'm just scratching the surface at this point. In Japan, there is a particular ritual that's often led by Buddhist priest, so it's something that's very ritualized, and it is a way to remember the loss of babies and children. And there's actually a little statue, I think it's called a Jizo, and it's kind of this saint, if you will, I'm losing this in translation, for children. And so parents, loved ones can come together and participate in this actual ritual and have this kind of statue to memorialize their lost baby. And there are, in some communities, an entire area of these little statues side by side, and so people can come together and to remember. Dr. Hanasono:                      As I was saying, with this ambiguous loss, some of the challenges that without a body, or without necessarily a memorial, and certainly without a concrete ritual, which we really lack in our current culture, that it can be difficult to grieve. It can be difficult to remember, and sometimes we want that physical site or we want to know what to do. I would love for us to try to invent and share and embrace our own types of rituals. So I'm hesitant to say that we should appropriate what's being done in Japan, but maybe we can learn from them to say, "There are cultures that are doing things. What else can we do?" And it can be something that's more grassroots. It doesn't have to be on a national scale. We can start small and say we're going to create a community garden that people who've had pregnancy losses can have a headstone, or they can have a statue or some sort of piece where people can come together and it's a site. Dr. Hanasono:                      I know there's some hospitals that will do certain things, which is great and have a space. And so we need some sort of ritual, and I would like to say in a plural sense, rituals, for people to grieve and cope. Jolie Sheffer:                          So this semester you've worked on three interrelated research projects. Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. Jolie Sheffer:                          So tell us a little bit about the different pieces of your research agenda, and then what's next in that project? Dr. Hanasono:                      Yes. I am working on these three particular projects and I do have some things already in the pipelines moving forward into the spring semester. Currently, the first project that I've been doing has been focusing on shattering the silence surrounding miscarriage by doing an interview study. So I've gathered about three dozen stories from women who have experienced pregnancy loss, and I've got five more lined up for next week, more keep coming in. So I'm aiming to get at least 40, and I think I'm going to surpass that, which is really exciting. Part of it is just listening to their stories, but also understanding how they're coping, what kind of support they've received, what kind of support they wish they would have received from their partners and healthcare providers, and also understanding what kind of barriers they've experienced in terms of what's keeping the silence going and how can we stop that. And so, one of the projects is listening to their stories and developing this manuscript that I've kind of highlighted yesterday about these three paradoxes that perpetuate the silence surrounding pregnancy loss. So that's one project. Dr. Hanasono:                      The second project is really so different from what I've done before. I think this is one of the beautiful things about ICS, is that it allows us to have the space to try new methods and new approaches and to consult different literatures. I have been looking at 25 pregnancy books. So if you think about the classic, What to Expect While You're Expecting, or different takes on it, like Expecting More, The Joy of Pregnancy, whether or not it's joyous, all of these different books and getting bestsellers and collecting them, and then doing a very comprehensive content analysis, how, if at all, are aspects of pregnancy loss and miscarriage engaged, discussed and represented in these manuals? And the reason that I wanted to examine this was more from a proactive piece. Dr. Hanasono:                      So the first project with interviews is really retrospective; what happened? How are you processing? How did you cope? This one is more proactive in so far as I think for many people who are first pregnant, one common thing to do is to consult pregnancy books and manuals like What to Expect While You're Expecting, and many times we don't look for literature on pregnancy loss until after it's happened. And so I'm curious to what extent is our issues related to pregnancy loss and miscarriage woven into these books beforehand? Because if they're not in there at all, then it really decreases some of the chances of people engaging and being aware of these issues. And not only that, for those that do include it, how has it been framed? And some of the preliminary findings that I'm having is that oftentimes it is very marginalized, so it's one chapter and that's it, or it's a couple of little blurbs here and there. Typically, it's very sterilized. So we've lost that human touch where it's, "This is what miscarriages, here's some risks, and if it happens, here are some treatments," and it's often engaged in that regard. And so we don't necessarily see, "Here's how you might be able to cope, here are some resources." Dr. Hanasono:                      I will say though, there are some books that do weave it out throughout the entire book, which is I think important. I recognize that these books want to sell, and I can see how a book that has too much about pregnancy loss may be a big turnoff, especially when there's hundreds of other books to pick from. So there's a delicate balance there, but I would love to find ways and some recommendations for how these popular manuals and books could include it in ways that humanize the experience, in ways that do prepare people more for it, and also provide these resources moving forward. Dr. Hanasono:                      So that's the second project. The final project is really... I'm so excited about this. I'm developing a book proposal, and instead of... With the first project, I'm kind of summarizing, analyzing and sharing the stories of women who've had pregnancy loss. This final project is about proposing an edited volume to invite both people who have had pregnancy losses and their partners to share their stories, to talk about their experiences and just to communicate in their own way. And I really want it to be something that's open in its form, so including poems, including essays, including artwork if people want to do that. And so my hope is that this can be a volume and a platform for people to share their own stories in their own way. And so that's the third project. Dr. Hanasono:                      Now you're asking about moving forward. I'm sorry, I've been talking so much, but I'm so excited. Where I want to move forward, I'm hoping, with the interview data, to write an article that focuses on healthcare patient provider communication, to look at it from a really health comm perspective. I also would love to do a media misrepresentation to look at it and how pregnancy loss is being represented on television shows. I think that that would be very, very interesting. I would also love to do some more outreach. So this is such an honor to be part of this podcast, and I know ICS does a great job helping to share the findings through video, through public talks, but if I can facilitate some workshops on social support, to facilitate a film screening for Don't Talk About the Baby and to lead a community discussion. Right now I'm in the talks of hopefully doing a workshop with healthcare providers to increase health communication with patients when they first learn that they've had a pregnancy loss. Dr. Hanasono:                      So, so many things in the pipeline and I'm just thrilled about this direction that it's taking. So thank you, again, so much for making this possible. Jolie Sheffer:                          That's also fabulous. Any last thoughts you want to leave us with about sort of the future of discourse around pregnancy loss and miscarriage, or sort of last thoughts you want to leave anyone who might be listening? Dr. Hanasono:                      Well, in addition to all the thank yous to you and to ICS and to my incredible research participants who have shared their story so openly and honestly with me, and I hope I can do right by that, for those who are at home, or at work, or wherever you may be and you have had a pregnancy loss, I think my message for today would be just a wholehearted reminder that you are not alone and that there are people who care and that want to do right to support you. And so whether you want to cope by herself or if you want to open that space and have those conversations, I wish you the best as you continue your journey. And if you want to reach out to me, please know that, again, you're not alone and that we care. Jolie Sheffer:                          Thank you so much, Lisa. Dr. Hanasono:                      Thank you.

Sermons preached at Church of the Good Shepherd, Maitland, Florida.

It's time to charge up! Celeb fitness trainer SARA HALEY is here to help us excuse proof our workouts and get strong for all the right reasons. This hands-on mama chases after two young sons and is pregnant with #3. We discuss: the insane but very real pressure we feel in this celebrity obsessed culture to "bounce back", 3 things NOT to do after having a baby, postnatal surprises NOBODY talks about, how to recover from the emotional drain of being MOM, and the internal shift many of us experience as mothers. x Ellie Knaus Sara Haley, an acclaimed pre and postnatal recovery specialist, spent her pre-mothering years touring the world as a Reebok Global Master Trainer. She has been named in Shape's 50 Hottest Female Trainers in America and is the creator of the award-winning pre and post-natal workouts "Expecting More" and "Expecting More: The 4th Trimester Workout". Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes.com/AtomicMoms and leave a review!!! SaraHaley.com Twitter: @sarahaleyfit AtomicMoms.com @atomicmoms and Facebook "Atomic Moms" page

I'm officially well past the point of being able to claim my fat as being my "baby weight".  Honestly, I had "baby weight" before I had a baby. I sometimes call it a "food baby" or "beer baby".  Basically, I'm quickly running out of excuses to get healthy and get in shape (and fun things to name my belly fat!)  Enter pre and postnatal fitness expert Sara Haley! Pre & Postnatal fitness expert Sara Haley Sara has created a new DVD specifically designed for women who "had a baby 6 weeks, 6 months, or 6 years ago."  It's called Expecting More: The 4th Trimester Workout. What's a 4th trimester, you say?  I'm guessing it's the "beer baby" stage I'm in. On the show Sara explains how you should workout your body after baby. Expecting More: The 4th Trimester Workout focusing on body after baby It's a specific kind of workout aimed at the parts of your body that carried, then pushed out your precious angel. Yes ladies we're talking about abs, and kegels. She explains how new moms need to work their deep, inner core abdominals to counter the effects of growing a human. She's had 2 kids and looks amazing so I'm inclined to believe her. I reveal some pretty personal information about myself in this episode when we talk about a condition called diastasis recti which was not an easy thing for me to do. It's a very common problem, but a lot of women (and men!) can correct it with specific exercises. We also chat about getting your body ready for baby with a prenatal workout.  Which by the way, she rocked while 8 months pregnant in her Expecting More DVD. 8 months pregnant! Okay she is seriously starting to make me want to pitch the pizza and hit the gym. Well...maybe after this last slice... I loved my conversation with Sara and hearing about how she found her passion for fitness. And she incorporates her kids into her workouts! Great info for mamas who don't have hours to spend at the gym or doing long workouts at home. Do you want one of Sara's DVD's?  You can have one! Just tweet to me @MIHPodcast with a fun picture of you working out while listening to my show. Truthfully you could be listening to LL Cool J and I wouldn't know.  But just play along! I'll pick 3 winners by Sept. 28th and send you a video from Sara's Expecting More series. You can also find Sara crushing it everyday on social media. She does Periscope workouts at various times during the week which are really cool so check those out.  You can find her @SaraHaleyfit on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook. And she has a ton of videos and blogs on her site www.sarahaley.com.  You can also buy all of her DVD's on her website as well. Good luck to all those moms lugging around an extra "food baby." I'll be fighting the food fight right along with you!

Expecting More of God

Sara Haley, an expert fitness instructor, gives you work outs you can do when traveling.

Sara Haley, an expert fitness instructor, shows you exercises that will help you stay fit during your pregnancy.

Sara Haley, an expert fitness instructor, gives advice on how to get in time to exercise when you have kids.

Sara Haley, an expert fitness instructor, is known for her first DVD, Expecting More. She tells you the importance of kegels.

Sara Haley, an expert fitness instructor, is known for her first DVD, Expecting More. She tells the viewers her inspiration for creating her DVDs.